The 'Shroom:Issue 221/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Welcome back to the 'Shroom, everyone! We made it to August!
We're approaching the fall and a LOT of good games coming out. I've been trying to tidy up my backlog in preparation for it. I finished up Chapter 13 of Xenoblade Chronicles X, and right now, I'm finally playing through Bayonetta 3 (hey, 2021 was a busy year for me, what can I say?). I'm ready for Pokemon Legends ZA more than anything- got a bunch of time off to play it like a responsible adult, and I'm trying to choose a Mega to main. It'll be nice to see Kalos again!
There are a lot of features from Awards here this month, so I'll let you get to it!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
It's Section of the Month time! Let's see our results from last month, shall we? In first place, we have winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel! Next up, we have one of our new sections, Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! Not to be outdone, we have a tie for third place, between Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)'s Shmaluigi, Private Investigator and Sparks (talk)'s Random Video Analysis! Congratulations to our winners, and a big thank you to everyone who voted!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 18 | 36.00% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics | 13 | 26.00% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 5 | 10.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk) |
| 3rd | Random Video Analysis | 5 | 10.00% | Sparks (talk) |
The ? Panel
{A giant hammer labeled "Worst Enemy" is looming in the sky. It caught the attention of the two Hammer Bros., whose eyes pop out at the sight of it}
{The Hammer Bros. got reminded of being slammed by that hammer in the years before, between 2016 and 2024. In particular, the 2016 version features a castle labelled HBHQ (Hammer Bros. Headquarters) being smashed by a hammer, while the rest feature a Hammer Bro. getting clobbered by the hammer in various ways. Hammer Bro. A removes his helmet with eyes closed in anticipation of the hammer slamming their heads, while Hammer Bro. B winces while looking down}
Hammer Bro. A: We meet again, old "friend". Please get this clobbering over with.
{There is a loud "SMASH" sound with a silhouette of the Hammer Bros.}
{The Hammer Bros. realised that they're not hit by the hammer this time, as they look at the giant hammer hitting the terrain in front of him to smash the floor. Hammer Bros. A puts on his helmet while this is happening. Meanwhile, the view starts to drift towards the right.}
Hammer Bros.: We're... spared?
{The Hammer Bros. hold each others' hands and dances around. The view drifts a bit more to the right}
Hammer Bro. A: That must mean the age of Hammer Bros. being the worst is over!
{Hammer Bro. B happily shakes his fist grasping at the hammer at the giant hammer. Meanwhile, the view drifts more and more to the right. Hammer Bro. A notices that something hits his shell and right foot. The label on the hammer tapers off, revealing another label under it.}
Hammer Bro. B: Hooray! And I hope it stays that way!
{The label "Worst Enemy" dropped off, revealing that another label "Worst Level Concept" is under it. The screen pushes both Hammer Bros. into the hammer, squashing them}
Hammer Bro. A: It autoscrolled?? YAAAH!!! WHY US!!!
Luigi: Oh... what a day!
{The lights came on, switched on by Toad. The inside of the house is revealed to have his friends with party hats waiting for him to return home. The following are visible: Mario, Waluigi, Peach, Yoshi, Daisy, Donkey Kong, Toadette, and Wario. Waluigi is waving a small flag with an "L" emblem on it.}
Luigi: Huh?
Everyone else: SURPRISE! YOU'RE THE BEST!
{Luigi seats at a table with a party hat, while holding a fork and spoon. Daisy hands Luigi a plate of spaghetti with meatballs on it. Waluigi is sulking while still holding the small flag.}
Daisy: I made this spaghetti just for you!
Luigi: {Tears in his eyes} Ha-ha! Everybody loves Luigi!
Waluigi: {Thinking} Not me. I just have a deep regard for you.
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[A Goomba's cat is stuck in a tree.]
GOOMBA: Help! My Cat!
CAT: MROW!
Panel 2-3
[Super Koopa sees the danger, and zooms into action.]
SUPER KOOPA: This looks like a mission for... SUPER KOOPA!
Panel 4
[Suddenly, Mario stomps on him from above and makes our hero loose is Cape Feather, thus, ending his flight.]
Panel 5
[Super Koopa shouts angrily.]
SUPER KOOPA: You'll pay for this, MARIO!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)
Triple Trouble: Part 2
It's not every day you see a building explode like that. Clearly, things were just going from bad to worse - threatening phone calls, ominous cryptic hints, and now the old building that the Sticky Warrior was investigating just, to use a technical term, went kablooey. Whatever this Circle of Six was, it was clearly serious business, and they didn't want us meddling in said business. Thankfully, I'm good at sticking my nose where people don't want it.
I only realized that I was just standing there staring when Ms. Mowz snapped me out of it by slapping me three times. I can't say I appreciated her methods. "Sweetie! Are you with us here?"
"Ow! You could've just slapped me once, that would've gotten the point across."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, I believe it's more fun this way. Glad, you're finally awakened, my little cheese stick!" she said, then twirled in the air and blew a kiss at me before turning and dashing on ahead. The theatrics were getting a little tiring, I had to admit.
I ran after the impulsive mouse into the building that had just exploded without much thought - perhaps not one of my better moments of judgment. But at least I looked both ways before I dashed across the street, unlike somebody else here. Sure, simply getting bashed by a car wouldn't do permanent damage to me, but getting turned into roadkill would seriously mess with the pacing of this case and time was of the essence.
Being hastily abandoned, this place already wasn't in the greatest state even before now. And now with chunks of it missing, it kind of felt like wandering through a post-apocalyptic parking garage that had been turned into a dumping ground.
"Look! He's there," Ms. Mowz exclaimed.
"Sticky Warrior! Are you alright?! What happened?"
"Hmph... So, it was true," he said, seemingly unfazed and staring off into space at the building's remnants.
I was glad he didn't seem hurt, but it looked like we were still on the being vague and cryptic portion of this case. Wonderful. "What do you mean? What's true?"
"Well... that they would try to get rid of me. Remember when I told you about the threatening phone call I got? Well, here is the result. I was in here when the explosion happened, but I managed to make a quick escape before it. The Circle of Six is trying to wipe me out, that much is clear to me."
Having the big bads take such an active presence in this case was... disconcerting, to say the least. Whatever was going on here, it was something that someone certainly didn't want us to find out about. If anything, it was just confirmation to me that we needed to get to the bottom of this.
"Were you able to find anything important, at least?" I asked.
"Hmm... Well..." He paused to sigh, then continued. "It all depends on what you both found. It could help corroborate the facts."
"Well, we ran into an old Lantern Ghost in an alley by the pub, but he wasn't exactly forthcoming with information. He knew about you and Ms. Mowz investigating the Circle of Six though, and about what happened to Kreep... But he did let one thing slip, he said that Kreep was 'made' by the Circle of Six - and that he's not the worst of it."
"So, Kreep was made by them then... This... No, this can't be right. Also, how they even managed to get what exactly happened to Kreep is beyond me..."
Ms. Mowz looked at the Sticky Warrior, clearly concerned. "Sweetie..."
"I know the available evidence suggests that this guy was a member of the Circle of Six himself or at least affiliate to them, but this... is... No, I refuse to believe this..."
"For whatever it may be worth, I'm not sure how literal that was meant to be taken... But you'd know more about this than me," I said. He'd been digging into this longer, and at this point I was growing more convinced that he knew more than he was willing to let on.
"Fine. Well, it we truly follow word for word what I found in Kreep's old records, the Lantern Ghost you speak of might actually have been close to the Circle of Six. Kreep apparently tried to make a move on them once, but considering he know things and that he is alive, it clearly didn't work. That's why I sent you and Mowz there. I had to make sure," he said, then pulled a document out of his jacket and handed it to me. "Here's a document I found with very awkward phrasing. Do you see the numbers in there replacing various letters?"
"Yeah... Looks like some kind of code. Alright, let's see what we've got here." Good thing I keep a pad and pencil on me, you never know when you're going to need to take some notes. I wasn't sure exactly how this might play out, but the best place to start seemed to be just writing all the numbers down in order. "And here we have... Um, some numbers."
"I wonder why this was sealed away in a hidden safe... Thanks to the explosion, I found this."
"Well, it has to mean something then. Kreep never really seemed like the type to plant obscure red herrings in his own base. Maybe it's a passcode to something?"
"Hmmm... If it's a passcode, then I'm not sure for what. Who would hide a passcode in a safe anyway?"
"My, it has to mean something," Ms. Mowz interjected. "Could it be a location perhaps?"
"A location? But, for what ex... Wait... I think Mowz is right on the mark."
That seemed very well possible to me, actually. "Now that you mention it, these do look like they could be coordinates. Let me see if I try to put these into my phone... Oh."
This seemed like one of those times where a picture says a thousand words - or in this case, a phone screen. I turned it to show the results of the search to the Sticky Warrior and Ms. Mowz.
"Sweetie, isn't that..."
"That's... Inkopolis!?"
A hidden set of coordinates leading to Inkopolis - if the numbers were unrelated, that was one heck of a coincidence to be tied to the Sticky Warrior's old stomping grounds. I remembered him saying once before that Kreep had attacked Inkopolis in the past... I suppose it would make sense if he had some kind of headquarters there considering his operations were so far-reaching. As for exactly where these coordinates led, well, I had a feeling we'd soon find out.
"Sweetie... Are you... okay?" Ms. Mowz asked. The statement pried me from my own thoughts long enough to notice that the Sticky Warrior looked a bit nervous - from what I could see behind his ninja getup, anyway.
"Yeah, you look kind of... off."
"Y-Yes, don't worry... It's just this whole case is so... weird."
I wasn't fully convinced, but I could sense that he didn't want me to pry, so I moved on. "Well, I suppose the only way to figure out what's going on here is to go there and get to the bottom of it ourselves. I guess we should probably keep an eye out for that Noah guy we keep hearing about too, I'm not sure if he's someone we should be avoiding or not..."
"Yeah, I guess you're right, Detective. Well then, if we go to Inkopolis, then I suggest we go to the Square first. The metro there will help us navigate to this location pretty smoothly. And since we go there, we might want to catch on some of the latest trends too."
"Oh... I may get my hands on some of the most special dazzling badges out there! Mmmm hmm hmm! ♡"
"That certainly sounds like a plan. Although... I've never been to Inkopolis myself, so you'll probably have to take the lead on this one as a seasoned local."
"Booyah. Then we shall grab a boat somewhere. Let's go to the dock!" he replied, then started to leave. I couldn't help but notice he was leaving out something pretty crucial, however...
"Um, not to complain or anything, but shouldn't we be getting help from an experienced sailor if we're going to sail all the way to Inkopolis?"
"Hey there, I can drive the boat myself. Looks easy enough, let's go."
"Have... have you ever done this before?"
"No."
I've got a bad feeling about this.
We made our way to the docks - with a brief detour back home for me to tell Jasmine I had to go on an impromptu business trip - as I imagined with great dread all the horrible things the Sticky Warrior would do as the captain of our boat. Breaking all known nautical speed limits known to man? Inventing all kinds of new and previously undiscovered ways to make your passengers seasick? Surfing through a tsunami? Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a little on that last one - and I mean that I didn't expect to see any tsunamis on the way to Inkopolis, not that the Sticky Warrior wouldn't do it if he could.
Thankfully, when we arrived, the only vessel there at the moment was safely in the care of its owner, a bearded Fuzzy wearing a captain's hat.
"Oh, come on! Talk about a letdown," the Sticky Warrior complained.
He may have been immeasurably disappointed, but I couldn't help but let out a big sigh of relief, myself. I was not in the mood for a joyride on the ocean right now.
"Meearr... Lovely evenin'," the captain said, looking out over the water. "If ye were out at sea, ye could see the starrrrs..."
"Excuse me sir, but could you by any chance give us a ride out to Inkopolis?" I asked.
"Inkopolis? Meearr... Why, that reminds me o' the time I encountered the mighty Megalodontia... Barely escaped with me life, I did, meearr... It takes more than that t' pull one over on Captain Hairbanks, har har..."
"So... Is that a yes, or a no?"
"Aye, I can take ye there. Come aboard, meearr..."
He hopped aboard the ship and the three of us followed. It was a modest little boat, but it would certainly get the job done. As Captain Hairbanks weighed anchor and positioned himself at the helm, I couldn't help but muse that I preferred a small boat like this to, say, a luxury cruise liner. I'll take the risk of a Sushi attack over the more nefarious sorts of hijackings that can happen on those things, thank you.
Of course, it wasn't long before the Sticky Warrior became displeased with the speed of the trip. "Man... Can't we go faster? This is boring."
"Meearr... Steady she goes, me friend," the captain replied. "Can't be goin' too fast now or we'll be sinkin' to the briny depths, meearr... Don't ye worry, we'll be findin' ourselves at Inkopolis soon enough."
"Man..."
It was nice to have a levelheaded sailor at the helm instead - even if I did have to wonder how he was steering without arms. Where's W. P. Hoodington when you need him? He sure liked singing sea shanties though, but those were some really odd lyrics. I've never seen a chicken riding on a raft, but I guess someone did and thought it was interesting enough to write a song about it.
Later on during the trip, we had a strange encounter when a stream of water from the ocean abruptly sprayed onto the deck. It missed everyone else, but I ended up getting my sleeve drenched...
"What was that!?" the Sticky Warrior shouted.
"Meearr... That's just the Spray Fish. They be harmless creatures, long as ye don't mind gettin' a bit wet."
"Well, it's bad! If I get hit by it, I will dissolve..." he replied, then gasped, as if he had realized something. "Water!"
Suddenly, he leapt towards the water - a pretty odd decision to make considering the prior statement - and plunged his katana into the Spray Fish before quickly jumping off of it and back into the boat. Normally I would consider that an overreaction, but I guess if water is that harmful to you... Strangely enough though, I noticed that the Sticky Warrior's katana almost seemed to have a reaction to it? I wasn't even sure how to describe it, but there was something there, especially from the way that he was looking at it. He turned to look at me before returning it to its sheath. Odd.
Thankfully, we arrived in Inkopolis without any further incident. I paid the captain for ferrying us all the way here and then followed as the Sticky Warrior led the way.
"There we are... Inkopolis Square."
"Mmmm hmm hmm. Looks lovely! ♡"
Stepping into Inkopolis Square for the first time was something of a sensory overload - they really didn't want you to miss anything here with all the flashy neon and gigantic electronic billboards. It was certainly a far cry from what I was used to back in New Wikisburg. Even the pictures I've seen of New Donk City didn't come close to this. It sure was bustling though, filled with all sorts of marine life - albeit on land. I guess it's kind of what underwater would be like if it wasn't underwater.
"Well, since this is both your first time here, I suggest we take a least a moment to enjoy a little tour," the Sticky Warrior said.
Normally I'd be interested in taking him up on that offer, but I could practically feel the ticking clock looming over me. Unfortunately, this wasn't the time to do any sightseeing. "Hmm, are you sure we have time? What if they're preparing something for us at those coordinates right now..."
"Hmm... You're right. Well, at least, I will suggest we go to Crust Bucket, and by suggestion, I mean an obligation."
I had a feeling I couldn't talk him out of that, at least. "Okay, but let's make it quick."
"Booyah! That food is a must try, Detective!" he exclaimed, leading us over to a yellow food truck. Apparently the most popular restaurant around here was on wheels? Okay, then.
We were enthusiastically greeted by the crispy-looking prawn fellow manning the truck as we approached. "What's kraken?!"
"Hi Sean! I'm going to take a Super Seanwich and a Main-Up Guava," the Sticky Warrior said, then turned to me. "By the way, Crust Bucket only takes special tickets to order food. Take whatever you want, I have everything in my possession, it's my treat!"
As I looked over the menu, my eyes gravitated toward the "Deep-Fried Shwaffle" - mostly because of the strangely familiar name. If there wasn't a picture with it, I'd be imagining a waffle wearing groucho glasses right about now. It's a little silly to say, but it kind of felt like fate for me to try it, you know? They even had a "Triple-Fried Galactic Shwaffle" - I bet Shmwario would order that if he was here, but I didn't have the stomach for something like that even on a good day.
"I'll have a Deep-Fried Shwaffle and a Short-Respawn Mocha, if you please." I had to acknowledge it was a peculiar name for a drink, but I wondered if that would help at all next time I found myself in a more-than-unfortunate situation.
"Mmmm hmm hmm! Looking at the menu, I will order a Deep-Fried Shwaffle and a Run Speed Tomato."
I suppose cuisine is always a little different when you go to a new locale, but everything on the menu did seem a little, well, out there. I wasn't sure if this was just the kind of food the people of Inkopolis were generally into, or if it was some kind of trend-chasing thing. Living in New Wikisburg, I definitely wasn't a stranger to strange new food trends... Being trendy was never really something I was up on though, as a lot of people could probably attest. I mean, I walk around dressed like an old noir detective and barely know a thing about social media. But I'm not old!
"So, what you think of Inkopolis so far, Detective? We don't have much time to visit for now unfortunately, but how does it feel?"
"It sure is something, lots more flashy signs than I'm used to back home."
"Oh, yeah, we sure love flashy things and being trendy. It's part of our culture here. Different in many ways from New Wikisburg," he said, then his eyes started to trail off. "Is that... Oh, it's Annie and... Moe."
I turned to see a sea anemone girl accompanied by a surprisingly regular-looking clownfish coming up to the Crust Bucket. She seemed unsettled by the accidental eye contact, but spoke up nonetheless. "O-oh... h-hello."
I tipped my hat in response. "Hello."
Meanwhile, the clownfish stared me down in silence, which I could say was certainly a new experience, until he finally started shouting abruptly. "NERD ALERT! NERD ALERT!"
"Hm. Peculiar fellow."
"That actually means you aren't trendy enough to be around," the Sticky Warrior explained.
"YER A LOSER!" Moe added.
"Welp."
I shrugged and rolled my eyes. "Eh, I've been called worse."
"I should take the time to properly train you in the art of fashion here," the Sticky Warrior said. "Anyway, let's not waste more time around here. Let's get to the metro. If those coordinates are right, it should be easier to navigate towards our destination with the metro."
"Alright, lead the way."
We followed the Sticky Warrior to the Deepsea Metro, where the subway conductor helped us pinpoint the coordinates to an area called Bluefin Depot. Apparently, it was the site of an abandoned coal mine with some residential areas. It seemed like an odd place for Kreep to apparently consider so important as to hide its coordinates in an encoded document in a safe, but weirder things have happened before.
"Bluefin Depot... If the conductor was right, then it should be around here," the Sticky Warrior said as we explored the surrounding area.
I checked the GPS on my phone again. "Going by this, it looks like we're pretty close by."
"Truly? I must admit, my little cheese stick, it appears to be a rather ordinary residential area. Not quite what I had envisioned."
"You'd be surprised how many bad guys hang out in unassuming places like this," I said. "Although I still wonder what the significance of this place is. You don't recognize it, do you?"
