The 'Shroom:Issue 229/Critic Corner
Director's Notes
It's April! Really!! It's already April! If you think you've escaped from jokes with it not being the 1st anymore then you've been the fool the whole time, with time itself moving forward at light speed who knows if it's the 1st, 3rd, 18th, 37th, March, April, Elevmber, December, it's all what's past and it's all what's next and it's all you have and all that will ever be here and now, now and then, back and forth and back again. Stabilize yourself with the opinions of us, let us tell you what's right and wrong with another issue of Critic Corner!
Congratulations to Fun With Despair (talk)'s Half-Baked Reviews for receiving as March's Critic Corner Section of the Month!!! Be sure to give your love to all of our sections here, and give a shout out to our writers whether in chat or in their forum threads dedicated to their sections. Be sure to vote vote vote!
And now for my regular announcements: We've decided to implement in Critic Corner something similar to News Flush over in Fake News, where no formal sign-up application process is required for one-time or limited sections. From now on if you just want to send in a single review for something you just read, watched played, tried, whatever, you just have to send me your review privately either to me directly in chat, or in a message to me on the forum at least one week before each 'Shroom is to be released! There's no commitment or obligation to provide a full monthly section (although you absolutely can shift it into one if you so choose), just send us your thoughts on a thing and we'll feature it here! If you have any questions or curiosities about this, please feel free to ask!
As always, if you would like to help Critic Corner, we always have openings for more writers! You are free to write for sections such as Character Review and Movie Review, or really anything you'd like to do! There's no pressure to have a huge section; they can be shorter and concise! The application process is very simple, starting with reading the Sign Up page, and sending your application to MightyMario on the forum. Any idea you have is welcome, and if you have any questions or need help signing up, please feel free to reach out to myself or other 'Shroom peeps!
Section of the Month
| CRITIC CORNER SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Anton's Half-Baked Reviews | 13 | 76.47% | Fun With Despair (talk) |
| 2nd | Book Review | 2 | 11.76% | FunkyK38 (talk) |
| 2nd | Yoshi18 Reviews | 2 | 11.76% | Yoshi18 (talk) |
Yoshi18 Reviews
Hi everyone! Can't believe 1/3th of the year is already over ! Warmer weather (YeY!), more insects ([insert internal rage]). My test week is FINALLY over (trust me, it was torture. As always) and I'm currently playing Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream and it’s great! Like I promised last month, this time I'll be reviewing Wii Party! Let's get reviewing!
Wii Party
It's ya other boy, my second favorite game of all-time, GIVE A LOUD APPLAUSE TO Wii Party!!!!! No, you're not having déjà vu. I reused this from my Mario Party 8, because let's be honest: both games deserve such a grand entrance. Now what is Wii Party? Glad you asked! To put it simply, Wii Party is basically like Mario Party but with Miis. There are some key differences, though. Like the linear board system, the 1st-4th place formula and much more smaller details. These are mainly differences with the Hudson Soft Mario Parties, cause of things like the linear board system for example: the board has a start and a (far away) end, and the first person to get to the end wins. This system was reused in Mario Party: Island Tour. Mario Party 9 and Mario Party 10 reused this too but made it slightly different due to the car mechanic and every character being on the same space, but Mario Party: Island Tour reused this linear board system completely unaltered. So yeah, as you can see, the Nintendo Cube Mario Parties tend to reuse things from Wii Party, that's why there's not really any differences between them except for the main characters.
Minigames
Minigames! Always my favorite part! Are the minigames here one of the most amazing things on earth? You bet! Does it match up to Mario Party 8? Actually, yes! Can I choose which of the two has the better minigames and is also the overall better game? Sadly, no. Though I can say they definitely improved the motion controls in this game (though that's not surprising as, if my theory from my previous review, Mario Party 8 was originally meant for release in 2006 on either the GameCube 'and' the Wii or just the GameCube, but they decided to remove the GameCube controls and quickly assign Wii controls to the game. No game has perfect minigames so even this one has a few horrible ones. All of them, except two, are luck-based. The only one in this list that actually involves skill but is somehow still annoying as fuck to win is Cry Babies. I just never understood how that minigame when I was younger. I do now, but I still don't really like that minigame. And from what I see on YouTube, I'm not the only one. Pretty sure it's like the most hated Wii Party minigame. There was also another minigame I didn't get and that was Pump Cart Panic, though that one was really just a skill issue on my side tho. The rest of the bad minigames are really just luck-based ones. Some are actually fun (mainly the short ones) like Lucky Launch, but most of the others are really just there to ragebait you. If I had to pick a favorite minigame it would likely be something like Crash Balls, Tropical Punch, Rope Sling (managed to get the max score of 181 meters/yards in that minigame), Splash Bash, Delivery Duel, Commuter Count, Meet and Greet, Pop Coaster and Teamwork Temple. Yeah those are a lot but this game also has lots of good minigames!
