The 'Shroom:Issue 132/Fake News

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Editorial

Shroom2017 MrConcreteDonkey.png

Welcome to another exciting issue of the Fake News! It's March, so technically that means winter is over and done. In actuality, over here it has snowed multiple times today. It's a pity Weather Forecast is on its bi-monthly break or maybe I would have been prepared.

Nonetheless, despite the perils of the weather, Fake News is here for you. Come rain or shine, snow or...hail, which is basically hard snow. Or fog.

Actually, maybe not fog. You probably wouldn't be able to see the screen. Don't read the Fake News in fog. Everything else is fine. Thanks.

~ MrConcreteDonkey (talk)

Section of the Month

FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH
Place Section Votes  % Writer
1st Monthly Inquisition 31 51.67% Koohitsu
2nd TV Tomorrow 10 16.67% Quizmelon
3rd Obituaries 8 13.33% Yoshi876



News Report

Bad news for Shroomlock fans.
[read more]
Entertainment Features

Koops returns to Prism Island to take another look around.
[read more]

Quizmelon tells us what to watch on the telly.
[read more]

YKMR3000 looks at what Nintendo has in store for us in 2018!
[read more]
Shop Scout
Hooded Pitohui

Flavio evaluates Psycho Kamek's methods.
[read more]
Selling Out
Raregold

This rare offer is golden!
[read more]


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Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Shroomlock

Pint-sized prince.

The life of criminals have just gotten so much easier after the biggest thorn in their sides died peacefully earlier this month. Shroomlock passed away peacefully, with his wife Mrs. Shroomlock – yes her first name is Mrs. – by his side.

Many criminals like Paratroopa and Blooper were pleased about his passing, although they mentioned that his incompetence while alive still meant that they were able to commit many crimes. “I convinced the old dolt that my bank heist was a once a prank, because of him I've been able to steal millions,” said Paratroopa.

However, not everyone was pleased about his passing. Akiki, the former mayor of Jungle Area said: “He was a very reliable, if often late, friend. I will miss him dearly, although I still haven't quite forgiven him for not telling my friend Ukiki that my disappearing act was just a harmless prank.”

Since Shroomlock's passing, crime has risen in Mushroom City, Mushbert had many of his Toad Force V figures stolen, Snifit was attacked in the Horror Condo, and Princess Peach had her car stolen by some laughing Mechakoopa. Although, apparently he only stole the car to test some theorems on speed.

Shroomlock's funeral will be held later this month, and Mrs. Shroomlock and Thwomp, one of Shroomlock's only friends will be attendance. Shroomlock is set to be buried at the Boo Cemetery. And, hang on, back you brute! You will not be stealing my writing equipment today! Sorry folks, gotta dash, some Spear Guy has just nabbed by desk using his spear. Here's to hoping that I will have it back next month.

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Written by: Koops

It’s been a while... it’s been since December I haven’t done anything new... and during that time, I flunked did some exams, celebrated my birthday and left the community only to come back in less than a month. But it’s been two issues since I haven’t written any section! I even forgot that I was, right now, the only travel guide left... We Travel Guides... I the Travel Guide are an endangered species, because apparently people use maps nowadays to navigate through the world. And sadly, Archagenteverlasting, the other travel guide guy was fired... ok you knew that already. Which sucks... because I was hoping I could you know, do something with him on the subject of our beloved section. But well, I kinda expected it since he was in jail last time and it was unlikely he could’ve gotten out of there... but anyway...

Hello 'Shroom readers! Come closer, as I, the one, the only, clumsy but bold Koops ventures through various places to tell you about wether you should or shouldn’t visit a specific location that I just wanna talk about!

You know, now I look back at my first Issue, and... I actually realize I didn’t make a proper tour on Prism Island. There were many locations I missed and therefore didn’t mention. So, you know what that means... we’ll have to dive back in the world where color means life! The world that is made of paper and cardboard! The world where the black paint is an evil entity that possesses whoever it wraps! The world where— For the sake of respecting the length limit of the section which becomes boring if said limit is exceeded, we will spare you every other name or expression by which Prism Island is alluded to— So anyway, without further ado, let’s a go, like some red shirt blue overalls-dressed plumber would say it!

