Mario Press Conference
The Mario Press Conference is an interview featuring Mario, who announces and promotes the game Mario Sports Mix. The interview was part of a greater United States advertisement campaign for Mario Sports Mix, centered around a fictional news program of the same name with two hosts: a male Mii named Miichael, and a female Mii named Miimi.
Miimi: "Well, it's truly a rare and special occasion when you get the chance to sit down with a modern-day legend, and an even rarer one when he agrees to answer questions no-holds-barred! Our own Miichael got the chance to sit down with the elusive and certainly Super Mario! We take you to it now."
Miichael: "Well, let me say that it's a real honor to be here with you! Thanks for warp-piping all the way here for this."
Mario: "A-Miichael! It's-a my pleasure! Hello, everybody! It's-a me, Mario! Wahoo! Hello! Hello! Ha ha!"
Miichael: "So, let's get right to it—we hear you have a big announcement to make. Sir, the world is waiting with bated breath."
Mario: "Well, a-Miichael, first, I'm-a want to say, thank you very much for everyone who made this-a moment possible. The Princess-a Peach, my right hand man Luigi, and the best adviser in the business, Toad. So, starting today, I'm-a super-duper excited to be taking my talents to the Mushroom Kingdom in my new game, Mario Sports Mix. Woo-hoo!"
(Applause can be heard.)
Miichael: "Outstanding! And what kind of action can we expect from the new game?"
Mario: "Well, I'm-a telling Nintendo, we need to make-a this game super-duper! And they said, (deep voice) 'Oh, okey-dokey, uh, how about-a two sports?' I'm-a said, 'Nah,' so they said, (deep voice) 'Uh, how about-a three?' so I said, 'That's okay. But have you thought about-a four sports-es featuring over-the-top-a super-duper moves with none other than me, Mario?' Woo-hoo!"
Miichael: "Absolutely absurd. You are a true innovative visionary. So, how, then, did this amazing game with four sports and all these stars come together?"
Mario: "Ah, well, the hardest-a part was to get all of these all-stars on board-a. Some, they were easy. Toad, he's always-a hanging around, giving me advice. And-a Luigi, well, he's-a my bro; he's got nothing to do, and he was up for it. Then, I saved-a Princess-a Peach and Daisy, and I got-a Bowser to sign up while I was-a there. Wario, ah, he was-a hard because-a he's-a cuckoo crazy! But once I'm-a mentioned it was not just the volleyball, basketball, and-a hockey, but also the dodgeball, ah ha! He was all set! In fact, I think he said-a, (imitates Wario) 'I'll do it. Have a rotten day. (blows raspberries)' Something like-a that."
Miichael: "And so there was Mario Sports Mix. Brilliant. Well, we've had an absolute rash of questions from Mushroom Kingdom superfans, eagerly awaiting your answers! Mind taking a few now?"
Mario: "Woo-hoo! Fire away! I'm-a ready for anything!"
Miichael: "Jackson from Mansburg asks: 'Is it hard balancing your sports training with princess-saving?'"
Mario: "Ha ha ha! Well, I got-a good news! Princess-a Peach, (sighs contently) she hasn't been captured for a while. It's our-a longest-a streak-a yet-a. So, Mario's had more time to focus on-a saving the spikes-a and-a goals in-a hockey! Ah ha!"
Miichael: (Chuckles) "I have to imagine princess-saving is quite a workout, though, too."
Mario: "Oh, yeah, it's a great year-round workout. Mario highly recommends it. Mm-hmm!"
Miichael: "I'll have to give it a dabble. MacGregMan1 tweets: 'We've seen you on the tennis and basketball courts, the diamond and even the race track. Which of these new sports excites you the most?'"
Mario: "Hmm! That's a good question. It has to be...dodgeball! I've always been a real fireballer with a shell, or even the fireballs. Hee hee! So I knew I would be a natural. But-a I noticed some of my friends-es are taking-a shots at-a me! Heart-a shots from-a Princess-a Peach, rainbow throws from my old pal Yoshi, and even a few vacuum whizzers sent at me by my fratello, Luigi! Oh!"
Miichael: "Interesting to hear that. Don't know if you read this, but, Luigi's been quoted as saying, 'I'm-a tired of-a being player two. It's-a my time to shine!' Reaction?"
Mario: "Ah, Luigi. Ha ha! He was probably taken, uh, out of-a context-a. He loves-a being-a my sidekick. Hee hee hee!"
Miichael: "Sounds green with envy, huh? (Chuckles) Get it, he-he wears green?"
Mario: "Gee, that's funny."
Miichael: "Moving on! Susie Q. of Farmsdale wrote: 'We hear some shocking rumors that you and your arch-nemesis, Bowser, are even teaming up from time to time. Care to comment on these salacious allegations?'"
Mario: "Oh, yeah. It's-a true."
Mario: "Well, you know what they say: Keep-a you friends-a close and you enemies-a closer! But-a, they also say, if-a you enemy is a gigantic-a spiky creature, who breathes-a the fire, keep him-a super-duper close! Ha ha!"
Miichael: "Ha ha ha! Well played, sir, well played, indeed. In the new game, people can get their Miis into the action and play against you. How have you fared against this new competition?"
Mario: "Well, they don't-a call me Super Mario for nothing! Usually, I'm-a the winner! Hee hee!"
Miichael: "Well, funny you should mention that. You took me out for a friendly hoops match yesterday, and I think we have a clip."
