The 'Shroom:Issue 200/Fake News
Director's Notes
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Hello there, Fake News readers! It's time to celebrate the 200th issue of The 'Shroom, and oh boy do we have a very special edition of Fake News for you this month! But before I get into the announcements, here's a weird little fun fact. Even though Fake News dates all the way back to the very first issue, this isn't actually the 200th edition of Fake News. It was skipped a few times from 2007-2008, so this is actually the 194th edition of Fake News! Happy 194!
There's so much to talk about that I actually can't fit it all into my notes without making them excessively long! I'll just give you some brief highlights, and I'll trust you to read the table of contents to see everything we have to offer. First of all, in addition to having our full slate of regular sections, you may recognize more than a few names from the days of Fake News gone by! Former Fake News writers Coffee, Flygon64 (talk), GBA (talk), Raregold (talk), Toadbert101 (talk), and the man who needs no introduction but I'm going to introduce him anyway, the esteemed former Fake News Director MCD (talk), have all returned with special guest submissions for this issue!
We also have a brand new section debuting this month! Please welcome Legend 8, joining the Fake News team with The Sorcery Show! We have a couple other writers taking their first steps into Fake News as well - our Statistics Manager Meta Knight (talk) has finally entered our purple halls with one of the four News Flushes in this issue, and TimeTravelerToad has written a guest submission titled A Visitor's Guide to Baby Park. And I still haven't talked about all the cool stuff happening here, but you'll have to find the rest for yourself!
Before I go, I just want to thank my regular team members, ClawgripFan9001, Hooded Pitohui (talk), Quizmelon (talk), Shoey (talk), and TheBlueCatMenace. Whether you've been writing for this team for years or months, I appreciate all of you guys being here and getting to see what you come up with each month. Thank you for sharing your creativity and providing quality content to this team! If you'd like to join this team of exceptionally cool and talented people, whether it's a brand new idea like Legend 8 is doing or a new spin on an old classic, you can find everything you need to get started on our sign up page!
Section of the Month
Quizmelon (talk) returns to the top with TV Tomorrow, covering new TV programs and Waluigi-based antics at the same time! In second place is TheBlueCatMenace taking a Halloween spin with The Moonlight Travel Guide, covering Luigi's Mansion. I'm not sure I'd want to visit there myself, but the section was clearly well-received nonetheless! Finally, Dear Waluigi Time took third with advice for navigating the spooky season. Be sure to continue supporting our writers with your votes, there's plenty to pick from in this issue!
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | TV Tomorrow | 19 | 29.69% | Quizmelon (talk) |
| 2nd | The Moonlight Travel Guide | 15 | 23.44% | TheBlueCatMenace |
| 3rd | Dear Waluigi Time | 12 | 18.75% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Written by: Walter G. Timeson (talk)
'Shroom Party No Piece of Cake
Planning a pre-party for The 'Shroom's staff to celebrate the paper's 200th issue went awry earlier this month when the time came to discuss catering. In an attempt to save money, Waluigi Time suggested commissioning a cake from Marrymore-based baker Chef Torte. The chef's once famous reputation began to decline following an incident in which he provided a cake for the wedding of Booster and Princess Peach, forcing him to resort to bargain prices to keep his business afloat. Anton cautioned against hiring Torte, having previously reviewed a box of the chef's cupcakes:
However, by the time I had finished the first cupcake, the rest of the box came to life and tried to murder me, which was a real mood-killer and I kept finding frosting in obscure nooks and crannies of my house for months. Ethical concerns aside, if you must try one of Torte's creations, avoid multi-packs and anything that can't be eaten quickly in one sitting, like cake, but if you're just going to feel rushed anyway, I question why you wouldn't buy something else.
Despite being advised against it, Waluigi Time went ahead and commissioned a cake from Torte, which went about as well as expected. Not long after being delivered to The 'Shroom HQ, the cake came to life and went on a rampage through the headquarters. While the cake caused no major damage to any vital facilities, it did leave the hallways thoroughly covered in frosting and set a few small fires caused by wayward candles. The day was saved thanks to the arrival of FunkyK38, who put a stop to the confection's destructive spree by inhaling it in its entirety. Janitor Superchao has estimated that full cleanup of the remaining mess will take several weeks, and in a worst case scenario, should be completed shortly before the new year.
In response to the incident, 'Shroom Director Hooded Pitohui has indefinitely banned Waluigi Time from being responsible for food in any way for any future events on the premises, a decision which was apparently a long time coming. Waluigi Time has said that he plans to contest this decision via 'Shroomfest once he comes up with a less clunky name than "Let Waluigi Time Bring Food vs. Boring Status Quo (Don't Pick This Team)". It might be a while.
We at The 'Shroom will continue to keep you informed of further developments. This has been Walter G. Timeson reporting, and I am now out of time.
Overlook Mountain Auction House Presents
Written by: The Shoe (talk) and Time (talk) Advertising Conglomerate
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Yar...It be 'ere at last...The big milestone that be Issue 200...Never woulda thought I'd be 'ere ta contribute ta it...Ahoy, ladies, gents, an' lasses an' laddies o' all ages! I be yer friendly emcee, ClawgripFan9001, an' welcome ta me Issue 200 edition o' the Sport Report! I be very grateful ta be able ta contribute ta The 'Shroom's big milestone with this section, an' I 'ope ye be grateful ta join me fer t'day's sports news! But b'fore I do that, lemme just give ye a wee speech as part o' me Issue 200 notes!
