The 'Shroom:Issue 200/The 'ShrooMall
Written by: The 'Shroom Staff
For an optimal viewing experience, please play the following audio file as you read this page:
Welcome, 'ShrooMall customers, to your one-stop shopping destination! After an extensive renovation of the former Coconut Mall, the staff of The 'Shroom proudly presents the future of shopping experiences. Supplementing the falling revenue stream that is print news media by opening a mall, the many employees housed in The 'Shroom HQ have put their unique skillsets and tastes, forged through their work on the paper, into developing a truly 'Shroomy mall. Everything you've come to expect from The 'Shroom permeates the 'ShrooMall, with the added bonus that you can walk out with bags filled with goodies of all kinds.
Open day and night, truly, it's all waiting for you here, where it's all of The 'Shroom, the 'ShrooMall!
Today, please join us for an overview of our most notable stores and attractions. If you find yourself lost, simply consult the mall directory below. We provide an open-air feeling in our mall, with our glass ceilings, our spacious atrium, and our two-tiered storefronts. Please note that the storefronts elevated on the directory map are located on the second level. Now, without further delay, allow us to take you through the many stores to discover here at the 'ShrooMall!
Central Atrium and Food Court
Tricks & Treats Vending Machine
A mysterious mystery vending machine.
Insert payment, ring the doorbell, then retrieve your trick or treat from the illuminated bin.
A plastic cup drops into the bin, followed by a violent torrent of liquid after a short delay.
A violent torrent of liquid sprays directly into the bin, followed by a plastic cup after a short delay.
About 12 stray pieces, no container.
A single hot dog, cooked - Does this machine also dispense condiments?
Dozens of hot dogs falling into the bin, stopping only when you frantically press the button again.
Will these hypnotize the viewer or the wearer? Not sure if it’s worth finding out..
"Please give us money"
A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON
...Do I need these?
A warm feeling fills you, closing your eyes to embrace it. You open your eyes with a sudden feeling of jamais vu; the Orb is gone but you are holding a bag of items from ‘The Star Road’. Sorry, no refunds.
Someone has already taken a bite...
Maybe I shouldn't put some of these where people can see...
This will came in handy later!
A coupon for one free vend from this machine!
The 3rd Dimension
I'm getting dizzy..
Dizzying, distressing, and spoils movies not even written yet.
Two AA Batteries
The machine shuts down as these fall out, starts back up when placed inside the Jack-o-Lantern.
Should I be concerned?
The bag is significantly degraded, but are they still edible?
This Must Be Where They Were All Stored.
They shoot out from the machine and grasp at you, retracting after a few moments.
Slowly extruded out of the machine, landing in snake-like coils.
Shot into the bin with extreme force, shattering everywhere.
A small pillow gently falls out first, with the mug gently landing on top.
Is this their actual nose? Morbid..
Smells nice; If I reinsert them will they be ground?
It landed on a 1, the vending machine makes a sad beep..
Rolls a 14, the vending machine emits a stock clapping sound.
Nat 20, the vending machine starts vibrating and glowing.
Lands with a great crash, you struggle to lift it out.
The vending machine coughs...
Hope no one is looking for this...
Plunks into the bin and nervously skitters away while holding several items.
Only one, and too large for my feet...
Someone’s already pecked at it...
I feel if I touch it, I’ll be forced into battle...
No games are included.
876 Fitness and Health
At 876 Fitness and Health, we help you kickstart your fitness journey and keep you on the road to fitness success with support every step of the way! Read on to our customer testimonials for some glowing reviews of our products and store!
"I decided to get into fitness so I could keep up with Mario and Luigi on all their adventures. What kind of Goomba would I be if I couldn't move around? I made a trip to 876 Fitness and Health, and their trainers helped me out right from the start. I had a consultation with one of their trainers to draft up a fitness plan that would help me move faster and resist jumps better, and then she helped me find the proper equipment that I would need to get started. The store was so clean and well-stocked, and she knew exactly where to find the gear I needed. Their supply of nutrition supplements, protein powders, and vitamins was huge! I'm glad I had my trainer there to pick out everything! I've been on my plan for a few weeks now and already I'm seeing results. I'm faster than I was before and more resistant to jumps. All of my supervisors at work have noticed and I might be graduating to mid-boss sometime soon! Thank you 876 Fitness and Health!"
