"I didn't! Whisking off maidens and chucking barrels, seven days a week I was! There was none of this lazin' around on a beach!"
"I wouldn't be caught dead in a game with bonus levels, end-of-level bosses, and a screen that scrolls!"
"Say hello to your old grandpappy Cranky. I'm back by popular demand to offer my wealth of gameplay wisdom for this unnecessary sequel._"
"I'd sort out old K. Rool for you real quick, but I'd be spoiling the limited fun you're trying to get out of this shoddy product!"
"Surprise, surprise. Well if it isn't the so called video game heroes! I hope I'm getting paid for all my help!"
"Have you been to see the other members of the Kong family? They're not as useful as me of course, but they might be able to help."
"For just five bucks, you can buy my memoirs. What a dynamic and exciting life I've led. You'll be lucky to star in half as many games as I been."
"I was hoping for more frames this time, but no! Don't let old Cranky do anything. Just give him some third rate stand frames!"
"You think your fancy graphics and sound will work again! I think not. You'll be lucky to sell 10 copies this time!"
"I hope you bought "Cranky Kong Country" last year. I was the one who made it so successful, not that lumbering Donkey!"
"Just 'cos DKC sold a few lousy copies, I have to be included in another ludicrous adventure! It's the last time, I tell you!"
"K. Rool is gonna whup your hides this time, whippersnappers! I'd better take over before you embarrass yourselves!"
"Team up? I've never heard such rubbish in my life! When I played, I was on my own. I had no fancy backup!"
"Is that nasty fat crocodile beating you? Listen up, and I'll share my amazing knowledge!"
"Back so soon? I thought you'd complete at least another level before you came crying to me!"
"I knew you'd be back. Can't finish this ridiculous quest without my help, can you?"
"I knew it! You've come to beg for my help again, haven't you! Well, I'm not going to tell you anything this time!"
"You must be really desperate to read all this! Having trouble on your miserable, boring quest are we?"
"You're looking a bit fat there, kid! Look at me, I'm at my physical peak. I could show you a thing or two!"
"I don't even get two screens to stand in! I'm sure K. Rool will have two, so why can't I? Pah!"
"Look! They've even taken my chair from me. It's disgusting how they treat old video game heroes these days..."
"Did you notice in DKC that my tune sounded like the title tune? How dare they! I'm worth two different tunes at least!"
"Look at all this junk in here! Treat my home like a trash can they do! No respect for their elders, that's the trouble..."
"Where's Expresso? A clumsy spider and a fat parrot, is that the best they can think of?"
"I hate being stuck in this shabby barrel. I want to sit outside like last time!"
"Give up now before the kids realize you're not as popular as Donkey Kong was!"
"I'd have never been kidnapped in my day, not like that fat fool Donkey!"
"You spend as much time in here as I do!"
"I don't know why I help you so much. You don't appreciate me!"
"I'll box your ears if you don't listen this time!"
"Don't you ever knock? I know you're desperate for help, but remember your manners next time!"
"Come on in! Have yourselves a look 'round and buy some of this trash, why don't you?"
"Haven't sold a single thing in weeks! If this junk was out of one of my games, the customers would be begging to get in!"
"What do you want this time?"
"O.K., which of these would you like?"
"Here's what I've got to offer."
"This stuff is cheap at half the price!"
"Gaze in awe, as you appreciate my knowledge!"
"Here's a fraction of my enviable knowledge!"
"Go ahead, test my amazing knowledge!"
"Pick a subject! I know everything about this game!"
"Try all you'd like, this game will never be as good as Donkey Kong Country, and even THAT was rubbish anyway!"
"Shouldn't Dixie just be a token female princess waiting to be rescued, instead of a main character?"
"What sort of name is Dixie anyway? In my day, you were lucky to have a name at all."
"Diddy, I thought you were a cheap character in DKC, but Dixie's even worse! It should be me on my own, that it should!"
"Girl heroes in video games, pah. I can't believe it! The main character should be really muscle-bound and carry a gun, not twirl their hair round!"
"I knew you'd do it, Diddy m'boy, but how could you fail having learned all you know from old Cranky here?"
"Well done, Diddy, m'boy! Who'd have known you'd be able to rescue that lazy grandson of mine and dump K. Rool in his own filthy swamp? Not bad for a novice! Of course, if I'd have been playing, I'd have made sure that K. Rool never tries a cheap trick like this again!"
"I reckon I'd found all the Kremkoins and completed the so called 'Lost World'. Oh well, can't expect everything from our first game, can we?"
"One more thing, how many of my special Video Game Hero Coins did you find? A real player, such as myself, would have found plent I'm sure."
"Let's see how well you did, eh?"
"Well, I've got a second screen, and it's about time too. Now, shut up everyone while I read the eagarly awaited results of my prestigious Video Game Hero Awards...."
"Hmmm... Not too good at finding my coins, are you, sonny? You might be a hero, but you've got a lot of catching up to do, yes siree!"
"Hey.. not bad for a young 'un! 'Course' you're going to have to find a few more if you want to be a big a hero as I was!"
"I'm not afraid to admit it, Diddy m'boy. Even I'm wrong occasionally. You're as big a hero as they come. You must take after me and Donkey. Well Done!"
"If you want to look at your limited progress on this screen, press the left and right buttons while you are on any of the map screens."
"Back to see me again, eh, sonny? Let's see if you've improved your hero status, shall we?"
"Nope! You haven't improved any since your last visit so stop wasting time here and find my coins, you useless bums!"
"Now buzz off and see if you can find some more of my coins, which I very much doubt you will."
"N-n-nice going k-kid! I-I reckon only a t-t-true video g-game hero would h-have f-f-finished it all!"
"L-let's get out of t-this miserable d-dump, and g-get back t-t-to D-Donkey K-K-Kong Island!"