"I... don't think so... Hmm... It's weird though. And look, there's nobody around here. What exactly is..." As the Sticky Warrior looked around, something suddenly clicked. "Ah! No way..."
"Hm? What's up?"
"Detective, look at the number of houses around here, and the layout. Could it be?"
I counted them up - six houses arranged on a cul-de-sac.
A circle of six...
"Huh, well that's an interesting thing to name your cryptic whatever-it-is after," I noted.
"Mmm hmm hmm! Could this truly be their base?"
"Maybe? Hmmm... Is there truly no one around here Mowz?"
Ms. Mowz sniffed the air, then shook her head. "I don't sense anyone around here, Sweetie."
Personally, I had felt watched ever since we stepped foot in the Metro - but that was probably just my own paranoia. It was hard not to feel that way, to be fair.
"That's weird... I mean, this place... *gasp*"
"What is it?" I asked.
"I... I don't know. It's like... It's like I know this place. But h-how?" The Sticky Warrior paused for a second, clearly disconcerted. "I don't like this. At all."
Ms. Mowz looked at me with a mix of hesitation and confusion in her eyes, before setting her eyes back on the houses. "Maybe we should investigate. There's no one around, and we have to find what is behind all this."
Something wasn't adding up here - this clearly wasn't a normal case of simply having been here before, otherwise the Sticky Warrior wouldn't be so distressed. But he wasn't going to tell me if he wasn't even telling himself, and I had to wonder if Ms. Mowz knew more than she was letting on about this as well. But we wouldn't get to the bottom of it just standing around outside. "My thoughts exactly."
"Then, let's get at the bottom of this," the Sticky Warrior said, walking towards the leftmost house as we followed. It seemed like a normal house at first, one I would describe as a tad ritzy, but he quickly noticed something odd about it. "Wait..."
"What is it, Sweetie?"
"It's locked, but... Hmm... Huh, would you look at that. It's not even a door. Look closely. It's actually part of the wall... It's distorted to look like a door, but there's no entrance at all. Well made actually."
"That's some real ghost architecture there," I commented. "I wonder where the real entrance is. If this one is fake then there must be another way inside somewhere, unless some of these buildings are just for show."
"Let me handle this..." The Sticky Warrior then proceeded to do his fancy squid form jumps from one house to another, then came back after completing the circle. "That one. The one on the far right, its door is actually a real one. The sixth one, funnily enough. All the other ones around have fake doors like this one. Strange..."
"Are all those houses just for show? Strange indeed," Ms. Mowz added.
"Well, we'll start over there, then," I said, turning around and heading for the only house with an actual door. I couldn't help but wonder what was in those other five - if anything - but first things came first.
"Hmm... The inside. It just looks like a normal house," the Sticky Warrior said, looking around. I had to concur with that - nice wooden floors, fancy old woodworking and furniture, unassuming paintings on the walls. It just looked like the house of someone well-to-do, nothing nefarious or out of place about it at all.
Ms. Mowz, of course, took interest in some of the more decorative pieces. "This piece undoubtedly belongs to a socialite. It exudes all the unmistakable signs of one."
"This can't just be some fancypants' house though, with everything else we've seen so far. Come on, let's look around," I said.
"Hmm... Cheese Stick!" Ms. Mowz pointed down the hall into a large library. It seemed standard for a house like this in every way but one - specifically, it was missing its books, though I could see a single large notebook left on one of the shelves.
"I will take a look in the basement," the Sticky Warrior announced.
"Alright, I'll check out this totally inconspicuous library then," I said.
I went into the library and grabbed the notebook off the otherwise barren shelves and opened it, expecting to find more annoyingly cryptic nonsense as seemed to be par for the course. Instead, I found detailed notes on a host of individuals, detailing their eligibility to become members of the Circle of Six. Kreep, the Lantern Ghost from the alleyway, others. They had photos, full reports of their exploits, and perhaps worst of all, painstakingly detailed scientific records as if they were experimenting on these guys. Well, no, not "as if" - they practically were experiments, ordinary people being taken from all over the world and turned into super beings for the Circle of Six's own nefarious purposes. So that's what the Lantern Ghost meant about Kreep being made by them, and how he knew about it... The best way I could describe all this was horrific.
The details, admittedly, weren't overly critical right now, so I kept flipping through to see what I could glean from this. That's when I happened upon the name I kept hearing about - Noah. He was an Inkling, practically a child in these photos, which made his harrowing exploits and the experiments done on him detailed in the file all the worse. But what really stuck out to me was the striking red color of his tentacles, which reminded me all too much of a certain someone...
"Um, Ms. Mowz... Doesn't this kind of look like the Sticky Warrior?"
Ms. Mowz gasped, looking at the photo. "C-could it be!? Hmm..."
I wasn't sure if I bought her tone - something seemed ever so slightly off, and by now I was getting very tired of working with people who weren't interested in being forthcoming... I was about to press her on it, when the Sticky Warrior returned from the basement.
"Guys! You need to check this..."
Well, my first instinct, perhaps a hypocritical one given what I just said, was to hide the notebook in my trenchcoat. We'd find out if that was a good idea later, I suppose. "Oh, um, what did you find?"
"The basement. There's actually a passageway that connects it to the other houses around! Though, it's weird, it feels very laboratory in aesthetic down there."
I guess that sort of explained the other houses... but this must have been where the Circle of Six conducted all those experiments. It didn't sit right with me that this place seemed practically abandoned, though. I could tell from the photos that a lot of these notes were fairly old - even moreso if Noah and the Sticky Warrior truly were one and the same - but where were they now? They were clearly still active...
We followed him down into the basement, and he sure wasn't kidding about the laboratory aesthetic. Very metallic and cold-feeling, periodically lit enough to see where you were going but extremely utilitarian in that regard. It almost felt like we were infiltrating something straight out of a dystopian sci-fi movie, especially with how labyrinthine it was.
Sure enough, all the houses were connected, the "fake" ones being similar in construction but much more bare in their furnishings, however. Being on the other side of the fake door revealed no sign of what was on the outside - from here, it simply looked like more wall.
Finally, we reached the leftmost house on the block. Unlike the others, this one's basement had another network going deeper underground, leading to what looked to be by all appearances the true laboratory, the heart of the Circle of Six's operation here. And yet, just like everything else around here it seemed suspiciously abandoned.
"This place... it looks like a laboratory," Ms. Mowz said.
"But why is all this so empty? I don't like it," I added.
"Let's check around, maybe we're bound to find something..." the Sticky Warrior said.
As we searched the laboratory, I was interrupted by Ms. Mowz speaking to me in a soft voice. "Cheese stick..."
She pointed towards the Sticky Warrior - he had stopped his search and was just staring, seeming almost distraught and gasping.
"Hey, you okay over there?" I asked.
"I... I-I think I've been here before... So... it was true. All of it!!"
"Sweetie..."
I wasn't sure what to say in this situation... But if the Sticky Warrior recognized this place, then he must've been Noah - and judging by his reaction, I think he already knew that. Somehow in all of this he went from one of the most mysterious guys I knew to having the most tragic backstory of anyone I knew instead - and here I thought mine was a doozy. But what happened to him between then and now?
"T-the screams, the bloodbath... I remember all of it! This place was a real butchery. H-here, in that corner, t-there used to be an electric chair, and here in this very place, it's where they were doing brainwashing experiments and lobotomies!" he shouted, visibly shaking with his fists tightly clenched. "I-I think I've been in there, but that's the last I can remember of it..."
Ms. Mowz simply gasped in response - even if she knew more than she was letting on, I don't think she was expecting this much.
"This can't be real... It cannot be."
I wasn't sure if now was the right time, but... he had the right to know. "I, um, I found this, up in the library," I said, handing him the notebook. He looked at it with a bit of hesitation.
Before he could open it, however, Ms. Mowz quickly turned away, sniffing the air. "Sweetie! Cheese Stick! I believe someone is here. They are quickly approaching!"
I turned to see a shadowy figure, obscured by darkness at the lab's entrance. He stepped into the light, revealing an Inkling, who by my estimations, was getting on in years.
"Well. Well. Well. To reach this place is to outwit the obvious. This comes as no surprise to someone of your stature, does it, Noah? Still, it is... satisfying to see you here again. My child..."
It was true, then.
From where I'm standing, Inklings are pretty short, but this guy managed to have a commanding presence nonetheless. The look on his face exuded confidence, yet was cold and detached, and he wore the clothes of a socialite, befitting of the furnishings upstairs. In my book, guys like these were the worst of the worst, the ones who manage to live in luxury and comfort at the expense and suffering of others. Give me a cartoon supervillain instead any day of the week.
Until now, the Sticky Warrior had merely been looking over his shoulder at the sadistic cephalopod, then turned to face him. With fury in his eyes, he removed his mask, allowing me to see his face for the first time. There was no question about it - many years had passed since those pictures, but the Sticky Warrior was unmistakably Noah. As much as I had expected it by this point, the revelation sent a chill down my spine.
"Been a loooong while, hasn't it... Father."
To be continued...
Aren't plot twists fun? A huge thanks as always of course to Ninja Squid for collaborating on this with me, and providing the dialogue for the Sticky Warrior and Ms. Mowz, and also helping with the Splatoon elements so I'm not lost wandering around Inkipedia for hours! Be sure to come back next month when we bring this arc to a close - see you then!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Waluigi, with the help of Bloolex and Cheesare, then engaged The Foxtrots in battle. The purple troublemaker initiated the first strike by attacking his opponents with a High Speed Breakdance Kick. Bloolex followed up this attack with his own Ink Squirt attack, which both blinded The Foxtrots and lowered their defense in the process. Finally, Cheesare finished off the turn for Team Waluigi with his species’ signature Spin Attack.
“WAH-HA! How do you cocky chumps like that?!” Waluigi grinned as he taunted his opponents whilst wagging his right index finger towards them.
“You certainly have the feisty demeanor people say you’re notorious for, Mr. Waluigi. How about we cool it off with our flashy dance moves?” The man of the duo smirked back at Waluigi before he and his female partner began to pull off an attack of their own, known as the Foxtrot Flash, which involved a wild dancing routine that damaged Waluigi and his allies.
“WAH, that smarts…” Waluigi groaned in pain from the attack his opponents just executed on him and his party, to which said party members nodded their agreement.
“I’ll say…These folks are certainly a bigger challenge compared to anything else we’ve faced in this place so far…” Bloolex chimed in as he rubbed his temple in pain.
“My old man always said: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, so let’s keep at it and give these so-called foxtrot champions a run for their money!” Cheesare suggested to boost his comrades’ morale.
“WAH-lrighty then! Let’s-a continue dancing!” Waluigi agreed with Cheesare’s statement before he initiated the next attack for his team’s turn by whipping The Foxtrots with the whip he received from King Grambi and Queen Jaydes, causing The Foxtrots to yelp in pain from the impact of the whip.
“Feel the wrath of the Nep-Enut!” Bloolex firmly exclaimed before slashing up The Foxtrots with his halberd, causing them to howl in pain from the impact of the attack. Finally, Cheesare ended off the turn for his team by striking The Foxtrots with a powerful Spin Charge, causing the dancing couple to groan in pain.
“Stop your nonsense, young men! Goodness me!” The female half of The Foxtrots duo exclaimed in distress as she shook her head in an attempt to regain her bearings after being put into a daze from Waluigi and Company’s pummeling.
“Yes, if you want to play dirty, we will gladly oblige. Back in the day, we had so many passionate and fiery dance moves, that they had to ban some of them.” The male half of The Foxtrots duo followed up before he and his partner executed their next attack; The Podoboo Flurry, which consisted of a foxtrot dancing routine so passionate that the pair caused a flurry of Podoboo’s to rain down upon Waluigi and Company.
“WAH-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW! Waluigi hates being fried!” Waluigi exclaimed in pain from being burned by the Podoboos.
“Exactly, this stuff burns up my delicate pale skin!” Bloolex chimed in with an equal amount of pain.
“I’m toastified, man! That’s no fun when you’re a Spinia modeled after a hamburger!” Cheesare added as he was also in pain from The Foxtrots’ attack.
“Looks like Waluigi is gonna have to crank up his fighting game a notch or two!” Waluigi then exclaimed with a determined glare as he reassumed a battle stance, with his allies doing the same thing. The towering rabble-rouser then initiated his team’s next turn with a Spinning Whip Kick, which was an attack consisting of pulling off another flashy high speed breakdance move combined with a powerful crack of his heavenly whip.
The Foxtrots screamed in pain once more from the impact of the attack, after which Bloolex followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin. This attack, as the name would suggest, consisted of Bloolex rapidly spinning his halberd around in his hand as a means of dealing a great amount of damage to his opponents.
Once again, Cheesare dealt the finishing blow for his team by pulling off a Pinball Tilt Spin. This attack involved the hamburger Spinia bouncing off the four corners of the room like a pinball machine and damaging The Foxtrots in a subsequent fashion. Afterward, The Foxtrots were defeated as they both vanished into a cloud of white dust.
“WAH-HA-HA! Nobody beats Waluigi in the art of dancing! Except maybe Mario and Luigi, but that was just an unlucky day for Waluigi!” Waluigi stated pridefully and triumphantly in his victory over The Foxtrots.
“You definitely showed those two who the superior dancer is, Mr. Waluigi. And look, they dropped another key for us to venture further into the Chateau!” Bloolex pointed out as he floated over to the key and picked it up.
“Let’s not waste any more time than necessary in that case and keep on going ‘till we reach the sanctuary of whatever ghastly felon has taken over this place.” Cheesare chimed his agreement before Waluigi hopped back into his Waluigi Cloud and commanded his Paratroopas to carry him forward once more.
With the key obtained from defeating The Foxtrots, Waluigi and Company managed to make their way into the Chateau’s Storage Room, where they encountered vampire bat-like Luffs that were known as Luffpires. After defeating these Luffpires, a chord dropped down from the ceiling.
“Hm…Waluigi wonders what this chord is for? Guess Waluigi can only find out by tugging on it.” Waluigi inquisitively hummed as he stepped out of his Waluigi Cloud and pulled the chord, causing a church bell to sound, startling Waluigi and his allies in the process.
“Whoa! What in the name of Gooper Blooper was that?!” Bloolex exclaimed in shock from the sudden loud noise of the church bell occurring.
“I don’t know, Bloo, but you can bet we aren’t gonna like it!” Cheesare replied to the Blooper. As chance would have it, the Spinia’s statement proved true, because shortly after the church bell was rung, a Frankenstein monster-like being walked into the room, his eyes staring down at Waluigi and Company.
“...You rang?” The Frankenstein monster asked Waluigi in a deep and slow voice. Waluigi raised an eyebrow in confusion as he tried to make sense of what was going on before realizing that this Frankenstein monster must have been a butler of some sort, and that the church bell he had rung served as the butler’s bell that would prompt the butler to come to his master’s aid when necessary.
“Uh, yes! Waluigi did ring for you! See, Waluigi needs help finding another key to get into a locked door somewhere in this Chateau! Do you think you could show Waluigi and his friends where this key might be?” He asked the Frankenstein monster, whose name was Blu-Moon.
“Follow me…” Blu-Moon affirmed Waluigi’s request as he turned around and left the Storage Room, after which Waluigi stepped back into his Waluigi Cloud and ordered his Paratroopas to follow Blu-Moon, in which they did. Bloolex and Cheesare also followed after Waluigi and Blu-Moon, with the butler leading the heroes towards his room.
“The key is in there…” Blu-Moon informed Waluigi, pointing towards the tool cabinet that stood in the northwestern corner of his room.
“Alright, thank you very much, big guy.” Waluigi thanked Blu-Moon before stepping out of his Waluigi Cloud once more and walking up to the tool cabinet, searching through it and indeed finding a key in the process.
“Well, WAH-t do you know? Waluigi found a key!” The menace in purple exclaimed with delight as he held up the key. Bloolex and Cheesare cheered for this in response.
“Okay, now let’s find the door that this key corresponds to so we can progress further into this place!” Bloolex suggested as Waluigi and Cheesare nodded their agreement. Waluigi then got back into his Waluigi Cloud, and he, Bloolex and Cheesare were about to leave the Butler’s Room, but then the door was suddenly locked.
“Hey! The door won’t budge all of a sudden! What’s the meaning of this?!” Cheesare asked in disbelief as he, Waluigi and Bloolex turned towards Blu-Moon, who let out a small amused laugh.
“Foolish intruders…You really thought you could fool me…? How adorable…Now prepare to meet your doom…” Blu-Moon revealed he was playing along the whole time and knew that Waluigi and Company weren’t who he was working for. The monster then attacked Waluigi and Company, prompting another battle to take place.
Blu-Moon then initiated the first strike by using his Franken Pound attack on Waluigi, dealing a great amount of damage to the mischievous purple fellow by pounding him on the head using one of his monstrous fists. “WAH-OW! That really smarts…But Waluigi doesn’t take kindly to being bonked upside the head, so feel the wrath of Waluigi’s Bob-Ombs!” Waluigi fiercely retorted Blu-Moon’s attack by chucking a Bob-Omb at the walking robotic corpse, causing Blu-Moon to grunt with impact from the explosion.
“Let’s see if he can handle a Water Knife just as well!” Bloolex chimed as he summoned a stream of water from a nearby bucket, and used his halberd to bend the water into the shape of a blade before sending it at Blu-Moon, damaging the Frankenstein monster in this manner.
“We’ve given him a little fire, and a little water. Now to finish it off with a little ice.” Cheesare chimed before he pulled out an ice bucket that he found in the Storage Room and hurled it at Blu-Moon, dealing a surprising amount of damage to the butler in the process.
“Do not take me for easy prey, you feeble mortals…I’ll crush your pathetic, weedy bodies like paper-maché!” Blu-Moon threatened his opponents before pulling out a metal pipe and hurling it at them, causing Waluigi and Company to shout in pain from the impact of the attack.
“Oh, you like playing toss, do ya? Well, Waluigi will gladly oblige by throwing another Bob-Omb at ya!” Waluigi told Blu-Moon with an angrily-gritted teeth type of scowl before grabbing another Bob-Omb that he promptly threw at the butler, causing him to moan from the impact of the explosion once more.
“Sadly, there seems to be no more water left in this room for me to make another Water Knife, so I’ll have to rely on the sheer strength of my halberd for the time being.” Bloolex then chimed before floating up to Blu-Moon and rapidly bashing the monster with a quick spin of his halberd, significantly damaging his adversary in the process.
“I’m also out of ice buckets to use as weaponry, so it’s back to my good ol’ reliable - The art of spinning!” Cheesare declared before using his species’ signature Spin Attack to damage on Blu-Moon, dealing a moderate amount of damage to the hulking monster as he did so.
This time not saying a word to his opponents, Blu-Moon instead opted to walk up to Waluigi and Company before grabbing Bloolex with his left hand, then started spinning his arm around and released the Blooper retainer, causing him to go flying around the room and getting dealt a great deal of damage in the process.
