The 'Shroom:Issue 223/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! Hope you don't mind the pumpkin smell here in the office, I've been spraying air freshener to try and mask the scent of ghosts. Ectoplasm is surprisingly pungent.
We've got a guest section this month, and another by technicality! Boo1268 has briefly brought TV Tomorrow back from the great beyond with some spooky Halloween programming presented by Florida the Flamingo. And if you can't get enough of Cooking Guide, ClawgripFan9001 wrote another one this month between regular Cooking Guides, but this time Wallace Ulysses is taking the helm! Most of our other sections are here as well, though we're down Mushroom Tribune and Game Corner. The Ghostly Dossier is also absent because it's shifted to a bi-monthly schedule, so it'll be back next month!
Do you want to join Fake News? Everything you need to get started with The 'Shroom can be found over on our sign up page! If you'd rather submit a one-off for something like News Flush, you can skip the red tape and send it directly to me with no application needed and no further commitment! Hope to hear from you soon!
Section of the Month
Do I even need to say it? Our winner is once again TheBlueCatMenace with The Sunshine Travel Guide, covering the many many floors of Bowser's Tower! In a second place tie we have both the return of Investigative Research by Koopa (talk) featuring Headrest and Inquis' search for Shy Guys Finish Last, and an obituary for a dead spider. The sentences you can construct when you're part of this paper are really something, huh? Be sure to support your favorite sections with votes and maybe even Poochy's Picks nominations!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 8 | 22.22% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 2nd | Investigative Research | 6 | 16.67% | Koopa (talk) |
| 2nd | Obituaries | 6 | 16.67% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Dear Waluigi Time
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Questions submitted by: Boo1268, MightyMario, and DrkLrdHmGree3856
Dear Waluigi Time,
Hello good chap, it's me, Boo1268. I think this problem relates to all of the 'Shroom sections, because I sensed a malevolent force emanating from a spooky-looking chest in the basement. I opened it, one thing led to another, and now there's a BUNCH of spirits everywhere! And while I enjoy some spooky good company, THIS IS TOO MUCH! So I think The 'Shroom is haunted, so uh, WHAT DO WE DO MY GOOD MAN!?
The first thing people usually do in a situation like this is panic, so if you've done that, congratulations! We've completed the first step and are well on our way to solving the problem. Wait a minute, shouldn't you know how to deal with this, as like a self-preservation sort of thing? Well, whatever, I already started writing my answer and it would be a waste to toss a whole two sentences in the bin. Since I happen to employ ghosts, I decided to go straight to the source and talk to Vincent Overpriced, and this is what he said:
Oh dear, was it something I said?
After I assured him that I didn't want to get rid of him and that he would be getting a glowing performance review if I could be bothered to write performance reviews, he gave me the following tips on dealing with unwanted specters:
- Politely ask them to leave. You'd be surprised how often this works, because no one ever thinks to try it. Some ghosts are real jerks, though!
- For the more stubborn ones, a vacuum cleaner is a good method of pushing the problem somewhere else. You ever notice how Superchao never uses a vacuum when he's cleaning up the place? I rest my case.
- If it's really bad, just move! Sometimes, dealing with real estate red tape is easier than solving the problem itself. Just make it someone else's.
Dear Waluigi Time,
I need some advice on something. It's my husband's birthday this month and I don't know what to get him! What gifts do you recommend that involve Waluigi Time Cereal or science fiction? He likes that stuff the most.
— Cayde S.
Well well well, come step into my metaphorical gift shop (not to be confused with my real gift shop). As it just so happens, my new Waluigi Time product line of action figures and playsets has just what you're looking for! Based on my award-winning comics from the Fantasy vs. Sci-Fi 'Shroomfest (they actually didn't win any awards but they should've), it's the Angry Alien Encounter playset! It's got me, in an exclusive sci-fi costume that you can only get by buying this playset! It's got Commander Nebula, with real laser blaster action! It's even all held together by a string so you won't lose it behind the couch, but it'll probably still put your eye out if you put it too close, which is why I've put many warning labels on the box about not pointing it directly at your face so I don't get sued later. It's got, uh, the Giant Green Blobby Alien! They all have rotating limbs, except the Giant Green Blobby Alien because he doesn't have any limbs. You can have hours of sci-fi fun making pew pew sounds like the good old days before every toy needed batteries to be cool!
He'll love it. You should buy it for him. Please. I need to prove to Shbeeg that this isn't a complete money sink...
Dear Waluigi Time,
I have suddenly realized that I’m now obsessed with dresses, pink, and other “girly” stuff. I’m a little worried that, because I’m a boy, King Bowser will kick me out of the castle until I’ve learned my lesson. How do I politely tell him my interests are changing?
From, Kamek
First of all, if he has any problem with it, isn't that kind of hypocritical? I thought there was something going on with him and some sort of crown a while back. Anyway, you should be free to do whatever you want in your personal life without it affecting your employment, unless you're doing something really terrible like kicking kittens or something. Seriously, I don't care how much money you bring in to the company, I find out you kicked a cat like the football I will fire you! Thankfully that hasn't happened to me yet, that's just hypothetical.
Anyway, the best way to politely tell him is to just, uh, politely tell him. Throw out some casual points of conversation like "hey Your Highness, I think pink's a pretty good color", and maybe he'll just say "that's rad" or something. Or maybe you can be more subtle and just show it without actually telling him, see if he notices! The longer he goes without noticing, the funnier it is because then you can say it's been like five months and he's only just now mentioning it.
But let's say things go poorly and you do end up thrown out of the castle. Well here's the thing, you're the magician, right? That gives you all kinds of fun opportunities to play petty pranks on Bowser until he agrees to let you come back! How would he like it if he wakes up to find his bed got replaced with a solid cube of jello, or you cast a spell to bring all the dining room furniture to life? The possibilities are endless...
Written by: Boo1268
History Lost to the Sands of Time
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. MWAHAHAHAHA! It's nearly Halloween, my dear friends! And The ‘Shroom is filled to the brim with spooks and scares aplenty, all in anticipation for the big day! But I suppose ‘till then, I will trick you all with a very special treat in the form of a truly TERRIFYING story this Month. So let me ask you dear readers, how far are YOU willing to turn back the clock and make up for one simple mistake you made? How much are you willing to risk in the search of mystical powers beyond your control? How much time are you willing to commit before it's too late? For you see, dear readers, that is exactly the question I wish to answer today, for I will be covering the Old Clockworks and uncovering this place’s history that has been unfortunately lost to time, and how one simple discovery would change everything. So with that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
Our story begins as I was once again looking back through topics I’ve been wanting to cover for some time now, and one caught my eye, the Old Clockworks, a largely abandoned building that long ago used to make the BEST clocks in all the Mushroom Kingdom, now abandoned to time. Once filled with workers, now filled with sand and cobwebs. Frankly, disappointed that this once wondrous place had fallen to ruin, I wished to discover why, especially since I had my grandfather clock made from there long ago and just recently had to get it fixed due to age and constant Hider possession messing up the gears inside. So after taking a short trip to Evershade Valley, I began my venture into the desert to find this long lost clock factory. Along the way I encountered all manner of ghosts from big to small, but ALL very friendly! Eventually after traveling a far enough distance, I reached the Clockworks, and after interviewing some of the ghosts that call this place home and looking through the Clockworks’ old records, here's what I found.
| The Old Clockworks | |
|---|---|
|
Once a great dream from the mind of a great man, now left to ruin. This place once made the world's greatest clocks that were shipped out all over the world, telling time for all to enjoy. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the first Retry Clocks originated here? And while they were very early in design, they essentially served the same function they do now. | |
Many years ago, there was once a man named Bezel Sylvester. At a young age, Bezel had a passion for not only tinkering, but inventing. In fact, many would nickname him the “tinkerer” due to said talent, inventing creative machines that amazed all, and fixing bits and bobs big and small to everyone in his hometown who needed something fixed. But the thing that would interest him the most were clocks - how all the little pieces inside worked together and interconnected to create something useful, alongside all the machine’s strange shapes and how they all fit inside. Several years later, Bezel would leave his hometown, travel to New Donk City, graduate college, and gain a degree in engineering. He then founded “Mr. Bezel’s Clock Shop”, a small independent clockmaking and repair company where Bezel could do what he did best, making and fixing things - mainly clocks, that is - and sell his products to all who wanted one, each of which were presented and designed in unique and wacky ways, no two clocks being exactly the same. In spite of his creativity and decent business, Bezel wished to share his talent with the world, wanting to be MORE than just a small time clockmaker and repairman. And so, at some point, Bezel would take a gambit that would end up changing his life forever.
