The 'Shroom:Issue 224/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! Here's some real news for you, this is the penultimate Fake News of the year! How time flies. Shouldn't I be able to fly too, since time is in my name? Oh well. The year may be coming to a close, but we're not slowing down here!
We have three, that's right, three new sections debuting this month! MightyMario (talk) is reviving the beloved classic TV Tomorrow, and has truly brought us to tomorrow with some new additions for the modern era. BigBoom1946 joins The 'Shroom with Star Ratings, reviewing different locations scattered around the Mario cosmos. Finally, longtime writer Shoey (talk) is adding Digital News to the line-up on a bi-monthly basis, a News Flush-inspired section taking place in the world of, uh, Digimon World. File City Files fans rejoice! Don't miss out on our guest sections either, ClawgripFan9001 has written a News Flush and his own take on TV Tomorrow as well for his unofficial Year of Waluigi.
Next month is our outer space-themed holiday special! I bet you want to get in on the fun, don't you? Everything you need to get started can be found over on the sign up page, or if you'd just like to send in a one-off for the occasion you can contact me privately with your section and I'll help you get everything sorted out. Lots of mysterious things lurk in space, so feel free to take a page out of Shoey's book and expand our horizons past Mario if you'd like! Of course, it doesn't have to be themed if you don't want to, we're happy to hear from you either way.
Section of the Month
TheBlueCatMenace takes another win with The Sunshine Travel Guide, this time checking out The Last Resort from Luigi's Mansion 3 for spooky season! DryBonesBandit (talk) takes second place with coverage of Gamboos in Dry Dry Data, closely followed by a ghostly adventure for Inquis and Headrest in Koopa's (talk) Investigative Research. Thank you to everyone who voted, and please be sure to keep supporting our writers with your votes, Poochy's Picks nominations, or just telling them you liked their work!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 15 | 30.00% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | Dry Dry Data | 7 | 14.00% | DryBonesBandit (talk) |
| 3rd | Investigative Research | 6 | 12.00% | Koopa (talk) |
Written by: Wallace Ulysses
WALUIGI TO BE RUNNING FOR MUSHROOM KINGDOM PARLIAMENT ALONGSIDE NEWLY FORMED PARTY!
Seems the ongoing political crisis within the Mushroom Kingdom Parliament isn’t over just yet, as last month, after many months of calling for him to resign, Prime Minister Bulb-rich Narcissus has finally resigned from his position, thus leading to the second fall of Mushroom Kingdom Parliament in two to three years time. While the Traditional Party and the Doozer Party are debating which of their seasoned politicians to put forward as their next candidate for the premiership, should either party emerge victorious in the next election that is to come, a surprise bid for Parliament came from a very surprising individual alongside a very surprising party.
Waluigi, a rather infamous figure within the confinements of the Mushroom Kingdom, has announced his bid for the Parliamentary Elections, standing candidate for a newly formed Progressive Party. In an interview regarding the announcement of this campaign, Waluigi has expressed his disillusionment with the way both the Traditional Party and Doozer Party have been operating the Mushroom Kingdom under Princess Peach’s rule. Thus, together with a handful of other Mushroom Kingdom operating politicians, he made the decision to form a Progressive Party aiming to fix all the issues within the Traditional and Doozer Parties.
Supporters and opponents of the Traditional and Doozer parties alike have reacted to Waluigi’s campaign announcement with mixed results, with Resident Representative of Shiver City and supporter of the Traditional Party, Bogdan Spheniscidae, telling us the following:
“Waluigi’s bid at running for Parliament is, to put it bluntly, quite controversial. Not only does he have an infamous history of upsetting the Mushroom Kingdom with his twisted ways, but he has little to no prior political experience to prove he has the backbone or capabilities to fill a position as important as Prime Minister of the Mushroom Kingdom. While I will remain cautiously optimistic as we make ourselves up for another electoral race in the winter months, I have very low expectations of Waluigi’s ability to pick up where both the Traditional and Doozer parties have left off alongside the newly formed Progressives.”
Likewise, Resident Representative of Decalburg and supporter of the Doozer Party, Eustace Stickler, has told us the following in response to the emerging of Waluigi and the Progressive Party in the road to the 2026 Parliamentary Elections in the Mushroom Kingdom:
“As random as it may seem, I actually find myself optimistic about the addition of the Progressive Party to the mix of Mushroom Kingdom politics. In a time where the Traditional Party and Doozer Party struggle to cling onto the support of the residents of the Kingdom, the forming of the Progressive Party, with Waluigi as their running candidate for Parliament, might just be the breath of fresh air that the Kingdom’s political compass needs. Sure, the lack of prior experience in politics from Waluigi’s side of things are reasonable voicings of concern, but I still view this as a variable that the pool of political madness that has been washing over the Mushroom Kingdom for the last few years has so desperately been calling for.”
While the three parties that are currently preparing themselves for the constitutional crusade ahead of them, we at The ‘Shroom will keep you updated on the continuously developing story.
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Zdrmonster, Miles Tails Prower, and Cosmic Cowboy
Dear Waluigi Time,
We're running low on Oran Berries, so we went out on a Mystery Dungeon adventure to get some. However, we seemed to have fallen into one of those Monster Houses filled to the brim with Dittos! Dittos know transform, so basically a bunch of copies of me, Charmander, and Chikorita attacked us. What's the best way we can deal with...erm, ourselves?
- Squirtle and the other members of Team Go-Getters
You know the old saying "you are your own worst enemy"? I don't know if it was originally said with shapeshifters in mind, but it seems pretty appropriate. You know your own weaknesses better than I do, after all (it would be kind of creepy if that wasn't the case) so use that to your advantage. And that's not just physical weaknesses either! That one really embarrassing thing you did four years ago that you think about constantly but no one else actually remembers? Well, guess what, that's part of your weaponry now. You may be thinking, "but Waluigi Time, the shapeshifter didn't do that, I did, so what's that supposed to do", but let me tell you, nothing bothers a shapeshifter more than being in an embarrassing shape. Maybe. I'm not a shapeshifter so I don't know for sure, but if I was, I think that sort of thing would bother me.
