The 'Shroom:Issue 227/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! Only a week left of February, thank goodness. Before you know it the main page will be green! Not us here in Fake News though, we're rocking purple twelve months a year. Plus, that would kind of be encroaching on Pipe Plaza's vibe, and I don't want to be responsible for a two-hour meeting about color reallocation.
It's a bit of a smaller edition this month with a few of our sections taking time off for one reason or another, but we still have a good amount of fun new content for you to read! Notably, ClawgripFan9001 is making up for last month's absence of Cooking Guide, as well as offering a guest edition of Game Corner kicking off a year of Diddy Kong-themed sections!
If you're interested in joining the Fake News team, we're always happy to bring new folks on board! Just head to the sign up page to get started on your application. Or if you'd just like to do a volunteer one-off, maybe celebrating a favorite character like Clawgrip is doing, you can send that directly to me with no need for a full application or any further commitment. Hoping to hear from you soon!
Section of the Month
Congratulations are in order for another first place win for MightyMario (talk) with TV Tomorrow! And second place is a tie between an examination of the Trouter in Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)'s Fungal Forager's Field Guide, and TheBlueCatMenace's trip to Donkey Kong Island in The Sunshine Travel Guide! Thanks to everyone who voted, and be sure to keep supporting your favorite sections!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | TV Tomorrow | 8 | 21.62% | MightyMario (talk) |
| 2nd | Fungal Forager's Field Guide | 7 | 18.92% | Shoey (talk) & Hooded Pitohui (talk) |
| 2nd | The Sunshine Travel Guide | 7 | 18.92% | TheBlueCatMenace |
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
Hi! It's MightyMario with TV Tomorrow, highlighting some special coverage of the 2026 Mushroom Kingdom Winter Olympics! The Olympics have returned once more to the kingdom, bringing with it a flurry of events our favorite characters are participating in! Team Sonic is again joining along for the festivities, hoping to bring home several gold medals and break new records. (Me personally, I'm rooting for Vector but don't tell Mario that…) Without further ado, here's three events you might be interested in watching this year, exclusively on MKSN and MKSN+!
Figure Skating
Figure Skating is an event known for its graceful skating movements set to orchestral music, and there's nobody better at it than Amy Rose, who has one eye on Sonic and the other on winning a gold medal. Amy's performance, set to the tune of Swan Lake, looks to dazzle viewers with bounding jumps, spinning spirals, and of course the flashy pose at the end! Rumors have it that Donkey Kong is pretty good at this event too…
Ice Hockey
One of my favorite sports, ice hockey is always an event that gets the heart pumping and gets snacks spilled everywhere when a goal is scored. Bowser, one of the biggest competitors on Team Mario, puts his massive size and strength to good use here on the rink, stealing the puck from the much smaller competitors on Team Sonic. Wario's only here because of the gold medals, but he's sure to give it his all just so he can claim one.
Snowboarding
Sonic and Mario face off head to head in Snowboarding, though not having as big of a rivalry as before, the two leaders of their respective teams still want to achieve glory and the gold medals. Also participating in the event are Waluigi and Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik, acting as secondary rivals to both Mario and Sonic respectively. While we're certain that Sonic and Eggman are on the same team, one question still lingers: how exactly did he convince him to join?
That'll do it for this edition of TV Tomorrow! Next month, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming, provided they all come back from hiatus after the Olympics. See you then!
Dry Dry Data
Written by: DryBonesBandit (talk) & Sparks (talk)
Hello, readers! Welcome back to Dry Dry Data, yet again. It once again is I, DryBonesBandit, bringing you knowledge of flora and fauna in this world. Many appear to be excited for the opening of Bellabel Park next month, and I am… well, an exception, but let’s put that aside! Today, I, and a guest writer, bring knowledge on a resident species of the Flower Kingdom in celebration: the Anglefish (pterophyllum hypotenuse)! Anything you want to add?
Hello everyone! I am Sparks, a big Anglefish enthusiast! Fascinating animals if I say so myself. It is an honor to accompany DryBonesBandit to bring you all an analysis of them. We’re gonna tell you how it all went…
Well, no use in delaying! Let’s dive right in.
The Adventure
A few months ago, I was relaxing after a study session and watching the news when I heard that the brand new Bellabel Park was being opened near the Flower Kingdom. I figured that I’d be forced to go to the park by some friends when it opened. But then, I had an idea. What if I did some research about a species from that area? Then, when I am eventually forced to go there, I could annoy my friends by constantly telling them information about creatures from the place; a much more enjoyable experience than playing a game of tag while being possessed by a Phanto, I imagine. Anyhow, I hadn’t known what to research until I turned in my report on Bomps in December to Sparks; I remembered how much he enjoys Anglefish. So, I invited him on a trip to the Flower Kingdom.
That’s right! Anglefish are my favorite species of the Flower Kingdom, with Skedaddler as a close second. Being able to see them in person, I of course said “YES!!” because I wanted to see the cute little fishes! Who cares if they’re sometimes mean? I’m willing to take a chance, so off we go!
After a flight to the Flower Kingdom, we walked on foot to the Shining Falls, a stunningly beautiful waterfall-filled region. More importantly, the main home of our fishy friends. Before we could continue, though, an orange Poplin stopped us in our tracks, appearing out of thin air! He introduced himself as the Master Poplin, and before I could ask if Poplin was his last name, he told us that to continue, we would have to complete his trials. I asked Sparks if he wanted to head somewhere else to study Anglefish instead, but the master appeared saddened, so we decided to take on the wonderful trials.
