The 'Shroom:Issue 219/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Wahaha! I see you've found my EVIL lair! Well, you might as well come in, just be careful to avoid my cleverly devised traps. And no Fire Flowers! That'll blow the both of us sky-high!
As you can see, I'm deviously hoarding an abundance of 'Shroom sections! As a matter of fact, it's the most sections Fake News has ever had outside of Issue 200! In addition to all of our standards, Legend 8 is starting a bi-monthly section called Pyro Invents Stuff (can you guess what it's about?), and we're absolutely swimming in guest sections! We've got three News Flushes from Technetium (talk), TheBlueCatMenace, and myself, two Police Blotters from Shoey (talk) and ClawgripFan9001 (who is also gracing us with a dive into Tatanga's history in Close Encounters of the Shroom Kind), a Shop Scout from Sparks (talk), a brief reappearance of Overlook Mountain Auction House Presents, and making his 'Shroom debut, Koopa (talk) sees if the Koopa Troopas are really that bad in Investigative Research! Oh, and some Hammer Bro. left me something about how much he hates The 'Shroom? Joke's on him, it's more content for us! Plus, Boo1268 is tagging along in this month's edition of Dry Dry Data! That's a lot to unpack, so it's a good thing villains love to hear themselves talk!
Of course, what's an evil mastermind without minions? If you'd like to join the Fake News team, we're always happy to take new additions - just stop by our sign up page to find everything you need to get started! Or if you don't want to commit to a regular section, you can send a one-off directly to me with no application necessary! Police Blotter? News Flush? Shop Scout? Something else entirely? The choice is yours!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a rich heiress and some railroad tracks, so I'll leave you to read these sections. Enjoy them... EVILLY! (And don't forget to vote in the Community Awards!)
Section of the Month
Congratulations to TheBlueCatMenace and ClawgripFan9001 for taking first place with their collab in The Sunshine Travel Guide, covering their rediscovery of the Lost Mangroves, and thank you for voting Dear Waluigi Time into a shared first as well! Boo1268 comes in right behind them with the history of magic in the Mushroom Kingdom and the influence of the Magikoopas in The Spectral Lens. Please be sure to keep supporting our writers and their work, every vote counts!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 9 | 17.31% | TheBlueCatMenace & ClawgripFan9001 |
| 1st | Dear Waluigi Time | 9 | 17.31% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 3rd | The Spectral Lens | 8 | 15.38% | Boo1268 |
Written by: Red Ninjakoopa (talk)
(The following ad was rejected from the classifieds section for being too long; the clients simply couldn’t afford the lofty price tag with the legal fees they are facing. Perhaps they should’ve asked for a lawyer instead. Regardless, Technetium decided to publish their submission here for your entertainment. All she asks in return is that you don’t help these idiots out.)
Yo! Red Ninjakoopa here, leader of the Nice Good Great Wonderful Excellent Koopa Bros.! Well, we’re the Koopa Rangers now actually. And that makes me Koopa Red… It’s honestly not as cool… But what can we do here? We got SUED!
These Mutant Ninja Sentai Nokonokoman guys showed up one day and claimed we committed copyright infringement on them! They said they came up with the whole team of four ninja turtles concept first and that we had to rebrand or disband. Of course we weren’t having that, so we decided to duke it out instead! But Green Ninjakoopa just had to get off balance and topple our tower…that wasn’t cool. And then we had to move to the Toad Town Tunnels…
Anyway! It was then that I came up with the brilliant and super cool idea of welcoming a new member to the team: Kylie Koopa! Can’t be Koopa Bros. with a girl on the team. So we’re the Koopa Rangers now. Issue solved! And Kylie even told us she didn’t join to get "the big scoop for a juicy article or anythin'."
But the addition of Koopa Pink just brought more trouble, because we somehow got another copyright infringement accusation? From these so-called Axem Rangers?! Same story there, now we have to rebrand again…
Then, an idea struck me while watching this TV show. We just have to change our color scheme to not match them, right? Because Kylie’s “magenta” shell is still pink, yeah? But the team on this show had all our colors, except that they had a blue guy instead of green. Honestly, green is such an uncool color. Like, every other Koopa has a green shell. Get some originality! Soooo I fired Green Ninjakoopa. I mean Koopa Green. Whatever!
That’s where YOU come in. Are you a Koopa? Do you have a blue shell? Oh yeah! Join the Koopa Rangers, and you’ll be the coolest of cool! As long as your name isn’t Kooper. If you’re reading this Kooper, we still haven’t forgiven you and we never will!
But we’re getting kinda desperate here. There’s just no cool options! All we’ve found are a guy who smells bad, a guy who’s dead, and a guy who claims to have a “Blue Shell” when it’s actually a Spiny Shell (blue).
And don’t even think about just buying a blue shell. No, you gotta buy Fuzzies and steal that rat Kooper’s shell for yourself!
Anyway please join we have pizza.
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: MightyMario, Boo1268, and Flygon64
Dear Waluigi Time
A few days ago, King Bowser commanded me- er, asked me kindly to investigate the appearance of Mario in the Koopa Kingdom. Naturally, I used my wand to rewind time, and to my surprise, there were no sight of Mario or his green sibling anywhere on our grounds. However, I later discovered garlic and yellow fibers around the castle. There's been an unbearable stench that yours truly keeps getting blamed for, and there's been weird noises and grunts echoing in the halls. Am I going crazy or is there someone hiding within our castle walls that could be confused for our sworn enemy, I mean uh, neutral acquaintance?
-Kamek
The symptoms are telltale. It sounds like you have an infestation of the common wah, a bizarre creature with an uncanny albeit warped resemblance to the famed Mario. Luckily, there's an easy way to deal with this issue!
You see, the common wah loves treasures of all kinds, and is likely searching the castle for goodies as we speak. That makes it easy to trap one, but as we all know, treasure lying out in the open is very suspicious! You'll need to put in some extra legwork to pull it off, so I'm thinking it's time for some renovation. Expand the castle with a convoluted maze, scattering treasures in various places farther inside. You may also need to put some items of lower value closer to the maze entrance, something good enough to entice the common wah to explore further, but not so good that it's suspicious. Once you're sure the issue is contained to the maze, simply wall it off from the rest of the castle and ignore it! What could be easier?
Dear Waluigi Time, I have made SEVERAL attempts to steal the Blue Diamond, first with robotic pants and now with robot gnomes. Trust me, it's more interesting than it sounds. But no matter what I do, that inventor and his STUPID DOG always get in my way. Now I'm on the run from the law, and I still don't have my diamond OR MY REVENGE! What do you suppose I do? -From Feathers McGraw
Sounds like you've fallen for the common villain trap of constant variations of evil schemes for the same goal. Kind of like a certain turtle who keeps trying to kidnap a certain princess and inevitably gets trounced by the same certain plumber every single time! Basically what I'm saying is, switch it up. This whole "Blue Diamond" business sounds like it's not working out for you. Oh, and maybe give up on the revenge thing too? I know, I know, it's not easy to let go of whoever ruined your scheme that one time - or one hundred times - but it's better not to get your arch-nemesis who constantly thwarts you involved if you can help it, you know? Please refer back to the turtle example.
By the way, did you know that there are plenty of other places where you can get diamonds? Some of them don't even require stealing! Sure, it's not particularly villainous to acquire them fair and square, but who wants the authorities on their tail anyway? That's just annoying. Plus it makes it easier to sell them afterward if you're just after buckets of cash. There's plenty of diamonds (and other valuables!) hiding underground if you yearn for the mines, as the kids say these days. Maybe putting that much sweat into it doesn't appeal to you, but if you really think about it, it sounds like you're already putting a lot of sweat into it and ending up worse off, so what have you got to lose?
Deer Waluigi Time,
Stop staring at my headlights, I have serious business that needs to be dealt with and you're blocking the road. I'm carbon footprintmaxxing and you fantastical fauna of Gaia keep cramping my laissez faire cartoon villainy aesthetic, bro. Mr. Incompetens Negotiumidae, if you're gonna just be a nuisance, could you, like, pollute your own ecosystem for me? That would specifically only serve to make me feel good, which is the raison d'etre of all life. Displease and damn you!
P.S. I have attached subliminal factory smog to this note, you will experience the sensation of your lungs being filled with smoke with the destructive force of an irreverent oil tycoon's business decisions.
--Immorally, unethically, Robotnik.
You know pollution is like, one of the worst villainous plans you can have, right? What's the point of conquering a populace if you're just going to make them sick and can't force them to do whatever you feel like or at least just have fun ruling with an iron fist? Plus, you have to live in it! Sure, maybe your evil lair has nice filtered air, but you gotta leave to buy groceries at some point. Really, the only way you make it out on top of this is if you're selling canned air to the populace, but there's got to be better evil ways to make money.
Have you considered an alternative form of dystopian domination? One that I like is enforcing silly and humiliating dress codes on the poor saps unlucky enough to be under your thumb. Everyone is forced to wear ridiculous hats? Sure. Mismatched socks? Why not. Animal-themed neckties? Absolutely! Obviously, don't do this to your own minions, because it'll just make you look dumb. You want your enforcers to look cool next to the 20-year old guy on the subway wearing a comically long fake beard. That's what I would do if I took over the world, anyway. Not that I've thought a lot about it...
(And joke's on you, I've built up an immunity to industrial fumes! I almost never get hallucinations from them anymore!)
Looks like I have more business than I can handle! Questions are temporarily restricted to first-time submitters only while I work through the backlog. If you've never sent in a question before and have one that you'd like answered, stop by the forum thread for this section, or contact me on my talk page!
Written by: Boo1268
The Dark History of the Dark Star
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. Summer is finally here, my friends! And apparently that means BAD GUYS! Big bads, small bads, and medium bads aplenty! Maybe even some minor annoyances here and there. Even still, villains have taken over The ‘Shroom this month and want their fair share of the action! As such, I figured it would be fitting to recall a topic I teased back during issue 213 regarding the history and ruthless conquest of a certain Dark Star. So now I reckoned would be the best time to go into the sinister history behind said Dark Star and the shadow of terror it inflicted upon Star Haven many years ago. So with that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
Our story begins not too long after issue 213 as my curiosity regarding the battle that took place between the Dark Star and the Star Spirits (mainly Mastar) began to fester. However, other topics seemingly got in the way, alongside the fact I was on an adventure where I was transported to a mystical world with seemingly no way back for what felt like a month. So suffice to say, I had gotten a fair bit distracted and had my mind on other things at the time. But now, I had the perfect opportunity to come back to this topic and finally have a chance to cover it. And so, with that in mind, after lots of research and a few interviews, I had gotten at least a somewhat full picture of the Dark Star’s history, so here's what I found.
In regards to the Dark Star’s creation, not much is known about it. I tried my best to examine pages upon pages of history regarding the Dark Star’s background, but only found information sourcing back to when the star was first discovered! But I kept searching, however in the end I only ended up with more questions than answers, since upon further investigation I discovered that the Dark Star was apparently not the only Dark Star that exists! Some legends say that there was a foe just as powerful known only to ancient warriors as Dark Star X, however even information on this supposed “member” to the Dark Star is EXTREMELY inconsistent! Some recounts claim it to appear red with blue eyes, while others claim it to be golden yellow with PINK eyes! And while I normally could sort through the tall tales to find truth in the stories and then use said info to my advantage, in regards to my current mystery, in this case since the stories were SO inconsistent I couldn't find any info I could ACTUALLY USE! So in the end, ALL THIS RESEARCH WAS FOR NOTHING! After calming down for a bit, I pushed the tall tales aside and decided to get back on track focusing on the Dark Star’s history, and since I couldn't find anything in regards to its creation I decided to start with its first recounted origins.
Many years ago, a legend had foretold that an ancient star that was brimming with ancient power was located deep underneath the earth. Some years later, the once-new Mushroom Kingdom had built its land upon that very spot where the star laid, hoping to discover this ancient star lost to time. A young archeologist, known today as Professor Toadscavation the 2nd or Professor Toad for short, unveiled the ancient star alongside his fellow archeologists. The Toads hoped that this ancient star would be a newfound source of good for the kingdom and bring prosperity for ages to come! However, this would not come to pass, as the star that they unearthed would come to bring nothing but chaos upon the land. Terrorising all it came near, corrupting the land and all that it touched, this entity, described as seemingly being born from the negativity, darkness, and hatred of the world, would come to be known by one name, and that name was the Dark Star. This evil entity was described as being able to single-handedly DESTROY the Mushroom Kingdom in one fell swoop. After its release, many citizens of the kingdom were soon feeling terror at the sight of this dark demon, with its terrible Cosmic Clones attacking whoever they were copied after. Its Dark Satellmites were sent out to fight the would-be-heroes of the land, the weaker beings giving them hope they could triumph. But upon a hero defeating a Satellmite, the Satellmite would explode, taking the hero with it and depriving the desperate peoples of their hope through its dirty tactics. Overall, the kingdom was in a state of panic and fear at the sight of the Dark Star, but destroying the Mushroom Kingdom seemingly wasn’t enough for it, for soon after departing from the mangled remains of the Mushroom Kingdom, it took to the Stars with a vendetta on its mind.
