The 'Shroom:Issue 224/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! Here's some real news for you, this is the penultimate Fake News of the year! How time flies. Shouldn't I be able to fly too, since time is in my name? Oh well. The year may be coming to a close, but we're not slowing down here!
We have three, that's right, three new sections debuting this month! MightyMario (talk) is reviving the beloved classic TV Tomorrow, and has truly brought us to tomorrow with some new additions for the modern era. BigBoom1946 joins The 'Shroom with Star Ratings, reviewing different locations scattered around the Mario cosmos. Finally, longtime writer Shoey (talk) is adding Digital News to the line-up on a bi-monthly basis, a News Flush-inspired section taking place in the world of, uh, Digimon World. File City Files fans rejoice! Don't miss out on our guest sections either, ClawgripFan9001 has written a News Flush and his own take on TV Tomorrow as well for his unofficial Year of Waluigi.
Next month is our outer space-themed holiday special! I bet you want to get in on the fun, don't you? Everything you need to get started can be found over on the sign up page, or if you'd just like to send in a one-off for the occasion you can contact me privately with your section and I'll help you get everything sorted out. Lots of mysterious things lurk in space, so feel free to take a page out of Shoey's book and expand our horizons past Mario if you'd like! Of course, it doesn't have to be themed if you don't want to, we're happy to hear from you either way.
Section of the Month
TheBlueCatMenace takes another win with The Sunshine Travel Guide, this time checking out The Last Resort from Luigi's Mansion 3 for spooky season! DryBonesBandit (talk) takes second place with coverage of Gamboos in Dry Dry Data, closely followed by a ghostly adventure for Inquis and Headrest in Koopa's (talk) Investigative Research. Thank you to everyone who voted, and please be sure to keep supporting our writers with your votes, Poochy's Picks nominations, or just telling them you liked their work!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 15 | 30.00% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | Dry Dry Data | 7 | 14.00% | DryBonesBandit (talk) |
| 3rd | Investigative Research | 6 | 12.00% | Koopa (talk) |
Written by: Wallace Ulysses
WALUIGI TO BE RUNNING FOR MUSHROOM KINGDOM PARLIAMENT ALONGSIDE NEWLY FORMED PARTY!
Seems the ongoing political crisis within the Mushroom Kingdom Parliament isn’t over just yet, as last month, after many months of calling for him to resign, Prime Minister Bulb-rich Narcissus has finally resigned from his position, thus leading to the second fall of Mushroom Kingdom Parliament in two to three years time. While the Traditional Party and the Doozer Party are debating which of their seasoned politicians to put forward as their next candidate for the premiership, should either party emerge victorious in the next election that is to come, a surprise bid for Parliament came from a very surprising individual alongside a very surprising party.
Waluigi, a rather infamous figure within the confinements of the Mushroom Kingdom, has announced his bid for the Parliamentary Elections, standing candidate for a newly formed Progressive Party. In an interview regarding the announcement of this campaign, Waluigi has expressed his disillusionment with the way both the Traditional Party and Doozer Party have been operating the Mushroom Kingdom under Princess Peach’s rule. Thus, together with a handful of other Mushroom Kingdom operating politicians, he made the decision to form a Progressive Party aiming to fix all the issues within the Traditional and Doozer Parties.
Supporters and opponents of the Traditional and Doozer parties alike have reacted to Waluigi’s campaign announcement with mixed results, with Resident Representative of Shiver City and supporter of the Traditional Party, Bogdan Spheniscidae, telling us the following:
“Waluigi’s bid at running for Parliament is, to put it bluntly, quite controversial. Not only does he have an infamous history of upsetting the Mushroom Kingdom with his twisted ways, but he has little to no prior political experience to prove he has the backbone or capabilities to fill a position as important as Prime Minister of the Mushroom Kingdom. While I will remain cautiously optimistic as we make ourselves up for another electoral race in the winter months, I have very low expectations of Waluigi’s ability to pick up where both the Traditional and Doozer parties have left off alongside the newly formed Progressives.”
Likewise, Resident Representative of Decalburg and supporter of the Doozer Party, Eustace Stickler, has told us the following in response to the emerging of Waluigi and the Progressive Party in the road to the 2026 Parliamentary Elections in the Mushroom Kingdom:
“As random as it may seem, I actually find myself optimistic about the addition of the Progressive Party to the mix of Mushroom Kingdom politics. In a time where the Traditional Party and Doozer Party struggle to cling onto the support of the residents of the Kingdom, the forming of the Progressive Party, with Waluigi as their running candidate for Parliament, might just be the breath of fresh air that the Kingdom’s political compass needs. Sure, the lack of prior experience in politics from Waluigi’s side of things are reasonable voicings of concern, but I still view this as a variable that the pool of political madness that has been washing over the Mushroom Kingdom for the last few years has so desperately been calling for.”
While the three parties that are currently preparing themselves for the constitutional crusade ahead of them, we at The ‘Shroom will keep you updated on the continuously developing story.
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Zdrmonster, Miles Tails Prower, and Cosmic Cowboy
Dear Waluigi Time,
We're running low on Oran Berries, so we went out on a Mystery Dungeon adventure to get some. However, we seemed to have fallen into one of those Monster Houses filled to the brim with Dittos! Dittos know transform, so basically a bunch of copies of me, Charmander, and Chikorita attacked us. What's the best way we can deal with...erm, ourselves?
- Squirtle and the other members of Team Go-Getters
You know the old saying "you are your own worst enemy"? I don't know if it was originally said with shapeshifters in mind, but it seems pretty appropriate. You know your own weaknesses better than I do, after all (it would be kind of creepy if that wasn't the case) so use that to your advantage. And that's not just physical weaknesses either! That one really embarrassing thing you did four years ago that you think about constantly but no one else actually remembers? Well, guess what, that's part of your weaponry now. You may be thinking, "but Waluigi Time, the shapeshifter didn't do that, I did, so what's that supposed to do", but let me tell you, nothing bothers a shapeshifter more than being in an embarrassing shape. Maybe. I'm not a shapeshifter so I don't know for sure, but if I was, I think that sort of thing would bother me.
I guess if I'm wrong then the shapeshifter can just use that to make fun of you instead, so that would kind of backfire... Maybe you're just better off using your knowledge of your own physical weaknesses. Sounds like you three have the type coverage down, at least.
Dear Waluigi Time, can you please write a letter to Sega asking them to make another game starring just myself without Sonic? Last game where I went up against evil by myself was "Tails Adventure" on the Game Gear and that was THIRTY years ago! I feel old! 👴 It also...wasn't received well. I'd like to have a game by myself that actually does good for once. I mean the only other game I starred in by myself, Tails' Skypatrol (which was released in Japan), also got really crappy reviews as well. Ugh.....anyway, please make sure if Sega makes another game where I'm by myself without Sonic that they please do it right, ok?
Sincerely, Miles Tails Prower
If there's one thing I've learned it's that you can't trust the big game companies to make the games you want, unless it's Tomodachi Life on the Nintendo Switch, so I'm going to teach you how to make it yourself! The first step is learning to code, and I don't know how to do that so you'll have to figure that part out yourself. Good luck!
As for the game design part, some people will say that it's important to define a limited scope for your game to prevent it from becoming directionless and bloated. I'm here to tell you those people are boring! If one fun thing is good, five fun things are better, and ten fun things make it one of the best games ever. Just look at all the fun things in other games and then put them in your game! It'll be great! You want turn-based combat, kart racing levels, and a sandbox building mode all in one game? Well it's your game, a game about you, so go nuts. All the features all the time, no one will ever need to play other games again. The marketing campaign builds itself, really. Please note that I'm not a game dev, but this sounds pretty good on paper I think.
Although, aren't you a copyrighted character? You should probably lawyer up preemptively. And maybe don't let yourself get copyrighted again, if it ever comes up.
Dear Waluigi Time,
How do I become happy?
- Spondage Mario
You know the old saying, "you are what you eat"? It's kind of a weird one, but it works here. You just need to eat happier food! What I mean by that is making sure your food smiles at you. This is best done with condiments or toppings. Draw a smiley face in ketchup on your burger, or arrange the pepperoni on your pizza! (I don't know what happens if you don't eat the whole thing.) I hear anything with smiley frosting is especially effective thanks to the pre-existing mood-boosting properties of dessert foods. Not everything you eat has to be smiley for this to be effective, but never eat anything frowny.
Some people may say this advice is total garbage and has no scientific basis whatsoever. But let me ask you this, have you ever been sad while eating a smiley pizza? Didn't think so.
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
Live from New Wikisburg, it's TV Tomorrow, with your host, MightyMario! This revival of TV Tomorrow launches the section into the streaming era, where alongside whatever's on cable, I'll also tell you what's on the multitude of streaming services you're paying through the nose for. Also, stay tuned for our Program of the Month, which highlights what TV Tomorrow thinks is the best show or movie airing this month!
Without further ado, let's see what's on TV!
Cable/Satellite
Show: Bowser Live!
Network: KKBC (also available on the Bowser Live! KoopTube channel) at 11:30 PM MKST
Genre: Late-night talk show/variety show
The Koopa Kingdom's hit late-night show hosted by King Bowser himself returns after a brief hiatus. Tomorrow, Bowser will be talking with guest star Kamek about how great it is to have Bowser as a ruler, with a special musical performance by Ludwig von Koopa and the Koopa Kingdom orchestra and a preview of the upcoming film "Bowser: King of Awesome". It's a night you don't want to miss! Actually, you can't miss it, as not watching is punishable by being imprisoned over the lava moat. Trust me, it is not fun.
Show: Connie the Connector
Network: The Concordia Channel at 9:00 AM MKST
Genre: Educational/Kids
"Connie the Connector" has been a hit with kids since it premiered last year. A light-hearted show for everyone of all ages, Connie teaches viewers how to make connections with new friends and visiting new locations. In tomorrow's episode, Connie travels to the wonderful Merrygo Island, where she gets lost in the island's maze! How will Connie find her way out? By making connections, of course!
Movie: Galactic Journey: Rise of Bowser (2010)
Network: Mushroom Kingdom Sci-Fi at 8:00 PM MKST
Genre: Action/Science Fiction/Fantasy
"Galactic Journey", the space soaring saga of films, airs its most famous entry in a primetime slot. Starring Mario and Bowser as themselves, the two duke it out in a battle for the fate of the universe, alongside featured players Luigi, Rosalina, and Princess Peach. Fans will cheer for iconic sequences and memorable quotes sandwiched between frequent commercial breaks (broadcast rights for this film are not cheap!).
Streaming
Movie: Wario-Man (2025)
Streaming on: Wario Max
Genre: Superhero/Action
The biggest superhero film of 2025 lands on Wario Max this week! Mild-mannered Wario transforms into studly superhero Wario-Man to combat the evil forces of Leo Luster, hip billionaire and smartest Kong in the world. Featuring Mona as reporter Mona Lane and Poochy as Pooch the Superdog. Rated W for Wario and some rude humor.
Sporting Event: Strikers Super Star Cup Championship: Team Daisy vs. Team Mario
Streaming on: MKSPN+
Time: Wednesday at 5:30 PM MKST
The Super Star Cup comes to a close next week as Team Daisy looks to battle Team Mario for the trophy. Getting to the Championship was not an easy feat for Team Daisy, as they put in sweat, tears; and advantageous use of power-ups to knock out the other teams, leaving Team Mario as the only obstacle in their way. The action starts at 5:30 with pre-game interviews beginning at 4:00.
Program of the Month
This month's program is…
Show: Mushroom Kingdom ER
Network: MKBC, Thursdays at 9:00 PM MKST
Genre: Drama
Nominated for several Starries and winning four of them across its continuing six-year run, "Mushroom Kingdom ER" focuses on the hard-working doctors and nurses at the emergency room of Toad Town General Hospital, crafting intense drama and tense situations. Mario and Peach have great chemistry together, even as the Virus Invasion arc has split the two apart.