So, back at Port Prisma, which is, if you haven’t read Issue 125, the most populated town in the island, and the location of the Prisma fountain that houses the six big paint stars. They are full of paint, in fact, they are so full, they can paint giant coins, a huge chasm, a Draggadon or even THE OCEAN, without losing any paint. Basically the gods of the island. "And Koops, what are these Pokemon cards you told us about?" Well, my friends, these aren’t Pokemon cards, but battle cards. I asked the Card Connoisseur Toad what they’re for, and he told me that there are many enemies around, and these cards are to defend yourself. I eventually tried it!

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Okay, the actual way these things work, is that if your card has a big hammer drawing on it, you get a big hammer just like the one on the card, but in real size! Just be sure not to crush yourself if you use a huge hammer card, because these things can get pretty heavy. Especially when you’re a Toad. But I also hear that a Toad’s cap protects it from being harmed, so I don’t know about that. I’m just warning you because of my own... experience with these things.

TravelGuideMar18B.jpg

Anyway, we’re done talking about cards here. Cards are NOT locations, Prism Island is! So I already mentioned Dark Bloo Inn last time we were here right? It’s located in the "blue" district of the Island, and it’s not really a bad place. Let’s just go inside!

Hey people! Guess who’s here to visit your hotel! It’s Koops! The Travel Guide!

Toad Stewarts: "Koops? What kind of dumb name is that? I sure hope whoever carries it isn’t being laughed at by people! -Tell me about it! I know a guy called TangerinoGrillChef! And another one called LighthouseKeeper! But RockPaperWizard is cool, that’s one name I respect!"

...

Well, anyway, I’m here to introduce your hotel to the world! May I look around?

Toad Stewart: "Heck No! We can’t have these... 3D people visit our cardboard hotel! They’ll destroy it by stepping into it! And they all look weird!"

Umm... I’m in 3D! Plus, I need this for my article, see... I kinda need that job and all... and I’m not weird... and this clock is ticking me off... it looks haunted...

Toad Stewart: "Yeah, you see, some ghosts started playing with it lately, when it reaches 3 o’clock—"

Hey people! Guess who’s here to visit your hotel! It’s Koops! The Travel Guide!

Toad Stewarts: "Koops? What kind of dumb name is that? I sure hope whoever carries it isn’t being laughed at by people! -Tell me about it! I know a guy called Tangerinogrillchef! And another one called Lighthousekeeper! But RockPaperWizard is cool, that’s one name I respect!"

...

Wait a sec! Now I realize what’s off about that clock! It makes sure the hotel is stuck in a time loop! Let’s get out of here!

But next to the hotel is a nice place called Plum Park. And you know, it’s cool. I even met a Piranha Plant with legs. Some Toad Stewart told me though not to talk to him too much, because apparently his humor was unstable. I regret the fact that I ignored this warning. It made it a run in the park.

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Now terrible jokes aside, we still got tons of things to talk about.

If the Plum Park isn’t the best place to take a walk in, then I’d recommend leaving the task of "place for walking" to The Green District of Prism Island. You’ll find Mondo Woods and the sacred forest there, but unfortunately, after some magic spell shenanigans, they both have been turned to inaccurate proportions. But, at the very least, we still got the part of the forest around the Green Energy plant. The Green Energy plant is in itself a small lab where the most brilliant scientist of the island studies... Mario history. I’m not even being humorous as I always am here, he literally studies Mario history... don’t believe me? Well, since I don’t know if you will visit this place or not in the future, I’ll tell you what makes me say that in the form of an image that so very precisely depicts the situation in which I was in.

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Next to the Green Energy Plant, you’ll find Mossrock Theater, but don’t go there. All the performers are either psychopathic murderers with a fake license or just very unskilled jugglers who throw their projectiles at their audience. Don’t even get me started on these Shy Guys in Roulettes that may get in your way and run over you. Also some unmuzzled dinosaurs that can breath fire. And the fog doesn’t help. However, there may be a reason you want to try to get past there. And that’s only because the Emerald circus is all the way past this mess, and it’s a cool circus. The Star of it, someone whose name I believe is Lemmy Koopa, is an expert at making things disappear. You know, the trick every magician in the world wants to be able to do without going through all this kind of gibberish about illusions and stuff like that? Well, he’s so good at it, he actually makes things disappear! Literally! So if he ever asks for a volunteer, just leave the task to the other performers. They’re trained professionals and are experts at "reappearing". The circus also has more efficient Jugglers who actually juggle instead of throwing hammers off the scenery, and much more Shy Guy related acts. Too bad it is, again located ON THE *BLEEP*ING FORGOTTEN EDGE OF THIS BLOODY ISLAND!

