The 'Shroom:Issue 213/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! Merry last 'Shroom issue of the year, and oh yeah happy holidays too I suppose. We've got our festive Christmas lights up in the Fake News offices this year because I found extra boxes down in the basement! I was definitely not talking to any ninjas down there, by the way. Nope, no sirree.
Well, we've got a fun edition of Fake News for you as always to close out 2024. All of your usual Fake News favorites are here, plus some extras! This may be ClawgripFan9001's month off from Cooking Guide, but he has a special News Flush for you to read! I've also written another edition of Police Blotter, but I have to give credit where it's due and thank Reverse Input for the original concept. Unfortunately, due to budget cuts The 'Shroom's partnership with Overlook Mountain Auction House is coming to an end, so this will be the final edition of Overlook Mountain Auction House Presents. Hopefully you enjoy it! If you need to conceal your emotions over it, well, I don't think the mask they're auctioning off will help you, sorry.
Does your New Year's resolution perhaps involve finally getting around to writing that 'Shroom section you've been procrastinating on? Well, we'd love to have you and to help you stick to it! Everything you need to join us as a writer can be found on our sign up page. If you'd just like to volunteer for a one-off like News Flush or Police Blotter, you can do that too with no application needed! Just send it privately to me and I'll get everything straightened out from there. We hope to hear from you soon!
Section of the Month
Another first place finish for The Sunshine Travel Guide, this time a collaboration between TheBlueCatMenace and Boo1268 as they explore Autumn Heights! Dear Waluigi Time took second with advice for angry Spike Tops, platforming with triangles, and trying to avoid your house being blown to smithereens. In a close third, we have a tie between Legend 8's The Sorcery Show featuring Pyro and Kroop visiting a reunion of antilogicians, and Fungal Forager's Field Guide with Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui's (talk) coverage of everyone's favorite enemy that only appeared in New Super Mario Bros., the Snailicorn! Thank you for supporting our writers and be sure to keep it up!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 13 | 25.49% | TheBlueCatMenace and Boo1268 |
| 2nd | Dear Waluigi Time | 10 | 19.61% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 3rd | The Sorcery Show | 8 | 15.69% | Legend 8 |
| 3rd | Fungal Forager's Field Guide | 8 | 15.69% | Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk) |
Written by: Claw Gripstofferson
DOOZER PARTY SECURES LANDSLIDE VICTORY IN MUSHROOM KINGDOM PARLIAMENTARY ELECTIONS!
After several ongoing delays, last month, the Mushroom Kingdom was finally able to get its Parliamentary Elections underway after the fall of Mushroom Kingdom Parliament under the leadership of the Toad Minister and the Traditional Party last year. In a surprise landslide victory, the Doozer Party under the leadership of Bulb-rich Narcissus emerged victorious in the election race that took place last month from November 8 to November 24.
Bulb-rich Narcissus, due to be appointed Prime Minister of the Mushroom Kingdom once the Doozer Party takes office in January, has thanked the crowds in front of Princess Peach’s Castle in a victory speech following the final election results, saying that he is grateful for having earned the trust of the Mushroom Kingdom population during the campaigning process for the elections and that once him and his party are to take office, they will do their best to pick up where the Toad Minister and the Traditional Party left off and turn the Mushroom Kingdom around for the better.
Both supporters and opponents of the Doozer Party have reached out to us for comments on the results of the election, with Doozer Party supporter and Resident Representative of Koopa Village, Koover telling us the following:
“This is certainly a satisfactory result for the people of the Mushroom Kingdom. They saw that the Doozer Party was looking out for their best interests, and elected them into Parliament where they plan on weeding out the naughty sprouts that have been troubling Mushroom Kingdom politics for the last few years. Perhaps with the result of this election, things will finally start looking up for the Mushroom Kingdom.”
Likewise, Doozer Party opponent and Resident Representative of Seaside Town, Tadric Poleas has told us the following in response to the election results:
“It’s a very unfortunate and regrettable day for the history of Mushroom Kingdom politics with soon-to-be Prime Minister Narcissus and the Doozer Party coming out on top in this election. The Doozer Party has proven in the past that they can be just as, if not more inadequate as the leading party of Mushroom Kingdom Parliament than the Traditional Party, looking at Doozer Party’s ten year premiership under Yosemite Cheep-Cheep and the following two year premiership under Waldough Hunt. While we must remain hopeful that Bulb-rich Narcissus will learn from the mistakes of his preceding Doozer Party colleagues put into the position of premiership to set a better example for the party in the years to come, we must also remain cautious about the possibility of a downright drainage clog caused by Narcissus’ premiership in the future.”
The demissionary Toad Minister has also commented on the election results, stating that while he laments the landslide victory of the Doozer Party and the nearing appointment of Bulb-rich Narcissus as Prime Minister, he has to give credit where credit’s due and congratulate the Flower Fields born and raised Bub-ulb politician on this result, and hopes that Narcissus will induce magic and happiness for those who inhabit the Mushroom Kingdom once the time to pass the torch arrives. We at The ‘Shroom will keep you updated on this situation as it develops.
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Boo1268, Legend 8, and Shy Guy on Wheels
Dear Waluigi Time, I wanted to get all the Fake News writers a gift for Christmas, but I don't know what everyone likes! And I'm worried they won't like what I get them or maybe what I get them won't be good enough, so what do I do? - Boo1268 The "Festive" Phantom
Great question! It's not always easy to shop for people - and to find out what they would want in the first place. Some people will happily tell you what they want if you ask. Others will happily tell you even if you don't ask! My point is that it can't hurt to ask, but when someone won't tell you what they want, or if you want it to be a surprise, there's plenty of ways to figure out what the perfect gift would be!
