The 'Shroom:Issue 222/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
The seasons may be changing but The 'Shroom is always here! Welcome back!
Last time we were here, I mentioned that I had gone back to Bayonetta 3. Well, I have finished it and it was... certainly a game. There were parts I liked, parts I didn't, and parts that felt gimmicky. I wonder what they'll do next, if they decide to continue the series. Either way, I'm gearing up for Legends ZA next month- along with a few other RPGs I want to get my hands on.
We've got a LOT of words and pictures for you this month- you'll need a book mark for all this fiction! I'll let you get on to it!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Bring forth the Section of the Month results! Coming in first, we have one of our guest sections from last month, Technetium (talk)'s The Crystal Star Spirits. After that, it's Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! in second. Squeezing into third, we have a three-way tie between Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)'s Shmaluigi, Private Investigator, Sparks (talk)'s Random Video Analysis, and winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel. Congratulations to our winners, and a huge thank you to everyone who voted, and please keep it up!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Crystal Star Spirits | 10 | 33.33% | Technetium (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics | 9 | 30.00% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 3 | 10.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk) |
| 3rd | Random Video Analysis | 3 | 10.00% | Sparks (talk) |
| 3rd | The ? Panel | 3 | 10.00% | winstein (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
"Dr. Waluigi Time"
Panel 1
[Cayde is lying in a hospital bed, visibly unwell. A Toad nurse is standing at her bedside with a clipboard.]
TOAD: The doctor will be in shortly.
Panel 2
[Waluigi Time walks into the room in a doctor's office, carrying a purple bag over his shoulder.]
WALUIGI TIME: So, you're my next patient?
Panel 3
[Waluigi Time pulls a capsule from his bag. His elbow is no longer blocking it, revealing that it is labeled "MEGAVITAMINS". Cayde looks at him with shock and bewilderment.]
WALUIGI TIME: Don't worry, I've played several hours of Dr. Mario
WALUIGI TIME: Now open wide and say "ahh"...
Panel 4
[Waluigi Time sits across a desk from Kameron and Cayde, who are both visibly displeased. Cayde is now wearing a mask.]
KAMERON: You're fired.
WALUIGI TIME: I figured
The ? Panel
{Mario reaches the flagpole}
{Mario slides down the flagpole}
{Mario jumps from the flagpole by flipping in the air, and then landing on the ground}
Mario: That's a Sonans! {Note: It sounds almost similar to "That's-a so nice!"}
Wobbuffet: Wo' ba' 'ffit? {With a note saying: Sounding similar to "Wha' 'bout 'that"}
Transcript
{The scene takes place during the evening with sand and pyramids in the background, indicating that it's World 2 in New Super Mario Bros.}
{Mario reaches the flagpole and slides down from it.}
{Mario jumps from the flagpole by flipping in the air}
Mario: That's-a so-na...
Mario: {Curiously observing the Wynaut} ...no?
Wynaut: Wynaut?
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[Captain Toad and a Boo are having a staring contest.]
Panel 2
[Captain Toad and the Boo are staring more intensely.]
Panel 3
[Suddenly, Captain Toad turns on his headlamp, blinding the Boo, and thus, ending the contest.]
Panel 4
CAPTAIN TOAD: Heh heh!
BOO: Cheater!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)
Triple Trouble: Part 3
"Father?!" I blurted out. After everything that we've uncovered, this guy, the leader of the Circle of Six, the guy who experimented on the Sticky Warrior... he was his own father? I stared at the old Inkling, his pale and slightly wrinkled skin, his black, cyan-tipped tentacles, his fancy little turtleneck sweater... I've met some pretty nasty people in my time, and yet I could barely wrap my head around how someone could be this vile.
"One wonders what else has eluded you, Connor. Still, ignorance can be quite a fascinating shade."
The Sticky Warrior muttered to himself. "Connor..." I wasn't sure if he was taken aback hearing my name in this context, or if he was so focused on his own investigations that it completely slipped by him when Jasmine mentioned it before.
"So, I just have to wonder here, how long have you actually known about me? Just give me a ballpark, have you been creeping around for a while or just a couple weeks, what's your deal here?" Usually, I wouldn't be so brash. But this guy had been down here for all of half a minute, and I was already fed up with him.
"I have the knowledge of everything there is to be known. About you, your brother, your wife, the charming entourage you gain, and even the identity you wear like a borrowed coat. You have spun a magnificent drama. However..." he paused, then looked me straight in the eye. "Learning about the Circle of Six... now that was an act that does not go unanswered. You were warned to keep your distance. Yet, temptation is a marvelous flaw."
"For someone who knows so much, apparently you never caught on that I don't take orders from criminals," I replied.
"Criminals? Ah, such a primitive way of thinking. Truly, the cerebral cortex never fails to disappoint."
"Will you cut the crap, already!" the Sticky Warrior interrupted.
"Now, now, my child. Such impatience... You were always so eager to slice your opponent without hesitation or remorse. No wonder you became our perfect creation."
"My, what a sickening way of talking about their own child," Ms. Mowz commented.
"Well, you know, some people are just completely irredeemable like that," I added. "Trust me, I should know. And I can say this smug piece of calamari certainly fits the bill."
"Tell me... Why!? What you could gain from doing this!?" the Sticky Warrior shouted.
"Why? Interesting that you ask. Power... power must be seized, not handed out to the common. Left in their hands, it only breeds chaos and trivial noises. No, what we required was structure. An organization vast enough to operate unchecked, yet precise enough to be held in our grasp alone. Once you hold on to power, you would be astonished how many choose to close their eyes on it. That, my child, is how the Circle of Six was born.
Us, neighbors around, became the founders. We began an operation by gathering individuals with particular talents that would grant us what we required. As was anticipated, experimentation was necessary. Adjustments had to be made, all for the greater of our cause, naturally. I believe you now have a grasp of our greatness. I did leave you the book you have in your possession. A glimpse of our expertise. Isn't that remarkable?
You three, are proof of that. How many storms have you left behind to seize upon that power?"
I could practically feel my blood pressure rising with every word he spoke. "Oh please, like you get to act all high and mighty? You talk about who should have power? You have secrecy and structure and pretend that somehow makes you better than all the other scum out here who seek to do nothing but twist and exploit others for their own benefit? Well I have news for you, you're not. You're just another layer to the world's cesspool, and people like you are the last kind who deserve any kind of 'power'."
"Speech tinged with such primitive cognition. You seem to revel in manipulating the masses, wielding your influence with shameless indulgence. Tell me, what justification do you offer, dear Connor, or is it Shmaluigi? On the spectrum of morality, your actions remain static, undeniably reprehensible."
It was clearly no use talking to this guy - he was a reprehensible dirtbag who was just going to keep spewing this nonsense. Not like he was going to change anyone's opinion of him. If Shmwario was here, he probably would've knocked his teeth out by now.
"Ugh... It's like talking to a wall. In fact, the wall would probably be a better listener," the Sticky Warrior groaned. "Maybe, on a moral scale, it wouldn't be all that different, but what matters is what we're trying to achieve. And trust me, Connor and Mowz are nothing like you. They're far from being as sadistic. Neither of them has tried pulling the same insane schemes you've been running here! So tell me, father... what really happened here? I want answers!"
"Naturally, you are entitled to your answers, no one would dare dispute this unambiguous logic. However, I find myself compelled by a certain... intellectual curiosity. How is it that you recall such intricate details with such clarity? Given the circumstances of your release, mid-experiment, no less, I would have expected significant cognitive degradation. Amnesia seemed not only likely, but inevitable."
"It was all thanks to the notebooks Kreep kept. Everything was in there. My name, the details of the experiment, even the founders' names. At first, I couldn't believe it. But the more Mowz and I looked into it, the more it all started to line up. It was the truth, no doubt about it. And then, a phone call threatening me, killing me and anyone who would get close to me. Someone calling me Noah. Now, I realize, that voice... it was you.
What's funny, though, I used to think Kreep had something to do with your death. So how the hell are you still alive? I clearly remember Kreep killing you... but now? Looking at you, hearing you... I'm starting to wonder. There's no way I'd ever be close to someone like you. You make my skin crawl."
As if there was any doubt by this point, this pretty much confirmed to me that these two knew more than they let on this whole time. But with everything this whole situation entailed, I couldn't help but feel it was more the result of denial than deception.
"That wild beast was unsalvageable. But to clarify a common misunderstanding: the apparent records you discovered were not Kreep's belongings, they were mine. Your memory, as expected, continues to suffer. You seem to recall me as the focus of Kreep's intrusion. It was your mother."
"M-mother?"
"When Kreep launched his pitiful raid here under the delusion that he could outmaneuver us, I acquired a substantial understanding of his objectives. Naturally, I have informants embedded across this planet's every corner. So, in anticipation, I arranged a simple substitution: your ever-intrusive mother in place of myself. She was far too interested in my affairs for her own good.
Of course, his henchmen did their best to extract evidence, hoping to trace my movements. They failed, predictably. What else could one expect from a defective construct grasping at relevance?"
"You... You piece of TRASH!"
"What a disgusting being," Ms. Mowz sneered.
I could tell the Sticky Warrior was becoming too infuriated to press for further answers - I can't say I wouldn't be feeling the same in his situation. Still, I wanted to hurry up get to the bottom of things so we could give this guy what he had coming to him already. "And what of your so-called 'experiment' that you cared so little for your own child to subject him to?"
"As you will have noted from the material I entrusted to you, our path to absolute control required shields, one ideally suited to absorb consequences in our stead. Provided this shield served our interests without question, we could maintain dominance without ever soiling our own hands. Naturally, such an asset had to perform optimally, even under extreme conditions.
To ensure this, we initiated a series of procedures, precisely designed to condition their responses, fortify their loyalty, and maximize their effectiveness. Any subject that failed to meet our sets of standards was eliminated. Or, at the very least, intended to be.
It was during this phase that cracks began to show within our own ranks. One of the Founders, misguided, attempted to safeguard certain failures. Kreep, at the time, was our most promising candidate. But with given powers quickly came arrogance, and his ambition quickly outgrew his usefulness. He believed he could escape our design. That delusion made him a liability. He was marked for disposal, but somehow, he vanished before we could terminate the process.
Then came Noah. From an early age, it was evident that his reflexive capabilities were unmatched. A biological anomaly. I saw in him an opportunity no other subject could offer. So I tested him. Relentlessly. And I was not mistaken. Not even Kreep could match what Noah achieved. He became our crowning achievement, a flawless construct born of flesh. We pushed his boundaries, calibrated his mind, forged him into the ideal weapon.
And then, during a high-tier procedure, an Octoling infiltrated the facility. Alone. Inexplicably effective. They compromised the lab, destabilized the experiment, and triggered a mass breach. Many of our assets, our shields, escaped. Order collapsed. I am of the belief that very same founder was behind all this."
Ms. Mowz gasped. "An Octoling!? Sweetie, wouldn't that be..."
"Sam."
"Sam?" I asked. "Who's Sam?"
"Sam was an Octoling I met when I was a bit younger. He's the one who taught me what it means to be a warrior. A lot of the skills I use today are thanks to him. I used to nickname him Samurai Octopus and he nicknamed me the Ninja Squid due to my recklessness but also my stealthy approach. He was much more focused than I was, and much better at following a certain code of honor. I understand many things right now..." the Sticky Warrior paused, looking down with sadness in his eyes. "However, a certain incident happened, and Sam is not the way he is anymore..."
"Wait, that sounds familiar... You're that Ninja Squid?"
"Yes... I was living under that moniker for a long time. Sticky Warrior was the moniker I was given when I went to the Glitz Pit as a fighter. But, due to a little incident in Rogueport caused by a wallet, I had to keep the Ninja Squid identity under wrap, which is during the time we met," he said, then turned to look at his father. "Because, over all that time, I somehow forgot what was my real name. The threatening phone call brought some memory back, for that, you get a real good thanks." The mockery in his voice was palpable.
Ms. Mowz spoke up. "That said, I have a question. Why Noah, your own child was met with a threat, and why send so many henchmen to try and dispose of him? Would you be nice enough to respond, if that is even possible."
"With the events that unfolded, and a traitor festering within our own ranks, it became necessary to start again. Thoroughly. I initiated a total purge: every record, every trace of the Circle of Six was to be eradicated. Yet, the founder responsible... remained elusive. Among that, Kreep was a persistent flaw. He made it his mission to uncover us, deploying forces, establishing proxy organizations across the globe, all in a futile attempt to dismantle what he could never comprehend.
When he abruptly vanished, the conclusion was obvious: someone had finally managed to neutralize him. And if anyone possessed the capacity to endure that encounter... it was Noah. Unsurprisingly, once reports confirmed your involvement by the means of your investigation, it became clear. You played a role in his demise. That act alone ensured you would become a variable I could not allow to persist. Interference of that magnitude is intolerable. Anyone who dares to obstruct our progress is to be neutralized. Immediately.
Yet you three. Insistent, meddlesome, and now rival even Kreep in your capacity for disruption. But let me be clear: the experiments have resumed. Elsewhere. Undisturbed. There will be no second breach. You will not interfere again. You will keep your noses out of my affairs... permanently."
I've heard my share of cocky villain monologues in my line of work - and I can't say it usually ends up well for them, if past experience is any indicator. If I were a more dangerously confident man, I'd probably make some snarky quip about this indeed being the last time we would interfere with his affairs, but someone with his knowledge and resources wasn't one to be trifled with. Whatever happened next, it would certainly require treading with caution.
"Ah, but I'm afraid you've messed with the wrong people, sir," I responded, then turned to my companions. "Now that all of this self-righteous monologuing is over with, how do you two feel about showing him just how much we can meddle?"
"You took the words right out of my mouth, Detective!" the Sticky Warrior answered, then looked at his father. "We're three here... And apparently, I am your so-called perfect work. What makes you think you will be able to handle the three of us?"
The old Inkling smiled and gave a slight chuckle, all the while maintaining his haughty composure. "Incorrect assumption, my child. I am not here alone."
"Hmm, what do you mean?"
"He is correct..." Ms. Mowz said with dread.
"You see, possessing intimate knowledge of one's opponent is tantamount to holding the blueprint of their downfall. Given the extensive array of experiments we have conducted on specimens of your ilk, it has become almost laughably simple to discern how you will inevitably falter. You may be our proudest achievement, yet you remain a failure, as each product of our creation is to our eyes nothing but an evolution of our research.
Now then, allow me the courtesy of presenting our most recent procedures, meticulously developed within the confines of our new laboratory. A testament to our ever-advancing superiority."
A dark figure entered the room, almost as if the shadowy corners themselves were moving. As it stepped fully into the light, it revealed itself as a completely dark figure in the shape of the Sticky Warrior. I've heard tales of shadowy figures who mimic the shapes of others lurking in the deepest depths, but I couldn't help but be reminded of a Duplighost undergoing an incomplete transformation and taking on a shadow of its target. I never fully understood how that sort of thing happened, but as far as I knew it involved actively diverting magic elsewhere.
"What is... this?" the Sticky Warrior asked in disgust.
"A being generated from none other than yourself. By reprogramming the very genetic data extracted from your own structure, and thanks to the precision of our latest experimentations, we succeeded in recreating you in a more refined manner. All superfluous elements were identified and meticulously excised. In common terms, we removed the bugs in the system. Therefore, it's the most perfect version of yourself.
Ah, but do brace yourself... it is not just you that resides within this construct. There is a bit more to it..."
The shadowy figure transformed, gaining mass and settling in the shape of Kreep. As if fighting a copy of the Sticky Warrior wasn't bad enough on its own...
"Sweetie, isn't that..."
"Ugh, I was hoping we wouldn't be seeing someone with that shape again," I grumbled.
"We have engineered a construct that embodies the most refined attributes of each of our test subjects. This synthesis not only ensures flawless adaptability to any conceivable scenario, but the data harvested from their performances shall fuel the evolution of all future iterations.
Soon, we shall be untouchable, and all the while, we shall remain cloaked within the deepest shadows of the world, observing, refining, ascending. That, my dear little playthings, is the essence of true power.
Now run along and entertain yourselves. I do look forward to witnessing the final act of your tragic little odyssey. And as for you, my child. You were born of us, as a creation of the Circle of Six, and to us, you shall return. As I've made perfectly clear: all failures must be... eradicated."
As if on command, the shadow returned to being a lookalike of the Sticky Warrior and charged towards him. Ever vigilant, he was about to block the charging doppelganger when it took on the shape of the Lantern Ghost, circumventing the Sticky Warrior's block and slamming him into the wall with some sort of brutal martial arts move.
Well, I wasn't about to sit this one out - not this time. Luckily, this shadowy blob didn't have the market cornered on shapeshifting. I just needed a form that was a little shorter, and a lot heavier. My next words were much more gruff than usual.
"Oh yeah, Shmwario time."
With a much more capable battle form, I prepared to charge into the doppelganger with a classic shoulder bash. I've seen my brother do this about a hundred times, how hard could it be?
"Detective, watch out!" the Sticky Warrior shouted.
Before the attack could connect, the shadow transformed back into Kreep, easily blocking the attack with shadowy muscle. Dang it. It was at that time the size difference hit me - Kreep was already a towering figure as-is, and taking a few feet off to bring myself down to Shmwario's height made him terrifying this up close and personal, even if it was just a silhouette. Yipes. Ms. Mowz leaped into action, trying to disorient the shadowy shapeshifter, only for it to take on the Sticky Warrior's form once more and unleash an inky whirlpool on the both of us. Mowz managed to swiftly escape, but I wasn't so lucky.
