Director's Notes
It's now July! Welcome back to The 'Shroom!
How is everybody enjoying Donkey Kong Bananza? I've heard nothing but good things about it so far, so I'm glad that it's living up to everyone's expectations. I've been working my way through Rune Factory: Guardians of Azuma for the past couple of weeks, and I'm liking it more than I liked Rune Factory 5 back in 2022. It removes a lot of the more tedious aspects of Rune Factory from 5 that I wasn't a fan of, and it really streamlines the game as a whole. Would recommend!
This month we have a LOT for you! Three new sections are starting this month: Ash is starting a new story called Paper Mario: The Door, DrkLrdHmGree3856 (talk) is bringing some poetry to our Palette in Poems From the Other Side, and Hint Toad (talk) has a new comic section called Mushroom Kingdom Comics!! Welcome to all of you, and we can't wait to see what you write next!
What are you still doing up here? Palette Swap is packed full and everyone worked very hard this month to stack it with great sections!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Let's take a look at the Section of the Month results for our massive summer special! Copping first once more is winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel! Congratulations! Follow that, we have Waluigi Time (talk)'s Waluigi Time Comic, and then we have a tie for third this month between Waluigi Time (talk)'s new section Too Bad, Storytime! and aomaf (talk)'s Story Without Text. Congratulations to our winners for this month, and a big thank you to everyone who voted!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 16 | 42.11% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Waluigi Time Comic | 5 | 13.16% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 3rd | Too Bad, Storytime! | 4 | 10.53% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
| 3rd | Story Without Text | 4 | 10.53% | Aomaf (talk) |
Random Image of the Month
Hello, and welcome back to Palette Swap's sometimes-occurring, sometimes-not art critique section, Random Image of the Month! As part of my never-ending nightmare of finding weird Mario artwork, I've found yet another why does this exist? artwork. Well, actually, I found two! But for now we're going to be talking about the one I found first: a special piece of Bowser artwork promoting SimCity for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System!
Now, you might be asking yourself "why is Bowser in SimCity?". Well, you see, the answer is synergy! As a special little treat for the people who bought SimCity on the Super Nintendo, Bowser replaces the monster that attacks the city in the other versions. It's like how Link is exclusive to Soul Caliber 2 on the GameCube, only instead of being able to play as the Hero of Time, you're having the King of the Koopas destroy your own city for the insurance money! Speaking of the King of the Koopas, look how happy he is! This might be the happiest I've ever seen Bowser. He's so happy to be destroying this city! It's like he's frolicking in a field full of flowers, only those flowers are buildings! He's having the time of his life causing mayhem, destroying buildings, and causing insurance rates to skyrocket. It's probably because, for the first time in years, he gets to be destructive without any opposition. No pesky plumbers to send him into lava, no egg-throwing dinosaurs to toss eggs at him, no loud babies crying, it's just Bowser doing what he loves the most - wrecking shit! Now, as much as it looks like Bowser is having fun destroying this city, it kind of doesn't look like he's doing that good of a job at it. As far as we can see, all the buildings are still standing, which is strange. You'd think a giant Bowser would be pretty good at destroying buildings. Maybe he just got teleported in by a bored player and that's why everything's still standing! If that's the case, I wonder what he'll destroy first? Probably the local plumber union hall...
I do like how they include sprites of the game in this image, which makes sense 'cause it came from a full-page ad for SimCity that emphasizes how you can use Bowser to mess things up when you get bored of the tedium of local city management. And I like how the sprites make it look like that's the path of destruction Bowser will be going through. Although, personally, I probably would have put the actual Bowser SimCity sprite on the gameplay sprite, just so that people could actually see what he looks like in-game. But that's just me, I suppose. I think this is my favorite image of Bowser on the wiki. He just looks so carefree. It's as if he's finally on a long-awaited vacation and he can finally do what he wants to do - destroy stuff without opposition because he's, you know, evil!
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
"Smart Fridge"
Panel 1
[Waluigi Time is standing next to a purple smart fridge and holding a bowl. Shbeeg's face is displayed on the fridge's screen.]
SHBEEG: Oh, thank goodness! I accidentally uploaded myself to the fridge.
SHBEEG: Can you reset me, please?
Panel 2
[Waluigi Time ponders it with his hand to his chin. Shbeeg is visibly impatient.]
SHBEEG: ...
Panel 3
[Waluigi Time pulls a milk carton out of the opened fridge. Shbeeg looks displeased.]
Panel 4
[Waluigi Time walks away from the fridge as Shbeeg gives an annoyed side glance to the reader.]
WALUIGI TIME: Make sure the eggs don't go bad, alright?
The ? Panel
{Luigi encounters a Hammer Bro. on his way through a level}
Hammer Bro.: Yo, yo! Your journey ends here after I give you a hammerin'!
{Hammer Bro. throws a few hammers but it didn't reach anywhere near Luigi. Luigi can only point at Hammer Bro. in a mocking way.}
{Luigi shrugs as the hammers were out of reach. Hammer Bro. is annoyed at missing the hammers.}
Hammer Bro.: RRGH!
{Hammer Bro. leaps down the platforms while carrying two hammers, one in each hand}
Hammer Bro.: Fine! I'll keep trying!
{Hammer Bro. keeps advancing forward as the gap closes between him and Luigi}
Hammer Bro.: You know *hup*, I could do this *hup* all day!
{The hammers are shown to miss Luigi, who is rolling his eyes and crossing his arms}
{Hammer Bro. is now close to Luigi}
Hammer Bro.: Ha! Now I'll get you for sure!
{Luigi smiles and points downwards, prompting the Hammer Bro. to look down as well}
Hammer Bro.: Huh?
{It is revealed that Hammer Bro. is over a pit without solid ground. Hammer Bro.'s eyes extends as he looks down the pit below, while Luigi grins at him}
Hammer Bro.: AAAAAH!!
{Hammer Bro. raises his arms and fall down, while Luigi gives a sarcastic salute as he falls}
Hammer Bro.: Oh, fiddlesticks!
{Hammer Bro. already fell down the pit. Luigi waves down below}
Hammer Bro.: I'll get you, I swear!!!
{Luigi is jumping over the pit while shuffling his legs. A "BOING!" sound effect is made when he jumps.}
Luigi: There goes the Hammer Bro. Wa-hey, time to move on!
{A hammer is flung from the pit and hit Luigi's chin}
Luigi: Oof!
{Luigi flips upside down over the pit, losing all momentum}
Luigi: Uh-oh.
{Luigi falls down into the pit below. A "SHOOM" is made when he drops like a rock}
Luigi: WAAARGH!!!
{From the pit, the Hammer Bro. raises two V sign to indicate victory and that he got the last laugh}
Title: "Luigi - GAME OVER -"
{A Hammer Bro. turns to the left and right, looking for the other Hammer Bro.}
Hammer Bro. B: Sorry I'm late! Huh? Where's my bro?
{Hammer Bro. B looks down into the pit with an unsurprised expression}
Hammer Bro. A: {Shouting from a pit} Heeere!!
Hammer Bro. B: Don't tell me: you accidentally dropped into the pit again.
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Panel 1
[King Boo wearing his Kingly robe and a Boo looking at each other.]
BOO: You're looking very kingly with that robe on sire!
Panel 2
[King Boo wearing his Kingly robe looking off into the distance while two Boo's whisper in the corner.]
BOO 1: Think we should tell him he's wearing it inside-out?
BOO 2: Na.
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
World 4: Subterranean Sports - Part 2
Further into Talpidae Tunnels, the heroes found a passageway blocked by a boulder, with a large explosive shaped like a sheep sitting in front of it. This sheep-like explosive was the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalent of the Bob-Omb; The Sheep-4.
"Look at this. A sentient explosive that looks like a sheep." Larry remarked as he looked at the Sheep-4.
"The Zellon Armed Forces sure have weird creatures among their military ranks, I tell ya." Morton chimed in as he looked at the Sheep-4 as well.
"This is the Mushroom World, so it's par for the course, you could say." Iggy replied to Larry and Morton before looking back at the Sheep-4, which proceeded to snap out of its daydream as it proceeded to notice the heroes.
"Oh no, the heroes have come? Oh, I'm so not ready for this…" The Sheep-4 muttered under its breath in a worried tone of voice before looking back at the heroes. "Look, I really don't feel like dealing with you guys right now, so I'll cut straight to the chase; If you guys wanna beat me, you'll need to win the Shooting event. If you win, you pass. Simple as that." The Sheep-4 explained to the heroes.
"Alright, we accept your challenge, sentient explosive. Now let's head to the stadium to take care of this!" Larry declared as the heroes and the Sheep-4 were beamed away to the stadium where the event was going to take place.
Larry, Morton and Iggy then proceeded to compete against the Sheep-4 in Shooting, with each of them holding a pistol as they proceeded to hit their targets multiple times, with Iggy managing to hit the most targets out of the four of them, emerging victorious in the event and successfully beating the Sheep-4 in the event. Everyone was then beamed back to Talpidae Tunnels.
"Looks like you managed to beat me. Well, a deal's a deal, so I'll let you guys pass. Farewell." The Sheep-4 told the heroes before exploding, shattering the boulder that was blocking the heroes' progress into Talpidae Tunnels in the process.
"Yar, well done, ye laddies! Ye managed ta open up the blocked passage an' grant us further access into Talpidae Tunnels!" ClawgripFan9001 complimented Larry, Morton and Iggy's efforts with a grin on his face.
"Job well done, guys. Let's move on, we should be about halfway done with our trek through this area of the Dark Lands very soon if we keep on pushing like this." The Lakitu cameraman added before the heroes proceeded to head further into the caves.
A little while of walking later, the heroes found some more of General Zellon's troops, these ones being the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalent of Fire Brothers; Scorch Sisters. There were three of these Scorch Sisters, and they proceeded to notice the heroes rather quickly.
"Don't you freaks move for a second! We've been told by Commander Basil to prevent you guys from progressing towards his Talpidae Tunnels stronghold any further, so this'll be where your adventure ends!" One of the Scorch Sisters told the heroes firmly.
"I'm not sure we got the message, ladies. If I'm not mistaken, the message was that we're free to pass if we beat you three in a sports event, correct?" Winston mockingly asked the Scorch Sisters, who immediately glared at the White Shy Guy.
"I'd watch that big mouth of yours, you faceless felon, unless you want to get a face full of flames courtesy of yours truly." The second Scorch Sister firmly told Winston, pointing at him.
"You know what? Let's accept his challenge. We'll see if his guts are as big as his mouth." The third Scorch Sister spoke before turning back to Winston. "How about this? If you manage to beat all of us at Cycling - Omnium, you get to pass together with your silly friends. If you lose to us, you're all out of the Dark Lands by the end of the day, and you can't come back." She then offered the White Shy Guy.
Winston nodded, feeling confident about his chances of beating the Scorch Sisters. "I accept your challenge, ladies. Let's head to the cycling stadium to get this show on the road!" He declared as the heroes and their opponents were teleported towards the cycling stadium where the event would be taking place.
The scene then cut to the cycling stadium before panning over to the starting line, where Winston and the Scorch Sisters were all seated on their bicycles. The announcer was then about to announce the competitors to the crowd.
"In Line Number One, Winston the White Shy Guy!" The announcer spoke as Winston happily waved to the crowd only to be met with boos and sneers from them.
"In Line Number Two, Corporal Sears!" The announcer spoke as the first of the Scorch Sisters waved to the audience, being met with cheers and applause from them.
"In Line Number Three, Corporal Flare!" The announcer spoke as the second of the Scorch Sisters waved to the audience, likewise being met with cheers and applause.
"And In Line Number Four, Corporal Ember!" The announcer finished as the last of the Scorch Sisters waved to the audience, to which they responded by cheering and applauding.
Everyone then readied themselves for takeoff. "On your marks…Get set…" The starting shot was then fired as Winston and the Scorch Sisters went pedaling forward, with each of the competitors trying to be as strategic as possible with the distribution of their stamina, but Winston managed to outsmart each of the Scope Sisters and successfully crossed the finish line first, raising his arms in victory as he did so.