That will do it for this edition of "TV Tomorrow"! I'm MightyMario and I hope you've found something to watch! Now where'd I put that remote…?
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort: Cheep Cheep Beach on a budget
Howdy, travel guide aficionados. I was recently informed that a brand new beach resort just opened up near Cheep Cheep Beach, called Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort. This resort was created by Jonathan Koopa the Fifth, and as you may know but probably don't, the Jonathan Koopa family is famous for creating some really good vacation destinations. So, without further delay, let's take a gander at this resort, and see if it can live up to the legacy of what came before… (That's oddly dramatic for a travel guide…)
History
Oh my stars! Is it really a history section in The Sunshine Travel Guide!? I thought they were extinct! Yeah, so as I alluded to in the intro, this resort is the latest in a series of resorts made by J. Koopa Amusement Development. This is a family business, recently inherited by Jonathan Koopa the Fifth, that works to build resorts, parks, and other entertaining places.
Jonathan Koopa the First was a pioneer of the amusement park, famous for constructing elaborate obstacle courses. It's rumoured that some of these courses were taken over by Bowser in his early invasions of the Mushroom Kingdom, and weaponised. Jonathan Koopa the Second followed in his father's footsteps, opening the first Koopa Beach, which are famous for constantly hosting events of all kinds. Whether it's beach sports, movie filming or raves, it's there. In fact, a new Koopa Beach was recently opened near the Karting Kontinent!
Jonathan Koopa the Third was part of the group who developed Delfino Island into one of the most desirable holiday destinations on the planet. He was most heavily involved in the construction of the first Pinna Park, though it was unfortunately destroyed in a storm.
Jonathan Koopa the Fourth still lives today, though he is retired. In his time, many major parks were opened, especially in the Sprixie Kingdom. It's possible he was an architect behind the notorious World Bowser, but that's only speculation. Of course, his son, Jonathan Koopa the Fifth, is the one who constructed today's destination. Jonathan Koopa the Fifth has not had a good record so far, and has received much criticism from critics and vacationers alike. He is most infamous for Koopa's Cool Caravan Park, which we will not be speaking of. Still, even with some mistakes, he hasn't given up, and has put his all into this resort. So, let's find out if it's good.
Attractions
Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort has a wide range of activities for you to do during your stay. If you've always dreamed of riding a dolphin, you can now! In fact, the dolphins are employed at the resort and can bring you to different places, so you can get around quickly and in style.
There's also little games you can play to win prizes. I enjoyed melon mash, where you crush a melon with a hammer. That's it. I'm easy to please. Of course, you can do normal beachside activities too. Swimming, but with dolphins! Surfing, but with dolphins! Sunbathing, but with dolphins(?)!
But, where will you stay while you do all these fun things, but with dolphins, you may ask. Well, let me introduce you to the Koopa Kabana. This hotel could be a run-down shack or a glittering five-star hotel when you visit, as it is constantly destroyed by tidal waves. Because of this, it relies on donations to stay running, and be rebuilt. However, for some reason, most visitors don't want to give away their hard-earned money, which is strange. Due to this, the resort has started, well, enforcing donations, if you know what I mean.
Souvenirs
Of course, just like every resort, Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort has a huge gift shop, filled with all kinds of interesting items. Hmmm. I wonder where it is. Wait… What do you mean there's no gift shop?! I need to meet my souvenir sold by travel guides quota before the end of the month! Okay, don't panic, I'll just find something that seems like a souvenir…
| Banana Peel | ||
|---|---|---|
|
It's an authentic banana peel! Fantastic! Don't you want to purchase it? Please do! A monkey gave it to me! Monkeys are cool! Purchase it! Purchase! PURCHASE! | |
| PRICE: | I don't care, just buy it | |
Conclusion
Well, that was something. You know, that resort wasn't really that great. I mean, the activities are fine, but the hotel is not. And it's honestly a bit boring there. Well, at least the souvenirs are great! Right? Uh, anyhoo, contact me on the forums if you have suggestions or feedback! Unless you know me in real life, then you can just tell me. I'll see you all next month for an extra-special issue, where you might see a familiar face… No, not Bar D. Jokue, shut up! Farewell!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Yar, if it ain’t me band o’ culinary crazed corsairs again! This be yer Cap’n, ClawgripFan9001, ready ta take ye on our final voyage o’er the high seas o’ nourishment in the year 2025! Crazy ta think that our next culinary adventure will be takin’ place next year, don’t ye think? Seems like it were January only yesterday, and now we be enterin’ the final stages o’ the year already…Yar, but I digress! Lemme tell ye all ‘bout this last esculent expedition fer this year that I embarked on!
ClawgripFan9001 arrived at the Hot Fraun in Flopside where he’d agreed to meet with Dyllis for a cooking course that the Flopside-based chef had arranged herself. Seeing as our seasoned Sidestepper had the pick of visiting Dyllis or Zess T. for this month’s Cooking Guide, and his last encounter with Zess T. nearly culminating with a fight breaking out between the Rogueport-based chef and his Parabones colleague, DryBonesBandit, the choice was relatively easy to make for our cooking columnist.
Pushing open the front door of the Hot Fraun, ClawgripFan9001 scuttled inside before gently shutting the door behind him. “Ahoy, Mrs. Dyllis! I be ‘ere fer that cookin’ course ye reached out ta me ‘bout!” The Sidestepper called out towards the kitchen, only to see Saffron emerge from the kitchen instead to his great surprise.
“Oh, how wonderful to see you again, ClawgripFan! Dyllis, ClawgripFan is here just as you requested!” Saffron called out with a beaming smile upon seeing ClawgripFan9001’s arrival before shifting her focus back towards the kitchen to let Dyllis know about it.
“Yar, what in tarnation? What do ye be doin’ ‘ere, Saffron?” ClawgripFan9001 asked with a confusedly raised eyebrow, after which Dyllis emerged from the kitchen herself, standing next to Saffron as she did so.
“Vell, I needed Saffron’s assistance für ze cooking course I had arranged today, vhich is vhy she’s here at ze Hot Fraun.” Dyllis admitted, visibly embarrassed to have her more kindhearted and open Flipside counterpart over at her restaurant.
“Yar, har, har! Well, a sweet ‘n sour cookin’ course is just what I need fer me cookin’ column ta end in a luscious last course, I say!” ClawgripFan9001 chuckled in amusement at the situation, with Saffron giggling along with him.
“That’s certainly one way to put it, ClawgripFan! Now how about we get going into the kitchen so we can get started with this cooking course that Dyllis organized for you today?” Saffron suggested, to which ClawgripFan9001 nodded his agreement as he and the two chefs ventured into the Hot Fraun’s kitchen area.
“Alright, today, I have arranged für you to learn how ze make a November Lunch. It consists of a Shroom Soup und a Pine Cone Cocoa, along vith a Dyllis Lunch.” Dyllis explained to ClawgripFan9001, who nodded in understanding.
“Aye, that should be a nice an’ palatable dish ta serve durin’ the upcomin’ November month. I take it that we’ll be usin’ the recipes for Shroom Soup an’ Pine Cone Cocoa we used before?” ClawgripFan9001 acknowledged Dyllis’ explanation before asking Saffron about the dishes they had made on Cooking Guide before that made up part of today’s dish.
Saffron smiled and nodded in response to the Sidestepper’s inquiries. “Yes, we will! I’ll take care of those dishes, and Dyllis will take care of her Dyllis Lunch!” She informed ClawgripFan9001, who nodded back once more, satisfied with this knowledge.
“Aye aye! I’ll be sittin’ over ‘ere ta jot down notes fer me column in that case!” The culinary corsair saluted the palatable power ladies in front of him before reaching for his notepad and pencil, ready to get started.
“Right, so first thing’s first, you have to make the Shroom Soup and Pine Cone Cocoa according to the recipes listed in earlier editions of the Cooking Guide!” Saffron told ClawgripFan9001 with a smile as she did what she instructed.
“Yar, that be makin’ sense. A chef be nothin’ without their recipes, after all.” ClawgripFan9001 nodded his agreement as he was jotting this down into his notes while carefully observing Saffron and Dyllis carrying out the instructions.
“Second thing’s second, you must make ze Dyllis Lunch. Für zis, you need a Fried Shroom Plate und a Veggie Set für optimal taste factor.” Dyllis continued as she made the Dyllis Lunch with the Fried Shroom Plate and Veggie Set she mentioned.
ClawgripFan9001 nodded attentively as he continued to scribble away on his notepad while keeping a watchful eye on the ladies carrying out the cooking instructions in front of him. “Aye, taste do be a big part o’ makin’ a dish. After all, I be under the belief that taste can fill yer stomach much more than quantity can.” The seasoned Sidestepper gave his ten cents on the matter.
“Last thing’s last, you put all of those dishes together on a tray, and you’ve got everything you need for crafting together a November Lunch, ideal for the windy and rainy November month ahead of you!” Saffron finished as she and Dyllis put all the dishes required for this combo dish together on a tray.
“Hopefully zat should satisfy your aspiring chefs reading ze cooking column zat you write für ze time being vhen it comes to zheir hunger für culinary knowledge.” Dyllis chimed in as she handed the tray the November Lunch stood on to ClawgripFan9001 after the latter finished writing down the last of his notes.
“Yargh, I’m pretty sure it will!” ClawgripFan9001 responded as he took a sample of the Shroom Soup, Pine Cone Cocoa and Dyllis Lunch. “Even more so when it tastes as exquisite as this! Many thanks fer yer culinary insight as always, ladies!” The Sidestepper chef gratefully thanked the Flipside and Flopside-based chefs for their help.
“You’re always welcome, ClawgripFan! Don’t be a stranger at Sweet Smiles, should you happen to be in the Flipside area!” Saffron responded with her trademark kindhearted and open personality.
“Ze Hot Fraun is also always open für cooking classes, should ze stream of customers be running low enough für me to have time on hands für zhose cooking classes.” Dyllis nodded affirmatively with her trademark professional and reserved personality.
Yar, so this be everythin’ ye need ta know fer makin’ a November Lunch, courtesy o’ Saffron an’ Dyllis!
Ingredients
- A Shroom Soup (See ‘Shroom Issue 212 fer more information on ‘ow ta make it)
- A Pine Cone Cocoa (See ‘Shroom Issue 222 fer more information on ‘ow ta make it)
- A Dyllis Lunch (A combination o’ Fried Shroom Plate an’ Veggie Set be recommended fer optimal taste)
Appliances
- All the appliances needed fer makin’ Shroom Soup an’ Pine Cone Cocoa
- All the appliances needed fer makin’ Dyllis Lunch the way Dyllis ‘erself recommends doin’ so
- A tray fer servin’ the whole meal in combo
Instructions
- Make the Shroom Soup an’ Pine Cone Cocoa accordin’ ta the recipe listed in the aforementioned ‘Shroom issues.
- Make the Dyllis Lunch accordin’ ta Dyllis’ recommended methods.
- Put everythin’ together on a tray, and ye should be ready ta serve!