"Cheese Stick, are you fine?"
I coughed out an amount of ink that was probably way beyond whatever was healthy to have in your mouth, but I was otherwise not much worse for wear. "Pleh... Should've used a form that doesn't have such a big mouth."
"Mmmm hmm hmm! This will be a fearsome challenge!"
Apparently not content to let us only have to deal with this overengineered science experiment, the Sticky Warrior's father decided to add some sort of machine to the mix. "Let us... escalate the performance, shall we? A bit more drama tends to make the inevitable all the more exquisite."
The Sticky Warrior gasped at the sight. "Detective! Mowz! Careful, that's a Killer Wail!"
"Doesn't look like much of a whale to me..." I replied.
"No, you don't understand. That this is pretty much like a megaphone that will release large sound waves. If you find yourself in its target, you will literally explode on the spot."
"Oh." Come to think of it, that definitely seemed like something Shmwario would say. Maybe this form was influencing more than just my appearance... "Well, that seems bad. Why don't we just get rid of it, then?"
I quickly switched forms to something completely different - G-XY the Gearmo. Let me tell you, it pays to know lots of people when you can shapeshift into them from memory. Being a robot feels really weird though... Anyway, this guy was packed full of extra gadgets, but the particular one I was interested in made quite the impression on me the first time we met. I just had to quickly find it without getting pummeled by the shadowy creature or blown to smithereens by that Killer Wail.
Ah, there it was - let's just hope my imitation of G-XY's EMP would be enough to put this death device out of commission.
The Sticky Warrior looked on inquisitively. "Oh... could it actually?"
"Here goes nothing... EMP engage!"
Luckily, that seemed to do the trick - now we were just back to fighting one super-experiment, and I guess it said a lot about the current state of affairs that this was the preferred scenario. I'd have to remember this for the future, it sure is convenient being able to effectively turn into a toolbox on wheels.
"Hey, that sure did the trick there, Detective," the Sticky Warrior said. "I dunno how you made it, but it did work. So, we have to handle this."
"Sweetie, how about we do our shtick?"
"Yeah, let's try it."
The two of them charged ahead, rapidly switching places to confuse the shapeshifter. It looked like it was working at first, but eventually it caught on to their tricks and blocked the attack, then transformed into the Lantern Ghost and kicked the Sticky Warrior hard into the wall.
"Ugh..."
"Oh... no," Ms. Mowz said with dismay, then tried to daze the creature quicker than before. Once again, her tricks were to no avail, as it took on Kreep's form, grabbing her in midair and slamming her into the wall as well.
"Detective... I have an idea. We need to match strength against strength. Can you turn yourself into Kreep?"
"I've transformed into worse before," I remarked, before taking on the form of the departed Kremling. Hopefully, with the real Sticky Warrior and a facsimile of Kreep, we'd be able to beat this shapeshifter at its own game.
Luckily, Kreep's form came with an added bonus - his two swords. I wasn't exactly a master swordsman, and unfortunately Duplighosts can't really copy knowledge that well, but maybe they'd still come in handy? We'd soon find out - one slash sent an energy beam racing towards the shapeshifting creature. Unfortunately, it quickly swapped back to the form of the Sticky Warrior and blocked the beam with its katana.
"Well, isn't this a peculiar rematch," I noted. For all the hyping up, I sure hoped that an artificial creation couldn't hold up to the real thing, even with the removal of supposed "flaws". Mostly for my own sake, considering a superior Sticky against an inferior Kreep wouldn't end very differently from the last encounter between those two.
The Sticky Warrior's lookalike wasted no time getting into the duel. If this was anything what fighting the genuine article was like, I did not envy anyone on his bad side - even with a form as bulky as Kreep I was taken aback by how much force it was putting into each swing of its katana. I was pretty much forced entirely on the defensive as I struggled to keep up with blocking each swing, even with an extra sword to work with.
"What does it take to knock this freak of nature DOWN?!" I asked aloud, punctuating the end of my sentence with a kick from Kreep's clawed foot.
"This..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Sticky Warrior's katana begin to glow as an ethereal Spray Fish appeared from it, spraying a jet of water into the shapeshifting creature. It let out a pained shriek and completely dissolved, reminding me of what the Sticky Warrior had said earlier about water and Inklings.
"Looks like our genetic weakness from water cannot be removed from even the most ghastly of experiments."
For once, the composure of the Sticky Warrior's father broke. "What was that!?"
"Simply my katana at work. If I had to unleash everything that was absorbed by it, you have no idea the terrific experiment you would be clashing against," the Sticky Warrior said, returning his katana to his sheath and looking at his father with the most menacing expression I'd ever seen on him. "I'm not kidding around. You've been nothing less but a horrid monster, and you will pay the price for all the dreadful stuff you and your damn followers have been causing for way too long already. How about I give you a taste of your own medicine. Oh, I will enjoy doing a butchery of this place!"
The Sticky Warrior then began to slowly approach his father, yet he didn't seem to care in the slightest. Something about this... didn't set right. I mean, maybe he was one of those "actually, everything was according to plan the whole time" types - didn't seem out of the question for someone with as massive of a superiority complex as him - but aside from the shock of seeing the Sticky Warrior wielding his katana to conjure up fish souls, he was practically unflinching, even after his experiment was defeated and he was cornered. He may have very well still had something up his sleeve, and I wasn't a fan of that idea in the slightest.
"Hmm... I have a preferable method. Another experiment to conduct. One far more... efficient. And infinitely more interesting," the old Inkling said, activating a device with a timer on it.
"Sweetie! Cheese Stick! It's a detonator..."
"Holy moly," was all I could think to say in the moment. If we weren't in such a perilous moment, I probably would've stopped to reflect on how amusing such an undignified statement sounded paired with Kreep's voice.
"You understand, of course, that even in my permanent absence, the experimentation may persist... or perhaps not. Perhaps some wretched subject, somewhere confined, somewhere forgotten, will simply perish. Agonizingly. Slowly. Erased by time, by history.
And this knowledge will etch itself permanently into your conscience. A failure so absolute, that no redemption would ever suffice.
So tell me... do you even believe you're capable of finding the unknown?
What a marvelous enigma I've left behind, tracing the remnants of my final design. A task... so exquisitely beyond your reach. Maybe, you won't even have the time to complete this task after all..."
The Sticky Warrior seemed frozen in place in response to his father's words. It was making me very nervous with the ticking clock on our hands.
"Um, not to rush the family trauma or anything, but whatever you're going to do, I think it better happen pretty fast here?" I interjected.
"We have to get out of here!" Ms. Mowz added.
The old Inkling sneered at his son, still unmoving. "I see... Well, it's too late now for you..."
With the fighting over, I returned to my usual form - Kreep wasn't exactly the best vessel to diffuse this sort of thing, I felt. "Come on Sticky, we've got to hightail it before this whole place goes sky-high. We can't have much time!"
The Sticky Warrior sighed, seemingly returning to the conscious realm. "Fine!" he exclaimed, then turned to look at his father one more time. "I will bust this case. Just you go and watch me!"
Abandoning the Sticky Warrior's father to his fate, we rushed from the laboratory as fast as we could. It wasn't long before I realized we probably wouldn't even have the time to escape the labyrinthine basement, much less get all the way back where we started from.
"There's no way we'll be able to get out of here before this place blows..." I said - then another idea came to me, and I took the form of my wife Jasmine. "Take my hand! Quick!"
I reached out my hands and the two of them took hold. I quickly pulled the two of them into the shadows, hoping this would work - I knew it was a handy maneuver to avoid danger, but whether it would protect us from something this catastrophic was yet to be seen. But between this and certain doom, I'd take a little experimentation.
It wasn't long after that a series of explosions rocked the whole building. Once the commotion died down, I pulled us all out of the shadows to see the burned-out husk of the Circle of Six's basement. The formerly pristine walls were completely charred and heavily damaged, and any sort of lighting that was once here had been completely blown out. Our only saving grace was that the explosions had started many small fires which gave us enough light to see our way out.
The Sticky Warrior looked around at what was left of the place. "Hmpf!" he turned with a jolt and continued heading out without another word.
I turned back to my usual self, which would hopefully be enough Duplighosting for today, and caught up with him. "Hey, um, aren't we going to... talk about this?"
He stopped and turned around to look at me with an aggressive stare. No mask, no ninja gear, just pure enraged Inkling. "Talk about what!?"
"Sweetie..."
"Look! My very own self, my own identity has been stolen from me. I've been used like a puppet, only to serve nonsense and allowing an organization to gain power and causing so many people suffering and despair. I've done so many monstrosity, and you know what? I don't feel anything, no emotion, nothing. I'm taking so many risks, playing a dangerous game only to feel a little something inside. You think that is normal!?
I know what that trash said to me was true. All of it! I'm not going to let him the satisfaction of winning this little mind game. I will find the truth behind all of the Circle of Six. I will put an end to all the pain he has been doing over for so long. This, I swear!"
"Well, yeah, saying it sucks would be the understatement of the century. I can't speak to your own feelings, at least. But if you're going to talk about what happened in the past, it's not like you had any control over that, or that you can change it now. But from where I'm standing, you've long been making up for it. I mean, look at Kreep, he broke away from the Circle of Six and had his own choice of what to do with his life, and what did he use it for? He just ended up leaving a slightly different trail of destruction behind him on his own terms. I think... No, I know it speaks volumes about you that you didn't choose that path. Look where we are now, we're out taking down massive criminal organizations over here." I sighed, hoping that I could get through to him even if we both recognized that I knew nothing of the suffering he endured. "And if you're going to keep looking into what's left of the Circle of Six... I'll be behind you every step of the way."
He looked down, hopefully considering what I had said. "Well..."
"He is right! We're all in this together Sweetie. But first things first, we need to be totally cautious about our next move," Ms. Mowz said.
"You think so?"
"Yes, totally. Because, there is something that I am ever so curious about."
"What is it?"
"I suspect that we are being watched at this very moment. Do you believe that a man of his status would actually be plotting this all by himself? Considering he went self-destruct, I think there is something much more to it than that. He certainly planned for this move. Then, there is also the thing about the lost founder. The one that did not completely align with the rest of the organization and that vanished... If my intuition is right, I am of the belief that this founder is still up to something somewhere."
"If that's true, who knows if what they're up to now is good or bad. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend' hasn't really seemed to apply in all of this, and if they're just as power-obsessed as the rest of the Circle of Six, well..." I paused, then considered Ms. Mowz's thoughts. "But if someone's still keeping an eye on us, maybe we should get out of here sooner than later."
"I agree with Cheese Stick! Sweetie, it's preferably better for us to get out of here now."
"Fine... That said, I have this strange feeling that they may already be aware of so much stuff about us. They were aware of things that even I did not even put into consideration. How they managed to know we were coming here? It's basically per chance that we found the right place. I wasn't entirely aware of the right location, and yet they managed to get there at the right timing, and even plan this whole ordeal," the Sticky Warrior said, looking back at the destroyed base behind us. "There are still so many things that are left unravel, and yet time is running out..."
He sighed, turning back around and following us out. Finally, we emerged from the destroyed basement, pushing past rubble and finding ourselves standing in the ruins of one of the houses. The aboveground construction fared a lot worse - all of the houses were practically gone now.
"Wow, that's real subtle," I said, observing an entire cul-de-sac of decimated houses. "But at least we don't have to go through all those winding paths again, I suppose."
"True, true," the Sticky Warrior concurred.
"So, what's our next move? Seems like we've dealt with our business here at least, and hopefully we won't be getting any more unsolicited phone threats. Unless there's any loose ends you can think of, perhaps we should all go home and reconvene later. It's been a very long night..."
"I wouldn't mind catching a break I guess... It's been a while since I have took one all things considered, but there's still people trapped somewhere and I will need to help them quickly," the Sticky Warrior replied.
"I concur. I think we can catch a little break for now, and prepare a good planning of what our next move shall be," Ms. Mowz added.
"Yeah, and I think I will pay a visit to our Lantern Ghost friend. I suspect that our answer lies somewhere in that direction."
"I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if that were the case," I responded.
With our business in Inkopolis wrapped up for now, we left Bluefin Depot to begin the journey home. I suppose, on paper, we did everything we set out to do. We got to the bottom of the mysterious phone calls, the Sticky Warrior uncovered the details of his past, however horrid they may be, and we stopped one of the Circle of Six's founders. Oh, and none of us died in the process, which is also nice. Still, I couldn't help but feel that our small victory here rang hollow. There was still more to the Circle of Six out there, and apparently, we were on a time limit as well. And our only lead at the moment was hoping that Lantern Ghost would be able to help again...
But, I suppose that's just how the PI business goes, doesn't it? Would be nice if you could wrap up every case in a clean three-act structure, boom, done, no loose ends, mystery solved. That's just not how life goes, I'm afraid. I wasn't sure what the future held, but for now, this was more than enough excitement for me for one day. I just wanted to go home and spend time with my wife before things got crazy again.
And where the Circle of Six was involved, crazy seemed inevitable...
The End
You want to know something funny? We were worried this part might be too short. Anyway, thank you for reading the conclusion of this arc! Extra special thanks to my co-writer Ninja Squid, who also happens to outnumber me for character writing in this part by handling dialogue for everyone besides Shmaluigi! It's always fun to work with him on this. For now, I'll be moving on to other stories, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if we revisit the Circle of Six again someday. In the meantime, Halloween is coming up, which usually means poor Shmaluigi gets wrapped up in spooky happenings... See you then!
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
World 4: Subterranean Sports - Part 3
After finishing their meal, the heroes continued on their way, happily marching further into Talpidae Tunnels. "Boy, those fruits and that water sure were refreshing. I feel like a new White Shy Guy." Winston happily spoke as he marched onwards together with the others.
"Aye, they sure were, lad. It really gave me new energy ta continue zingin' Zellon's troops, if ye know what I mean." ClawgripFan9001 nodded in agreement as he scuttled through Talpidae Tunnels.
"I think we're not too far from General Zellon's next stronghold either, so let's continue on with our journey as fast as we can." Funky Kong chimed in with a grin before the heroes were stopped by a pair of Zellon Troopers that were armed with blunderbusses: Zellon Gunmen.
"Hands up, heroes! Commander Basil ordered us to keep you away from his stronghold, so do as we say, or else you're gonna be so full of lead, you're gonna have to use your fingers for pencils!" One of the Zellon Gunmen threatened the heroes.
The heroes immediately put up their hands in response. "What do we 'ave ta do as ye say, lads?" ClawgripFan9001 asked the Zellon Gunmen curiously.
"You have to face us in a game of Shooting - Double Trap. If you manage to pick off more targets than the two of us, you're allowed to walk free. Should you lose to us, though, then we'll lock you all up in the dungeon of Commander Basil's stronghold, and have to spend the rest of your lives in captivity. Think carefully about this offer, because if you refuse, we'll shoot you." The other Zellon Gunman told the heroes.
"Aye, then the choice ain't so difficult ta make! I'll do it!" ClawgripFan9001 told the Zellon Gunmen as everyone teleported to the shooting range where the event was going to take place. ClawgripFan9001 and the Zellon Gunmen were both wielding rifles, and they took aim as clay discs were fired off into the air, with the trio shooting the clay discs out of the sky. ClawgripFan9001 managed to shoot every clay disc without a single miss, while the Zellon Gunmen both missed five clay discs, which meant they were eliminated from play. ClawgripFan9001 happily snapped his claws in euphoria while the Zellon Gunmen snapped their rifles in half in anger before disappearing into puffs of smoke, after which the heroes were beamed back to Talpidae Tunnels.
"Whoa, your marksmanship is amazing, ClawgripFan! Where'd you learn to shoot like that?" Iggy asked ClawgripFan9001 with excitement.
"Yar, when ye be livin' the lifeuva pirate, ye naturally learn 'ow ta shoot a gun an' excel at it, lad. I've spent many's a year learnin' 'ow ta perfect me marksmanship." ClawgripFan9001 explained to him, flashing a toothy smile at the middle child of the Koopalings.
"That was pretty impressive, alright! Now let's continue on to Commander Basil's stronghold! Bowser Jr. suggested as the heroes continued on towards Commander Basil's stronghold.
Not too long of a walk later, the heroes arrived at the next stronghold, where Commander Basil was holding the next set of heroes captive. The heroes proceeded to walk up to the front door of the stronghold, then looked up at the building.
"Alright, this is it! Let's pummel Commander Basil into oblivion and free the next group of heroes he's holding prisoner in here!" Bowser declared, pounding his fists together.
"You said it, dad! Let's get them!" Bowser Jr. cheered as well before the heroes proceeded to enter the stronghold, after which the door closed behind them. The heroes then proceeded to make their way across several lava pits while dodging Skele-Zellons, Mecha-Zellons and Flaming Fiends, which were the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalents to Dry Bones, Mechakoopas and Podoboos, respectively.
"Yar, it looks like General Zellon's been copyin' yer castle designs fer 'is own strongholds, Bowser. Are ye gonna let General Zellon get away with that?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Bowser to try and motivate him further into fighting the Zellon Armed Forces.
"No way! General Zellon and his troops will pay for ripping off my beautiful castle designs! Out of my way! Commander Basil is going down!" Bowser roared as he began making his way through the stronghold quicker, taking out General Zellon's troops along the way by punching them, kicking them, swinging his tail at them or firing his trademark fire breath at them.
