The 'Shroom:Issue 222/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
The seasons may be changing but The 'Shroom is always here! Welcome back!
Last time we were here, I mentioned that I had gone back to Bayonetta 3. Well, I have finished it and it was... certainly a game. There were parts I liked, parts I didn't, and parts that felt gimmicky. I wonder what they'll do next, if they decide to continue the series. Either way, I'm gearing up for Legends ZA next month- along with a few other RPGs I want to get my hands on.
We've got a LOT of words and pictures for you this month- you'll need a book mark for all this fiction! I'll let you get on to it!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Bring forth the Section of the Month results! Coming in first, we have one of our guest sections from last month, Technetium (talk)'s The Crystal Star Spirits. After that, it's Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! in second. Squeezing into third, we have a three-way tie between Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)'s Shmaluigi, Private Investigator, Sparks (talk)'s Random Video Analysis, and winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel. Congratulations to our winners, and a huge thank you to everyone who voted, and please keep it up!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The Crystal Star Spirits | 10 | 33.33% | Technetium (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics | 9 | 30.00% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 3 | 10.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk) |
| 3rd | Random Video Analysis | 3 | 10.00% | Sparks (talk) |
| 3rd | The ? Panel | 3 | 10.00% | winstein (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
"Dr. Waluigi Time"
Panel 1
[Cayde is lying in a hospital bed, visibly unwell. A Toad nurse is standing at her bedside with a clipboard.]
TOAD: The doctor will be in shortly.
Panel 2
[Waluigi Time walks into the room in a doctor's office, carrying a purple bag over his shoulder.]
WALUIGI TIME: So, you're my next patient?
Panel 3
[Waluigi Time pulls a capsule from his bag. His elbow is no longer blocking it, revealing that it is labeled "MEGAVITAMINS". Cayde looks at him with shock and bewilderment.]
WALUIGI TIME: Don't worry, I've played several hours of Dr. Mario
WALUIGI TIME: Now open wide and say "ahh"...
Panel 4
[Waluigi Time sits across a desk from Kameron and Cayde, who are both visibly displeased. Cayde is now wearing a mask.]
KAMERON: You're fired.
WALUIGI TIME: I figured
The ? Panel
{Mario reaches the flagpole}
{Mario slides down the flagpole}
{Mario jumps from the flagpole by flipping in the air, and then landing on the ground}
Mario: That's a Sonans! {Note: It sounds almost similar to "That's-a so nice!"}
Wobbuffet: Wo' ba' 'ffit? {With a note saying: Sounding similar to "Wha' 'bout 'that"}
Transcript
{The scene takes place during the evening with sand and pyramids in the background, indicating that it's World 2 in New Super Mario Bros.}
{Mario reaches the flagpole and slides down from it.}
{Mario jumps from the flagpole by flipping in the air}
Mario: That's-a so-na...
Mario: {Curiously observing the Wynaut} ...no?
Wynaut: Wynaut?
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[Captain Toad and a Boo are having a staring contest.]
Panel 2
[Captain Toad and the Boo are staring more intensely.]
Panel 3
[Suddenly, Captain Toad turns on his headlamp, blinding the Boo, and thus, ending the contest.]
Panel 4
CAPTAIN TOAD: Heh heh!
BOO: Cheater!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)
Triple Trouble: Part 3
"Father?!" I blurted out. After everything that we've uncovered, this guy, the leader of the Circle of Six, the guy who experimented on the Sticky Warrior... he was his own father? I stared at the old Inkling, his pale and slightly wrinkled skin, his black, cyan-tipped tentacles, his fancy little turtleneck sweater... I've met some pretty nasty people in my time, and yet I could barely wrap my head around how someone could be this vile.
"One wonders what else has eluded you, Connor. Still, ignorance can be quite a fascinating shade."
The Sticky Warrior muttered to himself. "Connor..." I wasn't sure if he was taken aback hearing my name in this context, or if he was so focused on his own investigations that it completely slipped by him when Jasmine mentioned it before.
"So, I just have to wonder here, how long have you actually known about me? Just give me a ballpark, have you been creeping around for a while or just a couple weeks, what's your deal here?" Usually, I wouldn't be so brash. But this guy had been down here for all of half a minute, and I was already fed up with him.
"I have the knowledge of everything there is to be known. About you, your brother, your wife, the charming entourage you gain, and even the identity you wear like a borrowed coat. You have spun a magnificent drama. However..." he paused, then looked me straight in the eye. "Learning about the Circle of Six... now that was an act that does not go unanswered. You were warned to keep your distance. Yet, temptation is a marvelous flaw."
"For someone who knows so much, apparently you never caught on that I don't take orders from criminals," I replied.
"Criminals? Ah, such a primitive way of thinking. Truly, the cerebral cortex never fails to disappoint."
"Will you cut the crap, already!" the Sticky Warrior interrupted.
"Now, now, my child. Such impatience... You were always so eager to slice your opponent without hesitation or remorse. No wonder you became our perfect creation."
"My, what a sickening way of talking about their own child," Ms. Mowz commented.
"Well, you know, some people are just completely irredeemable like that," I added. "Trust me, I should know. And I can say this smug piece of calamari certainly fits the bill."
"Tell me... Why!? What you could gain from doing this!?" the Sticky Warrior shouted.
"Why? Interesting that you ask. Power... power must be seized, not handed out to the common. Left in their hands, it only breeds chaos and trivial noises. No, what we required was structure. An organization vast enough to operate unchecked, yet precise enough to be held in our grasp alone. Once you hold on to power, you would be astonished how many choose to close their eyes on it. That, my child, is how the Circle of Six was born.
Us, neighbors around, became the founders. We began an operation by gathering individuals with particular talents that would grant us what we required. As was anticipated, experimentation was necessary. Adjustments had to be made, all for the greater of our cause, naturally. I believe you now have a grasp of our greatness. I did leave you the book you have in your possession. A glimpse of our expertise. Isn't that remarkable?
You three, are proof of that. How many storms have you left behind to seize upon that power?"
I could practically feel my blood pressure rising with every word he spoke. "Oh please, like you get to act all high and mighty? You talk about who should have power? You have secrecy and structure and pretend that somehow makes you better than all the other scum out here who seek to do nothing but twist and exploit others for their own benefit? Well I have news for you, you're not. You're just another layer to the world's cesspool, and people like you are the last kind who deserve any kind of 'power'."
"Speech tinged with such primitive cognition. You seem to revel in manipulating the masses, wielding your influence with shameless indulgence. Tell me, what justification do you offer, dear Connor, or is it Shmaluigi? On the spectrum of morality, your actions remain static, undeniably reprehensible."
It was clearly no use talking to this guy - he was a reprehensible dirtbag who was just going to keep spewing this nonsense. Not like he was going to change anyone's opinion of him. If Shmwario was here, he probably would've knocked his teeth out by now.
"Ugh... It's like talking to a wall. In fact, the wall would probably be a better listener," the Sticky Warrior groaned. "Maybe, on a moral scale, it wouldn't be all that different, but what matters is what we're trying to achieve. And trust me, Connor and Mowz are nothing like you. They're far from being as sadistic. Neither of them has tried pulling the same insane schemes you've been running here! So tell me, father... what really happened here? I want answers!"
"Naturally, you are entitled to your answers, no one would dare dispute this unambiguous logic. However, I find myself compelled by a certain... intellectual curiosity. How is it that you recall such intricate details with such clarity? Given the circumstances of your release, mid-experiment, no less, I would have expected significant cognitive degradation. Amnesia seemed not only likely, but inevitable."
"It was all thanks to the notebooks Kreep kept. Everything was in there. My name, the details of the experiment, even the founders' names. At first, I couldn't believe it. But the more Mowz and I looked into it, the more it all started to line up. It was the truth, no doubt about it. And then, a phone call threatening me, killing me and anyone who would get close to me. Someone calling me Noah. Now, I realize, that voice... it was you.
What's funny, though, I used to think Kreep had something to do with your death. So how the hell are you still alive? I clearly remember Kreep killing you... but now? Looking at you, hearing you... I'm starting to wonder. There's no way I'd ever be close to someone like you. You make my skin crawl."
As if there was any doubt by this point, this pretty much confirmed to me that these two knew more than they let on this whole time. But with everything this whole situation entailed, I couldn't help but feel it was more the result of denial than deception.
"That wild beast was unsalvageable. But to clarify a common misunderstanding: the apparent records you discovered were not Kreep's belongings, they were mine. Your memory, as expected, continues to suffer. You seem to recall me as the focus of Kreep's intrusion. It was your mother."
