The 'Shroom:Issue 123/Critic Corner
Director's Notes
Hello hello hello, welcome to another month of Critic Corner, this time June! Being just about 25 years since Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins, and thus Wario's first appearance, this month is dedicated to him, with (most of) our sections featuring Wario games, characters, or himself!
Congrats to Gabumon (talk) for winning May's Critic Corner Section of the Month! Here's to hoping he'll write more, so please, join me in cyberbullying him to just start reviewing everything. Also congrats to pretty much everyone else writing here who placed thanks to ties!!!
Also for this month we've worked hard to bring to you the Mario Awards polls, celebrating our Wiki's anniversary with a bunch of polls for the best and worst in Mario games, as well as the Community Awards polls, shining a light on the people who make this community welcoming and fun. And there's even more! While a few are already closed and started, there's still plenty of tournaments to join and things to do, all of which you can check out in one convenient place over at Ltq's Anniversary Announcements
Section of the Month
| Critic Corner SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Yooka-Laylee Review | 9 | 33.33% | Gabumon (talk) |
| 2nd | Anton's Half-Baked Reviews | 4 | 14.81% | Lord Bowser (talk) |
| 2nd | Meta Knight's Boss Battle Reviews | 4 | 14.81% | Meta Knight (talk) |
| 3rd | Could Have Been | 2 | 7.41% | Alex95 (talk) |
| 3rd | Countdowns | 2 | 7.41% | Luigi 64DD (talk) |
| 3rd | Lord Bowser's Inside Story | 2 | 7.41% | Lord Bowser (talk) |
| 3rd | Marioverse Reviews | 2 | 7.41% | PowerKamek (talk) |
~This is the review you're looking for, mind tricks totally don't happen here~
[read more]
A pyramid no Anton is brave enough to enter, so Lord Bowser explores instead.
[read more]
Could Have Been
Hello everyone! My name is Alex95 and welcome to "Could Have Been". In this segment, I talk about features that didn't quite make it into a game's final release and see just how the cut content would've affected the game. Last month, I stated that in theming with the Wario-theme for this issue, I'd be talking about the cut content of one of my favorite Wario games. Keeping my promise, I'll be covering the content removed from Wario's debut title, Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins! So let's jump right in and take a look at what could have been.
First, let's start at the beginning, and I mean the very beginning, to before you even start the game! The start screen for the game looked very different, but also very similar to how the Japanese title screen looks. The large sign was made even larger to accommodate for the large "2" in the title. So we lost the arrow sign and the Warp Pipe, but hey, we have stars on our sign! Take that, Japan!
Pretty much the entirety of the content removed from SML2 are sprites, and Mario went through a few changes himself. The original graphics, seen on the top left, gave Mario a strange face. I say strange because the design of his mustache makes it look like Mario's making that o.o emote thing. And when he dies, Mario receives a comically large mouth. He was also slimmer in the original build, but we can't have a slim Mario, can we, hahaha—oh, wait. Uh… the fireball also changed, too, going from a darker tone to a lighter one. Warp Pipes also went through a change. They were originally thinner, but were widened for the final game, presumably so they could hide Mario as he travels through them when they're laid sideways. The small, white platforms you stand on in the game were also originally thicker, height-wise, which probably made jumping onto them from below more difficult. Also, Mario could swim in space! Supposedly, this animation was used during the second stage of the Space Zone, but in the final game, Mario just uses the simple jumping animation. The animation was finished, why they'd get rid of it? Well, that might have to do with the fact that you can't actually "swim" in space. You can flail around all you want to, but you're not going to get any movement out of it. …Wait, why am I talking about real-world physics in a Mario game? The guy can BREATHE in space, for crying out loud! …And sometimes he can't!
Ahem…Anyway, let's move on to some maps. If you've played this game, chances are you've seen the castle in the center of, um, "Mario Island" (I guess) and you may have also seen the dark cloud that obscures the top of the castle. Well, did you know that the top of the castle actually has tiles being covered by the cloud? They're there, they're rendered, they just don't show up! Supposedly, the dark cloud would have dissipated after you've defeated Wario, but the game doesn't save after the end credits, so nothing happens. Also, the cave before the castle has a disabled level code, which will make the player stop there when it's enabled. Perhaps there was one final level you had to go through before reaching the final level.
Here's a theory for you guys: A disabled cloud above the Pumpkin Zone looks remarkably similar to the Biokinton boss from the first game. Why is that important? In the first game, Biokinton was the last line of defense before the player has to fight Tatanga, the final boss. Guess who's in Super Mario Land 2? Tatanga! And this disabled cloud is placed above and to the left of the Pumpkin Zone, which is close to the Space Zone, where Tatanga is fought in a rematch. Coincidence? Nope! Why do you think they disabled him? So he wouldn't give away Tatanga's presence in the game if you went through the Pumpkin Zone first!