After traversing the stronghold, the heroes arrived at the room where Commander Basil was hiding out, and as they entered the room, they could see Commander Basil standing in front of a cage that held Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo captive inside.
"Welcome, heroic scum. I was expecting you all for some time, but now, the time has come for you to perish at the might of my athleticism. I am Basil Konstantine Zellon, Commanding Officer of the Zellon Armed Forces, and if you wish to free your tedious friends, you must defeat me and my bodyguard in Sailing - 470 (Pair). Are you up to the challenge?" Commander Basil offered the heroes as his bodyguard, a Zellon Gunman walked up to his side.
"Aye, we do accept yer challenge, an' we've got just the right pair o' heroes ta beat ye in this event, ye impertinent mammal/reptile! Bowser, Bowser Jr., 'ow about the two o' ye take care o' this?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Bowser and Bowser Jr., who immediately stepped forward afterward.
"With pleasure, ClawgripFan! Now let's take this to the sailing course, you pterosaurtamus!" Bowser declared as he pointed his right index finger at Commander Basil.
"You said it! Me and my dad are gonna show you the ropes of sporting events like this!" Bowser Jr. chimed in.
"Very well, let's get going then. But don't shed any unsportsmanlike tears if you end up being beaten by us." Commander Basil nodded as everyone was beamed away to the sailing course where the event was going to take place.
Bowser and Bowser Jr. were seated in one of the boats, while Commander Basil and his bodyguard were seated in the other boat. Everyone waved towards the audience before waiting for the starting shot to be given.
"On your marks…Get set…" The announcer spoke before the starting shot sounded and both pairs went sailing forward, with Bowser blowing the sail and Bowser Jr. steering the boat, while on the other boat, Commander Basil blew the sail while his bodyguard steered the boat. Thanks to Bowser's incredible blowing skills and Bowser Jr.'s formidable steering, the King and Prince of the Koopas crossed the finish line in no time, angering Commander Basil and his bodyguard.
"Nincompoop! Meathead! Because of you, my father is going to tear me a new butthole for losing to the heroes!" Commander Basil angrily berated his bodyguard before picking him up and throwing him out of the boat, after which Commander Basil's body became engulfed in flames and began exploding, with the boat he was in soon sinking because of the explosion.
The key to the cage was soon dropped, and Bowser quickly caught it in his hand, with him and Bowser Jr. laughing happily as everyone was teleported back to Commander Basil's room, standing in front of the cage. Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo lit up with glee as they were about to be freed.
"Yar, congratulations, ye two! Ye managed ta take out Commander Basil and acquire the key we need ta free more trapped friends!" ClawgripFan9001 beamed.
"Gwa, ha, ha, ha! No sweat, ClawgripFan! Just let me and Junior pilot a boat, and cut Commander Basil's throat!" Bowser happily laughed at having beaten Commander Basil.
"Hee, hee, hee! You're welcome, ClawgripFan! We're happy to do our part in crushing General Zellon's pathetic army! Now let's get these guys outta their cage!" Bowser Jr. laughed as well before Bowser walked up to the cage and opened it, after which Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo walked out.
"Wa, ha, ha, ha! You really saved us there! Thanks a bundle!" Wario thanked the heroes for freeing him and the others.
"Yeah, I knew that sooner or later, someone would come along and free Waluigi! Thanks a lot for being that someone!" Waluigi happily told the heroes as well.
"I was starting to get pretty hungry inside that cage, since Commander Basil never gave us anything to eat while he held us prisoner! Now that I'm free, I can start eating again! Thanks!" Yoshi gratefully thanked the heroes.
"Those dastardly villains couldn't keep little old me captive for very long, so you have my gratitude for getting us out of that smelly cage. Is there anything we could do to repay you guys the favor?" Birdo chimed in.
"Aye, ye could repay us the favor by joinin' us fer the remainder o' our journey through the Dark Lands and free whate'er heroes General Zellon 'as left in 'is captivity." ClawgripFan9001 informed them.
"I'll gladly join you guys for the remainder of your journey! I wanna give those Zellon Armed Forces a piece of my mind and my muscles for trapping me in here!" Wario replied as he slipped into a fighting stance.
"Waluigi will do whatever he can to be of assistance to you guys during the rest of your journey!" Waluigi beamed as he clapped his hands.
"Sure! Anything to help you guys out!" Yoshi happily accepted the request.
"Of course. Give a little, take a little, as my mother used to say." Birdo nodded.
"Aye, then that's settled. Let's free the audience members Commander Basil was 'oldin' prisoner at this stronghold an' send 'em back ta Toad Town, then let's continue on our merry way!" ClawgripFan9001 beamed.
ClawgripFan9001 and Company then proceeded to free the audience members at the Talpidae Tunnels stronghold and send them back to Toad Town in Commander Basil's Airship. With their journey halfway over, the heroes set out towards the next of General Zellon's Dark Lands, further closing in on General Zellon's castle.
And that's a wrap on Chapter 4 of Sport Report: The Movie! As I expressed during Part 2 of this chapter back in July, while Bowser and Bowser Junior didn't do a whole lot to aid the heroes in Part 2, they certainly did do a whole lot to aid the heroes this time around, as they were the ones to face Commander Basil and free the next set of captured heroes from their entrapment, said heroes being Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo respectively! With half of General Zellon's Dark Lands conquered, that means Sport Report: The Movie is also halfway of being completed! Join me again in November, where we'll be starting Chapter 5 of the tale of ClawgripFan9001 and Company's adventure to save the Annual Mushroom World Games!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 4
After defeating Vason Joorhees and obtaining the key required to open the gates leading there, Waluigi and Company ventured into the Courtyard of Chateau du Framboise, where they wiped out whatever Luff Empire forces happened to roam out there along the way. Then, they made their way into the Rec Room through a door located at the rightmost end of the Courtyard, where they ran into a skeletal Krusha that appeared to be lifting weights in the middle of the room.
“WAH-t the heck is this big boned beast doing in here?” Waluigi questioned with a curiously raised eyebrow as he eyed the undead Kremling doing reps with a heavy halter. The purple-garbed male’s question prompted him to put down his halter and turn his attention towards Waluigi and his friends.
“You know what? I have no idea what I’m doing here myself. I was peacefully slumbering when this nightmarish looking guy with an abnormally long pair of claws on his right hand brought me from the dead, told me to stand guard here and wait for some weirdo in purple to come here.” The Krusha informed Waluigi and Company.
“Right…Do you happen to have a name, by any chance?” Waluigi then asked the Krusha with another curiously raised eyebrow, hoping to get any useful information out of him through conversing with the strongly-built scaffolding.
“Yeah, I do have a name! It’s Leonard Krusharlson! What’s your name, lanky fella?” The undead Kremling asked Waluigi curiously after telling him his own name. Waluigi nervously tugged at the collar of his shirt in response.
“WAH-ll, you see…” Waluigi began to explain, trying to refrain himself from stammering too much in order to prevent raising suspicion from Leonard, not wanting to reveal who he really was so as to avoid fighting him, only for Cheesare to blow everything.
“Don’t tell him your real name, Waluigi.” Cheesare spoke up before getting smacked upside the head by Bloolex in response. “Ouch!” The hamburger-esque Spinia exclaimed in pain from being smacked by his Blooper friend.
“Nice going, Cheesare! Now we’re never getting past this reanimated rabble-rouser without a fight!” Bloolex scolded his Spinia friend for getting the three of them into this predicament. Leonard frowned as he realized who the heroes were.
“Aw, shoot…That nightmarish looking guy told me to look out for a guy named Waluigi…Guess that’s you, alright…Sorry for putting you guys into a tough position here…” The skeletal Krusha apologized to the heroes as he prompted a battle between them and himself.
“WAH-ll, time for more spooky skirmishes, Waluigi guesses…” Waluigi shrugged with a look of annoyance as he prepared for battle against Leonard.
“Yeah, guess we were doomed to fight this guy one way or another…” Bloolex chimed in, shaking his head in disappointment that they couldn’t get past Leonard without a fight.
“I’m really sorry, guys! It was a slip of my non-visible tongue! I’ll make it up to you by doing most of the work on this dopey dead dude!” Cheesare assured his friends as he too got himself ready for a fight.
Waluigi then made the first move by reaching into his Waluigi Cloud, pulling out a Waluigi Spiny Egg and hurling it at Leonard, dealing damage to him by doing so. Bloolex went next by performing a Rapid Halberd Spin on Leonard, also dealing a great amount of damage to him in the process. Cheesare then closed out his party’s first turn of the fight by performing a Dizzy Spin on Leonard, both damaging him whilst also making him dizzy and lowering his accuracy in a subsequent manner.
“Noooorf…I’m starting to feel a bit woozy…” Leonard groaned with dizziness before walking up to Cheesare and performing an Elbow Drop on the Spinia, which involved him leaping into the air before coming down onto Cheesare and dealing a painful combo of an elbow jab and body slam to dish out a significant portion of damage to the Spinia.
“Chattering Cheese Slices, that hurt! Goes to show that this guy isn’t messing around with the mountain of muscle he must’ve had when he was still alive!” Cheesare exclaimed in agony from the pounding he just took from Leonard.
“Waluigi thinks that’s reason enough for us to try and bring this guy down as quickly as we can so we won’t have to endure too much abuse from him!” Waluigi suggested, to which Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their agreement. The purple-dressed recreant then took to opening the next turn for his team by whipping away at Leonard’s head with his long-ranged weapon to deplete another parsley of the Krusha’s health meter.
Bloolex then took to trying out a new ability he had recently unlocked during one of the earlier fights within the confinements of the Chateau; Electro Charge. This ability caused the Blooper’s body to be coated with a blanket of electricity while also temporarily boosting his attack power for a few turns.
Cheesare then performed a Fire Spin on Leonard to drain another portion of the Krusha’s life force. With Team Waluigi’s turn over, it was now up to Leonard to fight again. He walked up to Bloolex, not realizing he was electrically charged as he executed a Knuckleball attack on the Blooper, which involved hitting him with a strong right hook. Alas, because of his failure to realize the electric charge, he was shocked and damaged upon making contact with Bloolex’s body.
Jumping back from being shocked, Leonard backed up and rubbed his right hand in pain. “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch…That really smarts…” The skeletal strongman whimpered, rendering him unable to move and therefore attack for the next few turns due to his injuries.
“Good going, Bloolex! You’ve given us a window of opportunity to damage this guy as much as we WAH-nt for a few turns!” Waluigi praised his Blooper companion with a delightful grin. Cheesare nodded his agreement as Bloolex bashfully rubbed the back of his head in response.
“Aw, shucks. It was nothing, Mr. Waluigi…” Bloolex chimed before shaking off the bashfulness, taking advantage of his temporarily electrified state to try out his new Shock Shot on the undead Kremling that involved shooting himself at the enemy like a rocket, dealing another grand amount of damage that was enhanced from the Blooper’s electro boost.
Cheesare then took care of things for his team’s turn, performing another Fire Spin on Leonard to wear out his opponent. Waluigi then closed out the turn by grabbing another Waluigi Spiny Egg out of the Waluigi Cloud’s bottomless supply of these projectiles, then tossing it at Leonard to remove another quarter of his energy bar.
“Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch…Why me…? Sorry, Mr. Nightmare King…” Leonard whimpered a little bit more in response to all the pummeling he was taking from Waluigi and Company. Given another free turn without retaliation from Leonard’s side of things, Bloolex promptly executed another Shock Shot on the Krusha to further bring down his stamina.
Cheesare subsequently performed a Power Spin attack on the Kremling to purge another quantity of his HP, which Waluigi followed up with another whip strike to the Krusha’s head. Still rendered unable to move for just one more turn, Leonard didn’t say anything as he just allowed Waluigi and Company to further attack away on him.
For the final turn of the fight, Cheesare went first in his team’s order, performing another Power Spin attack on Leonard, followed up by a Rapid Halberd Spin from Bloolex, then wrapping things up was Waluigi himself, who made Leonard’s skeleton crumble by lobbing a Bob-Omb at the undead Krusha.
“Ouch…” Leonard let out a dying groan before falling apart on the spot, after which he disappeared into a burst of white dust. Waluigi and Company looked a bit sympathetic for the childlike innocent soul they just had to take down, but they knew very well that it wasn’t personal, merely business.
“Man, poor fella…” Bloolex voiced his remorse at the fight he and his friends just fought, with Cheesare nodding his agreement, looking the most remorseful of the three since he had caused this all. “Yeah, ain’t I a stinker…?” Cheesare then chimed in, feeling that this could’ve all been avoided if he had just kept his mouth shut. A green treasure chest then spawned where Leonard previously stood, which Waluigi proceeded to step out of his Waluigi Cloud to inspect, and upon opening the treasure chest, found a trio of Maple Super items inside.
“Waluigi would say that the Kremling’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain, for we’ve been rewarded with a few items we could use to our advantage.” The purple troublemaker pointed out as he showed his allies the healing items he found inside the chest.
“Yeah, I guess it is a little band-aid on the wound, so to speak.” Bloolex nodded in agreement with Waluigi’s reasoning as he took one of the Maple Supers from him, after which Cheesare took another one, while Waluigi tucked the third and final one safely away inside his inventory.
“WAH, with that little squabble out of the way, let’s continue on our way to find Kreddy Frueger.” Waluigi proposed as he got situated back inside his Waluigi Cloud, after which the heroes began to venture deeper into Chateau du Framboise.
Waluigi and Company continued to venture deeper and deeper into the haunted Chateau, taking out amongst the ranks of Kreddy Frueger a living ragdoll named Ragatha Needle, whom they found taking a shower inside the Chateau’s second floor Bathroom, the grandmother of the Bernstein Family, Yarnita Threadster Bernstein, whom they found knitting a scarf inside her own room within the Chateau, a spectral snooker player by the name of Sonny McVulliran, whom they found inside the Chateau’s Billiards Room, Louis and Grotesqua’s eldest and middle children, Thursday Ortega Bernstein and Maxwell Weatherwax Bernstein, whom they found inside their own bedroom, a gypsy woman named Parshia Eden Schumacher, whom they found inside the Fortune Tellers’ Room, until they finally reached the third floor Balcony of the Chateau, where they encountered the next big bad that Kreddy Frueger had decided to unleash on them.
“Muahahahaha! So, you feeble mortals have made it this far into my nightmare world, have you? Well, let’s see if you can stand up to my next ghastly goon; Beatleshoes, Beatleshoes, Beatleshoes! Muahahahaha!” Kreddy Frueger’s voice bellowed out across the balcony, after which an anthropomorphic rhino beetle wearing an Armani suit and white leather shoes began to materialize in front of Waluigi and Company.
“Somebody call for me?!” The rhino beetle inquired, who was the Beatleshoes whom Kreddy Frueger just summoned. Spotting Waluigi and Company soon afterward, a malicious smirk curled onto the rhino beetle’s lips. “Ahhhh, a couple new funny little prey for me to play with! It’s showtime!” He then declared before attacking the heroes and initiating another major boss fight.
“Waluigi’s got a bad feeling about this guy…” Waluigi admitted to his allies with a reluctant glance resting in his eyes, to which Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their agreement, looking just as unsettled as their purple-garbed leader.
“I agree, this guy gives me the creeps, and that’s saying a lot given all the uglies we’ve up against inside this Chateau thus far…” Bloolex voiced his concerns about fighting this next opponent.
“I’m with you on this, guys. This ghoul here really gives off a murderous vibe, and a really bad one compared to that Vason Joorhees guy we fought earlier. This suited spook is really making my skin crawl just by being in his presence.” Cheesare admitted to his friends as he tried to set his feelings of unsettlement aside to the best of his ability.
“WAH-ll, we aren’t getting anywhere by squabbling about whether we should back out of this fight or not. We’ll take the guy on, and should he beat us, we’ll just battle him as many times as necessary until we finally manage to take him out.” Waluigi proposed to his allies, who nodded in satisfaction with their leader’s strategy before they all slipped into a battle stance, ready to throw down with Beatleshoes.
The purple-clad nuisance then opened his team’s first turn of the battle by striking Beatleshoes in the head with his whip, which seemed to be quite effective against the bizarre bug, depleting a significant portion of his HP meter. Bloolex then followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin, which did a decent amount of damage to Beatleshoes, but thanks to his thick shell which heightened his defense, the horned horror was mostly left unaffected by the Blooper’s attack.
“Hm, seems melee attacks at close range don’t seem to cut it against this guy. Looks like we’re gonna need stronger tricks up our sleeves if we wanna stand a chance.” Bloolex pointed out.
“It sure seems that way. Good thing I found a stash of dynamite in the room of those kids earlier, that should be able to do the trick. Observe!” Cheesare chimed in as he grabbed a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and lobbed it at Beatleshoes, proving to also be rather effective against the entomologic enemy.
“Argh! That really smarts! I hope you’re ready for a couple of tricks of the paranormal kind!” Beatleshoes told his enemies before walking up to Waluigi and Company and shooting out a chameleon-like tongue from his mouth before using it to whip Waluigi and Company with, taking a batch off each of the heroes’ life meters.
“Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! WAH-ll no! Don’t ever do that to Waluigi again, for Grambi’s sake!” Waluigi revolted in disgust at the attack Beatleshoes just dished out on him.
“Yeah, just because I taste good when fried and served with some lemon butter doesn’t mean I taste good raw!” Bloolex chimed in, being just as disgusted by Beatleshoes’ attack.