Yar, now, if that don’t be capable o’ keepin’ ya warm an’ toasty fer the chilly autumn an’ winter months ahead o’ ya, I dunno what be capable! Either way, that be pretty much everythin’ from me fer Cookin’ Guide in the year 2025, mateys! The next time we’ll be takin’ ta the high seas o’ culinary chronicles will be January 2026! So until then, I wanna wish ye a Merry Christmas, ‘Appy ‘Annukah, ‘Appy ‘Olidays in general, an’ a jolly New Years!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk)
Welcome, welcome, once again, to the section of Dry Dry Data by yours truly… DryBonesBandit. What, did you expect some other name to show up? Anyhow, I don’t have all too much to say, really, so I’ll dive right into the details. Turkeys may be popular around this time of year, but today we’ll be looking at a more overlooked species of bird, and Bowser’s Kingdom’s most famed specimen, the Pokio (phasianus tsukkun). Without further ado…
The Adventure
Without many ideas, I was about to preemptively mourn the loss of this month’s paycheck until I tripped and knocked over my closet. A couple of outdated brochures had fallen out; one caught my eye as I rose from the floor. My gaze was drawn to a photo of a large creature, identified as the “terrifying gatekeeper” of Bowser’s Kingdom; the Stairface Ogre. I instantly knew that it would be the subject of my study, mostly because my deadline was rapidly approaching. I soon boarded an hour-long flight to the kingdom to study these fellows.
…but when I reached there, I spotted one and instantly reconsidered. I wasn’t about to become a Parabones pancake for a spot of cash. However, I did spot something interesting; a yellow mark on its forehead. A local Goomba explained that it was the weak spot of the large Thwomp relative, perfectly suited for another native species. I stopped them mid-sentence with another question; “exactly how threatening is this other native species?” And with their response, I had a new subject for this issue.
Seeking out a Pokio wasn’t the hard part; I learned where they resided from locals. The issue was getting there. For some reason, I wasn’t able to fly my way over to each separate island; probably because the developers did not intend this. So, I had to seek another way forward. Luckily for me, a friendly Bonneter also was in town to study these sharp fellows. With his help, I was able to traverse the spark pylons and reach the brilliantly-colored birds.
Unfortunately for me, we ended up startling them and one poked a hole right through my hand. At least the hat got to take notes.
The Analysis
Pokios are an endangered species of brilliantly-colored pheasant birds (mistaken to be woodpeckers by some sources) residing predominantly in Bowser’s Kingdom. They sport cyan feathers on their round bodies, and white-feathered wings which do not enable them to fly. The skin on their faces is red and bumpy, and their stubby claws are yellow in color. Their most notable feature is their sharp, extendable yellow beak.
Named after a famous fictional character, Pokios are able to extend and detract their beaks rapidly. This enables them to attack predators and quickly catch their prey, mostly consisting of small insects and worms. It is believed that they had evolved to have this feature due to their main predator, the Stairface Ogre; the yellow marks on their foreheads (the weak spots) are a near-perfect match for the Pokio’s beak, and the wooden mallets used by the ogres are easily climbed by the avians. Notably, Pokios travel by using their beaks to scale walls. Their beaks are strong enough to impale stone and bounce off metal forcefully without visible damage. Surfaces such as steel walls are not scalable by Pokios; this is believed to be the reason for the metal walls of Bowser’s Kingdom. However, anything weaker allows a Pokio to embed its beak in the wall to fling itself up. Combined with its ability to spin midair for an extra boost upwards, the Pokio is nearly unrivaled in climbing. Pokio beaks are also resistant to electricity, though this is not often seen outside of incidents where they stab a spark pylon mistakenly.
As for tips on how to deal with Pokios? Don’t. Pokios are quite docile and only attack plumbers, as trained by Bowser’s minions. If you had to, however, I’d suggest simply stomping them like you would a Goomba.
The end
Remember, leave me a suggestion on my talk page or on the Mario Boards!
Mushroom Tribune: From The Archives
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
"From the Archives" is a column from the Mushroom Tribune which presents articles exactly as they were at their original time of publication in an effort to connect readership with the history of the Toad Town metropolitan area. In this report from November of 1996, the Mushroom Tribune covered the debate caused in the Mushroom Kingdom by KAOS assuming leadership of the Kremling Kreeps.
Government Intends To Normalize Relations With Crocodile Isle Following Regime Change
In a shock announcement on Friday, the Mushroom Chancellor announced that His Majesty's Government will next week undertake the process of normalizing relations with Crocodile Isle following the emergence of a new ruler of the island in the form of KAOS. In announcing this shift, the Mushroom Chancellor unveiled a multi-step plan which would see the opening of a Mushroom Kingdom consulate on the island, to be followed by the lifting of trade restrictions after six months and a review of relations with the new regime by the Foreign Secretary. The announcement elicited jeers from backbench members of the opposition in a departure from the typically sedate proceedings of parliament, an early sign of the strong reaction to the move from both His Majesty's Loyal Opposition and the public at large. With many in Toad Town expressing objections to the decision, the announcement has sparked a fierce debate.
Those opposed to the normalization of relations cite concerns with the speed with which relations are being re-established, Crocodile Isle's multiple attacks on the kingdom's long-time ally Donkey Kong Island, and the lack of information available on KAOS' history and qualifications. KAOS, they suggest, is an untested, unproven, and obscure leader with unclear origins and motivations. While not denying that he has emerged as the undisputed leader of Crocodile Isle's resident Kremlings following the disappearance of Captain K. Rool and has disbanded the former Kremling Krew, they argue that he simply has not been in power long enough to prove he is ready to act as a responsible stakeholder in the international community. Speaking to Mushroom Tribune shortly after hearing the Chancellor's announcement, Ukiki, MP representing the Jungle area on the outskirts of Shroom City, had the following to say:
This announcement is an affront to the people of the Mushroom Kingdom and their friends on Donkey Kong Island. The Kremlings of Crocodile have twice assaulted Donkey Kong Island - the Mushroom Kingdom's third-oldest and, frankly, most reliable ally - and now, immediately after they emerge from a period of self-inflicted anarchy, we are rewarding them for their behavior? The KAOS regime has only just established firm rule over the island. How can we be certain that he will not immediately return to threatening Donkey Kong Island and the peace of the entire region? Yes, the Kremling Krew has ostensibly been disbanded, dismantling the conquering and plundering force based out of Crocodile Isle, but already KAOS has incorporated elements of K. Rool's forces into his recently-formed "Kremling Kreeps". Do we trust his assurances that the Kremling Kreeps will serve only as a domestic defensive force enough to toss our support and trust behind a polity that has repeatedly invaded its neighbors - and I remind you, our friends - with no regard for international law or common decency?
Ministers have defended the decision, saying that the new regime on Crocodile Isle cannot prove itself willing to act as a responsible stakeholder in the international community while still shunned by the kingdoms of the world. They point out that Donkey Kong Island has not suffered an attack since the deposition of former ruler King K. Rool and that, with even many Kremlings painting him as a cruel tyrant, this suggests that the attacks launched by Crocodile Isle ought be primarily attributed to K. Rool himself, making them unlikely to reoccur under a new regime. They advocate that KAOS be given an opportunity to prove his peaceful intentions for Crocodile Isle, arguing that support from the Mushroom Kingdom will facilitate those efforts.
For their thoughts on this potentially seismic shift in Mushroom Kingdom relations, we turn to former employee at the Mushroom Kingdom embassy in Jewelry Land Hooded Pitohui and former Ambassador to Donkey Kong Island Shoey:
|
Now, certainly the former Ambassador will disagree with me, owing to his closeness with the Kong Klan from his years of service, but I have been called dove-ish before. I personally think the Government's decision to normalize relations with the new regime on Crocodile Isle not only a wise undertaking, but one necessary in all regards. The Kremlings of Crocodile Isle are industrious, skilled in shipbuilding and factory development. To in time establish the terms of trade with Crocodile Isle will bring a windfall to the Mushroom Kingdom, granting the kingdom access to the very fleet that will be necessary to carry the abundance of goods bound to flow between the two polities. This trade will doubtlessly engender goodwill between our kingdom and Crocodile Isle, deterring not only any hostilities directed at the Mushroom Kingdom, but also providing us leverage both economic and diplomatic with which we can constrain KAOS or any successors from acting against our cherished friends on Donkey Kong Island. |
| If the long-term benefits in trade and diplomacy fail to convince, then perhaps the Kremanitarian case shall. Since the defeat of King K. Rool, in his guise of "Captain K. Rool", Crocodile Isle has suffered immensely. A pariah state fallen into anarchy until the recent emergence of KAOS, the economy of Crocodile Isle, so long propped up by conquest and plunder, has all but collapsed. The scouring of the island by an explosion following K. Rool's defeat has left the island destitute. Now, I grant some may be wary of supporting the Kremlings after their attacks on Donkey Kong Island and nearby regions, but would those wary few deny that the Kremlings who dissented against the former regime are deserving of the aid the Mushroom Kingdom can provide? Are those Kremlings who sought to gain an education at Wrinkly Kong's beloved Kong Kollege not deserving of the benefits that normalization of relations can bring? Should they not be permitted to visit or even come to reside in the Mushroom Kingdom, or to benefit from trade between our polities? Should Klubba, who granted Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong access to the Lost World, be made to suffer for the actions of a former ruler, when with this simple act, we can lend a hand to KAOS as he seeks to transform Crocodile Isle? I should say not! What say you? | |
|
I must say, Hood, I find that the Mushroom King is acting very naive in this effort to normalize relations with Crocodile Isle. While I must acknowledge that a regime change is in theory a step in the right direction, we have no actual evidence that this new mechanical King KAOS will actually lead to positive changes within the closed-off island. What little information we've received about the isle since this regime change does, in my opinion, little to assuage fears of Crocodile Isle's ambitions towards its neighbor Donkey Kong Island. Take the rumblings of yet another military buildup, with KAOS reforming the Kremling Crew, this time under the name Kremling Creeps. At this point we have no idea what that buildup entails, including whether it's simply a precautionary move by KAOS to shore up his own power base against any members of the previous regime who may attempt to challenge him based on loyalty to deposed tyrant King K. Rool (otherwise known as Kaptain K. Rool) or if it is instead a buildup to once again threaten and attempt to bring Donkey Kong Island under its own dominion? |
| I understand the Government's want to normalize relations with Crocodile Isle. There are untapped resources that can be gained from trading with a previously closed-off market. Although, since the official currency of Crocodile Isle, the Krem Coin, is a closed currency with no value outside of Crocodile Isle that will negate some of the economic possibilities. I also understand the humanitarian concerns, since even before the destruction of Crocodile Isle, the Kremlings were already beset with poor living conditions under the thumb of the mad despot King K. Rool. So I can't imagine things have gotten better since the rebuilding of Crocodile Isle, something which, I might point out, was only necessary because of the actions of the Kremling Krew in kidnapping Donkey Kong. I understand the idea of providing aid to attempt to improve the lives of the inhabitants of Crocodile Isle with the hope that, under its new leadership, Crocodile Isle will be a better neighbor. But the fact is at this point it's too early to tell what kind of ruler KAOS will be. Whether he'll take steps to make friendly relations with his neighbors or whether he will continue the tyrannical policies of King K. Rool remains unknown. Because of this, I find the idea that the Mushroom Kingdom should seek to normalize relations with Crocodile Isle to be hopelessly naive and absolutely not the right decision with the limited information we have. |
Star Ratings
Written by: BigBoom1946
Hello, I am BigBoom and this is Star Ratings, the article where I talk about the vast cosmos known as space and review it. Today, we are researching the orbital city Space Land.
History
This settlement was founded in 20XX to celebrate the new century and it was a collaboration between the Mushroom Kingdom and the Koopa Kingdom. It was built to build an alliance between the 2 kingdoms, but it fell through after Bowser's addition of a giant satellite with a death ray supposedly for peacekeeping reasons. The Space Patrol was created to protect Space Land and other space stations from attackers such as the intergalactic warlord Tatanga. In recent years, Space Land has been menaced by an alien criminal known as Black Hole Bowser, who is currently the Space Patrol's most wanted.
