The 'Shroom:Issue 224/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Happy November, everyone! Welcome back to The 'Shroom!
Last month, I mentioned that I hadn't started Pokemon Legends: Z-A yet. Well, I have finished the story and moved on to the postgame, and my thoughts abut this game are... mixed. I really enjoyed the setting of Lumiose City (I don't care about the graphics of the windows on the buildings), the Pokemon are so charmingly animated, and it made me so lovingly nostalgic for Pokemon X and Y. But, most of the cast of characters are either extremely bland or some of the worst characters in the entire franchise (looking at you, Urbain), the Pokedex quests are nowhere near as well-thought out at Legends: Arceus's were, and I found some of the stealth mechanics pretty glitchy at times, bordering on unfair at a couple points in my playthrough. This game looks worlds better than Legends: Arceus, the battling is better, but the game is dragged down by the characters and the story. The DLC is yet to release, but if my math is right, I should be talking about it in this space next month, so we will have to see how things go.
All of our writers and artists have worked very hard this month, so I'll stop chattering on up here and let you move on to all the good stuff below!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Once again, let's head over to the Section of the Month results! In first this month, we have winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel! In second, it's Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics!. Finally, in third place, we have Waluigi Time (talk)'s Waluigi Time Comic. Congratulations to all of our winners, and a big thank you to everyone who voted! Please keep it up this month as well!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 12 | 32.43% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 8 | 21.62% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Waluigi Time Comic | 6 | 16.22% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Clusterbot"
Panel 1
[Waluigi Time and Spanner are walking together. Waluigi Time is carrying something.]
WALUIGI TIME: Thanks for helping me build my clusterbot, Spanner
SPANNER: Don't mention it
Panel 2
[Waluigi Time holds up a purple Wii Remote with a confident expression.]
WALUIGI TIME: Now let's fire these guys up!
Panel 3
[Waluigi Time and Spanner look expectantly at a pair of robots shaped like a W and T set on a table.]
Panel 4
[The robots are now engulfed in a dust cloud with stars coming out of it. Waluigi Time and Spanner look disappointed.]
WALUIGI TIME: It's attacking itself
SPANNER: By "don't mention it" I mean don't tell anyone I helped
The ? Panel
Perspective: Front facing
{Wario and Waluigi are facing the front. Wario is happily thinking of eating a buffet and playing with his riches, while Waluigi is fantasizing dancing in front of a large audience and going on a solo adventure to a large pyramid}
Perspective: Back facing
{Behind Wario and Waluigi's heads, they are thinking of how awesome their rivals are, ticking them off. Wario is imagining Mario juggling activities well, giving a rousing speech, being on a magazine cover, and donating money to a Toad. Waluigi is imagining Luigi being admired by others, being lucky with finding money, effortlessly getting number one, and winning a mansion}
Perspective: Side facing towards each other
{Wario and Waluigi are facing each other, angered at the thoughts of Mario and Luigi respectively. They come out of their imaginations to side-hug each other and leap in the air while both are seething at them.}
Perspective: Overhead
{Wario and Waluigi's brains are electrified. Wario and Waluigi's thoughts stormed out of their minds to assault Mario and Luigi. Mario is prepared for a fight, while Luigi leapt in surprise.}
Perspective: Underneath
{Wario and Waluigi are angry at the thoughts of Mario and Luigi leaping back into their heads, while the thoughts of Wario and Waluigi are beaten up by them through an unknown method.}
Perspective: Side facing away each other
{Wario and Waluigi are dejected. In Wario's mind, Mario is admired while Wario looks back dejectedly. In Waluigi's mind, Luigi is shaking hands and high-fiving various people, while Waluigi crosses his arms dejectedly}
Title: Swallowed Pride
{Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi sit at the table eating fast food. Mario is talking, Luigi is eating a fry, Wario is holding a drink and drinking it from a straw, and Waluigi is chewing the burger he is holding. On the table, there is an opened burger, two drinks, a holder for potato wedges with sauce on it, french fries, mashed potatoes with a spoon in it, and a closed container. The fries and the drinks have a smiley face with a tongue sticking out, similar to the Dash Food bags.}
{Relating to "swallowing one's pride: in Wario's thoughts, Wario falls down to the stomach area; in Waluigi's thoughts, Waluigi dives head first down to the stomach area.}
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!, Issue #5, by Hint Toad
Panel 1
[Two Goombas, walking together.]
GOOMBA 1: I'm tired of being stomped on all the time!
GOOMBA 2: Yeah!
Panel 2
[They come across a store with a new "Shoe" in the window box. The Goombas have glowing eyes.]
STORE SIGN: New Shoe! When Mario stomps, STOMP BACK!
Panel 3
[After purchasing a "Shoe", Goomba 1 hops in it while Goomba 2 winds it up.]
GOOMBA 1: How does it work?
GOOMBA 2: Hold on!
Panel 4
[The "Shoe" Breaks loose with uncontrollable hops! Goomba one is still stuck inside.]
GOOMBA 1: YEE-HA!
Panel 5
GOOMBA 1: Wait... I CAN'T STOP!
Panel 6
[Goomba 2 rushes up help.]
GOOMA 1: AAAAAH!
Panel 7
[The "Shoe" is now seen lying on the ground with dizzy Goomba 1 inside. Looks like they crashed into the nearby hill.]
GOOMA 1: Goombas are NOT meant to wear shoes!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Boo1268
Midnight Masquerade: Part 2
Well this was just great. I drag myself to Mr. Boo's Halloween party to try and stop a priceless diamond from being swiped by a thieving Duplighost, and I'm barely here for what feels like any time at all before it's swiped from right under my nose. The lights in the mansion go off and something bad happens - honestly, it's so cliche that I should've been genre savvy enough to bring a flashlight. Hindsight, of course, is 20/20.
No matter, now it was time to start interrogating people and get this gem back before it left Killmore Hill. My eyes were set on the pompous Bristles from earlier as suspect number one. Honestly, I doubted that he was a master criminal in disguise - he was drawing far too much attention to himself - but even if he wasn't actually Tripliss, he certainly had a motive for wanting to see Mr. Boo knocked down at this party.
The library seemed as good a place as any for questioning - quiet and out of the way of the party, maybe with something poetic about returning to the scene of the crime thrown in. Mr. Uppercrust was not happy with being pulled away from the party, especially by us, and I could clearly see the confusion and anger behind his cheap masquerade mask as Shmwario pulled him along.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? UNHAND ME! DON'T YOU TROGLODYTES KNOW WHO I AM!?"
"Yeah, yeah, just keep your mouth shut, Pricklepants!" Shmwario growled back at him.
"WELL, I NEVER!"
"Alright, just cool it for a minute," I said, then turned to Shmwario. "That goes for you too, you're not helping."
"Sorry."
"So, Mr. Uppercrust, perhaps you'll be happy to know that the Devil's Eye here was in fact stolen."
The Bristles smirked with quite possibly the most smugness I'd ever seen on one face in my life. "HA! I KNEW IT! I knew your FILTHY commoner hands couldn't resist such a FINE gem staring you so blankly in the FACE! You just HAD to steal it, didn't you?"
"Perhaps that may be the case, but it could just as much be plausible that someone with such a distaste for the presence of 'commoners', as you called them, would orchestrate the theft of the gem themselves to pin it on them," I explained, then turned to look him straight in the eyes. "Don't you think, Mr. Uppercrust?"
That smug smirk was wiped off his face almost instantly, replaced with an indignant combination of shock and pure insult. "HOW DARE YOU, GOOD SIR! I am a member of the MUSHROOM HIGH ELITE! I would NEVER stoop so low as to SABOTAGE another member of the High Elite! I may be what some would call 'pompous', in which they would be wrong about said statements, but I am a Bristles of HONOR, and THAT is something money can't purchase."
"My good man, I hate to admit it, but he's right," Mr. Boo said as he pulled me aside. "For as rude and petty as Richter is, he's not one to sabotage another due to petty grudges, ESPECIALLY with the risk of being removed from the High Elite for such actions."
"Well, if you say so." Normally I wouldn't be one to let someone off the hook just for being emphatic they wouldn't do that, but I had to take Mr. Boo at his word here. For now, anyway. "Alright, you can go for now, sir."
"THANK YOU!" Mr. Uppercrust shouted, though from the tone in his voice I could tell he wasn't actually grateful. "And I'll be SURE to tell the rest of the party what has transpired here, as to, ahem, fill them in, as it were."
"Now hold it right there Mr. Uppercrust, if you're going to go spreading gossip around that could seriously impede our investigation here, and we may never recover the gem at that rate. If that happens, you'll be complicit in the matter, intentional or not." Honestly, I was just making stuff up. Hopefully he didn't know any better.
"My good sir, I may not be a Bristles to soil my honor by stealing a gem... But I am one to see it that the Mushroom High Elite STAYS the Mushroom High Elite by ANY means necessary. Even if that means, oh, I don't know, a fair bit of GOSSIP about what's happening here RUINING Mr. Boo's frankly LUDICROUS plans. Oh ho ho ho ho!"
"Why don't I just punch this guy out and we'll toss him in a closet the rest of the night?" Shmwario suggested.
Thankfully, Mr. Boo interjected before things got really out of hand. "MR. UPPERCRUST! It would do YOU well to know that if you DO go through with your actions, you will not only be seen as a scoundrel for interfering in a police investigation, by proxy of my good man Shmaluigi being not only a previous member of the New Wikisburg Police Force, but also the fact that I myself am very good friends with the POLICE CHIEF, and while you will not be kicked out of the council, the high-ranking members will have a VERY stern word with you for possible SOILING of our good word. Now if you are going to go outside, then do one thing," he said, floating over to Mr. Uppercrust and destroying any sense of personal space he may have had. "Zip, your howling, screamer. Do I make myself clear?"
That certainly got through to him - Mr. Uppercrust must've been more pale than the ghost hovering mere inches from his face. "Y-yes sir," he said weakly, practically curled into a ball, then he left without further incident.
"Well, that was really something. Now who to interrogate next..." I said, pondering our next best move. "I recall that Mr. Gastronomole was approaching the library just after I left, so he was potentially nearby when the crime occurred... We should talk to him."
"Ah, hello there, Detective. Would you like something to drink? I still have that Yoshi Blue Cola I wished to give you!"
"Not at the moment, thank you." If this was actually Tripliss, let's just say I had no interest in consuming anything he offered me. Can't be too careful. "So, perhaps you're not aware that Mr. Boo's priceless gem has disappeared into the mist."
"OH MY!" the mole exclaimed. "I was indeed unaware of this, have you had any luck finding it?"
"Not yet, I'm afraid. But seeing as how you were nearby when the theft occurred, we'd like to ask if you've seen anything out of the ordinary tonight."
"Not especially, no. Everyone enjoyed the fine meals I created for them, and all was going well. In fact, I still have the mushroom biscotti tray here I was going to offer you, if you would like to take a look?"
"Hey, I wouldn't mind that," Shmwario said.
Mr. Gastronomole lifted the dish off of his tray, revealing several servings of mushroom biscotti, ready to be eaten, if a bit less warm than it would have been earlier. It certainly looked well-made, but I was still unsure. Luckily, I wouldn't have to be the one to try them first - Shmwario's eyes lit up as he pulled out a napkin and tucked it into his shirt. "Don't wanna make a mess, dry cleaning is way too expensive these days!"
He wasted no time digging in, and considering he didn't double over in pain or turn any weird colors or anything like that, I figured it was probably safe. I sampled a little of it myself - for investigative purposes, of course - and I could definitely say it was a quality dish. And, well, some skills just don't carry over as a Duplighost. I can speak from experience from the time I tried to copy Tayce T. to make dinner... Anyway, it seemed like Mr. Gastronomole was likely on the up-and-up, assuming Tripliss wasn't also a master chef himself.
We thanked Mr. Gastronomole for his time, but just before he stepped out, he stopped short. "I will say sir, that Shiverian seems very uncomfortable being here. Perhaps he's hiding something? Can't say for sure though. Anywho, carry on."
No wonder the Shiverian looked uncomfortable - he was squeezed into an astronaut costume that was much too small for him, and those seams definitely looked like they were on borrowed time. I guess Shiverian-sized costumes were a rarity. I suspected that his current state at least had little to do with any involvement in the gem theft, but as long as he was here, may as well ask some questions.
"Izvinite, u menya problemy?" the Shiverian said. I could tell from the tone of his voice he was asking a question, but I couldn't tell you what a single word meant.
"I'm just going to take a guess and say you're not from around here?" I asked.
"Net, ya zdes' s yuga Shiveria."
This language barrier could be a problem... "I'm sorry sir, I'm having a very hard time understanding you. Do you happen to speak any English?"
The Shiverian cleared his throat. "Am very sorry, I has not been in, this strana, very long, so English not very good. Am I in trouble? Am very sorry if caused, eh, narusheniye."
Barring an international caper of some sort, this Shiverian didn't seem like our man. If Tripliss was trying to blend in, well, he'd be doing a lousy job disguised as this guy. He was clearly out of his element, and I didn't want to stress him out with any further questioning until I felt it necessary.
"No, you're not in any trouble, we're just trying to figure some things out here. Sorry to take you away from the party, you can get back to it now. Just let us know if you see anything strange."
"Spasibo," he replied, clearly a little relieved though still unable to relax thanks to his wardrobe. He waddled out of the library and shut the door - and at that moment, I heard a loud rip on the other end followed by a sigh of disappointment. Poor guy.
I felt we needed to change our approach - if Tripliss was going to be blending in, he'd probably try to look like someone you'd expect to be at the party. In other words, one of the Mushroom Elite. With Mr. Boo's guidance, we decided to pull aside an affluent-looking Lochlady by the name of Ms. Rarity Alamode, a gem enthusiast and dressmaker by trade.
"Ah, hello monsieur, you are ze famous Shmaluigi are you not?" she asked.
"That would be me, ma'am. So, Mr. Boo tells me you're quite interested in gems?"
"Oui oui, yes indeed," she replied with an emphatic nod. "I am ze FINEST dress maker in ALL of New Wikisburg. All come to see my dresses and wear them. Speaking of, dear, someone such as ze great Shmaluigi must have a special someone in his life, no?"
I wasn't sure if she was flirting, or trying to sell me things... "Ah, well, perhaps, but let's get to the point. I suppose you aren't aware that the Devil's Eye has been stolen?"
"No, monsieur! I was unaware of ze theft! Drat, now I'll NEVER get my inspiration!"