Sad Fact: Similar to how normal Stars take power from positive emotions, Ztars take power from negative emotions such as anger, hate, and misery.
Quickly then after, the Dark Star attempted to take over all of the Star Haven by corrupting young Stars with its hatred and malice and turning them into his own personal minions, the Ztars.The Dark Star, now with its own army, had taken full control over the mystical haven, with only Mastar barely being able to escape the Dark Star’s grasp. However, he was very wounded from the battle they had and it would take some time for him to recover. Meanwhile, Mastar’s son Eldstar had taken it upon himself to form a small resistance against the Dark Star, with multiple battles that took place between the “Resistars” and the “Dark Army”. The Resistars were a small resistance made up of a congregation of Stars working together to fight off against the Dark Star’s Dark Army. These members consisted of several Stars, but some of the more notable ones were the Soda Star with his ability to cure all aliments mainly petrification, which was common among the Ztars’ powers; the Bean Star with its mystical power alongside its easy to set off temper making it an invaluable member of the team strength-wise; Sutakichi with his impressive ability to create power-ups that would be able to aid them in battle; and finally, a young Eldstar who lead the charge to protect not only the last of the Star Children, but the mother of all Stars herself. The battle between the two factions would last weeks upon weeks at a time, until finally the day came when a strange little Shaman girl would save the day by uniting all the members of her small town to give Mastar the power to take back his home (but you already know that story). However, I never truly knew how that fight went down, so thankfully I was honored to have the chance to interview Eldstar, leader of the Star Spirits HIMSELF, to recount the harsh battle and how it almost ended with the Resistars’ elimination.
Soon after all my research, I found myself craving for more info in regards to this mystical battle that took place between the two factions. Some time later, I was able to set up an interview with Eldstar himself! (Even now, I still don't know how I managed that. I guess that my wish for an interview came true!) Then I spoke to Eldstar about this event in history, and he recounted the following:
“It had been several weeks since the first attack upon the Haven. The Star Rod was lost to that foul fiend and the road was blocked off to all that could have entered. We held up operations at the Comet Observatory, but at that point we had already lost so many resistance members to the darkness. Even the best of us were not spared from its corruption. However, we kept pursuing onward as we kept out hope that we would be saved. Suddenly, the Dark Star launched a full scale assault towards the observatory! We were completely taken by surprise as the army overwhelmed us! I tried my best to fight back, firing mini star blasts and wish beams at the oncoming Ztars! However, they replied with their own fury of mini Ztars being launched right back at me! I ducked for cover. Soda Star and Skolar were next to me also, shielding themselves from the barrage of mini Ztars coming our way. Then when the moment was right, I made my move. Skolar rained down stars upon them, severely damaging them as I moved forward to continue my attack. Skolar continued to cover me until eventually he was hit by one of the Ztar’s petrification spells! Just then, when it seemed things couldn't get any worse, the Dark Star itself arrived without even breaking a sweat. The star single-handedly defeated all of us, even managing to temporarily take me down. After taking care of us, the star planned on corrupting the star mother, and all of us by proxy. As the being slowly made its way towards the library, at that moment I believed all was lost…Then in a barrage of brilliant flashing light, my father suddenly arrived! Seemingly powered by a multitude of wishes, he sent out a humongous wave of light that went out in ALL directions! Suddenly before my very eyes, all the Ztars that had been attacking us began to turn back to normal, all of my friends and family restored to their former glory. At that moment, the Dark Star knew it was outmatched, and with the few remaining members it had left, fled for the time being. At that moment, I knew that we had won the battle, but not yet the war.”
Some time after this great battle, the Haven began to recover from the tragedy that befell them. But the battle between the Star Spirits and the Dark Star was far from over, as it would only be a matter of time before the Dark Star would attack again. Thankfully, Mastar had a plan, and it involved his newfound friend Merlumina.
Over the next few days, Madam Merlar told the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom about what had occurred thanks to the efforts of all the citizens of Shiver City, and stated that, “If what we accomplished with just one town could help just one star so immensely, then Imagine what could occur with a whole KINGDOM wishing for a better tomorrow and giving the spirits our HOPE?”. But alas, it all seemed to be for nothing, for the kingdom’s citizens had all but given up hope when the Demon Star attacked, and why wouldn't they? Their homes were destroyed, lives had been lost, and even the mighty Stars were unable to fully fight back against the Shadowy Star and his minions. Even if they were on the ropes, they only succeeded by chance. At this point, the kingdom (or rather what remained of it) was left in a pit of despair… But one man refused to give up, and that man was King Toadstool. At the time, the former King of the Mushroom Kingdom was known for being a bit crazy (possibly due to a medical condition he had), but the citizens and even HIS WIFE thought he had fully gone off the deep end. But it was at this very moment that the King gave a speech that would go down in history as one of his greatest. “My Toads and non-Toad citizens, I know that times may be tough for us all right now, but in the darkest hour of our life when all seems lost, and even when we wallow in a pit of our own despair and sadness, we all must remember that even a tiny glimmer of hope can pave the way to great things. And so, in our darkest hour, I will be that hope. But now you must all decide, will you be as hopeful as I am? Or will you submit to the darkness? So? WHO’S WITH ME!?” Then in an enormous roar, all the citizens rallied together and began putting their hopes and dreams into wishes that powered up not just the Star Spirits, but ALL the adult stars in Star Haven. Quickly then after, the final fight began.
Speaking of, sometime before the crown's rediscovery, the fiendish Beanish known as Fawful wished to harness the supreme power of the Dark Star for himself so that he alone could take over not just the Mushroom Kingdom, but also the Koopa and Beanbean Kingdoms! However, thanks to the Mario Brothers Red and Green, and surprisingly enough, Bowser the Koopa King, the three heroes were able to stop Fawful's invasion and the Dark Star once and for all, even after the two had combined into a monstrous form, and the kingdoms have been safe ever since. So remember, dear readers, that even during the darkest of times when it seems as if the forces of evil have truly won and there is no way out, always remember to have even just a little bit of hope, because simply put, it can have a huge impact later down the line. So always have a bit of hope dear readers, even when all seems lost. And so, with that, our story ends. I hope you all enjoyed this very special summer issue of The Spectral Lens! I had a lot of fun writing it for you all, however I will say this one had to be the hardest to write so far, so I really hope you all enjoy it! Make sure to check out all the other special villain-based stories and games going on during this issue, and I hope you all have a very sinister summer! If you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I'm always willing to look into some very villainous history on what you chaps suggest! So don't be afraid to give me suggestions. And with that, I say: Merci, au revoir, and happy Summer Issue! And to all you villains out there, stay sinister.
Written by: Wallace Ulysses
Waaaa!!! Hello there, Waluigi lovers from all Wah-lks of life! This is Wallace Ulysses, ready to report more Waluigi-themed news in celebration of the unofficial Year of Waluigi, since Nintendo can’t be bothered to officially celebrate our favorite purple troublemaker’s twenty-fifth anniversary themselves, since they seem to be busy prioritizing more half-baked goals such as selling the Nintendo Switch 2 and any accompanying launch titles for high prices in exchange for low quality, firing Mrs. Samantha Kelly without her knowledge, and other unethical yet economical mayhem.
So why not try and unwind from the chaos in your silly real world by listening to the Waluigi-themed news I managed to uncover for you all today? This news was sent my way by the editor of the Mushroom City crime blotter. Seems that our beloved menace in purple is up to no good as usual, since a nightclub in Mushroom City was burnt to the ground the other night, and the owner claimed that Waluigi, under the alias of “Longshanks Wallis”, was responsible for this act of arson. Eyewitnesses report that the night before the torchsong tale occurred, Waluigi got into an argument with the nightclub owner over being too loud while making use of the nightclub’s dance floor, and subsequently criticized Waluigi’s dancing skills.
In an act of blind rage-fueled revenge, Waluigi allegedly returned to the nightclub while it was closed down the following night, broke into the building, soaking all the floors of the place in gasoline before using a Fire Flower to transform into Fire Waluigi and ultimately setting the nightclub ablaze with a single Fireball.
Waluigi himself has obviously denied the allegations, issuing the following statement: “Twenty Shy Guys’ll state that Waluigi was nowhere to be seen near the nightclub at the alleged time of the incident, and that Waluigi was in his room at the Waldough-Arantula Hotel in Spamhattan, Mushroom City all night.”
Mushroom City Police Department spokeswoman Moriel Eukaryo has commented on Waluigi’s denial of the allegations, saying that: “It’s quite frankly to be expected of a rabble-rouser such as Waluigi to deny being responsible for an act of arson that took place the night after he got into an argument with the owner of the establishment that was the target of that same act of arson. Unless we receive any hard evidence that proves Waluigi’s innocence, he will remain the prime suspect in this case.”
Shortly after Mushroom City Police Department officials got wind of the incident, Waluigi was wanted for questioning, but Waldough-Arantula Hotel staffing informed them that he’d left the morning after the incident had taken place and left Mushroom City altogether, increasing suspicion towards the purple troublemaker’s involvement in the incident. Mushroom City Police Department is giving out a 500,000 Coin bounty to whoever can find, capture and turn in “Longshanks Wallis”, believed to be an alias of Waluigi, alive.
Wah-ha! You never fail to disappoint us with your twisted ways, Waluigi! Do keep up the good work out there! So that’s about all the Waluigi-themed news I’ve got for you today, as we wrap up the first half of the Year of Waluigi! Join me, Wallace Ulysses next month, as we enter the second half of the Year of Waluigi with more news dedicated to our Wah-nderful Count of Chaos!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk) and Boo1268
Hello, dear readers, and welcome to another edition of Dry Dry Data; hopefully, it’s not your first… I’m DryBonesBandit, your host, and today I’m joined by another wonderful writer, Boo1268 the Fancy Phantom! Recently, we headed over to the Dozing Sands, to do research on the drillheaded Torkscrew, the only known member of the Floundrill species (exercitātiōnēs lacertam). Join us in these dream-filled dunes and learn about this large leviathan.
The Adventure
When I was planning for this issue, I struggled with finding what to write about. I’d heard that the ‘Shroom had a theme of villains for next month's issue, but the nature of my section didn’t help with finding a subject to fit, since most villains are common members of their kind. However, the Fancy Phantom came to my rescue. He had heard about my dilemma and wanted to cash in a favor he had promised the Pi'illoper some time ago, so to kill two Pidgits with one stone, he came up with the suggestion of Torkscrew, a large horned horror that attacked citizens of Pi'illo Island while the Mario brothers were adventuring there on vacation.
We both obtained tickets for a blimp ride to the Pi'illo Blimport, and the following day we rode a ship called Naptune IV to our destination. Landing safely, we headed through Wakeport (where we met Boo’s friend) and Mushrise Park, finally arriving in the Dozing Sands.
Hello there, dear chaps! Boo1268 chiming in here to give some more insight. So, after me and my good fellow DryBonesBandit here made our way to Dozing Sands to meet up with my old colleague, the Pi'illoper, I properly introduced DryBones to him and vice versa. After introductions were out of the way, my old friend explained his favor to us. You see, after Mario and Luigi's adventures on the island, their adventure was chronicled as the Dream Stone Disaster, and after such events, Pi'illoper wanted to be sure to recount everything that occurred since it was now a part of Pi'illo history. As such, during their adventures, the plumbers came in contact with a vile creature known as Torkscrew in these very sands, and after its defeat, some eyewitnesses recalled that the beast lost its drill-like horn, and now he had tasked us with finding the missing horn to add it to his relic room.
DryBones back! So, after we talked to the Pi'illoper, we ended up using Boo’s connections to get access to the Drilldigger, a drill great for desert navigation. We made our way to this large, red boulder that was in our way; taking advantage of the Drilldigger, we tried to go right through it. However, the drill bounced right off, and the big rock began to move, revealing to us that it wasn’t a chunk of stone and rather a large, angry Floundrill. I wanted to get closer, to look at the specimen up close; take it away, Boo!
