"*sigh* I can't believe I got stomped AGAIN. Oh well. I'll beat that stupid Mario next time...Let's band together next time. Strength in numbers and all."
"What? Wh-Where am I? Where's Lord Bowser? Where are my fellow Minions...? Hello? Is anyone out there? HELLOOO!"
"This is bad...I'm all alone and have NO idea where I am..."
"WAAAAAAH! Yikes! Wh-What's with that rumbling? I guess I should try...looking outside..."
"I'm on...a mountain?! I wonder if the other Minions are nearby..."
"I hope Lord Bowser is OK..."
"Is that...Lord Bowser?! Oh, no! I should...I should...I should limber up with some warm-up exercises...Kablam!"
"Ooh, yeah...I'm ready for action now..."
"BAH! What is THAT freaky monstrosity?"
"Whoa... That weird bean thing just talked..."
"Oh! Um... I guess... That came out wrong."
"You're not a "weird" bean. You're, um...a great bean."
"I'm only used to fighting Mario! For now...I'll just keep bashing!"
"Alrighty! Time to show you the fruits of my labor! I'll jump like a mustachioed fiend, and then stomp down hard...RIGHT ON YOUR STUPID HEAD!"
"What? More enemies?! I wonder how many battles await me..."
"Oh, great. TYPICAL. More weird bean things. Or, wait..."
"That gorgeous shape... is oddly familiar..."
"Oh. Ahem. Sorry."
"I was so overjoyed I had to... hug it out. You know how it goes."
"But we're Bowser's Minions! Bound by honor and the occasional awkward hug!"
"Now then! Shall we venture out, my fellow Goomba brethren?"
"What's this? Super special what now? Speak up, I say!"
"Whatever it is, I promise to rise to the challenge!"
"Ooh, I love this plan! It's a great and grand plan!"
"Going alone is scary. It's not the Goomba way!"
"A good old-fashioned team-up is the way to go! Yes, indeed!"
"Just one question... What's with that flag? The one UP THERE."
"I see. So I'm the captain. Captain ME! Heh. Love it."
"All right! Let's do this, team! Follow my lead, quick-like!"
"Yeeeeaaah, nope, sorry. This isn't working for me."
"I can't do it! The dizzying heights of captaindom are beyond my reach!"
"Just LOOK at me! I don't even have arms! I'm just a Goomba..."
"Untold numbers of us have been stomped by Mario's stupid boots!"
"Is it really? That's uncanny..."
"The Captain... Captain THIS GUY... It definitely has a nice ring to it..."
"But can I really do it? Is that...allowed?"
"Heh. Well then! This changes things considerably..."
"Oh, yeaaaah! I can DO this!"
"More soldiers, eh? Hey, um... Can we chat real quick?"
"That's just it. Being captain... Well, it isn't easy."
"Huh... I thought you guys weren't even watching..."
"I have a captain-y aura? That's... awesome."
"My own aura, eh..."
"Now that you mention it, I think I can see my aura too... It's purple."
"OK! Let's MOVE! Max aura power, gooo!"
"We're off on a grand adventure! We're off to rescue Lord Bowser!"
"Who's responsible for this? Who built a wall here?!"
"You don't understand! Lord Bowser is in big trouble right now!"
"Come on. Why don't you join us? Pretty please?"
"Huh? What? Really? This got out of hand fast..."
"I have no idea what's happening, but I've just gotta win this!"
"GOOMBA SQUAD! MOOOOVE OUT!!!"
"Now then! Bowser's Minions! Awaaay we go!"
"What's your deal, soldier? You were acting strangely..."
"I'll never let that happen! Hurry! To Lord Bowser!"
"Welp. That went poorly."
"It's all crystal clear now. If I go and save Lord Bowser myself......the Koopalings might change their minds about me!"
"Now that we've got more allies, we're looking like a real squad!"
"Oh, wow! Private Goomp! You're THE Private Goomp!"