"M-mother?"
"When Kreep launched his pitiful raid here under the delusion that he could outmaneuver us, I acquired a substantial understanding of his objectives. Naturally, I have informants embedded across this planet's every corner. So, in anticipation, I arranged a simple substitution: your ever-intrusive mother in place of myself. She was far too interested in my affairs for her own good.
Of course, his henchmen did their best to extract evidence, hoping to trace my movements. They failed, predictably. What else could one expect from a defective construct grasping at relevance?"
"You... You piece of TRASH!"
"What a disgusting being," Ms. Mowz sneered.
I could tell the Sticky Warrior was becoming too infuriated to press for further answers - I can't say I wouldn't be feeling the same in his situation. Still, I wanted to hurry up get to the bottom of things so we could give this guy what he had coming to him already. "And what of your so-called 'experiment' that you cared so little for your own child to subject him to?"
"As you will have noted from the material I entrusted to you, our path to absolute control required shields, one ideally suited to absorb consequences in our stead. Provided this shield served our interests without question, we could maintain dominance without ever soiling our own hands. Naturally, such an asset had to perform optimally, even under extreme conditions.
To ensure this, we initiated a series of procedures, precisely designed to condition their responses, fortify their loyalty, and maximize their effectiveness. Any subject that failed to meet our sets of standards was eliminated. Or, at the very least, intended to be.
It was during this phase that cracks began to show within our own ranks. One of the Founders, misguided, attempted to safeguard certain failures. Kreep, at the time, was our most promising candidate. But with given powers quickly came arrogance, and his ambition quickly outgrew his usefulness. He believed he could escape our design. That delusion made him a liability. He was marked for disposal, but somehow, he vanished before we could terminate the process.
Then came Noah. From an early age, it was evident that his reflexive capabilities were unmatched. A biological anomaly. I saw in him an opportunity no other subject could offer. So I tested him. Relentlessly. And I was not mistaken. Not even Kreep could match what Noah achieved. He became our crowning achievement, a flawless construct born of flesh. We pushed his boundaries, calibrated his mind, forged him into the ideal weapon.
And then, during a high-tier procedure, an Octoling infiltrated the facility. Alone. Inexplicably effective. They compromised the lab, destabilized the experiment, and triggered a mass breach. Many of our assets, our shields, escaped. Order collapsed. I am of the belief that very same founder was behind all this."
Ms. Mowz gasped. "An Octoling!? Sweetie, wouldn't that be..."
"Sam."
"Sam?" I asked. "Who's Sam?"
"Sam was an Octoling I met when I was a bit younger. He's the one who taught me what it means to be a warrior. A lot of the skills I use today are thanks to him. I used to nickname him Samurai Octopus and he nicknamed me the Ninja Squid due to my recklessness but also my stealthy approach. He was much more focused than I was, and much better at following a certain code of honor. I understand many things right now..." the Sticky Warrior paused, looking down with sadness in his eyes. "However, a certain incident happened, and Sam is not the way he is anymore..."
"Wait, that sounds familiar... You're that Ninja Squid?"
"Yes... I was living under that moniker for a long time. Sticky Warrior was the moniker I was given when I went to the Glitz Pit as a fighter. But, due to a little incident in Rogueport caused by a wallet, I had to keep the Ninja Squid identity under wrap, which is during the time we met," he said, then turned to look at his father. "Because, over all that time, I somehow forgot what was my real name. The threatening phone call brought some memory back, for that, you get a real good thanks." The mockery in his voice was palpable.
Ms. Mowz spoke up. "That said, I have a question. Why Noah, your own child was met with a threat, and why send so many henchmen to try and dispose of him? Would you be nice enough to respond, if that is even possible."
"With the events that unfolded, and a traitor festering within our own ranks, it became necessary to start again. Thoroughly. I initiated a total purge: every record, every trace of the Circle of Six was to be eradicated. Yet, the founder responsible... remained elusive. Among that, Kreep was a persistent flaw. He made it his mission to uncover us, deploying forces, establishing proxy organizations across the globe, all in a futile attempt to dismantle what he could never comprehend.
When he abruptly vanished, the conclusion was obvious: someone had finally managed to neutralize him. And if anyone possessed the capacity to endure that encounter... it was Noah. Unsurprisingly, once reports confirmed your involvement by the means of your investigation, it became clear. You played a role in his demise. That act alone ensured you would become a variable I could not allow to persist. Interference of that magnitude is intolerable. Anyone who dares to obstruct our progress is to be neutralized. Immediately.
Yet you three. Insistent, meddlesome, and now rival even Kreep in your capacity for disruption. But let me be clear: the experiments have resumed. Elsewhere. Undisturbed. There will be no second breach. You will not interfere again. You will keep your noses out of my affairs... permanently."
I've heard my share of cocky villain monologues in my line of work - and I can't say it usually ends up well for them, if past experience is any indicator. If I were a more dangerously confident man, I'd probably make some snarky quip about this indeed being the last time we would interfere with his affairs, but someone with his knowledge and resources wasn't one to be trifled with. Whatever happened next, it would certainly require treading with caution.
"Ah, but I'm afraid you've messed with the wrong people, sir," I responded, then turned to my companions. "Now that all of this self-righteous monologuing is over with, how do you two feel about showing him just how much we can meddle?"
"You took the words right out of my mouth, Detective!" the Sticky Warrior answered, then looked at his father. "We're three here... And apparently, I am your so-called perfect work. What makes you think you will be able to handle the three of us?"
The old Inkling smiled and gave a slight chuckle, all the while maintaining his haughty composure. "Incorrect assumption, my child. I am not here alone."
"Hmm, what do you mean?"
"He is correct..." Ms. Mowz said with dread.
"You see, possessing intimate knowledge of one's opponent is tantamount to holding the blueprint of their downfall. Given the extensive array of experiments we have conducted on specimens of your ilk, it has become almost laughably simple to discern how you will inevitably falter. You may be our proudest achievement, yet you remain a failure, as each product of our creation is to our eyes nothing but an evolution of our research.
Now then, allow me the courtesy of presenting our most recent procedures, meticulously developed within the confines of our new laboratory. A testament to our ever-advancing superiority."
A dark figure entered the room, almost as if the shadowy corners themselves were moving. As it stepped fully into the light, it revealed itself as a completely dark figure in the shape of the Sticky Warrior. I've heard tales of shadowy figures who mimic the shapes of others lurking in the deepest depths, but I couldn't help but be reminded of a Duplighost undergoing an incomplete transformation and taking on a shadow of its target. I never fully understood how that sort of thing happened, but as far as I knew it involved actively diverting magic elsewhere.
"What is... this?" the Sticky Warrior asked in disgust.
"A being generated from none other than yourself. By reprogramming the very genetic data extracted from your own structure, and thanks to the precision of our latest experimentations, we succeeded in recreating you in a more refined manner. All superfluous elements were identified and meticulously excised. In common terms, we removed the bugs in the system. Therefore, it's the most perfect version of yourself.
Ah, but do brace yourself... it is not just you that resides within this construct. There is a bit more to it..."
The shadowy figure transformed, gaining mass and settling in the shape of Kreep. As if fighting a copy of the Sticky Warrior wasn't bad enough on its own...
"Sweetie, isn't that..."
"Ugh, I was hoping we wouldn't be seeing someone with that shape again," I grumbled.
"We have engineered a construct that embodies the most refined attributes of each of our test subjects. This synthesis not only ensures flawless adaptability to any conceivable scenario, but the data harvested from their performances shall fuel the evolution of all future iterations.
Soon, we shall be untouchable, and all the while, we shall remain cloaked within the deepest shadows of the world, observing, refining, ascending. That, my dear little playthings, is the essence of true power.
Now run along and entertain yourselves. I do look forward to witnessing the final act of your tragic little odyssey. And as for you, my child. You were born of us, as a creation of the Circle of Six, and to us, you shall return. As I've made perfectly clear: all failures must be... eradicated."
As if on command, the shadow returned to being a lookalike of the Sticky Warrior and charged towards him. Ever vigilant, he was about to block the charging doppelganger when it took on the shape of the Lantern Ghost, circumventing the Sticky Warrior's block and slamming him into the wall with some sort of brutal martial arts move.
Well, I wasn't about to sit this one out - not this time. Luckily, this shadowy blob didn't have the market cornered on shapeshifting. I just needed a form that was a little shorter, and a lot heavier. My next words were much more gruff than usual.