“Here! Have some more dynamite to add some spice to that sharp tongue of yours!” Cheesare quipped before lighting another stick of dynamite that he subsequently hurled at Beatleshoes to deal another grand amount of damage to him.
Waluigi followed this up by using a WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, which involved him ordering his Paratroopa flock to back up before charging forward and mowing down Beatleshoes with his Waluigi Cloud. This method of attack also proved to be surprisingly effective against the absurd adversary.
Bloolex then closed out his team’s turn by using his Cephalopod Zap attack on Beatleshoes, firing a bolt of electricity at the rhino beetle that inflicted major damage on him and also left him paralyzed for the next two turns. “Shocking.” The Blooper retainer spitefully taunted Beatleshoes in his current predicament.
“Nice going, Bloolex! You’ve given us plenty of room to dish out a serious WAH-lloping on this guy!” Waluigi complimented the Blooper before ordering his Paratroopa flock to prepare for another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, which the Paratroopa’s did, backing up before charging forward and running Beatleshoes over in the process.
“You said it, Big Purple! Our whirlwind of WAH-pass should blow him off course!” Cheesare agreed with his troublemaking purple friend’s statement as he promptly chucked another lit dynamite stick at his curious competitor.
“Ha ha, well, you know what they say, Mr. Waluigi; Do you know what happens to a rhino beetle when it gets struck by lightning? The same thing happens to everything else.” Bloolex joked in response before floating over Beatleshoes’ head and frying him with a Cephalopod Surge attack, which involved shooting a big burst of electricity out of his ink slot to damage his opponent.
“Waluigi will say. Keep putting those electrokinetic abilities of yours to good use, and we should have the Luff Empire wiped out in nothing flat.” The purple-garbed hellion advised his Blooper buddy as he resumed his onslaught on Beatleshoes by lashing the rhino beetle in the head with another crack of his whip.
“For sure, man. Any kind of elemental magic that deals damage to a great variation of foes is welcome in our fight against evil.” Cheesare once again agreed with Waluigi’s statement as he punted another fuse-lit dynamite stick at Beatleshoes, taking full advantage of the rhino beetle being unable to do anything about it while paralyzed.
“I’ll definitely try to keep polishing that craft then, because as a party member in an epic quest such as this one, I like to make myself useful!” Bloolex affirmed Waluigi and Cheesare’s encouragement to keep practicing his electrokinesis, then promptly toastified Beatleshoes with another Cephalopod Surge attack.
Waluigi then struck Beatleshoes square in the head once more with another flick of his whip, after which Cheesare tossed another burning dynamite stick at him, while Bloolex once again closed out the turn order with one last Cephalopod Surge attack on Beatleshoes, after which the rhino beetle’s paralysis wore off, being free to retaliate against Waluigi and Company after all the abuse he had to endure at the hands of the heroes.
“Bwa ha ha ha! I hope you buggers had your fun, ‘cause now it’s my turn!” Beatleshoes laughed maliciously before coughing up a trio of flying cockroaches and sending them after Waluigi and Company, damaging them by having the cockroaches fly into them.
“WAH, and here Waluigi thought he was a dirty pig!” Waluigi complained about Beatleshoes’ uncleanliness, shaking his head in annoyance while doing so.
“Tell me about it! This guy really puts the “u” into crude!” Cheesare shared Waluigi’s sentiments on the disgusting attacks Beatleshoes was unleashing on the heroes.
“Guess we gotta try harder to take this guy down quicker so we won’t have to suffer too much at the hands of his raunchiness!” Bloolex suggested before he shot another electric charge at Beatleshoes from his Cephalopod Zap attack, dealing another significant amount of damage to the rhino beetle, but failed to paralyze him this time.
Waluigi then followed this up by smacking Beatleshoes in the head with his whip once more, after which Cheesare tossed another ablaze-set dynamite stick at the rhino beetle to deal a grand amount of damage to him.
“Bwa ha ha ha! Feel the wrath of my juicy flies!” Beatleshoes chortled manically before shooting a trio of large house flies out of his mouth and sending them after Waluigi and Company to damage them by flying into them. The heroes once again exclaimed in disgust at the attack.
Now that it was his team’s turn again, Bloolex shot yet another lightning bolt at the rhino beetle with his Cephalopod Zap attack, which inflicted another devastating dose of damage on him. Cheesare then proceeded to throw his last stick of dynamite at Beatleshoes to burn up the prankster phantom.
“Aw, nartz! I’m out of dynamite! Guess I’ll have to switch it up with these vice grips that I also happened to find in the room where those kids resided!” Cheesare exclaimed in dismay as he promptly grabbed his supply of vice grips and got ready to put them to use.
Waluigi then closed out the heroes’ turn at attack with another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout move to pancake Beatleshoes with. Afterwards, it was Beatleshoes’ turn at attack again, but this time, the rhino beetle decided to switch things up.
“Alrighty then, it’s been a nice warm-up getting to toy with you for a while, but now it’s time to get on with the main event! Feast your eyes on this!” Beatleshoes chortled once more before his form began to shift into sand, swirling around for a moment before reshaping into the form of a large bald eagle, though he still kept the Armani suit and leather shoes.
“Your fancy shapeshifting tricks aren’t gonna work on Waluigi, bird brain! Waluigi and his WAH-mazing friends are still gonna knock you out of the sky!” Waluigi firmly told Beatleshoes with a determined look, pointing his right index finger at the now avian-esque adversary.
“I’d like to see you feeble mortals try! Ha ha ha ha!” Beatleshoes guffawed, brushing off Waluigi’s threats before dropping an egg capsule out of his back slot, after which a Mini-Eagleshoes hatched from it that subsequently took airborne to assist Beatleshoes in battle.
“I’ll take care of the guy’s little helper, you guys focus your attention on the guy himself!” Cheesare suggested to his allies, who nodded in understanding. The hamburger-looking Spinia then initiated his team’s next turn by firing his vice grips at the Mini-Eagleshoes like a grappling hook, latching onto the miniature bird and shocking it with an electric surge, wiping it out in the process.
Waluigi subsequently whipped at Beatleshoes’ bald eagle form, dishing out another major bulk of damage to him in doing so. Finally, Bloolex wrapped up the team’s turn order by firing another Cephalopod Zap at the feathered foe and subjecting another remarkable ton of damage onto him.
“Screech! You guys really won’t give up, will you?! Well, guess I’ll just have to crank things up a notch!” Beatleshoes screeched at his enemies, beginning to lose his cool before using a Feather Missile attack on them, which involved shooting a dozen of his eagle feathers at his foes like missiles, damaging them through this method.
Waluigi then opened his team’s next turn by executing another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, since the attack could also be used against airborne enemies. Backing up in his Waluigi Cloud, the purple troublemaker then took to the skies with his Paratroopa’s to mow down Beatleshoes in his aviary transformation and deliver a hefty volume of harm onto him.
Bloolex then followed this up by performing a Rapid Halberd Spin on the winged beast to inflict another devastating bundle of impairment upon him. Finally, Cheesare once again fired his vice grips at the panic provoking poultry to send another shaft of lightning through his body.
Beatleshoes then retaliated against the heroes with a Fowl Swoop, flying down towards Cheesare and performing a sweep kick on the hamburger-like Spinia to damage him. The Spinia yelped from pain in response, but was left relatively unharmed by his opponent’s assault.
“Let’s-a keep this up, guys! Waluigi has reason to believe this bird is close to being cooked!” Waluigi told his friends, who nodded affirmatively as they continued to push forth their onslaught against Beatleshoes, with Waluigi performing another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack on him.
“I hear you, Mr. Waluigi. Let’s punish this poultry into oblivion!” Bloolex voiced his agreement as he battered the Ghost soon-to-be Toast with another Cephalopod Surge attack, depleting another large chunk of his life bar whilst simultaneously paralyzing him and rendering him unable to move for a few turns.
“Good going, Bloolex! Now we’ve got a grand window of opportunity to pummel this guy as much as we like once more!” Cheesare complimented his Blooper buddy before latching his vice grips onto the downed bird once more and shocking him with another electrokinetic volt. Waluigi followed this up with another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, after which Bloolex kept the streak up by bashing Beatleshoes with another Rapid Halberd Spin attack. Cheesare then jittered Beatleshoes up some more with his vice grips.
Waluigi and Company kept up this process for a few more turns until Beatleshoes’ paralysis wore off again, after which he got up from where he was previously laying, looking rather aggravated now.
“Skrrrrawwww! Now I’m really starting to get mad! Let’s see how you’ll like my next trick!” Beatleshoes growled at the heroes before his form shifted into sand once more, swirling around in place before forming into a dark green hued three-horned serpent sporting wing-like limbs for arms as well as golden fin-like appendages at the end of the tail where the white leather shoes from Beatleshoes’ previous forms were attached. He also still wore the Armani suit, though the pants now consisted of a single sleeve to fit his new, single snake appendage inside.
“Oh, pooh. A snake. Waluigi is really scared of you now, Beatlechumps.” Waluigi mocked Beatleshoes’ new snake form with a disinterested look on his face, folding his arms in front of his chest as he did so.
“Sssilence! It’sss time for the climactic finale of our ssshowdown, you ssstubborn little human!” Beatleshoes angrily hissed at Waluigi and his friends before performing a Horned Headbonk attack on the purple troublemaker, causing him to groan in pain in response.
“WAH-OUCH! WAH-tch it, Mr. Horned Dynastid!” Waluigi scoffed at his ophidic opponent before belting him with his whip, causing Beatleshoes to hiss out in pain. Bloolex then performed another Cephalopod Zap attack on the serpentine shapeshifter to roast him with his electrokinetic abilities. Cheesare then shot out his vice grips at the snakeish smarmheap to corrode his energy bar even further than it already had.
“Sssilly little travelersss…Do you really think you can sssurvive my bag of tricksss thisss long…? Mossst of my opponentsss would have already sssuccumbed to my ssscaresss by now…” Beatleshoes hissed at his opponents once more, visibly growing increasingly angry with them before shooting out his snake-like tongue at the heroes and whipping them all with it. Because of the tongue being venomous in snake form, it promptly inflicted the status ailment of Poison on Bloolex.
“Urgh…I’ve been poisoned…That means I’ll be gradually losing HP every turn until I go down for the count…” Bloolex groaned, holding what he had in the way of a stomach with his right hand in pain.
“WAH, that’s bad news, because Waluigi believes that he doesn’t have any items on him that can cure that particular status ailment…” Waluigi looked concerned about this, thinking it through before getting an idea. “How about this, Bloolex? You keep on fighting until you faint from your Poison, and Waluigi and Cheesare will then find a Life Shroom or a similar item to replenish and revive you afterward. Does that work for you?”
“Sounds like there isn’t much else we can do about the matter as it currently stands, so that works for me just fine, Mr. Waluigi…” Bloolex hesitantly nodded in agreement with Waluigi’s plan of action. He then took to fighting once more as he fired another Cephalopod Zap at Beatleshoes to damage him. Cheesare then followed this up with another shot from his electricity-loaded vice grips, after which Waluigi closed out his team’s turn order with another crack of his whip to harm Beatleshoes.
Bloolex then lost some HP thanks to his Poison status ailment, causing Beatleshoes to coyly smirk at his opponents. “Ha ha ha…Ssstupid mortalsss can’t handle a little bit of poissson…How amusssing…” He mused out loud before slithering his way up to Cheesare and constricting his body around the Spinia, subsequently using his String Suck attack on Cheesare, which involved draining the Spinia’s HP to replenish his own by winding his serpentine body around the Spinia’s.
“Ugh, if there’s one thing I hate about RPG battles like this, it’s having to face foes that can drain your health to refill their own…” Cheesare grumbled as Beatleshoes unwrapped his body and backed off once more.
“Tell me about it, Cheesare. Waluigi has always hated those uglies in RPG games himself. That said, let’s take out this guy WAH-nce and for all so that he won’t be able to feast off our life force any longer than necessary!” Waluigi chimed in his agreement with the Spinia’s statement before resuming the rough-up once more by walloping Beatleshoes with his whip yet again.
“A hero fights to his last breath. That’s the motto of those who fight for the side of good.” Bloolex then cited before firing another Cephalopod Zap at Beatleshoes, followed up by another vice grip attack courtesy of Cheesare. Bloolex then lost another bit of HP from his Poison status ailment.
The serpentine shapeshifter then performed another Horned Headbonk attack on Waluigi, causing the menace in purple to once again cry out in pain. “WAH! Did you just listen to what Waluigi told you?! Waluigi’s body is a temple, and Waluigi wishes to keep that temple unscathed!” Waluigi angrily shouted at Beatleshoes whilst shaking his fist towards the enemy in a feisty manner.
“Ssstick it up your ample posssterior, you motherloving eggsssucker!” Beatleshoes spitefully taunted the lengthy man in purple with a coy smile. Growling in response, Waluigi promptly attacked Beatleshoes with another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack. Bloolex then followed this up with a Cephalopod Surge attack, after which Cheesare used his electric power-loaded vice grips on Beatleshoes one more time to defeat him.
“Imposssible! How could I lose to sssuch inferior beingsss like yourselvesss…?!” Beatleshoes hissed in pain before he promptly exploded into a burst of house flies that began flying away while buzzing, leaving behind the Armani suit and white leather shoes he wore.
After Bloolex lost one more bit of HP following this, Waluigi and Company rejoiced in their victory. “We…We did it.” Bloolex smiled tiredly at his team’s triumph over Beatleshoes.
“Muahahaha…Most impressive! Seeing as you managed to best another one of my sinister servants, I reckon that you’re free to pass on further into my nightmare world! Don’t be shy, my friends! Muahahaha!” Kreddy Frueger’s voice bellowed out over the third floor Balcony once more, after which a blue diamond-shaped key materialized in mid-air and dropped down in front of Waluigi and Company.
“WAH-lrighty then, let’s grab this key and keep on moving through this Chateau.” Waluigi chimed as Cheesare picked up the key and tossed it over to him. Waluigi then used the key to unlock the door located on the west side of the third floor Balcony.
Going through this door, Waluigi and his friends began to make their way deeper into the Chateau, managing to find an item that cured Bloolex’s Poison status ailment along the way. The trio also took down more of Kreddy Frueger’s minions, including a darkness loving hermit named Vernon Muffins, a trio of possessed toy soldiers named Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms and Ned Nederlander, collectively called the Plastic Popgun Unit, and a ghostly human girl named Blythe B. Eerie, before the heroes eventually came across the Chateau’s Ceramics Studio.
“Hm, I wonder what kind of eccentric knick-knacks, trinkets and baubles we’ll be able to find around this room?” Bloolex pondered out loud as he floated inside, with Cheesare and Waluigi following behind him in that particular order.
“Guess we can only find out by examining every little nook and cranny that this room happens to have.” Cheesare pointed out, to which Waluigi and Bloolex hummed in affirmation. The trio then began examining every inch of the Ceramics Studio before they eventually heard a voice that started speaking to them.
“What’s up, bros? Fancy seeing you guys stumbling across my sweet little abode right here.” The voice, sounding to be male, asked Waluigi and Company, who looked around in confusion in response. Shifting their focus towards the middle of the room, the heroes watched as a human male with a vase for a head promptly materialized in a fancy chair positioned smack dab in the middle of the room. The vase that acted as the male’s head was colored a pale blue, while his facial features consisted of a simple pair of beady black eyes and a cartoonish smile that looked like they were drawn with a sharpie. His body looked to be that of an average human male, with a white dress shirt that was overlapped by a dark yellow suit jacket, paired with red corduroy pants, brown leather loafers and a pair of brown leather gloves.
“Name’s Vaseon Shoulders. I’m the owner of all the fine ceramic wares stacked out in this room. You guys looking for Kreddy Frueger, yeah? Well, if you wanna see the big bad boss, you gotta play a little game with me first! Survive a fight with me for two minutes, and I’ll give y’all a free pass to the Chateau’s Cold Storage! You guys cool with that?” The vase-headed man asked Waluigi and Company, talking in a street lingo manner.
Waluigi and Company looked at each other before nodding in response and turning back towards Vaseon Shoulders. “Waluigi and his friends accept your challenge, Mr. Shoulders.” The purple-garbed rabble-rouser responded to the vase-headed fellow.
“Sha-zooie! Let’s do this then!” Vaseon Shoulders exclaimed with glee as he jumped up from his chair before engaging in his friendly sparring with Waluigi and Company.
“Waluigi has to hand it to this Vaseon Shoulders guy; He’s the first friendly face apart from Cheesare we’ve managed to encounter inside this Chateau so far.” Waluigi remarked to Bloolex and Cheesare, who nodded their agreement in response.
“Sure is. Really helpful too, for he’ll help us get closer to Kreddy Frueger if we manage to complete his challenge.” Bloolex gave his ten cents on the matter at hand, audibly excited about it.
“Remains to be seen if he’ll uphold his end of the bargain, but compared to all the other guys we’ve managed to fight so far, I got a good feeling with this one, I tell ya.” Cheesare then voiced his thoughts on the situation before he, along with Waluigi and Cheesare initiated their friendly sparring with Vaseon Shoulders.
