The 'Shroom:Issue 234/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! Bad news, it seems like this month's edition of Fake News has been pirated! Yep, I saw a Goomba driving away from our headquarters in a pirate ship with wheels just this morning. Well, the joke's on him, because this is free for everyone to read anyway! Not sure why he went to so much trouble, really...
Please enjoy our full slate of usual sections, along with a couple bonuses! ClawgripFan9001 (talk) continues the Diddy Kong Redemption with a brief News Flush about a new boon for our simian friend, and Consumer Corner returns for the first time since Issue 200 (I meant to do it sooner, honest...) just in time for the end of Mario Kart Tour. It's not actually about that game, but it's at least pretty close.
If you'd like to write for Fake News, check out our sign up page for all the info you need to get started on an application! Or, if you'd prefer to do a one-off volunteer section for something like News Flush instead of committing to an ongoing project, there's plenty of room for that here too. Just contact me privately with your submission and I'll help you get shipshape.
Section of the Month
Taking the gold once more, we have TheBlueCatMenace's Neo Bowser City-themed edition of The Bar D. Jokue Travel Guide! In a very close second, it's Harold Harefoot (talk)'s News Flush about the ongoing Smithy Gang strike, with artwork by TPG (talk). Finally, third place is a tie between three sections with three votes each (that's a lotta threes) - a very tasty edition of The Sorcery Show by Legend 8, Harold Harefoot's other News Flush about the sad state of Captain Blackeye, and Boo1268 getting to the roots of The Great Tree's history in The Spectral Lens. Thank you to everyone who voted and please keep it up!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Bar D. Jokue Travel Guide | 9 | 25.00% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | News Flush | 8 | 22.22% | Harold Harefoot (talk) |
| 3rd | The Sorcery Show | 3 | 8.33% | Legend 8 |
| 3rd | News Flush | 3 | 8.33% | Harold Harefoot (talk) |
| 3rd | The Spectral Lens | 3 | 8.33% | Boo1268 |
Written by: Letter Kong (talk)
DIDDY KONG OFFICIALLY CROWNED NEW LEADER OF THE KONG FAMILY!
Inca Dinka Du has apparently decided that the Kong Family is in need of new leadership, because recently, the living stone totem has made Diddy Kong himself the new leader of the Kong Family, which was celebrated all over Donkey Kong Island by all Kongs living out there. Having apparently grown disillusioned with Donkey Kong following his mistreatment of his fellow Kongs during the Bananza Incident, Inca Dinka Du one night declared that the time had come, and as such, Donkey "Cranky" Kong Senior sent Diddy Kong, who had been filling the position of acting leader of the Kong Family following the disappearance of his uncle, to Inca Dinka Du's temple to investigate. Once Diddy Kong had made it there, Inca Dinka Du asked of the spidermonkey to bring all Kongs present on Donkey Kong Island at the time to his temple, in which the spidermonkey did. Once he'd gathered all Kong Family members at Inca Dinka Du's statue, the sentient totem officially crowned Diddy Kong as the new leader of the Kong Family, stating that in the aftermath of the Bananza Incident and Donkey Kong's disappearance, Diddy had been showcasing courage and sacrifice; The true virtues of a leader. As such, Inca Dinka Du reasoned that the time was right to transfer leadership of the Kong Clan to Diddy. We reached out to the spidermonkey himself for comments on the momentous occasion, in which he told us the following:
After the Bananza Incident, I never would've thought that fortune would ever smile down upon me again, but ever since February of this year, it seems that after a lot of hard work and a little push from my loving family, things are finally beginning to turn around for the better in my life. I'm really honored to have gained the trust of Inca Dinka Du himself in leading my fellow Kongs for the next extended period of time, and I will do my best to live up to the faith that Inca Dinka Du has put into me.
We at The 'Shroom congratulate Diddy Kong for his promotion to this important position within his family's jungle kingdom, and we will bring you more news on the topic as we receive it over time.
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
Hello once again! It's time for TV Tomorrow! The fall schedules are fast approaching for the kingdom's broadcasting networks, so I thought we'd take a look at a couple shows that have been renewed and canceled for the season! The next issue will be centered around spooky programming and Halloween, so it would only be fitting for Viewer's Choice to be Halloween themed as well! I eagerly await your submissions in the Viewer's Choice thread in the Super Mario Boards 'Shroom Creations forum.
Starting off with…
Renewed
Show: Mayor Pauline
Network: Sundays on MKBC @8:00 PM MKST
This political drama about Pauline, the recently elected mayor of New Donk City, has captured audiences across the Mushroom Kingdom. Season 1 saw the mayor in her first days as head of the city, navigating her board of advisors as they plan the annual NDC festival and try to get Donkey Kong to make an appearance. In the season finale, Void Kong, the mayoral runner up, thwarts those plans by turning Donkey Kong into a statue and putting him on display at the New Donk City Hall. Pauline is blindsided by the news and resolves to bring Void to justice. Mario joins the next season as the Mushroom Kingdom ambassador, reigniting an old flame between him and Pauline.
Show: Red n' Blue
Network: Wednesdays on The Yoshi Channel @7:30 PM MKST
Two colorful Yoshi friends live together in a Toad Town apartment, navigating a world of rent fees, decisions on what to make for dinner, and a cast of quirky characters like the next door nerd Francis and Red's girlfriend Pink. This all culminates in a show that the Toad Town Teller calls "a hilarious comedy filled with charm", set for its fifth season on The Yoshi Channel. There are even rumors of a spin-off centered around the Yoshis' main rival, Kamek, and his life in Toad Town.
Cancelled
Show: James Blond
Network: Thursdays on Mr. E @9:00 PM MKST
This upcoming tenth season of James Blond will unfortunately be its last. After the defeat of Mr. Wario and his STINK organization, Koopfinger has returned to try and destroy James Blond forever one last time. Planning to rob the First Mushroom Bank and nab funds for his Soopa Koopa Kannon, able to blast a Thwomp-sized hole into anything it's pointed at, Koopfinger reunites Blond's rogues gallery as allies in an action-filled final season that you won't want to miss!
Show: The Wario Show
Network: Every day on Wario @12:00 AM to 11:59 PM
Wario hosts a daily talk show all about himself, he's the only guest star, audience member, producer, writer, director, camera operator, lighting technician, caterer, janitor, fart special effect provider, mustache groomer, graphic designer, Wario, sponsor, network executive, CEO, donator, on-site medical staff, best boy grip, animal wrangler, Wario wrangler, animator, orchestrator, trombone player, TV Tomorrow writer, fifty-time heavyweight boxer champion, host, double, and political analyst on the show!
Wario says he's about to start pivoting toward directing films at his production company, WarioFilm, where he will star in various Wario projects.
