Wario-sama no Heya
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The title of this article is official, but it comes from a Japanese source.
If an acceptable English name is found, then the article should be moved to the new title.
Wario-sama no Heya is a Q&A session with Wario published on the official Japanese Wario Land 4 website. Users were to send in any question they wished - with the exception of "dirty" questions - which would be answered by Wario. The activity was published in three parts.
Website description[edit]
- Woo‑hoo! Everyone, are you buriburi playing "Wario Land Advance"?! The hot summer is already over, but my game is still hot!! As always, I am busy every day with treasure hunting, but this time, under the title "Wario-sama no Heya," a question corner about me will be opened! Honestly, I did not want to accept it, but the Nintendo guys were so persistent, even calling during my Relaxed Poop Time!! With those Nintendo guys it is a stinky connection! Ah, no, a rotten connection, right? Well, such things don’t matter! Anyway, if there is anything you want to ask about me, send it in! But—dirty jokes do not suit my dignity, so stop those!!
Part 1[edit]
- "Wa" character, 15‑year‑old male
- Q: Nice to meet you, Wario-sama! Quick question. What is your relationship with Mario!? Please tell me!!
- A: For a 15‑year‑old, that is a cheeky question! Of course it is not a suspicious relationship! I will answer seriously! Actually, we are childhood friends!! Hey, you remember, right?! Pray to the moon 10 times saying "Thank you! Our hero Wario-sama!" Fifteen‑year‑old boy!!
- HAL Nagoya, 24‑year‑old male
- Q: Do you have marriage plans?
- A: I have an estimated 100 million female fans worldwide! If I married, they would cry! Hmm? That is why I do not marry! Got it!! It is not that I cannot do it!!!!
- O‑kun, 10‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario-sama, how many centimeters is your mustache? Please tell me.
- A: Ohh! A silly question! But I like these kinds of questions!! The answer: one side of the mustache is a terrifying 13 cm! By the way, among some maniacs there is a rumor that my mustache is actually nose hair! The truth is… secret!!
- takeuthiryu, 11‑year‑old male
- Q: Just how big is Wario’s poop?
- A: Hey! I told you to stop dirty jokes!! But... it is quite a good question, so I will answer! Last night I devoured 10 plates of liver‑and‑chives, 10 crepes, and 10 plates of curry rice. This morning's poop was a huge, bright yellow, good‑colored poop! So much that it floated up near the seat of the Western‑style toilet! Got it?! The smell was like pickles and raw eggs left to rot, mixed with funa‑sushi! If you want to smell it, try it yourself!!
- Uho‑n, 11‑year‑old male
- Q: Is your belly muscle? Fat? Which?
- A: Are you trying to say my belly is flabby?! Too bad, but it is muscle! Just like a sumo wrestler’s belly is muscle! By the way, my muscles are softer than most people's, so they are often misunderstood!! Got it, Uho‑n!
- Gario, 9-year-old boy
- Q: Wario-sama, what is the source of your power?
- A: The source of my power! That is… garlic! I eat 20 raw cloves, and an hour later the burp that comes out smells unbelievably good! The garlic aroma mixed with stomach acid creates a sour stench that is wonderful! I want you all to smell it too!!
- "Die Mario", 12-year-old male
- Q: Genius Wario-sama, besides Mario, what else do you dislike?
- A: You’re pretty good at flattering me! With that pen name and calling me "Genius Wario-sama," maybe you’re a Wario maniac?! Anyway, to the point! Things I hate: smart guys, stingy rich guys, peanut chocolate, marron glacé, green peppers, jigsaw puzzles... that’s about it! If you’re a Wario maniac, you should learn to dislike these too!!
- Guerrilla Battle, 9-year-old male
- Q: Mario vs. Wario, which is stronger?
- A: What a disrespectful question! Isn't it obvious?! Of course it is me!! In your case, pray to the moon 100 times saying "Thank you! Our hero, Wario-sama!" to straighten out your spirit!!
- Coca, 14-year-old female
- Q: In Wario Land Advance, what exactly are the lyrics of the ending song?
- A: Strange... finally a question from a girl! Even though I’m so popular with girls~?! Ah! I see, everyone is embarrassed!! As for the answer: Nintendo made that song themselves, so I don’t know!! ...Well, actually, I asked them for you! I am kind to girls!
- Lyrics:
- "Dissolve the dream I saw yesterday, let it soak into my pillow
- Make peace with the 'tim'’ I left behind
- The story written in the sand plays with the wind."
- Hmm! Pretty romantic song, isn't it?! Not bad, Nintendo guys!!
- Ko-yan, 10-year-old boy
- Q: Wario, do you have a girlfriend~~~~!!?
- A: All 100 million of my female fans are my girlfriends! Got a problem with that?! Answering is starting to tire me out... hmm, I feel like pooping!! I'll go take a dump, so you kids should poop too and take a break!!
Part 2[edit]
- Jun, 11‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario-sama, do you wash your clothes?
