List of Sammer Guy quotes
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Sammer's Kingdom (Rounds 1-25)
|1||Jade Blooper||If the player fights him for the first time post-game: I am known as Jade Blooper, Keeper of the first-- Wait, you are that challenger from before! You fled this land like a crying whelp... The hole in the sky is gone, but the challenge stands until a victor is found! If you desire the king's treasure, step forth and challenge my skill. Leave the palace before the 100th fight ends, and your progress will be lost. And with it, your family's HONOR!
If the player refights him post-game: You stand before Jade Blooper, the lurking threat that guards the 1st gate. Oh, so it is you again! Swam away like a cowardly plumber in the sea, did you? You must now start over from the first gate. It is a fitting punishment. A great treasure awaits you, but first you must defeat me. Ha ha. Not likely, BLOOP!
|I am sunk...||Your skill is strong. Your master has taught you many ancient techniques... May we cross tentacles again, challenger!|
|2||Hill with Eyes||I SEE YOU! Look upon Hill with Eyes, keeper of the 2nd gate! You run along the earth, attacking immobile blocks... AND I SEE YOU! You leap above deep pits, dodging wandering beasts... AND I WATCH YOU! Soon you will fall in battle by my merciless hand... AND I LAUGH AT YOU!||Ow... Right in the eye...||You did not wither beneath my cold, unflinching stare... And so I am defeated... But defeat and victory are equally meaningless to one such as I. I will remain in the distance without remorse and... ALWAYS WATCHING!|
|3||Puffing Fist||An opponent blows in... My name floats like a ill wind, for I am Puffing Fist, guardian of the 3rd gate! I can send the mightiest opponent to his doom with a single strike! Pwaaaaaang!||Noo... It is you who has dealt the pwaaaanging...||After defeat: I have failed the ancient Pwaaaaaaaang traditions! My strikes lack puff. I must go train at the cloud temple. I will use my remaining vacation days.|
If the player talks to him: I require more training. My strikes, they lack puff. I must go and train at the cloud temple. I will use my remaining vacation days.
|4||Squatting Birdo||Soon, challenger, you will scream in terror at the name of the FLIGHTLESS BIRD! For I am Squatting Birdo, ever-hunkering guardian of the 4th gate! Now you will know the fury of the most deadly fighting style. Birdo...SQUAT!||SQUAAAAWWWWWK!||The egg of my defeat burns hot on my face... I bow to your skill. Birdo be with you, challenger!|
|5||Leeping Cheep||Tell me, challenger, have you ever tried to catch a jumping fish with your bare hands? You will know the frustration soon, for I am Leeping Cheep, keeper of the 5th gate! The Cheep Cheep soars in the air and strike sits prey like a fishy tsunami!||But...that's so cheeeeeep!||After defeat: Your skill is strong. If only my flying, fishy friends had leapt to my aid when I called out for them...|
If the player talks to him: Your fighting style is unusual, but very strong... If only my flying, fishy friends had leapt to my aid when I called out for them...
|6||Master Wiggler||Before we fight, consider this haiku... "A challenger comes... Under the darkening sky... Wiggity wiggle..." Master Wiggler wiggles in defense of the 6th gate... WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!||Wigggggoooorrttt!||Before you leave, contemplate this haiku... "The challenger came... Now my face wiggles in pain... Wiggle wiggle wig..." Wiggle on, warrior, wiggle on...|
|7||Shoe of Kuribo||STOMPOW! I am Shoe of Kuribo! I protect the 7th gate! STOMPOW! Some try to tiptoe past me like little fancy slippers! I stomp them! STOMPOW! Shoe stomps all! STOMPOW! Shoe of Kuribo will tread on you! STOMPOW!||STOMPOWED!||Stompow... I am stomped... You crushow my stompow... You boot shoe! STOMPOW!|
|8||Guy Who Fry||YOU FRY NOW! I am Guy Who Fry, master of Dripping Magma Punch, guard of the 8th gate. I see your eyes burn with purpose. Will I torch you today? Or will your burning desire to win extinguish me? I say... YOU FRY NOW!||It is I who fry today...||I am like a sad pail of discarded grease... Go now and fry Sammer Guys in memory of Guy Who Fry!|
|9||Screaming Mantis||YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZK! The shrill shriek of the SCREEEAAAAMING MANTISSSS paralyzes you at gate 9! You are motionless with fear! Now I prey on you face! YEZZZZZZZZZK!||HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEECHHHHHHZZZZZZ!||Screaming Mantis's throat grows hoarse... Screaming mantis requires a lozenge...|
|10||Koopa in Winter||And so you come at last... like a young bloom poking through an early spring snow. I am called Koopa in Winter. I wait, immobile, by the 10th gate. The plant that blooms early freezes and perishes...and so, too, shall you!||N-N-N-Noooooo!||The cold sun of winter has set upon my soul... It made you bloom this day, but beware... The Ice and snow know no allegiance. They will consume you too!|
|11||Footsteps of Coins||The 11th gate... A place of power. And here you find Footsteps of Coins! Tell me, warrior, do you walk with your eyes open? Do you see many coins? Coins in blocks, coins on clouds... Everywhere there are coins glittering. it is I who leave them. It is I who wander the wide world, coins falling from my heels. Does this mean other should pick up my coins? OF COURSE NOT! The coins are mine alone! And now, I will make change out of YOU! CHA-CHING!||I'm broke!||My wealth was in my battle skills and you have robbed me of them. My poverty of spirit is now matched by my empty pockets. And now I am faced with... NO! A loan from Mother! She will frown upon me! I would rather sell my weapons!|
|12||Urchin Lung||So, you challenge your skill in the Duel of 100? I am the guardian of the 12th gate... Urchin Lung. Hah hah. So... You must be wondering, "How many more of these guys must I fight?" FOOL! There are 88 more of us! Does your resolve falter? Do you have what it takes? It is a rleentless marathon of martial artistry! Now, come at me!||A cramp! I yield...||Hah hah. So you are not a slacker after all, fresh challenger... You may have the stamina to defeat us all. Or perhaps you will get a side ache!|
|13||Crow Who Eats||KAKAAAAWWWW! KAKAAWWW! I will feast on the delicious flavor of your defeat! I am Crow Who Eats, guardian of the 13th gate! I will make meals form your shame! KAAAKAAAAWW!||Kawwwwww...kawwww...kaww...||Cruel irony...now it is I who must eat crow...|
|14||Swollen Tongue||Hewwo, pwaything! I am Swollen Tongue, maste rof the 14th gate... Flear me! You shall not gas! Wait, I mean gwass! I mean...PASS! Oh, who cares! Lettuce fight! Gahh!||Glaagb... I have been fit! I mean...HIT! I wish I was more fit...||After defeat: So... Had enough, have you? Buy now! I mean BYE!|
If the player talks to him: We... We have pwayed enough for today, yeah? Right? Buy now! I mean BYE!