Hello chaps, Boo1268 again here to give some more insight. You see, as we approached the large Floundrill, we noticed that there was a chunk of gold material located on top of its head, which I figured was strange; however, we quickly deduced that this large Floundrill was in fact Torkscrew! As Dry quietly moved closer to inspect the beast, I noticed not too far away from it was its lost horn! Slowly, I made my way over to the horn and put it into my satchel to give to the Pi'illoper in around an hour. That was, until I heard a commotion coming in the direction of where DryBonesBandit was… anywho, back to you Mr. Bandit!
As Boo said, there was a bit of a situation near me! I tried to get closer to Torkscrew to investigate it when suddenly the beast noticed me and attacked me! I ran towards the Drilldigger for safety but then Torkscrew attacked the Drilldigger with me on it, causing irreparable damage and destroying our vehicle. I was thrust from the platform into a wall, where I was knocked out. From what Boo told me, Torkscrew tried to attack me once again but caused the ground to break and all of us fell down the resulting hole to a cavernous area; Torkscrew ended up falling into a different cavern, and we didn’t catch a glimpse of him afterwards. That problem was solved, but we were faced with another; there was no exit! (Oh, and I woke up after an hour or two.)
As me and DryBonesBandit found ourselves stuck in the caverns, we assessed our options; firstly, climbing was out, seeing as the cave was too deep; second, we couldn't just wander the caves randomly, seeing as how we'd probably be lost further! Our only option was to try and find a clear exit out of the cavern. Luckily, I saw one! A path shone with daylight in the horizon (or at the time what I thought was daylight) so, seemingly with no other options to escape, we made our way through the tunnel only to find a cavern filled to the brim with crystals that shined a luminescent light! However that was not the only thing that lurked in this cave with us, as DryBones can attest to.
Those really were some beautiful crystals… back on topic though! We stepped into the “crystal cavern”, to find a large amount of “Dozing Ore”. We heard a noise behind us; when we turned around, we were greeted by a whole bunch of multicolored Flounderflages! Not even stopping for a second, we ran. I got tired quickly, and tripped on some rocks; before the fish caught up to us, heavy footsteps nearby caused them to scurry off in fear. I did not want to be unprepared for another Torkscrew attack, so I grabbed the nearest weapon I could (which turned out to be a Flounderflage that fainted from fear, as I noticed after we’d gone home already; I got a new pet!) and waited for a fight. A few seconds later, the source of the noise came in, which was a large, purple Floundrill. It must have heard the commotion, but seeing us, two undead folk, it seemed disappointed; I think it wanted to eat us, but being dead and all, we were inedible. It turned around and drilled away; lucky for us, the tunnel led to a higher cavern, which further led to an exit. I put my weapon in my bag and we entered the Floundrill-sized hole.
After returning from the caverns with the horn in tow, we gave the prize to the Pi'illoper and recounted our tale. After we had finished, he had but one comment, “If you really needed a way to escape, why didn't you both just fly out?” ...It was at that very moment that me and Dry (who collapsed on the spot after hearing that) both realized how foolish we really were, not even thinking of just flying out of the cavern in the first place! Suffice to say, we spent the rest of our trip embarrassed by how idiotic we had both been...
The Analysis
So, this may be surprising for you to hear, but Floundrills… are fish! Okay, you probably deduced that from the name “Floundrill”...
Floundrills are a large species of flounder that adapted to live on land, especially in harsh, arid environments. Their scaly bodies are roundish, with scales of red or purple color (though I wouldn’t rule green out, considering their close relative, Flounderflage, has a green color), underbellies of a lighter color like coral or yellow, a large maw with pointed teeth, clawed hands and feet (no legs!), and, as their most prominent feature, and one of their namesakes, a single metallic horn both resembling and functioning like a drill. Their claws are always black, and their height is around seven yards. Over time, they lost their gills, leaving them with a smooth body.
They are an aggressive carnivorous species, found only in the Dozing Sands of Pi'illo Island. While they normally eat Caccacs (which are actually animals that evolved to resemble cacti), they will also eat Shelltops, Durapurls (a rare treat), and, if desperate, Flounderflages. A Floundrill will eat anything made of meat that it finds, so don’t cross its path if you are not a plant or are not dead. In other regards, Floundrills are territorial loners who take one spot as their own and defend it from others, including opposing Floundrills, as implied by fossil records near the Dozing Sands. They are quite vicious and tend to use their claws in combat.
If you want my professional opinion on what to do when you’re faced with a Floundrill, it’s spelled R-U-N. Now, let’s read about their history, courtesy of the Fancy Phantom!
History
Many years ago, an ancestor of Flounderflages lived in an environment not too unfamiliar from normal sea life, with underwater sand dunes littered with plenty of tasty hermit crabs and other small creatures for them to eat. However, over the years, the watery dunes slowly but surely arose from the sea, as the land began to form what would eventually become Pi'illo Island.
As such, many species that still lived in the dunes and other parts of the island had to adapt to their surroundings, thus leading to Flounderflages coming to be over generations in a similar way to Cheep Cheeps gaining the ability to live on land; over time, Flounderflages lost the ability to swim or breathe underwater, unlike Cheep Cheeps. This new evolution and environment came with its own challenges; not only the appearance of the once abundant Pi'illodactyls who hunted the green Flounderflages especially due to their bright green scales, making them easiest to see when not camouflaged, but also the transition to land and constant eruptions from the once active Mount Pajamaja lead to a plentiful amount of hard volcanic rocks forming and appearing throughout the Dozing Dunes.
While some Flounderflages either tolerated the constant falling of rocks or adapted to burrow into the sand to avoid the rocks turning them into flounder pancakes, one subspecies of Flounderflage took a different path. This Flounderflage evolved to gain a drill-shaped horn it mainly used to bust open rocks that laid in its path, alongside busting open the tough shells of many Durapurls that once littered the area many years ago. However, due to the once vast amount of rocks and food present in the era decreasing, only one recorded member of this species has been accounted for in the wild.
The Floundrills’ hulking size, strength and power make it a dominant predator among the sand dunes. However, rumors over the years have surfaced that another member of this species exists! It recently has been dubbed Torkscrew X, seemingly an even STRONGER member that's theorized to have become so strong due to it many years before the original Torkscrew! (This rumor has now been confirmed, and now TWO Floundrills are documented!)
Fun Fact: Did you know that the reason Torkscrew is named how he is is mainly because of the screw of the same name? In fact, the horn of Torkscrew is made of the same metal as normal torkscrews! The same goes with Torkscrew X, who has the same material in its horn.
The End
Thanks for reading this section! I’m very happy to have collaborated with someone for the first time in Dry Dry Data history. A big thanks to Boo1268 for helping me out! Make sure to suggest something for the next issue here or here, and have a good one!
Boo1268 here! Just wanted to say farewell, my friends! I hope you enjoyed it and as I always say: Merci, au revoir.
Written by: Legend 8
It is a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and our antilogical heroes-
Kroop: Pyro! What's going on? What did you do?! That's not our regular section title up there!
Pyro: That is correct. But this is not about us anyways. Move over, I need to summon a BIIIGGG advert poster! Heehehehe...
Pyro summons a BIIIGGG advert poster that Kroop is barely able to dodge:
Pyro: Heeey! Kroop, I said you should write a positive review! You little traitor! You don't even listen to me when I force you to!
Mushroom Tribune
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
This article sourced from the Mushroom Tribune, a sister publication serving the Toad Town metropolitan area with local news which goes uncovered by the national networks.
Rising International Musician Mamu's History As Wart Revealed
The world tour of rising musical star Mamu has been temporarily suspended as controversy erupts over Dream Insider's report that Mamu is, in fact, the former conqueror of Dream Land, Wart. The tabloid-journal released a bombshell report on Wednesday in which Froggifer, a former member of Wart's frog choir, asserted that Mamu is in fact Wart performing under a pseudonym, adding that members of the frog choir were pressured by both their boss and other industry insiders to keep Mamu's true identity under wraps at risk of being blacklisted from the industry. After finishing a performance at the Dream Depot on Wednesday night, Mamu's representatives put out a statement that, on a doctor's advice, a performance scheduled for Friday was cancelled, and that the musician's tour would be suspended until further notice. Disgruntled ticket holders have voiced skepticism over the explanation, noting that Mamu's vocals were in top form at the Dream Depot concert and speculating that the suspension's true purpose is to allow Mamu to avoid in-person appearances at the height of this controversy.
According to the full report by Dream Insider, after his twice-thwarted conquest of Subcon, Wart retreated to Koholint Island, hiding out in a pond beneath the Signpost Maze. There, he began practicing singing in order to pass the time, with other frogs coming to investigate and soon joining him in song. Realizing he had a path to amassing wealth and fame, but couldn't afford to emerge under his real name, Wart adopted the pseudonym "Mamu" and formed a frog choir before breaking into the music scene. The tabloid-journal backed its claims not only with the attestations of Froggifer, but also by speaking with Birdo, a former general of Wart's who confirmed that Mamu and Wart looked to be one-and-the-same, and by speaking to Toadofsky, who confessed he had learned of Mamu's identity as Wart during a period of collaboration.
For his part, Mamu has previously claimed he "was originally a no-name amphibian trilling in the frog pond on Koholint before we got our big break", claiming to always have been a resident of Koholint Island. Mamu has not yet responded to the claims of his past as Wart directly, instead putting the following statement:
My past, whatever it may be, should not matter to who I am now. I am Mamu the musician, and with my choir, we bring joy around the world, making listeners feel more alive. Never have I deceived anyone about who I am. I am exactly who I present myself to be. The past is gone. Why bring it up?
These revelations have come with an eruption of controversy, with the public and numerous prominent figures inside and outside of the music industry debating the relevance of Mamu's past as Wart to his current career and how the performer should be viewed in light of his history. Supporters of the musician contend that the tabloid has unnecessarily dredged up the past, that Mamu has proven himself to be reformed and deserves to continue with his new life, and that punishing Mamu now by dragging his past to the forefront will only cause former criminals to see no value in bettering themselves because they will always be haunted by their actions. Among these supporters is Toadofsky, who reached out to The Subcon Standard to make the following statement:
If there is to be any talk of deception, let it fall squarely upon those mudslingers behind that tabloid, who told me that my words would be confidential! I have worked with Mamu. I have seen his frog choir work masterfully, so much so that I invited them to impart their knowledge on the tadpoles of Tadpole Pond. He is a talented musician, and you can see now the results of exposing his past to the world. They treat it as a black mark on his record, not seeing that he is changed. He is no longer a conqueror, but an artist. He chose to keep his past as Wart hidden so that it would not overshadow his music, and now, his past revealed, overshadow his music it has. It is shameful. This should not even be a discussion!
Those voicing support for Dream Insider argue that its editors fulfilled the mission of all journalists, revealing information hidden from the public's eye so that a public figure can be held accountable. Many Subconians have called for the public to abandon Mamu and his music, pointing out that, as Wart, he escaped any punishment for his crimes, and arguing that he should not be allowed to walk freely and profit from his music. They also point to concerns with Mamu using his influence to pressure those around him to stay quiet about his past, citing the potential harm of such a power imbalance. Shireikan, assistant to His Royal Highness, put out the following statement in response to the controversy:
It is reprehensible that the monster who invaded our lands would not only be allowed to walk freely, but to be treated as a celebrity all the while deceiving the public by assuming a false identity! No conqueror should be allowed to stand without accountability for their crimes. It is madness that nobody until this week had the integrity to expose this lie and reveal Wart for what he truly is - a toad trying to escape the consequences of his own actions. Why should Subconians cheer the one who unleashed all manners of monsters and nightmares upon them? Do they not have a right to the truth, to choose who to support and who to condemn? I applaud those who pierced Wart's veil, and may he now reap what he has sown.