The trials we had to go through were quite varied. There were Hoppycats, high jumps, and of course, Anglefish. To save time, we’ll just talk about that one trial involving them. The challenge was to get through a large but oddly lit cave, but it was filled with hostile Anglefish. Most of them leapt at us out of the blue, which did give me a few good scares… DryBonesBandit’s head got knocked off by one of the bigger ones - I had to carry it to the end of the cave! The best part of the experience was when we reached a Wonder Flower… I’ll let DBB talk about it!
Ah, yes! Partway through the trial, we stumbled upon an odd, magenta flower with starry petals and a green stem. Remembering my past experience with the Wonder Flower, I had decided NOT to make contact with it; sadly, it is difficult to avoid such a hazard when it is placed in the path of a beheaded skeleton. My headless torso stumbled into the flower, triggering its effects. Out of nowhere, schools of these fishy fiends flew into view, the white parts of their bodies now glowing in many different colors. It must have been an awesome experience for Sparks, but for me, it was terrifying. Apparently, being a disembodied head in another person’s arms means you have no control over what is happening. I think Sparks would be better at explaining his experience, since he could actually move and do things that a person with arms and legs can.
During the awesome experience, the Anglefish no longer jumped at us directly, but now they were flying in all sorts of directions. We had discovered that jumping on top of them allowed us to get some great air time, although I am afraid of heights… I was just bouncing on top of the Anglefish while holding DBB’s head in my arms, refusing to look down. I knew I’d be fine because of all the water around the place, but my mind refused to accept it. After a few minutes of wonder, we encountered a Wonder Seed in the middle of the air. I threw DBB’s head at it to put an end to the chaos, but I didn’t stop to think that we’d be plummeting to the ground! Fortunately, we landed safely in water without any more hostile Anglefish to worry about. I was shook to my core, but my oh my was that an unforgettable experience!
At the end of the challenge, the Master Poplin poofed into view to congratulate us; he brought my body over as well, since I gave up on trying to maneuver it to the goal once we took a flight with the fish. After reassembling myself, I realized that we had in fact done the research we had come here for in the first place! I decided that we should probably leave, seeing as we accomplished our goal, but the Master Poplin reminded us that we had started and had to finish. I sighed in defeat and we headed over to the next challenge.
The Analysis
Well, I don’t want that adventure to have gone to waste, so let’s talk about Anglefish. Sparks’ll start us off.
These creatures are native to the Flower Kingdom, although they somehow joined Bowser’s army when he invaded the place. I think they were neutral before all the craziness began? But anyway, Anglefish are triangular-shaped and charge up before leaping out of water. They are even able to be powered up during Wonder Effects, where they fly high in the sky and even straight lines!
As Sparks said, Anglefish are of a triangular shape. They have light blue bodies and red fins. Anglefish also happen to have bulging eyes, which aid in sight underwater even in dim lighting. Their name is derived from their angular structure, of course.
Anglefish are a carnivorous species. They, in schools, leap out of the water in impressive arcs to catch prey overhead, dragging unfortunate passerby into the water where the fishy fiends reside. On their sides, they have a white patch of scales; this is actually a translucent organ which allows them to glow in very deep waters. With the power of a Wonder Effect, Anglefish have enough energy to take flight and shine colorfully. In flight, schools of Anglefish fly straight like arrows due to air resistance.
The End
Our journey to the Flower Kingdom wound up being much more fun than I thought it would be. I am grateful for joining DryBonesBandit and seeing the wonderful, yet vicious fishies up close. There is one thought on my mind that I never got an answer to - what type of triangle are the Anglefish? Equilateral? Isosceles? Maybe scalene? I’ll have to figure that out on my own, but that’s for later.
It was very nice to take this trip with Sparks; he was an awesome companion on the journey, and very enthusiastic about the topic. I’m very glad to have gotten the opportunity to write this! As always, if you want to, leave a suggestion on my talk page or the Super Mario Boards, and see you next time!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Welcome to the ‘Shroom Cooking Guide Archives, bringing you a rebroadcast of the January 2026 edition of Cooking Guide, with any current affairs at the time being broadcast exactly as they were then.
🎶”Should auld acquaintance be forgot an’ never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot an’ auld lang syne? Fer auld lang syne, me jo, fer auld lang syne, we’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet, fer auld lang syne…” 🎶
Yar, welcome ta 2026, me band o’ bake-crazy buccaneers! This be yer Cap’n, ClawgripFan9001 speakin’, ready ta take ye back ta the seas o’ seasoned skillets fer the first time in this new year! Since it be January, an’ it be stinkin’ cold, I felt it’d be an opportune time ta learn ye scallywags ‘ow ta make a Magma Burger! Me fancy phantom friend, Boo1268, suggested it back in December 2024 fer me Cookin’ Guide section o’ January 2025, but that suggestion ultimately ended up goin’ unused in favor o’ the ‘Orsetail Tart we ended up makin’ in the finalized issue that month. An’ now that we be a year further, I figured it might be a good reason ta go back an’ use Boo1268’s suggestion after all!
Fer this month’s Cookin’ Guide, I decided ta seek out the ‘elp o’ a chef I ‘ad ne’er sought out the ‘elp from b’fore; Rock Koopa, whom I first ‘ad the pleasure o’ meetin’ back in Issue 202 durin’ me coverage o’ the foot race in World 2 from New Super Mario Bros. Wii in Sport Report. The wee Koopa laddie eagerly agreed ta ‘elp me out, so I grabbed all me stuff an’ set sail fer Port Prisma, where Rock agreed ta meet me at the Prisma Café located in the blue district o’ the town!