Sometimes, a little basic observation goes a long way. Some people make their interests glaringly obvious without the need for words, like a certain director I know who has an office filled with Vincent Price and Robot Wars memorabilia. For the less obvious, observation still works, except now we call it eavesdropping! It sounds like it has negative connotations, but it's fine, and also kind of fun. Just keep an ear out for what your giftees are saying, especially when they think you aren't listening, and you'll probably get some really good present inspiration. Since you're a ghost, you've got a bunch of special powers to make this a lot easier. But for the rest of my more mortal readers, this still works all the same if you try hiding behind potted plants or oddly shaped lamps.
But if subtlety doesn't work (or you just think it's boring), a little trickery could always be the key! You know who people will always tell what they want for Christmas? That's right, Santa Claus. So the plan is simple, disguise yourself as Santa Claus and ask what they want for Christmas. They'll tell you because you're Santa Claus, and what are they gonna do, say "no Santa, I don't want presents from you"? Pssh! Well, maybe... You might actually run into trouble if the person you're talking to has strong long-standing beef with old St. Nick... Wouldn't want to get wrapped up in a whole kidnapping or whatever. Everyone on the Fake News team is fine, though. Probably. Between you and me, I've got some suspicions about Pyro.
Dear Waluigi Time,
So, quite some time ago, I met this strange black-robed guy who just warped into existence and asked me for chicken teeth, which was an incredible coincidence as a teethed chicken had just hatched that morning. He then told me I should start to mass-produce these chickens, and so I did - but they don't really sell that well, and also the toothed chickens have a tendency to eat each other. So I'm almost broke and I was going to ask you what to do, but then I realised that this actually never happened because my timeline seems to have been erased! What do I do NOW?!
-- a very confused Toad farmer
A victim of one of those pesky retcons, eh? It happens more than you think. Usually there's fairies involved, I hear. Thankfully, it looks like you've lucked out and dodged an ill-advised business venture! (I wish that would happen to me...) So the first thing you should do is don't do that again. No more trusting strange black-robed guys (you can trust me though because I wear purple, people who wear purple are awesome and trustworthy) and no more mass producing chickens with teeth. Birds shouldn't have teeth unless they're cartoon characters that can phase them in and out of existence at will, and honestly even that's kind of pushing it.
But now that you have some experience with mass production of livestock, you can try something else! Hopefully something that will actually sell and won't literally cannibalize. Now, I'm no farmer, but as someone who purchases large quantities of produce for industrial production, I can think of a few ideas that just might fly off whatever the livestock equivalent is of shelves! I'm not gonna write them here, though. I'll just have my legal department draw up a little contract, you know, exclusive purchasing rights, liability waivers, a no-strings-attached exit for me if things don't turn out well, all the usual stuff that you don't need to concern yourself with. Just drop by my place sometime and we'll talk things out, okay?
By the way, I'm just assuming that you haven't been displaced into a timeless void of some sort, because you managed to send me this question. If you are in the timeless void, that's a pretty neat trick!
Dear Waluigi Time,
This "Sam" guy has trapped me in his game show demanding I answer questions for points, and every time I think it's over, it starts over again with a new format! How do I free myself from this endless cycle, the never ending hell, that is the Game Changer thread on marioboards.com.
Sincererely, a distressed forum user.
Good news, I've discovered the secret to escaping the Game Changer thread! First, you need to be at the top of the leaderboard while you have at least 120 points. When that happens, the truck will drive away, allowing you to access the secret Waluigi door underneath it. If you enter the door, you'll find Sonic and Tails inside, but you have to fight them first. If you beat them, you'll unlock them both as playable characters, allowing you to use their superspeed or flight ability to escape from the thread. I got this info from a dream I had after reading your question, so hopefully it's accurate.
Or you could just stop clicking on the thread, I guess. If you can't keep away from it, consider wearing an accessory that delivers a mild electric shock whenever you open that thread! Unless you have incompatible medical conditions, and now that I've made that disclaimer nobody can sue me for this advice.
That's basically all I've got for this one.
Got a question you want answered? Stop by the forum thread for this section, or contact me on my talk page!
Written by: Boo1268
The Diamond in the Rough
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. As the cold winds of winter sweep across the land and everyone bundles up with cups of hot cocoa in hand, the snow begins to fall. It's nearly Christmas after all! So pack your gloves, put your tinsel under the tree, and read this edition of the Spectral Lens with me! Can you believe it? Christmas is only 4 DAYS AWAY! And I've been swamped as of late getting presents for all my friends and family this year, keeping them all in “high spirits”. Speaking of spirits, this year I'm going to gift all you readers with a very special story behind one of the most mysterious places in all of the Mushroom Kingdom, so without further ado let us begin.
Fun Fact: Did you know it's theorised that Mastar is the father of Eldstar due to their similar mustache shapes?
Our story today begins with a simple question: “What is the history of the Crystal Palace?” This seems like a seemingly simple question on the surface, but as I looked into it, I soon found myself digging deeper and deeper, finding history that went back many years, even back to the founding of the Mushroom Kingdom itself! So after many long and hard hours of research and a lovely chat with the mystical Madam Merlar, I figured it was time for the story of the first sanctuary to the stars to be told, and how it was eventually lost in the blizzard of history. Many years ago, after the founding of the Mushroom Kingdom, a young woman by the name of Merlumina was traveling through Shiver Mountain, when suddenly something fell from the sky, crashing DIRECTLY on top of the mountain. As Merlumina hastily climbed the mountain, she could feel some type of mystical energy radiating from its peak, and as she reached the top she found a star. But not just any star, a star that was known only in legend as the Mastar, or as it is currently known as, the Millennium Star, and currently, it was in dire need of help.