While the debate over the revelations of Mamu's true identity rages, we turn to two of our long-time correspondents, Hooded Pitohui and Shoey, for perspective on this story.
|
Okay, look, let me set the record straight here. I'm not going to sit here and say that Dream Insider shouldn't have reported on this. While not, perhaps, in possession of the greatest reputation, it did what any publication would and reported the truth. We need a press which is free and able to arm the public with truth. But while I do not condemn the report itself, I must question the response to it, and the methods behind this reporting. If Mamu has changed - and he has, not only his name, but in his conduct - then why should we hold his past against him? He is contributing to society as an artist. He is productive, happy, and makes thousands of others happy. Is that not the goal? Do we not seek to rehabilitate, rather than punish? Shireikan and others in his camp claim that Mamu was not punished for his past, but is being forced into hiding on Koholint not a punishment all its own? Isolation, uncertainty, and to be detested by the public, that is punishment enough. There are so many who will vouch that he has changed, and there is no reason we shouldn't believe them. |
| Let the past be reported, but do not dwell on it. Do not sensationalize this story and fuel controversy. This is not a story of deception, but a success story, a tale of a toad who was once - once - a criminal, now possessed of a change of heart. While I defend the right of Dream Insider to publish this story, I cannot see any explanation for them framing this as some deceptive ploy to gain wealth and status other than an attempt to smear Mamu and generate debate to boost circulation. This could have been presented in a more neutral fashion, in cooperation with Mamu rather than behind his back. A more responsible publication would have done just that, but instead, we are plunged into a wholly unnecessary controversy which could dim this rising star, which could derail this story of a toad working towards redemption, and all so one tabloid can profit. I can only hope that the public, in its wisdom, will come to recognize that "Wart" no longer matters, and that it is time to let the past be left in the past. | |
|
First of all, I must applaud the courageousness and integrity of Dream Insider for revealing Mamu's true identity as the notorious would-be dream dictator Wart. I understand that such a decision may not be popular in the music industry and that, while it was the right thing to do, it has caused the publication unjust damage to their reputation within the industry. But they strove to do the right thing, and I must applaud them for taking a reputational hit to alert us that one of the most popular musicians was really a dangerous criminal. And let's call a spade a spade. You may believe that Wart is a brilliant musician, and you might even think he's a musical genius, but that does not change the fact that Wart not only twice waged a war of conquest against the people of Subcon, even to the point of bringing in the dangerous 8-Bit mercenary group to terrorize Subcon's people, but he also waged an unsuccessful attempt to kidnap our own beloved Mushroom King! Are these the crimes that can be forgiven just because he happens to be good at music? If Wart wishes to continue his music career, I'm sure that Shireikan will be happy to allow him to continue to write songs from the comfort of his jail cell where he should spend the rest of his life. |
| Now, I must turn my attention to the wider music industry, who I must express a profound disappointment in. From the time they discovered the true identify of "Mamu", they had not just the legal but also the moral responsibility to alert the authorities that a criminal as dangerous as Wart had escaped. Instead, what did they do? They protected his identity! They allowed Wart to soak in fame and riches! Riches that could very well be used to fund another invasion of Subcon! And now the industry scorns Dream Insider for doing the correct thing and alerting the world that Mamu is really the notorious and escaped warmonger Wart. They scorn the one part of the industry willing to do what's right? Ridiculous! To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be opposed to charges being brought on all of those connected to this whole Mamu thing. Yes, even the great Toadofsky shouldn't be spared. By his own words, he knew Mamu's true identity and not only did nothing about it, but decided to work with him to extend his fame! It's aiding and abetting a criminal of the highest order and it should be punished. Those who support Wart make the claim that he's changed, that he was punished enough by being forced to live in isolation in the swamp. A ridiculous claim if you ask me, and one that, even if I believed it, I'd point out was of his own making. It's as if people want us to look past his crimes just because he's a good musician. Crimes that I must remind you aren't simple assault or some sort of low-level mail fraud. No, it's the conquering and enslavement of an entire country that people want us to look past. A ridiculous proposition, if you ask me. |
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Feline Travel Guide Writer Invited To Karting Tournament
As some readers may know, the Mario Kart Racing Association announced a new tournament recently, The World Tour, (alternatively named The Mario Kart World Tournament). After the success of the Deluxe and Booster tournaments, they were able to organise their biggest endeavour yet, a tour across a massive island off the coast of the Mushroom Kingdom mainland.
Well-known writer and CEO of Sunshine Businesses, Cosmo Neko was announced as a major business partner and contributor to The World Tour. Assisting with exploration, construction, and many other parts of the preparation, the Mario Kart Racing Association thanked him with an invitation to join the exclusive opening tournament, which would be a kart race across the entire island, from course to course, having only the most prestigious racers.
While this was in general met with positivity, a small but vocal group complained about this decision, claiming the recent incident where many licenses were given out by accident was Cosmo's fault.
As we know well, Cosmo thrives on chaos and disorder. It seems to be right up his alley to send a whole bunch of ridiculous creatures driving through the roads across the kingdom. Then they reward him by letting him drive as well! Disgusting.
They kicked out the Koopalings so a dead fish could race instead. Now they kicked out royalty made out of gold so a cat could race instead. Plus, look at the ticket price.
Cosmo released a statement in response to these complaints.
Deal with it.
Friends of Cosmo and a few other 'Shroom writers were asked for a comment.
Boo1268: Personally, I don't see what the problem is. If a Moo Moo Cow, Fishbone, Penguin, Cataquack, Sidestepper, Stingby, Swooper, and for heaven's sake a DOLPHIN are allowed to compete in the tournament, then at this point it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to include a cat into this circus of a karting tournament, especially since this cat in particular is a very good friend of mine and a rather good chap to boot, so I say let the cat race! Besides, wouldn't be the weirdest inclusion the MKRA had, since they included R.O.B back during the DS Championship.
ClawgripFan9001: Yar, I ain't really one ta bat an eye at the kinda folks these Shroomula One sea urchins be invitin' ta come drive 'round their elaborate an' eccentric racin' tracks. They could invite the Queen o' Mermaddia, Mad the Mermaid, ta come racin' in their tournaments, an' I wouldn't care. So why is it such a big deal ta let me lad Cosmo 'ave a shot at burnin' some rubber durin' the next Grand Prix, argh?
DryBonesBandit: I was slightly skeptical on whether these fellows should drive at first but from the previews, I see that these newcomers have some skill. Even those with no hands can drive, like the Goomba. The Sidestepper has claws but doesn't even grab the wheel and somehow fails to crash - that's just amazing! I don't know Cosmo too well, but I do know they have limbs to grasp a wheel with, so I don't see why people are complaining about them more than Pokey and Cataquack.
Waluigi Time: People will complain about anything these days, won't they? You don't see me still being bitter that I couldn't watch Waluigi race back in '11 because they decided to invite a bee and a literal clone of Mario to race instead, even though that was the worst decision in MKRA history and never should've happened, do you? I mean, come on, with all the other racers they've had over the years and all the drivers they've recently invited that don't even have hands, you're going to complain about a cat, and some of these people are saying absolutely ridiculous things to justify themselves. Really? Let Cosmo race, I say, and I hope he has a great time in the tournament. And uh, hopefully he puts in a good word for me so I can race next time. Or I could just start my own…
Sparks: All of these newcomers only watched the races happen. Some of them even acted as obstacles in the past, like Pokey for example. Look at them now! They've been waiting to actively participate for so long. Heck, some have been patient for more than 30 years! While it is true that some of these newbies are unexpected, like a cow or snowman, they'll definitely catch viewers by surprise and may even boost the ratings in general! If a fish skeleton got in as a racer, it won't be long before Anglefish joins… at least we have Spike for now. As for Cosmo, let him race too! One more addition won't hurt anything.
Hooded Pitohui: My distaste for many of the MKRA's decisions are a matter of public record, so know I don't offer this lightly, but I must applaud the MKRA's decision to allow Cosmo and these many other first-time racers to compete in The Mario Kart World Tournament. For far too long, too many in this kingdom and beyond have been denied an opportunity to race, even as the MKRA has turned the lands they inhabited into racetracks and tourist attractions. The organization's recent decision will allow more residents of this kingdom to finally share in the joy and wealth these races generate, and I trust that so prominent a CEO as Cosmo will use the attention they gain as a competitor to further advocate for the expansion of the MKRA's roster. To doubters, I say let Cosmo race, let Fishbones race, and in honor of the poor Pit Plant let their fellow Dry Dry Desert Pokeys race!
Infamous Pianta Bar D. Jokue, recently rumoured to be involved with criminal organisations and other evil stuff, has declared his distaste of this decision.
I can't believe they invited him, and not me. That's really mean. Plus, he stole my travel guide, which I stole fair and square from him! You guys are all jerks.
Whatever your opinion is, we can all agree that this new tour is going to be interesting. Races have already begun for this new tour, but you'll have to wait until next month to see the aftermath of the opening tournament. This is Goombo, the Goomba reporter, signing off.
Written by: Legend 8
The Sorcery Show
Episode 19: Highly Logical Evilness, Part 1
It is a very villainous day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and the air is filled with evil schemes and screams of terror. Meanwhile, the ever-scheming antilogician Magikoopa Pyrokles is having a day off in his castle, accompanied by his best friends: Kroop the flaming Koopa skull, and the helpful Explainer voice. He is currently bursting into the room where Kroop is trying to sleep, carrying a calendar.
Pyro: Kroop! Kroop!
Kroop: What's up?
Pyro: This month is the villains special 'Shroom issue!!
Kroop: Yeah. So what?
Pyro: We might finally get to see those stupid Agents again! Yippeee!!
Kroop: Uh, Pyro. You do remember that the last two times we encountered them, you almost got hypnotized into being their fully logical puppet?
Pyro: Yeah, but it was funny! Every time we meet they're all like "wahaha this time failsafe plan blablah you can't do anything prepare to get logified" and then they get taken by surprise and they're absolutely powerless once again! Sigh... I kinda miss them.
The spectral Explainer manifests above Kroop, glitching out reality into a semi-physical body and raising his arm to comment.
Wait a second. I am rather surprised that you expect them to come when it would make the most sense, even though everything you usually predict is pretty much unexpected and against all logic. And always happens in the end. But, could you please explain?
Pyro: Oh, yeah well that's what YOU might expect, huh? But as you just said: always against all expectations! It would be way too obvious for me to say they won't appear today, so-
Kroop: Ugh! Stop! I got it, I got it. No additional information needed. But I wouldn't really look forward to meeting them again...
Pyro: Doesn't matter! I already called them, they said they would be here very soon.
Kroop: What? You invited them?!
Pyro: No, of course not! What a silly idea. I just said "haha bet you can't find us lol bye".
Yeah... That should do the trick.
Kroop: But whyyyyyyyy?!
Pyro: As I already said, fun! Fun fun fun fun!!!
I don't think-
The doorbell rings. DING DONG.
Pyro: Oh, that should be them! Let me just take a look...
Pyro sticks his face into the wall and it reappears on the large castle gate. He sees... nobody. Only a small cardboard package lying at his doorstep. He pulls his head back out of the wall, disappointed.
Pyro: Aw man! Just a package!
Kroop: Phew!
Pyro teleports downstairs and then comes back with the package.
Pyro: So, let's look inside... Maybe it's something cool at least.
As Pyro opens the package, a fist shoots out, smacking him in the face. Then, an Agent of Absolute and Uncreative Logic jumps out, laughing evilly.
Agent: Hahahaha! You really thought you could mock us and get away with it? Oh no, you disobedient, antilogical brat! This stuff is going to end- huh? Why are you grinning?!
Pyro: What? I'm just so happy that you decided to come after all! Last time was so fun, really looking forward to all the fun stuff we will do today! Fun fun fun!
Er, I think you misunderstood the situation, Pyro. Let me explain. He is not here for fun, but for vengeance. Also, he just punched your glasses off. Should I pick it up for you?
Pyro: Oh. Well that's unfortunate. Why are my glasses lying on the floor? Did I miss something?
The Agent punches him again.
Pyro: Hey! Stop it! I wasn't ready yet, that's not fair!
Agent: Hahaha! Well, the world is unfair... But in the end, logic will conquer all nonsense and then, justice shall reign!
Kroop: Am I the only one who saw this coming and tried to evade it?? How could we even fall for such a cheap trick?! Destiny must really hate us.
Agent: Hey! Our disguises are always perfect. No need to get rude. Also, I wasn't planning on staying anyways. So now if you'd excuse m-
Pyro: What? You're going already? Awwww...
Can someone please explain? By now, I have no idea what's going on anymore...
Agent: Well, it's logical: I hid in a cardboard box so I could get inside the castle unnoticed, then pop out and say ominous stuff and then go home again.
Pyro: A masterful plan indeed! But I fear that you will have to stay a little longer. I'm not done having fun yet!
Agent: Hm. But I fear that I have orders to carry out, so bye!
The Agent salutes the heroes, then he walks into Pyro's office, defying its anti-gravity field, and enters a small portal randomly floating around in the chaos. Then he is gone.
Kroop: Oh wow. Problem solved, I guess? Pyro, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!
Hmm, but something was fishy about that Agent...
Pyro: Yeah, but what?... Oh, you're right! He said evil stuff, but he forgot to actually do evil stuff!
Highly suspicious...
Pyro: Yes, indeed... Oh, I know, let's secretly follow him! Look, the portal I forgot to tidy up is still there. That's where he went into.