Modes
Party Games
Board Game Island
There's only one board in this game so there really ain't much to talk about (or at least nothing I haven't already said).
Globe Trot
Enjoyed how it's kinda like Koopa's Tycoon Town (somewhat).
Swap Meet/Mii of a Kind
Swap Meet (Mii of a Kind in PAL regions) is a decent game mode, but we can't forget the amazing music it had.
Spin-Off
Let's go gambling! Have done it many times there.
Bingo
Honestly nothing too interesting. Just bingo but you play Wii Party minigames.
Pair Games
There are three but I’ve only really played Balance Boat. Let's just say I didn't come far.
House Party Games
Unfortunately, I don't have friends (at least not the kind that comes over every single week) to play these modes with (you need 2 players or more).
Minigame Modes
Nothing real special about the first two modes here as they're literally the same as the other standard minigame modes in Mario Party.
Solo
Let's just say I didn't come far here. I only did the beginner level. It was fun, but I'm not wasting my time and I'm not ragebaiting myself by playing the harder levels. I'm a casual player.
Challenge
Took me many years to be smart enough to beat Garden Gridlock. It was cool and it was definitely fun, but the rest of the minigames are either mid, bad or straight-up ragebait versions of the original.
Spot the Sneak
Never properly played this game mode but the concept seems very cool that one player can just sabotage the minigame to their advantage. The Mario Party series should definitely try that out too.
My final opinion
Once a game I absolutely recommend. It is not just a game, it is cinema! It might have some lows but the ups definitely overshadow it for me! You guys should definitely give it a try! And now that Nintendo made a new Tomodachi Life game, let's pray for a new Wii Party game. Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream has proved you'll never know and that you should never give up hoping!
And there goes another edition. Guess the game I'm playing now that is for next month's issue! That's right! The one. The only. Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream! Be sure not to miss it, cause I can assure you, it will be a good one! Thank y'all for reading! Stay safe and cya all next time!
Completion Centre
Written by: Sentient freedom (talk)
Welcome back to the Completion Centre, 'Shroom readers! Honestly I am very, VERY happy to be contributing to The 'Shroom again, I missed all of you and I bet you missed me too. Anyway, let's not get too sentimental here, and let's get onto my 100% completion review on Dadish 3.
Personal Pathway
Surprisingly, Dadish 3 worked flawlessly on my tablet so I was actually able to play it. The story this time is that Dadish was sleeping at home (as he does) while his children were playing around. Suddenly a school bus with a Burger Bully drives up to them, and without thinking all the children get inside it. The horn from the bus wakes Dadish up and he notices the bus, so he chases it down. The reasoning for boarding the bus in the first place is that apparently, his children are going on a field trip to the soup factory where they get to see how vegetable soup is made up close, yeah I think you can deduce the problem with that. This time the worlds Dadish travels through are Gangalo Jungle, Polvujo Desert, Rubo Sewer, Haveno Port, and Marfundo Sea. (Also, a fun fact I found out is that the first part of the world's names are the same words as the second part of their names, just in Esperanto, so as an example, Herbejo Meadow would be "Meadow Meadow" if translated into English). Dadish also meets three other people while on his journey so I'll make separate articles for them all.
- Momato - She is a tomato and Dadish's ex-wife. Apparently, she has been gone for a very long time due to business reasons, and thus neither Dadish nor his kids have seen her for that long. She controls on a bouncing arc bouncing every time she hits the ground, yep she's that simple to control.
- Madish - He is a large daikon and basically acts like a deadly moving wall, in that he will emerge from a wall or a crate and will start moving towards Dadish while muttering endlessly. He isn't that fast though, so it should be easy to outrun him.
- The Dolphin The Dolphin/Lord Kanrud - No that was not a mistake, that's actually what his initial name is. He is a dolphin (couldn't you tell?) and he's seemingly nice, offering to help Dadish cross deadly liquid hazards, including sewage, but when you reach level 50, he unveils his true persona, revealing himself to be Lord Kanrud (No, despite Kanrud being Durnak backwards, he and Lord Durnak aren't related in any way.)
But I'm not done yet as we still need to focus on the enemies, so here they are:
- Cupcake Snakes - These delicious-sounding enemies come in varying sizes and attack by rising and lowering their bodies in a snake-like pattern.
- Idiot Icecreams - These enemies jump around on the platforms they are on and occasionally throw their scoops (i.e their heads) into the sky which somersaults back into their cone. Kind of elaborate, not going to lie.
- Floss Bombs - These cotton candy enemies fly from two set points and occasionally drop small nuke-like bombs that detonate upon hitting the ground. Yeah, bombs in an indie game, how cliche.