Sad Fact: Similar to how normal Stars take power from positive emotions, Ztars take power from negative emotions such as anger, hate, and misery.
You see, the reason that the Mastar was even on the mountain in the first place was because a star created by darkness and hatred known as the Dark Star was corrupting young stars and turning them into his own personal minions, the Ztars. The Dark Star attempted to take over all of the Star Haven with its own army and Mastar had only barely escaped the Dark Star’s grasp, but was badly injured in the process. Merlumina, wanting to help the star any way she could, decided to take him back to her home in what would soon be known as Starborn Valley. After many weeks of nursing the Mastar back to health, it would soon be time to take back the Star Haven from the foul Dark Star, but this task would be easier said than done. For you see, Mastar explained to Merlumina that all stars gain their power from emotions, good or bad. Emotions such as love, kindness, joy, and hope, all things that come from a wish. So in order to save Star Haven, Mastar would need an abundance of wishes to power him up so that he could save Star Haven. So Merlumina, knowing what needed to be done, traveled to Shiver City and rallied up all its citizens, telling them to “Wish and pray for a better tomorrow by showing hope tonight!”. And so, with the combined power of all the citizens of Shiver City, Mastar was able to save Star Haven! (But that's a story for another day.) And thus, as a result of Merlumina’s efforts in aiding the people of the stars, Mastar was so impressed with Merlumina, he resolved to entrust the care of young Star Kids to the people of the valley from thereon, thus officially making Starborn Valley what it is today.
Many years would pass, and as the word of the mystical stars of Star Haven continued to spread, Mastar left his role of leader of the Star Spirits to travel the galaxy, destined to return in a new form every 1,000 years. He had entrusted Merlumina (who had now gone by the name of Madam Merlar) to build a shrine to the Star Spirits so that they could continue to bring peace to the Mushroom Kingdom for many years to come, so as a result, the Crystal Palace was created! The place was designed to draw mystical energy from the Mastar’s impact site, giving it the ability to connect closer to the stars. The palace was designed to have a person reflect on their inner wants and needs, seeing the crystal clear version of themselves helping them reject their most selfish desires and make their wish heartfelt. The palace was guarded by fearsome Albino Dinos and had multiple shifting levels so that intruders would have much difficulty traversing the holy place. However, tragedy would strike when King Korpus Koopa would attack the palace in an attempt to siphon it of its mystical power. This attempt unfortunately succeeded, leaving the palace without its ability to connect with the stars. Over time, fewer people would come to the palace to see their wishes granted, until eventually no one would come at all. The once mystical place was sealed off to prevent intruders from taking any valuable artifacts left inside. This, however, would be the nail in the coffin for the palace, for the only one to know of the palace’s secret entrance was Madam Merlar, but unfortunately, she soon passed away, leaving the secret to the palace’s entrance lost to time.
Her son Merlon would continue his family’s tradition of being guides to the stars, setting up a home on Shooting Star Summit and building a new shrine to the Star Spirits. However, sometime later, a being known as the Crystal King would claim the palace to himself, holding one of the seven Star Spirits captive. That was until a certain red clad hero would reveal the palace’s entrance and reclaim it from the fiendishly frosty Crystal King. Some time after, the famous explorer and archaeologist Kolorado would investigate the ruins of the once prominent Palace. However, I'm told that the expedition is on hold at the moment, something about a “dire need to please the missus” in his words. But even still, I will be very happy that the history of this wonderful place will soon be remembered again by many generations to come. So remember dear readers that the stories we tell our family and friends will always be remembered, and the love we have for each other will never be lost, so appreciate the time you have with your friends and family, and remember that the love and joy you share will never be forgotten. And so, with that, our story ends. I hope you all have many tidings of comfort and joy this season, and thank you for all the wonderful support during the Mario Boards Mega Brawl, it was a BLAST! If you have any suggestions on what I should cover next, PLEASE do so on my forum page. Maybe there’s even a story that I touched on here that you would like to see expanded upon, who knows? And with that, I say: Merci, au revoir, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk)
Welcome back to my section, Dry Dry Data, and Happy Holidays to you all! I’m DryBonesBandit, and today I’ll be analyzing the Fliprus (O. r. catapultin), a rare walrus specimen from the Frosted Glaciers. I wanted to spend my holiday break relaxing with my family, but apparently I don’t get a break until I get a promotion, so I have to finish this to be done for the month. Well, no time to delay.
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The Adventure
Flipruses are quite the rare find. I only knew of two places they could be found, and I was intent on not having every single bone of mine broken by a swinging hammer, so I settled for their lake. In a rush to finish my quest before Christmas Eve, I forgot to study their behaviors and bought a Spine Coaster ticket to the Frosted Glaciers. It took a while, but I eventually found their secret residence, filled with crates galore and tons of snow. Also, River Piranha Plants (Piranhacus floaties). One beaned me with a seed when I was crossing a gap and I tumbled into the water, freezing within minutes (wings make swimming hard). Luckily (or so I thought), two Flipruses excavated me from the depths and brought me to land. Instead of freeing me from my icy prison, they played catch using me for two hours. I managed to break the ice eventually, finally escaping to the coaster station. Situations like this are the exact reason why I hate going to snowy worlds.