Kroop: Pyro, that is a terrible idea.
Pyro: Stealth mode activated. See you on the other side!
Pyro floats into the portal.
Kroop: Ugh. Great.
Pyro's arm reaches from the portal again, pulling Kroop in. The Explainer follows hesitantly.
On the other side, they find themselves barreling through one of the warp zone dimension's warp streams. In the distance, they can see the Agent flying further ahead in the stream. Meanwhile, unnoticed by them, a nearby warp stream is currently overcrowded with Agents, travelling into the opposite direction, back towards Pyro's castle.
Kroop: Why do you keep getting me into situations where I get absolutely dizzy despite being undead?! I hate this place!
Pyro: Shhht! Stop complaining when we're on a secret mission!
They exit the warp stream and shoot out of a pipe, landing flat on their noses. It seems to be a two-dimensional realm forgotten by time, apparently somewhere on the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom. Not far away from them stands the Agent.
Pyro: Ouch! Kroop, you're sitting on my- oh there he is! Attaaaaack!!!
So much for stealthy and secret...
The Agent sees them and runs away, easily jumping over the 2D gaps and obstacles. Pyro follows him with a wild battle cry, and a crazy platformer chase of jumping and running begins. Kroop accidentally hits his head (poor guy; happens quite often) on a yellow metal box with a ? on it, and in a bright flash, a helpful item falls out.
Kroop: Ouch. But ooh, perfect timing! What item might I get?
It is a Fire Flower. Kroop uses it, but he doesn't change at all.
Kroop: Oh come on!!
Meanwhile, Pyro and the Explainer managed to chase down the Agent: right behind a large flag pole, a tower with a locked door spells a dead end.
Pyro: Now you can't escape any more! Fun, right?
Agent: Sure. Do your worst; I will be prepared! Your power is nothing against the supremacy of absolute logic, hahaha!
While Kroop also arrives at the end of the level, Pyro and the Agent are already fiercely duelling: the Agent easily dodges Pyro's summoned swarm of anvils, retaliating with punches and kicks that are also blocked by the antilogician. The Agent jumps towards Pyro, stealing his hat, but then realizes that Pyro has got his hypnotic pendulum.
Pyro: Hey! I want my hat back!
Agent: Only if I get my pendulum back. Deal?
They reluctantly exchange items and immediately continue fighting.The Agent lets Pyro's antimatter beam pass right through him, and then begins hypnotically swinging his regained weapon.
Agent: Haha, thanks! That was a huge mistake. Prepare to be- aaaaaaaaaaaa
Pyro: Surprise!
Pyro grabs Kroop and swings onto the goal pole. While triumphant music plays, the surrounding ground suddenly disappears and the Agent falls downwards, screaming.
Pyro: Oh yeah! That was epic! My strategy for handling these guys is definitely improving.
That is true! Surprise strategies that do not directly attack the Agents have proven to be highly effective against them!
Kroop: Okay, you may be right that it was pretty exciting in the end. But please don't provoke them on purpose, yeah?
Pyro: Fine... Now let's go back home and have some tea.
They get back home and... Wait. They're not having tea. Because, as they reappear in Pyro's office, they find themselves surrounded by Agents. Dozens of them. While they had been distracted, the castle had been fully conquered by their arch-enemies.
Pyro: Oops.
To be continued...
The Ghostly Dossier
Written by: Golddude64 (talk)
Hey everyone! My name is Goldoo and welcome back to The Ghostly Dossier! In my last issue, I talked about how the Gold Ghosts seem to have never died, and were in fact living creatures that have ghostly properties. So this month, I’m researching the Garbage Can Ghost!
The Catch
It turns out that ALL of E. Gadd’s ghosts are in paintings!! Which as you would expect, makes it very hard to research… so I went back into the mansion to find some Garbage Can Ghosts.
When I eventually found a room with some in it, there were banana peels everywhere! I guess being left alone in the mansion for so long let them do… this… As you can imagine, it was very hard to catch them with all the slipping and sliding, but I was able to get them using my advanced sidestepping skills, and also spinning around like a crazy person hoping to stun one of them. I also was able to take a photo of one with my Game Boy Horror. As I walked out, I slipped on a banana peel and one of the ghosts got out… I’m starting to think I’m cursed!
The Analysis
Garbage Can Ghosts are large green ghosts that look kinda like garbage cans, hence the name. They have a spectral mass of 40W. Garbage Can Ghosts like to throw bananas everywhere, and as you can imagine, it causes a lot of chaos. Where they get these bananas was unknown for a while, but a ghost researcher did a scan on one of them and found out that they grow these bananas inside them! And in fact, these bananas are not regular bananas! They're actually some sort of disposable body part that can be regrown, and is thrown for self defense… Gross… Garbage Can Ghosts also seem to lack some intelligence, as they often are seen bumping into each other and bumping into walls, even though they can easily pass through them if they wanted to. They also eat almost anything, they use the random stuff they eat to grow the “bananas” that they throw. Scans of the inside structure of a Garbage Can Ghost show what appears to be a banana tree like structure, in which the “bananas” can be plucked when fully grown. It also appears that before throwing, a Garbage Can Ghost will eat the edible part of the “banana” before throwing the peel. The extra part is possibly grown for regenerating energy, but this theory is unproven.
The End
Well, that concludes this month's analysis. Hope it wasn’t too… T r a s h y ! Eh… I'll see myself out…
The following is an alert provided to The 'Shroom by the Toad Town Defense Force warning the citizens of New Wikisburg of a scam artist who has been scamming his way throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. Going by the name Pietro (real name unknown), the suspect has been described as a middle-aged human sporting a nice-if-weathered suit and red hat with a "P" on it.
According to both witnesses and victims, Pietro has been described as a charming man speaking in an Italian accent similar to our beloved heroes Mario and Luigi. Although some have said his accent is notably thicker then Mario and Luigi's, others have said he speaks in a nearly identical accent.
According to reports, Pietro appears to be running something of a confidence/impersonation scheme. Pietro, who has been noted to appear similar to Mario and Luigi, has according to his victims claimed to be the following, depending on the location:
- A cousin or uncle of Mario and Luigi from, in his words, the old country who is taking a tour of the Mushroom Kingdom.
- The older brother of Mario and Luigi who until now had remained in Brooklyn to manage the family plumbing business.
- Or, most audaciously, the older brother of Mario and Luigi who suffered a bad injury during the Mario Bros.' first foiling of Bowser, explaining why most people hadn't heard of him.
Although the story might change, reports say the scam has stayed the same. Pietro, claiming to be either a sibling or relative of Mario and Luigi, has been up and down the Mushroom Kingdom, taking advantage of the generosity of a kingdom that would do anything they think would benefit Mario and Luigi and their family. Whether it be running up huge tabs at fancy restaurants only for them to be forgiven by restaurant proprietors as thanks for all Mario and Luigi have done or accepting cash donations from the many Toads who feel a great debt to Mario and Luigi (something we would like to note that Mario and Luigi would never accept), Pietro has used his false identities to exploit the generous Mushroom Kingdom public.
A particularly convincing scheme he has run is claiming that, while he's proud of his brothers for their work, that the Mario Bros.' frequent excursions to save the various kingdoms of this world oftentimes have come at the brothers' own expense. He claims the brothers' refusal to accept any reward outside of the occasional kiss has left not only the brothers but, most distressingly, the family plumbing business (which he describes as having been in the family for generations) on the brink of financial ruin! Claiming that his brothers are too proud to accept donations or even mention their problems, Pietro says to his marks that he's worried this pride will lead to their bankruptcy, costing them not only their own financial comfort but, worse, their family's legacy! Pietro has managed to scam many large donations out of a number of wealthy patrons, graciously accepting them on the brothers' behalf and even reportedly bursting into tears one time, saying he could not believe he and his brothers could live in such a gracious and charitable kingdom. This scam has even affected nobility, with it being reported that a chance meeting at a party led to the Prince of Jewelry Land, Prince Pine, gifting Pietro an emerald and sapphire broach in an attempt to save the Mario Bros. from financial peril.
While never described as being violent, Pietro still must be considered a dangerous man. Described as effortlessly charming and witty, Pietro, according to reports, has a seemingly extensive amount of knowledge about Mario and Luigi, even carrying around a photo of the brothers that he claims is from their plumbing days. Combined with his similar accent and trademark P cap, he has until recently avoided suspicion from even the most ardent skeptic. But we want to make it crystal clear: There is no third Mario Brother. Pietro is not related to the Mario Brothers in any way. He is simply a very convincing scam artist. We cannot state this enough! If you see him, be it in a restaurant, at a party, or even on the street, do not engage. Please instead alert the nearest authority so that we can bring this scam artist who has been sullying the Mario family name to justice.
Close Encounters of the Shroom Kind
Written by: Tatanga
Greetings and salutations, lifeforms. I am Tatanga Seimeitai, Lord of the Mushroom World Space Invaders, and I have hijacked the computers of The ‘Shroom’s Fake News offices to bring you this very special news report; A documentary on the origins of myself and my kind, and how we came to discover the Mushroom World in the first place. So sit back, have a cup of lemon tea if you’ve got one spare, and I’ll tell you how I became Lord of the Mushroom World Space Invaders.
Born on April 21st, 1944 on the planet Gimanji, I was named after my great-grandfather, Tatanga Gigansu Seimeitai I, a formidable military leader himself. Against all odds, I was born for greatness. A younger cousin of mine, Katsini, would later be brought into my homeworld of Gimanji on December 10th, 1950, and the two of us became closely bonded as we both grew up and became teenagers. At the age of 18, I enrolled into the Gimanji Academy of Militaristic Strategy, hoping to follow in the footsteps of my great-grandfather and become a brilliant military leader of my own.
Life at the academy was anything but easy for me, for I was considered an outcast because of my short stature, and as such, I was regularly picked on by the taller members of my species that also attended the academy. Stuffed into lockers, pranks played on me, or otherwise generally embarrassed; I was quite literally belittled by my fellow students, but I refused to let any of it stop me from graduating and enlisting into the Gimanji Military High Command so I could lead troops as far as beyond the eye could see.
Eventually, after a 6-year scholarship at the Gimanji Academy of Militaristic Strategy, I graduated at the top of my class with the highest degree the Academy could bestow, and my family was brimming with pride at my graduation ceremony as they witnessed this momentous achievement on the console of life for a Murasaki, the common name for the species of extraterrestrial lifeform that I happen to be part of. The scientific classification for a Murasaki would be Mura-sakien, which is a fact I figured I ought to share on the topic of my species.
Moving on, however, following my graduation from the academy, I enlisted into the Gimanji Military High Command shortly afterward, and because of my grand intellect, resourcefulness and the education I had followed, I was granted one of the highest ranks within the hierarchy that the Gimanji Military High Command had to offer; 2-Star General. See, beneath the Faction Leader position itself, operated a quartet of generals, which are the 2-Star General, 3-Star General, 4-Star General and 5-Star General respectively, from lowest rank of general to highest. To simplify this from your mesozoic intellectual perspective, the 5-Star General is the second in-command of the military forces of Gimanji, and fulfills any of the Faction Leader’s duties in the event that the Faction Leader themselves cannot fulfill those obligations, whether it’s because of absence from the main base of operations, being ill or otherwise injured, or any such reasons.
With my position within the Gimanji Military High Command hierarchy ladder established, it was time for me to dutifully and diligently serve my homeworld as one of the leaders of its military resources, which I did until the age of 35, which was when the High Command’s current faction leader, Morikazu Hashimoto Shimitã, decided to retire. He appointed his current 5-Star General, Kenji Harahana Toraident, as his successor, and Toraident subsequently appointed me to be his 5-Star General because of how hard I had worked as a 2-Star General while Shimitã was in office.
Now decorating the second in-command position of the Gimanji Military High Command, I continued to diligently fulfill my leadership duties for the offense/defense forces of my homeworld. By this time, my younger cousin, Katsini, had also enlisted into the High Command after having gone through a 6-year scholarship of his own, at the same academy I attended. While Katsini’s intellect, resourcefulness and education were far from being as formidable as mine, he still managed to secure a relatively high position within the High Command hierarchy, that being the position of Commander.
Then the moment that changed my life, and that of the Gimanji Military High Command and my homeworld forever came, when I was appointed Faction Leader of the Gimanji Military High Command after the current Faction Leader, Toraident-san, was assassinated by an anarchist named Jigitarisu Bloomkush, who hailed from a nation known as Sarasaland, an empire located on the Mushroom World, a planet quite a distance away from Gimanji. Interpreting Mr. Bloomkush’s origins and his assassination of Toraident-san as a declaration of war from Sarasland against Gimanji, I took the initiative and mobilized the military forces of Gimanji before we promptly set sail towards the Mushroom World and the Sarasaland Empire, where we eventually arrived on April 21st, 1989, a day that became known in Gimanji History as “Tatanga’s First Stand”.