"This spray...It seems if you possess true Minion spirit...It has no effect! That's right! We are none other than Lord Bowser's Minions! Hurry, Private Goomp! Let's use our Minion spirit to beat this foul fiend together!"
"Wow...He was brainwashed so easily. That's depressing."
"How long...was I unconscious? Where's Lord Bowser? Where's Fawful?!"
"For Lord Bowseeeer!"
"Huzzah! One of our own! Are you OK, soldier?"
"What in Bowser's name?! What are you doing?! Don't tell me Fawful brainwashed you too..."
"Phew! Thank goodness. You're not brainwashed after all. Just slow."
"You should know whose side someone's on before throwing turnips at them!"
"OK, so our first order of business is to in-brainwash our fellow Minions."
"Yes, it's settled! You're coming with us!"
"Wow. That was easier than expected."
"Hooray! I got another ally! Let's try our best, OK?"
"It does! The first one, I mean. I'm the captain of this squad."
"Oh? You can see it too? I wasn't really sure, but I guess I really do have what it takes!"
"What?! We're going to have TWO captains? That's silly..."
"There he is! Fawful!! Give us our Lord Bowser back!"
"But that's where the weirdo who kidnapped Lord Bowser is! He might be brainwashing his poor king at this very moment! We've gotta go rescue him!"
"Master Larry! Don't leave us!"
"WHAT?! No way! The Koopalings are brainwashed?!"
"Huh. Honestly, I don't really care what happens to this kingdom..."
"It's OK! I've got an idea! First, we'll beat the Koopalings...Knock the washing from their brains and recruit them to our side!"
"I'm not sure how yet...But we'll have to become even stronger than the Koopalings! So...what do you think?"
"We're counting on you, Lakitu!"
"What? Really? Heehee...I could get used to this."
"Wow...That one hurt. I guess I can't be mad at the truth, though. Anyway. Smug guy! Have you seen any Piranha Plants around here?"
"What in the...He's rather dude for such a fancy fellow. Well, looks like we have no choice but to find them ourselves. Piranha Plant! Oh, PIRANHA PLANT! Where are youuuuu?!"
"Arghhhhh! W-Wait! I'll be the first to admit I look a bit like a muffin, but...I taste like yuck! No amount of frying or aioli would make a difference! Mmm...Deep frying and aioli...That actually sounds really good. I mean! That's not the point! Please! Let me goooo!!"
"Hey! Stop playing it cool and help me out here!"
"Youch. Those teeth were SHARP. Good thing I'm so hardheaded."
"Stop that! Some things aren't funny. Like MUTINY!"
"Victory! Now let's get out of this crazy place. We need to...huh? He's watching...That's just creepy. Is he going to follow us or what?...
"...HEY! Look over there! What's that, little buddy? You see that?! It's some sorta yummy-looking flying bean man! MMM, good!...Th-This will be fine. Juuust fine. Probably."
"Oh! Private Goomp! Thank goodness you're safe!"
"Sergeant Guy and Corporal Paraplonk! Are you guys...out for a stroll?"
"Um, so what decision did you come to?"
"Oh, really? You care about Lord Bowser again? Well, we seem to share the same mission of rescuing our king."
"It's really not similar at all..."
"Um...Why don't we all just work together and be friends?"
"We can't. Those three are high-ranking Minions...Let's win this and recruit them!"
"Yeah. I think you're right..."
"Master Larry...sure is powerful. That's a lot of power for one guy."
"H-Here goes nothing!"
"Master Larry! Please join us! We're going to rescue Lord Bowser!"
"But, Master Larry! You can take over as captain, really! All I care about is saving Lord Bowser!"
"We're going to gather all of the missing Minions...Rescue Lord Bowser...and return home to the Mushroom Kingdom!"
"Thanks, Master Larry! The forest, the valley, and the sea! Let's go!"
"This guy's got a screw loose. Let's get out of here..."
"Master Iggy is supposed to be somewhere in the forest...But we've been looking for ages are there are only trees in here!"