The Scorch Sisters screamed in agony at having lost to Winston before they all proceeded to disappear into puffs of smoke and the heroes were sent back to Talpidae Tunnels.
"Yar, well done, Winston, me boy! Ye really showed those ladies what fer!" ClawgripFan9001 grinned as he high fived Winston.
"Thanks, ClawgripFan! Glad I was able to help with getting these troops out of our way!" Winston cheered as he returned the high five.
"Yup, yup. That was a good run on the cycling track, alright. Now let's move on, we should be about halfway done with our trek through this part of the Dark Lands by now." The Lakitu cameraman chimed in as the heroes continued on, getting closer and closer to the next stronghold they had to face.
Wandering further into Talpidae Tunnels, the heroes soon found themselves face to face with two Zellon Armed Forces members that were the army's equivalent to Sumo Brothers: Judo Sisters. The heroes were surprised at what they saw..
"Well, would you look at this? Looks like General Zellon also has martial artists working under him." Ludwig remarked, impressed by what he saw.
"It definitely looks like it, Ludwig! But no martial artists are gonna stand in our way of reaching General Zellon's next stronghold and freeing the next set of heroes!" Roy grinned as he pounded his fists together.
The Judo Sisters then proceeded to notice heroes, after which they slipped into a fighting stance. "Take no step further, heroic scum. Commander Basil told us that your type isn't allowed in Talpidae Tunnels, which means that this is the end of the line for you all." One of the Judo Sisters informed the heroes.
Roy then stepped forward to confront the Judo Sisters. "If you girls think that we're gonna be bossed around by you, you've got another thing coming. Now step aside, we've got work to do." He told the Judo Sisters.
"Hmpf. You've got quite a big mouth. Let's see if your hands and feet move as fast as your mouth by going head to head with us in a Judo match. The results of victory for either party are rather simple: If you emerge victorious, we shall let you pass. If either one of us emerges victorious, your journey through the Dark Lands comes to an abrupt end. Does that work for you?" The other Judo Sister asked Roy.
"Works just fine for me! Now let's head to the stadium to take care of things!" Roy declared as everyone was beamed away to the stadium where the event was going to take place. Roy was dressed in a Judo gi, ready to take on the Judo Sisters as he slipped into a fighting stance of his own.
The Judo Sisters stood in front of Roy, a furrowed brow resting on their faces as they prepared to duel the third eldest Koopaling. After bowing towards each other, the trio began to engage in various Judo throws against one another, hoping to score the most points in order to claim victory in the event. As this was going on, the rest of the heroes were watching from the sidelines.
"Roy sure knows how to kick people's butts when it comes to martial arts!" Dixie Kong spoke as she watched the Judo match with awe and excitement.
"Gwa, ha, ha, ha! Dang right he knows how to do that! Since he was young, he's always had an interest in martial arts, so when he turned eight, I hired a martial arts instructor to teach him the way of the sport! He now holds a first-degree black belt in Judo, a second-degree black belt in Taekwondo and practices Kenpo as a result of his diligence as a martial arts student!" Bowser spoke with an excited grin as he also watched the match going on.
"Looks like those teachings really paid off, Mr. Bowser, because Roy is really handing those Zellon troops' butts to them." Diddy Kong pointed out with a smile as we see Roy slamming the Judo Sisters down onto the mat before raising his arms in victory as Roy had scored the most points and therefore emerged victorious in the match. The Judo Sisters groaned in defeat before disappearing into puffs of smoke, after which the heroes were beamed back to Talpidae Tunnels.
"Game, set and match! I win in this event!" Roy cheered as he high fived Ludwig, Lemmy and Iggy. His siblings happily returned the high fives.
"Yar, that sure were an excitin' sports event! I'm sure that the viewers back 'ome found that excitin' as well!" ClawgripFan9001 grinned as he was snapping his claws happily.
"I filmed everything with my camera, so I'm pretty sure they enjoyed it, ClawgripFan." The Lakitu cameraman chimed in.
"Alright, now let's head on deeper into Talpidae Tunnels, shall we?" Roy suggested as everyone continued on their way.
Deeper into Talpidae Tunnels, the heroes found a fruit stall where members of the Zellon Armed Forces were selling fruits and bottles of water. The stall was being run by four Zellon Troopers, and they proceeded to notice the heroes.
"Howdy, heroes! You guys must be pretty hungry and thirsty after all you did to get this far, huh?" One of the Zellon Troopers greeted the heroes with a smile.
"Aye, we do be famished and dehydrated after all the exercisin' we did ta get 'ere, lad. Where do ye be goin' with this, if I may ask?" ClawgripFan9001 raised a curious eyebrow at the Zellon Trooper's question.
"Well, we'd be willing to part with our fruit stall's wares in exchange for you guys beating us in a match of Synchronized Swimming. If you beat us, everything in this fruit stall is all yours. If we beat you, you get diddly squat and have to leave the Dark Lands. How about it?" The Zellon Trooper offered the heroes.
The heroes proceeded to look at each other before looking back at the Zellon Troopers and nodding in agreement. "Aye, that sounds like a fair deal, lad. Let's get goin'." ClawgripFan9001 accepted the challenge.
"Alright, let's go!" The Zellon Trooper cheered as everyone was beamed away to the Aquatics Centre where the match took place at. Representing the heroes were Donkey Kong, Larry, Iggy and Bowser, led by Donkey Kong. And representing the Zellon Armed Forces were Private Lawrence, Corporal Sherman, Sergeant Raines and Adjudant Peck, led by Adjudant Peck.
After the teams were announced, the Zellon Armed Forces went first in the event, as Hungarian Dance No. 5 began playing. Diving into the water, the Zellon Armed Forces showed quite some grace as they pulled off their moves in the water. As they finished, the audience cheered for them, after which they left the water to allow the heroes to start their routine. The heroes posed, and the music began playing once more as they dove into the water, being even more graceful than the Zellon Armed Forces in the water as they ended up scoring more points than them.
As the heroes finished their routine, the audience booed them, after which the Zellon Troopers disappeared into puffs of smoke and the heroes returned to Talpidae Tunnels, standing in front of the fruit stall.
"Well, that was no fuss whatsoever! Now let's eat and drink, 'cause I'm starving!" Donkey Kong grinned as the heroes began indulging themselves in the fruit and water bottles that the fruit stall had to offer.
That's the halfway point for the fourth chapter of Sport Report: The Movie! While Bowser and Bowser Junior didn't have as much to do as they did in the first act of the fourth chapter, rest assured that they won't be deadweight for ClawgripFan9001 and Company during their trek through Talpidae Tunnels much longer in the third and final act of the fourth chapter by the time Issue 222 rolls around in September! While I'm well aware that Sport Report: The Movie was absent last month during the Villain Summer Special Takeover of The 'Shroom, the section's big bad certainly wasn't absent, because General Zellon made his first visual appearance in a portrait alongside a couple of other big bad men/women of New Wikisburg, courtesy of Waluigi Time! The fact that Sport Report: The Movie was prominent enough within the Wiki community for General Zellon to be included in a portrait with other villains from the community lore made me realize that I'm definitely not writing this section in vain, so thank you to all who continue to read and support Sport Report: The Movie, and I hope to see you all again next time as we wrap up the fourth chapter of this story!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 2
Humming inquisitively as he and Bloolex were going on their way, Waluigi thought over the possible whereabouts of the next piece of the Circle of Lightning. “Wah, if only there were some way for Waluigi to tell where the next piece of the Circle could be found…I mean, it’s not like Waluigi has a man on the inside like Mario did when he was freeing the Star Spirits from the clutches of Bowser, or a Magical Map that told Mario where he could find those Crystal Star things.”
Bloolex hummed affirmatively as he continued to trek after Waluigi. “I feel you there, Mr. Waluigi. We could really use a stool pigeon in situations like these.” He chimed in his agreement on the matter.
“Coo…Somebody call for me?” A voice called from a nearby bush, catching Waluigi and Bloolex’s attention as Waluigi ordered his Paratroopas to halt, which they did. Waluigi then hopped out of his Waluigi Cloud and walked over to the bush with Bloolex following him. The bush then proceeded to open, revealing a light gray feathered anthropomorphic pigeon dressed in a dark brown trench coat and a dark gray fedora on his head standing on a brown wooden stool.
“Wah, looks like you got what you asked for, Bloolex.” Waluigi chuckled at his Blooper companion’s wishes for a stool pigeon, only for those wishes to be granted quite literally.
“Heh…Anyway, seeing as you’re a stool pigeon, we’re guessing you got a lead on the whereabouts of the next piece of the Circle of Lightning?” Bloolex then asked the stool pigeon.
“Coo, I might…For a small fee of twenty Coins, I could give it to you…Are you interested…?” The stool pigeon asked the heroes. Waluigi and Bloolex glanced at each other before glancing back at the stool pigeon. The purple troublemaker then reached into his pockets and took out twenty Coins, which he handed over to the stool pigeon.
“One, two, three, four…Yes, that’s exactly twenty Coins. Coo, now listen closely…The next piece of the Circle of Lightning is located on the Strudel Continent, near the connoisseurs’ haven of Mallows Alley…That’s all I know…” The stool pigeon told the heroes in a hushed tone of voice.
Waluigi and Bloolex nodded hesitantly. “Right…Well, Waluigi thanks you for sharing that information regardless. Now Waluigi at the very least has a bit of a lead on where to go next.” Waluigi responded in an uncertain tone of voice, with Bloolex humming in uncertain agreement while nodding his head.
“Coo…It was my pleasure to be of assistance…” The stool pigeon bowed towards the heroes in a courteous manner before the bush proceeded to cover up his location once more. Waluigi then turned to look at Bloolex.
“Wah, guess it’s off to the Strudel Continent for us then, Bloolex.” Waluigi told his Blooper companion.
“Sure looks like it, Mr. Waluigi. Good thing I’ve traveled back and forth between the Pudding Continent and Strudel Continent borders a fair number of times, so I’ve got some geographical knowledge on how to get there. Just follow my lead.” Bloolex responded, to which Waluigi nodded as he walked back to his Waluigi Cloud, hopped back in and ordered his Paratroopas to follow after Bloolex, which they soon began to do.
After traveling for a good while, our heroes made it to the border between the Pudding Continent and the Strudel Continent. Noticing the border control up ahead, Bloolex turned his attention to Waluigi.
“Heads up, Mr. Waluigi. There’s a border control over here, which is usually run by the Waffle Kingdom Border Police. But given that the Luff Empire has taken over the kingdom, my guess is that they’ve also taken over the border control, so we should proceed with caution here.” Bloolex informed the purple troublemaker, to which Waluigi nodded in understanding.
“Waluigi will see what he can do about that.” The lanky man stated as his cloudy carriage pulled up to the border control post, after which a big and muscular Luff Orc armed with a large wooden club stepped out of the building. “Greetings and WAH-lutations, sir. Waluigi was wondering if he and his friend could be granted access across the border?” He asked the Luff Orc politely, knowing the chances of getting past this hulking monster without a fight were up a Ratooey’s buttocks.
“I don’t think so, pal. I’ve got orders from my boss to not let anyone cross this border, so I suggest you and your little friend here get the heck out before I beat you both flat with my cudgel.” The Luff Orc firmly told Waluigi, slamming his club down on his free hand to emphasize his threat.
“Waluigi doesn’t think so either, buddy. Waluigi and his friend are getting across that border, one way or another. And if Waluigi and his friend are getting across that border by force, so be it.” The menace in purple glared at the Luff Orc as him and his Blooper companion prepared for battle against the bulked up giant.
“Let’s Bloop, Mr. Waluigi! It’s us two Davids against one Goliath, and we’re gonna slay him!” Bloolex told Waluigi with a determined glare in his eyes as he was brandishing his halberd at the Luff Orc.
“You said it, Bloolex! We’ll clear out this hijacked border control post, or Waluigi’s name is Shmaluigi!” Waluigi declared in response as he reached into his Waluigi Cloud and initiated the first strike of the battle by hurling a Waluigi Spiny Egg at the Luff Orc, causing him to growl in pain before charging at the heroes with his club-a-blazing, only for the heroes to dodge out of the way and the Luff Orc to crash into a conveniently placed Gobstopper Tree and get dizzy.