I'm MightyMario and that'll do it for this month's TV Tomorrow, until then, prepare to fast-forward!
Star Ratings
Written by: BigBoom1946
Hello everyone and welcome back to Star Ratings. In case you're new here, here's how this show works. I get sent the details of a location in space, and travel there and talk about its history, fauna, flora and so on and so forth. Today, we will be talking about a particularly strange location that was actually suggested by 5Effectual-Logicizes on my thread. Today we're covering the giant's playground, Toy Time Galaxy!
History
LONG LONG AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY....
There was a child. And that child had a toybox. And the toybox was filled with wondrous toys. Over many millennia, the child grew fond memories of playing with those toys. Eventually, when the child outgrew the toys, he walked away in search of new hobbies to discover.
Millions of years later, some of the first species to achieve interstellar travel discovered the toys and began to wonder what on earth could have possibly used them. Some believed that it was some form of interdimensional artwork. Others believed that it was a lost city of some ancient species. One person even believed that it was a recipe for spaghetti carbonara. They were all wrong, however. They were just toys for a higher form of life, training tools for the younger members of the species.
This system was later conquered by Bowser's army during the First Galaxy War, and was one of many freed by Mario himself.
Geography
This bizarre aberration of a system is composed of various asteroid-sized toys, a list of which I shall go through right now.
The Train Station
The first planetoid in the system is a simple train station, attached to a circular piece of track with a pair of trains riding it. The trains can be ridden, but they only ride on the circular piece of track so you can't use them to ride to other parts of the system. The trains themselves are just scaled-up versions of toy trains that can somehow move on their own.
The Belts
The next planetoid is a pair of conveyor belts that do not carry anything. An interesting power-up is first located here. The Spring Mushroom, or Springus Bounciniam, is a metallic piece of fungi that, once touched, unravels into a thick strand of metal which constricts around the toucher and grants them the ability to bounce very high, at the cost of preventing the afflicted from running. According to several people, there is a toy train hiding somewhere on the planetoid. No idea where it is though.
The Dessert Zone
The Dessert Zone makes up a large portion of the planetoids in this system, possessing several sub-zones; the cake planetoid, which is an enormous cake decorated with five candles, the gumball planetoid, which is a cake with the top half of a gumball machine attached, the ice cream area, which possesses a singular Brr as its inhabitant, and finally the other cake area, which has several massive slices of cake.
The Mecha-Bowser Zone
This giant robot is the centrepiece of the system. It does not appear to be functional. It possesses a weak point on the top of its head. Not much is known about it, other than the fact that it's a giant robot that vaguely resembles Bowser if you squint a bit. Not really got anything else besides that.
Conclusion
Overall, Toy Time Galaxy is a fine experience. You can submit ideas for what I'll do next right here!
Written by: Wally the Baby Rhinoceros (talk)
Hoi, hoi! This is Wally the Baby Rhinoceros, back again with a new edition of the Cooking Guide! ClawgripFan9001 is still AWOL, as is Cosmo Neko, the writer of The Sunshine Travel Guide, whom I share a home with...It feels quite lonely coming home to an empty house every night after work...Anyhoo, there's still money to be made, and bills to be paid, so I took up a cooking class with Zess T., a Rogueport-based chef who has temporarily relocated to New Wikisburg after she was evacuated from there by the Rogueport Restoration Committee back in March after trouble started brewing in town following the appearance of a "Dark Crystal Star", as people are calling it. You think that thing has something to do with ClawgripFan9001's disappearance? But now I'm just thinking out loud, so let's take a look at how my cooking class with Mrs. Zess T. went down.
Knocking on the front door of the New Wikisburg house that Zess T. was temporarily residing in following her evacuation from Rogueport by the Rogueport Restoration Committee, Wally the Baby Rhinoceros was let inside by the coarse-mannered Toad chef in a timely manner, after which she closed the door behind the rhino tyke.
"Good day, Mrs. Zess T.! Glad you could spare some time out of your schedule to get this cooking class on the road with me!" Wally kindly greeted Zess T., who nodded in acknowledgement of his gratitude.
"Don't mention it. After all, being out here in New Wikisburg and cooking up good food is always better than being kept in the Rogueport Underground against my will. That blasted Dark Crystal Star and the resurgence of those nasty X-Nauts are really something else." Zess T. rambled about the situation going on in Rogueport, which Wally nodded his response to.
"It sounds like that whole situation with that strange gem has gotten you a lot more irritable than usual. But maybe cooking up a little comfort food could fix that! Where's your cook books?" Wally asked Zess T. after proposing a meal to make for today's cooking class.
"They're up there, lemme grab one for you." Zess T. informed Wally as she walked up to her shelf filled with cook books before grabbing one written by Maitre Delish, then walked up to the kitchen island that her temporary New Wikisburg residence held before opening it, after which Wally proceeded to hop onto a stool next to the kitchen island as he began scanning through the cook book in question for potential meals to cover in the Cooking Guide he was going to be writing.
"Hm, let me see here...There's gotta be something in here that should fit our criteria of comfort food...Ooh! This should do; A Zess Pizza! Do we have the ingredients to make that?" Wally asked Zess T. after scanning through the pages of the cook book for comfort food recipes. The Toad chef nodded in response, walking over to her pantry to gather all the necessary ingredients for making a Zess Pizza.
"As a matter of fact, we do. You gimme the instructions for making the Zess Pizza, and I'll...try to follow them." Zess T. proposed to Wally as she came back out of her pantry, placing all the ingredients on her kitchen island in a subsequent fashion.
"Sounds like a plan to me! Okay, lemme see here...So, for the preparation of the Zess Pizza Dough, you're required to whisk the all-purpose flour, sugar, yeast and salt together into a medium bowl, then add warm water and olive oil, and stir the whole mixture with a wooden spoon until it seems to begin to come together." Wally read the instructions for preparing the dough for the Zess Pizza to the grouchy Toad chef, who began to do as she was told.
"I hear you, Tyke Mison. What do I do next?" Zess T. inquired of Wally, apparently not even a baby rhino being safe from her nicknames. Wally hummed inquisitively as he continued to look through the cooking instructions for the next step in preparing the dough, then began to speak once more as soon as he found it.
"Then, you're required to scrape the dough onto a well-floured counter top and knead the dough for a good three minutes. That should make it come together and get sticky in a quick and timely manner, after which you gotta dust the dough with flour as needed, and as soon as about another three minutes have passed, the dough should be smooth, a tad elastic and tacky enough to move on to the next step of the process, which is lightly greasing a large mixing bowl with olive oil and then placing the dough down inside." Wally told Zess T., who began to follow the instructions the baby rhinoceros was giving to her in a consecutive process, though she did glance up at Wally while she did.