The Analysis
Appearance
Flipruses have pink skin, with thick flippers and a big snout. They appear to be wearing yellow goggles; however, those are actually their eyes. They have large tails with white and blue stripes, ending with a slight fork. Lastly, they have two large fangs that protrude from their mouth at all times.
Behavior
The Fliprus is an odd specimen that isn’t hostile but rather quite playful. After dancing in place for a few seconds, they roll up a ball of snow with their tails, jump up, and catapult it toward the nearest living thing, hoping to play catch (they don’t know how snow works). They rarely pay attention to one specific “target”, launching at any passerby, including their own kind.
Weaknesses
The best course of action for dealing with them is to just jump over them. If you must defeat them, bounce on their heads while they’re idle. Another strategy is to throw a fireball in their direction, as they have terrible vision and won’t see it until it’s too late.
Conservation status
Flipruses are an endangered species. Many of their habitats in the past have melted; despite efforts to save their territories, they can only be found in two known places. The Frosted Glacier, according to scientists, will never melt anytime soon, meaning their lake is safe for now.
The end
As always, remember to submit requests on the Mario Boards or on my user talk page. Happy Holidays, and see you in January!
Celadon Daily
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
This article is sourced from the Celadon Daily, the one-and-only trustworthy morning briefing on the City of Rainbow Dreams.
Necessity of Grimer Removal Campaign Called Into Question
This week's scheduled "Celadon Clean-Up" event, set to begin on Friday morning from Rainbow Square in front of the Department Store, hit a snag before it could get underway as volunteers were met by protestors barring their access to city water sources. Volunteers for the environmental group Citizens for a Cleaner Celadon organized the event with the stated goal of rehabilitating the city's bodies of water by capturing and relocating the populations of Grimer which have recently established themselves within and around the city. The group's members set out from the square to a nearby pond, but were unable to access the pond due to a mobile barricade erected by protestors from a loose coalition of groups including the local branch of the Pokémon Fan Club, local business owners, and self-described "concerned citizens".
CCC volunteers and protestors reported verbal altercations, but no injuries or physical altercations were reported through the course of the day, and the event ended prematurely when volunteers disbanded around noon. Friday's events reflect a broader growing debate over Grimer removal in Celadon City. The emergence of Grimer colonies within city limits has been held by environmental groups to be linked to increasing pollution, owing to the city's continued growth and regulations on waste disposal failing to keep pace. Environmentalists assert that the presence of Grimer in the city's bodies of water present a clear and immediate danger to human health, and that the continued presence of the Pokémon will accelerate the contamination of the city. Speaking to city council members in this month's first meeting, the president of the CCC had this to say:
These Grimer are a blight on our city. They are a risk to our neighbors, to our children, and even to our city's image, and more importantly, they represent a complete failure on our part to keep our city free of pollution. Our efforts to clean the city must start now, and they must start with the thorough and complete removal of Grimer from every body of water within the city. These are Pokémon described as living piles of toxic sludge. They're filled with bacteria. Where they travel, plants never grow again. Tell me, hearing this, are you actually comfortable having our water pass your lips or run through your showers knowing they've been in it? Can you be sure your children won't fall ill because they splashed in a puddle walking home some rainy day? Something must be done. We must not rest until Celadon City is Grimer-free.
Others contend that the Pokémon are being used as a scapegoat for broader issues of pollution in the city, and do not in themselves present any risk to the health of city residents. Those in opposition to the Grimer removal campaign point to research indicating that Grimer populations are attracted to increasing levels of pollution, rather than themselves being a source of pollution, and argue that no illness outbreaks in the city can be traced to Grimer. Arguments against the campaign range from the moral to the fiscal. Speaking to Celadon Daily on Friday, a protestor had the following to say:
This is what we're going to spend city money and the time of our citizens on? Villainizing and removing Grimer? Removing Grimer from the city will do nothing to address real problems and real risks to our health. They are a symptom, not the cause, and targeting them will do nothing but waste resources we could put towards addressing actual sources of pollution.
With this debate gathering steam, we've asked vice-president of the CCC, Gardener Shoey, and vice-president of the Celadon Pokémon Fan Club, Super Nerd Pitohui, to weigh in.