"Oh yeah, Shmwario time."
With a much more capable battle form, I prepared to charge into the doppelganger with a classic shoulder bash. I've seen my brother do this about a hundred times, how hard could it be?
"Detective, watch out!" the Sticky Warrior shouted.
Before the attack could connect, the shadow transformed back into Kreep, easily blocking the attack with shadowy muscle. Dang it. It was at that time the size difference hit me - Kreep was already a towering figure as-is, and taking a few feet off to bring myself down to Shmwario's height made him terrifying this up close and personal, even if it was just a silhouette. Yipes. Ms. Mowz leaped into action, trying to disorient the shadowy shapeshifter, only for it to take on the Sticky Warrior's form once more and unleash an inky whirlpool on the both of us. Mowz managed to swiftly escape, but I wasn't so lucky.
"Cheese Stick, are you fine?"
I coughed out an amount of ink that was probably way beyond whatever was healthy to have in your mouth, but I was otherwise not much worse for wear. "Pleh... Should've used a form that doesn't have such a big mouth."
"Mmmm hmm hmm! This will be a fearsome challenge!"
Apparently not content to let us only have to deal with this overengineered science experiment, the Sticky Warrior's father decided to add some sort of machine to the mix. "Let us... escalate the performance, shall we? A bit more drama tends to make the inevitable all the more exquisite."
The Sticky Warrior gasped at the sight. "Detective! Mowz! Careful, that's a Killer Wail!"
"Doesn't look like much of a whale to me..." I replied.
"No, you don't understand. That this is pretty much like a megaphone that will release large sound waves. If you find yourself in its target, you will literally explode on the spot."
"Oh." Come to think of it, that definitely seemed like something Shmwario would say. Maybe this form was influencing more than just my appearance... "Well, that seems bad. Why don't we just get rid of it, then?"
I quickly switched forms to something completely different - G-XY the Gearmo. Let me tell you, it pays to know lots of people when you can shapeshift into them from memory. Being a robot feels really weird though... Anyway, this guy was packed full of extra gadgets, but the particular one I was interested in made quite the impression on me the first time we met. I just had to quickly find it without getting pummeled by the shadowy creature or blown to smithereens by that Killer Wail.
Ah, there it was - let's just hope my imitation of G-XY's EMP would be enough to put this death device out of commission.
The Sticky Warrior looked on inquisitively. "Oh... could it actually?"
"Here goes nothing... EMP engage!"
Luckily, that seemed to do the trick - now we were just back to fighting one super-experiment, and I guess it said a lot about the current state of affairs that this was the preferred scenario. I'd have to remember this for the future, it sure is convenient being able to effectively turn into a toolbox on wheels.
"Hey, that sure did the trick there, Detective," the Sticky Warrior said. "I dunno how you made it, but it did work. So, we have to handle this."
"Sweetie, how about we do our shtick?"
"Yeah, let's try it."
The two of them charged ahead, rapidly switching places to confuse the shapeshifter. It looked like it was working at first, but eventually it caught on to their tricks and blocked the attack, then transformed into the Lantern Ghost and kicked the Sticky Warrior hard into the wall.
"Ugh..."
"Oh... no," Ms. Mowz said with dismay, then tried to daze the creature quicker than before. Once again, her tricks were to no avail, as it took on Kreep's form, grabbing her in midair and slamming her into the wall as well.
"Detective... I have an idea. We need to match strength against strength. Can you turn yourself into Kreep?"
"I've transformed into worse before," I remarked, before taking on the form of the departed Kremling. Hopefully, with the real Sticky Warrior and a facsimile of Kreep, we'd be able to beat this shapeshifter at its own game.
Luckily, Kreep's form came with an added bonus - his two swords. I wasn't exactly a master swordsman, and unfortunately Duplighosts can't really copy knowledge that well, but maybe they'd still come in handy? We'd soon find out - one slash sent an energy beam racing towards the shapeshifting creature. Unfortunately, it quickly swapped back to the form of the Sticky Warrior and blocked the beam with its katana.
"Well, isn't this a peculiar rematch," I noted. For all the hyping up, I sure hoped that an artificial creation couldn't hold up to the real thing, even with the removal of supposed "flaws". Mostly for my own sake, considering a superior Sticky against an inferior Kreep wouldn't end very differently from the last encounter between those two.
The Sticky Warrior's lookalike wasted no time getting into the duel. If this was anything what fighting the genuine article was like, I did not envy anyone on his bad side - even with a form as bulky as Kreep I was taken aback by how much force it was putting into each swing of its katana. I was pretty much forced entirely on the defensive as I struggled to keep up with blocking each swing, even with an extra sword to work with.
"What does it take to knock this freak of nature DOWN?!" I asked aloud, punctuating the end of my sentence with a kick from Kreep's clawed foot.
"This..."
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Sticky Warrior's katana begin to glow as an ethereal Spray Fish appeared from it, spraying a jet of water into the shapeshifting creature. It let out a pained shriek and completely dissolved, reminding me of what the Sticky Warrior had said earlier about water and Inklings.
"Looks like our genetic weakness from water cannot be removed from even the most ghastly of experiments."
For once, the composure of the Sticky Warrior's father broke. "What was that!?"
"Simply my katana at work. If I had to unleash everything that was absorbed by it, you have no idea the terrific experiment you would be clashing against," the Sticky Warrior said, returning his katana to his sheath and looking at his father with the most menacing expression I'd ever seen on him. "I'm not kidding around. You've been nothing less but a horrid monster, and you will pay the price for all the dreadful stuff you and your damn followers have been causing for way too long already. How about I give you a taste of your own medicine. Oh, I will enjoy doing a butchery of this place!"
The Sticky Warrior then began to slowly approach his father, yet he didn't seem to care in the slightest. Something about this... didn't set right. I mean, maybe he was one of those "actually, everything was according to plan the whole time" types - didn't seem out of the question for someone with as massive of a superiority complex as him - but aside from the shock of seeing the Sticky Warrior wielding his katana to conjure up fish souls, he was practically unflinching, even after his experiment was defeated and he was cornered. He may have very well still had something up his sleeve, and I wasn't a fan of that idea in the slightest.
"Hmm... I have a preferable method. Another experiment to conduct. One far more... efficient. And infinitely more interesting," the old Inkling said, activating a device with a timer on it.
"Sweetie! Cheese Stick! It's a detonator..."
"Holy moly," was all I could think to say in the moment. If we weren't in such a perilous moment, I probably would've stopped to reflect on how amusing such an undignified statement sounded paired with Kreep's voice.
"You understand, of course, that even in my permanent absence, the experimentation may persist... or perhaps not. Perhaps some wretched subject, somewhere confined, somewhere forgotten, will simply perish. Agonizingly. Slowly. Erased by time, by history.
And this knowledge will etch itself permanently into your conscience. A failure so absolute, that no redemption would ever suffice.
So tell me... do you even believe you're capable of finding the unknown?
What a marvelous enigma I've left behind, tracing the remnants of my final design. A task... so exquisitely beyond your reach. Maybe, you won't even have the time to complete this task after all..."
The Sticky Warrior seemed frozen in place in response to his father's words. It was making me very nervous with the ticking clock on our hands.
"Um, not to rush the family trauma or anything, but whatever you're going to do, I think it better happen pretty fast here?" I interjected.
"We have to get out of here!" Ms. Mowz added.
The old Inkling sneered at his son, still unmoving. "I see... Well, it's too late now for you..."
With the fighting over, I returned to my usual form - Kreep wasn't exactly the best vessel to diffuse this sort of thing, I felt. "Come on Sticky, we've got to hightail it before this whole place goes sky-high. We can't have much time!"
The Sticky Warrior sighed, seemingly returning to the conscious realm. "Fine!" he exclaimed, then turned to look at his father one more time. "I will bust this case. Just you go and watch me!"
Abandoning the Sticky Warrior's father to his fate, we rushed from the laboratory as fast as we could. It wasn't long before I realized we probably wouldn't even have the time to escape the labyrinthine basement, much less get all the way back where we started from.
"There's no way we'll be able to get out of here before this place blows..." I said - then another idea came to me, and I took the form of my wife Jasmine. "Take my hand! Quick!"
I reached out my hands and the two of them took hold. I quickly pulled the two of them into the shadows, hoping this would work - I knew it was a handy maneuver to avoid danger, but whether it would protect us from something this catastrophic was yet to be seen. But between this and certain doom, I'd take a little experimentation.