Yar, b'fore I became the sports lovin' pirate crustacean ye be seein' b'fore ye, ten years ago, I was a young an' jolly Bounty Hunter Koopatrol who wrote fer the Fake News Team's Police Blotter section fer 'bout half a year 'til I was unfortunately sacked due ta circumstances beyond me control. An' then, 'bout a year or two later, I unfortunately 'ad ta take me leave from the community due ta somethin' I like ta call the Sailor's Wrath. I never woulda thought that I'd ever become part o' this community e'er again. But then, 'bout two years ago, I figured I'd try an' take a shot at redemption, so I became a pirate crustacean, went back ta this community, an' due ta me 'onesty, I was granted back access into the community. Then, back in August o' last year, I figured I'd try an' take a shot at writin' fer The 'Shroom once again, so I submitted a guest section, which was published into that month's edition o' The 'Shroom, an' afterward, I was convinced by me work an' decided ta take up writin' fer The 'Shroom full-time once again, an' I've been writin' the Sport Report e'er since.
Aye, so I've given ye a wee bit o' me history with bein' a part o' this community an' me time writin' fer The 'Shroom. Now that we've gotten that outta the way, lemme just give a quick thanks ta all o' The 'Shroom's writin' teams fer all the work they've put into The 'Shroom o'er the years! Thanks ta me own team, Fake News, fer constantly entertainin' the masses o' New Wikisburg with their news reports an' entertainment sections, thanks ta Fun Stuff, fer constantly providin' the masses o' New Wikisburg with fun games ta play, thanks ta Palette Swap, fer constantly providin' us with the community's creative works, thanks ta Pipe Plaza, fer constantly givin' us the latest statistics fresh from the community, thanks ta Critic Corner, fer constantly givin' us the community's opinions on video games, movies, TV shows, books, music, food an' anythin' at all, an' thanks ta Strategy Wing, fer constantly givin' us tips an' tricks on video games o'er the years! An' 'specially thanks ta ya, the readers o' The 'Shroom, fer tunin' in ta The 'Shroom each month and readin' everythin' that the paper 'as ta offer! Without all o' ye, The 'Shroom wouldn't be anywhere! Thanks ta all o' ye, from the bottom o' me heart!
So now, without further ado, lemme give ye the scoop on this month's sports news! Fer this month's sports news, I set sail ta the Northern Kremisphere, specifically, ta Lake Orangatanga, where I found the Kong Family gettin' ready fer a good ol'-fashioned game o' badminton! Fer those o' ye that don't know what badminton be, I'll give ye a quick rundown; It be simple. Very simple indeed. There be two common modes in this sport; Singles, where two players use a racquet ta whack a shuttlecock back an' forth 'cross a net, an' doubles, where four players split into two teams o' two use a racquet ta whack a shuttlecock back an' forth 'cross a net. Points are awarded ta players that manage ta land the shuttlecock on the opposin' side o' the net. The player or players that manage ta score the most set amount o' points by the end o' the match will be declared the winner.
Yar, so now that ye know what badminton be, it be time ta meet our participants fer t'day! Team One be consistin' o' Dixie Kong an' 'er brawny wee cousin Kiddy Kong, an' Team Two be consistin' o' Donkey Kong an' 'is wee buddy an' nephew, Diddy Kong! They be engagin' in a doubles game o' badminton, with the set amount o' points bein' twenty-one points!
B'fore the game started, I was able ta get an interview outta Cranky Kong, the grumpy ol' grandfather o' Donkey Kong. Cranky told me that e'er since King K. Rool was chased outta the Northern Kremisphere, the Kong Family likes ta vacation ta this beautiful place every now an' then, an' that they 'ad decided ta 'ost a badminton match 'ere t'day after Diddy an' Dixie 'ad an argument 'bout which o' them was better at badminton. Cranky then proceeded ta ramble 'bout 'ow silly it is ta 'ost a sports match just ta decide who's better at somethin', an' I be understandin' where Cranky be comin' from, but I still be grateful ta 'ave been invited ta report on this sports match all the same!
So without further ado, it's time fer the game ta start! Dixie Kong be the first ta serve fer this match, an' with all 'er might, she smacks the shuttlecock o'er the net, with Donkey Kong bein' quick ta 'it it back ta 'er, but Kiddy Kong quickly smacks it back again, with Diddy bein' the next ta 'it the shuttlecock up an' o'er the net, an' this goes back an' forth 'til the shuttlecock eventually touches down on Donkey an' Diddy's side o' the court! 3-0 fer Dixie an' Kiddy!
It now be Diddy Kong's turn ta serve the shuttlecock, so our scrappy wee simian goes ahead an' does just that, thwacking the shuttlecock o'er the net, with Dixie 'ittin' it back t'wards Donkey an' Diddy's side o' the court, after which Donkey sends it back o'er the net again, an' Kiddy quickly knocks it back, an' 'e sends the shuttlecock touchin' back down on Donkey and Diddy's side once more! 6-0 fer Dixie an' Kiddy!
Cranky starts tauntin' Donkey an' Diddy fer fallin' behind ta a lass an' a toddler, after which Donkey an' Diddy 'ave a quick exchange o' words, an' the two o' them start steppin' up their game as Donkey is at turn ta serve, so 'e 'its the shuttlecock with all 'is might, with the shot bein' too fast an' powerful fer Dixie an' Kiddy ta 'andle, so the shuttlecock lands on their side o' the court! The score currently be 6-3, with Dixie an' Kiddy still bein' in the lead!