Security
Space Land is what the Space Patrol were originally created to protect, and as such they patrol the area constantly, looking for criminals. The branch is run by Captain Sniffle and his partner Major Thwompington. The captain and major spend most of their time cruising around Space Land, looking for crime and pancakes, often at the same time. Most members of the Space Patrol are Snifits, leading to the residents of the area often referring to them as the Snifit Patrol instead.
What it's like
Space Land is a comparatively small station when you look at other colonies such as the Lunar Colony or the Warped Orbit, but it still has quite a bit to do, such as strength testers and rocket garages. Nearby is the Bowser Coin Beam, a massive spaceship that when used deploys a powerful energy field capable of bringing down a Dreadnought. The police are helpful though a bit greedy.
Closing Thoughts
Space Land is a fine place to visit if you are dropping by earth or leaving it.
That will be all for now, so until next time continue grooving!
Written by: Legend 8
The Sorcery Show
Episode 24: The Pole is the Goal, Part 1
It is a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and quite some time has passed since Pyrokles, the antilogician Magikoopa, and his companions Kroop and the Explainer retrieved their castle from space. Now, the castle's twisted stone towers menacingly jut out from the landscape once more - slightly shattered from the landing and held together only by pure antilogical power, but hey, it's back! And in that exact castle, our aforementioned heroes are currently sitting at their breakfast table, enjoying a cup of tea.
Pyro: Hmmm, delicious!
Kroop: I really don't get what's so special about hot water infused with herbs...
Pyro: Oh stop it, you're just angry that you cannot drink anything. Also as a matter of fact, that's not a herbal blend here, this is-
He is interrupted by a spectral voice, coming from a floating, glitched silhouette "sitting" at the table and holding a teacup too: the Explainer.
OH let me explain please! I can tell you all about what dimension this is from and how-
Kroop: Iiiiiii don't even want to know anymore... Help.
Pyro: By the way, why are we arguing about tea? Isn't something interesting supposed to happen every episode?
Kroop: Huh? Supposed? Episode?
The way you say it kinda makes it sound like a threat, Pyro...
Kroop: I don't know what all this is about but the Explainer is absolutely right.
Pyro: Maaan, you're no fun. Do you really wanna keep sitting around squabbling about tea?
Kroop is about to say something as all of a sudden, a delivery Paratroopa bursts in through a broken window, puts a letter on the table, and flies away again.
Pyro: Oh! Yesss!! Finally something interesting.
Kroop: The letter says "Castle Taxes"...
Pyro: Yeah, doesn't that sound int-? Oh no wait it actually doesn't. Damn.
But wait. Didn't we always have to do the castle tax stuff earlier in the year? You remember?
Kroop: Yeah, you're right, we should have already gotten that letter months ago... I'm officially confused now.
Pyro: Well that was probably cause we blasted the castle into the sky and it was gone for a while and now it's back?
Kroop: Cause YOU blasted the castle into the sky. We had nothing to do with it.
Pyro: Fine, you know-it-all. Anyways...
Suddenly, the doorbell rings.
I'm going!
Pyro: I think we should all go! What if it's... an ADVENTURE!
Kroop: I'm so not in the mood for an "adventure".
Pyro: Well you're coming anyways!
Pyro telekinetically grabs the protesting Kroop, and they descend the staircase and open the castle gates. As they swing open, a moustachioed Toad in a fancy suit steps in.
???: Oh man, you're gonna have to pay a TON of taxes for this castle... And that architecture could almost be called a safety haz- !
Pyro: Finish your sentence?
???: Oh my god. It's YOU.
Pyro: Huh. Where I come from, we say "good morning", but I suppose that's also fine. You wanna cup of tea?
???: Ohh my goood THANK YOU!!! I don't know if you remember, but you made my life so much better! I used to be a farmer! Chicken teeth, remember??
Kroop: Wait. I DO remember, yeah... And, uh, you're welcome?
Pyro: Exactly, you're welcome! For... uhhh... whatever we did to change your life forever?
???: Well, remember that chicken? A few days after you came by and made me aware of it, I was asked by a genetics lab whether they could have the chicken to revive some dinosaurs, in exchange for a nice amount of money. So I said yes obviously and...
They guide him upstairs as he continues to tell his story.
???: And so, I ended up with my current tax guy job! I really owe you something.
Kroop: Well I still don't understand how you got from getting some money to being a tax guy but-
Do you want me to explain? I can explain!
Pyro: By the way... were those dinosaur lab guys stupid or something?? Most dinosaur species discovered in the Mushroom Kingdom are still alive!
???: Yeah... But I don't really care, I'm happy now! Name's Mushbert, by the way. I don't think we ever exchanged names, did we?
Not as far as I know. Let me introduce ourselves! This is Pyrokles, you can call him Pyro. This is Kroop, and I am the Explainer. Pleasure to meet you again!
Kroop: Wait, Mushbert. You didn't come here for a reunion though, you came for the taxes, right?
Mushbert: Yeah, technically that's true... But I kinda don't want to bore you to death and take your money like I usually do!
Pyro: Then why don't you just NOT do it?
Mushbert: Well I'm afraid it's my job. Anyone in possession of a castle, fortress or similar structure must pay these additional castle taxes...
Pyro: Well uh I'm sorry, but... We don't have any money! It's not like we needed any, though.
But aren't there any exceptions to the rule?
Mushbert: Well... yeah, if the building counts as a public exercise level approved by the Jumping Runners Guild. But that's pretty much only the case if you're the owner of some old mansion you turned into a spooky ghost attraction or something. While this here may be a ruin... well, you simply live here, and it's not a level. But you know what, since I owe you a-
Kroop: So you're saying we don't have to pay taxes if we let people kill themselves in here?
Mushbert: Uh, no. Of course safety standards such as respawn points are required. Also, a level without collectibles or enemies doesn't count, it has to offer an entertainment value. But you know what, since I owe you a-
Pyro: Uhh, I think you might wanna take a look around. Ensuring safety only takes a finger snap, easy peasy, and I should have the rest lying around somewhere!
Mushbert: What??
Kroop: Yeah, Pyro's kinda strange.
Pyro: Hey! No I'm not!
Mushbert: Ah. Well, but you know what, since I owe you a favour I guess I could just help you make a Guild approved level in here to evade the taxes!
Oh, that's very nice of you. So, what are the guidelines we need to follow?
Mushbert: I was just about to tell you! But maybe we should wait until those two stop arguing and are ready to listen.
Pyro: Who's arguing? I'm not arguing!
Kroop: Yes you are!
After a short explanation, they take a walk through Pyro's castle, Mushbert taking notes while they discuss what to do. And apparently, Pyro is very enthusiastic about it... As they return to Pyro's office, Mushbert gives a "quick" overview of his notes.
Mushbert: So, am I getting that right? You want the level to be activated only on weekends so you get some peace and quiet, and the rooms you frequently use are off-limits.
Kroop: Yes, please. At least one reasonable decision!
Mushbert: Okay, and you want the level to start at your gate, which, uh, wait a sec... no, it actually is also the only checkpoint in the entire castle. That's pretty mean... Anyways, as soon as visitors enter, they will be attacked by animated statues, finding a key fragment in one of them, and then they have to proceed up the staircase and search for fragments all throughout the castle. Where were they hidden again? - Ah, here. One is stuck in the chandelier. How are they supposed to-? Well, doesn't matter. The others are... one's in your monster lab guarded by some chimera monster, one's in the haunted library, and... oh, I love this idea! A room full of portals but they lead to each other, except for one, which leads to the key fragment. That actually doesn't sound too bad.
Kroop: Did you ever ask him how big that room is? I'm sure he'll fit a LOT of portals in there.
Mushbert: Oh. Yeah. Huh. Anyways, then there's a few more fragments hidden in strange and deadly places, blah blah blah, and then when people have collected them all they get a key to unlock a wall on the bottom floor, revealing a staircase that leads downwards. Everything correct so far?
Pyro: Yup, perfect!
Mushbert: Great! Sorry, I might be missing something, cause it's a LOT. So, down there, there's the dungeon part, which is basically a labyrinth with traps and riddles and monsters, an anti-gravity section, and... something about forks, I didn't really get it but we can discuss it later. So, and in the middle of the maze, your dragon - wait you have a dragon?? Uh, your dragon will sit there guarding the first star, which people will have to-
Pyro: A regular star? How booooring! No, in my level, there will be... Anti-Stars! Much cooler and also more fitting.
Mushbert: Okay, fine. As soon as the, uh, Anti-Star is stolen from the hoard, lava will begin flooding the maze while the people also have to escape the dragon they just angered. Uh, Pyro... is the rising lava really necessary?
Pyro: Yes! No but's!
Mushbert: Fine. So, after being chased by lava and a dragon, they will resurface to find themselves in another maze in your "garden", which they then have to escape as well. Hm, doesn't seem to have too many obstacles though... A few spike traps and some Piranha Plants, right?
Pyro: Exactly! Customly bred by myself! They can spit tractor beams to catch you and SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!!!
Mushbert: Oh. That's TERRIFYING. Well, it definitely makes that section more exciting...
Pyro: Ha Kroop! That's exactly what I said! And you just wanted some boring jumping and running and a few Goombas to get this over with as quick as possible. You're simply not creative enough!
Kroop: But you're TOO creative! It's starting to get kind of disturbing!
I agree there... Aren't we doing this only for the tax removal after all?
Pyro: Shhh, be quiet you two! Mushbert isn't done yet!
Mushbert: Yeah, I fear I'm not. So, after exiting the garden labyrinth, visitors will have to obtain the second, uh, Anti-Star, by destroying a dimensional rift in the old amphitheater that is continuously spitting out waves of monsters.
Kroop: That really doesn't sound like a good idea.
Mushbert: I KNOW, but have you ever tried talking to Pyro? I know he made my life so much better but right now, it's like trying to persuade a wall! But not just any wall, but one that wants chaos and the destruction of all things, but is still a wall that can't be persuaded!
Pyro: Thanks for the compliment! Now would you please carry on reading my evil plans?
Mushbert sighs audibly and continues reading his notes, while Kroop simply groans and leaves the room, muttering something about Pyro being an idiot again as he somehow manages to slam the door shut despite his lack of hands.
Mushbert: Then, apparently the dragon will discover the visitors out in the open and try to eat them for stealing its treasure. They have to dodge the attacks and cling onto its tail to reach the castle roof - what the hell?! - where they will be flung into the spooky attic through a hole. There, they must escape ghosts and giant spiders, but primarily the many traps around there, and it's also very very dark. When they exit onto the roof, they will be again chased by the dragon with fireballs-
Pyro: Now comes the best part! It's going to be so funnnnn to watch!!
Mushbert: -and if that wasn't already dangerous enough, to obtain the last sta- uh, Anti-Star, they have to parkour up the floating stairs around the castle's highest tower while still dodging the fireballs AND flying sentient brick enemies that try to slap them off! Seriously, what were you thinking here?
Pyro: Carry on! The boss battle's coming closer!
Mushbert: Ugh. Okay. So, upon reaching the top, they will find a power-up in an item box, a, uh, lava pineapple that makes you immune to fire. Never seen one of those before. Anyways, the people can then use this power-up to jump from fireball to fireball to reach the dragon perched on a nearby tower. They must then try to make the dragon activate the full circle of arcane runes around the tower using its fire breath, without getting themselves incinerated. That's one's actually pretty cool too!
Pyro: I know! It's a Pyro branded idea, they're all awesome!
Mushbert: Yeaaaaahhh... Okay, then, activating the circle grants the third Anti-Star, and upon collecting it, people gain a short duration of invincibility that they can use to try to persuade the dragon to not kill them. If they succeed, they will be able to mount the dragon and fly to the roof of the largest tower, where the goal pole is being protected by a spectral Avatar of Pyrokles that shoots spells and summons minions and serves as the boss of th-
Pyro: AND THEN THEY WILL HAVE AN EPIC BATTLE IN THE SKY! MWAHAHAHAAAAA!!
