The 'Shroom:Issue 223/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Greetings, all! Welcome back to to The 'Shroom in the spooky season!
I'm writing my notes a teeny bit early this month, so my copy of Pokemon Legends ZA hasn't arrived at my house yet. This space will be full of opinions about it next month, I'm sure, so for now, I'll tell you that I have been enjoying the fall weather we've gotten in my part of the U.S. I've gotten to wear some cute fall clothes, picked some apples, and watched the trees turn colors around me. My vacation starts very soon, so I'll be able to enjoy even more fall activities! I hope you all have a spooky Halloween!
We've got all of our regular sections for you this month, plus a special ghostly guest section! I won't keep you waiting up here for your spooks, so get going, friends!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Let's take a gander at Section of the Month for last month's issue! In first place, we have winstein (talk), with The ? Panel. Following up, we have Waluigi Time Comic, which was a joint section last month between Waluigi Time (talk) and MightyMario (talk). Coming in third, we have Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! You all loved the comics this time! Thank you for voting, and please keep it up for this month's issue as well!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 12 | 32.43% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Waluigi Time Comic | 8 | 21.62% | Waluigi Time (talk) and MightyMario (talk) |
| 3rd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 7 | 18.92% | Hint Toad (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Numbskulls"
Panel 1
[DryBonesBandit is flying in the air. Her head is replaced by Kroop, visibly spinning and with dazed, swirling pupils. Waluigi Time looks at her nonchalantly.]
WALUIGI TIME: You should be more careful covering fire creatures, DBB
Panel 2
[DryBonesBandit's head is sitting on a table with an irritated expression. Pyro looks at her with cheerful inquisition, while the Explainer raises his hand behind him.]
PYRO: You look different today, Kroop.
EXPLAINER: Let me explain-
PYRO: No no, I want to guess! New haircut?
DRYBONESBANDIT: ...
The ? Panel
Toad: 3
Toad: 2
Toad: 1
{Toad waves a flag to indicate the end of Toad Rally}
Toad: TIME!
{At the hall, Daisy and Toadette are nervous about the results during the Toad Tally phase. Toad is on a platform holding two flags. Many Red Toads are running towards each side. The numbers behind Daisy and Toadette are tallying up, with Daisy's having a slightly higher number over Toadette's.}
{Toadette catches attention of some Red Toads}
Toadette: Yoo-hoo!
{Toadette winks, while the background is sparkling}
{Many Red Toads run towards Toadette's side}
Daisy: {Shocked} WHAT?
{Toad waves the flag towards Toadette to indicate that she is the victor, the numbers showing that she won by one point, 491 over Daisy's 490. The word "Lose..." hovers near Daisy, while the word "Win!" hovers near Toadette}
Toad: By my judgement, I declare this win fair and square!
Daisy: {Angered} How is this even fair?
Toadette: {Arms akimbo} What can I say? My presence just brings in the Toads.
One of the Red Toads: Um, if it helps, I am still on your side.
Another Red Toad: No offense, but I just find Toadette irresistible!
Caption: After another Toad Rally match...
{On Toadette's side, there are lots of Red Toads, but not as many on Toad's side. Despite the Toad advantage on Toadette's side, Toad got a higher score, of 638 to Toadette's 489. Toadette is visibly shocked and the Red Toads on her side are dejected. Meanwhile, the few Red Toads on Toad's side celebrates.}
Toad: {Pumping fist with eyes closed} I'm the best!
{All the Red Toads go over to Toad's side after Toad wins. Toadette gets angry at all the Red Toads for changing sides}
Toadette: {Red-faced} All of you are TRAITORS!
Toad: {Pointing at Toadette} All that talent can't compare to my sick tricks!
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!, Issue #4, by Hint Toad
Panel 1
[Mario asking for a hint from Hint Toad and Uncle Amiibo. They are in the Wooded Kingdom.]
HINT TOAD: That'll be 50 coins.
Panel 2
[Mario asking for a hint from Hint Toad and Uncle Amiibo. They are in the Sand Kingdom.]
HINT TOAD: That'll be 50 coins.
Panel 3
[Mario asking for a hint from Hint Toad and Uncle Amiibo. They are in the Moon Kingdom.]
HINT TOAD: That'll be 50 coins.
Panel 4
[Hint Toad and Uncle Amiibo relaxing on a tropical beach.]
HINT TOAD: Man! Is Mario dumb or what?
UNCLE AMIIBO: Cheers to him!
The Ghostly Gallery
Written by: Peepcasso the Peepa
GREETINGS mortals! My name is Peepcasso the Peepa contempla la mia gloria! And I have-a been asked by signore Boo1268 to take over this part of The 'Shroom. Sorry Mr. gomma da masticare, I'm-a taking over now! And as such-a, I'm gonna show you some fantastico artwork of mine! All for your godimento.
First up-pa is a gallery of all the other "generali" Boo1268 commanded to take over their respective parts of The 'Shroom-a. In this drawing we have me! Peepcasso, Stats the Slinker, Nabstablook, Jackboolantern, and finally Cackleator the Greenie.
In-a this drawing, we have Tripliss, ze main antagonista of Shmaluigi Privato Investigator, who's apparently ze cousin of-a Doopliss.
Next up we have the main cattivi of this issue, and that's Lord Krad the Spirit of Darkness. Just-a look at him, so graceful, so EVIL! He's made of darkness itself, surely no one can defeat him!
Plus his eye which he can-a form by merging his two eyes together!
And that's all my friends! Have a happy Halloween mortals!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Boo1268
Midnight Masquerade: Part 1
The autumn chill had come to the city, and it always seemed to bring with it its fair share of crooks and creeps. I wasn't sure if it was coincidence or not, but the cases always seemed to get just a little weirder this time of year - and not just from everyday criminals trying to take advantage of Halloween antics.
These days, I was on the hunt for a fellow Duplighost going by the name of "Tripliss". Yeah, that name rings a bell... no pun intended. I'm not sure if he was trying to one-up Doopliss or what - for better or worse, that guy is one of the most famous Duplighosts out there. I get that it's been a long time since he turned from a life of villainy, but I don't know, something about that guy rubbed me the wrong way. But back to Tripliss. This guy was a notorious jewel thief, apparently active for quite some time but he had only moved into this area fairly recently. Naturally, I wasn't about to let that sort of thing go unchecked. But he was a slippery fellow, a master of disguise who hadn't managed to blow his cover thus far. Now, some people might think it's cheating a little bit to call a Duplighost a true master of disguise, considering our species' whole shtick is to be able to perfectly copy anyone they see. Maybe I'm a little biased, but I don't agree with that. Appearance is only part of it - if you really want to sell it, you have to act like them too, and that's not always as easy as it sounds. This guy, as far as I could tell, was highly skilled on that front.
As of late, the trail had gone cold. Truth be told, I couldn't even definitively connect Tripliss to any of the recent incidents, but they all had the same MO and the common thread of not realizing someone wasn't actually who they claimed to be until it was far too late. It matched up with what little information was out there on him, at least.
What I didn't need right now was distractions, but it seemed like that was just what I was going to get, because today was the day my brother came around.
"Hey, bro! You goin' to that Halloween party?" Shmwario asked, peering around the side of my computer while I was trying to get things done.
"What? No, you know parties aren't really my thing," I replied. I didn't even know what party he was talking about, but whatever it was, I could tell you I had no plans for it. You would think he'd get the idea by now, considering we grew up together and all, but he just kept pushing.
"Oh, c'mon! You didn't go to any last year, or the year before that, or uh... Y'know, I can't even think of the last time you've been to a party, let alone a Halloween one! And birthdays don't count! You gotta stop bein' such a wallflower and live a little! Look, I got a hot tip on a real good one this year, and I'm not takin' no for an answer!"
"No."
Shmwario laughed sarcastically in response. "Oh, look, we got a real comedian over here! I'll tell you what, you agree to go with me this year, and I promise I won't even bug you about it next year! Whaddaya say?"
I sighed - he never let me off the hook that easy, but he was especially persistent today. "What party are you talking about anyway?"
"The Fancy Phantom's! He's throwin' a big costume party in his mansion."
"That guy who writes The Spectral Lens?"
"Yeah, him. I think he's a big nerd, but there's gonna be a buffet! And he's gotta be loaded, so I'll bet he's gonna spring for a real good one, too! So... you gonna come?"
"I'll think about it. But if I agree and you don't hold up your end of the deal, I'll never let you hear the end of it."
"Huh, well that's better than I expected. There's an ad for it in the latest issue of The 'Shroom if you wanna check it out."
I have to admit, I saw that section and immediately glossed over it. Not much point in reading an ad for a party you're not going to, right? But I figured if Shmwario was going to drag me to this thing, I might as well find out what I was getting into.
Alright, let's see what we've got here - costume party on Killmore Hill, yadda yadda, the whole thing seemed pretty standard fare considering the combination of Halloween and fancy rich people parties. Nothing that seemed too terribly interesting to me personally, at least at first glance. But then something caught my attention - the Fancy Phantom was going to be unveiling his latest find, a diamond called the Devil's Eye. He even bragged about how valuable it was in the ad, and I can't say that was something I would recommend, especially for a party that was advertised and completely open to the public. Be that as it may, this seemed like exactly the sort of thing that would be an easy target for Tripliss. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to attend after all...
"Okay, I'll go."
Shmwario's eyebrows shot up so high they must've cleared his fake ones. "Wait, really? You're not pullin' my leg?"
"Well, I think Tripliss might try to steal the-"
His brows furrowed again. "Oh, c'mon, why's it always gotta be work with you? Sometimes you just gotta let loose."
"I... take days off. Sometimes."
"Uh huh. Well, whatever, the important thing is we're goin', we'll have a good time, maybe catch a bad guy, I dunno. You better not flake out on me!"
The evening of the party came, and here I was standing outside the gates, dressed in a jester costume. It was far from my first choice - looking like a clown as I walked around town was a little embarrassing - but those are the breaks when you try to buy a costume so close to Halloween, not a whole lot to choose from. Hopefully there would be enough people inside with similarly goofy attire that no one would really care.
Shmwario was late, as usual. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence, but I swear if I ever planned on him being late that he'd actually be on time for once. I could've just gone in solo, but I didn't really want to... If it weren't for the potential threat of Tripliss, I probably would've ended up deciding to just brush him off again at some point in the past few days. I kind of wished I was with Jasmine and Shmaisy right now - they were going to head off on a grocery run to pick up candy to hand out to the trick-or-treaters. We already stocked up before, but a certain older sibling of mine who will remain nameless got into it early, and, well, you know. Says a lot that I'd rather be at JojaMart, though.
Finally, Shmwario came walking up the sidewalk, dressed in a white cowboy hat and light blue suit.
"About time you showed up," I said. "Who are you supposed to be?"
"C'mon, you don't recognize it? I'm Cowboy Jed!" he replied. "Obviously you don't watch enough TV, 'cause he's a real big shot."
"Oh, you mean that kart salesman," I said, then my eyes drifted toward a paper bag he was carrying. I hadn't seen many of those commercials, but I was pretty sure that wasn't part of the costume. "What's with the bag?"
"For extras from the buffet, what else?"
I should've known... Well, no matter, it was time to head into the party. As I got closer to the old gates, a cold wind blew over me, sending a chill down my spine. I pulled them open with a loud creak, as if the gates themselves were audibly announcing that hey, this place is haunted, and a thick fog poured out into the street. Shmwario and I only took a few steps inside before the oppressive mist had completely drowned out the evening sunlight, making it seem as if it was the dead of night. Anyone coming through here to try and steal from the place would have to either be really brave, or have little sense of self-preservation.
"Well, isn't this welcoming," I said.
"No kidding, this place is a total creep show," Shmwario added.
We pressed on deeper, my shoes getting muddier with every step - it couldn't have killed them to at least invest in some cobblestone, would it? Tombstones of various shapes adorned with decaying flowers dotted the landscape, and mossy trees towered above us, adding to the darkness even further. The only light breaking through came from sparsely-placed lanterns. Great atmosphere for a Halloween party, to be fair - not so sure about your average Tuesday - but it wasn't helping at all when I was already on edge from the whole situation to begin with. I must've practically jumped out of my skin when I heard a voice speak directly into my ear out of nowhere.
"We've been expecting you."
Okay, yeah, I screamed, so what? Tell me you wouldn't in that situation. Once I got my bearings straight, I turned to see a mustachioed green ghost in a dapper suit, laughing.