ClawgripFan9001 arrived at the Prisma Café located in Port Prisma, visually scanning his eyeballs around the grounds of the café before seeing Rock Koopa sitting at one of the tables that the establishment happened to house. Rock looked very similar to Roy Koopa, except for the fact that he was shorter, being roughly the same size as Diddy Kong, and his head was a baby blue in color rather than mauve, and he lacked any sunglasses, therefore exposing his eyes, which were teal in color.
“Ahoy, Rock, me boy! Fancy meetin’ ya out ‘ere!” ClawgripFan9001 greeted the young Koopa chef as he proceeded to scuttle over to the table he sat at, to which the Koopa turned his head towards the Sidestepper and smiled as he watched him approach. Getting up from his seat, Rock proceeded to shake ClawgripFan’s hand.
“Good day to you, Mr. ClawgripFan. The feeling’s mutual, ‘cause when you contacted me with the request to help you teach your readers how to make the Prisma Café’s famed Magma Burger, I was quite excited. You’ve been around the world of cooking a lot since you first started writing your cooking column, but never came to me for my culinary expertise during that time, up until now.” Rock told ClawgripFan9001 with a smile, speaking in a San Diego accent as he did so.
“Yar, that be understandable, lad. But not ta worry, ‘cause when our paths first crossed back in New Super Mario Bros. Wii’s World 2, I knew we’d ‘ave some unfinished business o’ some sort waitin’ down the line, an’ now the time ta finish that business ‘as finally come.” ClawgripFan9001 nodded with his trademark lazy grin on his face before pulling away from Rock’s handshake and getting down to business.
“So, I think it be time fer us ta get cookin’, don’t ye think?” ClawgripFan9001 then suggested to Rock, who nodded his agreement as he began walking over to the kitchen of Port Prisma’s Prisma Café location, with the Sidestepper following shortly behind. Entering the kitchen shortly afterward, he beckoned ClawgripFan to come inside, which he did.
“Well, exactly. The Red Toad barista who works at this place, Freight T., was kindly enough to let us use his workplace without any other disturbance for the day. So we can get cooking real quickly and not be bothered by anything else along the way.” Rock informed ClawgripFan, who nodded in understanding once more.
“Yar, that be convenient, fer sure! Well, without further ado, ye go ahead an’ work yer culinary magic, an’ I’ll be ‘ere ta take notes fer me cookin’ column while ye do that.” ClawgripFan9001 told Rock with a smile as he took out his pencil and notepad for emphasis.
“Alright, will do. So, as far as ingredients are concerned for this dish, you’ll be needing a Power Steak, Hot Sauce, a loaf of Bowser’s Sourpuss Bread, a Turtley Leaf, a chunk of Cheese, and a Maxim Tomato.” Rock began to explain to ClawgripFan as he began to set each of the ingredients he named out on the counter one by one while the Sidestepper wrote this down on his notepad in a dutiful manner.
“Aye, that last one be imported o’er from where’er that pink laddie Kirby be ‘ailin’ from, ain’t it?” ClawgripFan9001 inquired curiously as he glanced up from his notepad to look at Rock for confirmation to his inquiry, to which the young Koopa chef nodded in acknowledgement.
“That’s correct. The Mushroom World and the world Kirby comes from have long-standing business ties with one another, thus allowing for Kirby’s world to export Maxim Tomatoes in exchange for goods from the Mushroom World that are highly valuable over there. If it weren’t for that, we’d have to look into other ways to get our hands on tomatoes for this dish.” Rock pointed out to ClawgripFan, who nodded back in response as he wrote this down onto his notepad as additional material to work with for his cooking column.
“As far as cooking gear is concerned, you don’t need a whole lot. Just a couple knives, a spatula, a grill, a plate, and a couple of glass bowls, and then you should be ready to get cooking.” Rock informed ClawgripFan, who continued to scribble away on his notepad, making sure he had everything jotted down in an orderly manner.
“Yar, so we got all the basic necessities fer makin’ this thing. Now ‘ow’s ‘bout the cookin’ instructions?” ClawgripFan9001 asked Rock curiously, raising an eyebrow for emphasis. The young Koopa chef began to carry out the cooking instructions one by one as he vocally explained them while the Sidestepper wrote it all down on his notepad along the way.
“Right, here’s what you need to know for the cooking instructions; Preheat the grill for the right heat you’ll require for grilling the Power Steak, and while you wait for that, you use a bread knife to slice the Bowser’s Sourpuss Bread into hamburger buns, and you cut the Turtley Leaf into lettuce, the Maxim Tomatoes and cheese into nice, thin slices, and put them aside in the glass bowls for the time being.” Rock explained to the Sidestepper, who hummed affirmatively as he dutifully jotted all of that down into his notes.
“Aye aye, now what next?” ClawgripFan9001 curiously asked, glancing up from his notepad to look at Rock for direction on what to do now, as far as cooking instructions were concerned, with the young Koopa chef exchanging glances with the Sidestepper in response.
“Well, afterward, you use a proper meat knife to cut the Power Steak into proper hamburger patties, you lightly oil the grill grate, then put the hamburger patties on top and cook them over the timespan of five minutes on both sides, or until both sides are well done.” Rock informed ClawgripFan9001 as he carried this out, with the Sidestepper nodding in response as he glanced back towards his notepad and wrote this down.
“Yar, that be makin’ a whole lotta sense. Nobody like their ‘amburger patties raw, after all. But if ye do, I ain’t one ta judge. E’erybody’s got their own taste, all ‘n all.” ClawgripFan9001 gave his ten Coins on the matter as he scribbled away on his notepad, with Rock affirmatively humming his agreement in response as he continued to carry out the next few cooking instructions in the meantime.