"Now, slow down, Speedy Suckling. I know you're only an infant, but I'm not as quick as I used to be, so speak a little slower when giving me those instructions, alright?" Zess T. asked Wally, who sheepishly giggled in response, a sweatdrop forming on the side of his head as he did. Zess T. rolled her eyes in response before she continued to carry out the instructions Wally had passed on to her just a moment ago. "Alright, now that you're done yukking it up, what do I do next?" She asked the baby rhinoceros, her trademark coarse and irritable demeanor radiating through.
"Right, next, you're supposed to cover the bowl with a kitchen towel or plastic wrap and let the dough rise in a dry, warm area of your kitchen for a timespan of two hours, or until the dough has doubled in size. While we wait for the dough to take care of itself, we can move on to the next part of the process of making this pizza." Wally informed Zess T., speaking slower at the latter's request, as she began to carry out this step of the dough preparation process, before she walked over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands for the next part of the process of preparing the Zess Pizza.
"What is the next part of the process?" Zess T. then asked Wally with a curiously raised eyebrow, after which the rhino infant looked back at the cook book to check, then addressed the chef again once he had tracked that part of the process down in the book.
"That'd be preheating the oven, alongside the pizza steel or stone. Put the pizza steel or stone on the second-to-top rack of your oven, then preheat the oven and steel/stone to roughly five-hundred-and-fifty degrees Fahrenheit or two-hundred-and-eighty degrees Celsius over the minimum timespan of an hour." Wally explained to Zess T. while the Toad chef began to do just that, then turned back towards the young rhinoceros for additional instructions. "Well, while the oven is preheating, we can take care of assembling the ingredients. In a small bowl, you're supposed to stir together the pureed tomatoes, minced garlic, extra virgin olive oil, pepper and salt. You're then required to set aside another small bowl with cubed mozzarella cheese inside of it, and pat the cheese dry with a paper towel to get rid of any excess moisture. Then, set aside the basil leaves and the grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese for easy grabbing."
Zess T. assembled the ingredients for the Zess Pizza just as Wally disclosed, then looked back up towards the rhino calf upon having done so. "Alright, and then?" She asked Wally with a curious tilt of her head, giving him a long look in the process. Wally then glanced back at the cook book, then back up at Zess T. as he began to convey the next steps to her.
"Separate the pizza dough into two equally sized portions, place it on a large plate or a floured counter top, cover it gently with a plastic wrap, then let it rest for five to ten minutes." Wally spoke, with Zess T. doing as he conveyed. "Alright, and once that's taken care of, we're up to the assembling of the pizza. Sprinkle your pizza peel with a tablespoon of semolina and a dusting of all-purpose flour. Gently use both your hands to stretch one ball of pizza dough into a roughly ten-inch circle, gently transfer the dough onto the semolina and flour dusted pizza peel, and then you're good to move on to the next step of the pizza assembly." Wally continued to speak, while Zess T. carried out the instructions in a subsequent fashion, then glanced up at the baby rhinoceros for the next step of the aforementioned pizza assembly with a curiously raised eyebrow.
"And what would that step be, Sir Lips-A-Lot?" Zess T. snarked to the baby rhino in response, after which Wally proceeded to look at the cook book, visually scanning his lazy gazing eyes over the pages before looking back up at Zess T. to give the next set of instructions to her.
"Drizzle or brush the dough lightly with your fingertips, using roughly a teaspoon of olive oil. Then, with a large spoon, you have to add roughly half a cup of tomato sauce onto the dough, leaving a half inch to three-fourths of an inch of a border on all sides of it. Sprinkle a tablespoon worth of parmigiano-reggiano on top of the sauce, add half of the cubed mozzarella and spread it out evenly over the whole pizza, use your hands to tear up a couple of large basil leaves and sprinkle that across the pizza as well. Gently slide the pizza from your pizza peel onto the heated baking stone, and bake it for seven to eight minutes until it's ready to be served." Wally informed Zess T., who did as she was told, putting the pizza into the oven, after which she turned back to Wally. "And that's it! That's pretty much all you need to know for making a Zess Pizza!" The baby rhino beamed as the cooking instructions were finished.
"Tell me about it. For a tiny rhino who runs his lip off a lot more than is good for your age, you sure know how to communicate with a chef of my level of skill. You're certainly a lot more bearable compared to that crustacean who normally drops by for a cooking session. Once those annoying X-Nauts are gone from the topside of Rogueport, feel free to drop by my residence back there some time for another cooking session like this one." Zess T. offered to Wally, who nodded in acceptance of said invitation.
"Sounds like a plan to me, miss! Speaking of which, how'd you get out of the Rogueport Underground after you were evacuated there by the Rogueport Restoration Committee? I thought it was sealed off from the public in preparation for the extermination of the Dark Crystal Star and the X-Nauts?" Wally asked Zess T. with a curious tilt of his head. "There's plenty of other pipes leading to other corners of the Mushroom World located down there in the Rogueport Underground that weren't sealed off by that worthless Restoration Committee, and like I said, I wasn't gonna let them keep me in the Underground against my will, so once I stumbled upon a pipe leading here to New Wikisburg, I took my chance, and my cook books. So now I'm just spending my days out here in the New Wikisburg area, waiting for the whole madness in Rogueport to blow over." Zess T. informed Wally, who nodded in understanding of that explanation.
"I see, I see. Well, thanks again for taking the time to cook with me today, and I look forward to doing this again sometime, whether that's here in New Wikisburg or back in Rogueport." Wally thanked Zess T. once more for her time, to which the Toad chef nodded her acknowledgement once again.
"Of course, Evander Wallyfield." Zess T. concluded.
So this is everything you need for making a Zess Pizza.
Ingredients
Homemade Pizza Dough:
- Two half-cups of three hundred grams unbleached all-purpose flour
- One teaspoon of granulated sugar
- A half teaspoon of active dry yeast
- Three-fourths of a teaspoon of kosher salt
- Seven ounces of warm water (At least a hundred and five degrees Fahrenheit to a hundred and fifteen degrees Fahrenheit, or forty degrees Celsius to forty-six degrees Celsius)
- One tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil
- Semolina and all-purpose flour (For dusting the pizza peel)
Pizza Sauce:
- One cup of pureed or crushed canned tomatoes
- Two to three fresh garlic cloves
- One tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil
- Two to three large pinches of kosher salt
- A fourth of a teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper
Toppings:
- Two to three tablespoons of finely grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese
- Seven ounces of fresh mozzarella cheese (Not packed in water)
- Five to six large fresh basil leaves
- Dried red pepper flakes (Optional)
Appliances
- Teaspoons
- Tablespoons
- A medium bowl
- A wooden spoon
- A large mixing bowl
- A kitchen towel or plastic wrap
- An oven
- A pizza steel or stone
- A couple of small bowls
- A paper towel
- A large plate
- A pizza peel
- A wooden cutting board
Instructions
Preparing the Pizza Dough
- Whisk the all-purpose flour, yeast, sugar and salt together in a medium bowl, add warm water and olive oil, then stir the whole thing with a wooden spoon until the whole mixture seemingly comes together.