"What IS that smell...It's so sweet...It practically melts in the air..."
"It makes me feel...happy...must...keep smelling it..."
"Ah...Mmm...My body is moving and smelling all on its own...It's like I can't get enough! Can't...stop smelling...No! Stop it, self! No...Don't stop..."
"NOOO! That scrumptious smell is gone!!...Huh? What was I doing again?"
"Ahem! Master Iggy! SNAP OUT OF IT!!"
"Ummm...sure. Let's...do that. Sooo...Do you know where Master Iggy is?"
"You're, um...welcome. So! Where's Master Iggy?"
"YES! Things are looking up! Alrighty, let's head that way!"
"I'm with you, Private Goomp. It's time to make a name for ourselves!"
"Let's show the world what Goombas are capable of! For Lord Bowser!"
"My friends! My BROTHERS! Our journey is at its end. If we survive this next trial, Lord Bowser awaits us. It's a double-edged sword to admit this, but...Mario and Green Guy will surely defeat that faker. Those guys are so strong...It makes me SO MAD...Anyway, that will give us the chance to rescue the real Lord Bowser. And this time, we won't fail! We'll be at our king's side before the day is done! I know I'm just a humble Goomba...just a run-of-the-mill Bowser fanboy. At first, I never thought I could be a worthy captain for you fine Minions. But then I met a quiet Shy Guy captain will still waters that run deep...A mischievous Boo captain who's actually quite kind...A Koopa Troopa captain who rhymes for attention but is beyond loyal...The Notorious Koopalings...Private Goomp's Trio...With every new member, the Goomba Squad grew stronger. And so did I! That's how I know we'll be OK. NO ONE can beat this team. Whether we're up against weird machines...or weirder Fawful...Whether it's the green Mario Bro...or even Mario himself...From this moment on, no matter what challenge we face, we WILL prevail! So let's go show the world what we're made of! This is for all the marbles! For our king! Yeah! This is for you, Lord Bowser!! GOOMBA SQUAAAD!! CHAAARGE!!!"
"Hurry, Lord Bowser! Let's go home, where we belong!"
"Now is the time of telling me whose underling you are!"
"Stupid flag-headed Goomba...My spray of brilliance is not having the effects on him...Who needs Goombas with flags of foolishness anyway?!"
"Hah! Laughings and jubilations! Your leader is mine for the taking away! I will work him until his bones become dust and the dust has grown mold!"
"I have no need for stupid mushroom faces with stupid eyebrows!"
"Now I have hurrying to the castle to retrieve the Beanstar!"
"Hah and hah again! It is my having of luck that caused our meeting here! The Koopalings seven! It is I who am king of you now! Now! Have the saying of my name!"
"HAH! I had knowings that the Koopalings would not go down so easily...Now is the happening of Plan B!! Time for max-strength spray! Your brains will be washed with 99.9% effectiveness!"
"It is a thing of amazement! So, Koopalings seven...How are you finding my spray of delicious wickedness?"
"Ah! The ringins of that sound are as sweet as particularly sticky treats! But that Goomba...I am wanting to wash his brain even more than the Koopalings! I suppose I will have forgettings of him for the time that is now..."
"Sure, but we won't stand much of a chance as we are right now."
"Just leave it to me, yeah?"
"Well, as you know, the Koopa Cruiser exploded in glorious fashion. Said explosion scattered the Minions all across the Beanbean Kingdom. It's up to you to find and recruit all of the Minions before making your final stand! As for me, I'll scout out where the others are for you. That way you can go and recruit them all. How's that sound?"
"Come on, let's hurry..."
"Looks like. Master Larry was saying the strangest things...He was all "Lord Fawful" this and "fink-rat" that."
"I hear Cackletta is trying to conquer the Beanbean Kingdom. And now it seems the Koopalings are all working for Fawful...They're already mounting attacks on all areas of the Beanbean Kingdom!"