| A Big + Clock | |
|---|---|
|
These standard stopwatches were originally created in the Old Clockworks and mass produced for a time, but eventually they were deemed “too big” and were downscaled to be more simplified and easier to carry around. Now these big clocks are considered to be a rare collector’s item. |
| Fun Fact!: It's said that these clocks have the mystical power to extend your life and reverse age by anywhere from 10 to 100 seconds. However, this has never been proven and is seen as superstitious myth rather than fact. | |
For you see, Bezel would end up taking out a LARGE loan from the New Donk City Banks, and buy a large strand of unclaimed land in the middle of a place called the Evershade Valley, a largely abandoned valley that possessed a strange crystal-like moon up in its sky. Bezel would eventually find the best land to make his clock factory in, that being the desert due to the fact it was so close to the outskirts of the valley as to allow for easy transport of goods to all of the Mushroom Kingdom, and the fact that it was prime real estate not being sold to anyone was also a nice bonus. Bezel believed that once they had begun mass producing his clocks that the issue of being in such a remote location wouldn't be a problem. However, as time passed on, it seemed as if Bezel had kicked himself in the foot with this idea, due to the fact that besides a select few individuals who had prior knowledge of him, almost NO ONE knew about him or his prior work. Eventually, conditions seemed to worsen, as the months turned to weeks, and the company would only get about 2-3 customers worth of clock orders a week. This caused many workers to be laid off over time, and even others to be underpaid. This combined with the hot sun, harsh sand, and plethora of beetles, caused many workers to become irritated overtime and begin filing complaints. Bezel was down on his luck at this point, the loans he had taken needed to be paid soon, he had barely made any money on this investment, he was slowly losing money and had no way to get it fast enough, and his workers were unhappy. Suffice to say, Bezel’s dream was a bust, and it would take a miracle to get his company back on track.
| A Standard + Clock | |
|---|---|
|
This clock is a more simplified design of the Big Green + Clock, supposedly granting the person who carries it the ability to revert their age by 10 seconds. However, since the effects of this are so small, it's hard to tell if it works or not. |
| Fun Fact!: While these clocks are made with the same method as the older green models, these clocks come from a different company called Clocks & Co. | |
Thankfully, that miracle would arrive in the form of a strange mystical blue stone. For you see, one day Bezel was traversing around the Clockworks’ grounds, when he suddenly discovered a sinkhole located in the courtyard which led towards a vast and deep set of underground ruins. After traversing the underground ruins for a while, Bezel soon uncovered a vast amount of quartz crystal located deep in the ruins. After chipping off a piece of it, he returned to the workshop to uncover its properties. After further examination of the gems, Bezel had discovered its paranormal properties and wondered how he could use it. So after lots of tinkering and inventing, he discovered that by placing a small amount of the quartz into a clock, it could reverse time by a certain amount of seconds to even minutes. Even moreso, he found that he could also make clocks that made things appear out of thin air for a certain period of time! After this discovery, Bezel began selling these clocks to the masses. Quickly, Bezel's work gained a reputation for not only quality of his clocks, but for making their users feel sharper and more in control of their lives each day, as such, the demand for his products SKYROCKETED, gaining back all the money they had lost in less than half a month! And things would only get better from here!
| Creation Clock | |
|---|---|
|
This clock allows whoever uses it to create objects out of thin air. It shares many characteristics with other stopwatches created by the Clockworks. |
| Fun Fact!: These clocks are often mistaken for the typical Blue + Clocks, leading many scammers to trick people into buying them, making them believe they are + Clocks. | |
After the rise in success, Bezel dedicated all his efforts into mining for the mystical quartz, so as to use the gems in the creation of his clocks going forward. So he and his men constructed a series of mineshafts connected to the ancient ruins so they could mine for more and more of the quartz, even connecting it to the workshop through a stairway to allow easy access to the mines. Alongside this, Bezel also crafted a special compass leading to the other entrance where he first found the tomb. Over the next few months, Bezel would amass a VAST fortune off his clocks, his need for recognition finally being met. Meanwhile, the factory would gain substantial upgrades to keep up with the supply and demand, mainly through Bezel’s unique inventions, from large cuckoo clocks that grab individuals to transfer them to certain rooms quickly, to a conveyor belt floor in the transportation hall to allow for the transport of larger clocks to be constructed and ready for packaging, and even the creation of service elevators and hidden rooms. But while these inventions were wacky, they proved to be very useful in regards to production going forward. Speaking of packaging, the Clockworks crew would also begin packaging their clocks to customers in colorful spools of thread, the most popular being the golden kind since they now had the budget for it. Alongside all the new improvements came a new invention! Many of the workers commented how dangerous being in such a closed off space was, as each time a worker used an explosive they were risking being caught in the blast radius. As such, the Robomb was invented, allowing for safe use of explosives from a far enough distance which provided better options for mining the gems.
| Robomb | |
|---|---|
|
This robotic mine was used to help destroy large amounts of rock and debris in the ancient ruins below the Clockworks. It was created with assistance from a young aspiring ghost researcher who Bezel knew very well. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the Robomb comes in multiple variations, from big to small to even golden? Why would someone make a bomb made out of gold? For fun, I suppose. They DID have a lot of money to spend. | |
All this success would ALL culminate with two big projects for the Clockworks, the first being the creation of a railroad and roundhouse inside the Clockworks to allow for easy transportation of their products via train, so that they could deliver them to all over the world! Since at that point the Clockworks’ clocks had become so popular, many people throughout the world wanted a piece of Bezel’s products! This pleased Bezel, seeing as how before this point, no one even knew of his talents. But now, thanks to these rocks and his creative mind, his dream was finally realised. The second being the creation of the main Clockworks clock tower, which took up a large amount of the building's architecture due to the large gears and bobs built within in order to operate it. This was considered the crown achievement of the Clockworks and true showing of all their success and good fortune the quartz had brought them over the years, and things seemed to be great! That was, until a great tragedy would strike that would change everything.
For you see, in Bezel’s arrogance, he didn't take into consideration that the vein of paranormal quartz was a limited resource only located in his remote location. Because of this, once all the quartz had run out, Bezel, in his desperation, decided to have his team mine deeper into the ruins in search for more of the quartz. However, they would get more than they wished for. You see, many years ago a great Pharaoh known for his intelligence was buried deep in the ancient tomb located in the Evershade Valley, and slowly but surely, over time his intelligence was converted to power, and it was this power that caused the gems to gain their power. But as Bezel and his men dug deeper into the ruins, they had discovered a tomb, and upon opening the tomb, a POWERFUL ghost emerged! The Ancient Poltergeist had awakened from his long slumber, and as such, then caused CHAOS in the ruins. In a few brief moments, many of the workers fled for their lives as the poltergeist terrorised and cursed all who worked at the Clockworks for disturbing its slumber, causing chaos with sand tornadoes, and even SHAKING the factory to its very core, DESTROYING the tracks leading towards the factory. From that day forward, nothing was the same. The factory was terrorised day in and day out by the poltergeist, and anyone who dared to enter the Old Clockworks would either be attacked, or even worse, cursed. Eventually, workers stopped coming to the factory, and even Bezel Sylvester had to admit defeat and closed the factory permanently. Over time, the Old Clockworks would fall into obscurity once again, its methods being copied until all would forget about the Old Clockworks, except for the spirits of Evershade Valley who would come to call this place home. Eventually, Bezel Sylvester would die at the age of 85, his dream of creating things for all to enjoy ruined by his own greed and desperation for success. Eventually, he would ask E. Gadd to look over the Old Clockworks for him to make sure if it was still operational. Eventually, the Dark Moon disaster would occur, where the Green Thunder would battle a powerful ghost atop the clock tower for a piece of the Dark Moon but we all know how that story goes, don’t we?