Mushbert: Technically, yes... And then, the level is FINALLY over.
Uh, so... is this even going to get approved by the guild? It seems pretty over-the-top.
Mushbert: Well, I don't see any direct rule breaks here... But if they allow THIS, no offense Pyro, they would be insane.
Pyro: Which is also not a bad thing!
Kroop, who was apparently listening, comes back into the room.
Kroop: Yes it is! Now look what you've done, he was so nice in the beginning and now he's simply traumatized!
Mushbert: Thanks for worrying about me, but I'm afraid your arguing isn't really helping either...
Pyro: Ha! I told you!
Kroop: What?!!
A discussion between the two ensues that has been left out for the sake of readability, instead putting the focus on Mushbert and the Explainer.
Oh man, this is going to take quite some time to get sorted out... the taxes are due to when?
Mushbert: I think with Pyro's... powers, you'll have the renovation done in no time. But you should have it ready before the next time the guild examines the new level applicants.
Okay. Will you come to watch the examination?
Mushbert: Uhm, no. Er, because, uh... You know, business stuff!
Ah yes. Business stuff.
Mushbert: Exactly.
Well, to be fair I really can't blame you...
To be continued...
The Ghostly Dossier
Hello everyone! My name is Goldoo and I’m back after being missing last month! I’ve changed my issue schedule to be bimonthly so I have more time. But with that out of the way… last month I talked about Boos, this month I’m talking about the… Me? Oh! That says Gold Boo, my bad! Anyway…
The Catch
Now, this special specter lies outside of Evershade Valley, and in fact lives in the Mushroom Kingdom! So I thought to myself… since it’s my birthday this month, why not take a birthday vacation to the Mushroom Kingdom? So I packed my bags and told E. Gadd I was off to find the Gold Boo! His response was “okay.”
I took the pipe system to get there, which was very confusing but after 10 hours I finally got there! After grabbing a hotel room, I geared up and headed for the haunted mansion! After walking around a bit, and finding nothing but regular Boos, I tripped and fell on a golden ring! And suddenly, a ton of Gold Boos were surrounding me! I managed to catch a few, but was then chased out by a Boohemoth!
The Analysis
Spectral Mass: 6W
Gold Boos are interesting ghosts to say the least! They only appear when a bright golden ring is touched, and then only appear until a set timer has run out. However! When captured and brought to a different location other than the Mushroom Kingdom, they stay in this golden form.
In behavior and physical traits however, they are very different from normal Boos. They seem a lot less aggressive, and run away from intruders rather than attacking them, and even show signs of being quite friendly and kind to species other than their own.
They seem to be less intelligent than normal Boos, and seem more like wild animals rather than the more sentient Boos that live in Evershade Valley. They also seem to be a lot more dense, due to the added gold to their bodies, which contributes to them being a few Watts higher in Spectral Mass. due to this extra mass, Gold Boos are unable to phase through walls, and are a lot more solid, yet still very squishy! So they can fit through tight spaces easily.
In fact, these Boos were so friendly, I ended up feeling really bad for capturing them, so I decided to bring them home. But one of them seemed that it didn’t want to leave! So I guess I have a pet now? I should probably look into what Boos eat… Scaredy Rats perhaps?
The End
Well that concludes this month’s analysis! And, let me know if you have a good name for my new pet! I’m thinking Goldy.
Digital News
Digital News - a digital version of Shell Newspaper covering all the major stories in File City and beyond!
City Expansion Prompts Calls For More Toilets
The results of the yearly File City satisfaction poll commissioned by Shell Newspaper are in. This yearly poll is given to all permanent residents of, as well as frequent visitors to, File City. The survey rates just how happy the residents are with the state of File City and attempts to identify what they feel could be improved. The results show that residents are by and large quite happy with the state of affairs in File City. Described as "vibrant" and "prosperous", File City has expanded immensely since the time of the Calamity which left it sitting at just a few Fresh and In-Training Digimon under the guidance of Jijimon. The city now boasts a prosperity level of 100, sporting such amenities as a high-class restaurant with a variety of menus from the best chefs on File Island, an all-inclusive gym to train at (complete with legendary Beetle Island Bug Cup competitors Kabuterimon and Kuwagamon giving out tips for maximizing pump), and even a curling game for entertainment purposes! All in all, the city scored very highly in satisfaction among the city's residents, but one thing that didn't score highly is the current Toilet situation!
Currently in File City only one permanent Toilet exists, with said Toilet situated between the Gym and Item Bank. Because of this, residents who wish to relieve themselves are forced to either wait in long lines for the chance to do so in town, to purchase a Portable Toilet from the Item Shop, or to travel to the Native Forest to use the Toilet there. According to our poll, residents are deeply unhappy with the situation, citing the aforementioned long lines and the added expense of needing to stock up on what they feel are unnecessary purchases of Portable Toilets.
Residents also noted that clogs in the main Toilet are quite frequent because of the large amount of use. There are also complaints that some Digimon are choosing to instead simply relieve themselves on the ground rather than go through the hassle of waiting for the toilet to open up, although the responses are clear that the residents of File City are by and large blaming the individual Digimon for pooping in the streets.
A number of residents have expressed anger that the situation has gotten to the point where File City Digimon feel the need to act like Wild Digimon as opposed to Civilized Digimon. We do want to note that, while the vast majority of responders cited dissatisfaction with the current Toilet situation, a small minority of residents are extremely pleased with the situation! These residents note that they love the fact that Digimon feel free to litter the streets and the bushes. One responder even said that he would be much happier if the town removed the Toilet in general, adding that doing so would not only please him but would dramatically increase the number of visitors from or even people moving into the city from the "Dust Kingdom" (more commonly known as Trash Mountain). Still, it's clear that, outside of a small number of residents, the vast majority of residents feel that their lives would be improved if another Toilet or maybe even several Toilets were installed in File City.
Written by: Wallace Ulysses
“Here I go, out to sea again… The Sunshine Travel Guide resting in my hands… Goonies in the sky, and my blue eyes… You know, it feels unfair… There’s magic everywhere… Look at me standing here on my own again… Looking at The Sunshine Travel Guide… No need to run or hide… It’s a WAH-nderful, WAH-nderful life… No need to laugh or cry… It’s a WAH-nderful, WAH-nderful life…”
WAH?! Oh, pardon me, fellow Waluigi Fan Club members! This is your President, Wallace Ulysses speaking to you through the Fake News pages of The ‘Shroom once again! I was just lost in my musings, since it occurred to me that this is already the penultimate month of the unofficial Year of Waluigi, in which we celebrate our favorite thinly-build miscreant in purple’s twenty-fifth anniversary in honor of his first appearance in Mario Tennis on the Nintendo 64! And the thought of it already being the penultimate month of the Year of Waluigi made me, Wallace Ulysses, a tad melancholic! But not to worry, for I have been scanning through the New Wikisburg TV guides since the last time we met, and I managed to put together a WAH-nderful selection of Waluigi-themed televised adventures for you to get through the chilly November month! So let’s take a look at it, shall we?!
Over the Garden WAH-ll
MKBC Kids, 10 AM
Genre: Educational children’s series
In an attempt to appeal to a wider audience, our favorite purple troublemaker has taken to hosting his own educational children’s series, in which he teaches all the elementary school-going residents of the Mushroom Kingdom about plants and everything related to them! Filmed right from the garden of his best friend Wario’s Castle, it’s an informative and enjoyable experience for you to sit through with your kids!
Strictly Come WAH-ltzing
MKBC1, 8:30 PM
Genre: Reality dancing competition
For those of you in the Real World who have heard of Dancing With The Stars and its British sister series Strictly Come Dancing, this Mushroom World take on the genre should be right up your alley! Hosted by Waluigi himself, the series sees various celebrities from all over the Mushroom World teaming up with a professional dancer to perform all sorts of dancing routines with all sorts of WAH-cky themes applied to them! Under the critical WAH-tchful eye of a four-piece jury expertised in the art of dancing, each week sees our star-studded dancing pairs fighting to avoid being eliminated from the competition until the finale, where the last three pairs duke it out to be the winner! A real treat to be spending your evenings on the couch with!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
MKBC2, 11 PM
Genre: Action film
From the creators of Die WAH and its sequel, Die WAH 2, comes the third in the film series starring Waluigi as Walt MacPane, the wisecracking policeman who finds himself battling terrorist organizations on a regular basis! In this third entry in the series, Walt MacPane finds himself entangled in a terrorist plot courtesy of Albert Prüter (Played by Mouser Pecorino), who intends on extorting New Donk City of its supply of Gold Bars by threatening to detonate several Bulky Bob-Ombs unless MacPane successfully solves an array of games that Prüter has laid out across New Donk City! Reluctantly partnering with shopkeeper Shrooms Krumple (Played by Thak Arghensen), MacPane takes it upon himself to foil the terrorist plot and save the metropolitan city and its reserve of Gold Bars!
How about that, huh? I might not be as talented with writing TV guides as the legendary Quizmelon, but I still gave it my all! Hopefully this should keep your Waluigi-loving hunger satiated for another month, and I hope to see you all next month for the grand finale of the unofficial Year of Waluigi! Until then, this has been Wallace Ulysses, and you have been Waluigi-nated!
Investigative Research
Another Month... Another Investigation
Headrest: Welcome back once again dear readers!
Inquis: You're tuned into Investigative Research!
Headrest: Well, since this is a newspaper you're not actually really 'tuned' into anything...
Inquis: Shut up, Headrest.
Headrest: If you missed last month's investigation, I suggest you go back and read it! We had a thrill of a time exploring an old haunted mansion!
Inquis: Yeah, you should've seen her face during the investigation. She was terrified, hahaha.
Headrest: ...was I? Hm, oh well! This month we have an exciting investigation for you, my dear readers! Have you ever heard rumours of ancient pyramids in distant desert lands?
Inquis: I heard there was this one pyramid guarded by a dreadful bird and guardians made of stone.
Headrest: Haha, next you're going to tell me stories about mummies! Don't be silly, Inquis! We're just here to do some archaeology investigating today!
Inquis: Seriously? We literally just encountered an actual haunted mansion and you're doubting me now?
Headrest: Well, ghosts aren't really that rare a sight... but I can't say I've ever seen stone guardians before!
Inquis: You'll see... we always do...
Headrest: Onto the investigation!
A Desert Land?
Headrest taking the helm here! So dear readers, as you may already be aware, desert landscapes are not particularly difficult to come across... it's almost as if it's the second most common biome type on our planet! So how were we going to start with finding the correct ancient pyramid, let alone uncovering its secrets? That's a great question that honestly left me and Inquis bewildered for some time. (Inquis: Yeah, as if I even put any effort into thinking about it.) Eventually I decided the best way for us to start would be to speak to some actual adventurers, and fortunately for us Inquis had one in mind: the famous Koopa archaeologist Kolorado! We left for his home at Koopa Village at once!
Arriving at Koopa Village, we both felt a strange sense of familiarity... as if a previous investigation had taken place here already, which was strange because neither of us had ever been here before! (Inquis: I had some friends who grew up here, I guess.) We found our way to the archaeologists' home and knocked on the door. A female Koopa wearing a bonnet answered the door, introducing herself as Kolorado's wife. We asked if we could see Kolorado, only to be informed that he wasn't home and instead was on yet another expedition with his apprentice. Disappointed, we went to leave, but just before we could turn around, Kolorado's wife invited us inside! She listened to our story carefully and offered to show us some of Kolorado's maps and expedition logs! We accepted her gracious offer, of course, and she showed us a map which seemed to direct to some ruins in the Dry Dry Desert. This wasn't really a surprise to us because those ruins have been a tourist attraction for years now, still it was cool to see though! Something interesting we did note though was in one of Kolorado's logs he mentions searching for a far away place he called... Shifting Sand Land... Yes! We've got a lead! That was all we were able to get out of Kolorado's maps and logs, but as we've had the pleasure of experiencing in the past, sometimes a simple name is more than enough to get the ball rolling!