“Tell me about it, ClawgripFan. I’ve served hamburgers with raw patties plenty of times before, and the clients I served them to happily devoured them as if they were having a regular warm hamburger. Either way, once the hamburger patties have been cooked, you put those on the hamburger buns, then you add the lettuce, Maxim Tomatoes, cheese slices and a nice, big dollop of Hot Sauce, and ta-da! You got yourself a nice, juicy Magma Burger!” Rock told ClawgripFan9001 before finalizing the cooking instructions and serving the Sidestepper the completed Magma Burger on a plate.
“Aye aye! Lemme ‘ave a bite o’ this stuff then…” ClawgripFan9001 responded as he finished writing down the cooking instructions before grabbing the Magma Burger off the plate and taking a bite out of it. “Yar! This be a tasty treat! Much better than a live pair o’ pesky plumbers, a live princess, or a live mushroom beast, I say!” ClawgripFan9001 chimed with delight at the sensational taste of the Magma Burger.
Rock grinned and gave a thumbs up in response. “Glad you liked it, ClawgripFan! Hopefully your readers will like it just as much when they make this burger for themselves at home!” He told the Sidestepper as he slapped him a high five in the process.
Yar, fer makin’ the perfect Magma Burger, this be what ye need ta know:
Ingredients
- A Power Steak
- A loaf o’ Bowser’s Sourpuss Bread
- A bottle o’ Hot Sauce
- A Turtley Leaf (Fer makin’ into lettuce)
- A chunk o’ Cheese
- A Maxim Tomato
Appliances
- A couple knives
- A spatula
- A grill
- A plate
- A couple glass bowls
Instructions
- Preheat the grill ta the right temperature fer grillin’ the burger patties.
- Cut the Bowser’s Sourpuss Bread into buns fer the burgers, then cut the Turtley Leaf up into lettuce, an’ do the same ta the Maxim Tomato an’ Cheese, ‘cept ye cut that into nice, thin slices, an’ put all o’ that into the glass bowls an’ let that sit fer the time bein’.
- Use a proper meat knife ta cut the Power Steak into burger patties, then lightly oil the grill grate, b’fore puttin’ the burger patties on top an’ grillin’ ‘em on both sides o’er the course o’ five minutes, unless both sides are grilled well done.
- Soon as the burger patties ‘ave been cooked, ye put ‘em on the burger buns, then apply the lettuce, Maxim Tomatoes, cheese slices an’ a nice, big dollop o’ Hot Sauce, put it on a plate, an’ ye be ready ta serve!
Yar, now that be some hot stuff, wouldn’t ye say? Yar, har, har, har! I wanna thank me matey, Boo1268, fer suggestin’ the Magma Burger last year, an’ I wanna thank me lad, Rock Koopa, fer ’is assistance in learnin’ ‘ow ta make it! Anyway, this be ‘bout all I got fer t’day, mateys! See ye next time on the Cookin’ Guide!
Star Ratings
Written by: BigBoom1946
Good evening everyone and welcome back to Star Ratings, the column where I review cool places in outer space. Today, we are takin' a look at a space racecourse, or "spacecourse" if you will. Please give a warm welcome to Loopdeeswoop Galaxy!
History
According to the residents, long ago this region of space was nothing more than dust until a great deity showed up and – Scrippy, you just spilled lentils all over the transcript! Now I can't read any of it! Fine, I'll wipe them off. Why do we even have lentils on board anyways? Don't remember buying them...
Alright, sorry for the interruption. My Scripulous Fingore assistant Scrippy just dropped a can of lentils all over my screen. Now, back to the story. So, a great deity showed up and turned dust into water and empty space into fish. Personally, I think that the penguins made it.
Many great races have been held here, such as the annual Penguin Swim, the Ray Derby and the unfortunately fatal Torpedo Ted Race.
Fauna
This racecourse has seen many different species, from Shroobs to Tatangans, but the one consistent presence on the course are the penguins; the caretakers and staff of Loopdeeswoop Galaxy, they are led by Coach, winner of eight Galympic gold medals and one Street Fighter tournament. Also on the staff is Ray, another champion swimmer.
Entertainment
Being a racecourse, Loopdeeswoop Galaxy of course has many different racing tracks, such as the Shy Guy Slam, the Torpedo Ted Tornado, and the galaxy-famous Ray Filleter. It also possesses several beaches for relaxation.
A bit about me
My name is BigBoom and I am an Eloquentian, an alien species from the planet Eloquentia. I live on a space paddleboat in Earth's orbit and have an assistant named Scrippy.
Conclusion
So, in conclusion, Loopdeeswoop Galaxy is a very fun space surf park. I hope you had a good time and I'll see you again next month!
Written by: Letter Kong
Good day to you, ‘Shroom readers. How are you all holding up? I’m Laurence Conway, but you may refer to me by my pen name, Letter Kong. Last year, it had come to my attention with the release of Donkey Kong Bananza that our favorite spidermonkey, Diddy Kong, had been shoved to the sideline as Donkey Kong’s sidekick in favor of a preteen counterpart to Pauline’s Super Mario Odyssey incarnation. I was rather appalled by that decision on Nintendo’s part, so I made it my mission to get justice for Diddy Kong by starting a year-long movement within the pages of The ‘Shroom by writing guest sections themed around the scrappy simian. You may refer to this movement as “Diddy Kong Redemption”, and the first order of business within this year-long movement will be this Game Corner section you happen to be reading right now. Reason being is because I got wind of an independent game developer named Play-Kong-Nic Games having begun work on a game themed around Diddy Kong in direct response to his replacement as Donkey Kong’s sidekick in Donkey Kong Bananza. So without further ado, let’s have a looky-look at this here Diddy Kong game.
