The 'Shroom:Issue 234/Critic Corner
Director's Notes
Happy September! Kids are back in school and stacking up piles and piles of things to read, so why not this very bulky month for Critic Corner! We have many deep sections with a lot to consider to get those critical thinking skills exercised to flex on your friends and mog your teachers. That's what we're all here for, right??
Thank you for voting Half-Baked Reviews as August's Critic Corner Section of the Month!!! Be sure to give your love to all of our sections here, and give a shout out to our writers whether in chat or in their forum threads dedicated to their sections. Be sure to vote vote vote!
And now for my regular announcements: We've decided to implement in Critic Corner something similar to News Flush over in Fake News, where no formal sign-up application process is required for one-time or limited sections. From now on if you just want to send in a single review for something you just read, watched played, tried, whatever, you just have to send me your review privately either to me directly in chat, or in a message to me on the forum at least one week before each 'Shroom is to be released! There's no commitment or obligation to provide a full monthly section (although you absolutely can shift it into one if you so choose), just send us your thoughts on a thing and we'll feature it here! If you have any questions or curiosities about this, please feel free to ask!
As always, if you would like to help Critic Corner, we always have openings for more writers! You are free to write for sections such as Character Review and Movie Review, or really anything you'd like to do! There's no pressure to have a huge section; they can be shorter and concise! The application process is very simple, starting with reading the Sign Up page, and sending your application to MightyMario on the forum. Any idea you have is welcome, and if you have any questions or need help signing up, please feel free to reach out to myself or other 'Shroom peeps!
Section of the Month
| CRITIC CORNER SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Anton's Half-Baked Reviews | 8 | 44.44% | Hypnotoad (talk) |
| 2nd | Completion Centre | 6 | 33.33% | Primative (talk) |
| 3rd | 'Shroom FM | 2 | 11.11% | MCD (talk) |
Realistic Summer Sports Simulator Review
| Realistic Summer Sports Simulator | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Genres | Multiplayer, Action |
| Platforms | PC, mobile |
| Release date | September 21, 2012 |
| Rating | E (all ages) |
This review is the result of boredom on the night of August 26, 2026...
Hi there! Sparks here with another Critic Corner review only because I felt like writing one. In early August, I downloaded this random game titled Realistic Summer Sports Simulator AKA Realistic Summer Sports after having seen gameplay from YouTube videos. I thought it looked fun, so I bought the game and played a little of it myself. Let's just say some games are better watched than played...
By the time you're reading this, the Summer weather has left, so it may be too late for this but I don't care!
Gameplay
Realistic Summer Sports Simulator is a game where up to four players compete against each other in fifteen Olympic sports (detailed list below). The game's graphics resemble the Atari and Nintendo Entertainment System, but the sound effects and music are modern. Each player chooses a country to represent, and nobody can choose the same one twice in one session. If only one person plays the game, then they will go up against three computer-controller competitors instead, sometimes representing "parodies" of real countries. Depending on how players perform, they may be awarded a bronze, silver, or gold medal. After all the sports are played, the player with the most gold medals is the champion, although if there is a tie, then the silver and bronze medals determine the winner.
To actually play the sports, the player must drag their character and other objects that may be present. Usually, players can only drag stuff for a short time thanks to a meter. If it runs out, the player cannot drag until the meter recharges (if the sport allows that). Other sports allow for the players to drag without a limit. In a multiplayer game, players take turns participating in the sports, meaning that only one person plays at a time. However, it isn't the same order for all the sports - the order always shuffles after each sport.
While the dragging gameplay is meant to be goofy (and ironic, considering this is supposedly "realistic"), it doesn't work for every sport and can turn out to be frustrating instead. There's no denying that the first round of each sport will be a hilarious one, but after many sessions the tedium begins to set in, at least in my experience. I realized the controls are very floaty and imprecise for about half the sports, resulting in inconsistency.
Sports
Realistic Summer Sports Simulator offers fifteen different Olympic sports to play. All of them can be practiced as much as you like, and you can turn off sports so that they don't appear in main game sessions. I'm going to provide mini reviews for each sport since they're all super short:
- Javelin: In this sport, the goal is to throw the javelin as far as you can to cover the most distance. The problem is, you can't drag the javelin itself, so you have to drag your character and toss it awkwardly. Furthermore, if you toss the guy past the fault line or fail to get the javelin past it, you fail. If that wasn't enough, the javelin actually has to stick into the ground for it to count; if it doesn't, it counts as a fail. Sometimes I throw the javelin very far and it lands flatly, resulting in a "darn it!" from me. It's not the worst, but also not one of my favorites. About right in the middle! Oh, and don't stab yourself with the javelin, since you'll not only fail but some pixelated blood will be visible... I thought this game was rated "E"!
- 100M Dash: A very simple sport where you have to constantly drag your character in bursts towards the finish line. However, you gotta wait for the initiator to fire his gun, 'cause if you move too early you lose! I really like this one because it's one that's consistent. Sometimes simple is best.
- Equestrian: A very awkward sport where you have to drag your horse to "jump" over small barricades in your way and reach the goal. If you knock over a barricade, more time will be added to the clock after you make it to the end, so make sure you're careful! Due to the barricades themselves being made from blocks, you could potentially knock them into other barricades, resulting in more penalty time! Not cool. Like 100M Dash, you only have short bursts of dragging, but it's more difficult due to the horse being heavier and the fact that barricades are in the way. In summary, this isn't very good - definitely below average.