- A: Ohh! That’s a question that lets me show off my liking for cleanliness!! How’s that? Don’t be surprised when you hear it!! Once every 10 days I wash them! Well, I am quite fond of cleanliness, but I am not a clean freak!!
- Shinya, 11‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario-sama, how many times a day do you pick your nose? And why is your nose red?
- A: You are greedy!! Two questions at once!! I will only answer the first one! How many times a day do you pick your nose?! Well, I do about the same as you!! But my boogers are big and smelly! Not that I am bragging!! By the way, do you know the "Booger Pistol"? Hm? You don’t know?! I will specially teach you!! Roll up a booger, put it on the pad of your thumb, and flick it with your index finger!! It feels refreshing!!
- Tako‑maru, 14‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario-sama!! In Morning Musume, who is your favorite?? Please tell me!!!!
- A: Hey! I don’t know Morning Musume!! I don't even know Rika Ishikawa!! By the way, Ishikawa Rika is on my female fan list, though!! Maybe!!
- Chico, 12‑year‑old male
- Q: Why did Wario become immortal? Also, in the diary you eat a lot, but in the game why do you get so fat from just one apple? (laugh)
- A: You are greedy too!! Keep it to one question!! Why did I become immortal, you ask? Well, you don’t want to die, right? I don’t want to die either!! It is a special service! I will answer the other one too!! Why do I get fat from one apple? Look closely at the game! The apple looks like one, but it is actually 20 stacked together! That is why I get fat!! Those Nintendo guys made a tricky device!! If they are going to do that, they should have made it 20 plates of liver‑and‑chives instead!!
- Fugu‑tarō, 8‑year‑old male
- Q: What is your favorite food?
- A: My favorites, as I said before, are liver‑and‑chives, crepes, and curry rice!! I especially like curry rice super spicy!! But when I eat it, the next morning is painful!! My "lower mouth," that is, my anus, burns!! Be careful, Fugu‑tarō!!
- Yō‑ii, 13‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario: how many times a day do you poop?
- A: Hey! Another dirty joke?! Like everyone else in the world, it is right after eating, so about 3 times a day!! But it depends on the day and my mood! Why? Because saving it up and then letting out a big dump all at once is refreshing!!!
- Miyajii, 12‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario-sama, ever since your debut I have always wondered: why is your hat yellow? Personally, I thought a red or vermilion color like Mario’s would be fine too... I assumed it was yellow because that is your favorite color, but please reveal the truth! From me, Miyajii, age 12. If you don’t answer, I might start calling you just "Wario" without honorifics (explosion). Anyway, keep up treasure hunting and muscle training! I am starting squats now! 1, 2, 3, 4...
- A: Hey, hey! That question was too long!! Took me 30 minutes to read it!! Cut it out!! I am not as much of a time‑waster as you!! Answer: my hat has been yellow since kindergarten!! Got it?! What?! You have been calling me "Mr. Wario" until now?! I am Wario-sama! Sama! As punishment, from now on you must call me Wario‑sama‑sama!! By the way, what is that "(explosion)" in your text?! Does it mean explosive fart from your butt?! Stinky guy!! If anything, write "(buriburi)" instead!!
- Kyūji, 15‑year‑old male
- Q: What is Wario’s max bench press weight?
- A: Fungaah! Hey, hey! Now you are dropping the honorific!! As punishment, you must call me Wario‑sama‑sama‑sama!! Bench press? Hmm… probably 200 kg is easy!! Lately I have been lifting that guy Yōki I defeated, so I am not sure!!
- Shō, 10‑year‑old male
- Q: Why does Wario’s face swell up so much just from a bee sting?
- A: Again with dropping the honorific!! From now on call me Wario‑sama‑sama‑sama‑sama!! Have you never been stung by a bee? It hurts!! When stung, it hurts and swells, but I am actually allergic to bees!! That is why my face swells up like it is about to burst!! Did you catch that nice pun just now?! If it was funny, laugh without holding back!!
- Denchi‑kan, 15‑year‑old male
- Q: What kind of training should I do every day to get arms as muscular as Wario-sama's?
- A: You haven’t read "My Fun Day," have you?! If you are a Wario maniac, read it properly!! 100 push‑ups, 10 sets!! Also eat tons of liver‑and‑chives and garlic!! Then build a body with muscles as wonderful as mine!! Girls will love you!! And if you smell like garlic, they will love you even more!!!
Part 3[edit]
- S.K, 23‑year‑old female
- Q: Wario‑san says "My Relaxed Poop Time," but when I poop my stomach hurts and it is not relaxing at all. How can I relax while pooping?
- A: You have not yet mastered the Way of Poop! Try it as I teach! First, close your eyes and concentrate your mind on your butt! Then, imagine poop with good shine, good shape, good softness, good smell being released from your butt, and put strength into your lower belly and strain with buriburi!! How is it? You could relax, right?! What?! You say you cannot!! I don’t care about that! Make effort yourself to be able to relax!!
- SF289, 14‑year‑old male
- Q: We who are fans of Wario-sama, what should we do every day as proof of being fans?