Diddy Kong Jungle Guerilla
Game Genre: 2.5D Platformer-Shooter
Console: Nintendo Switch 2
Date of Release: June 2026
Plot
Diddy Kong sets out to find his long-lost mother who was believed to have perished during the height of the Puftup Gulf War when he was just a wee monkey, but is now said to be alive and well in the captivity of the dreaded Kremling Krew. Armed with his trusty Peanut Popguns, his electric guitar capable of firing laser bolts, and his signature jetpack, the Barrel Jet, Diddy Kong will stop at nothing to give the Kremlings their reckoning for keeping his mother from him for all these years.
Gameplay
The game plays like a 2.5D Platformer-Shooter hybrid with the basic goal being to reach the end of each level without dying. Taking control of Diddy Kong, who is particularly more cartoonishly violent than past games in a similar vein to Donkey Kong in Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, the player has to traverse a total of sixteen worlds that are each made up of four regular stages and a boss battle. During the regular stages, the player must also collect letters that spell out the word “Kremling”, which grant Diddy Kong an extra life upon collecting all eight letters. In each boss battle stage, the player finds themselves face to face with one of King K. Rool’s mighty Kremling Kommanders, whom they have to defeat in order to complete a world and move on to the next one.
The player also has Diddy Kong’s trademark Peanut Popguns and electric guitar at their disposal to take down the Kremling Krew’s gallery of reptilian rogues, though ammunition on both weapons is limited, so the player has to collect boxes filled with peanut shells and musical notes to refill their ammunition supply throughout the regular stages. The boss battle stages also feature these boxes, though they are scarcer compared to regular stages, leading to players needing to conserve their ammunition over the course of the boss battles. Should one run out of ammunition during boss battle stages with no more additional ammunition to find, however, a Jumbo Barrel will fly overhead to provide Diddy Kong with additional ammunition rations that will subsequently parachute down onto the stage for him to collect. The Jumbo Barrel is also used for special flying stages, where the player takes control of it and has to shoot down as many Kremling Krew aircrafts as they can. At the end of each flying stage, the player gets to rain hellfire on a Kremling Krew facility, which serves as the ultimate target for the flying stages.
The game also features a new array of Animal Buddies that will aid Diddy Kong over the course of his adventure, with said Animal Buddies having their own stages modeled around their usage. There’s Evander the Elephant, who obliterates anything in his path and is capable of sucking up water, fire and ice, and shooting it at enemies using his trunk, Gianfranca the Giraffe, who can assist Diddy Kong in reaching otherwise hard-to-reach platforms and use her long tongue to collect items that Diddy Kong can’t collect by himself, Zarian the Zebra, who can use his incredible running speed to leap across gaps too wide for Diddy Kong to cross by himself, and Fauna the Flying Squirrel, who can launch chestnuts out of her mouth to take out enemies and use her powerful throwing abilities to launch Diddy Kong a great distance into the levels she’s featured in.
A most wonderful way to start off the Diddy Kong Redemption movement, if I do say so myself! Be sure to purchase it once it releases in the warm summer months by any means necessary out of support for Diddy Kong, because he could certainly use it after how he was done dirty by Nintendo! Unfortunate as it may be, however, I have run out of time for this first leg of the Diddy Kong Redemption movement, so I shall see you again next time with a new guest section themed around our beloved spidermonkey! I am Letter Kong, and I ask you to please keep monkeying around!
Written by: Boo1268
A Pure Hearted Love
Hello, readers of all walks of life, and welcome to The Spectral Lens. As Phill the Monty Mole announces six more weeks of winter this month, many lovebirds are snuggling up together this time of year. Yes indeed, love truly is in the air, but not just romantical kinds, mind you! All SORTS of relationships are blossoming this season, from best friends becoming closer with each other, to communities growing stronger through shows of friendship, to even family members showing their love for the people who matter most in their lives. Speaking of family, it's that last point I wanted to focus on for The Spectral Lens this month, since I, myself am not in a romantic relationship, often find myself spending Valentine's with those whom I consider to be family. Normally, I'm spending the holiday sharing and enjoying the limited-edition chocolates with the likes Specture, Atlas, and the vast amount of ghosts and ghouls who live in the Lich Yard. Unfortunately, however, some souls aren't able to see their families this time of year due to their current circumstances. As I began to think more and more about the concepts of found family, separation, life, and death, I was reminded of the history behind, frankly, one of the most COMPLICATED, but ultimately still LOVING families I had ever seen – a story expanding across the divine realms of the afterlife, a story about love, a story about sacrifice, and a story of the heart. So with that out of the way, let us begin, shall we?
| The Underwhere | |
|---|---|
|
A dark desolate pit that contains the most heinous of souls that the Mushroom World has to offer. Unfortunate souls are forced to pay for their sins in a number of tortuous ways, be it through traversing endless mazes that wear at their sanity, through being placed in prison cells where they can rot for eternity, or through being trapped inside of the River Twygz waves, left calling out to be freed. However, despite this, not ALL the souls located here are malevolent in nature, and many are simply on the path to a better world. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that the Underwhere is also known to its residents as the Minus World? However, it is unclear as to when it officially obtained this name, as it has only ever been referred to as such in legends about the Underwhere. | |
Many years ago, sometime after The Underwhere and The Overthere were constructed by the mysterious powers that form our world, two guardians were chosen to not only rule these realms, but also to enforce the rules of life and death that they had jurisdiction over. These individuals would come to be known as the fearsome Queen Jaydes and the wise Grambi. For many years, both Grambi and Jaydes would have little to no interaction with each other, for they generally were more concerned with commanding over their respective realms and managing the many souls that came to them on the daily. Now, while they did know of each other, they had never truly met face-to-face before. In fact, all the things that they did know about each other mainly came from less-than-credible sources, such as rumors, stories, and vague descriptions of each of their counterpart's personality and appearance. While the rulers did know better than to assume the worst of an individual that they frankly had never even talked to before, these rumors and tall tales did warp their perceptions of each other in unfavorable ways, causing one to have disdain for the other and vice versa. This would all change, however, when one day a mysterious tribe of mystics would, somehow, make their way through to The Underwhere and The Overthere to discuss a matter of grave importance that could be the difference between extinction and salvation.