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Blood... its color is red... yeah, we still got the red district! Nothing too much, you got Ruddy Road, which has a cool cafe in it. Its slogan is "Taste that turns your tongue upside down!" Wonder where they got that from. There’s Cherry Lake, your typical lake, and the Crimson Tower, which is a dungeon? I guess? I mean it’s got candles everywhere and looks like a prison... so it’s supposed to be a dungeon? But the highlight here is Redpepper Volcano, which contains a spa. Apparently the lava makes water hot and good for hot springs. But the only problem is that the spa is located in the center of the volcano. Wonder why these Toads put these places in those death-thirsty deadly obstacle courses. I mean falling in lava is enough to kill a human being, but then again, these are Toads. Maybe if they fall on their caps into the lava they would float on it or something? Probably. So that makes part of the danger negligible.

In the Yellow District, we have some other locations that are worthy to note. Sunglow Ridge, for example, is known for having the debris of some giant meteor that crashed there not long ago, and it is the only place on Prism Island to still contain remnants of Black Paint. Aside from that, there’s the Mustard cafe, which I introduced you to last time on the island, and the chasm’s still there, nothing changed about that. There’s also Daffodil Peak, a mountain on top of which you will find a cutout of a Toad, with which you can... pretend to be that Toad? What’s the point of it though? Is that Toad special in any way? You also got The Golden Coliseum. It’s basically a place where you can fight many people at once. But all of them are fighting for a price. No one knows what it is, but rumor has it it was already taken. My first time coming here, I decided to actually compete in these battles, and I had a local paint can fill me on everything, because he apparently already knows how to win. Here’s what happened:

Okay, I’m in the battle now, and please, tell me fast, because I see some Hammer Bros have spotted me and are heading towards me right now... and the fact that I don’t look like anyone else here kinda makes me a target.

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What boxes?

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Oh... I see... that doesn’t look too good.

So okay, I got my ass kicked back there, but I blame the connection of this talkie-walkie. I would’ve got it. At the same time though, I’m happy I didn’t get to accidentally kill over two hundred gladiators and get a taste of their blood or anything.

The Orange district is basically a desert. In it you can find the Kiwano Temple, which is a temple built around spinies, but I have no idea why. And you know, I was wrong about Tangerino Grill. I thought it was attacked by some living meat, but it turns out said meat was actually afraid of the chef, who terrorized it every day of its existence, so I’m glad it got eaten and that its painful existence had finally come to an end. The main thing going on in this district is the Sunset Express, the most famous train in here, which travels from Marmalade Valley to Starlight cape, which is a great area for stargazing. However, I heard of rockslides happening there. I even ran into one. I tried talking politely to the rock to go away, but I guess I was too mesmerized by the hills with eyes of the Mushroom Kingdom that I forgot rocks were not sentient, although I got a feeling that the rock was just ignoring me here.

A Prime example of Huey politely talking the rock into going away.

The last district I haven’t talked about, even in the last issue I was here, is the Purple one. I mean, technically, I just introduced Plum Park, which is part of it, but it also has a lot more in store for us. Outside of Prism Island.

Violet Passage is a port, and the second most main one after Port Prisma (that’s because there are only two ports here), in which there is a pirate ship. I asked that same paint can I mentioned to accompany me on this cruise, I’m just waiting for him now.

Huey: "Just so you know, I have a name, and I’m way more than your typical flying paint can! Whatever, let’s get this trip started!"

So first off, here, we got to do some stuff to progress through the ocean! Such as shoot these targets that look like Bloopers and Cheep Cheeps. Honestly what does this have to do with getting across the sea?

Huey: "Some idiot Toad once had fun shooting stuff and turning around to get to Vortex Island, so now each time someone wants to get there, they have to do exactly as he did. Just let the cannons go crazy, you’ll be able to get a higher score than he did."