- Bread Slices - This foe seems to be a giant loaf of bread, but actually, they are four individual slices and all takes turns jumping on the platform they're on, one at a time.
Dadish 3 has the most amount of mechanics so far in this (former) trilogy, and that just further justifies my reasoning for this franchise being so underrated.
Annoying Atrium
Just like the two other Dadish games, the one thing that I don't like about it is the star placements, they are just in so many out-of-sight places, that I just can't show all of them, but I will show some. An example is Gangalo Jungle level 8, to get the star you need to shoot Ddaish up to a higher platform so he can get the star. However, mess up the shot and you'll be forced to end the level as the radish child is below said platform, meaning that you need to to play the whole level again just to get another shot at it.
Another annoying one is in Polvujo Desert level 2 here, I don't even know how to describe the star placement. It's at the bottom of a pit on a pedestal surrounded by quicksand, however there are two pits and it's at the bottom of the first one. How anyone would know that when playing this game for the first time is anyone's guess honestly, but just know that this is an annoying placement.
And finally, there's Polvujo Desert level 5, and this took me so long to figure out, it is located in an alcove at the very end of the level that can only be reached by falling down another pit, and this one is worse because if you miss it you have to play the entire level again and it's pretty long too. Again, how anyone would know about this on their first playthrough of the game is anyone's guess.
Decision Dessert Place
Just like the other two, Dadish 3 is an incredible game to 100% with more funny dialogue and more mechanics to make it feel fresh. I will say this as many times as I will have to, Dadish is a very underrated franchise and more people shouldn't be overlooking it.
Conclusion Center
This time the reward for collecting all the stars is Panic the Possum, who is a purple possum who wears green shoes that's very fast and can wall jump like Mario can. I like him, he's a very fun character to play around with, though his speed can lead to some problems when playing levels.
And with that, this marks the end of another trip of the Completion Center. So normally I would be done with Dadish, but actually, Thomas released a new installment to the series which is Dadish 4, where you play as Dadish's oldest son DJ (Dadish Junior) so that will be the next one I'll go over next month. So with that, I'll see you next month for that.
Written by: Hypnotoad (talk)
Art by: TheLizardWizard (18+ Warning)
✨ Luxe Edition ✨
It’s not news that groceries have gotten expensive, and only looking like it’s going to get more expensive, with politicians and pundits trying to spin the basic necessity as a luxury. It’s also not news that I spend a wild amount of money that I don’t really want to think too hard about on food I really don’t need just so I can review it; expensive milkshakes, chocolate bars, drinks, snacks, entire trips around the country that I planned around going to dozens of grocery stores. So far I feel like everything I’ve done has been accessible and within the realm of what normal people would get–at worst–during a vacation splurge, or a nice holiday gift, but there’s an esoteric difference between expensive food that’s hyped up as a luxury due to trends and marketing, and food that’s genuinely made for the upper crust (or the upper middle flexing their credit card limit). With food being a necessity and things like expensive trips and finer goods being out of the budget, groceries have become a status symbol and way to signal identity, ideals, politics, and personality. Higher quality and intentional foods that support trendy diets are a show of a population caring about what they eat more and more, and caring about what other people think about what they’re eating, completing an (un)intentional horseshoe of political trickery and a massive campaign of misinformation all to wring wallets dry and validate food as a luxury.
This topic is a bummer, though, an academic gauntlet I’ve spent too much time observing and sampling in many of my other reviews as well as my own career where I have a hand in balancing these trends. Instead, for this jolly and jestering start of April, what I gathered here is stuff that felt directed towards either cheeky displays of opulence, couth displays of wealth, or a heightened aura of prestige. There’s many obscene flashes of cash that I don’t really scream ‘rich’ and more just ‘showing off’, like the 24k Gold Burger from Sugar Factory or the endless barrage of Dubai chocolate cashgrabs, which honestly look incredibly trashy, what a slimy tourist trap tricks vacationers and birthday-goers into thinking what rich is. While I think it’d be funny to do a review based on these, I just honestly can’t bring myself to do it and want to hold on to whatever self-respect I've manufactured over the last few years.
Mirzam Emirati Honeycomb
Mirzam is a chocolatier based in Dubai, making this review technically about Dubai chocolate that I otherwise refuse to acknowledge as anything more than an incredibly forced trend that found a way to sell pistachio flavor to younger generations. There’s not much useful information I can find about Mirzam, at least from English sources, that don’t seem scripted and planned, only alleging that the ingredients are all ethically sourced. Turns out it’s ran by some white lady from New Zealand who’s lived in Dubai her whole life who quit her job to suddenly become a chocolate factory owner thanks to two anonymous business partners, terrified and unsure that the local Emirati and Arabian population would be offended and mad at her, with this article serving as the best About Me page that Mirzam has never posted. Every bit of internal information about Mirzam seems to be serving a goal of convincing everyone that this is a valid business venture, and further selling the world on Dubai, though I think bean-to-bar chocolates won’t be able to change much about a place where human rights face an overwhelming amount of challenges and atrocities.