| Queen Jaydes | |
|---|---|
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Ruler of The Underwhere and weigher of hearts, for a time Queen Jaydes acted as ruthless as she seemed, claiming that without her harsh and cruel nature, she would never garner respect from her loyal D-Men or the souls who lingered in her realm. So it was until she met someone who showed her that being a ruler isn't all about commanding her citizens, but is also about caring for her citizens. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that despite Her Majesty being known as "unenthused" or "bored" by her citizens, she DOES in fact have a hobby? That hobby being stamp collecting! Very strange, but it's true! Just make sure not to tell anyone! | |
After the two deities met on neutral ground to discuss their roles in regards to the ancient prophecy, it was ultimately decided that both Grambi and Queen Jaydes would watch over and protect the White Pure Heart until the time would come when the legendary hero and his associates would come to retrieve it in 1,500 years to save reality. In order to keep a close eye on the mystical heart, both Queen Jaydes and Grambi would continuously swap the location of the heart between their respective realms. However in spite of this responsibility's importance, both deities would become agitated at the existence of the Pure Heart due to the fact that taking care of it wasted not only their resources (such as D-Men and Nimbi guards), but also time that could have better been spent on doing their jobs. Eventually it got to the point to where both of the deities would try to force the responsibility of the Pure Heart onto the other just so they wouldn't have to deal with the stress of taking care of it. This pattern would continue for ten months until finally both Queen Jaydes and Grambi met again on neutral ground to discuss their issues with each other. They did so harshly; the argument between the two would drive even a Fuzzy mad with how long it went on for.
Their argument lasting a full day before finally being resolved, eventually both decided to put their differences aside in order to keep the Pure Heart from falling into the wrong hands. As such, the mystical Dorguys were created in order to protect the passage between the two realms, preventing one from entering the other so easily. A few years would pass and the routine of passing the Pure Heart from one place to the next became the norm for Grambi and Jaydes, both eventually finding ways to manage the task of guarding the heart while also continuing to keep up with their work. It seemed as if this dance would continue until the hero would arrive. However, as fate would have it, this dance would transform into a tango and as a result a romance would begin to blossom between the two.
| The Overthere | |
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A heavenly sanctuary high in the clouds above the Mushroom World, it's known as the land where people who lived sinless lives or those who have repented of their sins spend their afterlife in peace and harmony. It's essentially paradise, with its residents eating mystical enchanted fruit that gives wondrous abilities, attending schools that teach a wide variety of subjects, and even jumping upon bouncy clouds that reach past the sky and into the stratosphere! Truly a wonderful place to spend your days, that is if you don't mind the overuse of old English vernacular. |
| Fun Fact!: In spite of its peaceful nature, The Overthere is also home to a decently trained military with combat ready Nimbis. It also has a forbidden Black Fruit said to taste worse than rotten flesh; in spite of this, however, the fruit is able to cure poison, which is a nice bonus. | |
As time passed, the routine of monitoring and protecting the Pure Heart continued as planned, with it now being a common practice by both Grambi and Queen Jaydes to personally deliver the heart to each other. Each felt as if it would be safer in their hands, concerned a simple Nimbi or D-Man assigned to transferring the heart would be corrupted by the heart's power and fearing what would happen if it fell into the hands of evil. It was during these visits that the two rulers, for the first time in nearly fifty years, saw the realm of the other. At first, both experienced culture shock at the things they had seen in the other's realms, astonished at differences ranging from how the spirits of one realm acted compared to the other to the overall atmosphere of the respective locations. During these initial visits, the opposing realm felt unnatural in light of what they each had experienced daily. Eventually however, after several visits, both rulers began to appreciate what the other's respective realm had to offer. From Grambi beginning to appreciate the excitement and danger that came from the wide array of flora and fauna lacing The Underwhere to Queen Jaydes beginning to appreciate how comfortable the clouds of the sky were alongside enjoying The Overthere's wondrous culture and music, they began to feel more at home in both realms. It also became the case that both of the rulers would engage in small talk, beginning to slowly open up more and more about each other, from their likes to dislikes to even their personalities and worldviews!
Strangely enough, Grambi would continue to make visits to The Underwhere even after handing over the Pure Heart to Queen Jaydes, making the claim that he was simply "checking in on the heart to make sure it was safe". Despite the heart being perfectly fine whenever he came to check on it, Grambi still visited The Underwhere, with he and Queen Jaydes engaging in conversations for hours on end whenever he visited. Soon, she would mimic his behavior and frequently visit him in The Overthere even after the heart had passed into his care. This routine would continue for two years until finally Grambi, being the lovesick Nimbi he always was, did the unthinkable. He asked Her Majesty out on a date. At first Queen Jaydes did not know how to respond to this, being confused and feeling like she had Gnat in her stomach. After calming her nerves, her undead heart began to beat again with the one thing she thought she would never have – love.
| Bonechill | |
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Master of the Cold Dark and commander of the Skellobits, the most heinous sinners the Mushroom World has to offer. Trapped deep down in the darkest parts of The Underwhere, he and his men lingered for years until the day came he could arise from his prison and take what he saw as rightfully his. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that Bonechill gained his ability to control ice and frost from his many years being trapped in the cold dark pit of The Underwhere? His device, however, was built before his imprisonment for a more sinister purpose. | |
At first, Jaydes' and Grambi's relationship was off to a rocky start, with both of them not fully agreeing with each other on certain things they did or liked (typical romantical conflicts and all). Despite this, both Jaydes and Grambi deeply cared for each other. Though required to be far apart due to their work obligations, they made it work, taking time out of their days to see each other, planning dates, and overall showing each other new perspectives which helped them become better rulers in the long run. They would even make pet names for each other like "Grams" and "JayJay". Eventually, after almost forty years, they would get married as two unlikely souls bound together by love.