- Scrape the dough onto a well-floured counter top and knead the dough for a good three minutes. Dust the dough with flour as needed, and after three more minutes, the dough should be elastic, tacky and smooth enough.
- Lightly grease a large mixing bowl with olive oil, and place the dough inside of it. Cover the bowl with a kitchen towel or plastic wrap, and let the dough rise in a dry, warm area of your kitchen for a timespan of two hours, or until the dough has doubled in size.
Preheating the Pizza Oven & Steel/Stone
- Put the pizza steel/stone on the second to top rack of your oven and preheat the oven, along with the steel/stone to five-hundred-and-fifty degrees Fahrenheit (Or two-hundred-and-eighty degrees Celsius) for a minimum of an hour.
- While the oven preheats, assemble the ingredients. In a small bowl, stir the pureed tomatoes, minced garlic, extra virgin olive oil, pepper and salt. Set aside another small bowl with the cubed mozzarella cheese inside. Be sure to pat the mozzarella cheese dry with a paper towel to remove any excess moisture, and set aside the grated parmigiano-reggiano cheese and basil leaves for easy grabbing.
- Separate the dough into two equally sized portions. Put it on a large plate or a well-floured counter top, gently cover it with a plastic wrap, and let it rest for five to ten minutes.
Assembling the Pizza
- Sprinkle the pizza peel with a tablespoon of semolina and dusting of all-purpose flour. Gently use both hands to stretch one ball of pizza dough into roughly a ten-inch circle, then gently transfer it onto the semolina and flour dusted pizza peel.
- Drizzle or brush the dough lightly (Using your fingertips) with olive oil (Roughly a teaspoon of it). Using a large spoon, add roughly half a cup of the tomato sauce onto the dough, leaving half an inch to three-fourths of an inch border on all sides of it. Use the back of the spoon to spread the sauce out evenly and thinly across the dough. Sprinkle a tablespoon of parmigiano-reggiano cheese on top of the sauce, then add half of the cubed mozzarella and evenly distribute it across the pizza. Use your hands to tear up a few of the large basil leaves and sprinkle the basil over the pizza. Gently slide the pizza from the pizza peel onto the heated baking steel/stone and let it bake for seven to eight minutes.
- Remove the pizza from the oven carefully with your pizza peel, transfer it onto a wooden cutting board, drizzle the top of the pizza with olive oil, some parmigiano-reggiano cheese and a chiffonade of fresh basil. Slice the pizza up, and you're ready to serve it!
Well, that's about everything from me for this September! I hope to see you guys again in November if ClawgripFan9001 hasn't returned by then, and if he has, then you guys get to join him on his first culinary adventure after his comeback! Doei, doei!
Triple A Trouble
(Back at their lair, the Triple A Gang talk amongst each other while watching TV)
Rough n' Tough: Any second now until our most recent haul makes the news!
Biker Annie: We have loads of treasure now!
Rough n' Tough: Aye, Annie! These doubloons and jewels will practically double or even triple our stash's worth!
The Kingfin: BLBLBLBLBLBLBLB!
(The TV changes to show "BREAKING NEWS")
BREAKING NEWS
Ahoy mateys! I be Captain Tattle Toad, and unfortunately yer program's interrupted for some breaking news! Oh man, this is gonna tire me out... *AHEM* The Annual Pretend Pirate Treasure Hunt event ends in dismay when the prize itself was already claimed before any Toad could claim it! Our very prompt reporter Clara T. is already on Mushroom Island, ready to report her findings. Clara?
Thanks Tattle Toad. What is normally a thrilling and totally safe treasure hunt turned into a disappointment when it was discovered the treasure itself was missing and replaced with a large empty hole with a crudely drawn poster. Fortunately, the thieves' identities are known thanks to said poster, as it reads "This treasure be OURS, not yours!" and provides a very long time-consuming message, ending with "Signed, the Triple A Gang".
The two captains of the Toad teams seem to have differing opinions of this situation.
YARRR I can't believe this! All last week I practiced my pirate speech and this is what happens?! Me and my crew arrived here first and were greeted with this? I've never been more angry in me life!
I... don't mind this, actually. The journey itself was the real treasure, and it's amusing to see my rival so furious. Seriously, he wins every year.
Let this be a lesson not to have exciting events like this without any security. It was likely due to the treasure spot itself having no guards that the Triple A Gang managed to steal these untold riches without issue. In fact, there should be more security everywhere thanks to these troublemakers roaming about! Uh, sorry. Back to you, Tattle Toad.
Thank you very much, Clara T. It's such a shame this happened, but hopefully next year nothing like this will happen again! Right? For those curious, here is that rather insulting poster presumably made by that rowdy Triple A Gang:
Uh-- haha! Sorry, this is just very amusing to look at. Do you know what's even better? The treasure stolen is actually worth nothing! The joke's on you, Triple A Gang! Hahaha! Aw... now back to your scheduled programming! Arrr!
(Back to the Triple A Gang, who all stare at the TV in shock)
Rough n' Tough: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Thi-- this treasure has to be worth something! Tell me it ain't so!
Biker Annie: Uh... he's right. Everything in this chest is made of plastic. All of its contents have "Has no monetary value" written on them.
Rough n' Tough: So we did all of that for nothing? No...
The Kingfin: Blblblblb...
Biker Annie: Well, renting that submarine to reach the island was fun. It's like that Toad said - the journey itself is the real treasure!
Rough n' Tough: But I wanted treasure...
Biker Annie: You have us! We're as special as treasure.
Rough n' Tough: (Starts crying)
Biker Annie: I'll go get the cookies.
The Ghostly Dossier
Hi everyone! My name is Goldoo and welcome back to The Ghostly Dossier! In my last issue I talked about Captain Fishhook, this issue I felt in a dino mood, so we're gonna talk about the Eerie!
The Journey
Eeries only can be found on an elusive mysterious island. It goes by many names, Dinosaur Land, Yo'ster Isle, Yoshi Island, etc. but the point is, I would need a boat! Luckily, Captain Fishhook allowed me to borrow his boat! "Tis great to see the new generation sailin' the seven seas!" he said. After a very perilous journey with far too many storms than I'd like… I made it!
The Catch
I walked into the abandoned mansion the local Yoshis pointed me to, it was cold and very very quiet… suddenly the door slammed shut behind me!! And I couldn't get it back open!! It seemed similar to the ectoplasmic gates of Evershade, so I figured if I could find my ghost, I could get out of here.