Mirzam themes their chocolates on the Spice Road, whether through simple package design and commissioned artists, but more interestingly with unique flavors such as khabeesa and loqaimat that I’d love to see get more love and attention. As with many things I gathered in my general pool of things to consider for full reviews here and ended up not actually reviewing because they were boring and gave me nothing to say, I got this on the clearance shelf of a local gourmet food shop where the original price was $28, marked down to $11, with a further 50% off. This Mirzam Emirati Honeycomb is made with 62% dark chocolate and honeycomb candy, a type of rigid spongey toffee that doesn’t have much recognition in the US outside of Butterfinger technically qualifying, if you’ve found Violet Crumble in tiny international sections, or grew up in the Buffalo metro area.
With most of my experience with honeycomb candy coming from Buffalonian sponge candy, the Mirzam Honeycomb is shockingly good in comparison. Very obviously a higher quality chocolate and candymaking process, and just a better consistency with the honeycomb candy. It cleaves nicely when taking a bite, rather than splintering and smashing crumbs everywhere, and has a good firm and snappy crunch. The chocolate coating adds a nice touch of creaminess to help smooth out the sharper honeycomb flavor, and acts as a bit of a foil to how sticky and caramely it is, though it still easily gets stuck all over my teeth. The honey itself is from sidr trees, and hold a lot of magical, medicinal, and religious claims and insinuations, ramblings of miraculous craftsmanship in every review and description I can find that just makes everything feel fake especially when it just tastes like every other kind of honey I’ve ever had. Sweet, a little floral, almost buttery with how similar to toffee it is, but ultimately it’s just well-made honeycomb that can be handled with a calmer approach.
It just looks gorgeous for presentation, too. I felt like there might not have been enough in the box, given my experience with the quantities that sponge candy tends to be sold in back in Buffalo grocery stores, but it felt like a perfect amount for a board shared by four people and I still had a couple pieces left over. I think this is because the honey is so rich and sticky, as well as the pieces being thick enough that it feels simultaneously indulgent and like a chore, so you savor a piece and then pass on having another.
Chocolat by Adam Turoni
Founded in 2011, Chocolate by Adam Turoni is a handcrafted artisan chocolate shop located in Savannah, Georgia. It’s a partnership between Adam Turoni who makes the chocolate, and Alexandra Trujillo de Taylor who makes the in-store experience. Adam Turoni has a good amount tv media fame, appearing on a few food shows, as well as chocolate pieces featured in The Menu. I didn’t exactly plan on coming here, specifically, but rather it was a “chocolate shop” I had plunked in my list of things to sorta check out while wandering the downtown Savannah grid. As with most artisan chocolatiers, a good bulk of what’s being sold in their shops tends to be chocolate truffles, and while Chocolate by Adam Turoni definitely has a bunch of truffles available, the focus seemed to be more on all of their other treats like bars, cups, figurines, and little boxed things. This was due to the unique setup that had to be explained to me by the worker when I came in, that all of the truffles were held in ornate white-painted wooden curios, and that I’m welcome to open the doors and pick out what I want, or just peruse the other tables and shelves. I would’ve gotten more pictures of the interior myself, had I not been the only one in there with the single worker happily watching my every single move constantly asking if I needed help; excellent customer service and certainly something I would’ve likely loved to accept, had I not been weird about scoping the place out, but luckily Google Maps has plenty you can see. The shop was absolutely loaded with useless decor that set the mood as a somewhat maximalist and lavish English estate with light fantasy whimsy meant to evoke ‘Marie Antoinette meets Alice in Wonderland’, covered in vintage books, clocks, frames, fake grass, with plenty of silver platters and bowls in the mix to display the actual chocolate that’s for sale. Just an absolute great use of the relatively large amount of space in their shop to display the minimal amount of stuff actually being sold, done in a way that fully sets a higher brow mood and melts into Savannah’s historic charm. While I was there I ended up buying two items that caught my eye: the Rocher, and the Peanut Butter Chocolate Bar.
Rocher
Slivered almonds and dried cranberries tossed in grand marnier and candied in sugar and roasted, 72% dark chocolate, and most importantly is finished with edible gold leaf, Adam Turoni’s Rochers vary quite a bit from Ferraro Rochers aside from looking like rocks. The particular sweetness and tartness from the cranberries and Grand Marnier is evident, the orange-flavored liqueur itself being something I’m glad to be tasting as that’s an expensive ingredient that actually has a notable presence that’s valuable. Meanwhile, as predicted and already known, the gold leaf has absolutely no flavor, and any potential crunchiness from it being a sheet of metal is lost with just how full this thing is with slivered almonds. It’s misconstruing intentions to be eating it, as I believe this is something that could serve more as decor, but it’s genuinely delicious, with a wonderfully chewy and varied texture that remains interesting throughout.