However, as the years had gone by, one of Grambi's Nimbi generals, the proud Lucidon, had become infatuated by the Pure Heart and its unknown power. He claimed to Grambi that instead of trying to keep the Pure Heart safe, it should be used as a weapon to make them more powerful than before, thus allowing The Overthere to be prepared when an army or opposing force did decide to invade! However, despite his argument sounding good on paper, Grambi had seen the flicker of greed in Lucidon's eyes as he presented the horrible weapon he had created, a weapon which used the power of the Pure Heart to function. After his ideas were rejected, Lucidon became angered that he was denied the power which he believed he deserved. Lucidon decided to revolt against Grambi and STEAL the Pure Heart for himself, even going so far as to accumulate an army of defecting Nimbis to his cause to not only steal the Pure Heart, but to OVERTHROW Grambi as ruler of The Overthere. To his followers, he denounced Grambi as "too soft to rule". Unfortunately for them, they were quickly defeated by Grambi and Queen Jaydes, who together as punishment for his crimes stripped Lucidon of his Nimbi status, transforming him into a hideous serpent-like creature. They cast him and his sinful followers down into the deepest and darkest pit of The Underwhere, even going so far as to seal Lucidon and his followers under the earth so as to never allow them to see that light of day again.
| Grambi | |
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King of The Overthere, guardian of sinless souls, and weigher of repented sins. While he does tend to display a grumpy old man-like nature, in truth he's nothing more than a kind, caring, and wise individual. Thanks to someone special to him, he was able to form more of a backbone and not been seen as a pushover when it comes to dealing with troublemakers. |
| Fun Fact!: Did you know that thanks to Queen Jaydes' influence, The Overthere now has a decently sized army commanded by the more levelheaded Rebbi? In fact, she was the one who suggested Rebbi get the promotion in the first place due to his background as an army general. | |
Even though the threat of Lucidon was dealt with for the time being, both Jaydes and Grambi had come to the conclusion that, despite their careful watching and protecting of the Pure Heart, it was still in danger of falling into the wrong hands. Concerned that even their closest allies and supporters posed a risk to the heart and wanting to prevent another Lucidon incident, Grambi and Jaydes considered hiding the Pure Heart in plain sight, in a place no one would think to find it. Eventually, Grambi gained an idea. For you see, Grambi and Jaydes, in spite of their love for each other, were unable to have a child of their own due to their differing powers and essences of being. Not to mention, their relationship would be seen as taboo to their citizens, no doubt resulting in public outcry, which is why only a rare few were allowed to know of the relationship between the two. Having a child together would be seen as blasphemous, but seeing no other option, Grambi and Jaydes combined their powers over life and death to breathe life into a vessel to contain the Pure Heart, transforming it into the loveable Nimbi known as Luvbi.
After her creation, both Grambi and Queen Jaydes loved, cared for, and raised Luvbi as if she were their own biological child. Years would pass, and Luvbi would continue to grow into a very caring-albeit-bratty child, and during all of that time, she was the light of their lives! Grambi went out of his way to pay for special tutoring classes to further enhance Luvbi's education! However, despite their love for their daughter, both Grambi and Jaydes had to keep her somewhat of a secret, not allowing the populace at large to learn she was daughter to both of them. As such, it would commonly be the case where Grambi and Jaydes would watch over Luvbi separately and have her visit the other's realms for a while. At first, their constant vigilance and overprotective nature was due in part to her origins, but over time Grambi and Jaydes truly cared for Luvbi and felt as if she was part of their family, beginning to overprotect her out of concern for her own safety. Being a parent is hard and sometimes you can't always get everything right, but they were trying their best the only way they knew how. While there were some drawbacks to this parenting style, such as conflict during her rebellious teenage years and the fact that she would get into trouble by sneaking off in search of her "one true love", their constant care for her helped her in some of her more difficult moments. For instance, there was the time when Luvbi became ill. Grambi, being the kind and caring individual he was, never left her bedside until she recovered. It was clear that this family, despite their problems, would always love each other.
| Luvbi | |
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Daughter of Queen Jaydes of The Underwhere and Grambi of The Overthere, she's a pampered, slightly bratty, impulsive but also kind, sweet, caring, and ultimately selfless child made manifest by the Pure Heart's power. She willingly sacrificed herself to save all realities. Nowadays, she is regarded as a hero to all Nimbis, but she still has some growing up to do. |
| Fun Fact!: After the events of the Light Prognosticus were fulfilled, Luvbi found a way to separate her mind from the Pure Heart's! She successfully formed a body of her own, so she can continue to live her days in peace. | |
This love, in the end, made what the family had to do when the legendary hero arrived that much sadder and harder to bear. For you see, when the vicious Dark Count began the process of activating the Dark Prognosticus and created something that could end worlds, one of the resulting ruptures caused the ground to split in the deepest pits of The Underwhere, unleashing the terrible Master of the Cold Dark and his many followers. Freed, they moved to terrorize The Overthere in search of the Pure Heart, and so you know the story by now, don't you? Once the prophecy of the Hero of Light and his associates had come to pass and the vicious Bonechill had been vanquished, Luvbi sacrificed herself in order to save the world. Both Grambi and Queen Jaydes mourned the death of their daughter and, as such, decided to no longer hide their relationship from their citizens, seeing the reveal as them memorializing their daughter's bravery by in turn being brave themselves. Despite their fear of ridicule, many of the citizens of both The Underwhere and The Overthere gave their support to their relationship alongside condolences on their loss.
