The 'Shroom:Issue 235/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! You know, this time of year a lot of people are talking about a lot of scary things, but none of them are how it got to be past the midpoint of October already. I don't know about you, but I'd like to keep the passage of time a little bit farther away from me than it is right now.
Adding to our usual bag of treats, we've got two guest sections this month! If you missed the exploits of Headrest and Inquis courtesy of Koopa (talk), I've got great news for you, they're back in an Investigative Research Halloween special! What phantoms are they chasing this time? I'll leave that to you to find out. Additionally, intrepid reporter Harold Harefoot (talk) has brought news from a distant kingdom that I won't say the name of twice in this sentence in Hyrule Post!
If you're interested in joining the team, we're always happy to take more writers under our wing (even if this isn't the team with wing in the name). Just stop by our sign up page, which has all you need to know about starting on an application! Alternatively, if you want to do a one-off for one of our many tried and true staples like News Flush, you can skip the application process altogether and contact me privately with your submission. Hoping to hear from you soon!
Section of the Month
Congratulations are once again in order to TheBlueCatMenace, once again nabbing first place with The Bar D. Jokue Travel Guide, this time covering the dubious accommodations of the equally dubious Hotel Mario! In second place, MightyMario (talk) brings news of which shows are renewed for another season and which ones got the axe in TV Tomorrow. Finally, GoldGal64 (talk) rounds it out with a close third for The Ghostly Dossier, examining Dinosaur Land's Eeries (which Nintendo really should bring back by the way). Thank you to everyone who voted, and please keep supporting your favorite sections!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Bar D. Jokue Travel Guide | 7 | 28.00% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | TV Tomorrow | 4 | 16.00% | MightyMario (talk) |
| 3rd | The Ghostly Dossier | 3 | 12.00% | GoldGal64 (talk) |
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
Hello and welcome to a TERRIFYING edition of TV Tomorrow! This month we're going to be looking at some monstrous movies that'll send shivers down your spine and give you goosebumps! What horrors lurk within these creepy cable showings, with an equally scary amount of ad breaks between them? Read ahead, dear viewer and find out!
King Boo's Dimension of Despair
Channel and Time: Boo Network @ 10:00 PM
King Boo has taken over the Evershade Valley once more and pulled it into his Dimension of Despair, where he and his fellow Boos can haunt and terrorize the residents, including his nemesis Professor E. Gadd and Poltergust-wielding plumber Luigi. King Boo also brainwashes the local ghosts and made them into threats to work alongside the Boos. Will King Boo rule over this dimension forever? Or will Luigi have the courage to rescue the valley again?
Resident Demon
Channel and Time: Kong Channel @ 9:00 PM
From deep within the Angry Aztec lies a monster only known as the "Resident Demon". A brave group known as the DK Crew, members of the famous Kong family, venture down into the abandoned mineshafts and come face to face with the Resident Demon itself as it tries to stop them from sealing it away for good. The Koopa Inquirer gave a solid review of 4 out of 5 Bananas, saying: "I was so scared I almost jumped out of my skin! Since I'm a Dry Bones, though, and therefore don't have any skin, I don't have to worry about that!"
Attack of the Ruined Dragon
Channel and Time: Mushroom Kingdom Movies @ 9:00 PM
Mario, a Brooklyn plumber, and Cappy, a Bonneter from the Cap Kingdom, crash land into the Ruined Kingdom without any Power Moons to repair their ship. Stranded and pursued by the Ruined Dragon of Crumbleden, the two must find a way to get home… before they become the dragon's next victims. This is based on a true story, the events within have been depicted to be authentic as possible, and the Ruined Dragon is set to star in the next Yoshi movie in an undisclosed role.
Program of the Month
This month's Program of the Month comes from our good friend, Boo1268, who knows quite a few things about the spooky season, being that he is a fancy Boo!
Movie: Curse of the Boo Barrel
Network: MKTV @ 10:35 PM
Genre: Horror
While attempting to chase a pack of Kremlings who stole the Kong banana hoard, Dixie Kong and her young companion, Kiddy, after a series of unfortunate events, find themselves trapped within one of the deep expanding caves lurking underneath DK Island, however things go from bad to worse when both the duo and the Kremlings are tormented by the ruthless Boo Barrel. Hoping to find a way to escape, our heroes must now team up with their sworn enemy. Will our heroes be able to find the way out? Or will they die trying? Find out later today at 10:35PM on MKTV.
That'll do it for this edition of TV Tomorrow! See you next time and have a Happy Halloween!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk)
Welcome once again, my dear readers, to the best section to learn about various life-threatening specimens that you will likely never encounter in your day-to-day lives. It is I, Dry Bones Bandette, bringing you another edition of Dry Dry Data. The leaves are starting to change to a warmer palette once again, so I thought that it would be the perfect edition to cover a very rare, autumnal species from the foreign isles of Dinosaur Land. Today, I show you the Pumpkin Plant (Cucurbita immutatio).
The Adventure
After a quick plane ticket to the prehistoric archipelago, I touched ground in the Donut Plains. I was running low on time to finish up my section for the month, and needed to find the ghoulish gourds quickly, so I looked everywhere I could. It seemed like a fruitless search at first, since I couldn’t find them anywhere. In fact, it seemed like autumn had just never come to the land. Running out of hope, I was taken aback when I discovered a large, star-shaped object in an oceanic cavern. When I went to pick it up for further investigation (I thought it was alive. It had eyes.), I suddenly found myself in an entirely different area altogether.
I was transported to some odd mushroom plateau, which was frankly quite distressing. Lost, confused, and stressed, I walked down the first path I spotted, which led me to a strange, dark void. Let me tell you, this place was purgatory. With nowhere to go but forward to find an escape, I was forced to fly through a canyon of fireballs, sneak into a snowscape with giant bullets, and run through an active forest fire to get out of that place. Outrageous.
By the time I got out, a month had passed, and the archipelago was now very clearly under the spell of autumn. Unfortunately, there was no time to relax, since I already missed the first deadline and couldn’t risk another. I quickly grabbed a nearby Jumping Pumpkin Plant and took the first plane back home.
The Analysis
Pumpkin Plants are a very unique species of squash. The only thing consistent about them is that they all have large, bulbous domes with faces that resemble the typical jack-o’-lantern. Below their head can be a variety of things; some have long stems, akin to the Piranha Plants found deep underground, while others lack roots altogether and float into the air with leaves similar to those possessed by the Jumping Piranha Plant. If you haven’t guessed it by now, this ghoulish gourd mimics Piranha Plants!
Over time, the autumnal species grew to resemble the predatory “plant” species all throughout the isles. The Piranha Plants of Dinosaur Land thrive in heat, normally, which is why they are found by pools of lava if underground and tend to leap upwards for sunrays if not. However, when the cooler temperatures of autumn approach, Piranha Plants become more sluggish and vulnerable. As a result, they descend through the pipes and caves under the soil and congregate by boiling hot magma in very deep caverns until spring rolls around. The Pumpkin Plants, better suited for the cold, take this opportunity and effectively replace their former competition until the air starts to heat up once more. This gives these gourds free reign over the Piranha Plants’ domain.