You just said I had to do the same thing he did!

Huey: "That IS exactly what he did. Waving their arms and blinking rapidly is what Toads do best."

Oh... everything’s so clear now. Let’s do it! Toad Style!

TravelGuideMar18I.png

Okay, we made it! That must be Vortex Island! My skills at waving my arms must’ve paid off!

Huey: "Uhh... no... that’s Fortune Island... there’s a charcoal grill here, I brought some burgers if you wanna eat."

After we found said grill, here’s what happened!

Huey:"Yeah, you know, it really isn’t that important to say it that way, the story’s still not finished!"

Yeah whatever, this thing’s too heavy! I can’t get it outside!

Huey:"Just squeeze it, then get it outside!"

Oh yeah, thanks to the shady guy I met before (please read Issue 125 to further understand that statement), I know how to squeeze things! It then turns into a card!

Huey:"You catch fast, Bub!"

Okay, here we are outside. How do I use this thing now?

Huey:"I dunno find a cutout spot!"

Nah, I got a better idea! Let’s engage the burger in a battle and use it on it!

Huey:"Ooooh! I like the way you think, sir!"

That fight was tough, I had to use up many mushrooms there, because the burger actually attacked us. But when our turn came, we used the grill and... grilled the burger!

Huey:"That was a cool burger! You know, we should stay in touch! We should hang out more often!"

Yeah definitely! We should fight more burgers in the future! Maybe pizzas, lobsters, or even an entire buffet! I can tell we’re gonna fight a lot of food!

Huey:"Yeah ok! But you know, let me tell the readers about this place! A legendary captain once came here with this very ship on which we traveled,..."

You mean that idiot Toad you told me about?

Huey: "Yyyyyyyesssssss... anyway he came here looking for a treasure, only to find out that it was already taken! But he didn’t come back, so many other Toads tried to get to Fortune Island and died on the way!"

Wow! I bet they died because their ship sunk in the sea!

Huey: "No... actually yes, but the thing is they were all seasick. They died of illness, THEN their ship sank, with no one left on board."

Oh... did something else happen?

Huey: "Yes! Me and Mario once accompanied a slightly more..."

MARIO?! THE MARIO?! I mean I met him before, but I didn’t know you did!

Huey: "It’s... a long story... so we accompanied a slightly more successful and virile and less... coward captain all the way from Violet passage to here! It was because we had a quest to find the Big Paint St..."

WHAT?! THE BIG PAINT STARS WENT MISSING THAT TIME?! I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW BAD IT WAS!

Huey: "CAN I FINISH MY STORY FOR *BLEEP*’S SAKE?! And yes, it was bad... like a tuna fish sandwich without ketchup!"

Honestly, a tuna fish sandwich without mayo is a more horrible nightmare!

Huey: "Whatever... so we went through Vortex Island, then Lighthouse Island, and finally here... I also witnessed a horrible scene of a girl falling in love with Mario. Bleck!"

That must’ve been bad... anyway, what is that skull? Is it here for show or did any living creature really have a head this big?

Huey: "That’s for the scientists to figure out... and seen the best one in Prism Island is one that studies Mario History, I’m not sure this case is ever getting cracked!"

You know what, this place is cool, but my section’s gonna be ridiculously long! I should get going!

Huey: "You’re leaving? But you just got here!"

Don’t worry, I’ll come back, I think. I’ve been invited to the Mario Awards, they will take place here, or so I think.

And with that, I finally made a full tour on the main stuff going on here! I hope you liked this comeback Issue! Now I can’t promise I’ll submit a section every month, but I’ll try. It’s just that... matters are keeping me busy. This has been Koops signing off. So until next time, Peace!

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Written by: Quizmelon (talk)

It’s time for what you’ve all been waiting for, nervously biting your nails as you question which Mushroom Kingdom-exclusive TV shows you’re going to watch... yes, that’s right, TV Tomorrow is back for March, and, as you all know, today I’ll be once again discussing the top three shows of tomorrow that you must see*. So, let’s get to it!

Yellow Yoshi is severely injured in Yoshi’s Island, tomorrow marking its 15th year on MKBC2.