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I'll be blunt. The reaction to the efforts to clean our water of Grimer is madness, absolute madness. It should be a no-brainer to remove what is literally sludge radiated with moon radiation from our drinking water, but sadly here we are! I would like to stress that I understand the importance of preserving the natural habitats of Pokémon, as well as conservation efforts to protect them against being over-caught. I myself donate generously to both the Safari Zone and the less-appreciated but still fantastic Fuchsia City Pokémon Zoo. So, yes, I do agree that Pokémon conservation is important, but this is a bridge too far! Grimer aren't native to the waters of Celadon City; they're an invasive species that came as a byproduct of letting the Rocket Game Corner operate above the law. They are a consequence of our failure to stop the crime casino from polluting our city. Grimer do not occur in such beautiful cities as ours naturally; instead, they occur only when we let it turn to shit. There should be no controversy in removing an invasive species from an unnatural habitat, especially one as unsanitary as Grimer. Now, I want to be clear, I have nothing against Grimer. In fact, they're one of my favorite Pokémon and I wouldn't be against catching one myself, but facts are facts. Grimer are basically living pollution brought to life by moon rays. They only occur in heavily polluted and run-down areas such as the Pokémon Mansion, a place where only Arceus knows what happened inside. The idea that we should let what is essentially living pollution live in our drinking water is absurd! Now, some, such as Poison Fanatics like Pitohui, will argue that, since we haven't had any major outbreaks, there's no justification for removing the Grimers. I say that's an absurd way to look at things. Yes, it's true there haven't been any outbreaks, but that's because our fair city has one of the best water purification systems in all of Kanto. That purification system is the only line of defense protecting our water from Grimers' toxins. What happens if the system fails? Or if the Grimer reproduce so much they overrun the system? What then? Already we're having reports of funny-tasting water. Sure, they might claim that there's no evidence the Grimer are causing that, but how long are we supposed to believe that? How long are we supposed to close our eyes to such an obvious problem? It's time to take action! We can't let ourselves be known as the pollution capital of Kanto! If the protestors will not disperse, they must be removed and the Grimer must be relocated! It's the only way to save our water supply, protect the fine people who live in this city, and most importantly protect Celadon City's reputation as the shining rainbow dream of Kanto. |
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Unlike Mr. Shoey, I'm here for one reason only - to look at the facts of this case. Fact #1: Every medical professional in Celadon City will tell you that no - zero - illness outbreaks have been linked conclusively to the city's Grimer population. Look around. Do you see a health crisis? No, you don't, because there isn't one. Fact #2: These claims about Grimer's toxicity are exaggerated and patently ridiculous. Am I saying Grimer isn't toxic? Of course not! Its toxicity, darling purple, sludgey body, the way it sizzles the skin just to touch it, that's what makes Grimer adorable alongside those bright eyes full of promise... But the claims about just how toxic it are don't add up. You aren't going to fall ill just because you had a drop of water a Grimer touched! You'd have to go hugging Grimer to get seriously ill - uh, not that I'm speaking from experience. Claims that plants never grow where they've been are laughable. Which leads me to another fact! Fact #3: Pokémon and humans can tolerate the presence of Grimer just fine. I mean, surely if these adorable new additions to our urban ecosystem were a threat, Erika would do something, right? Surely her precious flowers and Grass-types would be affe- Oh, wait, that's right. Most of the Pokémon in her gym are part Poison-type! It's almost like you could claim we have a second Poison-type gym in Kanto if only so many people didn't think poorly of this misunderstood type... Fact #4: Grimer have a right to call this city home as much as any other water-dwelling Pokémon, and we must get comfortable with our urban ecosystem changing. We can't simply relocate an entire darling species because some people - unfairly! - think of it as "disgusting" and "malodorous". We don't know the extent of how it might reshape our environment or how our environment might reshape it. You know in Alola urban Grimer have evolved into a form better at sequestering toxins? That could happen here! And then perhaps those Grimers would attract even more cute Pokémon like Koffing... And- Hey, hang on, why are you packing up? What'd'you mean the interview is over? I had six more points to get thro- |
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
![Squared screenshot of a Fire Spike[derived] from Super Mario Bros. Wonder.](/File:SMBW_screenshot_Fire_Spike.png)
Flower Kingdom officials are currently searching for a currently unidentified red Spike. Investigations have connected a myriad of aliases to this Spike, revealing that he has been participating in fraudulent activities for over a year. However, the amount of aliases employed has so far made it difficult for law enforcement to figure out which is the real one and track him down. Known aliases include "Fire Spike", "Fire Gabon", "Faia Spike", "Faia Gabon", "Flame Spike", "Flame Gabon", "Fireball Spike", "Fireball Gabon", "Red Spike", "Red Gabon", and "ファイアガボン" (the latter apparently being used for international communications).
The Spike's activities have included tax evasion, claiming excessive government benefits, and collecting too many one-per-household magazine sign-up freebies. According to the publishers of Wonder Seeds Monthly magazine, they have lost at least twelve flower coins worth of promotional items to this Spike, a loss which has been deemed "a tragedy of epic proportions". Additionally, the Spike set up a fake "Flower Kingdom Wildlife Relief Charity", supposedly for aiding wildlife displaced by the disastrous and chaotic impacts of Wonder Effects on natural habitats. In reality, donations were simply funneled through multiple aliases and pocketed.
Individuals with any information on this Spike are urged to contact the Flower Kingdom royal family or local municipal authorities immediately.
Written by: Legend 8
Episode 13: Multidimensional Merriness, Part 1
It is a beautiful, cozy day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Snow is falling from the sky, and most citizens are sitting in their homes by the fireplace, warming themselves with a cup of hot chocolate. Most citizens. Meanwhile, amidst the roaring blizzard surrounding the old Magikoopa Pyrokles' castle, a few spectators are sitting on the stone steps of Pyro's show theatre, freezing despite their quadruple-layered clothing. They sit there, waiting and watching the tattered black banner saying "Sorcery Show" flap around uncontrollably in the gale-force winds. Then, finally, a flash of orange streaks through the swirling white. On the stage, Pyro appears – his head still bandaged from the great Mega Brawl on the weekend, and wearing his robe and hat, as always. Next to him, the talking, flaming skull Kroop jumps out from the wormhole Pyro created. Pyro makes a few wild gestures, waving his staff, and suddenly, the storm ebbs away. Then, he raises his voice to introduce himself.
Pyro: Welcome, you poor, freezing mortals, to the Sorcery Show - the one and only show in the multiverse hosted by a being of quantum powers that rival those of Santa Claus himself!!! I am Pyro, and this is my companion Kroop.
Kroop: Yeah, that's me! Welcome everybody! We got something special prepared for you today – this time, I looked into Pyro's presents myself and… it's probably not gonna harm you.
Well spoken, Kroop! Oh, yeah, you're confused. Let me explain. I'm the Explainer, bodiless master of investigation and explanation and the third member of the squad! I could explain to you why I exist, but for now, let's just begin with the show.