“Now’s my chance! I’m going in, for Bloopin’!” Bloolex let out a war cry as he charged at the Luff Orc before unleashing a powerful swing of his halberd, dealing a great amount of damage to the muscular beast. The Luff Orc soon recovered from his dizziness and leapt back to his feet as he roared in anger.
Suddenly jumping high up into the air, the Luff Orc came hurdling back down as he slammed his club into the ground, causing tremors high enough to damage both Waluigi and Bloolex alike. The heroes jittered and grunted in discomfort from the attack before recollecting themselves.
“WAH, that smarts!” Waluigi exclaimed, with Bloolex affirmatively humming his agreement before the Blooper Retainer took action and flew towards the Luff Orc to distract it, giving Waluigi a window of opportunity to damage and stun the beast with another Waluigi Spiny Egg, which in turn allowed Bloolex to slash him with his halberd.
“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we, in the hero business, call the power of teamwork!” Bloolex cheered as he happily raised his halberd into the air. Waluigi chimed in his agreement with an affirmative hum of his own.
“Waluigi couldn’t agree more, Bloolex! Now let’s keep this up until this beast has had enough of our WAH-lloping!” The purple troublemaker declared as he and Bloolex continued to pummel the Luff Orc until he eventually couldn’t take any more, and fell over on the ground with an agonizing roar before exploding into a cloud of purple dust.
“Bloopin’ A! We took care of that monster and opened up the border to the Strudel Continent!” Bloolex cheered once more as he spun around his halberd in his tentacle hand.
“WAH, of course we did! Now let’s keep on moving ‘til we manage to get to Mallows Alley!” Waluigi suggested as his Paratroopas began to pull his personalized chariot forward once more, with Bloolex following close behind as the heroes crossed the border into the Strudel Continent, towards the next stop of their adventure; Mallows Alley.
Soon enough, the heroes came across the next obstacle that they had to cross in order to reach their destination; A large mountain pass made out of cheesecake. Waluigi looked up at the rocky cheesecake-structured construction in front of him in awe.
“WAH, slap Waluigi with a slab of salmon. Waluigi has never seen anything like this.” The purple troublemaker muttered in disbelief as he continued to stare at the mountain pass.
“This, Mr. Waluigi, is the famed mountain pass known as Mt. Cheesecake, owing its name to being made out of the titular dessert. It hosts quite a number of dangers that makes it rare for any travelers to be seen around here, so I’d suggest we tread with caution.” Bloolex explained to Waluigi.
Waluigi nodded in understanding. “Understood. Good thing Waluigi never backs down in the face of danger, so crossing this mountain pass should be a walk in Baby Park for us.” He assured Bloolex, who nodded back in understanding of his purple-clad instigator friend’s confidence and courage.
“I see. Well, let’s get going once more then.” Bloolex responded as the heroes began their trek up Mt. Cheesecake.
Before long, the heroes had scaled to the top of Mt. Cheesecake with little resistance from whatever monsters and Luff Empire troops happened to roam around the path up the mountain. While traversing the highest mountain path, the duo happened to come across the Waffle Kingdom’s equivalent of Whacka; The Waffcka. True to its name, it was a Whacka completely made out of waffle.
“Waff-hoo! I’m Waffcka! Another picture perfect day atop Mt. Cheesecake! Woo!” Waffcka exclaimed happily in a thick Texan accent.
“WAH, hello there, Waffcka. Waluigi and his friend need a favor. Do you think you can fulfill it?” Waluigi kindly asked Waffcka as he hopped out of his Waluigi Cloud before approaching the talpidae-like being, kneeling down in front of it.
“Waff-hoo! Sure can do, Waluigi! What’s it that ya need me to do for ya?!” Waffcka asked Waluigi in an upbeat tone of voice, eager to help out the nuisance in purple and his Blooper buddy.
“Waluigi and his friend are in need of some food. Do you happen to have some for Waluigi and his friend?” Waluigi asked Waffcka with a curious tilt of his head, giving the mole a long look.
“Waff-hoo! I sure got a couple treats I can provide you and your pal with, Waluigi! Gimme a moment!” Waffcka assured Waluigi before retreating back into the ground and coming back up shortly afterward with two plates of Waffcka Stacks; A meal consisting of a plate of waffles stacked on top of each other, with the waffle at the top of the stack being drizzled with hot butter and maple syrup.
“WAH, now that’s a good fellow! Thanks, Waffcka! Waluigi and his friend owe ya one!” Waluigi grinned with delight as he took the two plates of Waffcka Stacks from Waffcka and handed one to Bloolex, who proceeded to safely tuck it away into his bag.
“Waff-hoo! Anytime, Waluigi! If ya need any more treats to stack up on, ya know where to find me!” Waffcka responded in a chipper manner before retreating back into the ground, after which Waluigi and Bloolex continued their trek through Mt. Cheesecake.
Eventually, the heroes came across a rope bridge, with a condor made out of strudel resting inside of a nest made out of butterscotch, eyeing the heroes suspiciously. The heroes didn’t pay this any mind, however, and crossed the rope bridge with not a whole lot of hassle.
“Hold up a sec, you weird gladiator wannabe. I know that mug from somewhere.” The condor exclaimed as it rose out of its nest and flew over to Waluigi and Bloolex, reaching into its feather pelt and pulling out a piece of paper, carefully inspecting it before tucking it back into its feather pelt and nodding.
“Yup, that mug is pretty familiar, alright. The Luff Empire’s looking for this weirdo named Waluigi, and you happen to bear an uncanny resemblance to that weirdo. What’s your name, squirt?” The condor asked Waluigi with a curious tilt of its head and an equally curiously raised eyebrow.
Waluigi and Bloolex glanced at one another before glancing back at the condor. “Lew. The name’s Lew.” Waluigi improvised quickly, hoping it would be enough to fool the condor into letting him and Bloolex pass without a battle.
Inquisitively humming upon hearing that answer, the condor pouted as it considered what to do with said answer before coming to a decision. “Lew, you say? That name ain’t something completely outta the blue, I gotta say. Well, since you ain’t this Waluigi fellow I’ve been asked to look out for, I reckon you and your pal can pass.” The condor responded before flying back over to its nearby nest and settling back down inside.
Not wanting to waste any more time than necessary, Waluigi and Bloolex quickly left the area without saying another word as they began to make the descent from Mt. Cheesecake to the land situated on the other side of the mountain.
Within a matter of time, the heroes had arrived at the Raspberry Jam Falls, which was a series of rivers and waterfalls filled with raspberry jam, as the name suggested. Seeing a directional sign up ahead, Bloolex made his way over there and inspected it to see what directions he and Waluigi had at their disposal.
“Alright, if we keep on moving ahead to the right, we should reach Mallows Alley in no time, Mr. Waluigi. We’re almost at our next destination.” Bloolex informed the purple-clad giant.
“WAH-ll then, let’s get over to Mallows Alley as fast as we can, Bloolex!” Waluigi grinned with determination as he began to take the lead, and Bloolex began to once again follow behind diligently.
Bloolex’s inspection of the directional sign proved to be accurate, as he and Waluigi soon found themselves entering the connoisseurs’ haven of Mallows Alley, where all the residents were appropriately made out of marshmallows of all flavors of marshmallow that happened to exist.
Hearing the heroes approaching, a Bristle wearing a white captain’s hat and sporting a black spruce mustache turned his attention towards them. “Ah, welcome, travelers. This is Mallows Alley, the Strudel Continent’s paradise for connoisseurs who fancy themselves a tasteful meal, drink or a fun game or two. My name is Bristle Thwonk, and I’m a resident of this quaint town, as well as a member of the town’s tourism board.” The Bristle kindly greeted the heroes in a posh yet polite tone of voice.
“Greetings and WAH-lutations, sir. Waluigi and his friend are here on business. You don’t happen to know anything about the famed Circle of Lightning, do you?” Waluigi asked Bristle Thwonk as he inquisitively put his hand to his chin.
“Yes, I do happen to know about that. Ever since the Circle of Lightning was broken by Minister Crêpe and his Luff Empire, a lot of strange activity has been taking place here in Mallows Alley, and the source of that strange activity appears to be Chateau de Framboise, an abandoned castle located on the cliffs overlooking this town.” Mr. Thwonk explained to Waluigi, who affirmatively hummed and nodded his head as he thought the situation over.
“Right…Who happens to be the head of this town’s council? Waluigi and his friend would love to inquire more from him or her on the situation.” Waluigi then asked Mr. Thwonk kindly.
“That would be the last surviving member of the aristocratic house that used to own Chateau de Framboise, Duchess aux Pommes. She currently lives in the penthouse above the Mallows Alley Town Hall. The Town Hall is located in the center of Mallows Alley, so you shouldn’t be able to miss it.” Mr. Thwonk informed Waluigi, who once again affirmatively hummed and nodded his head in acknowledgement of the information given to him and Bloolex.
“Many thanks, sir. Waluigi and his friend shall be off to Town Hall then.” Waluigi responded as he began to make his move towards the Town Hall with Bloolex in tow.
Upon reaching Mallows Alley Town Hall, Waluigi and Bloolex went inside. Upon entrance, the duo noticed a lot of Meowmaids made out of marshmallows walking around. They also noticed a young human woman made out of apple cobbler sitting at the reception of the Town Hall.
The young woman had bright pink hair styled in a bob cut, with a silver tiara worn on top, along with bright pink eyeshadow and lipstick, and a light pink cocktail dress and matching pumps. She was tapping away at the keyboard of her computer when she looked up to notice the arrival of Waluigi and Bloolex.
“Oh, two new faces. Welcome to Mallows Alley Town Hall, where we take care of all the bureaucratic needs of this quaint town filled to the brim with connoisseurs from all over the Mushroom World. My name is Quarkaria aux Pommes, daughter of Duchess aux Pommes, and I’m helping out my mother however I can by manning the reception here at Town Hall and making sure no one gets in or out of my mother’s office without my knowledge. How can I help you gentlemen?” The woman inquired of Waluigi and Bloolex after explaining to them who she was and what her position here at the Town Hall was.
“Waluigi is the name, and this is Bloolex. We came here looking for your mother, since we need to ask her about Chateau de Framboise.” Waluigi informed Quarkaria, with Bloolex affirmatively humming and nodding his head in agreement.
Quarkaria’s face shifted into a more serious expression, nodding in understanding. “I see. I’ll dial my mother’s office in that case and let her know that you’re coming.” She responded as she called up her mother’s office phone and waited for her mother to pick up. “Mother, it’s me. There are two gentlemen here who wish to see you. It’s about the Chateau.” Quarkaria informed her mother once she had answered the phone. She hummed in affirmation. “Right. I’ll send them on up to your office then. Yes, I love you too. Bye.” Quarkaria then ended the call before shifting her attention back to Waluigi and Bloolex. “My mother is expecting you in her office on the second floor. Take the elevator, and then her office should be right in front of you once you step out of the elevator.”
“WAH-lright, many thanks, ma’am.” Waluigi nodded in acknowledgement before him and Bloolex began to make their way towards the elevator and went inside, setting it to go up to the second floor of the Town Hall.
Soon enough, the heroes arrived at the second floor and departed from the elevator, after which Waluigi parked his Waluigi Cloud in the hallway next to Duchess aux Pommes’ office and stepped out of the cloudy chariot. Walking up to the office doors, the purple troublemaker knocked on the door twice, calling out: “Duchess aux Pommes?! It’s-a me, Waluigi!”
“Come on in, Mr. Waluigi!” Duchess aux Pommes responded, after which Waluigi nodded to Bloolex, who nodded back before the gentlemen entered the office and closed the door behind them, then bowing courteously towards the Duchess.
“It’s an honor to meet you, Your Highness.” Waluigi spoke in a courteous tone of voice, with Bloolex silently nodding his agreement. Duchess aux Pommes was also a human woman made out of apple cobbler, though she sported a blond shoulder length hairstyle with a silver crown decorated with amethysts worn on top, and unlike her daughter, didn’t appear to be wearing any makeup, though she did wear a Victorian-style tiffany blue dress and matching pumps.