Me and the forces of Gimanji then appeared out of a large black cloud above the Sarasaland Empire, said black cloud really being a wormhole which we used as a shortcut through the Mushroom World’s orbit to get to the Sarasaland Empire. We promptly used our species’ control over the power of hypnosis to enslave the population of Sarasaland, along with the rulers of the four kingdoms that make up Sarasaland, and ordered the enslaved rulers to guard our newly conquered territory while I went to the Sarasaland Palace to capture the Empire’s crown princess, Daisy Dundreary Bulbtany, and hold her as a prisoner of war as well as ransom for her father, the ruler of the Sarasaland Empire, Spudterrea Marion Bulbtany.
However, as I continued to hold the crown princess as my prisoner, I began to develop genuine romantic feelings towards her, which she unfortunately did not seem to return. Soon enough though, more drastic priorities had reached my extraterrestrial ears; King Bulbtany had apparently sent out a distress signal to one of Sarasaland’s neighboring nations, the Mushroom Kingdom in the hope of them being able to aid them in overthrowing the conquest me and my military had initiated. The ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, King Kumquat Toadstool, promptly informed his daughter, Crown Princess Peach Toadstool, of the ordeal taking place in Sarasaland, and she in turn sent her fianceé at the time, Sir Mario Esposito, as a one-man army who toppled all of our forces and freed the Sarasaland population within a day’s time.
Furious about this humiliating defeat at the hands of a mere human, I took it upon myself to confront Sir Mario personally in a last-ditch effort. Piloting my reliable warcraft, the Equus Callabus Cornuvolo Mk I, codenamed Pagosu for short, I met with Sir Mario who was piloting a warcraft of his own that he personally referred to as the Sky Pop. Despite my best efforts in combating Sir Mario, I too suffered a humiliating defeat at his glove-clad hands, as my beloved vessel, the Pagosu was destroyed, and me and the rest of the Gimanji forces were sent retreating back to our homeworld in shame.
From that day on, I made it my goal to get my revenge on the Mushroom World as a whole for ruining my attempts at conquering Sarasaland and marrying Crown Princess Daisy, and though each and every subsequent conquest was once again thwarted by Sir Mario, I refused to let any of it stop me, for my desire for revenge against the Mushroom World and my burning love for Crown Princess Daisy was simply too strong. While the rulers of my homeworld of Gimanji found all of this to be a waste of time, effort, and resources and promptly dishonorably discharged me from my position of Faction Leader of the Gimanji Military High Command and called back the Gimanji military forces to their homeworld, me and Katsini stayed behind on the Mushroom World and continued to cause trouble for its denizens however we could, the two of us going on to form a new military faction of our own, known as the Mushroom World Space Invaders, with me acting as its Lord, and Katsini acting as its second in-command.
And that, feeble mortal lifeforms, is how I, Tatanga Seimeitai came to see the lifelight, become the leader of my homeworld’s military, discover the Mushroom World, form the Mushroom World Space Invaders, and devote my life to seeking vengeance against the denizens of the Mushroom World and make Crown Princess Daisy of Sarasaland my significant other however I can. Hopefully you found this to be a useful and educational documentary, and should The ‘Shroom’s Fake News offices like it enough that they want to see more of it, I will potentially see you another time with a new documentary on the lifeforms from beyond the Mushroom World. But until then, I say goodbye.
Hello everyone! Sparks here, and I've got somethin' really exciting to tell you - I'm gonna enter the Mario Kart World Grand Prix! Racing across several tracks in a row is always fun to do, but I wanna make sure I win my first ever Grand Prix! Do you know how embarrassing it'd be for me to lose to a COW of all things? No way I'd let that happen.
Fortunately, I know someone who'll help me secure my first place victory and golden trophy. He's someone known for cheating and making sure he gets what he wants - the greedy Wario himself! Earlier today I drove to his stadium and found him outside counting his coins. I approached him when he wasn't paying attention to his surroundings.
"Hi Wario!" I said happily. Wario hurriedly put his coins in his pockets and looked up at me surprised.
"I didn't scam anybody! Oh. Hello there! What can I do for you?" Wario is trying his best to be polite.
"Tomorrow will be my first ever Grand Prix, and I wanna win it! Is there any way you can help me out? Please?" Always say please! Wario suddenly grinned from ear to ear and held his hands together.
"Heh! You've come to the right guy. Follow me." Wario led me to his office and closed the door. He then pressed a button under his desk, which lowered a wall revealing a large room of stolen items. Surprisingly, they did not overflow into the office.
"Wow!" I said.
"You know how racers can't hold more than two items at the same time? Those chumps don't know about hiding them away for safekeeping! In all my years of racing, this is where any spare items go. I knew saving them all up was a good idea!"
This is perfect! With all these items I can be the champion. As I was about to walk into the room, Wario stopped me.
"Hold on there, big guy! These items aren't cheap. You'll have to pay big coins for 'em!"
"How much are they?" I asked.
"What do you have on you?"
"Just a Golden ? Block." I showed Wario the block. "It has one million coins inside of it."
Wario's eyes turned into dollar signs for a few seconds while he jumped up and down. After snapping out of it, he quickly ran to his desk. Wario then quietly muttered to himself.
"I've hit the jackpot!" He then looked back up at me. "Unfortunately, one million coins isn't enough for everything, but I suppose I can still sell you some of them. What would you like?"
There were three items I wanted, all of them costing ten thousand coins apiece.
| Item | Description |
|---|---|
 Super Star |
"Almost as bright as a diamond! Increases your speed and makes you practically immune to all hazards!" |
 Lightning |
"They say lightning never strikes the same place twice. This item will strike all other racers multiple times, no matter what placement you're at! I guarantee it." |
 Bullet Bill |
"Wanna win the easy way? The Bullet Bill steers for you, so you can just kick back and relax while it's active. Has the bonuses of the Super Star too." |
I decided to purchase 45 Super Stars, 10 Lightnings and 45 Bullet Bills. I plan on being in first place most of the time, so I want to focus on speed! It would be fun to zap everyone else right before winning a race; it'll give me a quick laugh too.
"WAHAHAHA! Those punks won't expect you to use these bad boys when you're in first place! Eh, just be sure to use one after you "grab" an item from one of those fancy blocks. You don't want anyone to suspect you're cheating do ya?" Wario's got a point. I can try to convince everyone that I got super lucky with the items even though racers further ahead don't receive them. Surely they'll believe me!
"Thanks Wario!"
"Pleasure doing business with you! Have a rotten day!"
I exit Wario's office and head on home for the night with my bag of purchased items. I think there's enough space to hide the bag in my kart during the Grand Prix. Ah well! We'll have to see what happens tomorrow. Getting the gold trophy will be a piece of cake now! It's a little devious, but I want my first Grand Prix to be one I remember for the rest of my life! The other racers will see me as their worst nightmare afterwards. Ha ha!
Written by: Walter G. Timeson (talk)
Additional commentary: Superchao (talk)
Back to the 'Shroomfest
An unusual controversy has gripped the results of The 'Shroom's most recent 'Shroomfest event following its conclusion. Several weeks after the publication of Issue 218 of The 'Shroom, which contained the results of the Fantasy vs. Sci-Fi 'Shroomfest, one reader, upon returning to their copy of the issue, discovered that the results had apparently changed. They claimed that, although the paper now showed a victory for Team Sci-Fi, they distinctly remembered Team Fantasy winning the 'Shroomfest. While such a statement could be dismissed as a fluke resulting from one individual's poor memory, identical reports from other readers soon followed. Many of them were even able to corroborate recalling specific details from the event's end, such as the visual of Team Fantasy leader Sparks riding a white pegasus. With the tropes of science fiction still fresh in the memories of the participants, theories quickly turned in one direction - time travel.
These theories were apparently confirmed when Wonky Kong, an eccentric scientist and inventor, claimed to be responsible for the change:
Yeah, that was me! I was outta the city on one of my research stints in the woods when this whole thing went down, yeah? So when I saw I missed out on it, and that Team Sci-Fi lost which I totally would've supported, I figured I'd fire up the ol' time machine so I could still participate. Harmless enough, yeah? I was just in it for the fun of it, but it must've been pretty close the first time if I was able to tip the scales! I didn't mean to pull that big of a "retcon" as the kids say, but hey, it is what it is. The good news is, I figured out that I really gotta rework my time machine. When you change the timeline, I'm pretty sure that many people aren't supposed to remember the old one!
Reactions have been mostly negative from supporters of both teams. Many have questioned the integrity of 'Shroomfest itself if the results can be retroactively changed by someone with the right equipment, especially when someone has freely admitted to doing so. Some members of Team Sci-Fi, however, were happy to take the win, claiming that they simply used all the tools at their disposal and calling Team Fantasy out as "sore losers". Others have entirely dismissed the individuals making these claims as conspiracy theorists or pranksters, viewing Wonky Kong as someone simply trying to get his five minutes of fame from the controversy.
Donna Quiñones, an agent of the Temporal Committee, offered the following comments on the matter:
Forsooth! Once again, we see an abuse of the ability to adjust time by an untrained and unprepared mind! This is why the Temporal Committee needs to remain the only available source of Temporal control and jurisdiction. Our agents' dedication to stable time loops and proper non-linear approaches demonstrate our careful and measured approaches, whereas all that rambunctious time adjusters like this do is leave larger messes to clean up. As always, if you see any unauthorized temporal activity, report it to your local Temporal Committee agent! The Temporal Committee - Protecting your tomorrows by stabilizing your todays!
At the present time, it is unclear how this will impact the results of the most recent 'Shroomfest, as well as the future of the event as a whole. We have attempted to contact 'Shroomfest judge Ninja Squid, but have been unable to reach him for comment so far. We at The 'Shroom will continue to keep you informed of the situation as it develops. For now, this has been Walter G. Timeson reporting, and I am now out of time.
Investigative Research
Hi there, welcome to my one-time section: Investigative Research! Your local Koopa Troopa expert is here to talk about something which has always cast a shadow over the Koopa Troopa species: are they evil as so many bystanders say they are? Or do they just have a few bad eggs in their midst? Join me as we investigate these claims and find out for once and for all if these hard-shelled reptiles are unheard superstars or if they actually do all have cracked shells.
The First Investigation
I began my investigation by visiting some well-known Koopa settlements, these included Koopa Village which is just east of Toad Town and Petalburg which can be found near the dock town Rogueport!
As I approached Koopa Village I was greeted by a friendly green-shelled Koopa, who after listening to why I was in the village happily decided to offer a tour of the village for me, I declined as this wasn't my first time here but I much appreciated the gesture. The whole village is small and comprises of a line of friendly-looking shell-shaped homes and stores, things were looking good for the Koopas at this point in my investigation. I decided to enter one of the stores where I was softly greeted by a merchant who offered to help me look for anything I needed in-store. It was here I decided to do my first interview.
Interview with the Merchant Koopa
Me: What does the average day in the life look like for you?
Merchant: It's pretty normal and pretty chill. I wake up, get ready and all of that basic stuff and then I come here and set my shop up for the day. At the end of the day I do a stock check, close up and go home.
Me: I see. Don't you get any time to hang out with friends or any days off in general?
Merchant: I own the shop with my brother, we take it in shifts and as you can see right now it's my shift.
Me: And what do you usually get up to on your days off?
Merchant: I like to leave the village, me and my friends like exploring the old abandoned fortress ruins nearby. I heard the Koopa Bros. used to inhabit that place.
Me: The Koopa Bros.? That old costumed quartet of rascals?
Merchant: That's them... though they haven't been back there since they got their butts kicked.
With this information that the Merchant had given me, I made sure to add the old Koopa Bros. Fortress to my list of investigation spots and with that I made the long journey to Petalburg for my second investigation.
The Second Investigation
When I got to Petalburg I was greeted by a seemingly bashful Koopa wearing a light-blue hoodie and his partner, they seemed happy together. I forgot to ask their names, but they were both very friendly and showed me around as this was my first time in the village. Petalburg was very bright, being full of flower patches and having a clean river flow straight through the middle of it. It was obvious to me that these Koopas cared a lot for their home. This village was a lot smaller than the previous one, but it had just as much charm. The bashful Koopa that accompanied me told me stories about how the village used to be terrorised by a dragon who resided at a nearby castle, the same Koopa also told me about how he and two other accomplices were able to defeat that dragon and restore peace to the village. I noted this down as it intrigued me. I meant to ask the names of his two accomplices but just like his own name, it had passed me by.