Naturally, as a species that evolved to take over for a carnivorous plant, the Pumpkin Plant is itself carnivorous. Their prey is very similar to the average Piranha Plant on the islands. Small birds that fly overhead, the occasional Galoomba that trips and falls into the wrong pipe, or anything else that unfortunately ends up too close. Pumpkin Plants use the element of surprise just like Piranha Plants to snatch up anything wandering past. The biggest difference between Piranhas and Pumpkins is that the flightless crow Pidgit is on the menu for the latter. Similarly to Pumpkin Plants, Pidgits don’t normally show themselves until the colder winds start to show. The large birds are excellent nutrition for the ghoulish gourds, but also a threat; Pidgits also happen to eat Pumpkin Plants. Pidgits are better equipped for battle with their talons and beaks, so they often come out on top in combat. As a result, Pumpkin Plants are an endangered species.
The End
Happy Halloween! Be sure to catch the next edition in December, and as always, leave a suggestion in my talk page or on the Super Mario Boards, and see you next time.
Written by: Letter Kong (talk)
Nice to have you back, fellow members of the Diddy Kong Redemption movement. I am your faction leader, Letter Kong, coming at you live from The 'Shroom's Cooking Guide studio located within their New Wikisburg headquarters to bring you a cooking column centered around our scorned spidermonkey sidekick. With Halloween almost upon us, I figured it would be an appropriate occasion for us to learn how to make a spooky-themed treat that Diddy Kong himself has been said to enjoy around this time of year; Count Kong-Cula's Chocolatey Cereal. Let us begin, shall we?
The recipe for this monstrous breakfast cereal says that in terms of ingredients, we require a full box of Kong Cranium Flakes, about a kilogram's worth of milk chocolate, a gallon of milk chocolate milk, and a glass of regular plain Moo Moo Farm milk to be able to wash away all the chocolatey after-taste from our mouths upon finishing this meal. Sounds all relatively easy enough to source, what with the existence of supermarkets and their delivery services nowadays...As far as appliances required to make this meal go, we require a single cereal bowl, a small pot or pan to melt the chocolate in, a stove to put the pot/pan on top of so we can properly melt the chocolate, a wooden spoon to stir the molten chocolate with, a brush to coat the Kong Cranium Flakes with the molten chocolate, an iron spoon to stir the entire mixture together, and a glass to pour the Moo Moo Farm milk into to serve with the meal on the side. Again, all reasonably easy to source, since almost every household has all of these appliances in stock, and if you're living in a well-populated area the size of New Wikisburg, a department store to source any of the appliances you lack should be close by.
Well, without further ado, let us get cooking. The first step of the recipe is to place the entire contents of the Kong Cranium Flakes box inside the cereal bowl, after which you set it aside for the time being. The next step is to place the kilogram's worth of milk chocolate inside the sourced pot/pan, place that on your stove and heat it up to 40 to 45 degrees Celsius or 104 to 113 degrees Fahrenheit, after which you wait for it to fully melt, using your wooden spoon to stir it from time to time along the way. Once you have gotten that taken care of, you use your brush to coat each and every piece of the Kong Cranium Flakes with the molten chocolate, after which you wait for that to dry. The next step is to pour the milk chocolate milk into the bowl with the now in molten chocolate coated Kong Cranium Flakes, use your iron spoon to stir the entire mixture together, then grab a glass to fill with regular plain Moo Moo Farm milk, and you should be ready to serve!
And there you have it! That's how you make yourself a delicious Diddy Kong-themed Halloween treat, guaranteed to awaken your primal instincts before you depart for your morning commute to work! I will now leave you with the recipe for making Count Kong-Cula's Chocolatey Cereal, and I will see you all next month for the penultimate edition of our Diddy Kong Redemption lineup of 'Shroom guest sections!
Ingredients
- A full box of Kong Cranium Flakes
- A kilogram's worth of milk chocolate
- A gallon of milk chocolate milk
- A glass of regular plain Moo Moo Farm milk
Appliances
- A single cereal bowl
- A small pot/pan
- A stove
- A wooden spoon
- A brush
- An iron spoon
- A drinking glass
Instructions
- Put all of the Kong Cranium Flakes inside of the box into the cereal bowl.
- Put all of the milk chocolate into the pot/pan, then place it on top of your stove, heat it up to 40 to 45 degrees Celsius or 104 to 113 degrees Fahrenheit, then wait for it to fully melt, stirring away at it with your wooden spoon from time to time.
- Use your brush to coat all of the Kong Cranium Flakes with the molten milk chocolate, then let it dry until you're ready to move on to the next step.
- Pour the milk chocolate milk into the bowl with the now fully chocolate-coated Kong Cranium Flakes, use your iron spoon to stir the entire mixture together, fill a glass with regular plain Moo Moo Farm milk, and you're ready to serve it.
Headrest and Inquis in: Phanto of the Opera - An Investigative Research Halloween Special
Written by: Headrest and Inquis (talk)
The grand return!
Headrest: Hello readers! We're back!
Inquis: That's right! We got the rights to our section back from that annoying Koopa! That guy wasn't even doing anything with it, I heard he started something about shells and spotlights instead...?
Headrest: Yes, we're back from our untimely cancellation! However there is one miniscule detail, we unfortunately were only able to acquire the Investigative Research rights for special occasions...
Inquis: So even if we aren't here for you every issue, you can bet my shell that we'll be back from time-to-time!
Headrest: Because Halloween is up-and-coming we decided that, just like last year, we are going to investigate something spooky!
Inquis: It's really been a whole year since we saw that ghost? Huh. Time really flies.
Headrest: Indeed! And on the topic of ghosts, we heard rumours of another haunting, or rather a series of hauntings that have been reported from a variety of different theaters around the world! We felt it was our calling.
Inquis: Geez, I guess we're just ghost-hunters now. Should I bring the vacuum?
Headrest: Hehehe! The theaters we specifically will be investigating are the Big Sho' Theater at Shogun Studios, the Sparkle Theater, and the great stage found at The Last Resort hotel!
Inquis: Isn't that hotel literally ran by ghosts? What's for us to investigate?
Headrest: It WAS ran by ghosts, but it collapsed and was rebuilt ghost-free! We have heard from the caretakers of all three of those theaters that specifically paranormal activity was taking place around opening and closing times, rather strangely all three of these theaters seem to have ongoing operas... I wonder if we have an opera-loving ghost on-hand? Let's find out!
Inquis: Alright! It's good to be back!