"When you fight in as many Smash Bros fights as I do, you need to stay on top form. I stay in fighting shape by following a strict fitness routine and downing as much protein I can get. And there's no better place to get protein powders and supplements than 876 Fitness and Health, grahahahaha! I need all the power I can get to keep all those goody-goody heroes on their toes in Smash and 876 has everything I need. Super Mushroom Protein Powder, strawberry flavor, Starman pre-workout and recovery drinks, even the most basic sports drinks! And they do same-day delivery to my castle! How convenient! The staff gets me what I need QUICK so I can get back to punching and slamming opponents on the battlefield! Can't recommend this place enough to you!" -Bowser
"I can't stand all this new-fashioned gym nonsense! When I was younger, we used rocks for weights, and there was no such thing as 'protein powder'! You kids these days have it so easy with your fancy gyms and personal trainers! Back in my day… where was I? Oh, yes, a review. I went to 876 Fitness and Health because my idiot grandson told me it was the place to go to get stronger, that my jumps could be higher if I got some weights to put on the end of my cane to practice with. Of course I have to keep up with those crazy kids so I went to take a look. The store was so bright! Fitness gear everywhere! It was overwhelming, the amount of equipment they had! But the staff, they had knew just how to cut through all the nonsense and took me right to the weights that I could use, and helped me find one that would fit on my cane. Didn't badger me to buy anything else, just got me what I needed and sent me on my way! Now that's service! Why, back in my day…" -Cranky Kong
"Hello, my fabulous viewers, Toadette here, and today we're taking a special trip to one of my favorite stores in the 'ShrooMall- F.A.M.! You all know how much I love reading and making art, and F.A.M. is the place to find the coolest stuff! Fictions, Art, and Music is my favorite place to keep up with everything pop culture, so let's go take a look, huh?
First stop is the art section. There's always something really interesting to look at in Art. They get lots of good stuff here, from analysis of box arts to guides on website design! I learned so much about Nintendo's websites, from games to merchandise and even Nintendo Land, and I feel like an expert on boxarts now that I've read up on Mario and co.'s various cover art. Let's see, what else can we find here? Oh, some community art! I love to see it, especially when there's an art competition! Hmmm hmmm hmm, what's this? We've got some random images, too- is that Peach with a cross? I didn't know she was religious! Hang on, I want to share this one... aaand done! Check out my Insta for that one! This is really a great rack, you know, listening to people talk about Mario's exploits is so fascinating.
Let's move on to the next rack! This one features original works! There's comics and poetry on here, and there's a lot of comics! Older comics like The Adventures of Little Mario, and newer comics like The ? Panel and Waluigi Time Comic live here, so whatever era you're looking for, you can find it here! There's so much variety here, you can really tell that all of the artists have so much passion for their work, that they really love making comics. And I love reading them, too! Everyone's got their ovwn style, it's all so different! The poetry here is really lovely, too, our poet has a lot of cool ideas and thoughts and it's so interesting to read. It's a recent addition but I think it adds a lot of depth to F.A.M., like, we've never had anything like it before!
Now we're going to move on to the music section! The biggest feature is the analysis of fan-created music, most notably Mario's Boombox! It's an institution, created to spotlight music creators and composers of all types. Oh, look! A chiptune track, I love this artist! I've seen a lot of AMAZING singles here, and occasionally we'll see some community created music here as well! From chiptunes to original tracks, it's all here. Can't wait to see what comes out next!
I'm moving on to the newest part of the store, the fiction shelves! This part of the store just exploded when it was introduced. A lot of writers in the community jumped at the chance to share their stories, and we've had some really long-running fics. Shmaluigi, Private Investigator is practically a novel at this point, it's the tentpole. I love when he collabs with other writers for new characters and dialogue, and I'm always waiting for the next one to come out. You can also find one-shot fics here as well, and if it's a special sale or feature, you can expect some more to come out around those times. It's so great to come in and be surprised when you find something new!
Well, viewers, we've reached the end of the store, which means our little tour is over. I think I'll go make my purchases and grab a coffee at Starcoins to read everything. So excited! I'll see you all next time, but for now, this is Toadette, signing off from the 'ShrooMall!"
Welcome to The Critic Corner, where you can receive that immediate attention you crave for your purchases, having judgment rendered upon them while you’re still in the building and within easy return distance. Want to know if your flash of capitalism will be one to adore, or one for scorn? Let The Critic Corner be your warner.
Super Mushroom Protein Powder
All of the good mushrooms and none of the bad, simple as that!
This revolutionary proprietary blend supports muscle recovery, stress management, increased brain power, and significant and swift body growth! Be able to take that extra hit thanks to that boost to your immune system provided by all-natural adaptogens! Feel your muscles grow and power surge as quickly as instantaneously with Super Mushroom Protein Powder!
…and then about 1500 more words going on and on about what a miracle this product is.
