The 'Shroom:Issue 134/Critic Corner
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The time is flying by and so is the comfortable weather. If anyone would like to join my evil cult and aid my quest to block out the sun you may sign up as a grunt to waste the hero's time getting to me! Qualities I'm looking for is a memorable one-liner and a tasteful sense of fashion. For May we bring to you a diet-size portion of sections to help you get that summer bod, but don't fret, each one is still packed full of all the nutrients you need!
Thank you peeps for voting Half-Baked Reviews as Critic Corner's Section of the Month again. Be sure to keep voting because each vote absolutely does count!
Anniversary events are all coming up soon, with tournaments for tokens and prizes starting on June 1st, and by the time next issue of The 'Shroom is released all of the Polls will be up to vote on things such as your Favorite Main Character, Favorite Classic Game, Worst Mario Party Minigame, and some Community awards to highlight, well, our community!! Also next month is a special issue, featuring Luigi (and some other secondary characters starving for the spotlight), so if you want to be in-fashion for June be sure to cater your sections towards them!
Also, hey, heads up! Late Night with Nabber has been temporarily moved to just underneath Anton's Half-Baked Reviews towards the middle because it contains heavy plot spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War and I took care to make sure they wouldn't be visible when you go to vote in the poll at the bottom. If you don't want to see spoilers, go watch the movie and then go read his section!
Section of the Month
Could Have Been
Hello everyone! I am Alex95 and welcome to Could Have Been. In this segment, I talk about features that didn't quite make it into a game's final release and see just how the cut content would've affected the game. Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze was just rereleased on May 4th, so I thought I'd take a look at what could have been in the first game of the series: Donkey Kong Country. So let's dive right in and take a look… wait, I just said that.
Let's start with before the game's development actually began. In September of 2015, game designer Gregg Mayles showed off old concepts of Donkey Kong Country on his Twitter account, including concepts of ideas and early pitches that never came to be. One of these pitches was called Donkey Kong vs. Super Wario, which apparently involved Wario and some time machine. Another pitch was called Donkey Kong and the Golden Bananas, which follows a similar storyline to the final version, but instead a blue Kremling named Korporal Krizzle came and stole the Golden Banana Donkey Kong was supposed to be guarding.
What Could Have Been?
Anton’s Supermarket “I’m an adult with my own place and now have to care about groceries and budgeting for full meals” Special Snack Food Garbage Haul “This has basically become a food review section” Section Special.
Kellogg’s Frosted KrispiesI saw these on an endcap at Publix
Tastes marshmallowy, like rice krispie treats but instead of gooey and chewy they’re soggy and mushy. Terrible aftertaste; I feel bad eating this, as if I’ve sinned or cheated on a diet, with how sugary this feels and how I’m now convinced I’ve instantly bored holes into my teeth.
After finishing half of the bowl I quickly went to the fridge to eat some fresh fruit to salvage whatever vitality this cereal didn’t drain.
Rating: Who cares
Explanation: I considered giving this a more thoughtful rating but honestly I’m pretty upset at how lazy this all was so who cares.
Chobani Greek Yogurt Drinks
While scoping out milk I saw that this was on sale for $2 each. Realistically I could get half a gallon of milk instead of a single serving of some yogurt thing, but, eh, life is to be lived and how else best lived if not gulping down wet cheese?
There were not too many flavors available at the store, but certainly more options than other yogurt things that constrain themselves to just strawberry, plain, vanilla, and--if they’re feeling wild--blueberry. I ended up getting Mango, Strawberry Banana, and Orange & Cream. A quick check later online shows that they’ve got like a dozen flavors that are at least mildly interesting, so props to them. The bottle said to shake well, so I did. and it feels a lot more liquidy than I expect a yogurt drink to be. First up is Mango, and I don’t taste the mango flavor at all. It’s definitely a yogurt drink and has enough of a texture for me to feel like that, but it just tastes plain. That’s not to say it tastes bad, though; it’s not a gut-wrenching probiotic flavor that other yogurt things have. Also, I thought that the whole point of Greek yogurt was that it was thicker due to being strained more? This is incredibly milky for something claiming to be Greek yogurt, and if they did strain it as many times to qualify it as Greek, why juice it back up? It is a mystery. Not too comfortable of an aftertaste, and it’s objectively better when it’s cold, which, thanks to entropy and Florida, doesn’t last long. Orange & Cream tasted exactly like how it sounds, and Strawberry Banana just tastes like a smoothie. Definitely not bad but it’s pretty standard and basic, and not exactly worth $2 for 10 fl oz.