The first theater: Big Sho'
The first theater me and Inquis decided to take on was the Big Sho' at Shogun Studios. For those unaware, Shogun Studios is a large oriental-themed amusement park located near the base of Autumn Mountain, it's really fun to visit but alas that is not why we were here. After gaining entry to the park (Inquis: I SWEAR I didn't force Headrest to possess someone to get us in free.) we headed straight for the theater, which happened to be the largest building in the park. Once inside we were faced with a large stage, one with a set on it. The room was empty aside from us, creepy but perfect. Inquis immediately ran up onto stage and pretended he was in the show, I followed after him but only to get a better view of the complete auditorium. There was a strange haunting atmosphere in the air but I wasn't really sure that it was ACTUALLY because of a ghostly presence. We both got back down from the stage and after a few uneventful minutes of us trying to lure out any ghosts, the seats began to raise!! This was it, the ghost was surely using its spectre powers to raise up the auditorium!
We kept going up, and up, and up. It was kind of a blur, but it looked like we were passing other sets? Eventually we reached the top, we were now in a room with a large staircase, a flat stage in the middle and rows of seating going all around the room. At the very top of the stairs, hung on the wall was something that stood out significantly: a red and white mask with an evil smile. For some indescribable reason I had this feeling that the mask was tied to the ghost of this theater, so I lifted it off of its mount on the wall. The mask stared at me, leaving me feeling rather unsettled, so I gave it to Inquis to keep safe (Inquis: Why did I have to carry the creepy haunted mask?!). With the creepy mask now in our possession, we kind of hit a brick wall... there was no further paranormal activity, and better yet we found out that the supposed possessed auditorium was actually just an elevator! Oh, how embarrassing! We made our way back down to the entrance, but when we tried to leave we found that the door we had originally come through was locked! Then Inquis looked down and he noticed that the scary mask's eyes were glowing...
Oh, I was really quite scared now! I just knew this mask was possessed, we should have left it undisturbed but what was such an artifact doing in a place like this anyway? I have to admit, whilst Inquis was panicking with the glowing mask in his hand I fled backstage rather cowardly. Whilst I was back there I found a series of interesting objects and such, there were masks, props, strangely a very large rubber band, but most importantly I found a set of keys. Probably a spare left here by the caretakers. I let out a small joyful scream as I swooped up the keys and made my way back towards Inquis, however when I reached the auditorium I saw a ghastly sight! The mask was on Inquis' face, at first I thought it was just a practical joke but he began to approach me with his arms out like a zombie. At this point I was truly terrified, (Inquis: Imagine how I felt...) and as Inquis began to back me into a corner, the keys I had picked up slipped out of my little hands which... made the mask fall onto the ground? Inquis was dazed and confused. The mask had possessed him, that's my shtick! I gave my partner a moment to collect himself and went to collect the keys, upon picking them up the mask shot to life again but this time it instead attempted to latch onto my face, somebody should've given this ghost a lesson in possession because it didn't work on me. You can't possess a possessor! With the mask effectively tamed I was able to unlock the door, which again made the mask hit the ground. How curious, it seemed to have some kind of direct bond with the set of keys. For now we would bring the mask with us, though we understood it was not ours to keep so we planned on returning it before the next show, once we had removed the ghost from it! We decided to check out the next two theaters before making any moves on the mask, which led us to our next destination: the Sparkle Theater!
The second theater: Sparkle Theater
When we arrived at the Sparkle Theater there was actually a show due to start, we figured this was a good opportunity to scope out the venue and this was especially great because this place was HUGE! We would have had no idea where to even start otherwise. Me and Inquis bought our tickets and took our seats, though we stood out like a sore thumb as the crowd was made up of mostly little big-nosed guys. Eventually the show started, and it was great! I love the opera (Inquis: Opera SUCKS). The show was going very well, masterfully performed, but I guess these pesky spirits had other plans... at a certain point in the show Inquis pointed out a very familiar looking mask to me. It was the same type of mask as the one we found in the Big Sho' Theater, and even worse was that an upcoming part of the opera performance involved a pair of keys! We knew we had to act fast, but what could we do? If we tried to interrupt the performance we would surely get kicked out, but we couldn't do nothing... I got up from my seat, dragging Inquis along with me as we sneaked backstage to find a solution.
By the time we had successfully made our way backstage the performers had already picked up the keys, setting off the strange mask, however this time instead of going for the closest person it had gone incognito and targetted a crew member! We began to follow the crew member, what was the ghost of this mask trying to do? I admit, at one point I had Inquis use me to possess another crew member so we could follow the ghost undetected, I don't usually like doing this but I was caught up in the heat of the moment! The possessed crew member led us upstairs and eventually onto the walkway above the crowd seating where we witnessed a mortifying event take place, the ghost was attempting to drop the chandelier on the poor crowd! Me and Inquis leaped into action immediately, we're no soldiers but we couldn't just watch this happen aimlessly. We separated from the crew member we had taken control over and rushed to the walkway, Inquis pulled the crew member back and tried to remove the mask but it was just too strong. It was as if being under the mask's control made them have incredible strength. Things seemed rather hopeless but I had one last idea! I may not have been able to possess the mask itself, but I could attempt to capture the crew member! I threw myself onto him, and oh golly it was a hard battle to try and take control. I was not capable of winning outright but I had stalled long enough for the show to reach an intermission and the performers had put the keys down, making the mask docile and the crew member freed! With a second mask now obtained we made the decision to remove ourselves from the theater before we got caught trespassing by staff, and so we made way for our third and final location!
The third theater: The Great Stage
This final theater was a unique case as it exists as part of the overall Last Resort hotel, which infamously used to be a haven for ghosts until one fateful day when it mysteriously collapsed. It was rebuilt soon after, ghost-free and reopened to all future guests. Of course though, it was more importantly our next stop. Me and Inquis waltzed into the hotel lobby, it was so nice! I really wish we had the opportunity to at least stay a night here, but alas that is not what we came for. We took the elevator to the fourth floor, at the moment there was nobody up here except for hotel staff but they were very welcoming. We were informed that there currently was no planned show for the rest of the day and that the performers were practicing in the auditorium. Very graciously, we were allowed into the auditorium to watch the cast practice (Inquis: Allowed or not, one way or another we were getting in there). We entered the auditorium, and oh dear! The doors immediately locked behind us and what else could we see but the entire cast possessed by those pesky masks!
The director of the show ran up to us, begging for help but there was just simply too many of them! We didn't know what to do, things seemed hopeless. I tried the capturing trick again but the ghostly masks were simply too powerful and I was unable to take control of the cast. The only way we were getting out of this situation in one piece was if we got ahold of those keys. At this point I had effectively completely frozen, it was Inquis who came up with the idea to save us! (Inquis: Yeah! Aren't I the greatest or what?) He suggested that I should first capture Inquis himself, and then he would put on one of our own masks that we had brought from the other theaters. This move was risky... if it went wrong we could completely lose control of both of us, but if this went according to plan then we would have the strength of the possessed mask wielders, yet I would be fully in control! Seeing no other option I agreed to this plan, I threw myself onto Inquis and captured him and then put one of the ghostly masks on. It fought to take control, but I fought back and because I already had primary control over Inquis' mind I was able to overpower the mask! Combined we had the power to remove the evil masks from the cast's faces, the masks were resisting but we kept our cool and collected them one-by-one until we reached the final performer. This last performer, they had the auditorium keys and instead of facing us head-on they fled, so we engaged in chase. It would've been an endless game of cat & mouse, but the show's director took action himself and tackled the possessed performer! We got ahold of the key and unlocked the auditorium, neutralising the masks.