Well, that's about everything interesting in the game! …Hmm, actually, I feel like I was supposed to talk about something important… or maybe it was someone… Eh, must not have been that important if I forgot about it. Oh, well. If you want to know more about the game's unused assets, feel free to take a look at the page on the Cutting Room Floor. Until next month, I'll see you—
*flees*
I’m back! I just had to take a little break because things were piling up for me offline and I couldn’t focus on this as much as I would’ve liked. Thank you to Lord Bowser (talk) for filling in for me; he was more than happy to do it after being hypnotized to think it was a hostile takeover. He’s fared better than ‘3k over in Dear Anton, though, who’s been hypnotized since January 2016. Technically I have been, too, since October 2016, but details.
This month, though, I’m satisfying the theme as well as some friends in the community who’ve been wanting me to play Wario Land 4. I also was gonna try out WarioWare: Touched! but I got stingy because I didn’t want to spend the $10 and was also feeling lazy, two qualities that could probably be attributed to Wario by some people who really don’t like him even though they might not exactly be part of his characterization. Look at me being appropriately thematic *pats self on back*. This review is in the same style as my Super Mario 64 review, in that I just rambled notes and thoughts as I was playing each level, and then later slammed them into paragraphs and finished any thoughts I may have had.
Wario Land 4
Intro
Right off the bat the sprite intro looked gr8, but unfortunately I hit a button and it ended it. I thought about giving up right there but I figured that wouldn’t make for too interesting of a review, so I persisted. At the start of the game there’s a cute frog, which immediately wins praise from me. To proceed you have to step on frog to open big swirly hole in the wall, which brings you to the tutorial, Hall of Hieroglyphs. The sprites and artwork for this I can already tell are amazing. They have their own style that clicks perfectly with how quirky the Wario franchise came to be.
Sapphire Passage
After this Wario breaks into some pyramid thing, where you have to barge into the Crystal Gems’ rooms and steal stuff from them. I chose Sapphire first because I like her the most.
Crescent Moon Village
So here we go with the actual game. I can’t remember if I already said this and checking if it’s in my intro would mean scrolling up and that would break my typing action right now and I can’t sacrifice that when I barely have the energy right now to get up and go to the bathroom even though I have had to for the last like 2 hours because it would mean moving my arms in a way that gets the covers off of me and then roll out of bed, BUT, this now means I’m just gonna roll through the game and provide commentary as I play through each level and then slap an emotion onto it with no real critical analysis until I come up to something that gets my juices boiling, which I hope there is because otherwise this is gonna be a boring review and I can’t win SOTM with that. Right away there’s some flying bone thing that’s really cute, but it was throwing green nonsense at me so I ran away. Totally didn’t expect to be turned into a bat by touching one but ok, and the flying ghost pirate thing is pretty annoying and rude. After just some basic platforming because I don’t know what else I should be doing, I grab the Keyser thing dude and step on the frog. Having to run back through the entire level once you have Keyser sure is a surprise but also kinda neat as a game mechanic. I’m already anticipating puzzles that come out of this, with things being open/closed based on whether you’re coming or going.
Arabian Night
Wowzers a wildly different theme than the last level, this is neat. Good sprite artwork blah blah apparently that cute bone thing turns Wario into a zombie, which I guess is a powerup?? Ok. Als there’s a bee thing that makes Wario inflate. Huh. Time to keep an internal count of fetishes I encounter; so far it’s 3. It’s also at this point where I bounce around to different levels and this stops following a chronological order of when I played them because that’s too hard to remember, and instead will just follow each passage through to its end. Think of it was a Choose Your Own Adventure book but it’s my adventure and I chose it and you just have to sit there and read it.
Fiery Cavern
By now you might be thinking that every level I’m gonna have a huge paragraph written up, but fret not. This level changing into ice on the way back was actually really cool because otherwise the stage seemed pretty boring.
Hotel Horror
I had fun with this level but ???? I’m not sure what to say about it? There were lots of doors and axe people. Seemed like it could’ve had more...stuff...in it..More different stuff. Each floor felt the same, which idk if that was the point to make it difficult to navigate but it just seemed kinda bluh.
Catbat
This was the last boss I faced so I excelled at it rather than suffering and getting angry, so if you want to see that first, skip ahead. I got a Black Dog from the mini-game shop because it clicked that there’s 4 items that cost 10 and they’ve gotta do something different; turns out they each do different damages. I was vaguely excited for Catbat because a couple people in IRC said it was good. Turns out it’s ugly and I killed it pretty much immediately without any effort. I’m not sure why Lord Beerus was piloting it, but that’s probably why it was so easy because he was in there instead of fighting for himself.
Ruby Passage
The Curious Factory
Wario can be flattened and then just floats around like a piece of paper; yet another fetish this game generates.