It wasn't long after that a series of explosions rocked the whole building. Once the commotion died down, I pulled us all out of the shadows to see the burned-out husk of the Circle of Six's basement. The formerly pristine walls were completely charred and heavily damaged, and any sort of lighting that was once here had been completely blown out. Our only saving grace was that the explosions had started many small fires which gave us enough light to see our way out.
The Sticky Warrior looked around at what was left of the place. "Hmpf!" he turned with a jolt and continued heading out without another word.
I turned back to my usual self, which would hopefully be enough Duplighosting for today, and caught up with him. "Hey, um, aren't we going to... talk about this?"
He stopped and turned around to look at me with an aggressive stare. No mask, no ninja gear, just pure enraged Inkling. "Talk about what!?"
"Sweetie..."
"Look! My very own self, my own identity has been stolen from me. I've been used like a puppet, only to serve nonsense and allowing an organization to gain power and causing so many people suffering and despair. I've done so many monstrosity, and you know what? I don't feel anything, no emotion, nothing. I'm taking so many risks, playing a dangerous game only to feel a little something inside. You think that is normal!?
I know what that trash said to me was true. All of it! I'm not going to let him the satisfaction of winning this little mind game. I will find the truth behind all of the Circle of Six. I will put an end to all the pain he has been doing over for so long. This, I swear!"
"Well, yeah, saying it sucks would be the understatement of the century. I can't speak to your own feelings, at least. But if you're going to talk about what happened in the past, it's not like you had any control over that, or that you can change it now. But from where I'm standing, you've long been making up for it. I mean, look at Kreep, he broke away from the Circle of Six and had his own choice of what to do with his life, and what did he use it for? He just ended up leaving a slightly different trail of destruction behind him on his own terms. I think... No, I know it speaks volumes about you that you didn't choose that path. Look where we are now, we're out taking down massive criminal organizations over here." I sighed, hoping that I could get through to him even if we both recognized that I knew nothing of the suffering he endured. "And if you're going to keep looking into what's left of the Circle of Six... I'll be behind you every step of the way."
He looked down, hopefully considering what I had said. "Well..."
"He is right! We're all in this together Sweetie. But first things first, we need to be totally cautious about our next move," Ms. Mowz said.
"You think so?"
"Yes, totally. Because, there is something that I am ever so curious about."
"What is it?"
"I suspect that we are being watched at this very moment. Do you believe that a man of his status would actually be plotting this all by himself? Considering he went self-destruct, I think there is something much more to it than that. He certainly planned for this move. Then, there is also the thing about the lost founder. The one that did not completely align with the rest of the organization and that vanished... If my intuition is right, I am of the belief that this founder is still up to something somewhere."
"If that's true, who knows if what they're up to now is good or bad. 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend' hasn't really seemed to apply in all of this, and if they're just as power-obsessed as the rest of the Circle of Six, well..." I paused, then considered Ms. Mowz's thoughts. "But if someone's still keeping an eye on us, maybe we should get out of here sooner than later."
"I agree with Cheese Stick! Sweetie, it's preferably better for us to get out of here now."
"Fine... That said, I have this strange feeling that they may already be aware of so much stuff about us. They were aware of things that even I did not even put into consideration. How they managed to know we were coming here? It's basically per chance that we found the right place. I wasn't entirely aware of the right location, and yet they managed to get there at the right timing, and even plan this whole ordeal," the Sticky Warrior said, looking back at the destroyed base behind us. "There are still so many things that are left unravel, and yet time is running out..."
He sighed, turning back around and following us out. Finally, we emerged from the destroyed basement, pushing past rubble and finding ourselves standing in the ruins of one of the houses. The aboveground construction fared a lot worse - all of the houses were practically gone now.
"Wow, that's real subtle," I said, observing an entire cul-de-sac of decimated houses. "But at least we don't have to go through all those winding paths again, I suppose."
"True, true," the Sticky Warrior concurred.
"So, what's our next move? Seems like we've dealt with our business here at least, and hopefully we won't be getting any more unsolicited phone threats. Unless there's any loose ends you can think of, perhaps we should all go home and reconvene later. It's been a very long night..."
"I wouldn't mind catching a break I guess... It's been a while since I have took one all things considered, but there's still people trapped somewhere and I will need to help them quickly," the Sticky Warrior replied.
"I concur. I think we can catch a little break for now, and prepare a good planning of what our next move shall be," Ms. Mowz added.
"Yeah, and I think I will pay a visit to our Lantern Ghost friend. I suspect that our answer lies somewhere in that direction."
"I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if that were the case," I responded.
With our business in Inkopolis wrapped up for now, we left Bluefin Depot to begin the journey home. I suppose, on paper, we did everything we set out to do. We got to the bottom of the mysterious phone calls, the Sticky Warrior uncovered the details of his past, however horrid they may be, and we stopped one of the Circle of Six's founders. Oh, and none of us died in the process, which is also nice. Still, I couldn't help but feel that our small victory here rang hollow. There was still more to the Circle of Six out there, and apparently, we were on a time limit as well. And our only lead at the moment was hoping that Lantern Ghost would be able to help again...
But, I suppose that's just how the PI business goes, doesn't it? Would be nice if you could wrap up every case in a clean three-act structure, boom, done, no loose ends, mystery solved. That's just not how life goes, I'm afraid. I wasn't sure what the future held, but for now, this was more than enough excitement for me for one day. I just wanted to go home and spend time with my wife before things got crazy again.
And where the Circle of Six was involved, crazy seemed inevitable...
The End
You want to know something funny? We were worried this part might be too short. Anyway, thank you for reading the conclusion of this arc! Extra special thanks to my co-writer Ninja Squid, who also happens to outnumber me for character writing in this part by handling dialogue for everyone besides Shmaluigi! It's always fun to work with him on this. For now, I'll be moving on to other stories, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if we revisit the Circle of Six again someday. In the meantime, Halloween is coming up, which usually means poor Shmaluigi gets wrapped up in spooky happenings... See you then!
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
World 4: Subterranean Sports - Part 3
After finishing their meal, the heroes continued on their way, happily marching further into Talpidae Tunnels. "Boy, those fruits and that water sure were refreshing. I feel like a new White Shy Guy." Winston happily spoke as he marched onwards together with the others.
"Aye, they sure were, lad. It really gave me new energy ta continue zingin' Zellon's troops, if ye know what I mean." ClawgripFan9001 nodded in agreement as he scuttled through Talpidae Tunnels.
"I think we're not too far from General Zellon's next stronghold either, so let's continue on with our journey as fast as we can." Funky Kong chimed in with a grin before the heroes were stopped by a pair of Zellon Troopers that were armed with blunderbusses: Zellon Gunmen.
"Hands up, heroes! Commander Basil ordered us to keep you away from his stronghold, so do as we say, or else you're gonna be so full of lead, you're gonna have to use your fingers for pencils!" One of the Zellon Gunmen threatened the heroes.
The heroes immediately put up their hands in response. "What do we 'ave ta do as ye say, lads?" ClawgripFan9001 asked the Zellon Gunmen curiously.
"You have to face us in a game of Shooting - Double Trap. If you manage to pick off more targets than the two of us, you're allowed to walk free. Should you lose to us, though, then we'll lock you all up in the dungeon of Commander Basil's stronghold, and have to spend the rest of your lives in captivity. Think carefully about this offer, because if you refuse, we'll shoot you." The other Zellon Gunman told the heroes.
"Aye, then the choice ain't so difficult ta make! I'll do it!" ClawgripFan9001 told the Zellon Gunmen as everyone teleported to the shooting range where the event was going to take place. ClawgripFan9001 and the Zellon Gunmen were both wielding rifles, and they took aim as clay discs were fired off into the air, with the trio shooting the clay discs out of the sky. ClawgripFan9001 managed to shoot every clay disc without a single miss, while the Zellon Gunmen both missed five clay discs, which meant they were eliminated from play. ClawgripFan9001 happily snapped his claws in euphoria while the Zellon Gunmen snapped their rifles in half in anger before disappearing into puffs of smoke, after which the heroes were beamed back to Talpidae Tunnels.
"Whoa, your marksmanship is amazing, ClawgripFan! Where'd you learn to shoot like that?" Iggy asked ClawgripFan9001 with excitement.
"Yar, when ye be livin' the lifeuva pirate, ye naturally learn 'ow ta shoot a gun an' excel at it, lad. I've spent many's a year learnin' 'ow ta perfect me marksmanship." ClawgripFan9001 explained to him, flashing a toothy smile at the middle child of the Koopalings.