After a long and annoying exploration, I had found them! And they were so cute!! They all swirled around me in excitement, and it felt too mean to capture them, so I just sat down and took notes.
When I was done, it turned out the one who locked me in here was some jerk Boo who called himself Booguish. He wasn't much trouble.
The Analysis
Spectral Mass: 2W
Eeries are small, cute ghost dinos that usually reside in your typical spooky areas. Though it is actually uncommon for them to be found inside haunted mansions! They are most commonly found around ancient Rex burial grounds, which leads to the theory that these are the ghosts of Rex ancestors, before they evolved into what we see now today. While they seem similar to Yoshis, Rexes and Eeries are more closely related to Reznors than they are to Yoshis and Koopas, as Rexes and Eeries do not have shells. The similarity is merely an example of convergent evolution (which is when two completely different species evolve to have similar features to fulfill similar needs).
Hehe sorry, got on a biology tangent there… anyway! The bones in these graveyards date back millions of years ago! Which helps support the theory that Eeries are Rex ancestors. Although they do not need to eat typical food since they are ghosts, Eeries have been seen still performing hunting tactics on prey. The results of this have been… not very successful…
End
Well that about concludes this month's analysis! This one was a lot more relaxing than the others, hopefully the next one will be too! R-right?
Written by: Boo1268 and Waluigi Time (talk)
What Happened to the People of Wet-Dry World?
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. It's that time of year again everybody! With October slowly but surely approaching, spooks and scares aplenty will soon be happening in the next issue, alongside a bit of candy to boot. But for now, I'll save the spooky stories for when the time is right, however! That doesn't mean we can't have a little bit of frightful fun before then, now can we? Indeed, for this time around, for a spooky story before the frightful fun this year, I've decided to delve DEEP into the mysterious history of Wet-Dry World, alongside into the multitude of theories surrounding the disappearance of the people that once lived in this once proud city, with help from my good ghostly acquaintance, Mr. Spooks Booley! So with that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
| The Portal Painting | |
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This mystical painting was once the only known entrance to Wet-Dry World for a time, the town having been mystically captured within a painting located within Peach's Castle when Bowser took it over. Since then, the mystical properties around the painting have ceased, but it still remains within the depths of the castle to this day. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the depiction of the Skeeter within the frame is a misrepresented rendition of the coastal blue variation of the Skeeter? This variation being one of three related species of Skeeter, most recognizable through not only its more lighter color, but also its yellow suction pads and its tendency to live within more tropical and coastal areas when compared to its more purple marsh and swamp dwelling subspecies and the bomb launching variant. | |
Our story began several months ago, while I was investigating the history and conspiracy theories surrounding Nabbit. I had come across the name "Spooks Booley" several times, quickly discovering that he is a prominent conspiracy theorist within New Wikisburg and even making several appearances here on The Shroom! I thought nothing of it at first, however, even after all my research, I still continued to see him pop up, from recent ‘Shroom issues, to even Gary Ghostly's Spook site (a place where new ghosts can get excellent spooking tips!). It seemed as if the universe itself was leading me to this individual for one reason or another, however I did not understand why, that was until I once read an article in which he did a rare interview with the Shroom on his opinion on matters of state. When asked about me, his response was, and I quote, "I'll be real with you. That guy? He's kind of a sucker. You ever notice that all that research he's doin' conveniently lines up with whatever they've got written down in the history books? Now, I'm not sayin' he's just some copycat. What I'm sayin' is that he's fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. He wants to know how the world really works and what sorts of things went down? He should come see me. I got the real dirt."
At first I was somewhat insulted. Contrary to popular belief, I actually go out into the world and uncover the history behind what I'm researching myself, either that or I've researched it in the past, have extensive knowledge about it beforehand, or rely on the hard work and research of other archeologists to discover this info, so to say that this info is just conveniently handed to me is a simple minded explanation at best. In truth, after reading that section, I rolled my eyes and was about to gloss over it, until one part of the interview caught my eye, quote "They say Boos are more powerful in numbers. I dunno about that. I think we gotta be on the same page, if you catch my drift." That got me thinking, for the LONGEST time one of the most elusive topics I had attempted to cover was the mysterious background surrounding Wet-Dry World and what happened to its citizens. However, due to all records of the city having been destroyed by water damage, alongside Bowser's mystical meddling involving the power stars, much of the city's story after the flooding is left to interpretation, but I figured if ANYONE could help me uncover this mystery, it would be Spooks. As such, after giving my ghostly friend a call, we arranged to meet at the Lich Yard mansion, for a good old fashioned study session. And so, after many hours of research we had come up with not only some decent research, but also a few theories that do have some merit to them (albeit some more than others).
| Spooks Booley | |
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Often described as a "crackpot conspiracy theorist" who's been telling the "truth" about several things going on within the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond, Spooks Booley's theories are not without their flaws, however you can't say he doesn't put any effort when it comes to making them. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the eye rings around Booley's eyes mean that he is a Boo who enjoys darker and secluded places? This trait is most commonly found in Boos who are more accustomed to darker places (well, darker than usual for a Boo, at least). | |
Many years ago, back before mystical paintings, Power Stars, King Koopas, and Mushroom Kingdoms, there was once a mighty city known in legends as Albahr-mamlakat, a fairly small city located on the coastline of what would eventually become the greater Mushroom Kingdom area. Despite its size, the city had a booming economy and was once considered to be the BIGGEST city prior to the founding of the Mushroom Kingdom. In fact, it was even considered to be the first EVER kingdom founded. Its success economically was mainly due to the high amount of fishing and fish trading within and outside the city, with it being its main source of income. Alongside this, the city was also known for its architecture, which while simple, was considered highly advanced for the time. The "First Kingdom" as it was called was ruled over not by one single ruler, but by a collection of powerful people, each ranking in differing tiers of influence and power. The most prominent members (and the only ones with written documents remaining) were Sir Muzler Oomba, Captain Blotch, and finally the highest ranking member, Lord Snifsteroff, each of them being highly successful business men in differing ventures. Muzler being one the lead construction and building tycoons in the city, being responsible for major construction of many prominent buildings within. Captain Blotch, in contrast, was one of the top shipping magnets at the time, being one of the main outsourcers of fish and other imported goods. Finally, Lord Snifsteroff was what some would call a holy man, being the most powerful member of the organization, having amassed a vast wealth by way of hard work and a mastery of old magic. He was also the one to found the city's belief in that of the Sea God they worshiped, believing him to be one of the main contributors to their success. The city would continue to grow and thrive for several more years, many of the citizens even constructing a great and mighty throne in the center of the city in tribute to their god. However, one day things would mysteriously change.