Pyro: The Explainer is right, for I have brought a very special surprise prepared today! Today, it will not only be the usual fireworks and reality-warping abracadabra – today, we will have a merry little adventure in a true winter wonderland! If you want to, you can work in a toy factory, get turned into flying reindeer, anything – it'll only cost a little extra.
Kroop: Wait, you didn't say anything about placing a spell on the audience!
Pyro: Don't worry, Kroop, I won't. Promise. Who would be willing to pay for that, anyways?
Kroop: Yeah, I'm just worried, for certain obvious reasons.
Pyro: Just stop worrying, it doesn't hurt. So, let's get going!
Pyro opens a rift, crackling with frozen energy, and rips it open wide enough for the whole group to fit through. He then throws Kroop inside (Hey, how dare yAAAARGH-!) and gestures the audience to stand up and walk through. They follow his orders and finally, Pyro himself steps through the portal, closing it behind him.
The audience look around curiously, only to realize that… they are still in the theatre? But instead of a raging snowstorm behind Pyro's protection globe, soft snowflakes are gently sailing to the ground, settling there to form a twelve-inch-deep layer of powdery snow. In the distance, where Pyro's castle used to be, stands a towering palace of dazzling blue ice, encasing an ancient Christmas tree the size of a skyscraper. Everyone gasps in awe.
Pyro: This, my dear friends, is the Christmas dimension! I once saved it from a yeti attack, so they built a castle in my honour – the Sparklepine Stronghold, to your right! Also, you might notice the similarity to our dimension. Explainer, do you want to tell them?
Yes! So, you see, many dimensions are very similar, as these are not spatially separate, but rather like layers right on top of each other! This causes a reflection of parts of Pyro's castle grounds in this parallel world. Understand?
There are a lot of "Uuuuuuuh"s and "Wait, what?"s from the small crowd.
Pyro: Very well explained. But that doesn't really matter now - I'll show you the castle!
They walk up the hill through the deep snow and approach the huge ice gates, engraved with a horde of yetis on the one side and Pyro, fending them off, on the other. The guards, little Christmas elves armed with snowball cannons, nod at the group and the gates open up to let them into the gigantic entrance hall. Multiple ice statues of Pyro surround the entrance to a carved wooden staircase that sprouts from the base of the tree, leading to the upper levels.
Kroop: Well, it certainly is a lot like your castle, only a little less of a tribute to your own awesomeness… But tell me, when/how/why did this yeti thing happen?
Pyro: How should I know? Perhaps an alternate timeline or something? Well, the only thing that counts is that it did happen, and that I've now got this fancy palace!
Pyro turns towards the crowd to tell them his plan.
Pyro: Listen up! We're going to go into the main part now. But be careful! It has a lot of branches, quite labyrinthy, you can very easily get lost. We're now gonna go up this staircase as a group, and then, you may freely roam around. Off you go!
Kroop: Wait, this is stupid. We should stick together!
Pyro: Nah, I just overdramatized it a bit. Curiosity never harmed anyone – just look at me!
Kroop: I'm not really convinced…
(A few hours of argumentation later, skipped for your own safety. Obviously, Pyro won.)
Soon, the entire group are gone, wandering around in some distant corner of the Stronghold.
Kroop: I TOLD YOU it was a bad idea, and I TOLD YOU that I would say I TOLD YOU if it didn't work out, and there we are now! Now we have to search for everyone!!!
Pyro: Hm. You've got a point. Reminder to my past self: listen to Kroop more often. Oh, and build in a voice regulator when creating him. Please, keep calm, okay? If you scream any louder, this whole stronghold will come down on top of us!
Kroop: Well at least we wouldn't have to search for them any more…
Hey, I have an idea! You could duplicate yourself to search for them!
Pyro: Well, that's a hilariously stupid idea! Do you really think the other Pyros and I will get along? That's nonsense!...
Kroop: Finally, a responsible decision!
Pyro: …which is exactly why I am gonna do it!!
Kroop: Damn.
Pyro: But maybe I'll start with some non-sentient beings. Golem style. It's not like all them fancy ice sculptures here aren't useful!
Pyro snaps his fingers and in a whiff of cold flame, the statues become alive. They each vanish into a different direction.
Pyro: So, we'll go in that direction! I wanna check on the zoo, see if my albino polar bears are doing fine. You wouldn't believe how long it took me to find them!
Kroop: Wait, you've got a zoo in here?!
Pyro: Yup. Although the professional name is Cryptozoological Amusement Park. Got everything from platypus drakes to giant sea fleas in there! I even…
Suddenly a scream interrupts them. It sounds vaguely human, but then fades into a animalesque shriek.
Oh no! Sounds like someone got into trouble! I'll scout ahead.
Kroop: It's all your fault, Pyro! But at least, we probably found one. Let's go.
Pyro: Wait, if they're in trouble, we should probably hurry as fast as we can. Take this!
Pyro conjures up a few seeds that bury themselves into the ice and sprout into very strange potatoes, red with a sharp silver edge on the bottom.
Kroop: Wait, is that some kind of power-up? How do I eat those without splitting my mouth open?!
Pyro: Yeah, I admit the shape needs to be optimized. Here.
Pyro scrunches the potatoes with telekinesis and they both swallow them. Suddenly, Pyro's feet grow together and a sharp blade appears underneath them, as does below Kroop's skull. Kroop topples over – Pyro miraculously doesn't.
Kroop: Okay, I get it. A skate potato. But how the hell are we supposed to skate with a single blade?!!
Pyro: Just watch and learn. But I agree that I should maybe have thought that through. Now come on, we're losing time!
