"We're there. All I can see are turtle tracks. Whaddaya say we give Bowser the old Brooklyn one-two."
"I'm going in, 'bro. Those krazy Koopas must be stopped or all this will soon be puddles!"
"Luigi, can't talk long. Bowser doesn't know my videophone still works for calling out. I don't know where he's keeping me. Sewage! He's coming back. Later!"
"Yo, 'bro. Just calling to check up. Looks like Bowser is raising his prices. Seems he can't collect enough ransom to pay for the hairdryers since you've been foiling his plans. Keep up the good work -- and get me outta here as soon as you can!"
"Thanks for all your hard work, Luigi. You went across the world for me, and I won't forget it. Let's go now, 'bro. I'm dying for a piece of good old New York pizza." (unused)
"Mario Bros. To The Rescue! The Mario Bros. have gone to the South Pole. Representatives say the boys from Brooklyn are heading south to foil a plot to melt the South Pole, which could leave thousands of penguins homeless."
"El Polo Sur Se Descongela! The South Pole is defrosting! Water levels are beginning to rise as hundreds of hairdryers wreak havoc on the polar snowcaps. Thousands of penguins have begun the long swim to Tierra del Fuego. Meanwhile, Luigi continues his quest for his brother."
"Pesky Penguin Influx Thousands of penguins have begun arriving daily as their home in Antarctica is turning to soup. Most are finding their way to Taronga Zoo, where they've tried to gain admission to the polar bear den. The polar bears, meanwhile, are complaining that there's no more room. Zoo officials have appealed to Mario and Luigi to restore the South Pole to its once frozen state."
"'M' Club Meets The 'M' Club, consisting of Mayors from Moscow, Madrid, Marrakech and Mexico City, met yesterday in Montana. In a joint press release the Mayors announced that they were making Mario's brother, Luigi, an honorary member because he saved their cities from the Koopas. Their only regret is that his name doesn't begin with an 'M'."
"Penguins Sighted Visitors to Tierra del Fuego have reported increasing numbers of penguins, many with suitcases. What's going on in the Antarctic? Several penguins who spoke on condition of anonymity all claimed it had something to do with Bowser and the Hafta Havit Hairdryer Hotline. They would not elaborate."
"Stock Market Falls! The recent surge in sales for the Hafta Havit Hairdryer Hotline Corp. (HHHHC) has stopped. The company's stock fell on news that its biggest customer is unable to pay for shipments. Installment payments are being discussed. Angry HHHHC executives blame Luigi for their troubles."
"Penguins on Parade Thousands of penguins en route to the Taronga Zoo in Sydney had to be diverted to our own Veno Zoo late yesterday. The zookeeper in Sydney said, "It was getting too crowded, and there was no place to put their penguin suitcases." A spokespenguin added that "All we want is a little snow. Well, a lot of snow. And ice.""