What we have here is the Super Mushroom Protein Powder from the 876 Fitness and Health, of course sold only in an enormous 4 pound barrel for a whopping $90 as these things tend to do. Reishi, Lion’s Mane, Chaga, Maitake, of course this thing is filled with powdered mushroom blends to activate every chakra, open every eye, and appeal to every paying customer, but with the blind cult following this has I don’t doubt that the secret mushroom is Cordyceps taking control of everyone’s brains to believe that any of this actually works on a level that requires the intake recommended. Snark aside, it's probably delirium and hallucinations as a result of the use of Amanita, the Super Mushroom visual inspiration that this company thinks must taste like fake strawberry because it’s red.
Vegan, no artificial flavors or fillers, non-GMO Project approved, but what it should’ve been approved by first is a taste-tester. Its horrific sweetness and manufactured flavor impedes all of its natural mumbo-jumbo commentary on the container, also making it difficult to mix into smoothies and shakes, absolutely refusing to dissolve or blend into any type of liquid I put this into. Points where points are deserved, it definitely gave a boost to my focus and gave me a burst of energy trying to not choke through sudden onset throat desiccation, with just how dry and chalky this is requiring me to just bury it with more and more and more stuff to be able to mask it enough to shove it down. By the end of it I’m using what feels like half of a produce store’s stock of bananas, strawberries, spinach, peanut butter, anything I can possibly grab to dilute it. Through this the value of it by weight increases, as I want to use so very little of it, and bury it under gallons of other much better stuff stretching it out into a fridge full of smoothie bottles that have taken over my life, tilting the scale more to the added benefits claimed by this item now being more the product of everything else I’ve put into it.
I don’t fault 876 Fitness and Health for carrying this, because it’s wildly popular and selling out despite being so horrible and awful, and I can only assume it’s because of high profile endorsements and flashy trendy keywords that, from what I can tell, are automatic triggers to be added into online carts for a significant portion of the population who will just do whatever they’re told to. Just as I’ve been seeing more and more small shops having to dedicate precious square footage to displays of cheeky rude socks and kitchen towels, so have I been seeing the Super Mushroom line of products consuming secondary displays that could otherwise be used to promote more interesting items. At the end of the day, rent is due, and if this is what makes the bucks then choke away.
Definitely would’ve preferred it to be cherry-flavored and given a Fun Dip stick instead..
Journey across a realm of fantasy, a kingdom of giant fungi, living weapons, and the celestial beings known as Star Spirits. In the lands of the Mushroom Kingdom, you may venture across desert sands, the very clouds themselves, and dank sewers in quests to uncover secrets, claim golden coins, or even achieve spiritual apotheosis. Choose from races ranging from Toadstool and Troopa to Shaman. Choose your class. Will you be a pugilistic plumber? Will you be an armored terrapin knight? Will you be an acolyte of the Star Spirits... or a disciple of Belome? Seek treasure, fight against powerful mages and steely foes, or probe the mysteries of the kingdom! Run as free as Belome through this mysterious land!
This bundle contains...
...1x copy of the Belome Ascent Game Master's Handbook ...2x copies of the Belome Ascent Player's Handbook ...1x decorative GM screen ...x3 d6, x1 d12, and x1 d24 ....x2 minifigs - Crimson Magikoopa and Geno the Acolyte
...and, exclusive to this bundle at the 'ShrooMall's Gaming Glen, the handbook for the Poochy Pinnacle homebrew! Journey through the Mushroom Kingdom as new races, including the strange hungry puffballs known as Kirbies and as the plant-hybrids known as Roserades. Embark on new campaigns through the kingdom, with a lighter emphasis on combat and exploration and greater emphasis on intrigue in towns and in royal courts!
What you have brought in here is an astonishing symbol of sanguine commitment, burning up an equally astonishing $120 of hopes and dreams that you will be able to convince enough friends to devote the few hours of the free adult life to something that isn’t sleep, if you’re even able to coordinate schedules, if you’re even able to muster up enough people who wish to hang out with you outside of work. I relent, though, as I am not here to judge fantasized realities, but real fantasies with Belome Ascent, a tabletop role-playing game that goes extraordinarily beyond the commonly accepted world and into one of bizarre chimeric dreams of individualized characters and plot.
With an exclusive to Gaming Glen, in our dear mall, I appreciate it for bringing in foot traffic to then have the buyer second-guess their decision and come to me for swift validation. The game is a complicated mix that seems rather general yet with high concepts that requires more of a cannonball into the deep end than a toe-dip in the shallow, heaving a lot of responsibility for what goes on in the games to the players that shifts me more to thinking that it should be them who charges for the experience. The base game is a rather beginner-friendly basic RPG play with some thematic flavoring dropped on top of some pretty archetypal characters, but the Gaming Glen’s Poochy Pinnacle homebrew guide provides a good intermediary step for those looking to become more serious, showing how the base world can be stretched. The strange simplicity, though, creates more of a soft ground for more inspired players to grow their own stories, if that’s what is chosen to do. My preference more is navigating a well-established world like a puzzle, and ultimately these details can be eeked out by a solid DM.
