The 'Shroom:Issue 225/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Hi, everybody! Welcome back to The 'Shroom, and a happy holidays to all of you!
Last month, I calculated that I would be talking about the DLC for Pokemon Legends Z-A in this space. Well, I have started the DLC. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten very far. Between the busy holiday season, juggling this game and a new save file of Pokemon X, and this DLC not being very fun for me, I don't have much to report. I'm hoping it gets better but I am not optimistic. On the bright side, playing X has been a delight, and I'm so happy to be back in Kalos proper after being stuck in only Lumiose for so long.
This month, we celebrate Super Mario Galaxy and its anniversary, and we've collected a few guest sections for you, too! Our Spotlight Manager, Technetium (talk), has shared a few chapters from her fanfic, and our Strategy Wing director, Hooded Pitohui (talk), has authored a special look at a Screenshot of the Month. You'll be seeing stars for sure!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
And now for our Section of the Month results! This month in first place is Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics!! Following up is Random Video Analysis by Sparks (talk) with guest commentary by Technetium (talk)! Coming in third is winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel! Congratulations to all our writers and artists, and a big thank you to everyone who voted!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 20 | 51.28% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 2nd | Random Video Analysis | 7 | 17.95% | Sparks (talk) and Technetium (talk) |
| 3rd | The ? Panel | 5 | 12.82% | winstein (talk) |
Screenshot of the Month
Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)
Hello, all you readers of The 'Shroom! I've been thinking a lot about Pull Stars this month, and it got me wondering about their designs. Pull Stars are easy to overlook while you're hurrying through a level and obscuring them with your Star Pointer, but, as easy as it is to never consider their designs, they didn't appear out of the ether. There had to be at least one artist or developer on the Super Mario Galaxy putting thought into how they should look. To celebrate that, let's take a close look at a Pull Star and really consider why it looks the way it does.
To get the obvious out of the way, a Pull Star is in fact a star. It uses the five-pointed design commonly seen throughout the Mario series, to no surprise. The first true point of interest here are the little balls at the end of its points. These were somewhat new to Galaxy, and are commonly used to mark helpful stars throughout the game. I say "somewhat" because we did see a similar feature on the three top spikes of a Shine Sprite in Super Mario Sunshine, and it seems like their inclusion is an extension of the idea that started there. They're seen on Pull Stars, Launch Stars, Red Stars, and Grand Stars, establishing that arrangement of five balls on the end of the stars as a recurring visual motif in Galaxy. This is neat. It gives Galaxy just a touch more of a unique visual identity that separates its stars from all the others in the franchise, immediately communicates that these are all stars that aid the player somehow, and aligns with the general "rounding off" of the tips of stars in the Mario series over time. Come to think of it, all four of the stars sharing this design are related to movement and traversal, if Grand Stars helping Mario fly in cutscenes counts. Though, I doubt that was the intent, as Sling Stars don't get balls on their tips...
The Pull Star is blue. I don't know that there's any significance to this on its own. Super Mario Galaxy doesn't have a unified color for representing, like, traversal or gravity. Maybe there was some kind of accessibility consideration like blue standing out better against the void of space, but I suspect blue was chosen arbitrarily. They probably wanted Pull Stars to have their own color to make them distinct from Launch/Sling Stars, the Red Star, and similar items, and blue happened to be available. Whether intentional or not, I appreciate that this gives each common color of Luma its own transformation. Yellow Lumas become Power/Launch/Sling Stars, Green Lumas become Green Power/Launch Stars, Red Lumas become Red Stars, and Blue Lumas become Pull Stars. It's satisfying. However Pull Stars became blue, they did make an effort to align them with the Star Pointer, which is likewise blue for player one. This is a nice little convergence of design and gameplay, helping to establish a link between the Pull Stars and the cursor used to interact with them.
Speaking of the relationship between design and gameplay, please look at the little blue star nested inside the bigger star. If you can't see it well in the screenshot, here's some art:
This little star drifts in and out of the larger star when the Pull Star is idle. It goes back and forth, drifting away in one direction, then returning and drifting away in the other direction. This smaller star is the entire reason I wrote this section. It's charming! It takes a simple, utilitarian design and adds touches of cuteness and whimsy. I would find the design boring without it, and Pull Stars would lose a visual element that communicates their gameplay purpose, too. Think about it this way. How does Mario (or Luigi) interact with Pull Stars? He's either pulled to their center, or he lets inertia carry him past them. Just like this little star, he's either attracted to the center or he drifts away. Having this little star move while the Pull Star is idle imbues the Pull Star as a whole with a sense of movement and creates a link between its visual design and its role as a game mechanic.
The faint concentric circles that appear around Pull Stars likewise align their designs with their mechanical purpose. Evoking orbitals, they sell the idea of a Pull Star as a gravitational attractor. They signal to the player that a Pull Star will draw them in even before they use one for the first time. Plus, they lend a kind of mystical quality to Pull Stars, further drawing attention to them.