|15||Slipping Grip||The foe you face next is Slipping Grip, fearless guardian of the 15th gate. I am a new student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... But I recently passed my Slapatology exam with the highest marks! Now it is you who reap the benefits of my industrious note taking!||Grip...slipping...||I bring shame upon the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy! But you will be no match for my brothers! Their palms wield the fury of the winds!|
|16||Clammy Hand||So you have defeated my brother... I am the second most famous student of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... You have no doubt seen me in the academy newsletter. Guarding the 16th gate is my senior project. I WILL NOT FAIL!||The world...grows...clammy...So...clammy...||You must face my other brother next! He got *detention/expelled* for studying the forbidden Wicked Palm of a Thousand Sweats!|
|17||Forbidden Slap||I am Forbidden Slap, former top student of the sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... But I was expelled for learning forbidden slapping techniques from dark tomes. Now I wield history's most feared and reviled sword slaps!||The Forbidden Slap yields...||You have defeated the three star pupils of the Sweaty Palm Martial Arts Academy... We three will train for months to regain our honor. as for you... You may pass!|
|18||Hairy Arantula in the Grass||Come closer! I am just a harmless leaf on the trimmed lawn of the 18th gate... HAAACHHH! NO! I am Hairy Arantula in the Grass! I leap on your head and bite your earlobe! HAAACHHH!||Tchchchch-Tchch-Tch...||Your earlobe, it is like IRON! I skitter away...|
|19||Another Castle||Stoic and impenetrable, Another Castle stands vigil over the 19th gate... Many challengers attempt to lay siege on me. All leave in tears. Tire yourself all you like pummeling my stony abdomen... I WILL NOT FALL!||Walls...falling...||Well done...but your prize is in another castle... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.|
|20||Rolling Thwomp||SMOOOSH! TO ROLLING THWOMP, THERE IS ONE THING BEST IN LIFE... ROLLING. SQUISH! I ROLL OVER YOU AND MAKE YOU FLAT LIKE SHEET OF PAPER!||BYORGG!||After defeat: WHY DO YOU NOT SQUISH FOR ROLLING THWOMP? ROLLING AND SQUISHING IS NOT THE SAME AS IT WAS... YOU GO NOW... I HAVE LOST PASSION FOR SQUISH...|
If the player talks to him: ROLLING AND SQUISHING IS NOT THE SAME AS IT WAS... YOU GO NOW... I HAVE LOST MY DESIRE TO SQUISH...
|21||Thrashing Prawn||The guardian of the 21st gate simmers in hot, savory fury! I am THRASHING PRAWN! You will never pierce my briny husk! I will flail mercilessly at your face with tiny arms!||I thrash...in rage..||So you have defeated the briny terror of the Sammer Kingdom... But there are crabbier challengers ahead...|
|22||Thousand-Year Roar||GRAAARRRR! It is I, Thousand-Year Roar! I will make your ears explode with a guttural, manly shout!||Yelp!||Grarrr...? The Thousand-Year Roar is reduced to a pitiful whimper...|
|23||Unshy Guy||I am Unshy Guy. Public speaking holds no challenge for me! I will bludgeon you with confidence and charm!||My confidence is shattered...||The balloon of my self-esteem has been savagely punctured. I feel so...deflated...|
|24||Useless Badge||I am...Useless Badge. Living a life without utility enrages me! I may exist only for novelty, but that won't stop me from attacking you with futility!||It is...useless...||Bleh! You reek of shrooms... It is a most disgusting odor! Is that the secret to being less useless? Do you eat them and be useful? I hate shrooms, but I will eat them by the handful if they make me less ineffective...|
|25||Sunshine Flood||FOULNESS! I am Sunshine Flood, the shining beacon that exposes your filthy filth! I will mop the stage with your filthy clothes! FILTHY FILTH FILTH!||I have been dirtied...||After defeat: You have shamed me. You are truly a champion... A filthy champion, but a champion nonetheless... Now you may go and prove your filth to even stronger Sammer Guys...|
If the player talks to him: You are truly a champion... A filthy champion, but a champion nonetheless... Now you may go and prove your filth to even stronger Sammer Guys...