- Diving: Oh dear... even after all my time practicing this sport, I am still unsure on how to properly master it. So, you must jump from a high place and dive (landing headfirst) into a pool of water. Afterwards, your performance will be judged by a group of five, with your final score being the average of all five numbers combined. I tried doing many flips or just staying in the air for the longest time possible before diving - sometimes a mix of both. Sometimes I get 4s, other times I get 7s, just what am I supposed to do? Also good luck landing headfirst because all that effort will be a disqualification if you don't stick the landing. Easily one of my least favorites this game has to offer.
- Rowing: Sounds easy, just get yourself and your boat to the finish line! You have infinite dragging power, but the main goal is keeping your character on the boat the whole time, because if he falls off, you automatically fail. Trust me, he ain't strapped to the boat, and he has no life jacket too! He also rows automatically, even if he's underwater (which will cause him to spin due to his oar getting stuck to the ground). A strategy I usually enact is raising the back end of the boat up to prevent my character from falling off, but even that doesn't work every time. This sport is like Javelin, it's decent, and far from the worst, but there are better sports to play.
- Hammer Throw: Spin your character in a circle while inside a larger circle, and when you're ready, let go at the right time to throw the hammer far! The biggest hurdle is keeping your character in the circle - it's easy to accidentally throw him out! You also have to watch an angle diagram at the top left of the screen. You'll throw better if the pointer is directly in the middle! Combine speed and timing, but be wary of throwing out your athlete! Despite the difficulty, I don't find it terrible. An OK one in my book.
- Racewalking: Yikes. Racewalking is just awful. This is not like 100M Dash where you can go crazy with getting the character to the finish line; you must carefully get him to the goal while making sure he doesn't fall over. You must run up and down a hill while not tipping over... easier said than done. It's so easy to fall and force out an exclamation of anger such as "sugar!" Good luck winning against the CPUs in this one. Would not play again.
- Archery: It's exactly what you think it is. Drag arrows into the target to score points! Arrows that land closer to the target's center award more points. You're also under a time limit, so fire all arrows before it's too late, all while being precise, of course! One of the better ones in my opinion.
- Swimming: Your mission is to swim four total "laps". After each one, you must turn around and go backward, indicated by "TORPEDO" appearing on the screen. Your drag meter recharges super duper slowly in this sport, but it fully replenishes after each lap, so that's nice. Turning around is almost automatic and easy to perform. The only issue is when your character gets stuck and spins around in the water helplessly, taking quite a while to recover. Once you get the rhythm going however, this is a snap. Pretty good!
- Kayak Slalom: Kayak down the river rapids while making it through all gates! If you fail to get through a gate, ten seconds will be added to your final time. This one's fun to play and I actually feel like I have control here, making it one of my favorites, possibly my absolute favorite in this game!
- High Jump: Set your desired goal, then attempt to leap over it! Risk = reward, but don't get too cocky! To make sure that free wins aren't possible, dragging your athlete is much trickier than in other sports - he feels heavier here. Overall, I like it! Always go for the gold!
- Pole Vault: Another terrible sport, mainly because it's difficult to fling your character high over the line. I've only managed to do it once and never again. Even if you do manage to get a high distance, you also must make sure the pole doesn't go over the fault line - you probably know what'll happen if it does! This one is the definition of tedious. No thank you.
- Weightlifting: Drag the weight onto your character's arms so he can lift it! Just be sure not to knock him off the steps. Balance is key here, and so is delicacy! It's fine. Nothing special.
- Rings: The goal here is to perform lots of flips so the crowd cheers for you! At least, that's what I thought. You also have to hold still and pose so you get lots of points. Fun fact: I actually had to look up how to do this one because the game has no tutorials. As such, I declared it the worst sport in the game, but now I don't think that. It's just mediocre now. When your drag meter is almost empty, you must make sure you land on your feet, otherwise your score is cut in half! I can do it consistently now, but man...
- Cycling: Another simple and fun sport. Drag your cyclist around the track five times and you're done! Another good one in my book.
Conclusion
Looking at my sport reviews, most of them are either average (like Rowing and Hammer Throw) or just bad (such as Racewalking and Pole Vault). Only a handful are fun to play (e.g. 100M Dash and Kayak Slalom). It's only made worse by the "totally realistic" dragging controls that make you have less control than you actually have. The frustration outweighs the fun potential. At least you can turn off the sports you don't like, but then you're only left with a few to actually play.
As I said earlier when talking about the Rings, Realistic Summer Sports Simulator could really benefit from a tutorial. The game makes no effort to give you directions on what you're supposed to do. How do I get the most points possible in Diving for example? I know a lot of these sports before playing this game, but I'm unfamiliar with Rings, so I didn't know you had to do specific poses to acquire more points. Tutorials would make the game accessible to more people and potentially net more players. Alas, this is a game from 2012, and it hasn't been updated in several years...
My final rating for this game is a 4.5/10. You could find some fun with many people and maybe get a few good laughs, but this isn't worth paying $2 for. It's a game that's only fun for like 10 minutes and then annoying afterwards, but I still find myself returning to this game from time to time for some odd reason. I sound a little harsh since this is a game from 2012, but if the controls were more accurate, then I'd rate it higher.