I might be able tease a little more out of the design of Pull Stars, but this is long enough as-is and I hit all the major points. I hope you enjoyed thinking about this minor little item existing in service of a game mechanic in too much detail. My appreciation for Pull Stars has never been greater, and maybe this convinced you to appreciate them just a little more.
Or maybe you've played Ghostly Galaxy's Purple Coin mission. I understand if you feel some antipathy towards Pull Stars after that one.
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Pikmin Comic"
Panel 1
[Waluigi Time is seen in an Olimar-esque suit, accompanied by a Purple and Yellow Pikmin resembling Chuck and Mr. Shbeeg, respectively.]
WALUIGI TIME: Well we finally found it, boys
Panel 2
[Waluigi Time leans his hand against a gray background.]
WALUIGI TIME: This is the ultimate writer's tool!
WALUIGI TIME: We're going to write so many sections!
Panel 3
[The Pikmin are stepping on buttons. Mr. Shbeeg is jumping, and Chuck just landed on one, creating an impact knocking a White Pikmin resembling Kameron away.]
Panel 4
[It is revealed they are using an old typewriter, with a piece of paper in it that simply says "Hello". Tapping sound effects surround the typewriter.]
The ? Panel
{Suddenly a bright beam is fired at the planet that affected all the Coin Coffers. The two Coin Coffers fighting for the coin spun around, the one in the left getting the coin in the process.}
{What's left is a desolate planet and a redder sky, and the Coin Coffers becoming burnt and deflated. The trees are left with the trunks and what's left of the coins are disintegrated dust. The coin that the Coin Coffer snatched is disintegrated}
{The scene is revealed to take place in Space Land, where the characters are dressed in Space suits like in Mario Party 2. Here, Daisy and Rosalina looks higher up in shock at the state of the planet of Coin Coffers. Birdo is next to the countdown plate that shows a "0" on it, and looks back and wonder what the commotion was about.}
{Waluigi (also wearing a space suit) is on the yellow path, where he breathes a sigh of relief as he looks at the scene that caused the incident. He is in possession of a bag of coins, knowing that he'll lose them if he weren't so lucky.}
{The scene is revealed to be the Bowser-shaped satellite, which was just crashed by a Thwomp riding a space cruiser, causing it to go off-aim. The emanating heat from the cannon means that it just fired the Bowser Coin Beam. The Snifit is writing a traffic ticket while the Thwomp is still in the space cruiser. Bowser is scolding that Thwomp.}
Bowser: (To the Thwomp) I hope you get banned from driving forever for ruining a perfectly good satellite and a perfectly good aim!!! Do you have any idea how much it costs for repairs???
{The shot is similar to the final shot of Space Land after the game is over in Mario Party Superstars, but with some differences. Main difference is that the Bowser-shaped satellite is being towed away in the background instead of shooting the last-place player. Similar to that shot, the winner leaps in the air, in this case it's Waluigi who won the game thanks to the lucky break caused by the unlikely turn of events.}
{The second place player, Birdo, is holding an item, but is surprised by the sudden appearance of a Coin Coffer that dropped.}
{The third place player, Daisy, sees Bowser walking away in a squashed state, where most of his body is flat where his legs are stubbier due to being squashed. It is implied that the Thwomp from earlier gave him a good pounding.}
{The fourth place player is Rosalina, who is sulking and pouting at being last instead of being blasted by the Bowser-shaped satellite since it's not functional.}
Rosalina: (thinking) If only that coin beam were working as intended, I might have won!
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!, Issue #6, by Hint Toad
Panel 1
[Super Koopa is back!]
SUPER KOOPA: I'll never forget what Mario did to my cape! BUT— All is not lost!
Panel 2
[Super Koopa is shown with a pair of wings attached to his shell.]
SUPER KOOPA: C'mon wings! Do your thing!
Panel 3
[Super Koopa springs into action.]
SUPER KOOPA: SUPER KOOPA FLIES AGAIN!
Panel 4
[Even though Super Koopa tried with all his might, all those wings can muster are just short little hops.]
Panel 5
SUPER KOOPA: curse you, MARIO!
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!, Bonus Comic, by Hint Toad
Panel 1
[Rosalina and a Luma are conversing.]
LUMA: Mama, How does gravity work out here in space?
Panel 2
[Rosalina thinks for a bit.]
Panel 3
ROSALINA: Well... It's kind of complicated.... Normally, the game would just pull your "z" position downward, but instead the game checks to see if you are in a gravity field. There are lots of kinds... spheres, cylinders, rectangular prisms, and once you're in one, the game pulls you towards either a point, line, or plane.
Panel 4
LUMA: Ah.
Too Bad, Storytime!