I guess if I'm wrong then the shapeshifter can just use that to make fun of you instead, so that would kind of backfire... Maybe you're just better off using your knowledge of your own physical weaknesses. Sounds like you three have the type coverage down, at least.
Dear Waluigi Time, can you please write a letter to Sega asking them to make another game starring just myself without Sonic? Last game where I went up against evil by myself was "Tails Adventure" on the Game Gear and that was THIRTY years ago! I feel old! 👴 It also...wasn't received well. I'd like to have a game by myself that actually does good for once. I mean the only other game I starred in by myself, Tails' Skypatrol (which was released in Japan), also got really crappy reviews as well. Ugh.....anyway, please make sure if Sega makes another game where I'm by myself without Sonic that they please do it right, ok?
Sincerely, Miles Tails Prower
If there's one thing I've learned it's that you can't trust the big game companies to make the games you want, unless it's Tomodachi Life on the Nintendo Switch, so I'm going to teach you how to make it yourself! The first step is learning to code, and I don't know how to do that so you'll have to figure that part out yourself. Good luck!
As for the game design part, some people will say that it's important to define a limited scope for your game to prevent it from becoming directionless and bloated. I'm here to tell you those people are boring! If one fun thing is good, five fun things are better, and ten fun things make it one of the best games ever. Just look at all the fun things in other games and then put them in your game! It'll be great! You want turn-based combat, kart racing levels, and a sandbox building mode all in one game? Well it's your game, a game about you, so go nuts. All the features all the time, no one will ever need to play other games again. The marketing campaign builds itself, really. Please note that I'm not a game dev, but this sounds pretty good on paper I think.
Although, aren't you a copyrighted character? You should probably lawyer up preemptively. And maybe don't let yourself get copyrighted again, if it ever comes up.
Dear Waluigi Time,
How do I become happy?
- Spondage Mario
You know the old saying, "you are what you eat"? It's kind of a weird one, but it works here. You just need to eat happier food! What I mean by that is making sure your food smiles at you. This is best done with condiments or toppings. Draw a smiley face in ketchup on your burger, or arrange the pepperoni on your pizza! (I don't know what happens if you don't eat the whole thing.) I hear anything with smiley frosting is especially effective thanks to the pre-existing mood-boosting properties of dessert foods. Not everything you eat has to be smiley for this to be effective, but never eat anything frowny.
Some people may say this advice is total garbage and has no scientific basis whatsoever. But let me ask you this, have you ever been sad while eating a smiley pizza? Didn't think so.
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
Live from New Wikisburg, it's TV Tomorrow, with your host, MightyMario! This revival of TV Tomorrow launches the section into the streaming era, where alongside whatever's on cable, I'll also tell you what's on the multitude of streaming services you're paying through the nose for. Also, stay tuned for our Program of the Month, which highlights what TV Tomorrow thinks is the best show or movie airing this month!
Without further ado, let's see what's on TV!
Cable/Satellite
Show: Bowser Live!
Network: KKBC (also available on the Bowser Live! KoopTube channel) at 11:30 PM MKST
Genre: Late-night talk show/variety show
The Koopa Kingdom's hit late-night show hosted by King Bowser himself returns after a brief hiatus. Tomorrow, Bowser will be talking with guest star Kamek about how great it is to have Bowser as a ruler, with a special musical performance by Ludwig von Koopa and the Koopa Kingdom orchestra and a preview of the upcoming film "Bowser: King of Awesome". It's a night you don't want to miss! Actually, you can't miss it, as not watching is punishable by being imprisoned over the lava moat. Trust me, it is not fun.
Show: Connie the Connector
Network: The Concordia Channel at 9:00 AM MKST
Genre: Educational/Kids
"Connie the Connector" has been a hit with kids since it premiered last year. A light-hearted show for everyone of all ages, Connie teaches viewers how to make connections with new friends and visiting new locations. In tomorrow's episode, Connie travels to the wonderful Merrygo Island, where she gets lost in the island's maze! How will Connie find her way out? By making connections, of course!
Movie: Galactic Journey: Rise of Bowser (2010)
Network: Mushroom Kingdom Sci-Fi at 8:00 PM MKST
Genre: Action/Science Fiction/Fantasy
"Galactic Journey", the space soaring saga of films, airs its most famous entry in a primetime slot. Starring Mario and Bowser as themselves, the two duke it out in a battle for the fate of the universe, alongside featured players Luigi, Rosalina, and Princess Peach. Fans will cheer for iconic sequences and memorable quotes sandwiched between frequent commercial breaks (broadcast rights for this film are not cheap!).
Streaming
Movie: Wario-Man (2025)
Streaming on: Wario Max
Genre: Superhero/Action
The biggest superhero film of 2025 lands on Wario Max this week! Mild-mannered Wario transforms into studly superhero Wario-Man to combat the evil forces of Leo Luster, hip billionaire and smartest Kong in the world. Featuring Mona as reporter Mona Lane and Poochy as Pooch the Superdog. Rated W for Wario and some rude humor.
Sporting Event: Strikers Super Star Cup Championship: Team Daisy vs. Team Mario
Streaming on: MKSPN+
Time: Wednesday at 5:30 PM MKST
The Super Star Cup comes to a close next week as Team Daisy looks to battle Team Mario for the trophy. Getting to the Championship was not an easy feat for Team Daisy, as they put in sweat, tears; and advantageous use of power-ups to knock out the other teams, leaving Team Mario as the only obstacle in their way. The action starts at 5:30 with pre-game interviews beginning at 4:00.
Program of the Month
This month's program is…
Show: Mushroom Kingdom ER
Network: MKBC, Thursdays at 9:00 PM MKST
Genre: Drama
Nominated for several Starries and winning four of them across its continuing six-year run, "Mushroom Kingdom ER" focuses on the hard-working doctors and nurses at the emergency room of Toad Town General Hospital, crafting intense drama and tense situations. Mario and Peach have great chemistry together, even as the Virus Invasion arc has split the two apart.