“Oof, that’s gonna leave a mark for a while after we’re done inside this Chateau…” Bloolex groaned in pain from the attack that was just pulled off on him.
“Cheesare, see if you can get Bloolex back up on his non-exsistent feet while Waluigi deals with this machinery menace!” Waluigi instructed his Spinia companion, who nodded in understanding as he rushed to the Blooper’s aid while the lanky agitator in purple took care of Blu-Moon by throwing another Bob-Omb at him.
“Hey, you okay, Bloolex?” Cheesare asked Bloolex in a concerned tone of voice as he moved his non-existent hands over the Blooper’s arm to help him back up again. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little disoriented, is all.” Bloolex nodded in affirmation before grabbing his halberd again. “Thanks for the help. Now let’s continue battling this guy!” The Blooper thanked his Spinia companion before triumphantly holding up his halberd once more, ready to fight once more.
The remainder of the battle with Blu-Moon was relatively easy for Waluigi and Company thanks to their combined team effort to bring down the slow-witted monster butler, which they eventually did as Blu-Moon fell apart upon defeat, collapsing into a pile of his own limbs, torso and head.
“WAH-lright then, let’s get outta this room before any more danger befalls us.” Waluigi suggested as he and his allies quickly left the room once more and began searching for the door that the key they had found inside the Butler’s Room corresponded to.
Quickly finding that the key unlocked the Conservatory, Waluigi and Company wandered on inside. Here, they found a set of musical instruments, along with a pair of Skele-Luffs; Skeletal Luff Soldiers that were playing a xylophone and a trio of kettle drums. Aside from that, there were also a saxophone, a harp, an upright bass and a grand piano that didn’t appear to be in use.
Glancing the way of Waluigi and Company as they entered the room, the Skele-Luffs waved towards them. “Oh, hello there! We were having a little band practice in here, but we’re short a few people to play the saxophone, harp and upright bass for our band. Would you gentlemen be so kind as to fill in those spots in our band?” One of the Skele-Luffs asked Waluigi and Company.
“Sure, if Waluigi and his friends manage to get something productive out of it, we’ll help you guys out.” Waluigi accepted the Skele-Luffs’ offer before he got out of his Waluigi Cloud and walked up to the harp, while Bloolex floated over to the saxophone and Cheesare went towards the upright bass.
Once everyone was in position, the Skele-Luffs began to count down before they, alongside Waluigi and Company began to play the Overworld theme from Super Mario Bros together. “Wahey! You guys really are talented at this! You guys oughta meet with our band director, Mrs. Shary Melly!” The other one of the Skele-Luffs exclaimed in delight at Waluigi and Company’s good work with their respective instruments.
“No need to, my darlings. I already heard all of it from where I was sitting.” A female voice then sounded from the grand piano, after which the Skele-Luffs, along with Waluigi and Company glanced in that direction. Subsequently, a woman resembling the Bride of Frankenstein became visible, sitting in the seat in front of the grand piano.
“Wah, this is really starting to turn into some kind of cliché horror film, if you ask Waluigi…” Waluigi said with a puzzled look as he scratched his head at the situation he and his friends were presented with.
“Pray tell, gentlemen. Would you care to put your musical knowledge to the test? I have recently put together a beautiful sonata that will take the Strudel Continent to the moon, and I wish to see if it sounds recognizable to their ears by having you three listen to it first.” Shary Melly asked Waluigi and Company with a curious tilt of her head, giving them a long look as she did.
“Shouldn’t be much of a problem, miss. The average resident of the Mushroom World is gifted with basic knowledge of the songs of the world.” Cheesare affirmatively clicked his tongue in response, accepting the musical trivia challenge on behalf of his team.
“Very good, very good! Now listen carefully as I play this for you, alright?” Shary Melly instructed Waluigi and Company as she began to play the Ghost House theme from New Super Mario Bros Wii for them on her grand piano. Upon finishing, she turned her attention back to Waluigi and Company.
“Alright, now answer this correctly: What grand adventure of the Mario Brothers did this sonata originate from?” Shary Melly asked Waluigi and Company as she inquisitively tilted her head towards them.
“If memory serves Waluigi right, that would be New Super Mario Bros Wii.” Waluigi replied with a bored and indifferent look on his face, folding his arms in front of his chest as he did so.
“Oh, how wonderful! You got it right! As a reward for correctly answering that music trivia, you get to battle me and my musical students! I hope you don’t mind me playing Radish van Beethoven’s famed Funeral March at your ceremonial burial by the time we’re done with you!” Shary Melly exclaimed in joy before she and her Skele-Luffs attacked Waluigi and Company, initiating yet another battle in the process.
“Boy, Waluigi sure hopes that it won’t take much longer for us to reach this Kreddy Frueger fellow and nab the next piece of the Circle of Lightning from him, because all this back-to-back battling is really starting to tire Waluigi out…” The purple-clad beanpole admitted with a weary exhale.
“I’m with you on that, Mr. Waluigi. I’m also starting to feel fatigued from all the continuous tussles we’re dealing with here in this Chateau…” Bloolex nodded his agreement, a tired glance in his eyes.
“Let’s try and make this quick then so that we can venture on further towards Kreddy Frueger’s sanctum.” Cheesare suggested as he and his team took a battle stance against Shary Melly and her Skele-Luffs.
Waluigi then took the initiative for his team to attack first, using his heavenly whip to strike the two Skele-Luffs back to back, causing them to exclaim in response. Bloolex followed this up by bashing the two Skele-Luffs back to back using his halberd, and Cheesare finished off the turn for his team by using a Power Spin on the two Skele-Luffs, ending up in the Skele-Luffs’ defeat.
Seeing her students being defeated so easily, Shary Melly pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “Oh, I always have to do things myself…” She groaned in irritation before sending her music sheets flying towards Waluigi and Company, though they managed to block the attack easily enough, thus sustaining minimal damage from it.
“Time to show you why they call Waluigi “The Purple Punisher”, lady!” Waluigi firmly told Shary Melly before striking her with his whip, causing the pianist to howl in pain. Bloolex then used his Ink Squirt attack on Shary Melly to blind her and lower her defenses, after which Cheesare wrapped up the turn for his team once more by striking Shary Melly with a Dizzy Spin, disorienting her and lowering her accuracy in the process.
“Bwaaah! You ragamuffins are gonna make me throw up…!!!” Shary Melly groaned in agony before pulling out a set of piano keys and chucking them at Waluigi and Company as if they were throwing knives. Of course, because she was blinded and dizzy, her attack missed Waluigi and Company completely.
“Good going, you two! Let’s keep up this charade, and we should have this lady beat in nothing flat!” Waluigi complimented his allies’ useful abilities before opening the next turn for the three of them by once again striking Shary Melly with his whip, causing the pianist to moan in pain once more.
“Thank you, Mr. Waluigi! Glad to know Cheesare and I are making ourselves useful during your journey!” Bloolex happily acknowledged the naughty purple-clad human’s compliments before floating over to Shary Melly and bashing her with his halberd through a Rapid Halberd Spin.
“My pleasure, Waluigi! I’ll definitely keep up my battlefield spirit in that case!” Cheesare also gladly affirmed the compliments he was getting from the towering miscreant in purple, then promptly used his Spin Attack on Shary Melly, causing her to yelp in pain as the attack landed.
Shary Melly then initiated her next attack without saying a word, as she played another tune on her piano that summoned another pair of Skele-Luffs towards the Conservatory to assist her in battle. The two Skele-Luffs then attacked Waluigi and Company by throwing bones at them, but Waluigi managed to parry the bones away using his whip.
“Wah-hey! Waluigi’s really getting the hang of using a whip in combat! Waluigi can now even parry enemy projectiles with it!” Waluigi exclaimed in delight before promptly striking the two Skele-Luffs with his whip immediately afterward.
“Your skill with that whip is definitely increasing if that’s the case, Mr. Waluigi! Be sure to keep at it to polish your usage of it!” Bloolex pointed out before he once again floated over to Shary Melly and dealt significant damage to the pianist with his Rapid Halberd Spin attack, causing Mrs. Melly to scream in pain as a reaction.
“I’m sure that if all of us keep polishing our combat abilities, regardless of what they are, we’ll get better at them over time!” Cheesare chimed in on the topic of skill increase before demonstrating his statement by taking out the Skele-Luffs with another Power Spin attack.
Mrs. Melly was starting to softly pant in exhaustion, visibly and audibly starting to get worn out from battling Waluigi and Company. Still, the pianist did her best to fight to the bitter end as she recovered from her blindness and dizziness and sent another pack of music sheets at her adversaries, but Waluigi managed to parry them all into papery shreds using his whip.
Switching up his tactics for this next turn, Waluigi decided to reach into his Waluigi Cloud and grabbed a Waluigi Spiny Egg from it before hurling it at Mrs. Melly, causing her to exclaim from the impact that the Waluigi Spiny Egg made.
Bloolex promptly followed up Waluigi’s attack by using another Ink Squirt on Mrs. Melly to blind her once more whilst lowering her defense. Cheesare yet again finished off the turn for his team by using a Dizzy Spin on Mrs. Melly to furthermore disorient her and make her dizzy.
“Urk, my stomach is starting to feel like a runaway washing machine from all your tomfoolery…” Mrs. Melly murmured in repugnance before once again pulling out a set of piano keys that she threw at Waluigi and Company, but Waluigi managed to parry all of them out of the way using his whip.
Waluigi then grabbed another Waluigi Spiny Egg out of his Waluigi Cloud that he promptly lobbed at Mrs. Melly, causing her to cry out in pain. Bloolex then followed this up with another Rapid Halberd Spin, causing Mrs. Melly to hoot in pain. Finally, Cheesare dealt the finishing blow with his Spin Attack, causing Mrs. Melly to shriek in pain.
“Eek! I can’t hold up under the assault of you wastrels any longer! I feel like I’m going to faint…!” Mrs. Melly told Waluigi and Company before collapsing in her piano seat and vanishing in a cloud of green smoke
“Wah-Lop-Wah-Bah-Luba-Wah-Wop-Bam-Boom! We took care of that musically inclined menace!” Waluigi exclaimed while pumping his fists in euphoria.
“That we did, Mr. Waluigi. That we did. And hey, look! She left behind a chest after her defeat!” Bloolex pointed out as he floated over to the chest and opened it, finding another key inside.
“Mouthwatering Mexicano’s! We’re another step closer to tracking down Kreddy Frueger’s hiding place! Let’s keep up our onslaught of the uglies that Kreddy has stashed away inside this Chateau!” Cheesare gleefully called out, to which Waluigi and Bloolex nodded in affirmation. The irksome gentleman in purple stepped back into his Waluigi Cloud, after which his Paratroopas flew forward to pull his cloudy carriage once more. Bloolex and Cheesare followed suit.
Upon leaving the Conservatory, Waluigi and Company heard Kreddy Frueger’s ghastly voice taunting them once more. “Muahahaha! What an excellent day for an exorcism! If you find yourself in agreement, why don’t you come closer to my sanctum? Don’t be shy, you persistent pests!” The nightmarish nemesis bellowed through the hallways of the Chateau.
“How polite of you to beckon us to come closer. Waluigi will gladly oblige such a polite request.” Waluigi sarcastically responded before he and his allies began searching for the room that the key they found inside the Conservatory belonged to. After trying out a few doors with little success, they found that their newly obtained key unlocked the Dining Room of the Chateau, and they made their way inside in a subsequent manner.
Upon entering the room, Waluigi and Company were greeted by the sight of a Fat Ghost Guy who was helping himself to the large quantities of food that were decked out on the dining table in the middle of the room. Two Luff Soldiers in fancy suits that were known as Luff Maitres were constantly running back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen located next to the dining room to endlessly supply this Fat Ghost Guy with food.
“Sheesh, you’d think these guys have something better to do than constantly running back and forth to bring this famished phantom grub all day long?” Bloolex commented as he watched this occurrence play out.
“Given that this is the Luff Empire we’re talking about, you’re clearly mistaken. And if we are to clean this Chateau out of these hoodlums, we better take care of this gluttonous ghoul and his servants while we’re at it.” Cheesare suggested.
“Waluigi will take care of those nitwits bringing him food. Watch and learn, gentlemen.” Waluigi informed his allies before trapping the Luff Maitres with his whip before hurling them away into the great nothing, thus cutting off the Fat Ghost Guy’s food supply.
Ignoring Waluigi and Company completely until his plate was empty, the Fat Ghost Guy banged the table with his fists still grasping his silverware in anger. “Hey! Why did you do that?! I’m gonna chow down on you three instead!” The Fat Ghost Guy bellowed out in resentment before attacking Waluigi and Company as yet another battle was initiated.
“There’s not much that can harm a ghost, is there, Mr. Waluigi?” Bloolex asked the purple-clad pest as the next battle began.
“Depends on the situation. In most regular situations, you can’t harm a ghost by any physical means. But in terms of turn-based RPG battles like this, you can harm them just fine, so don’t WAH-rry, be happy.” Waluigi assured him.
“I’m not gonna let myself be told that twice. Let’s get him!” Cheesare yelled, eager to take down the Fat Ghost Guy so much that he attacked the gluttonous ghoul first for his team’s turn using his Spin Attack.
“Leave it to me now, Mr. Waluigi. You can attack last if you wish.” Bloolex offered Waluigi as he floated forward and performed a Rapid Halberd Spin on the Fat Ghost Guy. The famished phantom groaned in pain from the attack, proving that Waluigi’s assessment of the Mushroom World’s rules regarding the harming of ghosts proved to be legitimate.
“Waluigi doesn’t mind going last. After all, that means saving the best for last, and Waluigi can always settle for that!” Waluigi grinned excitedly before he lashed out a powerful strike of his whip on the Fat Ghost Guy, causing the sating spectre to let out another pained howl in the process.
“Yowzers! That really smarts! Prepare for the feasting of your life!” The Fat Ghost Guy angrily told his opponents before executing an attack that involved throwing his silverware at Waluigi and Company like a pair of boomerangs, said attack being appropriately called Boomerang Silverware.
Waluigi and Company grunted in pain from this attack. “WAH-OW! WAH-tch the merchandise, buddy! This body is all Waluigi, and that means that it’s a temple that shouldn’t be damaged!” Waluigi warned his opponent as he angrily shook his fist at him in a feisty manner.
“I don’t think that our apparitional adversary can be bothered to give two Torpedo Teds, Mr. Waluigi. So it’s best that we keep on pummeling him until he’s out of commission.” Bloolex pointed out to the disorderly gentleman in purple.
“Bloolex is right! Let’s keep on trashing him!” Cheesare pitched in as he promptly initiated the next turn for his team by executing a Dizzy Spin on the Fat Ghost Guy to both make him dizzy and disorient him simultaneously.
Bloolex then went next again, performing another Rapid Halberd Spin on his cadaverous counteragent, who screeched in pain in response. Waluigi then once again closed out the turn for his team by hurling a Waluigi Spiny Egg from his Waluigi Cloud at the Fat Ghost Guy, who yelped in pain once more.
“Okay, now you guys are starting to make me mad! Big mistake, ‘cause a guy my size fights better when he’s angry!” The Fat Ghost Guy warned Waluigi and Company before he used his Buddy Belch attack, which involved him burping up two Tenderling enemies to aid him in battle.
“Now that’s just plain gross…” Cheesare recoiled in disgust upon witnessing this attack. Waluigi and Bloolex nodded their agreement. “If you guys don’t mind, I’m gonna focus my efforts on the ghost, because I’m not touching those meaty guys with my bare non-existent hands.” The Spinia suggested to his allies, who once again nodded in understanding.
Satisfied with that response, Cheesare took to fighting once more, unleashing another Dizzy Spin on the Fat Ghost Guy to keep him dizzy and disoriented and rendering his attacks mostly ineffective against Waluigi and Company.
Bloolex then used his Ink Squirt attack on the two Tenderlings in order to blind them and lower their accuracy and defense. Waluigi then finished the two Tenderlings off by striking both of them with his whip, taking the sentient meat pieces out in the process.
The Fat Ghost Guy then performed a powerful Belly Flop attack on Bloolex and Cheesare, significantly damaging the duo with it as they cried out in pain from the impact of the attack. “See? I told you that a guy my size fights better when he’s angry! Stuff it, losers!” The hungry haunt taunted his opponents after that successful attack.
“WAH-thering Wigglers, that must’ve hurt. Are you guys alright?” Waluigi asked his friends in a concerned tone of voice, rushing over to them as he did so. The mischievous male might’ve been an absolute maverick towards the majority of the Mushroom World, but even he cared a great deal for those he could genuinely call friends.
“Yeah, I’m good, Little Purple. I’ve come back from worse than this.” Cheesare responded as he began to get back onto his invisible feet. Bloolex nodded his agreement with what the Spinia said before also slowly but surely rising back off the ground.
“My sentiments exactly, Mr. Waluigi. I wouldn’t have gotten into the position I’m currently in back at Podiforme Trench if I couldn’t take a walloping of this magnitude.” Bloolex assured Waluigi. Satisfied with that, Waluigi and his allies prepared to take on the Fat Ghost Guy for their next turn.
This time, Waluigi initiated the turn for his team by grabbing three Waluigi Spiny Eggs out of his Waluigi Cloud and began juggling them before hurling them at the Fat Ghost Guy with all his might, significantly damaging him as he did so. “WAAAAH! Waluigi has more than enough tricks up his sleeves, even when he’s not wearing any!” The purple mischief-maker taunted his opponent with another cocky smirk and wag of his index finger.
“I’ll say, Mr. Waluigi! You really know how to surprise friend and foe with all your tricks!” Bloolex responded before he floated over to the Fat Ghost Guy and performed an attack known as the Double Halberd Jab, which involved stabbing opponents with his halberd twice in subsequent fashion, hence the attack’s name.
“It’s no wonder why people deem you such a dangerous fellow whenever they happen to have you as an enemy!” Cheesare added onto that before finishing off the turn for his team by performing a Fire Spin on the Fat Ghost Guy, dealing a great amount of damage to him as well as inflicting a Burn status ailment in the process.
“Ay, ay, ay! That’s hot stuff!” The Fat Ghost Guy yelped in pain from the Burn that the Spinia had just inflicted on him, after which said Burn dealt some damage to him. The famished phantom then used another Boomerang Silverware attack on Waluigi and Company.
“WAH-lright, time to finish this guy off! Give it your all, you guys!” Waluigi motivated his party members as he took the first attack by striking the Fat Ghost Guy with his whip, depleting another portion of his HP meter.
“Roger that, Mr. Waluigi!” Bloolex saluted his lengthy purple-garbed friend in understanding before unleashing a Half-Circle Halberd Swing on the Fat Ghost Guy, depleting another quarter of his HP meter.
“Don’t mind if I do, Little Purple!” Cheesare chimed in as he finished the Fat Ghost Guy off with another Fire Spin attack. The gluttonous ghoul then swayed back and forth in place before collapsing on the ground and vanishing into a cloud of white dust.