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Termite Be A Problem
"Commander's log: Approaching the Puzzle Plank Galaxy to investigate a reported disruption via presence of invasive species per the assigned directive, accompanied by Captain Stardust. We encountered a group of spacefarers looking for something called 'Planet Stasiak' en route, which I confirmed does not exist on any of the Galaxy Corps' star charts. I don't consider it a valuable use of my time to speculate further. No further incidents to be reported, and I expect to arrive at the docking station within the cycle."
The shiny bright blue starship finally came to rest after its long journey through space, settling down on an artificial satellite orbiting one of Puzzle Plank's largest planets under the skilled hand of its pilot, the Koopatrol Commander Nebula. Although it had seen plenty of action as her personal vessel, it still looked just about as good as it did the day it left the shipyard, thanks to a rigid maintenance schedule. After all, a commander of the Galaxy Corps had to remain presentable at all times.
Nebula's subordinate, the Goombeetle Captain Stardust, peeked out the ship's window as it landed, the top of her green helmet and glowing eyes barely clearing the console. "Ooh... Launch Stars always make me nauseous..." She knew it was necessary, of course - the planets of the Puzzle Plank Galaxy being composed entirely of wood made it far too risky to attempt using a ship's thrusters on any of their surfaces, and the ecosystem had already seen far too much damage thanks to unauthorized lumber operations during the Koopa Troop incursion - but it didn't exactly make it much more palatable.
"Did you bring nausea capsules?" Nebula asked.
"The ones they keep at base don't really work for me... I'll live."
"Alright, let's get to it then," the commander replied. The two of them disembarked from the ship and walked over to the Launch Star, their boots clanking against the metallic ground of the docking station. Stardust watched as her superior leapt into the Launch Star with no trepidation and was hurled to the planet's wooden surface, landing gracefully as always.
Her own trip was lacking in said gracefulness.
"You good there?" Nebula asked, picking up the overturned Goombeetle and setting her back on her feet. At least she was wearing a helmet.
"N-never better," replied a dazed Stardust as she attempted to stay on her feet, narrowly avoiding collision with a wooden lamppost.
"Now then, I don't see any unusual creatures in the vicinity, so we'd best find the nearest settlement and convene with the locals. It shouldn't be too far from here if we just follow the path. Let's move." With that, the two set out on their mission down the wooden path, and it wasn't long before the ever-observant Commander Nebula noticed something off. "Captain, tell me, do you see anything amiss?"
"Well, there's holes," Stardust replied, glancing around and observing the pockmarked landscape before them, the damage even extending to the lampposts lining the path. "Lots of holes, in fact."
"Correct. And not from a meteor shower, that I can say for sure. I suspect our invaders are responsible for this, which should give us clues to work with."
The space rangers continued until the path led them to the town - a wooden town, of course. The search for their quarry was over, as this town turned out to be overrun with giant insects resembling a termite of sorts, sporting spindly legs and antennae and big eyes, easily rivaling poor Captain Stardust in size.
"Gross! What are these things?!"
"I suspect these are what we were called in for. These seem to fit the reported sightings out in deep space of hordes of insects, come to think of it. I dismissed them as more tall tales from freighter pilots at the time, you know how they are. But then, here they are..."
Stardust instinctively readied her laser blaster at the sight of the bugs, only to be stopped by Nebula. "Hold your fire, Captain! It's a violation of protocol to intentionally terminate a creature native to unknown space outside of self-defense. I can't say that's for sure the case with these, but I've never laid eyes on them before. We'll have to talk to the locals and get a data scan to send back to HQ to confirm."
"Oh, right... You know, half the time you sound like you're reciting the codebook."
"It's my job to recite the codebook, Captain," Nebula replied, her eyes narrowed to show she was clearly not amused by the comment.
"Yes, Commander..."
Luckily, the insects paid no mind to the pair, content with chomping into the buildings of the town and leaving the same holes they observed on the walk in, leaving them to meet with the town's citizens relatively unbothered. Leading the way, Nebula searched for someone to talk to about the current situation until finally encountering a Wiggler out for a stroll.
"Greetings, civilian. Commander Nebula and Captain Stardust from the Galaxy Corps. We were called here on reports of an invasive species, and I assume we've found them."
"Hoo-wee! Y'all showed up just in the nick of time, these varmints have had free run of the place. Landed out in the open country first, but it wasn't long 'til they started makin' a buffet out of the town."
"Are they... dangerous?" Stardust asked.
"Nah, I reckon they're no harm to people, at least," the Wiggler replied, though he briefly stopped in thought afterward. "As long as you ain't a Whittle, anyway."
"I presume you're well acquainted with their behavior?" Nebula asked.
"Yep, they don't do much, just crawl around eatin' wood all day. We've tried to scare 'em off, but they don't take much interest in goin' far for long," the Wiggler explained, crawling over to one of the bugs and giving it a shove with his hand to demonstrate, causing Captain Stardust to recoil in disgust. In response to being disturbed, it merely skittered away a few feet before settling down again and biting into what was a pristine section of wood just moments ago. "Extermination ain't much of an option either, they just don't stop crawlin' out of the woodwork."