“The feeling is mutual, Mr. Waluigi. Please, have a seat.” Duchess aux Pommes responded in a tone of voice that radiated elegance, artistry and musical inclination as she sat behind her desk and gestured for Waluigi and Bloolex to have a seat in the chairs situated in front of her desk.
Waluigi and Bloolex nodded in response as they proceeded to settle down in said chairs before Waluigi folded his hands in a business-like manner and rested them in his lap. “So, what can you tell Waluigi about Chateau de Framboise?” The towering menace asked the Duchess, cutting straight to the chase about the matter at hand.
The Duchess exhaled in melancholy. “It’s quite a long story. The Chateau used to be in my family for generations on end, but by the time I turned fifteen years old, tragedy struck as the dreadful Minister Crêpe came and used his dark sorcery to wipe out the majority of my family, with the exception of my twenty-one year old older sister, whom I was left in her care with following the cataclysmic events of Minister Crêpe’s seizing of Chauteau de Framboise. Even after the evil sorcerer’s defeat at the hands of the Hero in Green and his Band of Brothers, we were never able to regain proper ownership of the Chateau, mainly because of the painful memories related to the genocide committed on my family it now held. So instead, my older sister and I took up residence here in Mallows Alley, located in the valley down from where Chauteau de Framboise stands. We both went on to marry two wonderful men and have a couple of wonderful children with them, but sadly, my older sister and her husband passed away from illness, leaving me, my daughter, her younger siblings and their cousins as the surviving members of the Aux Pommes Clan.” She recounted her knowledge of her family’s history within the Chateau de Framboise, a melancholic stare decorating her face as she did so.
Waluigi and Bloolex stared at each other with an equally melancholic glance before shifting their focus back to the Duchess, a sympathetic glance now forming on their faces. “Waluigi is really sorry for your losses, ma’am.” The purple-clad beanpole then condoled the Duchess, who silently nodded in response.
“Thank you, Mr. Waluigi…” The Duchess softly responded before clearing her throat as she tried to recompose herself following all of this. “Regardless…I assume that you have come here to investigate the Chateau because of the recent cataclysmic return of Minister Crêpe and his dreadful Luff Empire?” She then inquired of the thinly built mischief-maker.
“WAH, that is correct. Waluigi and his friend did come here because of that. See, Waluigi and his friend have reason to believe that Minister Crêpe hid a piece of the Circle of Lightning away in the Chateau, having given it to one of his most powerful underlings to guard from people trying to reassemble the Circle.”
The Duchess nodded in understanding. “In that case, I should be able to be of assistance with getting you inside the Chateau, because even though Minister Crêpe seized it all those years ago, the only way to get through the front entrance of the Chateau without use of magic is by unlocking the front entrance with the key that remained in my family all those years.” She stated before taking out a rusty apple green key with an apple-shaped head at the end from her desk drawer and sliding it across the desk towards Waluigi and Bloolex.
“You really trust Waluigi enough with this key that remained in your possession for so long in spite of all the painful memories it had brought?” Waluigi asked the Duchess in a surprised tone of voice.
“Yes. Consider it as a way of helping my family lift the trauma that has been haunting us for so many years.” The Duchess nodded in acknowledgement. Smiling upon hearing that, Waluigi took the key and safely tucked it away in his pockets.
“Waluigi thanks you for your assistance, Your Highness. Waluigi won’t let you down by expelling the Luff Empire from the Chateau for good.” Waluigi assured the Duchess as he and Bloolex proceeded to get up from their seats and bow towards her.
“If you say so, Mr. Waluigi, then your words please me. Now go forth, with many blessings from the remaining members of the Aux Pommes Clan, as well as those who have found their rest in the aftergame.” The Duchess told Waluigi with a grateful smile of her own. Waluigi and Bloolex nodded in response as they bowed once more before leaving the Duchess’ office, retrieving Waluigi’s cloudy chariot and leaving the Mallows Alley Town Hall once more, preparing to take off for Chateau de Framboise.
Before long, Waluigi and Bloolex had arrived at the front entrance of Chateau de Framboise, and the purple troublemaker hopped out of his Waluigi Cloud as he walked up to the front entrance. Taking a deep breath, he reached into his pocket and got out the rusty apple green key Duchess aux Pommes gave him, soon enough inserting it into the key hole on the door, twisting it, and unlocking the door with a soft click. The doors then slowly and eerily opened, akin to the gates to the Underwhere opening.
“Well, this is it, Mr. Waluigi. We’re off through our second major dungeon in order to confront the second of the Luff Guardians that Minister Crêpe had assigned to guard a piece of the Circle of Lightning.” Bloolex told Waluigi, firmly grasping his halberd as he prepared himself for whatever danger was to come over him and Waluigi while they were inside the Chateau.
“You said it, Bloolex. Let’s get in there and show that sinister vermin they made the wrong choice to serve the man who killed Waluigi!” Waluigi exclaimed with determination before hopping back into his Waluigi Cloud and commanding his Paratroopas to head inside. The heroes then entered the Chateau, arriving in the foyer upon doing so.
Suddenly, a low and ominous voice began speaking to the heroes. “Who dares to enter Kreddy Frueger’s nightmare home? I suggest you turn back immediately before I send you into the most unpleasant slumber of your lives, and turn your dreams into your worst nightmares!”
“Nothing scares Waluigi anymore after everything he’s been through within the confinements of the aftergame, so Waluigi says to that: “Up yours with a twirling lawnmower!”” The towering hellion retorted the threats of this supposed Kreddy Frueger before venturing up the steps located inside the foyer alongside Bloolex and entering the parlor through the set of doors located at the top of the steps, where the heroes were faced with Luff Soldiers with pumpkinheads and armed with brown leather whips; Jack-o-Luffs.
“Talk about walking into an ambush.” Bloolex quipped as the Jack-o-Luffs prepared for battle, with Bloolex and Waluigi doing the same thing as they brandished their halberd and Holy Whip respectively. Soon enough, they managed to make short work of the Jack-o-Luffs and headed through the door located in the back of the parlor, which led the heroes to the anteroom, where they met with a couple more Jack-o-Luffs.
“You know, for an alleged sinister sorcerer, Minister Crêpe sure has a knack for employing the wussiest of henchmen he could possibly find. I mean, guys with jack-o-lanterns for heads? Waluigi feels like he’s in some kind of kindergarten Halloween decorated Ghost House.” Waluigi quipped before him and Bloolex engaged in battle with the Jack-o-Luffs once more.
Upon defeating these Jack-o-Luffs, a key suddenly dropped down from the ceiling. The key was rusty, and blood red in color while having a skull head at the end. “Well, would you look at that? A key. I wonder what door it corresponds to?” Bloolex pondered out loud as he proceeded to pick up the key and tuck it away in his pockets.
“Waluigi’s not sure, but it’s definitely worth investigating a couple of doors around here to see if that key happens to fit into any of the keyholes.” The sizable purple-clad peril suggested, to which Bloolex nodded in response as the heroes began to look for the door that the found key possibly corresponded to.
It didn’t take them very long to find that door, though, as they found out that the key opened up the wardrobe room that was situated right next to the anteroom. Inside the wardrobe room, the heroes confronted an “invisible man” inspired Luff Soldier dressed in a brown leather hat and trenchcoat whilst being armed with a silver revolver. This Luff Soldier was appropriately known as an Invisible Luff.
After fighting and defeating the Invisible Luff, another key appeared, though this time it appeared to materialize out of thin air rather than dropping down from the ceiling. This key was a rusted emerald green in color and had a bat-shaped head protruding out of the back end of it.
“Well, that was no fuss WAH-tsoever!” Waluigi laughed as Bloolex laughed along with him before the lengthy cheater picked up the key, after which he and his Blooper companion went back to the foyer and used the emerald green key the two of them found to open up the door leading to the hallway on the second floor located left of the foyer.
Once the heroes entered this hallway, the ominous voice of Kreddy Frueger began to speak to them once more. “Muahahaha! You pathetic pair of pitiful pinheads did not heed my warning! The terror is only just beginning! Soon enough, you’ll be vanquished by my Armies of Darkness and be left delving into the catacombs of the Underwhere!” The nightmare king of the Mushroom World chortled maliciously as his voice bellowed through the hallway.
“Waluigi’s already been to the Underwhere once, and Waluigi’s certainly not planning on going there again, thank you very much.” Waluigi brushed off Kreddy Frueger’s attempts at frightening him and Bloolex as they ventured further into the haunted Chateau.
Going into the study, the heroes were met by a human male wearing a purple pinstripe suit sitting in a rocking chair. The male appeared to have raven colored hair styled in a side fringe with a matching spruce mustache, completing the look with a pair of black pleather boots.
“Wah? I thought this Chateau was abandoned apart from the Luff Empire having recently taken up residence here?” Waluigi chimed in confusion as he saw the man sitting in the rocking chair.
“Yeah, me too. So what are you doing here, sir?” Bloolex asked the man in a confused tone of voice, tilting his head in equal confusion. The man didn’t respond.
“Uh, sir? Hello?” Waluigi asked as he stepped out of his Waluigi Cloud and walked up to the man, waving his hand in front of his face, but the man still wouldn’t budge.
“He’s just sitting there without saying or doing a thing. It gives me the creeps…” Bloolex shivered a little bit from the man’s eerie behavior.
“Waluigi’s not blind, Bloolex.” Waluigi told his Blooper companion in response to the Blooper pointing out the obvious before shifting his focus back to the man in the rocking chair. “So, you’re not gonna talk to us, sir? Do you prefer to fight instead?” He asked the man with a deadpan expression on his face.
“You bet your cloud made of hot air I prefer to fight!” The man then responded, his face lightening up with child-like glee.
Waluigi blinked in response with the same deadpan expression. “This should be easy.” He simply uttered as he and Bloolex prepared to fight the mysterious suit-clad man, who was named Louis Jericho Bernstein. In spite of Mr. Bernstein’s surprisingly effective attacks that consisted of sending haunted model trains after the heroes and engaging them in melee combat by using fencing techniques with a rapier, the heroes eventually managed to overcome the fight and take Mr. Bernstein down.
“Wah-ha! How’s that for a cloud made of hot air?!” Waluigi grinned as he pumped his fists and struck a euphoric pose before noticing that Mr. Bernstein had dropped a rusty golden yellow key with a Frankenstein monster head attached to the end.
“Ooh, another key. I wonder where that one could lead us to?” Bloolex pondered out loud as he floated over to the key and picked it up, looking it over as he did so.
“Like that last key we found, Waluigi has reason to believe this one should unlock one of the locked doors in this area of the Chateau. Let’s have a look around, wah?” The purple-clad rabble-rouser suggested, to which Bloolex nodded in agreement.
Waluigi proved to be right in his assumptions, as the key granted access to the master bedroom right next to the study. Upon entering the room, they saw another human, this time a female one, sitting on a stool in front of a vanity, using a pair of garden scissors to cut the heads off a bouquet of roses.
Waluigi and Bloolex looked rather puzzled as the woman didn’t pay them any attention when they entered, instead continuing to focus on the bouquet of roses and cutting the heads off with her garden scissors. Slowly moving closer towards the woman, the heroes found that she had long, raven colored hair going down to the middle of her back and wore a long-sleeved black evening gown with matching ankle boots. She also had very pale skin, and as Waluigi and Bloolex glanced at one another, they made a silent yet mental exchange between each other that they came to the conclusion this woman wasn’t a human, but rather a vampire.
Suddenly, an idea struck Waluigi as he began to search the cabinets, drawers and closets located in the room for a working flashlight and a roll of sticky tape. Bloolex raised an eyebrow in confusion as to what the purple troublemaker was planning. Waluigi then put some sticky tape in the shape of a crucifix over the flashlight before turning it on and shining a makeshift crucifix on a nearby wall.
Grinning in delight at his idea working out as he imagined it, Waluigi turned back to Bloolex. “Waluigi saw a guy do this in a horror film once. Ta-da!” He explained to the Blooper before shining the makeshift crucifix on the wall closest to the vampire woman, who proceeded to look at it and shriek in disgust.