"I thought we'd stand a chance against Fawful with the Koopalings on our side...I never dreamed they'd join the enemy!"
"You say that like it's so simple and achievable..."
"Yeah! Acting without thinking! That's the Minion way! Let's follow Captain Goomba's plan. It's our only hope! As for me, I'll go and scout out the other Minions."
"Hmm...You're different from the Piranha Plants we have at home."
"Th-Those Piranha Plants are fellow Minions!"
"Guess you were telling the truth. You're not very tasty."
"Hey, Cap! I found Master Larry! He's got lots of Minions with him!"
"We're in big trouble...Who knows if we'll be able to find him in this maze of trees..."
"We've looked all over and haven't found squat...Does that mean Lord Bowser was kidnapped?!"
"Heh. I overheard some good stuff back there! Forget that goofy Goomba. You work for me now, Lakitu! I'm putting together an army for the great Lord Fawful!"
"Bahaha! Perfect! This is where we'll build my fortress! And then we'll take over that village over there...This is gonna be great!"
"Huh? Hey! Goomba and Shy Guy! What are you doing?! Get back to work!"
"BAHAHA! You wanna fight me?! You're pretty bold for a Goomba!"
"That won't work for me. The thought of obeying a Goomba makes me sick."
"Hmm. You're serious about this, aren't you?"
"HMMM...I suppose I'll allow you the pleasure of my company. But you'll need a plan..."
"The other Koopalings are trying to conquer this whole kingdom! They've been brainwashed by "Lord" Fawful. To be frank, they're all much stronger than you. How's that gonna work?"
"Bahahaha! It cracks me up when you talk all serious like that. Well, Iggy's in the forest, and Morton's near the valley. Wendy took the sea. I only know about those three. I lost track of Roy, Ludwig, and Lemmy."
"You should know I don't intend to try very hard. Also, I'm not gonna be captain. Seems like a lot of hassle."
"He's still brainwashed. He won't listen to us when he's like this. We've got no choice but to pummel him."
"Huh. I thought a pebble was talking, but it's just a dumb Goomba. Not that it's your business, but we're in search of Lord Bowser. Time is of the essence, so we can't waste any of it talking to Goombas."
"Hm? I can't understand a word this nutty Goomba is saying..."
"You keep believing that idiotic story and see how far you get up the mountain. Us Koopalings will look for Lord Bowser our own way. The RIGHT way."
"Heh heh heh! Greetings, friend! I see you are not a talking rock after all. Yes, you are clearly a Goomba from the Mushroom Kingdom! In our fair land, your kind are nearly as famous as the brothers Mario."
"Indeed! Goombas are famously the first ones Mario always stomps!"
"I cannot say that I have, as that would be an untruth! As it were, I haven't time to chat. Forgive my manners. I must away now! May we meet again!"
"As it were, I was gathering Boos in this cave for my research...However, I was met with a most unfortunate event. I fell down. Ouch. That's when all the ghosts within the Poltergust 3000 escaped!"
"Surely you fine fellows understand the urgency of the situation at hand. You must bring the escaped Boos back to me! My wondrous ghost research is on the verge of magnificient discovery!"
"Yes, you'll want my full backstory first. Expected. Understandable."
"My research began with a simple question...What IS a ghost? Incorporeal, yet visible...Their very existence defies the laws of science!"
"Of course, light refractions can make even dust look like a living being...There was a time when ghosts were understood as a hologram of a sort..."
"However! None of these hypotheses explain why ghosts produce shadows! Not to mention their forboding laughter. Science has no answer for that one. I pondered these conundrums for ages. Oh, the ponderings I pondered!"
"These factors informed my conclusion that ghosts are real, living, entities!...Which begs the question...How do we define a "living entity"? So I researched...and researched...and researched still more..."
"Ah, but as with all things, conducting research requires a fat stack of coins. So I decided to manage the Starbeans Café as a secondary source of income! But alas, employing an outstanding staff...Inventing fantastic machinery...I'm afraid all of these things require still more coinage..."