We had done it! We actually managed to save these innocent folk from whatever ghosts resided in these masks, but a few questions yet remained. How did these get here? How do we get the ghosts out of them? Why the opera? Well, we had a little chitchat with the director following this whole escapade! Apparently these masks were intended to be part of the show, the same one that happened to be showing in all three theaters we visited. According to the director, the production company had cheaped out and acquired these masks from an infamous criminal organisation that was known only as the '8 Bits'. Following this revelation, we took the masks to a paranormal expert who informed us that these masks were not possessed at all! These were sentient key-guarding masks known as Phanto. I believe me and Inquis stumbled into something huge here, it seems like the 8 bits had purposely sent these evil masks in an attempt to stealthily take over these theaters to add them to their expanding empire. At the end of the day, we are not the law so we handed all information and evidence we had over to the correct authorities who have assured us they will take care of this matter.
A feat to remember
I still just cannot believe that in our quest to become paranormal investigators, me and Inquis stumbled upon a criminal conspiracy, and better yet, we actually prevented it and potentially saved lives! Inquis keeps demanding a medal but I feel like we were still just doing our duty as an investigative team... regardless, this is something that we will both remember for the rest of our careers, we actually made a difference! And with that, we have reached the end of this special edition of Investigative Research, it was very much a dramatic adventure this time around, don't you think? Thank you all for reading, have a Happy Halloween! See you next time!
Hyrule Post
Written by: Harold Harefoot (talk)
MOBLIN GRANTED KNIGHTHOOD
Of all the citizens granted titles for their efforts following the defeat of Ganon by the hero Link, perhaps none were more surprising than a knighthood bestowed upon one of Ganon's own beasts – a Moblin. Unlike the other creatures from the dark realm, such as the Zoras that polluted the rivers and Octoroks that terrorized anyone they saw, this Moblin (seemingly just named Moblin) secretly aided the weary citizens of Hyrule. Apparently having turned away from his master and lacking the destructive nature of his fellow Moblin brethren, this Moblin secretly raided the royal treasury at great personal risk to himself. Using said treasury, the Moblin provided financial aid to the needy throughout the kingdom, providing crucial relief as Ganon's terror solidified and resources grew more scarce while unscrupulous merchants gouged residents for what was left. Rumors grew throughout the kingdom of secret caves throughout the kingdom where this Moblin either left behind Rupees or gave away the Rupees himself. When asked why he was doing this, the Moblin would simply grumble out "IT'S A SECRET TO EVERYBODY."
Even the great hero Link was aided by this Moblin, whose secret Rupees allowed Link to purchase the Blue Ring, greatly reducing the amount of damage Link took from Ganon's forces. For his aid, Link recommended that this Moblin be rewarded. This Moblin seemed quite standoffish when Link finally found him hiding in a cave near Death Mountain, seemingly unaware of Ganon's defeat and once again attempting to give Link 20 Rupees while telling him "IT'S A SECRET TO EVERYBODY." Initially reluctant to follow Link out of the cave, the Moblin finally agreed after being coaxed out by a piece of Meat that Link had on him. However, it was instantly clear that while this Moblin may have been more heroic than his brethren, he still wasn't very social. He refused interaction with any of the other guests at the ceremony outside of grunts, and reportedly drew his sword at least once when a waiter attempted to take away a plate of hors d'oeuvres. Because of this, Princess Zelda in her wisdom decided to dub this Moblin Sir Moblin of Death Mountain, granting him the cave of Death Mountain in which he was found as well as a part of the mountain in which to hunt and forage. In addition, he was to be allowed to keep part of the treasury he had seized and it was decreed that servants would be found for him if he so desired. Although it's unclear if Sir Moblin truly understands what any of this means, he seemed very happy to hear the words "hunting ground" and his eyes lit up when he was presented a brand-new ceremonial sword and armor set. Though he apparently declined a steed (as is traditionally given) because apparently "horse meat is foul". The knighting of a Moblin, one of Ganon's creatures, is quite unusual and caused quite a stir amongst many of Hyrule's people. Many raised questions of whether or not it was appropriate to allow one of Ganon's monsters to remain in Hyrule even if he had aided its people, but as of press time, it seems that Sir Moblin of Death Mountain is quite content to live isolated in his cave and to hunt his land without bothering anybody.
Star Ratings
Written by: BigBoom1946
Hello everyone and welcome back to Star Ratings, where I explain things nobody consciously wants, but desperately needs. Today, we have a very spooky subject, everyone. You might even say that it's going to make you shiver......
All bad jokes aside, today's galaxy is rather appropriate for this month, which I've been told that you earthlings (no rudeness intended) call "spooky month". I do not know why you call it that. Anyway, time to get on to the title. This month, put on a warm coat and make a mug of hot chocolate because it's Shiverburn Galaxy!
History
Shiverburn Galaxy was originally one of the many territories ruled by the Brr Clan, being used as an outpost to survey nearby systems. However, after the Great Octopod War, it was given to the Octo-Army as part of the Treaty of Splatimari, where in exchange for some land the Brr gained the ability to freely trade with the territories of the Octo-Army, and still remained the home of Prince Pikante during the Second Galaxy War, where he was ultimately defeated during a confrontation with Mario.
Of course, the main reason that people are interested in the planet is that a bizarre humanoid species called the Komurians live in an area called Hell Valley. Though rarely seen by outsiders, on account of the massive cliffs that surround the area, rumour has it that they can be occasionally seen peeking over the cliffs to watch outsiders. The reason that they do this is not yet known. Little is known about their biology, culture, language or technology level. They appear to vaguely resemble Greenies from the few photos we have taken.
Geography
Shiverburn Galaxy is a relatively small galaxy, only having around six planetoids. They are:
- A horseshoe-shaped planetoid which can change forms from a sea of magma to a vast frozen expanse. It possesses a strange landmark which is a naturally floating volcano in the middle of the horseshoe without any visible forms of propulsion.
- Muimui, a planetoid infested with Gummits.
- Magma Slice, a large sphere of magma bisected by a jagged rock disk. Occasionally, micrometeors impacting the disk cause chunks of rock to break off, where they will be absorbed into the core of the planetoid and endlessly float around on it.
- Magma Skate, a long, stretching road of magma which is constantly pelted with icy meteorites as well as flaming chunks of rock, causing the planet's state to alternate between frozen and boiling.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Shiverburn Galaxy is a whole lot of boiling magma and paradoxically freezing temperatures. This month's request was brought to you by CyberMario, and if you want to post a submission then just click here.
SO LONG, EVERYBODY!