"Inspiration for what, Miss Rarity?" Mr. Boo asked.
"For my winter line, of course! I have been pounding my head on ze wall everyday trying to figure out what to do for it, and I need to do it FAST! I can't sell a fall line in ze winter! It would be oh so catastrophic! So I was hoping to gain some inspiration, through ze Eye! I have heard it shimmers and shines like no other, mon ami."
Well, she didn't seem like the thieving type... I glanced over to Mr. Boo, looking for a signal that nothing seemed out of the ordinary with her, and he shook his head. On to the next one.
Continuing to pursue the elite angle, Mr. Boo pointed us to a green Bullet Bill dressed like a leprechaun. His name was Mr. Dollar Bill, a well-to-do investments guru who Mr. Boo was quite familiar with.
"Too embarrassed to ask for my business card in public, eh? No worries, here you go, BA-BOOM!" he said, extending a business card. "Oh, your costume doesn't have pockets..."
"Ah, no, that's not why we brought you here."
"I see. Well, keep the card anyway, you never know when you'll need it," he said, adjusting his bowtie.
"Now then, are you aware that the Devil's Eye has been stolen tonight?"
"It has?! Oh dear, oh dear... Did you- did you remember to get it insured like I suggested?"
"No Mr. Bill, I did not, my good sir," Mr. Boo replied. "Although now thinking about it, that would have saved us some trouble."
"Well I hope you can find it quickly then, remember that it's always important to protect your investments! BA-BOOM!"
Mr. Boo rolled his eyes. "Then I assume you're going to try and sell me one of those insurance packages of yours after this is all said and done?"
"Well... It's always good to be prepared. Just ask my brother, Medical Bill!"
"How about we talk about it over lunch next week, my good man? How about the Star Café? They always have a fine selection."
Mr. Bill certainly didn't seem like an impersonator from this conversation, and I had more important things to do than listen to these high society guys make lunch plans. "Not to interrupt, but I assume we're done here?"
"Yes my good man, Mr. Bill is clean. I know him, especially when he tries to sell me his insurance packages," he said, then turned towards Mr. Bill with a slightly disgruntled expression. "Even though he isn't convinced to extend his insurance to object possession, which technically counts as theft if taken away from the property!" That must've been a frequent conversation topic between them.
Looking at elites didn't seem to be getting us anywhere, so I thought about what other approaches to take. A celebrity, perhaps? These types of events usually attract big names. I did happen to notice the eccentric Mad Scienstein earlier, dressed rather uncreatively as, well, a scientist. I wouldn't have even known it was a costume if not for the crazy white wig on his weirdly-shaped head.
"I hope you don't mind, doctor, but we need to ask you a few questions," I said.
"Ah yes, likewise. Firstly Mr. Boo, do you happen to have any books regarding ancient magic?" Did... did he just hijack my interrogation? It struck me more as a strange fellow hyper-focused on his own business than deliberately trying to change the subject, at least.
"Yes? I believe I have some here. Why do you ask?" Mr. Boo asked, clearly confused.
"I'm currently researching a mystical force located deep underground, and perhaps with better knowledge of the artifact that laid deep under there, I can ask to allow for an official excavation! Since my previous one was, let's just say, less than legal... I was hoping to speak to you about this matter after the party was over."
I cleared my throat loudly, hoping to get the train back on the tracks, so to speak. "Could we focus on the matter at hand for a second?"
"Ah yes, sorry, I tend to get carried away in my thoughts. What was it you wanted to ask, sir?"
"Someone stole the gem that Mr. Boo was planning to show off tonight, and we're trying to figure out who did it. Are you aware of anything suspicious happening lately?"
"Unfortunately, no. You see I just got here not long before you called me into this room, so I hadn't had time to see anything."
Hmm... That did make sense, now that I thought about it he was near the entrance when I first saw him. Making a mad dash for the front door would've drawn far too much attention for someone trying to blend in and make it practically impossible to claim they had just arrived.
"Oh well, I appreciate your willingness to help anyway."
"Of course, here's hoping you find whoever did it! Maybe try using the scientific method to figure it out! Always works for me!" I supposed interrogations like this were a little bit like the scientific method, but so far we were just slowly whittling down the haystack being searched for a needle.
"My good man, this isn't getting us anywhere. We need to find out who stole the eye and soon, or else this Tripliss fellow might escape!" Mr. Boo exclaimed. "Hmmm... Maybe it would be more efficient to try and look at figures that have an easy way to transport the jewel without being noticed?"
"You have a good point there, Mr. Boo. A diamond that size would be pretty hard to conceal otherwise."
"Especially since from my ghostly knowledge, Duplighosts are unable to disguise items... I wonder, Mr. Shmaluigi, were there any suspicious individuals carrying around bags or other items?"
"I saw a Jibberjay flyin' around with a bag!" Shmwario exclaimed. "Bet that bird's got it!"
I recalled seeing something similar, so we went to go track the guy down. It wasn't very difficult, as we walked through the manor an orange Jibberjay wearing a hockey mask flew right in front of us, cutting us off.
"Hey, I'm walkin' here!" Shmwario grumbled.
"Sorry! Just kidding, not sorry!" the Jibberjay squawked. Peculiar fellow.
"Excuse me sir, but what do you have in that bag of yours?" I asked.
"Snacks! Snacks! Have you been to the buffet table? There's so much great stuff you can't even try it all!"
"Well, it's just that we're trying to solve the theft of Mr. Boo's missing gem..."
"A theft? I'm no thieving bird, that's not my style, style! I'll show you, but don't take any! It's all mine, mine!" the Jibberjay said before unceremoniously dumping the bag's contents onto the floor. Gross. "You happy, happy? No funny stuff here!"
"Aw man, what a waste," Shmwario said, looking at the splattered food with an expression of near horror.
"Waste? It's no waste, waste!" the Jibberjay replied, scooping it back up into the bag with no apparent concern. Some people really need to think twice about hygiene... "By the way, you should lay off the breath mints, cowboy! You could practically kill someone with that much mint, mint!"
"Mint?" I asked. Usually the overpowering odor coming from Shmwario's mouth was garlic breath.
"What? It's a fancy party, I had to be presentable! Otherwise the ghost here mighta thrown us out!" he replied. "Hey, speakin' of food, mind if I go put my snacks in the car? I'll be back in five minutes."
"Yeah, sure, whatever." I doubted losing Shmwario for a short amount of time would make or break this case at this rate.
"Great. Hey Boo, can you get boney boy out there to let me pass through?"
"Of course, my good sir," Mr. Boo said, leaving with Shmwario to escort him out.
I continued looking around for anyone else who looked suspicious on my own, to no avail. Dejected, I returned to the library to take a breather, where I was joined shortly after by Mr. Boo. There clearly had to be something I was missing, but I hadn't the foggiest idea of what it was. "This is starting to get ridiculous. We're following just about every line of picking suspects we can think of and it's all coming up with zero. And we're not going to be able to just keep all of these people in here all night until we find out who the culprit is."
"Blasted Duplighosts are always such tricky fellows! It's always bad that they're copying others, but this one is, as you say, extra crafty! We'll NEVER be able to solve this case!" Mr. Boo said with a sigh, floating into his chair and returning to his cup of tea. "Alas, it seems as if my dreams were only just dreams... Confounded Duplighosts, always so tricky to find and they're never the ones you expect."
Never the ones you'd expect...
Suddenly, it dawned on me. We'd spent the whole night looking at the partygoers from different angles... What if it wasn't any of them? No one we interrogated seemed to be acting out of character, but something strange was going on right under my nose. The doormat, the napkin, the breath mints - I'd been so focused on the case that I didn't even notice it was Shmwario of all people acting out of character! He's always been uncouth, and I knew him well enough that he wouldn't just put up a front on that aspect for anyone, really. And we just let him leave!
"IT'S SHMWARIO!" I shouted.
"HUH? WHAT!?"
"No time to explain, we've got to stop him before he gets away with that gem!"
I rushed to the front door with such urgency that I practically left Mr. Boo in the dust - not my brightest move considering he had to unlock the door for me, but with that obstacle out of the way, I sprinted out into the Lich Yard, soon encountering Mr. Striker.
"WHERE'S SHMWARIO!?" I shouted as I got nearer to the ghastly Dark Bones.
"He just left a few moments ago. He should be halfway across the yard by now. Why?"
"Because he was the impostor all along!"
"WAIT, WHAT!? GO! NOW! YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CATCH UP!"
Luckily, I had one advantage - my legs were a lot longer, assuming Tripliss hadn't ditched his Shmwario disguise.
I continued dashing through the mire, eventually seeing Tripliss in the distance, still disguised as Shmwario and walking along as if nothing was wrong. I shouted at him to stop as I finally got within a few feet of him and stopped in my tracks.
"Eh? What's up bro, you catch the guy yet?" he asked, turning around to face me.
"Oh, yeah we've caught the guy. Almost, anyway."
"Oh yeah? Who was it? Bet you it was that Crusty guy!"
"You ought to know. You're standing in his shoes."
He barely reacted to that - clearly, he was going to keep the charade up as long as possible. "What are you talkin' about?"
"Hand over the bag, Tripliss."
He smirked, which transformed into a wicked grin, then slowly clapped. "Well, it seems as if you are as good as they say, detective."
In a puff of purple smoke, Tripliss finally revealed his true form - a Duplighost much like Doopliss, with his sheet ending in torn, jagged edges. He wore a little striped party hat with star decorations on the end, which seemed pretty unfitting for a master criminal's wardrobe to me, but what do I know. Most striking of all were his sinister orange eyes.
"I must congratulate you detective, you are the FIRST person to ever figure me out, that shows skill. I must say I'm impressed."
Far be it from me to give advice to criminals, but I couldn't help but think he made a huge mistake trying to impersonate the brother of a detective.
"Now then, why don't you make this easy on yourself?" I said. "Hand over the gem and tell me what you did to Shmwario."
"Oh? Your pathetic excuse for a brother? He's tied up inside a garbage bin in an alley a few houses down from here, he should be fine." Eh, worse has happened to him, I suppose... I could tell that Tripliss probably wasn't going to cough up the diamond without a fight, though. "After I steal this diamond, not only will I be RICH, but will also defeat the ONLY man able to match my intellect and skill, the ONLY one able to combat me - YOU!"
"Me? Really? We've never even met before, why make me your arch-rival?"
"Because, Shmaluigi, you are the ONLY man I know who is able to compete with me! Your skills are the reason why the sinister Monty Brando is no longer in power. YOU are the only reason that so many cunning and dangerous criminals are in jail. YOU are the only one to solve the case through your intelligence alone. I know you've been searching for me for quite some time now, always one step behind me, always on my trail. It was at some point I finally knew that YOU would be my greatest combatant yet! And if I was able to defeat YOU, then I could RULE this city!"
Great, another creep with delusions of grandeur, as if I didn't have enough of those to deal with already. "Well, I'm afraid that all stops here, then."
"Ha! You humor me Shmaluigi, you should know that I am one of the most skilled Duplighosts around. But before we begin, let's make this more fun, shall we?" he said, pulling out two yellow scimitars with a strange symbol on them. That didn't bode well. "These, my good sir, are the Blades of Lightning. I stole them some time ago, and recently I've grown a bit of, say, fondness for them. And who says lightning doesn't strike twice?"
I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with this one - but it seemed like maybe I wouldn't have to.
"I OUGHTA KNOCK YOUR BLOCK OFF!"
There stood Shmwario - the real deal, this time - covered in garbage and visibly fuming. He was never an easy one to keep down, after all.
"Ah, so glad of you to join us Mr. Shmwario, the FUN was just about to start!"
"Shut up! You ruined my Halloween!" Shmwario shouted, then delivered a punch right to the Duplighost's mouth, sending him staggering backwards.
"GAH! You fools really think you can defeat me? Well let me ask you this then... How can you beat the man who can be anyone? I'll make sure your end is SWIFT! HAHAHAHA!" With a quick slash of his blades, thunderbolts rained down on both sides of Tripliss for a brief moment. Yikes. Shmwario didn't seem to care much and rushed at him with all the fury of an Italian chef defending his restaurant. Yeah, that's pretty specific, but it just felt like an appropriate comparison.
"You're gonna be sorry you ever messed with me, chump!" Shmwario said, preparing to charge him.
"Oh please, as if a fool like YOU could ever scare me!" Tripliss replied, transforming into a Pokey and not giving Shmwario any time to react, sending him flying backwards from the sudden punctures. "Get the point? I'm better than you in every way."
He may have been up on his transformation game, but what he didn't have was the numerical advantage - while he was distracted with Shmwario, I'd managed to pull a lantern off a nearby tree and hurled it right at his midsection, sending his segments scattering. Too slow, Pokey.
"Oof! Curses! You're just as clever as I knew you were! Well then, how about this one?" he said, regrouping his segments before turning into a Rrrumba and trying to squash us.
"Come on, is that pebble all you got?" Shmwario said, knocking Tripliss back with a shoulder bash.
"Well if that isn't substantial enough for you, let's put a little SPIN on this then, shall we?" Tripliss said, setting the Rrrumba's rocks ablaze, akin to a Hot-Hot Rock. Okay, I guess this guy was pretty good... "Well my friends, it looks like it's time for things to heat up around here for you two! ENGARDE!"
"Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we cool this guy down," I said to Shmwario, motioning to the murky lake. That ought to dampen his spirits.
"Ohh, I getcha."
Luckily, it's not that hard to bait someone when they're specifically trying to plow right into you. Luring the rolling Duplighost-turned-Rrrumba towards the lake, we got out of the way just in time, leaving him no time to correct himself. You could just hear the sizzle of all those rocks being doused at once, and I have to tell you, it was a very satisfying sound.
Unfortunately, it being that easy to defeat him was too good to be true. Leaping from the water as a Porcupuffer, Tripliss took on the form of Bowser himself in mid-air, landing on the ground with a powerful thud and stirring up all kinds of flora.
"You two are much tougher than you look, you know, so why don't you just DIE ALREADY!" he shouted, clearly frustrated that he hadn't been able to take us down yet. I think we bruised his ego. He then spewed a relentless stream of fire breath, forcing us to quickly dodge.
"What, that's the best you can come up with? The guy who gets trounced every other Tuesday?" Shmwario chuckled. "If you wanted to get defeated, why didn't ya just say so!"
Taking a running leap, Shmwario managed to clear Tripliss' head and land on the other side of him, grabbing him by the tail and hurling him into a tree with a resounding wooden crack. I might have to warn Mr. Boo about the state of that one...