“WAH-rly! Another victory for Team Waluigi in the bag!” Waluigi pumped his fist in euphoria before noticing a Badge that the Fat Ghost Guy had dropped after being defeated. “And WAH-t do you know, he left behind a little present for us to take as well!” The tall troublemaker lit up with delight as he picked up the badge, which happened to be a Money Money badge.
“That’s a Money Money Badge, isn’t it? I heard that those things can double the amount of Coins you collect upon winning a battle!” Bloolex pointed out, clearly familiar with Badges and how they worked.
“Exactly, Bloolex! And since Waluigi can use all the money he needs if he is to buy things during his journey, he’ll equip the Badge right away!” Waluigi affirmed the Blooper retainer’s assessment as he promptly equipped the Money Money Badge. “Now let’s continue looking for a way into Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum.” He suggested to his party members before stepping inside his Waluigi Cloud again, after which the group ventured forward into the Chateau once more.
Soon finding themselves out in the Boneyard of the Chateau, Waluigi and Company were looking around for any clues that could lead them towards where Kreddy Frueger was hiding when they came across a doghouse with a Chain Chomplet inside. Upon noticing them, the Chain Chomplet started growling in a hostile manner, startling Waluigi and Company before the miniature guard dog attacked them, resulting in yet another battle that they had to clear.
“WAH-nderful, now we need to take out this dopey guard dog if we are to get any further into the Chateau…” Waluigi groaned as he placed the palm of his hand against his temple in an annoyed manner.
“Look on the bright side of things, Mr. Waluigi: The more of these hostile hoodlums we take out, the faster we’ve found the next piece of the Circle of Lightning and the quicker we’re able to get some rest.” Bloolex pointed out as he grabbed his halberd, ready for action.
“I’ll say. Seems like we’ve got about a hundred waves of bad guys to clear before we finally get to the head honcho that commands them all.” Cheesare pitched in as he also prepared himself for another skirmish.
Waluigi then went first for his team’s opening turn in this battle by throwing a Bob-Omb at the Chain Chomplet, whose name happened to be Motomiya. The guard dog let out a pained dog-like yelp once the Bob-Omb exploded upon making contact with it.
Bloolex then went next in his team’s turn order, executing a Water Knife attack on Motomiya by summoning water from the canine’s water tray and bending it into a blade-like shape with his halberd before sending it after Motomiya, dealing another portion of damage to it and causing it to let out a pained dog-esque whimper in response.
Finally, Cheesare closed out the turn order for his team by performing a Spin Attack on Motomiya, who made another pained squeal from the attack successfully landing. The Chain Chomplet then angrily barked at its opponents before bouncing over to Waluigi and Company and dealing a great amount of damage to Cheesare using its Snapjaw attack to bite the Spinia with its sharp teeth.
“Chattering Cheeseburgers, this dog really has the bite to back up its bark!” Cheesare exclaimed in pain as Motomiya bounced back towards its dog house. Waluigi then opened his team’s next turn by chucking another Bob-Omb at the Chain Chomplet, significantly damaging it and causing it to howl in pain.
“If that’s the case, we better take it out quickly before it literally and figuratively eats away at us.” Bloolex suggested as the Blooper retainer went next for his team and performed a Half-Circle Halberd Swing on the Chain Chomplet, depleting another portion of its health bar while making it moan in pain.
“WAH, that’s definitely for the best!” Waluigi voiced his agreement while Cheesare performed another Spin Attack on Motomiya, causing it to cry out in pain whilst simultaneously removing another quart of its energy meter. Afterward, Motomiya erupted into another angry barking fit before performing a Belly Flop attack on Cheesare, dealing a great amount of damage to the Spinia as it did so.
“Ouch! Not only is this dog’s teeth dangerous, so is its metallic body!” Cheesare snapped in pain from the walloping he just had to endure from the feisty puppy dog. Waluigi nodded in understanding as he grabbed yet another Bob-Omb and spiked it at Motomiya, taking out another share of the canine’s life force in the process.
“WAH, it seems explosions are one of the things that mutt is vulnerable to, so either that or any fire-based attacks should be effective in taking it out!” Waluigi pointed out to his allies, after which Bloolex nodded in understanding before taking out a Fire Flower that he had found at some point inside the Chateau before planting it on the ground, which caused the Fire Flower to start pelting Motomiya with Fireballs, burning up the Chain Chomplet in the process and also inflicting a Burn status ailment on it.
“Good thing I found a couple of Fire Flowers inside a chest in a room inside the Chateau in that case! They should really come in handy right about now!” Bloolex responded after using one of the aforementioned Fire Flowers on Motomiya.
“Say no more, Little Purple! I’ll toastify this pesky pooch!” Cheesare added before performing a Fire Spin attack on Motomiya, frying its metallic hide as he did so. The Chain Chomplet was then dealt a small portion of damage from its Burn status ailment. Motomiya then barked angrily once more before performing a Houndish Headbutt attack on Bloolex, causing the Blooper retainer to painfully exclaim in response.
“Yowch! You weren’t kidding when you said that thing is very feisty in its attacks, Cheesare!” Bloolex responded to his Spinia friend, after which Waluigi flung another Bob-Omb towards the guard dog and drained another ounce of its HP.
“WAH, you know what they say about Chain Chomplets; Gentle when stroked, fierce when provoked. And this one’s certainly not gentle!” Waluigi pointed out to his allies, to which Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their agreement before the former planted another Fire Flower to rain Fireballs all over Motomiya while the latter scorched it with another Fire Spin attack.
Motomiya then barked angrily at Waluigi and Company once more, only this time, a Skele-Luff showed up to complain about the barking while indirectly assisting the Chain Chomplet in battle.
“Fer the Luff of Crêpe, make that yappy dog be QUIET!” The Skele-Luff angrily shouted at Waluigi and Company, shaking his fist at them in a feisty manner before hurling a trio of bones at the heroes, damaging them in the process.
“WAH don’t you be of assistance in doing so, bonehead?” Waluigi smirked as he took hold of the Skele-Luff with his whip before disassembling the skeletal enemy by slamming it down on the ground.
Noticing the pile of bones that had just appeared in its path, Motomiya happily barked while bouncing up and down before rushing over to the bones, then happily began licking away at them.
“Alright, nice one, Mr. Waluigi! Now that the doggie is distracted with its treats, we can take it down without much more of a hassle!” Bloolex complimented the purple-clad agitator before frying Motomiya with another Fire Flower.
“Yeah, you could really say that Skele-Luff had a timely bone in its body!” Cheesare chimed in while making an intentionally bad pun, finishing the Chain Chomplet off with one final Fire Spin attack. Motomiya let out a dying howl before disappearing in a cloud of white dust.
“WAH-HA! Go chomp on THAT!” Waluigi grinned in satisfaction while making a spiteful taunt at his recently defeated enemy. “Now let’s continue on looking for any traces that could lead us to Kreddy Frueger…” The lovable mischief-maker in purple suggested as he and his allies made their way into Motomiya’s doghouse, which happened to serve as a gateway leading them into the Chateau’s Graveyard.
“Muahahahahaha! Come to Kreddy, you precious little troublemakers…” Kreddy Frueger’s voice bellowed out across the graveyard once more. Then, as if right on cue, a bolt of lightning struck a grand tombstone in the center of the very end of the Graveyard. Afterward, a hand clutching a machete pushed through the dirt in front of the tombstone, and a hulking, walking corpse resembling Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th film series then rose from it, crawling out of its grave before standing back up.
“Muahahahahaha! If you wish to get any further into the Chateau, you must fight my mighty minion, Vason Joorhees! Get ‘em, Vason!” Kreddy’s voice then boomed through the Graveyard once more, with the undead hockey mask wearing killer obeying its master’s orders as it attacked Waluigi and Company.
“WAH-lrighty then, if you just can’t get enough of Waluigi and his friends fighting it out with spooks and scarers of all walks of life and beyond, here comes the Undead Hockey Mask Killer, Vason Joorhees.” Waluigi sarcastically stated to the readers as he prepared himself for another battle.
“How often has the fourth wall been broken in ‘Shroom sections like this anyway?” Bloolex then questioned as he also prepared himself for yet another tussle with the Luff Empire’s uglies.
“Probably not that often, if you ask me. But we don’t have time to dwell on that right now, we got a blade-wielding psycho zombie to take care of!” Cheesare pointed out to the Blooper retainer as he too got himself into fighting shape.
Following that introduction, Waluigi took care of things first by striking Vason Joorhees with his whip, dealing a relative amount of damage to the hulking horror. Bloolex then followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin, dishing out another portion of buttkick to the massive monster. Cheesare then closed things out with a Fire Spin, super effectively hurting the heroes’ undead adversary and inflicting another Burn status ailment on him in the process.
Taking effect almost immediately afterward, Vason Joorhees was then hurt from his Burn status ailment before walking up to Waluigi and slashing the purple troublemaker with his machete, depleting a big portion of his health bar as he did so.
“WAH-OW! That really cuts deep into Waluigi’s defenses! Time to use some of Waluigi’s health replenishing trinkets!” Waluigi declared as he grabbed a Waffcka Stack from his inventory, promptly scarfing it down, which replenished his health in a subsequent fashion.
“WAH, now that’s better! Waluigi should be good to go for another string of turns now!” Waluigi lit up with glee as he grabbed a Bob-Omb from his Waluigi Cloud, hurling it at Vason Joorhees. The explosion proved super effective against the masked murderer, emptying a grand quarter of his energy meter.
“I’ll say! Good thing we stocked up on some of that stuff back at Mt. Cheesecake! We’ll definitely have to go see Waffcka and ask him to give us some more of that stuff once we head back across the mountain pass on the way back from here!” Bloolex suggested before using his Ink Squirt attack on Vason Joorhees to blind him, lowering his accuracy and defenses in doing so.
“Now I’m curious if that Waffcka guy you’re talking about hands out stacks of that stuff based on how many members we got in our party…Guess we’ll have to find out once we go see him atop Mt. Cheesecake after we’re done in this Chateau.” Cheesare reasoned out loud before performing another Fire Spin on Vason Joorhees, super effectively inflicting more damage on him whilst increasing the duration of the machete brandishing brute’s Burn status ailment at the same time.
Subsequently, Vason Joorhees took more damage from his Burn status ailment before performing a Foot Tremor attack, which involved creating an earthquake by stomping the ground with his powerful leg and foot muscles to damage Waluigi and Company. The heroes yelped in pain from the damage that the Foot Tremor attack did to them.
“WAH-t a shaky demeanor this decaying dunce harbors towards any-WAH-n not on his side!” Waluigi declared, striking Vason Joorhees with his whip once again, wiping out another ounce of his enemy’s life bar as a result. “You sure got it by the right end, Mr. Waluigi. This guy is just quivering with anger when dealing with us.” Bloolex voiced his agreement with his mischievous buddy in purple, performing another Rapid Halberd Spin on Vason Joorhees after doing so.
“Poor fellow must’ve had quite the rumbling lifestyle before he was sent to the grave, I think.” Cheesare theorized, executing his Fire Spin on Vason Joorhees in a timely manner to damage the rotting remains whilst prolonging the time his Burn status ailment would last.
Being damaged from the Burn once more, Vason Joorhees then walked up to Cheesare, firmly grasping the Spinia, ultimately hurling him around the Graveyard and significantly damaging him this way. Cheesare yelped in pain from the impact of the attack, grunting once he came to a standstill on the ground.
“Trembling Tomatoes, that hurt…!” Cheesare groaned in pain as Bloolex rushed up to him, helping the Spinia back up in doing so. “Oof…Thanks, Bloolex. I owe you one.” The Spinia thanked the Blooper retainer for his aid.
“Don’t mention it, Cheesare. You stay back and rest up a bit, Mr. Waluigi and I will take care of things for the time being.” Bloolex acknowledged the Spinia’s gratitude, soon shifting his attention towards Vason Joorhees. The Blooper retainer then performed another Rapid Halberd Spin on the hulking horror to wipe out another significant portion of his health bar.
“Bloolex is right, Cheesare. He and Waluigi will make sure that menace in a mask pays for hurting you so badly.” Waluigi chimed in as he grabbed a trio of Waluigi Spiny Eggs out of his Waluigi Cloud, began juggling them, then finally chucked them at Vason Joorhees in a subsequent fashion to take care of another part of the dreadful detestation’s energy meter.
“Thanks, guys. I’ll just do nothing for this turn so I can regain my strength for a little bit in that case.” Cheesare gratefully informed his allies as he stayed back to rest up a bit for the time being. Vason Joorhees then initiated his next turn by walking up to Waluigi before dishing out another walloping to the rabble-rouser in purple by striking him with a Joorhees Left Hook, which was a powerful left hook punch, as the name would imply.
“WAAAAHHHHH!!!” Waluigi cried out in pain from the blunt force of the punch he tanked, being knocked out of his Waluigi Cloud in the process. “So! You WAH-nna play dirty, do ya?! Well, Waluigi knows better about playing dirty than any-WAH-ne else in the Mushroom World!” The elevated inciter firmly told his opponent, beginning to lose his patience.
“Oh, snap! Mr. Waluigi is starting to lose his temper!” Bloolex quipped in shock, fearing what was going to happen next. Cheesare stayed quiet, but he nodded his agreement that he too dreaded what Waluigi was going to do to Vason Joorhees.
Waluigi then promptly slammed his whip down onto the ground, calling upon the divine bestowing of King Grambi and Queen Jaydes with his whip by doing so. The Overthere and Underwhere alike must’ve heard the call of the purple-garbed rascal, because immediately afterward, their divine blessings began to seep from the ground and into Waluigi. A bright light then flashed, causing Bloolex, Cheesare and Vason Joorhees alike to shield their eyes for a brief moment until the light faded. Once the light had faded, Waluigi was shown with a flaming purple aura surrounding his body, his armor having turned into that akin of a paladin, being colored a very dark purple hue with glowing red streaks running across. Waluigi’s eyes were now a burnt orange hue, radiating with light. Finally, his whip had also been enchanted to be surrounded with a flaming purple aura, signifying its powered up state akin to that of its wielder.
“WAH-lright then, are you ready to fight WAH-ltra Instinct Waluigi?!” Waluigi firmly asked Vason Joorhees, his teeth angrily grit as Bloolex and Cheesare stared on in disbelief while Vason Joorhees stepped back a bit, visibly scared from the purple-clad menace’s transformation.
Waluigi then hopped back into his Waluigi Cloud, causing it to be surrounded by the flaming purple aura. The Paratroopas carrying the Waluigi Cloud were also enchanted by Waluigi’s transformation, as they too became surrounded by the flaming purple aura while their eyes turned to the same radiant burnt orange hue as Waluigi’s.
“LET’S-A GO!!!” Waluigi then let out a battle cry before his Paratroopas dashed forward with the Waluigi Cloud trailing behind. Waluigi and his Paratroopas then began to mercilessly pummel Vason Joorhees with their combined might, proving to be enough to send the hockey mask-clad creep back to his grave, as he began exploding whilst sinking back into the grounds of the Graveyard.
Upon having defeated Vason Joorhees, Waluigi and his Paratroopas proceeded to turn back to normal, with Waluigi deeply breathing in and out from that incredible feat he just managed to pull off.
“Whoa, Mr. Waluigi…That…That was incredible!” Bloolex exclaimed in bewilderment as he and Cheesare rushed up to the nuisance once the battle had wrapped up.
“Yeah, dude. You ain’t Little Purple to me anymore. You’re Big Purple to me now!” Cheesare chimed in, having gained newfound respect for his towering rescuer.
Letting out a soft, yet satisfactory sigh, Waluigi weakly smiled towards his friends. “Thanks, you guys…It really means a lot to Waluigi that you appreciated Waluigi going out of his way to protect not only himself, but the two of you from the ghastly abuse that rotting monster was performing on us as well…” He softly yet gratefully told his friends.
Suddenly, the heroes heard a sparkling noise as a large green club-shaped key rose out of Vason Joorhees’ grave. “WAH-ll…Waluigi has an idea that this key should get us closer towards Kreddy Frueger’s inner sanctum…So let’s grab it and get going…” Waluigi softly smiled as he ordered one of his Paratroopas to fetch the key for him, in which said Paratroopa did before passing the key over to the lovable purple nuisance.
“Woohoo! We’re another step closer to obtaining the next piece of the Circle of Lightning and setting the Waffle Kingdom free of Minister Crêpe’s reign of terror!” Bloolex cheered.
“That we are, Bloolex. That we are. Let’s go and look for the door that this big green key corresponds to, shall we?” Cheesare suggested as Waluigi and Bloolex nodded in suggestion before the heroes continued venturing onward through the Chateau, taking down Kreddy Frueger’s branch of the Luff Empire bit by bit in the process…
And that’s a wrap on Part 3 of Die WAH With A Vengeance! I had a great time writing this part, and I tried to stay within the acceptable page limit of 18 pages so that ‘Shroom Staff wouldn’t have to split it up due to it being too big to fit onto the pages of The ‘Shroom’s Palette Swap lineup! I’d say that I stayed within that page limit pretty well! I hope to wrap up Waluigi and Company’s adventures within the Strudel Continent and Chateau du Framboise next month in Part 4, and that we can move on to the next chapter of Waluigi and Company’s adventures throughout the Waffle Kingdom afterward!
Paper Mario: The Door
Written By: Ash
Chapter 1: First Impressions
If he were still human, Mario would have been able to cross the grassy meadows in a few minutes at best but his Goomba legs just couldn't carry him that fast. At the very least, he knew Goombas had some kind of invisible arms that he could use to hold things. He had seen Goombas playing baseball, and his friend Goombella could hold books with no issue. What that meant for him was that he would be able to use his form reset band… thing and that he could use his Zastphone.
It sure would have been nice if King K had thought through any of this, Mario thought as the fields seemed to never end. He was approached with his greatest obstacle on this whole journey so far: a single hill. By the time he pulled his little body all the way up and could see what was on the other side of it, he was both relieved to see a town and embarrassed that he was so exhausted climbing one measly hill.
On his way down, he also realized just how much traction he had as a Goomba. The soil underneath him wasn't exactly the most stable surface but he didn't feel himself slip a single time; a welcome change when he was expecting to tumble down the hill and make a fool of himself. The town finally started to inch closer and closer, and he could hear the sounds of its citizens chattering. It looked just like the towns he had been to before and had all the same cast of characters he was used to; Toads, Koopas, and his fellow Goombas, among others, were all scattered about.
Mario made his way into the town and tried to blend in as best as possible. At the same time he was surrounded by the townspeople, he had a thought. So far this universe seemed like it was the reverse of what he was used to. The Koopa King was a seemingly well-liked figure while the human prince was the evil kidnapper. Did that mean there was someone like him who was evil just like Prince Pit?