Next, it be Kiddy's turn ta serve, an' like Donkey, 'e sends the shuttlecock o'er the net with all 'is might, but Diddy be quick enough ta send it back again, with Dixie makin' a save as she leaps up ta whack the shuttlecock back ta Donkey and Diddy's side o' the court, an' this goes back an' forth 'til the shuttlecock comes down on Dixie an' Kiddy's side, tyin' up the scoreboard at 6-6!
Dixie picks up the shuttlecock, an' with a skip an' a 'op, she shoots the shuttlecock 'cross the net, with Donkey leapin' into the air an' thwacks the shuttlecock right back ta Dixie an' Kiddy, an' when Donkey lands, the ground starts ta quake, temporarily paralyzin' Dixie an' Kiddy, leavin' 'em both unable ta do anythin' 'bout the shuttlecock touchin' down on their side o' the court, tippin' the scoreboard in favor o' Donkey an' Diddy! The score currently be 9-6!
Cranky starts cheerin' Donkey an' Diddy on, while the ghost o' Wrinkly Kong be shakin' 'er 'ead at 'er 'usband's behavior. Yar, it appears that even in death, she be embarrassed by 'er 'usband's actions, which I can't blame 'er fer, in all fairness. Tiny Kong an' Chunky Kong start cheerin' Dixie an' Kiddy on, which be enough motivation fer Kiddy ta grab the shuttlecock off the ground an' serve it.
Leapin' up from the ground, Kiddy goes in fer the servin' shot, a shot so powerful that it knocks Diddy Kong off 'is feet an' causes the shuttlecock ta make its landin' near 'im! The score be tied up once more at 9-9! Donkey Kong quickly pulls Diddy back ta 'is feet, after which Diddy swipes the shuttlecock, an' with a leap an' a somersault, the cheerful chimp sends the shuttlecock back o'er the net, after which it lands on Dixie an' Kiddy's side o' the court, after which the score turns ta 12-9 fer Donkey an' Diddy!
Now that the scoreboard 'as entered the double digits, our Kongs decide ta take a quick breather from the game as they go ta take a seat an' 'ave a few bananas. I decide ta go 'ave a few bananas meself, an' lemme tell ye, mateys; The bananas that the Kong Family possess be delicious! I found meself eatin' at least five o' them!
While I was relaxin' a bit, I found Funky Kong comin' up ta me an' askin' me if I 'ad time ta do a quick interview b'fore the next round o' the match started. I told Funky that I could spare some time outta me break ta chat with 'im, much ta Funky's delight. So Funky an' I chatted it up a bit, sayin' that 'e loves it when the Kong Family comes together fer sports events like this, an' that no matter who wins, the Kong Family at least be 'avin' fun at the end o' the day. The ghost o' Wrinkly Kong then joins in on the conversation, tellin' me that such a thing be the case fer most o' the Kongs 'cept fer Cranky, as the ol' man 'parently be a sore loser an' that when 'is favorite team o' Kongs loses a sports match, 'e drags 'em off ta 'is cabin fer a lecture. Yar, that do be a bit 'arsh on Cranky's part, but Wrinkly assures me it be fine, tellin' me that Cranky 'as always been a bit kooky ever since growin' into 'is ol' days.
Anyway, I thank both Funky an' Wrinkly fer their chat with me, after which Funky apologizes ta me fer sendin' King K. Rool flyin' o'er the horizon with 'is boot launcher durin' me very first edition o' the Sport Report, tellin' me that 'e 'eard from Cranky that I wanted ta interview K. Rool after the match, but didn't get a chance due ta 'is antics. I tell Funky it be fine, an' that we still be mateys after what 'appened.
With that little breather outta the way, it be time ta continue on with the match! Our two teams 'ave switched court sides, with Dixie an' Kiddy now bein' on Donkey an' Diddy's side o' the court an' vice versa! Donkey Kong be at turn ta serve, an' the leader o' the Kong Family shoots the shuttlecock o'er the net, with Dixie bein' quick ta send it back, then Diddy swings the shuttlecock back, with Kiddy strikin' it back again, an' it once again be goin' back an' forth b'fore the shuttlecock puts down on Dixie an' Kiddy's side o' the court! 15-9 fer Donkey an' Diddy!
Yar, it be lookin' bad fer Dixie an' Kiddy. The two younger members o' the Kong Family are gonna need a miracle if they wanna catch up ta Donkey an' Diddy. Kiddy Kong be at turn ta serve, an' the wee laddie goes in fer the shot, sendin' the shuttlecock flyin' 'cross the net with all 'is might, which proves ta be too much fer Donkey an' Diddy ta 'andle, as the shuttlecock touches down on their side o' the court! The score be 'bout 15-12 right now!
Diddy Kong picks the shuttlecock off the ground, an' 'e leaps into the air with a Spin Jump b'fore whackin' the shuttlecock forward! Dixie Kong manages ta send it back o'er the net, with Donkey Kong quickly returnin' 'er the favor, after which Kiddy Kong also returns 'im the favor, and this keeps goin' back an' forth once more 'til the shuttlecock eventually lands on Dixie an' Kiddy's side o' the court! 18-12 fer Donkey an' Diddy!
Aye, the competition be fierce t'day, mateys, with neither team bein' willin' ta back down from this fight! Which team will be emergin' victorious 'ere? We can only find out as we continue on with this match! Dixie Kong be the next ta serve the shuttlecock, an' with 'er acrobatic skills, she sends the shuttlecock flyin' o'er the net after performin' a backward somersault, which catches Donkey an' Diddy off guard an' leaves 'em unable ta react in time, leavin' the shuttlecock ta come down on their side o' the court without much resistance! The score currently be 18-15!