"RRAGH!" Tripliss growled, pulling himself from the side of the tree. "Impressive! But let's see how strength compares to skill!" Returning to his true form and brandishing his scimitars once more, he pointed one of the blades at Shmwario and shot a lightning bolt at him, lighting him up like a jack-o-lantern.
"Grr... I've had enough of this junk!" Shmwario said, shaking it off and rushing back toward Tripliss, delivering a painful-looking uppercut that sent him hurtling back into the lake. "HAVE A ROTTEN DAY, CHUMP!"
The soggy Tripliss surfaced from under the muck, just in time for his eyes to widen as he saw his scimitars falling in after him, illuminating the lake with sparks, zaps, and shocks.
"That's gotta hurt," I mused. "I'm sure he'll be fine though, it takes a lot more than that to get rid of a Duplighost."
"Serves him right!" Shmwario added.
"OH GOOD HEAVENS, ARE YOU TWO ALRIGHT!?" Mr. Boo shouted. I turned to see him and Mr. Striker running down the path towards us.
"We saw the bright flashes and assumed something bad happened," Mr. Striker added.
"Yeah, we're fine. Shmwario took the brunt of it, but he's tough stuff."
"I assume you were able to catch the criminal responsible for the theft?" Mr. Boo asked.
"Yep, we got him," I said, then turned to look at the lake, pulling a glittering object from amongst the soggy remains of a paper bag and party food. "And I believe this belongs to you, Mr. Boo."
"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU! I truly appreciate all that you have done for me, Mr. Shmaluigi! I could have never done this on my own."
"Oh come on Boo, give us a bit of credit. We DID solve that jewel theft a few months ago," Mr. Striker said.
"All in a day's work, Mr. Boo. I'm glad we got this sorted out for you."
"So... can we get back to that party now?" Shmwario asked. "I didn't get to see any of it, unlike some people. The food better not be all gone by now!"
After calling the authorities to pick up Tripliss, we went back to spend a little while longer at the party. Everything seemed to be going well - besides Shmwario antagonizing Mr. Uppercrust - or so I thought, until one of the cops approached me, a timid-looking Koopa Troopa.
"Um, Mr. Shmaluigi?"
"Yes?"
"Tripliss, um, sort of got away..."
"What do you mean he got away?!"
"Well, the thing is, Johnson got startled by a ghost, and we turned to look - just for a second! And, um, when we looked back, he was gone..." Ugh... I probably would've had better luck leaving him with Shmwario. "He left this note... I think you'll want to read it."
I took the note out of his hands. "Dear Shmaluigi, I must admit, you have exceeded my expectations. It is clear to me now that you are a worthy match against me in terms of skills, strength, and intelligence. We really are alike, you and I, but don't think the game ends here. No, it's only just beginning. I look forward to seeing you again sometime in the future. -Tripliss"
Well, at least he had nice penmanship. Clearly, this wasn't the last I was going to be seeing of Tripliss. Add another rogue to the gallery, I suppose - I'd be ready for him.
The End
Well good news, we finished the Halloween story before Thanksgiving! Thanks again to Boo1268 for collaborating with me on this and providing the dialogue for several characters (Boo1268, Specture, Richter, Gastronomole, Burghnust the Shiverian, Rarity, Mad Scienstein, and Tripliss). With that, I'll be taking a short break from this section, but perhaps there's other characters you'll be seeing in this space in the meantime, wink wink hint hint nudge nudge. See you next time!
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
World 5: Mountain Of Merriment - Part 1
Meanwhile, back at General Zellon's castle, General Zellon was scowling, having his arms folded in front of his chest while impatiently tapping his right foot. "Hurgh…That impertinent Sidestepper and his band of no good heroes is starting to get on my nerves…" General Zellon grumbled to himself.
Mario giggled a little bit. "Looks like things are finally starting to turn around for the better with General Zellon's mood souring, li'l bro." He told Luigi with a smile.
Luigi smiled and nodded in agreement. "I agree, big bro. The heroes are starting to get closer and closer to General Zellon's castle, which means that our ticket to the free world is getting closer as well." He replied to Mario.
"Would you two be quiet?! I cannot concentrate on my brooding with you two bickering behind my back!" General Zellon shouted at Mario and Luigi, after which the brothers just giggled and rolled their eyes.
"Father, terrible news from the survivors of Talpidae Tunnels!" Johann shouted as he came running in and informed his father of what went down at Talpidae Tunnels.
"Grrah! Those heroes are really making my blood boil!" General Zellon angrily growled.
"The heroes are currently on their way to the snowy mountainous region of the Dark Lands! If we do not make haste, they could be freeing even more of their friends that are being held up there!" Johann told his father.
"The snowy mountainous region of the Dark Lands? That would be Somber Mountain." General Zellon replied as he thought about his next plan of action against ClawgripFan9001 and Company. "Okay, I know what to do. I will send your third eldest sibling to take care of the heroes." He told Johann before pulling out his communication device once more. "Louis? Could you please come in here, son?" He spoke into his communication device before putting it away again.
Soon after, General Zellon's third eldest son, Louis Daniel Zellon came flying into the room. Like his father and siblings, he was a hippopotamus/pterosaur hybrid, having short shaved black hair and black eyes while wearing a commander uniform like the rest of his siblings.
"Am I needed for your plan, father?" Louis asked in a calm and collected manner, having a calm smile on his face.
"Yes, you are, Louis. The heroes that have been freeing the heroes we've captured are currently on their way to our stronghold over at Somber Mountain. I want you to head over there together with your troops to stall the heroes' progress." General Zellon informed Louis.
"Understood, father. I will make sure the heroes won't set foot in our Somber Mountain stronghold." Louis smiled and nodded before flying out of the room again.
"Boy, Louis was always the calmest and most methodical of me and my siblings." Johann remarked, impressed with his younger brother's calm and collected demeanor.
"That much is true, Johann. It is Louis' calm and collected demeanor and his penchant for quick-thinking that earned him his stripes as a commanding officer within my ranks." General Zellon chimed in with a laugh.
Meanwhile, ClawgripFan9001 and Company were currently traveling up to Somber Mountain in a snowmobile they had managed to nick off of General Zellon's forces. Waluigi was driving the snowmobile while ClawgripFan9001 sat in the passenger seat. The rest of the group sat in the back of the snowmobile, and the Lakitu cameraman was once again filming ClawgripFan9001 as he was reporting live to the viewers at home.
"Ahoy, mateys! Welcome back fer 'nother update on our escapades in the Dark Lands, 'ome o' General Zellon an' 'is dastardly Armed Forces! We've managed ta bring down 'alf o' General Zellon's commandin' officers, an' managed ta free 'alf o' the heroes General Zellon 'ad captured! We currently be tryin' ta traverse a set o' snowy mountains as we try ta make our way t'wards the next stronghold that General Zellon's likely built up 'ere! We'll 'ave more on the story o' our adventure in the Dark Lands as it develops!" ClawgripFan9001 spoke into the camera before turning back towards the road.
Wario shivered a bit. "Brrrr! It's stupid cold up here!" The yellow clad flab monster remarked as his teeth were clattering from the cold.
"Tell me about it! This cold isn't good for my delicate green skin!" Yoshi chimed in as he was also shivering.
"That makes two of us, Yoshi, because this cold isn't good for my delicate pink skin either!" Birdo spoke up, shivering just like the others were.
"What, are you all cold or something? Tsk! Just try to keep in movement a little and you'll be alright!" Waluigi spoke to the others as he continued to drive the snowmobile through the mountains.
Suddenly, the heroes were ambushed by a trio of the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalent to Ice Brothers: Snow Sisters. "Don't take another step further, heroes! We're under orders of Commander Louis Daniel Zellon to keep your greasy hides away from his stronghold!" One of the Snow Sisters firmly told the heroes.
"Yar, that don't interest us a tiny ounce, lass! Now make yerselves scarce, we've got work ta do!" ClawgripFan9001 told the Snow Sisters with a scowl on his face.
"Ooh, we've got a smart-mouth over here. Well, how about you and your silly friends take us on in a game of Track Cycling - Team Pursuit? If you win, you get to pass further up Somber Mountain. If you lose, you're leaving the Dark Lands immediately without the ability to return. Does that strike your fancy?" The second of the Snow Sisters asked ClawgripFan9001.
"Aye, that be soundin' like a fair deal ta me, lass. I don't really be capable o' ridin' a bicycle though, so I'll leave that ta me mateys. Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi, Birdo, do ye think the four o' ye could 'andle these lasses?" ClawgripFan9001 asked the newly freed additions of the team.
"With pleasure, ClawgripFan!" Wario smirked and put his fists together.
"Yeah, we'll take care of this!" Waluigi chimed in with a smirk of his own.
"Mhm! We'll have those meanies taken care of lickety split!" Yoshi added with a determined look on his face.
"Of course, ClawgripFan. Anything to repay you the favor of freeing us from Commander Basil's clutches." Birdo nodded.
"Okay, enough chitchat! Let's get over to the cycling track!" The last of the Snow Sisters declared as the heroes and the villains were beamed away to the cycling stadium where the event was going to take place.
Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo were sitting on their bicycles that they were going to use for the event, and they proceeded to wave to the audience, only for them to be met with boos and sneers from them. They didn't let this bring them down, however, as they prepared to take on their Snow Sister opponents.
As the starting shot could be heard, both teams took off pedaling as fast as they could, with Team Wario pedaling the fastest of the two teams. On the final lap, Wario left the team due to him being the leader, leaving Waluigi, Yoshi and Birdo to make their final push for the finish line. Successfully crossing the finish line, they happily cheered with Wario clapping for his teammates' efforts from the sidelines. The Snow Sisters screamed in dismay at having lost as they proceeded to disappear into puffs of smoke, after which the heroes were beamed back to Somber Mountain.
"Ha ha! Get a whiff, Zellon losers! That's the smell of success!" Wario laughed over his team's victory over the Zellon troops.
"Yeah, you peons won't outshine the great Waluigi!" Waluigi cheered happily.
"Woohoo! We won! We should've brought cookies to celebrate!" Yoshi cheered.
"That certainly was no fuss whatsoever." Birdo smiled.
"Yar, well done ta all o' ye! Now let's continue our expedition 'cross these snowy mountains, aye?" ClawgripFan9001 suggested as Waluigi began driving the snowmobile forward again.
After having traveled up a mountain path, the heroes now found themselves driving their snowmobile over another mountain path that went straight. They were then ambushed by a pair of Zellon troops that were the army's equivalent to Cooligans: Sphenispectacles.
"Look, it's a bunch of penguins wearing sunglasses! They remind me of the Cooligans that I employ for the Koopa Troop!" Bowser pointed out.
"You're right, Bowser. These guys must be General Zellon's counterpart to your Cooligans." Winston chimed in.
"Hey, dude. Aren't those the heroes Commander Louis told us to watch out for?" One of the Sphenispectacles asked the other one.
"Dude, you're right. We gotta, like, stop 'em from progressing further through Somber Mountain." The other Sphenispectacle replied before him and his buddy proceeded to turn towards the heroes.
"Dudes, don't move. Commander Louis ordered us to keep you guys away from his stronghold, so be, like, good heroes and turn back now, okay?" The first Sphenispectacle told the heroes.
"Make us, you jerks!" Winston told the Sphenispectacles firmly.
"Dude, bogus. If you try to engage us, you're gonna get punked into submission." The other Sphenispectacle firmly told the heroes as well, after which Winston jumped out of the snowmobile together with the Lakitu cameraman.
"They brought it! It's go time, dorks! If you wanna pass now, you'll have to, like, beat us in a match of Table Tennis - Doubles! If you win, you're free to pass! If we win though, we're gonna kick your butts out of the Dark Lands, and you can't come back!" The first Sphenispectacle firmly told the heroes.
"Works just fine for us, gentlemen. Now let's get going!" The Lakitu cameraman told the Sphenispectacles confidently before everyone was beamed away to the stadium where the Table Tennis - Doubles event would be taking place.
Winston and the Lakitu cameraman were on one side of the table, while the two Sphenispectacles were on the other side. Humorously, the Lakitu cameraman was holding his table tennis racket with one hand while still filming the whole event with his camera in his other hand.
Winston was the first to serve for the heroes' team, and he proceeded to hit the ball forward. One of the Sphenispectacles proceeded to hit the ball back, after which the Lakitu cameraman proceeded to hit the ball back across the table again, after which the other Sphenispectacle proceeded to hit the ball back to the other side once again, and both teams proceeded to have their teammates take turns hitting the ball back and forth until Winston and the Lakitu cameraman eventually emerged victorious in the event, after which the Sphenispectacles squawked in dismay as they proceeded to disappear into puffs of smoke, and the heroes were returned to Somber Mountain.
"Ha ha! No spectacle wearing, surfer lingo slinging Spheniscidae are going to stand in our way of claiming victory!" Winston happily laughed over his team's victory in the event.
"You said it, Winston! We really showed those suckers what for!" The Lakitu cameraman agreed.
"Aye, ye sure did, mateys! I'm proud o' ye fer beatin' those scallywags! Now let's keep movin', fer we've got more o' these snowy mountains ta traverse!" ClawgripFan9001 chimed in as the heroes continued driving over the mountain path in their snowmobile.
Here we are again with the start of Chapter 5 of Sport Report: The Movie! Seeing as most mainline Mario games have a snow-themed world in them, I thought it'd be fitting for General Zellon's Dark Lands to have one as well! When trying to think of a name for this world, I took a little bit of inspiration from the Gleam Glacier world from Super Princess Peach on the Nintendo DS, and since "Somber" was a synonym associated with feelings of sadness, I thought it would make a good addition to the name in combination with Mountain, which comes forth from the Super Mario World-inspired fangame, Monolith's Mario World, which features a world called Frost Mountain. Anyway, aside from that, I don't have a whole lot to say about this first part of the fifth chapter of Sport Report: The Movie, but I still hope you enjoyed it regardless, and I hope to see you again with Part 2 of Chapter 5 of this story in January 2026! Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and all a jolly good night!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 6
After defeating Axel Pickham and obtaining the Gulpits’ Rocks that Captain Bixby needed to power the furnace on his riverboat, Waluigi and Company made their way back down to Port Cotta, going to see Captain Bixby immediately. Upon finding the Bonneter riverboat captain still located by his beloved vessel docked in the marina of Port Cotta, Waluigi handed him the Gulpits’ Rocks he received from Axel Pickham.