“Oh dear, stop your nonsense, young man! Goodness me!” The vampire woman grumbled as she stood up from her stool and tossed away her roses and garden scissors. “Well, I’ve quite lost my good mood now, so prepare for a skirmish.” She told Waluigi and Bloolex with a glare.
“Don’t mind if Waluigi does.” Waluigi grinned as him and Bloolex prepared for a fight with the vampire woman, whose name was Grotesque Macabria Bernstein-Christensen, the wife of Mr. Louis whom Waluigi and Bloolex fought earlier. Like her husband, she was quite adept in fencing and also possessed her own effective moveset in battle, such as the ability to light candles by simply touching them and then sending them after Waluigi and Bloolex, throwing piano keys as if they were throwing knives and waterbending paint as a means of attack against the heroes.
In the end though, Waluigi and Bloolex managed to overpower and defeat Mrs. Bernstein, after which they managed to obtain another key, this one being a rusted black in color that had the head of a black cat engraved at the end. “Well, that’s one way to vanquish a vampire.” Bloolex said with an amused giggle as he picked up the key and handed it to Waluigi.
“Waluigi always has a number of tricks up his sleeves, even if Waluigi doesn’t happen to be wearing any. Anyhoo, Waluigi believes that it’s time to find the door that this key is compatible with.” The purple-clad mischief-maker pridefully stated before slipping back into a business-like manner as he and Bloolex left the master bedroom, after which they heard the squeal of a baby coming from a nearby room.
Glancing in the direction of this room, Waluigi and Bloolex then glanced towards one another. “My guess is that based on that squeal we just heard, the key we just found back there should unlock the room that squeal came from, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Waluigi?” Bloolex asked Waluigi as he inquisitively tilted his head towards the towering terror.
“You know Wah? Waluigi’s thinking the same thing, Bloolex. Let’s give it a go.” Waluigi chimed his agreement as he and Bloolex walked over to this door, used the newly obtained key to unlock it, and headed inside. They then found themselves in the nursery, noticing a Spinia textured after a hamburger trapped inside a baby’s box that was turned upside down.
Inquisitively humming as they noticed this Spinia, Waluigi and Bloolex made their way over and knelt down in front of the imprisoned Spinia. “Wah, who are you?” Waluigi asked the Spinia with a curious tilt of his head.
“My name is Cheesare Burgergia. After I’d gotten word that the Luff Empire was hiding out here in Chateau de Framboise, I went after them to try and clear them outta here, but they overpowered me and locked me away in this juvenile prison cell. You gotta help me, man!” The Spinia pleaded after explaining who he was and how he ended up in his current predicament.
“Wah, of course Waluigi will help you. Where is the key, the combination or whatever it is that Waluigi needs to unlock your prison cell?” The purple-clad beanpole asked the Spinia with a curiously raised eyebrow.
“That creepy kid over there has it.” Cheesare informed Waluigi, pointing in the direction of a cradle, which Waluigi and Bloolex promptly looked over to, seeing a human baby with a black tuft of hair on his head along with a black feety pajama with a white spider web print on it looking at them from his cradle.
Waluigi and Bloolex looked at the baby in an unsettled manner when the baby suddenly stood up from where he was sitting and leaned on the railing of his cradle before speaking to the heroes. “Hey, you gentlemen wanna play with me?” He asked them before pulling out a crossbow that he put a burning arrow into and shot it at the heroes, causing them to yelp and dive away to avoid being pierced by the arrow.
“Wah-king wasabi, let’s get rid of this little hellion and nick the code combination off him as soon as possible!” Waluigi exclaimed as Bloolex nodded his agreement and the two of them prepared to fight the baby, who happened to be the kid of Mr. and Mrs. Bernstein, being named Kieran Nareik Bernstein.
The young Kieran proved to be the toughest challenge Waluigi and Bloolex had faced inside Chateau de Framboise thus far, because aside from the tyke’s formidable archery skills and penchant for usage of burning arrows, he also proved to have unusually high defense. Waluigi and Bloolex refused to let it stop them from freeing Cheesare from his juvenile prison cell, however, and eventually managed to defeat Kieran, retrieving the code combination to Cheesare’s cell soon enough.
“Wah-ha-ha-ha! No creepy and kooky family clan is too much for Waluigi to handle, and this is another example of that!” Waluigi pridefully laughed as he picked up the code combination, which turned out to be 21-07-2000. Inquisitively humming as that date sounded rather familiar to him, the purple troublemaker shrugged it off as he inserted the code on the lock of Cheesare’s cell, after which the bars promptly rose and the hamburger-esque Spinia scuttled out of it.
“Phew, you guys really saved my bacon then and there. I can’t thank you enough for doing so, but if there’s literally anything I can do to thank you for getting me out of that prison, don’t hesitate to let me know.” Cheesare told the heroes in a grateful tone of voice.
Waluigi glanced at Bloolex as if to silently ask if the Blooper was thinking what he was thinking, to which Bloolex nodded in agreement, causing Waluigi to nod back as they both turned back towards Cheesare. “Wah-ctually, there is something you could do to thank Waluigi and his friend. See, Waluigi could use all the help he could get in exterminating the Luff Empire from all corners of the Waffle Kingdom.”
Cheesare lit up with glee. “Yeah, I’ll gladly tag along with you guys for the remainder of your adventure! Anything to thank you guys for saving my butt today!” The Spinia beamed towards his new friends, and the newly formed trio then proceeded to collect a large Heart-shaped Key that Kieran had left behind upon his defeat, which they used to unlock a large set of doors they found at the northernmost back end of the hallway they were in after leaving the nursery.
Upon unlocking this set of doors and venturing deeper into the haunted Chateau, they were once again greeted by the ominous voice of Kreddy Frueger speaking to them. “Muahahaha! I can tell you fools are getting closer to my inner sanctum, because I can smell your horrid body odor! So unless you wish to sleep on me, I suggest you retreat while you still have the opportunity to do so! Muahahaha!”
“Sheesh, who does this guy think he is? Some kind of cheap horror movie monster?” Cheesare quipped, to which Waluigi and Bloolex shrugged their shoulders in response. “Well, whatever the case, we ain’t going nowhere except closer to his inner sanctum.” Cheesare then reasoned out loud, to which Waluigi and Bloolex nodded their agreement and the heroes ventured through the next hallway they had to cross in order to get to the next part of the chateau that would allow them to progress towards Kreddy Frueger’s boss chamber.
Inquisitively humming, Waluigi decided to go into a random door to see if there was anything in the room leading there that could tell him and his allies what to do next, after which the trio found themselves inside a bathroom where a pair of Luff Soldiers resembling werewolves were located. These muscular wolf-like Luff Soldiers were appropriately named Were-Luffs. Upon noticing the heroes entering the bathroom, the Were-Luffs started snarling at them before engaging them in battle.
Thanks to Cheesare’s spinning attacks being superior to that of a regular Spinia, the heroes were able to make short work of the Were-Luffs and obtain another key, one that appropriately had a rusted brown color and the head of a werewolf engraved at the end. Cheesare promptly picked up the key and looked it over. “I wonder what this key is for…?” The Spinia said in an inquisitive tone, raising a curious eyebrow as he did so.
“Waluigi’s not sure…But Waluigi suggests looking around the hallway to see if the key happens to be compatible with any of the doors within it.” Waluigi remarked as he ordered his Paratroopa’s to once again pull forth his Waluigi Cloud, and began to make his way down the hallway, with Bloolex and Cheesare in tow.
After trying a couple of doors and failing to unlock them, the heroes soon enough found the key corresponded to the door that led them into the ballroom of the Chateau, where they were met with a sextet of Luff Soldiers wearing bed sheets with a pair of eyeholes cut out, akin to Charlie Brown’s Halloween costume. These enemies were named Crêpes-In-A-Sheet.
“Oh, wow. Waluigi’s really scared now.” Waluigi said sarcastically as he and his allies noticed these poorly disguised Luff Soldiers, who then turned to the heroic trio before attacking. Seeing as the Crêpes-In-A-Sheet didn’t have much in the way of attacking the heroic trio other than running up to them and flailing their arms at them, they were quickly defeated with ease.
“Well, that’s one way to keep us busy dealing with kindergarten Halloween cheese.” Cheesare remarked after he and the others had defeated the enemies inhabiting the ballroom. Suddenly, pop music began playing, after which a human man and woman, both with blond hair and blue eyes whilst being dressed in a red tuxedo and evening gown, respectively, came into the room whilst dancing the foxtrot with one another.
“Wah-t the heck is this supposed to be? Waluigi’s Mansion?” Waluigi asked with a confused raised eyebrow, referencing the spin-off series his green rival starred in as he did so.
“We are The Foxtrots!” The man and woman then suddenly shouted out as they struck a pose, startling Waluigi and his allies as they did so. “And we are also the foxtrot champions of the Strudel Continent!” The woman then added.
“Word on the street is that you fancy yourself a dancer, Mr. Waluigi, and we would like to see for ourselves if that word rings true. So, what do you say?” The man asked the purple troublemaker with a cocky smirk.
“Wah-t does Waluigi say? Waluigi says: “Let’s-a go dancing!”” Waluigi declared as he leapt from his Waluigi Cloud and engaged The Foxtrots in battle, with Bloolex and Cheesare joining him.
And we’re back into the swing of things with Part 2 of Die WAH With A Vengeance after we kicked things off last month with Part 1 in The ‘Shroom’s Villain Summer Special Takeover! As I mentioned back then, I had originally written twenty-five pages worth of material, but after some discussion, Shroom Staff informed me that even they thought twenty-five pages was too big for one mouthful with how big the Villain Summer Special Takeover had already gotten, so they asked me to narrow it down to about eleven pages, which meant that I had to save the rest of the section for Issue 220, which I hope was well worth the wait! Given that Waluigi and Company still have a lot of work cut out for them around the Waffle Kingdom, we’re gonna have to call it quits for the time being once more, so check in next month for Part 3, and then we’re gonna look at our favorite purple troublemaker’s quest for vengeance continue to unfold!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Ninja Squid (talk)
Triple Trouble: Part 1
Do you ever have one of those times in your life where it seems like time just doesn't really exist? Yeah, that was me right now. Jasmine and I had just returned home from our honeymoon, and everything that happened before, well, it didn't seem to matter much anymore. That final clash with Monty Brando and his underlings already felt like a lifetime ago, to say nothing of everything before that. It was like my whole life was just building up to this point, and now I was finally here. Is that too cheesy? Maybe I should steer clear of the sappy talks and stick to my noir detective monologues. That's hard when you're in love, though...
A week in Bubblaine was a lovely time, and now that I think about it, it might've been the first real vacation I've had since, well, I don't even know how long anymore. No criminals popping up or any other incidents, it was extremely refreshing to have a break from the normal pace of life without anything going awry for once. I'll tell you though, as nice as our time there was, there's always something to be said for coming home and letting completely loose in a familiar environment. It was good to be back.
Or, uh, well, it should've been.
"Oh, what happened here," I grumbled to myself, observing my apartment. You see, I left the place in Shmwario's care as I always did when I was away, and the state of the place... Well, it sure was a state. It seems he made himself home, which entailed making something of a mess of things. I've seen worse, mind you, but I grew up living with the guy so that's not an overly high bar.
"Your brother hasn't really changed, has he, Connor?" Jasmine asked.
"No, not really."
To be fair, his own place was a lot cleaner than I've ever seen it lately. I can't give him much credit for it since I know for a fact Shmaisy's been pestering him to keep things somewhat tidy. Clearly it wasn't habit-forming yet.
Aaaand he pretty much cleared out the kitchen. Of course he did. You know, I'm not sure this was worth it to keep a singular eggplant alive.
"Well, this isn't exactly how I was hoping to start our lives together, but what are you gonna do," I remarked.
"It's okay, we can work with this. How about I stay back here and clean things up and you go on a grocery run?"
"Uh, yeah, that seems fine to me. I'll be back soon, you won't even miss me!"