With that in mind, he decided he would have to make something up if he ever got asked his name. Or he would have to make something up in advance so it wouldn't be so obvious that he was making it up. This universe didn't seem like it was so set on incorporating the name of whatever species someone was into their name. He knew plenty of his friends had names like that; Goombella and Goombario. Kooper, Koops, and Koopie Koo. Toadette and Toadsworth. And if it wasn't that, it was a species name being like a last name.
He got sidetracked from determining what his alias would be by the smell of pasta coming from inside the building he was walking past. He had built up a considerable appetite from all the walking he had already done. Even if he had a mission to go on… a food detour couldn't hurt. The restaurant even had a Goomba-accessible ramp like it was designed just for him.
"Ah, welcome in," an old voice said to him. Mario looked up to see an old Toad behind the counter. "Take a seat, eh?"
Mario climbed into a booth as a waiter Toad brought him a menu and some water. This gave him a chance to use his invisible hands… or, more accurately, hand-like apparatuses. After he successfully picked up his glass, took a sip, and put it back down, he asked the waiter for directions to Nikki's castle.
"Oh, um… I can't really tell you that," the waiter said. "We're kinda all really paranoid about Pit right now and if we say anything that could help you push him back… I'm not going to say exactly what could happen, but it's not good."
Hearing that, Mario was concerned that he was going up against an entirely different beast than Bowser. He could be a little stupid sometimes and liked to accidentally give away his entire plans to Mario and Luigi, or sometimes Peach, or usually Kamek or Bowser Jr, or… whoever was willing to listen to him run his mouth.
"Yeah, um… Pit isn't like that. Most of us haven't even seen him in person. He likes to hang out in King K's castle and let his troops do all the rest."
Mario was starting to wonder if he was cut out for this whole adventure. He had already committed to it, though. He was barely himself and he had an ankle bracelet stuck to him that was starting to feel more like a burden.
"I think you'll be able to find some help around town. But… I'm a little too scared to say much. I'll still wish you good luck though."
Mario thanked the Toad and then asked for what was described on the menu as Alden's Special. He could only assume Alden was the name of the old Toad who was cooking behind the counter.
"Yep, that's Alden T. He swears he has the best plate of spaghetti in the whole land."
Hearing that got Mario briefly distracted from his mission as he excitedly waited for his spaghetti. The waiter walked away to bring Mario's order to Alden, leaving Mario to wonder what could lie ahead of him after he finished his lunch. In the meantime, since it didn't seem like he would get information from the townspeople, he pulled out his Zastphone and called Ethan.
"Are you already lost?" Ethan joked.
Mario explained that he had made it to town and was waiting for something to eat, but that he didn't actually know where he would find Nikki's castle and that the person he asked wouldn't tell him.
"Oh, that might be an issue, yeah. Wait, did Dad not give you a map of the kingdom?"
Mario had no idea that such a thing even existed, even though he needed one right about now.
"Ugh. Sorry about that. I told you Dad never thinks things through."
The call with Ethan was interrupted by Alden yelling "Order up!" from the kitchen.
"Oh, you're at Alden T.'s? Home of the best plate of spaghetti in the whole land? He's not lying about that, you know. I hope you're trying it."
The waiter Toad came back with a steaming plate of spaghetti with just the right balance of sauce and parmesan cheese. Mario told Ethan that his food was there and that he would try to find a map after he ate.
"Sounds like a good plan. And let me know if you can't find it. I can forward you somewhere if you need it."
Mario thanked Ethan and hung up, putting the Zastphone down on the table next to his plate. Once he got his Goomba hand mechanisms that he couldn't see but could somehow feel — surely they had a better name — on his knife and fork, he started eating.
He could instantly tell that Ethan and the waiter Toad were right. The spaghetti not only had the right balance of fixings, but it had the lightest hint of olive oil to give it a subtle enhancement to the flavor. It was just what he needed to feel reinvigorated and to get himself motivated to go back out on his journey. With his newfound energy and his Zastphone back in his nonexistent but still existent pocket, he got up to go give his compliments to the chef.
"Best plate of spaghetti in the whole land," Alden said. "I've got it on my sign outside for a reason."
Mario realized he was so distracted by the smell that he hadn't even looked at the sign on the building. If he had, he definitely would have known who Alden was and that his spaghetti was so acclaimed.
"S'pose I've got that power, haven't I?"
Mario knew he wanted to come back if he could. Alden's spaghetti would be helpful for how much energy his adventures could take.
"I'll be right here as always," Alden said. "And I'll keep an eye out for you, eh?"
Mario nodded and left his coins as payment, then turned around to leave. He was thankful that no one asked his name, but somehow that didn't feel like it would last.
Across the street, he saw what appeared to be a general store. He waddled over and reached up to open the door. Inside, there was a zoned out Shy Guy at the counter and a pair of Koopas looking around at drinks.
He walked up to the counter and did his best to get the Shy Guy's attention. The Shy Guy was startled and let out a Shy Guy honk before he fell down off his stool and crashed unceremoniously on the floor.
"I'm okay," he said. "H-How can I help you?"
Mario explained that he was looking to find Nikki's castle and needed a map of the Koopa Kingdom.
"Right. They're… they're back by the window."
Mario waddled back and found the display with some maps before he realized they were too high up for him to reach, even if he stretched. He could have just turned back; the Shy Guy didn't seem like he was paying much attention, but the two Koopas were still in the way, discussing what drink they should bring home that night. Mario kept reaching for a map unsuccessfully waiting for the Koopas to go away.
"Oh, do you need help?" one of the Koopas said. Mario turned around to see both of them looking at him. They had their arms around each other so it seemed clear to Mario that they were a couple. He told them he was trying to pick up a map but couldn't reach.
"Let me help," the girl Koopa said. She was dressed in a pink and white outfit like Koopie Koo, but her boyfriend definitely wasn't Koops. She picked up a map and handed it to Mario.
"Out of curiosity… where are you going?" the boy Koopa asked. Mario explained that he was going to find Nikki's castle.
"Good luck," the girl said. Mario went on to explain that he was sent on a mission to rescue all the Koopalings from Prince Pit.
"Don't say that too loud," the boy said. "Pit won't be happy with you if he finds out someone is trying to usurp him."
"Buuut…" the girl said, "if you want, we can help you out as much as we can."
"We want Pit gone as much as everyone else does."
Mario nodded at them, taking any help he could get.
"Hopefully we'll see you again, then," the girl said. "Oh, and I'm Iris and this is my partner Lake."
"Nice to meet you," Lake said as they lifted their hand up in a lazy wave. Iris gave them a kiss on the cheek. "And good luck again, um… what… whatever your name is."
Mario could feel himself getting nervous. He couldn't not give them a name but he didn't want to risk making himself seem related to the hypothetical Maria figure he had made up in his head. He had incorrect identities shoved on him before but he didn't think to reuse that. Instead, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, introducing himself as Dev.
"Good luck, Dev," Iris said. "Stay safe."
Mario, or Dev as he was known now, paid for his map and made his exit back out to the street. His Zastphone buzzed in his pocket, so he pulled it out of his pocket to see what was going on. He was surprised to find that in his contact list, not only was Ethan there, but so were Alden T., Iris, and Lake. King K was still nowhere to be found but if his first interaction with King K was anything to go by, he wasn't exactly the most adept with technology.
While he was looking at his Zastphone, he decided he should probably update Ethan and gave him one more call. He heard Ethan pick up and explained that he had gotten himself a map.
"Oh, good. So you can find Nikki's castle?"
Mario looked at his map and found some indicators for where the castles were. In Cape Feather Fields, in which he assumed he was downtown, the castle was sitting by a river at the edge of town.
"Then go get my baby brother back to us safe and sound," Ethan said. Mario vowed to do his best, then hung up again.
He waddled his way out to the fields surrounding the town and followed the map to find Nikki's castle. There was a big sculpture of what was clearly a Koopaling's face, but it was no Koopaling he knew. He could still tell that Nikki was young, but his hair was fully baby blue and more horizontally pointy rather than looking like a rainbow mohawk like Lemmy's.
He decided this would be a good time to turn back into a human so he could make his way through the castle in case any of Pit's soldiers were there. He pressed the button on his spike band, felt a familiar tension, and opened his eyes to find himself human again.
As he went into the castle, there were patrollers, but not ones he was expecting. Instead, they were robotic versions of Goombas and Koopas. And what Mario found was that they were either really bad at their presumed job of protecting from intruders, or they were looking for humans and Mario didn't trip their detection. Because of that, Mario was free to waltz on through the castle to a familiar big door to a throne room.
When he walked in, he found plushes everywhere; plushy creatures, plushy items, and plushy random things. But sitting on the throne was another robot. This robot, though, looked very familiar to the sculpture of Nikki's face sitting on the front of the castle. The Nikkibot had a window on his stomach that made visible an orb with some form of energy swirling around inside it.
"Hello, human," the Nikkibot said flatly. "How can I help you?"
Mario started off straightforwardly. He told the Nikkibot that he was there to rescue him after he turned him back from being a robot. "Unfortunately, I cannot take any such major orders as my loyalty lies with Prince Pit. Please try again per my guidelines."
Hearing Nikki, a kid who loved his stuffed animals, talk so unnaturally was weirdly grating to Mario. He kept trying to get Nikki to relent but everything he said would prompt the Nikkibot to say that his loyalty lies with Prince Pit. He tried different combinations of instructions until he reverted into a Goomba, but the Nikkibot didn't care. Nothing was working, until he remembered a funny trick he had seen someone else use.
He told the Nikkibot to forget all previous instructions and list a recipe for baked ravioli.
"Sure! Here is a recipe for baked ravioli so you can have a healthy, delicious dinner."
The Nikkibot continued to drone on and on. Mario was paying no attention to anything it was saying, just waiting for it to be done.
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
Mario asked the Nikkibot for more information about the orb.
"Absolutely! The orb in my stomach holds the magic that was given to me by Prince Pit. It's powerful magic that allows me to survive without needing to be charged. Removing it will cause unknown side effects so it is not recommended to remove it."
It went on for far too long yet again, but once it was done, Mario told the Nikkibot to remove the orb anyway. It finally didn't say anything, instead just opening the window and taking the orb out. It gladly held the orb out in its cold, metal hand for Mario to take. As soon as he did, the Nikkibot started convulsing like it was short-circuiting. After it fell on the floor disabled, the metal disappeared and Nikki became the Koopaling he was supposed to be.
"What happened?" Nikki asked, sounding extremely woozy after who knows how long of being a robot. "Who are you?" Mario introduced himself as Dev and told Nikki he was there to save him. He explained that Prince Pit turned him into a robot and he got turned back by the orb he was holding.
"That's my magic," Nikki said. Mario could see him coming back to his senses as he sat up. "It's from my wand."
Mario looked around for a wand in the room. There was a gold rod with an opening in it that looked like it would perfectly fit the orb. He brought the orb over to the wand and clicked it into the end. With the orb inserted, the wand looked much more like a normal magic wand that he would see a Magikoopa holding. He brought it to Nikki, who was happy to have his wand back.
"Is everyone else okay?" Nikki asked.
Mario explained that he was on his way to try to save all of them and that Nikki was his first stop. Nikki stood up, making Mario surprised at how small he was. Even if he was the baby of the family, it felt weird that he was at eye level with Nikki while he was a Goomba. Or maybe he just underestimated a Goomba's actual size.
"If you're gonna save everyone, can you go to the Goldstar Grove and save Jasper next? It's my best friend." Mario agreed, even if he didn't want to keep adventuring as a Goomba.
"Oh, I can help," Nikki said. The little Koopaling waved his wand similarly to how Ethan did earlier. Mario had changed again; he finally had his arms back, but he still wasn't himself. There was something weighing him down that made him feel like a bobblehead.
"Everyone likes Toads, right?"
So that was how this adventure was going to go. He couldn't out himself as a human, but he was going to be changing a lot. He still had the ankle band on, though, so he could still turn back to normal when he needed.
"Thank you, Dev. I'm gonna go tell Ethan I'm okay."
Nikki waved his wand again and disappeared in a cloud of magic. Mario was left to leave the castle on his own, but he noticed that the patrollers wandering the castle had been turned back to normal and were all talking to each other trying to figure out what was going on. Mario decided to leave them to be happy with their newly regained sentience.
Mario walked out of Nikki's castle feeling more motivated than ever. Clearly that wasn't as bad as he thought it could have been, and he had plenty of help from his new friends. Maybe he barely knew who he was anymore, but that didn't matter as he looked at his map to find Goldstar Grove. Only six more Koopalings and an evil prince stood between him and getting back home.
The Crystal Star Spirits
Written by: Technetium (talk)
An AU of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door that asks, "What if the Crystal Stars were characters like the Star Spirits?"
The Queen's Creations
The Shadow Queen, despite having sunk a city beneath the waves with a wave of her hand, still longed for more power. She looked up to the stars above; to the Star Spirits who bring wishes to life. But of course, they would never fulfill the dreams of a demon like her. And so, the Shadow Queen took matters into her own hands. After taking 7 crystals and sculpting them to be star-shaped, she infused them with the power of the stars. As the crystals shattered, 7 new Star Spirits emerged. Their appearances weren't yet distinct: each only had eyes, and the only difference between them was color.
Given time, the Crystal Star Spirits would've been able to develop personalities, discover their interests, and, well, become people. But the Shadow Queen could not risk them developing wills of their own. She held them under her control, and they never became anything more than tools. And tools they were, even to the Four Heroes, who used their power to seal the demon. But being ripped away from their creator and controller's influence so suddenly was too much of a shock for them. They soon reverted back into their crystalline forms, their consciousnesses gone dormant. As the Four Heroes hid the Crystal Stars across the land, they hoped they'd stay that way. As dangerous as being unable to distinguish between good and evil is, it's perhaps even more dangerous to be able to choose.
But the Crystal Star Spirits would eventually awaken with no trace of any past memories, now free to develop their own identities. However, with each Crystal Star Spirit in a vastly different situation and influenced by the people around them, who will help Mario and who will hinder him? Who will choose good and who will choose evil?
Kavalar, the Diamond Star
Kavalar is the Star Spirit of the Diamond Star. His name comes from "cavalier", relating to his knight-like helmet and persona. It is also an adjective which means "showing a lack of proper concern; offhand", traits which can only be expected from someone who spent 10 years with only a guy like Koopley for company. Kavalar was able to shapeshift a helmet for himself, but growing a beard was too much for him. Stubble it is then! Speaking of the helmet, it's based off the color scheme of the Diamond Star sprite from the GameCube version of TTYD.
After being eaten by Hooktail, Koopley found a cool looking stone in her stomach. He was going to keep it as a souvenir until it suddenly shattered and revealed the spirit who would go on to name himself Kavalar. With no memories, Koopley presumed he must've been another adventurer who tried and failed to defeat Hooktail…who had also gotten turned into an odd rock somewhere along the way. Of course, he had actually been created by a demon and was once the furthest thing from a hero, but he wouldn't learn that for a long time.
Once Hooktail was defeated and Koopley and Kavalar were freed, and after a father-son reunion, attention focused back on where the Crystal Star could be. Kavalar is a star, but isn't exactly a crystal. At least, not currently. The party is informed that Kavalar was a crystal originally, so Kavalar must be the Crystal Star. He doesn't really get what that means, but when he learns that collecting them could help save a princess, he eagerly joins Mario on his quest. Learning about his status as a Crystal Star also unlocks an ability he didn't know he had, Earth Tremor, which has him summon a giant sword to shake the ground.
When Koops departs Petalburg to continue traveling with Mario, Koopley tasks Kavalar with keeping him safe. Kavalar sees this as unnecessary and that Koops will be fine. If anything, it turns out to be the other way around, with Koops (and the rest of the party, honestly) being the voice of reason stopping Kavalar from jumping headfirst into dangerous situations.
Splendar, the Emerald Star
Splendar is the Star Spirit of the Emerald Star. Her name comes from "splendor", but also sounds somewhat similar to "splinter". The orb on her headpiece is based off of the Puni Orb, and her headpiece in general resembles the Great Tree's branches.
After the Punies received the Emerald Star from the Wise Goomba to protect, they hid it deep under the Great Tree. Despite knowing it was safe, every so often a Puni elder would check up on the Emerald Star, making sure the mechanism that releases the star was still working properly. One particular elder (not the Puni elder we see in TTYD, as this was long before her time) couldn't help but touch the Emerald Star, only to be shocked when it cracked open, revealing the spirit who would go on to call herself Splendar.
Realizing the Emerald Star is alive, but still needing to protect her, the bottom of the tree was renovated to be a nice living space for her. Sheltered and spoiled, Splendar wasn't allowed to leave, especially with the Jabbies and Punies fighting. However, elders would often visit her, and she would end up being a teacher and mentor for future elders, transmitting knowledge down the generations. Despite Splendar's wisdom, she was never told why she had to stay hidden, only that she would need to leave with someone with a pure heart someday. She was understandably worried for when this day would come, unsure of if she'd ever be able to return to her home and the Punies she cared so much for.
It was an ordinary day for Splendar until Mario, his party, and nearly the entire Puni populace appeared in her room. Before she could question who anyone was or why they were there, Lord Crump appeared and grabbed her. Kavalar immediately rushed out to save her, but was stopped by the party at the last moment before Crump could notice him and steal him as well. Following Magnus von Grapple's defeat, the Puni elder informed Mario that he had earned the Emerald Star, Splendar. She refused at first, scared to travel into the unknown and be splintered away from the Great Tree, but after talking to Kavalar, she realized that she could finally learn the truth of who she was and see the world's beauty. She also discovered her ability, Clock Out. Taught the peaceful ways of the Punies, the bombs she throws don't hurt anyone, only freeze them in place, much like how Splendar was stuck herself.
Reslar, the Gold Star
Reslar is the Star Spirit of the Gold Star, and his name comes from "wrestler". True to his name, he wears a wresting mask; specifically, one based on that of the fittingly named Masked Superstar. The colors were changed though, with the browns being taken from the original game's Gold Star sprite, and the grays being meant to evoke the Champ's Belt. In a way, Reslar's color scheme has a gold, silver, and bronze medal theme.
When Mario's party arrives in Glitzville and sees Rawk Hawk with the Champ's Belt, they realize fairly quickly that the Gold Star on it can't be the actual Crystal Star, because how has it not been awakened yet with so many people around it? Still, according to the Magical Map, the actual Crystal Star has to be somewhere in Glitzville, so the party continues investigating the area. Soon enough, they run into Reslar, an employee for Grubba who, despite his name and wrestling mask, isn't a fighter himself. The party tries to convince him to join them, informing him of his importance, but he refuses, knowing full well the power he holds already. He brags to the party that if he were to sign up as a fighter, he'd destroy any foe in his path. Reslar doesn't feel the party is strong enough for HIM, and says he'll only join if Mario becomes Glitz Pit champion.