The rest o' the Kong Family continues ta cheer on their relatives from the sidelines, an' Donkey Kong picks up the shuttlecock, sends it o'er the net, after which Kiddy Kong be quick ta return it, with Diddy Kong knockin' the shuttlecock back 'cross the net once more, Dixie Kong does the same thing, an' the shuttlecock keeps bein' sent back an' forth o'er the net 'til it eventually touches down on Donkey an' Diddy's side! The score be currently tied at 18-18!
Yar, we've made it ta the end o' the match, mateys; The match point! Whate'er team scores this next point goes on ta win the 'ole thing! Diddy picks up the shuttlecock, whacks it t'wards Dixie an' Kiddy's side, Dixie 'its the dang thing right back, after which Donkey butts it straight back again, with Kiddy swattin' it back once more! Yar, the shuttlecock keeps bein' walloped 'cross the net, but eventually, it lands on one side o' the court, an' that side be...Donkey an' Diddy's side! 21-18 fer Dixie an' Kiddy! Those kids are the winners o' this match! Dixie an' Kiddy rejoice in their victory while Donkey an' Diddy obviously be disappointed at their loss, but they still congratulate their opponents on a game well played!
After the match concluded, I tried ta get a hold o' Donkey an' Diddy fer an interview, but couldn't 'cause Cranky Kong dragged Donkey an' Diddy off fer a lecture. The ghost o' Wrinkly Kong once again apologized ta me fer Cranky's behavior, sayin' that 'e really do be kooky. Yar, I understand, as ye don't always be fortunate enough ta get an interview with the losers. But that be 'bout all the time we 'ave fer this month, mateys! Once again, I would like ta thank ye fer tunin' in ta me Issue 200 edition o' the Sport Report, an' I be 'opin' ta see ye next month fer me final edition o' the Sport Report o' 2023! 'Til then, I 'ope ye be takin' the time ta look at anythin' else that Issue 200 may 'ave ta offer!
Mushroom Tribune
Written by: Shoey (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)
This article sourced from the Mushroom Tribune, a sister publication serving the Toad Town metropolitan area with local news which goes uncovered by the national networks.
Debate on Introduced Talking Flowers Reaches Fever Pitch
At the end of a contentious week in parliament, Laia T. of Toad Town East, opposition backbencher, unleashed fierce criticism of the Talking Flowers now nearly-ubiquitous in the Mushroom Kingdom, calling for Prime Minister Toadson's ministry to take action against their importation and spread. Speaking during a debate on an amendment to a bill concerning penalties for the introduction of non-native species into the Mushroom Kingdom, Laia offered commentary on the Talking Flowers themselves, calling the recently-introduced species "annoying, as anyone in this kingdom who has been forced to endure their incessant babbling and quips will attest," and adding that "they are becoming a blemish on our kingdom, disrupting the peaceful quiet that we are accustomed to and that is our right".
The MP's comments come at a time of growing public outcry over the proliferation of the Talking Flowers, and building pressure on the government to address their spread. Surveys now indicate that, in all regions of the Kingdom other than Ice Land and Desert Land, a majority of citizens have encountered at least one Talking Flower, with thirty-seven percent of citizens across the kingdom now indicating they encounter at least one Talking Flower daily as they go about their business. Citizens have described the plants, accidentally introduced to the Mushroom Kingdom by Mario and company after a recent visit to the Flower Kingdom, as "annoying", "repetitive", "disruptive", and "not fitting in with the Mushroom Kingdom". One resident of Toad Town who spoke with Mushroom Tribune said the following:
They're everywhere, and I can't stand their annoying quips! It'd be one thing if I could mute them, you know? But it's not like I have the option to make them all shut up. Super Mushrooms never do this. Our beautiful hills never do this. Fire Flowers never do this. No, they all know how to behave, just staring at all of us but keeping quiet. But these Talking Flowers? They never stop yapping! I go out to buy fresh bread and outside the bakery it's "Mmmm, love that smell!". I tried to take my wife to watch a sunset, and the whole time, over and over, it was a wistful sigh followed by "Isn't it a beauty?". Yes! Yes, it was beautiful - when it was quiet! And that's another thing! They just keep repeating themselves! Now one sprouted up in my yard, and every single time I step out of my front door, I have to listen to it saying "I WONDER what today will bring." Take a hint, bub! There aren't even Wonder Flowers here!
While frustration rises among the public, so far, the government has yet to address the Talking Flowers and their spread. Laia T. cited this absence of action as a reason for making his comments on a tangentially-related bill, stating:
Someone has to say what's on the minds of almost all of our citizens. Citizens need to be assured that we are listening to them, that we are hearing them. It would appear that our government ministers are approaching this matter as a Sandmaargh would - by burying themselves in the sand and ignoring it. They need to hear us say unequivocally that we want these flowers to be quieted as much as the constituents we represent.
With no word from Toadson's government or the Toadstool family, addressing the public's outrage has fallen to regional and local leadership. King Cobre of Grass Land has announced a policy of populating bare patches of soil with Super Mushrooms, to limit the areas to which Talking Flowers can spread. Elsewhere, action has yet to be announced. Yet, amidst the outcry, some citizens are defending the Talking Flowers, calling the ire and vitriol directed at them shameful and calling the flowers themselves, as well as their commentary, "charming" and "pleasant".