The Toxic Landfill
Force-fed food to become fat, why am I surprised anymore. Also a spring thing. I can’t ever tell when something is going to kill me or turn me into a fetish, and this is becoming an actual problem and not just silly quips.
40 Below Fridge
Getting Sonic vibes from this for some reason. Bigfoot Yeti whatever freezes you, which I thought would have some application to puzzles in the level but turns out it actually doesn’t and is just an annoying time waster, unlike the rest of the transformations.
Pinball Zone
Music is way too slow for this kind of level and genuinely kinda ruined the entire level for me. There was hardly anything pinball about it beyond forcing me to roll, either, and the bomb puzzle things were just more tedious and a test of wall clipping than it was any skill. Probably the worst level concept in the game.
Cuckoo Condor
To top off a genuinely well-roundedly bad Passage is a boss that fits the bill. Sure, this may be the second boss I actually encountered in my playthrough, but I didn’t actually defeat it until it was the last thing standing between me and the final level. So, in the first run, I bought a Blast Cannon just to see what it does; just under half damage, not bad. It tries to catch me with a pendulum claw coming out of his flying clock chair suit thing. I let it happen just to see what it does and it does literally nothing more than bump me out of the way. Hitting this thing upwards is also the only way to damage him so like really dude the condor just needs to not drop its useless pendulum and it would be immortal. Once it came out of the clock it murdered me though so I’m gonna grind to get a Black Dragon because that’s the last one on the list of items so it’s gotta be good. It’s neat that the points (money) you earn in the levels actually goes towards something (purchasing mini-games); this is the first game I’ve seen actually do something with that arbitrary counter. Black Dragon did roughy 2/3 damage which is less than what I expected but that’s alright. Still murdered me though once it started throwing eggs everywhere. I had 1 hit left to go, so I’m grumpy now, so here comes the part of my review where I give up because it’s not worth my time or energy. I’d rather not grind mini-games all day just so I can keep losing at the last second on a boss that isn’t even mentally challenging, just a test of dexterity and system controls, since the condor just blasts out 500 chicks onto the ground making it difficult for you to get in a position to lob the egg at its head.
Mini-Game Intermission so Anton can just buy his way to winning despite just saying that he wouldn’t do this
Cuckoo Condor again
Emerald Passage
Palm Tree Paradise
Wow geeze this level is really super easy. There’s nothing else to say.
Wildflower Fields
I think I fell asleep while playing this level.
Mystic Lake
A water level. Yawn.
Monsoon Jungle
This level deserved to be in a better passage. It had some challenging platforming with punishments you could attempt to escape from instead of being instant. I sat and watched Tobawani swim for a while. One of them saved me when I fell off a platform by jumping up and biting me, launching me upwards and forward enough to make it to the ledge.
Cractus
Topaz Passage
Toy Block Tower
The Big Board
The theming was cute and made me think of like a Yoshi’s Island LEGO set, the board game thing was unique and neat, and it was a generally fun level in concept for the most part. Getting to the end and just slamming the dice thing until I got to the end was cheap, though, and felt like a quick solution to a level that wasn’t as cleverly designed as it could’ve been.
Doodle Woods
Flashbacks to ghost pirate stealing my cash made me a little apprehensive to start, but then I saw him start summoning weird creatures with drawings which seemed a whole bunch more cool. Disappointment quickly followed, since Doodlebob here only knew how to draw 2 things.
Domino Row
I had to repeat this level several times--the first time for any of them--just to get one more of those piece things to get the boss. I feel like this shouldn’t have frustrated me as much as it did because it seems like such a common thing to do and injects a level of difficulty into the game, but with this being the ONLY level that I had to exert any effort to do so, it felt out of place and quite frankly annoying and a waste of time.
Aerodent
Got a Black Dragon because I’m not gonna mess around, which if I were to play this knowing more details I would’ve gotten another item that would’ve done more damage, but, still did a bunch. His name kinda sounds like a carbonated toothpaste brand, but it’s actually an ugly rat that hides inside of a pool toy. He starts throwing down needle things, seems intuitive: grab the needle thing and pop it. I do so and it just descends, ok, seems intuitive. Go to hit the blinking feet since that’s a clear indicator to do a thing to it. Nothing happens. Waste a solid minute and a half trying it but eventually get frustrated and pause to look it up on the wiki here. It says to do exactly what I was doing. Boy am I glad that apparently the hitbox doesn’t exist. Apparently the key to getting this to work is have it confirmed to you by using a guide, signally whatever deity that presides over it to generate a hitbox. After I’ve done that, it becomes super easy and I pummel the ugly rat to death pretty much immediately.