Sammer's Early Duels (Rounds 26-50)
|26||Grand Master Kickface||Tell me, challenger, do you come to the 26th gate seeking a kick in face? I am Grand Master Kickface, foremost dispenser of swift kicks in face. You seek face kick...AND FACE KICK YOU RECEIVE!||Ughh...my face...||Many faces have I kicked... But this day, it is my face that feels foot... I must climb the highest peak and meditate on my failure to kick face... You may pass. May your feet swiftly impact the faces of a dozen warriors...|
|27||Soaring Cape||You arrive at the 27th gate, but you foolishly do not look to the skies. I do not wear it now, but I am Soaring Cape. I would have swooped down on you. But my cape has shrunk, and now I must defeat you tethered to the earth. I am at a great disadvantage. If you have honor, you will not use your best ability! I will fight you, but know that you do not face my full soaring wrath!||I am...grounded...||After defeat: If only I had my cape! They will pay dearly for shrinking my cape of soaring. Take your victory and run, but always turn and look to the skies behind you!|
If the player talks to him: If only I had my cape! My assistants will pay dearly for shrinking my cape of soaring. An asterisk will be painted next to your victory today! You did not truly defeat me. Defeating Soaring Cape without his cape is a hollow victory! Go now...
|28||Yowling Yux||WAACHAAWW! KEEEEYAAAAWWWWWWWWW 28TH GATE HICHOOWWWWWWW YOWLING YUX HYAAWW! .............. PACHOWWW!||Keyaawww...||My battle screams had no effect on you... That was the first time I had to fight... Everyone else ran away when I started shouting long, crazed strings of nonsense... You may pass, but do not tell the others! They think I am an insane grandmaster...|
|29||Mystical Whistle||The 29th gate. A place of gossip and legend. Here you find Mystical Whistle. I am here, deep in the Duel of 100, to keep my intoxicating power safe. Many have sought to harness my power to ride the wind past the obstacles of life. Some succeed. There is a name for them. That name is CHEATER. Now, I will CHEAT you out of your life!||You must have...used...a...code...||After defeat: You have defeated Mystical Whistle, but I will not whisk you to a faraway land... Cheaters are only cheating themselves out of the great journey... You have honor, and so I know you would not wish to dishonor yourself. You may pass. But know that Mystical Whistle always waits, ever tempting...|
If the player talks to him: Cheaters are only cheating themselves out of the great journey... You have honor, and so I know you would not wish to dishonor yourself. You may pass. But know that Mystical Whistle always waits, ever tempting...
|30||Laughing X-Naut||HAH HAH HAH. You are that famous hero form a faraway world! HAH HAH. Long have I heard legends of your brave deeds and comical hijinks! HAH. Never did I, Laughing X-Naut, expect to meet you here at the 30th gate! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
I hate you.
|Hah...hah...hah...hah...||Hah. Hah. Hah...X-Naut. I laugh on the outside, but I cry on the inside... Always crying...|
|31||Dances on Turtles||Some men dance on dance floors... Some men dance in jubilant celebration... And some men dance on the heads of turtles... I AM THAT MAN. I am... Dances on Turtles. Today, it is you who are the turtle!||You have danced a lively jig upon my honor...||I gained so much joy from dancing upon turtles and kicking their shells... I must find a new hobby, like sliding down hills INTO turtles. I will change my name!|
|32||Fathomless Chasm of Falling||Gingerly you step into the 32nd gate, and for good reason... For Fathomless Chasm of Falling stands between you and the gate. Many have attempted to leap beyond me, only to plummet to their game over... You cannot leap what is unleapable... NOW YOU PLUNGE TO YOUR DOOM!||I have been...vaulted...||After defeat: You leap into Fathomless Chasm of Falling, and yet you are unscathed! Go now! Leave me to ensnare less fleet-footed interlopers...|
If the player talks to him: Go now! You have many more duels to fight...
|33||Thirsting Bones||Creeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak! Thirsting Bones guards this 33rd of gates... My dry, dry bones grow parched and juiceless. They yearn for dampness... I WILL MOISTEN THEM WITH YOUR TEARS!||Creeeeaaaaaak...CRACK...||After defeat: Your drenched bones are an embarrassment of juicy riches! Why do you not share your watery abundance? Thirsting Bones is so dry...So dry...|
If the player talks to him: Go away with your damp bones. Do not consider the needs of the thirsty boned...
|34||Molten Panther||Rweeowr! You stop now, at the 34th gate. Half cat, half geological event, Molten Panther erupts in a flaming sludge of RAGE! Like a searing, smoking river of magma running down a volcano, you cannot flee me! PUURRRRRRRRR!||Hisssss...||After defeat: You did not combust in a fiery display...and so I am defeated. I will smolder, ready to burst again from the ground in a flaming spurt...|
If the player talks to him: I will smolder, ready to burst again from the ground in a flaming spurt...
|35||Peeking Boo||A snicker in the darkness... A blurry glow... The prickle of a neck hair... It is I, Peeking Boo, who watches from the shadows and haunts the 35th gate... Whatever you do, interloper, DO NOT LOOK AWAY!||Boooooooooooooo...||You have won this day, but you will never be rid of me... You will never have a moment that escapes my peeking gaze...|
|36||Action Commander||You are late. You have much to learn about timing from Action Commander! No audience can contain its applause when I execute moves of great style. Here at the 36th gate, you meet timing perfection! NOW IS ACTION TIME!||It is not...my time...||My actions were commanded with perfection, yet you still shamed me. I am humbled. Never again will I let cheers of "stylish!" cloud my head...|
|37||Bullet Ill||Bleeechhh... I am Bullet Ill, guardian...ughh...of the 37th gate... I will blast into you with the raw power of a violent stomach cramp...||Hurrrrgggggghhh...||After defeat: The bitter taste of defeat makes me queasy... I should never have used my last sick days on that week at the beach... Go! Go quickly...before I fire another round of projectiles...|
If the player talks to him: The bitter taste of defeat makes me queasy... I should never have used my last sick days on that week at the beach... Go! Go quickly...before I fire projectiles...