“Here you go, Captain Bixby. Waluigi and his friends managed to get you the Gulpits’ Rocks. Turns out the Luff Empire had paid off the Mining Foreman up there in Pancakesburg to cut off Gulpits’ Rocks supplies to all the neighboring towns to slow the process of anyone trying to stop the Luff Empire, but Waluigi and his friends managed to get the information outta him and obtain the Gulpits’ Rocks in the process.”
“Well, bless my soul, I should’ve known that those nasty Luffs had something to do with the lack of Gulpits’ Rocks coming my way from Pancakesburg…” Captain Bixby grumbled underneath his breath before lightening up with gratitude once more. “Well, many thanks for going through the trouble of giving that crooked Mining Foreman a walloping and prying a supply of Gulpits’ Rocks off of him, Mr. Waluigi! I should be able to ferry you and your friends over to Circuit Break Island and back no problem now!”
“WAH-nderful! Waluigi and his friends will make some final preparations, and then Waluigi and his friends will meet you back here for departure, WAH-lright?” The purple-garbed troublemaker suggested to the Bonneter riverboat captain.
“Of course, Mr. Waluigi. I’ll get my riverboat up and running in the meantime. See you and your party back here again real soon.” Captain Bixby affirmed before he boarded his riverboat with his freshly obtained Gulpits’ Rocks in hand.
Taking a walk up the street, Waluigi and his party members entered the shopping district of Port Cotta, heading inside an Item Shop to buy a few things for the journey ahead of them, since they weren’t sure if they would be coming back to the mainland after arriving at Circuit Break Island for a while.
Seeing the bothersome beanpole and his friends entering his shop, the shopkeeper, being a Rex made out of vanilla gelato with fangs made out of ice cream cones and a horn made out of cherry resting on his nose, gave the heroes a friendly smile.
“Ah, welcome to my shop, travelers! Would you like to buy a few things to keep you moving along?” The shopkeeper greeted Waluigi and Company in an equally friendly tone of voice as the heroes walked up to him.
“WAH-huh, that’s why Waluigi and his party came here. A couple of healing items and a couple of tools to use against hostile havoc-wreakers would suffice.” Waluigi informed the shopkeeper, who nodded in affirmation.
“Certainly, Mr. Waluigi! Have a look around, and let me know if you wish to buy something!” The shopkeeper chimed in response, to which Waluigi nodded as he and his party members began looking around the store for items to bring on their journey to Circuit Break Island.
After browsing the store’s stock, Waluigi decided to buy some Gelato Sandwiches, Grape Shroom Shakes and Lob-Ombs, the latter of the three being throwable Bob-Ombs that lacked arms or a wind-up key. Bloolex bought a few Jelly Blooper Pops, Orange Shroom Shakes and Strudel Shurikens. Finally, Cheesare bought a couple Queen Caramel Sundaes, Queen Strawberry Milkshakes and Lhopper Bombs, being large hamburger-shaped bombs.
“Thank you kindly for your patronage, Mr. Waluigi! Feel free to use my services again at your leisure, I’ll be here!” The Rex shopkeeper happily bid the purple-clad menace and his team farewell as he sold them the desired items.
“Waluigi’ll keep that in mind, sir. Have a good day.” Waluigi kindly bid the shopkeeper farewell in response before he and the others left the store. Now ready to head out to Circuit Break Island, the heroes made their way back down to the docks to link up with Captain Bixby once more.
Back at Captain Bixby’s riverboat, the heroes found the Bonneter waiting for them outside the boat. “Ah, Mr. Waluigi! You and your allies made it back here in one piece! Are you sure you’ve made all your preparations for your voyage to Circuit Break Island?” Captain Bixby asked the lengthy smart aleck curiously to make sure that they were ready.
“Waluigi is as sure as the hair on his mustache.” Waluigi assured Captain Bixby, with Bloolex and Cheesare nodding their agreement as they proceeded to board the riverboat in a subsequent manner.
“Very well then, off to the high seas of adventure we go then!” Captain Bixby hollered enthusiastically before he and Waluigi prompted to board the riverboat as well, with the Bonneter making his way over to the steering wheel and pulling the riverboat’s whistle to signal its departure for Circuit Break Island.
On the way to the island, Waluigi and Company saw Cheep Cheeps leaping out of the water, said Cheep Cheeps being made out of gummy candy. They also saw Goonies resting on buoys, the Goonies being made out of whipped cream and the buoys being made out of winegums. Needless to say, the heroes were amazed by the sights as they made their journey to their next destination on their epic quest to reassemble the Circle of Lightning.
Soon enough, Circuit Break Island came into view, Waluigi and Company looking on at the entertainment archipelago with awe and excitement. Captain Bixby smiled too, always getting a kick out of seeing the landmass coming in over the horizon, no matter how many times he’s ferried passengers back and forth.
The riverboat of Captain Bixby calmly sailed into the docks of Circuit Break Island, then stationed itself at the spot where the riverboats sailing to and from the island were allowed to dock. Departing from the riverboat in a subsequent fashion, Waluigi and Company looked around in awe as Captain Bixby joined them on the dock.
"WAH-llelujah! This place looks, feels, smells, and breathes excitement all at once! If Waluigi wasn’t here on business, he could get used to staying here for a while!” The towering bad actor remarked with an excitable grin plastered across his face.
“Tell me about it, Mr. Waluigi! My parents and I have been here in the past, but I always get a rush of excitement and wonder every time I come here regardless!” Bloolex chimed in, his eyes radiating just as much excitement.
“Sure is a marvelous island they’ve set up here! Let’s have a look around here and see what we can find in terms of clues that could lead us to the whereabouts of the next slice of the Circle of Lightning!” Cheesare quipped in an upbeat tone of voice.
“Alright, Mr. Waluigi. If you and your friends wish to return to mainland Waffle Kingdom at any time during your stay here, just come find me here at the docks of Circuit Break Island, and I’ll ferry you back there no problem at all. Good luck out there, yeah?” Captain Bixby informed Waluigi before bidding him farewell for the time being.
“Thank you very much, Captain Bixby. Waluigi and his friends will seek you out here if a trip back to the mainland is required. Take care of yourself until then.” Waluigi told Captain Bixby in a grateful tone of voice before he and his party began to make their way towards the exit of the docks, venturing out towards the cobblestone paths that lead up to the kart racing stadium serving as the island’s main attraction.
Walking up the paths of the Circuit Break Stadium, Waluigi and Company arrived at the front entrance. Noticing the purple-clad troublemaker sitting inside his Waluigi Cloud being pulled by a flock of Paratroopas, a Chomp Bro security guard made out of mango jelly prompted the heroes to halt.
“Terribly sorry, sir. But animals and buggies aren’t allowed inside the stadium. You’ll have to park them in the assigned stable over there if you wish to enter.” The security guard informed Waluigi before pointing towards the stable where other buggies, carriages and the animals that pulled them were placed and taken care of.
“Wah, Waluigi’s mistake, sir. Waluigi’s never been here before, so Waluigi didn’t know the rules regarding steeds and buggies.” Waluigi excused himself to the security guard, with his party members nodding their agreement before the purple-garbed menace began to move his Waluigi Cloud and the accompanying Paratroopas to the stable the security guard had pointed out to him.
“Don’t worry, faithful stallions. Waluigi will be coming back for you as soon as possible. Be brave until then, wah?” Waluigi softly told his Paratroopas, who nodded in understanding before going to lay down inside one of the rooms of the stable and patiently waiting for their elevated owner to return to pick them up.
With his Waluigi Cloud and Paratroopas safely tucked away inside the stable, Waluigi and his party were now free to enter the Circuit Break Stadium without issues. The Chomp Bro security guard from before now kindly greeted the lanky rabble-rouser and his friends as they passed by him, to which the heroes greeted him back in a friendly manner.
Upon entering the stadium, Waluigi and Company arrived in the building’s main lobby, which was swarming with tourists, news reporters, photographers and employees of the stadium alike. Waluigi grinned with delight as he looked around the lobby.
“Wah-hey! Waluigi’s really gotta hand it to whoever designed this stadium; The place really is epic! Once this journey’s over, Waluigi’s really gotta come back here sometime on recreational traveling!” Waluigi remarked in awe and excitement at the flashy design the stadium’s interior radiated, with his party members once again nodding their agreement.
“Couldn’t agree more, Mr. Waluigi. This place really is something else, no matter how many times I come here with friends and family alike. How about we go ahead and have ourselves look around, and see if there’s any dirt we can dig up in regards to the whereabouts of the Circle of Lightning piece that the stool pigeon said was supposed to be on this island?” Bloolex suggested to his beanpolish friend, who hummed his agreement while nodding back in response.
“Sounds like a plan to Waluigi, Bloolex! WAH-lright, friends! This way!” Waluigi declared before he and his party members began to move forward towards a set of dark green colored doors situated in front of them, then passing through them.
Going through the set of dark green doors, the heroes ended up inside the bleachers from which everyone could view the kart races that took place on the stadium’s main racing track. Finding a trio of empty seats, the party promptly settled down inside so they could get a good view of the race that happened to take place right at this moment.
Letting his eyes scan around the track for a bit, one racer and their kart stood out to Cheesare very quickly. “Hey, guys! Check out that kart over there!” The hamburger Spinia pointed out to his friends, who proceeded to look towards where Cheesare was pointing.
The particular kart that Cheesare was referring to was a lime green colored Honeycoupe/Dragonetti with red headlights, orange tail lights, a red seat and an orange windshield. The racer driving it was a large burnt orange hued Bully similar in size to Chief Chilly and Prince Bully, sporting large golden horns while wearing a pair of dark blue sports shades over his burnt orange eyes that were barely visible through the lenses on the shades.
Waluigi and Bloolex looked interested as they eyed the Bully racer and his kart. “Wah, that’s one way to be capable of being picked out in a crowd.” Waluigi quipped as he noticed the racer’s vibrant color scheme, as well as the equally vibrant color scheme on the kart he was driving.
“I’ll say. The other thing that makes him stand out from the other racers apart from that, is his magnificent speed. I mean, look at him go around the track!” Bloolex pointed out as the Bully sped across the stadium’s main track like a Bullet Bill on rocket fuel. Not too long a time after, this remarkable rider crossed the finish line in first place, earning a joyful eruption of cheers and applause from the majority of the crowd currently attending the race.
Pulling into the kart’s pit lane in a subsequent manner, the Bully hopped out of his kart before walking up to a golden colored podium situated in the middle of the grassy field that the stadium’s main track was built around.
“Broo-hah! And that, my friends, is why Boobwuss Yammerton continues to decorate the top spot within the rankings of Circuit Break Stadium!” The Bully racer yelled out in an excitable tone of voice as a Floro Sapien with white petals surrounding its head and a red leather paperboy cap on its head proceeded to walk up to the supposed Boobwuss Yammerton with a microphone in hand.
This Floro Sapien’s name was Florian Kniphofia, and served as the promoter and referee of Circuit Break Stadium and the kart racing league surrounding it. “Congratulations on yet another win on the racing track just now, Booby Y.! Like, you’re a pro behind the wheel!” He congratulated Boobwuss Yammerton while holding his microphone out towards the racer for a post-race interview.
“Well, yeah! My old man, Angsthony Yammerton showed me the ropes of Mushroom World Motorsport since I was just a tiny tin can! And anyone old enough to have seen my old man behind the wheel of a go-kart knows he was one of the best in the biz back in the day, so that makes me the next generation of being one of the best in the biz! People who think they can hold a Candle to the Yammerton Kart-Racing Dynasty on the racing track are outta their minds, and should stay home playing Mario Kart 8 Deluxe!” Boobwuss Yammerton explained the reasons behind his success as a professional kart racer to Florian Kniphofia before chortling in a cocky manner and holding up the Circuit Break League Cup, the Champion’s Trophy of Circuit Break Island’s racing league, above his head.
Getting a close look at the Circuit Break League Cup, Cheesare’s eyes proceeded to widen when he noticed what looked like a chunk of the Circle of Lightning being embedded into the trophy. “Whoa, guys! Check it out! That looks like a chunk of the Circle of Lightning inside of that trophy the guy is holding, doesn’t it?!” The hamburger Spinia pointed out to Waluigi and Bloolex, who also took a closer look at the trophy and had their eyes widened in the process.
“WAH-llelujah, Cheesare! Good eye! Let’s get out of here and make our next plan of action on how to get that slice of the Circle!” Waluigi suggested to his allies, who nodded their agreement before the trio proceeded to get up from their seats and make their way back to the main lobby.
Upon arriving back in the main lobby and having the doors close behind them, Waluigi and Company got down to business. “So, Waluigi’s got two ideas here, my friends; We either fasten the process by nicking that trophy while risking getting the law on our tail, or we take a little bit longer and enter the Circuit Break League as contenders, race our way to the top of the rankings, and win that trophy fair and square, thus keeping the law off our backs. WAH-t do you think?” The purple troublemaker asked his party members after using his brilliant brainpower to devise two different strategies to try and get their hands on the Circuit Break League Cup, thus securing themselves the third piece of the Circle of Lightning.
“As much as it would be convenient to fasten the process by stealing that trophy, I think we could do without having the pressure of the Waffle Kingdom Police Department on our back. That said, I say we pose as kart racers and try to win that trophy fair and square.” Bloolex responded to Waluigi after weighing in the pros and cons of both strategies.
“I’m with Bloolex on this one, Big Purple. Sure, the fate of the Waffle Kingdom might be at stake, but I don’t wanna get into trouble with the constabulary either. So signing up into the standings of the League is the way to go.” Cheesare gave his ten cents on the strategies Waluigi had come up with, to which the purple-garbed nuisance nodded in affirmation.
“WAH-nderstood, my friends! Let’s-a get going and try to get a hold of management so we can get ourselves signed up!” Waluigi declared as he and his party members began to make their way towards one of the backstage doors of the Circuit Break Stadium, which was being guarded by another Chomp Bro security guard, this one being made out of lime jelly.
“Pardon Waluigi, amico. Is this the door leading to the management’s office? Waluigi and his friends would like to sign up for the Circuit Break League as racing contenders.” Waluigi inquired of the security guard, who looked at the towering miscreant in response.
“Yeah, this is the door leading there. Management’s office is through the big garnet colored door in the middle of the hallway. You can’t miss it.” The security guard informed Waluigi as he stepped aside for the thinly-built hellion and his party to go through.