"I see. Thank you for the information, we'll take it from here," Nebula replied, confident that she would soon have the situation under control.
With information gathered from the townsfolk, the next order of business was to... gather more information. Specifically, scanning one of the bugs to send its biological data back to Galaxy Corps headquarters and confirm its origins. An easy task, right?
"Alright then, I'll just give it a quick scan with this, then I'll pop the data over to HQ on the communications tablet, and they'll be able to check the database to see if it matches anything on file or we've got something from unknown space on our hands," Nebula explained as she checked the data scanner to ensure it was still properly functioning.
"I'm glad you're going to be the one doing this. I don't want to get too close to those things," Stardust commented.
"There's no need to be so squeamish Captain, it's just one insect. Besides, you're even wearing armor."
"I just... I don't do well with insects, you know? I almost died last time I had to go to Space Junk - literally and figuratively!"
"Arachnids aren't actually insects, you know."
Stardust sighed and opted to not press any further, knowing there was no version of this conversation where she came out ahead.
"Data scanner still works, let's get to it."
Unfortunately for Nebula, while the soft and squishy-looking Wiggler had no trouble getting up close and personal with one of the bugs, her metallic and spiky exterior set off the insect's alarm bells, and it quickly skittered away before she could get close enough for a scan. Undeterred, she activated her jet boots to try and keep up with it, only to find that it just wouldn't stay still long enough to let the scanner do its magic.
"Blast it all! Captain, get over here, I need your help distracting this thing."
"O-okay..." Stardust replied. She may have not liked the things, but she wasn't about to disobey orders over it.
"Alright, you stand ahead of it here, and I'll come in from behind and scan it while you have its attention."
Stardust nervously approached one of the bugs that for now seemed content to munch on a wooden sidewalk, trying to maintain a relatively safe distance that would get its attention but hopefully keep it from jumping on the poor Goombeetle. "It's looking at me..."
"Yes, well, that's sort of the point," Nebula answered, slowly approaching from behind with her scanner to get a drop on the insect. Yet even with its visual focus directed towards Captain Stardust, the heavy clanking of Nebula's Koopatrol armor disturbed the bug - sending it skittering right onto Stardust's helmet.
"IT'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"
"Eldstar's sake. Alright, can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, I suppose," Nebula grumbled to herself, pulling out her laser blaster and switching it to stun mode. Thankfully, her academy training and years of experience had made her an expert marksman, and she successfully stunned the bug instead of her colleague in spite of all the flailing around going on, making it tumble lifelessly off of Stardust's head and onto the ground.
"W-why didn't you do that in the first place..." Stardust asked, trying to regain her composure.
"I'd hoped to avoid resorting to a stun in case the creature had an adverse reaction, but I suppose it can't be helped," Nebula explained, walking over to the chaotic scene and finally giving the fallen insect a proper scan. "Vitals still seem to be alright, good."
With that ordeal squared away, Nebula pulled out her communications tablet, gave it a few taps, and before long, a green-petaled Crazee Dayzee wearing coke bottle glasses and a white lab coat appeared on the screen.
"Herb, this is Commander Nebula. Do you copy?"
"Loud and clear, Commander. What can I do for you?"
"We've got a data scan of an unidentified creature out here in Puzzle Plank, possibly something from unknown space. I'm sending it over to you now," Nebula replied, wirelessly transferring the data from the scanner into the tablet and over to Herb's end, thus proving the old adage that science is just explained magic.
"Ah yes, here it is. Hmm... Hmmmmmm... Well it's certainly a new specimen for the database, and I'm not picking up any notable similarities to prior data... We can definitely rule out recent mutations or distant relatives of, say, Mandibugs or Flipbugs. Your suspicions that it's from unknown space seem plausible, I would say. If you're able, I would certainly appreciate a live specimen for study."
"We're going to have to relocate these creatures regardless with the damage they're doing around here, so I'll see what we can do. Thank you for the help."
"Anytime."
With her business wrapped up, Nebula put away her tablet to plan the next move. "Well, that as good as confirms it. Eradicating these pests is off the table, so we'll have to relocate them off-world. Ideally, back to headquarters until we find a suitable habitat for them. Gathering up all of them, however... That would require a much larger detail than the two of us."
Pondering the situation, Stardust got an idea. "Did you notice when we got here, all the bugs had left the open, um, plains, I guess, and came into town? We didn't see any until we got here."
"Of course. What are you getting at?"
"It's almost like there's something about the town itself that they're attracted to. I know it's not the amount of wood, because this whole place is wood. So it's almost like they prefer manmade wooden structures to... surface wood? Does that even make sense? Or is this whole galaxy manmade?"
"Most likely a Luma exploded and became the entire galaxy, so it really depends on your definition, but I would say no."
"That's kind of morbid."
"Trust me, you don't even know the half of it," Nebula said, recalling art pieces inspired by the process. "But your reasoning seems logical."
"Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could do a Pied Piper sort of thing to get them to the transport. It would save us a lot of time if it works."
Nebula paced back and forth, considering the logistics. "Hm... If we arrange for a supply drop... Craft a large wooden structure, surround it with one-way forcefields... Rally the civilians and chase the bugs toward it... Yes, yes I think it could work. Excellent idea, Captain."
"Thanks, Commander!"
The plan now firmly established, Nebula arranged for a supply drop from headquarters, and the space rangers got to work making a giant wooden Grand Star statue, hopefully ready to pull the invading insects in like moths to a flame. It was tiring work, but it had to be done, and with great urgency.
"Well, woodworking wasn't part of my academy training, but I think this will do nicely. Not like the bugs will know the difference, anyhow," Nebula said, stepping back to observe their handiwork. "Now we just need to set up the forcefields, and we'll be ready for the next step."
A bit more setup later, the trap was set, and the two of them went into the infested town. Finding a prominent spot in the town square, and of course chasing away several of the bugs in the process, Nebula began to gather up the townsfolk. Being able to amplify the modulator in her custom-built armor was certainly helpful.
"Attention, civilians! We find ourselves on the cusp of solving your insect problem. My colleague has astutely observed that these creatures seem unusually attracted to your town while largely ignoring the undeveloped areas of this planet. We suspect they prefer manmade structures, and to that end, we have created a large wooden statue a few miles outside of town to give them something else to latch onto. What we need now is your help chasing them out of town and to the statue, after which we will safely relocate them off-world."
"Hoo-wee, ain't that something!" exclaimed the Wiggler they had encountered before. "You heard the woman, let's get to it!"
The final stage of the plan was now in motion, and so were the townsfolk. They stirred up a ruckus the likes of which Puzzle Plank had never seen, reinvigorated and rallied together with Nebula and Stardust leading the charge. Their earlier efforts to drive off the insects may have been in vain, but now they had a goal, and it worked like a charm. Soon, all the creatures had been driven out of town to the wooden Grand Star, safely locked away behind the Galaxy Corps forcefields.
"Wow... We- we did it," Stardust said, exhausted from the mission. She was definitely ready to zonk out in the passenger's seat on the trip back to base.
"Oh, I had complete faith," Nebula replied. "Now then, I'll just arrange for them to be picked up, and that will be that. I'm sure it shouldn't take too long for Herb to find appropriate conservation arrangements."
"I'm just glad we don't have to deal with that part too. This was enough for me for one mission."
"Your performance was excellent, Captain Stardust. Well done," Nebula said, offering her subordinate a salute. The Goombeetle responded in kind with an affirmative nod, the best she could do with no arms.
A space ranger's job is never done, but as for our heroes, they had earned a rest before their next assignment. After all, who knows what else the cosmos have in store for them?
The End
Thanks for reading! With Shmaluigi on break for a little bit, and our space-themed holiday special, I couldn't resist pulling out the commander for a little adventure of her own. She hasn't really gotten a whole lot of attention in projects (although she'll be in Mega Brawl 3 soon!) so it's overdue, I think. I also wanted to try doing something shorter and lower stakes compared to what I've normally written for Palette Swap, so hopefully you enjoyed it!
Die WAH With A Vengeance
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 7
Finding themselves in the middle of their debut race in the league taking place at the main stadium on Circuit Break Island, Waluigi and Company engaged in their next vehicular fight with their next rival racing team, consisting of a Pale Piranha, Dark Puff and Pider driving a gray-colored B-Dasher Mk II; The Boggly Roadsters.
Waluigi performed a Swerving Swipe attack on his colorless competitors, ramming his Offroader into their kart to dish out significant damage to them in doing so. The rival racing team of Boggly Woods origin cried out in pain from the attack. Bloolex then used a Cephalopod Zap attack to electrocute his opponents, prompting them to howl in pain in response. Cheesare then closed out his team’s opening turn at combat by pelting his adversaries with a Cheddar Bombardment attack.
“Prepare to get gray-mazed by our enigmatic entrapment skills, colorful cretins!” The Pale Piranha of the bunch, who just so happened to be his team’s driver, taunted Waluigi and Company before firing off a gray-colored fireball from its mouth to burn the heroes, causing them to hiss in pain. The Dark Puff then subsequently slammed itself into Bloolex to damage the Blooper Retainer, before the Pider closed out his team’s turn at combat by firing off a strand of spider string at the heroes, causing them to exclaim in disgust.
“WAH-rrible! How about you get a mouthful of THIS?!” Waluigi grumbled at his enemies before grabbing his whip and lashing the Pale Piranha, Dark Puff and Pider in succeeding fashion, causing the three enemies to yelp in pain. Bloolex then performed his Tentacles of Fury attack on the Dark Puff in retaliation for its earlier Slam attack, rendering the cloud-like enemy out of combat.