I was brought to the mayor's house. The mayor was a very elderly Koopa named Kroop, when I first entered he had said something along the lines of 'Murphy? Is that you?' which led me to believe that he had trouble with his eyesight. I tried to interview the mayor, however I didn't really get anything of value out of the interview so I will spare you all the transcript. I left his home and headed for the Inn as it was getting late and I wouldn't have enough time to make it home before it got dark, and I did not feel like walking around Rogueport in the dark. When I entered the Inn I was surprised to see a Toad running the place, I saw this as a good opportunity to ask a non-Koopa about their thoughts on the species.
Interview with the Inn Toad
Me: How long have you lived in Petalburg?
Inn Toad: For as long as I can remember, really. It's really nice here, don't you think?
Me: It is! How is your experience living among Koopa Troopas?
Inn Toad: They're so sweet and friendly, at least the ones here are... I heard some rumours about some more sinister Koopas roaming around wearing sharp-looking sunglasses, I've never encountered them myself though.
Me: I'll keep an eye out for them then!
That was all for my short interview with the Inn Toad. After the interview she offered to let me stay the night free of charge, however I decided to pay regardless. In the morning I decided to make my way to my third and final 'settlement'. This was the big one for my investigation, as I was going to Bowser's Castle, specifically the barracks there, on my way there however I decided to take a pit stop at the aforementioned Koopa Bros. Fortress, where I found something interesting: a dungeon. It appeared to me that the nasty Koopa Bros. held prisoners here, I also noticed a hole in the back wall which looked like it had been blasted through, to me it seems like the displaced Bob-Ombs found in Koopa Village were originally prisoners of this fortress. This left me to do some thinking before I headed to my last location.
The Third Investigation
After another long journey I finally arrived at Bowser's menacing castle. Thankfully I had permission to be here, but even with that permission I was quaking in my boots as the lava moat bridge was lowered. I was greeted by a small squad of soldiers when I entered the castle, two Goombas, a Hammer Bro, and two Koopatrols, they led me to the Koopa quarters. I tried to make conversation with them on the way to the quarters, however they didn't seem too keen on chatting to me. To be honest I almost felt like a prisoner being marched to a cell but alas, thankfully I arrived safely.
Inside the Koopa quarters I was met with a large group of Koopas who seemed to just be going about their day, some were getting ready for their shifts whilst it seemed like others were finished for the day and just winding down. At first glance I got no evil vibes from these Koopas but the only way to find out their true intentions was to speak to them. I approached a Koopatrol who had their helmet off, it seemed as if they were on a break. After speaking to them for awhile I asked if it would be okay to do an interview, to which they agreed.
Interview with a Koopatrol
Me: How long have you worked under Bowser?
Koopatrol: For about 3 years now, I enjoy my job!
Me: What made you want to work under Bowser in the first place? How do you feel about the implications of being 'the bad guy'?
Koopatrol: Well back when I first enlisted to join King Bowser's army, I simply wanted a more engaging and active job, and I wouldn't really say any of us are explicitly 'bad guys'. We just follow orders mostly.
Me: How is your job experience? Are there any things you aren't allowed to do?
Koopatrol: Like I said before, I enjoy my job but there are a few issues... the main one for me is that whenever we're on duty we have to act tough, even if it's not really in our personalities. We aren't allowed to personalise our armour or anything like that either... doesn't always stop me from trying though.
Me: And how do you feel about King Bowser himself?
Koopatrol: I would do anything for King Bowser! It's why I serve under him. Contrary to popular belief, he's actually quite a nice guy. He treats us all well, keeps us fed, gives us a place to sleep. I mean sure he can be a bit rough around the edges sometimes but I would give my life if it meant protecting the king! ...his son can be a bit of a handful sometimes though.
That concluded my interview with the Koopatrol, and with that I had enough information to come to a conclusion. I was escorted safely out of Bowser's Castle and my journey had now concluded...
Conclusion
Before I began writing this conclusion, I had an influx of messages sent to me by Koopas all over the world who wanted to share their stories. I received messages from the likes of King K and the Koopinator from the world famous Glitz Pit, I received a message from one 'Kylie Koopa' who was asking to collaborate on the piece, and a message from a group who called themselves the 'Roving Racers'. These letters gave me my final push towards my conclusion.
After my investigation I strongly believe that Koopa Troopas are absolutely no villains. Whilst I discovered that there have certainly been bad Koopa Troopas in the past, such as the Koopa Bros., I have come to find that the presence of friendly Koopas strongly overwhelms the presence of any unfriendly ones. Even when I visited the Koopas of the Koopa Troop, I found co-operative and friendly Troopas, though loyal to their king.
So with my mind now made up, I'm going to consider this investigation case closed. I thank you all for reading my piece, who knows, maybe we will see eachother again in the future sometime? Goodbye for now!
Written by: Aomaf (talk) with contributions by Hooded Pitohui (talk)
| Whomp King Builder | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| |||||||||
| Platform | Nintendo Switch 2 | ||||||||
| Release dates |  June 15, 2025 June 15, 2025 June 15, 2025 June 15, 2025 Q3 2025 Q3 2025 Q3 2025 Q3 2025 Q3 2025 | ||||||||
| Genre | City-builder game | ||||||||
| Ratings |
| ||||||||
| Mode | 1 | ||||||||
| Input | Nintendo Switch 2:  Joy-Con 2 (horizontal) Joy-Con (horizontal) | ||||||||
- Everyone
- All ages
- Three years and older
- Six years and older
Welcome back to Game Corner. The Nintendo Switch 2 and Mario Kart World have released, and Nintendo has also surprise-released a new game with Whomp King in a starring role. Sure, why not? Even stranger, this game released on a Sunday! Why??? Well, technically this game released on my birthday, June 16th where I am, thanks to timezones. And to make things even stranger, this is a new genre for a Mario game - a city builder!
Story
The story is super good. The story goes (I'll try to keep this short, sorry!) that the Whomp King has set out to complete construction orders for various villains such as Bowser, King Boo, and King K. Rool, with Whomp King realizing that he can advance the cause of all Whomps by impressing villains across the world. The villains are asking for various forts and castles and such. When you successfully complete a stage, you get treated to a cutscene where the villain you've just helped inspects their new building and explains their newest plot with all the drama you'd expect from a villain.
This story is the best seen in a Mario game ever! I enjoy the story of this game and I like use of villains from across the franchise. You don't usually see these characters together and they are at their most comedic here.
Story Grade: 10/10
Gameplay
The game centers around a campaign mode in which you accept requests to build fortresses from various villains. You have a set budget and set amount of time to fulfill their requests, and will get a rating depending on how much time you take, how much money you have left, and how many special conditions you fulfill. Each stage has a different request that requires you to change your approach. For instance, Bowser asks you to build seven castles, one for each of the Koopalings, meaning you have to really stretch your resources and be able to handle multiple projects at once to complete them in time. In King Boo's stage, you only need to build one mansion, but you need to set up various biomes within it, so you need to be able to manufacture many resources. In King K. Rool's stage, you must build a pirate ship but within bad weather, meaning your workers are all slowed.
Merely beating the missions was easy, but there were special tasks for each mission which were more difficult to accomplish. It is a good game for players of all skill levels. This game also has a good support of mouse mode, and overall I enjoyed the gameplay!
Gameplay Grade: 9/10
Graphics
The cutscenes of this game are so next gen, but the rest could be improved. During gameplay, the graphics are highly abstracted. You don't see, for example, your Whomp construction workers moving around the map. You just get a little cartoon caricature of a Whomp representing workers, or an icon of a brick instead of a brick factory. While it makes the map easy to read, it's disappointing when even really old city builders have little people moving around and buildings around the map. The cutscenes between missions make up for the abstraction of the maps, though, with high-quality 3D models that are shaded beautifully and have great squash-and-stretch to go with the cartoonish interactions.
Graphics Grade: 7/10
Overall
The game is really an interesting one for being Nintendo's first experiment with its genre. While the graphics were weak outside the cutscenes, I like the balance the game strikes between making missions clearable by everyone but having special tasks for more advanced players, and the story makes this one very memorable. I am hoping it gets a sequel, so you should get to your store to get this game!
Overall Grade: 9/10
Now, thanks to Nintendo offering upgrades for old games on the Switch 2, I have extras to go over that were discovered for the console.
Extra: Some Switch 2 Updates
These extras are bare-bones, and it's disappointing they aren't doing more, but I will review these Nintendo Switch 2 updates for Nintendo Switch 1 games anyway.
Super Mario Paint is getting mouse mode support, which is a shocking move by Nintendo for such an old game.
Luigi's Mansion: E. Gadd's Garage is getting 4K support and mouse mode support and new pitch options have been added.
Gnat Attack: Apocalypse is getting the same treatment as Super Mario Paint.
Wa is getting enhanced graphics and a "preview for Waluigi World" button added to its main menu.
Waluigi Fitness is getting enhanced graphics and some costumes from Waluigi World.
Mario’s Crazy Battles for Spaghetti is, as you know from me mentioning the Nintendo Switch 2 edition in the previous issue, getting enhanced graphics and a second story mode!
Ohh, that was a big issue for today. Bye bye until next issue!
Overlook Mountain Auction House Presents
Written by: The Shoe (talk) and Time (talk) Advertising Conglomerate
Why I HATE The 'Shroom!
Written by: Mavero the Hammer Bro
HEY all you chumps who like reading this STUPID newspaper, LISTEN UP! My name is Mavero the Hammer Bro, and since these chumps are hosting a villains issue this month, I figured I might as well use this opportunity to complain about The Shroom and finally show everybody WHY THIS PAPER SUCKS! Why am I doing this, you may ask? And NO, it's not because those stupid 'Shroom writers removed the category for Worst Enemy, in which my family has won for MULTIPLE YEARS AND IT HAS BECOME OUR FAMILY LEGACY! No, it's not that, it's just that The Shroom just stinks in general and I have some complaints about it! First, let's start with Fake News and that MORONIC Waluigi Time! First off, not only does that guy's cereal SUCK, but on top of that HE'S ALSO JUST SUPER ANNOYING! I mean that guy has at least 25 different sections across the paper! Give those other writers some room YOU GLORY HOG, and NO, I'm not just calling him out because he petitioned for Porcupuffers to take the top spot as Worst Enemy, it's all those other things I listed. Don't look too deep into it.
But anyways, speaking of Fake News, why does the paper have a month-long waiting period!? IT'S A STUPID PAPER YOU HACKS SO WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR THE NEXT ISSUE! I-in that I want to see how much LOWER The 'Shroom can sink, that's all. Also, why the heck hasn't anybody taken up TV Tomorrow again? That section was GOOD- ahem, from what I've heard anyways. NOW onto Fun Stuff. First off, THERE'S TOO MANY WORD GAMES! Like come ON people, get more creative than just throwing some words on a paper, JEEZ! I mean, that task is so simple even a GOOMBA could do it and they don't have any arms. Also, THE GAMES SUCK, THEY'RE IMPOSSIBLE TO FIGURE OUT! I mean I try and try BUT I CAN'T FIGURE THEM OUT, so they MUST be impossible, which in turn makes them STINK.
Next up is Palette Swap, and I only got two things to complain about. FIRST, why are there SO little comics featuring Hammer Bros? It's bad enough you took our legacy, but now THIS! And then we have Shmaluigi, Private Investigator. To put it bluntly, THE NEXT ISSUE TAKES TOO LONG TO COME OUT! I mean WHO CARES if you need to wait a month! I want my story in the NEXT ISSUE RIGHT NOW! PLUS they killed their main antagonist and all their other villains don't show up enough! I NEED- um, I mean, WE NEED NEW VILLAINS! Alongside that there are too few stories, I don't just come to look at pictures! I want- um, I-I mean they, yeah that's what I meant, THEY want more funny dialogue! Although I will say that the color they choose for their section is nice. B-but that DOESN'T mean I like Palette Swap for that reason alone.