“WAH-lright, thanks.” Waluigi thanked the security guard for pointing him in the right direction before heading through the door and venturing through the backstage area with his allies before arriving at the management’s office, which sat behind a big garnet colored door smack dab in the middle of the hallway, just like the security guard instructed.
Knocking on the door, Waluigi and his party went inside before gently shutting the door behind them, then turning to face management, who looked to be Florian Kniphofia from before, sitting at a desk. Letting out an inquisitive hum as he saw Waluigi and Company enter the office, Florian got up from his chair.
“Hello there, strangers! I haven’t seen you around Circuit Break Island before! What can I do you guys for?!” The Floro Sapien promoter enthusiastically asked Waluigi and Company. Bloolex and Cheesare both had a bad feeling about the floral fellow’s jovial attitude due to the stories they heard about Grubba of Glitzville, but Waluigi kept a neutral mood towards the Floro Sapien.
“WAH-lutations, botanic buddy. Name’s Waluigi, and me and my two friends over here would like to sign up as contenders within the racing ranks of the Circuit Break League.” Waluigi informed Florian while tipping his helmet towards the Floro Sapien to greet him.
“That so, huh? Well, you’ve come to the right place and person for that, my friend! Florian Kniphofia is the name, showing fresh blood in the racing scene is my game!” Florian told Waluigi in an upbeat tone of voice as he walked up to the skinny stormy petrel and proceeded to shake his hand in an equally upbeat manner.
“WAH-nderful. So how do Waluigi and his friends sign up for the Circuit Break League?” Waluigi inquired of Florian as he returned the Floro Sapien promoter’s handshake. The purple troublemaker did his best to conceal his distaste for the promoter’s jovial attitude by keeping a neutral poker face.
“That’s easy! All you gotta do is sign this contract here and now, and ta-da! You’ll be contenders in the League!” Florian informed Waluigi as he pulled out a contract and a pen to sign it. Waluigi and his party members each took a good look at the contract, including the small print to make sure they wouldn’t be signing up for any funny business before each signing their names on the contract where needed.
“WAH-la! Unless Waluigi’s mistaken, this should take care of bureaucratic means in regards to becoming a racer!” Waluigi said after signing the contract, his party members nodding their agreement.
“Pretty much! Now all that’s left to do is think of a cool and catchy name for your kart-racing tag team! Lemme think of something right here and now…” Florian mused out loud, trying to think of a name for Waluigi’s new racing team before an idea hit him. “Alright, try this on for size: The Waluigi Fury Roadsters! Snappy, don’t you guys think?!”
Waluigi and his party members were speechless, sweatdropping at the name of their team that the promoter came up with on the spot. Still, they didn’t want to argue with the Floro Sapien when it wasn’t necessary, so they simply nodded their approval at the name, humming affirmatively as they did.
“Alright, now let me introduce you guys to my assistant manager! Most of the business regarding your racing career, such as payment for races you’ve participated in will be left in their capable hands!” Florian explained to the heroes before grabbing a communication device to contact his assistant manager.
“Hey, Tad Pop! You got a minute? I got a new racing team who’s in need of being initiated into the standings of the League! Please and thank you!” Florian spoke into his communication device before tucking it away again. Not too long afterward, an anthropomorphic frog similar to Tad Rock entered the office. They appeared to be female, having a bright pink skin tone with a snow white hair color styled in a shaggy pixie cut. Her outfit consisted of a white two-piece suit with a purple dress shirt and dark brown leather belt with a silver buckle in the middle.
“You rang, boss? Something about a couple new racers that need to be shown the basic ropes of racing out here on Circuit Break Island?” Tad Pop inquired her boss in a casual tone of voice, displaying a surprisingly laid back attitude for someone of her position.
Florian nodded enthusiastically as he gestured towards Waluigi and Company. “You bet, hun! This is Waluigi, along with his friends! They’re the Circuit Break League’s newest addition to the racing leaderboard! Would you mind giving them a tour of the facility before leaving them to get settled into their quarters?” The Floro Sapien promoter asked his assistant manager after explaining the matter at hand to her.
Tad Pop glanced at Waluigi and Company when her boss gestured to them, then back at him as she listened to his explanation. Upon hearing his request to show the heroes around, she nodded casually. “You got it, boss. I’ll show them around and then assign them to their quarters.” She affirmed her boss’ orders before turning to Waluigi and Company. “Gentlemen, if you would be so kind as to follow my lead?” She asked the heroes, who nodded affirmatively as they proceeded to follow Tad Pop out of the promoter’s office and down the hallway.
“So you decided to sign up to be contenders in the Circuit Break League, did you? Well, you really chose the right career path. The Circuit Break League really is the flashiest kart racing ring this side of the Mushroom World, drawing in visitors from all over the world, including the famed Luigi during his quest for the Marvelous Compass, which I’m sure you’ve heard about at least one point or another.” Tad Pop told Waluigi and his party members, who nodded in response when she referred to Luigi’s quest for the Marvelous Compass.
“WAH-huh, Waluigi did hear about that. Waluigi and his friends are here on Circuit Break Island for similar business, but Waluigi guesses you aren’t interested in hearing that whole story right now?” Waluigi responded to Tad Pop, not wanting to hold up the frog lady’s duties with his long story of how he ended up here in the first place.
“Yeah, if I weren’t on duty right now, I’d love to sit down and hear your story for a little while. Either way, I wish you and your friends luck during the remainder of that journey. But for the time being, I’ll show you guys the first stop on your tour of this place.” Tad Pop informed Waluigi as they stopped in front of a golden-colored door with a ruby red post around it. Knocking on it, Tad Pop went inside as the heroes followed her.
The four of them ended up inside a luxury room with a set of king-sized beds, plush wallpaper and flooring, and en-suite bathroom. “So this place is the Champion’s Suite, which only the Champion of the Circuit Break League is allowed to reside in during their time living on Circuit Break Island. As you guys can tell, it’s the comfiest and aesthetically pleasant quarters of all the ones available here at the Circuit Break Stadium. Maybe you’ll find yourselves lucky enough to be residing here one day.” Tad Pop explained to the heroes as she showed them the Champion’s Suite, with the heroes looking around the room in awe.
“WAH-hey! Now this is the kinda quarters a guy of Waluigi’s status could get used to living in if he were to make a serious career out of this!” Waluigi exclaimed with awe and excitement, his party members affirmatively humming their agreement.
“I’ll say. Given that I’ve been here as a tourist on all my previous visits, I never knew that all of this was behind the scenes.” Bloolex chimed in his ten cents on the matter. There wasn’t much time to dwell on that, however, as Tad Pop promptly turned around to leave the room again.
“Alright, so that’s the first stop on the tour. Now on to the second one. Shake a leg, you guys.” Tad Pop told the heroes, who nodded in understanding as they followed the frog woman out the door of the Champion’s Suite, closing the door behind them in the process.
Next, Tad Pop took the heroes to a set of living quarters that looked to be regular ones compared to the Champion’s Suite. There were other racers wandering around inside this room, which suggested that multiple racers shared the room with one another while each having their own beds to sleep in.
“So this place is where the Major League racers of Circuit Break Island live for most of their careers. Not as comfy and appealing to the eye as the Champion’s Suite, sure, but still homey and proper enough all the same.” Tad Pop explained to the heroes as she showed them the Major League Quarters, with the heroes nodding in approval as they glanced around the room.
“Place does seem friendly enough. Waluigi’s not sure about the racers that walk around here though, but that’s something Waluigi can live with.” Waluigi gave his opinion of the Major League Quarters, with his party members once again affirmatively humming in response.
“Sure is. Just about to be expected from the branch of the League that takes everything a bit more seriously than the other branches, I’d say.” Cheesare gave his thoughts on the room as well. Tad Pop then turned to leave the room again, beckoning the heroes to follow her once more, in which they did.
They then ended up in a room that resembled the Major League Quarters, only much more run down compared to them. Multiple racers were again wandering around the room, though they looked to be friendlier compared to the ones residing in the Major League Quarters.
“Our third and final stop of the tour is the Minor League Quarters right here. The founder of the Circuit Break League originally designed it to be just like the Major League Quarters, but ever since Florian Kniphofia took office as the League Promoter, it became more run down as a means of “motivating the Minor Leaguers to rise higher into the ranks”, as he put it himself.” Tad Pop explained to the heroes, putting up her fingers in air quotes when parroting her boss’ words.
As to be expected, the heroes looked around the Minor League Quarters with a look of disdain resting on their faces. “WAH-rthless, Waluigi says! Waluigi didn’t even know that it was legal for professional kart racers to be allowed to live in conditions like these!” The purple mischief-maker exclaimed with a distressed look.
“I agree with Mr. Waluigi on this one, this is just outright barbaric. Every kart racer, no matter what branch of the League they’re in, should be living in comfortable and proper conditions. They shouldn’t be treated like bottom feeding filth just because they’re at the bottom of the leaderboard.” Bloolex chimed in his agreement, horrified that the Minor Leaguers were being forced to live in such a manner.
Tad Pop hummed her agreement with Waluigi and Bloolex’s statements. “I get that. I tried to reason with Mr. Kniphofia on the matter myself, but that’s fallen on deaf ears every time. Either way, the last thing you need to know about racing here at Circuit Break Stadium is that if you wish to race, you guys’ll have to register for a race to be arranged through the Racing Reservation System over there.” The assistant manager informed the heroes as she pointed towards some sort of computer resembling a Nintendo Switch 1 being mounted on the wall.
“Using that, you can either directly contact the promoter, in this case Mr. Kniphofia, to arrange a race, or view the Circuit Break Leaderboard to check the standings regarding the races that take place in this stadium. Since the three of you are brand new to the League, you’ll be starting at the very bottom of the leaderboard, in the Minor League.” Tad Pop further explained to the heroes, who nodded in understanding when she finished her explanation.
“Right then, that should just about cover everything you guys’ll need to know about being a Circuit Break League kart racer. I’m sure I’ll see the three of you around here again real soon, but until then, have a nice day here on Circuit Break Island.” Tad Pop bid the heroes goodbye with the flash of a V-sign with her right hand before leaving the Minor League Quarters, leaving Waluigi and Company at the tender mercies of the other occupants of the Quarters.
“Well, here’s hoping that reaching the top of the standings here at the Circuit Break League won’t take too long, or else Minister Crêpe will tighten his grip on the Waffle Kingdom to the point where it can’t be pried out of his control anymore.” Cheesare voiced his concerns about this plan, with Waluigi and Bloolex nodding whilst humming their agreement.
“For sure! Waluigi realizes now that we got a lot more than we bargained for with this strategy! But Waluigi’s never had it easy when it comes to adventuring, so Waluigi is definitely used to it.” The purple-garbed featherweight replied to his hamburger Spinia friend.
“Suppose we’d better get ourselves a kart ready to roll out for our debut race so we can get started with this whole strategy.” Bloolex suggested as he floated up to the Racing Reservation System before using it to arrange a race with Florian Kniphofia. The Floro Sapien promoter subsequently appeared on the screen as he saw the Blooper Retainer on the other side of it.
“Hey, hey, hey! If it ain’t one of my brand new kart racers! What can I do ya for, squirt?” Florian asked Bloolex in an excitable tone of voice. The young Blooper too did his best to conceal his distaste for the promoter’s jovial demeanor with a neutral poker face.
“Hi there, Mr. Kniphofia. On behalf of Mr. Waluigi and the rest of our team, I’d like to arrange our debut karting race. Is that possible, you think?” Bloolex asked Florian, hoping that arranging a race to take place at the stadium wasn’t too hard of an endeavor to carry out.
“Easy as pie, my boy! Head on down to the Karting Garage, the mechanics down there will be waiting for you to prepare a kart for you to use during your debut race! Leave the rest to me!” Florian informed Bloolex before fading from the Racing Reservation System’s screen once more.
Satisfied with this response from the Floro Sapien, Bloolex shifted his attention towards Waluigi and Cheesare again. “Well, glad that’s been taken care of. Let’s go down to the Karting Garage to pick out a kart like the guy suggested.” He told his allies, who nodded in agreement before the heroic trio made their way to the Karting Garage in subsequent fashion.
Down at the Karting Garage, the heroes were greeted by a pit crew of golden shelled Spiky Parabuzzies with tools in place of spikes on their backs. They noticed Waluigi and Company approaching them, after which one golden shelled Spiky Parabuzzy, who could be distinguished from the other ones by the purple baseball cap on his head and the silver aviator shades concealing his eyes, floated up to them.
“Yo, my men! Don’t think I’ve seen your faces ‘round here before! You new to the races here at Circuit Break Stadium?” The Spiky Parabuzzy asked Waluigi and Company in a calm, collected tone of voice while utilizing some sort of surfer lingo, hinting at a laid back personality.
Waluigi nodded in response. “Yeah, Waluigi and his friends are new. Listen, you got any kart for Waluigi and his friends to use during their debut race?” He asked the Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic, cutting straight to the chase in regards to what they needed from him.
“Whoa! Waluigi?! Like, the famous one?! I can’t believe I met you here! My name’s Nicky, and I’m pretty sure I can help you find the perfect kart for you to use during your debut race! Come take a look at this!” The Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic told the heroes in an excited tone of voice as he began to guide them towards a kart he and his colleagues had ready to move.
“Check out this Offroader! The perfect kart to, like, accommodate a racer of such lengthy stature like you, Waluigi! You think this’ll suffice for your debut race here on Circuit Break Island?” Nicky then asked Waluigi in an excitable tone of voice, hoping for the purple troublemaker’s approval.
“Waluigi isn’t one to look a gift Yoshi in the mouth when it comes to karts, so Waluigi gladly takes this one.” Waluigi replied as he quickly hopped into the driver’s seat of the Offroader, with Bloolex and Cheesare hopping in two of the passenger seats - Bloolex riding shotgun and Cheesare in the right passenger seat in the back, respectively.
“Sweet Speed! Now all that’s left to do is get her in gear, and you should be ready to debut in the Circuit Break League, Waluigi! Me and the boys can take care of that for you!” Nicky then informed Waluigi as he and his colleague mechanics got to work on preparing the purple-garbed hellion’s Offroader for the race, and once they were finished, Waluigi waved his thanks to Nicky and his colleagues before driving out of the Karting Garage and towards the starting position for his debut race. Seeing as there were twelve starting positions available, and all the ones between one and eleven were already taken, Waluigi reasonably assumed he and his team were due to start in the twelfth, dead last position.