Despite this, I do confirm that it is actually the Crimson Magikoopa minifig that lends influence to my stance. Crafted with such quality that justifies half the cost itself, astonishing cuteness and attention to detail. The provided dice are also pretty neat, themed to the game and not just traditional black-and-white or some other monotone drag, with Belome’s signature spirals adorning key facets. The whole package, when viewed with layman eyes looks arts-and-crafty, but to a true Gamer® (Sponsored by Chuckola® Charged⚡™ Energy Drinks) like me I can see the heart and soul still pure from the lack of corporate influence, rough edges that indicate a personal touch and genuine care for the game.
For an…extra small fee, I can be convinced to, uhh…be invited to play this with you, I mean, if you’d like.
Restorative Crystal Berry Body Scrub (with Exfoliating Powdered Vibe Crystals)
Developed in tandem with aromatherapists from the lush Flower Fields and dermatologists from the sunbaked Wavy Beach, this heavenly bathtime delight made with naturally occuring minerals promises to enrich your skin with sugar from the elusive Crystal Berry fruit, the crown jewel of the plant kingdom, for a tropically fruity infusion unlike any other. Cleanse your mood and vibe with the scrub's patented powdered Vibe Crystals, which resonate at frequencies designed to improve your emotional stability, and leave your skin complexion and vibe positively radiant in your emotional, soapy wake.
With microbeads having been banned from cosmetics and body care products, the world was in great need of some kind of material to traumatically rend putrid flesh from one’s body. That’s where The Star Road comes in, knowing that the world is filled with all kinds of rocks and minerals that can be used to scrape and abrade people until they’re sanded down to perfect beauty, all while smelling like a blueberry. The Restorative Crystal Berry Body Scrub (with Exfoliating Powdered Vibe Crystals) promises exactly that, and more, going on to declare it will also chafe your rotten mood away with Vibes. These Vibes promise to improve emotional stability through resonating at mystical frequencies, implying that they emit a sound that physically brings you peace. If this soap isn’t downloaded with ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ by Mariah Carey then I demand a refund.
Spending $80 for this 200 g / 7.05 fl oz jar tells me that someone likes it in some influential magazine, or has made waves on social media, but if this magical mixture can help resolve painful eczema that covered my face, or tear through the rocky calluses developing on my feet from having to stand here for 9 hours a day while telling you if your impulse purchases suck or not, then who am I to say if it’s worth it? Well, I’m Anton, and it’s my job to decide if it’s worth it, so I’ll need to crack open your jar and use a bit of this to test it. While I narrate me stripping down to my boxers in front of you and splash myself with bottled water, I remind you that this is the experience you purchased and I am just doing my arduous job of product-testing.
What concerns me are two things: the obvious mystery of the Vibe Crystals, but also the use of sugar. The roles seem reversed here, with sugar usually included as the natural exfoliating agent, which often can be problematic as if the sugar grains are too large they can become too abrasive and leave your skin red and sore, meanwhile the gimmick ingredient is usually for olfactory pleasures and moisturizing, but in here it is what’s used for exfoliating while the sugar is left for enrichment purposes. This seems fine, though, as berries are antioxidants that can help with redness and inflammation, as I can feel it doing just fine. There’s a tingling feeling akin to pouring hydrogen peroxide on rug burns that I credit the Vibe Crystals with, coupled with that carbonated sizzle that truly does sound pleasing. It’s a bit oily, and I’m not sure from what, so be cautious with caulking up your cavernously cracked calluses in a laminate tile room unless you plan on trying to get barefoot ice skating to become a crossover addition to the summer olympics.
It seems to work well upon first use, with my stale dry skin feels revitalized, how I feel like I lost 10 pounds from how much dead skin this sloughed off of me, and most importantly that it comes in a cute package that you can have as presentable bathroom decor for guests to snoop and see to be impressed with. What cannot be skipped is how great it smells. The crystal berries that are mashed up in here don’t have a noxious berry smell, but leans more fruity candy that makes my mouth water. With all of these cosmetic products always having delicious smells and foodie flavors, have you ever just felt compelled to eat it? Tempting just one bite, couldn’t hurt, sugary berries so sweet, who’s to say that it’s wrong to lick your lips if some gets on them while scrubbing your face, and…
It’s Pop Rocks…
The Vibe Crystals are Pop Rocks.
Tanner Tanooki's Great Outdoor Store
Come on down to Tanner Tanooki's Great Outdoor Store, the greatest store for getting everything you need to experience the great outdoors! We have a wide selection of premium brands, all available at prices you won't find anywhere else in this city - that's the Tanner Tanooki guarantee!