That will do it for this edition of "TV Tomorrow"! I'm MightyMario and I hope you've found something to watch! Now where'd I put that remote…?
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort: Cheep Cheep Beach on a budget
Howdy, travel guide aficionados. I was recently informed that a brand new beach resort just opened up near Cheep Cheep Beach, called Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort. This resort was created by Jonathan Koopa the Fifth, and as you may know but probably don't, the Jonathan Koopa family is famous for creating some really good vacation destinations. So, without further delay, let's take a gander at this resort, and see if it can live up to the legacy of what came before… (That's oddly dramatic for a travel guide…)
History
Oh my stars! Is it really a history section in The Sunshine Travel Guide!? I thought they were extinct! Yeah, so as I alluded to in the intro, this resort is the latest in a series of resorts made by J. Koopa Amusement Development. This is a family business, recently inherited by Jonathan Koopa the Fifth, that works to build resorts, parks, and other entertaining places.
Jonathan Koopa the First was a pioneer of the amusement park, famous for constructing elaborate obstacle courses. It's rumoured that some of these courses were taken over by Bowser in his early invasions of the Mushroom Kingdom, and weaponised. Jonathan Koopa the Second followed in his father's footsteps, opening the first Koopa Beach, which are famous for constantly hosting events of all kinds. Whether it's beach sports, movie filming or raves, it's there. In fact, a new Koopa Beach was recently opened near the Karting Kontinent!
Jonathan Koopa the Third was part of the group who developed Delfino Island into one of the most desirable holiday destinations on the planet. He was most heavily involved in the construction of the first Pinna Park, though it was unfortunately destroyed in a storm.
Jonathan Koopa the Fourth still lives today, though he is retired. In his time, many major parks were opened, especially in the Sprixie Kingdom. It's possible he was an architect behind the notorious World Bowser, but that's only speculation. Of course, his son, Jonathan Koopa the Fifth, is the one who constructed today's destination. Jonathan Koopa the Fifth has not had a good record so far, and has received much criticism from critics and vacationers alike. He is most infamous for Koopa's Cool Caravan Park, which we will not be speaking of. Still, even with some mistakes, he hasn't given up, and has put his all into this resort. So, let's find out if it's good.
Attractions
Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort has a wide range of activities for you to do during your stay. If you've always dreamed of riding a dolphin, you can now! In fact, the dolphins are employed at the resort and can bring you to different places, so you can get around quickly and in style.
There's also little games you can play to win prizes. I enjoyed melon mash, where you crush a melon with a hammer. That's it. I'm easy to please. Of course, you can do normal beachside activities too. Swimming, but with dolphins! Surfing, but with dolphins! Sunbathing, but with dolphins(?)!
But, where will you stay while you do all these fun things, but with dolphins, you may ask. Well, let me introduce you to the Koopa Kabana. This hotel could be a run-down shack or a glittering five-star hotel when you visit, as it is constantly destroyed by tidal waves. Because of this, it relies on donations to stay running, and be rebuilt. However, for some reason, most visitors don't want to give away their hard-earned money, which is strange. Due to this, the resort has started, well, enforcing donations, if you know what I mean.
Souvenirs
Of course, just like every resort, Koopa's Seaside Soiree Resort has a huge gift shop, filled with all kinds of interesting items. Hmmm. I wonder where it is. Wait… What do you mean there's no gift shop?! I need to meet my souvenir sold by travel guides quota before the end of the month! Okay, don't panic, I'll just find something that seems like a souvenir…
| Banana Peel | ||
|---|---|---|
|
It's an authentic banana peel! Fantastic! Don't you want to purchase it? Please do! A monkey gave it to me! Monkeys are cool! Purchase it! Purchase! PURCHASE! | |
| PRICE: | I don't care, just buy it | |
Conclusion
Well, that was something. You know, that resort wasn't really that great. I mean, the activities are fine, but the hotel is not. And it's honestly a bit boring there. Well, at least the souvenirs are great! Right? Uh, anyhoo, contact me on the forums if you have suggestions or feedback! Unless you know me in real life, then you can just tell me. I'll see you all next month for an extra-special issue, where you might see a familiar face… No, not Bar D. Jokue, shut up! Farewell!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Yar, if it ain’t me band o’ culinary crazed corsairs again! This be yer Cap’n, ClawgripFan9001, ready ta take ye on our final voyage o’er the high seas o’ nourishment in the year 2025! Crazy ta think that our next culinary adventure will be takin’ place next year, don’t ye think? Seems like it were January only yesterday, and now we be enterin’ the final stages o’ the year already…Yar, but I digress! Lemme tell ye all ‘bout this last esculent expedition fer this year that I embarked on!
ClawgripFan9001 arrived at the Hot Fraun in Flopside where he’d agreed to meet with Dyllis for a cooking course that the Flopside-based chef had arranged herself. Seeing as our seasoned Sidestepper had the pick of visiting Dyllis or Zess T. for this month’s Cooking Guide, and his last encounter with Zess T. nearly culminating with a fight breaking out between the Rogueport-based chef and his Parabones colleague, DryBonesBandit, the choice was relatively easy to make for our cooking columnist.
Pushing open the front door of the Hot Fraun, ClawgripFan9001 scuttled inside before gently shutting the door behind him. “Ahoy, Mrs. Dyllis! I be ‘ere fer that cookin’ course ye reached out ta me ‘bout!” The Sidestepper called out towards the kitchen, only to see Saffron emerge from the kitchen instead to his great surprise.
“Oh, how wonderful to see you again, ClawgripFan! Dyllis, ClawgripFan is here just as you requested!” Saffron called out with a beaming smile upon seeing ClawgripFan9001’s arrival before shifting her focus back towards the kitchen to let Dyllis know about it.