“Typical for debut racers like you to be starting dead last, huh, Mr. Waluigi?” Bloolex asked Waluigi curiously, to which the towering menace in purple nodded, affirmatively humming in response as he did. “But you’re not gonna let that stop you from claiming first place in your debut race, are you?” The Blooper Retainer reasonably assumed in response to Waluigi’s affirmative humming.
“WAH-f course, Bloolex. Waluigi won’t settle for anything less than the top three of the leaderboard whenever Waluigi goes to participate in karting races. Especially not when a Circle of Lightning slice is at stake.” The lanky miscreant assured his Blooper companion as he pulled up to his starting position on the racing track.
Once Florian saw that all of the racers for today’s race had lined up in their starting positions, the Floro Sapien promoter began to speak into his microphone to initiate the opening for the race. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Good afternoon, boys and girls! I’m your referee, Florian Kniphofia, and welcome to another thrilling race on the main track of Circuit Break Stadium!” The crowd cheered in response to Florian’s opening commentary.
“Before we are able to commence today’s testosterone and high energy-ridden karting spectacle, I would like to proudly announce that we have a brand new racing team debuting in this particular race; The Waluigi Fury Roadsters!” Florian continued to speak as a stadium light proceeded to shine down on Waluigi and Company in their Offroader all the way in the back, located in twelfth place. Waluigi and his allies waved toward the crowd, who cheered in response.
“I trust all racers and audience members alike to treat our debuting racing team with your utmost hospitality that you’ve come to know, love and expect from the Circuit Break League!” Florian then boomed out into his microphone, prompting a rush of excitable roars from the racers and audience members alike.
Waluigi exhaled in frustration. “Mamma mia, now they’ll all be gunning for us during this race…” The purple-clad nuisance placed his right hand against his forehead in annoyance, knowing that he and his party members were now in for a much more challenging debut race here on Circuit Break Island.
“Now then, without further ado, start your engines!” Florian began to instruct the racers, in which they did as he said. “On your marks, get set, GO!!!” The Floro Sapien referee belted out in excitement, raising his free arm for emphasis as all the racers went bursting forward on the track, with Waluigi and Company doing the same thing.
As the purple-garbed anti-hero and his team promptly passed by a couple of racers, they visibly showed they didn’t take kindly to this as they began to approach Waluigi’s Offroader, ready to engage in battle with him. Cheesare took notice of this and his eyes widened in shock.
“Big Purple, we got a problem! Some angry Goomba dudes wanting to pick a fight on our sixes!” The hamburger Spinia warned his mischievous team leader, prompting the ill-mannered goliath to check his rear-view mirror as he saw a team of five Goomba’s made of gumdrops driving a pastel pink-colored Tiny Titan/Rally Romper approaching.
“If it’s a fight they want, it’s a fight they’re gonna get! Come and get Waluigi, you bad tempered toadies!” Waluigi yelled out with a stern and alert glare as he and his team engaged the Goomba racing team, called the Gritty Gumdroplets in combat.
Initiating the first strike, Waluigi hurled one of his Lob-Ombs at the opposing racing team, prompting them to howl in pain as the Lob-Omb exploded upon contact with their kart. Bloolex went next in the team’s order for this fight, using his newly-learned Tentacles of Fury attack to throw hands with the Gritty Gumdroplets. The Gritty Gumdroplets moaned in pain as the attack landed on them. Finally, Cheesare closed things out with his newly-learned Cheddar Bombardment attack, which he used to launch a damaging dollop of cheddar cheese at his opponents, who yelped in pain as the attack nailed down on them.
“Have a bonk, you purple-garbed punks!” One of the Goomba’s on the opposing team yelled out as he and his teammates began to attack Waluigi and Company one by one with a basic Headbonk attack, each of them not doing a whole lot of damage to the heroes.
“WAH-HA-HA! Those wimpy little Headbonks didn’t hurt at all! Now it’s Waluigi’s turn!” The towering miscreant laughed before using his Offroader to perform a Swerving Swipe attack to ram into the Gritty Gumdroplets’ kart, dealing significant damage to them in the process.
Bloolex then pulled out his halberd before using it to perform a Gezora Gash attack on the enemy team, prompting them to scream in pain as the attack made contact with them. Cheesare once again closed things out for his team’s turn by performing a Sla-Douken attack on the Gritty Gumdroplets, a take-off of the Hadouken attack from the Street Fighter series, though this time, the ki-blast was made out of lettuce.
The Gritty Gumdroplets each began wailing in pain as the Sla-Douken made contact with them before their kart began spinning out of control and crashing into one of the stadium walls, totaling their kart and rendering them defeated. Waluigi and Company laughed and mocked their Goomba opponents before resuming the race, doing their best to get into first place.
As Waluigi continued to keep his eyes on the road, Bloolex and Cheesare kept their eyes peeled for any other takers who wished to pick a fight with them while they made a mad dash for the finish line. That was when Cheesare noticed a pair of KP Koopa’s and a KP Paratroopa made out of vanilla ice cream driving a pastel yellow-colored Cheep Charger approaching them.
“Big Purple, we got more trouble coming up behind us! A pair of KP Koopa’s and a KP Paratroopa driving a Cheep Charger at six o’clock!” Cheesare warned Waluigi, who glanced in his rear-view mirror to see their next set of challengers driving on up to them.
“If those goofy Goomba’s didn’t stand much of a chance against us, then kooping these Koopa’s should be a walk in Pinna Park. Let’s-a do this!” Waluigi declared with a confident grin as he and his party members engaged the enemy team, known as the Soaring Shell-Heads, in battle.
As the next battle on the racetrack opened, Waluigi chucked another Lob-Omb at the Soaring Shell-Heads, causing them to exclaim in anguish as the Lob-Omb exploded when it hit them. Bloolex then used his newly-learned Weatherwax On attack against his opponents, electrically charging himself and his halberd for an extra loaded slash of his weapon to inflict critical damage on his foes. They cried out in pain from the electrokinetic surge shooting through their bodies. Finally, Cheesare closed things out for the heroes’ turn at combat by using his newly-learned Bacon-Jutsu attack, which involved materializing a bõ staff made from bacon in thin air and subsequently using it to thwack the living daylights out of his opponents. The Soaring Shell-Heads groaned in pain from the pummeling they suffered at Cheesare’s non-existent hands before recomposing themselves, ready to attack the heroes.
“How about you anti-heroes with a half-shell eat up some turtle power?!” One of the KP Koopa’s on the Soaring Shell-Heads taunted Waluigi and Company before unleashing hellfire on them with his Hell in a Shell Blaster, causing the heroes to howl in pain. The other KP Koopa of the team then pumped non-lethal lead into the heroes with his Blue Flame Boomshot, prompting them to grunt in pain. Finally, the KP Paratroopa of the bunch closed things out for his team by lobbing the heroes with three shots from his Prime Mover Precision Rifle. The heroes yelped in pain as the shots landed on them.
“WAH! You like playing with guns, do ya?! WAH-ll, how’s this for a money shot?!” Waluigi angrily shook his fist at the Soaring Shell-Heads before pulling out a crossbow akin to the Feather Bow from Donkey Kong 64 and using it to shoot purple-hued arrows at his opponents. The Soaring Shell-Heads groaned in pain as the arrows damaged them. Bloolex then proceeded to pull out his Peanut Popgun and used it to fire off a couple of peanut shells at his enemies, who wailed in pain upon being hit by the projectiles. Finally, Cheesare pulled out a blowgun akin to the Grape Shooter from Donkey Kong 64, using it to blast onion-shaped tranquilizer darts at the Soaring Shell-Heads, who began to shout intelligibly as their kart too began to spin out of control before being wrecked from banging face-first into a stadium wall.
Satisfied with another opponent out of combat, Waluigi kept his foot on the gas pedal as he tried his best to remain on the road while Bloolex and Cheesare remained perched on the edge of their seats to look out for more approaching adversaries who wanted to challenge them.
Getting closer to first place and thus winning their debut race, Waluigi and Company soon found themselves ambushed by another rival racing team, this one consisting of three Pokeys made out of strawberry shortcake. Their team name was Pokey Poundcakes, and they drove a bronze-colored Classic Dragster/Nostalgia 1.
Noticing the vengeful glares in the Pokeys’ eyes, Cheesare decided to inform Waluigi. “A set of scrappy Pokeys on our tails, Big Purple! Get ready for another scuffle!” The hamburger Spinia warned the purple-garbed hellion, who nodded in response.
“Some things just never change for Waluigi, do they?” Waluigi sarcastically quipped as he and his allies got ready to engage the next enemy racing team in combat.
Switching up his opening tactics for this battle, Waluigi proceeded to perform a Swerving Swipe attack on the Pokey Poundcakes, ramming their kart and heavily damaging it in doing so. The Pokey Poundcakes roared in pain from this maneuver Waluigi just pulled, but the pummeling wasn’t done just yet, for Bloolex followed it up with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, prompting the Pokey Poundcakes to moan in pain in response. Cheesare ended the heroes’ turn at combat by firing off another Sla-Douken at the Pokey Poundcakes, who yelped in pain as the Sla-Douken made contact with them.
“Broo, hah, hah…We’re going to ice you like poundcakes…This’ll be a palatable perish for you…” One of the Pokeys on the Pokey Poundcakes gloated before he and his teammates each launched one of their body segments at Waluigi and Company, prompting the heroes to exclaim in pain as the body segments hit each of them.
“WAH-OW! Keep your non-existent hands to yourselves, you prickly perpetrators!” Waluigi angrily shook his fist at the enemy racing team before using a Boomerang Helmet attack on them, causing the Pokey Poundcakes to howl in pain as Waluigi’s helmet struck them before returning to his grasp, after which the purple troublemaker put his helmet back on his head.
Next, Bloolex loaded his body and halberd with electricity once more to execute another Weatherwax On attack on the Pokey Poundcakes, who screamed in pain from the electric jolts shooting through their bodies. Cheesare then closed things out for the heroes’ third battle on the racing track by drenching the Pokey Poundcakes with his Cheddar Bombardment attack.
“RRRR, NO!” The Pokey Poundcakes garbled in pain as their kart began to sputter out, coming to a standstill on the side of the racing track before the Pokeys passed out from all the abuse they suffered at the hands of Waluigi and Company.
“If anybody else wants to have a shot at Waluigi and his friends, they can go right ahead. Waluigi and his friends will gladly wipe the floor with them all, WAH-ne by WAH-ne.” Waluigi commented as he continued to steer his Offroader across the Circuit Break Stadium track.
“Speaking of which, we got a couple boneheads gaining on us, and they look like they’re itching to pick a fight with us, Big Purple.” Cheesare pointed out to the mischievous goliath as a trio of Dull Bones made out of vanilla ice cream driving a white-colored Mini Beast/Concerto began to pull up to Waluigi and Company with fierce glares on their faces.
“WAH-nderful! Let’s-a get going WAH-nce more!” Waluigi confidently grinned as he and party members engaged the next enemy racing team, known as the Dull Drifters in battle.
Waluigi once again opened this next battle with a switch-up of tactics, as this time, he opened his team’s first turn at combat by hitting his enemies with a Smart Aleck Slash attack of his whip, with the Dull Bones making pained rattling noises in response.
Bloolex then followed this up with a Tentacles of Fury attack to lay a pounding on the Dull Drifters, who once again clattered in pain as the attack nailed down on them. Finally, Cheesare ended his team’s opening turn of the battle by firing onion-shaped tranquilizer darts at them using his blowgun. “We’re gonna be chomping through you newcomers like boneless wings!” One of the Dull Bones on the enemy team taunted Waluigi and Company before he and his comrades began pelting the heroes with bones, prompting them to grunt in response.
“Yeah? Well, Waluigi doesn’t think you guys have the guts to do such a thing.” Waluigi taunted his enemies before performing another Swerving Swipe attack to ram their kart, causing them to screech in pain as a reaction.
Bloolex then prompted to strike the Dull Drifters with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, causing them to roar in pain when the attack landed on them. Finally, Cheesare finished things off for his team by shooting another Sla-Douken at the opposing team, causing their kart’s engine to go bust and come to a halt by the side of the track, after which the Dull Bones on the team fell apart where their kart stood, passing out from combat.
“WAH-HOO! Now that’s a trashing that tickles Waluigi’s funny bone!” Waluigi chuckled as he made a spiteful pun towards the enemy racing team he and his party members just managed to defeat.
“In that case, I hope you’re ready for more where that came from, Big Purple! ‘Cause this battle is gonna be taking to the clouds pretty soon!” Cheesare warned the naughty behemoth as a Lakitu and two Spinies driving a kart shaped like a Lakitu’s Cloud began to approach them, with the Lakitu having a menacing grin on its face.
“WAH-HA! WAH-tch and learn, buddy! Waluigi’s gonna show you how to vaporize these foggy fiends!” Waluigi assured his hamburger Spinia friend with a smirk before he and his party members once again took to fighting the opposing racing team, whose name was Rowdy Cloud 9.
Waluigi then opened the first turn of the battle with another Swerving Swipe technique, ramming into the opposing racing team’s kart to try and wreck it while running it off the road at the same time. The enemy racers screamed in pain as a result of this, after which Bloolex proceeded to fry them with a Cephalopod Zap attack, firing off a lightning bolt that made them jitter and grunt. Cheesare then fired off his vice grips he had obtained at Chateau du Framboise at the enemy team to shock them even further, making them garble unintelligibly in response.
“Allow us to send you billowing all the way back down to last place, punks!” The Lakitu driver of Rowdy Cloud 9 bragged to Waluigi and Company before sending his Spiny teammates after the heroes, who proceeded to strike them with a Homing Attack akin to the one from the Sonic the Hedgehog series, with the heroes yelping in pain from the impact. Meanwhile, the Lakitu driver performed a Spiny Hatch move that summoned two more Spinies to aid him in battle.
“Yeah? Well, allow Waluigi and his friends to show you cumulus humility, you bunch of cloud chasers!” Waluigi snarked back at the adversary racers before performing another Smart Aleck Slash attack with his whip, prompting his foes to cry out in pain. Bloolex followed this up with a Halberd Heave attack, striking the baddies with a strong jab of his halberd. Howling in pain from this, the opponents were taken out of action from Cheesare finishing them off with a Cheddar Bombardment attack, thus sending their kart rolling off the track with the engine sputtering.