So instead of spending time with my wife, I got to stop by JojaMart instead. Ech. Thanks, bro. Well, no matter. I transformed back into good old Shmaluigi and started on my walk. Now, you might think it's weird to get in disguise for a trip to the grocery store, but I had my reasons. With Brando and his lot out of the picture, I wasn't too bothered with appearing in public as a Duplighost anymore - at least when I was off the clock, anyway - but in this particular case, technically it was Shmaluigi who purchased the membership that Mr. Morris strongarmed me into getting, and I wouldn't put it past him to cheat me out of savings on a technicality, or spin up some fraud accusations and cancel it right then and there. With how much dignity I spent on this thing, I was getting full mileage out of it, let me tell you!
As I walked to the store, my phone started ringing. I didn't really want to get tangled into a new case and hoped it was just Shmwario, or, I don't know, a telemarketer or something. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen - an unknown number. I wanted to just ignore it... but what if it was important? Begrudgingly, I took the call. "Hello?"
"You do answer unknown numbers. As expected.
Us from the past, we always watch what is coming up ahead.
I have to warn you.
Noah.
Might be trivial for now... but the shadow tied to it will haunt you just like the Circle of Six.
It always does.
Stay away from it.
While you still can... Connor."
Well. That was unnerving.
Seriously, what was that? Who's Noah? And this whole Circle of Six thing, the name sounded familiar, actually, but I couldn't put my finger on it at the time... And how did they know who I was? Sure, I wasn't keeping that whole thing as closely guarded anymore, but it's been, what, all of a few weeks, maybe? It's not like I was going around the city shouting "hey, I'm a Duplighost actually" from the rooftops, and I certainly wasn't giving this phone number out as, well, myself. Either someone was keeping a really close eye on me lately, or they've known for a very long time. I wasn't sure which option I disliked more.
You know, I thought I was done with the whole cryptic, unprompted phone calls from garbled voices thing for a while after my last investigation. This was clearly something altogether different, though - even if I were to entertain the notion that I was getting phone calls from ghosts.
But I didn't have much time to contemplate it, as I was then interrupted by the arrival of... a giant robot?! Yep, just standing there on the sidewalk. I think I could safely discard the idea that this would just be a quiet evening.
I stood there like a deer in the headlights of a kart just staring up at the thing for what felt like way too long for anyone with functioning survival instincts. This was a hulking, towering mechanical beast, with a single red, glowing... eye? Whatever this monstrosity was, it put Brando's spindly old assassin droid to shame and made it look like a wind-up robot in a toy store. And I was pretty sure I didn't want to be anywhere near it.
Well, maybe it wasn't even here for me? I'd just, back away, and uh... Okay, no, no, it's crawling, it crawls?! Why does it crawl that fast?!? No thank you!
I spun around and hightailed it back home as fast as I could, all the while hearing the horrid metallic skittering of its four grippers on the concrete behind me. This sure must've been a spectacle to anyone driving by right about now, like some twisted party game with a pittance of ten coins up for grabs - can't say I blamed anyone for not stopping, though. If I were driving and saw that, I'd floor it. Anyway, I was dashing down the street, taking advantage of those gangly Waluigi legs to hopefully maintain distance with this mechanical terror, ducking and weaving through alleyways in an attempt to slow its pursuit - maybe one just a little too small for it to squeeze through, or maybe a dumpster to trip over? Yeah, no dice on that... It was relentless, and disturbingly adaptable to boot.
Against all odds, I somehow made it back to my office first and slammed the front door behind me. Had I been much farther from home at the time, I doubt I would've made it before my stamina gave out or that thing caught up with me. At least now I had a chance to catch my breath...
"Took you long enough, Detective. Maybe I should reconsider buying the Speed Booster module after all."
"Sweetie. Didn't that thing already break the bank? And the Speed Booster? More decadent than the finest aged cheese out here."
"Right on the mark again, Mowz. Ugh... maybe I can plot a deal with one of my merchants?"
Well, so much for catching my breath. Didn't expect to be jumped by the Sticky Warrior and his Little Mouser friend, as if there wasn't enough going on already. "Gah! What are you two trying to do, give me a heart attack? I've had enough of that for one evening, thank you."
"Apologies, Detective, but we have urgent matters to discuss. I simply figured sending my pet after you in my stead was the fastest and most practical way for us to reach out here."
I raised an eyebrow. "Your... pet?"
"Well, the robot you came across, it's mine. I bought it a while ago. Very useful for handling meaningful tasks in no time."
All I could do was sigh in response. I might've known - the Sticky Warrior sure had his own way of doing things.
Just then, Jasmine popped out of the shadows. "Connor, what's all the commotion - and um, who are these two?"
Ever on the alert, the Sticky Warrior unsheathed his katana, accompanied by Mowz assuming a battle stance. Great "Wait, who are you!? I'm the Sticky Warrior! You better answer before I challenge you to a duel. And believe me, I don't take kindly to those who get cheeky with me."
"Mmm hmm! I don't see a badge on her, Sweetie. Should I use Love Slap?"
"Whoa, whoa, hang on," I interrupted. "Um, this is my wife Jasmine. This is the Sticky Warrior and Ms. Mowz."
"Oh. Pleased to meet you," she said, seemingly unfazed despite the two of them clearly being ready for a fight. Well, I suppose I had already told her quite a bit about Sticky...
"Your... wife, oh. Wait, since when were you married!?" the Sticky Warrior exclaimed.
"Since a week ago," I replied. "I would've invited you, but you're a tough squid to track down."
"Oh... Well, in this case..." The Sticky Warrior then returned his katana to its sheath, and gave a little bow towards Jasmine. "My apologies for the disruption."
That was probably the most calm and respectful I've ever seen him, to be honest... Back to business, he continued speaking. "Yes, I have been quite busy this last two weeks handling some... messes so to speak."
"Which ultimately is the reason we're here my little cheese stick," Ms. Mowz added. "Mmm hmmm hmmm ♡"
I expected we were in for a wild ride. Fasten your seatbelts. "I'm... not sure if I should ask."
"Well, we're here to ask for your investigative expertise. Some strange... occurrences have been happening lately, and... hmmm..." He paused for a moment and sighed, then looked me straight in the eye. "Okay, let's clear something up. Did you ever told anyone what happened to... Kreep?"
Ah... That guy. He was a highly wanted international weapons dealer - I say was because the Sticky Warrior took care of that problem permanently the last time the two of us worked together. As far as I knew, he'd been working on cleaning up what remained of that vile Kremling's organization ever since. I was sworn to secrecy on the matter, myself. "Of course not."
"Hmm... Strange indeed..." He paused again, closing his eyes in thought.
I didn't really like being left out on the details here. "...Should I be worried?"
"Well, like I said... some strange things started happening after Kreep was killed. Something felt off, but I brushed it aside at first while I was cleaning up any loose ends that could've blown everything wide open. However..."
"These last few weeks? We had to handle hitmen left and right, some with very persistent demeanours," Ms. Mowz added.
"And now? A threatening phone call... They made it clear, they know exactly what happened to Kreep and that the Circle of Six is coming for me. The Circle of Six... that name again. This can't be some mere coincidence!"
Hearing those words from the Sticky Warrior's mouth flipped a switch - that's where I'd heard it before. He said it was something that Kreep kept talking about and it seemed important, although he wasn't sure what it actually meant. But I didn't like that it was popping up again - or that I wasn't the only one getting suspicious calls.
"Wait - you too?"
"Huh? You also had a phone call?"
"Yeah, just before your robot friend showed up. They said... something about being haunted by the Circle of Six and to stay away from it? I wasn't really sure what to make of it, but whoever they were, they knew... too much. And they mentioned someone named Noah, whoever that is."
"N-Noah...? So, those records were true then..."
"Oh, you've heard of him?"
"That's... one way to put it. I gathered some intel after digging through Kreep's old records... You may remember that I once told you about Kreep mentioning the Circle of Six often, right?"
"Yeah, now that you mention it. I don't really care for the idea of that guy being relevant again, in one form or another."
"Well, from what I found, it seems Kreep might've been a henchman for... whatever the Circle of Six truly is, and he wasn't the only one, either. But there was something strange about it. From what I gathered, Kreep had been having problems with them for a while. You could tell just by the amount of mercs he hired or materials he bought, trying to build up operations. He had to be careful about something. And..."
"Do you understand where this leads, Sweetie? Indeed that's where Noah first came up!"
"And now you also mention that name too. This clears things up, the coincidences are out of the picture now. As for the Circle of Six, there was nothing. I couldn't find anything about them whatsoever. Seriously detective, what are they really!? And Noah..."
"Yeesh, and I thought Kreep was big business on his own. If there was someone above him... I don't really know what's going on, but it can't be good." Well, throw out whatever the last understatement of the year was, this one was probably it. "They don't seem too happy, either. Do you think it might've been something you did? Seems odd for it to come up this much time after the Kreep ordeal... Unless they're getting all up in arms about Monty Brando too."
"I... Hmm... Well, with two high-ranking mafians out of the way, some higher up might be pissed off. If anything, we have to investigate and find whoever they are, and that's why we need you, Detective. Kreep was a tough one, if anyone of his caliber is above him, I... dunno if we'll make it this time, especially unprepared," he said, pausing briefly again. "Yes... Whoever that may be..."
As much as I wanted things to be calm for a while, it looked like that wouldn't be happening. The stakes were high, and with Sticky being a personal friend of mine, I couldn't really turn him down on this one. "You're lucky I like you. I guess I'm in."
"Booyah!" he replied, albeit lacking the usual enthusiasm. That seemed off, he usually got way too into this stuff even in dire circumstances. "Where do we start then? These ruffians sure are good at keeping themselves in the shadows. Someone out there must have heard of them or from Noah... surely."
"Ehh, I was kind of hoping you'd have some idea. If we're dealing with something this shadowy, it's going to be hard finding someone who will blab about it, I'll bet."
Ms. Mowz turned to the Sticky Warrior. "Sweetie... Do you think?"
"Hmm... Maybe..."
Oh great, I was getting left out on the details again. "You going to share with the class?"
"The thing is... I can't certify this information, but if my instincts are right on this one... Someone around Despair Pub might have the answers we seek."
"Follow me, my little cheese stick!" Ms. Mowz exclaimed. "I will lead the way. ♡"
"Mowz is quite good at this stuff," the Sticky Warrior added. "You'll have a good partner."
Hm, that place hasn't done a whole lot for me before, but I guess it couldn't hurt to check. Although I wasn't sure how Jasmine would feel about me running off with an aggressively flirty rodent. Ah well, what's one more problem for the PI pile?
"I suppose we can try it, not like I have any better ideas."
"Sounds like a plan then," he said, turning to look at Ms. Mowz and then back to me. "In that case, let me know if you both find anything worthwhile."
I was surprised that he seemed to not be tagging along on this one. Usually he was always in the thick of things... "Oh, you're not coming with?"
He stared at me for a moment, then turned to face the window.
"No."
"Oh, um, alright... I guess you have important business to take care of elsewhere."
"I... will go back to Kreep's hideout. I must follow my intuition, right Detective?"
Without another word, he opened the window and leapt out, slinking away into the night. There was something strange about all this... And I don't mean the fact that the door was right there and he could've just used that. I was used to his peculiar entrances and exits by now.
"Just want you to know, I totally could've taken that guy," Jasmine said. There were few I would match up against Sticky's combat skill, but considering Inklings don't particularly mix well with water... yeah, yeah she could.
"I'd be confident enough to put money on it. I guess I'll be heading out now, I'll be back soon... I hope..."
"Okay... Stay safe out there..."
I opened the front door, and immediately jumped back at the sight of the Sticky Warrior's giant robot standing outside. It was holding a piece of paper in its hand... "GO HOME". A little late, huh? Why couldn't he just use a phone like a normal person...
"I would put my money on the giant robot if I were you my little cheese! Mmmm hmmm hmmm," Ms. Mowz quipped. "But let's forget this for now, let's set off to our adventure!"
Well, here we were again, the old Despair Pub. This seedy place was a meeting place for all sorts of shady characters, and I would sometimes come here in what usually ended up being vain attempts at information gathering. More often than not I just ended up coming up with nothing or walking into traps as a result, but hey, maybe the Sticky Warrior's intuition would pan out this time. This particular evening, it was quite busy in here. I don't think I could see a single unoccupied chair, booth, or barstool in the whole place, and all these unsavory characters made the moody atmosphere feel just that extra bit more oppressive. Finding someone who knew about the Circle of Six was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack, surely.