Golden Pyramid
Golden Passage
The level starts with a timer immediately, time for anxiety. The entire level seemed pretty easy until that part at the end where you gotta throw that old dude and it just wasn’t happening, eating up all but 40 seconds of my time. Frantically running back I of course run out, accepting my fate, only to learn that I apparently just start bleeding money to give myself more time.
Golden Diva
I remember people begging for Golden Diva to be added to Favorite Boss Battle in the Mario Awards my expectations are a bit high. The battle starts off with her voring the cat, keeping in tune with the rest of the game. Her attacks all seem to be reminiscent of the other bosses so she’s pretty easy and my biggest worry really was wondering how far along the timer has to go before I start losing treasure chests, but luckily I never found that out and won with them all still there. Cat turns into a beautiful princess thanks to the power of materialism, another example of a transformation fetish, just to tie this game right up.
Summary
People in chat told me that I apparently chose the “last” and most difficult Passage first, but like, there’s no clear direction so how is there an order??? How am I supposed to just know which ones are meant to be harder or not? Rather than be miffed about this, I enjoyed being able to just go down a different passage if I got fed up with another one.
Leading off of that positive, the level designs more than often didn’t pan out too well, with an overwhelming majority being lackluster or just flatout bad. I found myself bored with a lot of levels, because while it was neat to see something new and the art design and stuff put into it to make each level special, I don’t think they really set aside any time to have interesting platforming and puzzles. In many of the levels you’re unable to tell which enemies are going to kill you or transform you until you just let something happen, but otherwise everything is really simple and intuitive. I had more fun with Wario Hop than I did easily 2 entire passages, which might be why the WarioWare games came into being.
Bonus points to people who can guess the order I went in because I can vaguely remember it enough to tell someone “yeah you’re right” and allow them to feel like a cool person.
Rating: 
White Cheddar Chex Mix Popped
Explanation: They tried, they really tried. A new sub-brand to shake things up, add new flavors, something shocking and exciting, an intelligent approach to an already played-out formula. Unfortunately, in its attempt to be a smart new product, it plays it too safe and predictable. There’s a few sweet parts, but just as many basic. Would I try it again? Sure. Will I scream about it to all of my friends like the modern day lost ambrosia that is Chocolate Peanut Butter Chex Mix, firing off emails to General Mills executives demanding for them to bring it back or at least send me unsold parcels? Nah. Overall it was a good game and the flubs it had can be forgiven by the creativity they put into it. It may be a lower bar since ambition and stretching the limits aren’t exactly what the Mario brand is known for, but I guess that’s why Wario is an inversion of him.
Tune in next month where I review some fizzy things! Also, tell me what to review next! Here’s my Steam Inventory filled with games I haven’t played for some ideas, but things you can tell me to do can also be movies, shows, physical actions, trying new foods, music, literally anything and I’ll cover it eventually if it’s not too ridiculous. Just send me a message here on my talk page or PM it to me on the forum. Don't like what I have to say? That's fine, and probably bound to happen because I've been told about how much people like Super Mario 64 and how they feel about any criticism of it! We at Critic Corner will welcome your alternate review of it as a new section for the next issue!
Countdowns
Written by: Luigi 64DD (talk) and Wario
Hello fellow wikians! I’m Luigi 64DD, and it is my sacred duty to bring you another glorious helping of Countdowns! But this countdown is a little different than the last two. While those were positive and focused on all the good stuff, this one is all about complaining about some bad stuff. What bad stuff, you ask? Why, none other than the Top 10 Worst Mario Kart Characters! In this countdown, I'll be numbering the characters who just shouldn't have been in Mario Kart, whether they're too obscure, too lazy, or just plain ridiculous. Now, this time around I've invited someone else to join me who I think is quite qualified for the job of complaining: Wario! Why don't you say hello to our readers, Wario?
How you doin', losers?
Erm, that's not quite what... Well, anyway, with each entry on the list, I will say my opinion, then Wario will give his 2 cents on the matter.
WAAAAA!? I have to give them 2 cents!? No way! I'm outta here!
It's just an expression, Wario! *sigh* Anyway, let's get started, and try not to fall off the track as we drift past these bad characters!
10. Funky Kong
We start off our list with a character that anyone who frequented Mario Kart Wii's online mode should remember vividly: Funky Kong. Now, what's wrong with him being playable, you ask? Isn't he a cool guy? Well, while I like the character of Funky Kong, I don't think he is relevant enough to be in Mario Kart. He's usually just a helper NPC in the Donkey Kong Country series, occasionally being playable in some of the lesser known titles Donkey Kong franchise. He's one of the more well-known supporting characters in the Donkey Kong franchise, so it would make sense to have him if this was Donkey Kong Kart. But, this is Mario Kart, so the number of Donkey Kong representatives shouldn't be too high. Now don't get me wrong, another Donkey Kong character after Donkey and Diddy is fine, but someone like Dixie Kong or even Cranky Kong would be better. Even so, Funky Kong is only at #10 in the list because having a weird, unexpected character as a one-time thing isn't so bad and can actually be cool at times, like in the case of R.O.B. It's just when that character sticks around is where it gets bad.