|38||Sliding Shell||You arrive at the 38th gate, the treacherous grounds of Sliding Shell. Always do I glide upon the ground, undercutting the legs of my opponents. No line of warriors is left standing after I ravage the landscape. You stand now upon dangerous ground Now you must... LEAP FOR YOUR LIFE!||Clink... Clonk...||This shame will bounce in my head for eternity like a shell between two pipes... Glide on, challenger, and cut down all those that stand before you!|
|39||Software Pirate||YARRRRRRRRRRRR! Me name be Software Pirate, barnacle-booty'd scourge of the 39th gate! I be plunderin' yer bits an' yer bytes and downloadin' 'em into me britches! Me treasure disks'll be full of cyber-riches after I swipe yer "Downloads" folder! DIGIBOOTY AHOY!||Arrrful...||Yarrr, I be washed up... Sunk by me unquenchable lust for digibooty...|
|40||Flailing Boom Boom||BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Flailing Boom Boom is master of this place, the 40th of gates! First I FLAIL! Then I go BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! FLAIL! BOOOOOOOOOM!||I fizzle...||But I FLAILED! Then I went BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! But I lose... Next time, I go BOOOOOOM! Then I FLAAAAAAAAAAAIL! ...AND I WIN!|
|41||Sun of Displeasure||Beating relentlessly upon your sweaty brow, it is I, Sun of Displeasure! My burning disapproval burns like a furnace in the sky! No oil or lotion can spare you from my white-hot wrath! SIZZZZZZLE!||I hang low...in the sky...||You fight with honor and skill, even in the angry face of a force of nature! Sun of Displeasure looks upon you with approval!|
|42||Furious Fang of Goomb||In you sneak to gate 42, only to be confronted by the Furious Fang of Goomb! My fangs are small and have never pierced the hide of any creature... But today, you will carry the shame of being the first to fall to them!||I think I lost a fang...||My life is a lie! My fangs, they are not so furious... What is a fang if it is only to be ridiculed?!|
|43||Zesty Recipe||Challenger! You approach the 43rd gate, yet you bring no sandwiches? I am Zesty Recipe, and you dishonor yourself by not bringing a savory snack. No matter. I am cooking my own special recipe for you... The soup of your DEATH!||Hoisted by my own...spatula...||You held the ingredients to my downfall... You may pass, but take that secret recipe to your grave!|
|44||Warping Pipe||And so you appear, as if by some hidden byway. I am Warping Pipe. I guard the 44th gate, true, but that is not all... I hold hidden knowledge... Yes! All worlds are linked, and I travel among them! No, I will not show you how. Such Power is not for you, who would cheat through life. true warriors must see all worlds before skipping among them. NOW, TO BATTLE!||Reality has warped!||You command the power of time and space, I see... I underestimated you... You fight in the fabled Warp Zone, where the mighty warriors tread. I concede.|
|45||Fruit in Belly||Fruit in Belly welcomes you to the 45th gate! As you see, no plump fruits hang from lush trees and bushes... I have picked them all clean. The only colorful fruit left ungulped...IS YOU!||Gulp...||Fortune smiles on you. The seeds of ten thousand fruits weighed me down... Hyaawnn... So sleepy... Now I will nap, dreaming fresh, dewy melon dreams...|
|46||Last Sheep||Reaching the 46th gate is not easy. I, the Last Sheep, applaud you. Surely you are exhausted, challenger. You are in need of blissful rest. I linger at the hind end of the herd, but it is I who finally brings sleep. Snuggle close to a soft and wooly blanket... Make your defeat a groggy one...||Baaaaahhhh!||Many have dozed off to the rhythmic sound of my prancing hoofs... But how do you resist the bewitching charm of the pillow? You have an iron will...|
|47||Infinity Shlurp||SHLURRRPUPRYLURPSHLURPPSHLOORPYROP-SHLUUUURRRPPURRRPSHLYRRPYSHLUUURPPP! INFINITY SHLURP SHLURRP YOU NOW SHLOOOOORP! NO SHLORPING GATE 47 GURRP! SHLURRRP!||No shlurpy shlurpy...||Sad about no shlurp shlurp... Oh shlurpy well shlurp gurp... Still hungry...shlurrrrp...|
|48||Spanner of Rock||Up I pop form the bowels of the city, my wrenches wheeling through the sky! It is I, Spanner of Rock, who pelts you in defense of the 48th gate! I fling a whirling wrench into your plans!||To the...manhole...||The bitter, rusty taste of defeat fills my mouth... I must return under the manhole to train with Grandmaster Rocky...|
|49||Star of Seven Shards||Twinkle and glitter I do, for I am Star of Seven Shards! You are drawn to my shimmer at the 49th gate like a moth to a flame! I catch your eye, like a fleck of gold in a pan! You will try to take me... but it is you who will be shattered!||I am...broken...||Your victory has shattered my delicate facets, but it is you who loses most... For one day, you must travel every land in an epic search for my many shards...|
|50||Ice World||A hostile wind ripples up the small of your back... It is the hoary breath of Ice World. Every traveler must come upon me eventually...and you find me at the 50th gate. You try to tiptoe past my stormy wrath, but you bring down...THE AVALANCHE!||And so I melt...||You have beaten Ice World, which means you can fight Bonus World! Just kidding.|
Sammer's Proving Grounds (Rounds 51-75)
|51||Weeping Pokey||WAAAAAAAH! I, Weeping Pokey, guard this 51st gate! Soon you will know the sadness of defeat! And I, Weeping Pokey, will know the empty sadness of victory! And I will cry vigorously! And you will see me cry and laugh at me...and your laugh enrages me! Now we fight!||EEEE...WAHWAHWAHWAH!||Wrathful tears blinded me... My weeping hands lost my sword... Such is my defeat... The righteous tears of the victor fly from your eyes, but I laugh at your sad joy! ...Sob...|