Pyro puts a hand behind his back, and out rockets a stream of fire that blasts him forwards. Kroop tries to do the same, but skating backwards proves to be quite difficult and he spins around and around as they slide through the corridors at supersonic speed. Finally, a very dizzy Kroop, glowing eyes still spinning, and a very gleeful Pyro, reminding him that he doesn't even have balance organs to be dizzy, arrive in a big, frozen hall – the entrance to the zoo.
A reindeer is flying around in the middle of the hall, uncontrollably bashing against walls and the ceiling. Impaled on one of its antlers is the hat that one of the Toads from the audience used to wear.
Kroop: What the actual …? Pyro, you said you wouldn't transform anybody!
Pyro: That... That wasn't me! But… I might have left some traps behind, that only the zookeepers and I know of. That was when I left the Stronghold to go on adventures, to guarantee its safety. It's pretty cool that they're still active after all this time!
Kroop: Oh shut up! Now will you PLEASE change him back!
Pyro: But you told me not to transform anybody!
Kroop shoots Pyro a deadly glare that would've probably burned holes through him if he hadn't been an incredibly powerful antilogician.
Pyro: Okay, okay, just joking! I was about to say "and that's exactly why I'm going to do it" anyways!
Pyro waves his staff and energy flares between him and the reindeer. Struggling to escape the antilogical power, the reindeer tries to fly away into the opposite direction, banging against the zoo gates and flying right through.
Kroop: Quick! He's probably just stressed out, but we mustn't let him get away!
Pyro and Kroop run after the reindeer who tries to escape through the zoo, until finally, the Explainer materializes his arms around him to hold him in place.
Pyro: I'm almost done! Keep him there!
Hurry up, I can't hold him for much longer!
The Toad-turned-reindeer manages to escape from the Explainers grip, just as he is transformed back - he is launched away, unable to steer, and crashes against a transparent ice panel in the back of the zoo hall. Cracks begin spreading along the surface. Behind it sits: a yeti - frozen in place, slowly stirring from its eternal sleep. The yeti opens its eyes.
Toad: Oops! Heh. Heh heh, sorry...
Pyro: Ruuuuuuuuunnnn!!!
Hm, if this story was continued now, it might get a bit too long... So apparently, we'll have to carry on with this cliffhanger next time. Merry Christmas!
THE END OF PART ONE
Overlook Mountain Auction House Presents
Written by: The Shoe (talk) and Time (talk) Advertising Conglomerate
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
The Party Resort: The Party's Just Getting Started!
Welcome back readers, to The Sunshine Travel Guide, the sunshiniest travel guide in the multiverse! It's been a busy month for me, going on a trip, coming back and getting killed in some kinda fighting tournament, you know, that kinda stuff. Some people recommended that maybe I should take a month off, to recover from my demise. I scoffed in their faces of course. I will never stop supplying my mediocre writing to The 'Shroom!
Anyway, this month I was selected as one of the lucky participants to go to The Party Resort, a resort based on the famous "Mario Party" gameshow. You may have seen the newest season was held in an all new location, which is where this resort is built. I haven't really got much more material for the introduction, so let's just get going.
History (kind of)
So… it turns out vacation resorts don't really have a deep history. Except this one! Kind of. You see, this isn't a resort first and foremost. It's actually more like a city. The locations weren't specifically designed for vacations, but were actually built by the residents.
Funnily enough, this isn't the first time the Mario Party show even visited this place. In the first and second season they visited Rainbow Castle (known in the show as Mario's Rainbow Castle) and Western Land respectively. I don't think there's anything else meaningful I can say, shame on me for thinking a holiday resort would have interesting lore.
Locations
This is a big place, with a lot of attractions. However, navigating can be a pain, so you can follow this handy guide on where to find what!
Party Plaza
The first landing point on your journey, Party Plaza has a few unique souvenirs you can't find anywhere else! While you're waiting to hop on the hot air balloon, there's a few activities you can do to pass the time. You could read books at the Data House, play badminton with some Koopas, or just have a picnic.
What not to do: Fall off the edge. It's really dangerous here.
Wiggler Park (AKA Mega Wiggler's Tree Party)
Wiggler Park has some beautiful scenery, but the real attraction is the centre of the park. Here you'll find a massive clearing with a Mega Wiggler in the middle. You can even use them as a shortcut! There's also a big bake out going on all the time, so you can eat freshly baked pastries to your heart's desire. Don't forget to pay the forest folk back by making them some food yourself, or helping them harvest honey.
What not to do: Wake up the Wiggler. Sure, you can ring the bell to get them to move, but if you're not careful, they'll get mad and dangerous.
Roll 'em Raceway
A go kart track that's not owned by Mario Kart Inc. is a rare sight. Race your friends and family around the track, using springs and shortcuts to get the upper hand. You can also watch a race or paddle on the Dorrie Boats. This place is not to be missed.
What not to do: Get hit by a wild roadster. These guys come outta nowhere and crash on to the track. Avoid them at all costs.
Rainbow Galleria
Rainbow Galleria is a massive shopping mall, where you can buy wide selections of items. There's even a mini stamp rally and raffle at the entrance! This is the main place to buy souvenirs, like a model of Roll 'em Raceway, or a Goomba Lagoon shirt! Seriously, you could spend days here.
What not to do: Stick around the entrance at rush hour. You'll be trampled!
Goomba Lagoon
Just off the coast of Mario Party Island you will find Goomba Lagoon, a small lagoon inhabited by mainly Goombas (Who would've guessed?). It's basically a mini tropical resort within the larger resort. Resortception! Whether you want to play volleyball, chill on a floaty ring, or be caught in a rain of fiery death or watch the sky be filled with glimmering Golden Goombas, there's something here for you.