As the debate rages on, we turn to longtime commentators Hooded Pitohui and Shoey for their perspectives on the matter:
|
Something has to be done about these damn flowers, and the government's inaction is beyond infuriating. They're everywhere and they are beyond annoying. You can't walk in a public park without hearing one of them bellow out "Hello!" at every single person they see. It seems like every nature trail has a dozen of them all saying a single line constantly. At first it was cute. A talking plant from another kingdom, how novel. But it has been weeks now and their populations just keep growing and it's driving me and my fellow citizens crazy. The fact is this invasive species needs to be dealt with! Their shrill, annoying voices are disrupting the peaceful serenity of our beautiful outdoors! I don't care if the government needs to dig them all up and ship them back to the Flower Kingdom! Now, I'm no extremist. I'm not calling for a full ban on importing and breeding these Talking Flowers. If some madman wants to keep them as a houseplant or plant them on privately-owned land, that's their business. And while I personally don't understand why you would wanna keep one of these damn chatterboxes, the fact is, while annoying, there's no evidence that suggests that they negatively affect local wildlife. So for that reason, I can't support a full ban on them. Instead, I feel that simply banning them from being bred on public grounds while allowing them to be harvested for personal use is a perfectly acceptable compromise to this issue. Because while I and many others find them annoying, I concede that, for some reason, others are enamored by these damn plants and genuinely love them. But I will die on the hill that they must be removed from public grounds, and that there must be vigorous regulations to ensure that they do not spread on public grounds again, because, damn it, I don't want to have to keep hearing them repeat the same line every time I go on a walk! |
|
Now, my colleague and I disagree on the solution to this issue, but, well, he isn't entirely off the mark in saying that we need compromise, not extreme positions like a complete ban or total inaction. Are the Talking Flowers annoying? In my opinion, no; in fact, they're rather charming. From releasing tired sighs to pleading for companionship, these Talking Flowers endear themselves to me with the emotional range they convey in their voices. I had understood the Flower Kingdom to have Talking Flowers, but I was long under the impression they were only a novelty for tourists, repeating simplistic cheerful greetings. Only with their introduction into and spread in the Mushroom Kingdom have I been able to appreciate the charm that the flowers add with their commentary. That, however, is only my opinion. I understand that, for some, the constant repetition becomes tiresome, and it is true that this arrangement of unchecked proliferation in public spaces is unsustainable. I believe there is an approach that can - and should be taken - other than removal and exclusion, however. These Talking Flowers can enhance our public spaces with witty comments, and, who knows, perhaps they can even be taught to help tourists with directions or to share facts about the history of the area in which they're planted, which is why our aim should not be total removal, but resolving the issue of their repetitiveness. I call upon the government to begin a transplantation and rotation program. Let's help the Talking Flowers to see more of our kingdom while rotating flowers through different locations so that their commentary is not so repetitive. Will it be costly? Yes, it will, but I believe it will benefit both our citizens and the Talking Flowers. Like my colleague, I say let private citizens decide what to do on their private lands, but, in public spaces, let's pursue a path with benefits for all, rather than a path of removal and exclusion that will deprive this kingdom of the charm of these Talking Flowers. |
Sprite credits: Sonik (tSR), Lakituthequick
Written by: Not Meta Knight (talk)
MASKED SWORDSMAN REVEALED
An anonymous source has submitted this photo of the legendary swordsman, Meta Knight. Reports are saying that he was participating at a tournament in the New World not too long after a dimensional rift was spotted on our home planet of Popstar. He was in the middle of a battle with fellow Dream Land native Kirby, when his mask fell off.
Meta Knight fled the scene immediately by teleporting off, but a local resident managed to capture an image before he left. Meta Knight has made his mask a key part of his identity, so we're incredibly lucky to share this exclusive peek at the face behind the metal. We're reporting live at the Waddle Dee Colosseum to find out what the stadium attendees are saying regarding this sequence of events.
Bandana Waddle Dee: “I was watching the fight with Kirby and Meta Knight when it happened. I ran towards him for a closer look at his face, but he slashed his sword at me before spinning away.”
King Dedede: “You think I ain't seen Meta Knight's face before? You gonna accuse me of not followin' through no background check on my hirin' process? Well I'll have you know that there Meta Knight sleeps with his mask on, and when I tried prying it off him he gave me the angriest look I ever seen.”
Elfilin: “I was intrigued by his striking resemblance to Kirby. I'm deeply curious as to what other similarities those two have got. My curiosity is seriously getting to me.”
Kirby: “Poyo, poyo poyo poy-yo. Poyo poyo, poyo”
We tried reaching out to Meta Knight for comment, but no one seems to know where he is. If you or someone you know has any information involving his whereabouts please contact us right away at Dream Land Daily. We don't want him feeling too embarrassed, but we'd also like him to be around before another interplanetary threat arrives.
Outside of Daisy's success, the next highest new entry is Mallow's "I'm a Psychopath", which has been lingering around the lower reaches of the top 100 for weeks. This week it's made an unprecedented jump from #55 all the way to #20. What's caused this? Well, two things - 1) it's gone massively viral on ToadTok and 2) Frog-Mart have put it in their Christmas ad.
With many songs plummeting down or even out of the top 10, the song that's managed to hold onto its position the best seems to be Speardovich's "What's My Name?" at #11 - his first hit single released under this pseudonym. Formerly known as Yaridovich, he teams up with vocalist Goomhilde to create this introspective, dark club banger about finding his new identity. It's been climbing up for a while now, so once the excitement of Daisy's album release wears off, it's looking like it'll shoot right into the top 10. Nabbit, Super Mario, and The Jellyfish Sisters will also be happy to see they've all maintained their positions in the top 20.
And finally - the first sign that the end of the year is looming - Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is Yoob" has re-entered the charts at #40. May god have mercy on us all.