"I'm terribly sorry for startling you, it's just that the atmosphere here in the Lich Yard is to die for," the ghost said, still smirking.
"You really got him good, Vincent," said a ghoulish-looking Toad, emerging from the fog ahead of us alongside a Mouser dressed in vampiric garb.
"Oh yeah, real funny, guy! You get hired to be entertainment for the party, or somethin'?" Shmwario asked.
"No, as a matter of fact, my companions and I are headed to the party ourselves. I just couldn't resist a good scare," Vincent replied.
"Ve better get going if ve vant to get to the party before that bothersome Cal catches up vith us," the Mouser said. He must have been committing pretty hard to the costume with that accent.
"Yes, yes, right you are, Bela. Well, I suppose I'll see you two at the party. Just a word of advice, mortals, you would do well to stay on the path... unless you wish to find yourselves at the mercy of the Lich Yard's inhabitants. Ahahaha!"
With that, the three of them turned and disappeared back into the fog. "Well, that was interesting," I said.
As we got further in, a particular sound managed to claw its way past the ambiance of nighttime critters and the chatter of spirits. It sounded like... someone dragging something heavy and made of metal across the ground.
"Hey, do you hear that?" I asked.
"You're gonna have to be more specific," Shmwario answered.
The sound grew louder, until a pair of glowing red eyes broke through the fog directly ahead of us. Its owner emerged, slowly revealing the figure of a Dark Bones wrapped in chains and dragging a coffin behind him. He was adorned with a tattered blue cloak, and as he got closer, I could see a crack running through his left eye socket. Eventually, he stopped and reached out his hand - a large blue scythe whipped out from the fog and stopped in his glove as he eyed the two of us up and down, before finally speaking in a raspy voice. "What's your business here?"
"Whoa, it's the Grim Reaper!" Shmwario exclaimed.
Somehow, the undead sentinel seemed to roll his eyes at the comment. "The name's Specture Striker. I'm the guardian of the Lich Yard, and that's all you need to know."
"You'll have to forgive my brother Mr. Striker, he's kind of, well... he's just Shmwario. We're here for tonight's costume party, if, um, you couldn't tell," I told him. Hopefully he didn't think I just walked around in a jester costume all the time for the fun of it. "We do need to talk with Mr. Boo about some important matters, as well."
"C'mon, do we look like the kinda people who would cause trouble?" Shmwario said, which I didn't really think was the best argument for getting us past him...
The Dark Bones seemed to ponder it for a bit longer. "Hmmm... Follow me."
Following his lead, we walked a bit more until finally reaching the mansion itself. Despite its creepy surroundings, it had sort of a homey feel to it, even if I wasn't exactly the mansion sort of guy. Mr. Striker opened the doors and ushered us inside, straight into a grand living room filled with fancy furniture - even a pool table. I wiped my shoes off on the mat as best as I could, this certainly wasn't the place to be tracking mud through. I was about to remind Shmwario to do the same thing, but much to my surprise, he was already on it when I turned to look at him. Living with Shmaisy must've been sanding down some of his more uncouth traits.
The place was already filled with all kinds of colorful characters dressed in even more colorful costumes. Thankfully, Mr. Striker was able to take us straight to the Fancy Phantom himself.
"Hey Boo, there's someone here to meet you, and it seems important."
"Yes Specture my good man, who is it-" he said before turning around to look at us. "OH, WHY HELLO THERE! You must be Mr. Shmaluigi, yes? The famous private detective as I've heard so much about!"
That wasn't too surprising seeing as how well-known I was around these parts. I mean, when coffee shops are naming products after you to try and make an extra buck, that's got to count for something, right? I reached out my hand to shake his and properly introduced myself.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Boo. This is my brother, Shmwario."
"Hey."
"Well it's very nice to meet you, my good man," Mr. Boo replied. "Like I said, I have heard lots about you and your exciting escapades, especially from my fellow members of the Mushroom High Elite."
"All good things, I hope. Say, do you think there's somewhere we could talk with less prying ears around? I have a matter to discuss that could be important."
"Oh, why yes, of course. Come with me, I'll take you to my personal study. I suppose that will be adequate for the occasion."
The two of us followed Mr. Boo as he led us to his study. It looked like a little personalized library, with bookshelves lining the walls and a framed portrait of the Fancy Phantom himself hanging above a cozy fireplace. And of course, it was fully decked out for the season, with live pumpkins and everything. A small part of me wished I had someplace this nice to work, but I had to stay focused on the task at hand.
"I'm very glad you could come to my party, Mr. Shmaluigi. From what I've heard from Palms, you are not much of a socialite as I am. In fact, I reckon you and Specture would get along just fine, hahaha!" Mr. Boo then proceeded to open a small drawer on his table and pulled out a tea set, of all things. "Care for a spot of tea while we talk?" he asked while setting up.
"As long as we wouldn't be imposing on you," I replied. "I'm afraid my presence here is partly business. I read your ad in The 'Shroom, about that new diamond of yours that you were going to be showing off?"
"AH YES! The Devil's Eye! I've been asked to hold onto it before it could be transferred to a more safe location, but thanks to my history in taking care of thieves, I believe I can take it off their hands and hold onto it for them."
"See? No problems here! C'mon, let's get to the party!" Shmwario said.
"Hold your horses there, bro. I'm glad you're confident about its safety, Mr. Boo, but I've been looking into a rash of thefts of things just like that diamond by a crafty Duplighost by the name of Tripliss. I don't know for sure if he's going to be making a move on it tonight, but it seems right up his alley."
"Oh... I see. Well then, please tell me what you know. It will be better for us to work together to ensure the jewel's safety."
"Not much, I'm afraid. Usually the way things go, something valuable disappears and it's only afterwards that the owners realize someone was out of place. He's very clever with his disguises, I hear."
"Wonderful, as if I DIDN'T have enough problems with this party already, now I have THIS to deal with!" Mr. Boo said with a sigh. "If the gem is stolen, the Mushroom Elite will NEVER let go of it."
That made me curious. For all the grandeur of this and the high class lifestyle, I didn't expect so much to apparently be going wrong behind the scenes. Perhaps I should press on this a bit more. "Problems with the party, eh? What do you mean by that?"
"Ah, well you see Mr. Shmaluigi, you know how the party was advertised to the public? Well that was by choice by ME personally. For you see..." Mr. Boo stopped, looking around the room as if to make sure no one else was listening in. "I honestly can't STAND those pompous dunderheads in charge of the society, and I also can't stand all those OTHER pompous billionaires as well! Especially that Morris fellow. UUUGH, he SICKENS ME!" I could certainly say he was in good company on that last bit. "All these fools care about is their own social status and seeing how big and BAD they are. 'Oh I have the biggest house', 'ohh I have FIVE luxury sports cars!' Much good that does you when you do almost NOTHING to support the lower class! Oh, you want to dock their pay just so you can buy a BIGGER SANDWICH? WELL WHO'S GIVING YOU THE MONEY TO PAY FOR THAT, YOU SWINE?" He stopped ranting to catch his breath, but managed to regain his composure. "I-I'm sorry, I lost my cool there."
"Well, I can't say all of my interactions with the elites have gone too well either," I told him. "I assume you more or less fell into this lifestyle by accident, then?"
"Moreso yes, yes indeed. Ahem, the point being they were all opposed to the idea of this being public, saying 'the riffraff shouldn't be allowed to touch the members of high life with such GREASY palms, it puts a stain on their identity mingling with commoners'. So, I wanted to change that with this party! Showing that people of a "lower class" can be civilized and interact like, well... people! And not have the burden of social class hold them down... But if the Eye is stolen, then all this work will be for nothing and my reputation will be ruined among the elite, and if that is tarnished, I will NEVER be able to change the elites' ways for the better."
I chuckled confidently - probably my first moment of confidence all night, as a matter of fact. "Not on my watch, Mr. Boo. If you're willing to let me help, I'll make sure no one lays their hands on that gem."
"Oh, you will!? SPLENDID! Now follow me, I'll show you where I hid the gem."
"About time! That lore dump was makin' me antsy," Shmwario interjected. I simply sighed in response.
As we made our way towards where the gem was stored, I was stopped in my tracks by an uptight-looking Bristles. His quills were meticulously shaped into an upright point, and he wore a white suit jacket and a cheap stuck-on masquerade mask. Really went all out on the costume, huh?
"What a TRAVESTY of a party, all this RIFFRAFF!" the Bristles exclaimed. "Oh well, I suppose I should enjoy the hors d'oeuvres while they last, don't want any commoner fingers on them. YOU, busboy, take my coat! I'll give you a nickel for your services."
"First of all, I'm no 'busboy', second of all, maybe you should consider buying some etiquette lessons. Good day, sir."
"What he's tryin' to say is outta the way, pokey!" Shmwario added.
"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"
"Nah, but I don't really care, either," Shmwario replied, rebuffing the hedgehog's attempt at seeming important.
"WELL I'LL TELL YOU, I AM RICHTER UPPERCRUST IV! High ranking member of the Mushroom Elite, and it would do you WELL to respect me!"
"What's going on here?" Mr. Boo interjected. "I turn my back and already you're causing a commotion, Richter!"
"Boo, you should know it was NEVER a good idea to have these RUFFIANS run around here! Where's your self respect, man!"
"Well Richter, might I also ask where's yours? Because this fine gentleman here is Mr. Shmaluigi, and he's NO busboy!"
Mr. Uppercrust's face began shifting to a redder hue, either from anger or embarrassment, or perhaps a bit of both. "Hmph! VERY WELL THEN, but know this, Boo! If anything happens to the Devil's Eye, EVERYONE of the High Elite will see that your idea for peace and cooperation among the classes is RIDICULOUS! And then you will know what it feels like to die a second time!" With a huff, he turned away and stomped towards the punch bowl.
"Pleasant fellow, isn't he?" I said with as many layers of sarcasm I had right now.
"I apologize for him, Mr. Shmaluigi. If it were up to me, I would have NEVER invited him, but alas, all High Elite members must attend prominent social gatherings."
"Oh, don't worry, I've had the displeasure of meeting much worse than him," I told him, having several examples I could name off the top of my head. "Now, let's get to business."
We made our way into the manor's library with no further interruptions. Once there, Mr. Boo floated over to a shelf and pulled out a black book with a ghost on the cover, triggering a secret hatch to open on the floor. A small wooden pillar raised up from underneath the floorboards, and sitting on top of it was the Devil's Eye that had caused so much fuss, set on a red velvet pillow underneath a glass case. The light of the fireplace reflecting off the diamond made it shimmer and shine like nothing I'd ever seen before, and it must've been as big as my hand. This thing would definitely fetch a pretty penny.
"Look out, we got a real fancypants over here!" Shmwario said.
"That's certainly nifty. If you don't mind, I think I'll just hang out here and make sure no one tries to mess with it. Rubbing shoulders with the elites isn't really my thing..."
"That is alright Mr. Shmaluigi, take all the time you need," Mr. Boo replied. "If you need anything to eat or drink, Gastronomole will be arriving in a bit. He's a hired chef, apparently one of the best culinary critics in the city!"
"Well, while you do that, I'm gonna go check out the buffet. Hopefully Mr. Crusty or whatever his name was hasn't sneezed all over it," Shmwario said, quickly heading out.
So there I was, just sitting in the library and staring at my own reflection in the diamond. If Tripliss was going to come in and steal this thing, he'd have to get past me first, no matter what form he took. To tell the truth, I always found stakeouts to be pretty boring, and this was no exception - but then again, I was still having a better time than I figured I would be out there. Wonder if Mr. Boo would mind if I borrowed one of his books.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been watching the thing, when the lights suddenly went out - oh, great, that's just what we need. Even if this wasn't Tripliss' attempt to steal the Devil's Eye, do you realize how many bad things happen when all the lights go out in a mansion that's hosting a party? At Halloween, no less? We'd probably be able to count ourselves lucky if no one left deader than when they came in. I kept on my guard, hoping the light of the fireplace would be enough to see anyone trying to sneak in, and I could've sworn I saw a figure moving in the darkness. My first instinct was to tackle the intruder to buy enough time for someone to flip the lights back on.
"Nice try, Tripliss!" I shouted, knocking something to the floor with a heavy thud. Weird, it felt kind of leathery, and squishy, like a...
Like a chair. Crud.