Finally, Cheesare aimed his Sla-Douken attack on the Pider of the bunch, rendering the arachnid adversary out of combat as well, leaving the Pale Piranha driver to face Waluigi and Company by himself. The Pale Piranha then promptly spit out another gray-colored fireball at the heroes, but Waluigi and Company managed to dodge the attack, after which Waluigi finished him off by performing another Swerving Swipe attack on the enemy racing team, causing their kart to go spinning off the road before crashing into a nearby fence, totaling the kart in the process.
“WAH-nderful! Just one more rival racing team to take care of, and first place is ours!” Waluigi pumped his fist in euphoria, an equally euphoric grin resting on his face as he did so, with Bloolex and Cheesare nodding their agreement on the matter.
“Yup, yup! Speaking of which, I think I see that particular racing team coming up from behind!” Bloolex pointed out as Waluigi glanced in his mirror, seeing a team consisting of three Hyper Bald Clefts driving a Flame Flyer with a dark green and scarlet red color scheme pulling up to them, an aggressive expression on their faces as they were itching to duke it out with the heroes for the first place position.
“WAH-lrighty then, friends! Let’s-a-rock these walking balls of Kryptonite!” Waluigi grinned eagerly, ready to make short work of the last racing team standing in their way of achieving victory in their debut race.
The heroes’ final opponent in their debut race were called The Gang Green Rocky Rogues, and Waluigi initiated his team’s first turn at combat in this last duel of the race by ramming into the rival team’s kart with a Swerving Swipe, prompting the Hyper Bald Clefts to roar in pain from the impact of the attack.
Bloolex then followed this up by drawing out his Peanut Popgun and pelting the enemy racing team with peanut shells, which proved rather ineffective against the Hyper Bald Clefts due to their rock-hard defenses. “Bloop me and call me Blooperfrass! These guys are rock solid for me to get through using my pistol, halberd, and electrokinetic abilities! What do we do now, Waluigi?” The Blooper Retainer asked with a concerned tone of voice.
“Leave it to Cheesare and Waluigi to clear these guys out then, Bloolex! You sit back until then!” Waluigi advised his Blooper friend, who nodded in understanding and did as his purple-garbed team leader instructed him to do. Meanwhile, Cheesare performed another Sla-Douken attack on the Hyper Bald Clefts, which turned out to be more effective than any of Bloolex’s attacks, with the enemy racing team roaring in pain once more in response.
“This no take long. This end in agonizing defeat for beanpole and friends.” The Hyper Bald Cleft driving the kart for his team taunted Waluigi and Company before executing a Swerving Surging Swipe attack that involved ramming his team’s Flame Flyer kart into Waluigi and Company’s Offroader kart, causing the heroes to wail in pain from the impact of the attack.
“Waluigi begs to differ, stoners! Meet Waluigi’s masterful driving skill!” The purple troublemaker responded before using a Swerving Swipe attack of his own to ram back into the enemy racing team’s kart, causing the Hyper Bald Clefts to roar in pain once more. Bloolex opted to sit out his team’s next turn at combat and do nothing since none of his attacks proved to be effective against the Hyper Bald Clefts’ high defenses. Cheesare then performed another Sla-Douken attack to close things out for this battle, causing them to go rolling off the road, with their kart engine sputtering.
With all of their opponents out of the way, Waluigi and Company went on a straight drive for the finish line, which they proceeded to cross shortly afterward, and the heroes cheered in victory, with the crowd watching the race also cheering happily for the heroes’ victory in response.
“It is over! The Waluigi Fury Roadsters claim first place in the very first race of their career! Congratulations to them for a hard-earned win!” Florian Kniphofia bellowed out with excitement over the stadium’s speakers while the heroes pulled up to the Karting Garage to get their kart fixed up from all the damage it had sustained over the course of the race.
After everything was over and done with at the racing track and the garage, Waluigi and Company met with Florian and Tad Pop back at the Minor League Quarters. “Whoa, mama! That was an absolute hoot down there on the racing track, Walugi! You and your friends really know how to put on an amazing performance when it comes to vehicular fighting!” Florian complimented Waluigi and Company on a job well done for their debut race on Circuit Break Island.
“Mhm, thank you very much, Florian. Waluigi and his friends do try to leave an impression anywhere they go, so this racing venue is certainly no exception.” Waluigi nodded in response, trying to remain polite with the Floro Sapien promoter despite his distaste for him.
“Well, lemme tell you boys; Should you end up wanting to race again real soon, you have the blessing of starting in the lead position, so that should give you guys a real advantage in your next race, for sure!” Florian informed the heroes, to which the heroes nodded in understanding.
“Waluigi and friends will be sure to keep that in mind for when they’re up for another skirmish down on the track.” Waluigi responded to Florian once more, who nodded back in response, satisfied with the purple-garbed menace’s response.