Yoshi’s Island
MKBC2, 8.30pm
Genre: Soap
The hit soap marks its 15th year of running tomorrow, and it’s still going strong. In this special episode, Yellow Yoshi is attacked and put into a coma by Kamek after an altercation following the events of a Yoshis-only party. While some worry about his recovery, others are desperate to find Kamek, who is missing.

Tomorrow at 7pm - Mario observes and interacts with some of the Volbonans in the first part of Mount Volbono: Unpacked.

New: Mount Volbono: Unpacked
The Nature Channel, 7pm
Genre: Wildlife show
Mario hosts this wonderful five-part wildlife show that explores the secret world of Mount Volbono. In this first part, Mario, resplendent in a chef costume as is commonly seen on the mountain, explores the culture of the Volbonans, the mysterious creatures that are the primary species in the region.

Green Party Political Broadcast
MKBC Politics, 9pm
Genre: Political programming
For those few interested in politics, Luigi, head of the Green Party (not the environmentally friendly party; just the one whose favourite colour is green) broadcasts directly from a large field, where he attempts to rally support to get himself elected in the upcoming Acorn Plains by-election. Definitely one only for people who understand politics.

So, your curiosities have been satisfied: those are the programmes you should watch if you are to catch up on the television schedules tomorrow. Hope that whatever you watch on TV is good, although if you’re watching the Wario Channel, I don’t think you’ll strike lucky. See you next time!

*Note: you don’t have to see any of them. But if you don’t, you will probably become very unpopular with any friends you have in the Mushroom Kingdom.

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Written by: YKMR3000 (talk)

Hiya everyone! Welcome to another breathtaking installment of Game Corner! Today, I have finally come out of hibernation to bring you some fantastic news! After months of fighting it, at long last, I have given in to the pressures of my fellow ‘Shroomiseurs and have become one of Nintendo’s many cooperate shills!

Yes, thank you. Thank you, everyone.

And as a cooperate shill, it’s my duty to keep you informed on the latest and greatest that Nintendo has to offer!

For example, I’m sure you’ve all seen the latest Nintendo Direct:

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How exciting! I’m sure all of you youngsters would love me to go into more detail concerning this new development! Fortunately for you, I am legally obligated to mention something Nintendo-related every 5 seconds, so I really don’t have much choice in the matter! Which reminds me, did you know that the symbol on Waluigi’s hat is actually an upside-sown L? It’s true!

Nintendo is Officially Running Out of Ideas (And when I say “Officially,” I mean it’s literally an official announcement)

Me, personally, I’ve always found ideas a little overrated. I mean, come on! It’s only a noun referring to a thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action. What’s the big deal? That’s why I think that this new strategy is the way of the future! Did you know that the main character of the Legend of Zelda series isn’t actually named Zelda? I think it’s about time we took a little looksee at these new games!

Last Ditch Effort #1: Super Mario Bros: Minus World Adventures

What was your favorite part of the original Super Mario Bros game? Was it knowing that the money you used to buy it was going to such a wonderful company as Nintendo? Probably, but there’s also the famous Minus World! Who doesn’t love going through the same exact water level for all eternity? Heretics, that’s who!

Well, now you can finally experience it in jaw-dropping 3D with Super Mario Bros: Minus World Adventures, along with tons of other completely broken levels!

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Our expert programmers have spent minutes plugging random strings of code into an Apple II computer to achieve this mind-bending update on an old classic! You play as an amalgamation of pixels that, for the sake of consistency, we’ll call “Mario,” who is on a quest to save Princess Toadstool from the evil Lord Bowser. Fortunately, he gets a little sidetracked ramming his head repeatedly on the corner of a brick box in the second level, passing out and hallucinating a hellish landscape of awful(ly good) glitches!

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Wowzers! Your 3DS may never function again! It’s fun for the whole family! Even your epileptic grandma can join in on the fun! Make her last moments the best of them all! Toad’s head is a mushroom! Of course it’s a ten out of ten!