When the lights came on, it was just me in the room - and no sign of the diamond. I rushed out of the room, hoping our thief couldn't have gotten too far. On the way to the main ballroom, I whizzed past a mole in a baker's outfit carrying a silver tray - presumably the Mr. Gastronomole that Mr. Boo had mentioned earlier.
"Ah hello Mr. Shmaluigi, might I interest you in some- WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
"No time to explain!" I shouted back as I continued running, rushing past guest after guest. Everything was moving in a blur, but a few caught my eye - a Lochlady dressed like a royalty, a Jibberjay in a hockey mask, and a green Bullet Bill wearing a leprechaun costume, but no one that immediately stuck out as being Tripliss, no big surprises there. Oh, and Shmwario shoving shrimp in his mouth and cocktail weenies in his leftover bag at the same time. I had to consider the possibility that I was chasing ghosts in a less literal sense - after what Mr. Boo told me about his interactions with the other elites, and the one I saw firsthand, it could've been very well possible that there were others interested in swiping the gem for their own purposes.
With no obvious culprits in sight, I rushed over to Mr. Boo, interrupting his conversing with some other high society fellows. Figuring that the perp would try to escape right out the front door - an easy move for someone who looked like they were supposed to be here - I whispered to him that he needed to lock it. Without hesitation, he floated to the front door and produced a key from under the mat. Hopefully that solved that problem, now I just had to find a thief in a sea of people... Mr. Boo and I went to go get Shmwario, then the three of us reconvened in the library, now missing one priceless diamond.
"Hey, what's going on, bro? I was just enjoyin' some garlic-coated shrimp!" the oblivious Shmwario asked.
"Someone stole the gem - they must've cut the power in the library. At this point, anyone in this mansion could be a suspect," I said.
"OH DEAR! This is BAD! What should we do, my good man!?" Mr. Boo asked, pacing around the library with what I would describe as a worried float, if such a thing existed.
"We're going to have to start questioning people, find out who did it. Either Tripliss in disguise, or someone who just wants it for themselves. Most importantly, no one leaves until we get this solved."
Mr. Boo nodded affirmatively. "I'll have Specture continue to guard the premises in case anyone tries to escape."
"Then it's time to get to work. I have a feeling it's going to be a long night..."
To be continued...
That's right, we're finishing a Halloween story in November and no one's going to stop us! Maybe you figured that out when it said Part 1 in big letters at the beginning. Thanks for reading, and special thanks to Boo1268 for pitching and co-writing this story, along with handling dialogue for Boo, Specture, Richter, and Gastronomole. See you next time for the second half of this story!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 5
Waluigi and Company then engaged in their showdown with Kreddy Frueger, the nightmare king who had taken over Chateau du Framboise on orders of the Luff Empire and was entrusted by Minister Crêpe himself to guard one of the pieces of the Circle of Lightning. “WAH-lrighty then! Time to WAH-ltz this so-called nightmare king to the end of love!” Waluigi declared with a determined grin on his face, an equally determined gleam in his eye.
“You said it, Mr. Waluigi! We’ll show this nightmarish nutcase to not sleep on us!” Bloolex voiced his agreement, being just as determined as his purple-garbed pal to bring down the paranormal perpetrator.
“Exactly! He’ll pay for having me locked up here in the Chateau!” Cheesare wrapped up his team’s opening monologue for this major boss battle, after which Waluigi initiated the first strike by performing a Smart Aleck Slash on Kreddy Frueger with his whip, causing the nightmare king to howl in pain.
Bloolex then followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin, dishing out a big bulk of damage to Kreddy Frueger as well, after which Kreddy moaned in pain at the impact the attack made on him. Cheesare then closed things out for his team’s first turn by performing a Spin Attack on Kreddy, who yelped in pain as the attack landed.
“Muahahaha! I’ve been looking forward to this! Feel the wrath of my bag of terrorizing tricks!” Kreddy Frueger laughed maliciously before he walked up to Waluigi, performing a Claw Swipe on the purple troublemaker, who cried out in pain from the attack.
“Ugh…Yes, Waluigi bets you have been looking forward to this…So allow Waluigi to shut down your expectations like Paper Mario fans after Sticker Star’s release!” Waluigi declared as he countered Kreddy’s attack with a Waluigi Spiny Surge attack of his own, sending a flurry of Waluigi Spiny Eggs raining down on Kreddy Frueger.
Bloolex subsequently followed up Waluigi’s attack with a new attack he had learned called the Halberd Heave, where the Blooper Retainer took to the sky and then lunged forward, stabbing Kreddy Frueger with the pointy tip of his halberd, inflicting major damage on him in the process.
Cheesare once again closed out his team’s turn by dealing out devastating damage to Kreddy Frueger using a new attack of his own he’d recently learned called the Spinia Spin Charge, which involved the hamburger Spinia charging up his regular Spin Attack to make it even more powerful than it is when used in its regular form.
“Muahahaha! Just because you’re dressed in purple doesn’t mean that you’re strong, you barbaric bad actor! Have at you!” Kreddy Frueger chortled maniacally before executing a Green Crystal Shower attack on Waluigi and Company, with the attack having a wide enough range to hit all three the heroes.
“WAH-OW! That smarts! You’ll pay for that!” Waluigi yelled at Kreddy Frueger angrily before performing a newly obtained attack named WAH-lk It Off, which lowered Kreddy Frueger’s attack power by three points for a total of four turns.
“Nice going, Mr. Waluigi! That’ll soften up that horrific heinous heretic long enough for us to exact our revenge upon him!” Bloolex complimented Waluigi’s efforts before performing a Cephalopod Zap attack on Kreddy Frueger to significantly wound him even further.
“Yeah, that’ll show him!” Cheesare chimed in his agreement before executing a Fire Spin attack on the dream killer to impair him some more. Kreddy Frueger groaned in agony from all the abuse he’s had to endure at the hands of Waluigi and Company so far.
“Agh…This isn’t quite what I had in mind for our final battle…So how about we swing things around in my favor instead?!” Kreddy Frueger declared before he unleashed a Psycho-Wave attack on Waluigi and Company, inflicting a grandiose supply of suffering on the heroes and also causing the Dizzy status ailment to Bloolex and Cheesare in the process.
“Whoa…I’m seeing triple…” Bloolex groaned in discomfort from the effects of the Dizzy status ailment, with Cheesare not being able to get out any audible words in response, but still voicing his agreement through affirmative, if indistinct yammering.
“WAH-king haymakers…” Waluigi groaned in annoyance, knowing that he was left to his own wits and abilities to face Kreddy Frueger for the most part over the next couple of turns. He then proceeded to counter the big boss’ attack with a WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, backing up in his Waluigi Cloud before having his Paratroopa flock soaring forward to mow down Kreddy Frueger and defile his HP meter to bombastic proportions.
Bloolex then tried to gather his bearings to the best of his ability before he attempted to strike Kreddy Frueger with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, but unfortunately missed due to the Dizzy status ailment impairing his accuracy. “Just my luck…” The Blooper Retainer muttered in dismay before floating back to his place on Waluigi and Company’s side of the battlefield.
Likewise, Cheesare also made an attempt to get his focus as straight as he possibly could whilst under the influence of dizziness and began to perform a Fire Spin attack on Kreddy Frueger, though unlike Bloolex, his attack actually managed to land on Kreddy, who bellowed out in pain in response.
“Muahahaha! Have a taste of my Frueger Fisticuffs!” Kreddy Frueger laughed evilly before walking up to Waluigi and executing a Show-Horror-Ken attack on the purple troublemaker, which was similar to the Shoryuken attack from the Street Fighter series. Waluigi screamed in pain from the attack’s incredible impact.
“WAAAAHHHH!!! WAH-tch it with those punches, Mr. Loose Hands!” Waluigi snarled at Kreddy Frueger before unleashing another Waluigi Spiny Surge on the nightmare king, who cried out in agony from the rain of Waluigi Spiny Eggs coming down on him.
“I hope this attack will actually land on him…” Bloolex took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he floated over Kreddy Frueger, then performed a Cephalopod Surge attack on him, and just as the Blooper Retainer hoped, this attack successfully hit the fearsome phantom, dishing out major damage to him while also inflicting the Paralysis status ailment on him for a total of three turns.
“Heh heh! Talk about a case of sleep paralysis!” Cheesare laughed while making a spiteful joke about Kreddy Frueger’s current predicament before attempting to perform a regular Spin Attack on the nightmare king, though in a twist of irony, the hamburger Spinia’s attack missed, and as such, he retreated back to his position on the heroes’ half of the battlefield without saying another word.
With Kreddy being unable to do anything as a result of being rendered unable to move for the next couple turns, Waluigi initiated his team’s next turn before hopping out of his Waluigi Cloud, running up to Kreddy and performing a Cartwheel Kick attack as part of his routine of breakdance move attacks. Kreddy howled in pain from the impact of the towering hellion’s powerful feet striking him.
Next, Bloolex tried to perform another Rapid Halberd Spin attack on Kreddy, though missed the attack because of the Dizzy status ailment once again impairing his accuracy. “Good thing I’m sure that this dizziness is close to wearing off, ‘cause if this keeps up, I might have to take a couple Megavitamins to keep myself from getting seasick…” The Blooper Retainer mused out loud as he moved back to his battle position.
“I hope this dizziness will be wearing off real soon myself, because I’m getting the idea that I’m gonna be hurling soon…” Cheesare chimed his agreement with Bloolex’s statement before pulling off another Fire Spin attack on Kreddy Frueger, with the dream killer grunting in pain.
“Waluigi used to carry Megavitamins with him at all times during his short-lived career as Dr. Waluigi at the Mushroom Kingdom Hospital. Sadly, Waluigi was banned from carrying Megavitamins with him ever again after he lost his medical license and was blacklisted from performing any types of medical procedures on the face of the Mushroom World.” Waluigi informed Bloolex and Cheesare before he kept up his team’s onslaught of Kreddy Frueger by performing a Hard Front Kick attack on his abnormal adversary, earning a pained moan from the ethereal enemy in response.
“Yeah, perhaps being the team healer is something better left to someone with a medical license who isn’t guaranteed to make their patients even more ill than they already were. No offense to you, by the way, Mr. Waluigi.” Bloolex voiced his reasoning on Waluigi’s story regarding his short-lived career as a Mushroom Kingdom Doctor.
“None taken, Bloolex. Now show that cheap horror movie monster WAH-t for!” Waluigi assured the Blooper Retainer before encouraging him to keep attacking their opponent. Bloolex nodded in response before executing another Cephalopod Zap attack on Kreddy Frueger in a subsequent manner.
Finally, Cheesare performed another regular Spin Attack on Kreddy Frueger, though because of the Dizzy status ailment once again hindering his accuracy, he failed to successfully land the attack. Immediately afterward, the dizziness on Bloolex and Cheesare wore off, though any status ailments previously inflicted on Kreddy Frueger, the paralysis included, also wore off.
“Muahahaha! I hope you feeble noisy gremlins have had your fun for the last couple turns! Because it’s now time for me to return the favor to the three of you!” Kreddy Frueger guffawed before unleashing a Rain of Green Fire attack on Waluigi and Company, which involved pelting them with a stream of large green colored Fireballs.
“WAH-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW! That’s some hot stuff, Waluigi tells ya!” Waluigi yelped in pain before countering Kreddy’s attack by hopping back into his Waluigi Cloud and performing a WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack on Kreddy, mowing him down with his Waluigi Cloud and the Paratroopa’s pulling it yet again.
“Eegh, no kidding, Mr. Waluigi! I’m fried!” Bloolex chimed his agreement while crying out in pain before he followed up the purple troublemaker’s attack with a Cephalopod Zap, which corroded the nightmare king’s life bar for another quart.
“Tell me about it! I’m toastified, man!” Cheesare gave his ten cents on the matter before he pulled out his vice grips that he previously used in the battle against Beatleshoes, then fired them at Kreddy Frueger to latch onto him and electrocute him. The nightmare king jittered and grunted in pain from this.
“Agh, no fair!” Kreddy Frueger exclaimed in dismay before he performed another Street Fighter-style attack known as the Flash Claw, which involved him doing a backward somersault while unleashing a devastating swipe of his lengthy claw. Waluigi was once again the unfortunate victim of Kreddy’s attack and howled in pain as the attack landed.