Rating: Buying a 4.5oz bag of Chex Mix for $2.19 at a gas station on a road trip because you don’t want to just get a Cosmic Brownie or Fudge Round again, and having the internal battle of Buyer’s Remorse with its powerful weapon “a 15oz bag costs only $2.75 at the grocery store and usually has coupons for a dollar off available” and Smug Satisfaction wielding the might “it was worth it for the temporary euphoria”.Explanation: They were pretty alright, and I’m vaguely interested in trying more flavors, but I really can’t justify spending that much money on something that’s ultimately not going to do much for me, especially when I’m an adult now and can do things like Planning Ahead and just getting a family size barrel of plain or vanilla yogurt and mixing in fresh fruit pieces at a fraction of the overall price, just like how I could just prep my own snacks for a road trip.
LAST MINUTE UPDATE
Hey guys here I am about 3 days before the 'Shroom release date back back BACK with three more Chobani whatever flavors because it was on sale again and I completely disregarded my rating explanation and blew even more of my money even though I literally do have a 2lb tub of yogurt in the fridge along with fresh fruit and even mini M&Ms and chocolate chips to render it adequately unhealthy for me. I got Peach, Chocolate & Cream, and Cherry Vanilla. There were also Mixed Berry and Piña Colada available, but I don't particularly like either of those flavors and already felt biased against them when the sale was 3/$4.00 and there were three flavors I knew would at least approach being worth my time and money. The Peach flavor certainly tasted like peach flavor, but upon opening it I was met with pungent "this is not fit for human consumption" instinct shot straight from ancestral nomadic survival skills that were upheaved during the agricultural revolution and city settlement when humanity finally had to sit and live with rotten smells that made me want to chuck the whole thing off the balcony, with only a "this cost $1.33 for a measly 7 fl oz" preventing the motor function control center of my brain from firing off. With that one done, my next meal I tried the Cherry Vanilla. It certainly tasted like vanilla but the only bit of cherry I got from it was the "FRUIT AND VEGETABLE CONCENTRATE (FOR COLOR)", which was an incredible disappointment because artificial cherry flavoring is my favorite. Finally, we get to the Chocolate & Cream which doesn't taste anything like chocolate until the aftertaste lingering in the back of your throat. It retains the tart flavor of yogurt in a way that just really doesn't mix well with chocolate, which is a flavor I wholeheartedly believe, and have just reached confirmation of, should belong to pudding instead.
Lemon Lime, Vanilla Bean, Apple Cucumber, and Coffee & Cream are the only remaining flavors I didn't try or at least acknowledge, and, while I'm tempted to try them, my declaration of "I’m vaguely interested in trying more flavors, but I really can’t justify spending that much money on something that’s ultimately not going to do much for me" holds true and this was a lesson to me to be more frugal and less apt to purchase things wildly for retail therapy.
Hershey’s Cookies n’ Creme Popped Snack Mix
I tried the Reese’s Popped Snack Mix back in February so instead of retreading all of the intro here, just go click that. I was initially going to try this Cookies n’ Creme one at the same time, but it was pretty impossible to find. Only when I got down to Florida could I locate it. It was still $3.99 USD with no sales or coupons available, but I had already committed to getting it and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see it again.This one is chocolate drizzled popcorn, pretzels, chocolate cookie things, and super tiny Cookies n’ Creme pieces, continuing the snack food empire’s streak of flooding everything with cheap popcorn. It has a pretty similar vibe to the Reese’s mix in the first handful, in that it’s pretty alright and nothing really overpowering, except for resuming my curse that I get kernels stuck in my teeth on every first bite of eating popcorn stuff.Hershey’s Gold, which I reviewed in the same month as Reese’s Popped. The pretzels continue to be good, with perfect size, thickness, saltiness, residual flavor dust from other pieces, etc., with the only negative being that there’s a critical lack of them. The popcorn isn’t bad, either, continuing the trend with these Hershey’s snack mixes, but I really just wish it wasn’t a majority of the bag and pretty obviously filler to bump up their profit margin considerably. A basic bag of popcorn makes about 9 cups worth popping it myself, costing only about $4 for a bag of 24 of these, effectively mathing this out to be 864 Popped Snack Mix bags worth of popcorn for the same price, and then maybe spend another $20 to get enough chocolate to drizzle on all of this.