Written by: Boo1268
The Sinister Story of the Shroobs
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. It's October my dear friends! And The ‘Shroom is once more filled with spooks, scares, costumes, candy, ghosts and ghouls aplenty, all in anticipation for Halloween to arrive, and while it may still be a ways away, I still have plenty of tricks and or treats for you this year. As such, I have yet another spine TINGLING story for you to stink your teeth into this month! So let me ask you dear readers, do you fear what lurks beyond the stars? Do you fear becoming something less than what you are? Losing all sense of sanity and pursuing a singular goal to the point where you ruin and eliminate everything in your path? Then allow me to tell you all the horrific tale of a group of otherworldly invaders from long ago, whose drive and passion to destroy everything they saw ironically led to their own destruction. So with that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
| Shroob | |
|---|---|
|
A strange race of purple mushroom aliens that look eerily similar to the standard Toad. However their hands were replaced by sharp pincers, their mouth was adorned with sharp fangs, they spoke in a strange dialect which no one could understand, and they only craved one thing, DESTRUCTION, however, it is unknown as to why. |
| Fun Fact!: It may be possible that due to the common Shroob’s standard purple, the Poison Mushroom may possibly be a descendant or relative of the Shroobs, however this has never been proven to be true. Same goes for the Rotten Mushroom. | |
Our story begins many MANY years ago, sometime after my death. The Mushroom Kingdom and Koopa Kingdom lived peacefully with each other for a time, the Baby Bros. and the young Prince Bowser, consistently getting into shenanigans with each other. However, deep out in space in the darkest corner of the galaxy, shunned by starlight, the planet the Shroobs called home lurked. Now while the overall origins of the Shroobs before their invasion of the Mushroom Kingdom are very much unclear and undiscovered, it was brought to many astronomers’ attention by way of the space goddess Rosalina that the planet they possibly inhabited is entirely organic in nature, similar to that of Planet Plantean, but upon its official discovery, the planet was deemed uninhabitable as no organic life remained above or underneath its surface. But from what could be gathered, the Shroobs, seemingly festering in their own malicious environment, possibly stared out into space, craving a new home in which they could not only conquer, but also destroy and cause irreversible damage, their own planet’s destruction most likely caused by the over mining and digging of natural fossil fuels and other life energy, due to the sparse remnants of machines that still lurk on the planet. Either way, the Shroobs craved a new place to call home, and they would set their eyes upon the peaceful land of the Mushroom Kingdom.
| Shroob Planet | |
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The desolate, creepy and decaying planet the Shroobs called home, shaped similar to a Mushroom. This planet seems to be not only entirely organic, but also seems to have had all of the life upon it either entirely sucked out or eliminated, an empty barren purple wasteland being all the remains upon its surface. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that due to the process used for gaining life energy known as Vim, it's theorised that the Shroobs’ home planet might have not only looked similar to ours, but also their home planet might not be their true place of origin? However, this is heavily speculated. | |
Eventually, the Shroobs would travel to our home planet and fully invade the Mushroom Kingdom, alongside its surrounding territory, transforming many familiar locations into twisted and corrupted versions of themselves. The only places not fully corrupted by the Shroobs’ invasion were Thwomp Volcano and the young Prince Bowser’s Castle, due to the high amount of danger presented by both locations. As for the rest of the kingdom however, the once empty Koopaseum was reworked into a fully operational arena and place of execution, while Hollijolli Village was completely decimated by the Shroobs’ invasion, being completely destroyed and all its citizens captured. Not even Yoshi's Island was safe from the Shroobs’ reign of terror, the frightful fungus people using genetic mutation to transform a seemingly innocent Yoshi into a HULKING beast named Yoob, terrorizing the Yoshis and going so far as to even EAT THEM. Yes indeed, not even the local wildlife was spared from the Shroobs’ tyranny, with many creatures such as Tashrooba, Shroob Rex, Shroob Chomp, Swiggler and the L33T HAMM3R BROZ all being genetic mutations or even controlled by the Shroobs through mind control. In fact, some of the kingdom’s creatures would willingly become allies to the Shroobs, so as to avoid their tyranny; beings such as Soul Bubbles, Lakitufos, Lethal Bob-ombs, and even Petey Piranha who acted as the Koopaseum’s monstrous mascot. Suffice to say that within a matter of days, almost ALL of the kingdom was overtaken by the Shroobs, with even Toad Town not being safe from their terror, being overtaken and infested alongside Peach’s Castle, now being known as Shroob Castle. This however was seemingly NOTHING compared to what became of all the captured Toads within Toadwood Forest.
| Vim extraction | |
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The vile and horrific process of extracting the life force of ALL Toads, also known as Vim, was done by way of attaching the helpless Toads to bio-engineered trees that slowly suck the Vim out of them, essentially killing them slowly as they call out in pain to be freed. All of this just to be used as fuel to power their ships and extend their life force, not caring for the pain they cause. |
| Spooky Fact!: Did you know that Vim is able to be genetically altered? This can be done by way of, funny enough, Mushrooms, with Poison Shrooms causing the Vim to make someone sick. | |
For you see, deep within the heart of Toadwood Forest, the Shroobs had constructed a place known as the Vim Factory. Using artificial trees, the Shroobs would trap all Toads within these mechanical monstrosities, sucking all the mushroom power from their helpless bodies. This “vim” then travels through the roots of the trees to the factory located in the middle of the forest. Inside said factory, a giant tree sits, absorbing the vim and sending the solution through pipes that lead to the lair of Swiggler, one of the Shroobs’ creations. The creature would then drink the liquid, converting it into fuel for flying saucers by way of special chemicals contained within its body. The saucers then would attach to Swiggler, who transfers the fuel into the ships. This horrible process is one of the few reasons as to why many historians believe that the Shroobs’ home planet might not have been their first home. With such an intricate process being used in such a specific way, many do believe that this was not the Shroobs’ first rodeo.
For a time, it seemed as if all hope was lost in the Mushroom Kingdom. However, things would go from bad to worse, by way of a time traveling Princess Peach and her two assistants. For you see, FAR off in the future, E. Gadd had invented a time machine to help explore the distant past. As a result, the old coot had asked Princess Peach and her two chosen assistants Toadiko and Toadbert to come with him to the past. However, when they arrived, they had come moments after the Shroobs had invaded the Mushroom Kingdom and were beginning to convert the place to their own vile residence, with Princess Peach even coming face to face with both the vile Princess Shroob and Elder Princess Shroob. Defending herself, the Princess used the power source of the time machine, the Cobalt Star, to trap the elder Princess Shroob inside. She then shattered the star into pieces, but the younger sister Princess Shroob was still free and managed to capture Peach and trap her within Shroob Castle. As such, after shattering the Star, many of its pieces scattered across the land, one of which landed in Star Hill, which the Shroobs also invaded so as to gather the piece for themselves, freeing their beloved queen.