Through this I think I started seeing gold embellishment more as a signifier of quality and intent, a symbol that’s become bastardized and rendered gaudy by those who’ve misinterpreted the point, that it’s not the gold itself that makes the class but the properties itself that the gold just highlights, meant to not be the focus but a garnish to bring attention. But also, I could totally be whiffing it, and it’s just got some gold on it to trick tourists into paying more.
Peanut Butter Chocolate Bar
Adam Turoni’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Bar was an easy pick for me, being a 35% milk chocolate bar with homemade peanut butter filling, elevated further with black lava Cyprus flake sea salt and a dusting of edible 24k gold powder. $6.75 for individual bars at the shop, but currently $12 for two bars online (watch out for that $16+ shipping fee), which is definitely more than what you’d pay for conventional bars but is a phenomenal craft chocolate price ESPECIALLY at local and handmade levels. While I wouldn’t call this a mind-blowing chocolate bar, it’s very good for a milk chocolate bar that many artisan makers turn their noses away from, maintaining richness that properly celebrates what chocolate can be while still being crowd-pleasing. Sweet, creamy, nutty, warm, with a peanut butter filling that feels the same, but the [kaicaochocolate.com/a/resources/cacao-recipes/why-salt-enhances-the-flavor-of-chocolate-a-culinary-exploration sea salt adds a fascinating layer] that makes each bite a little different and exciting. The black salt on it is made that way with activated charcoal, which allows makers and users to attach all kinds of detox pseudoscience health cure-all claims they feel like to be instantly believed by a disappointing amount of the human population, but luckily Adam Turoni only really uses it for a cool factor, and I’m honestly here for it. The gold powder adds absolutely no flavor, but I am a little into it with how it makes the chocolate bar look as it’s just a bit of warm shimmer to it that gives it a subliminal weight of importance that made me take careful and calculated bites to properly savor.
In-between the time of me writing this and it posting the price has jacked up to $19 for two bars, which isn’t surprising but is a detail I need to log. I personally feel this still falls into decently accessible luxury pricing for what it is, as this isn’t meant to be a simple Hershey’s bar you buy in bulk for s’mores night, but a bit of a mental escape for someone looking for a local treat and touch of cosplayed class.
Runamok Glitter Maple Syrup
I saw this one day while shopping at a Zupan’s Market in Portland where I was fully expecting to see things like this, and I believe it was the single item that started my idea for this particular section. Sparkle Syrup is Grade A Vermont maple syrup infused with ‘pearlescent mica sparkle’ that do not impact or impart texture or flavor. Grade A sounds great to people who don’t know maple syrup, but all retail-available maple syrup is Grade A now, with discernment being between various colors: golden, amber, dark, and very dark.
Incredibly expensive, even by syrup standards which is an item that can already end up costing way too much when most people don’t know the difference between genuine product and Mrs Butterworth, sitting at $18.95 (at the time I bought it, now $19.95) and same for most of their maple syrup products that includes a sizable variety of barrel-aged and flavor infusions; I’m shocked that there isn’t a sparkle version of all of them, or at least a little bottle of the food-grade mica glitter that they use to sell online. I do find it cute that there’s some limited edition glass bottles for Pride or winter, but I think that their Limited Edition Snow Globe winter one should’ve been an actual snow globe orb at the very least, and maybe a wintery flavor, because all this seems to be for otherwise is simple widely-available aesthetics repackaged and rebranded as something magical and spectacular. If you ask real Vermonters, once you get past them arguing with each other over which county has better syrup and should Quebec be set ablaze with the earth salted, they will tell you that Runamok is for gifts and tourists and that you should get real stuff from locals, but until locals start putting glitter in their stuff I’m gonna pass.