"Hm, it's crowded in here tonight... Where do you think we should we start? I usually just end up talking to the bartender."
"Hmm... I believe this is the right place. Let me see my sweet little cheese!" Ms. Mowz said, her nose visibly twitching before she began to sniff the air. "My, my, Sweetie! This place is filled with baddies. 14 to be exact! We need to have a closer look. Let's bust them down! Mmmm hmm hmm, there might be a valuable badge here too. ♡"
Ms. Mowz then rushed into the crowds and started slapping people silly. I wouldn't have even been comfortable confronting a single person in this place, and here she was just tearing through the clientele like butter - and not pipsqueaks either, I'm talking some seriously bulky fellows. One thing's for sure, they wouldn't be talking about the time a single slap from a Little Mouser was enough to send them spinning and crashing to the floor. I was pretty sure I even saw her swipe a badge from some poor fool. The bartender didn't seem to care much - he just kept cleaning glasses behind the bar and occasionally looking up at the commotion. In a place like this, he was probably no stranger to barfights.
After everything died down, I approached Ms. Mowz, stepping over an unfortunate Bony Beetle whose shell was apparently no match for the slap of doom. "Um, I'm not sure I should be in a position to be questioning anything right now, but... how did you know that? Assuming you actually did know that and didn't just go around slapping a bunch of random people."
"Mmm hmm hmm, I can't go around telling all my secrets, my sweet cheese stick. Everyone should have their own little mystery, don't you agree?" she said, turning her attention to the octagonal badge in her hand. "A Power Rush badge? Oh my, not bad at all..."
Whatever her secrets may have been, it would've been nice to have during the Fred Pasture incident... "Okay then. I'm not really sure how this helps us, though."
"I will sell it, Sweetie. We can make good money with these kind of badges in Rogueport."
"I thought we came here to investigate the Circle of Six, not get badges to resell."
"Oh, but we are, Sweetie! Have you made the count? We caught 13 chipmunks here so far, and the fourteenth one is still in the vicinity. Mmm hmm, yes. The right one too, and it shall be this way!"
Wait, if she knew who the right one was the whole time, shouldn't we have gone there first to not make a scene and scared them off? She was just as impulsive as the Sticky Warrior... Whatever, I wasn't going to question it - not out loud, anyway. I followed behind her as she rushed outside toward a nearby back alley - I could see a light back there, only for it to seemingly vanish as we got near. I wasn't sure how, as this was clearly a dead end.
"Hang on, there's nothing here? Maybe that was just a trick of the light... But even if anyone was here before, the ruckus you caused inside must've scared them off."
"Hmm..." She sniffed the air again. "No, sweetie. He is still definitely nearby!"
"Well... Then I'd bet there's something hidden around here."
It's times like these that an old adage comes to mind - go everywhere and touch everything. The nearest thing was the dead end, so I started inspecting it - then tumbled ahead as I inadvertently revealed that part of this "wall" was a cleverly disguised revolving door. Should've suspected as much around here, this was probably a good way for anyone in the know to make an easy escape from the pub if things went sour. I could've done without the loss of footing, though.
I may have just been on the other side of a wall, and I can't say this looked much different from any other back alley anywhere else in the city, but something about this place just felt... off. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but there was this sense of mystery about it, almost hostility, even, like you could just feel like you weren't supposed to be here.
"Ooooh, I can already feel there's a lot of valuables around! More importantly sweetie, is that our mysterious foe is right around the corner. Those back alleys are fully interesting when you think about it!"
"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying this at least..." As for myself, I didn't care for this situation, big surprise. The tension in this place was bad enough without being about to face down someone who I had no idea what to expect of. I felt better having Ms. Mowz with me, at least - yeah, I know how that sounds, she's a mouse who's not even tall enough to look me in the knee, and maybe that says more about my own combat abilities, but come on, she just wiped out a pub full of criminals.
"Look! The light... it's them. Hmm... yes, this is the one I felt back at the Despair Pub."
"Heh heh, so we finally meet." The owner of the mysterious voice turned a corner, and out stepped a Lantern Ghost who, by the looks of things, had seen quite a bit, to say the least. His sheet was a dull gray with ragged ends, sewn back up in places with stitches and miscolored patches. Even the lantern swaying in his right hand was clearly aged and weathered, and the sagging brows above his eyeholes evoked the thought of someone who was just done with it all. "I see you didn't bring the Inkling with you this time, what a shame."
"Wait, do you know this guy?" I asked.
"Oh, we've never met personally," the Lantern Ghost interjected. "But these two haven't exactly been subtle as of late."
"My, my, my dearie ghostly thing. We simply did our job. Mmm hmmm hmmm, why do you think we found you? And, don't be coy, you know why we're here for, aren't you?"
"Heh... Course. I've been expecting you. But as much as I'd like to see the Six's light snuffed out, can't say I'm sure you and gumshoe here are up to the task - even if your Inkling friend was the one who took down that overgrown gator."
I was surprised that this guy knew what happened. It definitely got out somehow, but I didn't get the sense that this guy was the one making the phone calls. I wondered if the Sticky Warrior wasn't fast or thorough enough with his cleanup afterwards, or if there was something more sinister at play. "Wait, you know about that?"
"Let's just say the lantern shines light on deeds done in the dark, gumshoe. I know a lot - but I'm not about to spill my guts to some amateurs. Kreep's far from the worst thing the Six have made, after all."
Hold on a second - did I hear that right? "...Made?"
"Well would you look at that, you don't even have close to the full picture. Heh. Best of luck to you. Oh, and let me tell you this - if I found out about you digging into all this, the Six have known for a lot longer," he said, offering a devious smirk as he turned and walked away deeper into the alley without another word.
"My little cheese stick, I believe we may need to... discuss with Sticky," Ms. Mowz said, her tone clearly more serious than her usual demeanor. "I do not believe this vile ghost will say anything worth listening to now. Still, we got our confirmation, there is a connection between Kreep and the Circle of Six."
"Yeah, I think you're right. Come on, let's get out of this place..."
Personally, I couldn't get out of that alley fast enough. Somehow, everything the Lantern Ghost said added even more tension than there was when facing the unknown. Getting back to the city streets was a welcome respite.
"Well, the Sticky Warrior mentioned something before about going to Kreep's old hideout," I said. "I know the place, hopefully he's still there. I don't feel like going on a wild squid chase tonight."
"I do believe Sticky is still there... He had to... investigate. Truth be told Detective, Sticky has been obsessing over this case for a while now, and not in a good way."
I wish I could say I didn't relate...
The walk over to Kreep's old hideout across from the JojaMart was a quiet one. I spent the time reflecting on all this, and if I had to guess, Ms. Mowz was probably doing the same. I still didn't really know what this Circle of Six was - it certainly didn't sound like your run-of-the-mill criminal organization, though, and apparently they'd been keeping an eye on me as well for some unknown length of time. Not knowing what was going on really bothered me, if only because I had no true sense of how dangerous the people we were dealing with really were, and it seemed like neither the Sticky Warrior or Ms. Mowz really did either. That Lantern Ghost seemed to have some idea, but he was annoyingly cryptic for the most part, and it begged the question of who he even was.
Still, he did let one thing slip - the Circle of Six "made" Kreep. Aside from confirming the connection, if he was to be trusted, that implied... something. Perhaps it was more figurative? Like, they mentored him, led him to what he ultimately became, something like that? Or was it more literal... And if that was the case, there was a lot of unpacking to do. And of course, news about Kreep's death had gotten out somehow. He did have minions present at that final duel, so it wasn't entirely out of the question that one of them who was able to flee got it out there. But did that really make sense? Your big bad boss gets cut down by a scarily powerful ninja, and said ninja goes after the witnesses to tie up loose ends - what do you have to gain from running your mouth at that point? If I were in that position, well, I'd be getting the heck out of there and changing my identity again.
I don't know, I didn't like it. And even the Sticky Warrior and Ms. Mowz seemed a bit off. For them to be this serious about it, they were clearly feeling the gravity of the situation, and I wondered if there was something they weren't telling me... There were a lot of pieces here, but I had no idea how to even begin to put them together.
Well, we finally made it back to JojaMart, but there was no shopping for me this time. Guess that was one way to avoid lining Mr. Morris' pockets, if only to delay it a little bit. Maybe reconvening with the Sticky Warrior would shed even the tiniest bit of light on things...
Just as I was about to step off the sidewalk to cross the road over to Kreep's old hideout, I was hit by the sensory overload of a massive explosion emanating from the building. For just a second, it was nearly blinding, and I felt as if my eardrums had been ruptured.
This... this was bad.
To be continued...
Well hi there! Thanks for reading the continuing adventures of Shmaluigi, private investigator. Ninja Squid and I had a lot of fun cooking this one up, and we're really excited to show you the rest of what's in store! And of course a big thanks to him for co-writing this one and providing the dialogue for the Sticky Warrior and Ms. Mowz once again (as well as that mysterious phone call...). Hope to see you back here next month!
Paper Mario: The Door
Written By: Ash
Prologue: The Door
Nothing could stop Mario from going outside for his daily constitutional, not even the multiple alleged anomalies around the Mushroom Kingdom. People had been reporting never-before-seen creatures or voids overtaking the fabric of reality; the latter of which seemed less scary after it had already happened once a couple decades ago.
Mario was bothered by none of it. It didn't seem like it was malignant at all, and if he did see something, it would make for a good story to tell Luigi when he got back home. Ready to stroll around on his typical route and sign autographs for any of his fans, he absentmindedly opened the front door, took a step out, and-
Thud.
He had fallen on his face into the grass. When he stood up and brushed himself off, something didn't feel right. His front porch was missing or he wouldn't have fallen out of the door. He looked behind him, and not only was his porch missing, so was his entire house. So was the door that he had just walked through.
Perhaps he had been caught up in one of the anomalies and gotten teleported away to a random point in the Mushroom Kingdom. Perhaps he had suddenly blacked out and been kidnapped. Perhaps his front door had been replaced with a painting.
Perhaps he was even having a dream. Mario had no idea, so he started aimlessly wandering around the new land in hopes of finding… anything recognizable to him, really. A castle, an airship, even a mountain peak with King Bob-omb standing atop it.
After a while of walking around, he found his way to a castle on the outskirts of a grassy town, but it didn't have the same pink roof as Peach's castle or the swirly blue roof of the Flower Castle. This was uncharted territory for Mario, and he couldn't do much more than hope the inhabitant of this mysterious castle would let him in.
He was greeted by a young Koopaling with long red hair. They were wearing a pretty standard human outfit, with a flannel shirt, jeans, and a t-shirt with five stripes on it; two light blue, two pink, and one white. That didn't stop them from having spiky bracelets on their wrists and ankles.
"Hello?" the Koopaling asked. "Who are you?"
Mario was surprised that the Koopaling would be so unaware of who he was. Even more, they seemed scared of him. Mario explained his situation to them as best as he could without sounding like he was completely crazy.
"Oh, okay. Um… lemme go get my dad," the Koopaling said. They disappeared and the door closed. Mario sat down against the wall by the castle door and waited.
A couple minutes went by with nothing happening until he heard some heavy thumping.
"Yes?" asked a booming voice that sounded suspiciously familiar. Mario was spooked to hear the voice and see someone who looked like Bowser, but… not quite. His hair was a bright pink and he could see a similar color on the shell on his back.
Mario explained his situation a second time and the big Koopa nodded. Mario then finally asked where he was.
"We call it the Koopa Kingdom. At least for now. My kingdom is still pretty new and I haven't come up with a good name for it. Why don't you come in and I'll tell you a little more?"
Mario was surprised at the friendliness of such a big Koopa. He was used to Bowser being cold and unwelcoming toward anyone besides his own kids.
"Oh, and you can call me King K, and that was my son that greeted you. He won't hurt you, but… he has a good reason for being nervous around a human, I'll say that."
Mario asked what was going on.