| The Vile Queen | |
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Moments after being trapped within the Crystal Star, Elder Princess Shroob would manifest a physical form as the Cobalt Star Spirit, attempting to vex and trick the Mario Bros. into freeing her from her prison. Eventually it worked, but not without her destruction. |
| Spooky Fact!: Did you know that according to the princess and the bros., the final words of the elder princess were “FOOLISH MUSHROOM HEADS... YOU MAY HAVE BESTED ME, BUT SHROOBS WILL LIVE ON... ONE DAY, THE SHROOBS WILL DANCE ON THE BURIED REMAINS OF THIS PATHETIC KINGDOM…”? What she meant by this, no one will ever know, but since then, some have claimed to have seen not only Shroobs still lurking around, but also Yoob as well, so perhaps we may not have seen the last of these fungal foes. | |
After the Shroobs had fully invaded the kingdom, a young Junior Shrooboid would use the time machine to travel back to the future and encountered the Mario Bros., essentially informing them of the alien threat. Then, due to some wibbly wobbly timey wimey rubbish involving time holes, both the Mario Brothers and their younger selves partnered together, managing to not only fight back against the alien menace, using their own resources and mothership against them, but also defeat the Shroobs and their rulers once and for all. They even managed to discover the Shroobs’ weakness and transform all the Shroobified citizens of the past back to normal, by way of using an artificial makeup similar to that of baby's tears, pumped out through the Hydrogush and sprayed through the time holes all across the kingdom.
For a time it seemed as if all had been resolved. The Shroobs were gone, the kingdom both past and present were saved, everything seemed alright. However, similar to the Shroobs’ legacy, in one final attempt, Elder Princess Shroob, in a mushroom spore-like state, managed to gain control of a knocked out Bowser by way of him eating her, controlling his body in a new ghostly form named Shrowser. Now invincible to all attacks, Shrowser seemed to be the TRUE revenge of Elder Princess Shroob. However, the heroes managed to dodge and counter Shrowser’s attacks, which turned around and hit the elder Princess Shroob's ghost. Eventually, after taking 10 fireballs to the face, the double clad heroes in red and green managed to defeat her, and by extension Shrowser, eliminating the Shroob threat for good.
Eventually, our heroes used the time machine to return to their respective times, closing the book on this adventure for good. Back in the past, many parts of the Mushroom Kingdom had begun to rebuild after the invasion. Now while the kingdom had begun to be reformed back to a new sense of normal, many of the kingdom's residents, especially the victims of Toadwood Forest, had developed severe trauma from the event. Of course, who wouldn't? After being exposed to SO MUCH horrific events while under the Shroobs’ claws, who wouldn't be a little Shroomshocked. The invasion would soon go down in the history of the Mushroom Kingdom as one of the most horrific events of its time, being remembered by many survivors of the invasion as a “nightmare that would never end”. Despite the Mario Bros.’ victory over the Shroobs, many of them DID in fact survive after the elimination of their forces, many going into hiding, while a large group of them somehow managed to find their way within Bowser’s freezer and became trapped within, essentially preserving themselves accidentally within the ice. Thankfully, only a select few managed to escape from the freezer before being promptly defeated by the Mario Bros. and Bowser Jr..
| Bowser’s Freezer | |
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Deep underneath Bowser’s Castle lurks Bowser's freezer, used to mainly store all of Bowser’s food and was once the home of the Ever Ice. However, now it serves as a prison for the few remaining Shroobs trapped within, said Shroobs possibly traveling through said freezer to find a way to invade Bowser's Castle from underneath, much to little avail. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that alongside a group of standard Shroobs, there's also a Junior Shrooboid, a Commander Shroob and several Shroids located with the ice? It brings into question whether the Shroobs here became trapped after locking themselves in the freezer, or whether Bowser intentionally hunted them down and trapped them here for his own nefarious purposes. | |
Many things may never be discovered about the Shroobs and why they do what they do, but one thing is clear, despite their multiple defeats at the hands of the Bros., despite their defeat against Bowser Jr. and his army of misfits, and despite all the opposition the Shroobs had faced in their invasion of our world, the one thing that truly doomed the Shroobs was themselves. It was their inability or even rejection to show any compassion for life which caused them to be resented and opposed by everyone. It was their ruthlessness and greed that caused them to kill their own home, so much so that they could no longer live in it in any capacity. It was their innate destructive desire which caused them to want to destroy ANYTHING they came across. They were even willing to destroy each other, their resources, their ships, their few allies, and in the case of Elder Princess Shroob, even herself by having fed herself to Bowser WILLINGLY, just to destroy the Mario Bros.. The Shroobs only ever craved one thing, so much so that the only true translatable word repeatedly spoken by the Shroobs was but one word. One word which fully described their wants, their desires, their needs and even their way of society as we once knew it, that word being “destroy”, a word which they would repeat even in death. The destruction of everything they saw fit led to the destruction of everything they held dear. So remember dear readers, do not let a singular goal encompass your entire being, do not let the wrath and fury that lurks in your heart consume yourself fully, do not let your desires single mindedly forego all your compassion, all your empathy and reject the consideration of others, or else you will find yourselves consumed by a single minded goal which will destroy you and everything you hold dear, suffering the same fate as the Shroobs.
And so, with that, our story ends. I really hope you all enjoyed this edition of The Spectral Lens! I had a LOT of fun making this one and I do hope you all enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I'm always willing to blast off and invade your ideas on potential topics. So don't be afraid to give me suggestions. Alongside this one more thing, I will be taking a break for next month, so if you DO have any suggestions make sure they're winter themed. But before I go, remember to heed my warning, dear readers, or YOU may suffer an even WORSE fate than that of the Shroobs as well! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! And with that I say: Merci, au revoir and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Triple A Trouble?
BREAKING NEWS
It's a horrible Halloween! I'm Tattle Toad and what I just said wasn't a trick! The Mushroom Kingdom is left without candy, so nobody can give any to the children this year! Clara T. is ready to present her findings at Toadstool Avenue.
Thank "boo", Tattle Toad. Halloween Night is almost over, and instead of the joy from the children and smell of candy in the air, we get crying children and only the scent of despair... and pumpkins.
We have interviewed some residents looking forward to today, and none of them thought it was a treat.
My son dressed up as a spooky scary skeleton for nothing! Well, nothing may not be the right word since he did make a few new friends, but still! How does all the candy just suddenly disappear?!
I'm always a procrastinator when it comes to Halloween candy, so I always buy 20 pounds of it every Halloween morning. Imagine my surprise when there wasn't any in the store! I couldn't give any to the poor children... on the brighter side, their teeth will be healthier for a little longer.
(sniff)... I planned on getting all the candy with my super cute Yoshi costume... (bawls) Now I ca-a—aa-a-n't!
Perhaps the lack of candy is the scariest thing on Halloween night. None of the residents could buy any candy because the Mushroom Kingdom Store didn't have any. However, one of the cashiers claims to have seen a "purple blur" just yesterday:
Yeah! I was bored out of my mind when suddenly ZOOM! Something purple rushed in and ran past the candy shelf before like, leaving the scene in 10 seconds flat! I went over to see if anything was missing and all of the candy like, totally vanished! Gone! The security camera footage cut out at this exact moment too!