"That was pretty impressive, alright! Now let's continue on to Commander Basil's stronghold! Bowser Jr. suggested as the heroes continued on towards Commander Basil's stronghold.
Not too long of a walk later, the heroes arrived at the next stronghold, where Commander Basil was holding the next set of heroes captive. The heroes proceeded to walk up to the front door of the stronghold, then looked up at the building.
"Alright, this is it! Let's pummel Commander Basil into oblivion and free the next group of heroes he's holding prisoner in here!" Bowser declared, pounding his fists together.
"You said it, dad! Let's get them!" Bowser Jr. cheered as well before the heroes proceeded to enter the stronghold, after which the door closed behind them. The heroes then proceeded to make their way across several lava pits while dodging Skele-Zellons, Mecha-Zellons and Flaming Fiends, which were the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalents to Dry Bones, Mechakoopas and Podoboos, respectively.
"Yar, it looks like General Zellon's been copyin' yer castle designs fer 'is own strongholds, Bowser. Are ye gonna let General Zellon get away with that?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Bowser to try and motivate him further into fighting the Zellon Armed Forces.
"No way! General Zellon and his troops will pay for ripping off my beautiful castle designs! Out of my way! Commander Basil is going down!" Bowser roared as he began making his way through the stronghold quicker, taking out General Zellon's troops along the way by punching them, kicking them, swinging his tail at them or firing his trademark fire breath at them.
After traversing the stronghold, the heroes arrived at the room where Commander Basil was hiding out, and as they entered the room, they could see Commander Basil standing in front of a cage that held Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo captive inside.
"Welcome, heroic scum. I was expecting you all for some time, but now, the time has come for you to perish at the might of my athleticism. I am Basil Konstantine Zellon, Commanding Officer of the Zellon Armed Forces, and if you wish to free your tedious friends, you must defeat me and my bodyguard in Sailing - 470 (Pair). Are you up to the challenge?" Commander Basil offered the heroes as his bodyguard, a Zellon Gunman walked up to his side.
"Aye, we do accept yer challenge, an' we've got just the right pair o' heroes ta beat ye in this event, ye impertinent mammal/reptile! Bowser, Bowser Jr., 'ow about the two o' ye take care o' this?" ClawgripFan9001 asked Bowser and Bowser Jr., who immediately stepped forward afterward.
"With pleasure, ClawgripFan! Now let's take this to the sailing course, you pterosaurtamus!" Bowser declared as he pointed his right index finger at Commander Basil.
"You said it! Me and my dad are gonna show you the ropes of sporting events like this!" Bowser Jr. chimed in.
"Very well, let's get going then. But don't shed any unsportsmanlike tears if you end up being beaten by us." Commander Basil nodded as everyone was beamed away to the sailing course where the event was going to take place.
Bowser and Bowser Jr. were seated in one of the boats, while Commander Basil and his bodyguard were seated in the other boat. Everyone waved towards the audience before waiting for the starting shot to be given.
"On your marks…Get set…" The announcer spoke before the starting shot sounded and both pairs went sailing forward, with Bowser blowing the sail and Bowser Jr. steering the boat, while on the other boat, Commander Basil blew the sail while his bodyguard steered the boat. Thanks to Bowser's incredible blowing skills and Bowser Jr.'s formidable steering, the King and Prince of the Koopas crossed the finish line in no time, angering Commander Basil and his bodyguard.
"Nincompoop! Meathead! Because of you, my father is going to tear me a new butthole for losing to the heroes!" Commander Basil angrily berated his bodyguard before picking him up and throwing him out of the boat, after which Commander Basil's body became engulfed in flames and began exploding, with the boat he was in soon sinking because of the explosion.
The key to the cage was soon dropped, and Bowser quickly caught it in his hand, with him and Bowser Jr. laughing happily as everyone was teleported back to Commander Basil's room, standing in front of the cage. Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo lit up with glee as they were about to be freed.
"Yar, congratulations, ye two! Ye managed ta take out Commander Basil and acquire the key we need ta free more trapped friends!" ClawgripFan9001 beamed.
"Gwa, ha, ha, ha! No sweat, ClawgripFan! Just let me and Junior pilot a boat, and cut Commander Basil's throat!" Bowser happily laughed at having beaten Commander Basil.
"Hee, hee, hee! You're welcome, ClawgripFan! We're happy to do our part in crushing General Zellon's pathetic army! Now let's get these guys outta their cage!" Bowser Jr. laughed as well before Bowser walked up to the cage and opened it, after which Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo walked out.
"Wa, ha, ha, ha! You really saved us there! Thanks a bundle!" Wario thanked the heroes for freeing him and the others.
"Yeah, I knew that sooner or later, someone would come along and free Waluigi! Thanks a lot for being that someone!" Waluigi happily told the heroes as well.
"I was starting to get pretty hungry inside that cage, since Commander Basil never gave us anything to eat while he held us prisoner! Now that I'm free, I can start eating again! Thanks!" Yoshi gratefully thanked the heroes.
"Those dastardly villains couldn't keep little old me captive for very long, so you have my gratitude for getting us out of that smelly cage. Is there anything we could do to repay you guys the favor?" Birdo chimed in.
"Aye, ye could repay us the favor by joinin' us fer the remainder o' our journey through the Dark Lands and free whate'er heroes General Zellon 'as left in 'is captivity." ClawgripFan9001 informed them.
"I'll gladly join you guys for the remainder of your journey! I wanna give those Zellon Armed Forces a piece of my mind and my muscles for trapping me in here!" Wario replied as he slipped into a fighting stance.
"Waluigi will do whatever he can to be of assistance to you guys during the rest of your journey!" Waluigi beamed as he clapped his hands.
"Sure! Anything to help you guys out!" Yoshi happily accepted the request.
"Of course. Give a little, take a little, as my mother used to say." Birdo nodded.
"Aye, then that's settled. Let's free the audience members Commander Basil was 'oldin' prisoner at this stronghold an' send 'em back ta Toad Town, then let's continue on our merry way!" ClawgripFan9001 beamed.
ClawgripFan9001 and Company then proceeded to free the audience members at the Talpidae Tunnels stronghold and send them back to Toad Town in Commander Basil's Airship. With their journey halfway over, the heroes set out towards the next of General Zellon's Dark Lands, further closing in on General Zellon's castle.
And that's a wrap on Chapter 4 of Sport Report: The Movie! As I expressed during Part 2 of this chapter back in July, while Bowser and Bowser Junior didn't do a whole lot to aid the heroes in Part 2, they certainly did do a whole lot to aid the heroes this time around, as they were the ones to face Commander Basil and free the next set of captured heroes from their entrapment, said heroes being Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo respectively! With half of General Zellon's Dark Lands conquered, that means Sport Report: The Movie is also halfway of being completed! Join me again in November, where we'll be starting Chapter 5 of the tale of ClawgripFan9001 and Company's adventure to save the Annual Mushroom World Games!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 4
After defeating Vason Joorhees and obtaining the key required to open the gates leading there, Waluigi and Company ventured into the Courtyard of Chateau du Framboise, where they wiped out whatever Luff Empire forces happened to roam out there along the way. Then, they made their way into the Rec Room through a door located at the rightmost end of the Courtyard, where they ran into a skeletal Krusha that appeared to be lifting weights in the middle of the room.
“WAH-t the heck is this big boned beast doing in here?” Waluigi questioned with a curiously raised eyebrow as he eyed the undead Kremling doing reps with a heavy halter. The purple-garbed male’s question prompted him to put down his halter and turn his attention towards Waluigi and his friends.
“You know what? I have no idea what I’m doing here myself. I was peacefully slumbering when this nightmarish looking guy with an abnormally long pair of claws on his right hand brought me from the dead, told me to stand guard here and wait for some weirdo in purple to come here.” The Krusha informed Waluigi and Company.
“Right…Do you happen to have a name, by any chance?” Waluigi then asked the Krusha with another curiously raised eyebrow, hoping to get any useful information out of him through conversing with the strongly-built scaffolding.
“Yeah, I do have a name! It’s Leonard Krusharlson! What’s your name, lanky fella?” The undead Kremling asked Waluigi curiously after telling him his own name. Waluigi nervously tugged at the collar of his shirt in response.
“WAH-ll, you see…” Waluigi began to explain, trying to refrain himself from stammering too much in order to prevent raising suspicion from Leonard, not wanting to reveal who he really was so as to avoid fighting him, only for Cheesare to blow everything.