Yoshi18 Reviews
Hey everyone! Welcome back to Yoshi18 Reviews! Don't have any announcement this time, except that I find it sad how we're already 3/4th through the year, it's already becoming fall, lower temperatures and all that. But yeah, anyways, I'm gonna review Minecraft this time! Wait…but I said I would do Fall Guys this time. Oh well. I came to the realization throughout this month that it would be better to save that game for next month (my birthday month) as that issue releases exactly a day before my birthday. Anyways, let's get into the review!
Minecraft
This is honestly an "it exists" kinda game and definitely not in a bad way. I remember buying this in like 2021 or something. And it was different. Every single game I played since that point had a goal (and were pretty straightforward with it). But this game? The exact opposite. No goal. You just do whatever you want. And yeah, honestly, it really felt like something new for me. No timer, no objective. Just you and only you deciding what you do. Well, unless you're playing the game mode Survival (that's why I only play Creative), cause, well, you need to survive or else you die, so there you already have an objective. But as long as you're a Creative player like me, you're fine (if that's not your style; it's definitely not mines tho). A thing that is definitely the most beautiful about this game to me is the wonderful music. And not just any music. The music composed by Daniel Rosenfield (aka C418). His music is up there with Ludwig van Beethoven. My favorite of his music is definitely "Blind Spots" (it plays only in Creative so there you have that). It genuinely sounds so good, ambient and nostalgic. But he has composed other great pieces too, but "Blind Spots" just hits different. If you wanna take a listen to "Blind Spots" click the link (that I just linked). But anyway, yeah, this game is really good for what it is. It has some of the best and most beautiful composed music I've heard (and definitely the best ambient music I've ever heard). Yet it still looks very simplistic. I really appreciate that of a game. I definitely recommend this one (doesn't matter if you're into or not; you'll eventually can get into it). Had such a good time with it! Once again shoutout to Daniel Rosenfeld for composing music for this game that really made it feel alive! Thank you so much for composing "Blind Spots"!
You know what they say: another month, another review. And this one's already over! I hope y'all enjoyed it! Next time I'm actually reviewing the game that was my favorite for years: Fall Guys! Thank y'all for reading! Stay safe and cya all next time!
Completion Centre (Part 1)
Written by: Sentient freedom (talk)
Hello everyone! So uh yeah, I'm back in the UK and things have been going good for me so far, and most games I have discussed were very intense, so how about we chill out a bit and go over a more wholesome and calm approach? I say that because this time the game for my 100% overview is "Is This Seat Taken?"
Personal Pathway
Another game I found on the app store, and man was it worth it. Every puzzle was engaging and fun, not in a There Is No Game kind of way, but a more relaxed kind of way.
To summarize this game up as much as possible, you need to put people into an assigned seat, the only issue is that these shapes are very, very picky and particular. The main thing is, you need to make sure that everyone is happy for where they are so everyone can be happy.
However, this game does have a story and it revolves around a earring-wearing rhombus named Nat. She is basically the protagonist as you'll be seeing her the most out of any other character in the game. She is an aspiring wannabe movie star, however she just doesn't know where to start and just hasn't got everything figured out so far, but don't worry she will eventually, and at this point she is accompanied by Alexis, one of her travelling companions.
Also, this game is set in multiple cities, the first one being Barcelona and you have to deal with cars. At this moment, you have people wanting a window seat (you wanted one too don't lie) and people wanting to be with someone else, and people who don't like bad smells. Hey, I told you these shapes were picky.
This game has varying scenes where you have to put people to sit in seats. Another is a cinema, where children are introduced, they may want to be with another child or with their parent, or even people who just don't want to be near children at all. For the cinema though, people have popcorn which people may want to steal. (Hey! Cinema food is expensive you know! They're going to get some one way or another.) There are rows people may want to be in (i.e. "I want to be in row 2"), there are people who are unable to see from far away and thus must be in row 1.
After you clear a stage and someone was eating popcorn on it, it will become dirty and thus some people may not want to sit on it. And finally, there are "Those annoying Hat Wars fans", as described by Mateo, who wear cowboy hats that block the screen, and true to it, if a person is behind someone wearing a cowboy hat, they will be dissatisfied as the hat is blocking their view.
So now we move onto buses. Buses are like cars but bigger (woah shocker), but it also introduces people who play loud music. I don't know why these people are allowed on the bus, but just like everyone else, they need to be sat down, so yeah. Also, there are people who just want to talk to someone else, and people who want to stand instead of sit, as well as people who want to be away from loud music, people who want to sleep, and others who want an aisle seat. Okay, have these shapes ever heard of headphones? Maybe they should get some, it would makes our lives a whole lot easier, let me tell you that much.
And the final level before we leave Barcelona is the Open-Air Concert. Here, there are members of the band who have to be put on top of the instruments, people who do and do not want to dance with the lattermost just wanting to sit, adults and children who for some reason, put on too much cologne, which people who don't like strong odors and people who hate the smell of it aren't a fan of, and people who want to be near the speakers.