This month, we have great deals on the latest high-quality cookware items from the esteemed T.P.G. Culinary brand, and Melontech's ever-popular portable camping TV sets. We're also offering a buy 1 get 1 free deal on all eligible Clawgrip Athletics sporting equipment, this week only while supplies last! No matter the destination, we have everything you could possibly need for a magical experience in the great outdoors!
Bought all this great new gear and suddenly realized you had no idea where to take it? No problem! Take advantage of Tanner Tanooki's travel advising services, and connect yourself with one of our highly-trained experts! All of our advisors know the ins and outs of all the hot travel destinations, and will be able to tell you the ideal travel times and what gear you'll need, and are happy to help you find the best place for your own personal interests. We'll even help you plan and book your trip! Whether you want to experience the sunshine of Isle Delfino or you're eager to camp out in exotic locations like Star Haven, we've got you covered!
Tanner Tanooki's Great Outdoor Store - greatness awaits!
Before the show begins, please listen to the following message:
Hello and welcome to Ballyhoo Cinemas, the premier movie destination in the 'ShrooMall. Before we begin the movie, we'd like to remind everyone of some basic grace. Please make sure that your phones are set to silent or turned off. Please do not talk or text during the movie, and please do not make loud conversation so as to respect the people around you. The Snifit ushers WILL find any rule-breakers, but we're certain this will not be an issue. Additionally, please be sure to make a trip to our concession stand! We have all sorts of goodies available, from classic movie theater popcorn and candy, to our signature Shroom Shakes, and even Starbeans bean juice! But above all else, enjoy the movie! (seriously, the Snifit ushers ENFORCE having a good time)
Looking for a change in your life? Feeling stuck? Are your outfits looking a little too familiar when you open up your closet doors? Are your pots and pans showing their age? Do you have a game console that's just gathering dust under a television? If you're itching for a change, it's time to come on down to "Re"dux "U"nion, right here in the 'ShrooMall!
Here at Redux Union, whether you're on a mission or you're in the mood for browsing, we guarantee that you'll find goods that are "U"-niquely "U"! You'll find home décor, cookware, books, movies, clothes, and all kinds of surprise finds ranging from gaming consoles to printers! From the "U"-seful to un-"U"-sual one-of-a-kind hidden gems, it's all here at rock-bottom prices!
When that travel wear you picked up at Tanner Tanooki's for that early autumn trip to Rose Town you booked after reading The Sunshine Travel Guide is crowding your closet as winter rolls in, bring it on in, drop it off at our donation counter, and check out the collection of clothes on our hangers. Walk out with a cozy winter outfit and enough money to pick up a cup of joe at Starcoins, then come back when the flowers start blooming in spring to swap out that cold weather gear for something fresh! "Re"-invent your style with every seasonal visit, and be content knowing that you're "Re"-ducing the "Re"-sources that go into making new clothes by donating your closet clutter so someone else can "Re"-"U"se it!
That sad, old console coated in dust that's so last-generation? Donate it and grab a new console without breaking the bank! You'll walk out with pockets full enough to pick up a few games at the Gaming Glen, like those Pikmin games that have been on your mind ever since you read The Anatomy of a Pikmin. If they're sold out of the hottest album on 'Shroom FM at F.A.M., take a look around. You might find your m-"U"-sical fix right here for a bargain, or you might fall in love with the classics when you walk away with five discs with the hits of the late greats like Chanterelle and Toadofsky.
Nowhere else will you find what's most gen-"U"-inely "U"! Find the desk that "Re"-vitalizes your inner interior decorator! Discover the pots and pans that "Re"-kindle your culinary experimentation! Stumble upon the perfect curtains to "Re"-decorate your living space! You're even just a short walk away from the Critic Corner, where you can take it to get an appraisal that will inspire your personal style "Re"-vol-"U"-tion!
When it's time for a change, we're waiting for you here at the "Re"dux "U"nion!
Ah, hello there! Welcome to the Book Nook! I see you've managed to find your way to our establishment. Sorry if you got a bit lost along the way, but our location in the mall was chosen by the founder - a matter of personal preference, if you will. Allow me to give you a brief tour of the shop as an apology!
As you may have figured out, we are a bookstore. Not just any bookstore, though - we're one of the most famous on this side of the kingdom! Perhaps it's because of the charm of the place, as a lot of first time customers have made comments about the setup looking more like a library than a bookstore. Something about the way we've chosen to organize things around here. The founder always loved the feel of libraries, however. The staff and I think it's a very unique and memorable way of presenting our wares, so we haven't changed a thing in all our years of business. But as you can see, we do carry quite the selection of informational texts - some organized just by subject, and some organized by subject as well as year of publication.