I hate this guy. He thinks he's so cool. Doesn't he know that nobody's as cool as Wario? I was racing against him the other day, and he had the gall to throw a Spiny Shell at me, making me lose! And you know what he said to me when I told him off? "Just chill out, man!" What a cheater!
9. Lakitu
"For 19 years, Lakitu served as the starter for races, the rescuer of people who fall off cliffs, and the reminder of the right direction for those dumb enough to drive backwards. However, in Mario Kart 7, he decided to give that up and to take the whee-- wait, what? He's still doing it? Then who's that guy racing? He looks just like Lakitu! Oh, that's his brother. You can tell them apart because Lakitu wears a green shell while his brother wears a red shell." This could be the reaction of a person in the audience of a Mario Kart race. As stated above, Lakitu has always had a specific role in the Mario Kart series, so it's weird to have him be a racer too. Also, they gave the racing Lakitu a red shell to prevent it from seeming like he's bilocating. Who wants to play as a red-shelled Lakitu? There's no such thing as a red-shelled Lakitu! I just prefer Lakitu keeping his normal job without being playable. However, like Funky Kong, this character is not that bad compared to the later entries on this list.
This guy is annoying. He tells me when to go, he stops me from going off the cliff, and he says I can't go backwards. What if I don't want to go right away? What if I want to drive off the cliff? What if I want to go backwards? Only I can tell me what to do! ... What's that? It's not the same guy? Well, he looks and sounds dumb anyway.
8. Wiggler
Over the years, many enemies from the Super Mario series have appeared in Mario Kart, like Koopa Troopa (one of the most iconic enemies), Shy Guy (the most common enemy in Super Mario Bros. 2 and a common character in spin-offs), and Birdo (another enemy from SMB2 who was used as Yoshi's partner). Therefore, it should come as no surprise that Nintendo chose to introduce a enemy as a new driver in Mario Kart 7. They could have introduced a famous enemy like Hammer Bro., Magikoopa, or even Blooper. But no, instead they introduce Wiggler. Sure, Wigglers have appeared in a decent number of games, but they are always uncommon enemies who you don't pay very much attention to. Why they should they be playable over these other more famous and honestly better enemies? That's not all though. Just look at him riding in the kart. His body can barely even fit in the kart, so much so that he has a pair of hands above the steering wheel. And since when did Wiggler have hands!? He has feet, not hands! And just to add insult to injury, they gave him that annoying high-pitched voice. At least give him the voice he had in Super Mario Galaxy! The only thing I like about this character in Mario Kart is that he gets angry when he's hit by an item.
Who is that? A caterpillar? Weird. He seems to have a bad temper. Why does he get so mad when I, the rightful victor, am winning? He's a sore loser, unlike me.
7. Honey Queen
We now come to the one of the characters whose inclusion I hate most: Honey Queen. So, let's go over her history. She was introduced in Super Mario Galaxy as the queen of the Bees that appeared in a few galaxies. In order to get the Power Star in one of these galaxies, the player had to help this NPC scratch the itch on her back which is caused by Star Chips. Once this is done, a Launch Star will appear that leads to the Power Star. Honey Queen returns in pretty much the exact same way in Super Mario Galaxy 2. So, in summary, she was an minor NPC in SMG and SMG2 with just about as much relevance as Penguru. How in Poochy's name did they decide she was a good character for Mario Kart!? Not only that, but she's a really boring character. She's basically just a generic queen, with the Royal we and everything. Her voice is kind of annoying too. And just to make things worse, she effectively took the place of fan-favorite Waluigi (not that this is affects how bad of a character she is, it just makes you wonder what the developers were thinking). While I really dislike this character choice, she's only this low on the list since I know she's not as bad as certain other characters.
A bee!? First a caterpillar, now a bee! Wait, don't caterpillars turn into bees? What'd you say? They don't? Oh, I knew that, I was only, er, joking. Yeah. Anyway, it looks like she isn't skimpy in her diet! WA HA HA HA HA!