Waluigi then proceeded to reach into his Waluigi Cloud to grab a Waluigi Spiny Egg from it that he subsequently threw at Vaseon, but the seemingly friendly man with the vase head didn’t seem to be taking any damage from it due to this being a friendly sparring battle. Bloolex then followed up with a Halberd Thrust, and just like Waluigi’s previous attack, Vaseon was left unharmed from the attack. Finally, Cheesare performed his signature Spin Attack on Vaseon, who was yet again rendered unscathed.
“See? That’s the nice thing about friendly sparring battles, of which I’m sure there ain’t many of in these RPG type settings; No matter the type of attack you use on your opponent, they can’t be damaged! And when your opponent carries out an attack of their own, they can’t damage you either! Let me demonstrate!” Vaseon tutored the heroes before shooting out a string of clay at them, and just like the vase man was saying, the heroes didn’t lose any HP from his attack.
“Ya see? Not a single bit of HP depleted from your life meters either! That’s about the gist of these friendly sparring kind of battles, now let’s get ready for the real deal! Like I said, if you guys manage to hold out against me in this sparring for a total of two minutes, I’ll give ya the key to the Chateau’s Cold Storage, which holds a crucial item required for unlocking Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum!” Vaseon informed the heroes after finishing the tutorial regarding these friendly sparring battles.
“WAH, should be easy enough to keep track of, Waluigi would say…” Waluigi chimed in response as he scratched his sideburns with a puzzled look before resuming the fight, grabbing another Waluigi Spiny Egg out of his Waluigi Cloud and chucking it at Vaseon.
“I agree with Mr. Waluigi, that sounds simple enough to remember for future encounters like this one.” Bloolex nodded his agreement before executing another Halberd Thrust on Vaseon in the process.
“Nothing like a friendly sparring to keep your fighting skills sharp without any ill will from either side of the battlefield. My old man always said that like it was some sorta ancient wisdom.” Cheesare gave his ten cents on the matter before pulling off another Spin Attack on Vaseon.
“That’s the spirit, boys! Keep it honed!” Vaseon encouraged the heroes with a reassuring smile before shooting a lump of clay from the top of his vase-shaped head at the heroes as a means of attack for his turn.
Next, Waluigi decided to switch things up with a WAH-Ratroopa WAH-r Away attack, which involved flying up to his enemy, said enemy in this case being Vaseon, and letting his Paratroopa flock chomp away at the enemy with their teeth.
Following this, Bloolex also decided to bring some variation into his attack pattern by pulling out a Peanut Popgun and firing a peanut from it at Vaseon. “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that back home in Podiforme Trench, retainers working under the Village Chief carry a Peanut Popgun as a sidearm to whatever bladed weapon they happen to use!” The Blooper Retainer informed his allies, who nodded affirmatively in understanding.
Cheesare, on the other hand, stuck to his regular Spin Attack for his turn, after which Vaseon was due to start his next turn. “Let the warrior inside of you guide you, you can do it!” The vase-headed male encouraged the heroes further before firing another lump of clay at them, this time from the palms of his hands rather than the top of his head as a means of attack.
Waluigi then performed another WAH-Ratroopa WAH-r Away attack on Vaseon, which Bloolex promptly followed up with another Peanut Shot from his Peanut Popgun, concluding with another Spin Attack courtesy of Cheesare. “Your two minutes are almost up, keep it going!” Vaseon then encouraged the heroes before whipping the heroes with another string of clay.
Satisfied to hear this, Waluigi and Company closed out their final turn of this sparring match with another Waluigi Spiny Throw, a Peanut Shot, and a Spin Attack in that particular order. Afterward, a referee whistle sound could be heard, signaling the time limit for the sparring had been reached.
“That’s it! That’s the end of the sparring! You managed to hold out a full two minutes against me, just like we’d agreed on!” Vaseon exclaimed happily, glad that the heroes managed to complete his challenge.
“Now, as agreed, I’ll give you guys the key to the Cold Storage!” Vaseon said cheerfully as he tossed the Cold Storage Key towards Waluigi, which the purple troublemaker promptly caught. “And if you guys ever wanna have another sparring with me to keep your fighting skills honed, you know where to find me: Right here in this Ceramics Studio at Chateau du Framboise!” The vase-headed man informed the heroes before bidding them goodbye with a wave and dematerializing from sight.
“WAH-nderful! Now let’s get going towards the Cold Storage to grab that thing we need to unlock Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum, just like Mr. Shoulders was saying!” Waluigi suggested to his allies, who nodded in agreement as the party quickly made their way towards the Cold Storage of the Chateau, unlocked the door and ventured right inside.
Once the heroes had entered the Cold Storage, they noticed a blood red corroded ankh resting on a pedestal in the middle of the room. “Waluigi has a bad feeling about this…” Waluigi remarked with a concerned look resting on his face, having seen these types of situations before.
“And a bad feeling you should certainly have, man with the fake mustache!” A low and ominous voice called out through the Cold Storage, surprising Waluigi and Company as it did so.
“WAH?! How dare you call Waluigi’s mustache fake?! Show yourself immediately, you impertinent ill-willed imp!” Waluigi demanded with an angry look after overcoming his initial surprise, not taking his appearance being insulted all that lightly.
“If you insist…” The voice responded before materializing around the pedestal that the ankh was located on, trapping the ankh inside of their body. Upon fully materializing, it turns out that the voice belonged to none other than Chief Chilly, a minion of Bowser’s who was now apparently under the employment of the Luff Empire.
“WAH! Waluigi knows you! You’re Chief Chilly, the WAH-ne who imprisoned Wario during the raid on Princess Peach’s Castle!” Waluigi exclaimed in shock, pointing his right index finger towards Chief Chilly as he did so.
“That is very much correct, you vulgar miscreant! I am Chief Chilly, the king of the cold, the sultan of shivers, the pharaoh of frigid! Though I am no longer under the employ of King Bowser of Dark Land! I now take orders from Minister Crêpe of the Luff Empire!” Chief Chilly informed Waluigi and his allies.
“Give Waluigi and his friends that ankh in your possession this instant!” Waluigi angrily snarled at the ruler of the Chill Bullies. The purple-clad menace was tired of all of the challenges that had been thrown in the way of him and his party throughout the Chateau so far.
“Not even in your wildest nightmares, my boy! Minister Crêpe’s trusted underling, Kreddy Frueger, would send me to a watery grave if I did so! If you want that ankh so badly, you’re going to have to take it from me by force!” Chief Chilly informed Waluigi with a piercing, icy glare. It was clear that the polar president wasn’t gonna give up the key item he held in his possession that easily.
“If that’s what it’ll take for Waluigi to get closer to reassembling the Circle of Lightning and save the Waffle Kingdom, then Waluigi will gladly oblige! Have at you!” The purple-garbed gremlin yelled at Chief Chilly, ushering in yet another battle for him and his allies to take care of.
“Some things just never change in epic quests such as this one, don’t they?” Bloolex quipped as he prepared himself for another tussle with another piece of muscle working under the Luff Empire.
“Apparently not. Battles are a given in adventures such as this one, but I do agree that this particular adventure has seen a lot more battles than the ones you’d usually see the good and not-so-good people of the Mushroom Kingdom embark on.” Cheesare voiced his reasoning behind all of this.
“Waluigi has to guess it has something to do with Waluigi being around the lower end of the spectrum of the major cast of the Mushroom World do-gooders and no-do-gooders. And as such, Waluigi gets a lot more heat thrown in his way as a means of having to earn his stripes as a seasoned combatant.” Waluigi chimed in, theorizing the meaning behind all of the battles he’s been up against on this adventure so far.
“Well, regardless of what the actual case might be, we’re gonna have to take down this chilly challenger if we are to grab that ankh that we need to unlock Kreddy Frueger’s boss chamber and nab the next piece of the Circle of Lightning off of him.” Bloolex pointed out before he and his allies slipped into their fighting stances.
Starting things off for his team’s first turn of the fight, Waluigi grabbed a Waluigi Spiny Egg out of his Waluigi Cloud before hurling it at Chief Chilly, causing the latter to cry out in pain. Bloolex then followed this up with a Cephalopod Zap attack, making Chief Chilly yelp in pain. Cheesare then finished off the heroes’ first turn with a Fire Spin attack, which once again made Chief Chilly scream in pain.
“Your attacks are absolutely piping hot and barbaric! You shall be punished for them!” Chief Chilly firmly told the heroes before sliding a block of ice towards them as a means of attack, with the block of ice bowling over the heroes since they were unable to react quickly enough to avoid the attack.
“WAH-t a cold open…” Waluigi quipped with a groan before countering Chief Chilly’s attack with a Fire Flower he had managed to find inside a chest somewhere in the Chateau earlier, planting the Fire Flower on the battlefield and letting it rain fireballs on the Chill Bully king, dealing devastating damage to him.
“I’d say we’re doing a good job at making that frosty fiend warm up to a humiliating defeat. Let’s keep it up, shall we?” Bloolex suggested as he floated up to Chief Chilly before executing a Rapid Halberd Spin attack on him.
“You said it, Bloolex! Let’s turn this Chief Chilly into Kaiser Krispy!” Cheesare voiced his agreement as he performed another Fire Spin attack on the arctic adversary. All of Waluigi and Company’s attacks proved painful enough for Chief Chilly to let out a series of agonizing howls.
“That isn’t even a fair fight! Prepare for the chill of the night!” Chief Chilly proclaimed in unintentional rhyming before using his Polar Wind attack on the heroes, damaging them and inflicting the Frozen status ailment on Cheesare in the process, rendering the hamburger Spinia to be unable to do anything for a total of three turns.
“WAH, now that’s just cheap!” Waluigi shouted in annoyance as Bloolex nodded his agreement. The remaining heroes quickly set this aside, however, since they were unable to do a whole lot about it but wait for the status ailment to wear off.
The purple-dressed hellion then countered Chief Chilly’s attack by pulling another Waluigi Spiny Egg out of his Waluigi Cloud and launching it at the king of the Chill Bullies, causing him to moan in pain in response.
Bloolex then used his Electro Charge ability to electrify himself, rendering him immune to any physical contact-based attacks while enhancing his attack for a total of three turns. “Things are gonna get a bit voltaic from here on out.” The Blooper retainer joked with a determined glare in his eyes.
“I wish I could laugh at your jokes, but I’m simply incapable of warming up to them due to my status as a ruler of the arctic regions of the Mushroom World. So I’m going to refrigerate you instead.” Chief Chilly responded to Bloolex’s cheesy one-liners before performing an Ice Stomp attack, which involved pounding the ground of the Cold Storage with his feet, causing some icicles hanging from the Cold Storage’s ceiling to fall down and damage Waluigi and Company.
“Waluigi’s really starting to feel his mood fall below zero from all these wintry WAH-llopings…” Waluigi grumbled in annoyance before planting another Fire Flower on the battlefield to dish out major damage points to Chief Chilly, causing him to screech in pain.
“Not to worry, Mr. Waluigi! I’ll be sure to spark some tension into Chief Chilly’s otherwise frozen veins!” Bloolex assured the purple-garbed loose cannon before using a new attack known as Volt Shooter, which involved creating a trio of electrical orbs and shooting them at enemies one at a time. All three of the orbs the Blooper retainer conceived managed to successfully hit Chief Chilly, causing him to hoot in pain.
“Stop your nonsense, you hot-tempered hellions! Goodness me!” Chief Chilly exclaimed in an unsettled tone of voice before countering Waluigi and Company’s attacks with his own; Chill Bill, which involved conjuring a Bullet Bill made out of ice and sending it after Waluigi and Company. This particular Chill Bill targeted Waluigi himself, causing the purple-clad smart aleck to yelp in pain.
“Bringing in arctic ammunition to fight for you, WAH? Waluigi should’ve expected such thrifty tricks from a loser who imprisoned Wario for such paltry reasons…” Waluigi remarked as he shook his head in disappointment, then fought back against Chief Chilly by using the last of the Fire Flowers he had in his inventory against the king of cold.
“Especially from losers who have worked under King Bowser of Dark Land, to be precise.” Bloolex added onto Waluigi’s statement before executing another Volt Shooter attack on the Chill Bully king. At the end of Waluigi and Company’s turn, Cheesare was finally freed from his frigid prison, though he did lose a single HP when the ice he was trapped in shattered.
“Ah, whew. Glad I got thawed out of there.” Cheesare sighed in relief, ready to resume aiding Waluigi in his fight against Chief Chilly. Though because the heroes’ turn in the fight was over, the Spinia was gonna have to wait for the Chill Bully king’s next turn to end before he could do so.
Chief Chilly then executed an Ice Kick attack on Waluigi to damage the menace in purple, causing him to wail in pain in response. Waluigi then countered the king of cold’s attack by going through his Waluigi Cloud once more to yank a Waluigi Spiny Egg from it, then volleying it towards Chief Chilly.
Next, Bloolex used one more Volt Shooter attack on Chief Chilly, after which Cheesare closed out his team’s turn order with a Fire Spin attack to inflict another major amount of damage on the Chill Bully king whilst simultaneously inflicting a Burn status ailment on him.
“Hot, hot, hot, hot, HOT! Don’t you know that kings of cold like myself are allergic to the flames of death?!” Chief Chilly asked the heroes in an upset tone of voice. He then used another Polar Wind attack on the heroes, damaging them, though failing to inflict the Frozen status ailment on any of them this time around.
“We’re WAH-ll aware of that, Chief. But Waluigi and his friends don’t care in the slightest.” Waluigi taunted his chilly challenger with a cocky smirk before he grabbed a Bob-Omb that he also managed to find at an earlier point within the confinements of the Chateau from his inventory before lobbing it at his opponent to deal another grand bulk of damage to him.
“Exactly! Now prepare to be crushed into Blooplivion!” Bloolex chimed in before using another new attack known as the Tentacle Jolt, which involved smacking his opponent, in this case being Chief Chilly, with a Blooper’s tentacle created from electricity, thus inflicting a big batch of damage on the enemy.
“Yeah! Hope you don’t mind that we topsy and turf things around in our favor while we’re at it!” Cheesare similarly mocked the king of cold before he promptly executed another Fire Spin attack on him, handing out another WAH-lloping that depleted the enemy’s health bar.
Chief Chilly then lost a bit of HP from his Burn status ailment. “Try and spite me as you might, but I will fight until the bitter end that’s in sight!” The king of the Chill Bullies then informed his opponents before sending another block of ice sliding their way, though this time, Waluigi and Company managed to successfully avoid the attack.
“Nyeh, heh, heh. Waluigi hopes in that case that you realize this means WAH-r, fiend!” Waluigi laughed in a spiteful manner as he took another Bob-Omb from his supply before punting it at Chief Chilly, the Bob-Omb exploding upon making contact with the arctic adversary.
“A war that’s about to come to a thundering conclusion, might I add.” Bloolex followed up Waluigi’s taunting with some spiteful jokes of his own before performing another Tentacle Jolt attack on the Chill Bully king.
“With a finale more fiery than that of the red-capped Mario Dude in the Super Smash Brothers games!” Cheesare subsequently lampooned Chief Chilly as he pulled off another Fire Spin attack on him. The king’s Burn status ailment then drained the last bit of HP that he had left to send him to his defeat.
“No!!! The fires of humiliating defeat cannot contain me forever! We’ll meet again, Waluigi!!!” Chief Chilly boomed out in agony as he began to melt away, leaving behind the ankh he had previously encased inside his frosty body in the process.
“Molten, WAH-rmed up and toasted! It’s over for you, Chief Chilly!” Waluigi laughed happily at the victory he and his allies managed to get over their frigid foe before Bloolex floated over to the ankh, picked it up, then floated back toward the nuisance in purple to hand the ankh over to him.
“Well, with that wintry whupping out of the way, let’s get on over to Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum, insert that ankh into the lock concealing the entrance, and get ready to get another step closer to reassembling the Circle of Lightning, shall we?” The Blooper retainer then suggested to the anti-hero in purple, who nodded his agreement, as did Cheesare.
“Couldn’t have put it better myself, Bloolex! Let’s do this!” The hamburger Spinia said excitedly before the heroes began to leave the Cold Storage and slowly but surely make their way down to the Chateau’s cellar, where Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum was located.
Upon reaching the door concealing the boss chamber, Waluigi took out the ankh he and his allies had obtained from Chief Chilly in the Cold Storage, inserted it into the ankh-shaped lock on the door, before the door began to slowly but surely open.
“WAH-ll, this is it, friends; Our next showdown with WAH-ne of Minister Crêpe’s most trusted underlings is about to commence. Are you ready for it?” Waluigi asked his party members with a serious look on his face.
Bloolex and Cheesare nodded in response, looking confident in their ability to triumph over Kreddy Frueger. “Ready as we’ll ever be, Mr. Waluigi. Right, Cheesare?” Bloolex asked his Spinia companion, glancing over for confirmation.
“Ready like Kreddy!” Cheesare pitched in. Waluigi nodded in satisfaction before he and his party members ventured inside the boss chamber, after which the door slowly began to close once more, only to open again after Waluigi and Company had managed to assert their dominance over the nightmare king that had been haunting Chateau du Framboise up until now…
Upon entering Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum, Waluigi and Company found the room to be completely shrouded in darkness, until they heard the nightmare king’s malicious laughter fill the room. Looking towards the back of the room, they saw smoke emit from a podium located there, after which a Super Trouper, a grand stage light, shone down onto the podium as the silhouette of Kreddy Frueger emerged.