We've also invested greatly into an expansive offering of children's books! We believe that readers of any age and ability can find something they'll just love. There's something for everyone here - Magic Tree House, Dr. Seuss, Roald Dahl's works, and even a section of YA novels! It's good to let the kids read lots when they're young, not having enough books is one of the best problems to have in life.
Additionally, we also do a "theme of the month" display in the youth section, with all sorts of books, activities, and whatnot being featured. This month's theme - science!
Of course, with modern media being what it is these days, we also have a wide selection of DVDs and Blu-Rays available for purchase. Movies, TV shows, cartoons - you name it, we most likely have it! I say it's always good to have physical copies of the media you love the most, especially with streaming going the way it has been. There's something for everyone here, and you may even discover a hidden gem.
We also have music CDs available for purchase! No matter what your favorite genre of music is, we have something for you. Classical, jazz, musical theatre, and more!
Ah, speaking of theatre, we're also unique in that we have a large selection of scripts from plays and musicals for sale. The founder insisted on it, they were quite the theatrical enthusiast. Nonetheless, we've been praised by college students and professional actors alike for having one of the largest physical script selections available. We have offerings from Shakespeare to Heathers, and of course everything in between. Very good prices for them as well, which I suppose is why those demographics are such loyal customers!
Finally, it's not a bookstore without some random little trinkets to catch your eye in the checkout line! Keychains, stickers, buttons - heck, we even got these fun little fidget spinner highlighters in the other day. Maybe you don't need any of this stuff, but they do make nice little gifts for your friends!
We do thank you for dropping by our humble part of the mall, and we hope you will return someday!
Hiiiiii, hiiiiii! What is up, Beat Blocker nation?! It's ya girl here, "Mellow" Dee coming at ya with another fresh livestream! Last stream, I promised we'd go somewhere super-duper spech, but, oopsies! There's some kind of fireworks show or something? Yeaaah, streaming outside when the whole city's going like BOOSH, BOOM, SHEEEEEW, PSSSH just won't cut it! But ya girl's got it covered, Beat Blockers! We march to our own beat, so while everyone else checks out the fireworks, I figured we'd go inside to check out the 'ShrooMall!
Huh? What am I gonna use to pay for stuff? Don't worry about! You guys are the best, so I'm sure you'll give me lots and lots of superchats tonight! And if I spend too much, no biggie. Just remember, you guys didn't see anything unusual, alriiiiiight?
Sooooooo, where to first? Uh-huh. Mhm. Wow, sounds like you guys really want me to check out the Trick-or-Treat vending machine and that laser tag place, huh? Well cool! Let's crank it up! …Later. If you guys are so excited about them, we've gotta save them for the end, don't we? Soooo, I saw somebody mention that there's a "Gaming Glen" close by. Gaming, huh? Beep Bloop Beep, Dun-dun-dun-da-da-da-dah, am I right? I bet it's one of those kitschy places that only carries retro games. Come on, get with the times! Well, anyhooo, we don't know until we get there, so let's dial it in!
So, we're here Beat Blockers! And… Oh… Pfffft, I called it! Look at that poster! It's screaming "stuck in the 80s". Man, we're all about shouting it out loud, but I wouldn't want to be shouting this! Eight bits and chiptunes are out. Oh well! It's not looking good, but we won't know how bad it is until we go in, so let's gooooo!
It's got one thing going for it right away. It doesn't smell like Croaka Cola and Chuckola Charged mixed with half-eaten pizza. Looks clean, too. Got a few crumbs on a table over there, but no stains on the floor anywhere. Guess it's fine if you bring some food in here, but I don't see any drinks anywhere. Maybe they don't let you bring any? But isn't there a coffee place around here? Seems weird.
So what do they have here, anyway? Over there, thaaaaaaaat's… Oh, yep. Yeeeep, there's the retro stuff. Magnavox Odyssey? What? What? What is that, guys? Is that? No, no way. You guys are playing me. There's no way that's a real thing and not some guy's custom build. The only games that old were, like, the Nintendos and Atari and stuff, right? Oh, yeah, arcade games too, I guess. Surprised this place doesn't have any arcade cabinets, actually.
Lessee, what else? Huh? Hey, Beat Blockers, isn't that some of the newer stuff? There's one of those cube thingies with the wavey-birds, and one of those…. The one… You know… – no, chat, I totally know what it's called, shut up! – that came out at the same time as the cube one… Made by… whoever made Sonic…
…what'd'ya mean "twenty years old?" They aren't retro! You're playing me again! Whaaatever. There's some of those tablet Nintendo-whatevers that slide into the toaster-looking thingy, and… huh. Playstations got really big. Is this-? What, is it a space heater now, too? Does this thing warm my room up? What's it so big for? Is it multi-purpose or something now? Can it do my taxes? Can it talk to me inside my brain?