“Yar, what in tarnation? What do ye be doin’ ‘ere, Saffron?” ClawgripFan9001 asked with a confusedly raised eyebrow, after which Dyllis emerged from the kitchen herself, standing next to Saffron as she did so.
“Vell, I needed Saffron’s assistance für ze cooking course I had arranged today, vhich is vhy she’s here at ze Hot Fraun.” Dyllis admitted, visibly embarrassed to have her more kindhearted and open Flipside counterpart over at her restaurant.
“Yar, har, har! Well, a sweet ‘n sour cookin’ course is just what I need fer me cookin’ column ta end in a luscious last course, I say!” ClawgripFan9001 chuckled in amusement at the situation, with Saffron giggling along with him.
“That’s certainly one way to put it, ClawgripFan! Now how about we get going into the kitchen so we can get started with this cooking course that Dyllis organized for you today?” Saffron suggested, to which ClawgripFan9001 nodded his agreement as he and the two chefs ventured into the Hot Fraun’s kitchen area.
“Alright, today, I have arranged für you to learn how ze make a November Lunch. It consists of a Shroom Soup und a Pine Cone Cocoa, along vith a Dyllis Lunch.” Dyllis explained to ClawgripFan9001, who nodded in understanding.
“Aye, that should be a nice an’ palatable dish ta serve durin’ the upcomin’ November month. I take it that we’ll be usin’ the recipes for Shroom Soup an’ Pine Cone Cocoa we used before?” ClawgripFan9001 acknowledged Dyllis’ explanation before asking Saffron about the dishes they had made on Cooking Guide before that made up part of today’s dish.
Saffron smiled and nodded in response to the Sidestepper’s inquiries. “Yes, we will! I’ll take care of those dishes, and Dyllis will take care of her Dyllis Lunch!” She informed ClawgripFan9001, who nodded back once more, satisfied with this knowledge.
“Aye aye! I’ll be sittin’ over ‘ere ta jot down notes fer me column in that case!” The culinary corsair saluted the palatable power ladies in front of him before reaching for his notepad and pencil, ready to get started.
“Right, so first thing’s first, you have to make the Shroom Soup and Pine Cone Cocoa according to the recipes listed in earlier editions of the Cooking Guide!” Saffron told ClawgripFan9001 with a smile as she did what she instructed.
“Yar, that be makin’ sense. A chef be nothin’ without their recipes, after all.” ClawgripFan9001 nodded his agreement as he was jotting this down into his notes while carefully observing Saffron and Dyllis carrying out the instructions.
“Second thing’s second, you must make ze Dyllis Lunch. Für zis, you need a Fried Shroom Plate und a Veggie Set für optimal taste factor.” Dyllis continued as she made the Dyllis Lunch with the Fried Shroom Plate and Veggie Set she mentioned.
ClawgripFan9001 nodded attentively as he continued to scribble away on his notepad while keeping a watchful eye on the ladies carrying out the cooking instructions in front of him. “Aye, taste do be a big part o’ makin’ a dish. After all, I be under the belief that taste can fill yer stomach much more than quantity can.” The seasoned Sidestepper gave his ten cents on the matter.
“Last thing’s last, you put all of those dishes together on a tray, and you’ve got everything you need for crafting together a November Lunch, ideal for the windy and rainy November month ahead of you!” Saffron finished as she and Dyllis put all the dishes required for this combo dish together on a tray.
“Hopefully zat should satisfy your aspiring chefs reading ze cooking column zat you write für ze time being vhen it comes to zheir hunger für culinary knowledge.” Dyllis chimed in as she handed the tray the November Lunch stood on to ClawgripFan9001 after the latter finished writing down the last of his notes.
“Yargh, I’m pretty sure it will!” ClawgripFan9001 responded as he took a sample of the Shroom Soup, Pine Cone Cocoa and Dyllis Lunch. “Even more so when it tastes as exquisite as this! Many thanks fer yer culinary insight as always, ladies!” The Sidestepper chef gratefully thanked the Flipside and Flopside-based chefs for their help.
“You’re always welcome, ClawgripFan! Don’t be a stranger at Sweet Smiles, should you happen to be in the Flipside area!” Saffron responded with her trademark kindhearted and open personality.
“Ze Hot Fraun is also always open für cooking classes, should ze stream of customers be running low enough für me to have time on hands für zhose cooking classes.” Dyllis nodded affirmatively with her trademark professional and reserved personality.
Yar, so this be everythin’ ye need ta know fer makin’ a November Lunch, courtesy o’ Saffron an’ Dyllis!
Ingredients
- A Shroom Soup (See ‘Shroom Issue 212 fer more information on ‘ow ta make it)
- A Pine Cone Cocoa (See ‘Shroom Issue 222 fer more information on ‘ow ta make it)
- A Dyllis Lunch (A combination o’ Fried Shroom Plate an’ Veggie Set be recommended fer optimal taste)
Appliances
- All the appliances needed fer makin’ Shroom Soup an’ Pine Cone Cocoa
- All the appliances needed fer makin’ Dyllis Lunch the way Dyllis ‘erself recommends doin’ so
- A tray fer servin’ the whole meal in combo
Instructions
- Make the Shroom Soup an’ Pine Cone Cocoa accordin’ ta the recipe listed in the aforementioned ‘Shroom issues.
- Make the Dyllis Lunch accordin’ ta Dyllis’ recommended methods.
- Put everythin’ together on a tray, and ye should be ready ta serve!
