Cyrano de Mario
|The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! live-action segment|
|"Cyrano de Mario"|
|Airdate||November 27, 1989|
|Guest star(s)||Vanna White|
|Title reference||Cyrano de Bergerac|
|Cartoon episode||"Raiders of the Lost Mushroom"|
|Zelda preview||"The Moblins are Revolting"|
|<< List of episodes >>|
"Cyrano de Mario" is the sixty-first live-action segment of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!. Its corresponding animated episode is "Raiders of the Lost Mushroom". The segment is titled after the 1897 French play Cyrano de Bergerac, which depicts a fictionalized version of the eponymous writer ghostwriting a man's poems for a woman that both of them are in love with.
Mario and Luigi are at home in Mario Brothers Plumbing, where Luigi is sitting at the table, thumbing through the day's mail. As Mario sits down next to Luigi, he asks if they received any good mail. Luigi scoffs at Mario's comment as he sifts through their many bills, some junk mail, and a ten-million dollar check from Ed McMahon. Luigi then stumbles across a nice-smelling pink envelope addressed to Mario, and presents it to him.
Upon opening up the letter, Luigi asks for Mario to read it aloud to him, and he does. The first part of the letter reads that although Mario may not remember the writer, the two of them used to be sweethearts. Luigi grabs the letter out of Mario's hands and does a double take, assuming that there may be another Mario Mario out there. Taking the letter back from Luigi, Mario continues to read it, and it says that although many years have passed, the writer still remembers the promise Mario made to her, and that she'll be in Brooklyn on Tuesday. Mario finishes reading the letter with the message signed "All my love, Roxanne".
Luigi points out that today is Tuesday, and Mario starts to panic. Luigi tells him to calm down, and asks Mario about the promise he made to Roxanne. Mario explains that one night a long time ago, he promised to marry her. Spitting his water in Mario's face, Luigi is startled by Mario's comment, and proceeds to wipe the water off Mario's face with a towel.
Later, Luigi is sitting on the couch with an afghan over his head, pretending to be Roxanne. Luigi asks Mario if he has something to tell "her", and Mario says that Roxanne's eyes are like two of Grandma Mario's special Easter meatballs. Pulling off the afghan, Luigi tells Mario that he can't tell his future wife that she resembles meatballs. Mario sobs to Luigi, claiming that he just can't really be very romantic. Luigi suggests to Mario that he simply shouldn't marry Roxanne, but Mario reminds him that he doesn't want to go back on his promise. Not knowing what else to do, Mario wishes that there was a way Luigi could talk to Roxanne for him, which gives Luigi an idea.
Sometime later, Mario finishes putting on a tie as the doorbell rings, and Roxanne enters. Mario and Roxanne greet each other, as Roxanne walks down the stairs, commenting on how it's been such a long, long, long time since they last met. Mario assures her that it certainly hasn't been a short, short, short time. As Mario tells Roxanne that she looks gorgeous, Roxanne asks him where his brother is, and Mario tells her that Luigi's away sick. Roxanne tells Mario that she's sorry to hear that, and asks if he got her letter. Mario tells her that he did, and claims that he knows why she came.
Roxanne tells Mario that she's often thought about what he said all those years ago, and Mario tells her that he's agreed to keep his promise from then as well. Mario then directs Roxanne over to a trash bin, and before he can continue his speech, he hits the trash bin, alerting the attention of Luigi, who's hiding inside. Luigi wolf whistles, and comments that Roxanne is a babe, just quietly enough so that Roxanne doesn't notice him. Mario relays this message to Roxanne, who is pleased to hear it. Luigi then says "Not that, stupid!", and Mario accidentally relays this message to Roxanne, raising her suspicions.
Getting back on track, Mario continues to relay Luigi's messages to Roxanne. He tells Roxanne that he thought about her a lot for all these years, and that her lips are like two scoops of spumoni with lipstick on them. Roxanne asks if there's an echo in the basement, and Mario wrongly interprets Luigi's "no way" as "José". Roxanne comes forward, telling Mario that although he's been very sweet, it has nothing to do with buying a bathtub at wholesale price.
Mario is shocked at what Roxanne is talking about, and Roxanne reminds him that fifteen years ago, he made a promise to her that she could buy plumbing supplies from him at wholesale prices. Mario tells her that he's relieved, because he thought she had been talking about his promise to marry her. Roxanne surprises Mario, telling him that she's happily married with five lovely children, and that since her family's adding on a bathroom, she wanted to know if he could get her a cheap bathtub. Mario tells her that it's not a problem, and Roxanne says she'll come back next week to pick one out.
Roxanne hugs Mario, says goodbye to him, then says goodbye to Luigi, whom she figured out had been hiding in the trash bin and tells him that she hopes he feels better. Luigi pops out of the trash bin to thank Roxanne as she leaves, and realizes that he blew his cover, but Mario tells him that she must've known the whole time. Luigi tells Mario that he was aware Roxanne knew the whole time, stating that only an intelligent woman would turn Mario down. Mario points out that Luigi's right, and Luigi tells Mario that's why he loves him. Luigi then kisses Mario, and the two brothers hug each other.