“WAH-licious! That oughta teach those cirrus brains a lesson or two!” Waluigi pumped his fist in excitement, an equally excitable grin decorating his face for emphasis. “Now if you guys see any more of those WAH-ffoons coming after us, you let Waluigi know, alright?” He asked his party members, who nodded in response.
“Well, there are more of them coming after us, Big Purple. And they’re the kleptomaniac type at that, too!” Cheesare told Waluigi, who glanced into his rear-view mirror to check what the Spinia was referring to. A four-man team consisting of two Bandits and two Big Bandits began to gain on the heroes in a dark blue and dark yellow colored Wild Wing.
“Waluigi thinks those burglars stole their kart by fishing it out of a lake. So that’s reason enough for Waluigi to give them a well-deserved trashing. Attack!” The rascally leviathan ordered his teammates, who did as they were told.
For this battle’s opening turn, Waluigi pulled out his crossbow he previously used against the Soaring Shell-Heads to shoot purple-hued arrows at the enemy racing team, called the Daring Daylight Robbers. Bloolex followed this up by firing off peanut shells with his Peanut Popgun, after which Cheesare wrapped up the opening turn of the fight by launching onion-shaped tranquilizer darts from his blowgun at the enemy.
“Hehehe…We’re lean, mean, and we’ll be giving you guys a run for your money!” One of the Big Bandits on the Daring Daylight Robbers mockingly told Waluigi and Company before performing a Swerving Stealing Swipe move, using his team’s Wild Wing kart to ram the heroes’ Offroader, causing the heroes to screech with impact.
“Two can play that game, buddy! Have at you!” Waluigi snarked back at the Daring Daylight Robbers before countering with a Swerving Swipe of his own, ramming the opposing Wild Wing with his own Offroader, triggering the Daring Daylight Robbers to wail from the force of the attack.
Bloolex then fired off another Cephalopod Zap at the shifty racers to toastify them with another bolt of lightning. Cheesare then subsequently fired off another Sla-Douken at the kleptomaniac crew, which was enough to send them hurdling off the track and into one of the pillars that held up the Circuit Break Stadium’s roof, totaling their Wild Wing in the process.
“WAH is me, how sad for those fellas to have their kart turned into scrap metal like that…” Waluigi sarcastically quipped whilst shaking his head mockingly as he continued to drive around the Circuit Break Stadium track.
“The competition is slowly but surely thinning out at this point! Over half of the racers we started with have been taken care of! First place is almost ours!” Bloolex chimed excitedly, with Cheesare humming his agreement.
“Sure is. Just gotta take care of a couple more cronies before we’re there. Like those colorless clodpolls that are coming our way right now.” Cheesare pointed out as a Pale Piranha, Dark Puff and Pider driving a gray-colored B-Dasher Mk II began to catch up to the heroes.
“Then we know what to do, my friends; Let’s-a color them dumb!” Waluigi responded with an excitable grin as he and his party members prepared for another battle on the race track.
And so, we have come to the end of Part 6 of Waluigi’s adventure in the Waffle Kingdom! We have finally made our way to Circuit Break Island, and are on our way towards claiming the third piece of the Circle of Lightning! When I was planning out how the Circuit Break Island chapter of the adventure should go, I knew immediately I was gonna have to format it in a similar manner to Chapter 3 of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door with the Glitz Pit and its ranked fighting system. And because Circuit Break Island focused on karting, I took the creative liberty of having the racers picking fights with Waluigi and Company in the same style of battles taking place in the Glitz Pit, only this time, the losing party ends up being run off the road, kart and all. Finally, before I wrap up these Author’s Notes, I wanna let you guys know that in Part 7, there’ll be a new character joining Waluigi’s party for the remainder of his adventure through the Waffle Kingdom! Who that character will be, I’ll leave you to speculate! Until then, have a great November, and I hope to see you all in Part 7 for the final month of the unofficial Year of Waluigi!
Paper Mario: The Door
Written By: Ash
Chapter 3-2: We Will Attack, and You Don't Want That
Ethan wouldn't move. Everyone could see that he was thankfully still breathing but he was in need of some serious help. Mario ran off in the first direction he saw, hoping to find some kind of help. He let Jonas and Kayleigh know he would be back and then ran as fast as his big boots could carry him.
Not even the Angry Sun beating down on him could slow him down. He left what little civilization surrounded him, seeing that there were most likely no doctors to be found, and hoped he would see anything besides cacti and Pokeys. Not that there was much of a difference between the two.
Mario's pace had slowed down a lot by the time he got to the destination he had come to the desert for to begin with: CJ's castle. Throughout this entire journey, he continued to find it cute that there was a big sculpture of the Koopalings' faces on the castles. On CJ's castle, Mario noticed that the shade of green in CJ's hair was remarkably similar to Luigi's favorite color. Knowing that, either it was a remarkable coincidence or there was more to this kingdom than met the eye.
He fumbled with the big, heavy door and hurried inside, hoping CJ, or anyone else, would be able and willing to come back to town and help Ethan. All the castles he had been in had very helpfully shown the way to the throne room with a big red carpet so all Mario had to do was follow the rugs.
Once he got inside and found CJ laying on his bed, Mario started frantically waving, jumping up and down, and trying to explain Ethan's plight.
"Ethan is hurt?" CJ said, jumping out of bed.
Mario tried to explain with some kind of logic what he had seen; the robot, the laser, everything.
"I gotta go help him, then."
CJ was already running off before Mario could say anything else. That left Mario alone in the castle to make the trip back to town all on his own; or so he thought, until he saw CJ being carried back by the only human he had seen all trip.
"Put me down and gimme my wand back!" CJ yelled as he futilely squirmed.
"Don't think so," the man said. He was wearing a blue suit that sounded familiar…
Was this the Prince Pit he had heard so much about?
"I see my Ultimate Robot Warrior did its job," Pit said as Mario tried to squeeze under CJ's bed to get out of Pit's view. "Very well, then. Now what do I do with you?"
"Lemme go!" CJ said.
"I've got an idea," Pit said, blatantly ignoring CJ's yells to be let go. Pit pointed CJ's wand back at its owner before putting CJ down — or more accurately, unceremoniously shoving him back down.
"What did you do, you… you…"
"Oh, nothing much. I think you might even find it quote… cool," Pit said before he launched into a maniacal laugh. Mario remembered Iggy Koopa's maniacal mad scientist type laugh but Pit's laugh was genuinely intimidating.
"You're… you're evil!" CJ said.
"I suppose that's my cue to be on my way," Pit responded. As he said that, Mario watched CJ completely freeze into a large ice statue. Pit put CJ's wand in the sculptures frozen hand, almost as if to taunt it for being helpless. As uncomfortable as it was for the Shy Guy to be jammed under CJ's bed, he was even more terrified of Pit's capabilities having watched CJ's entire body freeze over.
"Hope you enjoy having the chills for a while," Pit said with a malicious smirk. Then, he just… disappeared, only leaving behind traces of some dark magical energy. Mario was shaking in his boots under the bed but at least he could easily see the way to help CJ. Pit, having made a pretty big blunder, had never noticed that there was someone else in the room with him and CJ, so Mario squeezed his way out, grabbed the wand off the sculpture, shivered a little as the cold metal wand immediately sapped his thermal energy, and waved the wand. The ice melted away, bringing CJ back to how he was shortly before.
"Oh, thank you so much," CJ said through nearly incessant shivers. "That guy really is a big evil loser, isn't he?"
Mario explained that he had been sent out by King K to stop Pit from completely taking over the kingdom and how he was on his way to the castle with Ethan before he had to… go on a detour, to say the least.
"Well then let's get going," CJ said. "We can't just let Ethan be hurt."
Mario agreed, and they both got into another pipe that was magically brought into existence by CJ. While they were sitting inside it, Mario pulled out his Zastphone in hopes of finding out where Jonas, Kayleigh, and Ethan were. He called Ethan, hoping that if he didn't answer it himself that at least one of the others would answer for him.
"Hello?" Jonas answered.
Mario was a little disappointed that it wasn't Ethan and got worried that he really wasn't okay.
"Oh, well, uh… he's still… here, at least. He's barely hanging onto consciousness and we're trying to keep him awake until help gets here."
All Mario needed to know was where "here" actually was.
"We brought him back inside the inn and they're letting us have a vacant room for him to rest in."
Sounded convenient enough. And lucky for them, not only was help on the way, but so was magic. It seemed like magic could do almost anything, including hopefully healing a severely injured Koopaling.
"Man, this is somehow both the best and worst day of my life," Jonas muttered. "Or… I'm glad you're bringing someone who can be more helpful than me. We'll tell Ethan you're coming though."
Mario thanked Jonas and hung up.
"Who was that?" CJ asked, his voice heavily reverberating from being inside the pipe.
Mario told him about Jonas, the yellow Toad that also got hurt by one of Pit's Ultimate Robot Warriors, and Kayleigh the reporter Koopa.
"Oh, gosh, I don't know if I wanna be in the news for this, that sounds really embarrassing."
Kayleigh seemed like a nice enough person that she would respect that, surely.
"I hope so."
Mario and CJ climbed out of the pipe and found themselves right outside the door of the inn. Jonas was waiting for them in the lobby to bring them to the room they were all in. Ethan looked like he was in really rough shape given the massive bruise that had developed on him already.
"Oh my gosh, Ethan, what happened?" CJ asked as he ran up to the bed.
"I got lasered," Ethan whimpered. His voice was low and fatigued like it was taking all his energy just to get any words out.
"How are you feeling?"
"Not very good."
"I'm glad I got to come see you instead of being stuck as an ice statue."
"What?"
"Um… Pit came to my castle and turned me into an ice statue. I only got freed because that Shy Guy showed up before Pit did and he could turn me back."
"Pit…" Ethan growled.
"But he said he's here to help stop Pit."
"Then we can help figure out how to stop him," Kayleigh added.
"Really?" CJ responded.
"Yeah, of course. We're all friends here, right?"
Mario liked to see the team spirit that was going on as he put his party together. Ethan had fallen asleep on the bed at the inn, leaving everyone else to talk to each other and brainstorm.
"So… this guy has an army of robots and he has magic?" Jonas asked.
"He did only turn me into ice using my wand, but… I don't know how he just went away on his own."
"So what are we going to do about him?"
Mario started to recount a story he had "heard" about the time during a grand final fight to seal away the Shadow Queen far beneath the streets of Rogueport, "whoever was fighting that battle" only succeeded because all the friends "the hero" had made during his journey started channeling their positive energy and best wishes and gave "the hero" the power to break through the Shadow Queen's defenses and slowly but surely defeat her, sealing her away for good and saving the world.
"Whoa, sounds epic," CJ chimed in.
The only issue being that Mario wasn't collecting any magical artifacts. He had no magical map, no Crystal Stars, no Star Spirits, not even Power Stars. Just him and a bunch of his new friends.
"Then maybe all the Koopalings can team up and put our magic together and beat Pit that way."
"What about us?" Kayleigh asked. "We're not magical at all but I know I still want to help if I can."
Mario liked the idea of having traveling partners since even though Ethan had to recover from a big laser blast, it was still a lot less lonely getting to where they were.
"Oh, no, as much as I want this to go well, I'm not risking getting blasted again," Jonas said.
"And I have a job to do," Kayleigh added.
"I'll do it," CJ said. "This will be my chance to prove to all my siblings that I'm not a wuss."
"Even though you just got turned into an ice sculpture?" Jonas said.
"Yeah, even though that happened. And we're gonna have to go find my twin brother Sammy anyway so maybe being turned into ice will help me be better in the cold."
As long as this cold place wasn't at some kind of extreme southern point where the world was basically frozen over (which really didn't matter once he got shot out of a cannon into space), Mario was up to take another trip.
"Did you say you got shot out of a cannon?" CJ asked.
Mario was a little surprised to hear CJ's reaction considering that he was more than experienced with being shot out of cannons. Sometimes just to a floating island in the sky, sometimes to other parts of the world.
"That sounds awesome," the apparently quote adventurous Koopaling said.
"It sounds dangerous," Jonas added.
"You sound like you're no fun at parties."
The Toad and the Koopaling gave each other spiteful glances. The last thing Mario needed right now was for two of his friends to start hating each other right before they were about to start their search for the rest of the Koopalings.
"Whatever," CJ relented. "We should bring Ethan home to dad's castle to rest for a while and then we can go talk to Sammy."
"Does that mean we should be on our way?" Kayleigh asked. "I have a story to write and, uh… maybe these two shouldn't be in the same room for much longer."
"You know where to find me if you need me for anything," Jonas said.
"And me too," Kayleigh added.
Mario thanked Jonas and Kayleigh for their time and help as they left for their own business, leaving just Mario, CJ, and the still-sleeping Ethan.
"So… what do we do now?" CJ asked.
CJ had just said that Ethan needed to rest. Ethan had put himself in peril to save his friends, he didn't deserve to have his day made any worse. "Then can we at least buy him a mushroom to help bring some of his energy back?"
Mario could get behind that idea. Even if Ethan was still bruised and tired, at least a mushroom would help him get back to full health a lot faster. "I think there's a shop across the road," CJ said. "We can stop there and it won't be long."
CJ started on his way, almost leaving Mario behind in doing so. Mario grabbed the key to the room Ethan was resting in and stuck it in his robe before he ran out to catch up with CJ. Once they got to the front door of the inn, Mario noticed another Ultimate Robot Warrior patrolling the street; it was the same model, but this time with a half closed red eye. Mario waved at CJ that there was another robot, but CJ seemed unfazed when he saw it roll by.
"I know how to deal with this," CJ asserted. Mario watched him pull out his wand and point it at the robot, hoping the robot wouldn't notice the two behind them. On cue, a tower of fire appeared from below the robot, completely enveloping it in flames. Once the fire disappeared, Mario was shocked to see that the robot was completely broken down on the ground.
"Pretty cool, huh?" CJ said, visibly proud of himself. "I just can't do that too much or I'll totally wear myself out."
Mario was left completely dumbfounded at what he had just witnessed, but he followed CJ along to the shop across the way. For good measure, he even kicked the wreckage of the broken robot and it didn't move. CJ had completely decommissioned it in one move.
"Wouldn't it be cool if we could have one of those things on our team?" CJ asked.
Mario only wanted anything to do with the robots if they didn't shoot deadly lasers at him and if they didn't have the gross, uncanny talking style that the Nikkibot had.
"Aww, gross," CJ said. "Nikki doesn't even like robots. He's the most outdoorsy of all of us when he's not watching cartoons with Jasper and Ethan."