Keeping a stern and alert glare on their next major challenge for their adventure, Waluigi and Company watched as Kreddy Frueger stepped out of the light, revealing his appearance; A humanoid figure that held an uncanny resemblance to Waluigi himself, though with a tattered brown fedora, ominously glowing dark yellow eyes void of any pupils, a blood red and dark green striped sweater, worn black jeans, and the same gloves and shoes Waluigi wore, though Kreddy’s gloves had his initials of “KF” imprinted on them, and his right hand also had a long pair of claws attached to the knuckles.
“Muahahaha! You’ve been warned this entire time throughout your tour of the Chateau! Now it’s time for the three of you to meet your maker!” Kreddy Frueger declared before engaging Waluigi and Company in battle, one that would bring the heroes closer to the end of their adventure.
Sadly, as much as I would like to refrain from leaving this fourth part of Die WAH With A Vengeance on a cliffhanger, if I want to stay within the page limit of 18 pages, I’m going to have to! Either way, thank you so much for reading this fourth part of the longest Waluigi-centric story I have written for the unofficial Year of Waluigi so far! I’m having a great time writing it, and I hope you likewise have a great time reading it! Join me again next time for Part 5, and then we’re gonna watch the battle with Kreddy Frueger unfold! Besides, with next month being the annual Halloween Special of The ‘Shroom, this cliffhanger should be rather fitting to have things cross over from this month’s issue to the next!
Paper Mario: The Door
Written By: Ash
Chapter 2: The Ghost of Heat Waves Present
"Thank you for getting my brother back," Ethan said. Mario was walking along the nearest path to get to the jungle when his Zastphone started ringing. He told Ethan that it was no big deal.
"What do you mean it's no big deal? Nikki told me all about what happened. At least what he remembers."
"I never wanna be a robot again," Nikki said, his voice being barely picked up.
"He said you're going to Goldstar Grove to find Jasper next."
If the increasing size of the foliage and the worsening humidity was anything to go by, he was on the right track.
"Good. Me and Dad will keep Nikki safe while you get it back for us, okay?"
Both Ethan and Nikki had referred to Jasper as "it." It got Mario wondering if Jasper was actually a real Koopaling or if it was just a plush from Nikki's extensive collection.
"No, it's a real Koopaling," Ethan said. "It likes being called an it because it was originally a star. Like, one of those floating ones. I guess its DNA as a star didn't go away so now it's like a Star-Koopaling hybrid. Like… a Starling. Ooh, that's a cool name. I should use that for something."
Mario was a little too distracted by how sticky his new jacket was to hear the second half of what Ethan was saying.
"Aww, gross. Yeah, the Goldstar Grove is really humid and it can get pretty hot. There's a lot of your typical desert creatures there but there's plenty of ghosts too. Apparently ghosts can't feel temperature so they can live in the jungle perfectly fine."
Mario was never afraid of a ghost, unless it was King Boo. But this was a whole new dimension, King Boo shouldn't be here. Maybe there would be a really nice Queen Boo that he would meet instead.
"Nikki is begging me to watch cartoons with him so I'm… gonna do that. Stay safe for us, okay?"
Mario put the Zastphone back in his pocket, but not after noticing that the screen had gotten a little sticky from being held up to his head. He shook it off, knowing that he had been inches away from lava in the past and that was orders of magnitude hotter than a humid jungle.
Jasper's castle wasn't nearly as long of a trip as it was from Ethan's to Nikki's. Mario loved the idea of being able to walk in, find Jasper, and walk out. Following through on the first step of his master plan, he walked up to the castle and admired the sculpting of Jasper's face on the front, just like what Nikki's castle had. It appeared to be a black and gold Koopaling unlike any Koopaling he had seen before. Ethan and Nikki seemed like pretty standard Koopalings, only with slightly different looks. But if Ethan's story about Jasper's star DNA was anything to go by, then the gold on Jasper's body might shimmer in the sunlight.
Mario walked in, even knowing he wasn't fully used to his new form yet. He regretted not asking Ethan if he should pick another new name. He wasn't even sure Ethan knew his original name or if they all knew him as Dev now. Either way, there would be something suspicious about multiple new citizens of the Koopa Kingdom, all different species (he assumed, since there was a lot of airs of transformation about this Koopa family), all named Dev, all at the same time. Pit seemed like he would be a lot more perceptive to that than Bowser, so as he walked through the castle doors, he thought about the typical naming convention of Toads. Usually, it was Something T. Tayce T., Dane T., Alden T., the list went on. Mario decided he could keep some remnant of his human name, which didn't seem like it would work as a Goomba, and adopted the name Marr T. Marr even rhymed with Star, it was perfect.
"Well, who do we have here?"
Mario was so spooked that he tripped over his own shoes and fell. At least the floor had a big rug on it so he wasn't falling onto plain rock.
"How cute of you. Couldn't even survive one scare without eating-"
Mario jumped to his feet and turned to face the voice that was taunting him from behind. Floating there was a female Boo wearing what appeared to be… some kind of military cap and holding a glass orb. The same kind of orb that Mario had taken out of the Nikkibot. Mario demanded this Boo tell him who she was.
"Now, now, don't you get so mad about it. My name is Teresa, and I rule this jungle."
No she didn't. Jasper ruled over it. And that orb she was carrying seemed more like a sign that something was up with her.
"Oh, so you're here for that stupid little kid? Well then, you won't be seeing that today. Now off with you."
Before Mario had a chance to say anything, the orb started glowing.
"Have a nice flight," Teresa said before Mario was ejected out of the castle by a spring that manifested itself out of the floor.
This wasn't Mario's first time being launched into next Tuesday, far from it. He had even made much more unceremonious landings in the past. This particular crash landing was cushioned by the impressively pillow plants of the Goldstar Grove. He was still left feeling dazed and extremely woozy, but his metal form changing band and his Zastphone were still intact. He tried to stand up, but he just pathetically flopped back down.
"Are… are you okay?" a Shy Guy said. Mario really wasn't sure. He had taken some brutal hits in the past but he was starting to worry that the cumbersome mushroom that was attached to the top of his head had caused him some kind of injury.
"I, um… I saw," the Shy Guy said, offering a hand — a nub, rather — to help Mario up. "Can I, um… help you get to town? Or something? You know, to rest."
Mario knew he wasn't going to be able to do anything about Teresa in this state so some rest was surely in order.
"Then let's get you to… um… oh, I know. You can go to Don T.'s. He'll take good care of you."
The Shy Guy started walking, pulling Mario in tow as he tried to get his balance back.
"So, um… what… happened?" the Shy Guy asked.
Mario told him how he walked in to try to find Jasper and got scared by Teresa, but then Teresa threw him out.
"You met Teresa?" the Shy Guy said, suddenly beaming with excitement. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh, you're so lucky. I know she's like, evil and all but she's so pretty."
Boos and Shy Guys were both known for their shyness so Mario supposed that they would feasibly get along.
"I hope I get to meet her someday too. I, um… I-I totally don't have a big crush on her or anything."
Mario was now learning that he could get a Shy Guy to open up by talking about something they're interested in.
"My parents keep pestering me that I don't have a girlfriend but imagine if I came home one day and I had Teresa with me, wouldn't that be something?"
Mario nodded weakly in agreement. He wanted to rest more than anything, but listening to the Shy Guy go on about his crush was very endearing.
"O-Oh, sorry. Well, um… here's town. Don T.'s is right this way."
The Shy Guy walked Mario to a small hotel with a star on the front and a mushroom insignia above the door. It looked familiar from somewhere, but he wasn't sure where. The two of them went inside, and standing at the counter was a lightly-dressed Koopa whose name tag said that she was Polly.
"What can I do for you today?"
"Um… this Toad flew really far and got hurt and… he needs a place to rest."
"That was you?" Polly asked incredulously. "We all saw something flying over the town but we had no idea what it was. It wasn't very bird or plane shaped when it was going by."
Mario explained the situation one more time. Save Jasper, be scared by Teresa, get launched.
"Oh, Jasper? You mean… you were the one who saved Nikki?"
Mario was taken aback that Polly would know about that already.
"My sister is a reporter and she saw Nikki in downtown Cape Feather Fields with Ethan so she's gonna write a story on it. I can put you in touch with her if you want."
Mario declined for the time being. Polly set him up with a room and gave him a key before the Shy Guy tried to help walk him up the stairs.
"Hey Kayleigh, you're never gonna believe this," they heard Polly say from downstairs, "but I met the person who saved Nikki. He's staying at Don T.'s."
A little embarrassed that this was the state he was in when he achieved newfound fame, he opened the door to his room.
"Oh, um… before I go, if you wanna find me again, I'm Norman. Maybe, um… maybe you could bring me to see Teresa when you feel better? Please?"
Not feeling confident enough to make any promises, Mario left Norman with a maybe.
"I hope so," he said. "But, um… feel better."
Mario thanked Norman for his time before he ran off.
When the next day broke, Mario was feeling a lot better. The city was still horribly humid, but that just meant they had reason to invest in extremely powerful air conditioners. Even in such a hot city, Mario felt himself shiver when he took his blankets off.
He couldn't stop thinking about the little Shy Guy who helped him to safety the day before. There was something strange about him. He looked at his Zastphone and found both Norman and Polly in his contacts, but neither of them seemed like the person to talk to. Instead, he wanted to talk to those two Koopas he met in Cape Feather Fields. Lake and Iris never said anything about knowing everything about everyone in the Koopa Kingdom, but he had met a couple Tattlers in the past. Maybe they would fill that role for him now.
"Oh, hello," Lake said. "Didn't expect to hear from you."
Mario explained the situation that was happening in Goldstar Grove. About Nikki and Jasper and Teresa and Norman. He followed up by asking if they happened to know Norman.
"Maybe not personally, but… I can cook something up. Iris could bring it to you."
Mario told Lake about how Nikki had turned him into a Toad, before promptly asking to keep his multiple identities a secret between them.
"Of course. Just give us a little while and Iris will meet you there, okay?"
Mario wondered to himself why Lake was so sure Iris would be the one going out instead of both of them. They didn't seem too shy or anything, but at least Iris was as friendly as she was. In the meantime, even though it was so hot, Mario figured he could at least wander around town, maybe see if he could find out anything else about Jasper or Teresa. His head throbbed in pain as he walked down the stairs of the hotel lobby. It was frustrating, sure, but he would rather a headache than a concussion. He took a deep breath before he went outside to quell his headache a little — because he didn't want to inhale the hot air, goodness, no — then pushed his way into the wall of heat.
"Marty!" he heard. He looked over and saw a certain Shy Guy running toward him from the other end of the street. "Are you feeling better today?"
Mario nodded at Norman, not wanting to yell and hurt his head further.
"Oh, good," Norman said. "I, um… I was a little worried about you yesterday. I-I know we just met and all, but, um… I guess I couldn't help it. You, um… you seem really nice. And you're gonna help me meet Teresa. A-And you looked really hurt when I found you."
Mario was too busy waiting to get out of the sun to notice Norman getting embarrassed.
"Gosh, I probably sound really weird, don't I? S-Sorry, um… I'm just… like this sometimes. My mom says I need to be better at social cues, but, um… I don't know what that means. I think I'm pretty social and- oh."
Mario had succumbed to the heat as his body lay on the ground keeping itself as cool as it could. By the time Norman noticed him, he looked like he was starting to melt into a puddle of sweat.
"N-Not again," Norman muttered. He did his best to pick up Mario and carry him into a nearby shop, which was much better air conditioned. As Mario regained his senses, he could hear Norman's Shy Guy honks as he struggled to hold up the weight of the Toad on his back.
"M-My friend passed out in the heat," Norman said, struggling to get his words out. "Can he have some water?"
Mario watched as a little Ninji ran off from behind the counter and grabbed as many water bottles as his little nubs could old. Norman and the Ninji propped Mario up against a wall and opened one of the water bottles, holding it up to Mario so he could get a drink. Water had never felt so cold and refreshing to him, but there was still something humiliating about the position he was in. He had been sent out on a mission by Ethan and now here he was being given water by a Shy Guy and a Ninji.
"What's going on?" another familiar voice said. Mario looked up and saw Iris rushing over to him.
"My friend passed out in the heat and-"
Norman didn't have time to finish his explanation before Mario incredulously whimpered Iris's name.
"Whoa, you two know each other?" Norman asked.
"Yeah, that's my friend D- er, uh…"
Both Mario and Iris stared at each other awkwardly, Mario's secret almost blown. Norman was already having a frantic enough time as it was; did he really need to know that his new friend wasn't exactly who he said he was?
"Well, um… can you help us? Please?"
"Of course," Iris said. She went off somewhere to the back of the store as Norman and the Ninji held the water bottles up to Mario's head to try to cool it down. When Iris returned, she was carrying some dripping wet towels.
"Here," she said. "This should hopefully help."
"Thank you," Norman said.
Mario couldn't tell what it was, but he could see some kind of tension building up between Iris and Norman. As he took another drink, he started to wonder if Norman should know his secret too. He seemed trustworthy, but with how easy it was to get him to start talking his mouth off, would he be able to keep his secret… secret?
He put that thought aside once he started to feel better. He stood up, still mentally feeling like a bit of a mess. But once he saw the little Ninji clapping its nubs together, he tried to shake off the embarrassment.
"I'm glad you're okay," Norman said.
"Yeah, you looked really pale," Iris added. "Oh, and before I forget, Lake wanted you to have this."
Iris gave Mario a little machine that looked like some kind of scanner attached to an earpiece. He looked at it with confusion, then looked up at Iris.
"It's called the Comotron," she said. "It can tell you a little bit about anyone you want to know more about. Just point it at someone and it will give you a little blurb."
All this technology was starting to get confusing with the Comotron and the Zastphone and all of King K's ray guns but at the very least, it all seemed pretty useful. He put the earpiece in as he realized how the combination of the earpiece and the ankle band was making him look like some kind of spy.
"Um… you can try it on me," Norman said. "If you want."
Mario pointed the Comotron at the Shy Guy and pressed the button. A couple seconds later, a robotic voice in the earpiece — a voice that thankfully wasn't as grating and uncanny as the voice of the Nikkibot — started talking to him.
"That's Totally Normal Norman. No one is quite sure how he got that name since he can be quite eccentric. He has a massive crush on Teresa but doesn't want to face his fear of talking to her."
"Did it work?" Norman asked, and Mario nodded.
"Cool," Iris said. "I'll tell Lake it was a success."
Mario asked where Lake was.
"They're back at home. They heard you were in the jungle and didn't want to melt so they lent me their motorcycle and I got here as soon as I can."
The thought of Lake on a motorcycle was both really cool and surprisingly fitting.
"Motorcycle?" Norman said. "One that can, um… bring us to Jasper's castle? Maybe?"
"I suppose I could make a detour out there for you two," Iris said.
"Oh, thank you thank you," Norman said, bouncing up and down on his big boots. The three of them turned their attention to the Ninji, who was offering all of them water bottles to take on the road.
"Good idea," Iris said.
"Should I, um… should I pay for them?" Norman asked. The Ninji shook his head.
"You're sure?" Iris added. The Ninji nodded.
"Thank you," Norman responded. "You're really nice."
"Why don't we get going, then?" Iris said. She led Norman and Mario out to the street and even though Mario was a little scared to get back in the heat, he imagined the wind rushing by as they drove.
"This is going to be awesome," Norman said as he climbed on the back of the motorcycle and wrapped his nubs around Iris. Mario got on behind Norman and grabbed onto him.
"Next stop, Jasper's castle," Iris said after she revved the engine of the motorcycle. They took off, and even if they weren't going at the speed they would have if they were in a kart race, it was still exhilarating watching the town go by. A few minutes later, Iris pulled up to the door and parked so the Toad and the Shy Guy could dismount.
"Thanks for the ride," Norman said.
"Always happy to help," Iris responded. "And just let us know if you need anything else."
As the Koopa girl drove away, Mario and Norman turned their attention to the foreboding castle in front of them. Mario hoped that Teresa would have some kind of empathy, or at least appreciate his persistence in coming back even after he was thrown out last time.
"So… this is the place?" Norman whispered. "It's all… gray. And dark."
Mario wanted to tell Norman that this was the typical interior design of a Koopaling castle. He would have also been happy to report that there were seemingly no surprise lava baths waiting for them.
"Oh, look, it's you again," Teresa said. "Didn't you learn your lesson last time?"
"H-Hey," Norman chimed in. "Don't be mean to my friend."
"And who are you, exactly?"
"I-I'm Norman. I, um… I rescued Marty from the jungle. And, um… you… you hurt him."
"Oh, boo hoo. That's just what he gets for-"
"Ja?" Teresa was interrupted by the sudden appearance of another Boo.
"Ugh, what are you here for?"
"Ich habe meinen Namen gehört," the Boo said.
"I told you, I have no idea what you're saying."
"Aber ich heiße Buu Huu."
"Whatever."
In the moment while she was distracted, Mario jumped up and grabbed the magic orb from Teresa.
"Wh- Hey, give that back!" the ghost yelled as Mario took off running toward what he assumed to be Jasper's throne room.
"Wait, Teresa!" Norman called out as he joined the chase. With Teresa chasing after Mario and Norman chasing after Teresa, the hall of Jasper's castle looked like a scene straight out of a cartoon. Mario used his adrenaline to throw open the throne room door. He looked around and found a floor lamp that he turned on and pointed toward the door in case Teresa came in.
"Ack!"
Teresa had fallen for Mario's trap. She froze stiff in the air, trying to cover her eyes as best as possible. Mario told her that he wouldn't budge unless she gave up the magic orb.