| The Drowned City | |
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![Skybox texture of a city underwater from Super Mario 64. It is used for Wet-Dry World. The cityscape derives from photographs of Shibam from Yemen and the Muhammad Ali Mosque from Cairo.[1][2]](/File:SM64_Asset_Texture_Skybox_(Wet-Dry_World).png)
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Far in the distance, many houses, buildings and even the once proud palace of Lord Snifsteroff are now submerged deep under the waters and lost to the waves. The whole town now permanently plunged underneath the ocean, the only saving graces being the few, but also large pockets of air located underneath the sea where the town is located. With almost all written records having been destroyed due to extensive water damage, not much is known about what caused the city to be submerged, although some do have their theories. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that perhaps the reason some parts of the city still remain is due to strange multicolored crystals? Some scholars believe this to be the reason the city has so few but also large pockets of air. Alongside this, the MMCA have confirmed that the crystals do contain significant traces of old magic. | |
Now while the details about what truly caused the town to flood have never been discovered or confirmed, from what we can surmise from what remains is that at some point the town was at first slowly but surely consumed by water, the waves having grown higher and higher, slowly but surely eating parts of the town. Remains of what appears to be a dam seem to confirm the idea that the people of this town attempted to ward off some sort of flood. However, it was to little avail, since in but an instant, the entirety of the town was swallowed up by the sea, the dam having not been strong enough to withstand all the water, however why this happened is still uncertain. Many other historians and environmentalists think that the flood was due to rising climates such as global warming, however this doesn't explain why the HUGE flood occurred. Some geologists and seismologists think that the flood could have been caused by a MASSIVE earthquake that affected the town causing the waves to rise due to the seismic vibrations, however, the town was nowhere NEAR a fault line of any kind, and if it was, the wall was about 377 feet thick, nowhere near strong enough to break it in one singular blow. Many a debate has been conducted as to what occurred that singular day the town was destroyed. However, several conspiracy theorists have their own theories as to what happened to the city of "Wet-Dry World". One theory states that this city could have possibly been a victim of the Shadow Queen's fury. With how long she had existed before her death, the town that would become Rogueport might not have been her first stop on her quest to shroud the world in shadow. Another theory states that the Moon Goddess shifted and turned the tides to drown the city for their heresy in worshiping a god other than her, or perhaps it was the case that the Moon Goddess wanted to spite the god of the sea, and drowned the city as a result.
| The Underground Town | |
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Underneath the surface of Wet-Dry World lurks a town outfitted with houses, trees, an altar and even a MASSIVE stone throne located just before a small chapel. All the houses and buildings are locked and the windows barred, calling into question whether or not the people of Wet-Dry World loved or feared their Water God. Perhaps it was a bit of both, nobody knows for certain. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the entrance to the town is located not only within an underground passageway, but is also barred off from anything else on the upper level? It truly calls into question why many of the city's people wished to seal this away. | |
Other somewhat plausible theories have been proposed by my special guest today, the one and only Spooks Booley, writer and host of Diggin' Up Dirt. Speaking of, here he is, ready to present his theories to you. Take it away Spooks!
Alright, not to undermine my host here, but forget everything you just heard. Crusty old civilizations? Ancient hocus pocus? Angry deities? No no no, that's all just a bunch of hooey. Truth is, this so-called Wet-Dry World ain't even that old. That's just what they want you to think, got it? But as always, your boy Spooks Booley comes through with the real dirt. So let's do some proper diggin', shall we?
You wanna know what really happened to the "lost civilization" of Wet-Dry World? Simple. NOTHING! They never existed, that's just part of all the phony baloney! This whole thing? It's a simulation. Ever notice how those platforms seem to be in different places for everyone who goes there? Almost like it's all been, I dunno, personalized. But who would do such a thing? I'll tell you who, it's Big Milk! Ever see those ads back in the day, where Mario's tryin' to jump around and just can't do it, then he drinks some milk, and oh look, suddenly it's child's play. That's right, Wet-Dry World is just a simulation built in the 90s by Big Milk to get suckers to buy more milk so they can traverse the ever shiftin' platforms, and you heard it here first!
Dang, I should've saved this insight for my own column. Now this high-falooter's gonna get all the Section of the Month votes for it.
A very "interesting" theory by Mr. Spooks. While I do agree that the main section of Wet-Dry World the people can actually access is very much unfinished (almost as if it's some sort of dimension that copies things it sees) I do hesitate to think that a major corporation would go out of their way to make something THIS elaborate just for a milk commercial. It would greatly be a waste of money, even still it's a…decent theory. Anything else to add before you go, Mr. Spooks?
Don't drink the water! It's got nanobots in it!
A very special thanks to Mr. Booley for his guest appearance here and for providing a very special theory to add to the collection.
| The Aboveground | |
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The top half of Wet-Dry World is seemingly a barren, unfinished, misshapen wasteland filled with mystical gems, lots of wooden beams and platforms. Being filled with mainly mechanical creatures, such as the Chuckya, Heave-Hos, Amps, and even flamethrowers, it is almost completely devoid of life, save for the few Skeeters you can find here. One of the top ground's more noticeable features is the appearance of a strange sign that says "The Mystery is of Wet or Dry. And where does the solution lie? The city welcomes visitors with the depth they bring as they enter." What this means, no one is sure. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that this sign is in fact one of the few remaining pieces of written text that exist in the city? Alongside that, ever since Bowser's takeover of the castle, the common Goomba can be found here, seemingly deployed as members of Bowser's army. | |
However, despite all these theories, I do have one personal one that might explain a few things, so if you're willing dear readers then let me spin you a tale of how I believe the citizens of Wet-Dry World came to be drowned in their own hubris. I believe that, during the peak of their economic rise, many of the rulers that came to own the city began to become egotistical about their power and influence. Think about it, if you were part of a collection of powerful people who had ownership of the buildings, sea, and religion, you would feel powerful, almost as if you were a GOD. That feeling, I believe, is exactly what Sir Muzler Oomba, Captain Blotch and Lord Snifsteroff felt during that time, so much so, that they rejected and disowned the worship of their water god, believing that their success and power was brought about by THEIR own hands, rather than being generously gifted to them by their god. This act of betrayal and dishonesty must've ANGERED the water god, and as such, wanting to spite them, he began to slowly flood the town for their hubris, possibly using the rising tides as a warning to reject from this path and return to worship. But, if there's anything I know from power hungry tyrants, they won't make the right choice if it means rejecting their selfish plan. As such, I believe that trio of Oomba, Blotch, and Snifsteroff came together, not only to build the dam that would keep the wrath of their water god at bay, but also worked together to create the mystical Crystal Taps by way of old magic. This must have angered the god even further, with the trio having essentially full command over water. The god decided to send a flood to break open the dam and flooded the entire city, the only parts remaining being those protected by the Crystals with their water elevation powers. As a result of the flood, almost all written records and data were lost, alongside thousands of innocent lives. Unfortunately, many of the members of what I will call the commonwealth died in the flood, including the leader Lord Snifsteroff.