“Good! Anyway, I gotta go now! I’ll leave any other bureaucratic red tape matters in regards to your racing career in the capable hands of Tad Pop! Speak to you boys again real soon!” Florian informed the heroes before exiting the Minor League Quarters, leaving them to the tender mercies of Tad Pop.
“Here is your salary for your participation and victory in your debut race, Mr. Waluigi.” Tad Pop told Waluigi as she proceeded to hand the goliath in purple a single Coin as payment for his victory in this first race on Circuit Break Island. Stuffing this Coin into his wallet without another word, Waluigi nodded in understanding.
“Thank you very much, Miss Tad Pop. Waluigi will see you again real soon.” Waluigi told Tad Pop, who nodded in agreement as she straightened her business suit jacket while doing so.
“I’m most certain you will, Mr. Waluigi. Ta-ta for the time being.” Tad Pop responded before she proceeded to take her leave from the Minor League Quarters as well.
Once Tad Pop had left, Waluigi turned his attention to Bloolex and Cheesare and exhaled in frustration. “Mamma Mia…Not to look a gift Yoshi in the mouth, but Waluigi was hoping for more Coins after all that vehicular vandalism we were exposed to…” He admitted to his party members, who nodded their agreement.
“Yeah, a single Coin isn’t exactly rewarding given all the abuse we went through down there on the race track…Guess that’s supposed to be another motivator for racers to be rising higher into the ranks, huh?” Bloolex gave his ten cents on the matter, to which Waluigi and Cheesare nodded their agreement once more.
“Makes sense to me. I mean, why else do you think this place treats its Minor League racers like dirt? These quarters are nasty, and the payment for racing in the Minor League is abysmal!” Cheesare expressed his frustration on the matter as well.
“What is UP, my friendo?! You and your pals sure knew how to throw hands with us all down there on that race track!” A male voice suddenly rang from the east side of the Minor League Quarters, prompting Waluigi and Company to turn their attention towards the source of the voice, who turned out to be one of the KP Koopa’s from the Soaring Shell-Heads team that the heroes faced during their debut race. “Wah, aren’t you one of those KP Koopa guys Waluigi and his friends duked it out against during the race earlier?” Waluigi asked the KP Koopa in question with an inquisitively raised eyebrow, placing his right hand against his chin as he did.
“Bingo, W-Dog! Name’s KP Calvin, though my peeps call me by my racing pseudonym, Soarin’ Cal! Lemme introduce you guys to the rest of the Circuit Break Minor League Crew!” The KP Koopa told Waluigi and his party, speaking in a street lingo manner akin to that of veteran Glitz Pit fighter, KP Pete, aka King K, a fellow KP Koopa.
“See that Bob-Omb over there? That dude is Robert McBombing, better known by his pseudonym, Bob Bombs! He’s at the top of the Minor League roster here at Circuit Break Stadium, so he’s got plenty of wisdom to share with y’all if you just so happen to need it!” Soarin’ Cal explained to the heroes as he introduced a Bob-Omb on the southeast side of the quarters.
“Fancy meeting the lot of you, sonny boys! Like Soarin’ Cal said, I’m quite the experienced racer in this island’s league, so if you need a push in the right direction as far as racing here’s concerned, just holler at me!” Bob Bombs informed Waluigi and Company, who nodded in understanding as a response.
“Next, there’s Clefthaddeus. He’s ain’t the sharpest rock in the quarry, and he might look unfriendly, but the guy’s got a heart as big as a whale underneath. Just approach him for a chat every now and then, and he might warm up to y’all.” Soarin’ Cal continued as he introduced the Hyper Bald Cleft on the southwest end of the quarters.
“Hi. Me Clefthaddeus. You Waluigi? Clefthaddeus keep eye on you, you keep eye on Clefthaddeus. Everyone happy.” Clefthaddeus greeted the heroes, who nodded hesitantly in response, already dreading having to deal with the broken English speaking Hyper Bald Cleft for the next who-knows-how-many days of their residence at Circuit Break Stadium.
“Finally, that guy behind you is Ian Thieving. He ain’t ‘round these quarters that much, but you can still talk to him just the same, since he’s often roamin’ ‘round the stadium grounds to get the latest juice on what’s goin’ on ‘round here. So if y’all interested on hearin’ the latest gossip from the stadium or Circuit Break Island in general, just go to him.” Soarin’ Cal concluded as he introduced a Big Bandit on the northwest end of the quarters, standing behind Waluigi and Company, prompting the heroes to turn towards him.
“Heh, heh. Nice meetin’ you guys. Like Cal said, I’m the field agent of the Circuit Break Minor League Crew, so if you wanna know anything unusual going on around here, I’m your go-to guy.” Ian snickered, with the heroes unsure if it’s a friendly or malicious laughter, so they once again nodded hesitantly in response.
“Wah-huh. Waluigi’s glad to make all of your acquaintances, and we hope to speak to you all again on a regular basis.” Waluigi responded once all of the formalities were out of the way, hoping he wouldn’t offend his fellow racers with his hesitant nature towards them.
