"Say hello to your old grandpappy Cranky. I'm back by popular demand to offer my wealth of gameplay wisdom for this unnecessary sequel." (first meeting)
"What sort of name is Dixie anyway? In my day, you were lucky to have a name at all!"
"I'd sort out old K. Rool for you real quick, but I'd be spoiling the limited fun you're trying to get out of this shoddy product!"
"I don't even get two screens to stand in! I'm sure K. Rool will have two, so why can't I? Pah!"
"Look at all this junk in here! Treat my home like a trash can they do! No respect for their elders, that's the trouble..."
"Haven't sold a single thing in weeks! If this junk was out of one of my games, the customers would be begging to get in!"
"Where's Expresso? A clumsy spider and a fat parrot, is that the best they can think of?"
"Girl heroes in video games, pah. I can't believe it! The main character should be really muscle-bound and carry a gun, not twirl their hair round!"
"Need more help do we? Pah! If tell you much more, I might as wall play the game for you!"
"Don't you ever knock? I know you're desperate for help, but remember your manners next time!"
"I knew it! You've come to beg for my help again, haven't you! Well, I'm not going to tell you anything this time!"
"Come on in! Have yourselves a look 'round and buy some of this trash, why don't you?"
"I'll box your ears if you don't listen this time!"
"Back so soon? I thought you'd complete at least another level before you came crying to me!"
"See, you're back again! Evebody like old Cranky. I bet my ugly, old wife doesn't get half as many visits!"
"You think your fancy graphics and sound will work again! I think not. You'll be lucky to sell 10 copies this time!"
"Have you been to see the other members of the Kong family? They're not as useful as me of course, but they might be able to help."
"You're looking a bit fat there, kid! Look at me, I'm at my physical peak. I could show you a thing or two!"
"Oh, it's you again. I thought it might be a real video game hero..."
"K. Rool is gonna whup your hides this time, whippersnappers! I'd better take over before you embarrass yourselves!"
"For just five bucks, you can buy my memoirs. What a dynamic and exciting life I've led. You'll be lucky to star in half as many games as I been."
"Shouldn't Dixie just be a token female princess waiting to be rescued, instead of a main character?"
"Team up? I've never heard such rubbish in my life! When I played, I was on my own. I had no fancy backup!"
"I hate being stuck in this shabby barrel. I want to sit outside like last time!"
"Give up now before the kids realize you're not as popular as Donkey Kong was!"
"Just 'cos DKC sold few lousy copies, I have to be included in another ludicrous adventure! It's the last time, I tell you!"
"I'd have collected far more tokens than that by now! What's wrong, got holes in your pockets?"
"Diddy, I thought you were a cheap character in DKC, but Dixie's even worse! It should be me on my own, that it should!"
"Surprise, surprise. Well if it isn't the so called video game heroes! I hope I'm getting paid for all my help!"
"Howdy, young 'uns! Gather round and I'll give you some much needed advice!"
"You spend as much time in here as I do!"
"Look! They've even taken my chair from me. It's disgusting how they treat old video game heroes these days..."
"After my starring role in DKC, I thought I'd be the main character this time, not stuck in this gloomy shed!"
"I bet this here Killer Instinct game is rubbish too! It hasn't got me in it, so it must be!"
"I was hoping for more frames this time, but no! Don't let old Cranky do anything. Just give him some third rate stand frames!"
"I don't know why I help you so much. you don't appreciate me!"
"O.K., which of these would you like?"
"Take a look at this lot!"
"Here's a fraction of my enviable knowledge!"
"Go ahead, test my amazing knowledge!"
"I can recommend the really expensive ones, actually."
"Enough talk, let's see your tokens!"
"Pick a subject! I know everything about this game!"
"I knew you'd do it, Diddy m'boy, but how could you fail having learned all you know from old Cranky here?"
"Well done, Diddy, m'boy! Who'd have known you'd be able to rescue that lazy grandson of mine and dump K. Rool in his own filthy swamp? Not bad for a novice! Of course, if I'd have been playing, I'd have made sure that K. Rool never tries a cheap trick like this again!"
"I reckon I'd found all the Kremkoins and completed the so called 'Lost World'. Oh well, can't expect everything from our first game, can we?"
"One more thing, how many of my special Video Game Hero Coins did you find? A real player, such as myself, would have found plent I'm sure."
"Let's see how well you did, eh?"
"Well, I've got a second screen, and it's about time too. Now, shut up everyone while I read the eagarly awaited results of my prestigious Video Game Hero Awards...."
"Hmmm... Not too good at finding my coins, are you, sonny? You might be a hero, but you've got a lot of catching up to do, yes siree!"
"If you want to look at your limited progress on this screen, press the left and right buttons while you are on any of the map screens."