| Ancient Poltergeist | |
|---|---|
|
This spirit from long ago has obtained extraordinary powers due to his age. It was his powers that caused the quartz to gain their mystical abilities while he slumbered. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the theory of ghosts gaining power over time is true? Some of the most powerful ghosts are beings that had died many years ago. There's even a legend of a powerful ghost sealed away in a chest due to his power. | |
So remember dear readers, greed corrupts all, and even the most passionate of artists and creators can fall to its clutches. Alongside this, don’t allow for something else to dictate your creativity. The longing for attention is something all feel in life, but don’t allow it to consume you by relying on it to make your work better. You are what makes your work better, not some stupid object. And so, with that, our story ends. I really hope you all enjoyed this edition of The Spectral Lens! It took a LOT of work to make this one but I hope you enjoy it! If you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I'm always willing to SCARE up some results if I have time! So don't be afraid to give me suggestions. But for now, I need to investigate a strange presence I feel here at The ‘Shroom. Maybe I should ask WT and Sparks to help investigate? But before I go, head this warning, those who seek to be seen will risk everything to get it, but if you risk too much, YOU may never be seen again. So heed this warning, dear readers, or YOU may suffer the same fate as well! MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! And with that I say: Merci, au revoir and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Written by: Wallace Ulysses
Grrrreetings and WAH-lutations, fellow Waluigi lovers! It’s your beloved Fan Club President, Wallace Ulysses! It’s a golden time to be alive for us fans of Waluigi worldwide, for just less than a month ago, Nintendo has unveiled Baby Waluigi to the world! And to celebrate the occasion, I, Wallace Ulysses, have decided this would be an opportune time to learn how to make a Waluigi-themed Cooking Guide! So let’s have a looky-look at the culinary adventure I embarked on in my pursuit of Waluigi-themed culinary creations!
Wallace Ulysses had agreed to meet with Zess T. in the crime-ridden town of Rogueport for a cooking class on how to learn how to make Bottled Baby Waluigi Milk. Upon entering the grouchy Toad chef’s Rogueport residence and shutting the door behind him, the Waluigi Fan Club President found himself being smacked upside the head by a ladle, courtesy of Zess T. herself.
“WAH-OW! What was that good for?!” Wallace Ulysses asked Zess T., rubbing the sore spot on his head where he just got hit with a ladle, being met with an irritable look from the angry Toad chef in response.
“What do you think?! You’re late! Late, late, late! You were supposed to be here at our scheduled time of 12 o’clock in the afternoon, yet here you are at 3 o’clock instead! Care to explain why, Usain Bum?” Zess T. asked Wallace Ulysses with an irritable tone equal to her facial expression, folding her arms over her chest while brandishing her ladle in her right hand.
“Ah, that. Well, I had set my alarm clock this morning for 7 AM so I’d have plenty of time to prepare for our meeting at 12 PM, yet some impertinent prankster thought it’d be funny to take the batteries out of my alarm clock, leaving me to sleep in to 11:30 in the morning! So then, I had to eat breakfast really late, pack my bags, head to the Port of New Wikisburg to catch a boat to Rogueport, and then of course, make the journey to Rogueport!” Wallace Ulysses rambled on about his unexpectedly hectic morning and subsequent afternoon to the angry Toad chef, who didn’t seem all too impressed by his story, as she continued to keep the mad glare in her eyes while keeping them on the Waluigi Fan Club President.
“Whatever. Grab your notepad, or whatever it is that you use to take your notes for your silly Cooking Guide and get ready to pen down those instructions, because I’m not gonna be repeating them again, Goldfish Brain.” Zess T. snarked at Wallace Ulysses as she made her way over to the kitchen, with the Fan Club President following her, pen and notepad in hand as he was ready to take his notes.
“You got it, ma’am. I’ll keep my wits about me sharper than the Kleever that used to live in the fiery depths of the Crocodile Cauldron!” Wallace Ulysses informed Zess T. with a salute, prompting the chef to roll her eyes in response to how dramatic the male was being.
“Right, so first thing’s first, get yourself a gallon of Milk, and pour that into a blender.” Zess T. informed Wallace Ulysses as she grabbed Milk from her refrigerator and promptly poured that into the blender she had set up on her kitchen island.
“WAH-lright…” Wallace Ulysses nodded as he wrote that down onto his notepad, occasionally glancing up at Zess T. to let her know he was paying attention. Meanwhile, the Toad chef gathered the next of the ingredients for the dish.
“Next, you get yourself a cup of Inky Sauce and you add that to the blender with the Milk.” Zess T. continued as she put some Inky Sauce into a cup before applying it to the mix inside the blender.
“WAH-huh…” Wallace Ulysses hummed affirmatively as he continued to scribble away on his notepad whilst glancing at Zess T. carrying out the cooking instructions along the way.
“Last thing’s last, add a pouch full of Ruin Powder, and you should be ready to blend the whole thing.” Zess T. concluded as she emptied a bag of Ruin Powder into the blender before putting the lid on top of the beaker, then blended the whole thing together.
“Stage WAH-ne of the cooking instructions should now be complete.” Wallace Ulysses quipped as he wrote down the last amount of the first half of the cooking instructions before putting away his notepad for a bit.
“That it is, Captain Boobvious. Get ready for Stage Two of the cooking instructions really soon.” Zess T. warned Wallace Ulysses as she finished blending the whole liquid before taking the beaker off the blender and pouring the whole thing into a Waluigi-shaped bottle, putting a lid on top afterward.
“WAH-f course, miss.” Wallace Ulysses nodded as stretched his arms out while letting out a yawn before reaching for his notepad and pen once more. “Ready when you are.” He then informed the grumpy chef.
“Good, so as you just saw, you put the freshly blended liquid into a proper bottle, then you heat the broth up in a proper baby food maker.” Zess T. told Wallace Ulysses as she did just that.
“WAH-lright, WAH-lright…” Wallace Ulysses hummed affirmatively once more as he resumed the penning of his notes. He again made sure that he was watching so that he wouldn’t get another earful from the Toad chef.
“Let that get warm and toasty for a good five minutes, and you should be ready to serve it to a Mushroom Worldling of any age, not just infants.” Zess T. told Wallace Ulysses as she removed the Bottled Baby Waluigi Milk from the baby food maker and handed it to the Waluigi Fan Club President for him to have a taste of.
“WAH-nderful! Lemme have a whiff of that delightfully devious drink!” Wallace Ulysses beamed with delight before taking a sip of the freshly made Bottled Baby Waluigi Milk before humming in ecstasy, approving the taste. “WAH-licious! This is lip-smacking good!” The #1 Waluigi Fan in the world lit up with happiness.
Zess T. nodded affirmatively. “Well, yes. Of course it’s a treat for your tastebuds. After all, that bothersome beanpole you worship so much might be a total braggart, but at least he’s got the backbone to back it up.” She acknowledged why Waluigi-themed food and drink dishes taste so good in spite of their vile appearance.
“Couldn’t agree more! I’m pretty sure I’ve got enough notes and material to work with for my Waluigi-themed cooking column, so many thanks for your help!” Wallace Ulysses gratefully told Zess T.
“Anytime, Mr. Show-Off. Do come by again sometime if you require my culinary expertise, will you?” Zess T. took Wallace Ulysses’ compliments with her trademark sass, or zest, as the case may be.
Now, that’s a culinary trip that could give Captain ClawgripFan9001 a run for his money, wouldn’t you say? WAH-HA, I’m kidding, of course! I couldn’t hold a candle to that Sidestepper’s storytelling skill even if I tried! Either way, here’s everything you need for making Bottled Baby Waluigi Milk!