Explanation: A mixture of things that are objectively good (candy coated chocolate, chocolate chex, yogurt covered chex), alongside things that are typically kinda gross (dark chocolate pretzels, whatever those dry excuses for cookies are), somehow rendering the entire mix edible at least for once in a blue moon. Dark Chocolate Chex Mix is a backup plan for if other better flavors aren’t available and your coupon is about to expire.
Cookies n’ Creme Popped Snack Mix deserves a verbatim rating and explanation because it’s effectively the same thing as Reese’s, with just swapping out the token branding and item. Just like in the Reese’s Popped Snack Mix, there’s too much popcorn, not enough pretzels, and the name brand chocolate piece is merely a bastardized version that only resembles its main product in name only. At the very least these snack mixes will serve as new Ratings for future reviews.
Tim TamsThis is something that I had on my list from when I barreled into IRC and shook suggestions out of the captive audience. Tim Tams are an Australian cookie thing, with two malted biscuit cookie whatevers with some chocolate frosting slop in the middle, and then dipped in even more chocolate. Their slogan is “It’s not a cookie, it’s a Tim Tam”, but honestly Arnott’s shut up it’s a cookie. I didn’t expect to be able to find these easily, but one day I was in Target and there they are on sale. Not even that wild of a sale; they cost $2.99 when they were originally $3.19, but I got Original and Mint because I couldn’t pass up filler for this section. Mint tastes like the Girl Scout Thin Mints but is more chocolate than mint, plus the dark chocolate is actually palatable instead of some yippie attempt to have 99% cacao for no reason other than showing off how pure of a foodie you are by eating disgusting versions of good food. The Original is like...I’m not sure how to describe it, like, it’s just chocolate and a cookie, but it’s good. It feels like a quality product and not just another piece of garbage dunked in America’s collective Golden Corral chocolate fountain. The frosting inside also triggers memories of childhood, but I’m not sure what. Maybe those Dunkaroo things? It is an excellent consistency and if I had a bucket of just that I’d be scooping fistfuls in and around my mouth. They seem to not last long, though, and not because they’re delicious, but because there’s barely any in there, like I think 9 total? Plus they melt really easily and all of the chocolate sticks to the plastic packaging and it’s just a mess.
Here are some quotes from IRC where I asked GBAToad (talk) why Arnott’s (the maker of Tim Tams) is insistent on advertising these as “not a cookie” when the word is basically a synonym and here in America they qualify as a cookie regardless of what they do in Australia:
|Release date||February 2018|
|Starring||James Corden, Rose Byrne, Domhnall Gleeson|
Despite being British and proud, I haven't had much interaction with the Peter Rabbit books. I knew of their existence, and I knew of their author, Beatrix Potter, but I never actually bothered with the books themselves. So, it is a bit strange that my first foray into the magical world of Beatrix Potter is this movie that she had nothing to do with, other than create some of the characters that the movie is based off of.
Now, let's make things pretty clear right from the off. This movie won't be winning any awards. It's your standard kids' movie, and by that I mean plenty of humour that will keep them entertained, and provided that you're into slapstick humour, adults are likely to get a decent laugh from time to time. However, when the movie tries to be too self-aware, like by mentioning character flaws and the like, it does come off as a little pretentious.
Character-wise is a bit interesting. Don't come into this movie expecting well-explored and developed characters, then you're watching the wrong movie. But it's hard to say that James Corden does not put in an amazing performance as Peter Rabbit. The cheekiness, the charisma, Corden's got it in spades, and it really shows throughout. But with the others, it's less so. I'm not saying that Daisy Ridley, Margot Robbie and Elizabeth Debicki put in bad performances as the other rabbits, it's just that they're so underused that commenting on them is a hard thing to do.