“Don’t tell him your real name, Waluigi.” Cheesare spoke up before getting smacked upside the head by Bloolex in response. “Ouch!” The hamburger-esque Spinia exclaimed in pain from being smacked by his Blooper friend.
“Nice going, Cheesare! Now we’re never getting past this reanimated rabble-rouser without a fight!” Bloolex scolded his Spinia friend for getting the three of them into this predicament. Leonard frowned as he realized who the heroes were.
“Aw, shoot…That nightmarish looking guy told me to look out for a guy named Waluigi…Guess that’s you, alright…Sorry for putting you guys into a tough position here…” The skeletal Krusha apologized to the heroes as he prompted a battle between them and himself.
“WAH-ll, time for more spooky skirmishes, Waluigi guesses…” Waluigi shrugged with a look of annoyance as he prepared for battle against Leonard.
“Yeah, guess we were doomed to fight this guy one way or another…” Bloolex chimed in, shaking his head in disappointment that they couldn’t get past Leonard without a fight.
“I’m really sorry, guys! It was a slip of my non-visible tongue! I’ll make it up to you by doing most of the work on this dopey dead dude!” Cheesare assured his friends as he too got himself ready for a fight.
Waluigi then made the first move by reaching into his Waluigi Cloud, pulling out a Waluigi Spiny Egg and hurling it at Leonard, dealing damage to him by doing so. Bloolex went next by performing a Rapid Halberd Spin on Leonard, also dealing a great amount of damage to him in the process. Cheesare then closed out his party’s first turn of the fight by performing a Dizzy Spin on Leonard, both damaging him whilst also making him dizzy and lowering his accuracy in a subsequent manner.
“Noooorf…I’m starting to feel a bit woozy…” Leonard groaned with dizziness before walking up to Cheesare and performing an Elbow Drop on the Spinia, which involved him leaping into the air before coming down onto Cheesare and dealing a painful combo of an elbow jab and body slam to dish out a significant portion of damage to the Spinia.
“Chattering Cheese Slices, that hurt! Goes to show that this guy isn’t messing around with the mountain of muscle he must’ve had when he was still alive!” Cheesare exclaimed in agony from the pounding he just took from Leonard.
“Waluigi thinks that’s reason enough for us to try and bring this guy down as quickly as we can so we won’t have to endure too much abuse from him!” Waluigi suggested, to which Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their agreement. The purple-dressed recreant then took to opening the next turn for his team by whipping away at Leonard’s head with his long-ranged weapon to deplete another parsley of the Krusha’s health meter.
Bloolex then took to trying out a new ability he had recently unlocked during one of the earlier fights within the confinements of the Chateau; Electro Charge. This ability caused the Blooper’s body to be coated with a blanket of electricity while also temporarily boosting his attack power for a few turns.
Cheesare then performed a Fire Spin on Leonard to drain another portion of the Krusha’s life force. With Team Waluigi’s turn over, it was now up to Leonard to fight again. He walked up to Bloolex, not realizing he was electrically charged as he executed a Knuckleball attack on the Blooper, which involved hitting him with a strong right hook. Alas, because of his failure to realize the electric charge, he was shocked and damaged upon making contact with Bloolex’s body.
Jumping back from being shocked, Leonard backed up and rubbed his right hand in pain. “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch…That really smarts…” The skeletal strongman whimpered, rendering him unable to move and therefore attack for the next few turns due to his injuries.
“Good going, Bloolex! You’ve given us a window of opportunity to damage this guy as much as we WAH-nt for a few turns!” Waluigi praised his Blooper companion with a delightful grin. Cheesare nodded his agreement as Bloolex bashfully rubbed the back of his head in response.
“Aw, shucks. It was nothing, Mr. Waluigi…” Bloolex chimed before shaking off the bashfulness, taking advantage of his temporarily electrified state to try out his new Shock Shot on the undead Kremling that involved shooting himself at the enemy like a rocket, dealing another grand amount of damage that was enhanced from the Blooper’s electro boost.
Cheesare then took care of things for his team’s turn, performing another Fire Spin on Leonard to wear out his opponent. Waluigi then closed out the turn by grabbing another Waluigi Spiny Egg out of the Waluigi Cloud’s bottomless supply of these projectiles, then tossing it at Leonard to remove another quarter of his energy bar.
“Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch…Why me…? Sorry, Mr. Nightmare King…” Leonard whimpered a little bit more in response to all the pummeling he was taking from Waluigi and Company. Given another free turn without retaliation from Leonard’s side of things, Bloolex promptly executed another Shock Shot on the Krusha to further bring down his stamina.
Cheesare subsequently performed a Power Spin attack on the Kremling to purge another quantity of his HP, which Waluigi followed up with another whip strike to the Krusha’s head. Still rendered unable to move for just one more turn, Leonard didn’t say anything as he just allowed Waluigi and Company to further attack away on him.
For the final turn of the fight, Cheesare went first in his team’s order, performing another Power Spin attack on Leonard, followed up by a Rapid Halberd Spin from Bloolex, then wrapping things up was Waluigi himself, who made Leonard’s skeleton crumble by lobbing a Bob-Omb at the undead Krusha.
“Ouch…” Leonard let out a dying groan before falling apart on the spot, after which he disappeared into a burst of white dust. Waluigi and Company looked a bit sympathetic for the childlike innocent soul they just had to take down, but they knew very well that it wasn’t personal, merely business.
“Man, poor fella…” Bloolex voiced his remorse at the fight he and his friends just fought, with Cheesare nodding his agreement, looking the most remorseful of the three since he had caused this all. “Yeah, ain’t I a stinker…?” Cheesare then chimed in, feeling that this could’ve all been avoided if he had just kept his mouth shut. A green treasure chest then spawned where Leonard previously stood, which Waluigi proceeded to step out of his Waluigi Cloud to inspect, and upon opening the treasure chest, found a trio of Maple Super items inside.
“Waluigi would say that the Kremling’s sacrifice wasn’t in vain, for we’ve been rewarded with a few items we could use to our advantage.” The purple troublemaker pointed out as he showed his allies the healing items he found inside the chest.
“Yeah, I guess it is a little band-aid on the wound, so to speak.” Bloolex nodded in agreement with Waluigi’s reasoning as he took one of the Maple Supers from him, after which Cheesare took another one, while Waluigi tucked the third and final one safely away inside his inventory.
“WAH, with that little squabble out of the way, let’s continue on our way to find Kreddy Frueger.” Waluigi proposed as he got situated back inside his Waluigi Cloud, after which the heroes began to venture deeper into Chateau du Framboise.
Waluigi and Company continued to venture deeper and deeper into the haunted Chateau, taking out amongst the ranks of Kreddy Frueger a living ragdoll named Ragatha Needle, whom they found taking a shower inside the Chateau’s second floor Bathroom, the grandmother of the Bernstein Family, Yarnita Threadster Bernstein, whom they found knitting a scarf inside her own room within the Chateau, a spectral snooker player by the name of Sonny McVulliran, whom they found inside the Chateau’s Billiards Room, Louis and Grotesqua’s eldest and middle children, Thursday Ortega Bernstein and Maxwell Weatherwax Bernstein, whom they found inside their own bedroom, a gypsy woman named Parshia Eden Schumacher, whom they found inside the Fortune Tellers’ Room, until they finally reached the third floor Balcony of the Chateau, where they encountered the next big bad that Kreddy Frueger had decided to unleash on them.
“Muahahahaha! So, you feeble mortals have made it this far into my nightmare world, have you? Well, let’s see if you can stand up to my next ghastly goon; Beatleshoes, Beatleshoes, Beatleshoes! Muahahahaha!” Kreddy Frueger’s voice bellowed out across the balcony, after which an anthropomorphic rhino beetle wearing an Armani suit and white leather shoes began to materialize in front of Waluigi and Company.
“Somebody call for me?!” The rhino beetle inquired, who was the Beatleshoes whom Kreddy Frueger just summoned. Spotting Waluigi and Company soon afterward, a malicious smirk curled onto the rhino beetle’s lips. “Ahhhh, a couple new funny little prey for me to play with! It’s showtime!” He then declared before attacking the heroes and initiating another major boss fight.
“Waluigi’s got a bad feeling about this guy…” Waluigi admitted to his allies with a reluctant glance resting in his eyes, to which Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their agreement, looking just as unsettled as their purple-garbed leader.
“I agree, this guy gives me the creeps, and that’s saying a lot given all the uglies we’ve up against inside this Chateau thus far…” Bloolex voiced his concerns about fighting this next opponent.