|52||Hammer Uncle||Interloper, you have come to the 52nd gate! And I, Hammer Uncle, guard it! When you are below, I lurk above! Leap above, and I plunge below! Like hammers from the sky, my blows will rain upon you! I am the hammer of justice! SMASH!||SMASH!||You have reminded me of myself in younger days, when I traveled with my brothers. Yes, we were brothers of the hammer, but long years have intervened. Yes, many hammer nephews and hammer nieces now... They are the hammer future. They must hammer on...|
|53||Squatting Toad||Look upon Squatting Toad! The 53rd gate is my ward! My strength has no rival! I lift with my legs, and never with my lower back! Never! Prepare for squatting!||HRRRRRRRRRRGH!||Your skills amaze me! Today, it is you who has squatted best! My joints have grown stiff with idleness! I am shamed! Soon I must limber up! Begone from me!|
|54||Ageless Goomba||Welcome to you... You have come upon Ageless Goomba... Guardian of the 54th gate. Time casts no shadow on me. Stomping boot and flaming flower hold no fear, either! You will learn to fear my relentless perambulation! GOOMBAAA!||GOOMBAAAAAARGH!||I have not been flattened. Always will I lurk, creeping slowly forward like time itself. One day, when your will falters, I will be upon you! But for now, go from here!|
|55||The Negative One||It is about time you arrive! As usual I am forced to wait! Such is my life! I am The Negative One, guard of the 55th gate and warrior who fate laughs at! My life is misfortune! My wishes always perish! And so someone must pay! IT IS YOU!||Defeat. Why does this not surprise me...||Being crushed at your hands is but one more affirmation that fate loathes me. Why must I always suffer so? Do I not deserve better? Will I never find solace?|
|56||Bob the Silent Blade||I am Bob the Silent Blade, guardian of the 56th gate, gentle assassin... Blades are usually loud, noisy instruments. But I wield them quietly and discreetly. Now you will go silently... I SAID SILENCE!||My defeat...is so loud...||My defeat...was neither silent nor gentle... If you were truly skilled, you would have dispatched me with but a whisper...|
|57||Piranha Root||From below, from above, from the innocent pipe... I strike! I am the guard of the 57th gate, Piranha Root! I grow in power beneath your feet! My mighty foot chomping shall utterly unnerve you! Victory will be mine! And now I bite!||Slowly I wilt...||You fight as though your hands were made of flame! You plucked me as a weed! My skills cannot flower in the shadow of one so great as you! Please, pass!|
|58||Over the Flagpole||Doodle-ee-doodle-ee do do! Doodle-ee-doodle-ee do do! Doodle-ee-do! Before the 58th gate lies me! I am known far and wide as Over the Flagpole! Many have tried, but none can claim to have leapt me! And so, another comes... Now...LEAP TO BATTLE!||You...have cleared me!||Surely you are cheating! You are exploiting a glitch! You are a sequence breaker!|
|59||Cheep Chop||Kee-yow! I am Cheep Chop! My horn gleams in defense of this, the 59th gate! ...Say, look over there. I will not chop you in the back. Really. I won't. You... You are not looking. You think I will chop you in the back. Or the neck. How dare you suggest such a thing! You dishonor me! I chop you now!||KEEEEEEEEEEEE-OW!||Why did you not turn? My chopping is less effective when my prey looks at me! How dare you... Next time, I will give your back a chopping for the ages!|
|60||Raging Blargg||You arrive the 60th gate... only to find it guarded by ME, Raging Blargg! ...My name amuses you?! That enrages me! BLARGG!||Blargg... I am sunk!||This defeat sends me into a powerful rage! But next time, you will sink into the lava of my anger!|
|61||Sleeping Turnip||Hm. You disturb my rest. You have awakened the guard of the 61st gate. I am known as Sleeping Turnip. Soon you will sleep. And in that sleep, you will dream of defeat at my hands. And you will wake form that dream to find it was real. SLEEEEEEEEEEEP!||I...must be dreaming...||This dream world feels real, but I know it cannot be... For I have tasted defeat... Soon I will wake, and be the victor once more...|
|62||Way of the Blooper||Bloop... The guard of the 62nd gate will soon sink you! I am Way of the Blooper! I lurch up! I swoop down! And then I lunge forth! Your screams are but bubbles! You drown beneath my fists! BLOOOOOP!||Bloo... Bloooop...||You have brought an end to the warrior known as Way of the Blooper... Now and forever, I will be Way of the Loser!|
|63||Phanto Grin||HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am Phanto Grin! I guard the 63rd gate! My face is stoic, but my weapons find you amusing! They laugh at your insolence! But I do not! Awaken my wrath, impudent warrior, and I will be upon you! My anger awakens...and it, too, is grinning!||Ow... That is not amusing...||My face does not betray my emotion, but my body has lost its inner grin. You have found the key to beating me, it would seem... Yes, you have stolen it! Hear this! Someday you will turn and find that Phanto Grin is upon you!|
|64||Invisible Brock||Oh! You have found me! I am known as Invisible Brock! The guard of the 64th gate! You leap, but above you, where nothing appears, something springs to life! So does the confounding style of Invisible Brock cloud the senses! Now that you are aware of me, however, we must fight... AND FIGHT WE WILL!||No... Such a visible defeat!||If I could truly disappear... I would hide this shame... I would hide far and wide! Invisible Brock would pass into legend! None would find me...without a guide.|