Now a thing you should know about this game is that you don't have to have everyone be in their assigned seats. Just them sitting down is enough of a confirmation, however the game will warn you before you can truly confirm. This is because if everyone is in an assigned seat, they will give you a thumbs up and getting all of them will result in you getting a star, and to 100% this game you have to get all the stars. In fact, getting all the stars in a city will unlock a special bonus level for you to play.
In this special level, it marks the first and only appearance of the restaurant, but it has a varying amount of assignments for what it's worth. We have both Angela and Aria, who are getting married and known as "newlyweds", people who do and don't want to be near them, people who want to be near someone elegant (anyone wearing a white hat), and people who want to eat either fish, cheese, or Spanish tapas.
In Brussels, we are back on the bus, and another thing is introduced, backpacks. These things have to be next to the person whom it belongs to. Also, apparently people in this universe can sleep while standing up, yeah because that makes sense... Also, this is where we get to see Nat's next travelling companion, Val.
Next, we move to the Diner. In here, people want to eat and some don't, with the options being coffee, burgers, or fries, which are Belgian and apparently world famous. There are also people who chew loudly, which obviously, will disgust some others and not want to be next to them, and yes that also disturbs people who want to read.
In Level 3 we return to the cinema, and people have decided to bring their phones there, which other people won't want to sit behind as well as people who make loud comments on the movie.
In level 4, we are on a boat now and the requests have changed. Now some people want to party, so they must be next to another person who wants to party; people who don't want to get splashed, so they must not be placed on the sides of the boat; people who want to take photos of the view so those people have to be on the sides; people who feel dizzy either at the back or front of the boat, so they must be but at the front or back respectively; and people who just want to relax, so don't put them next to people who want to party, okay?
Level 5 has a train and also introduces people who want to sit with their friends, so they won't be satisfied unless a person is together with their friends, as well as people who want to sit in the direction of the vehicle. Also, it has luggage that has to be put in the back of the train before you can move on to the next stage. The luggage in question has varying spaces it can occupy, which does make it hard to store though.
Before we leave Brussels, its special level takes place in a park and is the first level to have a mechanic. There are three lamps with the lit one having mosquitos flying around it that people don't want to be near, however if you tap a lamp that is not lit, that lamp will turn on with the other turning off with the mosquitos moving to that one. In terms of requests, there are people who get sunburnt easily, but luckily there are also people who have sunscreen with them so they need to be near those people. There are people who want to dance, but this isn't an Open-Air Concert, so where's the music? The people who play loud music of course! And lastly, there are people who blow bubbles and people who don't like them, but I mean who could not like bubbles? Hoop Trundling 2 exists for a reason, you know.
In London, there isn't anything noteworthy until level 4 because it takes place in a new area, the stadium. Here another new mechanic is introduced, foldable chairs. As expected, tapping on one of them folds them, and tapping on it again unfolds it. This is important because some people may want to stand, but if someone is sitting behind a person who is standing, the former will block the view of the latter unless they are also standing. Of course, if they don't want to stand, putting them somewhere else is the only other option.
But, the most important part of the stadium is the people who cheer for either the visiting team or the home team. If two people who cheer for opposing teams are put next to each other they won't like that, so they need to be away from them, and if people who cheer for the same team are put next to each other, they will begin chanting, if a person who cheers for an opposing team or a person with sensitive ears is in their chanting range, they won't like that either. Lastly, people brought air horns here too, and as would would expect, that makes people with sensitive ears unhappy, so keep them away from those horn bearers. This is also the level to introduce Nat's next travelling companion, Koda.
London has six levels as opposed to the usual five, and level 5 takes place in Acting Class.
Now Classrooms are interesting, here you have the teacher who wants all students quiet and focused on the task ahead. Now if the students are discomforted in any way (i.e. being in the range of a person who forgot to shower while hating bad smells, not being at one of the front seats while being unable to see from far away, not being near a person who helps others while needing it or the opposite, a student being near a person who copies their work when they don't want that, as well as being in the range of a student who has a crush on that student) the teacher will deem those students as not focused and violate one of her rules.
Also, there are people who want to chat. Normally you want somebody to talk to another person, but in this case, you don't, because as I said before, the teacher wants every student to be silent, so making people talk to each other is actually a bad thing here.
Level 6 has us in an airport going to New York. Most of the requests are the same as usual, but if someone has a flight number that doesn't match the one that is set for takeoff, then they are to be put on the seats next to the boarding queues (listen I'm still a bit riled up after taking a flight to Angola and back, so bear with me, especially with how my stomach sank with the massive ascents and descents) and if they do match them they have to be put in the boarding queues, simple as that!
Though some people may have a VIP pass, and in that case, they are to be put in the VIP line. Also, I found out myself that people can be put in the VIP line even if they don't have a VIP pass, which just makes no sense to me. There are also people who don't want to hear somebody else's phone, but that's just a fancy way of saying that they don't like loud music.
As well as people who want to be first in line in the boarding queues. Man, I knew these guys were particular, but this is just pushing it. Oh, and also people who want to sit near the boarding gate, AND people who want to watch a movie on someone else's phone so they must be near anyone who have a phone with them, and also you don't want the people who don't want to hear somebody's phone near them, but there are also people who don't want anyone to see their phone as well, so yeah.