“I’m with you on this, guys. This ghoul here really gives off a murderous vibe, and a really bad one compared to that Vason Joorhees guy we fought earlier. This suited spook is really making my skin crawl just by being in his presence.” Cheesare admitted to his friends as he tried to set his feelings of unsettlement aside to the best of his ability.
“WAH-ll, we aren’t getting anywhere by squabbling about whether we should back out of this fight or not. We’ll take the guy on, and should he beat us, we’ll just battle him as many times as necessary until we finally manage to take him out.” Waluigi proposed to his allies, who nodded in satisfaction with their leader’s strategy before they all slipped into a battle stance, ready to throw down with Beatleshoes.
The purple-clad nuisance then opened his team’s first turn of the battle by striking Beatleshoes in the head with his whip, which seemed to be quite effective against the bizarre bug, depleting a significant portion of his HP meter. Bloolex then followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin, which did a decent amount of damage to Beatleshoes, but thanks to his thick shell which heightened his defense, the horned horror was mostly left unaffected by the Blooper’s attack.
“Hm, seems melee attacks at close range don’t seem to cut it against this guy. Looks like we’re gonna need stronger tricks up our sleeves if we wanna stand a chance.” Bloolex pointed out.
“It sure seems that way. Good thing I found a stash of dynamite in the room of those kids earlier, that should be able to do the trick. Observe!” Cheesare chimed in as he grabbed a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and lobbed it at Beatleshoes, proving to also be rather effective against the entomologic enemy.
“Argh! That really smarts! I hope you’re ready for a couple of tricks of the paranormal kind!” Beatleshoes told his enemies before walking up to Waluigi and Company and shooting out a chameleon-like tongue from his mouth before using it to whip Waluigi and Company with, taking a batch off each of the heroes’ life meters.
“Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! WAH-ll no! Don’t ever do that to Waluigi again, for Grambi’s sake!” Waluigi revolted in disgust at the attack Beatleshoes just dished out on him.
“Yeah, just because I taste good when fried and served with some lemon butter doesn’t mean I taste good raw!” Bloolex chimed in, being just as disgusted by Beatleshoes’ attack.
“Here! Have some more dynamite to add some spice to that sharp tongue of yours!” Cheesare quipped before lighting another stick of dynamite that he subsequently hurled at Beatleshoes to deal another grand amount of damage to him.
Waluigi followed this up by using a WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, which involved him ordering his Paratroopa flock to back up before charging forward and mowing down Beatleshoes with his Waluigi Cloud. This method of attack also proved to be surprisingly effective against the absurd adversary.
Bloolex then closed out his team’s turn by using his Cephalopod Zap attack on Beatleshoes, firing a bolt of electricity at the rhino beetle that inflicted major damage on him and also left him paralyzed for the next two turns. “Shocking.” The Blooper retainer spitefully taunted Beatleshoes in his current predicament.
“Nice going, Bloolex! You’ve given us plenty of room to dish out a serious WAH-lloping on this guy!” Waluigi complimented the Blooper before ordering his Paratroopa flock to prepare for another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, which the Paratroopa’s did, backing up before charging forward and running Beatleshoes over in the process.
“You said it, Big Purple! Our whirlwind of WAH-pass should blow him off course!” Cheesare agreed with his troublemaking purple friend’s statement as he promptly chucked another lit dynamite stick at his curious competitor.
“Ha ha, well, you know what they say, Mr. Waluigi; Do you know what happens to a rhino beetle when it gets struck by lightning? The same thing happens to everything else.” Bloolex joked in response before floating over Beatleshoes’ head and frying him with a Cephalopod Surge attack, which involved shooting a big burst of electricity out of his ink slot to damage his opponent.
“Waluigi will say. Keep putting those electrokinetic abilities of yours to good use, and we should have the Luff Empire wiped out in nothing flat.” The purple-garbed hellion advised his Blooper buddy as he resumed his onslaught on Beatleshoes by lashing the rhino beetle in the head with another crack of his whip.
“For sure, man. Any kind of elemental magic that deals damage to a great variation of foes is welcome in our fight against evil.” Cheesare once again agreed with Waluigi’s statement as he punted another fuse-lit dynamite stick at Beatleshoes, taking full advantage of the rhino beetle being unable to do anything about it while paralyzed.
“I’ll definitely try to keep polishing that craft then, because as a party member in an epic quest such as this one, I like to make myself useful!” Bloolex affirmed Waluigi and Cheesare’s encouragement to keep practicing his electrokinesis, then promptly toastified Beatleshoes with another Cephalopod Surge attack.
Waluigi then struck Beatleshoes square in the head once more with another flick of his whip, after which Cheesare tossed another burning dynamite stick at him, while Bloolex once again closed out the turn order with one last Cephalopod Surge attack on Beatleshoes, after which the rhino beetle’s paralysis wore off, being free to retaliate against Waluigi and Company after all the abuse he had to endure at the hands of the heroes.
“Bwa ha ha ha! I hope you buggers had your fun, ‘cause now it’s my turn!” Beatleshoes laughed maliciously before coughing up a trio of flying cockroaches and sending them after Waluigi and Company, damaging them by having the cockroaches fly into them.
“WAH, and here Waluigi thought he was a dirty pig!” Waluigi complained about Beatleshoes’ uncleanliness, shaking his head in annoyance while doing so.
“Tell me about it! This guy really puts the “u” into crude!” Cheesare shared Waluigi’s sentiments on the disgusting attacks Beatleshoes was unleashing on the heroes.
“Guess we gotta try harder to take this guy down quicker so we won’t have to suffer too much at the hands of his raunchiness!” Bloolex suggested before he shot another electric charge at Beatleshoes from his Cephalopod Zap attack, dealing another significant amount of damage to the rhino beetle, but failed to paralyze him this time.
Waluigi then followed this up by smacking Beatleshoes in the head with his whip once more, after which Cheesare tossed another ablaze-set dynamite stick at the rhino beetle to deal a grand amount of damage to him.
“Bwa ha ha ha! Feel the wrath of my juicy flies!” Beatleshoes chortled manically before shooting a trio of large house flies out of his mouth and sending them after Waluigi and Company to damage them by flying into them. The heroes once again exclaimed in disgust at the attack.
Now that it was his team’s turn again, Bloolex shot yet another lightning bolt at the rhino beetle with his Cephalopod Zap attack, which inflicted another devastating dose of damage on him. Cheesare then proceeded to throw his last stick of dynamite at Beatleshoes to burn up the prankster phantom.
“Aw, nartz! I’m out of dynamite! Guess I’ll have to switch it up with these vice grips that I also happened to find in the room where those kids resided!” Cheesare exclaimed in dismay as he promptly grabbed his supply of vice grips and got ready to put them to use.
Waluigi then closed out the heroes’ turn at attack with another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout move to pancake Beatleshoes with. Afterwards, it was Beatleshoes’ turn at attack again, but this time, the rhino beetle decided to switch things up.
“Alrighty then, it’s been a nice warm-up getting to toy with you for a while, but now it’s time to get on with the main event! Feast your eyes on this!” Beatleshoes chortled once more before his form began to shift into sand, swirling around for a moment before reshaping into the form of a large bald eagle, though he still kept the Armani suit and leather shoes.
“Your fancy shapeshifting tricks aren’t gonna work on Waluigi, bird brain! Waluigi and his WAH-mazing friends are still gonna knock you out of the sky!” Waluigi firmly told Beatleshoes with a determined look, pointing his right index finger at the now avian-esque adversary.
“I’d like to see you feeble mortals try! Ha ha ha ha!” Beatleshoes guffawed, brushing off Waluigi’s threats before dropping an egg capsule out of his back slot, after which a Mini-Eagleshoes hatched from it that subsequently took airborne to assist Beatleshoes in battle.
“I’ll take care of the guy’s little helper, you guys focus your attention on the guy himself!” Cheesare suggested to his allies, who nodded in understanding. The hamburger-looking Spinia then initiated his team’s next turn by firing his vice grips at the Mini-Eagleshoes like a grappling hook, latching onto the miniature bird and shocking it with an electric surge, wiping it out in the process.
Waluigi subsequently whipped at Beatleshoes’ bald eagle form, dishing out another major bulk of damage to him in doing so. Finally, Bloolex wrapped up the team’s turn order by firing another Cephalopod Zap at the feathered foe and subjecting another remarkable ton of damage onto him.
“Screech! You guys really won’t give up, will you?! Well, guess I’ll just have to crank things up a notch!” Beatleshoes screeched at his enemies, beginning to lose his cool before using a Feather Missile attack on them, which involved shooting a dozen of his eagle feathers at his foes like missiles, damaging them through this method.