Suggestions for use include “pouring it on breakfast favorites, livening up desserts, using it as a dipping sauce or taking cocktails to the next level” which is something you can already do with just any other edible glitter, but having this being the only maple syrup available in my fridge for a while did push the glitter aspect aside as just a neat bonus. Naturally my first (and second and third) use of this was on waffles. Immediately noticeable was it’s really runny, in a pretty unsatisfying way; selecting waffles was a great choice because it could pool in the wells, but I imagine this would be catastrophic for pancakes. Apparently high quality and real maple syrup is supposed to be thin and watery, with fake maple syrups made with corn syrup and preservatives being thick and sticky, so while I can’t fault Runamok inherently for this it still bothers me. I don’t want to say that Mrs. Butterworth’s conditioned me to prefer the lower quality, but I would prefer some more viscosity to my maple syrup so it will actually stick to my pancakes or give some body to what I’m using it for. The glitter does stay behind as the syrup slides off or otherwise absorbed into the waffle, keeping the shimmer, which is greatly appreciated as that’s the entire reason to be using this specific product over literally dozens of other available retail options anyways. I’ve used edible glitter in baking and making before, and I will say that it being confined in a syrup is much more workable and measurable than just having it in a small bottle that you can accidentally use way too much with and end up getting more of it on your hands than anything else. I just wish this sparkled just a little more, because it’s a bit hard to see unless you get the light hitting it just right and stare at it for a while, and that’s just not how I intend on eating waffles.
I also made their Sparkly Maple Bourbon Smash recipe, which is 2oz of bourbon with 1oz each of lemon juice and Sparkle Syrup, and boy does the glitter really settle in the bottle. I had to jam a chopstick into the syrup bottle and slam it down to break up the fully solidified layer of glitter and stir it around A LOT before I could shake it and pour an appropriate amount of syrup that had an adequate amount of glitter in it. The effect is pretty cool, actually, but the drink isn’t that great. I had to fix it by adding some bubblies and sweeten it up a little more with cherry syrup now that it was so diluted, but this is not something I can fault the Sparkle Syrup for. It did its job to add a nice sweetness to it that matched the woody and warm vanilla flavors in the bourbon, and most importantly shimmered in my glass.
As for the taste of the syrup itself, I gotta be honest and say that it doesn’t taste much different from other maple syrups at all, maybe more of a pronounced maple flavor than what you’d get from something fake, but ultimately it’s just something that’s sweet and sticky. I expected a bit more of a woody flavor, caramelized and warm, but I’m not getting much more than flat sweetness which I suppose validates the Runamok haters and poopoos lighter-colored syrups. While researching this I’ve noticed that the loud minority reaction is very negative of this, and either critiquing the necessity and questioning the safety of the food-grade mica glitter, or just being huge sourpusses about it being glitter at all, sworn enemies of whimsy. Runamok’s own website spells out the purple quite clearly:Maybe it’s just me but I think it’s ok for something like this to exist, especially when free will continues to thrive and you have complete agency over your retail purchases. True utility I have found with this is it’s very useful for helping to get a cranky 2-year old to eat her food, so the lesson here is everything has a purpose even if you can’t identify it right away. Have some glitter.Why did we create Sparkle Syrup? Sparkle Syrup was created with one sole purpose: to make you smile. When 2020 was delivering one blow after another, we decided to create a new product that might bring a little joy to our customers' lives.
Lucky 32
“Earnest food and hospitality in an upscale joint.”
During a week-long trip to the Raleigh-Durham area I decided “hey, I wanna go to a fancy restaurant, not just a nice place but something with prestige and a dress code.” I would’ve liked to try out Heron’s as they hit that upper echelon luxury level I was imagining trying, but their dress code seems more firm and I just did not want to commit to that at this current time, maybe another. I also considered Second Empire as that had higher ratings and seemed to be more in the swing of luxury, but the menu just didn’t jump out much to my boyfriend, and what fun would that be to go to a place you already anticipate having a bad time just because of personal tastes with what’s offered? While Michelin has only somewhat recently gotten around to North Carolinawith just one restaurant receiving a star, the AAA Diamond Program has been there done that and has given Lucky 32 a score of three diamonds out of a point average from 0-5 with all 3s on Food, Service, and Decor, defined as “trendy food skillfully presented in a remarkable setting”. I really have no idea what this means contextually, so the best I can do to understand is compare it to restaurants near me, with Five Diamond restaurants being the extremely expensive upper echelon world famous places, Four Diamonds being the same thing with some nitpicks, and Three Diamonds being nearly every destination restaurant at Disney resorts and parks as well as all of the really nice local treasures that remain as high-end yet accessible for people who worry about how much Cap’n Crunch costs. As I don’t think I’ll ever be willing to go to a $200 minimum restaurant just to check it out for reviews, I’ll take it!!
The dress code is listed on various reservation sites as smart casual, casual elegant, and casual, which is all incredibly vague and I’m just taking it as ‘don’t look like a tourist, don’t look trashy’, clothes you wouldn’t be embarrassed wearing around unfriendly coworkers. I chose nice sneakers, black jeans, and a simple flannel, which seemed to be how everyone else there that day interpreted it. Getting in at my reservation time and the seating experience was nice, I’m not that much of an elite gourmand that I’m able to nitpick host and waitstaff service, but they did their job and didn’t bother me more than needed, and I appreciate that. Made recommendations when asked, gentle commentary, refilled my drinks without making a show of it, visible when needed, invisible when not. We went for brunch entirely because I wanted their bananas foster french toast which unfortunately doesn’t appear to be (directly) on the menu currently.
