The 'Shroom:Issue 167/Fake News
The is an absolutely massive issue for Fake News. We've got eight whole sections to savour and consume this month. These sections include several new ones, our statistic manager Ninja Squid (talk)'s new section The Odyssey of a Squid, Raregold (talk)'s The Wrecking Ball with Whomper Thwompite, and returning volunteer Booguette's Homeowner's Hub. While we may be packed, that won't stop you from being able to write your own section in Fake News, or anywhere else in The 'Shroom! Just go to the sign up page for help.
Section of the Month
There was a bit of a shake up for last month's section of the month. Newcomer Waluigi Time (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown won first place with a large 30 votes. Good for him! Quizmelon (talk) got second with 29 votes, only one off from a tie, and Goombuigi (talk) got a nice sum of 26 votes, landing him the bronze. Yoshi876 (talk) and Coffee got 15 and 12 votes respectively. That's right, this month Fake News had over 100 voters! Thanks to all who read and voted on their favorite section, and I do hope that you will continue to enjoy Fake News and The 'Shroom as a whole. Hopefully in the coming years The 'Shroom's readerbase and number of writing users will continue to expand greatly.
|FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH|
|1st||Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown||30||26.79%||Waluigi Time|
I had recovered from my ordeal from having been turned into a pig from last month – honestly those Twilight Town residents really like pork – but was then immediately informed that the Ka-Thunks had been thrown into absolute chaos, following the death of their leader, King Ka-Thunk. Apparently steel body frames actually have a monarchy and functioning democracy, who'd of thunk it?
However, as a result of not having any orifice in which they can communicate in a way that my Yoshi ears can understand, we were unable to get any comments from any Ka-Thunks. Bowser was available for comment, and in a perfectly well-written statement, he told me: "I literally have no idea who you're on about. Call me when Kammy dies."
King Kathunk was born into the prominent Kathunk line, that had ruled World 5 in the Sprixie Kingdom for about three days before Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and Toad all arrived, and in order to make sure they got shining stars on their profile, they defeated. Rosalina later arrived in order to achieve the same goal.
King Kathunk was not known to have any children, this thus the Kathunk line has died with him. There is much discussion among remaining Ka-Thunks as to whether they will continue with a monarchy, or whether they'll stick to a democracy. Failing that, some may opt for a bloody coup, which would certainly keep this section busy if there were any other notable Ka-Thunks to cover.
Funeral arrangements are currently sketchy, as Ka-Thunks are known for just throwing themselves into bottomless pits, but there are discussions as to whether a king deserves more than that. Again, I am not privy to these communications due to being entirely unable to understand Ka-thunk. Those attending the funeral just for the food will be sorely disappointed as Ka-thunks do not eat, so only show up if you actually want to mourn.
The Wrecking Ball with Whomper Thwompite
February XX, XXXX Nightly Report
Hello, this is the Wrecking Ball, and I am your host Whomper Thwompite. We are bringing you this show live from Buenos Aires to report recent developments in developments near and far. Tonight’s show will focus on the User Café.
The once famed restaurant located at the Wiki Mall in New Wikisburg has shut its doors after years of dwindling service. It comes as the Wiki Mall is closing down due to the increasing popularity of online shopping with retailers such as GoHuffin, the delivery service run by the Huffin Puffin family. The services’ stock price skyrocketed this past year with the recent Shroomshock pandemic forcing people indoors worldwide.
The Puffin family is expected to buy the Wiki Mall and turn it into a regional distribution center for GoHuffin. However, the new owner is undecided until the public auction takes place in two weeks’ time. If you’ve ever wanted to be trapped in a store overnight, this is your chance. Starting bids are expected to start around fifteen million coins. So smash your kid’s piggy banks and take the allowance you’ve been giving them for no particular reason, and head to Hammer Bros. Auctioneering located at the intersection of 42nd and Main.
In our last bit of news for the night is an update on the Zoning Laws around Peach's Castle in the Mushroom Kingdom. A royal decree has it that all lands within one kilometer of the castle are to be seized by her Highness within thirty days. Rumor has it that the Mushroom Kingdom monarch plans to build an additional Go-Kart track around the Castle. The public is currently in uproar as the last addition, Peach Circuit, disrupted traffic patterns and cost the taxpayers millions. This story is developing so. Please check in next time for more information.