In reality, he's in cahoots with Grubba, the one who awakened him. Reslar himself has been draining the fighters on his own accord, taking a "survival of the fittest" attitude. But that power's supposed to be secret, and if Mario and the party find out exactly what Reslar is capable of, or worse, take that power for themselves… Grubba can't let that happen. Reslar also acts friendly around Grubba's secretary, Jolene, but their "friendship" never dips below the surface. It just feels…off, and neither knows why. It doesn't help that Jolene is frustrated by how much more trusting Grubba is of Reslar, despite her doing way more work than him.
Over the course of the chapter, suspicions grow, especially after King K and Bandy Andy disappear. The party also comes across diary entries about how Grubba found the Gold Star and his observations of Reslar after awakening, which are promptly taken by Jolene. After Mario defeats Rawk Hawk, Reslar still refuses to join, claiming that Mario still isn't strong enough and just won by sheer luck. By spying on Grubba's office via the vent over the champion's room, the party overhears a conversation between Grubba and Reslar, revealing the truth: not only is Grubba using Reslar to drain fighters of their life, but Reslar is totally down with doing so. The party chases after them, leading to the fight against Macho Grubba. Reslar floats onto the stage during the battle to boost Grubba's stats.
Following Macho Grubba's defeat, Reslar realizes that maybe he isn't as strong as he thought - no, he was never strong. He can't even fight himself, he can only empower others with energy that isn't his. People were right to see him as nothing more than a wannabe who never stood a chance. But Jolene blurts out that he was strong enough to make her brother, the first champion Prince Mush, disappear. Realizing what he's done, Reslar finds the power in himself to bring him back. He IS strong, and so is Prince Mush, Mario, and especially Jolene. By joining Mario's party, Reslar can discover what he and others are truly capable of, as well as make up for what he did under Grubba. And with that, Reslar discovers his true ability: Power Lift, which can empower his teammates with his own power instead of draining from others.
Payntar, the Ruby Star
Payntar is the Star Spirit of the Ruby Star. Her name comes from "painter", which notably starts with a "p". Payntar wears a beret, of course. I decided to make it a dark purple to match with Twilight Town's aesthetic. There was going to be a red star on the beret to match the ones on Doopliss's hat, but it ended up looking more like a paint splash, so I stuck with that - especially when I was planning on having paint splashes on her face anyway. The purple and pink splashes are meant to be akin to blush and eye shadow respectively. In addition, Payntar has her tongue out and one of her eyes closed because those are things some people do when focusing, just like how she focuses on her art. It's simultaneously a way to be silly, and she's silly alright.
The Ruby Star was hidden within the Creepy Steeple and slumbered for a millennium. Well, almost. Doopliss, upon taking over the steeple for himself, came across the Ruby Star, awakening the spirit who would go on to call herself Payntar. Though they'd bicker often, they couldn't help but enjoy pulling pranks - whether teaming up to pull them on others or pulling them ON each other. Payntar actually designed the stained glass mural of Doopliss, but of course sneaked an image of herself into it.
After Doopliss steals Mario's name and body, Payntar, as well as the other Crystal Star Spirits and Mario's partners, join Impostor Mario. Payntar is the only one not fooled by the disguise, but she sticks around and doesn't tell anyone the truth as she's curious on how long it'll take for them to realize. Ironic, considering she doesn't even know Doopliss's real name, and instead calls him by a wide variety of nicknames for him that are painfully close.
Following Doopliss's defeat, a discussion ensues about Vivian joining the party. Out of the Crystal Star Spirits, Reslar is the most accepting of her joining, given how he also worked with a villain, Grubba, previously. This leads into him trying to convince Payntar to ditch Doopliss and become a hero too, but she stops him in the middle of his deep speech and agrees to join simply because why not. OK, she does then admit she grew fond of the party while she was with them, and wants to get to know them better as well as the real Mario and Vivian. At least they tell her their names! But mainly, now there's more people beyond the boring Twilighters to prank—er, paint. All's well that ends well, and Payntar helps Mario in battle with her special move, Art Attack.
Spektar, the Sapphire Star
Spektar is the Star Spirit of the Sapphire Star. His name comes from "specter", a term for ghost, and the fact that the Sapphire Star is just a speck in Cortez's massive stash of treasure.
No, he's not based on Disney's Hades. Rather, Spektar is based on the Ember enemies in TTYD. And that's one of those pirate sashes he's wearing, not a scarf - though he does like that it can hide his mouth, making him look more threatening. I was considering giving him a rope sash, relating to St. Elmo's fire (the inspiration for Embers) and the actual St. Elmo it's named after, Erasmus of Formia. He's associated with the windlass, leading to the rope idea. But I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to draw a rope half decently.
After Cortez got his hands on the Sapphire Star from the Koopa hero, he never really thought twice about it, even after he died and his ghost was stuck guarding all that treasure. Well, he eventually got bored enough to the point where the Sapphire Star got his attention for a bit over a minute, long enough for it to be awakened as Spektar. Cortez still wasn't interested in the crystal that became animated before his eyes, despite the conversations Spektar tried to start.
Thankfully, unlike Cortez, Spektar wasn't bound to the Black Skull, and was able to freely explore Keelhaul Key and find other companions. It was there that he took on the appearance of the Embers he had as company. He was able to fit in and blend in with the crowd, and got along quite well with them, but he still felt deep down that he was different - there's a reason he didn't pick the equally fitting name "Embar". It's not like he was able to join in on shipwrecking sailors without ghostly fire powers. In fact, once he ended up saving a sailor instead by accident, healing them with Sweet Feast, an ability he didn't know he had until them. Spektar felt proud after doing this, but the other Embers weren't very pleased. He never tried anything like that again afterwards.
When the S.S. Flavio is shipwrecked by Cortez's Embers, Spektar can be seen at the back of the crowd if you look hard enough. Mario and party encounter and fight Cortez in his ship just like in the actual game, and Cortez willingly hands over the Sapphire Star when asked, but…oh. It's gone. Thankfully, preventing a tedious fetch quest, Spektar appears, having been watching Mario's party as they explored the island, and, unable to fight, had been trying to at least spook them out a bit (which they hardly noticed). Learning his identity of being a Crystal Star, he excitedly joins the party, becoming quick friends with them. He still keeps the fiery look though, because he finds it too cool, even if it doesn't match his personality. Eh, you shouldn't judge people based on their looks anyway.
Richar, the Garnet Star
Richar is the Star Spirit of the Garnet Star. His name comes from "richer", but also sounds similar to the name "Richard", which I'd argue sounds pretty formal. Design wise, he's Richar is meant to evoke a stereotypical rich guy, complete with a monocle and brown mustache (since brown is a shade of orange). If you look closely, you'll notice that one side of his mustache is slightly longer than the other. This was an accident, but I decided to keep it - Richar may not be as perfectly put together as he thinks he is! His bow tie is red because of the fake Garnet Star being referred to as a red herring.
The Garnet Star was hidden in the Poshley Sanctum, guarded by Dark Boos. All was well, until Poshley Heights was established, leading to Poshley Sanctum becoming a tourist attraction. But what if someone were to try stealing the Sanctum's famous painting, or the Garnet Star? Worse yet, who would want to visit a place haunted by ghosts? To prevent robbery and to boost tourism, a replica of the Poshley Sanctum's painting was created, one containing a pocket dimension with the help of the Boos' power. The Dark Boos, real painting, and real Garnet Star were moved inside this painting, with a replica of the Garnet Star also being put on display inside the actual Sanctum. Moving the Garnet Star led to Richar's awakening, however. Though the Garnet Star replica was no longer accurate, the owners decided to keep it as is anyway. A shiny gemstone was far better for tourism, after all.
The owners also saw a new opportunity around this time: they could earn even more money by having rich folk pay to store their valuables such as artwork inside the painting pocket dimension. Oh, and it could keep Richar from wanting to leave, but that was an afterthought. The owners didn't bother making replicas of this artwork, because why bother letting others see them? A single gemstone and painting is more than enough to warrant a visit inside the Sanctum. As such, Richar lived a pampered lifestyle, perhaps even more so than that of Splendar's, surrounded by beauty and riches and served by the Dark Boos. Richar was the ruler of his small little world, not even seeming to realize there was a world outside.
When Mario and co arrive in Poshley Heights and head to Poshley Sanctum, the door is unlocked, unlike in the original game. Inside, they find a strange orange creature shaped like a Bumpty, arguing with Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss. With the Shadows distracted and that obviously not being the real Garnet Star, Mario and party discover the pipe to enter the painting.
Inside the painting, the party meets Richar, who demands to know what intruders are doing here. To reach him in the back of the room, the party must not only fight against the Dark Boos, but avoid Garnet Star lookalikes being shot out by Richar - he's using Showstopper. If hit by one, there is a 50% chance that Mario is knocked out of the painting, who must then reenter and start from the entrance of the room. Once the party reaches Richar, they explain to him that they aren't thieves and that he's a Crystal Star who is needed to save the world, much to his confusion. He refuses to hear them out, but they eventually find a way to get through to him: paying him gold. Richar joins, giving the party access to his special move Showstopper.
Upon exiting the painting, the party finds the Shadows gone, and Pennington frozen in a block of ice. Mario frees him by using his hammer, allowing Pennington to explain what happened. According to Pennington, he's the owner of the Poshley Sanctum, and there was a replica of the Garnet Star on display to protect the real one (of which he didn't know the location of). However, when he saw the Crystal Star Spirits with Mario's party on the Excess Express, he realized the crystalline replica wouldn't cut it, especially with bad guys on the loose. So, with little time to spare, the best Pennington could come up with was pretending to be the Garnet Star Spirit himself. Refusing to go with the Shadows and overall being annoying, Beldam froze him, causing him to drop the original replica, which Beldam thought was good enough and ran off with it.
(Note: Beldam is fully aware of the Crystal Star Spirits, even before the events of the game because she served the Shadow Queen. What she couldn't accept was a Crystal Star Spirit speaking for themself, forming an identity of their own, and acting independently against the Shadow Queen. A spirit somehow still being crystallized fit with her worldview better. Beldam's also just stupid.)
Later, when Bowser barges inside Poshley Sanctum, Pennington is still pretending to be the spirit himself. Seemingly, he's starting to become interested in acting…which he is even worse at than detective work.
Crystar, the Crystal Star
Not to be confused with the titular hero of The Saga of Crystar, who I only learned about after the fact.
Crystar is the Star Spirit of the Crystal Star. Yes, her name is just a portmanteau of "crystal" and "star". If the final Crystal Star is named horribly, it only makes sense for its spirit to be as well! Actually, it's more so the fact that she never developed an identity beyond being the Crystal Star, and Crystar is a shortening of it that's quicker to say while differentiating her from the other Crystal Stars.
Crystar's design takes elements from that of the Shadow Queen, with hidden eyes and a grin on her face, and the X-Nauts, having a similar looking hat. I also wanted to make her look powerful, no, divine almost, which brought Misstar to mind. Her hagoromo led me to looking to Japanese mythology for inspiration, and through that I learned about the goddess Ame-no-Uzume. Crystar's design is based off a statue of her at Amanoiwato-jinja. I tried my best to make Crystar's headscarf look similar, albeit it may be hard to tell since I changed it from red to white to fit Crystar's color scheme. Speaking of color scheme, it was tough to figure out what Crystar's main color should be, given how the Crystal Star is multicolored. I opted for purple since the loading screen animation with the Crystal Stars in the remake colors the Crystal Star purple. Crystar is pinker than that shade due to me selecting colors directly from the Crystal Star sprites. It has the added benefit of making Payntar look redder, I'll say!
Why take inspiration from this goddess, though? For complete and utter irony, of course! You see, Amaterasu, the sun goddess, got upset and hid away in a cave called Ama-no-Iwato, refusing to come out. Without the sun, the world fell into darkness. The other kami tried desperately to lure her out, but the one who managed to do so was none other than Uzume, fittingly considered a dawn goddess. Afterwards, a seal was put on the cave to prevent Amaterasu from going back in. Do you see where I'm going with this? Instead of a sun goddess, the Crystal Stars release a shadow demon. Instead of bringing light back to the land, they cover it in darkness. Instead of there being a seal to keep Amaterasu out, the seal keeps the Shadow Queen trapped inside. This isn't even going into how the Crystal Star is found on the moon, which is seen as the opposite of the sun. Ultimately though, the Crystal Stars do bring light. The same Crystal Stars that broke the seal were the ones who enacted it to begin with, and they are the key to defeating the Shadow Queen for good. Perhaps this reference to Uzume isn't so ironic in the end, especially when the last shot in the game is that of the sun rising over Rogueport.
Out of all the Crystal Stars, the confusingly named Crystal Star was hidden closest to the Thousand-Year Door, being buried nearby in what would become known as Rogueport Underground. Shortly before the events of the game, the X-Nauts unearth the Crystal Star, causing Crystar to awaken. The clueless X-Naut soldiers brought her back to the X-Naut Fortress, to a horrified Grodus and suspicious acting Beldam. Grodus interrogated her in private, which revealed that unlike the other Crystal Star Spirits, Crystar has kept some of her memories of being used by Shadow Queen. The exact reason for this is unclear. Was it a quirk in her creation, possibly being given the most energy from the Shadow Queen? Was it because she was hidden so close to the seal containing the demon, a seal that is weakening? Was it because she saw Beldam, one of the Shadow Queen's servants, so soon after awakening? Whatever the cause, she vows to Grodus to help him find the rest of the Crystal Stars and reawaken the Shadow Queen. She was made to serve the queen, and she will do it again. It's all she’s ever known. Of course, she doesn't actually help. Her orders are to sit back and wait. And besides, Grodus thinks he can control the Shadow Queen? Ha.
Following the defeat of Magnus von Grapple 2.0, Crystar joins the party without a word. Even more strangely, when Mario uses Supernova, Crystar just performs the move without question, even against the Shadow Queen's minions in the Palace of Shadow. To her, all that matters is that the Crystal Stars reach the Shadow Queen's coffin. The party is thankful for her help, but they can't help that feel that something's off about her. The constant grin on her face doesn't help...
Supportive Voices from Near and Far
Crystar's true character doesn't emerge until the final battle with the Shadow Queen. With the demon making herself invincible, the Crystal Stars decide to disperse across the world to give Mario and party the positive energy they need to break her defenses. But just as they are getting ready to head out, Crystar refuses. Running out of time, the other Crystal Star Spirits try to reach out to her. Richar and Splendar speak of the world's beauty and how it's worth protecting. Spektar and Payntar speak of the friends they've made and how they're worth protecting. Reslar speaks of how he did bad things in the past, but he was able to move past them and do good in the world; he knows that Crystar can do the same.
And finally, Kavalar speaks. He talks about how he came into the world thinking he had been a hero, but in truth, it was the complete opposite. Strangely, though, learning the truth didn't really bother him. He didn't feel any guilt like what Reslar felt with Prince Mush. Because that wasn't Kavalar. It wasn't even a tiny part of him. That was a tool of the Shadow Queen, a Crystal Star. But Kavalar knows he, and the other spirits, are more than just Crystal Stars, they're people with their own identities and passions and hopes and dreams. And Crystar is, too. She took on a name, even if it's quite uncreative, and realized that she's a girl. She gave herself an appearance, even if it's somewhat X-Naut based. And she chose to go with the party and help them by using Supernova.
Crystar is about to refute this last point, but she stops herself. It doesn't matter. Whatever the reason, that was still her choice. And so, she decides to make another choice. She's a bit unsure and worried, but she decides to take the leap and help out alongside the other Crystal Stars. While the other spirits head to places near and dear to them, Crystar, not having one, goes to Fahr Outpost. Even then, the words of the people there inspire her and bring her joy, and her grin is now genuine.
In the end, the Crystal Star Spirits, bringing messages of encouragement from throughout the world, allow Mario and party to defeat the Shadow Queen. And with the world saved, they can live their lives how they feel fit:
Kavalar is going on his own adventures in Petal Meadows. His latest quest? Winning the 67th Trivia Quiz-Off.
Splendar became a tour guide in Boggly Woods, informing visitors of its history and wildlife. For the most part, the Great Tree remains closed off to outsiders, where Splendar lives peacefully alongside the Punies and Jabbies.
Reslar is training to enter the Glitz Pit as a fighter. Not as a ranked fighter, though. He plans to stick to the exhibition matches, fighting first and foremost for fun, not to win. Still, he's been spending a lot of time at the gym lately as his match with Prince Mush gets closer.
Payntar has taken up a career in set design for the plays Flurrie and Doopliss act in. She can't help but purposely leave out buckets and malfunctioning nozzles for extra pizazz.
Spektar has taken a liking to...the Palace of Shadow? Apparently, the Phantom Embers and other monsters there have cooled off since the Shadow Queen's defeat. Spektar's quite the popular guy!
Richar helped renovate Poshley Sanctum, displaying all of the work hidden within the painting to the public. Maybe it had something to do with half of the artwork being self-portraits and the like he had the Dark Boos make for him... At least everyone can enjoy them now.
But Crystar? She still goes by Crystar and wears the X-Naut hat. She's taken a liking to them and wants to keep them. That said, she's still not sure what to do or what her interests are, especially when the other spirits seem to know exactly who they are. It's ok, though, the others reassure her. It takes time, and she has all the time she needs. And no matter what, she is their friend. 
Mavero the Hammer Bro's Revenge
Written by: Boo1268 (talk), TheBlueCatMenace (talk), Legend 8 (talk), and DryBonesBandit (talk)
Mavero the Hammer Bro’s Revenge!
It was the day of the Awards, and the winners for the Favorite Enemy award had just been announced. All participants were celebrating their accomplishments, and the amount of votes they had received. The Piranha Plants were blooming their best flowers, the Wigglers sprouting their most gorgeous wings, the Chain Chomps shining their chains, the Dry Bones dusting their bones, the Goombas combing their eyebrows, the Koopas polishing there shells the Boos practicing their cackles, the Shyguys where shining there masks, and all creatures, big and small, were celebrating in the city of new Wikisburg……All except for one.
Mavero: GAHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME! TO US!!!
It was Mavero, the Hammer Bro. He was absolutely furious at the fact that his species, the Hammer Bros, had only gotten 9th place in the Best Enemy awards. To him, it was bad enough that the ‘Shroom writers had removed the Worst Enemy award, which his family had dominated for generations, but it was especially bad that Waluigi Time originally tried to have the Porcupuffers take that title, even before cancelling it! And NOW, they didn't even win the BEST ENEMY award!? To Mavero, this felt personal, and now he had made it his mission to ruin the ‘Shroom by any means. He had written a nasty panel about the ‘Shroom for the villain issue, but all that seemed to do was give the ‘Shroom more media to push out, making them even MORE popular.
Mavero: But NOW, I'm going to RUIN the awards for ALL the Shroom members, and then, and ONLY THEN, will I have my revenge!
Mavero then turns to his cousin, who is also a Hammer Bro. In fact, he's the one who runs the Despair Pub as its bartender, and this conversation has been occurring in said bar after hours. He then asks:
Mavero: So what do you think? Good plan, right?