- A: If you are fans of me, think for yourselves! I don’t care about such things! …That is what I want to say, but specially I will teach you one thing! Listen well and carry it out!! Every day after pooping, face the direction of the sacred place, Wario-sama's hideout (a random direction), kneel, and pray 10 times saying "Thank you every day, Wario-sama. Today too buriburi poop came out healthily." How is that! Understood!! But there is one caution! Absolutely do not let your family see you! Why? Because the location of the hideout will be revealed!!
- Aran, 11‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario‑san, when you receive attacks from enemies, your body changes in various ways, but what does it feel like?
- A: If you received attacks from enemies you would understand, but you don’t seem as tough as me! Well, if I must say, it feels like walking while doing a handstand! In short, it is painful!! If you understand, try walking on your hands!! But there is a caution! Do not vomit from feeling bad!! Because what you vomit would be wasted!!
- Kōsuge, 14‑year‑old male
- Q: What happens when Wario eats a Super Mushroom?
- A: I like matsutake mushrooms, but I dislike that poisonous‑looking colored Super Mushroom!! Once I ate 100 of them and ruined my stomach!! From the day I ate them, for one week red‑and‑white spots appeared on my body, and even in my poop red‑and‑white spots appeared!! If I had eaten another 100, without doubt I would have become a Toad?!!
- Take, 9‑year‑old male
- Q: What do you do with the treasures you collect? Do you hoard them? Do you use them partly?
- A: How I use the treasures I collect is my own business!! None of your concern! …That is what I want to say, but specially I will tell you! I use them buriburi! Mainly for food expenses! My Engel coefficient is high!! Hmm? Maybe that was a little difficult for you?!
- (Note from Nintendo: It seems he meant Engel coefficient.)
- Yocchī, 5‑year‑old male
- Q: Lord Wario, my son while playing "Wario Land Advance" always asks me a question. I don’t know either, so please answer for my son!! "The person like a professor, what is he doing?" In the scene inside the pipe where he takes a 1000‑point diamond, that professor‑like person is always thrown by Wario-sama. My son says "Mom!! Look, look, he is playing the game!" and hurriedly shows me. Certainly he was playing something like Advance. But the other gestures, I cannot clearly understand what he is doing. Please answer! From Yocchī’s mom.
- A: Hmm, a question that shows mother‑child love!! All right, I will answer!! Hmm, hmm, I don’t know!! That’s all!!
- (Note from Nintendo: Since Wario-sama said "I don’t know," we asked Professor Shitain directly.)
- Professor Shitain: Ahem! I am Professor Shitain. I also appeared in Wario Land 3! Of course you know that!! What, you don't?! Well fine, listen carefully. I am here in this pyramid for archaeological research. As you pointed out, sometimes I play games on Advance. It is a diversion during research. Please forgive me. Actually, I have other diversions too. For small children it is not good educationally, so Yocchī’s mom please explain suitably! That diversion is, though hard to say, looking at erotic books. I was turning my back and looking around nervously, but it seems I was noticed. Well, I am still a man after all!!
- Wario 3, 14‑year‑old male
- Q: Why do you see Mario as a rival? Please tell us, our hero Wario-sama.
- A: You are also my fan, right! Don't underestimate me!! From the beginning, Mario was not in my sight!! From the beginning I was already winning!!
- Chūkara, 12‑year‑old male
- Q: Poop‑flavored curry and curry‑flavored poop, which do you like?
- A: Really you guys like dirty jokes!! And I also truly love them!! Hmm? This is the ultimate choice!! Actually prepare poop‑flavored curry and curry‑flavored poop and you eat them!! Since you say "poop‑flavored," have you eaten poop before?! If you haven’t eaten it, you cannot know what "poop‑flavored" means!! And curry‑flavored poop, how is that made?! If you eat curry every day, does poop become curry‑flavored?! Problems pile up and I cannot judge!! Make it your life’s work!!
- Naohiro Nakano, 26‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario-sama, nice to meet you. I will move to the question. Wario-sama always seems lively buriburi, but even such a Wario-sama, do you ever feel depressed? If so, what kind of thing makes you depressed? Please teach me.
- A: It is becoming like life counseling!! I basically do not get depressed! If I must give one, it is when I drop money! Well, if I do buriburi poop I forget it!! You too, instead of wasting time with silly questions, do buriburi poop!! You will feel refreshed!!
- Motoki, 14‑year‑old male
- Q: Wario, which baseball team do you like?
- A: Of course the buriburi overwhelmingly strong Mariners!! Among them I especially like Sanrō!! Hmm? You say the name is different?! Whatever, as long as you understand!!
Wario-sama's closing words[edit]
- Hmm?! How is it!! My answer is wonderful, right!! It’ll be useful in your lives from now on, right!! If this were proper, I’d want you all to pay me a high fee, but I’ll make it free as a special favor!! Deeply moving, right!! Hey! That was a pun!! Notice it!!! Well then. Fungaah!!!!!
Names in other languages[edit]
| Language | Name | Meaning | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Japanese | ワリオ様の部屋[1] Wario-sama no Heya |
Wario-sama's Room |