Before we go, I would like to talk about tonight's presenting sponsor, Rubee Savings and Loan. When you need saving, don't choose Mario. Choose Rubee. Well, folks, that is all we have for tonight. This has been Whomper Thwompite in the Wrecking Ball. Goodnight, Buenos Aires.
The stage is set, the clock strikes, and the audience waits impatiently. Usually, the interview, known as "Monthly Inquisition", would begin at this time, but strangely, Goombuigi was nowhere to be seen.
Spiny (in the audience): What's taking so long?
Hammer Bro: (in the audience): Disgraceful.
After a few moments, several audience members leave, with dissatisfied looks on their faces.
Goombuigi: Wait! No! Don't leave! I'm here, sorry I'm late!
The ones who were about to leave turned around, but exited anyway, still dissatisfied.
Goombuigi: Well, off to a bad start. Anyway, welcome back to Monthly Inquisition, and this time, I will interview another one of Mario's countless enemies, but in particular, a walking, talking bomb. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you … Bob-omb!
Bob-omb walks into the stage.
Goombuigi: Nice to meet you, Bob-omb! Introduce yourself to the audience, what's your name?
Bob-omb: Um, my name is Bob-omb.
Goombuigi: OK, well, do you have a nickname? Like Bobby or Bob or something like that?
Bob-omb: No … not really. My friends just call me … Bob-omb.
Goombuigi: What of you meet other Bob-ombs? What do you think about the fact that they have the same name as you?
Bob-omb: I, uh … I don't know.
Goombuigi: You've never met other Bob-ombs before?
Bob-omb: No, not really...
Goombuigi: OK … anyway, what do you think about being a Bob-omb? So you like being an actual bomb?
Bob-omb: I haven't … really thought about that. That's deep…
Goombuigi: Well, what do you think about it?
Bob-omb: I guess it's cool, um, I would say it's better than being another species, like, for example, a Goomba...
Goombuigi: Why is that? Why do you think it's better than being a Goomba in particular?
Bob-omb: Because Goombas, well, they can't jump, right? They can't defend themselves against an enemy. But Bob-ombs, they can defend themselves by blowing up.
Goombuigi: It's just a myth that Goombas can't jump. We can jump perfectly fine. Admittedly, not as well as Mario, but all the same, you can never underestimate the power of a sole Goomba! As you say, Bob-ombs can defend themselves by blowing up, but although you can potentially harm the enemy, you also destroy yourself in the process. What do you think about that?
Bob-omb: If Goombas can jump, why don't they jump at Mario?
Goombuigi: I don't honestly know, I'm not one of those Goombas, after all. But back to you, how do you feel about the fact that you may potentially self-destruct by blowing yourself up one day?
Bob-omb: I'm kind of scared, I guess, but also, if an enemy attacks me, and I don't defend myself back, then they'd kill me anyway.
Goombuigi: Hmm, it does seem like a lose-lose situation. Although, in that scenario, which option would you choose?
Bob-omb: I … don't know. I wouldn't want to really, well, harm someone who attacks me unless I have to. But then again, if I defend … hmm, well...
Goombuigi: Interesting answer, I'd have thought that Bob-ombs would be all for destroying their enemy. We've seen this with Mario, multiple times.
Bob-omb: Yes, but I guess it depends. It's just my opinion, anyway, it's not like all Bob-ombs think the same way.
Goombuigi: You're right. Anyway, you seem like a nice Bob-omb. I don't want to sound rude, bit usually, from what I know, black Bob-ombs are hostile, and pink Bob-ombs are the friendly type. You seem like something of an exception. Why do you think that is?
Bob-omb: I suppose it comes down to each and everyone's own personality. The color of a Bob-omb doesn't necessarily describe their behavior.
Goombuigi: Yeah, but I've noticed this in games from the Mario video game series, specifically Super Mario 64. What do you think about that?
Bob-omb: I think that it's kind of rude.