“WAH! You’re one to talk with your fancy acrobatic maneuvers, Mr. Show-Off!” Waluigi exclaimed in utter disdain before unleashing another Waluigi Spiny Surge attack on his ominous opponent, who yammered in response to being pelted with purple-hued Spiny Eggs once more.
Bloolex then kept up his team’s assault on the villainous phantom by bashing him with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, with the malicious monster wailing in pain from the battering he was taking. Cheesare once again closed things out for his team’s current turn of attack by turning Kreddy Frueger into a one-man power plant by striking him with another set of bolts from his vice grips.
“Grrr…You three really are persistent and insistent on defeating me, aren’t you? Well, you’re going to have to try harder than that if you wish to defeat The Kred, gentlemen!” Kreddy growled at his opponents, beginning to lose his patience as he performed his next Street Fighter-inspired attack, the Quickclaw Force.
This attack, based on the Sonic Boom, involved Kreddy firing a rapidly spinning wave of green-colored ki-force at his target, said target once again being Waluigi. The purple troublemaker shouted in pain upon the attack making contact with him.
“Waluigi will battle any bad apple necessary if it means Waluigi will get closer to exacting his revenge on Minister Crêpe for killing Waluigi and using his body as a puppet for his evil plans!” Waluigi firmly informed Kreddy before striking the brooding badman with his whip as part of an attack known as the Spooktastic Belting. “And we’ll assist Mr. Waluigi in his goal of defeating Minister Crêpe by any means necessary if it’ll restore order to the Waffle Kingdom!” Bloolex chimed in before floating over Kreddy and bombarding him with a Cephalopod Surge attack.
“Yeah, so suck up this beating and surrender that piece of the Circle of Lightning you’ve been assigned to guard by that ruthless tart!” Cheesare spat at Kreddy before roughing him up even further with a Dizzy Spin attack, successfully inflicting the Dizzy status ailment on the nightmare king in the process.
“Bleahhh…I hate it when people use my own tricks against me…” Kreddy groaned with dizziness before he tried attacking Waluigi with another Show-Horror-Ken, only to miss the attack and fall flat on his face due to the Dizzy status ailment impairing his accuracy. The nightmare king quickly jumped back to his feet before limping back towards his side of the battlefield without saying another word.
Waluigi then performed another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack to significantly damage Kreddy, after which Bloolex followed this up with another Rapid Halberd Spin attack, concluded by Cheesare executing a Fire Spin attack, all of which dealt a good trashing in consecutive order.
Kreddy then performed another Psycho-Wave attack on Waluigi and Company, and though the attack did successfully land while simultaneously harming the heroes, it failed to inflict any status ailments on them this time around. Waluigi then hiked up his pants with a feisty glare on his face.
“WAH-lrighty then, Waluigi’s had about enough! It’s time to put an end to things! Bloolex, load up your electrokinetic abilities, and Cheesare, get ready to go topsy and turvy on this guy!” Waluigi told his allies, who nodded in understanding as they prepared for their final attacks on Kreddy Frueger.
Cheesare then lunged at the uncanny antagonist with a Power Spin attack, causing Kreddy to howl in pain, before Bloolex floated over the ominous opposer to fry him with another Cephalopod Surge attack, after which Waluigi prompted to finish things off with one of his signature moves, the Mid-Air Swim. Calling upon King Grambi and Queen Jaydes’ blessings to charge the Mid-Air Swim, his prayers were answered, allowing the purple troublemaker to take down the blood-curdling boss.
“Ahhh, nooo! How could I lose to such a feeble mortal?! Ahhh!!!” Kreddy bellowed out in pure aghast before the morning sun began to shine through a window located in the basement room he found himself in, after which Kreddy began to get vanquished from basking in the rays of the morning sun, melting away in a puddle of bubbling liquid as he did so.
“WAH-HA-HA! Up yours with a twirling WAH-nmower!” Waluigi grinned as he pumped his fist in triumph, delivering a spiteful pun as a send-off to his enemy while he was at it.
“Ding-Dong, the wizard’s dead!” Bloolex laughed at the iconic demise Kreddy had just suffered at the hands of him and his allies. “We’re gonna have to inform maintenance at this Chateau that they’re gonna need a cleanup down here once we’re done.” Cheesare chuckled too at the well-deserved trashing they just gave to Kreddy.
A glowing ball of light then began to emerge from the podium where Kreddy previously made his entrance before making its way to the middle of the room, finally materializing as the second piece of the Circle of Lightning. Bloolex and Cheesare eyed the piece in silent wonder before glancing at Waluigi, who nodded at them with a prideful smile, to which they nodded back with equal pride before Waluigi stepped out of his Waluigi Cloud and walked over to the piece and taking it.
“WAH-HOO! We did it! We got the second piece of the Circle of Lightning!” Waluigi gloated in pure joy, with Bloolex and Cheesare jumping up and down in pure joy as well.
"Waluigi and Bloolex, with their new companion, Cheesare in tow, have laid waste to Kreddy Frueger, the dreadful nightmare king and his army of freakish hallows in Chateau du Framboise, a towering manor located in the refined settlement of Mallows Alley on the Strudel Continent. And in the process, they obtained the second piece of the Circle of Lightning, thus bringing them closer to stopping Minister Crêpe and his horrid Luff Empire once again. Though as their quest continues to unfold, it will continue to become more difficult. What escapades will await Waluigi and Company next?"
Establishing shot; Back at Waffle Castle, Minister Crêpe opened up the door of Queen Eclair and King Nutmeg’s cell before walking inside, then shutting the door behind him before shifting his attention back to the royal couple.
“Muahahaha…So, my dear Eclair, my rotten Nutmeg…I take it you haven’t given up hope that your kingdom will eventually be free from my reign of terror?” Crêpe then asked Eclair and Nutmeg with a devilish smile decorating his face.
“As long as we know that there’s someone, somewhere out there fighting for what’s right, that right being the liberation of our kingdom, we’ll never give up hope, you repulsive ringleader!” Eclair snarled at Crêpe with a ticked off expression.
“Muahahaha…How rich! There’s someone out there foolish enough to think they can play hero and save your sorry butts from my conniving clutches! But you’ll never see the day that wannabe well-doer shows up at the doorstep of your cell! I’ve put a price on his head and a posse on his tail! Your kingdom will never be free again, and you’ll spend the rest of your insignificant little lives crawling at my feet!” Minister Crêpe chortled as he reveled in his own evil nature.
“Gooey likely! We’ll leave the crawling to you, you stinking statesperson!” Nutmeg snarled at Crêpe with a ticked off expression equal to that of his wife, Eclair, whom he held protectively in case Crêpe were to physically assault her.
Crêpe just quietly laughed in a malicious manner before he grabbed a tray with a limited supply of food on it and walked over to a nearby table, putting the tray down on top of it. “Then there’s breakfast, lunch and dinner for the rest of the week!” The minister said, pointing at the tray before walking back over to the cell door while laughing evilly. “I’ll be dropping by in a few weeks to accept your surrender! Starve well, my quintessential queen and her helpless husband! Muahahaha!” He informed the royal pair before uttering another evil laugh and leaving the cell, slamming the door shut behind him before locking it up once more.
Eclair and Nutmeg both exhaled in frustration. “Well, whoever this intrepid adventurer may be, I hope he’ll make haste and reassemble the Circle of Lightning as soon as he possibly can, because I can’t imagine the horrors that will continue to befall the kingdom as long as Minister Crêpe is in charge…” Eclair voiced her concerns to her husband, who nodded his agreement.
“I agree, my little sugar cube…But I have a good feeling that this brave man will continue to fight his way through whatever adversity that horrid minister will continue to throw at him as he continues to search for the chunks of the Circle of Lightning…” Nutmeg assured his wife, who nodded back at him in response.
Meanwhile, over in the throne room of Waffle Castle, Minister Crêpe’s pet Klaptrap was resting on the throne, using the view screen to watch in amusement as it monitored Waluigi and Company’s battle with Kreddy Frueger, growling in an entertained manner in doing so. Soon after, Minister Crêpe entered the throne room again, after which his mangy minions shut the door behind him.
“Ah, enjoying yourselves a little television, my precious pet? What peculiar programming happens to be gracing the screens of my newly conquered nation?” Minister Crêpe inquired of his Klaptrap with a coy smile as he walked up to the throne, scooped the Klaptrap up in his right hand and sat down on the throne again before placing the Klaptrap back down onto his lap.
Now seeing that his pet had been watching Waluigi and Company defeat Kreddy Frueger at Chateau du Framboise, Minister Crêpe let out a sarcastic chuckle. “I should have known that Frueger was the wrong person to assign to our battle stations down at Chateau du Framboise…” The evil minister stated in an equally sarcastic tone of voice, with his pet Klaptrap snapping its jaws in agreement.
“Well, no matter. I’ll make sure that miserable little man and his friends won’t ever get their hands on the third slice of the Circle of Lightning located at Circuit Break Island, located northeast off the coast of the Waffle Kingdom. I’ll inform my military officers stationed out there to start preparing for that purple-garbed pest’s arrival at once.” Minister Crêpe then stated with a coy smile, his pet Klaptrap growling in delight at its master’s words.
We then fade toward Mallows Alley, where Waluigi and Company were standing outside the Mallows Alley Town Hall together with Duchess aux Pommes and her daughter, Quarkaria. Both ladies had a delighted and grateful smile on their face, with Waluigi and Company returning those smiles.
“Mr. Waluigi, we cannot thank you enough for driving those despicable Luff Imperials out of Chateau du Framboise and finally giving the surviving members of the Aux Pommes Clan, including me and my daughter, the closure we so desperately desired. It truly feels like a weight has been lifted from our minds, memories and our hearts.” Duchess aux Pommes informed Waluigi with a grateful tone of voice.
“Yes, we really cannot thank you enough for such selfless service. But if there is anything, literally anything we could do to repay you for it, don’t hesitate to let us know, alright?” Quarkaria assured Waluigi with the same grateful tone of voice as her mother.
“Waluigi will certainly keep it in mind, miladies. But for the time being, Waluigi and his friends must take our leave from Mallows Alley, for we have more of the Luff Empire to clean out in other corners of the Waffle Kingdom and beyond.” Waluigi responded with a humble smile resting on his face.
Bloolex and Cheesare hummed in affirmation, nodding their heads as they did so. “Mr. Waluigi is right. We were happy to help, and we’ll definitely seek you out if we require your assistance as a means of repayment.” Bloolex stated as he made a courtesy bow towards the Duchess and her daughter.
“Yep! But until then, we’ll be saying goodbye!” Cheesare concluded before he, Bloolex and Waluigi began to make their way towards the exit of Mallows Alley, past the Raspberry Jam Falls and back up the mountain passes of Mt. Cheesecake, with the not-too bright condor from before greeting Waluigi and his friends, referring to Waluigi as Lew, which was the name the purple troublemaker gave to the condor to fool him into letting him pass without a battle. Waluigi and his friends greeted the condor back before continuing on their way.
On the way to the other side of the mountain passes of Mt. Cheesecake, Waluigi and Company made a quick stop to see Waffcka to get more Waffcka Stacks from the Texan-accented talpidae. Once the heroes had made it here, Waffcka popped up from the spot he’d previously met up with Waluigi, and he was delighted to see Waluigi again.
“Waff-hoo! Howdy again, Waluigi! You and your posse of pals in need of some more food rations to last you another while out on the road?!” Waffcka asked the purple-clad beanstalk in the same upbeat tone of voice as when they previously encountered one another.
“Hi again, Waffcka. And yes, Waluigi and his friends do need some more of your tasty Waffcka Stacks as a means of surviving the big crazy world that is the Waffle Kingdom.” Waluigi greeted Waffcka while acknowledging the gopher’s assumptions as to why they came to see him again.
“Waff-hoo! Sure can do, Waluigi! Three Waffcka Stacks coming right up!” Waffcka chimed in affirmation before retreating back into his underground home, shortly coming back out afterward with three Waffcka Stacks in tow.
“WAH-nderful! You’re worth your weight in gold, Waffcka! If you’ll pardon the expression, that is!” Waluigi responded in delight as he took the Waffcka Stacks from Waffcka, handing two of them to Bloolex and Cheesare while tucking the third one for himself safely away into his bag.
“Waff-hoo! Of course, Waluigi! Us mole folk don’t really weigh that much anyway, so we don’t really take any offense to expressions such as that! Either way, pleasure doing business with ya again, and my trade’s open any time of day, any time of the week for future encounters! See ya!” Waffcka assured Waluigi before retreating back into his underground lair.