The two of them successfully picked up a green Mushroom from the shop and brought it back to Ethan. Once Ethan got it in his system, he was visibly more energized, even if he wasn't entirely back to normal.
"We gotta go tell dad what's going on, don't we?" CJ said. "Where is he?"
"My castle," Ethan said.
"Then let's go," CJ said.
CJ was about to use his wand to make a pipe rise up out of the sand when he got an idea.
"We gotta try shooting back to Ethan's castle in a cannon," he said.
Mario wasn't going to be the one to stop CJ. The Koopaling was determined to try new things, and that seemed almost admirable.
But once the cannon appeared out of the ground, the dread really started to set in. Mario had used cannons before, but… was it ever that fun in the moment? The only fun time he could think of was when the cannons sent him into a surreal… blue dimension that sent him into World Mushroom.
"Off we go," CJ said as he squeezed his little Shy Guy friend tight.
The fuse from the cannon sparked and hissed until suddenly it went boom and CJ and Mario were flying through the air. On one nub, it would have been nice to get a view of the entire Koopa Kingdom but on the other nub, he could still remember getting ejected from Jasper's castle by Teresa. That wasn't fun at all, so he just kept his eyes closed until they landed.
The landing certainly wasn't graceful. They were right in front of Ethan's castle, but they rolled a good ten feet, at least, from where they made contact with the ground. The little Shy Guy was left staring up into the sky wondering which way was up.
"That was awesome!" CJ said. "I'm totally gonna do that again sometime."
How confidence-inspiring. At the very least, Mario was glad to see CJ having so much fun after the kind of day they had.
"So Dad's here with Nikki and Jasper, huh? I should probably tell them if I'm gonna go back out with you. Or, um… actually, can you tell them? I'm gonna go get Ethan and bring him back home."
CJ was already going back through a pipe before Mario got a chance to say anything. Quite the scatterbrain CJ was, apparently. Mario went into the castle and waddled his way around in search of King K or either of the Koopalings that were supposed to be there. Lucky for him, it was hard to miss whenever King K started stomping around.
He ran up to the Koopa and filled him in on everything. It had been a really long day and there was a lot to say but he tried his best to explain all of it.
"What? Ethan is hurt?" King K said, already looking like he was going to spit out a fireball in rage.
Mario tried to calm down the angry Koopa by telling him that Ethan was okay and that CJ was bringing him back to rest up.
"Well, good. And you better make that Pit guy pay for hurting one of my Koopalings."
Mario told King K that once CJ got back, they were going back out to find the next one of the Koopalings so all of them could put their magic together to make sure Pit would never come back.
"Then where are you off to?"
Mario wasn't sure where exactly CJ had his heart set on going, just that it was somewhere in the south to find his twin brother.
"Right. As much as I don't want to risk any more Koopalings getting hurt, I suppose I'd rather Pit be dealt with."
Mario couldn't help but admire King K's attitude in this whole situation. It sounded like he had been pretty stressed through all of it knowing that his kids were in danger of Pit, and now he had to hear about a direct result of that. It got him wondering what Bowser would do if his Koopalings or especially Bowser Jr. were ever in this kind of danger.
"Then if you're off to the south, I suppose all I can say is good luck. And stay safe. And… stay warm. It's really cold down there."
Mario thanked King K and went to Ethan's room to wait for CJ to get back.
"Wait, before you go," King K interjected. "I think this will help."
In typical Koopa Kingdom fashion, Mario barely got a chance to parse that sentence before something happened to him. No longer was he a Shy Guy, but now a Koopa Troopa, a lot more fitting for the group he was working with.
"Having a shell will hopefully help keep you a little warmer," King K said, seemingly not realizing that the robe Mario had a few seconds ago could have done that just fine. That being said though, he did notice that his boots were a little less comically big on him. He wasn't sure if that would be any good for traction if the south was cold and covered in snow and ice.
"Good luck out there," King K said as he stomped away.
Mario was left to once again adjust to a new body while he waited for CJ; thankfully, the wait wouldn't be very long as he came back with Ethan a couple minutes later.
"Sorry about that," CJ said. "Ooh, you're a Koopa now? Who turned you into that?"
"It was dad, wasn't it?" Ethan said. His voice was still weak but he was at least able to stand on his own.
Mario got to explain that King K seemed to think being a Koopa in the cold south would be better than being a Shy Guy.
"Dad doesn't think something through all the way, more at 11," Ethan quipped as he got into his own bed.
"Well now we can go see Sammy," CJ said. "Hope you feel better soon, Ethan."
"Thanks, bro."
The two Koopas left the castle and were standing on the grass outside.
"Hey, I know how we should get to the south," CJ said.
As another cannon rose out of the ground and the Koopas were automatically loaded into it, Mario only had one thought running through his mind. Not this again.
Random Video Analysis
Written by: Sparks (talk)
Additional contributions by: Technetium (talk)
| Thumbnail | 
|
|---|---|
| Video by: | burp |
| Publish date: | August 15, 2020 |
| Views: | 3,236 (as of October 16, 2025) |
| Likes: | 96 (as of October 16, 2025) |
| Type: | Action, comedy |
Hello 'Shroom readers, and welcome to November's edition of Random Video Analysis! You want to hear me talk about a random video I found on YouTube? This is the place for you if that's the case! After the Halloween special last month, I've gone back to taking requests from you all! If you want me to analyze a video recommended by you, then visit the thread and submit whatever you have in mind! I'll even let you talk about your experiences with the video as a bonus! Just be sure to read the rules first.
The video I'll be looking at today is one brought to my attention by current Spotlight co-manager Technetium (talk), titled "We are almost at the end of the movie, and we haven't even used all of our stock-footage yet." What an interesting title huh? This is a clip from a low-budget parody of Marvel superhero The Hulk titled The Amazing Bulk, a film that gained notoriety due to basically everything about it! Let me tell you right now that you are not ready for what you are about to see. After watching the video, you'll say to yourself "What the heck did I just see?" Time to get started now, so I hope you're ready, things are about to get very strange!
What's it about?
This video is about an extremely bizarre chase scene. After a missile strike on a castle where the film's protagonist is, the man transforms into the Amazing Bulk and runs through many different settings while the military chases after him. At the same time, the William Tell Overture plays. Most of the settings have CGI of random, unrelated subjects and even allies of the military like pirates and Zeus himself. I will explain each setting in further detail below!
Eventually, a pilot catches up to Bulk and drops a bomb with someone resembling Luigi on top of it. The bomb lands on Bulk and creates a huge explosion. Afterwards, the pilot declares "Mission accomplished!" while the general congratulates him back at the HQ. A woman whom the general nicknames "Cupcake" arrives and watches the explosion with a blank expression. The general asks her what's wrong before the video ends.
CGI scenes
As the Amazing Bulk runs away from the military, he enters various settings with random CGI. There are also settings that don't feature Bulk as well, making them even more random and out of place. Below is a list of all the settings and what CGI they contain! Bullet points that are in bold are ones that feature the Amazing Bulk running.
- After Bulk escapes from the castle, there is footage of a CGI archer (Robin Hood?) firing arrows towards the right. He is on what is presumably the castle's bridge.
- Australia, where a koala bear and Kangaroo are. The koala wears a hat and watches a boomerang spinning around it, while the kangaroo hops towards the right side of the screen.
- A lake featuring 7 flamingos, one of which is flying in the air.
- A jet flying above a canyon at a very fast speed.
- A grassy farm with a windmill on the right spinning and a cow on the left eating grass. When Bulk runs by, the cow looks at him and moos.
- Another farm, but this one has no green grass in sight. There is a large windmill to the left, a barn to the right, and a black horse in front of the barn. The horse rears up on its back legs and whinnies as Bulk runs by.
- A tank slowly advances across a plain and fires a shot.
- Bulk is running very fast across a grassland with a few trees. There are explosions present, likely from the tank's shots from the previous scene.
- A squadron of airplanes flying in the sky.
- A swingset supporting three swings. Each swing is occupied by an animal: cat (looks like a cat, but kinda hard to tell due to the quality), dog, and a skunk.
- A seesaw in the same environment as the swingset, implying that they're part of the same playground. Two people (they look to be young teens) are playing on the seesaw.
- A soldier with a rifle walks forward in front of metallic buildings. As he walks, he aims his rifle in several directions before shooting while it's pointed in the air.
- A park setting, where a blue lizard standing on a bench types on a laptop. When Bulk runs by, it looks up and stops typing.
- A red airplane piloted by a man with goggles and a mustache. He does a barrel roll on the plane. Is this meant to be the Red Baron?
- A soccer game, where a female soccer player bounces the ball with her knees. Bulk runs towards the screen while a helicopter follows him, and explosions occur. The soccer player doesn't seem to mind.
- A large pirate ship out in the middle of the ocean firing cannonballs.
- The other side of the soccer game, where Bulk now runs into the background and is still being pursued by a helicopter. Yes, there are still explosions. A male soccer player bounces a ball with his head, also not bothered by what's happening around him.
- A truck driving on a highway at a fast speed. When Bulk runs past it, a truck horn is heard.
- A road (probably the same one) but still this time. Bulk runs past two bikers, once again pursued by a helicopter. A bell is heard when Bulk runs by.
- A superhero falling from the sky.
- A desert highway moving at a very fast speed. Bulk runs into the background.
- A high mountaintop occupied by Zeus himself. He creates a lightning bolt before throwing it.
- Another desert road, but there is a building with a sign reading "Rowdy's" to the left. A man sits in front of the doors and watches Bulk run by. An explosion occurs, possibly from the lightning bolt Zeus tossed earlier.
- A helicopter quickly flying over the same canyon the jet flew over earlier.
- A desert with large rocks and cacti. A large green lizard partially behind a rock blinks and slightly looks around.
- A submarine traveling in the water, making "ping" sounds due to a sonar system.
- A railroad in a desolate area. Bulk slowly runs into the background, barely avoiding a speeding train. After the train goes by, that same helicopter chases Bulk and an explosion occurs.
- A hunter with a raccoon hat observing muddy(?) pawprints in a rocky area. His places his hand in one and smells his hand before looking around.
- Another canyon scene, once again going by very quickly. A helicopter zooms into the background.
- A desert, where Bulk runs toward the camera while pursued by that ever-so persistent helicopter. More explosions occur.
- A jet flying above that same canyon.
- (Cut to show the interior of the plane, showing a live-action pilot and the cockpit. The camera then shows the pilot's badges: one says "U.S. Air Force", and the other shows a skull with text that reads "WE KILL FOR PEACE".)
- A tank in a field. It fires a shot.
- The jet from earlier, but the view is looking up at it, rather than looking down.
- (Cut to show the pilot. The general is heard saying "Drop the bomb!" The pilot then says "Affirmative.")
- The underside of the jet, but it drops a bomb.
- An awkwardly long scene of a soldier with a mustache (looking terrified by the way) hanging onto the bomb as it's falling. His mustache is blowing around as he falls.
- The desert from before, but as Bulk runs to the right, the bomb with the soldier atop it lands on Bulk, creating a very low-quality mushroom cloud shaped explosion.
- (Cut to show the pilot, who declares "Mission accomplished!")
- (Cut to show the general in the military HQ, who says "Good job, soldier!")
- The mushroom cloud is shown again, but this time it's much larger and more detailed. Lots of smoke as well.
- The clouds, where an angel sits atop a cloud and a winged dog happily barks. The sound of a harp is heard too.
- (The rest of the video takes place in the HQ, where the general watches the explosion on a large screen. A woman arrives out of nowhere and blankly stares at the explosion. The general notices her and says "Cupcake. What's wrong? How did you get in here?" He puts his arm around her shoulder and brings her closer while saying these lines. The video then ends.)
Interesting observations
- This video is actually a shortened version of another video of the same name that was published on January 19, 2014. That video had some not so PG moments, so that's why I chose the current video instead. It focuses entirely on the chase scene too, and that's the highlight!
- In some scenes, the Amazing Bulk runs slowly. Other times, he runs faster than speeding vehicles. That's what happens when you have a combination of moving and perfectly still backgrounds...
- The music changes to a militaristic tune with drums and a flute when the Amazing Bulk runs away from the helicopter in the desert. It stays like this before "Cupcake" arrives in the HQ, where the music stops completely for the rest of the video.
- When the missile collides with the castle, its smoke trail disappears as soon as the explosion appears.
- The canyon setting was used four times total, but the views were different each time.
- Bulk has the same running animations throughout the chase.
- Before the bomb bell on Bulk, his running animation was slowed down. The bomb fell at a normal speed.
- How did the military get Zeus on their side?
- It can safely be assumed that Bulk basically ran around the entire world.
- To make it look like Bulk was running to the foreground/background, Bulk was simply growing/shrinking and moved towards a specific direction. This is most obvious during the scene where Bulk runs in a grassland to avoid the attacks of a tank.
- The CGI subjects have shadows, while Bulk does not. This means that Bulk was edited into the scenes without any lighting, making him defy all logic.
- The man in front of Rowdy's is motionless.
- The close-up of "Luigi" lasted for about 15 seconds. That is an awkwardly long time like I mentioned earlier.
Gallery
Like arrows are gonna do anything to the Amazing Bulk.
It's the magical boomerang! The type that'll never stop spinning!
Does this farm happen to contain lots and lots of apple trees? No? Aw...
The Amazing Bulk suddenly runs as fast as The Flash.
A distant cousin of the Geigo gecko?
Do a barrel roll!
Yarrrrr!
Nothing unusual is happening here. Nope!
This guy was around for two seconds and he didn't do anything.
Bulk is quite the threat if Zeus has to help out.
Random lizard who has nothing to do with the chase!
Two things: one - why is he on the bomb? And two - why does he look so much like Luigi?
RIP the Amazing Bulk...
Literally the same explosion five seconds later.
Even the angels are pleased.
Notes by Technetium
I was at high school sitting in the lounge area when some guy showed this video to me. And oh, what a trip it was, way more so than the field trip we were waiting to leave for. I fell in love, and after my body recovered from the inane amount of laughing I did, I had an idea: recreate the chase scene in a Super Smash Bros. Ultimate video. Was I the only one obsessed with watching the weird videos uploaded to the Shared Content tab? Anyway, because DLC characters were still releasing, I kept putting it off in case a new character would perfectly match one of the roles. I ultimately (pun not intended) never got around to making the video, but feel free to steal the idea for yourself!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 224 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Awards Director Election • The 'Shroom Spooky Scavenger • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