Goombuigi: Well, on the other hand, there have been friendly black Bob-ombs in these games, such as Bobby in Paper Mario: The Origami King. I just thought that was interesting.
Bob-omb: Yeah, I guess that's cool.
Goombuigi: Anyway, next question. If you could give yourself a nickname, what would it be?
Bob-omb: I'm not sure … actually I like the sound of the name "Bobby". It sounds like me.
Goombuigi: Well, I can call you Bobby from now on, although - wait, I think I smell some smoke.
The audience panics.
Goombuigi: Calm down, everyone! I'm sure it's all under control. Actually, I don't think I can smell it anymore. Yeah, I think the smell is gone. Anyway, what was I saying?
A loud spark can be heard. The audience jumps, and with horror, Goombuigi realizes that the Bob-omb's fuse is lit. The audience quickly begins to clear, causing a lot of chaos.
Goombuigi: Oh no!
Goombuigi: Your fuse - your fuse is on fire!
Bob-omb: So, I'm about to blow up?
Goombuigi: What do you mean, are you about to blow up? Of course you're about to blow up!
A myriad of thoughts crossed Goombuigi's mind. He instantly looked around for water, but couldn't find any of it. He then thought to blow out the Bob-omb's fuse, but his thoughts were interrupted by the Bob-omb.
Bob-omb: And, uh, what am I supposed to do? I've never been in this situation before.
Goombuigi: Whatever you do, run out of the building before you explode!
At this point, the audience is completely cleared, with only Goombuigi and the Bob-omb remaining in the building. Goombuigi begins to run out of the building, expecting the Bob-omb to swiftly follow him. To his surprise, he didn't, rather, he stood blankly in the middle of the podium.
Goombuigi: What are you waiting for? Run!
Bob-omb: Wait, what happens if I explode within the building? Does the building get destroyed, or does it-
The Bob-omb exploded. It was too late.
The impact caused the building to instantly collapse. Goombuigi was at the door of the building, and managed to jump clear mere seconds before the building collapsed. He landed in nearby grass, which softened his landing a bit. Hia bones all around his body became instantly sore, mainly around his forehead, for he landed headfirst. It took a couple of minutes for him to be able to stand up. When he did, he turned to face the now collapsed building. Horror, sadness, and pity entered his eyes. The very building in which he held his interviews was well and truly destroyed. His interviewee was most likely dead, and yet, he had no idea what caused the fuse to light up in the first place. But now was not the time for investigations. He would have to sort everything out, find a new building, make sure none of his bones were broken, and pay to rebuild the collapsed building. Goombuigi sighed, long and clear.
Goombuigi: What am I going to do...
Written by: Booguette
Welcome, everyone, to Booguette’s second ‘Shroom special, Homeowner’s Hub! Similar to Peddler’s Place, here we’ll look at the latest and most available real estate in the Mushroom Kingdom and elsewhere. So, turn on some good music and let’s take a look at what’s available!
A Bonneter house that looks like a stovepipe hat! Enjoy looking out on the rest of Bonneton from your high balcony! (Disclaimer from Booguette: The balcony is at a high height, I recommend not falling off.)
Cost: 500 coins , 20 Cap Kingdom regional coins
Location: Bonneton, Cap Kingdom
A toad house with a cap that GLOWS! I mean, how awesome is that?! AND it comes with a free rug that has a super star pattern on it! Highly recommended by Booguette.
Cost: 1000 coins
Location: Frosted Glacier, Mushroom Kingdom
A duplex in a really, really, really big tree. Top floor has already been bought by a boo who will remain unnamed.(Not Booguette. Can you guess who it is? There’s more than ONE boo in The ‘Shroom!) Really actually very nice interior.
Cost: Bottom floor: 600 coins
Location: Acorn Plains, Mushroom Kingdom
A fortress made out of snow. Comes with free air conditioning too. Only problem is, you can’t turn the free air conditioning off.
Cost: 500 coins, 10 Snow Kingdom regional coins
Location: Shiveria, Snow Kingdom
And now for the special part of Homeowner’s Hub, Discount Discourse!
Today for Discount Discourse, we have two items! First up…
A really fancy toad house! Very nice interior and exterior. Comes with a nice garden. There’s a fence around it. What more can you want?