Sheeeesh, these things are expensive now, uh, lessee what else there is. A crapola-ton of games. Discs, carts, big ones, small ones… No?? I'm not licking them?? Why would I do-? Okay, give me the $50 first, then we talk. Yeah, later. Moving on…
Okay, so that wall is all videogames and stuff. Then, over here on this other wall… Oh, huh, hey, it's boardgames and cards and stuff. That's cool, I guess. Big sign over here, what's it say? "Belome Ascent: Exclusive editions here!," huh? Can any of you Beat Blockers tell me what that means? Oh, some kind of… TTRPG? So, like, Kastles and Koopas, or-? Oh, it is like Kastles and Koopas, huh? Kinda neat.
What's it say on the back…? "Journey across a realm of… blah blah blah… giant fungi… Star Spirits… blah blah, venture across deserts, sewers, blah blah… golden coins, apoth- apoth-e-oh-sis? Apotheosis?" Who's writing this description? What the heck does "pugilistic" mean? I'm not reading all that. You guys can come buy it or something if you care. Maybe take it to that Critic Corner place. There, that's my not-actually-a-sponsorship unofficial not-advertisement advertisement for the mall! Now they'll for sure overlook it if we sneak into that movie theater without buying a ticket… Not that we're going to do that…
Anywaaaaaaay, look over there, Beat Blockers! Tables and couches! I guess that's this place's big thing. You don't just come to shop; you come to game. I mean, that's what those people are sitting over there and doing. There are some posters for game nights and stuff around, some kind of corkboard over there so you can post your own stuff. It says to ask before posting – lame! Good thing we don't need permission to post our stream highlights online later, huh?
Buuuuut, actually, putting the rules about posting to the board aside, this place kinda looks cozy. They must take the "glen" part of the name seriously. The music in here is super-duper good for gaming, too. Pretty sure it's not actually from any games, but it's got the right vibes, and it fades into the background smooth and easy. The lights are kinda dim, probably for screens and atmosphere and stuff, but there's lights over the tables it looks like you can turn on if you want.
Ya know, guys? This wouldn't be a bad place to chill. Bet you could pick up a bunch of tips and tricks for games here, maybe special challenges, too. Or maybe you'd get to watch someone playing through their favorite game from when they were a kid across a couple of sessions. Ya might even hear some things about how game worlds and levels get designed here. It's really kinda a nice place to kill an afternoon and kill some bosses.
Buuuuuuut, we got more mall to see, so let's tune out of here and spin that dial around to somewhere else, Beat Blockers!
Lightbox Electro Division
In need of tech that you just can't seem to find elsewhere? Step inside of our store, and we'll secure you what you need. At Lightbox Electro Division, we carry specialty technology for advanced users and hobbyists alike. Transistors, LEDs, computer chips, don't turn to paying exorbitant shipping costs ordering these sensitive components online when you can get them here!
Unsure of what you need? Our staff of experts can assist you in determining which components your devices require. Should we not know in a single look, we'll do the research for you. That idea bulb will ding when you come to Lightbox Electro Division for your electronic components!
Hey there, fellow coffee connoisseurs and flavour adventurers! Welcome to the caffeinated haven where we turn beans into magic, Starcoins Coffee, your one-stop warp pipe to the world of brews beyond your wildest bean dreams. I'm here to whisk you away on a journey through the whimsical landscapes of our specialty blends and artisanal pour-overs. So, grab your favourite vintage mug, settle into our upcycled wooden furniture, and let's embark on a caffeinated odyssey like no other. Get ready to level up your coffee game, because it's a whole new world of brews, brewed the Starcoins way!
- Fire Flower Espresso
An espresso infused with a hint of cinnamon and chilli syrups
- Caffè Reino Champiñón
An espresso infused with desparkled Sparkling Waters water for those who are already awake
A mix of aromatic espresso, smooth foam, and a syrup of choice to capture an additional flavour
- Luma Lavender Latte
A lavender infused espresso and steamed milk, topped with a star of edible gold glitter
- 1-Up Macchiato
A rich espresso is topped off with a frothy creamy cloud, featuring a hint of green tea matcha
- Donkey Kold Brew
A tropical cold brew infused with coconut milk and banana syrup
- Super Mocha Mix
An excellent espresso blended with a generous serving of hot chocolate, sprinkled with cacao
- Lunoman Greenie
Specially imported from Evershade Valley, this is an espresso like no other in flavour and colour
- Monday: 7:00 - 10:00
To get you through the first day of the week
- Tuesday - Friday: 7:00 - 17:00
For early mornings and afternoon meetings
- Saturday - Sunday: 10:00 - 19:00
Relax, it's the weekend
Shrooby Shot Laser Tag
The 'ShrooMall needs your help!