Whilst we were walking back from Koopa Village, Inquis claimed that the name Shifting Sand Land sounded familiar to him, direct quote from him: 'I swear to the Star Spirits, I've heard of that place before... something to do with fake walls and castles? Meh, probably nothing.' I trust Inquis, so I'll be taking his word for it, and it just so happened that we were in the vicinity of one very big castle at the moment! Princess Peach's Castle! Now of course there was no way we were just going to be able to waltz right into that castle and begin investigating, but we could ask around town to see if anybody else had heard anything about this land, so that's what we did! We checked in with a whole bunch of different people, and most of them seemed to just kind of laugh after hearing our questions and walk away, but of course, eventually we got a good conversation going, and with a Guard Toad too! How splendid! Here, as usual I will write down a transcript of our conversation:
Headrest: sigh Inquis, this is hopeless... nobody wants to tell us anything, if they even know anything in the first place that is...
Inquis: Woah, you aren't actually thinking of giving up are you? We are BETTER than that. We're just speaking to the wrong people, watch this... hey guard dude!
Guard Toad: BACK AWAY! THE CASTLE INTERIOR IS STRICTLY OFF-LIMITS!
Inquis: Hey wait a sec, chill out! We just wanna ask you some questions.
Guard Toad: What type of questions?
Inquis: Well y'see we're actually looking for some information, specifically about the castle.
Guard Toad: Hm.. well I suppose that's fairly harmless... looks at Headrest and I guess she looks trustworthy... not so sure about you though...
Inquis: Hey! I-
Headrest: You'll answer our questions? Oh, how splendid! Thank you so much!
Guard Toad: chuckle Don't mention it, now what's your first question?
Inquis: Are there any... connections from inside the castle to other places? Any warp pipes of any kind or something? Specifically in the basement.
Guard Toad: ...? That's... suspiciously specific.
Headrest: What he means is, are there any warps that lead from the castle to elsewhere in the world?
Guard Toad: Oh, plenty! A large amount of gallery rooms within the castle feature large paintings which serve as portals to different locations. They're one-way trips unless you have a Power Star though.
Inquis: And are any of these "gallery rooms" in the basement?
Guard Toad: I think we used to keep one painting down there. It was for a lava land I think, but it would get so wet and damp down there and all kinds of different rabbits kept breaking in, so we moved it into storage. I did hear some rumours though.
Headrest: Rumours? About what?
Guard Toad: I heard that there's a desert in the walls!
Headrest and Inquis look at each other
Headrest: Okay, thank you ever so sir! That will be all from us!
Guard Toad: Stay out of trouble!
Inside The Walls
I suppose my faith in Inquis' words was well-placed! I'm beginning to get a picture of how we can reach this sand land that seemingly shifts, we need to get inside that castle! But how? It's the most well-guarded location in this entire kingdom! It would take an armada of airships to break in! Unless... of course, it was time for me to shine once more! Much to his dismay, I threw myself onto Inquis' head and instructed him to possess any nearby Toad Guard. Inquis: You sound so evil when you word it like that, is possession moral? After luring a guard out of sight, we took control of them and made our way into the castle. With our disguise, no-one bat an eye and we were able to walk right inside.
Once inside, we made our way down to the basement, and jeez... that Guard Toad we spoke to sure wasn't lying, because the entire floor was soaked! I suppose it makes sense considering the moat surrounding the castle though. There was nobody down here but us, so we ditched the Toad we possessed (don't worry, we left him in a safe spot!) and decided to split up to investigate the walls. It was pretty easy and carefree, we just made our way through the basement pushing against each wall we came across! (Inquis: Speak for yourself! You can float, my shoes were soaked!) I was actually nearing the ends of the walls on my side of the basement, I even began to lose a bit of hope again, when suddenly I heard Inquis shout out! I made my way over to his location as soon as I could but I was too late! He was gone... he must've found the portal! I didn't hesitate, no time to lose! I built up my speed, ran towards the wall and... ow! Uhhh... I guess that wasn't the portal, hehe. (Inquis: Man, why couldn't I have been there to have seen that?!) I recovered from my little daze and slowly opened my eyes, when I opened them I realised the wall I was staring at was wobbling? Okay, I guess I've found the portal for real now, hehe, I decided to approach it slowly this time and as I got close it pulled me right in! I saw a flash of blinding white light and then suddenly I had landed in a desert, and there was Inquis too! I guess he wasn't braced for the landing out of the portal because he was head first in the sand. I pulled him out and began to look around. There were some ruins, a small oasis, what seemed to be some kind of old maze, lots and lots of dangerous quicksand pits, and tornadoes everywhere. Honestly, it felt rather unsafe, but in the centre of the area was none other than a giant pyramid surrounded by 4 old pillars! Without any further delay I grabbed Inquis and entered the pyramid!
Upon entering the pyramid I was caught quite off-guard, it was tall! Like a lot taller than it seemed from the outside, and it was extremely hazardous too, which wasn't a big deal for me as I could simply float around all of the hazards, but as usual, Inquis' legs are a detriment to us again. (Inquis: Yeah, how about you just wait until we need to kick something. What'll you do then?) What interested me the most, however, was what seemed to be an entrance to a chamber located directly opposite the entrance. Me and Inquis just had to find out what was in there, but it was surrounded by quicksand. I tried carrying him over, but he was just too heavy to lift all that way up. It was here that I happened to notice an inscription on the wall which seemed to show a figure climbing the pillars we saw outside, which gave me an idea! I left Inquis behind in a rush and flew to the top of each pillar, and sure enough, there was a button on each one, I pressed each one and it opened up the top of the pyramid! I went back and got Inquis and we went through this new entrance together, it took us to an elevator which brought us right down to the chamber entrance, oh how convenient! (Inquis: When were elevators invented anyway...?)
Me and Inquis walked into the chamber together, and there was a pedestal with what seemed to be some kind of tomb on it. Being here gave me the creeps... I told Inquis that we should probably just leave, but before I had the chance to do anything, he just leapt forward towards the tomb and suddenly the entire ground began to shake!
Headrest: Inquis?! What've you done?!
Inquis: Hey don't blame me for this, you dragged us down here!
Suddenly the surrounding rocks started moving and formed into two hands!
Hands: Intruders... return? Reawaken... ancient... ones? Why you... come?
Headrest: We're so sorry! We didn't mean to disturb you! We'll just be going!
Hands: We... Eyerok! We guardians... of pyramid! We protect... pyramid! You... no... escape!
Inquis: I don't like the look of this, get ready to square off!
Headrest: Are you kidding?! I can't fight!!!
It was at that moment the stone hand guardians charged at us, and we would've been toast if it wasn't for Inquis' quick thinking. He suddenly grabbed me and placed me on top of the hand charging for him once it got close enough, making us possess the hand! This confused the other hand who clearly wasn't familiar with the art of possession.
Eyerok: Where... intruders go? We.. get them? We.. rule pyramid! Now... sleep...
The other hand then went back to how we first found it, leaving us alone. We used this opportunity to do the only reasonable thing we could. We ditched the hand we were possessing and got our behinds out of there! I think we can close this investigation now...
A Rocky Ending
Well, that was certainly an experience I'll never forget! Inquis says he's disappointed that we never got into "hand-to-hand" combat, whatever he means by that... but honestly I'm just glad we got out of there alive! And with that, we have reached the end of this month's investigation. Now we know with absolute certainty that there is an ancient pyramid in a far away desert land, and it's even protected by two giant stone hand guardians! I do wonder if they were protecting some sort of treasure but I don't have the guts to go back and find out, maybe it's best we leave that to more experienced adventurers! Thank you all for reading, my dearest readers, and see you next month! (Inquis: Now, how are we gonna pay this trespassing fine?)
Fungal Forager's Field Guide
Written by: Patisserie Shoey (talk) and W.P. Hoodington (talk)
The following modified transcript is provided to The 'Shroom by MKBC. In this month's episode, the Fungal Forager's Field Guide's crew head deep within the Forest Maze to hunt for truffles.
Species: Amanita
Documented Range: Endemic to the Forest Maze
Family: Afflictive Amanitaceae
Naturalist's Note: The light-detecting eyespots on the Amanita's stalk are typically cut away by vendors, leading many to believe the Amanita to be eyeless.
The Amanita, as many culinary enthusiasts throughout the Mushroom Kingdom undoubtedly know, is a relative of the common restorative Mushroom with a peculiar shape and a unique defensive strategy. Growing considerably larger than their better-known and widely-consumed relative, Amanitas are restricted in their habitat to the Forest Maze. Requiring a great abundance of moisture and cool, consistent temperatures, they thrive in the shade provided by the Forest Maze's dense canopy and its many underground caverns (where you may even notice the bioluminescence of the Amanita). The shade and leaf litter on the forest floor aid the soil in retaining moisture, with the decaying leaf litter also providing a practically endless source of nutrients. Even during autumn's thinning of the canopy and winter's cold, pockets of Amanitas thrive underground, feeding upon the leaves which have fallen through the hollowed stumps that provide access to these cavernous spaces. Sustained by a complex ecological web and unique factors such as the calcium deposited by Octolots and Guerilla contributing to the breakdown of plant material by trampling upon it, the Forest Maze provides an ideal habitat for fungi, facilitating the growth of the human-sized Amanita.
The size of these fungi, however, may be their least remarkable quality. Unlike their relatives, Amanitas are motile. Rather than remaining rooted - and, I will remind you I use the term figuratively - Amanitas will cleave themselves from their expansive underground mycelial networks and wander about. While at first it was suggested that this behavior might be part of a food-seeking strategy which allowed Amanitas to seek out the densest piles of leaf litter, a body of evidence gathered in recent years supports an alternative explanation. The movement of Amanitas is primarily a defensive strategy, allowing them to relocate away from potential sources of danger. In general, Amanitas only begin to wander after they are disturbed or threatened, be it by an angered Wiggler charging through or by an inexperienced truffle hunter unable to muster the stealth needed to approach and trap the Amanita without provoking it. Understanding the relocation of Amanitas as primarily a defensive strategy also sheds like on their propensity for spinning as they move. Amanita are well-known for spinning as they move, with their hand-like protrusions aiding them in maintaining their balance. Whimsical and delightful as their spinning is to observers, it also serves a very practical purpose for the Amanita, with the rotation allowing them to cast their Sporocyst more widely.
The signature attribute of the Amanita, even those with little interest in mycology or the culinary arts are likely familiar with the Sporocyst technique as a result of its featuring in popular culture. Sensationalized videos and a bevy of horror movies have convinced many that the specialized afflictive spores of the Amanita will reduce any they touch to some sort of "zombie"-esque or mind-controlled state. Other frightening tales hold that once affected by Amanita spores, the victim of the Sporocyst technique is infected for life, and may start sprouting fruiting bodies at any time. These sensational myths are simply that - myths. There is no truth to them whatsoever. The specialized spores of the Amanita will turn any who come in contact with them into a mushroom, this is true, but the transformation is temporary and there have been zero documented cases of lingering effects. Do not misunderstand; transformation into a mushroom can be dangerous. Many inexperienced foragers have found themselves trampled by a Wiggler or hurled by a Guerilla in their transformed states, and even in the rare case of an aggressive Amanita attacking a transformed victim, foragers have left the Forest Maze with significant injury. Should you venture into the Forest Maze, do heed the warnings of Rose Town officials, and consider investing in protective equipment such as a Trueform Pin or a Feeling Fine Badge.