Cost: Original price: 2500 coins, Discount Discourse Price: 2200 coins
Location: Just outside Princess Peach’s Castle, Mushroom Kingdom
And our second item for Discount Discourse is...
We don’t know where it came from. We already put a chandelier on the inside. Please buy it. It’s taking up a huge amount of space in our storage.
Cost: regular price: 2300 coins, Discount Discourse Price: 2100 coins
Location: Fossil Falls, Cascade Kingdom
And that’s all for today! I hope you enjoyed, and I’ll see you next time I do this or Horoscope!
The Odyssey of a Squid
A VISIT TO ROGUEPORT
Phew, I made it! I am in Rogueport after a very long boat trip. Waaaay too long, ugh... I have to admit that even as a ninja supposed to be afraid of nothing, sailing on a boat is still one of my weaknesses. Damn, this is the utmost embarrassing, and I need to work on that. Wait a sec... Why am I even writing this out? I do not want someone to find out about my worst weakness. Ugh… Nevermind, I will just make sure that this journal is locked in a safe. Of course, I could have simply superjumped from the HQ to Rogueport, but I would have missed such a beautiful scenery.
Anyway, after everyone ran away from an angry Perch, who was upset over the mess we did on the basement at The 'Shroom's HQ, I also ran away. Of course, I ran away! I was in charge of making sure everything was fine between Pitohui and Roserade's fighting, so looking at the mess we did, and seeing how much Perch was upset over this, I was surely going to have a very bad time, because of my failure. Those eyes... Yikes, I still get chills just thinking about it, and here I thought I was frightening.
Oh, and sure, we must not underestimate the power of the Shadow Director. He is probably planning his revenge, who knows. Anyway, I spent the day looking over my shoulder, and no sign of threat on the horizon… for now.
Oh, that reminds me and I think I should write that down. Getting out of the boat and finding myself on the dock, I was harassed by a Bob-omb who was talking about making investments in the research and culture sector, I tried to understand what he wanted to say and told him to clarify his words, but he remained elusive about it. I told him that I knew someone called Roserade, the Emperor, and that he would surely be more interested than me, after all, if I remember correctly, Roserade wanted to do some private placement in Rogueport or something like that. That's when he backed out of me and said he would surely make a better target. I asked him what he meant by that, but that's when he ran away. Seriously, there are strange people in this world. In any case, I will let Roserade know as soon as I get back to work.
After I was able to collect my suitcases, I went immediately to the plaza, and that's when I noticed a crowd of people gathering in the center, and that's where I was stunned by what was happening, my dear journal. There was a live execution! There was an old Goomba near me who wore strange glasses, and I have to say he was nice enough, but damn he was letting complex words out of his mouth. Anyway, what I meant was that I asked him why that poor little guy was getting executed. He started telling me a story about the scientific facts, and about the preliminary dirty money data and I completely stopped listening at that point, but to put it simply, it seems that it was a bandit who caused troubles with the Pianta Syndicate and the Robbo Gang, and when you mess badly with both, well that's what happen. Well, afterwards I suggested to the old Goomba that he take a picture of me in front of the gallow to keep a memory of this event and unfortunately, that's when he got angry at me, calling me a maniac or whatever... I really don't get what was upsetting about it, I mean, I did way worse things during my night actions.
In order to avoid drawing the crowd's attention on me, I took the opportunity to sneak up to the inn to leave my suitcases there. Upon entering, I noticed there was a bar there, and the atmosphere was pretty good. I even had a pretty interesting encounter with a man called Flavio. He started talking to me about entrepreneurship, and that apparently he is pretty famous, and that I was lucky of meeting him in this place. I was extremely surprised that he was a famous guy, because I had never heard of him. I guess I spend too much time working and not enough traveling to meet people out of the ordinary. Anyway, speaking of the guy, he started talking to me about the time he took a trip with a guy by the name Mario to a far away island. I asked him if it was the Mario, but I don't think he heard me since he kept talking while I asked him. Apparently, it was during this trip that he met a legendary pirate named Cortez and that since that day he has been traveling the world without ceasing. It was a bit cheesy to my taste, but thinking on having the luxury of travaling the world without any bound, I have to admit, I am a bit jealous. He told the time when he had the chance to meet a sailor in Port Prisma who was looking for a captain to go on a treasure hunt. He told him that "Flavio is your guy. Flavio will make you famous like only Flavio can", and since that day, they are still looking for the treasure. According to him, the map had a mistake in one of its codes and he believes that on their next trip they will find it. The barman looked at me, and told me that it was the fifth attempt. It was pretty amusing, but hey, everyone has a different way of having fun and if there is a treasure at the end of this adventure, it might pay off.