Yar, now, if that don’t be capable o’ keepin’ ya warm an’ toasty fer the chilly autumn an’ winter months ahead o’ ya, I dunno what be capable! Either way, that be pretty much everythin’ from me fer Cookin’ Guide in the year 2025, mateys! The next time we’ll be takin’ ta the high seas o’ culinary chronicles will be January 2026! So until then, I wanna wish ye a Merry Christmas, ‘Appy ‘Annukah, ‘Appy ‘Olidays in general, an’ a jolly New Years!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk)
Welcome, welcome, once again, to the section of Dry Dry Data by yours truly… DryBonesBandit. What, did you expect some other name to show up? Anyhow, I don’t have all too much to say, really, so I’ll dive right into the details. Turkeys may be popular around this time of year, but today we’ll be looking at a more overlooked species of bird, and Bowser’s Kingdom’s most famed specimen, the Pokio (phasianus tsukkun). Without further ado…
The Adventure
Without many ideas, I was about to preemptively mourn the loss of this month’s paycheck until I tripped and knocked over my closet. A couple of outdated brochures had fallen out; one caught my eye as I rose from the floor. My gaze was drawn to a photo of a large creature, identified as the “terrifying gatekeeper” of Bowser’s Kingdom; the Stairface Ogre. I instantly knew that it would be the subject of my study, mostly because my deadline was rapidly approaching. I soon boarded an hour-long flight to the kingdom to study these fellows.
…but when I reached there, I spotted one and instantly reconsidered. I wasn’t about to become a Parabones pancake for a spot of cash. However, I did spot something interesting; a yellow mark on its forehead. A local Goomba explained that it was the weak spot of the large Thwomp relative, perfectly suited for another native species. I stopped them mid-sentence with another question; “exactly how threatening is this other native species?” And with their response, I had a new subject for this issue.
Seeking out a Pokio wasn’t the hard part; I learned where they resided from locals. The issue was getting there. For some reason, I wasn’t able to fly my way over to each separate island; probably because the developers did not intend this. So, I had to seek another way forward. Luckily for me, a friendly Bonneter also was in town to study these sharp fellows. With his help, I was able to traverse the spark pylons and reach the brilliantly-colored birds.
Unfortunately for me, we ended up startling them and one poked a hole right through my hand. At least the hat got to take notes.
The Analysis
Pokios are an endangered species of brilliantly-colored pheasant birds (mistaken to be woodpeckers by some sources) residing predominantly in Bowser’s Kingdom. They sport cyan feathers on their round bodies, and white-feathered wings which do not enable them to fly. The skin on their faces is red and bumpy, and their stubby claws are yellow in color. Their most notable feature is their sharp, extendable yellow beak.
Named after a famous fictional character, Pokios are able to extend and detract their beaks rapidly. This enables them to attack predators and quickly catch their prey, mostly consisting of small insects and worms. It is believed that they had evolved to have this feature due to their main predator, the Stairface Ogre; the yellow marks on their foreheads (the weak spots) are a near-perfect match for the Pokio’s beak, and the wooden mallets used by the ogres are easily climbed by the avians. Notably, Pokios travel by using their beaks to scale walls. Their beaks are strong enough to impale stone and bounce off metal forcefully without visible damage. Surfaces such as steel walls are not scalable by Pokios; this is believed to be the reason for the metal walls of Bowser’s Kingdom. However, anything weaker allows a Pokio to embed its beak in the wall to fling itself up. Combined with its ability to spin midair for an extra boost upwards, the Pokio is nearly unrivaled in climbing. Pokio beaks are also resistant to electricity, though this is not often seen outside of incidents where they stab a spark pylon mistakenly.
As for tips on how to deal with Pokios? Don’t. Pokios are quite docile and only attack plumbers, as trained by Bowser’s minions. If you had to, however, I’d suggest simply stomping them like you would a Goomba.
The end
Remember, leave me a suggestion on my talk page or on the Mario Boards!
Mushroom Tribune: From The Archives
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
"From the Archives" is a column from the Mushroom Tribune which presents articles exactly as they were at their original time of publication in an effort to connect readership with the history of the Toad Town metropolitan area. In this report from November of 1996, the Mushroom Tribune covered the debate caused in the Mushroom Kingdom by KAOS assuming leadership of the Kremling Kreeps.
Government Intends To Normalize Relations With Crocodile Isle Following Regime Change
In a shock announcement on Friday, the Mushroom Chancellor announced that His Majesty's Government will next week undertake the process of normalizing relations with Crocodile Isle following the emergence of a new ruler of the island in the form of KAOS. In announcing this shift, the Mushroom Chancellor unveiled a multi-step plan which would see the opening of a Mushroom Kingdom consulate on the island, to be followed by the lifting of trade restrictions after six months and a review of relations with the new regime by the Foreign Secretary. The announcement elicited jeers from backbench members of the opposition in a departure from the typically sedate proceedings of parliament, an early sign of the strong reaction to the move from both His Majesty's Loyal Opposition and the public at large. With many in Toad Town expressing objections to the decision, the announcement has sparked a fierce debate.
Those opposed to the normalization of relations cite concerns with the speed with which relations are being re-established, Crocodile Isle's multiple attacks on the kingdom's long-time ally Donkey Kong Island, and the lack of information available on KAOS' history and qualifications. KAOS, they suggest, is an untested, unproven, and obscure leader with unclear origins and motivations. While not denying that he has emerged as the undisputed leader of Crocodile Isle's resident Kremlings following the disappearance of Captain K. Rool and has disbanded the former Kremling Krew, they argue that he simply has not been in power long enough to prove he is ready to act as a responsible stakeholder in the international community. Speaking to Mushroom Tribune shortly after hearing the Chancellor's announcement, Ukiki, MP representing the Jungle area on the outskirts of Shroom City, had the following to say:
This announcement is an affront to the people of the Mushroom Kingdom and their friends on Donkey Kong Island. The Kremlings of Crocodile have twice assaulted Donkey Kong Island - the Mushroom Kingdom's third-oldest and, frankly, most reliable ally - and now, immediately after they emerge from a period of self-inflicted anarchy, we are rewarding them for their behavior? The KAOS regime has only just established firm rule over the island. How can we be certain that he will not immediately return to threatening Donkey Kong Island and the peace of the entire region? Yes, the Kremling Krew has ostensibly been disbanded, dismantling the conquering and plundering force based out of Crocodile Isle, but already KAOS has incorporated elements of K. Rool's forces into his recently-formed "Kremling Kreeps". Do we trust his assurances that the Kremling Kreeps will serve only as a domestic defensive force enough to toss our support and trust behind a polity that has repeatedly invaded its neighbors - and I remind you, our friends - with no regard for international law or common decency?