(Gameplay of Mario Sports Mix is shown. Miichael and Wario, on the blue team, are playing basketball on DK Dock against Mario and Yoshi, on the red team. Mario is dribbling the basketball. He jumps towards the basket and is about to make a dunk, but Miichael uses a Jump Attack to knock Mario away. This causes him to drop the basketball, leaving Wario to grab the ball instead.)
Miichael: "Ha ha! Wowzers! Love me some Mii!"
Miichael: "Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!"
Mario: "Yeah. Anyways..."
Miichael: "Ahhh... So, this game features a wide cast of characters, including some of your best buds and fiercest foes. Talk about going head-to-head with them."
Mario: "Well, you know how it is. You always want to play with the best-a, and these guys gave me the best-a challenge. Mama mia! I get a little tired time and time again, one-upping the competition. Just the other day, I was-a talking with-a Donkey Kong-a, and he said, (imitates Donkey Kong) 'Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh!'"
Miichael: "Well put. I think we can all relate. By the way, I've noticed you admiring my mustache."
Mario: (Confused) "Ehh... I was?"
Miichael: "You were. What do you think?"
Mario: (Winces) "It's okay. Could be bigger!"
Miichael: "Hmm. I'll have to talk to makeup. Stephanie from Redwood City has this to say: 'Bananas, Bob-Ombs, Red Shells and more: there's quite a few fascinating items at your disposal in the four sports. Any favorites?'"
Mario: "Well-a, Princess Stephanie... Ha ha! I gotta say, after all of my adventures, it's nice to be on the other end of the Bob-Omb-a once in a while! Hee hee hee!"
Miichael: "Boom-boom-boom, ha ha! I like it. You've knocked countless flying Koopa Paratroopas from the air, stomped the daylights out of millions of Goombas, soared the galaxy (twice), raced across Mushroom Kingdom, and now have your own multi-sport blockbuster. What do you consider your greatest achievement?"
Mario: "Well, I would have to say, that on all of these adventures-a, it's-a not about the Stars you collect-a, the trophies you win-a, the amount of Mushrooms you consume-a, or even the Yoshis you ride-a. It really, at the end of the day, is all about-a the friends-es you make-a, the lives-a you touch-a, eh-"
Miichael: (Sobs, holds tissues to his eyes) "Beautiful."
Miichael: (Blows nose; a confetti sound plays)
Mario: "But-a, I'm-a also really like-a slammin'-JAMMIN' on-a Bowser in this game! Oh-ho!"
Miichael: "Fascinating. Truly fascinating. Burtie from Marionville wonders: 'Which of the characters is most ready to be a breakout star?'"
Mario: "Well, I'm-a think-a my old friend Yoshi is-a playing at a super high level!"
Miichael: "Got the Mario off his back?"
Mario: "Ha ha ha! Hey, he could be!"
Miichael: "You might say he's chewing up and spitting out the competition! Heh heh."
Mario: (Groans awkwardly) "Mmmmm... yeah, you might-eh..."
Miichael: "If we might switch gears, Brian from Cleveland asks: 'What is your idea of perfect happiness?'"
Mario: "Well, this might-a sound-a kinda strange, Miichael, but uh, I'm-a have a vision of this-a beautiful-a Question Mark-a Box-a, and I punch it, and a fantastic 1-Up-a Mushroom pops-a out-a... I hit it again! And another! And again! And again! And again! And again! Oh-ho! I can go on saving the princess forever! Hee hee!"
Miichael: "A true wonder. We should all be so lucky. Libby P. tweets: 'So let's talk uniform. What kind of uniform will we see you in?'"
Mario: "Well, you know Mario. I'm-a going with my traditional blue overalls, of course! Hoo hoo! Looking good!"
Miichael: "Ahh, I see. I had no idea they were such high-performance gear."
Mario: "Oh, yeah! I'm-a would recommend them to any elite athlete-a! They're great for running, jumping, throwing the fireballs, and-a dominating! Hoo hoo!"
Miichael: "Let's talk about this highlight that is sweeping the web."
Mario: "Ooh! My monster fire slam?"
Miichael: "I think we have a clip. Do, uh...do we...do we have a clip? We do. Alright, let's take a peek."
(A clip of Mario performing his special shot from the opening of Mario Sports Mix plays.)
Mario: "Ehh... You okay?"
Miichael: (Gasps) "Great Goomba! That was...fantabulous!"
Miichael: "Alright. So, word is there are some pretty unbelievable new arenas to test your skills. Any standouts?"
Mario: "Hmm... Well, I have to say, the Western Junction hockey rink is a real-a doozy!"
Miichael: (Imitating a cowboy) "Yeeeeee-ha!"
Mario: "Yeah, yeah, it's a lot like a normal rink-a, except-a this one has a choo-choo come-a screaming down the center!"
Miichael: (Imitating a train) "Toot toot! Aaaaamazing!"
Miichael: "Well, it sounds like we're running short on time, so we'll leave you with this one last question. We've talked at length about your exciting new Mario Sports Mix game. We've laughed, we've cried..."
Mario: (Confused) "Ehh...we cried?"
Miichael: "Well, I cried. But given just two words, how would you capture the pure and infinite joys of your new sports offering?"
Mario: "Hmm. How about-a: Mama mia! Number one! Here we go! Welcome to my new game! Ha ha! All right! You number one! The best! Here we go! Wahoooooo!"
Miichael: "A true wordsmith, and a hero to us all. Thanks for joining us."
Mario: "Oh, yeah. Thank you very much for playing my game. See you there. Hee hee!"
(Applause can be heard.)
Miimi: "Well, there you have it! A truly historical announcement, sure to shake Mushroom Kingdom to its core. The Mario Sports Mix era is upon us! Thanks for tuning in!"