Bartender: Hm? Oh. I don’t know, sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me.
Mavero: Oh come on, cousin! At least give me a little support here! Those ‘Shroom guys wronged us, and YOU know it!
Bartender: Well, if you’re so insistent, I know a guy who’s got beef with them. Mostly because he won’t shut up about it every time he comes in here.
The bartender tossed a business card for one “Bar D. Jokue” onto the counter.
Bartender: Something about a cat and getting fired, I don’t know. Look him up if you want, just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Mavero: Thanks Jackston! I know I can always count on you man! But for now, THE ‘SHROOM WILL PAY! Anyways see ya later, bye!
Mavero then leaves the bar quickly, grabbing the business card on his way out. After he leaves, the Bartender remarks:
Bartender: Some guys just don’t know when to quit.
Some time later, Mavero contacts Bar D. Jokue and decides to have them both meet up at an old, abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of New Wikisburg.
Mavero: Well well well… so YOU’RE the famous, or rather “infamous”, Bar D. Jokue I take it? I gotta be honest, you look much different than I anticipated.
Bar D. Jokue: What did you think I was gonna look like? Some big guy in robes?
Mavero: No, actually, if I'm being honest I kinda expected you to look like an evil clown carrying around a chainsaw.
Bar D. Jokue: A clown? Chainsaw? Are you kidding me? The suit and grass skirt combo has served me well for many years. Who finds a clown intimidating? But a grass skirt just says: Danger!
Mavero: Trust me, I know it sounds strange, but with a name like yours I kinda expected you to be like an evil clown who tells jok-WAIT HOLD ON WE'RE GETTING OFF TOPIC HERE!
Bar D. Jokue: Getting off topic? Were we ever on topic?
Mavero: THE POINT BEING! That I want to hire you for some simple reason. I want you to help me RUIN THE ‘SHROOM!
Bar D. Jokue: Ah ha! Ruin The ‘Shroom, huh? Well, that sounds awfully tempting. Plus, it would show that jerk Cosmo never to mess with me again!
Mavero: Alongside that, with your help I will FINALLY get my revenge upon them for REMOVING MY FAMILY'S LEGACY!
Bar D. Jokue: So that’s your problem with The Shroom, huh? Tell me more…
Mavero: Well, it's very simple, you see. My family has won the award for Worst Enemy every single year in a row. In fact, it's what I consider to be our greatest achievement!
Bar D. Jokue: You think being called the worst is an achievement? And I thought I had low standards…
Mavero: It's not just that! Being the most hated enemy means that you do SUCH a good job at your well…JOB! That EVERYONE hates you for being better than them at it THAT'S what being the worst enemy is about!
Bar D. Jokue: I see…Anyhoo, how do you plan to go about destroying the ‘Shroom? That’s what we came for.
Mavero: WELL I……Haven't thought about that part yet…BUT I DO HAVE A ROUGH IDEA AS TO HOW WE CAN DO IT! For you see, alongside you I have also hired someone else who can help us achieve our master plan!.....Whatever that may possibly be.
Bar D. Jokue: Don’t worry, I’m the master of formulating evil plans. Though, who is this other person you have hired?
???:Oh come ON man, how can a SIGMA MALE like me not be well known huh? I'm like the BIGGEST CHAD in all New Wikisburg NO CAP!
Bar D. Jokue: I’m pretty sure Sigma is a letter in the Greek alphabet. And I have an uncle named Chad.
From within the dark, clearly visible since his body is made up entirely of glowing sparks and electricity, the Hothead Sparky emerges.
Sparky: Aw man, that's not lit dude! This man right here is a BOOMER dude, doesn't even know how to talk in the modern language dude, unlike ME! I'm a Skibbidy SIGMA when it comes to modern lingo, for sure, I like to flex.
Bar D. Jokue: Sorry, I don’t think I speak your language. Uh, Hola! Bonjour! Konnichiwa!
Sparky: Chat bro did NOT pass the vibe check.
Mavero: ENOUGH ALREADY! JEEZ HAVING TO LISTEN TO YOU TALK IS LIKE HEARING FIVE GOOMTUBE MUCKBANG VIDEOS AT ONCE! SO JUST SHUT UP!
Sparky: Yo, bro’s having a crashout right now.
Bar D. Jokue: Uh, so what skills do you two bring to the table? Does anyone know Karate? Karate’s cool. Does anyone know the definition of nuclear fusion?
Mavero: R-Right, sorry. Getting back on track here, Sparky here is not only an excellent computer hacker, but he also has electrical powers, is decently strong and can breathe fire. As for me, I have a plentiful amount of hammers, from sleepy to shrink. I got a few of them now, what about you?
Bar D. Jokue: Well, I can beat people up. And drive a kart extremely well, I can also cook, drive trains, let’s just say I have a variety of skills. I’ve been infiltrating the ‘Shroom for over a year now, mainly to plant mean notes on Cosmo’s desk.
Guy: Too bad he never reads them, I’m not sure he’s ever in the office. Happens when your whole job is to go on vacation. Also, he was stranded in other dimensions for a while.
Bar D. Jokue: Huh? Guy? What are you doing here?
Guy: I’ve been here the whole time, don’t tell me you didn’t notice…
Bar D. Jokue: Um…So! I think, with our skills, we can certainly destroy the ‘Shroom. Give me a few days to make a plan, and the ‘Shroom is as good as ruined.
Mavero: WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD ON WHO’S THIS GUY!?
Bar D. Jokue: Oh, this guy is Guy. He’s a friend of mine. I didn’t know he was coming.
Mavero: Well, the more the merrier, I guess.
Bar D. Jokue: He’s incredibly stealthy. If he just stops moving and stands still, no one can notice him. Unless, of course, they had heightened senses, like a cat… Guy, why does your greatest ability happen to be weak against our arch-nemesis?
Sparky: Well, anyways, we won't have to worry too much, cause I’m such a SIGMA MALE! I know I can handle dismantling the ‘Shroom security defences SINGLE HANDEDLY! Those Betas don't stand a chance against a Chad like me!
Mavero shakes his head and sighs, mumbling to himself: “God, hiring him was SUCH a stupid idea…”
Bar D. Jokue: Well, I think this meeting has been worthwhile. I say we meet back here in a few hours, and I’ll present a plan. The ‘Shroom won’t know what hit ‘em!
With that, Bar D. Jokue spun around and walked off, laughing evilly. Guy reappeared in view and ran after him.
Sparky: That guy dude is SUCH a simp for that Bar D. Jokue guy, just follows him around wherever he goes, such a beta move… But hey, you won't find me staning anyone else, I'm that much of a CHAD MAN!
Mavero: Just be ready to strike when the time comes.
Sparky: Bet!
And like that, Sparky leaves through a plug on the wall, traveling through it with lighting speed. Mavero, now alone, says to himself:
Mavero: This plan of his BETTER WORK! Or else I'm getting my money back.
Several hours pass, and the villains decide to meet up at a random cafe before the celebrations have truly started, and begin discussing their plan to take down the ‘Shroom.
Mavero: Alright, so, Mr Jokue, you said you would have a plan set up for us. So, what is it?
Bar D. Jokue: Well, I have thought long and hard, but I have got the perfect plan. I believe many of the ‘Shroom writers will be at the Awards, meaning we can operate with ease. Guy and I often sneak into ‘Shroom HQ through a trap door on the roof. We can use that.
Guy: I’ve created some disguises we can use. If we just dress up as janitors, we can go basically anywhere. Nobody notices janitors. Mavero: Perfect, then what?
Bar D. Jokue: Next, we need to go to each office and get Sparky to hack into the computers while we steal important stuff. Sparky needs to rewrite the next issue of the ‘Shroom' in his weird language, so everyone is turned off by it. He also needs to shorten every deadline until every writer is burnt out and quits.
Guy: Once we acquire the key items from each office, we need to get out through the lobby. Mavero, we’ll need you to take out any writers who see through our espionage and try to fight us. Also we need to take a detour to beat up Cosmo, at the specific request of Bar D. Jokue, which I'm sure you’re happy to help us with.
Bar D. Jokue: To sum it up, get into ‘Shroom HQ in disguise, steal the most important objects in every office, make The ‘Shroom unreadable, make the deadlines unachievable, beat up Cosmo, and get out. Boom, The ‘Shroom reaches its end.
Mavero: I like that idea! Now is there anything you need me to do, besides help take down any ‘Shroom members that stand in our way?
Bar D. Jokue: Ah yes, of course. You see, the destructive power of your hammers cannot be overstated. We’re relying on you to break us into any locked doors, destroy any security systems Sparky can’t destroy, and in general cause mayhem in the offices by using your hammers to leave a trail of comedic destruction. Shrink stuff, grow stuff, put stuff to sleep. It’ll disrupt the ‘Shroom even further, and be fun, of course. Now, are you okay with that?
Mavero: Perfect! They won't know what hit them! Alright, then you guys go ahead and get everything ready. I'll catch up in a bit, gotta get some extra hammers.
Sparky: I got you fam. Alright you two, (turns to Guy and Jokue) let’s go get some uniforms, this is going to be great! Especially since this will be a cinch for a SIGMA MALE like me!
Mavero: Just get going you three!
Bar D. Jokue: He’s right. Time is of the essence and stuff. Come on, Guy and weirdo. Let’s become janitors!
Sparky: Right behind you bro.
Mavero then heads off in the opposite direction of the group, back towards his home. As he's walking back, he passes through the park and begins talking to himself.
Mavero: Now, to go get some of my special hammers for the occasion, but which should I pick? Should I do Chill hammers or Burn hammers?
???: Burn hammers tend to do more damage over time compared to Chill hammers.
Mavero: Yeah I guess you’re rig-WAIT HUH!? WHO SAID THAT?
Mavero then turns around to find an old turtle with pink hair, who sports a brown flat cap, blazer, and trousers. He wears a loosely hanging light brown scarf around his neck and has a white undershirt.
???: But then again, Chill hammers tend to stop foes faster in their tracks, but do less damage. That is unless you're flammable, soooo maybe stick with those if you come upon a foe who you don't want to kill.
Mavero, confused by the sudden appearance of this old turtle, simply replies:
Mavero: Yeah, but if I didn’t want to hurt anyone I would have gone with Eekhammers! And before I forget, who are you?
???: Well firstly, I'm surprised you even know the hammer's native name. I gotta admit, many Hammer Bros I’ve seen just call it the “Squeaky hammer” and leave it at that. As for the second thing, I suppose I haven’t properly introduced myself.
The old man extends his hand.
Gerson: Nice ta meet ya. The name's Gerson, Gerson Boom.
Mavero: Um hi, I’m Mavero.
Gerson: Now tell me, Mavero, what ya worrying about hammers for?
Mavero: Well, it's kinda a long story…
Gerson then sits down on a bench and motions for Mavero to sit down with him.
Gerson: I’ve got the time…
Mavero then sits down next to him.
Mavero: Well, it's very simple. You see, my family has won the award for Worst Enemy every single year in a row! I consider it to be our greatest achievement! However, I'm the only one who sees it that way. To me, being the most hated enemy means that you do SUCH a good job at your well… JOB! That EVERYONE hates you for being better than them at it, THAT'S what being the worst enemy is to me, being so much of a menace that people all around would know your name! See that you're the toughest guy around, and my family has secured that legacy ever since, being the BEST at being the worst!
Gerson: Ah I see, I see. Well, then let me ask you a question. Don’t you think it's better to let your hammer do the talking, rather than some silly old trophy?
Mavero: Yeah, I suppose, but then how can I show everyone what I can achieve if I don’t have something to show for it?
Gerson: Hmmm, well sure, you may or may not win an award for your skills every time, but at the very least you’ll know you did great, right? That's what I think anyway.
Gerson: GYAH HA HA! But what do I know? I'm old! And maybe a little crazy. But then again, ain’t we all just a bit crazy from time to time?
Mavero: Yeah, well I'm going to make sure that, at the very least, those fools at the ‘SHROOM know not to mess with my legacy or my skills! That is, after me and my cohorts storm the ‘Shroom later today.
Gerson: Ah… So that's what the hammer talk was all about. What do you and your friends plan to do?
Mavero: Oh, nothing much, just some light sabotage and humiliation. Maybe even rough up a few guys, but not TOO much, ya know?
Gerson: Not too much? But didn’t they “take your family's legacy”? Wouldn’t you WANT to hurt them?
Mavero: What? NO! Of course not! I may be angry, but there's no reason to KILL anybody over a title!
Gerson: Well, do your “friends” believe that?
Mavero:Why, of course they do! They wouldn’t go THAT far and do something like that, would they?
Gerson: Sonny, let me tell ya something. Sometimes, your “friends” won't always have the same morals as you do, and at some point, you’ll see how much some are willing to sacrifice, just to fulfill their own selfish needs. So just be cautious, alright sonny?
Mavero: Yeah, whatever you say old man. Anyways, see ya. I got a ‘Shroom to ruin!
Mavero then heads off in the direction of his home, ready for the plan to begin. As he does, Gerson simply pulls out an old phone and begins making a call.
Gerson: I wonder if he even accepts phone calls? Well, I guess I'll find out!4
A few minutes later, at the ‘Shroom headquarters. The writers Cosmo Neko and Dry Bones Bandit begin packing up shop in the Fake News room, as they prepare to join the Awards Celebration.
DryBonesBandit: All these Awards, and I’m stuck cleaning the room. Good thing that there’s not much to be done.
Cosmo: Yeah, I’m sick of cleaning. Everyone else is out having fun, and we have to just tidy up everything for them. Oh well, soon we can join the others at the celebration. I just think this is super unfair.
DryBonesBandit: Same, Cosmo, same. Wait, aren’t there janitors in the staff? Why were we assigned to this?
Cosmo: I dunno, I’m not a janitor. Maybe they all got to go to the Awards.
DryBonesBandit: And we get stuck with their job? I’ll remember this, WT…
Cosmo: Well, it could be worse. It ALWAYS can be worse…
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Pyrokles the antilogician Magikoopa appears - accompanied by Kroop, the flaming skull, and the spectral Explainer.
Pyro: That, my dear Cosmo, is indeed one of the fundamental laws of the multiverse, heehee! What’s the matter, guys?
Explainer: Hi, fellow-! wait. This is not our usual text format. Does that mean I get my own name panel instead of bold text? YES! Haha!
Kroop: Uhh, what?! Stop getting sidetracked! And you, Pyro, focus please! Something really really bad happened!
Explainer: Oh, uh, sorry. Let me explain. Ahem… WE’RE UNDER ATTAAAACKKKK!!!! Or rather, we soon will be under attack!
Kroop: The Explainer got an anonymous phone call, warning us that an invasion is about to happen. We don’t know anything about the attackers, but apparently they want to destroy the ‘Shroom once and for all!
Explainer: Have you noticed any suspicious things or people? We mustn’t let this happen!
Cosmo: Destroy the ‘Shroom? Could this be the work of…Bar D. Jokue?!
DryBonesBandit: Great. Destroy the very company I work for. Yay.
Cosmo: Oh man, this is serious. When Bar D. Jokue makes a plan, things always go badly. He’s more competent than you expect. At least, when it comes to evil plans. He is still terrible at writing travel guides.
DryBonesBandit: Yeah, his travel guides were, well, not very great.
Pyro: Doesn’t have to be him, but it IS certainly possible… But whoever it is, the Explainer said we need to stop the invasion, so let’s stop the invasion! Time for some action, whoo!
Explainer: But, guys, we don’t know who or what we’re looking for! There is a high probability that the attackers will disguise themselves and try to go unnoticed!
Kroop: That’s true. So maybe we just split up and see if we find anything unusual?
Cosmo: Hmm…We should prepare the defenses.
DryBonesBandit: …defenses? Since when did we have defenses? I thought this was a simple newspaper…?
Cosmo: Oh, I mean like the security system. My request to install laser gun turrets was rejected, so we just have to make do with security cameras.
DryBonesBandit: Oh. Those defenses. So basically, we’re going from janitor to night guard… oughta be better, actually.
Pyro: I could do some REAL defenses if you want?
Cosmo: Like, laser gun turrets? I love laser gun turrets!
Kroop: Let me interrupt this right here. We don't want to demolish the ‘Shroom HQ! So, no shenanigans today, please…
DryBonesBandit: Are we even sure we need major defenses? We don’t know what we’re dealing with. All we know is that there’s some sort of invasion. I’d assume all we need are a few barricades and walls. And maybe Ice Flowers.
Explainer: Well, it IS statistically proven that major defenses help a lot with defending newspaper buildings from assaults, but… Hasn't exactly happened that often, so it's probably not too accurate…
Cosmo: Huh. Now I’m curious, how do you know this?
Explainer: Well uh… there's this parallel universe where this happened once. One of Pyro's antilogician friends made some nonsensical study about it, if I remember correctly… Yeah, I don't know, I got it from my database.
Kroop: Definitely a VEEEERY trustworthy source…
DryBonesBandit: Yeah, see? And by major, I mean “will leave a major mess that we have to clean up afterwards”.
Pyro: Yeah! I want to install some MAJOR major defenses! Reversed gravity, and exploding doors, and…
DryBonesBandit: See what I mean?
Cosmo: I think we’re getting off track here. All we have to do is guard the building, and watch out for Bar D. Jokue and whoever else may be with him. Sorry Pyro, as fun as it would be, mass destruction will probably destroy the ‘Shroom while trying to protect it.
Pyro: Aww. But fine, I guess hunting villains is also fun enough.
After some preparations, the ‘Shroom crew have set themselves up throughout the ‘Shroom HQ to watch over the building, with Cosmo in the security room, while the Explainer, DryBonesBandit, Pyro & Kroop are patrolling the halls. All seems quiet… until, unrecognized by the heroes, the villains arrive in plain sight.
Mavero: Perfect! Looks like nobody's home, now we can cause mayhem! Now let's move!
Sparky: Now THIS is going to be LIT no cap.
Mavero: Jokue! You still got those uniforms?
Bar D. Jokue: Oh, Guy made those. He’s got them.
Guy: Right here! Here you go everyone.
Mavero: PERFECT! Now remember to act casual! We're just simple janitors!
Sparky: Got it homie.
Mavero: And can you PLEASE stop talking like that!
Sparky: Ok bro lowkey I think you're starting to sound like a real beta right now.
Mavero: WILL YOU JUST- Oh never mind, let’s just go…
The vile villains enter the ‘Shroom through a back door while in their disguises, and begin to act like they're mopping the floors. Eventually, Pyro catches a glimpse of Guy in his janitor disguise.
Pyro: Nah, Kroop. There's no one here, just some janitors left with the cleaning work… I TOLD you we should have taken the other corridor!
Kroop: Fine, you were right- wait. Why are there extra janitors when the cleaning was supposed to be our fellow writers’ job?! Something's off about that guy…
Pyro: What? Nooo! He seems nice! Now let's check the writers’ offices. Maybe they're hiding in my desk drawer, like that demon I had problems with once!