Did you hear that, cadets? The Shroobs are invading the 'ShrooMall, and they're planning to cause as much destruction as possible! Thankfully, our 'ShrooMall Task Force is on the case! But, oh no, our Task Force has already been bested! Looks like it's up to you to stop the Shroobs and save the mall! You and your friends can become a hero, here at Shrooby Shot Laser Tag!
Competitive team v. team action!
You and up to seven of your compatriots can join a team! Coordinate together, and come up with a winning strategy to collect the most points! Face off against the opposing team in your fight against the Shroob army! Will you focus your forces on taking down the Shroobs around the arena, or will you find yourself in the midst of player-versus-player combat? The choice is yours, but whatever you do, make sure you end up on top!
Become fully immersed in our one-of-a-king laser tag experience! Our play area is outfitted with the most pristine blacklights and decade-old carpeting, while our state-of-the-art 2008 Super-Laser Tag Gear is fit for the modern day! Wearing overbearing chestplates and sporting massive laser blasters has never felt so good! None of that is to mention the high-class artistry that has been applied to our replica Shroobs - they practically look like the real thing!
Entertainment for any occasion!
Shrooby Shot Laser Tag is a perfect venue for any occasion! Children's birthday party? One last bachelor celebration? A company outing after a particularly tense public debate? Shrooby Shot can handle it all! We are happy to accept walk-in players, or venue rentals! Plus, our sky-high deals can't be beat! Check online to see what seasonal coupons we're currently offering, and get the most bang for your buck this side of the galaxy!
Don't delay! We need your help and we need it - now! The Princess Shroob is here! Do you have what it takes to stop her and her army?
Shrooby Shot Laser Tag: Where fun is out of this world!
Welcome to kiln, the one-stop café for the crafty coffee connoisseur. We're not just proud of our delightful teas and coffees - we're delighted to serve those drinks in our famous homemade, handmade mugs, prepared every day in our live workshop. If you need a study break accompanied by the sight of endless pottery-making the next room over, kiln is the place for you.
We don't just sell coffee, either. We're a professional network of pottery producers, and we're always working on novelty products to sell to fanciful eccentrics all over the world. Pots, sculptures, tools and more, built to order whilst you sip. With our loyalty card scheme, regulars can even enjoy reduced prices on commissions, in case they want to take the kiln experience home. And, of course, all of our mugs and tableware are available for sale - we can always make more!
Want to get involved? Great! We're offering regular opportunities to build your own mug from scratch using our professional pottery-throwing studio, on-site! After booking a slot from our twice-weekly Craft Days, you'll get taught the basics of pottery by our staff, and once you get some practice in, we'll give you the wheel and let you hand-model your own mug. Once you're happy with it, pass it to us and we'll fire it over the course of the week.
Come back the week after, and you'll get the chance to paint and decorate it using our extensive art supplies. From paint, to pastels, to sequins, we have it all. You can truly make the mug of your dreams. Then, when you're satisfied with your final creation, you get the best gift of all - a free drink of your choice, served in your own mug.
So, whether you're here for a drink, a snack from our bakery, or a fresh set of fine clay tableware, come find us! We're open 7 days a week, though our workshop closes earlier than our café.
The Star Road
Welcome. To the Star Road.
We know how hard you work, and how your skin is rough, cracked, dry, parched by the blinding cosmic rays of whichever star you worship. In desperate need of Nourishment
Our luxury cosmetics and beauty department can provide you with the Nourishment you need. At the Star Road. Send your complexion on a journey to a crystalline paradise. At the Star Road. You can achieve dermal bliss. At the Star Road. You can find Nourishment.
But only for a limited time. At the Star Road. To celebrate the opening of our new mall location, we are offering free, all-organic, paraffin-free, handpainted gift-boxes containing a free sample: a luxurious Bath Bob-omb. These boxes are lacquered with sustainably sourced egg whites from consenting Yoshis and Birdos to give them an exotic
You won't have to scavenge high and low for this Nourishment. We will give you Nourishment for your soul, and the flesh it is rendered in, when you walk through our doors. Only for a limited time and from a selected range of products we can afford to give you for free while still meeting ever-increasing profit margins, eligible products listed below. At the Star Road. Explore our range of skin-care and bath-destroying products online or through enchanted divining crystal. Shop on-runes and collect in-store. Thank you for visiting... the Star Road.
The Star Road... Limited Edition Nourishment Item Box
That concludes our tour of the mall's top-rated attractions. Thank you for choosing the 'ShrooMall as your shopping destination! For our valued customers who wish to see the ongoing fireworks show in comfort, benches are available on our upper-level walkways, and our glass ceilings provide an exquisite view of the night sky.
Remember, it's all waiting for you here, where it's all of The 'Shroom, the 'ShrooMall!