After the flood, the two remaining members, Sir Muzler Oomba and Captain Blotch, attempted to rebuild their city, but to little avail. Mr. Oomba attempted to construct a new town upon the ruins of what once was their holy church, burying it deep under the ground so that no one would know of their shame or the god they once worshiped, this small section of the city that remained now being known as Wet-Dry World. However, despite Mr. Oomba's efforts, he simply did not have enough building materials on hand to keep the project going, or enough to be able to sustain the few people left remaining in the courtyard surrounding the altar. As such, with the aid of Captain Blotch, all of the remaining people of Wet-Dry World left the ruins of what once was their home, it serving as a cruel reminder of what they had done.
| Poseidon Koopa | |
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Also once known as the Sea God, is a powerful god that controls all of the waves, water, and sealife. Essentially, anything that relates to the ocean the Sea God commands. He was also the mighty deity that was worshiped by the people of Wet-Dry World, his high priest being the once loyal Lord Snifsteroff. In return for their devotion to him, the Sea God provided a bountiful harvest of both fish, and gifts of wealth and prosperity for all time, that was until his loyal worshiper betrayed him. As such, he punished him and his disloyal followers for their heresy. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the version of the Sea God depicted above was just Bowser in disguise? However, the Poseidon Koopa is real and was Bowser's inspiration for the costume, which in turn, makes this the most accurately depicted representation of him to date. | |
But at the end of the day, despite all our theories, speculation and everything in between, no one knows for certain what happened to the citizens of Wet-Dry World after the flood. No one truly knows where they went, what caused the flood, or why they had sealed away a part of their once fair city, but what is certain is what happened to Wet-Dry World after it was abandoned. As the world turned on, despite thousands of years passing by, the ruins of the great city were found by the fiendish Bowser and used as a hub to store his stolen Power Stars. Of course, after Mario had freed Princess Peach and saved the castle, all the locations captured within their mystical prisons returned to their original location. This ironically would reveal the location of the city once lost to time, and in turn, make it so that the tragedy of what they had done could eventually be discovered. So remember dear readers, be thankful for all that you have, for what is given to you in life is something you should be grateful for. Be wary of rejecting and angering those who offer you aid, and be wary of taking things others do for you for granted, for if you do, if you dare to become greedy and selfish, if you dare to believe you are not worthy of help from those who ask so little of you, then you may find yourself drowning out at sea with no one left to save you.
And so, with that, our story ends. I really hope you all enjoyed this edition of The Spectral Lens! It took a LOT of work to make this one but I hope you enjoy it! If you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I'm always willing to dive deep and dry off some history! So don't be afraid to give me suggestions. Also a very special shout out to Spooks Booley for helping me with his theories, he truly was a treat. And with that I say: Merci, au revoir.
A Shell in the Spotlight
Hello there Koopa fans, Koopa enjoyers or people who just like reading about Koopas. It's time again for another issue of The 'Shroom, and with that another issue of A Shell in the Spotlight! In our last issue, we took a look at the lightning-fast Koopa the Quick. If you missed that, make sure you go back and check it out! This month we will be having a look at a Koopa worthy of having baked all of Tart Top. It's Chef Torte, an icon of the cooking world!
Chef Torte
Despite coming from small and humble beginnings, this Koopa chef is known worldwide for his incredible baking proficiency. Chef Torte made a name for himself for especially his cakes, so much so that he was once stationed at the kitchen at the Marrymore chapel where he would bake the finest wedding cakes one could buy. Supposedly, during this period the chef had an ongoing rivalry with the Shiverian Elder who was known for his Frost-Frosted Cake. Supposedly Chef Torte was such a good cake baker that he once was able to bake a cake that gained sentience and came to life! This was achieved by Torte putting an immense amount of effort into creating the cake itself, and after this incident took place he would go on record saying "HAH! I bet zee Princess of za Mushroom Kingdom could never bake a cake wif zuch life!"
If it wasn't obvious from that last quote Chef Torte has a very distinctive accent, one that originates from his hometown. Torte is also known for his side-career as an educator, being known to take on apprentices with big aspirations. Whilst generally his apprentices lacked his same distinctive accent, having come from all over the world, they would usually spend so much time around the head chef that his accent would occasionally spill into their vocabulary. I'm also happy to announce that I have managed to score an interview with one of these apprentices, more on that later!
You may have noticed that Chef Torte's working outfit is rather unique for a chef, being strikingly similar to the armour seen worn by a Terrapin soldier, seemingly by coincidence as Chef Torte has no affiliation with the leader of the Koopa Troop. According to reports from his apprentices, this uniform, in combination with the large hat, sometimes completely blocks their vision, which is not an issue at all for Torte as he is able to toss ingredients in based purely on intuition! Incredible! Now, I promised all you fine folk reading an interview with one of these apprentices and I don't wish to delay it any further, so without further ado here is my interview with the apprentice Torte had during his days working at Marrymore Chapel!
Interviewing Chef Torte's Apprentice
Me: Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed! Was Chef Torte a good mentor?
Apprentice: To be honest with you, in retrospect he was kind of mean, but at the time I didn't really care because I was working with THE Chef Torte.
Me: But you learnt a lot right? Your time with him was well spent?
Apprentice: Oh yeah, he was an AMAZING tutor. Just a little harsh!
Me: I've been wondering. What's up with the uniform you guys wore?
Apprentice: Ahhh zat.. I mean THAT...
Me: Hehe, I see Torte's accent has left an impression on you.
Apprentice: Chef Torte made us wear that uniform as a protective measure, the reason it looks so much like Terrapin armour is because it IS! The chef bought a pair of unused armour sets, it was surprisingly comfortable but hard to see in...
Me: Protection? But from what?
Apprentice: Oh you'd be SURPRISED. Aside from sentient cakes, we also have to deal with strange, moustachioed, and fascinating people fairly regularly. Neither of us are exactly fighters, but nobody could lay a finger on us with this uniform!
Me: Speaking of the sentient cake situation, how was that for you?
Apprentice: Okay so at first it was scary, I remember telling the chef that I saw the cake MOVING but he ignored me! Of course the cake kept moving and we had to run! Thankfully some of the guests who were there for the wedding that day were pretty strong and put that cake in its place! We actually tried another time to bake that same cake, without it coming to life this time, we stayed up all night working on it and admittedly fell asleep multiple times... and the cake came to life AGAIN! Thankfully those same guests had returned to beat the cake into submission.
Me: Are you still a chef now? Where has your career taken you?
Apprentice: After the cake incident I considered retiring and finding another career, but I COULDN'T bring myself to do it. I just love being a chef so much. I still speak to Torte too, sometimes we work together!
Me: Okay, I won't take up any more of your time. Once again thank you for the interview!