To start, the Bananas Foster French Toast was what I wanted because flambéed fruit dishes made with liquor and served with ice cream just seems like a reason for life to persist. It came with syrup, powdered sugar, perfectly prepared thick and chewy and crunchy and perfect perfect bacon, and a handful of banana slices, though not equivalent to a full banana which I am still undecided on whether I should’ve had the whole thing or if the portioning was appropriate for serving size and presentation. The french toast itself was nice, allegedly stuffed with bananas foster nonsense but I honestly could hardly tell if not for the french toast’s internal plushness being absent with what appears to be the rest of the banana in its place. The result is almost-crispy toast, pleasantly soft with no concern of uncooked portions and gooeyness, the surface all caramelized. Also no longer on the menu, we got the Cajun Crawfish Toast, which was really good warm, but became incredibly oily and drippy, with very little staying power as time went on; very much an appetizer that has to be eaten before your meal arrives. A little kick to it, smoky and savory, but getting a nice bite out of it was difficult as the entire edges were burnt to the point of rigid blackness, a great idea that would’ve been served better with more careful execution. The truffle fries were recommended by staff as well as many online comments I saw while picking which place to go to, and overall I’d say they were really good. Overwhelming amount of garlic, and yeah yeah I get the whole zeitgeist of ‘there’s never too much garlic’ but there actually is and this was it. Luckily it was in massive slivers and chunks so I could brush or tap it off and attempt to taste literally anything else beyond straight garlic, allowing me to sample how well the truffle and herb flavor worked together to make this munchable. Also the table bread was good, and I spent $8 for a glass of wine that costs $10 a bottle, though that’s just how the restaurant and service industry works and is more just a reminder to me that I liked this and can easily get several bottles of it right now.
The food was–for the lack of better words–pretty good; despite me being a little concerned at first with the french toast portion looking a bit small and there being no ice cream scoop or equivalent to foster my bananas, I felt full, satisfied, and happy with a bill that only came to about $75 for two us for drinks, appetizers, and entrees. I can see why this got solid Threes on the AAA Diamond rating, which at least offers contextual legitimacy to me for using their scale as a guide. For what I got compared to the price, I’d be open to trying their dinner menus in full with hopes that that’s where they put their efforts I didn’t entirely see at brunch.
Oscar’s Brasserie at Waldorf Astoria Orlando
I love breakfast, and I love buffets, and I love taking my boyfriend to these obnoxious things with me and just absorbing the experience not knowing if it’ll be great or a bust. I’m a huge fan of breakfast buffets in general, and have been to a bunch before, but it’s a horrible business model and they never survive very long, only really surviving as a neat thing a brunch place sorta offers but not really. Luckily I live in Orlando, and in Orlando there’s an overwhelming amount of amusement parks, resorts, and catering services at conventions, and Oscar’s Brasserie at Waldorf Astoria Orlando fits comfortably within several of these definitions. Among over a dozen dining options at the resort, including the deeply expensive Bull & Bear Oscar’s Brasserie is nestled within the 5-star luxury Official Walt Disney World Hotel is this gourmet breakfast restaurant focusing on its high-class buffet. While there were other food options on the menu, what we were here for was the Waldorf Astoria Orlando Breakfast Buffet, a $40 all-you-can-eat gourmet breakfast spread listed as:
Featuring Omelets, Crepes, Waffles & Pancakes, Fresh Daily Cold Pressed Tropical Fruit Infusions
Domestic & International Charcuterie Bar Including Scottish Smoked Salmon, Locally Sourced Fresh Fruit and Produce, Array Of Daily House Baked Gourmet & Savory Pastries
Beverages Included: Sodas, Freshly Squeezed Juices, Tea and Regular or Decaf Coffee
Driving up to it was a strange experience that I’ve gotten used to living in Orlando for so many years now; resort spaces in what was essentially wilderness, long winding roads to get to a monstrous monument of vampiric engineering and complete environmental collapse, like as if nature only exists as aesthetic ambiance to be perfectly curated and completely domesticated. Upon getting there it was a little confusing where to park as the restaurant is within the massive hotel complex and had very little outside indicators, so we pulled up to the valet to ask where to park. They said they can park my car for me with valet services for what I remember was like $75 even though their FAQ says a still-absurd $60. I politely declined, and they said we could park at the parking garage if we didn’t mind walking a bit. If only I had seen this part of the FAQ first that the parking garage fee was $38, which was displayed nowhere else at all except for within this FAQ. Sure, it’s cheaper than the valet, but it’s by far the most expensive single-stop parking experience I’ve ever had. I honestly couldn’t tell you if staying at the hotel would’ve made parking better, as it’s the same price per day to park for those staying. A higher level Hilton Honors benefits and a $100 resort credit per day with certain booking packages might provide some help, but I can only imagine that gets blown very quickly if you try to actually utilize the Waldorf Astoria amenities in full and not just blow half of it on a high-brow continental breakfast, plus with the nightly rates that fluctuate wildly between $450 and $900 and a $50 daily resort fee for ‘complimentary’ wifi and basic resort expectations it all seems to cancel out in a grand flash of smoke and mirrors.