After making it past Mt. Cheesecake a second time, Waluigi and Company now found themselves in a grassy area called the Eastern Peninsula, which was made out of mint ice cream. “Hm, Waluigi wonders if that stool pigeon from before happens to be around here somewhere so as to give Waluigi an idea where to go next for the third piece of the Circle of Lightning…?” The nuisance in purple pondered out loud, putting his right hand to his chin in an inquisitive manner as he did so.
“Coo…I do happen to be around, yes…” The familiar voice of the stool pigeon cooed from the direction of a tall hedge, and after Waluigi and Company approached this hedge, it promptly opened up to reveal the stool pigeon, once again standing on its trademark stool.
“Wah, not a moment too soon, buddy! Waluigi and his friends could do with another hint that could lead them to the next piece of the Circle of Lightning!” Waluigi informed the stool pigeon, who nodded in understanding.
“Coo…I understand…Should you be willing to part with a small fee of twenty-five Coins, I should be willing to slip you three a little bit of information regarding the location of the next piece of the Circle of Lightning…Do we have a deal…?” The stool pigeon asked Waluigi, who glanced at his party members. They nodded in approval, to which the purple rabble-rouser nodded back and shifted his focus back to the stool pigeon.
“Wah, we do.” Waluigi responded to the stool pigeon, reaching into his pockets to grab twenty-five Coins and handing them to the stool pigeon, after which the latter began counting all the Coins to make sure he’d been paid the right amount, then stashed the fee away into his trench coat in satisfaction once he found he did get paid the proper amount.
“Coo…Thank you for your patronage…Now hear me out on this one…It is said that the next piece of the Circle of Lightning has been hidden away on the kart racing archipelago of Circuit Break Island, located northeast off the coast of the Waffle Kingdom…I would make haste to get there if I were you…There’s rumors going around that Minister Crêpe is catching on to your progress…” The stool pigeon warned Waluigi and Company, who looked concerned upon learning that Minister Crêpe had gotten wind of their quest for the Circle of Lightning.
“Waluigi understands, and he will be sure to beware of that fact. Either way, thank you once again for your assistance, and Waluigi hopes to meet you again sometime soon.” Waluigi told the stool pigeon, bidding him farewell for the time being.
“The pleasure was once again mine…I also hope we cross paths again real soon, coo…” The stool pigeon made another courtesy bow towards Waluigi and Company before the hedge closed itself up again to conceal the stool pigeon’s location.
“Well, guess we gotta get to the northeast side of the Waffle Kingdom as quickly as we possibly can. No time to lose, for Minister Crêpe must be stopped at all costs.” Cheesare then spoke up, with Bloolex and Waluigi nodding in agreement.
“Guess so. Fortunately, I know a guy over at the northeast side of the Waffle Kingdom who could assist us in making it to Circuit Break Island. He’s stationed at the docks of Port Cotta, a seaside town located on the Jelly Continent. Let’s get there as quickly as we can!” Bloolex chimed in as he began to take the lead, with Waluigi and Cheesare following behind as fast as they could.
After crossing through most of the Waffle Kingdom’s lands, taking out the Luff Empire’s troops along the way, Waluigi and Company finally made it to Port Cotta, located on the Jelly Continent, just like Bloolex said it was. Upon entering the seaside town, a Green Toad made out of gingerbread noticed the heroes and walked up to them.
“Hey, how do ya do?! Welcome to Port Cotta, the northeasternmost point of the Waffle Kingdom! Ever since Minister Crêpe reassembled his Luff Empire and took over the Waffle Kingdom, travelers have been a rare sight out here! I take it you’re looking to stop Minister Crêpe and his army of diabolical dessert monsters?” The Green Toad asked Waluigi and Company after explaining the situation in Port Cotta to them.
“Waluigi would say that we are, yeah. My Blooper friend here knows a guy working at the docks who could take us to Circuit Break Island, located off the coast from this town. Do you happen to know anything about that?” Waluigi nodded affirmatively towards the Green Toad before asking him about Bloolex’s dock worker friend.
“As a matter of fact, I do. You probably mean Horseradish Bixby. He’s one of the most famous riverboat captains this side of the Mushroom World, and he can get you to Circuit Break Island and back in no time flat. See, flying to Circuit Break Island is prohibited due to the strong winds above the seas leading to the island, which is why everyone, including creatures capable of flight, are forced to take riverboats to get to the island and back to mainland Waffle Kingdom.” The Green Toad explained to Waluigi and Company with a sheepish smile.
“Waluigi doesn’t understand the logic behind the weather in this world at all…” The purple troublemaker muttered under his breath in annoyance before addressing the Green Toad out loud once more. “Thank you very much, sir. Waluigi and his friends will see what they can do about finding this Horseradish Bixby.”
“Anytime! Let Captain Bixby know I said hi, okay?! Tell him Cruss T. send ya!” The Green Toad affirmed in an excited tone of voice. Waluigi and Company nodded in response as they began to make their way towards the docks of Port Cotta to find Horseradish Bixby.
“Waluigi has to admit, Bloolex; You sure got friends in high places around the Waffle Kingdom. How’d you manage to befriend someone as famous as this Horseradish Bixby, anyway?” Waluigi asked his Blooper companion, curious about the social circles he happened to be mingling in.
“Captain Bixby is an old paisano of my grandfather, Bloopeon. They used to work together back in the day when my grandfather was a marine carpenter. My grandfather’s passed on to a better place since then, but Captain Bixby’s still here to ferry passengers towards Circuit Break Island and back.” Bloolex explained to Waluigi how he happened to know Horseradish Bixby, to which the beanpole in purple nodded in understanding, affirmatively humming as he did so.
“WAH-lright then…Waluigi admires old folks who continue to practice their craft even after they’re long past their prime. Just like that Puni Elder in Boggly Woods; She’ll likely live to be 150, griping and nagging all the way. Waluigi takes it that Captain Bixby will also live to hit that golden age.” Waluigi voiced his reasoning behind Horseradish Bixby still working in the riverboat captaining business to this very day.
“Pretty much.” Bloolex clicked his nonexistent tongue in affirmation. “Only difference being that Captain Bixby has a much more jolly personality compared to the Puni Elder, and will be laughing and singing sea shanties all the way as he continues to age like a fine wine.”
“Is that him up ahead?” Cheesare asked Bloolex, pointing out a Bonneter with a head shaped like a captain’s hat and striking deep blue eyes positioned outside a riverboat that was docked in the water.
“Yep, that’s definitely Captain Bixby, alright! Lemme introduce you guys to him!” Bloolex chimed in an excitable tone of voice before rushing over towards the elderly Bonneter, with Waluigi and Cheesare following behind. “Hi there, Captain Bixby! It’s me, Bloolex!” The Blooper Retainer enthusiastically greeted his grandfather’s old friend.
“Well, bless my soul! Hi there back at you, Bloolex! It’s great to see you again! Who are your friends here you brought with you today?” Horseradish Bixby enthusiastically greeted Bloolex back, happy to see the young Blooper after a long time of probably not having seen or spoken to him.
“These are Waluigi, the notorious anti-hero of the Mushroom Kingdom and Cheesare Burgergia, a courageous Spinia who is fighting for the freedom of the Waffle Kingdom.” Bloolex informed Captain Bixby, gesturing to Waluigi and Cheesare as he introduced the two of them to the elderly Bonneter.
“Greetings and WAH-lutations, sir. Waluigi finds it an honor to meet you.” Waluigi courteously bowed towards Captain Bixby from where he was sitting inside his Waluigi Cloud.
“I share Waluigi’s sentiments there, Captain Bixby.” Cheesare added, also making a courteous bow towards the Bonneter captain as he did so. The formalities from the pair prompted an amused chuckle from the Bonneter in response.
“Well, it’s nice to meet the two of you as well. It’s not every day that I’m graced with the presence of a celebrity of your caliber, Mr. Waluigi. I take it that since you managed to befriend little Bloolex over here and happen to be traveling with him, you need a favor from me, correct?” Horseradish Bixby inquired of the towering hellion in purple with a curious tilt of his captain hat-shaped head, giving him a long look.
“Wah, that is correct, Captain Bixby. See, Waluigi is looking to travel towards Circuit Break Island since Waluigi has reason to believe that a slice of the Circle of Lightning has been stashed away out there by the Luff Empire. And Waluigi needs to reassemble the Circle of Lightning if Waluigi wishes to have any chance of defeating Minister Crêpe and restoring order to the Waffle Kingdom.” Waluigi explained to Horseradish Bixby, who listened attentively to what the purple-clad baddie had to tell him.
Once Waluigi finished explaining the situation at hand to him, the Bonneter nodded in understanding. “I see, I see. Well, you’ve come to the right person to ask such a favor, Mr. Waluigi. I’m one of the most famous riverboat captains in this neck of the Waffle Kingdom for a reason, after all. The only problem is, I can’t take off in my riverboat because I lack any Gulpits’ Rocks to power the riverboat’s furnace.” Horseradish Bixby explained to Waluigi and Company, causing Waluigi to inquisitively raise his eyebrows and let out an equally inquisitive hum.
“Right…And where can Waluigi find these Gulpits’ Rocks?” Waluigi asked, offering to help Captain Bixby find the Gulpits’ Rocks needed to power the Bonneter’s riverboat furnace. The purple-clad loose cannon hoped it wouldn’t be too much of a sidequest to track these objects down, since he already had enough on his plate without these fetch quests on top of it.
“They can be found at Gulpit Mine Corp., over in the mountains located northwest of Port Cotta. Normally, I have a supplier deliver those Rocks down here to the docks, but the supplier stopped coming after the Luff Empire moved in and seized control over the kingdom. My guess is those blasted badmen cut off the supplier’s supply route so as to hinder the Waffle Kingdom’s residents.” Horseradish Bixby informed Waluigi, looking a tad annoyed at the Luff Empire hindering the necessities he required to keep his riverboat up and running.
“WAH-nderful…” Waluigi frustratingly exhaled before recomposing himself. “Not to worry, Captain Bixby. Waluigi and his friends will head on up to Gulpit Mine Corp. to see WAH-t the heck is causing the holdup for your Gulpits’ Rocks supplier.” The elevated mischief-maker assured the elderly Bonneter, who lit up with glee at this assurance.
“If you say so, then your words truly please me, Mr. Waluigi! I look forward to seeing you, Bloolex and Cheesare make your safe return here, with the Gulpits’ Rocks in tow!” Horseradish Bixby beamed at Waluigi and Company, who nodded in affirmation.
“No time to lose then, Mr. Waluigi. Let’s get up there and see what’s causing the delay on Captain Bixby’s shipments of Gulpits’ Rocks!” Bloolex declared as the Blooper Retainer began to take the lead once more, with Waluigi and Cheesare following suit.
Moving as fast as their bodies could carry them, Waluigi and Company made it to the mining town of Pancakesburg, located in the high north of the Waffle Kingdom. Upon entering the town, the heroes were greeted by a Koopa Troopa made out of rock candy, dressed in miner gear. “Greetings, travelers! We don’t get a lot of visits from outsiders in this neck of the Waffle Kingdom, especially not after the Luff Empire moved in and took over Waffle Castle! Name’s Rock Candy-Hauler! What’s yours?” The rock candy Koopa Troopa asked the heroes in an upbeat tone of voice.
“Name’s Waluigi, and these are Waluigi’s friends, Bloolex and Cheesare.” Waluigi responded, taking off his helmet to greet Mr. Candy-Hauler before placing the helmet back on his head. “Look, Waluigi and his friends have been sent by Captain Horseradish Bixby of Port Cotta. Captain Bixby wishes to know why his supply convoy for Gulpits’ Rocks has stopped coming from up here and down to Port Cotta.” The purple troublemaker explained the matter at hand to the Koopa Troopa miner.
Mr. Candy-Hauler hummed affirmatively, putting his right hand to his chin in an inquisitive manner as he did so. “I see, I see. Well, I’m not in charge of handling trade routes with Port Cotta and its surrounding areas. Ask my boss, Foreman Axel Pickham. He might know more about this.” He informed Waluigi and Company, pointing up towards the Pancakesburg Trade Union offices located close to the entrance of the mines at the highest peak of the town.