Apprentice: Happy to be of service! Feel free to call if you ever need my services! BYE!
And that was the end of my interview with one of Chef Torte's apprentices. Kind of a strange person, I'm not sure why he randomly shouts some words but he was nice!
Torte's impact on the cooking world and conclusion
Chef Torte is definitely up there as one of the greats alongside the likes of Chef Toad and the, unfortunately departed, Chef Soulfflé. After all he is partly responsible for making so many people have the greatest weddings they possibly could.
And that concludes this month's issue of A Shell in the Spotlight! Thank you once again for reading my section, and be sure to come back next month for more Tales From the Shell™!
Consumer Corner
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
This is Consumer Corner, bringing you the latest and greatest products from the Mushroom Kingdom and beyond!
It's a perfectly lovely day in the Mushroom Kingdom, except for somebody having the fourth worst Tuesday of his year - but this commercial isn't about that guy. Meanwhile, in his plush purple office at the peak of Waluigi Time Tower, that oddball entrepreneur Waluigi Time is busy reading a news article about the Mushroom Auto Works' new Bob-omb Car, while his AI assistant Mr. Shbeeg looks on nervously. "Man, what a stupid idea!" Waluigi Time exclaims, bringing Mr. Shbeeg a sigh of relief - apparently, for all of Waluigi Time's questionable ideas, explosive automobiles were a step too far. Suddenly, Waluigi Time unceremoniously flicks the paper from his hand, and it smacks into the wall and covers the digital Broodal's face. "I can do something way better than that!" the magnate declares, springing up from his seat and dashing out of the room, leaving a bewildered and fearful Mr. Shbeeg behind. "Wait, what?!"
A clock sweeps by as the universal indicator that some undetermined amount of time has passed, and we now find ourselves in a retro-looking yet still very purple garage. Waluigi Time, accompanied by the Rocky Wrench mechanic Spanner, is observing a very sleek-looking blue car. "Finally! My automotive magnum opus is complete, after, umm..." Waluigi Time pauses, plucking a Super Arrow-themed calendar off of the wall and flipping backwards through its contents. "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Only almost a full year of delays! But it's like I always say, yesterday's production setbacks are today's 'Shroom content. Or today's product launches, as the case may be." "Wait, I've never heard you say that," Spanner says. "Well... The thing is, it's true, but it's not like it's the kind of thing you put on a coffee mug, you know?" Waluigi Time replies.
The two of them stand there in awkward silence for a moment, because this narration doesn't actually exist and is only here for your benefit to convey information in a solely text-based format, before Mr. Shbeeg pops up on a nearby monitor. "Is this what you've been draining the research budget for the past year on? I can't say I'm impressed with the results. It looks... incredibly standard." Waluigi Time shakes his head dismissively at the dismissiveness. "Shbeeg, Shbeeg, Shbeeg, don't you know that you should never judge a book by its cover? It's what's inside that counts! Aside from being a marvel of automotive design, this sweet baby is like nothing else on the market! Behold... THE BLUE SHELLMOBILE!" "You mean like Shell Mario, correct?" "No, the Mario Kart ones." "I believe those are called Spiny Shells, not Blue Shells." "Oh, did I ask for Mr. President of Nomenclature over here?" Feeling very awkward, Spanner interjects. "Hey, who cares what it's called, right? It's here, and everyone knows what it means, and you should probably sell it." "Yeah, you're probably right. Let's get this show on the road," Waluigi Time concedes.
We now find ourselves on a crowded street mid-traffic jam. A garage door opens and Waluigi Time pulls out in the Blue Shellmobile, only able to drive a few feet before being blocked by the vehicles. "Wow, look at all these customers!" he exclaims, getting out and walking over to the nearest motorist, a Sidestepper. "Hello there, sir! You look like you have places to be." "Gee, what gave me away?" the crab replies, clearly not having the obvious observation. "Well then I have just the thing for you! The brand new Blue Shellmobile!" he exclaims, gesturing over to the parked car which almost seems to sparkle in the sunlight. "Sleek! Stylish! Containing the power of many horses! You'll be the envy of the road in this set of wheels!" Despite Waluigi Time's adjectivizing, the Sidestepper seems wholly unimpressed. "Yeah, well what good is that supposed to do me when I'm stuck in traffic?" he asks.
Waluigi Time shows off a wide, toothy grin, eager to show off the car's key feature. "You know why it's called the Blue Shellmobile? Under the hood, this car has a real Blue Shell! Being stuck in traffic is now a thing of the past. With the push of a button, the Blue Shell activates, sending you racing ahead past all of those other pesky cars!" After hearing Waluigi Time's explanation, the Sidestepper's eyes widen. "Wow, you really buried the lead there. Sign me up!" "I'll send you a bill. Here, why don't you give it a spin?" The crustacean happily hops in the Blue Shellmobile, abandoning his own car, and gives the button a push, suddenly rocketing forward and literally tearing through the traffic ahead of him, much to the dismay of all the other drivers who didn't really want to have their cars smashed around today (or any day, really). Seemingly oblivious to the chaos unfolding, Waluigi Time turns to his mechanic companion. "Would you look at that, another satisfied customer! Come on Spanner, we've got to make more of these. They're going to be flying off the assembly line, I bet!"
Meanwhile, off in the distance, the Blue Shellmobile briefly takes to the sky and nosedives into an unsuspecting motorist stopped at a red light, culminating in the iconic blue blast that any kart racer knows far too well. The Sidestepper, now also blue for very different reasons, shouts from the distance. "I'LL SUE, WALUIGI TIME!"
The Blue Shellmobile, the latest in vehicular innovation and continual breaking down of sensible industry barriers from Waluigi Time Incorporated! Ride in style and ensure you're never anywhere but the front of the pack!
"Wahaha! Drive this or else!"
Written by: Legend 8
The Sorcery Show
Episode 31: Poetry
One sunny day in the land of shrooms,
where dark and warped a castle blooms,
our heroes three were-
Kroop: Oh, no. I hate it when an episode already starts in some messed up way like this!
Pyro: Well, that I am terribly sorry to hear - but I must refuse, for the deadline draws near. And if we do not deliver in time, that surely would count as a capital crime!
Kroop: What? This can't be the best section idea you had in the entire last month! "Sorcery Show but they talk in rhymes and Kroop gets annoyed and they argue about meta stuff" - seriously?!
Pyro: Uh, yes, that was my plan indeed. But I think it will be quite neat! Now come, join in the poetry, so that... continue on may we? Yeah, that sounds okay. Uh, I meant to add: hooray! Phew, that was close. Oh no. I mean... my nose!
Kroop: I think right now you're making even less sense than usual. Can't you just stop?
Pyro: No, no! I cannot stop for thee! Uhh... a horrid curse lays u