"The humans have been trying to take over," King K said. "Our whole kingdom is all messed up because of them. Most of my kids have their own little land to rule over but they've been dealing with curses and hostile takeovers. I usually live at the top of a volcano but my castle got invaded so I've been staying here."
Mario wondered who would be behind such an invasion if it wasn't King K. King K seemed to be a lot less of the invader type than Bowser.
"His name is Prince Pit," King K said. "He wears this fancy blue suit all the time and it makes him look all cocky…"
Mario was startled when King K growled in the middle of his explanation.
"Sorry. You build a resentment for someone who kidnapped your kids, you know?"
Mario nodded. He didn't really know what it was like since the Koopalings he was more familiar with were usually the ones doing the kidnapping but he had seen enough princess heists to know kidnapping wasn't fun for anyone.
"Anyway. I don't know too much about Pit's motivations but all I know about him is that he doesn't like other species and he likes boxing. I don't even know if he'll give anyone the time of day unless you challenge him to a boxing match."
Of all the sports Mario had played in his time, boxing wasn't one of them. Baseball or tennis or golf might be more up his alley… no, he wasn't too much of a bowler, either.
"Bowling isn't even a competitive sport," King K said. "You'll never be able to challenge him at that. What are you going to do, throw the bowling ball behind you? Make everyone jump and spin around and look directly at you?"
That was a safety hazard, wasn't it? Mario would never cause one of those unnecessarily.
"Then forget it. ...even if making them spin around is funny. Look, I really want to see the kids again. If you can get them back, I'll be happy but, uh… you think you could try to beat Pit once and for all?"
Mario would never turn down an adventure, even in a place he had never seen before. He had been all around the world, talked to hundreds of people, gone to space twice, and sealed away more ancient evils than the average person. To say the least.
"If you can do all that then I'll help you get home however I can."
Mario was about to run off on an adventure before he was stopped by King K.
"Hey, not so fast. You're not going to be able to go out alone when we have such a bad relationship with humans. Let me get you something to keep you a little safer."
King K motioned for Mario to follow him. He led the somewhat confused plumber down a staircase into what seemed like it was going to be a dungeon where he would be kidnapped. Mario was about to turn around and run away before King K spoke up.
"Where do you think you're going? You don't think I would send you out on a mission to find my kidnapped Koopalings and then kidnap you, do you?"
A fair point, Mario thought. The basement was mostly filled with electronics rather than jail cells or handcuffs like he was expecting. The most threatening part of the room was the strangely high number of ray guns he could see around the room. The middle of the room was taken up by a metal table that looked like it would be used by either scientists or surgeons. Everything else was just screens and machines.
"Take a seat for me," King K said.
There wasn't anywhere for Mario to sit besides the big table so he sat on the edge of it. One of the ray guns was pointed directly at him and after he was shrunken down by Bowser along with his friends all those years ago, he wasn't so sure about King K anymore.
"It's for your safety on this trip, I swear," King K said. "Now just close your eyes for a few seconds. This won't hurt. At least, it shouldn't."
Against his better judgment, Mario did as he was told, putting his glove over his eyes for good measure. He could hear King K typing on a keyboard, then a few beeps, then the sound of a ray gun firing. Probably the one that was looking right at him.
"All set."
When Mario opened his eyes, something was very wrong. The gloved hand that he had put over his face was nowhere to be found. Neither of his arms were still there, actually. In fact, he felt… top heavy. And as soon as he tried to move around, he fell off the table and landed on his head on the floor. To his surprise, it felt like he had just bounced off the ground and flipped over, landing somewhat right side up.
"See, it's perfect. No one will think anything of you if you're a Goomba."
A Goomba? King K had turned Mario into a Goomba? Mario had gotten to be a Goomba a few times in the past but this time he didn't have Cappy or a Wonder Seed to help him change back to normal. Mario stood up as best as he could and found that he was only half the height of King K.
"Now you're really all set to go. Do you remember where the front door is?"
Mario nervously nodded. Even getting up the stairs to leave the castle was going to be an issue with his tiny little Goomba body.
"Oh, sorry," King K said as he picked Mario up by the head. "I forgot Goombas and staircases don't mix."
You don't say, Mario thought as his lower body, which really wasn't significant anymore since it was just a small torso and his shoes, dangled in front of King K. He was placed down on the floor at the top of the staircase before King K patted him on the head a couple times.
"Have fun," King K said before he walked away.
Mario was still left with a lot of questions as he helplessly waddled toward the front door. He stumbled across the Koopaling who greeted him at the front door.
"Oh, hello," they said. They somehow recognized that they had already seen Mario before even though he still didn't know their name. "Dad must have transformed you into this, huh?"
Mario started frantically asking questions.
"Um… I didn't get any of that, but I know Dad has a bit of a habit of not thinking things through before he does them. Here, let me help you out," they said.
Mario watched the Koopaling, whose name he still wasn't getting, grab a magic wand from a table nearby and wave it. The end of it sparkled, and suddenly the Koopaling was holding a metal bracelet. It looked like it was made of the same material as the Koopaling's spike bands, but without the spikes.
"This will let you turn back to normal whenever you need," they said as they strapped it around one of Mario's ankles. "Want to give it a try? You kinda just have to… think about doing it, and then it will happen."
Mario imagined himself being back in his normal form, and when he opened his eyes, he was looking down at the Koopaling instead of up. The band was still wrapped around his ankle but he looked just like he was used to.
"Ooh, good, it works. Just… don't do that in front of any townspeople or they'll run off scared that you're one of Pit's soldiers."
Mario thanked the Koopaling and asked for their name.
"Oh, sorry. I'm Ethan. If you want to keep in touch with me in case you need help, you can take this too."
Ethan handed Mario an orange device with a few buttons on it. It looked like a Cellular Shopper or a Bowser Phone but with a hexagonal logo on the top.
"It's a Zastphone. Just call me if you ever need help getting around or anything, okay?"
Mario, despite having no clue what kind of name "Zastphone" was, put it in his pocket and thanked Ethan again. He was about to say goodbye to them when he felt a tension in his whole body. A few seconds went by and Mario realized he had shrunken into a Goomba again.
"Oh, uh… guess it's temporary. Maybe it will develop the more you use it. Magic is exhausting for people who don't naturally have it, you know?"
Mario really didn't want to admit that he was going to be spending most of his time as a Goomba but at least he had some assistance in his journey.
"Well… good luck," Ethan said. "You should probably start in Cape Feather Fields since it's pretty close to here. You'll find Nikki there. He's the youngest of us and he's probably really scared of Pit's troops."
Mario nodded, and then waddled his way out of the castle as Ethan waved him off. He had his mission set out for him and he had a destination. So far, wherever he was seemed like it wasn't too different from where he came from. There were Goombas and Koopas. Castles and grasslands. It seemed like it was only the people who were new. For all he knew, this new place was going to grow on him. He would just have to see as he ventured on.
Poems From the Other Side
Written by: DrkLrdHmGree3856 (talk)
A message to Captain Goomba
A villanelle by Private Goomp
As long as these pajamas are blue
A flag on my head is my dream come true
I want to be just like you
Lead the Goombas just like you
A flag on my head just like you
As long as these pajamas are blue
Be respected by Goombas, Maybe Bowser too
Not be afraid, but fearless like you
I want to be just like you
Leading the Goombas is all I want to do
A flag on my head just like you
As long as these pajamas are blue
I want to be just like you.
Random Video Analysis
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| Video by: | game2aid |
| Publish date: | July 11, 2011 |
| Views: | 846,536 (as of June 22, 2025) |
| Likes: | 819 (as of June 22, 2025) |
| Type: | Comedy |
Welcome one and all to Random Video Analysis, a section where I go over random videos I find on YouTube! This month marks the release of Super Mario Party Jamboree – Nintendo Switch 2 Edition + Jamboree TV (totally did not copy/paste that incredibly long title), in fact it releases five days after this Issue! It's only fitting to go over a Mario Party-themed video to celebrate. I already did one for January, which was "give me the ball papa", but this one's based on a very iconic minigame seen in many of the games - Shy Guy Says! In fact, the video I chose is Mario Party In Real Life: Shy Guy Says. With a title like that, I'm sure you know exactly what it's about! Did it predict the upcoming Bowser Live mode? Maybe, I don't actually know.
What's it about?
The video starts with the rules for the minigame Shy Guy Says, taken directly from Mario Party. When the minigame begins, the screen fades to show three people cosplaying as three characters: Shy Guy, Donkey Kong, and Luigi. The Shy Guy is faced away from the camera while the other two are sitting against a wall, both partially under blankets. All three of them have a red flag and a white flag in their hands. The word "START" appears in the center of the screen, accompanied by the Mario Party announcer's reading of the word. Afterwards, "START" vanishes and a whistle is heard, also heard in the original Mario Party. What ensues is, well, a live action version of the iconic minigame, complete with the music and sound effects!
The Shy Guy first raises the white flag, with the players following the command. The camera then cuts to show the front of the Shy Guy, who raises the white flag again. After he does, there are cuts to show Princess Peach and Mario raising their white flags separately, revealing that they are also participating in the game. The camera goes back to the view behind the Shy Guy, who initially raises both flags before lowering the white one, which means the red flag is what's raised. All players follow the "leader". There is then another cut to show the front of the Shy Guy, who raises the red flag again. Cut to Princess Peach, who raises the white flag instead. This causes the Shy Guy to grab a rope and cut it with a cleaver, resulting in a disappointed Princess Peach being "swallowed" by a blanket. Now the game picks up the pace!
Shy Guy raises both flags before lowering the red one, and the remaining players hold up their white flags to not be eliminated. The Shy Guy then raises the red flag, which everyone follows... except Donkey Kong. Shy Guy grabs another rope and cuts it, eliminating DK with another blanket. It's getting tense now as only the Mario Bros. remain! Shy Guy quickly raises both flags, but Mario holds up the red one before he finishes. In the end, Shy Guy has the white flag up, which isn't good news for Mario. The blanket of doom engulfs the plumber as well, this time without Shy Guy cutting a rope. The front of Shy Guy is seen, and the word "FINISH" arrives onscreen, accompanied by the announcer's quote. Once the word leaves, a happy Luigi celebrates while the victory theme plays. Before the video ends, the screen fades to white text on a black background, reading "Bringing the Mario Party to real life, for a real cause." The scene changes to show more text, indicating that this video is for a charity/fundraiser:
- MARIO & FRIENDS MARATHON
- Benefiting WORLD YOUTH INTERNATIONAL
- Starting 22 July
- www.gametoaid.org
Interesting observations
- The characters seen have interesting attire to cosplay as the Mario characters:
- The Shy Guy is taller than your average Shy Guy, and he is wearing a red Puma-branded hoodie. His mask is a paper plate with eyeholes cut out. It's difficult to notice to the low video quality, but The Shy Guy is wearing sunglasses. I can see reflections in his eyes. There's also a "mouth" drawn with a black marker. We don't get to see his face.
- Donkey Kong is a man with a shirt resembling DK's body, complete with a tie. He also wears a colored cleaning mask, which is supposed to be Donkey Kong's mouth.
- Princess Peach has brown hair, and her dress resembles Daisy's more than it does Peach. She also wears a silver tiara with a green handmade gem. It's probably meant to be an emerald.
- Mario and Luigi are very accurate to their ingame counterparts. Not much to say about them.
- All sound effects and music in this video are from the original Mario Party. The characters even make the same sounds when they lose!
- It looks to be that the people are playing along with the music and sound effects so that their actions sync with the correct audio.
- When Donkey King raises the wrong flag, there is a brief fade to when the Shy Guy cuts his rope. It's the only one used during the game, so maybe it was to save time and make sure everything is in sync?
- The flags used are actually sticks with a piece of paper attached to them. Perhaps they might be pencils? Hard to tell.
- Mario and Princess Peach are only seen when the camera cuts to them. For most of the video, the Shy Guy, Donkey Kong, and Luigi are present on the screen.
- When Mario raises the wrong flag, a blanket covers him up without the Shy Guy cutting his rope.
- Luigi didn't have to do absolutely nothing to win.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 220 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | Welcome To Cosmo Kart |