Flavio kept talking nonstop, and that's when I started to get hungry. Upon saying that I was hungry, Flavio knocked on the table and quickly stoop up. He told me that there was a restaurant that I had to avoid at all costs. It is a place called "Tangerino Grill" located on Prism Island, if I remember correctly. What? I can't remember every single details I'll have you know! Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that Tangerino Grils isn't a place that Flavio would call sanitary, and by the look of it, it must be pretty bad considering Flavio seems to still keep a bad memory of this place. I wanted him to tell me more, but Flavio simply said: "Flavio is too disgusted, and outraged. Flavio can't tell something this bad to a such pure face. This may mark you for life. Be lucky that Flavio gives you his blessing". Alright, I guess it was a pretty bad place. Flavio still can't understand how this place is still ranking among the Top Ten restaurants of the Mushroom Kingdom.
After the opportunity of having a nice chat with this Flavio guy and before leaving for a meal, that's when I went up the stairs to get to the inn and I have to say that the place is not that bad. Okay, the roof is leaking, but that has its charm I guess. In addition, the price is decent enough. I mean, five coins is the price of a Mushroom that I can easily find in one of those Question Blocks. Thinking on it, I have not seen a single Question Block in this place as of yet. How odd...
Well, I guess that's all from me for the moment my dear journal. I am getting rather sleepy. In any case, this place is wonderful as of now, and I really need to look around the plaza tomorrow. Apparently there are some great places to shop, and everyone knows that I love shopping and looking for some fresh gears.
With that said, goodnight journal, and stay fresh!
Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown
Hello all you sports fans out there, and welcome back to Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown, the only fighting tournament sponsored by Bowser's Sourpuss Bread! ...What? We lost the sponsorship? Well then, in that case Bowser's Sourpuss Bread is terrible and tastes like a loaf of cardboard. Never buy it.
Well, Valentine's Day recently passed, and if you needed me to remind you of that, then you may be in trouble with your significant other for forgetting to get them a thoughtful and heartfelt gift. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to have a bit of a Valentine's themed match this month. So I asked myself, what are some of the most iconic symbols of Valentine's Day? If you thought of hearts, flowers, and chocolates, you'd be right, but unfortunately I ate the chocolate already so we're just left with hearts and flowers. And that's who we have here fighting here today!
Please welcome our first contestant... TUBBA BLUBBA'S HEART!
It's a little known fact that having your entire heart physically removed from your body doesn't make you drop dead, but actually makes you completely invincible! So that's where this little guy comes from. His main attack is just to toss himself in your face, but he's got another trick up his sleeves! Well, he doesn't have arms and doesn't even wear clothes, but you get what I'm saying. Way back when Bowser stole the Star Rod, Tubba's Heart actually had one of the most powerful attacks of all the foes Mario faced on his adventure, surpassed by only a handful of enemies including King Bowser himself and some old man in a dojo. What is that attack, you ask? Well, he smothers you in many tiny pieces of heart tissue. Gives a whole new meaning to Doki Doki Panic, doesn't it?
And speaking of powerful enemies, our second contestant packs a punch even stronger than our cardiac-based friend here. Everyone give a big round of applause to... AMAZY DAYZEE!
If you don't already know, Amazy Dayzees are incredibly rare creatures, so we're really lucky that we were able to find one and get it in the bag. Oops, um, disregard that last statement. This Amazy Dayzee definitely came here willingly. Anyway, enough about that, this rare variant of the Crazee Dayzee is much more powerful, and if their song doesn't instantly knock you to the floor unconscious from its massive damage output alone, it'll put you to sleep on the spot. However, Amazy Dayzees tend to avoid combat at all costs and will often flee from battle. Is it because they're cowards, or because they're stingy and don't want to share all the Star Points they drop? Who knows!