But enough talk. Here's a full look at this week's Official MKCC Singles Chart.
| MUSHROOM KINGDOM SINGLES CHART - TOP 40 | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| # | Artist | Single | Last Week |
| 1 | Princess Daisy | Is It Over Already? (Daisy's Version) (From the Vault) | NEW |
| 2 | Princess Daisy | Bad Chemistry (Daisy's Version) | NEW |
| 3 | The Pipe-Rock Plateau Piranha Plant Men's Choir | Love Parade | ▼ 1 |
| 4 | Princess Daisy | Welcome to New Donk (Daisy's Version) | NEW |
| 5 | Wario | I Like to Move It | ▼ 3 |
| 6 | Talking Flowers | Psycho Koopa | ▼ 4 |
| 7 | Koopa Kid | Obscurity | ▼ 2 |
| 8 | The Wonder Seeds | Four Elephants | ▼ 5 |
| 9 | Inchworm | Crawling | ▼ 7 |
| 10 | Princess Daisy | Sarasaland (Daisy's Version) | NEW |
| 11 | Speardovich ft. Goomhilde | What's My Name? | = 11 |
| 12 | Nabbit | I'm Easy | = 12 |
| 13 | Professor Connect | Online Dating | ▼ 6 |
| 14 | "Super Mario" Segale | Still Pumping Iron at the Gym | = 14 |
| 15 | Talking Flowers | (Nothing But) Heads | ▼ 13 |
| 16 | The Broodal Family | White Wedding | ▼ 8 |
| 17 | Torpedo Ted | I Hate My Life... | ▼ 10 |
| 18 | The Jellyfish Sisters | Relax | = 18 |
| 19 | Koopa Kid ft. Red Koopa Kid | Junior League (Bowser Jr. Diss) (Blue Koopa Kid Remix) | ▼ 9 |
| 20 | Mallow | I'm a Psychopath | ▲ 55 |
| 21 | Smackerel | Love Bites | ▼ 17 |
| 22 | Macho Grubba | Fading Away | ▼ 15 |
| 23 | Ghost Rope | VERY SCARY | ▼ 16 |
| 24 | Chucksters | We're Back | ▲ 29 |
| 25 | Pink Donkey Kong Jr. | Dead and Buried | ▼ 24 |
| 26 | The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Froggy | Purple Saliva | NEW |
| 27 | Pipe_Dreamz | Amazing Water (Wow!) | NEW |
| 28 | The Rogueport Gallows | Still Here | ▼ 20 |
| 29 | DJ Khaled ft. Toad | All I Do is Bup | ▼ 25 |
| 30 | Mikhail S. Gorbachev | Pizza Hut Rap | ▼ 23 |
| 31 | The Chimp | My Apes (All Gone) | ▼ 30 |
| 32 | Tatanga | Daisies | ▼ 21 |
| 33 | Tabuu | Operation, Manipulation, Deception | ▼ 18 |
| 34 | Talking Flowers | Slippery Poplins | ▲ 66 |
| 35 | Aphex Twin | Goon Goombas | ▼ 27 |
| 36 | Larry & Lemmy Koopa | Everybody Wants to Rule the World 1 | ▼ 22 |
| 37 | Mar T. Robbins | Big Hammer | = 37 |
| 38 | Doopliss | 1989_daseys_verison.jpeg (Doopliss' Version) (From the Shed) | NEW |
| 39 | Big Scorper | Dune | ▲ 41 |
| 40 | Mariah Carey | All I Want For Christmas Is Yoob | RE |
All information accurate as of November 18th, 2023.
Written by: Legend 8
An old Magikoopa is standing on a stage in a park somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom, surrounded by a large audience of Toads and other inhabitants.
Pyro: Welcome, my audience, to The Sorcery Show! If you don't know me, let me just introduce myself. I am the great Pyrokles, Eighth Legend of Koopa Kingdom and most skilled magical manipulator of King Bowser's whole army, heeeehehehahahaa!!!
Kroop: And I'm Kroop! By the way, you may call him Pyro. He hates it, but you have my permission. His name is way too complicated, who invented it anyway? It sounds like a philosophic maniac who...
The audience screams loudly.
Kroop: What? Never seen a Dry Bones before? Well, I'm like half a Dry Bones, just on fire, so you shouldn't really be afraid of me. Anyway,...
Pyro: Please, Kroop, shut up for a second. So, audience, you wanna see real magic? Is that what you came here for?
The audience cheers and claps loudly.
Pyro: Then I'll tell you what: there is no such thing as magic. The only way of bending reality is to neglect logic of any kind, freeing the world from its fixed form and physics to shape it like your imagination, heeehehehahahahaaa! This is also why all Magikoopas help Bowser instead of conquering everything for themselves: it's not logical. Anyway, as long as we're here, we'll just call it magic. That is, after all, what you're all here for, and in this case reality is way too complicated. So let's just start!
The crowd cheers again.
Pyro: So, the first “magic” trick I wanted to show you is a spell of great beauty and happiness, but if you ever read the Theorema Nonlogica, you should know that everything has a certain capability of changing, even inverting completely. But see for yourself, now sit back and relax!
The audience applauds and watches excitedly. Pyro waves his staff, creating beautiful butterflies and birds out of fire that circle above the stage, fly upwards, and explode into glowing sparks. The audience gapes in awe.
Pyro: Heehehaa, wonderful, isn't it? But this isn't a firework competition, what I really wanted to show you is… This! Boom!!!
Pyro rams his staff onto the stage and the fire creatures transform into scary demons that crash into a nearby tree, exploding and incinerating it instantly. The crowd gasps, and a baby starts crying.