London's special level takes place in a museum, and instead of people, there are vases from Egypt, Nigeria and Greece, mummies, sculptures, bronze heads, masks and a pharaoh.
Here, the objects will want different things. Some may be highlights of the museum, some may want to be next to a highlight, some may not want to be near a vase or want to sit, some may want to be next to a piece from Greece, Egypt or Nigeria or be away from them, some may want to be with someone, and some may want to talk to someone.
In New York, level 1 introduces a new mechanic right of the bat, that being Air Conditioning units. If you tap on one, it'll turn on. This is important for people who are hot, but there are also people who are sensitive to cold, so they are to not be put in the range of an active Air Conditioner.
Level 2 doesn't have any unique mechanics or requests because it is also in an Acting Class, but it does introduce us to Nat's final travelling companion, Drew.
Level 3 of New York introduces the Coworking Space. Here there are a lot of things to take into consideration. Firstly, people will want to be near either the water cooler, the plant, the vending machine, or the board. There is the regional manager and the assistant to the regional manager, who obviously must be near the former. There are people who want to focus on work and thus not have anyone near them talking. There are people who want to be on a seat that has a computer, and there are people who just don't want to work flat-out, though they also have to be away from the regional manager.
Like level 4, level 5 doesn't really have anything of note in terms of gameplay. However, I should tell you that some people may not want to be next to a certain person. I have no idea why I didn't tell you that sooner, but I just am forgetful I guess... This is also the level where Luca finally understands that Nat wanted to be like him.
Level 6 has us back on the airport because we're heading back to Barcelona. And there are some new requests. Firstly, there are people who don't want to fall asleep, so they have to be put in the range of anything that can keep them awake, such as a person who watches movies on their phone. There are people who may want to charge their phones, so they have to be placed near the charging ports that are in this specific airport and not the previous one for some reason... And finally, there are people who want some space in front of them. This, in my opinion, was the hardest request to understand, but what they basically mean is that they want to be in front of at least one unoccupied square. You'll know what I'm talking about if you play the game for yourself.
But of course, before we go back to Barcelona, there is the special level to go over, and this one takes place in a Dating Café.
There are a bunch of people here. Namely clowns, intellectuals, chefs, people with mustaches, elegant dressers, people who wear caps and are intellectuals, intellectual chefs, elegant dressers who are also intellectuals, intellectual clowns, clown chefs, clowns with mustaches, intellectuals with mustaches, chefs who are in a band, band members who wear mustaches, cap-wearing band members, mustache-bearing band members, clowns who are in a band, mustaches people who wear caps, elegant dressed mustached people and clowns who dress elegantly.
Yeah, that's a lot of people, and they want each other, though some will be on their phones and other don't want people who are constantly on that. Everyone knows that when you date someone, the date always comes first.
We're in the homestretch now! And Level 2 of Barcelona has us back in the Coworking Space. There is only one new request here and that is people that have a video call, this means that they need to be on a computer but also there is to be no loud noises near them, because obviously you need to focus when on a video call.
In level 4, the stadium is back and people have nachos with cheese to eat with them. They are a food item, so people who want to steal food have to be next to those people, and those nachos also count as a strong odor, so people who don't like strong odors have to be away from them. There are also three people who have a piece of the banner, so not only do they have to be together, but the pieces also have to be in the right place, though if someone is placed behind those people, their view will be blocked even if they are standing up, so they are to be in at least two rows away from them.
For level 5, this is the final regular level of the game and it takes place in an outdoor photo shoot. The pictures here are to be impeccable, so there are some more requests. People may want to be behind someone, some people may not want people in front of them, they may want to be next to a certain person and some may not want to be next to a certain person, either way you should know how this works by now.
Now obviously, the game isn't over yet, we still have the special level to go over and this is on the beach. Here, the people want to relax after long days of travelling, and here there are a few requests left and it is where the final mechanic is introduced, parasols. If anyone easily gets a sunburn, then placing them in an open parasol will shade them and keep them from getting one, and as expected, tapping a parasol will open it and tapping an open one will close it. Don't worry, people who have sunscreen are here, so you don't have to rely on just the parasols. But there are also people who want a tan so they want to be in the sun, and finally, there are people who want to swim, and in that case, place them in the inner tubes on the ocean.
And with that, Nat is now basically a well-known movie star. She now wants to be part of a movie where a rhombus goes all around the world, trying to find their purpose only to go back to where they started. Absolute Cinema. (Sorry, I had to.)
Annoying Atrium
If I'm being honest, just like Dadish 4, I can't really critique this game, it's just a wholesome indie game where you assign seats to picky shapes. I can't criticize that! But... I have to, it's why the Annoying Atrium exists. So with that, I can say that MAN, those garden shears in Barcelona Level 1 (the endgame Barcelona not the tutorial one) were a pain to store in the train. Not only do they take up five squares, but it is also in a plus pattern, making it very awkward to store other pieces of luggage.
This is how it's done by the way. Like seriously, Even if I did tell you how to store them along with EVERYTHING ELSE, you would still be confused unless I showed you this.
Decision Dessert Place
Is This Seat Taken? has got to be the most carefree and cutest indie game I have every played and seen. It doesn't go too far of the top like BROK the InvestiGator or is extremely funny like all four mainline Dadish games, it prefers to do its own thing, and if I'm praising a game for being different, you know that it's doing something right.