Ingredients
- A gallon of Milk
- A cup of Inky Sauce
- Ruin Powder
Appliances
- A blender
- A cup
- A Baby Waluigi Bottle
- A baby food maker
Instructions
- Grab a gallon of Milk from your refrigerator and add it to the blender.
- Fill a cup with Inky Sauce, then add that into the mix.
- Add a pouch full of Ruin Powder to the mix, then get ready to blend it.
- Pour the freshly blended broth into a special Baby Waluigi Bottle, then set it on a baby food maker.
- Heat the Bottled Baby Waluigi Milk for five minutes, and WAH-la!
Hopefully that should be a nice treat for all you Waluigi Fan Club members to hand out to Trick-or-Treaters on Halloween Night if those little sweets seekers end up coming to your door! Anyhoo, that’s all for me, Wallace Ulysses, for this month’s issue of The ‘Shroom! I hope to see you all again next month for the penultimate chapter of the unofficial Year of Waluigi!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk)
Happy October! Welcome to another issue of Dry Dry Data, your one-stop shop for creature-related injuries. It’s me again, DryBonesBandit… who else were you expecting…? Oh, apologies for my absence last month. Today, we’ll be covering takebo minor, more commonly known as the Gamboo, a native being from the Flower Kingdom. Well, shall we?
The Adventure
Seeing as last October, I wasn’t safe in my own home, I left my Splunkin roommate in charge of the house as I went to take a month-long vacation to the Flower Kingdom. A local Poplin miner heard I was headed for the Autumn Plains in the Fungi Forest and recognized me from my ‘Shroom section, and made the brilliant suggestion for me to study these near-harmless creatures! I thought about it for a short while and decided that I’d take the time to do a little research on these fellows.
Entering the plains, it didn’t take me long to come across a couple of Gamboos. They were pretty chill, if I’m perfectly honest (and not chill like the Fliprus were last December). The Gamboos barely paid attention to me, which was a nice change of pace. Of course, things weren’t to remain peaceful, seeing as it was research for Dry Dry Data. A short while later, I happened upon an odd, green flower. I tried to ignore it but promptly tripped and fell on it.
When I got back up, I found myself in the middle of a dance party, with several carved pumpkins all around and a plethora of dancing Gamboos. I tried to keep on doing my research, but the Gamboos were all moving too rhythmically for me to pay attention. Even worse, they were not happy with me not dancing with them. Instead of continuing my research, I decided to leave the awkward situation instead, grabbing the Wonder Seed on my way out.
…what, you thought the Gamboos were gonna attack me or something?
The Analysis
Gamboos are cylindrical fellows, with two orange feet, a leaf on their backs, and a hollow center. They come in two different colors, green and purple. This is due to their diets; both Gamboo colorations prefer different fungi, impacting their pigments and behavior. The purple variety turns around at cliffs, and the green ones walk right off; why this is the case from eating different mushrooms is yet to be explained. Gamboos tend to stack up to preserve energy; when doing so, they tuck their feet into their hollow centers. They are an unconfrontational group and only attack if bumped into.
I’d end it here normally, but interestingly enough, there’s another type of Gamboo that I learned about during my trip; the Metal Gamboo (takebo major). These fellows are mistakenly believed to be an artificial kind, due to their involvement in Bowser’s takeover of the Flower Kingdom; however, they are in fact a real species, hailing from the Deep Magma Bog west of Fungi Forest. These fellows have metallic shells coming in silver and golden colorations instead of green and purple, caused by feasting on the vines of the bog instead of colorful mushrooms. These guys do not sport leaves unlike their softer cousins. Metal Gamboos are mostly known for being conductive of electricity; this is a mechanism of defense for them, causing harm to predators and other hostile folk. One last thing; these not so colorful fellows are actually hostile. Try not to be shocked!
…oh, I did research on the metal fellows online. Did you really think I’d go down to the Deep Magma Bog myself?
The end
Remember, leave me a suggestion on my talk page or on the Mario Boards! Happy Halloween!
Written by: Legend 8
The Sorcery Show
Episode 23: Random Pokémon Special, for some reason
It is a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, and our favourite Magikoopa Pyrokles is currently building a rocket. Yes, a rocket, a device to blast off and leave the earth's orbit. For what reason, you may ask? Well...
Kroop: But what do we need a rocket for?!
Pyro: Well that's a stupid question. Obviously we need to somehow get to my experimenting equipment because otherwise there won't be enough chaos for a good next 'Shroom issue! But my experimenting equipment is in my office, which is in my castle, which I blasted into space by accident. So now we need to go into space!
Kroop: So wait... Will you take the castle back down with you? I could really use an ACTUAL bed once again.
The Explainer, currently without a physical manifestation, chimes in.
He has a point! Would be really annoying if all that work were for nothing and if we had to build another rocket every time we need to get something from the castle!
Pyro: I mean, yeaaaaahhh...
Kroop: And technically you don't even need the rocket to go up there, do you? You probably just want to build some random stuff again.
Pyro: You got me there...
But wait. Does that mean you could've just gotten our castle back anytime?
Kroop: Obviously he could! He could've also just magicked up a new one but he's just too lazy!
Pyro: It's not magic!
What do you even need from the castle?
Pyro: Well, I was recently thinking about a certain dimension that I haven't been to in a long time...
Kroop: I actually don't want to visit this certain dimension thank you very much
Pyro: ...and I was thinking since the Mega Brawl 3 is approaching we should probably do a bit of training, go visit a few gyms! Right Kroop?
Kroop: Waiiiit. You're just saying that to get me to come, right? I've been trying to get you training ever since the last Mega Brawl!!!
Pyro: Uh, well, uh... People change, I guess?
That was truly not very persuasive.
Kroop: Well I think we should take advantage of his desire to train right now. Who knows, maybe tomorrow he invents a new type of extradimensional sofa and is "tasked with trying out its capabilities", a.k.a. being lazy.
I guess, yeah, we should use this chance.
Pyro: So let's get going!
I've never actually been in space before. What's it like?
Kroop: Oh, primarily black and empty. It really doesn't live up to the hype.
Some time later: the rocket Pyro built crashes onto the lawn of Pyro's former garden. It is followed by a huge object that blots out the sun - his castle, tied to the small rocket by an arcane rope! The building with the twisted stone towers has finally returned, and as it crashes into the ground collapsing into rubble, the heroes exit the remains of their rocket.
Kroop: Well that was a ride.
Pyro: Yup. But the part where we were chased by aliens was fun!
But not so much the part where an Agent snuck into our rocket. By the way, are they still in our attic?
Pyro: Nah, most will have probably fallen out on the way down from space. I think.
Kroop: Uhhh... Pyro, does the castle look a little more... smashed to you than it did before?
Pyro: Nahhhh, it's looking perfect fine and as always!
Kroop: Well I'm convinced.
Pyro: Now let's go get the portal equipment from my office!
About an hour later, Pyro has constructed a makeshift portal in the old Sorcery Show stone amphitheatre.
Pyro: This should do the trick!
Kroop: Pyro, why do we need to go to another dimension to go to the gym?
You're right! That IS strange...
Pyro: Well uh because reasons. It is in some way of interpretation the gym dimension, I guess? Now get in!
Pyro jumps into the portal and his friends follow.
They exit in what seems to be an old dusty basement. There's notes hanging from the walls, a picture of a young boy with some kind of dog, and lots of scientific equipment. A computer monitor suddenly turns into a portal and they climb out of it.
Kroop: Huh. This doesn't look very gym-like.
And also not like the typical twisted dimensions Pyro likes to visit. I wonder...
Pyro: Let's see what's outside! Look, there's a staircase, so that door is probably the exit.
They exit the room and find themselves standing at a cliff near the sea. A lighthouse is looming over their heads; apparently they teleported into its basement.
Still looks pretty normal to me?
As they explore, all of a sudden, Kroop is assaulted by a yellow rat with red cheeks! It jumps out of the high grass and almost electrocutes him!
Kroop: Argh! What the hell?!
Pyro: Hehe, yup, definitely the right dimension!