|65||Chomp of Eternity||Here, at the 65th gate, your path ends...for it is guarded me, Chomp of Eternity! I cast aside my iron chain! It restrains me no longer! I will nibble on you forever! My head is hard as bedrock! My teeth, sharp as winter's dying breath! Are you ready for me? CHOMP!||Ch... Chomped...||This chomping is but a passing thing... In the eyes of eternity, it is but a tender nibble on the drumstick of infinity!|
|66||Monty Who Waits||I leap at you from nowhere! So my attacks shall come! You heedlessly run ahead, unaware of the dangers that crouch beneath your feet! But I, Monty Who Waits, protector of the 66th gate, shall slow you down!||Wait!||I... I will wait for the next warrior. Perhaps I will not leap upon him so quickly...|
|67||Mustard of Doom||I am Mustard of Doom! Soon you will know I have the guarding of the 67th gate! Your face is nonsense! It is like a sad doodle drawn by a person who is ugly! And now it will have the punishment doled upon it! MY SWORD HAS FURY!||I...had fury...||Now I have failed to slather you in justice...but one day, the slathering will be mine! Be off, awful person...|
|68||Peanut-Butter Pider||You arrive at the 68th gate, stuck in the web of Peanut-Butter Pider... My hands are a creamy flurry. My kicks pack explosive chunk. This stage is my cracker... NOW I SPREAD YOU THIN!||You have smeared my honor upon the ground...||You... You are the ants on the log of my existence!|
|69||Wrath of Whacka||You would prey on the weak... You would whack innocents... You would harvest their pain. ...You know of what I speak. WHACKAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you claim no knowledge? WHACKAAAAAAAAAAAA! I am the Wrath of Whacka, guard of the 69th gate! And I avenge WHACKAAAA!||Whack-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!||You whacked me! The...great injustice! You will get no bump from me, fiend!|
|70||Micro Boomba||I demand your pardon..now. I am the warrior known as Micro Boomba, guard of the 70th gate. My speech is small...but my wrath is monstrous. Do not snicker. My sword does not speak so softly. No... It... SCREAMS!||Big pain...||After defeat: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! It is I who beg YOUR pardon!|
If the player talks to him: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! All I can do is say sorry!
|71||Steel Clubba||Ugh! It is an interloper! First I will club you, then I will crush you! No matter what weapon I wield, be it bludgeon or blade, I WILL CLUB YOU! I am the guard of the 71st gate! I am Steel Clubba! Now, face me!||Ugh... I am clubbed...||Hm... My clubbing is a shameful thing. My master weeps from his high mountain seat... My training begins today! I must forget the ways of the Clubba, and learn anew!|
|72||Staggering Dizzy Fuzzy||Who interrupts my peace? You have interfered with Staggering Dizzy Fuzzy. Your goal is the 72nd gate. You will not reach it. You will stumble, dazed, and fall. Your stomach will lurch. Your eyes will lose focus. And you will plunge to your doom!||Wh-Which way is up?||What is this wooziness? The world stretches and bends before my eyes! Is it the ancient prophecy? Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy? NOOOOOOO! My training was supposed to make me immune! How has it come to this?!|
|73||Upward Leaping Ninji||You reach the 73rd gate! I am Upward Leaping Ninji! You have met your match! My sword leaps to my hand! The blade craves sustenance! Soon it shall be fed! And then, after you have fallen, I shall leap up and down...UPON YOUR SOUL!||No... Down I fall...||When one leaps high, there is far to fall... So far...|
|74||Bronze Shroom||The challenger approaches... I am the Bronze Shroom, unstompable guardian of the 74th gate... Your skill is weak. I have trained decades in Iron Goomba style. Let us fight!||I am...stomped. If only I had chosen Steel Shroom as my fighting name...||My Whirling Fungus Thrust was no match for you...|
|75||Lakitu Storm||The 75th gate is before you! And so, too, is its guard! I am Lakitu Storm! You have come a long way and fought many battles... For that I commend you! But now, the storm breaks above you, and there is no cover to hide beneath! BOOOOM!||My rain...of terror...||You weathered my storm, and for that, I give respect. Proceed under cloudless sky!|
Sammer's Endgame (Rounds 76-100)
|76||Wandering Spiny||Slow are my feet, sharp are my spikes... I am the guardian of the 76th gate, the one known as... Wandering Spiny! Born from the clouds, I wander the earth alone! And I punish all things!||I have wandered into defeat!||And now, after falling to you, where does my path lead? Back to the clouds? Once fallen, can one truly... rise again?|
|77||Ripper Van Fish||From the depths of sweet sleep, I arise only to find... AN INTRUDER! Even unconscious, I guard the 77th gate! I am called Ripper Van Fish! Fear my Wiggling Flipper Lunge and Gulping Bite... Now YOU will sleep!||Snrrrrrrrrrrrrrk!||After defeat: My defeat falls upon me... Only in sleep's embrace can I hide from this shame. But what if sleep will not come?! What if I linger, awake to my failure?! I must count Cheep Cheeps or something! Sleep, take me from this horror!|
If the player talks to him: I must count Boss Basses or something! Sleep, take me from this horror!