You needn't necessarily panic if you do encounter an Amanita and accidentally disturb it, however. While it is very likely you will transform into a mushroom unless you have appropriate protective gear, it is rare for the Amanita itself to turn aggressive. Sporocyst is a component in a primarily defensive strategy, after all. In the vast majority of cases, the Amanita will spin away, find a location it considers safer, and unwrap the corded hyphae contained within its gut-like stem to send them into the ground as the beginnings of a new mycelial network. The transformation prevents an attacker from pursuing the Amanita while it flees, allowing the slow-moving, spinning fungus to safely relocate. The majority of cases of Amanitas turning aggressive happened in the caverns of the Forest Maze, where the Amanitas did not have anywhere to which they could relocate. Unless you are venturing underground in search of truffles, you will likely return to your normal form uninjured. The transformation into a mushroom lasts only approximately fifteen minutes to an hour, depending on how large a dose of spores you inhaled. As alarming as this forced transformation may be, some have even reported it to feel rejuvenating, so, again, if you startle an Amanita and breath in its Sporocyst, don't panic. Keep a calm mind and quickly move near the underbrush where you will be out of the way of passing Wigglers.
Much remains unanswered when it comes to the mechanism by which the Amanita's spores transform other creatures. Undoubtedly, mycologists and truffle hunters alike will continue to pour into the Forest Maze year after year. Whether consuming them or observing them in their natural habitat, may the kingdom's resident foragers continue to safely appreciate these remarkable fungi!
Delicacy Status: Rare impersonator mushroom
Weight: 2-5 pounds
Flavor Profile: Chewy earth
Chef's Tip: Sun-dried Amanita caps can be turned into festive artisanal headwear!
Strangely, despite their status as a high-class delicacy that every fancy boy chef professes to love to cook with (not least of which because including Amanita in your dish gives you carte blanche to jack up the price of said dish), I find the vast majority of the Amanita to be wholly unpalatable. For starters, the body of the Amanita is very different from your average fungus. While most fungi, such as the Mid Mushroom and the Weird Mushroom, contain a normal stem-like body that connects to a large network of underground mycelial threads, the Amanita has a portly plump body, almost like it has a beer belly. Inside that belly is a storage area filled to the brim with a large spiraling network of mycelial cords. Presumably, this is because, unlike a normal mushroom, the Amanita is able to move freely, meaning that it is able to constantly replant itself. I believe it stores excess mycelial cords inside of its gut-like body so that it can plant them again once it has moved to its new location. While this might be a novel survival tactic, for culinary purposes, it makes the body almost inedible because it's almost impossible to remove each cord from the inside and the cords themselves feel like eating a big bite of hair. It's disgusting! The hand-like protrusions are no better. Far from being like a regular hand, the Amanita's "gloves" are instead a strange appendage that helps it move and absorb the nutrients of the ground. Sticky and slimy and impossible to clean, any attempt to cook these just turns into a slimy disgusting film, like if you left a soup out too long. And forget about eating them raw, blech! It's like taking a big bite out of a Yoshi Island Slime, which, take my word for it, is unpleasant!
In my opinion, the only edible portion of the Amanita is its signature mushroom cap. Luckily, just the art of serving the Amanita cap ground up over a dish will be enough to wow any guest with even the concept of high society! But if you're going to prepare Amanita cap, there are two things you must know. First, be prepared to spend a pretty penny for them. It's very rare for most dealers to sell just the cap. Instead they sell the entire body so that they can jack up the per pound price. I personally think it's a racket, but it's what you have to deal with if you're dealing with high-class ingredients such as this. Second, and this is a must, you need to make sure you thoroughly clean off the cap. I don't care if your supplier told you they personally made sure the cap was clean. You don't want to run the risk of them lying to you and them failing to fully remove all the spores. If you do not remove the spores on the cap, there's a good chance you'll be subjected to what's called Sporocyst and you'll be turned into a mushroom like so many truffle hunters and inexperienced chefs have. Now, the good news is that this isn't fatal and will wear off in fifteen minutes to an hour depending on how many spores you or your guest ingested. The bad news is that this will definitely ruin your dinner party and people probably won't come to your next party or let you bring a dish to the next company potluck. Not to mention, if you were holding this dinner to try and impress your boss to secure the big promotion and you turn them into a mushroom, you can kiss that promotion goodbye! So thoroughly soak them in cold water for 30 minutes before straining them, then wipe them down with either a brush or fresh sponge before drying them off. Then soak them again in cold water for another 30 minutes before straining and drying off. That should be enough to get rid of all the spores. As for the flavor of this mushroom, it's a very raw, very earthy flavor. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea.
As for preparing them, you're going to want to keep it simple; don't overcomplicate things. You're paying possibly upwards of hundreds of coins for these, so you're going to want the Amanita to stand out in whatever dish it's in. I'd suggest something like cutting it into fine cubes, then inserting said cubes into a salad to serve as an appetizer, maybe with a nice lemon vinaigrette lightly drizzled on top. Give a little zest to go alongside the earthiness. Or if you want to serve it with your main course, I'd suggest something like cutting them into fourths before dipping each slice in a nice honey glaze to get a little sweetness with the raw flavor. Then cook them in a nice flat iron pan before serving with a nice thick cut of marbled Moo Moo cow. If you're doing a vegetarian dinner, you can cook an Amanita cap just like you would a steak. Again, split them into fourths and prepare them just like you would a steak. Some salt, pepper, butter, maybe a little garlic powder before grilling at 10 minutes a side to give just a little char to each side. Again, the important thing is to let the Amanita do the work. You're paying a lot for this specific ingredient, so it's important to let it be, if not the star, then at least the co-star. If you're planning on doing some crazy hat-on-a-hat combination with various sauces and seasonings, you know, something that's totally going to change the base flavor, then save your money and use a different type of mushroom. It's almost a crime to serve something as difficult to acquire as Amanita cap without letting its natural flavor do the bulk of the work.
Written by: Boo1268
The Tragedy, Poetry, and History of Palette Prime
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. As the spooks and scares of October slowly disperse, another feeling fills the air, the feeling of community and warmness of love and comfort brought about by the falling of leaves as November arrives! Terribly sorry for my evil attitude last month my dear readers, I was not myself for a while, but thankfully thanks to my fellow ‘Shroom members, and of course you, dear readers, we were able to overcome the tragedy that had occurred. Speaking of tragedy, I have one of the more interesting histories to tell to you about this month that lay deep within the stars beyond, as it is filled with many feelings of comedy, tragedy, romance, and even ACTION! So join me as I fall into the unique history surrounding Palette Prime and its many collections of stories. So with that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
| Palette Prime | |
|---|---|
|
Known for its rich culture, pumpkin spice, and comfy atmosphere, Palette Prime is THE ideal place to settle down. It also helps that the poetry here is something to behold. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that Palette Prime's year round fall ISN'T by accident? The work of a mysterious being caused this to occur, allowing for an unlimited month of harvest causing plants to grow faster and trees to sprout quicker! | |
Our story begins as I was talking to Mr. Sparks about what I should look into for the next issue, when suddenly I received a strange letter appearing from a portal by an individual named Mr. M, asking me to venture out into the stars to enjoy a small vacation at a very specific location to which I was allowed to bring a group of friends with me if I so wished. It was at this moment I decided to venture into the stars and cover this location for The 'Shroom. HOWEVER, sometime during the interstellar trip, our ship was SUCKED into a wormhole, spitting us out in an alternate dimension, a dimension similar to our own but with one key difference - that being that it was FILLED to the brim with strange humanoid rabbit creatures of ALL shapes and sizes known only as Rabbids. After finding a place to stop and make repairs, I heard from the locals of a place not too far from here that was an ideal vacation spot, a place known only as Palette Prime. As always, I sensed a deeper history within this location, so after obtaining a small space shuttle, I VENTURED off into space to discover this history surrounding this quaint little autumn planet, and here's what I uncovered.
| Spellbound Woods | |
|---|---|
|
Home of the mystical Dryad, this forest is filled to the brim with luscious and healthy trees of all shapes and sizes. It was said to be the very first thing that had ever appeared on the planet, far before any Rabbids had arrived. |
| Fun Fact!: Each and every one of the Spellbound Woods' trees are filled to the brim with magic! Thus making leaves and wood sought out by both pumpkin spice factory tycoons and mystical scholars alike. | |
Many years ago, after the creation of this alternate universe by a set of strange items, Palette Prime was only in its infancy as a simple hunk of rock floating aimlessly in the vast reaches of the universe, until eventually it was discovered by a mystical being of great power known as the Dryad. She came to make this place her new home, carefully planting each tree seed by seed by her own hand. The forest soon grew into a wondrous and mystical place, filled to the brim with life of all shapes and sizes, thanks in part to her mystical abilities. This also resulted in the planet being permanently placed in an eternal state of autumn. Alongside this, as was tradition, the Dryad had constructed a labyrinth filled to the brim with riddles and traps to ward off any would-be invaders from stealing her most precious treasure of all, that being her collection of seeds to grow new trees with! Many peaceful years would pass with seemingly no incident, trees would grow and die and the peaceful circle of life continued. Eventually, the labyrinth that had once served as a maze to ward off invaders would be buried too, being abandoned for a proper seed strong location that could be closer to home. Suffice to say, things seemed good for a time. That was until a small group of Rabbids traveled the stars beyond in search of a place to call their own, and eventually landed on what would now be known as Palette Prime. At first, the Dryad paid these visitors no mind, seeing as how they didn't seem like a threat to the forest and only took what they needed at first. However, bit by bit, year by year, the small group of traveler Rabbids grew and grew as they began building houses, bridges, schools, coffee shops, bakeries, and SO MUCH MORE! As they began relentlessly chopping down tree after tree to make way for their town, harvesting crop after crop all in an effort to make their pies, cakes, etc., eventually it would come to the point where the Dryad could ignore this threat NO LONGER, and would one day begin her one-way war with the citizens of Palette Prime.
| The Dryad | |
|---|---|
|
A mystical being born from a race of Rabbid/plant hybrids fine-tuned to be able to control nature and its elements. Currently, it is unclear if this power over nature and their origins as a species is naturally occurring or a result of a SupaMerge combination. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that there are dryads that can control different elements and states of nature? Anything from summer to winter, from rain to snow. It's even theorised that some of these beings can control biomes. However, the only documented case of this was artificial and not naturally occurring. | |
As the years would pass and the town of Palletteville would soon come to find its name, a young rabbid by the name of Sweetlopek would find that he very much enjoyed woodcarving, so much so that he would end up taking the profession of lumberjack during his teenage years, chopping wood for the townsfolk left and right. It was also during this time that two very important things would occur, the first being that the citizens of Palletteville, after discovering how to mass produce pumpkin spice flavored things, wished to harness the source that made all of the leaves colorful to make exotically colored pumpkin spices. As such, they dug deep downwards and constructed the well, hoping to unlock its secrets. However, they only found a maze filled to the brim with riddles and traps that quickly deterred them. Eventually, the well would be abandoned, and is now known only as the Abandoned Well. The second thing that would occur would be that a young rabbid named Tobias Stephen Woodrow (or Woodrow for short) would come to find his passion for poetry at a very young age, reciting his VERY first poem in the Spellbound Woods near his home. His poem was called “The headless herald of cranes misery”. However, this would seemingly be the beginning of his curse, as the poem seemingly caused ALL the leaves in the forest to fall without warning, causing a whole lot of commotion. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be the end of it. Feeling as if the event was only a coincidence, Woodrow then tried to recite another poem he had made titled “The strange and conflicting feelings of the crafters' cheesemonger”. However, this time after reading it, an alien spacecraft CRASHED on the planet's surface in said woods. This would be a precursor to an eventual invasion that would occur three months later, resulting in the citizens of Paletteville pleading for their lives to be spared from the alien menace, eventually resulting in a trade deal involving pumpkin spice in exchange for their freedom.