Waluigi nodded in understanding. “Waluigi understands. And Waluigi will see if he and his friends can get a hold of Mr. Pickham so that he may elaborate on the situation. Thank you for your help.” The lanky hellion in purple thanked the Koopa Troopa for his assistance before he and his party members began to climb up the mountain paths of Pancakesburg to get to the town’s Trade Union offices.
Upon getting there, Waluigi parked his Waluigi Cloud outside the building before stepping out and knocking on the door. “Hello?! Anyone there?!” The towering bad actor called out to check if anyone was inside.
“Who’s there?!” A male voice called out from the inside. The voice appeared to sound a tad raspy and deep, belonging to an individual of middle-age. Upon confirmation that someone were inside the building, Waluigi responded back.
“It’s-a Waluigi, one of your employees said to talk to you regarding the Gulpits’ Rocks trade route to Port Cotta!” The purple-clad instigator informed the person on the other side of the door, assuming that the person he was speaking to was Axel Pickham.
“That so, huh? Alright, come on in!” The voice on the other side responded back, after which Waluigi and Company prompted to open the door and head inside the office, where they were greeted by a Giant Koopa Troopa made out of rock candy and dressed up in white miner gear as opposed to Rock Candy-Hauler’s orange miner gear sitting at a desk.
“Greetings, sir. Are you Mr. Pickham?” Waluigi questioned the Giant Koopa with an inquisitive tilt of his head, hoping he had the right person in front of him, otherwise the search for Mr. Pickham was going to have to continue, and Waluigi and his allies didn’t have time for that.
“Yep, I’m Axel Pickham, Foreman of the Pancakesburg branch of Gulpit Mine Corp.. My Clerk, Rock Candy-Hauler sent you, correct? Said something about the trade routes to Port Cotta?” He asked Waluigi in response to make sure he correctly understood why the lengthy man in purple and his friends had come all the way here.
“Correct. See, Captain Horseradish Bixby of Port Cotta requires Gulpits’ Rocks to power his riverboat furnace to be able to ferry passengers to Circuit Break Island. However, Captain Bixby told Waluigi that he hasn’t been receiving any Gulpits’ Rocks from up here for a while. Do you happen to know anything about this?” Waluigi asked Mr. Pickham after explaining the business at hand yet again.
Mr. Pickham hummed inquisitively in response, closing his eyes as he thought it over. Eventually, he opened his eyes again and answered Waluigi’s question. “No, I don’t know anything about that. Sorry to be wasting your time coming all the way out here, but there’s nothing else I can do to help you with this predicament.” The Giant Koopa informed Waluigi and Company with an apologetic frown, only to be met with looks of irritation from Waluigi and his allies in response.
“WAH, do you take Waluigi for a fool?! Waluigi has reason to believe that you’re hiding something from him, and Waluigi doesn’t take kindly to people hiding precious information from him!” The purple-clad menace snarled at Mr. Pickham, angrily stomping the floor with his foot as he did so.
“Sir, I must ask you to calm your temper. I really don’t know anything about the trade routes for Gulpits’ Rocks to Port Cotta and its surrounding areas being cut off. Now please make yourself scarce before I’m forced to call in security and remove you and your accomplices by force.” Mr. Pickham calmly but firmly warned Waluigi, a stern look creeping onto his face.
“You think Waluigi’s going to give up just like that?! If you’re not going to talk, then Waluigi and his friends are going to have to WAH-llop you!” Waluigi angrily told Mr. Pickham as he brandished his whip at the Giant Koopa, with Bloolex grabbing his halberd with an angry expression and Cheesare pulling out his vice grips with an equally aggravated expression.
“I really wish it didn’t have to come down to fisticuffs like this, but you gentlemen leave me no choice. Bring it on.” Mr. Pickham firmly responded, keeping a stern look as he stood up from his desk, brandishing a large pickaxe at Waluigi and Company before engaging them in battle.
“Let’s-a-rock, you WAH-ful liar! Waluigi is gonna show you what happens when you keep precious information from him!” Waluigi firmly told Mr. Pickman as he pointed his right index finger at the Giant Koopa.
“Exactly! If it’s Bloopshed you want, then it’s Bloopshed you’re gonna get!” Bloolex chimed in with an angry expression.
“Prepare to get Quarter Pounded!” Cheesare finalized with an equally angry expression. Waluigi then initiated the first strike by lashing at Mr. Pickham with a WAH-ngry Whip Crack, causing the Giant Koopa to howl in pain. Bloolex then followed up this attack with a Rapid Halberd Spin, causing Mr. Pickham to moan in pain from the impact the bashing of the Blooper Retainer’s halberd had on him. Finally, Cheesare latched his vice grips onto Mr. Pickham before shocking him with electric bolts from the vice grips, causing him to yelp in pain.
“Yowza! That smarts! Time for me to return you barbarians the favor!” Mr. Pickham exclaimed with an aggravated expression before performing a Pickaxe Pummel attack on Waluigi, causing the purple troublemaker to cry out in pain.
“WAH-RGH! Waluigi’s starting to get a little angry with your stubborn Koopa butt, and you wouldn’t like Waluigi when he’s angry!” Waluigi told Mr. Pickham with an even angrier expression than before, running up to the mining foreman and executing a Windmill break dance move as an attack on him. The shifty foreman screamed in pain in response to being struck by the attack while Waluigi backed up towards his battlefield position once more.
Bloolex then prompted to subsequent Waluigi’s attack by striking Mr. Pickham with a Cephalopod Zap attack, inflicting major damage as well as the Paralyzed status ailment on him for the next two turns. “Blooping A! That’ll show that sketchy Koop!” The Blooper Retainer cheered in ecstasy of successfully paralyzing his opponent and granting his team a window of opportunity to unleash a pounding on him.
“You said it, Bloolex! The guy will soon realize it was his volt for bringing this upon himself!” Cheesare replied to his Blooper buddy while making a spiteful pun regarding his opponent’s current predicament. He then consecutively performed a Spin Attack on the Giant Koopa to dish out more damage on him.
Waluigi grinned in satisfaction as he tipped his helmet at Mr. Pickham before executing a new attack he had recently learned; The Boomerang Helmet attack, which involved him throwing his Koopa Shell-shaped helmet like a boomerang to damage his opponent, in this case being Mr. Pickham. Once his helmet returned to him, the purple troublemaker put it back on his head.
Bloolex then added onto this assault by pitching in a newly learned attack of his own; The Cephalopod Striker, which was akin to the Chaos Blast attack from the Sonic the Hedgehog series. The attack involved Bloolex hovering above his enemy before unleashing a great explosion of electricity onto them. If multiple enemies were present on the battlefield, all of them would be hit and damaged by the attack.
Finally, Cheesare closed out his team’s turn with another newly learned attack; The Cheesare Arrow, which involved crafting a large ballista arrow made out of cheddar cheese and then firing it at his opponent with the force of an actual ballista, hurting Mr. Pickham significantly in the process.
With the Giant Koopa being paralyzed for another turn, Waluigi and Company were free to continue their beating of Mr. Pickham as they pleased. As such, Waluigi prompted to use another new attack he had learned, using the Giant Koopa as target practice. This new attack was called WAH-Louise WAH-Llance, which involved the purple-clad rabble-rouser having a stage light shining down on him before belting out a pop rock ballad, with his explosive singing voice proving to be powerful enough to damage his opponent while simultaneously lowering their Defense.
Bloolex also decided to make the most of Mr. Pickham’s predicament by using the Giant Koopa as target practice for another new attack; Dynamo Wave, which involved the young Blooper unleashing a shockwave of electricity onto his enemies to punish them with a big bulk of blemish.
Likewise, Cheesare also profited from his opponent’s paralysis through using him as a guinea pig for another new attack; Ketchupkinesis, which was an attack akin to Hydrokinesis, only involving the usage of ketchup rather than water. For this particular attack, the Spinia summoned a dollop of ketchup from thin air before molding it into the form of an orb and launching it at his adversary to damage him, lowering his Defense in the process as well.
Mr. Pickham’s Paralysis status ailment then wore off, and the Giant Koopa angrily glared at the heroes once it did. “Alright, I hope you savages had your fun! Because now it’s time for you to face my gargantuan wrath!” The mining foreman warned his opponents before executing a Body Slam attack, which functioned similarly to Sushie’s Belly Flop attack from Paper Mario 64 and Flurrie’s Body Slam attack from Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door; It involved Mr. Pickham moving back to create a lane of momentum for him to run across before leaping into the air and crushing his target with his gargantuan body.
The unfortunate victim of this devastatingly damaging attack was Bloolex, inflicting major pain on the Blooper Retainer while also casting the Confusion status ailment on him in the process. “...saw taht daeh eht edispu kcams a tahW” Bloolex began speaking backwards in his confused state of mind.
Waluigi groaned in annoyance as he watched this occur, pinching the bridge of his nose to emphasize his irritation. “Nice, WAH-king WAH-nderful…Bloolex is out of it for the next couple turns…” The purple-clad hellion muttered under his breath before speaking out loud. “Alright, Bloolex. You sit out the battle for a couple turns until you’re back to your senses, WAH?” He suggested to his Blooper buddy.
“...igiulaW .rM ,tseb eht rof eb spahrep d’tahT” Bloolex responded in backwards language as he floated backwards and sat down to take a rest for the time being. With the Blooper Retainer out of danger, Waluigi pushed on his onslaught on Mr. Pickham by belting him with another WAH-ngry Whip Crack attack, causing the Giant Koopa to once again howl in pain.
“You’ll pay for inflicting that headache on Bloolex, you conniving Koopa!” Cheesare angrily yelled at Mr. Pickham before executing a Dizzy Spin attack on the mining foreman, inflicting the Dizzy status ailment on him for the next couple turns by doing so.
“Bleargh, I hate it when you Spinia pests do that to innocent citizens like me…” Mr. Pickham groaned in dizziness and irritation before using a Pickaxe Throw attack on Cheesare to damage the Spinia, successfully hitting him in the process. Cheesare let out a pained “OW!” in response.
“Trust Waluigi, you big shifty liar; You do not wanna anger Waluigi any more than Waluigi already is! Waluigi has enough on his plate without you trying to get under his skin with your gobbledygook!” The towering miscreant warned Mr. Pickham as he was starting to get increasingly unhinged from the mining foreman’s shenanigans.
Waluigi’s Attack subsequently rose as a means of representing his growing anger, then promptly kicked away at the Giant Koopa with another Windmill break dance move attack, with the shady foreman moaning in pain as the attack connected. Cheesare then followed up the mischievous purple-garbed goliath’s attack with another Cheesare Arrow attack, crafting another ballista arrow out of cheddar cheese before launching it at Mr. Pickham with the same force of being fired from a real ballista. The crooked mine boss yelped in pain as the arrow landed successfully on him.
“You got it all wrong, Mr. Waluigi! I truly know nothing about the issues regarding Captain Bixby’s failure to receive his agreed shipments of Gulpits’ Rocks to power his riverboat furnace! If I did know anything about it, I wouldn’t be so assuring that I am just as lost on the matter as you are, wouldn’t I?” Mr. Pickham informed Waluigi, evidently in denial about his awareness of the situation with the Gulpits’ Rocks shipments.
The leader of the miners then pulled out a blunderbuss that he used to fire miniature Poison Puffs at Waluigi and Company, hurting them in the process. Waluigi then growled in anger, prompting his Attack to rise once more, further emphasizing the bothersome behemoth’s succumbing to infuriation.
“Yeah? Well, unlike his green-garbed rival, Waluigi isn’t such a soft touch, buddy! So you better spill the beans before Waluigi is forced to rub you out like he did with the Luff Empire’s high-ranking hellions!” Waluigi demanded of the corrupt mining captain before performing another Boomerang Helmet attack on him, the Giant Koopa screaming in pain from the attack being nailed on him successfully.
“You better do what Big Purple says, you monstrous maligner! Or else your men are gonna have to scrape you off the ground by the time we’re done with you!” Cheesare snarled at the Giant Koopa with equal irritation to that of his purple-garbed friend before performing another Ketchupkinesis attack on his opponent. The Spinia then conceived another ball of ketchup in thin air, then molded it into the shape of a serpentine dragon and send it flying at Mr. Pickham, causing him to hoot in pain from the damage the attack did to him.
Mr. Pickham didn’t respond to the heroes’ threats, opting to instead attack them with a Shell Toss, involving him retreating into his shell and performing a slower variant of the attack as used by Kent C. Koopa in Paper Mario 64, damaging the heroes this way. Upon returning to his battle station, he came back out of his shell before standing up again.