It even has Nat herself thank you for playing! Listen, if people love Mario for saying "Thank you so much for playing my game!" then I see no reason as to why they shouldn't love her too, after all this literally has the same effect! The main character breaking the fourth wall to thank you for playing their games.
Conclusion Center
There isn't a reward for getting all the stars. But honestly, this game doesn't need a reward for 100%. I saw a rhombus go from a letdown aspirer to a seasoned star thanks to the amount of support she's gotten, and that in itself is enough of a reward for my autistic self.
Completion Centre (Part 2)
With the final new event for Donkey Kong Bananza rolling out this month, let's finally review Bananza! Spoiler warning for this entire review and even the rest of this sentence, I know you already know that King K. Rool shows up as the main antagonist! 🐊 Also, a little contest here: There's a hidden Waluigi in this review, and if you are the first to give his location on this forum thread I'll give you a shout-out in my next article!
Personal Pathway
To be succinct for a moment, the game is a masterpiece and doesn't need this review to justify that claim. But I'm going to gush about it (and offer nitpicks) anyways! Donkey Kong and kid Pauline's earth-shattering saga isn't quite a "perfect" game, especially when factoring in the DLC mode, but there's a lot of interesting stuff to discuss. With how layered this game is, we're giving this the full and formal treatment that I call GGSS™: Gameplay, Graphics, Sound, and Story. I'll try to make the best of my critic-theoretic vocabulary and give an equitable treatment for each section. I will describe the more objective aspects of the game, along with my positive critiques along the way. The negatives will primarily be covered later in the Annoying Atrium section. There will expectedly be several comparisons with Super Mario Odyssey, due to its shared lineage.
Gameplay
Bananza is a fantastic sandbox for players to obliterate terrain, search for colorful collectibles, and become an almighty primate. Its base player movement model is undeniably Odyssey (obligatory mention), but its destructible world adds a whole new dynamic to 3D platforming. From the very start, it's just fun to punch stuff and explore the environment! Every hit is tactile and satisfying, encouraging the player to go on wrecking sprees quite often. The constant influx of gold nuggets and Banandium Gems helps to keep the adrenaline flowing. Both of the major collectibles serve purposes outside of completion. Gold has been implemented here to be more useful than Coins generally have been in the Mario series. Not only is it fun to amass heaps of the stuff, it can also be used to buy useful items like collectible location maps. Banandium is very much another form of Power Moon, but with a couple of changes. Every five Gems will award the player a Skill Point, which is used for an upgrade to the base move set of DK or the Bananza forms. A more subtle difference is that it is not required to collect any Banandium Gems to finish the game, which I assume is also somewhat true for Gold. This is not true in Odyssey and the majority of 3D platformers in regards to their main collectibles. This means that all main story rewards, side quests, and challenge rooms are entirely optional content. This is a refreshing relaxation for the player to not have to obsessively collect everything all the time. I mean, I always do that, but it's nice to have the option not to! I certainly recommend going for as much Gold and Gems the player can get, but they can be collected as-needed to earn Skills and make later levels easier, not just possible. Some upgrades may as well be required, especially Punch Power, as enemies and terrain will predictably get tougher as Donkey Kong and Pauline make their way to the Planet Core.
DK can climb nearly any surface, yank out chunks of terrain to throw, and perform a Country-coded speedy roll. He can even do Kiddy Kong's obscure water skip move! These are massive upgrades to DK's strength and dexterity over his 2D outings, also including Donkey Kong 64. His movement options, along with his basic punch, make DK a menace upon his enemies in this game. The foes here are quite fun to take down, with nearly all of them having some connection to terrain manipulation. Some may need to be worn down by destroying material surrounding them, others may need to be thrown a chunk of rock to be dispatched, and some may just need a well-timed hit to spin out and blow up the surrounding environment as a bonus. Donkey Kong's baseline moves feel great in combat, while also helping the player to quickly gather various items. The minor collectibles include the old Red Balloons for being saved from a fall, health-restoring Apple Juices, and Melon Juices for restoring Bananergy. The Balloons and Apple Juices are helpful in a pinch, but the Melon Juices might not get as much use during a playthrough. This is because Gold is very effective in restoring Bananergy, and is a much more common resource. The player can also find various Fossils throughout the levels, which can be spent to unlock/upgrade clothing items and fur colors. These items include different ties, pants, and other accessories for DK, along with full outfits for Pauline to rock. Many of the clothes have specific perks like blocking specific damage types, boosting movement speed, or extending active Bananza time. These bonuses are awesome and give the player more choices to build out the Bananza buds however they want. Several of them are strictly cosmetic, such as the fur colors, but the choices are nice!