|78||Infinite Jump||BOING! From down the stair of life you wander. Soon you will be leapt upon. Ahhh... How rude of me. I am Infinite Jump. I am the guard of the 78th gate. Many have crept toward me, and I have leapt upon all of them. ALL OF THEM! Again and again I will leap! You will bounce upon the wall, and I will leap again! And from your pain, I will draw extra life!||I FALL!||After defeat: My timing was barely off, but that was enough to doom me. I yield. To leap upon one's enemy and never tumble...is harder than it looks!|
If the player talks to him: To leap upon one's enemy and never tumble...is harder than it looks!
|79||Alternate Path||You know not what you see! I am Alternate Path, guard of the 79th gate! You may look right at me and not know me...or you may take me to your doom... If I am your ally, I will take you to your goal faster. If I am your enemy, I will hasten your end. How unfortunate this is... for I am not your friend, and your journey ends here. NOW YOU GO!||My path ends...||After defeat: All paths must eventually come to their end, and so it is for me... But always remember this... On every path, there are pitfalls and foes... For a warrior such as you, there will be no peaceful path through life.|
If the player talks to him: Always remember this... On every path, there are pitfalls and foes... For a warrior such as you, there will be no peaceful path through life.
|80||Dayzee the Merciless||The path of the sword is a sweaty, manly pursuit! And no man is more manly than Dayzee the Merciless, keeper of the 80th gate! You smirk, do you?! Many have smirked at my name... and all of them still sleep!!||Have mercy on Dayzee the Merciless!||In glory or defeat... A man of a man is still manly, even if his name is Dayzee... So GO, before I run away in tears and ruin my manly reputation!|
|81||Smiling Cloud||Flashing teeth greet you... The teeth of Smiling Cloud, guard of the 81st gate! You would not hit a smiling warrior, would you? No... That would be dishonorable! You must take my beating. Now...do not fight back!||How dare you?!||After defeat: Ouch! I cannot believe you stooped so low as to hit me! Didn't you see me smiling?! I am going to tell on you to all the other warriors! YOU HAVE NOOOO HONOR!|
If the player talks to him: I am going to tell on you to all the other warriors! YOU HAVE NOOOO HONOR!
|82||Bullet Bull||I am Bullet Bull! All colors fill me with wrath! You will not pass the 82nd gate! I long for the sweet peace of the pasture...but the bright colors of the world taunt me! Why must all things be so bright? Why can things not appear only in hues of brown! I am so serious about this! Dull colors are the future! ...The next generation! Your bright clothes doom you! At high speed will I blast into your face! CHAAAAARGE!||Misfire!||My red rage clouded my vision, and so you sidestepped my attack. You have bested me. But I will never accept a world with such bright colors! It is far too childish! Hear my words: I will rage against your cheery palette with my last breath!|
|83||Block of POW||KAPOOOOOOOOOOOW! The very earth turns to liquid with every step of BLOCK OF POW! Four sides, four corners... The better to KAPOOOWWW you with! Your knees will buckle with my seismic girth here, at the 83rd gate!||Kapoowwww... Nooo...||You are steady of foot! No tremor topples you. You are strong. You will shake the Duel of 100 to its very foundation!|
|84||Inferno Flower||Prepare to be burned by Inferno Flower! My legs burn! My fists burn! My belly and ankles and face burn, too! I cannot quelch the fire in me, so I must launch it from me onto others! Here, at the 84th gate, you will taste these flames! BUUUUUUUUUURN!||SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!||Inferno Flower has now sputtered and gone out! How will I ever reignite?|
|85||Plugged Snifit||Ahhhh-CHOOPLBBTH! You hab found Plugged Snifit, guard ob da 85th gate! Ahhhh-CHAAAAAAFFFLE! Eben wid dis cold, I smell your defeat! Now we fight!||SNIFFFFFFFFFFFF!||Oooh! Sniff! SNIIIIIFFFF! That beating completely cleared my cold up! I am now Unplugged Snifit! I thank you!|
|86||Bounding Star||You have come to the 86th gate. Have you come seeking Bounding Star? For you have found him. You have not yet laid a hand on him, however. Alwasy will I bound, just out of reach. Follow me to your end, for I am... INVINCIBLE!||My invincibility ran out...||Wait! What has happened? Always in battle, I would hear a song in my head... The music, so lively! It would spur me on to great leaps and greater deeds! But...now I can hear that song no longer! You have robbed me of it! I curse you!|
|87||Metal Cap||You have made it far, and so you must have skills... But your blows will rain down without effect on the guard of the 87th gate, Metal Cap! My metallic laugh will sound as you retreat with stinging fists! I am your metal end! IT IS TIME TO CLANK!||CLONG!||You have rung me like a bell, and I have plunged into defeat like a sinking ship. I will linger here, at the bottom of the sea of shame, rusting eternally.|
|88||Belly of the Yoshi||GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUMBLE! Belly of the Yoshi, guard of the 88th gate, hungers! I consume all! Many have come before you, and they have all met their end! Will your cries be succulent? Or will they be bitter and lacking in flavor?! CHOW TIME!||I go hungry!||I have tasted defeat this day. Its flavor does not agree with me... And so I swear this to you: I will never taste it again! Leave me now, before I grow hungry again. Even now, the ravenous feeling rumbles...|
|89||No Charging Chuck||You creep forward, and find No Charging Chuck, protector of the 89th gate! Soon you will receive a pummeling of the ages, but worry, for it is free! It seems amazing, I know this. A full beating, no charge?! IT IS MADNESS! But the pleasure I get form victory is payment enough! Now, receive it!||...Overcharged!||Ah! I should have charge... Then I would have something in my pocket besides SHAME! Shame and lint...|
|90||Climbing Vine||You wish to ascend higher, but you will not do so at the expense of Climbing Vine. I am the way to the sky, but you will not see it. You will not pass the 90th gate. You will gaze upward at platforms and distant clouds, wondering how to reach them. I know the way. And I will never breathe it to your ear. Your ascent ends here!||I wither!||After defeat: You have climbed over many foes in this world, and I am but the latest... I am but a ladder you have used to go higher...and I know not what awaits above. Whatever you find ahead... You must cherish it, for few have laid eyes on it!|
If the player talks to him: Whatever you find ahead... You must cherish it, for few have laid eyes on it!