Fortunately for Waluigi and Company, Bloolex had managed to recover from his Confusion status ailment by now, so he floated back onto the battlefield with a determined glare in his eyes. “Let me have a go at him now, Mr. Waluigi! After that stunt he pulled on me earlier, I’ve got a bone to pick with him!” The Blooper Retainer requested from his purple-arrayed friend.
“Knock yourself out, Bloolex, though not literally. Waluigi and Cheesare can’t afford to have to finish that thug off by themselves.” Waluigi gave his okay for Bloolex to attack Mr. Pickham, with the Blooper Retainer nodding in affirmation before performing one last Cephalopod Striker attack on the mining foreman that proved to be powerful enough to deplete the last of his health bar and plunge him into defeat.
“Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye, no!” Mr. Pickham cried out as he went tumbling down to the ground, landing on his side with a soft thud. Waluigi and Company then rejoiced in their defeat, exchanging a series of high fives with one another as they did so.
“WAH-rvelous! We managed to defeat that naysaying nitwit!” Waluigi grinned as he pumped his fist in euphoria before hearing Mr. Pickham groan in pain, eyeing the Giant Koopa slowly getting back onto his feet. “Oh, WAH-t do we have here?” Waluigi inquired with a curiously raised eyebrow.
“Stop! I surrender! I’ll tell you everything I know about the Gulpits’ Rocks shipments for Captain Bixby!” Mr. Pickham cowered before Waluigi and Company, their assault clearly having frightened him into confessing.
“You better talk fast, or Waluigi and his friends will finish you off for real!” Waluigi firmly pointed his right index finger at the Giant Koopa, being dead serious with his threat this time. The wayward purple-arrayed whopper clearly had enough of this fetch quest being stretched out longer than necessary.
“The Luff Empire came by and paid me a grand load of money to cut off the local area’s supply convoys of Gulpits’ Rocks and slow down the progress of anyone who tried to get in the way of Minister Crêpe’s reign of terror! They also paid me hush money to not tell anyone who came by to ask about the Gulpits’ Rocks shipments!” Mr. Pickham admitted in a withered tone of voice from being roughed up by Waluigi and Company.
“Waluigi should’ve known the Luff Empire was involved with this whole scheme…Very well. If you give Waluigi and his friends a shipment of Gulpits’ Rocks and a cache of the hush money the Luff Empire has been paying you, Waluigi and his friends will let you off the hook.” The purple troublemaker muttered under his breath before addressing Mr. Pickham out loud again, cutting straight to the chase.
“Of course. Anything to keep you from cutting my breath short.” Mr. Pickham nodded frantically before rushing out the door of the office, then coming back with a chest filled with Gulpits’ Rocks, and another chest filled with 500 Coins, supposedly the amount of hush money the Luff Empire had been paying him. “Here.” He told Waluigi as he handed the two chests to him.
Waluigi safely tucked the two chests away into his inventory. “Thanks. Waluigi and his friends will be off now.” The rascally slim gentleman bid the crooked foreman goodbye before leaving with his allies, knowing that the Luff Empire would come back and punish the foreman for ratting them out sooner or later, thus saving Waluigi the trouble of doing it himself.
And that’s a wrap on Part 5 of Die WAH With A Vengeance! I don’t have a whole lot to say in these Author’s Notes because I’m pushing the 18 page limit a little bit here, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter of the continuously unfolding pentalogy and are looking forward to it being made into a hexalogy in Issue 224!
Paper Mario: The Door
Written By: Ash
Chapter 3: The Sun and the Deadly Laser
Jasper had asked Mario to go to the desert to look for CJ, but that didn't exactly sound appealing after he nearly came down with heat stroke on the streets of Goldstar Grove. The bottle of water he had gotten from the Ninji at the shop had long warmed up and he was covered by a thick robe so going to the desert almost seemed unsafe. Since he was still too groggy from his nap to get back to traveling, he decided it would be a good time to call Ethan.
"Hi, Mario," he said as he picked up. "Good timing, too. Nikki wanted me to thank you for bringing Jasper back."
Mario swore it wasn't as big of a deal as it could have been, and he even got to watch the beginning of a love story. Sure, it might have been a little awkward, but he wished the best for Norman and Teresa.
"Aww, cute," Ethan responded.
The real question on Mario's mind was if he could go back to Ethan's castle for a little while before he went to the desert.
"If you want. Maybe I could come pick you up. Or, actually, maybe it would be easier if I just gave you a pipe straight here."
Now Ethan was speaking Mario's language. Mario had been in and out of pipes for years in order to get around, but… where was he supposed to get one?
"That's easy," Ethan said. Before Mario had a chance to react, a green pipe was rising out of the floor in Jasper's throne room. It didn't even tear through the carpet. "See you in a few seconds."
Ethan hung up and Mario put the Zastphone in his pocket. He climbed into the pipe before unceremoniously falling inside. His big boots had gotten stuck on the edge of the pipe, but he was soft enough that it didn't hurt too much when he landed inside. The most that happened was an unwilling Shy Guy honk that came from his chest on impact.
Mario jumped out of the pipe, this time making sure not to flop on the floor, and found himself in Ethan's room. The pipe receded into the floor before disappearing like it was never there.
"Welcome back," Ethan said. "Were your dreams your ticket out?"
Mario didn't know what that meant.
"You must not know that song. It's one of dad's favorites. Maybe you've noticed just how old-fashioned he can be."
Mario made a curious Shy Guy honk, which seemed to get Ethan more distracted by his form.
"Oh yeah, how's the thing been working? I know it doesn't have a funny name like the Zastphone, but… you know."
That question made Mario realize that he really hadn't had to turn back into a human that much. In fact, he had barely seen anyone working for Pit. The Nikkibot had loyalty to him until it was foiled and Teresa might have been under Pit's control, but that was it. The worry of there being human troops everywhere didn't seem like much of a threat at all.
"Really? So maybe this is more of a one-man operation than we first thought. I guess with dad's whole army of minions, we just… assumed Pit would do the same thing. Or maybe he just didn't get to Cape Feather Fields or Goldstar Grove yet. I guess it hasn't been that long since this all happened."
Ethan's talk was interrupted by the sound of King K stomping in.
"There's another King K? Yet another? And no one told me?"
"Dad… what are you talking about?" Ethan asked, almost sounding disappointed in his dad.
"Jasper told me about some boxer Koopa who stole my name. And he wears these cocky sunglasses…"
Mario was stunned. If King K could see behind his mask, he would have seen Mario's utter shock. This King K that he was describing… Mario had met him. A long time ago, in the Glitz Pit. He had to pipe up about it, but had to carefully choose his words. All he needed to know was where Jasper had heard of this other King K.
"Jasper and Nikki are playing through… some game right now, I don't know what it's called. You'd have to ask them. But I need to find out how-"
"Dad," Ethan interrupted.
"What?"
"It's not that big of a deal."
King K stood there silently and looked like he was fumbling for anything to say before he let out a begrudging "Hmph" and walked away. Ethan sighed, embarrassed that Mario had to see one that side of his dad.
"He's just… like that. You learn to deal with him after a while."
Mario nervously scratched the back of his head. King K seemed like… a character, to say the least. But regardless of the eccentricities of the big Koopa, the small Koopa still had Mario's attention. Mario hadn't gotten the chance to properly tell Ethan about his upcoming trip to the desert, only mentioning it in passing during their call earlier.
"Oh yeah, that's… why you came here. I don't blame you, that whole part of the kingdom is way too hot and none of us understand why CJ likes it so much. His twin brother Sammy is the opposite since he's in the coldest part of the kingdom and most of us don't like it there either."
That sounded like the perfect place for Mario to set his sights on after he saved CJ.
"As long as it doesn't make your mask shatter or anything."
Mario, suddenly overcome with some pretty extreme fear over his face being seen, put his nubs up to his cheeks like he was protecting his mask with everything he had.
"Oh, um… sorry."
Mario forgave Ethan, still knowing that it was a joke. It was more like it set off some kind of inherent anxiety that came with being a Shy Guy.
"Maybe I'm just built different when I'm a Shy Guy," Ethan said.
That one sentence alone raised so many questions, none of which Mario had the bravery to ask. Instead, he asked Ethan if he would be willing to go off to the desert with him. Even though he had met some friends during his travels, he didn't have a proper traveling companion like he was used to. He had started to long for the days where he didn't have to call his friends on a Zastphone and wait for them to show up. They were just… there at any given time.
"Well, I mean… if you want me to. Dad can take care of Jasper and Nikki, and he'll probably be okay with it as long as he knows I'm leaving. But, um… I hope it's okay if I don't stay with you the whole time."
Mario would have asked why but Ethan immediately stuttered that it was a long story. But with Ethan having agreed at all to go along with him, Mario waited as he left to go find King K.
While he was waiting, he had noticed that Ethan had left his wand behind and decided to take a closer look. He had seen a couple of the magic orbs that were attached to the ends, but he never really thought much further about them. The wand was solid gold, or at least gold-plated enough that Mario couldn't tell the difference. It looked identical to a wand that he would see Kamek or Kamella holding. The orb on Ethan's wand was a deep ruby red that shimmered as he moved it around in the sunlight coming in through Ethan's window. And somewhere inside that orb was concentrated magic that Mario had no idea how to harness. Everyone he had ever seen use it made it look so easy but he was sure that if he tried to, he would end up destroying something.
"All set," Ethan said as he came back to his room. "Oh, y-you probably shouldn't touch that."
Mario put the wand down before Ethan grabbed it off his bed. Maybe his fears were true and he wasn't powerful enough to be using it. "Leave that to me, okay? Please?"
Mario agreed, even if he had planted the seed of curiosity about what it was like to be a magic user.
"We, um… we had better get going," Ethan said as he waved another pipe into existence. He climbed in with Mario following, making sure not to fall on his face again.
When they emerged out of the pipe, the town they were greeted with was much smaller and less populated than the last two Mario had visited, presumably because it took a very specific type of person to willingly live in the middle of the desert.
"Man, it is… it sure is desolate out here," Ethan commented. Mario wasn't even going to try to disagree since the population of this town surely couldn't have been more than a couple hundred.
"You think maybe we should have worn something more fitting?"
Mario wasn't sure what Ethan meant until he looked behind him to see the Koopaling pretty much instantly regretting his flannel shirt and jeans.
"I know we have one of my siblings to save, but… you think he would mind if we stopped somewhere so I could change first?"
For as empty as the entire land seemed to be, there were still some landmarks. It wasn't like living in the desert meant there would be no places to eat or sleep. Even knowing that, Mario was seriously hoping that his next destination would be a snow-covered tundra. The blistering winds of Fahr Outpost would be more like a gentle spring breeze right about now.
"When do you think was the last time it rained here?"
With all the heat and sand and lack of greenery, Mario conjectured that the last time it rained was… never.
"Yeah, probably," Ethan said. "We like to joke that CJ was born on the sun but… I don't know if that's a joke anymore. Maybe he's related to the Angry Sun." Mario would have loved to keep up the small talk but he was getting really exhausted from the sweat in his robe. His boots started to drag along the sand. He reached out for Ethan, who was starting to get further away.
"Oh, you… need a piggyback ride?"
That wasn't exactly what Mario had in mind but it was still better than barely making progress on the ground.
"I'll see what I can do," Ethan said. He picked Mario up by his sides before placing him gently on his shoulders. Mario could tell that Ethan's breath was heavier than normal but he was still thankful to the Koopaling for being so kind.
Finally, it looked like they were approaching a small section of civilization, even if it was only a few buildings. Like some kind of barely incorporated village.
"If we're going to stop so I can change my clothes, do you want some food too?"
Having his attention brought to it made Mario realize that he did have a pretty big appetite. He would love to be back in Cape Feather Fields at Alden T.'s having the best plate of spaghetti in the land.
"One of these places should be a restaurant or a Mr. Mart or something."
Mr. Mart sounded like the kind of place where he first met Lake and Iris, or the place where Norman helped Mario recover from the heat of the jungle. Maybe it was a chain of general stores in this dimension.
"Someone really liked the name Mr. Mart so now it's just… the store to go to, you know?"
The store to go to. Very descriptive.