Pyro: You see, what I'm trying to tell you is the potential for both sides, without which neither my spells and possible mistakes during the show, nor “magic” in general, can be understood. You see…
Kroop: And he always tells me I talk to much! I don't, do I? I don't think I talk too much, but other people can usually tell better, so…
Pyro: Oh yes you do, but thanks for the interruption, as we will now move on to a more practical aspect of “magic” - I hate this word! I will now choose a volunteer from the audience, volunteering or not. Hmmm… you, with the red hat, come here and tell me your name!
Mario: Me?… Ehm, it's-a-me, Mario!
Pyro: Good, good… Are you the real Mario? No, of course not, they never are. But at least all of them are familiar with combat, jumping and falling into lava, and of course this annoying Italian accent, so you are the perfect person for the job. Stand here, please.
Pyro shows Mario where to stand on the stage, then raises his arms and encases the stage in a flaming aura. Singular blocks move away from each other and float upwards, creating a level in mid-air and revealing a lava moat beneath it. Mario's block floats to the beginning of the level, and at the far end of the stage sprouts a goal pole.
Mario: This is-a-easy! I have completed much harder levels before!
Pyro: No, this isn't-a-easy, it's telekinesis! One of the best things about being a Magikoopa, besides teleporting, of course. Now, Mario, you may start!
Mario jumps from one block to another, easily closing the distance between himself and the goal pole. Pyro raises his arms again, the blocks from behind start moving and fly to the front, pushing the whole level backwards and extending it. Mario keeps on jumping, but he doesn't get closer to the goal and the blocks move faster and faster, until he falls off the end and lands screaming in the bubbling lava.
Pyro: Whoops. That was… not intended.
Pyro waves his staff and boomboxes appear that play a Game Over sound, as the stage reverts to normal.
Pyro: That's better. Well, I had a little more faith in his talent. You see now what I mean with the potential for completely changing?
Kroop: I think they already got it earlier, you didn't have to demonstrate it on poor Mario!
Pyro: I didn't do it on purpose, you know? Ah, see, he's already respawned in his seat. Thank you for your efforts, Mario. But what are we going to do with this burned Mario life corpse now?
Pyro raises his arms in disgust, levitating a charred body out from beneath the stage.
Kroop: Hmm… We could… We wanted to improvise the last show spell anyway, so why don't we revive him into a zombie? That's what I call cool magic!
Pyro: Well, it isn't magic, but… it is a great idea. Yes, let's do this. Mario, is it okay for you if we zombify your old body? Anyway, we'll just start – let's go!
Again, Pyro raises his staff and points it towards the Mario life. Its eyes start to glow and it stands up, staggering around on the stage. Then it does a funny little dance and juggles its own head.
Pyro: Now that's nice, well, except for this burned smell. But I wonder if it can also fight…
Kroop: How many Mario lives there must be, just lying randomly around where some noob was unable to complete a level… Wait, Pyro, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Pyro: Don't call me Pyro, but yeees, I think so… I've always wanted to try my new break-rules-of-nonlogic-for-a-short-time spell! We could… *whisper*
Kroop: *whisper, murmur* …and TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!
Pyro: Be quiet! Well, soooooooo, I guess that's it for today - I'm off training my necromancy skills, heeehehahahaa!!! And you are invited to come to my next shows as well, as long as you pay entry, tell your friends about me and so on and so forth… Bye.
Mario: I'm-a so not coming!
Something strange happened to me the other day. I was wandering around in that new mall that popped up out of nowhere, and I think I took a wrong turn somewhere, because I ended up going down a hallway that didn't appear on any of the maps.
It came out in this long, empty promenade - all of the shops along here were closed, some completely vacant. Nobody else as far as the eye could see, only the jaunty muzak and hum of the lights to keep me company. There was plenty of space for people - benches, walkways, scenery. Abstract sections of carpet with deceptively bright, fuzzy patterns.
After some amount of time, I finally came across a shop that appeared to be open. It was covered in cobwebs and only lit by nearly-melted candles... an empty desk sat in the corner of the room, dust-coated. And all that stood atop that was an antique bell. I had an important choice to make.
Of course I rang the bell. Why wouldn't you?
But instantly, a chill went down my spine, and a thick coat of dust rose into the air. What dark forces had I awoken? The door behind the desk creaked open, and out came...
...a middle-aged Lakitu. He was wearing a white t-shirt that said I ❤ THE 90'S. "Can I help you?", he mumbled.
I asked back, "What is this place?"
"We sell CDs. 'Compact Discs'. Albums that you can play with a CD player," the shopkeeper explained. "Or a DVD player."
"That's dumb," I replied. "It'll never catch on."
He grinned menacingly. "Oh, haven't you heard? It already has. And it will again... just like vinyl!"
I fell to the ground. "You're lying! That can't be!"