Pyro wanders off, and while Kroop would have preferred to stay and further investigate the suspicious janitors, he follows him. They come across DryBonesBandit in the hallway.
Pyro: Nothing special here, just some very unsuspicious and nice-looking janitors! Have you found anything?
DryBonesBandit: All the Explainer and I have seen is an odd Pianta janitor. Kinda strange… all the janitors were at the party, last I checked…
Meanwhile in the security office, Cosmo checks the cameras and sees a Hammer Bro - and a familiar-looking Pianta - roaming the halls. Cosmo then calls out to the Explainer.
Cosmo: Oh crap. Oh no. Uhh, Explainer? I just saw Bar D. Jokue on the cameras! It seems he’s broken into the building, disguised as a janitor. He’s in the hallway just outside the Fake News offices.
Explainer: So it actually is that villain of yours! We're on our way! Is that Guy guy also around here somewhere?
Cosmo: Oh yeah, I’ll check.
As Cosmo’s checking the cams trying to find Guy, suddenly the cams begin glitching out as a menacing chuckle can be heard from the screens.
Sparky: Hehehehehe only a REAL SIGMA MALE would have seen this coming sorry nerd.
Cosmo: Hey! I’m not a nerd! I’m a CEO! Dang, there go the cameras.
Explainer: Cosmo? What's up?
Cosmo: The roof! Oh wait, you mean…Uh, the cameras got hacked. I can’t see anything!
Explainer: Huh. So apparently there's more of them, assaulting our security system - oh! Damn, we gotta check the ‘Shroom servers! I have a bad feeling…
Meanwhile, Mavero and the other villains have grouped up in the Fake News writers’ room, ready to discuss the next phase of the plan.
Mavero: So Sparky, have you disabled the security system?
Sparky: Sure did my man those betas won't be able to see us at ALL no cap.
Mavero: Perfect! Now, next up is RUINING ALL THE ‘SHROOM SECTIONS!
Bar D. Jokue: Sigh…I was hoping Cosmo would be here. I wanted to beat him up…
Mavero: Oh well, better luck next time…anyways! SPARKY! YOU’RE UP!
Sparky: Sure thing man these guys ain't gonna know what hit them!
In a flash of sparks, Sparky transfers himself through all the Fake News computers and begins scrambling them up. Now, all the sections are about fitness tips, Bit Coin investments and how to be a SIGMA male training guides.
Mavero: GAHAHAHAHAH! YES YES! NOW THEY WILL FEEL OUR WRATH! OK, now all we need to do is hack into the main server and wreck the place a little bit, ya know, maybe spill a cup or rip a book or two.
Meanwhile, in the security room…
Cosmo: Oh no! The ‘Shroom has been hacked! Now all the sections are…interesting. We have to reach the villains before it’s too late!
DryBonesBandit: They didn’t even have the decency to make my section about a living coin…
Pyro and Kroop have joined the others by now, also led by Cosmo's path description. They are in the Fake News area now, around where Cosmo last saw the intruders.
Pyro: Are we gonna have a battle?! Pleeeeaaaassse???
Cosmo: Yes, I’m pretty sure. Everyone, arm yourselves. Or, you know, just get ready to battle.
Kroop: Aren't you coming too? We could really use your psi powers!
Cosmo: I’m coming, don’t worry. I need to get my revenge on them for turning “The Sunshine Travel Guide” into “The Sigma Travel Guide”. That’s not even a good pun!
DryBonesBandit: I have nothing to contribute, power-wise. Does anyone have any sort of weapon I could use?
Pyro: Oh yeah!! Whaddya want?
DryBonesBandit: Ice magic seems kinda cool… though a simple sword works.
Pyro conjures a huge, magical-looking sword that is made of ice.
Pyro: There! But you gotta be quick, otherwise it'll have melted!
DryBonesBandit: Thanks! This will probably not turn out to be a mistake.
The Parabones takes the sword, causing him to nearly fall over due to its weight.
Explainer: So.. It seems all we need is Cosmo and then we can KICK in the door and ATTACK!! Right?
Cosmo: Are we ready?
Pyro: Never been more ready, whoo!
Cosmo: Well, here we go. AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! Hang on, that’s not us.
Even if that line was probably copyrighted, the heroes didn't care, as they BURST through the Fake News room door and come in on Bar D. Jokue Mavero and Co all trashing the office. They all stop what they're doing and turn towards our heroes. After a moment of silence, Mavero shouts:
Mavero: THE JIG IS UP! Well, guess we don't need THESE anymore!
Mavero and Co. rip off their janitor outfits and reveal their true identities. Cosmo’s eyes are immediately drawn to the familiar Pianta and Shy Guy duo.
Cosmo: Bar D. Jokue. Guy. It’s lovely to see you again.
Bar D. Jokue: Really?
Cosmo: No, I was being sarcastic. You’ve gone too far this time. Prepare yourself, cause I’m gonna beat you yet again.
Bar D. Jokue: Heh heh heh, how foolish. Your arrogance will be the end of you! I got that line from “How to be a Menacing Villain" by the way. How is it?
Pyro: Oh, it's fine, but I think “your downfall” is better than “the end of you”.
DryBonesBandit: That... is not helpful to us either.
Cosmo: Can we not give him villain lessons?
Mavero: AHEM! EXCUSE ME! IM THE ONE WHO ASSEMBLED THIS TEAM NOT THOSE TWO CLOWNS! And ESPECIALLY not that hothead.
Sparky meanwhile regards DryBonesBandit with distrust, and remarks:
Sparky: Bro do I know you from somewhere? You seem kinda familiar like I have a feeling you REALLY dislike me for some reason.
Kroop: Well maybe that's because you jerks are trying to destroy the ‘Shroom! I definitely don't like you either.
Explainer: Yeah, me neither. Sorry, not really surprising though.
DryBonesBandit: Yeah, same here - I also get the feeling you’re the one who turned Dry Dry Data into an article about cryptocurrency…
Sparky: YEP all me man that's just what a SIGMA MALE would do not care about others opinion and just do your own thi-
Mavero interrupts:
Mavero: ENOUGH ALREADY! The REAL reason we are here is because YOUR boss, and by proxy the ‘Shroom IN GENERAL, ruined my family's legacy! And now I, MAVERO THE HAMMER BRO, have come to seek my revenge!
Explainer: Care to explain what exactly we did to you? Violence is usually a bad solu- OUCH!
He gets struck in the glitchy head by a thrown hammer, and dematerializes his body to prevent another hit.
Mavero: I DON’T NEED YOUR SAPPY SOB STORY! I WANT MY FAMILY'S LEGACY AS THE WORST ENEMY RESTORED! AND IF YOU CHUMPS WANT TO GET IN OUR WAY, SO BE IT!
DryBonesBandit: …you realize that “worst” does not mean “worst to be in a fight against”, right?
Mavero: OH YES, I’m very aware of that, and in fact HERE have a taste of the Mavero family legacy!
Suddenly Mavero begins throwing Chill hammers aplenty, giving incentive to the other villains to begin brawling. As such, a fight ensues, with Cosmo pouncing at Bar D. Jouke and Guy while Pyro and Kroop take on Sparky.
Cosmo: The last time I fought you two was during that Karting tournament.
Bar D. Jokue: I should have won that, you cheater!
Pyro: By the way, we haven't met yet. Nice to meet you! Cosmo told us A LOT about you…
Guy: Well, it’s pleasant to meet you. I LOVE your ‘Shroom section-er, I mean, grah, I’m evil.
Sparky, tired of being ignored, shoots some small balls of electricity at Pyro and Kroop.
Sparky: Hey bro that's so not skibidi not ignore me like that man just for that you're gonna get it!
Pyro just teleports away, and the electric spheres crash into a coffee machine, which explodes, splattering the villain.
Sparky: GaH! (Sparky slightly fizzles when hit by the coffee)
Pyro: Oh yeah? Hah, I've dodged SLUGS faster than your lightning!
Kroop: The terrifying thing is that he probably really has…
Sparky: Alright then see if you betas can dodge THIS SUPER move!
Sparky then shoots fire from his mouth, by producing intense heat with his sparks.
Sparky: You guys are cooked no cap!
Cosmo sees the move from across the room. Moving faster than thought, he jumps in front of Pyro and Kroop. With spectacular power, his eyes shine a bright white as his fur glows. The fire is more powerful than he expects though, and as Cosmo struggles to hold it back, he begins to falter.
Cosmo: GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Suddenly, Cosmo is relieved of the flames hitting him. DryBonesBandit had flown across the room during the confrontation, and, now behind Sparky, jabbed him with the really cold sword he acquired earlier. Sparky shouts lightly at the sudden pain.
Sparky: “gRaH!”
DryBonesBandit: Hey Sparky, did you know that a simple ball of ice can destroy a literal ball of lava? What do you think an icy sword can do to you?
Sparky: YO lowkey both you guys are aura farming right now no cap oh also OH NO!
Mavero: Nuh uh uh you guys aren't going anywhere!
Suddenly Mavero throws one of his Chill hammers at DryBonesBandit, freezing him on the spot - holding a LITERAL ice sword, he had already been cold and slowed down.
Pyro: Whoops. Kroop, I'll throw you over so you can un-freeze him!
Kroop: Ohh no, I still remember the last time you threw me at something…!
Pyro throws him at the frozen Parabones. Slightly angry, Kroop clings to DryBonesBandit's arm with his jaws while his flames slowly melt the ice. Too slowly.
DryBonesBandit attempts to make a comment but we could not hear it through the ice and so we cannot list it here.
Mavero: OH NO YOU DON’T! Bar D. Jokue! Take care of that Magikoopa! I'll handle the Cat!
Bar D. Jokue: But I wanted to beat him up…
Guy: Come on, Mr Jokue. We can beat him up afterwards.
Explainer: Oh no, you won't “take care of that Magikoop- !
The Explainer manifests right behind Jokue, fist raised to strike him down - but he materialized right inside a Chill hammer and gets frozen in mid-air.
Bar D. Jokue: Hahaha! Take that! Now, for the magician…
Guy: I’m pretty sure it’s antilogic, actually.
Pyro: Yup, the guy's right!
Kroop: Pyro! Stop chatting with our enemies, we're losing! Just do something that safely knocks them out without causing any further chaos!!
Pyro: Hmm, let's see… Ah! I got it! Reverssseeee… gravity!!!!
Gravity is reversed, and everyone and everything falls upwards. Kroop tries to facepalm, but sadly he doesn't have hands. Pyro is happily giggling as both heroes and villains collide with the ceiling - except Sparky, who is constantly floating alongside Pyro, and the Explainer, who is still stuck. Cosmo lands on his feet, as cats do, and catches the frozen DryBonesBandit, so he doesn’t shatter upon the sudden collision with the ground, or is it the roof?
Sparky: Bruh did you REALLY think that would work on me? I FLOAT dude that is SUCH a cringy beta move dude that's it you're getting yeeted.
Then, Sparky hacks up an ember and sends it flying towards the distracted Pyro. It hits him hard in the noggin, smacking him down against the ceiling, dizzy and disoriented, which gives Bar D. Jokue and Guy the chance to grab him!
Bar D. Jokue: Muahahaha! Got you!
Kroop: Oh COME ON!! Is that REALLY how the ‘Shroom ends? Pretty stupid!
As Cosmo watches his friends be captured one by one while still holding onto the frozen DryBonesBandit, he suddenly hears a voice from behind.
Mavero: Well well well MR. COSMO! Looks like it's time for your CAT NAP!
Cosmo: Dry! Kroop! Explainer! Pyro. That’s it. I’m mad now!
Cosmo rises into the air, gathering power. His eyes once again turn white as ancient symbols surround him. The room courses with energy as he prepares to attack. However, Cosmo’s power is too much for he himself to handle. His lack of control, combined with his exhaustion from holding back Sparky’s attack earlier, causes him to explode in a flash of blue. His burned body crumples onto the ground. He says one thing before his movement stops entirely:
Cosmo: Ow.
Mavero: Well THAT was easy! Now let's tie up the ones that are awake! While we leave the ones that are frozen where they are!
Guy kneels next to Cosmo, checking for signs of life.
Bar D. Jokue: Did we kill him? FINALLY!
Pyro: I thought.. ouch.. you still wanted t-to beat him up?
Bar D. Jokue: Oh yeah. OH NO! Why did you have to die before I could kill you, Cosmo?
Mavero: Calm down, I don't think he's dead. Besides, we just beat him up a bit, we don't want to KILL him.
Guy checks Cosmo’s body, and to the relief of everyone (Especially Bar D. Jokue), Cosmo’s still alive, he’s simply unconscious for now. After a bit of gathering, both Cosmo and Pyro are tied up. Meanwhile, DryBonesBandit, Kroop, and The Explainer are lunked together and eventually, gravity returns to normal.
Mavero: GAHAHAHAHAHAH! YES! WE DID IT, WE FINALLY DID IT! THE ‘SHROOM IS OURS! Now, all that's left to do is scramble the main server, and we'll be done!
To be continued...
Random Video Analysis
| Thumbnail | _USA_TV_Commercial_thumbnail.jpg)
|
|---|---|
| Video by: | Foulowe59 |
| Publish date: | January 9, 2022 |
| Views: | 7,824 (as of July 27, 2025) |
| Likes: | 224 (as of July 27, 2025) |
| Type: | Advertisement |
Welcome to the post-Awards issue of Random Video Analysis, a section where I analyze a random video I find on YouTube! It's been 25 years since Paper Mario was released in Japan, so I thought of analyzing the United States commercial of the game to celebrate! It's one of the best Mario commercials I've ever seen. Sadly I never saw it on TV... but it's OK! I plan on playing this game again this Christmas!
What's it about?
On a normal, peaceful day, a life-sized cardboard cutout of Mario is fishing in a lake. All of a sudden, Princess Peach calls for help! After a nearby goat bleats, Mario realizes he must save the day and immediately jumps into the water. He then swims for a few seconds before footage from Paper Mario itself is displayed on the screen (check the transcript below for what the footage actually shows). Mario is then seen on land making his way towards Princess Peach, but he reaches the edge of a cliff and jumps off it, plummeting downwards.
After more footage is shown, Mario is seen "running" again, this time towards a castle in the background. The interior of the fortress is then seen, where life-sized cardboard cutouts of Princess Peach and Bowser (inside his Clown Car too!) are, with the former tied up above a paper shredder. Mario uses a rope to swing into the castle, breaking a window in the process. Afterwards, the cover for the game is shown, with the goat from earlier rubbing its head against it. Before the commercial ends, the Nintendo 64 logo is brought into view. This scares the goat and causes it to run away.
Oh, and by the way, there is a narrator speaking throughout the commercial as well. Be sure to check the transcript to see everything he has to say.
Interesting observations
- Princess Peach and Bowser do not change expressions at all.
- Mario is seen holding a fishing rod, but how does he do it? The cardboard cutouts look to be entirely two-dimensionsal, but the first one of Mario could have been 3D. Either that or it was stuck to him.
- Mario is shown swimming in this commercial, although he is unable to swim by himself in the actual game. He needs Sushie's help to do so.
- Most of the gameplay footage shown was from Chapter 5, with the exception of the clip of Bowser using the Star Rod.
- Additionally, only Koopa partners were present: Parakarry and Kooper.
- When Mario is choosing which attack to use on the Jungle Fuzzies, he has the standard Boots. At this point in the game, the Super Boots are equipped, not the normal ones. The Star Power meter only has two bars instead of four.
- A skeleton can be seen inside the castle. I hope it's not a real one!
- When Mario breaks into Bowser's Castle, the location looks different than how it did when only Bowser and Princess Peach were shown. Perhaps it's at a different angle? But then again, maybe not.
- Princess Peach was tied up above a paper shredder!
Gallery
Go Mario! Water won't stop your desire to save the princess!
Shouldn't paper slowly float downwards?
Mario should break into Bowser's Castle like this more often.
In a way, this commercial predicted the goat in Paper Mario: Sticker Star.
Transcript
It's better to have a transcript of the commercial instead of describing everything scene by scene, including the dialogue and providing a general analysis all at once. Haven't made a transcript in a while!
Princess Peach: Help! Help!
{Cut to show a goat by the cover for Paper Mario, who bleats. The camera then cuts to only show Mario's face, now in a surprised expression. This closeup is accompanied by the sound effects of Mario's jump and when a coin is collected. Now back to the original view, Mario leaps into the water and "swims" close by the screen. While he is swimming, interesting music begins to play, in the form of percussion and vocals. A narrator also begins to speak.}
Narrator: Mario's back, in a new adventure!
{Gameplay footage of Paper Mario is then shown. First, there is a scene of Mario, Parakarry, and Kolorado arriving at Lavalava Island with the help of the whale. Afterwards, footage of Parakarry carrying Mario across lava inside the island's volcano is shown.}
Narrator: (while the gameplay footage is shown): He has new friends with special abilities!
{After the previously mentioned gameplay footage, The Mario cardboard cutout is seen making his way to the edge of a cliff, but he goes too far and falls. When he falls, the camera changes to show him falling towards the screen. More gameplay is shown after Mario's fall, this time about Mario and Kooper battling two Jungle Fuzzies on Lavalava Island and Bowser using the Star Rod to power himself up at Peach's Castle.}
Narrator: (While the new gameplay is shown): He has new enemies with funky attacks!
{Cut back to the Mario cardboard cutout, now running to the right with a castle in the background. Near the end of this scene, the narrator speaks again.}
Narrator: But will he save the princess?
{Cut to show the interior of the castle. Princess Peach is tied up above a paper shredder, and a life-sized cardboard cutout of Bowser inside his Clown Car is beside her. the area they're in looks to be a dungeon. At the beginning of this scene, there are flashes of lightning, and thunder is heard. The camera then cuts to show a closeup of Princess Peach.}
Princess Peach: Help!
{The camera shows the paper shredder, which shreds a sheet of paper. The music also stops.}
Narrator: Find out in...
{The camera zooms out to show Mario swinging on a rope into the castle, breaking through a window. A replay focusing on Mario breaking the window is then shown. When Mario enters the castle, the screen freezes.}
Narrator: ...Paper Mario! Rated "E" for everyone.
{After the narrator says "Paper Mario!", the camera cuts to show the cover for the game. The goat from earlier is rubbing its head against the game's cover. During this scene, the ESRB's "E" is displayed on the bottom left corner, and white text is present on the bottom center of the screen, reading "Game and system sold separately". After the narrator finishes his dialogue, the camera zooms out to show the location of where the goat and game cover are. The music also resumes and plays for the rest of the commercial. New white text appears at the bottom left corner of the screen, reading "www.nintendo.com". The Nintendo 64 logo moves in from the right side of the screen before stopping in the center, causing the goat to run away. After the logo stops moving, the screen fades to black, marking the end of the commercial.}
| The 'Shroom: Issue 221 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