"Hey, what's-" Ethan started running toward what looked like a passed out yellow Toad laying on his stomach. Once the two of them got closer to the Toad, Ethan put Mario down.
"Are you here to help me?" the Toad asked weakly.
"Yeah, are… are you okay?"
"I think so, but… I don't even know what hit me."
"We should get you inside," Ethan said, picking up the Toad. "Um… inside somewhere."
Mario pointed with his little Shy Guy nub toward a nearby building. The closest one nearby seemed to be an inn like the one he stayed in after he got thrown over the jungle. The three of them made their way in and set the Toad down in the lobby. The only other person to be found was a Koopa girl with a laptop and who was talking on the phone. She seemed occupied enough that she wasn't going to bother the group.
"Thank you," the Toad said, already looking like he felt better than he was while he was outside on the ground.
Now that the Toad was face-up, Mario could get a better look at him. For the most part, he was a pretty standard yellow Toad. His standout feature was his blue sunglasses. He could still see the Toad's eyes behind them but he gave the vibe that he was outwardly cool but secretly shy.
"I'm Jonas," he said. "I… can't believe I'm meeting you, Ethan."
"It's nothing, really," Ethan said, scratching his head nervously. "Do you know what happened though? You looked pretty hurt out there."
"I don't know too much, but I was just walking along when I thought I heard a ray gun, and then suddenly I was knocked out on the ground."
Mario wondered what kind of ray gun could have possibly hurt Jonas so badly as to knock him out. He had seen lasers from Wizzerds and those machines that spit out circular laser beams when he was in space those times but those would never knock him out unless he was already hurt.
"I hope it's not some kind of invasion by Pit," Ethan said. "We were just talking about how it seemed like he didn't have a huge army." "Hard to say," Jonas said.
"Should we let you rest here for a while?"
"That'd be nice, thanks."
Right as Mario and Ethan were about to let Jonas be while they took a trip to CJ's castle, the Koopa girl excitedly came up to them.
"Am I really seeing this?" she said. "You're… you're the real Ethan? Son of King K?"
"Y-Yeah, that's me," Ethan responded, suddenly a lot shyer than before. Or maybe that was Mario's new Shy Guy nature projecting.
"Oh my gosh, this is going to make the greatest story of the week. Can I interview you?"
"I… I guess."
"Thank you so much. Oh, um… name's Kayleigh, by the way. Kayleigh Koopa."
"Nice to meet you. Um… be right back?" Ethan said before he walked off with Kayleigh to where her laptop was.
Mario could swear the name Kayleigh was ringing a bell of some kind. It took him a second to remember, but once he did, he could remember overhearing Polly from the jungle inn talking to someone named Kayleigh. He couldn't be sure if this was the same Kayleigh, but Polly was a Koopa, Kayleigh was a Koopa… maybe there was some kind of connection.
As Mario was contemplating, Jonas perked up. "Kayleigh Koopa?" he asked. "The reporter?"
Mario couldn't say for sure but it seemed like Kayleigh was pretty well known. He remembered that a long time ago on one of his adventures with his brother, he met a similar type in Kylie Koopa. They had their differences — Kylie was pink while Kayleigh was red, Kylie had a bulbous hat while Kayleigh wore a fancy barrette, and Kayleigh seemed a lot more bubbly than Kylie — but the similarity was a little uncanny for Mario.
"I wonder if that means I'll get to be on TV," Jonas said. "I've always wondered what that's like. Do you think people come up to you in public and say 'hey, you look like the guy I saw on the news the other day'?"
Mario was suddenly freaked out at the prospect of having that much attention. Why now? He was the world-famous plumber of the Mushroom Kingdom but now he couldn't bear someone recognizing him from a news broadcast?
The best response he could give Jonas was an indifferent shrug.
"You know, I wonder… what are you doing out here with Ethan? I can't say I've heard much about him having Shy Guy friends."
Mario explained the whole mission to Jonas. He told him about the Nikkibot and how he had gotten to bring Jasper back from being a plush. He even talked about Norman and Teresa.
"Wow, so… you're out to save the world, pretty much," Jonas said. "Well… if you need any help, just let me know sometime. I don't really know what I can do but I'll try my best."
Mario ended up sitting down by where Jonas was while he waited for Ethan to finish his interview.
"Oh, and one more thing… I know I'm a bit starstruck right now, and you're kinda busy, but… do you think you could help me home before you leave?"
Mario was never one to turn down a request. If he could clear out a storage room of some of the most rancid smelling pants he had ever laid nose on, he could help an injured Toad get home.
"Thank you," Jonas said. "And that sounds gross. Sorry you had to put up with that."
Ethan finally came back from talking to Kayleigh and Mario filled him in on Jonas' request.
"That's okay with me," Ethan said.
"I'll join too," Kayleigh added.
"Really?" Jonas said, sitting up like he just woke up from a nightmare.
"Sure," Kayleigh said.
Mario looked at his newly formed party of travelers. It was a complete hodge podge — a plumber-turned-Shy Guy, a member of the royal family, a reporter, and a random Toad they had found injured on the street. It was the kind of uncoordinated team he had come to expect from his adventures. When he left Rogueport all those years ago, his friend group was just as diverse with a college student, a stage actress, and a navy admiral, among others.
Mario, Ethan, Jonas, and Kayleigh went outside, having gotten directions from Jonas to where he lived. None of them particularly wanted to wander out into the desert heat but it was just part of the experience.
They couldn't get very far before they were approached by a machine rolling up to them. It was matte black, rolled on one wheel, and was looking at the party with a single, wide, seemingly printed-on green eye.
"Oh, hello," Kayleigh said to it.
The group didn't get much time to respond before the machine pulled out what appeared to be two robotic arms and pointed them directly in their faces. Mario had never seen anything like it before so it was quite threatening.
"Get back!" Ethan yelled, spreading his arms out to guard Mario, Jonas, and Kayleigh behind him. Mario couldn't process what was happening before the machine crouched to the ground, aimed its eye directly at Ethan, and shot out a blinding red laser beam with a loud sound reminiscent of… a ray gun.
"Ethan!" Kayleigh exclaimed, running over to the Koopaling who was now lying unresponsive on the ground. Mario and Jonas gathered around him too as the robot covered up its eye and rolled away.
Mario looked down at Ethan, mortified that it seemed like he had just watched his new friend sacrifice himself. But Jonas did say that he heard a ray gun sound and it seemed like he recovered pretty fast.
Surely whatever the robot had done to Ethan couldn't be that bad.
Right?
Random Video Analysis
| Thumbnail | 
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|---|---|
| Video by: | Angry Birds |
| Publish date: | October 26, 2012 |
| Views: | 56,617,301 (as of September 12, 2025) |
| Likes: | 71K (as of September 12, 2025) |
| Type: | Kids, spooky |
Heheheheheheheh... are you ready to get goosebumps? It's very polite of you to join me for this month's spooky edition of Random Video Analysis! You're in for a treat, or should I say trick - as this will be your final one in your life! OOOOOOOOH!!
Nah, I'm just kidding! I got a little too into the holiday spirit there... sorry! Halloween is approaching, and it's approaching quickly, so I picked out an appropriately themed video to analyze! This one's bound to bring you nostalgia too, because it's Trick or Tweet, an Angry Birds short from 2012! The full video is titled Angry Birds "Trick or Tweet" | Wishing you a Happy Halloween! #Halloween. This was made when Rovio was prospering... man, if only they can go back to making amazing videos like these. Anybody else watch the three Angry Birds Toons seasons when they were on Toons TV? I'm going off-track, so let's get started, 'cause you're in for a family friendly fright!
What's it about?
Let me set the scene: it's the evening of Halloween, which is the perfect time to go trick-or-treating! Under the full moon in the orange dusk sky, a trio of blue birds nicknamed the Blues (consisting of identical triplets Jim, Jake, and Jay) all excitedly hop their way towards an eerie house all alone, just beyond an open gate and cemetery. Strikes of thunder and lightning occur as the birds make progress. From the interior of the building, two ominous red, glowing eyes look through a broken window, observing the young birds. There is then a cut to show the point of view (POV) of the home's inhabitant, who turns and looks to the front door, allowing us to see worn-out state of the spooky house. By the time the figure reaches the front door, the shadow of the homeowner and knocks are heard at the door, signalling that the Blues have arrived. Slowly, the front door opens, allowing Jim, Jake, and Jay to be seen. They all hold their buckets of candy as they exclaim "trick or treat!", but upon seeing the house's inhabitant, the Blues lose their cheerful expressions and stare silently for a second before screaming in fright and running away, leaving behind their candy. A rake is then used by the owner to drag the candy inside the house before the doors close.
There is then a montage showing multiple birds visiting the house, all attempting to get candy, but end up fleeing in terror while leaving their candy behind. First up is Chuck, who gets scared out of his pumpkin costume briefly before attempting to run away, but he crashes into a rock and falls down on his way out. Next we see Matilda, who initially hops back in fright before stopping and looking back at the homeowner. She screams again and then continues her escape. After Matilda is Bomb, who gets so scared that he explodes multiple times as he flees the scene. Lastly, Red arrives to try to claim candy himself, but he also vamooses when the owner strikes with its rake, taking even more candy for itself.
Afterwards, the figure looks into a broken mirror. The camera then cuts to show who owns the house - a large, hideous zombie pig. The pig then deflates, revealing that it wasn't even real - it was a costume the whole time! A young orange bird named Bubbles emerges from the deflated costume and avidly looks upon the massive stash of candy he has all to himself. Bubbles dives into the candy and eats some of it happily, but a loud knock is heard at the front door. Seeing this as an opportunity to steal even more candy, the orange bird inflates his costume and looks out of it from the nose holes as he makes his way to the door. When the front door fully opens, the camera zooms in on Bubbles' eyes, which enlarge in terror. The camera then cuts to show all of the Angry Birds who "visited" the house earlier, all looking quite, well, angry! Lightning flashes, allowing us to also see a new visitor - the enormous red bird Terrence x who stares blankly at Bubbles. The camera zooms in twice on Terence's face, both times synchronized with the music.
The video then cuts to black, and the text "Trick or Tweet" slowly appears in the center. The text remains for a few seconds until the screen suddenly changes to show "ANGRY BIRDS SEASONS, with a skull and candy corn to the left. Below that header is more text that reads "DOWNLOAD THE SPOOKY NEW EPISODE". On the bottom of the screen is faint text that reads "© ROVIO ENTERTAINMENT LTD. 2012", with the app's icon to the right. The text remains for the rest of the video.
Interesting observations
- This video serves as a promotion to the "Haunted Hogs" level collection in Angry Birds Seasons. RIP Angry Birds Seasons; you will be missed...
- The music from this video is also similar to the music heard in "Haunted Hogs".
- When the interior of the house is shown, there are mounts on a wall, showing pig skeletons. One of them has a slingshot instead.
- During the scene where the zombie pig coztume deflates, there is a picture of a literal spider pig on a wall.
- Besides Bubbles, each bird has a different costume:
- The Blues (Jim, Jake, and Jay) are dressed as the grim reaper, a mummy, and a bat.
- Chuck is dressed as a pumpkin.
- Matilda is dressed as Frankenstein, or the Bride of Frankenstein.
- Bomb is dressed as a vampire (possibly Dracula).
- Red has a cleaver in his head with fake blood. Maybe he's supposed to be a zombie?
- Terrence is dressed as a witch, and he even has a little wart on his beak!
- Of the trick-or-treaters shown in the montage, Red was the least scared. He only ran away because Bubbles had a rake!
- Additionally, he was the only one who didn't jump in the air and scream with his tongue out.
- Most of the birds have normal buckets to hold their candy. One of the Blues (probably Jake) and Bomb were the only ones to have pumpkin-themed candy containers.
- Despite there not being any thunderclouds, lightning still occurs. This can happen in real life, as lightning bolts can stretch very far from a cloud even if there aren't any in the sky. These are called "bolts of the blue".
Gallery
Hopefully this moment didn't traumatize the Blues! Probably not, as they returned angry later on.
Surprisingly, Chuck doesn't use his super speed to get away. That's probably because his costume might get in the way.
Note to self: NEVER look back when running from something.
Scaring Bomb may result in a backfire. This was not one of those times.
It's not real blood, I promise!
Now those are some ANGRY BIRDS!
Have a Happy Halloween everyone! Please eat your candy responsibly. You don't want a bellyache or anything!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 223 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • The 'Shroom Spooky Scavenger • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