| T.S. Woodrow | |
|---|---|
|
This saddened poet is a Rabbid forged through pain, tragedy, and a mysterious curse into the Rabbid he is today. No one knows the origin of his curse or how to undo it. Thankfully, causing bad luck and bad things to happen each time you recite a poem makes you perfect at warding off invaders. This, alongside his love for his home, made Woodrow the planet's warden. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know Woodrow is known as one of the most famous tragedy/horror writers of all time? Writing such famous novels like; The Flyder, The Hollow Mask, Nevermort, Frankenbird, The Brighting, To Kill a Jibberjay, The White Phone, and The Terror of Count Koopula. | |
During the months leading up to the invasion, someone had set their eyes upon the paradise sculpted by the Dryad, and soon moved in to harvest the rich wood for themselves. That individual was Sweetlopek. Eventually however, he had found himself in MULTIPLE strange mishaps. Once he was busy chopping wood in the forest, when suddenly he was SWARMED by a group of angry Bzzaps! that seemingly came out of nowhere. Then a few days later, he recalled being attacked by a pair of Treevils. Then a few more days later, getting food poisoning after eating some wild berries for lunch that he thought were blueberries. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times, this isn't a coincidence anymore. These are the exact thoughts that ran through Sweetlopek's mind as he recalled his misfortunes the past few weeks coming up into the invasion. Someone was messing with him, and he was going to figure out who and why. Meanwhile, sometime after the invasion, Woodrow wrote and read his next poem titled “The Rapture of Rosemarys". Unfortunately, despite his writing skills improving, his situation did not, as after he read his next poem, a communications satellite had CRASHED into the LX-5, a top of the line luxury space cruiser, which dropped all sorts of items onto the planet's surface in an endless stream of panic and destruction, crushing Rabbids left and right with crystal hot tubs, gold badminton cabinets, gemstone mirrors, and even the communications satellite. This also resulted in Woodrow gaining a nasty bump on his head, just to add salt into the already infected wound. Woodrow, feeling ashamed by this, decided to cover up his injury with a very snazzy hat, if I do say so myself.
| Sweetlopek | |
|---|---|
|
He may seem hard as wood on the surface, but underneath he's as sweet as syrup and an impressive woodcarver to boot. He and his buddy Woody are always willing to take on any challenge thrown at them - that is, if it involves wood. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the beaver that lives on Sweet's head is actually his pet? They both actually have a LOT in common, especially when it comes to wood. As such, they became fast friends. | |
As time went on, Woodrow continued to hone his poetry skills as Sweetlopek continued his life of isolation in search of trees and a mystical being known as the Dryad, who was said to have terrorised former lumberjacks into quitting due to “disturbing her forest”. Eventually, he came face to face with the being, and after a heated argument, vowed to NEVER stop chopping down trees for as long as he lived. This angered the Dryad, and as such, she vowed to make his job ten times harder until he quit. And so, the feud that would seemingly last a lifetime was born that day. That NIGHT, however, a much different event would occur. For you see, Woodrow had gained a girlfriend and wished to proclaim his love to her with a very special poem he wrote for her, that being his “Declaration of love written underneath ye old yonder yew-tree”, to which the poem caused the ENTIRETY of the planet's moon to CRASH into Paletteville, essentially destroying the entire town alongside lots of property damage. As if things weren't bad enough, Woodrow's girlfriend also confessed to kissing Biff Tafloma, the captain of the school's soccer team, just to add salt into the infected wound. This would be the LAST STRAW for many of the townsfolk, essentially seeing Woodrow as both a public menace and a threat to their very way of life as they knew it. So in the span of a week, the ENTIRE TOWN gathered together to form a mob to drive Woodrow out of town. After a fair bit of pounding from the town's resident strongman Wolfgang, Woodrow, while not kicked out of the town like originally planned, was FORBIDDEN to write or even read his poems, essentially punishing him for something he wasn't capable of controlling, and forbidding his passion alongside insulting his writing style, stating he used “too many cliched metaphors”, which was just adding lemon juice to the wound at that point. Woodrow needed a miracle to show everyone how great he TRULY was and that his poems weren't cursed, rather he was just unlucky 1,142 times, that is. Thankfully, an opportunity would arise where he would gain that chance.
| Paletteville | |
|---|---|
|
This quaint, quiet little country bumpkin town is filled with more action than any city could offer. Between the feud between the lone lumberjack and the Dryad, and the warden's chaos-causing poems, this quiet little town never ceases to rack up property damage bills or stories to tell. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that after the Darkmess invasion some of Bowser's minions permanently made this place their new home, calling it a “comfy place to live away from the dangers of war”? | |
A few weeks later, the now annual Palette Prime Poetry Slam contest was hosted by the residents of the town, in hopes of finding a new poet whose poems didn't cause constant tragedy. However, Woodrow, determined not to give up, truly believed that his poems weren't the problem, just a long string of coincidences mixed with bad luck. So after fashioning himself a pair of stilts, a black robe, and dark rounded shades, Woodrow disguised himself and gave it his ALL with his grandest poem yet, titled “I Am No Herald Of Ill”, a declaration to how he and his poems were not, quote, “tornadoes of doth tragedy sweeping thine waves across the forlorn valley of misery, such bequeathing of said tragedy upon all those who undersook them in their gratuitous hand”. The crowd waited with bated breath as they expected chaos to ensue quickly thereafter… But it seemed as if nothing had occurred! It was true! He and his poems weren't a curse! It was just bad luck all along! Now everyone would see what he would see… That was, unless they didn't happen to notice the intradimensional doomstorm that apparently was rated a 9.5 on the terror scale, which was at the time the HIGHEST EVER DOOMSTORM EVER RECORDED (and continues to be even to this day), was hanging right above their heads. However, the REAL tragedy would strike when the storm would SWOOP up the S.S. Titenic and cause it to CRASH onto the planet's surface, causing mass panic from the ship's crewmates, the townsfolk, and the displacement of many food trays and a single cheese trolley. However, it seemed as if everyone was unharmed from the event… All save for one. For you see, Woodrow, due to his stilts, was unable to move out of the way fast enough, and was CRUSHED underneath the ship's weight. Thankfully, he survived and was able to air himself back up, then soon after he was struck by lightning just to add pepper into the infected lemon-salt wound. And while most instances like this would get Woodrow down, he normally would always get back up. However, this single event changed Woodrow for the worst.
| The S.S Titenic | |
|---|---|
|
A once very famous interstellar steam ship known for its interdimensional cruises, one of which landed the ship permanently in its new home of Palette Prime. However, some of the passengers rumor that the only reason they headed into the storm in the first place was to avoid an interstellar ice chunk that could have sunk the ship. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that despite many interstellar life rafts being deployed after the ship crashed to take the guests home, many Rabbids stayed on the ship? Probably wanted the extended vacation. | |
For you see, even after his most heartfelt poem, Woodrow saw firsthand that his poems caused NOTHING but misery, so rather than stray from the darkness that followed his life, he embraced it, letting tragedy and misery change his very life and seeing the world through blacks and greys. With his outlook on life ruined and his acceptance of his new powers established, Woodrow soon went into a life of solitude, living in his home everyday on the outskirts of town, writing poems he would never be able to read, speaking of solitude.
Things would change for Sweetlopek when one day, a strange purple star-like creature had descended from the heavens, calling themselves Vampastra, seeking shelter from its long trip. Feeling a sense of loneliness, Sweetlopek offered to give the Spark a place to stay while it healed and rested, essentially becoming his new friend. Then one day without warning, Sweetlopek's axe WAS STOLEN while they slept! This was the work of the Dyrad, who in a fiendish plot to hinder Sweet's job, had convinced a Rabbid named Hinky to commit the crime in exchange for unlimited pumpkins to make pumpkin pie with. Honestly, can't say I blame him. From my experience, those pies taste VERY good! *Ahem* However, despite this, things at first seemed to be calm, no chaos, no panic, no destruction, everything seemed to be going fine… That was until a precursor of the Darkmess Disaster had occurred. For you see, a strange and powerful being from beyond the stars had created a goopy mass known only as Darkmess to plague the galaxy, control all life and siphon the life of Sparks. They did this with the help of King Bowser's army, which they were able to control through the Darkmess and its generals. However, King Bowser did NOT like the idea of his minions being taken from him forcefully, seeing as how something similar to this happened before. Bowser DIDN'T want a repeat of this event occurring, so gathering what little army he had left, Bowser made his way after the “Spark Hunters” in an attempt to reclaim his troops. After a few weeks of searching, he eventually entered a scuffle with Bedrock on Palette Prime, which lasted about 14 hours before the events of the Darkmess disaster took place.
Of course, you all know the rest of the story by now, don't you? The heroes save the day, Cursa is defeated, Palette Prime is restored to its glory, and the longstanding feud between Sweetlopek and the Dryad has seemingly blossomed into something more. However, that's not the full end of the story. Sometime later, the citizens of Paletteville had heard about what Woodrow did in being able to bring the Dryad and Sweetlopek together through his poetry. Shocked and amazed at this display, the citizens had apologised to Woodrow for their harsh treatment of him and vowed to be better and more understanding of his curse. However, Woodrow felt the apology unnecessary (although he still appreciated it), as he saw that through his misery, he actually enjoyed writing dark gloomy poems about tragedy and loss, and was even willing to try writing love stories from then on as well, for the darkness brought him light as to what he was missing in his life, what angle didn't work for him and now he could finally see what did. Several months later, Woodrow is now renowned as the most FAMOUS poet in all of Palette Prime AND BEYOND! Finally getting the fame he deserved after so long, for even in the darkest hour of your life, there is still the flickering light of hope. As for Sweetlopek? He too learned a very important lesson that isolation is never the key to success, and that at the end of all things, we yearn for companionship and that it's best to embrace it rather than run from it.
| A Deep Rooted Love | |
|---|---|
|
Sometimes the best of enemies can find that they have more in common than you think, all it takes is a bit of perspective. It's said that Sweetlopek and the Dryad have come to an agreement on tree harvesting, and alongside this have also built a much sturdier nest for the Dryad and her seeds |
| Fun Fact!: Leaving the care of the new seeds to Woodrow, Sweetlopek and the Dryad are said to have gone on an intergalactic vacation for a few months. Recently they sent back a postcard from a strange theatre. | |
So remember dear readers, we all struggle with things we are passionate about from time to time, and as much as we try we will sometimes fail, but that doesn't mean you should give up or seal yourself away because of failure. In life, to see the light to the correct path, we may sometimes need to try a different angle that we hadn't seen before. Sometimes that path is laid in darkness, sometimes that path requires help from others, but as long as we see the light in the tragedy and dark times of our lives, we can find a way forward and ultimately end up where we want to be. So don't lose hope, dear readers. Try something new, even if you fail. Try to make a new friend, even if you fail. But NEVER lose hope that you can do something amazing. And so, with that, our story ends. I really hope you all enjoyed this edition of The Spectral Lens! It took a LOT of work to make this one but I hope you enjoy it! A very special thank you to Sparks and Hooded Pitohui for helping me out with this one, and If you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I'm always willing to change my Palette and try something new! So don't be afraid to give me suggestions. And with that I say: Merci, au revoir and Happy Thanksgiving!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 224 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Awards Director Election • The 'Shroom Spooky Scavenger • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