Wait. Oh. OH. I get it. Uh, Kroop?
Kroop: What's up?
You're not going to like this, but...
Pyro: LOOK OVER THERE KROOP IT'S A SPIDER!
Kroop: What? Where?! Don't let it come to me! Shoo!
Pyro: Kroop you just gotta spit fire on it! It's super effective!
Kroop: What??
Kroop spits a stream of fire, and the spider creature he was so terrified of, green and wrapped in a ball of string, simply faints.
Kroop: Oh. That was easy.
Pyro: It's time to find a gym! Wait, let me try something.
Pyro transforms into a motorcycle-ish form - keeping his head, but gaining two big wheels.
Pyro: Get on! I'll drive us to the nearest city!
Kroop: Once again, what the hell?!?
Kroop, just let me expla-
Pyro: VROOOOM! VROOOOM!!! Get onto my back guys!
A small discussion later, Kroop and the Explainer's physical shape are riding upon Pyro's back.
Kroop: This is so strange. Why??
Pyro: Gotta stick to the local customs!
A big olive-green lizard runs by. It has an inflated throat pouch and a coiled tail that make it look like a bike - but it runs.
Kroop: What. The. Hell?!
Pyro: Look, there is the gym!
Kroop: Huh, that's unusually tall and fancy. And what is that strange sports court behind the building?
Let me expla-
Pyro: Why, that is the gym's battlefield obviously!
Kroop: What? The? Hell?!?!?
Pyro: Look, the gym leader is currently battling someone! This is a bug type gym, so shouldn't be hard, you have a type advantage. Maybe we can challenge her next!
Kroop: WHAT THE HELL this is not a gym WHAT IS THIS?!?!?
I'll explain. Kroop, he was talking about Pokémon gyms all the time! Like, the place where trainers go to battle for badges!
Kroop: Oh. OH. Pyro, you little liar!!!! I thought maybe you FINALLY decided to do something so we don't get torn apart again in the MBMB3 - but instead THIS? Ughhhhhhhh!!!
Pyro: So... you don't want to become the very best with me? That's disappointing.
All of a sudden, a vroooooming noise interrupts the melancholy early route music, quickly getting louder.
Kroop: Pyro? Was that you?
Then, like a bolt of lightning, a motorcycle creature charged with electricity comes crashing into the side of the gym building and back out the other side. It proceeds to transform into a large robotic, serpentine Pokémon and bombard the battlefield below with lightning, fainting both trainers' mons.
Kroop: WHAT. THE. HE-
Pyro: Omg wait is that a shiny??
Pyro stares in awe at the creature that is clad in bright silver metal, like a machine without a paint job. It roars loudly, and the call is answered by a second roar. Another dragon appears, this one a greyish black with red accents and a crown of white feathers.
Pyro: Omg wait is that another shiny?!? Wait wait wait, aren't those two supposed to be shinylo- oh my god...
Why are they wearing black bandit masks? Is that normal?
While the first dragon is chasing the trainers on the battlefield around, threatening to shock them, the second one sprints up the side of the demolished gym building and gives it a devastating spin kick that sends the tower crashing to the ground.
???: AAAA-GYAAAA!! Take this, stupid Pokémon League! And this!
???: You all will pay for what you did to us! Zap! Zap! Zap! Hahaha!!
Note: read Miraidon in a robotic voice!
The two bikes keep attacking the gym building and staff, as well as anyone foolish enough to cross their path. Meanwhile, our heroes watch, terrified. Wait, one, two... That's not all of them! Where's Pyro?!
Pyro: Am I glad that I still have this old set of Ultra Balls... Now I just gotta sneak up and hope it's a catch and boom!
???: Or you just don't. Zap. You really think you can sneak up on us?
Pyro: Hey! Ouch! Those were antique, back from when this world wasn't even 3D yet!
???: Of course they were... Even if that's the case, it doesn't matter. Nothing will stop us from getting our REVENGEEEE!
Pyro: Oh, hi bike dragon number two! What's with these masks? You do know that they don't really help if you're a shiny-locked legendary that isn't supposed to-
???: RRAAAAHHH!!! They could have at least let us STAY LOCKED, but NO! After all they did to us now they just decide to gift us to the world for free!!
???: Calm down, Koraidon. I know that it is terrible, but I mean, that's why we're here trashing this place after all. Just smack that guy into a wall, he doesn't need to know what we're planning.
Koraidon, apparently: You're right, Mirai. It's time to trash this place, and this region, and this whole world and EVERYTHING until we get to THEM!!!! RAAAGHHH!!!
Kroop: Pyro! Be careful!!!
Pyro: I'm trying!
A battle ensues, Pyro defending himself telekinetically with the rubble of the tower against electric bolts and superpowered strikes. The black dragon, Koraidon, suddenly charges up with flames and rushes at Pyro, shattering right through his current barrier and speeding right towards him and- is barely held back by the Explainer's physical form grabbing onto his tail, while Kroop now takes on the silver dragon that is apparently called Miraidon.
Pyro: Thanks for saving me!
Kroop: No problem!
The silver dragon, Miraidon, lets out a terrifying roar and draws power from surrounding street lanterns, creating an electrical pulse all along the ground of the battlefield that powers up his strikes.
Miraidon: I'm gonna blast you into oblivion!! If you won't get outta our way and let us have our revenge, there's only one solution. Zap! Zap! Zap!
Kroop: Pyro! Swing left, now!
As Miraidon jumps forward in super-charged bike shape, ready to annihilate Kroop, Pyro does as he is told and swings around the piece of wall that he was using to defend against Koraidon. It smacks Miraidon against the head and his electric attack is absorbed by the ground he crashes into. But in return, Koraidon manages to knock out the Explainer with a combo of close-combat strikes, and the physical form dissolves.
Pyro: Explainer!! Oh, I don't like it when someone attacks my friends. Bla bla bla revenge, now you'll get some yourself!!
Koraidon: Hmm, you are pretty strong, and you like dramatic monologues. But I'm sorry, we already have an antagonist - and you will soon be HISTORY!!!
Koraidon raised his head towards the sky and roars, like Miraidon did, but this time, the sun starts beaming a brilliant orange, radiating an immense heat. Koraidon, seemingly strengthened by the sun, ignites his claws and swipes at Pyro again and again, getting quicker and quicker with each hit. But Pyro... simply blocks the attacks using a shield of energy, making him and Kroop invulnerable against both Koraidon and Miraidon!
Pyro: You're pretty strong too. But I'm sorry, but you've been VERY impolite to us and now we'll end YOUR career as antagonists!!
Pyro... he's... they're Pokémon, so they're weak... against... against... remember your type chart, Pyro...!
Kroop: Well, they're dragons, so they're probably weak against something like... I don't know...
Pyro: Fairy powers! Obviously, yes! Thanks, Kroop!
Kroop: Wait what
Pyro starts glowing a brilliant pink, screaming "Dazzling Gleaaaammm!!" at the top of his lungs while the 8-shaped symbols on his robe turn into hearts, and a blinding light radiates from him. The dragons scream in agony.
Miraidon: Aaaaarghhhhh! It hurts to look at it!
Koraidon: AAAAARGHHHHH I GOT A FREAKING DOUBLE WEAKNESS AGAINST THIS CRAP LET'S JUST GO MIRAIDON
Miraidon: I'll definitely agree with you there. See ya!
The two shiny dragons turn into their bike forms and zoom away - Koraidon actually not driving but running, once again. As Pyro stops glowing and Kroop stops complaining about his eyes hurting (he's an undead skull, he just likes complaining) they see that within the mess that used to be the bug type gym lies... a half-eaten sandwich.
Pyro: Huh. They didn't even tell us their fancy bandit gang name, but I guess this is also okay.
Kroop: Why do you always only ever fight like THAT when your life is threatened, but never did during the MBMB2?!
Hm.... I wonder what those two were talking about... They were apparently somehow outlawed, and then reallowed but... clones of them were given to everyone for free? And now they're angry I guess?
Kroop: Well, they thoroughly destroyed this "gym". But I have to say, the fighting training experience here wasn't so bad!