Final Rating: 10/10


Last Ditch Effort #2: Luigi’s Mansion: E. Gadd’s Garage

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At first, this spin-off was planned to draw inspiration from the Mario Party 6 board of the same name, but that sounded too much like an idea, so they scrapped that and starting making the game with no clear direction! What they ended up with was a thrilling and chilling take on the original Luigi’s Mansion. It’s like a dark and grimy version Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, except with the smell of fecal matter and rotting flesh instead of candy! Ignore the screams, that’s normal.

So in this game, you play as E. Gadd’s new assistant, as you prepare pitches for Gadd Science’s new projects to foreign militaries! What fun! You won’t even be put on a government watch list for it!

…In game of course….

I can’t quite say the same for real life….

Donkey Kong looooooooooooooooooves bananas!

Final Rating: 10/10


Last Ditch Effort #3: New Super Mario’s Hat

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At long last, the true star of Super Mario series gets its own game! Why isn’t Mario the star? Simple! In every main series Super Mario game that Mario appears in, he wears his hat, but in New Super Luigi U, Mario’s hat appears in the opening and Mario is nowhere to be found!

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Ergo, Mario’s hat appears in more Super Mario games than he does, ergo, it’s the real star, ergo, it’s what fans REALLY play Mario games for, ergo, it should have its own game, ergo, it does. Understand?

Now, you might be thinking that Mario’s hat might function the same way as it does in Odyssey, but you’d be wrong! You see, the story of this game is that Mario leaves to save the princess, but forgets his hat on the way. You play as this lost hat, waiting patiently for Mario to return. That’s right! You can finally play as an actual hat, doing anything and everything a hat can do in real life!

At first I was worried that this game might have some new ideas (after all, aren’t the New Super Mario games known for ALWAYS being SO DIFFERENT from previous installments) but after playing it, my fears have all been wiped away! Guess I won’t be needing this!

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Final Rating: 10/10


Hoo boy! Well this coming year is certainly looking to be a good one for Nintendo fans young and old! So, see you guys next time, where I’ll continue to blindly praise all future idea-less products! Have a great…

Hold on, I have an e-mail.

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Well, that’s disappointing. So long five dollars an hour…. Well, I suppose it’s all for the best. Those games were garbage anyhow. So, it looks like things are gonna being going back to normal after all, so have a great day and see you next time! All hail the status quo!

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Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)

This month, my work brings me to Little Fungitown, a quaint little village built by Toads who have set up shop in the BeanBean Kingdom. Why would Flavio, who is so acquainted with the sea, scale the enormous mushrooms this town sits upon, you ask? Flavio answers thusly: I have come to evaluate the work of Psycho Kamek. Some call him a fake, scamming the desperate out of their money, while others swear his work has changed their life. I have decided that I shall put the wizard to the test, to settle this matter once and for all. No one has a mind as sharpened as Flavio, after all. I’m well-renowned among the business world for spotting frauds from miles away, so I shall do my duty to the people and evaluate this reclusive Magikoopa.

To get to Psycho Kamek, I first had to reach the isolated Little Fungitown. After a grueling trek through an arid valley, I found myself stepping onto some sort of futuristic levitating platform which whisked me to the top of the mushrooms the town sits upon. This platform moved far too quickly and exceeded a safe height, if you ask me. Even for someone as adventurous as myself, this was a harrowing trip. Such an occurrence does not deter one as focused as Flavio, though. I quickly regained my composure and resumed my mission. Unfortunately, I then made the mistake, er, I do mean to say that, in order to have a more authentic experience, I cultivated a case of acrophobia by looking down upon the Teehee Valley. Yes, for the benefit of readers, Flavio makes sacrifices like this. I knew that many visitors come to this isolated locale to have the skilled hypnotist assist them in overcoming their fears.

A picture of the exalted hypnotist at work on Flavio. I cannot guarantee transcendence, but this wizard can surely ease your psychological ailments.

Upon arriving in the shop of the fabled mage, I could immediately sense the powerful aura he exuded. To those who call him a quack, Flavio must dispute your assertion! Who but a true visionary would be arguing with their lamp as their patient looked on in silence? I could tell the Toad sitting in the patient chair was in some sort of powerful trance, as he looked most uncomfortable and his mouth hung agape, as if he was so stunned he could say nothing. Watching the mushroom scurry out of the room in a rush, as though he were ecstatic to have a new lease on life, I could only hope that I could have such a moving and intense experience with Psycho Kamek.