"Fine, you can have it! Just let me go, please!"
Mario turned off the lamp and watched as Teresa let out a big breath of relief. He used Teresa's vulnerability to pull out the Comotron and get a read on Teresa.
"That's Empress Teresa. She's known for being a bossy little Boo, but it only got worse when the magic corrupted her."
As Teresa floated away in embarrassment, Mario found a plush Koopaling and an incomplete wand sitting there on the throne.
"Wh-What's wrong, Teresa?" Mario could hear Norman say from the other side of the door.
"I don't feel so good," she responded. The two voices trailed off into the distance as Mario put the orb on the end of the wand. The plush Koopaling, who perfectly resembled the likeness on the front of the castle, sat there, oblivious to everything that had just happened. Mario waved the wand at it as its fabric turned to scales and it came to life.
"What's going on?" Jasper asked.
Mario told it about its curse of being turned into a plush. About Teresa and the magic orb on the end of the wand. About the mission he had been sent on by Ethan and how he had already saved Nikki.
"So that means you're gonna save all of us?"
The Toad nodded. He had no idea how long it was going to take to do it, but he was determined to. He asked Jasper if it had any advice for where to go next.
"Um… you should go to the desert and save CJ," it said. "He's not far from here."
Before Mario got a chance to say anything else, the throne room door opened again.
"Guess what, guess what," Norman said, getting all bouncy again. "Teresa said she would go out with me as thanks for saving her."
Mario congratulated his friend, who seemed elated to be going on a date. Norman gave Mario a friendly hug before he looked over and saw Jasper animate and well.
"O-Oh, um… hi, Jasper."
"Hello."
"This might sound weird, but, um… can you turn Marty into a Shy Guy? Like me?"
"Sure," Jasper said with a giggle as it picked up its wand and waved it at Mario. Before he knew it, Mario was standing on big boots and covered by a robe and a mask.
"Yay, thank you," Norman said. He gave Mario another hug, this one even tighter than before. "I hope we get to see each other again soon. I would go with you but, um… I-I'm a little too scared."
Mario was understanding about his now fellow Shy Guy's hesitation. Even if he wouldn't be joining as a travel buddy, Mario could still be happy knowing that Norman got to go out with Teresa just like he dreamed of.
"Well, um… b-bye. I guess."
Mario and Norman waved each other off. Norman seemed a little sad to be parting ways with Mario but when Mario looked at his Zastphone and saw Norman in his list of contacts, he knew this wouldn't be the last time he would hear from Norman.
"And thank you for saving me," Jasper said.
Mario let it know that Ethan and Nikki were waiting for it back at Ethan's castle.
"Oh, they are? Then I should probably let them know I'm okay," it said. It was about to disappear into thin air like Nikki had before it stopped itself.
"Thanks again."
Mario made it known that it really wasn't a big deal. He was having too much fun with this adventure to let himself be inconvenienced at all.
As Jasper left, Mario was about ready to set off on the next leg of his adventure in search of CJ. But as he looked at the throne that Jasper had been sitting on… surely a quick nap couldn't hurt.
Mavero the Hammer Bro's Revenge
Written by: Boo1268 (talk), TheBlueCatMenace (talk), Legend 8 (talk), and DryBonesBandit (talk)
Mavero the Hammer Bro’s Revenge!
Sparky: Actually Mavero my G, we wanted to talk to you about something…
Mavero: Oh really? What is it? OH WAIT, do you guys wanna steal their lunches? Aw heck yeah, now THAT’S torture!
Sparky: Nah NGL Mavero that's cool and all but Bar D. Jokue came up with a REALLY good idea earlier today.
Mavero: Oh really, what is it? I'm down to bring more chaos to this STUPID newspaper.
Sparky: Well we've all been really amped up to-
Bar D. Jokue: We’re gonna blow up this whole building! Doesn’t that sound fun?
Mavero, taken back a bit, simply replies:
Mavero: W-What? Run that by me again?
Bar D. Jokue: We’re gonna blow up The ‘Shroom HQ. They can’t keep writing if there’s no building to write in!
Sparky: And what's better revenge than not only destroying their HQ but also BLASTING them too! Trust me bro that hits different than just beating them up a bit!
Bar D. Jokue: Also, if we blow up Cosmo, it means I can take his place as the writer of The Sunshine Travel Guide! Muahahahahaha!
Mavero: But I don't want to KILL anybody, I just wanted to rough them up a bit that's all!
Sparky: Aw come on man don’t be acting like a beta now! Were THIS close to winning man don’t be delulu.
Guy: Well, I wasn’t sure about the plan, and to be honest I’m still not, but if Mr. Jokue wants this, then I’m happy to oblige. Besides, getting rid of Cosmo and the others isn’t a bad idea.
Sparky: YEAH! Besides, who needs these guys? Especially that Dry Boomer over there…So? Waddya say? Is this gas or what?
Mavero: B-But I……Y-Yeah, sure, why not, let's do it…I guess.
Sparky: Yo bro did NOT pass the vibe check. You feelin' good my homie?
Bar D. Jokue: We’ve come so far, Mavero! Don’t start having second thoughts now! We’re so close!
Mavero: Y-Yeah YEAH! I'm fine! Let's do this! Where we gonna set this up?
Bar D. Jokue: Well, if we collect some Bob-ombs, we can place a few on each floor, guaranteeing absolute destruction!
Mavero: PERFECT! You guys go on ahead and set the bombs up. I'll keep watching the prisoners.
Sparky: Bet, Alright Jokue you & Guy lead the way.
Bar D. Jokue and Guy cheer as the trio marches off to create mass destruction. A few moments after they leave, Mavero begins to have doubts about this new plan.
Mavero: C-Come on Mavero, you should be happy! This is what you wanted, isn't it? The ‘Shroom finally eliminated! It's what you've DREAMED of, right?...Right?.....
Mavero then begins to pace for a bit.
Mavero: But I-I didn't want to KILL anybody, I may hate the ‘Shroom, but that's no reason to KILL THEM, I-I mean…But then again, I’ll get everything I wanted, revenge, my fame restored, everything… But I don't want to KILL anyone to achieve my dream! I may be a Hammer Bro, but I'M NOT A MONSTER! B-But I can't back down now, right?.....Right?
It was at this moment that Mavero recounted the words of the old man earlier that day, his wisdom ringing in his head over and over again. ”Sometimes, your “friends” won't always have the same morals as you do, and at some point, you’ll see how much some are willing to sacrifice, just to fulfill their own selfish needs. So just be cautious, alright sonny?”
Mavero: I-I guess you were right, old man, they didn't want what I wanted. Maybe…maybe I DON’T need this award as bad as I thought I did. Maybe…all I needed was myself…OH WHO AM I KIDDING?! I DON’T WANT TO KILL ANYONE. AND IF THEY CAN’T UNDERSTAND MY MORAL CODE, SO BE IT!
Suddenly, with a quickened haste, Mavero heads to the writers’ room and pulls out some heal shrooms, and hands one to Cosmo.
Mavero: H-Here, take this.
Cosmo forces himself to eat the mushroom and instantly returns to his old self.
Cosmo: Ah, that’s better. I feel great! Now, who gave me that mushroom…
Cosmo looks up to see Mavero, holding a few more heal shrooms and some Burn hammers.
Cosmo: Huh? Did you give me that heal? But…I thought you were evil?
Mavero: I-I-I'm sorry, I was just SO angry, and I figured revenge would make me feel better, but when they talked about leaving you guys here to DIE since they plan on blowing this place up, I…I-I…I DON’T WANT TO KILL ANYONE OK!? It isn't right, so I apologize, I know It doesn’t mean much but they've gone TOO FAR!
Cosmo: Blowing up The ‘Shroom!? I never thought Jokue would go that far…
Mavero: Yeah I know! And to be honest, there are SOME parts of the ‘Shroom I enjoy. But anyways, back on topic, we need to stop them! So here.
Mavero then begins to use a Burn hammer to unfreeze the Explainer. Frozen mid-punch, he suddenly regains his movement, continuing his attack against Jokue - who is long gone already. His strike barely misses Mavero, and as he looks around, confusion hits hard.
Explainer: -a!!! Take this you- uh. What. Where are we? What happened? Wait, why is everyone tied up?!?
Cosmo: Jokue and the others captured us, but the Hammer Bro is breaking us out.
Explainer: But wait, wasn't he one of the baddies? Why?!
Cosmo: I thought so too, but he had a last minute change of heart, like in Star Wars.
While Cosmo and the Explainer are talking, Mavero makes his way over to DryBonesBandit, and with some help from Kroop, frees him, too, from his frosty prison.
DryBonesBandit: If you weren’t the one who froze me before, I’d be more grateful. Thanks for the not ending me, though.
Pyro: So, you decided not to kill us. I appreciate the decision!
Cosmo: I agree with Pyro. I don’t want to die, uh, again.
Mavero: Yes, I-I'm sorry, the others wanted to leave you here when they planned to blow up the whole building! But being honest, that wasn't originally part of the plan, and I never agreed to it!
Pyro: Well, explosions ARE pretty cool… but I've gotten rather attached to this building, so isn't this the point where we set out to stop them?
Cosmo: Oh yeah. So how are we gonna do this?
Mavero: Well… Currently they’re setting up explosives on the first few floors, so MAYBE if we can stop them before they input the rest, we can save the building.
Pyro: Ooh, I know, we could flood everything to wash away the redstone connections!
Kroop: …wrong universe, Pyro.
Mavero: Well hold on there, Pyro might be on to something. If we can get them all outside the building and in one place, we can stop them!
Mavero: So here's the plan: Pyro, you use your antilogical magic mumbo jumbo to flood the lower floors, then that will send them out the front door! Then once there outside, I'll make them think I still agree with their plan, then I'll grab the detonator and the Parabones will destroy it after I toss it in the air! Then once that's done, we'll take care of them.
Kroop: Sounds pretty fine! After all, this time we'll stand a better chance in combat, since you're on our side now and Pyro learnt from his mistakes. Well, probably. RIGHT, PYRO?
Pyro: Uhh, what? Sorry, wasn't listening.
Explainer: Do we know for sure where they are setting up the explosives? It would be a shame to flood the wrong parts…
Mavero: Trust me, they- in fact, I'll go check myself and report back here right away!
Cosmo: Yeah, I like that plan! Plus, I’ll get to get revenge on Bar D. Jokue for trying to capture us. Though, does it have to be water?
Pyro: Well, if you prefer lava…
Explainer: Nah, that would cause way too much property damage. Also, we don't really want to kill them either, do we?
DryBonesBandit: I think boiling them would be a bit much. The plan’s fine with water, though.
Mavero then heads down to the lower floors and sees Bar D. Jokue and Co setting up the explosives. After seeing this, Mavero goes back to the Fake News writers’ room, and gives the ok to engage with the plan.
Pyro: Then let's go! Tsunami, whohooo!
Pyro conjures a huge flood of water from thin air, which spreads through the hallways in an enormous wave. Cascading down the stairs, the wave immediately washes away both Bar D. Jokue and Guy. Sparky screams like a little girl at the sight of the water and flees out the front door, soon followed by the flood carrying the other villains with it. Eventually the water dissipates, leaving all three members dazed and confused at what just happened.
Bar D. Jokue: Huh? What the heck was that?
Guy: I have no clue. Maybe a pipe burst somewhere?
Sparky: W-Well Whatever it was man IT SUCKED! I almost fizzled out!
Guy: Was that you screaming like a baby back there?
Sparky: W-WHAT!? N-NO WAY! M-Must have been one of YOU betas that made that scream a TRUE SIGMA MALE like me would NEVER scream like that!
Bar D. Jokue: Uh huh. Suuuure. Anyway, it seems the detonator is unharmed. Phew!
Suddenly, Mavero runs out of the building, a “worried” expression on his face.
Mavero: OH MY GOSH GUYS! What happened? I was upstairs, then I heard screaming, then when I came down here you guys were all wet, and the first two floors are all soggy!
Bar D. Jokue: We got washed out by some water, but don’t worry, we’re all right. Sparky was the one who screamed, by the way.
Sparky: DID NOT!
Mavero: Well… should we set up the rest of the explosives now?
Bar D. Jokue: The explosives we already placed will do fine.
Mavero: Well in that case…Mind if I do the honors?
Sparky: Yeah sure bro! Taking charge is a REAL Sigma male move!
Bar D. Jokue: Wait…Are we sure about this?
Guy: Mavero DID bring us all together so we could do this in the first place. It’s right for him to do it.
Bar D. Jokue: Sigh…As usual, you’re right.
Mavero: Thanks! Now there is only one last thing to do. It's time to pour the wine and CUT the cheese! HYAH!
Suddenly, Mavero throws the remote high into the air, and flying down from the rooftop, DryBonesBandit SLICES the detonator in half! The villains stare in furious disbelief - until they find themselves surrounded on all sides by the rest of the heroes, who were teleported outside by Pyro.
DryBonesBandit: How did I do that how did I do that.
Kroop: It's time to finish what we started! You thought we're gonna let you just walk in and destroy the ‘Sh- wait where's Pyro?
Explainer: Let me explain. He said he needed some more time to, quote, "disarm the explosives by cutting all wires at the same time using an army of animated tongs”. Yeah, I don't know why. It's just Pyro.
Kroop: Oh. Well anyways… attaaaacckkkk!!!!
Then, all the heroes attack the villains with full force, with DryBonesBandit taking on Sparky alongside Kroop while the Explainer takes on Guy, leaving both Mavero and Cosmo to deal with Bar D. Jokue.
Bar D. Jokue: NOOOOOO!!! WHY!!! HOW COULD YOU!!! We were so CLOSE! THIS CLOSE! And you decided to BETRAY us!
Mavero: I told you from the VERY beginning, palm for brains, I DON’T WANT TO KILL ANYONE! Sure I may hate the ‘Shroom, and I may still be evil! BUT THIS IS GOING TOO FAR!
Bar D. Jokue: On the contrary, we didn’t go far enough, hammer head! Soon, you will wish you had stayed loyal to me, Bar D. Jokue!
Mavero: Well then I guess YOUR FIRED!
Cosmo: Ha! That’s not the first time you’ve been fired, Jokue. Maybe you should get some skills!
Bar D. Jokue: I could have killed you, cat. Your life was in my hands!
Cosmo: Bro, the menacing villain lines are not your style.
Bar D. Jokue: AAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!!
Meanwhile Sparky and DryBonesBandit are going at it, with Kroop helping where he can.
Sparky: UGH! HE BETRAYED US BECAUSE HE FELT BAD ABOUT KILLING YOU STUPID BETAS!? Ewww Cringe!
Kroop: You DO realize that you're the only idiot talking in this strange language? Also I heard your scream before. I guess you're not so tough after all!
DryBonesBandit: Hey, remember what I said earlier about ice and destroying lava? Do you want to test if that works on a Hothead like you?
Sparky: GRRRRH THAT'S IT DUDE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA GET IT NOW!
With a flash of energy, Sparky shoots off his flame attack again, this time spreading it around so that it can hit all targets. DryBonesBandit dodges out of the way of the attack, then he hears Kroop calling out to him.
Kroop: Quick, Dry, use me as a shield! I once found out I can absorb energy or something… Not really sure, but there's no time for caution!
DryBonesBandit: Uhh, okay! Better hope this works… not sure we want to die again.
DryBonesBandit then grabs Kroop and holds him out in front of him. Kroop absorbs the full blast of the rest of the fire spread, getting charged with flaming and crackling energy. He struggles to hold it, but apparently, his ability still works! The Parabones takes Kroop into his hand, dropping the half-molten ice sword, and points him at Sparky.
DryBonesBandit: I’d say this was a Dry Bones Burnout if MKTV didn’t already copyright that.
Flames shoot out of Kroop’s jaws like a flamethrower, hitting Sparky, but it doesn't do much… After all is said and done, Sparky simply laughs and says:
Sparky: DID YOU BETAS REALLY THINK THAT WOULD WORK ON ME? I’M HOT BABY! AND I DON’T MEAN SEXY!
All of a sudden, a tiny little thing clamps onto Sparky - a pair of tongs brought to life, and followed by many others! And then, Pyro enters the battlefield, followed by the aforementioned army of animated tools.
Pyro: Hi there! Did I miss anything?
DryBonesBandit: Yes! We decided to fight fire with fire when we should have been using ice!
Pyro: Well, then it's time we SNAP HIS POWER WIRE! Go my minions!!
Then, the army of tongs begin to swarm Sparky. At first, Sparky seems unaffected by the tongs, he even chuckles. But as more and more latch onto him, he begins to slowly shrink, his electricity being transferred to the tongs. Sparky then realises this and attempts to get them off him.
Sparky: AHHHH NONONONONONONONGETEMOFFGETEMOFFGETEMOFF!
DryBonesBandit: Looks like he’s fizzling out! Now’s our chance to attack. I lost the sword earlier, though. Can you make another?
Pyro nods and does so, this one being even bigger than the last one.
DryBonesBandit: Thanks. Hey Sparky, should I explain this again?
Sparky: OH NO BRO!
Then just like that, DryBonesBandit JABS Sparky with the ice sword. Sparky shouts “GrAhAHaH!” The frosted blade causes Sparky to shrink SO MUCH that he becomes the size of a Lil Sparky, after which the tongs all fall off, leaving the SIGMA MALE as a small pathetic weakling.