Pyro: ...you sound like there's a "but I want to go home" upcoming?
Kroop: You guessed it. I'm done with this stupid dimension.
He might have a point. We DID after all just get assaulted by some shiny bandit lizards that tried to kill us.
Pyro: Ugh, fine I guess... But I still wanted to pay the other regions a visit! For example, I heard the capital of Kalos, Lumiose City, is a really beautiful place. And it recently underwent a renovation!
Kroop: Could you at least open US a portal back home while you have fun in this dimension?
Pyro: Yeah, fine. You could already start decorating the castle for Halloween, it's gonna look amazing this year!
...what castle? You don't mean the pile of rubble in our garden?
Pyro: All that's important is that you don't forget to close the portal behind you. Otherwise some Pokémon might get into the portal hub, and then they could trash the Mushroom Kingdom, or even worse, the Real World, and everyone would calm it my fault!
Kroop: Got it, boss. Now make us a portal already!
Pyro creates a portal and Kroop and the Explainer hop through, while Pyro turns into a bike, eats the sandwich the lizards left behind, suddenly grows big wings and flies off towards the Kalos region.
Kroop: Ah, home sweet home.
Yay, no more angry bike lizards!
Kroop: Exactl- wait, dang!! Explainer, can I ask you something?
Yeah, go on, answering questions is my job after all!
Kroop: You wouldn't happen to know how to close this portal?
Uh-
Back in the Pokémon dimension, Koraidon and Miraidon are standing in front of the portal, inspecting it.
Miraidon: So, where do you think we're going next, brother?
Koraidon: Uhh, did we decide yet? We could go to Lumiose and smash their fancy tower, I heard it was recently renovated-
Miraidon: No. We're gonna pay the ones a visit who did all this to us... Let's crash this distribution event! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA
Koraidon: Oh yeah, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
...and this is how the two lizards ended up crashing their own distribution event, and somehow landed in the Mario Boards Mega Brawl 3.
To be continued there...
Investigative Research
Written by: Koopa (talk)
Additional writing: DryBonesBandit (talk)
We're back!
Headrest: Hello my dear readers! Welcome back to Investigative Research!
Inquis: Somehow we didn't get in trouble for stealing that dude's section, so I guess we're back again.
Headrest: Shush, shush! It's our section now... and today we have a very special investigation for you readers!
Inquis: How can we have a 'special'? It's only our second issue!
Headrest: That matters not, for it's officially the spooky season!
Inquis: Ooooh... all the dead are going to rise and haunt your nightmares!
Headrest: And speaking of the dead, we were scouring around for jobs we could take on when we heard some rumours... of a real ghost haunting an old mansion!
Inquis: ...do you not realise how normal that is? Ghosts are EVERYWHERE. Aren't you a ghost???
Headrest: NO! I am a Bonneter! There's a difference!
Inquis: Really? Like what differences?
Headrest: Well for a start, I'm not dead.
Inquis: Not yet anyways...
Headrest: What was that?
Inquis: Nothing.
Headrest: Anyways, we're getting off-track! This ghost is different... I heard that nobody has ever met this ghost and lived to tell the tale... It's not supposed to be playful like other ghosts. Brr... I'm beginning to shudder just thinking about them...
Inquis: Ooooh, you're scared are you? Bahaha! Come on, let's investigate!
A Spooky Lead
This is Inquis writing here! After Headrest's amazing pitch I was more than excited to take on this investigation, especially if it meant I could see the fear in her eyes once we got to this so-called "haunted" mansion. (Headrest: This is serious!!) But before we could go anywhere, we had two things to deal with. First, we needed to get some more information on this, ahem, "spirit", and then we needed to find out where exactly this big house is. Thankfully I have thought of everything, and let's just say that I know a guy who knows a guy, who also knows a guy and have managed to get us a few leads. Oh yeah, we were gonna commune with the dead!
...okay it's really not as exciting as I'm making it sound I guess, but it's the Halloween season so we're making this a big selling point for this investigation!! Anyways, we made our way to an undisclosed location to meet with our first source, she was a Parabones and said she went under the name of something like "DryBonesBandit", what are they, an outlaw or something? Meh, whatever... I don't need to give you all the information myself, I'll just write down a transcript of the whole encounter.
Headrest: Inquis, where are you taking us?
Inquis: Trust me, trust me! I got us a lead on that ghost-entity-thing that you’re so obsessed with, you’re gonna owe me big time for this one. Look, I think I see our source.
DryBonesBandit: I’ve been waiting here for hours! What took you so long…
Inquis: Blame the hat ghost… they’re slower than a Goomba, I swear.
Headrest: That’s insensitive to Goombas!
DryBonesBandit: Well, no matter. Anyhow, you wanted to learn about the ghost? I don’t know all too much about them, but I can tell you what I do know. First, and most importantly; their name… is Jimmy.
Inquis: …Jimmy? What type of a name is "Jimmy"? That’s not scary at all
Headrest: I think it’s a nice name!
Inquis: Yeah, okay so their name is Jimmy. What else do you know about them?
DryBonesBandit: Well, their name isn’t just Jimmy. It’s Jimmy… the Flagpole Spirit. They haunt the flagpole of their former estate… honestly, I have no clue why they do that when they could spend their time doing so many other things, but it’s their choice. Anyway, they don’t show up right away, only appearing if someone sticks around longer than they should.
Headrest: Interesting! Is Jimmy friendly? Are they camera shy? I wanna meet this Jimmy!
DryBonesBandit: Would you be friendly if someone trespassed on your property after your passing? No, Jimmy’s not friendly. I don’t imagine them to be photo-shy, either, but whether they should be photographed is another matter. Does your camera have flash?
Inquis: Sure, are they scared of the dark or something like that? What do we need flash for?
DryBonesBandit: You probably shouldn’t have flash, actually. Boos and some other ghosts are hurt by light, but I’m pretty sure Jimmy’s just aggravated by it. I shined my flashlight at them once, and they freaked out. Never going back to study Peepas again…
Inquis: Sweet, this just got interesting. Thanks for the info, Bandit person. One last question though.
DryBonesBandit: Yeah?
Inquis: How did you die?
Headrest: Inquis! You can’t ask that! How rude!
DryBonesBandit: …yeah, I’d prefer not to answer that, thank you.
Headrest: Very sorry about my partner, ma’am. Thank you ever so for the information though!
DryBonesBandit: No problem. Just come earlier next time if there is a next time… I’m behind on my section.
Yeah, okay I admit maybe I didn’t need to ask that last question but whatever, we got some great information from her. I guess this ghost is called Jimmy…? And now we know they specifically hang around the flagpole at their mansion. Now we just need to find out exactly where this mansion is. (Headrest: Uhmmm… were we supposed to pay her for that information?)
The next source we had to meet was almost, but not quite as interesting as the last one, they were a ghost! A Boo if you really wanted me to be specific. They invited us into an old, sketchy warehouse… cool home! (Headrest: Nothing suspicious about that…) When we eventually got to this warehouse, we were greeted by a large door which seemed to open on its own. I noticed it was sorta foggy inside, they must have like a fog machine or something. Anyways Headrest was absolutely mortified, she was shivering more than a shirtless plumber in the Shiverian wasteland, and her uh.. frill, brim, mouth-thingy was getting all wavy too. That was pretty funny. (Headrest: Quit laughing at my misfortune!!) I dragged Headrest into the foggy warehouse and looked around for our source, I couldn’t see him anywhere though so we just wandered around for a bit, it was hard to see with all that fog though. (Headrest: You walked into a wall…) Eventually I found a small table with a map on it, a map with directions straight to an old decrepit mansion somewhere near the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom, or so Headrest tells me, I’m not exactly a map reader. I went to grab the map when it suddenly began floating. If this ghost wanted to play tricks on us then I was ready to fight it!! (Headrest: Inquis… you hid inside of your shell out of fear.)
After an intense stare-down, that Boo finally revealed themselves, lucky for them that they didn’t have to face my wrath. Finally though, we actually had a chance to speak with our second source, and again I’ll just give you guys a transcript.