Ministers have defended the decision, saying that the new regime on Crocodile Isle cannot prove itself willing to act as a responsible stakeholder in the international community while still shunned by the kingdoms of the world. They point out that Donkey Kong Island has not suffered an attack since the deposition of former ruler King K. Rool and that, with even many Kremlings painting him as a cruel tyrant, this suggests that the attacks launched by Crocodile Isle ought be primarily attributed to K. Rool himself, making them unlikely to reoccur under a new regime. They advocate that KAOS be given an opportunity to prove his peaceful intentions for Crocodile Isle, arguing that support from the Mushroom Kingdom will facilitate those efforts.
For their thoughts on this potentially seismic shift in Mushroom Kingdom relations, we turn to former employee at the Mushroom Kingdom embassy in Jewelry Land Hooded Pitohui and former Ambassador to Donkey Kong Island Shoey:
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Now, certainly the former Ambassador will disagree with me, owing to his closeness with the Kong Klan from his years of service, but I have been called dove-ish before. I personally think the Government's decision to normalize relations with the new regime on Crocodile Isle not only a wise undertaking, but one necessary in all regards. The Kremlings of Crocodile Isle are industrious, skilled in shipbuilding and factory development. To in time establish the terms of trade with Crocodile Isle will bring a windfall to the Mushroom Kingdom, granting the kingdom access to the very fleet that will be necessary to carry the abundance of goods bound to flow between the two polities. This trade will doubtlessly engender goodwill between our kingdom and Crocodile Isle, deterring not only any hostilities directed at the Mushroom Kingdom, but also providing us leverage both economic and diplomatic with which we can constrain KAOS or any successors from acting against our cherished friends on Donkey Kong Island. |
| If the long-term benefits in trade and diplomacy fail to convince, then perhaps the Kremanitarian case shall. Since the defeat of King K. Rool, in his guise of "Captain K. Rool", Crocodile Isle has suffered immensely. A pariah state fallen into anarchy until the recent emergence of KAOS, the economy of Crocodile Isle, so long propped up by conquest and plunder, has all but collapsed. The scouring of the island by an explosion following K. Rool's defeat has left the island destitute. Now, I grant some may be wary of supporting the Kremlings after their attacks on Donkey Kong Island and nearby regions, but would those wary few deny that the Kremlings who dissented against the former regime are deserving of the aid the Mushroom Kingdom can provide? Are those Kremlings who sought to gain an education at Wrinkly Kong's beloved Kong Kollege not deserving of the benefits that normalization of relations can bring? Should they not be permitted to visit or even come to reside in the Mushroom Kingdom, or to benefit from trade between our polities? Should Klubba, who granted Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong access to the Lost World, be made to suffer for the actions of a former ruler, when with this simple act, we can lend a hand to KAOS as he seeks to transform Crocodile Isle? I should say not! What say you? | |
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I must say, Hood, I find that the Mushroom King is acting very naive in this effort to normalize relations with Crocodile Isle. While I must acknowledge that a regime change is in theory a step in the right direction, we have no actual evidence that this new mechanical King KAOS will actually lead to positive changes within the closed-off island. What little information we've received about the isle since this regime change does, in my opinion, little to assuage fears of Crocodile Isle's ambitions towards its neighbor Donkey Kong Island. Take the rumblings of yet another military buildup, with KAOS reforming the Kremling Crew, this time under the name Kremling Creeps. At this point we have no idea what that buildup entails, including whether it's simply a precautionary move by KAOS to shore up his own power base against any members of the previous regime who may attempt to challenge him based on loyalty to deposed tyrant King K. Rool (otherwise known as Kaptain K. Rool) or if it is instead a buildup to once again threaten and attempt to bring Donkey Kong Island under its own dominion? |
| I understand the Government's want to normalize relations with Crocodile Isle. There are untapped resources that can be gained from trading with a previously closed-off market. Although, since the official currency of Crocodile Isle, the Krem Coin, is a closed currency with no value outside of Crocodile Isle that will negate some of the economic possibilities. I also understand the humanitarian concerns, since even before the destruction of Crocodile Isle, the Kremlings were already beset with poor living conditions under the thumb of the mad despot King K. Rool. So I can't imagine things have gotten better since the rebuilding of Crocodile Isle, something which, I might point out, was only necessary because of the actions of the Kremling Krew in kidnapping Donkey Kong. I understand the idea of providing aid to attempt to improve the lives of the inhabitants of Crocodile Isle with the hope that, under its new leadership, Crocodile Isle will be a better neighbor. But the fact is at this point it's too early to tell what kind of ruler KAOS will be. Whether he'll take steps to make friendly relations with his neighbors or whether he will continue the tyrannical policies of King K. Rool remains unknown. Because of this, I find the idea that the Mushroom Kingdom should seek to normalize relations with Crocodile Isle to be hopelessly naive and absolutely not the right decision with the limited information we have. |
Star Ratings
Written by: BigBoom1946
Hello, I am BigBoom and this is Star Ratings, the article where I talk about the vast cosmos known as space and review it. Today, we are researching the orbital city Space Land.
History
This settlement was founded in 20XX to celebrate the new century and it was a collaboration between the Mushroom Kingdom and the Koopa Kingdom. It was built to build an alliance between the 2 kingdoms, but it fell through after Bowser's addition of a giant satellite with a death ray supposedly for peacekeeping reasons. The Space Patrol was created to protect Space Land and other space stations from attackers such as the intergalactic warlord Tatanga. In recent years, Space Land has been menaced by an alien criminal known as Black Hole Bowser, who is currently the Space Patrol's most wanted.