Regarding progression, the biggest milestones that the duo will reach are the Bananza forms. Each of these five animal-based transformations give DK a massive boost in power and/or maneuverability, requiring Bananergy to initiate them. The Kong Bananza essentially grants maximum punching power, along with a charged punch move that sends a out linear shockwave. The Zebra Bananza offers some speedy movement, allowing for unique spin moves and travel across thin platforms. The Ostrich Bananza gives DK a glide, with some egg bombs to drop on foes. The Elephant Bananza basically adds terrain deletion to the player's move set, huffing up massive amounts of terrain and hurling it out as boulders. Finally, the Snake Bananza has a very high charge jump, a smaller second jump, and a neat time-slowing ability. The player will likely end up having a favorite or two of the bunch, especially the Kong Bananza for general movement/combat and the Elephant Bananza for intense terraforming. These powers are just awesome! All of them serve useful purposes and are fun to control. We can view them as a condensed form of Odyssey's Capture mechanic. There are various moves tied to five big transformations available anywhere (once unlocked), as opposed to being spread out among dozens of level-specific characters. Also, the Bananzas play a major role in fighting the game's Bosses, which are all pretty fun to fight and have interesting maneuvers to counter, especially for Poppy Kong's battles. So much of Bananza's levels and challenges demand that the player become familiar with all of the Bananza abilities, which may seem daunting at first. But since each Bananza and secondary ability gets introduced gradually, the complexity of these move sets quickly fit like a five-fingered glove on the player's hand.
The level design in Donkey Kong Bananza is generally pretty strong. Any layer that introduces a Bananza will definitely be comprehensive, and there are a few intermission-like levels occasionally thrown in. Most layers seek to emulate a biome, such as a forest, some tropical islands, or a good old-fashioned dumping ground. All of them have a different feel to them, offering various required and optional challenges for the player to make full use of their abilities. They can offer specific mechanics like classic minecart riding, Rambi racing, and abstract Throw zones to create material out of thin air! The base design for these levels is not entirely different from something like Odyssey, offering a basic main path through the level, plenty of open spaces throughout, and free teleportation access to various checkpoints. A few of them can change with the progression of the story, such as the massive watermelon block getting shattered in the Resort Layer (RIP 🪦) or the legendary Banana Burger getting built in the Feast Layer. There is even a point where Donkey Kong loses Pauline and his powers for a while in the Groove Layer, grounding the player for a moment to appreciate all the new powers they had gained. The final Planet Core area is a gauntlet of many sub-layers, offering a full exam of how well they have mastered each Bananza to prepare for the final bout with the King. Traversing through all these levels give the duo a real journey to undertake, overcoming many obstacles and making new friends along the way.
This game brings new meaning to the genre of a "sandbox" game. On paper, it's design might sound like it has more in common with other voxel-based games like Minecraft, or even aspects of open world games like Skyrim. Bananza really doesn't feel like those games at all, having its own blend of gameplay ideas that just work really well. It leans on having robust, open-zone 3D platforming with the freedom to ravage the level geometry at any time. The Smashin' Stats menu helps to flex the game's underlying technology of malleable terrain. On a broader level, I've been pondering how well 3D games actually use all three dimensions, especially height. I feel like action games in general have been lacking in level design to take full advantage of 3D geometry. For a history rant, early 2D side-scrollers could have major issues when moving their cameras vertically due to technical constraints. Early 3D games had poor camera views across all axes due to a lack of experience implementing them, along with consoles having limited control schemes. Nowadays, with a general interest in realism, there's not always a motive for developers to utilize verticality to deliver new forms of gameplay. We don't live in jungle-gym platforming worlds, at least not since we were monkeys! I argue that all of this has led to some lack of innovation in 3D level design. Donkey Kong is a force of nature here, the extent of his climbing and digging abilities is just not common in a lot of games. It's invigorating that this lumbering gorilla has the power to fully navigate all three dimensions of these worlds, whether by digging, climbing, or gliding great heights with the help of his Bananza powers. More action games should take note of this, and try to incorporate more freeform movement options during gameplay.
Co-op
To quicky touch on the co-op mode, a second person can locally play as Pauline. I happened to have gotten some recent experience with this while playing Bananza's demo at the Nintendo Store in New York! Much like the Galaxy games' Co-Star modes and Odyssey's Cappy controls, the mode is quite limited. The second player can offer some assistance by launching word-shaped bricks at will. This can be helpful for dealing with enemies at a distance, or as an assistive digging tool for DK. Pauline can select different types of these bricks by selecting existing material that is in eyeshot of DK. It seems best to just choose an explosive material like solid Gold, or a very tough material like Concrete. Aside from over-explaining how to play Bananza to my friend during the demo, I really didn't find myself participating as a second player. I mostly just helped to mine things quickly when dealing with a tough material.
This mode's implementation shows that the Nintendo Tokyo team is still laser-focused on the single-player experience for sandbox games, with a second player serving only as an optional assistant to offer some ranged capability. I don't currently have a solution to try to supersede this design mentality, but I need to note that this mode is underwhelming. At least it's pretty cool that Pauline can generate high-impact solid matter with just her voice!
DK Artist
This creative mode uses the game's dynamic terrain, acting as a successor to the face-bending flippancy of Super Mario 64. Players can sculpt and paint nearly anything within a portrait-sized 3D space. There are a few starting models to choose from, though their selection seems somewhat random, which I assume is to spark creativity. The controls are fairly intuitive, being centered on using a Joy-Con 2 pair with one hand using the new mouse controls. After a few minutes, getting to grips with positioning the model and aiming the cursor comes relatively quickly. There are some limitations, notably the color palette being restricted to the textures of terrain found in-game. Not only are the colors limited, but the use of specific textures like wood, rock, and sand are required if the user simply wants to use those colors. It would have been nice to allow a normal range of colors to use, along with the textures. There is an undo function, but it only goes back a single step. Also, it can be difficult to add terrain in a consistent manner to the part of the piece. Thankfully, the smoothing tool is rather useful to counter the jaggedness from the add and remove tools. Overall, it's a fun diversion. I enjoyed creating this offensive piece based on an old meme from over a decade ago! To encounter less abrasive in-game visuals, let's move into discussing the game's (actual) graphics.