Domhnall Gleeson also shines as your quintessential British posh person, but almost everything about his character feels like it's relying too hard on stereotypes to try and get humour from him. And Rose Byrne suffers from what plagues the rabbits, being underused. Which is a shame, because her character was interesting enough to feature more.
But for all my misgivings about the movie, one thing that I cannot deny is that it is really well animated. The fur is crisp on the rabbits, there are no jarring movements from any of the animals, and some of the sequences with them work really well, especially the conga line. And I'm not just saying that because I love a good conga.
Peter Rabbit is not really a movie that I would recommend to people. I enjoyed it well enough, but there are enough flaws in the movie that it'd be a stretch for many people to enjoy it. If you like fluffy animals and a bit of slapstick then maybe give it a shot. If not, might be best to go watch something else. I hear a big superhero movie is doing the rounds right now.
Greetings, readers, and welcome to this month's Book Review! For your reading pleasure today, I will be reviewing Geekerella by Ashley Poston!
Okay, okay, I'll go ahead and say it now: this is more of a book geared towards girls. So if you don't like Cinderella stories or fairy tales, just go read the rest of Critic Corner. But if a Cinderella story is your guilty pleasure, have I got a book for you!
Geekerella tells the story of Danielle Wittimer, who everyone calls "Elle", because of course. She's your average geeky teenager who loves 'Starfield' (pretty much the Star Trek or Star Wars of this universe), who is very excited about the live action movie that's being made of the series. She lives with her stepmother, Catherine, and her stepsisters Calliope and Chloe, who are evil, obviously. It's your standard Cinderella story, but set in modern day. Catherine is a wedding planner who clips coupons to save money, Elle works in a vegan food truck called "The Magic Pumpkin", and the grand ball is actually a big party at a 'Starfield' convention. It fits right in in modern day, and it's simply delightful.
Geekerella is also the story of Darien Freeman. He's the celebrity cast as Prince Carmindor in the live-action movie (think James T. Kirk). He is most known for being in a teen drama, so he has hordes of teenage girl followers, but he's actually a closet 'Starfield' fan who's honored to be playing the part. He struggles with being a star and just wants to have normal teenage experiences, like going to conventions or drinking Orange Crush soda.
Our interesting twist comes when Darien tries to text the manager of the 'Starfield' convention, only to accidentally text Elle instead. The two of them have an anonymous conversation, not knowing who the other is, and their interactions are honest and geeky. It's where the story starts to shine.
Overall, this book is a great representation of fandom life. Elle has a blog about 'Starfield' that she regularly writes, she works for most of the book putting together a cosplay with her coworker Sage, and she's just passionate about 'Starfield'. Anyone who's ever been passionate about some type of media, be it a book like Harry Potter, a movie like Star Wars, or a video game like Mario will relate to Elle's love. It's fresh and modern, and it feels like it would fit right into everyday life, something that's hard to get right. If you love a good Cinderella story, or if you love fandom, then pick this one up. You won't regret it.
That's all for me this month, readers! Tune in next time where I'll review a new graphic novel for you!
If I'm completely honest, I'm not a massive fan of flowers. I'm not really sure why, I guess I'm just not the sort of person who is into that sort of thing. Bring me chocolates if you wish to woo me. Going back to my point of not liking flowers, here's a flower that I don't like.
Rosie is a flower found during Paper Mario who is literally willing to let someone die instead of giving up something that she has deemed pretty. That is her only contribution to the game. And that minuscule contribution is all it has taken for me to just wish she wasn't included. Characters in the Mario series don't typically get well-developed, and although Rosie falls into that category, she is also characterised enough that I absolutely despise her, and if I was Mario I would just take some shears to her.
But sometimes when a character is like that, they have this massive arc in which they redeem themselves. This is not the case with Rosie, like I genuinely would have left Flower Fields to wilt away just to get rid of her. Now, that might make me sound like I'm as bad as her, but I'm not a flower, so we're good.
Flower Fields is probably the worst area in the game, and the fact that you have to get through some hedge maze to get to Rosie, just makes her all that much worse in my opinion. Some characters get redeemed a bit, like Lady Bow, but Rosie is just genuinely awful throughout the whole game. I get that she's a caricature on vain people, but still at least give her one decent quality, otherwise I'm getting the hedge clippers.
|The 'Shroom: Issue 134|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|
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