6. Metal Mario
Well, we had to get here eventually, didn't we? This is the first clone character on the list, but it most definitely is not the last. So Metal Mario is Mario... except he's made of metal. Creative, no? What's wrong with him is that he's another version of Mario being treated as a completely different character. However, there are a couple of reasons why he is more tolerable than the other clones. First, he had some previous appearances before being in Mario Kart. He was a form Mario could take on in Super Mario 64, he was playable in Mario Golf 64 and Dr. Mario 64, and he appeared in Super Smash Bros. Melee as a boss. Second, he is the only clone in Mario Kart 7, making him seem like this cool special character you could only unlock by beating the hardest cup in the game. However, this was lost when he was added to Mario Kart 8 as just another character. Third, he's kind of portrayed as a mysterious rival to Mario. However, this would have worked better if he was silent or just made metallic noises like in Melee. With his voice just sounding like Mario with a filter over it and him acting like Mario, he really might as well be just Mario with a Metal Cap. Besides, if they want a version of Mario that is a rival to him, why not include Shadow Mario, who already fills that role and is more relevant? Of course, even that isn't necessary, but it would have been better than Metal Mario.
WAAA!? Mario can't turn into metal! Only I can do that! Who does he think he is? Is he trying to get rid of me? Oh, I'll show him-- WAAAAA!? There's Mario right there, and a Metallic Mario right there! What's going on here? Maybe I better get my eyes checked!
5. Baby Daisy
If you look back at Mario Kart Wii, you can see that this is where they started running out of ideas. They added Baby Peach, which was perfectly fine, but I guess their OCD forced them to add another baby girl to balance out the baby-male-to-baby-female ratio. Hence the oft-ridiculed Baby Daisy. Now let's examine the baby characters. Baby Mario and Baby Luigi are representatives of the Yoshi's Island series and they were playable in Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, so I think they definitely deserve to be in the Mario Kart series (another good reason is that I'd rather not be killed with a rocket launcher by a certain user whom I'm sure you can guess). Baby Peach was a playable character in Yoshi's Island DS and was an important NPC in Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time, so she's fine too. But I draw the line at Baby Daisy. She was literally in absolutely nothing before Mario Kart Wii. They just took Daisy and made her a baby. I mean, obviously Daisy was once a baby, but we don't need to be able to play as her! What's next? Child Yoshi? Teen Donkey Kong? Old Man Waluigi? Okay, I admit, that last one would be hilarious, but my point still stands. And you know what I really hate about Baby Daisy? That whining voice. It's so much worse than normal Daisy.
Ohhh, my earrrrssss! Can someone give her a pacifier or something? Besides, why is she here when my baby version isn't? Man, if baby me were here, there'd be no coins left on this track. Heh heh heh!
4. Tanooki Mario
Now for the second (and last) Mario on the list: Tanooki Mario. The Tanooki Suit is an iconic power-up. It debuted in Super Mario Bros. 3 and made appearances in Super Mario 3D Land and Super Mario 3D World. In those games, it was a form that Mario took, but not a separate character. See what I'm getting at? Tanooki Mario has all the same problems as Metal Mario except worse: he can't really be treated as a separate character. I like to imagine Tanooki Mario as a more cheerful, happy-go-lucky Mario while Metal Mario is a cool, edgy Mario, but at the heart of it this is not the case. He really is just Mario in a Tanooki Suit. Now, I actually enjoy playing as this character; in fact, I play as him more than I play as Mario. But I understand that Tanooki Mario is a bad choice. What I'd like to see is all the clone characters being alternate costumes, i.e., when selecting Mario, a box opens up giving you the options of Mario, Tanooki Mario, Metal Mario, Gold Mario, and whatever other Marios they feel like adding. This would make everyone happy.
Another Mario!? How many Marios are there? Mario must have found a way to clone himself instead of just making those Mini Marios. Maybe he used one of those Double Cherry things they found on that adventure they didn't invite me too. Mario's such a jerk... *grumble grumble*
3. Cat Peach
Meow we come to a purrson very similar to the one right befurr her! ...Yeah, that was pretty dumb. Furry jokes aside, Cat Peach is pretty much in the exact same boat as Tanooki Mario (in more ways than one, since they came in the same DLC pack). She's Peach in a cat suit, and that's the long and short of it. What makes her worse than Tanooki Mario? Well, Tanooki Mario is an iconic and famous powered-up Mario from a classic game, unlike Cat Peach. Now, granted, Cat Peach is from Super Mario 3D World, which was new at the time, but gimme a break, okay? They're pretty much equal anyway, so their order relative to each other is pretty arbitrary. I don't have much more to say about her, but I will say it's kind of hilarious to play as Peach in a huge cat suit and making a bunch of cat puns. What's with her horn, though? It almost sounds demonic!
Peach in a cat suit? WA HA HA HA! Oh, that's rich. The royal, majestic Peach, princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, stuck in a cat suit! Hey, how many mice did you catch today? Oh, ha ha ha ha... huh? Wh-what are you doing, mouser? *SCRATCH* ...Ohhhh, don't mess with a kitty... Owwww...