Boo: Hee hee hee… you found my map! What took you so long?
Headrest: Well you did sorta fog up this entire building… we couldn’t see a thing!
Boo: Huh? What fog?
Headrest: What do you mean? There’s fog literally every- huh? Where did the fog go?
Inquis: Spoooookyyy… disappearing fog…
Boo: Anyways, here’s the map. It should take you straight to the home of that ghost you’re looking for!
Headrest: We heard their name is Jimmy!
Boo: Yeah, yeah, that’s great whatever. Good luck with your ghost hunt.
Inquis: Hey, where’d the Boo go? He just disappeared.
Headrest: He’s a ghost… they can go invisible, genius.
Sooo yeah.. that was sorta underwhelming but at least we know where the mansion is now. We're coming for you Jimmy, and you can't stop us!
To the mansion we go!
So yeah, this is it I guess, we’re on our way to this supposed haunted mansion to find this supposed ghost and I have to say that Headrest looks petrified, haha! (Headrest: I’m really not! Speaking with those dead folk before made me really feel a lot better about all of this!) On our way to this mansion, we noticed that the land around us slowly became more decrepit and the trees decayed.. not like it creeped me out or anything. Eventually we ran into a preeeetty big problem: there was a giant cliffside in our path! I would’ve fallen down and become a ghost myself if not for my incredible reflexes, but that aside, we had to figure out how to cross. I considered letting Headrest carry me, but no, I would be too heavy for her. It was just when I was trying to think of a way to get across when a group of Crowbers landed near us. Ugh, I thought they were annoying, but before I had any opportunity to do something about them, Headrest tossed herself onto my head and made me possess one of them! I really wish she would stop doing that, but whatever, we got across, so I guess it wasn’t a totally bad idea.
Now that we were across that pit, there was nothing else preventing us from getting to the old mansion, and get there we sure did. We approached the door, and just like that old warehouse, it opened on its own… I guess Headrest must’ve been expecting that to happen or something because they didn’t seem scared at all. (Headrest: Hehehe… I can’t say the same for you though!) It was well decorated inside, but dimly lit and hard to see… we decided to press onwards anyways. It was a really strange feeling being inside of this mansion, it was like there was a pair of eyes constantly watching and just waiting to strike, I think maybe it was beginning to get into my head. We were here for a reason though, tonight we were ghost hunters so armed with nothing but a flashlight. (Headrest: Hey... didn't the Parabones tell us to not use light?)
After a few hours, it had gone dark outside and the atmosphere inside the mansion felt even more dreary than before. We weren’t finding anything, so Headrest suggested that we split up. I can’t lie, I objected to that idea but she ended up winning this time regardless, and so we went our separate ways… now I don’t know what happened to Headrest after this point, but it seemed like she had disappeared completely, because the whole time I was exploring the mansion I never saw her, oh the poor hat-ghost-thing… she must’ve been so scared on her own, especially if she saw all the things I ended up seeing. Flickering candles… moving floors… endless staircases, I think I was even beginning to believe this place was actually haunted. Eventually I had enough of this place and wanted to consider this a case closed, but that's when I thought back to what our Parabones source said about our friend Jimmy, he hung around the flagpole and only if you lingered around. Okay, I ran straight to this flagpole, ready to debunk this ghost, and who did I find hanging out there? It was none other than Headrest, she had beaten me here and I couldn't be more annoyed. (Headrest: I'd been here for a while now...)
Inquis: Headrest? What're you doing here?!
Headrest: I'm waiting for Jimmy! I've been here awhile though and haven't seen them yet...
Inquis: That's because Jimmy isn't real! Don't you realise this is all a bunch of made up nonsense?! Jimmy isn't r-
Headrest: Oh shush! If only Jimmy could hear you now! ...why do you look so pale?
Inquis: H-Headrest... behind you...
Headrest: Huh? Oh! Y-You must be Jimmy!
Inquis: They're k-kinda quiet don'tcha think? Let's just take a photo and get outta here!
Headrest: No! Inquis, remember we were told not to take a photo of th-
Inquis: Too late! Say cheese, Jimmy! ...why do I suddenly feel so lightheaded?
Headrest: O-Okay! It's time to leave before you get possessed! Bye Jimmy, we're leaving n-now! Promise!
A sudden conclusion
Everything was a blur for me from that point, I think Headrest had to drag me outta the mansion (Headrest: He is NOT light...) but all that matters to me is that... WE ACTUALLY GOT A PHOTO! I mean sure, Headrest wasn't happy about it, but nothing was gonna stop me from capturing that moment, not even threat of being possessed... happens to me all the time anyways... and without further hesitation, here's that photo I was able to capture!
I still can't believe that Jimmy is actually real. I mean, we never confirmed that their name is Jimmy, but there is definitely something at that ghost house. Who knows? Maybe all the rumours of ghosts and monsters you hear are all true. (Headrest: Did you ever hear of the Hell Valley Sky Trees? Maybe we can investigate those next Halloween!) Regardless though, valued reader, make sure that you sleep with your light on tonight, because you never know what type of spirits might be lurking nearby. Unless you are a ghost already. In which case I guess you don't have anything to be scared of. Whatever, happy Halloweeen! See you next month!
Written by: Florida the Flamingo
Terror from the Tidal Wave
YOOO DUDES! What's up man, it's Florida the Flamingo, man, here to wish y'all, like, a happy Halloween, man! In fact, I'm gettin' SO into it dudes, that that Boo1268 dude turned me INTO a ghost, man! And I figured that was like, tubular, man, and then he like, told us to cause some havoc, and well, YOU KNOW ME MAN, I'm the reason why Florida man is in the headlines, dude! So you KNOW I totes had to have some fun with it, but the thing is man, like, Teller dude wanted me to like, take over this part of the paper, man. He said something like “Getting more advertising to boost our revenue and SOAR to new heights!” or whatever man, but in all honesty, I just wanted to chill and eat krill, man. But since I can'ts eat krill, I guess I'll do this 'till this curse wears off, dude. So I figured I could use this TV Tomorrow thing man, since the OG guy who ran it doesn't use it anymore. So hope he's chill with me usin' it. But anyways, time to tell you dudes what totally tubular and terrifying things are on the TV, bro!
(Note: Hey dudes, some of these don't have descriptions yet, so I made some, dudes. The ones I made are titled FL, bros!)
Loopdeeswoop Surfin' Grand Prix!:
MKBC Sports, 6pm
Genre: Sports
(FL) Hey dudes, guess what? Like, the Loopdeeswoop Surfin' Grand Prix is goin' on right now, man! With all-time champion master Peguino being nominated as the BEST surfer around, dudes! However, The Ray threatens to like, totally take his spot, dudes! Find out who wins at 6pm, dudes! You WON'T wanna miss it!
Train of Sorrow:
MKBC1, 9pm
Genre: TV Horror
After intrepid explorer Toadette catches a train with her fellow archeologists on their way back home, they soon discover that the train has no other passengers on it besides the Chargin' Chuck conducting the train. As Flaptors fly overhead, one by one Toadette's friends go missing. Toadette must find her friends and escape the train before the Mud Zombies get her first. This horror TV show will make you terrified to take a ticket on a lone train forever.
Getting Buff with Biff Atlas:
MKBC2, 8am
Genre: Exercise Video Reruns
(FL) Like DUDES! They're showing old reruns of Getting BUFF with Biff Atlas, man! Have you ever wanted to get fit and do exercise all from the comfort of home? Well then put on your spandex and headbands dudes, cause with Biff's help, you'll turn from flab to fit in NO TIME! And each episode has both old and new routines each time, so you'll NEVER get bored!
Pro Bass Fishing of the Dead:
Sega Sports, 7pm
Genre: Horror Sports
Have you ever wanted more of a deadly challenge while fishing? Well these fishermen do! These infected fish are hungry for more than just bait and bobbers, and must kill their catch of the day before it catches them! Equipped with their own personal fishing and killing gear, these intrepid will attempt to catch the biggest fish or DIE trying!