Reservations were required, and it looked like we were going to be a little late due to traffic and the parking situation, so I called the place to let them know as I was expecting this to be a higher class venture. Upon arrival the host didn’t seem bothered at all by our tardiness as it was ridiculously empty with the only few people around being an obviously-overwhelmed suburban mom and her few kids, some old people, and a group of what appeared to be wealthy tourists from Spain wearing trashy flip-flops and board shorts along with their satin button-downs. We planned on going there before spending the day at Magic Kingdom to get filled up on what would cumulatively be a cheaper meal than the temptations of all kinds of expensive park nonsense throughout the day. We were sat down and asked if we’d like to order anything from the menu or just do the buffet, and then offered drinks before we were left to our devices to peruse. Tables of charcuterie meats and cheeses in a beautiful setup, pastries and desserts piled up including gourmet poptarts, fruits, bacon, eggs, breads, a promising display that remained only as a promise.
After seeing the menu and their website it seemed like this would be some immaculate dining experience, the Ponderosa that you will find in heaven. Opulent food, fresh waffles with crisp outsides with soft and plush interiors that give your soul the hug it needs to carry on another day but, alas, aside from a couple tricks, like honey freshly dropping from a honeycomb held in a vice and choice options like brie and charcuterie meats it was just a hotel breakfast: cheap, stale, cold food meant to be warm, warm food that's meant to be cold, something to cram yourself full with before going out on vacation adventures. This would be absolutely perfect if it was like $25, which is a few bucks above dinner buffet pricing for the nicest hibachi buffet in the area, but the $40 price tag combined with the stunningly extortionate parking fees really made the chasm between expectation and reality so much wider. In a side room there was a full-service food station that the well-dressed attendants who wouldn’t leave us alone wouldn’t stop talking about, but all they did was make omelettes. The pancakes and waffles were premade and just sitting there in the ambient hotel lobby air, when what I was readied to expect was pancakes made on a griddle right in front of me, a selection of inclusions and toppings, plated and served like an Old Country Buffet carved ham extravaganza. Instead what I got was half dozen bored ladies silently staring at me while I used tongs to pick up a couple hard-boiled eggs and plunk them on a bare plate, no direction or basic level of service given. Very obvious low-quality food shoveled to Disney and travel vloggers who are dazzled by the simplest things and upper-middle class families who don't know any better because they never bothered to dip below their bracket without the time to really care about what they're eating because they're too busy wrangling kids to get ready for a trip to Magic Kingdom. I’m assuming that the lackluster standard buffet options are meant to guide you towards any of their Waldorf Astoria Orlando Signatures for some higher quality prepared breakfasts, but I don’t know man, $25 for buttermilk pancakes with the nerve to want $2 more for some toppings? Two eggs and a protein for $26?? How I’m the only person I can find online who has anything negative to say about this place is further proof of just how toxically positive the entire Disney adult blogging sphere can be, how nothing can be wrong, how everything is the best and perfect and worth it.
I don't regret the breakfast buffet because it was something new I've never done before, and now I know to never do it again and have the experience to encourage people to also never do it. It was good, good food, it was fine, had a few wacky things that were neat, but ultimately it was a boring and disappointing hotel breakfast that cost me personally around $80 by the time I got outta there, which I suppose is par for the course with a Disney property. My one regret is I didn’t take more pictures than those few of the food, but it just felt a little too awkward; overly attentive waiters and staff likely due to there being no one else to handle, nothing else to do, eyes constantly on us and pulling out my phone to take some snapshots of the room temperature ham slices and sweaty cheddar cheese. This entire spread is something you and a few friends can easily put together yourself–even in your hotel room–with a little splurge trip to the nearby grocery store deli section and spend no more than $30 each to grab some neat crackers or cured meats or a fancy cheese and just have a charcuterie party with extreme amounts of commensality and group bonding that you’ll never get at a place like Oscar’s Brasserie.
It’s important to note that the price for their breakfast buffet is now $45, and the Eggs Your Way is now $27, just in case you’re looking for a much more worthless way to blow your entire savings on something less exciting that just gambling it away on scratch-offs.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 229 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • 'Shroomfest Highlights • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | Cloudgazing |