Waluigi then opened his team’s next turn by executing another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, since the attack could also be used against airborne enemies. Backing up in his Waluigi Cloud, the purple troublemaker then took to the skies with his Paratroopa’s to mow down Beatleshoes in his aviary transformation and deliver a hefty volume of harm onto him.
Bloolex then followed this up by performing a Rapid Halberd Spin on the winged beast to inflict another devastating bundle of impairment upon him. Finally, Cheesare once again fired his vice grips at the panic provoking poultry to send another shaft of lightning through his body.
Beatleshoes then retaliated against the heroes with a Fowl Swoop, flying down towards Cheesare and performing a sweep kick on the hamburger-like Spinia to damage him. The Spinia yelped from pain in response, but was left relatively unharmed by his opponent’s assault.
“Let’s-a keep this up, guys! Waluigi has reason to believe this bird is close to being cooked!” Waluigi told his friends, who nodded affirmatively as they continued to push forth their onslaught against Beatleshoes, with Waluigi performing another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack on him.
“I hear you, Mr. Waluigi. Let’s punish this poultry into oblivion!” Bloolex voiced his agreement as he battered the Ghost soon-to-be Toast with another Cephalopod Surge attack, depleting another large chunk of his life bar whilst simultaneously paralyzing him and rendering him unable to move for a few turns.
“Good going, Bloolex! Now we’ve got a grand window of opportunity to pummel this guy as much as we like once more!” Cheesare complimented his Blooper buddy before latching his vice grips onto the downed bird once more and shocking him with another electrokinetic volt. Waluigi followed this up with another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack, after which Bloolex kept the streak up by bashing Beatleshoes with another Rapid Halberd Spin attack. Cheesare then jittered Beatleshoes up some more with his vice grips.
Waluigi and Company kept up this process for a few more turns until Beatleshoes’ paralysis wore off again, after which he got up from where he was previously laying, looking rather aggravated now.
“Skrrrrawwww! Now I’m really starting to get mad! Let’s see how you’ll like my next trick!” Beatleshoes growled at the heroes before his form shifted into sand once more, swirling around in place before forming into a dark green hued three-horned serpent sporting wing-like limbs for arms as well as golden fin-like appendages at the end of the tail where the white leather shoes from Beatleshoes’ previous forms were attached. He also still wore the Armani suit, though the pants now consisted of a single sleeve to fit his new, single snake appendage inside.
“Oh, pooh. A snake. Waluigi is really scared of you now, Beatlechumps.” Waluigi mocked Beatleshoes’ new snake form with a disinterested look on his face, folding his arms in front of his chest as he did so.
“Sssilence! It’sss time for the climactic finale of our ssshowdown, you ssstubborn little human!” Beatleshoes angrily hissed at Waluigi and his friends before performing a Horned Headbonk attack on the purple troublemaker, causing him to groan in pain in response.
“WAH-OUCH! WAH-tch it, Mr. Horned Dynastid!” Waluigi scoffed at his ophidic opponent before belting him with his whip, causing Beatleshoes to hiss out in pain. Bloolex then performed another Cephalopod Zap attack on the serpentine shapeshifter to roast him with his electrokinetic abilities. Cheesare then shot out his vice grips at the snakeish smarmheap to corrode his energy bar even further than it already had.
“Sssilly little travelersss…Do you really think you can sssurvive my bag of tricksss thisss long…? Mossst of my opponentsss would have already sssuccumbed to my ssscaresss by now…” Beatleshoes hissed at his opponents once more, visibly growing increasingly angry with them before shooting out his snake-like tongue at the heroes and whipping them all with it. Because of the tongue being venomous in snake form, it promptly inflicted the status ailment of Poison on Bloolex.
“Urgh…I’ve been poisoned…That means I’ll be gradually losing HP every turn until I go down for the count…” Bloolex groaned, holding what he had in the way of a stomach with his right hand in pain.
“WAH, that’s bad news, because Waluigi believes that he doesn’t have any items on him that can cure that particular status ailment…” Waluigi looked concerned about this, thinking it through before getting an idea. “How about this, Bloolex? You keep on fighting until you faint from your Poison, and Waluigi and Cheesare will then find a Life Shroom or a similar item to replenish and revive you afterward. Does that work for you?”
“Sounds like there isn’t much else we can do about the matter as it currently stands, so that works for me just fine, Mr. Waluigi…” Bloolex hesitantly nodded in agreement with Waluigi’s plan of action. He then took to fighting once more as he fired another Cephalopod Zap at Beatleshoes to damage him. Cheesare then followed this up with another shot from his electricity-loaded vice grips, after which Waluigi closed out his team’s turn order with another crack of his whip to harm Beatleshoes.
Bloolex then lost some HP thanks to his Poison status ailment, causing Beatleshoes to coyly smirk at his opponents. “Ha ha ha…Ssstupid mortalsss can’t handle a little bit of poissson…How amusssing…” He mused out loud before slithering his way up to Cheesare and constricting his body around the Spinia, subsequently using his String Suck attack on Cheesare, which involved draining the Spinia’s HP to replenish his own by winding his serpentine body around the Spinia’s.
“Ugh, if there’s one thing I hate about RPG battles like this, it’s having to face foes that can drain your health to refill their own…” Cheesare grumbled as Beatleshoes unwrapped his body and backed off once more.
“Tell me about it, Cheesare. Waluigi has always hated those uglies in RPG games himself. That said, let’s take out this guy WAH-nce and for all so that he won’t be able to feast off our life force any longer than necessary!” Waluigi chimed in his agreement with the Spinia’s statement before resuming the rough-up once more by walloping Beatleshoes with his whip yet again.
“A hero fights to his last breath. That’s the motto of those who fight for the side of good.” Bloolex then cited before firing another Cephalopod Zap at Beatleshoes, followed up by another vice grip attack courtesy of Cheesare. Bloolex then lost another bit of HP from his Poison status ailment.
The serpentine shapeshifter then performed another Horned Headbonk attack on Waluigi, causing the menace in purple to once again cry out in pain. “WAH! Did you just listen to what Waluigi told you?! Waluigi’s body is a temple, and Waluigi wishes to keep that temple unscathed!” Waluigi angrily shouted at Beatleshoes whilst shaking his fist towards the enemy in a feisty manner.
“Ssstick it up your ample posssterior, you motherloving eggsssucker!” Beatleshoes spitefully taunted the lengthy man in purple with a coy smile. Growling in response, Waluigi promptly attacked Beatleshoes with another WAH-Ratroopa Wipeout attack. Bloolex then followed this up with a Cephalopod Surge attack, after which Cheesare used his electric power-loaded vice grips on Beatleshoes one more time to defeat him.
“Imposssible! How could I lose to sssuch inferior beingsss like yourselvesss…?!” Beatleshoes hissed in pain before he promptly exploded into a burst of house flies that began flying away while buzzing, leaving behind the Armani suit and white leather shoes he wore.
After Bloolex lost one more bit of HP following this, Waluigi and Company rejoiced in their victory. “We…We did it.” Bloolex smiled tiredly at his team’s triumph over Beatleshoes.
“Muahahaha…Most impressive! Seeing as you managed to best another one of my sinister servants, I reckon that you’re free to pass on further into my nightmare world! Don’t be shy, my friends! Muahahaha!” Kreddy Frueger’s voice bellowed out over the third floor Balcony once more, after which a blue diamond-shaped key materialized in mid-air and dropped down in front of Waluigi and Company.
“WAH-lrighty then, let’s grab this key and keep on moving through this Chateau.” Waluigi chimed as Cheesare picked up the key and tossed it over to him. Waluigi then used the key to unlock the door located on the west side of the third floor Balcony.
Going through this door, Waluigi and his friends began to make their way deeper into the Chateau, managing to find an item that cured Bloolex’s Poison status ailment along the way. The trio also took down more of Kreddy Frueger’s minions, including a darkness loving hermit named Vernon Muffins, a trio of possessed toy soldiers named Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms and Ned Nederlander, collectively called the Plastic Popgun Unit, and a ghostly human girl named Blythe B. Eerie, before the heroes eventually came across the Chateau’s Ceramics Studio.
“Hm, I wonder what kind of eccentric knick-knacks, trinkets and baubles we’ll be able to find around this room?” Bloolex pondered out loud as he floated inside, with Cheesare and Waluigi following behind him in that particular order.
“Guess we can only find out by examining ev