AND NOW we get to the WORST part of The Shroom yet, and that's PIPE PLAZA. I mean WHAT. THE. HECK. AM. I. LOOKING. AT. HERE! WHYYYYYYY!?!? IS IT JUST A BUNCH OF STUPID NUMBERS!?? I mean WHO COMES TO A FUN NEWSPAPER TO LOOK AT NUMBERS!?! In that case they should just call it Number Plaza since that's all there is half the time! To put it blunt, this section is STUPID and I don't think anybody likes it, and that's (probably) a FACT. Plus, the ONLY thing I can think about it is how it has something about battle bots on it, I don't remember, but other than that it's dumb. In fact, why even have a voting system at the bottom of it? It doesn't matter when half the things in it look EXACTLY THE SAME!!! It's just like choosing to eat sand or dirt, IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE THEY BOTH TASTE THE SAME! And how do I know this? Don't worry about it. This is the only section that has NOTHING interesting about it plus it has NOTHING to do about pipes in general and that's just false advertising. That human lady who runs that section, she's SO boring, alongside that I don't even know her name! What is it, Jennifer or something? And since it's called "Pipe Plaza" shouldn't she be dressed like a plumber? That's just a missed opportunity right there.
Finally for the LAST two, I'm just grouping them together since they both have very little in terms of things I dislike about them. But for Critic Corner, MCD could you add some actually well KNOWN songs for once instead of this second rate GARBAGE you keep giving us? I mean JEEZ, these songs are like those discount movies or games you find in those movie bins at grocery stores. I mean come ON man, give us some JAZZ, some rock music, maybe even some country, I mean ANYTHING! Alongside this, most of the things that Anton guy reviews just taste AWFUL, like that Sodaroni drink he talked about a few months ago. Sure he said it was bad, but I figured he was just exaggerating. But when I tried it, it tasted like wet dog food IN SODA FORM! Just EW! And then in Strategy Wing, Pitohui, in your Pokémon Academy, why do you pick the most RANDOM Pokémon? Like, are you going in order? That can't be the case, so why don't you have the community pick what Pokémon you cover? And besides, it's a better idea than just picking random Pokémon all willy-nilly, and also it would be nice if you pick some Pokémon from a GOOD generation for once. Oh, and by the way Sparks, could you cover an actually RELEVANT game for once? Like Mario Teaches Typing 69: Mario in Space, now THAT'S a quality game.
Anyways, I hope all you morons understand why this paper stinks! My cousin who runs that Despair Pub says I should just leave it alone and that it doesn't matter if we don't keep our title as Worst Enemy, BUT I CARE! And now with this, I hope to show all of you how this paper could be better- WAIT HOLD ON, I MEANT how it could be MUCH worse than what I've told you! So yeah, anyways, that's all I have to say. Now I better stop writing or else that Wright Forde 'Shroom guy will try to convince me to join The Shroom. JEEZ that guy is annoying. Anyways, have a nice summer issue or whatever…
Diggin' Up Dirt
Written by: Spooks Booley (talk)
It's A K. Rool World
Hey. It's your guy here again, Spooks Booley, diggin' up all the dirt on the big names around here. And occasionally animals. Sometimes both. Today I'm gonna be tellin' you everything they don't want you to know about King K. Rool himself. You know all those names he shows up with? Some guys say they're just costumes, others say they're brothers. The thing is, they're both dead wrong! I've been lookin' into this, see, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that they're CLONES!
That's right, K. Rool's got an entire clone army runnin' around out there. Kaptain K. Rool, Baron K. Roolenstein, Krusha K. Rool, whatever, all clones. You ever wonder why he had that weird getup on the time he played baseball? Clone. Is King K. Rool himself even the real deal, or is he just another clone? We might never know how deep this rabbit hole truly goes! Now, okay, okay, I know what's probably rattlin' in your noggin right about now. "Spooks Booley, you're off your rocker again, why would K. Rool need a bunch of clones? What's the point?" Well, I got an answer for that! He's an evil ruler, duh! What kind of self-respecting overlord wouldn't want a bunch of duplicates to take their place if something went wrong, or, y'know, just do the dirty work in the first place while the real one stays in some cushy throne room or something. Way better deal than gettin' your skull bashed in by Donkey Kong, am I right? Of course, uh, I guess maybe you run the risk of your clones not wantin' to play second banana and tryin' to take the throne for themselves... but ehhh, details.
But now you're probably thinkin' something like, "alright, maybe I buy that, but tell me this smartypants, how's he even gettin' all these clones?", and let me tell you, it's not a secret machine in his basement. The answer is the 1-Up 'Shroom, because despite what they want you to think about it, it doesn't bring you back to life or any of that jazz. It makes CLONES.
Yeah, yeah, they can call 'em extra lives 'till the Moo Moos come home. But you ever notice how every now and then someone slips and says something like "you got an extra Mario" or whatever? It doesn't bring Mario back when he trips and falls down a bottomless pit like a total idiot! It just makes a duplicate Mario to take his place when that happens! Of course, if everyone actually knew that then they'd get all existential and stuff. Now you know, but try not to get existential anyway. And you know something else? They're even usin' these clones for mundane things like sports tournaments! You ever watch Mario Kart on the TV and see Mario, then another Mario drives by? It's all 1-Up clones, baby. None of that puny Double Cherry stuff where your "clone" copies every move you make and poofs into clouds if they so much as stub their toe. I'm talkin' real sci-fi clone army stuff here.
So now you know the secret to K. Rool's success. Well, not really success. He's still never actually succeeded at anything long-term and uhhh I think someone said the Kremlings all froze to death when the Snowmads did their thing. I'll have to check into that one. Until you hear from me again, stay sharp out there.
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Hello everyone! You may have heard that I was invited to the Mario Kart World Grand Tour, a set of races across an island dubbed the Karting Kontinent. Weird name. Anyway, because of this, I don't have any time to work on a new travel guide. So I decided to hold an audition of sorts for the newest Sunshine Travel Guide writer. I sent out flyers to a variety of places, asking anyone interested to write a small travel guide.
Unfortunately most of the flyers were destroyed in a freak accident involving some Pianta and a Shy Guy. Huh. Luckily, one shipment arrived at its destination-the annual Villains Convention, where the greatest villains, henchmen, and anti-heroes meet up to discuss evil plans and stuff. So, without further ado, let's see the submissions!
Waluigi's WAHnderful Travel Guide
Expecting The Sunshine Travel Guide? Too bad, Waluigi Time! Erm, but not like the cereal guy. I'm just regular Walugi, sportsman, dancer, king of memes… you know. Anywaa, I found this flyer, and it looks like some loser needs a new brochure writer. Well, I know of the greatest travel destination: Waluigi Island!
Waluigi's Island is mine! All mine! It totally didn't belong to Luigi until I stole it or anything. Noooooo. There's a lot to do at Waluigi's Island, like drive Waluigi vehicles, eat Waluigi food, or play Waluigi games! Just, Waatch out for traps.
| Waluigi Balloon | ||
|---|---|---|
|
This is a beautiful balloon based of my incredible moustache. Buy it or else… | |
| PRICE: | 20 coins | |
"Greetings, I am King K. Rool, and I think this place is really cool" 10/10 - DonkeyKongSux
"Uh…wow. This is an… interesting travel guide. Somehow, I feel its shortcomings may be at the fault of the location, not the writer. You're better off at one of Waluigi's other creations, like Waluigi Arcade, Waluigi Mall, or Waluigi Park. Whoa, now that I think of it, Waluigi makes a lot of stuff." -Cosmo's comment
Wario's Money Making Travel Guide
WARIO TIME! It's-a me, Wario, here with another money making scheme! Some schmuck left this flyer lying around, and it looks like another get rich quick opportunity! All I have to do is write some dumb travel guide, and I'm rich! Wahahaha!
This totally real, completely authentic city was built by me. It's a great place to visit (as long as you don't want to go inside any of the buildings), and reasonably priced. By reasonably priced I mean not actually reasonably priced.
Our plumbing systems have a few, small issues. Nothing you'll notice, but you may want to avoid the manholes. No reason. Also, please don't lean against the buildings, it, uh, makes them dirty. Yeaaah.
| Cap Replica | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Beautiful, incredible, with a very pleasant aroma. You should buy ninety of these! | |
| PRICE: | 5995 coins | |
"Once, I played some baseball here, and beat that meanie Mario. That was epic!" 10/10 - Son_of_the_king
"I've never heard of Wario City. How suspicious… anyway, Wario kind of forgot to describe any attractions at all. Seriously? I'm beginning to think this was a mistake…" -Cosmo's comment
Bowser's Roarin' Travel Guide
BWAHAHAHA! The King of the Koopas is here, ready to rock! Some chumps think they can write a better travel guide than me? Think again! I've got a massive kingdom, full of ideal vacation spots. I think the greatest of them all has to be my own fortress! So buckle up, and prepare yourself for a trip to Bowser's Castle! …Huh? What do you mean, we can't use it. They've done it before? You've got to be kidding me. Well, I've got another place, just as good.
Bowser's Museum is an incredibly boring interesting place! I gathered all the artifacts within it in completely legitimate ways. Really. I promise. There's really famous stuff here {including a tear in reality caused through time travel}. Man, this is boring. Whatever. I have better things to do.
"Did he seriously give up? Didn't even bother to put in a review, or souvenir. Dangit. Finding competent travel guide writers shouldn't be this hard! I heard Crazy Cap has a good one…" -Cosmo's comment
Travel Guide of Fawful
EEEYAH HA HA HA! It is me, the one with the name Fawful! I am finding this flyer, with the words written on it. Become a travel guide writer, says it. Fawful is having the greatest at everything, and writing guide to travel is part of everything! I have mastery of words like spider has mastery of web!
The theater that has the fun like a party, FAWFUL THEATER! It has the movies with the best, the corn that pops, and the toys with the face that is mine! Families have the loving of it! There is there staff with the friendly and you will have the fun so much you will think it is the day of your birthday even though the day is not!
| The plushie of me | ||
|---|---|---|
|
It is the teddy with the most handsome! Everyone who is a child is owning it! You should do the buying of it on the day that is today! | |
| PRICE: | 30 of the coins | |
"Sure, I may have disintegrated and been sealed away forever, but I still enjoy a good show." 10/10 - QueenofShadow
"What did I just read? I can barely understand any of this. It makes me feel like speaking with the weird. HUH!? I didn't mean to say it like that! I'm going with the crazy! By the way, isn't this guy dead?" -Cosmo's comment
Bar D. Jokue… again
Evil laughter noises! The best travel guide writer this side of my toaster is here, Bar D. Jokue! Cosmo has let his guard down once again, giving me my opportunity to strike, and end him once and for all. Then I will take over The Sunshine Travel Agency, giving this story arc's name meaning again. (It's Cosmo vs. The Agency, remember? -TheBlueCatMenace)
I have located this important flyer, that gives me a chance to infiltrate The Sunshine Travel Agency and destroy it from the inside, starting by changing the name to something shorter. MUAHAHAHA! All I have to do is write a travel guide. Easy!
Now, despite my perfect travel guide record, a few ridiculous individuals were bold enough to send complaints to me. A few of these were whining about the fact that my first travel guide included only one area. I'm solving this issue by introducing another area in the same location! However this means you can't visit the original place anymore, so it doesn't change much, but you asked for this!
Delfino Airstrip is a small runway for planes. There's a water tower, a small check-in building, and a boat. You could probably ride on the boat, maybe. Oh, there's also a bit of beach! Just be careful not to be absorbed by a Piranha Plant made of sentient paint.
| Banana coin | ||
|---|---|---|
|
It's a coin that's red. So cool. They're super rare, only eight can be found. Don't worry though, I'm selling them for cheap! | |
| PRICE: | 58584930 coins | |
"Great, when I wasn't being absorbed by sentient paint." 10/10 - Guytheshyguy
"Bar D. Jokue should probably stop putting all his evil plans in something he knows I'm going to see, maybe things would work out better for him. How did this guy manage to trap me in another universe? I wish he would leave me alone…" -Cosmo's comment
Conclusion
Welp, I guess we can put this down in history as another of my famous mistakes. Seriously, what was I thinking? Anyway, I need to head off to the Karting Kontinent now, and you'll get to hear all about it. If you thought any of these guys were actually decent, come tell me on the forums. Until next time, Ciao.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 219 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | Community Awards Dossier • Classifieds • My Switch 2 Unboxing |
A Message from VoidCo
Void Kong here! I just gotta say…. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE RELEASED THIS VILLAINS SPECIAL, ‘SHROOM! Or at LEAST have waited a month or two! Because me and my company got SCREWED OVER! Nothing, we got NOTHING here! Besides this. But still! It’s so unfair! WE CAN SUE YOU, YOU KNOW! “But it’s Nintendo’s fault,” you say. I DON’T CARE! The LEAST you can do is rename this joke of a newspaper to “The ‘Nana”! Isn’t that right, Grumpy and Poppy? Oh, right. I gotta go kidnap Pauline and turn her into a rock now. But watch out, 'Shroom staff–I'm turning all of YOU into rocks next!