What not to do: Be caught in the rising tides. Especially if you're trying to relax reading a book.
Western Land
Western Land is basically the stereotypical western town you see in movies. There's a (milk) saloon, a (sapient) train and (lots of) tumbleweed! Your main source of transport is Steamer, the aforementioned train. He might take you backwards though, so be careful. You can also hold a real jamboree at the milk saloon.
What not to do: Stay on the train tracks. Trust me.
Rainbow Castle (AKA Mario's Rainbow Castle)
Rainbow Castle is not for the faint of heart, as it is very, very high in the sky. Not a problem for cats, we always land on our feet, but other species may not be so lucky. Once you get up here though, you can eat meringues, cotton candy or other cloud shaped foods, go for the most terrifying swing of your life, or float around in a Lakitu Cloud. Just, don't look down.
What not to do: Provoke Imposter Bowser. It'll get really stormy and you'll probably go flying off and plunge to your doom. Some guy did it when I was visiting (wasn't me this time) and sent the entire group of visitors off the edge.
King Bowser's Keep
Okay, wait. What is this doing on the list?! It's a dangerous mine with a dangerous guy. I would recommend avoiding this, unless you want to be: Crushed, squashed, burnt, incinerated, bludgeoned, bruised, punched, stomped on, knocked, hit, concussed or eaten (well, maybe not the last one, but haven't you heard about the "Bowser's Inside Story" incident?!)
What not to do: Visit. It's that simple.
Minigame Bay
Want to recreate some of the famous minigames from Mario Party? Then this is the place for you. Many of the minigames from across the many seasons have been recreated, and don't worry, they're safe this time! You can go in many different boats from here too, like banana boats or submarines.
What not to do: Upset the host. They'll cut your line, shake your boat, that kinda stuff.
Motion Island
Oh crud, why does the photo look like that. Um…whoops? Anyway, Motion Island is a terribly named island (what does motion have to do with this?) containing 3 activities. Cooking, flying, and working for minimum wage. The cooking show "Rhythm Kitchen" is filmed here, and you can even participate! You can get up high in Paratroopa Flight School, but it will really hurt your arms. Finally, you can get to work making items at Toad's Item Factory.
What not to do: Make any mistakes. In Rhythm Kitchen, your terrible dish will be filmed for the world to see, in Paratroopa Flight School, you will once again plummet to the ground and go splat, and in Toad's Item Factory you will create a horrendous merge of two items.
Bowser Isle
The popular spin off to the Mario Party show, Bowser Challenges, gets its own island here. Whether you're fighting against him or running with little involvement from him, it's gonna be a blast. Bowser's Kaboom Squad pits you and a group of others in a series of challenges needing teamwork to take out PlayStation Imposter Bowser! If that's not your speed, you can try out the Koopathlon, a running/other stuff marathon! I'm sure they're all safe though…right?
What not to do: Lose. Unless you want to be subjected to the stuff from King Bowser's Keep.
Practical Advice
Not much to tackle here but travel. And I am pleased to report that The Party Resort spent the hefty sum of coins to get a pipe system installed. Not many locations install these due to the ridiculous price, but having it makes everywhere much more accessible.
Souvenirs
Pretty much everywhere you look you'll find a souvenir stand, so I can't list every souvenir, but you could probably have a look for yourself if you want. Anyway, here's an entirely incomplete list of souvenirs.
| Autographed Dice Block | ||
|---|---|---|
|
An authentic dice block actually used in one of the episodes of Mario Party! To top it off, you can even choose who you want the autograph to be from. I just chose Waluigi and bought 7. | |
| PRICE: | Varies by autograph | |
| Goomba Lagoon Shell | ||
|---|---|---|
|
One of the seashells from the beaches of Goomba Lagoon. Some say it has the power to change the tides... | |
| PRICE: | 3 coins | |
| Turbo Dice Balloons | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Basically small turbo dice on a string. No, they don't make you move faster. You can also buy a model that lasts longer. | |
| PRICE: | 2 coins for balloons, 6 for a model | |
| Wiggler Bell | ||
|---|---|---|
|
A portable version of the bells from Wiggler Park. It is said to make caterpillars angry. | |
| PRICE: | 5 coins | |
| Markup Sticker | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Perfect for prank players, this sticker has the magical power of inflation! Except directed to one person specifically. Yeah, kinda weird. | |
| PRICE: | 5 coins | |
| Steamer Ticket | ||
|---|---|---|
|
A steamer ticket from Western Land. Technically it can be used, but it still looks really cool. | |
| PRICE: | Depends, that cheating Shy Guy keeps changing the price! | |
| Tower Toy | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Great for younger children, this toy is strangely captivating. Plus, it changes small things around you. Like, I was washing dishes, accidentally turned it, and it began raining in the sink. Very cool. | |
| PRICE: | 20 coins | |
| Bowser Phone | ||
|---|---|---|
|
This is a Bowser Brand phone with Bowser's likeness all over it. Its main function is calling people, but can also text. Basic, but cheap. | |
| PRICE: | 30 coins | |
Conclusion
Well, that was a pretty long one. I definitely finished in a timely manner. Sooo, I haven't got much to say. Sorry. I've kinda exhausted my material. I'll just say the usual stuff. Blah blah blah, go contact me on the forums for suggestions (please!), yada yada, thanks for reading, see you next month.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 213 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • End-of-the-Year Awards • Director Election • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