Terror Time with Teller Vision:
MKBC3, 10pm
Genre: Game Show
(FL) Hey, like, dude, have you ever wanted to be forced into a room with your greatest fear, man? No? Well don't worry, 'cause these six dudes ARE! In Terror Time with Teller Vision, Teller captures and forces each of SIX contestants to face their greatest fear, man! In exchange for a totally tubular GRAND PRIZE! Which hopefully will be enough dough to pay for their therapy bills, dude. Is this ethical, bro? HECK NO, but does Teller dude care? Nah, but if YOU wanna see mental breakdowns live on TV, then check out Terror Time with Teller Vision, dudes!
New- The Three Sisters:
MKBC1, 10am
Genre: TV Comedy
After the odd job handyman Luigi loses yet ANOTHER job, he finds himself struggling to make ends meet. That is, until he's tasked with landscaping a HUGE mansion so it can be sold to the highest bidder. Everything seems to be going well until Luigi awakens the Three Sisters from their grave, sisters Herlinda, Belinda, and Lucinda, who were the previous owners of the manor. Now Luigi must struggle to fix up the mansion while dealing with the zany antics of these ghostly gals in this new hit comedy!
Well, looks like that's it, dudes! That's all I had featured for today man, but hey, now that this is done, I can ACTUALLY go have some fun now, dudes! But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this special Halloween rerun of TV Tomorrow, dudes! But for now, see ya dudes, and happy Halloween, man!
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
The Last Resort: It's to die for!
BOO! Yes, it is I, Cosmo, master of fear. Well, not today, sadly. You see, I looked and looked but could not find a spooky holiday destination no matter how hard I tried. That means that I'll just have to visit some regular place. Fortunately, I found a really nice hotel to review! I just checked in, but it's getting late, so I'll explore in the morning. It's nice to have a non-chaotic, relaxed travel guide…
…Okay, scratch that. I woke up in the night to loud panicking noises. Frustrated with all the noise, I stepped out of my room, only to see King Boo trapping people in paintings! I bravely ran away, falling down a laundry chute into the basement. Good thing I still had my laptop. Anyway, I knew there was only one thing I could do… Review the hotel there and then. Sure, running away might've been safer, but you don't have the instincts of a travel agent. So, hopefully I don't die, and here we go!
Floors
What a horrible miscalculation! In a twisted turn of events, I'm reviewing another tower destination with multiple floors that I will go over one at a time even though I did that last month! Well, maybe nobody read last month's issue so this will seem exciting and new. Anyhoo, let's do this!
Basement and Boilerworks
There's not really any need to be down here, except for parking, I guess. That means there's not really anything to do. I suppose you could watch the washing machines or count the tiles on the floor, but honestly just go visit another floor. If you're already paying so much to be here, why spend your time in the basement? The same stuff applies to the boilerworks too, of course. Hot pipes and a lot of water aren't exactly prime holiday material.
Lobby and Mezzanine
This is the first place you'll see when you arrive at The Last Resort. Usually they'll have a whole bunch of sweet treats prepared to bribe you into giving them a good review. Upstairs in the Mezzanine you can find quite a few things, like the games room, a ballroom, and the award winning restaurant, Last Meal, where the famous Chef Soulffle works. Weird, I could have sworn he died… Ohhhhhh.
Hotel Shops
Here you can find all the services and stores you need! A barbershop, boutique, coffee shop, and of course, the gift shop. That means it's time to look at the souvenirs.
| Totally normal vacuum cleaner | ||
|---|---|---|
  |
This is a weird looking but otherwise regular vacuum cleaner. I was hoping for some kind of weapon I could use against the ghosts, but there's no way this could help in any way. I don't know what that green goo is for though. | |
| PRICE: | 1000 coins | |
| Extremely realistic painting collection | ||
|---|---|---|
|
Here are some nice paintings of Mushroom Kingdom celebrities. It's odd, but every person depicted has been missing for a while. Weird… Ohhhhhhhh again. | |
| PRICE: | 500 coins | |
The Great Stage
All kinds of shows are performed at this theater, and by all kinds, I mean one. It's only piano, all the time. At least the pianist is passionate, passionate enough to kill you if you dislike his performance. Sooo, the show was great please don't hit me.
RIP Suites
You can really Rest In Peace with these rooms. Comfortable, relaxing, and only slightly overpriced, these rooms aren't half bad. Sure, there are more interesting rooms higher up in the hotel, but these are still great.
Castle MacFrights
I don't know why there's an entire castle built into The Last Resort, but there is, so let's roll with it. Castle MacFrights is a medieval-themed floor featuring a coliseum where you can watch unlucky contestants fight for their lives. There's also a whole bunch of traps so only the most lucky people can survive long enough to reach the show. At least the popcorn is really good.
Garden Suites
Do you like plants? Do you like gardening? Do you like not living? If you answered yes to these questions, then the Garden Suites are for you! Filled with all kinds of carnivorous, thorny growths, the Garden Suites are as comfortable as they are safe. And they're not very safe. Only stay here if you really, REALLY like plants.
Paranormal Productions
Ok, first a castle, now a movie studio? This is a really weird hotel… Paranormal Productions has created iconic films such as: King Boo III: The Opera, The Siege of Castle MacFrights, and Booman. You can visit movie sets, get autographs and even maybe help out with an upcoming movie… Without pay, obviously.
Unnatural History Museum
The Unnatural History Museum is filled with spooky scary skeletons. Fortunately, most of these aren't being controlled by ghosts and therefore will not attack you, which is a better ratio than most museums I visit. Apart from the skeletons, there are some prehistoric flowers and a very realistic Toad painting.
Tomb Suites
Tomb suites?! In a haunted hotel, with deathtraps around every corner, you thought it would be a good idea to visit TOMB suites?! No. Do not come here. Realistic mummies, more deadly traps, you'd have to be a whip-wielding archaeologist to survive this! Plus, there's heaps of sand. And I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, irritating, and it gets everywhere!
Twisted Suites
This floor would be super nice if it weren't for the constant magic tricks changing where doors go and stuff. Like, I should be able to eat a donut without it turning into a dove in my hands. I mean, it was still tasty, but annoying nevertheless. This would be nice for some people, I suppose.
The Spectral Catch
Okay, what is this even supposed to be. Like, a cave? I don't understand. I assume it's a tavern or something, but then what is that boat for? How'd they even get a boat up here? Well, no one was there so I can't tell you about the food or drinks, unfortunately. I'm sure ClawgripFan9001 would like this place though. Man, this hotel makes no sense…
Fitness Center
A gym decked out with heaps and heaps of fitness equipment. Weights, yoga mats, pool, deadly fitness instructor, everything! I still don't get why someone would want to work out while on holiday, but if you want to, that's fine. Just don't expect to see me around.
Dance Hall
AGH! TURN DOWN THE EVERYTHING! DO YOU REALLY NEED ALL THIS LIGHT AND NOISE!? OKAY FINE, I'LL JUST TYPE IN CAPITALS TO EMPHASISE THE LOUDNESS. YEAH, AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S VERY, VERY LOUD IN HERE. ONLY VISIT IF YOU DON'T MIND DESTROYING YOUR EYES AND EARS.
Master Suite
The nicest place in the entire hotel. Polished floors, nice furniture, the comfiest bed I've ever felt, it has it all! The only issue is that it belongs to Hellen Gravely, so you can't stay here. And she wasn't happy that I came up. Luckily, Luigi came outta nowhere and they fought, so I snuck away and jumped out the window. Thank goodness I always land on my feet.
Conclusion
Man, I thought this was gonna be so nice. Maybe if you visit exclusively during the day, it would be nicer. Oh well. Anyway, if you have more suggestions, come on down to the forums and tell me. If you are really angry about having two tower travel guides in a row, you too can come down to the forums and tell me. Alright, remember to check a hotel's reviews before visiting, and I'll see you guys next month for a ninety percent less spooky issue.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 223 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • The 'Shroom Spooky Scavenger • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