Security
Space Land is what the Space Patrol were originally created to protect, and as such they patrol the area constantly, looking for criminals. The branch is run by Captain Sniffle and his partner Major Thwompington. The captain and major spend most of their time cruising around Space Land, looking for crime and pancakes, often at the same time. Most members of the Space Patrol are Snifits, leading to the residents of the area often referring to them as the Snifit Patrol instead.
What it's like
Space Land is a comparatively small station when you look at other colonies such as the Lunar Colony or the Warped Orbit, but it still has quite a bit to do, such as strength testers and rocket garages. Nearby is the Bowser Coin Beam, a massive spaceship that when used deploys a powerful energy field capable of bringing down a Dreadnought. The police are helpful though a bit greedy.
Closing Thoughts
Space Land is a fine place to visit if you are dropping by earth or leaving it.
That will be all for now, so until next time continue grooving!
Written by: Legend 8
The Sorcery Show
Episode 24: The Pole is the Goal, Part 1
It is a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and quite some time has passed since Pyrokles, the antilogician Magikoopa, and his companions Kroop and the Explainer retrieved their castle from space. Now, the castle's twisted stone towers menacingly jut out from the landscape once more - slightly shattered from the landing and held together only by pure antilogical power, but hey, it's back! And in that exact castle, our aforementioned heroes are currently sitting at their breakfast table, enjoying a cup of tea.
Pyro: Hmmm, delicious!
Kroop: I really don't get what's so special about hot water infused with herbs...
Pyro: Oh stop it, you're just angry that you cannot drink anything. Also as a matter of fact, that's not a herbal blend here, this is-
He is interrupted by a spectral voice, coming from a floating, glitched silhouette "sitting" at the table and holding a teacup too: the Explainer.
OH let me explain please! I can tell you all about what dimension this is from and how-
Kroop: Iiiiiii don't even want to know anymore... Help.
Pyro: By the way, why are we arguing about tea? Isn't something interesting supposed to happen every episode?
Kroop: Huh? Supposed? Episode?
The way you say it kinda makes it sound like a threat, Pyro...
Kroop: I don't know what all this is about but the Explainer is absolutely right.
Pyro: Maaan, you're no fun. Do you really wanna keep sitting around squabbling about tea?
Kroop is about to say something as all of a sudden, a delivery Paratroopa bursts in through a broken window, puts a letter on the table, and flies away again.
Pyro: Oh! Yesss!! Finally something interesting.
Kroop: The letter says "Castle Taxes"...
Pyro: Yeah, doesn't that sound int-? Oh no wait it actually doesn't. Damn.
But wait. Didn't we always have to do the castle tax stuff earlier in the year? You remember?
Kroop: Yeah, you're right, we should have already gotten that letter months ago... I'm officially confused now.
Pyro: Well that was probably cause we blasted the castle into the sky and it was gone for a while and now it's back?
Kroop: Cause YOU blasted the castle into the sky. We had nothing to do with it.
Pyro: Fine, you know-it-all. Anyways...
Suddenly, the doorbell rings.
I'm going!
Pyro: I think we should all go! What if it's... an ADVENTURE!
Kroop: I'm so not in the mood for an "adventure".
Pyro: Well you're coming anyways!
Pyro telekinetically grabs the protesting Kroop, and they descend the staircase and open the castle gates. As they swing open, a moustachioed Toad in a fancy suit steps in.
???: Oh man, you're gonna have to pay a TON of taxes for this castle... And that architecture could almost be called a safety haz- !
Pyro: Finish your sentence?
???: Oh my god. It's YOU.
Pyro: Huh. Where I come from, we say "good morning", but I suppose that's also fine. You wanna cup of tea?
???: Ohh my goood THANK YOU!!! I don't know if you remember, but you made my life so much better! I used to be a farmer! Chicken teeth, remember??
Kroop: Wait. I DO remember, yeah... And, uh, you're welcome?
Pyro: Exactly, you're welcome! For... uhhh... whatever we did to change your life forever?
???: Well, remember that chicken? A few days after you came by and made me aware of it, I was asked by a genetics lab whether they could have the chicken to revive some dinosaurs, in exchange for a nice amount of money. So I said yes obviously and...
They guide him upstairs as he continues to tell his story.
???: And so, I ended up with my current tax guy job! I really owe you something.
Kroop: Well I still don't understand how you got from getting some money to being a tax guy but-
Do you want me to explain? I can explain!
Pyro: By the way... were those dinosaur lab guys stupid or something?? Most dinosaur species discovered in the Mushroom Kingdom are still alive!
???: Yeah... But I don't really care, I'm happy now! Name's Mushbert, by the way. I don't think we ever exchanged names, did we?
Not as far as I know. Let me introduce ourselves! This is Pyrokles, you can call him Pyro. This is Kroop, and I am the Explainer. Pleasure to meet you again!
Kroop: Wait, Mushbert. You didn't come here for a reunion though, you came for the taxes, right?
Mushbert: Yeah, technically that's true... But I kinda don't want to bore you to death and take your money like I usually do!
Pyro: Then why don't you just NOT do it?
Mushbert: Well I'm afraid it's my job. Anyone in possession of a castle, fortress or similar structure must pay these additional castle taxes...
Pyro: Well uh I'm sorry, but... We don't have any money! It's not like we needed any, though.
But aren't there any exceptions to the rule?
Mushbert: Well... yeah, if the building counts as a public exercise level approved by the Jumping Runners Guild. But that's pretty much only the case if you're the owner of some old mansion you turned into a spooky ghost attraction or something. While this here may be a ruin... well, you simply live here, and it's not a level. But you know what, since I owe you a-
Kroop: So you're saying we don't have to pay taxes if we let people kill themselves in here?
Mushbert: Uh, no. Of course safety standards such as respawn points are required. Also, a level without collectibles or enemies doesn't count, it has to offer an entertainment value. But you know what, since I owe you a-
Pyro: Uhh, I think you might wanna take a look around. Ensuring safety only takes a finger snap, easy peasy, and I should have the rest lying around somewhere!
Mushbert: What??
Kroop: Yeah, Pyro's kinda strange.