Other than the "purple blur", we don't have any concrete evidence. An investigation is underway to find out who this culprit is, and where all the candy is. Back to you, Tattle Toad.
Thanks once again Clara! Normally we provide a poster or photo of the evidence, but uh... there isn't anything to put up. All I can say is to look out for purple blurs! I have a feeling that Triple A Gang is behind this, but now I'm not so sure... anyways, have an unhappy Halloween and try your best to enjoy the rest of the evening. Boo...
(Back to the Triple A Gang, who watched the new report at their lair)
Rough n' Tough: Whoa, Annie! I didn't know you were lightning fast!
Biker Annie: Um, that wasn't me. I'm not sure even my motorcycle could go that fast.
Rough n' Tough: Well this is a first. A breaking news report that isn't focused on us? Who stole all of the candy then?
The Kingfin: Blblblblb?
Biker Annie: Fortunately, I have a jar of candy right here! I bought it before it was all stolen.
Rough n' Tough: Do those Toads not have any backup candy at their homes?
Biker Annie: Hmm, maybe I should share with the Toads. It's the right thing to do.
Rough n' Tough: No way! That candy is OURS!
Digital News
Written by: SandYanmamon (talk)
Digital News - a digital version of Shell Newspaper covering all the major stories in File City and beyond!
Monochromon Accused of Price Gouging
A local shopkeep's actions during the Great Calamity have come under fire recently. Monochromon, a Champion-level dinosaur Digimon and longtime employee of the Item Shop, has faced increased scrutiny over his actions during the Great Calamity. During the Great Calamity, when the island grew and many Digimon scattering to the new regions lost their minds due to the actions of the mad hacker Analogman, Monochromon was one of the few Digimon who completely kept their mental faculties. Through the calamity, Monochromon ran a small item shop just past the legendary invisible bridge, selling a few useful items such as Meat, Portable Toilets, and Medicine. It was at this shop that Monochromon met Mameo and, after being impressed by his salesmanship, agreed to join File City, taking up work in familiar territory. He joined File City's Item Shop, where he managed to use his logistics expertise to procure Restores as one of the items being sold.
But it's his behavior as manager of that little shop that has attracted so much criticism. As the effects of Analogman's deeds wither and the memories of those Digimon affected by it return, a group of Monochromon's former customers consisting of Goburimon, Gotsumon, Weedmon, and Muchomon have accused Monochromon of taking advantage of them by deliberately taking advantage of their weakened mental state to raise prices on the confused Digimon. As evidence of this, they pointed out that Monochromon didn't always charge consistent prices! For some, Medicine would be 1,000 bits, but for others it would be as high as 1,500 bits! Accusing Monochromon of charging whatever he thought he could get away with, they argue that it wasn't fair for Monochromon to attempt to haggle with Digimon that were clearly suffering from the effects of the Great Calamity while Monochromon was unaffected. The Goburimon were particularly upset, believing that as Rookie-level Digimon they were particularly affected by Analogman's deeds and were often tricked into paying the highest prices for necessities such as Meat and Medicine. Bolstering these claims was a reluctant Mameo, who admitted that when he worked at the Item Shop Monochromon encouraged him to attempt to charge the highest price possible for each item before declaring that Mameo had successfully passed the test and giving him a share of the profits.
For his part, Monochromon has denied all charges that he intentionally took advantage of any Digimon's reduced mental state. He maintains that he ran an honest business that provided an honest and important service to Digimon outside File City. As he puts it, any Digimon who came into his shop had the ability to haggle, and he often sold items for less than they were worth, particularly to the Weedmon who he said were particularly difficult customers not worth trying to haggle with. He went on to say that, while he did in fact have a sales goal Mameo needed to meet for him to join the city, such a goal was not ridiculously high (although it should be noted Mameo himself disagreed on whether the target was high or not). Rather, Monochromon claims, it was a simple goal that Mameo himself didn't even know about, put in place so Monochromon could test his ability to see if he was the one that could end the Great Calamity.
A Shell in the Spotlight
Written by: Koopa (talk)
Additional writing: Boo1268
Art: Gabumon (talk) and Cloudwalker (talk)
Happy Halloweeeen Koopa fans!! Originally this month I was going to write about the world-famous Private Koopa, however I received a mysterious letter which had a strange ghostly aura to it... I haven't even opened the letter yet and for some reason I feel like if I don't write about a certain "Specture Striker" that I will be eternally cursed, so I suppose that's what I'm doing this month.
Specture Striker
Okay, so technically he's not a Koopa but instead a Dark Bones, but a Dark Bones is just a variant of Dry Bones and all Dry Boneses were once Koopas right? Regardless, I'm going to be discussing both his time in life and in death...
I've done some intense research and from what I can find, in life this now-Dark Bones was once known as Spencer Koopfield, a socialite whose family originally came from the quaint Koopa Village, and even though his face wasn't plastered on billboards worldwide, he still had quite the reputation for his family was known for their heavily successful shoe production enterprise. Generally Spencer could have whatever he wanted, he had the power, the money, the influence to make it so. Of course, he had nowhere near the status of somebody like the Princess, but why would you even need to be when you already have it all, right? Well, this wealthy Koopa never exactly felt that way, there was something missing inside of him... something that left him hollow inside, and so he became somewhat of a conman, and it was during a certain card game, he scammed another player, specifically an elderly magician Koopa for a ring, but little did Spencer know... the magician had put a curse on the ring, and when eventually he faced his Game Over, he found himself unable to pass onto the next realm, bound to a metal coffin for the rest of his existence. He was reborn as Specture Striker.
Now eternally bound to the living realm despite having met his end, Spencer Koopfield, or rather Specture Striker, now serves as the guardian to a graveyard that stands alongside his old home, a large mansion, that goes by the name "The Lich Yard". I'm not certain how that graveyard got there, rumour has it that prior to Spencer's passing, the mansion was not the host to any graveyard site, yet following the curse being put into effect one magically appeared. As for his family's shoe production enterprise, following his death it unfortunately fell into bankruptcy and they permanently closed their doors. I guess they couldn't keep up with the likes of brands such as Supa Koopa Sprint sneakers. Anyway, as the undead guardian of The Lich Yard, he now sports an imposing blue hood and a large scythe that goes by Lucille. Originally, he was even the owner of the cemetery that he protects, however after many years he would go on to transfer ownership to a Boo that he considered a friend. A lot of mystery surrounds this Dark Bones, and to be honest with all of you dear readers, I struggled to untangle the mystery, so I did something I'm sure all of you would've done if you were in the same position as me... I put my own life at risk in an attempt to have a conversation with this "Specture Striker"! That's right, I actually travelled to the Lich Yard to seek him out, and guess what? I found him, and better yet, convinced him to take part in an interview! The following is a transcript of our conversation:
Interviewing Specture Striker
Me: Alright… I’m here, that Dark Bones oughta be around here somewhere…
Specture: HALT MORTAL FOOL! Who DARES enter the LICH YARD???