"You're sure about that, are you? Well, take a look at my stock and see what you think:"
| Album | Description |
|---|---|
 |
Princess Daisy - 1989 (Daisy's Version) A re-recording of Daisy's 2014 album 1989, named after the year she was kidnapped by an evil alien. |
 |
Larry Koopa - Larry's House This was, like, the biggest album last year. Breaking away from his boy-band days as a member of The Koopalings, Larry Koopa is now free to make the type of indie pop that was popular five years ago. |
 |
The Pipe-Rock Plateau Piranha Plant Men's Choir - (self-titled) The classical-crossover album of the year. They have the voices of angels, and not those weird "biblically accurate" ones everyone keeps talking about. |
 |
Koopa Kid - Forgotten Dark. Edgy. Blurry... Yeah, sorry, I'm just going off the cover, can't remember a thing about this. |
 |
Pink Gold Floyd - Dark Side of the 3-Up Moon Ohhh, this is a classic. I've got this on vinyl, cassette, 8-Track, DVD, VCD, MIDI, minidisc, picture disc, music box, calculator, alarm clock, fax machine, 3DS, DOOM and my smart fridge. |
 |
Oho Jees - The Scorch A truly landmark ohip ohop record, made by three ha ha funny little guys. |
 |
Mar T. Robbins - Bupfighter Ballads and Toad Songs The only country and western album you'll ever hear that is 90% screaming. |
 |
Ernest Clineborg - CLINEBORG'S CHRISTMAS CLASSICS Everyone's favourite best-selling cyborg author reads a collection of his classiest festive tales, such as "Ready Sleigh-er One" and "Candy Corn Auteur". |
 |
Brick Block - Brick Block's Greatest Hits A man who looked like Waluigi (no, not that one) barged into the shop one day, threw 100 copies of this at me, and then ran away. I've heard of musique concrète but this is ridiculous. |
"I've seen enough," I yelled, and swatted his hand away - scattering some of those worthless Brick Block CDs about. "All this talk of 'CDs'. Tell me what this place really is."
"Okay, but... you'll be sorry..."
He pulled a lever, and before I could react, a complex mechanism began to run. Steam billowed everywhere. Compartments opened up in the walls. Rows upon rows of CDs were replaced by kart parts, wheels and engines. Another row, replaced by... much of the same, actually. It was all just kart parts.
"Oh my god! You're that asshole who keeps trying to sell me these dogshit cars!!"
"That's right. It was all an elaborate lie. Of course CDs aren't coming back, they're completely redundant - but just think about the potential here! These useless discs... these are the wheels of the future! They made wheels out of sponge, they made wheels out of wood, they even made wheels out of square. This is the next logical step. Everyone's got some lying about in their car."
"But CD's aren't strong enough to hold the weight of an entire car! They'll snap."
"Oh..." He gurgled, inching towards the back room. "We'll see... We'll just have to see about that..." The door slammed behind him, and he was gone.
I lingered for another few minutes in case he came out again, but he didn't. As soon as I had stepped out of the shop, I found myself back in a busy part of the mall. I turned around, and it had vanished. The ordeal was over. Or so I thought...
As soon as I got to the car park, I made a grim discovery: the bastard had replaced my car's wheels with CDs!! To be fair to him, it does still work as normal, but now every time I drive anywhere, FOUR DIFFERENT ALBUMS play at once.
I hate my life. Thanks for reading.
Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)
Outbreak of Illness Disrupts Planned Koopa Kingdom Invasion
Following much speculation as to what caused last week's announcement that the long-anticipated 2023 campaign into the Mushroom Kingdom would be delayed, the Koopa Troop confirmed today that the invasion was put on pause due to an outbreak of Lymestone Disease among enlisted Thwomps and Whomps. According to the Division 12 commander, Whomp King, it's believed that the division's troops acquired the infectious disease while on a training exercise in the tunnel beneath Cavi Cape, with Coalbits considered the most likely vector.
Lymestone Disease, often carried by stone pests like Coalbits and Grombas, is a well-known medical condition in living stones. Symptoms typically appear three to four days after infection, and present as high fever, congestion, moderate pain throughout the body, and bouts of dizziness. While considered a serious infection, typically lasting two to three weeks, effective treatments have been developed and Koopa Kingdom hospitals are well-equipped to treat the afflicted. With treatment such as the uninterrupted application of an ice pack and daily polishing, the long-term prognosis is positive.
In his statement to the press, Whomp King confirmed that all afflicted troops have been receiving medical care, and no long-term complications are expected. As of the time of this writing, the Koopa Troop has not publicly disclosed a new schedule for the invasion, and declined to return a request for comment on the matter.
Selling Out The Wrecking Ball with Whomper Thwompite and Realah T.
November XX, XXXX Nightly Report
Hello, this is the Wrecking Ball, and I am your host Whomper Thwompite. We are bringing you this show live from Buenos Aires to report recent developments in developments near and far.
Good evening, viewers. It has been some time since our last regular airing of this show. While the show continues to remain on hiatus for the time being, alongside our sister publication “Selling Out,” we are bringing you this special bulletin for Issue 200 of The ‘Shroom. Tonight we are covering two special auctions taking place this weekend: a new mall built on the grounds of the demolished ‘Shroom headquarters and the brand new still-standing demolished ‘Shroom headquarters. Please do not ask how that works as our special guest tonight, Realah T., refuses to reveal her secrets.
Auction I:
This first auction features a mall built on the former ‘Shroom headquarters, which once hosted an elaborate death game. This mall still contains the newspaper offices (their home until at least issue 300) but also features a fully functional food court, two anti-gravity racing tracks, a regular shopping area with room for small retail outlets and three anchor stores, and a fully customizable underground arena for any potential death games your twisted mind can conjure! The mall itself is comparable to Isle Delfino’s Coconut Mall with a 5,000 square foot difference between the two properties. The mall comes with ample parking and an on-site landscaping and pavement company to attend to any damages caused by loose go-carts, newspaper employees, or killing games gone awry. If patrons suffer any injuries the seller (Realah T.) is offering a comprehensive insurance plan to cover any damages and liability.
Comments from Realah T.:
This is a (coco)nutty deal! I have no doubt I’ll quickly lose track of the bids once the auction starts. It has plenty of space for retail and the coziest dungeon imaginable for sacrifices to rogue AI or the whale gods worshipped by descendants of some long-lost civilization. Frankly, it's to die for and wo