"Now buzz off and see if you can find some more of my coins, which I very much doubt you will."
"Hey! What are you waiting for? There's no secret stuff hidden here, sonny!"
"There is, however, a couple of special options on the game selection screen though I'm sure they're of little use."
"To find these silly options, press down lots of times, but if I were you, I wouldn't bother."
"Now, go ahead and switch that cartridge off, so I could get some sleep! I reckon I've earned it!"
"Well, well, well, if it isn't our trainee hero! I didn't expect you to find this place, sonny. You must have got luck. Now that you're here, I'd better tell you about it."
"This here's the Kremling's 'LOST WORLD', and that big crocodile head in the middle is where you need to get to if you're going to finish this silly game properly."
"But to get there, you have to beat Kaptain K. Rool and complete all the bonus levels as well, a task I'm sure is well beyond a whippersnapper like you!"
"I don't know why I'm doing this, but here are some ridiculous cheap hints for this world, which I'm sure you'll be needing as well."
"N-n-nice going k-kid! I-I reckon only a t-t-true video g-game hero would h-have f-f-finished it all!"
"L-let's get out of t-this miserable d-dump, and g-get back t-t-to D-Donkey K-K-Kong Island!"
"Back to see me again, eh, sonny? Let's see if you've improved your hero status, shall we?"
"I'm not afraid to admit it, Diddy m'boy. Even I'm wrong occasionally. You're as big a hero as they come. You must take after me and Donkey. Well Done!"
"Lookin' good, dudes! I'm Funky the main monkey, and my new Funky's Flights can take you anywhere on Crocodile Isle, provided you've already checked it out of course!"
"Cruise on over to the barrel man, and ride the skies!"
"Give them a big hand folks! Good evening, I'm Swanky Kong and you're tonight's contestants on my Bonanza! It's easy to play! Just pick a game and you're away!"
"Hello, dearies. I'm Mrs. Wrinkly Kong, headmistress here at Kong Kollege."
"I'm available to teach courses on how to play this game, or you can just pop in when you want to save your little old game. Now then, how can I help you?" (SNES version)
"I'm available to teach courses on how to play this game." (GBA version)
"Use ↑ and ↓ on the between the options on my menu." (GBA version)
"A gold coin with a bunch of bananas on it, collect these and spend them in the various Kong Family locations found throughout the island." (about Banana Coins)
"Press the Button to swim. Pressing Up or Down on the directional keypad while swinging or floating will affect the speed that you sink or swim." (about swimming)
"Jump on the target to finish the level. If you jump from a sufficient height, you will win the displayed prize." (about the End of Level Target)
"Press and hold the button to power him up, then release it for his Supercharge. Use this to destroy enemies and break open hidden doors!" (about Rambi's Supercharge)
"When you have both characters, press the button to team up. You can throw your partner to defeat enemies and reach inaccessible features. Press again to split up." (about Team Up)
"Throw Krow's eggs back at him. He won't like it!" (about Krow)
"To make your snake buddy jump in mid air, walk off an edge and press the jump button as he falls." (about Rattly)
"Press and hold the button when you are on the ropes and you will climb up and down them faster than normal." (about climb in ropes)
"Collect all four of these on a level to earn an extra life!" (about KONG letters)
"To create a web platform, press the button or either of the top and . Press the button again to stop the web amd form a platform in the desired position." (about Squitter's web platforms)
"For every bonus level complete, you will get one of these. Collect a lot and you can use then at Klubba's Kiosk." (about Kremkoins)
"When you hit Kleever, quickly get across to the other side before he gets angry." (about Kleever)
"Jump in these to transform into the animal shown on the side of the barrel." (about Animal Barrels)
"If you hold the jump button down while jumping on an enemy, you will bounce higher and further than normal." (about jumping on enemies)
"There are three types. Red is worth 1 life, Green is worth 2 lives and the rare Blue balloon is worth 3 lives!" (about Extra Lives Balloons)
"Press the button to power him up, then release it to access normally unreachable areas." (about Rattly's Superjump)
"A very large coin with 'DK' on it, each level has one, cunningly hidden by Cranky. Collect these to increase your status as a video game hero." (about DK Coins)
"When Kudgel lands, he'll shake the screen and immobilize you! Be careful!" (about Kudgel)
"You want a homework project, do you? You are good children. Well, I have the very thing."
"Here, take this empty book. I want you to fill it with pictures of all the strange creatures you encounter."
"How do you get the pictures? Well, it is simple. Just look out for any bad guys with a camera above their heads."
"When you defeat them, you will be awarded a picture. I have heard there are also a few cameras lying around on the levels, just waiting to be picked up."
"For each page you fill with pictures, I will give you one of these strange Hero Coins that my husband left lying around."
"You haven't got enough pictures to fill a page yet. Come back when you have gained more pictures."