Me: Eep! I come in peace, I promise! …this was a mistake, I know it…
Specture: Don't try to fool me intruder!
Suddenly Specture seemingly appeared from the fog behind me, holding his scythe to my throat.
Specture: Give me one good reason I shouldn't make you pay for entering unannounced?
Me: I-I’m harmless! I actually came here to l-look for you! Please, just look at me! Do I look like a t-threat?
Specture: What? You came looking for me- wait a minute, do you work at The 'Shroom?
Me: Y-Yes! That’s right! I do a piece on famous and notable Koopas around the world and b-beyond! I’m writing one right now about you!
Specture lowered his weapon and put it away, dusting me off.
Specture: It is you, huh, well I'm… sorry about that, I guess, I'm not used to people caring about me or wanting to, “get to know me”.
I sighed, knowing that my life is no longer at risk.
Me: Phew… thank you for hearing me out. I was actually looking for an interview, is that something you would be willing to do?
Specture: Hmmm… Sure I guess, Boo is always telling me to be more social, besides I got some... stuff to get off my chest. Here, we can talk on the patio, follow me.
Specture led me towards the patio of the Lich Yard Mansion, sitting on a pair of chairs and table near the entrance, and so, I followed Specture Striker. I took note of my surroundings as I followed, this place was strange… It was haunting, yet because of Specture’s presence it felt safe.
Me: Thank you for this opportunity.
Specture: Eh, it's no biggie, want some tea by the way?
Me: No thanks, I’m not thirsty. I also just want to say, I apologise if any of these questions are personal.
Specture: Well it's… alright, I guess, anyways fire away Mr. Koopa.
Me: Okay here goes. About your scythe... why "Lucille"? Does that name have any significance to you?
Specture: Not really, I just chose the name cause it sounded cool to me.
Me: I see… Do you have any stories of having to defend the graveyard from threats?
Specture: Oh do I ever, one time there was a particularly annoying set of thugs trying to rob the manor, I think their name was “The Gold Stingers” or something of that sort. Either way those three tried to steal.. something, I have no idea what, but the second they saw me and my scythe they ran, I especially like to use my scary ghostly voice when warding off threats.
Me: Well Mr. Specture Striker, I can personally attest that you are very scary. My next question is: what does your social life look like? Any close friends or family?
Specture: My personal life?...... It's… well, I have no real living “family” to speak of, my mom and dad died a long time ago, I was an only child you know… but I suppose that the only real “family” I have now is Boo and Atlas. As for friends, I have a few, there's Pyro, Kroop, The Explainer, DryBonesBandit and Clawgrip, there's also P-Polly Geist, but s-she's, well… anyways! Other than those guys, Boo is the only friend I've ever known.
Me: Detailed answer… I appreciate it. I apologise if this next one is particularly personal. Do you regret that fateful day in which you got cursed?
Specture: How did you?... Well I suppose someone would find out sooner or later, but in all honesty... no, no I don't.
Specture paused twiddling his thumbs and his head hanged low.
Specture: You probably know this by now, but... I was a jerk, and I mean a REAL jerk, so for the longest time I felt as if I... deserved what happened to me... but since then, it's been a chance to meet new and wonderful people, so if I had the chance, I wouldn't trade this for anything.
Me: I understand. I suppose I owe you an explanation as to how I knew of your curse, truthfully I was just making assumptions based on rumours and hearsay I had heard during my research. I suppose I shouldn’t be making assumptions, but in this case it turned out to be correct. Now on the topic of your curse... if you were freed of your curse, where would you go first?
Specture: If I was free of my curse?... I guess do whatever I wanted before I passed on, ya know? See the world or something.
Me: I see. I’ll hopefully lighten things up from here, what's up with the coffin?
Specture: That's part of the curse, eternally bound to my coffin for all eternity. On the bright side it proves a quick passage to the Lich Yard, used that tactic in the Mega Brawl ya know? On the downside, it's REALLY heavy.
Me: Oooh I see, so that’s your coffin?
Specture: Yep.
Me: I see, I see. I heard you came from Koopa Village, it just so happens that I come from there too. Do you ever find yourself missing it?
Specture: To be honest I don't remember Koopa Village at all, my parents left from there when I was super young, the only thing I THINK I remember is the taste of something called a Koopa Leaf?
Me: Yes! They’re used to make Koopa Tea. If you’d like, I can come back one day and bring you some. Consider it repayment for doing this interview.
Specture: Sure, why not?
Me: Great! I’ll make sure I do that. Before your passing your family was in the shoe production business, what was that like?
Specture: Honestly... I didn't much care for the family business, sure I had the hottest shoes on the block at the time, but all I cared about was my hot rods, the ladies and being popular, ya know?
Me: "The Lich Yard". Where did that name come from?
Specture: No idea, I didn’t call it that, Boo didn't either, it probably came from word of mouth as like a fable or something. Either way, it's catchy, right?
Me: For sure! Now.. do you celebrate Halloween, and if so how?
Specture: Hahahaha! Do we celebrate Halloween!? Are you kidding? It's the most important holiday here at the Lich Yard! In fact just last year we hosted a GREAT Halloween party! We love Halloween around here, we make sure to give out the BIGGEST candy bars to those daring to enter. High risk, high reward, right?
Me: Heh, I oughta have expected that. I guess you indirectly answered my last question too, I was going to ask how big of a party animal you were.
Specture: Well actually... I'm not that big of a party animal... but, when I get a few drinks in, then I start to loosen up.
Me: And with that, I have finished our interview! Once again, thank you so much for your time… and a double thank you for not killing me earlier.
Specture: Yeah… sorry about that, like I said I tend to have to deal with plenty of crooks, vandals, etc. coming in unannounced. Anyways, see ya “pal”.
And just like that, I took my leave. Don’t worry, I made sure to return so I could deliver that Koopa Leaf as promised.
Final conclusion
So it seems that Specture Striker is remorseful for his past actions and following his passing has made sure to change his ways. I thought he was very friendly, if a bit cautious and unwelcoming, but I suppose I can't blame him since I showed up uninvited... Truthfully I can't help but feel guilty as I may have been asking some questions that were a little too personal, but ah, that is my job at the end of the day.
To conclude, it seems like the Specture Striker is no joke, and he also serves as a cautionary tale to those currently selfish folk out there! If I was you, I would be changing my ways! I can feel the pressure of that letter I received being relieved so I suppose that means I'm safe to end this month's issue, first though of course I'll open the letter... ahem... hehe, oh, it was just my monthly bill. I... guess I wasn't ever really at risk of being cursed, haha... at least I got to meet a cool dead dude! See you all next month, and Happy Halloween!!!
The Bar D. Jokue Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Pumpkin Zone: Taking too long to get any good
Hey folks, it's Bar D. Jokue back again after I missed last month due to Neo Bowser City related problems. Looks like the choice I totally made to have Guy write a tra