Graphics
The game is simply gorgeous, boasting vivid colors, highly-detailed models, peppy animations, and lovely lighting effects. Just going through my personal gallery of JPG'd screenshots still leaves me in awe of how beautiful it all is! The developers behind Bananza have stated they were very concerned with how the voxel-based level terrain would look to the player. While I can rarely notice some discrepancy between the detail of level geometry and hand-modeled prop objects, the terrain generally looks very natural! Even after repeated plundering, the high resolution of total voxels in each level means that rock faces will still appear relatively smooth. Bananza starts to lose this smoothness when soft terrain is thrown to build towers/bridges, which can appear a bit jagged. Thankfully, that is not much of a requirement for the player to perform throughout the game. Large levels can have upwards of 347 million voxels, which justifies why a platformer like this hasn't been done at this scale before. We've seen other applications of the tech in games across the past couple decades, sometimes with wildly varying results. It really is a big achievement for the team to have accomplished this!
Each Layer's visual design is often striking and very creative. Many use the standard tropes of desert canyons, peaceful meadows, and mysterious caves. But along with those are underground disco halls, amusement parks, and garbage heaps! Regardless of the premise's originality, the artists found so many ways to incorporate beautiful color combinations and unique landmarks throughout each one. One of my favorite level designs is unironically the Landfill Layer. Bear with me here, its layout is actually kind of novel! It is nearly an entirely vertical stage, which harkens back to my previous discussion about height needing to be explored in game design more often. While playing through this level is a stress test for the camera controls, I think its just pretty cool that the level is just a straight shot downwards. There's also a junkyard village to find underneath, which I personally share spiritual kinship with. Another favorite is the Groove Layer's below-ground discotheque. It's just so sleek and polished that I can't help but appreciate its feel. Its sturdy construction also makes is an appropriate home for the Fossil collection that DK amasses and trades for goods. And for some reason, I thought the design of this layer was to infer that the Fractones are actually aliens, since the level feels a bit spaceship-like. Another choice pick of mine is the Forbidden Layer, with its ethereal vibe of floating islands and various large fixtures strewn about. I particularly like the abrasive, urchin-like barrier towards the end of the layer. It serves as a foreboding obstacle and a key point-of-no-return for a portion of the late-game. How the player can forge their own paths using the Throw zones is just plain awesome! The more traditional layers like Canyon, Resort, and Feast of course are all fantastic.
Let's talk character designs. Generally, they are stellar across the board! Donkey Kong and Pauline are beautifully animated, with nearly every frame oozing with charm. Also I love the Bananza forms, the many Fractone variants, the animal communities of the underground, and the terraformed enemies. Now a couple of the Bananza designs are a bit questionable (Ostrich), but even then I think they are all fun and perform their function of mashing DK's design with an animal buddy of yester-games. Just the simple Kong Bananza sees DK in a primal black gorilla getup, which we don't see often in the series. My favorite Fractone has to be Trustytone, our loyal blocky butler. His character is also just so practical in that it's actually worth paying their fees for services, since they are small and you might get tipped back a music disc! A top animal design are in the Snakes of the Radiance Layer. They have such cool outfits, and their society is also so industrious and worships creativity! They also do an audible uwu when high-fived, which gives massive bonus points. Each of the terrain-coasted enemies are pretty goofy, but they often house a ghostly golden skeleton as their final form. Later in the game, we get confirmation that these enemies are in fact undead versions of enemies from the Country games! After that, we get to fight living versions of those old enemies, including being able to hurl boulders at those zealous Zingers. It's affirming to see current Nintendo developers continue to lean into the Rare era of the Donkey Kong franchise. While the modern 2D games have certainly been carrying that spirit, having a mainline 3D title embrace the old designs, themes, and obviously the Kremlings is a good time. The general list of references to various other games is quite substantial.
Now, with the impressive technology and artistry firing on all cylinders on a first-party Nintendo game, it must be noted that there are a couple of performance hiccups. My biggest graphical issue with the game occurs when loading into a level. There can be a bit of a shimmering effect that pixelates or smudges some objects far in the distance. This does influence first impressions of any layer, so it would have been nice if the game could have been optimized a little more to prevent this. I would like to be optimistic that this could be patched someday, or at least be mitigated by running on whatever system comes after the Switch 2. Also, as expected, with all the intense calculations to render hundreds of millions of voxels dynamically, while also having real-time physics, the game can hit a framerate snag now and then. This never bothered me, at least when playing on or past game version 3.2.0. During development, I would speculate that memory-related issues and crashing were rampant while developing the voxel system. Thankfully, the game never crashed on me through the 100+ hours of banana-fueled bashing!
Please forgive this section's brevity, as I have the least-developed vocabulary for interpreting visual art right now. Please take my word for it that the game is beautiful and carries the high bar that Nintendo sets for the