Sparky: NONONONONO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING TO ME! I'M MEANT TO BE A SIGMA MALE! I CAN’T BE BEATEN BY A BUNCH OF BETAS!
Kroop: Well, it seems like you can. Pyro, can you catch him in a jar or something? I'm sure he'd make for an excellent lamp!
Sparky: OH FORGET THIS I’M OUT OF HERE!
Suddenly running like a coward, Sparky transfers himself into a lamp post and uses the electric current to run away. Meanwhile, the Explainer, Mavero and Cosmo are fighting the cat's two arch-enemies.
Guy: I won’t be beaten, especially if I’m fighting for Mr Jokue!
Explainer: Oh, but there's a high probability that you WILL go down! Both of you! Should I explain? You are now officially overpowered, it's a 2v6 now if you haven't noticed!
In the meantime, after finishing off Sparky, DryBonesBandit, Pyro and Kroop have joined the final fray with the villains.
Pyro: Hey! You forgot my tongs! More like 2 versus 506!
Explainer: Well, uh… not really… cause they shouldn't count as one fighter each, that wouldn't make any sense.
Bar D. Jokue: What they meant was that you’re worth minus 500 because of your unpredictability that lost you your last battle.
Explainer: No, uhhh, I actually didn't?...
Pyro: So you say it was my fault?! Hah! If I hadn't reversed gravity, then, then…!
Guy: Then?
Kroop: Pyro, don't fall for the taunt! It wasn't even a good one! No need to cause more chaos, please!!
Explainer: Yeah, let's just continue fighting normally. No Pyro tantrum today!
Mavero: Right! Let's get’em boys! TAKE THIS!
In a barrage of attacks, Mavero throws Sleepy hammers in Bar D. Jokue's way, hoping that one of them will make him sleepy. Bar D. Jokue gets hit by a few of them, but unfortunately, it isn't enough.
Bar D. Jokue: Haha, you thought some puny hammers could stop me?!
Pyro: Hmm. Doesn’t seem too effective, no? Take these!
The antilogician then conjures up a bunch of strange-looking Chaos hammers, and hands them to Mavero.
Pyro: I don’t know what they do myself, each has a different effect, just try it!
Kroop: …or you just don’t. Wait, where’s Guy? He was right here a few seconds ago!
DryBonesBandit: I swear I saw him right over there! Where’d he go?
Guy is standing still, unable to be seen. Well - unable to be seen by anyone except Cosmo, but he is currently distracted brawling with Jokue.
Guy: Phew, as long as Cosmo doesn’t stop fighting Mr Jokue, I’m fine.
At that moment Cosmo stops fighting Mr Jokue.
Guy: Oh crap.
Cosmo: Hey, what are you doing? Guy is literally standing still!
Guy and Cosmo launch into battle.
Kroop: And there he is again! Huh?! Anyways, time to attack as long as he’s visible!
Explainer: Already on it!
The Explainer manifests his glitchy body right behind Guy, catching him by his hood as he tries to jump onto Cosmo.
Guy: AHHH! LET GO!
Cosmo: Thanks for the backup!
Kroop: Pyro! Can you summon a rope or something?
Pyro isn’t listening; he’s still enthusiastically conjuring a variety of different hammers for Mavero, as they fend off Jokue.
Pyro: …ooh, and look at this remmah! It’s like a hammer but the other way around!
Mavero: ALL OF THESE ARE COOL! Now let's see how they work!
Suddenly with furious abandon Mavero begins throwing the wacky hammers at both Bar D Jokue and Guy hoping one of them will knock them out, after a few hits of the hammers one lands and causes Guy to be submerged in a glob of honey.
Guy: Mr Jokue! Help!
Cosmo: This is a bit of a sticky situation for you, huh? No, that was bad.
DryBonesBandit: Can’t blame you for that one. I don’t think any of us could come up with a good quip in the heat of battle.
Cosmo: How does Spider-Man do it?
Mavero: HAHA! WE GOT YOU NOW! Pyro make me some more wacky hammers!
Pyro: Already five steps ahead!
The new hammers conjured by Pyro include: an unusually big one, a hammer shuriken, a hammer that’s loudly singing for some reason and a few more.
Mavero: Lets see here AH! How about THIS ONE?
Mavero then throws a hammer that has a picture of a Bird cage on it and the second it lands on Bar D. Jokue it Traps him in a comically large bird cage.
Kroop: Hahah, Bird D. Jokue, lol!
Cosmo: Oooh, good one!
Bar D. Jokue: NOOOOOOO! I need to avenge GUY!
Guy: I’m not dead though!
Mavero: Sorry fellas, looks like you're on THIN ICE now!
Then at that moment Mavero Pulls out two Freeze hammers and lightly tosses them at Bar D Jokue and Guy Instantly Freezing them on the spot with Guy being Frozen alongside his honey trap while Bar D Jokue is frozen in a terrified pose thus ending the villains reign of terror.
Cosmo: Ah, beaten again. I told you so!
Pyro: Yippee! We won! See, sometimes a little chaos can be very helpful!
Explainer: True. But now that we caught them, what do we do with them? And what about Sparky, he’s still on the run!
DryBonesBandit: Don’t worry about that guy. It’ll be a bit before he’s back to full size. I don’t think he’ll strike back until those three months elapse.
Explainer: Oh, that’s good.
Cosmo: Bar D. and Guy will probably escape soon so they can wreck my life some more, so we should put them in an extra-secure area. Surely Pyro has a place in mind.
Pyro: Ohh yeah, I know some PRETTY nice dimensions for that! Hehehehe…
Kroop: And what about the scrambled ‘Shroom?
Cosmo: Undo?
Kroop: …right. I was a bit terrified right now that nobody would be able to translate that strange language back, but once again modern technology saves the day!
DryBonesBandit: …all we did was revert to an earlier revision…
Explainer: And what about you Mavero? You gonna stay a villain? I’m sure there are some free jobs as a ‘Shroom writer!
Mavero considers the offer for a bit and even considers joining The 'Shroom since he DOES enjoy some parts of it but eventually he makes up his mind.
Mavero: Nah…being a part of his chump charity…No offense..Isn't for me besides I'M STILL A BIT ANGRY! At the fact you guys STILL removed my family legacy!
Cosmo: We removed your legacy? How so?
Explainer: Let me explain. He’s talking about the Worst Enemy award that was discontinued! His family used to win it every year…
Cosmo: Think of it like this. Um, your family was just so good at winning, they realised that we didn’t need an award ceremony to know that your family is the best at being the worst.
DryBonesBandit: Yes. That is what happened. That was entirely the intention behind the removal.
Mavero: STILL! I'm a bit peeved but…I suppose I should let my skills speak for themselves.
DryBonesBandit: He’s about to throw something, isn’t he.
Mavero then begins to walk off into the distance, glares back at them and shouts.
Mavero: WE MAY BE ON GOOD TERMS NOW BUT I WILL GET MY REVENGE! ...Eventually …Bye!
And thus Mavero Runs off into the distance cackling along the way.
Cosmo: He’s not going to help us clean up? Is that his revenge?
Pyro: But we can help! I heard miniature black holes make for excellent vacuum cleaners…
DryBonesBandit: We just saved this building from destruction… please don’t get rid of all our hard work…
After some cleaning, our heroes discover that the envelope holding the votes for the Favorite Enemy award was taken! Thinking of only one culprit behind this, they all shout.
All: CURSE YOU MAVERO THE HAMMER BRO!
Sometime later, Mavero finds himself at the Despair Pub with his cousin, having explained all that had happened when he set out to do his master plan which ultimately ended in failure.
Mavero: So, yeah, that's what happened… What do you think I should do now?
Bartender: Well first of all, I think you should actually listen the next time I tell you something’s a bad idea.
Mavero: Yeah, yeah, well hindsight is 20/20 cousin, but anyways, do you think I made the right choice?
Bartender: I see a lot of people come through this place. Some of ‘em are people on dark paths, real hotheads. They don’t know enough to get out, even when they should’ve long ago. I think they call it sunk cost fallacy.
The Bartender shines a cup and smiles a bit. He then replies:
Bartender: Seeing how you knew enough to back out when things got more intense than you bargained for… well, I can say you haven’t been hit on the head too many times with that hammer of yours, heh.
Mavero: Heh, thanks Jackston. You're always there when I need ya.
???: Ya know, that fellers got some good advice there. Almost as good as mine! Geh he he!
Suddenly turning around, Mavero sees Gerson. Mavero excitedly shouts “OLD MAN!” Mavero is very happy to see him, including the bartender.
Gerson: Geh he he. Happy to see ya too, kid. Heya Jackston, how you doing this evenin'? Them Biddybud twins stop by again?
Bartender: Nah, haven’t seen those two in a bit.
Gerson: Ah well, that's a shame. I was hopin you would have asked one of them out by now GEH HE HE HE! Anywho, can I have an order of Shellshine on the rocks if ya please, sonny?
Bartender: Coming right up.
Gerson sits down next to Mavero and begins to talk with him for a bit
Gerson: So ya did the right thing in the end, didn't ya? And ya found out that those “friends” of yours weren't really what you were lookin' for?
Mavero: *Sigh* Yeah, I guess you can gloat now…
Gerson: Gloat? What for?
Mavero: About you being right?
Gerson: Sonny, if I'm bein' honest… I'm just proud ya did the right thing.
Mavero: Really?
Gerson: It takes a strong man to admit he's wrong, and an even stronger one to stick to his morals. I gotta say, you put up quite a fight there. You got some real skill.
Mavero: Y-You saw the battle?
Gerson: Darn right I did! You're pretty good swinging them hammers around! And what's better is that you looked like you barely broke a sweat!
Mavero: T-Thanks. I guess I'm still bummed that we lost the Favorite Enemy award. I mean even after all that, we STILL got beaten by Shy Guys! It even says they got number 1!
Gerson: Oh really? Well where'd ya hear that?
Mavero: In this.
Mavero then pulls out the Envelope detailing the Winners of M5.
Mavero: Kinda wish we got 3rd, but I guess our Koopa cousins can have that one for now. Although I will say, I think that Fancy Phantom fella might enjoy the fact that Boos got second.
Gerson: But in the end y'all still got beaten by Shy Guys, huh?
Mavero: Yep, they're number 1.
Gerson: Well sonny, you're number 1 in my book. IN FACT! Like I said earlier, you got some REAL SKILL…BUT! You need discipline and to work on your accuracy. Now I've been looking for a Hammer Bro. with your level of expertise and strength for a pretty long time now, and I was hoping to train ya to hone yer skills. So wadya say, sonny?
Mavero: I say, YOU'RE ON, old man!
Gerson: GEH HE HE HE HE! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!
With the day now saved, it seems as if Mavero's new journey has just begun.
THE END.
Thank you all for Reading I would like to give a Very special shout out to DryBonesBandit (DryBones Bandit) TheBlueCatMenace (Bar D. Jokue, Guy, Cosmo) and Waluigi Time (Jackston: The Bartender) for helping me write this story. We all had a blast working on this so hopefully you all enjoyed it!
Random Video Analysis
| Thumbnail | 
|
|---|---|
| Video by: | goomzilla |
| Publish date: | April 28, 2011 |
| Views: | 22,675,930 (as of September 1, 2025) |
| Likes: | 21K (as of September 1, 2025) |
| Type: | Musical, adventure |
Hello everybody and welcome to another edition of Random Video Analysis, a series where I find a random YouTube video and analyze it!
Before I get into this month's video, I have a special announcement to make! I've created a thread on the Mario Boards where I take video suggestions from the viewers! If your video is chosen, I'll even let you write a paragraph or two about your thoughts on the video at the bottom of the section! There are rules to be followed however, and you can see everything you need to know here. You may even suggest something I haven't seen before, just like this month's video. Ooh!
Suggested by Boo1268, I'm going to be looking at a video titled A Day in the Life of Mario, a video published way back in April 2011! How have I never heard of it until recently?
What's it about?
This entire video is a story told by plushies in the real world!
On a perfectly average day in the Mushroom Kingdom, Bowser is going about his daily stroll. As he walks, he notices a sign on the wall (or in this case, a sticky note) that informs him of Princess Peach's Castle - it's to the left! Bowser laughs as he makes his way to the castle. Princess Peach and Toad are sleeping when the Koopa King arrives. Seeing as there're no guards nearby, Bowser snatches Peach and shakes her before escaping. While this is happening, Mario and Luigi are sleeping in their bunk bed as Peach is heard screaming from far away.
The following events are now audibly in sync with the Super Mario Bros. ground theme! Mario wakes up from his slumber and wakes up Luigi to join him on his quest to rescue Peach from Bowser's clutches. You know, like a typical day in the Mushroom Kingdom, like the video title suggests? When the brothers begin their journey, the camera suddenly cuts to Yoshi, who energetically jumps and makes Yoshi sounds in place before setting out as well. Then, there's another cut to show Wario in a different area of the Mushroom Kingdom, who does the same as Yoshi, except he makes Wario noises instead of Yoshi sounds. When Wario departs, the camera cuts to show Bowser, who is seen putting Peach in a cage as a Koopa Troopa watches. Toad from a few scenes earlier now gets the spotlight! He realizes Peach is gone and jumps in place, making sounds to the music before Yoshi arrives to carry him away from the screen. Mario and Luigi are then seen making their way across World 1-1 from Super Mario Bros. They're on their way to save Peach!
Princess Peach is now trapped inside the cage. Bowser's not gonna let her be rescued that easily, so he sends out a Koopa Troopa and Goomba to make sure try to hinder the progress of the heroes. Wario however, sneaks up from behind and tries to free Peach when Bowser isn't looking. Unfortunately for Wario, Bowser sees through his plan and knocks him off the screen. Luckily, the Mario Bros. arrive and save the princess! They all escape (Luigi especially) just in time before Bowser can catch them. Mario carries Princess Peach up the stairs, with Luigi following them. Time to celebrate! Peach, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Yoshi are now seen back at the sign from earlier in the video. Peach thanks everyone for saving her before the camera cuts to the empty cage that used to contain Peach. A Koopa Troopa is on top of the cage, and Bowser is so angry with what had happened that he strikes the cage, knocking the Koopa off of it. With Princess Peach rescued, the Mario Bros. get some well-needed rest and relaxation. A grumpy Bowser is heard growling in the distance. Additionally, the sounds no longer follow the Ground Theme.
The next day, Bowser takes Peach again in the exact same way he did before. The footage is reused and now sped up. The sounds are also the same, but they're sped up too. The same set of events take place, so I don't have to explain them again. Or do I, because there's one key difference! Just before Mario falls asleep, he gets a bright idea and declares "I got it!" Mario takes large blocks and places them on the ground to barricade the path to Peach's Castle. After the third block, there is a jump cut to show the entire entrance barricaded. Bowser then arrives, intent on taking Peach again. Upon noticing the wall of blocks, he growls in surprise and attempts to break through the wall, but is unable to. Realizing he can't get through, he roars in anger while jumping around. The screen then cuts to black with pink text in the center of the screen that reads, A Day in the Life of Mario THE END as a male voice speaks "goomzilla!" After a second, yellow text appears at the bottom, reading Check my channel for more Mario vids!
Interesting observations
- The only audio from this video is from the sounds the characters make.
- The "goomzilla!" at the end of the video is also audio, but it's in the outro and not in the actual video itself.
- The voice lines for the characters used are from a variety of Mario series, especially Mario Party, Mario & Luigi, and Super Smash Bros., particularly Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
- Bowser's sounds are mainly from Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story.
- Wario's voice clips are almost entirely from Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
- Toad is sleeping on the floor, while Peach is resting in a bed.
- Toad also stays sleeping when Peach gets taken by Bowser, despite her screams. It's probably because you can only do so much with one hand.
- Some scenes, like when all good characters are seen at once, have more than two hands holding the characters. This means another person was involved with the production of this video.
- Mario used pink and yellow blocks to barricade the path to Peach's Castle, and there's a pattern! It goes pink, yellow, pink, yellow and so on. I don't know what type of blocks they are. I don't think they're LEGOs.
- Similar blocks are seen when Mario and Luigi make their way across World 1-1, although they are smaller. There are also green blocks that make up a pipe, and white blocks resembling a cloud in the same scene.
- Wario was not with the others when Peach was rescued, so maybe he wasn't a hero after all.
- The Goomba was only seen in one scene (when Bowser sends out his minions).
- The top of Mario and Luigi's bunk bed has a cardboard box that operates as the top bed. This is to allow Mario to sleep up there.
- Poor Luigi is also sleeping on the floor...
- The setting of the video is inside someone's home, but that makes sense because the Mushroom Kingdom sadly isn't a real place. Unless you go to Super Nintendo World! This video was made before Super Nintendo World existed.
Gallery
Ma-ma-ma-mama mia!
There's that Goomba!
Can Wario save the day? No. No he cannot.
Now, let's see what Boo1268 has to say about the video!
Notes by Boo1268
Goomzilla for me has always been an influential channel. It was the first ever plush channel I ever saw, and while this wasn't my first video from them, it was a very entertaining one. That channel oozes with charm, for while other plush channels have dialogue and as such gives way with kidification over time, and for some a loss of their charm, goomzilla is one of two plush channels I know of to not only keep their quality and charm, but also EXPAND upon it and stay who they are and keep their channels' core identity, and while they DO delve into the latest trend, it's still with their specific charm and style. So if you want some more wholesome Mario fun then check their channel out!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 222 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