2. Baby Rosalina
Did you think Baby Daisy was bad? Well, you haven't seen the half of it. Take everything bad I said about Baby Daisy and you've only got part of the abomination that is Baby Rosalina. When Rosalina was introduced in Super Mario Galaxy, she had a mysterious air about her. Recently, the way she has been portrayed undermines that, and Baby Rosalina is definitely not helping. For one thing, Baby Rosalina existing at all takes away some of the mystery, and the annoying noises she makes hurts it too. But you know what the worst thing is? SMG had something called Rosalina's Storybook. It's the best story element in that game and it tells a tearjerking tale of Rosalina's past. It shows Rosalina as a child depicted with red hair. Baby Rosalina directly contradicts this by making by having platinum blonde hair like her adult form. So they messed up Rosalina's backstory, one of the few story elements that exists in the Super Mario series, just so they could have a baby version of her that shouldn't exist and that hardly anybody wants because they couldn't think of a better character when there's a ton of characters they could have used instead. This is one of the laziest characters ever introduced into the series, and the level of laziness is only topped by one character, the final entry on this list.
Oh no, not another baby who isn't me. At least she's quieter than that other one... What, Peach? You want me to babysit all five of the babies!? No! Please! I can't! I'm too busy! Stop! Come back! Don't leave me with them! Help! Oh, the crying, so much crying...
1. Pink Gold Peach
Pink. Gold. Peach. Just let that name sink in. Every entry on this list had a reason they were bad. Pink Gold Peach is every one of those reasons rolled into one rant-inducing package. She is lazy, as she's literally just Peach in pink gold. She is obscure since she has absolutely no previous existence, being made-up just for Mario Kart 8. And last but not least, she is ridiculous, because there's no such thing as pink gold, or if there is, not many people know about it. Why pink gold? They could have just done gold, but she has to be pink, because that fits her better or whatever. She's worse than every single other clone character on this list since she has no reason to exist. The only thing I could even think to explain her is that she is what Peach looks like when she gets a Gold Flower, but guess what. Peach isn't playable in New Super Mario Bros. 2. This is the laziest choice Nintendo has ever made for a Mario Kart character and the worst Mario Kart character of all time. Nintendo, I hope you've learned. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is a step in the right direction. Now just keep following that path.
Woah! Look at that girl! Not only is she hot, she's also made of SOLID GOLD! I'm gonna go talk to her. Hey, how you doin', babe? Wanna take a ride on my motorcycle? *SLAP* Owwwwww, that felt like a frying pan... can't she see how handsome I am? Ooooooohhhhh...
Well, that's it, folks! Agree? Disagree? Wanna run over me (or Wario) while playing as one of these characters? Whatever the case may be, you can share your thoughts in my Countdowns discussion thread and read some Bonus Content that will be there. Well, I hope you enjoy-- WARIO! What happened to you? You look all beaten up!
*grumble* I hope you people didn't enjoy this list, 'cuz I sure didn't! *grumble* Stupid list... *grumble*
Well. Um, sorry about that Wario. I sure hope you wrote quality content. I somehow doubt you did... Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this list, and be sure to come back next month for another wonderful Countdown! I promise Wario won't be here next time...
I heard that!
Marioverse Reviews
Written by: Rosalina1999 (talk)
Hello everybody! It is officially June, the month when summer begins. I am burning up in the sun, as usual. But while I’m burning up, enjoy reading my review of Mario Kart 7!
Mario Kart 7 is the 7th Mario Kart in the series. It was on the 3DS on December 4, 2011. It featured new modes and new courses. I will explain them later on. But for now, let’s get this review started!
I loved Mario Kart 7 when I first got it. It had brand new courses, which I liked. My favorite course is Rainbow Road, because it is the best Rainbow Road ever! I mean c’mon, you're driving on the moon, on Saturn’s Ring, and more! I wasn't to big on the battle courses, but my favorite course is Honeybee Hive, because I liked its design to make you feel like you're in a beehive. Bee Honey Queen and have the bee car and it'll make total sense. There were two new modes, which is Underwater Driving (which allows you to drive underwater, literally), and Gliding {which allows you to glide in the air). I like them both.
I HATED Mario Kart 7 because… well… sorry for the overreaction. The only thing that annoys me is the headaches after the 3D mode. Also, some of the courses seem a little bland, like for example, Toad Circuit. It has not much to offer for fun. But that's it!
I will give Mario Kart 7 a 8.5/10 because it was a great game except for a few minor mistakes. But we shouldn't be too judgemental, shall we?
I hope you enjoyed this issue of The ‘Shroom, and have a nice hot June!
Character Review
Wario
In case you haven't noticed yet, which is incredibly unlikely, but this month we're focusing on all things Wario. So when it came to deciding who to review, I had a wide range of characters to focus on, but with us focusing on Wario, I thought I'd focus on the big man myself as well.
Wario is the ultimate rival to Mario, even replicating his name, and attempting to take over his castle, even if one of those failed. Wario has similarities to Waluigi, his much better counterpart, and often teams up with him, although it'd be nice to know why. I assume it's because of a shared disdain toward the Mario Bros., but considering we don't even know how they met, their relationship is annoyingly unclear.