Thankfully, this story for has a happy ending after all. After the cataclysm had been averted, the Pure Hearts returned to their final resting place, intent on keeping the realm safe for all time. One Pure Heart, however, had something else in mind. After gathering up some of the clouds of The Overthere and some water of The Underwhere, Luvbi was formed once again, returning to embrace her mother and father in the place they had lost her. From that day on, Grambi and Jadyes were never to lose her of their family ever again.
So remember, dear readers, your family will always love you. No matter what choices you make or what you decide to do with your life, no matter if you argue or get angry at each other, and no matter if you do things the other doesn't like, the love your family, whether related by blood or by bond, has for you will always stay with you. Not even death can separate that, for love is eternal, and love never dies. And so with that, our story ends. I really hope you all enjoyed this edition of The Spectral Lens! It was quite a struggle to get done, but even still, I hope you all enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions for what I should look into next time, make sure to check out my official forum page. I'm always willing to put my heart into any requests you have, so don't be afraid to give me suggestions. And with that I say: Merci, au revoir and Happy Valentine's Day!
The Sunshine Travel Guide
Written by: TheBlueCatMenace
The Underwhere: Under where?
Whoops. I think I may have made a mistake. Hi everybody, It's me, Cosmo! You may remember last month, where I said I would be visiting Ingot Isle. And I tried to. However, I took a wrong turn somewhere, there was a giant explosion, and I woke up…well, somewhere. I don't know where I am, but I'm sure it's a fantastic holiday destination, so let's dive right in.
What is this place?
Yes, yes, that should be history, I know, but who actually reads travel guide history when there's a 'Shroom section actually dedicated to history? Go read that one, it's really good. Anyway, I am dedicating this part of the travel guide to talking about what this place actually is. I was looking around for a brochure or something, but eventually I found a helpful resident called a Shayde.
They didn't tell me anything super important, except that I was dead and this was a purgatory of sorts, you know, the usual. …Wait. Hang on, that's not usual at all! HEY, I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE NINE LIVES! I'VE BEEN STIFFED! Luckily, the Shayde told me I could talk to Queen Jaydes, the ruler of this realm, who would weigh my sins and decide where I would spend the rest of eternity. Man, all this stuff seems a bit heavy for a travel guide…
Anyhoo, being dead was a bit of an inconvenience for me, considering the fact my deadline was coming up (insert witty deadline pun related to being dead here), so I decided to make my way to Queen Jaydes. It took some platforming, a boat ride and beating up some skeletons, but eventually I made it to the palace of Jaydes.
At first she assumed I was some regular old dead person and began judging my sins, but I explained that I was a cat and was supposed to have nine lives, and I had only used up two of them so far. She asked me to prove it by accepting a random cat-related challenge, and if I completed it, she would grant me a Continue. She brought out a big wheel and spun it, and luckily it landed on Write a travel guide, right in between Win Mario Boards Mega Brawl 3 and Procrastinate your 'Shroom Section. Hey, do those seem oddly specific to you? Anyway, on to the travel guide part of the travel guide.
Attractions
So, The Underwhere is a little boring. And by a little, I mean excruciatingly boring. There's really not much to do here, so I have a feeling this section will be pretty short. Let me see…Okay, when you enter The Underwhere, you'll see a small fountain spurting orange juice mysterious ethereal healing liquid. You can take a quick dip in it, you'll feel great afterwards, and it's good for the skin. They should build a spa around it or something.
There's some dangerous paths nearby, but if you can get through them, you can take a relaxing ferry trip across the River Twygz. The boatman is named Charold, and he'll charge you four coins for a one-way trip. You could swim across, AND BE PULLED INTO THE MURKY DEPTHS BY THE HANDS OF TORTURED SOULS TRAPPED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER! So I would just pay the four coins.
The main thing you'll find yourself doing in The Underwhere is talking to the Shaydes. This is actually a lot cooler than it sounds, because these guys have some awesome stories. Occasionally non-Shayde people pass through, like this one guy I saw called Zag-something. Apparently he passes through often. I wonder what that's all about.
Hey, according to this quota I created for myself I have to put in another paragraph even though I have nothing else to write about. Uh, so anyway, apparently there's two places above and below The Underwhere, called The Overthere and Bonechill's prison. You end up in those places depending on whether you're good or evil in life. I asked, and apparently I can't organise vacations for the Shaydes to go up into The Overthere, which is a shame because that seems like it would be a pretty successful business venture.
Reviews
All reviews collected from DeathAdvisor
"Makes for a really fun roguelike." 10/10 - Zagreus
"All I hear are screams." 0/10 - Ody600
"Got kidnapped, ate a fruit, now I'm stuck here half the year." 5/10 - GoddessOfSpring
Conclusion
This was a bit of a disaster, but Jaydes gave me a Continue, and all my lives back as an apology. Overall I had a very positive experience with death! 10/10, would die again. Anyway, I can finally head off to Ingot Isle, where I'm sure nothing will go wrong this time. I mean, it's not like there's gonna be a big hole in the ground where the town I'm staying at is supposed to be, taking me on an adventure through an underground world. Surely not, that would be far too specific. Anyway, contact me wherever if you have feedback, suggestions, or despise every bone in my body. See you next month!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 227 | |
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| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Poll Chairperson Election • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