The mage did not disappoint, for as soon as his previous patient had left the room, he turned his full attention on me. I cannot even begin to describe the experience I had in that brief session, but I recall that, as soon as my eyes met the gaze of the mage’s, the room darkened. I had not even told him my ailment, but I slipped into unconsciousness as he shouted unnatural nonsense (which I could only assume to be incantations) and waved his heavy, metal wand ever closer to my head. In this state, I was assaulted by unusual and twisted visions of flashing lights and laughter. When I finally was aroused from my trance by the sound of a television remote hitting the floor, I found the mage sitting in a chair and watching sitcoms. I had apparently fallen down at his feet during my session, and he had found it fit to use me as an ottoman. Normally I would have to protest such mistreatment, but the wizard has so impressed me that I think it petty to lodge a complaint. As I pulled myself up and prepared to leave, I checked my pockets for the money I had brought to pay Psycho Kamek for his service. I implore you to imagine my shock when I found that my pockets were empty. As it turned out, the mage had somehow retrieved his due during my session. I did not even think to inquire what sort of magical technique he must have used to perform such a feat. It was a stroke of good fortune that I had thought to bring a bit of extra money, as when I awoke I found that the price on the office board was higher than in the brochure I had brought. Though I thought they had been in agreement before the session, I was too elated that I had brought just enough to cover the price to dwell on this.

While his methods may be esoteric, I must admit that Psycho Kamek does his job effectively. My concerns with the height of the town were completely gone; I found that I simply could not focus on the fear long enough for it to worry me anymore. My only complaint, if one could call it that, was that, for the rest of my trip, my peripheral vision was blurred and I had a dull pain in the back of my head. Flavio has no doubts that these were simply side-effects from the hypnotist's trance which had not yet completely faded. When I returned to the local Mushroom Kingdom Embassy to begin my writings on my experience, the resident medical staff expressed concern with a bruise on the back of my head. When I returned to the mage to inquire if anything had happened, he assured me that it resulted from my falling on the floor while I was under his trance. In retrospect, I cannot quite recall how he convinced me of this narrative, but I left confident that what he had told me had transpired was factual.

I must conclude by highly recommending that you pay a visit to Psycho Kamek, though, as he has you sign a liability waiver before scheduling a session, do ensure that you have proper health insurance.

Selling Out

Written by: Raregold (talk)

Many people want to own a house on the coast where they can sip smoothies all day while sunbathing (try saying that three times fast). That dream can be a little tough to beach, but that's no reason for a sandy attitude. One look at this property recently put up on the market and isle guarantee you’ll soon be peacefully waking up to the sound of seagull, or else I’ll be swimming with the fishes.

Realah T. Tip #1: If you want to sell to the locals try to look like them first. (Credit to Hooded Pitohui)

This property was put up by a hot headed resident who had to leave this villa in the heart of Isle Delfino due to the supply of tree leaves drying up. The two floored villa will no be sending your moon downtown despite being unfurnished. Besides the original hardwood floors and polished porcelain tub, the true beauty of the home comes in the convenience that is accessible as soon as you step out of the front door.

Located right in the town square’s first row of homes this beauty borders the nearby canals, which are able to be navigated by boat for a romantic evening dinner. Produce stands are right down the street with such diversity you may as well call it a fruit salad. If your sweet tooth just isn't biting there is a great fish market not too far past the stands. Of course another benefit of water front property is being able to catch your own dinner. If this becomes a hobby, boat shops are nearby if you want to go deep. Something is always in season and the same is true with the party scene.

With the spacious rooms and open floor plan, you’ll be the life of the monthly festivals put on by the Tourism Board. Thanks to the previous owner the villa is capable of withstanding more than it appears to. The floors are made of imported ipe wood among the world’s hardest as well as a quartz finish on the balcony. So whether its a late night jam or a quiet parade there is plenty of reason to celebrate with this home.

With how tough this unit is it’s sure to be a steel!

Be sure to bite this deal before it goes hook, line, and sinker. In an area like this properties don’t stay afloat for long. So give Realah T. a call at (868) 259-7325, yeah buoy.

Bon voyage!
The 'Shroom: Issue 132
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