Wario's ultimate motivation is greed, and that's evident in his games, and even on the boxart of one of his own games, Wario World. Wealth seems to be the driving force of Wario, but no real reason is ever given why, it'd be nice to know, considering how this is his defining trait. Maybe his family was poor as a child, and he resolved never for it to happen again, or maybe he's just always liked money.
His other key defining trait is his grossness, and this is exploited to its full use. Whether it's picking his nose, or his ass in idle animations. Other pieces of artwork, or even promotional material put further use to this, and it's nice to see them doing so, showing attention to one of his defining character traits.
There is a massive inconsistency with his personality, however, and that's how menacing he is. In Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins he was able to take over Mario's Castle, and have a whole army under his control, in Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3, he's outsmarted by Mario, and has his Princess Peach statue stolen. The main thing to point to is his appearance in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and Mario Power Tennis. In the former game, he's a major antagonist, and is able to get trophies of several characters, whereas in the latter game, the most menacing thing he can do is vandalise a scoreboard with Mario and Luigi on it.
Wario is an interesting character, but could do with a little more fleshing out. He just appeared one day, with no explanation, and although he's a likeable enough character, an introduction, or at least a small bit of backstory would have been very much appreciated.
Another thing to flesh out would be his relationship with the other WarioWare characters. Mona and Dr. Crygor have considerable interaction, but others like Mantis have little to no interaction, and it's a wonder why Wario is even with people like this.
Wario is a fairly good character, and I like him, but he's missing a couple of things that would make him a good character. And unfortunately, I'm not sure we're going to get much more out of him, even though there's plenty that's possible.
DragonFreak’s Review Quest
Written by: DragonFreak (talk)
| WarioWare: Touched! | |
|---|---|
| |
| Developer | Intelligent Systems |
| Publisher | Nintendo |
| Platform(s) | Nintendo DS, Wii U Virtual Console |
| Genres | Rhythm |
| Rating(s) | E |
Hello there lovely ‘Shroom readers, welcome back to another round of WadragonFreaks Review Quest! I am so glad for this Wario-themed ‘Shroom edition, because Wario is one of my favorite Mario characters. In fact, the only characters to beat Wario are Birdo, Yoshi, and Bowser. So yeah, that’s pretty high on the list. Now if you know me, you might expect me to review a Wario Land game for this section. Which is a good guess as I completely adore the Wario Land series. However, you would be wrong. Today I will be reviewing WarioWare: Touched! I also have never played this game before starting this review, which makes Touched! the first game I have played specifically for reviewing in DFRQ. Wario is just that important to me.
Before I get into the game, I will quickly go into my general thoughts of WarioWare so far. I have been accused of hating the WarioWare series because I said I greatly prefer the Wario Land series. While that is true, I still think WarioWare is still a very good series. Not liking as much does not mean hating. Look, games that are minigame-heavy are not my style, and yes that includes Mario Party. So of course I would automatically prefer a platformer over minigames, or microgames in this case. With that out of the way, I did play the two Game Boy Advance and watched a let’s play of Smooth Moves, and I really did enjoy them, especially WarioWare: Twisted! If I did ratings, I would give Twisted a 9/10. If you can, buy the cartridge to that game and have a blast.
So now that you know where I am coming from in regards to WarioWare, on to actually talking about Touched! Looking up the history of this game, I found out this game was originally a tech demo for the Nintendo DS. Oddly enough that bodes well for the quality of the game automatically. If you recall, Wii Sports and Nintendo Land were both tech demos of the Wii and Wii U respectively, and both of those are good games. Although, that does imply that the game is largely going to be about how to use the touch screen functionality of the DS, which the gameplay just runs with that.
The gameplay of Touched! is very much like the previous WarioWare games. After an odd cutscene (which I will talk more about later), you have to do a series of microgames, about 10-15 per level. Each microgame lasts about 3 seconds, although some of them last a bit longer. Many of the levels have specific theming when it comes to microgame mechanics. Wario’s microgames have to do with basic tapping, Kat & Ana’s are appropriately about slashing and drawing lines, and Dr. Crygor is all about spinning. There’s also a character who’s microgames involve blowing into the DS microphone, which has never been my favorite gameplay feature of the DS, but luckily it isn’t long or too hard.
Each level you have four times you can mess up a microgame before you game over. At the end of a string of microgames comes the Boss Level, which is a much longer microgame that tests the skills of everything you learned so far. They may seem intimidating, but in this game most of them aren’t that hard. There’s not really a time limit on these Boss Levels, which allows you to stay calm and focus on your task. After the Boss Level is completed, the ending cutscene plays and you can choose another character to play.