|91||Quizmo Question That Has No Answer||I protect the 91st gate... I am Quizmo Question That Has No Answer! Who builds the pipes of our worlds? How does one put a coin in a brick? How can one bounce off of another man's head? How can one wield flame? Where do bottomless pits lead? Are overalls still considered fashionable? Ponder these questions as... YOU TASTE MY POWER!||What? Why? How? Where?||Ugh... How could I lose? Why do I have no memory of yesterday? Where do I live? What is the meaning of it all? There must be answers...|
|92||Strolling Ptooie||You have finally found me. I am Strolling Ptooie. I guard the 92nd gate. Few have seen me, warrior. My native land was known as World 7-8. There I learned at the hand of my master, Walking Ptooie. He spat fire. I spit wrath. And you shall be the one who is spat upon!||Pbbbth!||You have spat upon my technique. My master would be spitting mad at such defeat. He would spit angry words. And so he should...for I am not worthy of his legacy!|
|93||Fuzzy on Face||I must congratulate you for reaching the 93rd gate. You are formidable. You are also unfortunate, for you will be lunched upon by me, Fuzzy on Face. My attacks will leech your very essence. I will bound upon you without remorse. I will chew on your hat. I will bite your forehead. I will snack on your soul. I can only hope you have seasoned yourself well, so that I do not grow ill. Is your face ready? Then let us do battle!||I must hide my face!||I cannot believe you defeated me. What is your secret? Do you have fuzziness on your face already? I must know the answer!|
|94||Glitz Blade||You have reached the 94th gate. The end is near for you... As now you must face the gaudy, gilded Glitz Blade! Fear not, challenger, for you will die today with pizzazz!||You have tarnished my glitz...||I bow to your skill. With heavy heart I cast away my bejeweled helmet! I do not deserve to wear it, for you are the glitziest in all the land!|
|95||Cloak of Tanooki||TANOOKI! The feral howl of Cloak of Tanooki grips you with shaggy terror! One moment wooly, the next sheer granite, I guard the 95th gate with beastly rage. What side will you face? Unshorn animal or rigid statue? TANOOKI!||My cloak...is ripped...||The Tanooki is a rare animal. Even more rare is a victory against it... Savor this great conquest, interloper, for the shaggy beast is not easily tamed...|
|96||Coin Harvester Without Remorse||Kneel, worthless dog, before the 96th gate! I am Coin Harvester Without Remorse! Do you enjoy your free time? Do you enjoy lounging about, playing games? You will enjoy NOTHING! Once I have bested you, I will put you to work gathering wealth for me. You will eat the grit of road dust as your ceaseless toil flows without ebb. And I will recline and enjoy tasty noodles bought with the very sweat of your brow. Now I harvest your soul!||JERRRRG!||Was... Was it my fault I lost? No, of course not. I just need much better equipment. And more harvesters. Do you know anyone willing to work for little pay, no benefits, and verbal abuse?|
|97||Pidgit on Wind's Breath||Look skyward, challenger... I am Pidgit on Wind's Breath, protector of the 97th gate. The air is without master, and I float upon the paths of its whimsy... Though I stand before you, my warrior spirit is above your shoulders. I loiter, innocent, until the time grows to full ripeness. And then I swoop... My floating blanket will enshroud your fallen form... You will snuggle for eternity!||I fall from grace!||After defeat: You have studied at the hand of a leaping master, clearly... Admirable! Most warriors fall, hypnotized by my rhythmic swaying... but not you! My floating blanket, meant to be your funeral shroud...instead is your victory cape!|
If the player talks to him: My floating blanket, meant to be your funeral shroud...instead is your victory cape!
|98||Sensei Ruff Puff||YOU ARE LAZY! You require more training at the shocking hand of Sensei Ruff Puff! It is here, at the 98th gate, that you will learn the hardest lesson to swallow. Is it a powerful new stomping technique? NO! You are too lazy for that. Instead, you get lesson one... HUMILITY!||You are...ungrateful...||You are young and lazy! You do not value the lesson of your sensei. No matter! You will learn the lesson of humility with your next challenge...|
|99||Pit of Crying Shames||I am Pit of Crying Shames, crusher of hopes, stomper of dreams! To fight me is to fight 100 fearsome, slobbering warriors! Many have ventured to conquer me. All leave with tearstained cheeks. Those who challenge me here at the 99th gate have much to lose. It makes their sad, sad tears all the sweeter to drink! SHLURRRRRRRRP!||Boo-hooooo-hooo...||NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The ground is wet with the sad tears of my defeat! I hope you slip on them and fall all the way back to the first Sammer Guy...|
|100||End Boss||And so you arrive at last. It is this place you seek, the 100th gate. I am End Boss, greatest of all the Sammer Guys. It is my duty as End Boss to laugh at your feeble party and proclaim your doom. Shall we begin, challenger? HAH! YOU ARE PATHETIC! PREPARE TO BE CRUSHED AS THE UNIVERSE WITHERS!||Roll...credits...||How did I do? I have been preparing for my big scene for years! I was worried about that final line, though. Was it End Boss enough? No? I knew I should have gone with something about the "wailing of all creatures"... I was only worried that it would be too over the top. Enough talk. King Sammer awaits you in the next room. Go now, champion!|