Pyro: Hey! No I'm not!
Mushbert: Ah. Well, but you know what, since I owe you a favour I guess I could just help you make a Guild approved level in here to evade the taxes!
Oh, that's very nice of you. So, what are the guidelines we need to follow?
Mushbert: I was just about to tell you! But maybe we should wait until those two stop arguing and are ready to listen.
Pyro: Who's arguing? I'm not arguing!
Kroop: Yes you are!
After a short explanation, they take a walk through Pyro's castle, Mushbert taking notes while they discuss what to do. And apparently, Pyro is very enthusiastic about it... As they return to Pyro's office, Mushbert gives a "quick" overview of his notes.
Mushbert: So, am I getting that right? You want the level to be activated only on weekends so you get some peace and quiet, and the rooms you frequently use are off-limits.
Kroop: Yes, please. At least one reasonable decision!
Mushbert: Okay, and you want the level to start at your gate, which, uh, wait a sec... no, it actually is also the only checkpoint in the entire castle. That's pretty mean... Anyways, as soon as visitors enter, they will be attacked by animated statues, finding a key fragment in one of them, and then they have to proceed up the staircase and search for fragments all throughout the castle. Where were they hidden again? - Ah, here. One is stuck in the chandelier. How are they supposed to-? Well, doesn't matter. The others are... one's in your monster lab guarded by some chimera monster, one's in the haunted library, and... oh, I love this idea! A room full of portals but they lead to each other, except for one, which leads to the key fragment. That actually doesn't sound too bad.
Kroop: Did you ever ask him how big that room is? I'm sure he'll fit a LOT of portals in there.
Mushbert: Oh. Yeah. Huh. Anyways, then there's a few more fragments hidden in strange and deadly places, blah blah blah, and then when people have collected them all they get a key to unlock a wall on the bottom floor, revealing a staircase that leads downwards. Everything correct so far?
Pyro: Yup, perfect!
Mushbert: Great! Sorry, I might be missing something, cause it's a LOT. So, down there, there's the dungeon part, which is basically a labyrinth with traps and riddles and monsters, an anti-gravity section, and... something about forks, I didn't really get it but we can discuss it later. So, and in the middle of the maze, your dragon - wait you have a dragon?? Uh, your dragon will sit there guarding the first star, which people will have to-
Pyro: A regular star? How booooring! No, in my level, there will be... Anti-Stars! Much cooler and also more fitting.
Mushbert: Okay, fine. As soon as the, uh, Anti-Star is stolen from the hoard, lava will begin flooding the maze while the people also have to escape the dragon they just angered. Uh, Pyro... is the rising lava really necessary?
Pyro: Yes! No but's!
Mushbert: Fine. So, after being chased by lava and a dragon, they will resurface to find themselves in another maze in your "garden", which they then have to escape as well. Hm, doesn't seem to have too many obstacles though... A few spike traps and some Piranha Plants, right?
Pyro: Exactly! Customly bred by myself! They can spit tractor beams to catch you and SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!!!
Mushbert: Oh. That's TERRIFYING. Well, it definitely makes that section more exciting...
Pyro: Ha Kroop! That's exactly what I said! And you just wanted some boring jumping and running and a few Goombas to get this over with as quick as possible. You're simply not creative enough!
Kroop: But you're TOO creative! It's starting to get kind of disturbing!
I agree there... Aren't we doing this only for the tax removal after all?
Pyro: Shhh, be quiet you two! Mushbert isn't done yet!
Mushbert: Yeah, I fear I'm not. So, after exiting the garden labyrinth, visitors will have to obtain the second, uh, Anti-Star, by destroying a dimensional rift in the old amphitheater that is continuously spitting out waves of monsters.
Kroop: That really doesn't sound like a good idea.
Mushbert: I KNOW, but have you ever tried talking to Pyro? I know he made my life so much better but right now, it's like trying to persuade a wall! But not just any wall, but one that wants chaos and the destruction of all things, but is still a wall that can't be persuaded!
Pyro: Thanks for the compliment! Now would you please carry on reading my evil plans?
Mushbert sighs audibly and continues reading his notes, while Kroop simply groans and leaves the room, muttering something about Pyro being an idiot again as he somehow manages to slam the door shut despite his lack of hands.
Mushbert: Then, apparently the dragon will discover the visitors out in the open and try to eat them for stealing its treasure. They have to dodge the attacks and cling onto its tail to reach the castle roof - what the hell?! - where they will be flung into the spooky attic through a hole. There, they must escape ghosts and giant spiders, but primarily the many traps around there, and it's also very very dark. When they exit onto the roof, they will be again chased by the dragon with fireballs-
Pyro: Now comes the best part! It's going to be so funnnnn to watch!!
Mushbert: -and if that wasn't already dangerous enough, to obtain the last sta- uh, Anti-Star, they have to parkour up the floating stairs around the castle's highest tower while still dodging the fireballs AND flying sentient brick enemies that try to slap them off! Seriously, what were you thinking here?
Pyro: Carry on! The boss battle's coming closer!
Mushbert: Ugh. Okay. So, upon reaching the top, they will find a power-up in an item box, a, uh, lava pineapple that makes you immune to fire. Never seen one of those before. Anyways, the people can then use this power-up to jump from fireball to fireball to reach the dragon perched on a nearby tower. They must then try to make the dragon activate the full circle of arcane runes around the tower using its fire breath, without getting themselves incinerated. That's one's actually pretty cool too!
Pyro: I know! It's a Pyro branded idea, they're all awesome!
Mushbert: Yeaaaaahhh... Okay, then, activating the circle grants the third Anti-Star, and upon collecting it, people gain a short duration of invincibility that they can use to try to persuade the dragon to not kill them. If they succeed, they will be able to mount the dragon and fly to the roof of the largest tower, where the goal pole is being protected by a spectral Avatar of Pyrokles that shoots spells and summons minions and serves as the boss of th-
Pyro: AND THEN THEY WILL HAVE AN EPIC BATTLE I