We have two potent contenders here, but if I had to predict a winner, I'd say Amazy Dayzee. While Tubba's Heart may be powerful, he has to charge his special attack first, giving Amazy Dayzee more than enough time to put him to sleep, and even if he does attack successfully, Amazy Dayzees are a lot tougher than they look and won't go down that easy. But let's get into the ring and see for ourselves, shall we?
And Tubba's Heart makes the first move by charging his special attack! He's not pulling any punches here, not that he could since he has no hands. But Amazy Dayzee brilliantly uses this opening to sing a lovely song of pain and suffering. Ouch! That's gotta hurt, and Tubba's Heart is now lying on the floor sleeping! In some cases that might be considered a knockout, but we operate differently here. What will Amazy Dayzee do with this massive tactical advantage? We're all on the edge of our seat here! And he's- running away?! Security! We have a fleeing contestant over here! Uh, hold on tight everyone, we'll get this sorted out.
Well nevermind, security wasn't able to catch that stupid flower. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Chuck. I know you're embarrassed, you should be. Anyway, it looks like Tubba's Heart is still just sleeping there... You know, in hindsight I should've seen this coming, but I'm not exactly sure what the procedure is for when a contestant leaves the premises in the middle of a match. Well, I guess Tubba's Heart wins. We'll tell him when he wakes up.
So far my match ideas haven't worked out too well... Hm, maybe I should start getting input from other people on this. I don't know, just a thought. Well, thanks for tuning in, and we hope to see you back here next month for another Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown!
He's still sleeping? Really? Don't we have an Alarm Bob-omb somewhere around here?
Written by: Coffee
Oh no, not February again. I thought we’d done this last year, but now apparently we have to have it again. The everlasting dreariness of this most paltry of months has sucked my creativity dry, writer’s block proving itself not just limited to novelists. But I cannot deprive you of the flavourful juices of Mushroom Kingdom television to freshen your own nightmarish Februaries. So here they are, your spark of joy to animate the month.
Genre: Surrealist sitcom
A bizarre parody of both the career of legendary actor Mario and of the sitcom genre, Supermariovision is a truly bizarre piece of comedic television, threading mere semblances of a plot through inexplicably surreal holes - almost like a sketch show with a story. It’s a brand new experimental show created by Iggy Koopa, and is - perhaps unexpectedly - hilarious. In tomorrow’s episode, Mario’s quest to save a nondescript princess is interrupted by three mischievous cats, while Yoshi opens up a self-funded commercial airport. Hopefully it’ll get more than one series.
Forgotten Warriors - Paragoomba
Genre: Historical docuseries
Combining animated reenactments with dramatic performances and accurate historical information, Forgotten Warriors has been commended for its commitment to revealing the true roles of some of those involved in past Mushroom Kingdom conflicts. This week’s episode focuses on Paragoombas, the oft-maligned aerial division of the Goomba Army, whose sacrifices were much greater than previously portrayed. Dynamic and thought-provoking, it makes for an intriguing watch.
Captain Toad’s Awesome Adventures
MKBC Kids, 5pm
Young schoolchildren across the Mushroom Kingdom rush home from their educational facilities as quickly as they can to avoid missing Captain Toad’s Awesome Adventures, the latest kids’ show to gain a significant youth following. With all the accompanying playsets and memorabilia, parents may be sick of the sprightly Captain Toad and his overly feminine companion Toadette by now, but you can’t ignore that the show is cleverly-designed, exciting, and even occasionally humorous. In tomorrow’s episode, the pair search for a mystical jewel (again).
So that’s the best television to come out of this February. Thank god it’s shorter this year round. In fact, in my opinion, they should just keep shortening it by one day every year, so that by the year 2049 February has disappeared completely and we can all be freed from February’s clutches. No offence meant to anyone born in February; after all, you couldn’t help it. Anyway, see you on the other side!
|The 'Shroom: Issue 167|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|
|Specials||Feedback Survey • Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury Photo Contest|