“The feelin’s mutual, W-Dog! We’ll be seein’ you and your posse ‘round!” Soarin’ Cal chimed in response, his voice still friendly as before. Waluigi nodded again as he and his party members began to leave the Minor League Quarters to go look around the stadium for a bit, hoping they would be able to gather some more leads on the next chunk of the Circle of Lightning that was supposedly part of the Circuit Break League Cup.
Once they left the Minor League Quarters, the heroes suddenly ran into Nicky the Spiky Parabuzzy, the mechanic who provided them with their Offroader kart for their debut race. Nicky perked up once he saw Waluigi and Company emerge from their quarters.
“Yo, Waluigi! Great timing, dude! I was just about to go into your quarters there to seek you and your crew out! See, I was wanting to ask you guys something…What brings y’all to Circuit Break Island in the first place? I mean, someone as famous as Waluigi doesn’t come to a venue like Circuit Break Island every day, nor does he sign up for the Circuit Break League all nilly willy, know what I mean?” Nicky asked Waluigi and Company curiously, tilting his head in an inquisitive manner for emphasis.
Waluigi was initially hesitant on telling Nicky about his intentions for being here on Circuit Break Island and entering its racing league, but after thinking about it briefly and realizing that the Spiky Parabuzzy didn’t seem like the type to go spreading rumors like a snoopy schoolgirl, the purple troublemaker deemed him trustworthy enough to share this information with him.
“Waluigi will tell you, so long as you keep this information to yourself, wah?” Waluigi asked Nicky, hoping that the Spiky Parabuzzy would keep up his end of the promise. Nicky nodded in response, lifting one of his toe claws as if making a pinky promise to add further assurance.
“Of course, Waluigi! I won’t go ratting you and your dudes out, you hear? My folks always taught me that snitches get stitches, and I don’t want no stitches on my conscience, you know?” Nicky assured the towering miscreant, clearly letting him know that he wasn’t going to tattletell on the heroes.
“WAH-nderful. Well, Waluigi and his friends are here on Circuit Break Island because…” Waluigi began to speak before whispering the rest of the story into Nicky’s ear, prompting the Spiky Parabuzzy to perk up in surprise.
“No way! That’s, like, totally awesome, dudes!” Nicky exclaimed in excitement.
“Yeah way. But like Waluigi said, you better keep that to yourself, okay? We already got enough trouble with the Minister having his men on our back at all times.” Cheesare informed Nicky in response.
“Of course, bro! Hey, if y’all want to get the ultimate reassurance I won’t tell nobody, how ‘bout I tag along with you for the remainder of your journey? That way, you can keep an eye on me at all times.” Nicky offered the heroes, surprising them.
“Wah-ddaya guys think? Should we take the guy up on his offer?” Waluigi asked Bloolex and Cheesare as he glanced at the two of them.
“I don’t see why we shouldn’t. The more guys we have on our side to whip out the Luffs, the merrier, don’t you think?” Bloolex responded, to which Cheesare nodded his agreement.
“Exactly. Besides, the guy looks like he can handle himself in a fight. He might just make himself useful for the remainder of our journey.” Cheesare chimed in, to which Waluigi nodded in agreement before shifting his focus back to Nicky.
“Wah-ll, you heard Waluigi’s men; Welcome to the crew!” Waluigi grinned as he held out his hand towards Nicky for a shake. The Spiky Parabuzzy enthusiastically shook the rascally behemoth’s hand in response.
“Really?! Thanks a bundle, dude! I won’t let you and your posse down while I stick with you for the remainder of your trek ‘round the kingdom!” Nicky excitedly told Waluigi in a joyful tone of voice, joining the vexatious goliath’s party in the process.
Back in the Minor League Quarters, Waluigi and Company proceeded to take a look at the Circuit Break Leaderboard to check what their current position within the rankings was. They soon found that they were ranked #19 out of 20 within the Circuit Break Leaderboard, much to their dismay.
“Ugh, Waluigi can’t believe that the journey to the top of the Circuit Break League is this lengthy…” Waluigi groaned as he placed the palm of his right hand against his forehead in annoyance, shaking his head for emphasis.
“Word up, Waluigi-Bro! It’s like, totally drawn out to have to be working up such a sweat to get to the very top of the league! But hey, the longer the journey, the more rewarding the ending is, am I right?” Nicky gave his ten cents on the matter.
“Mm, yeah…Waluigi supposes it is. Might as well arrange our next race while we’re using this terminal at the moment.” The purple rabble-rouser hummed his agreement with Nicky’s words before contacting Florian to arrange the next race for him and his team.
Florian appeared on the terminal screen shortly afterward, smiling in delight upon seeing Waluigi on the other side. “Look who it is; Waluigi the Rookie Racer! I take it you ain’t making a social call here, are ya?” The Floro Sapien promoter jokingly asked Waluigi with a lighthearted chuckle.
“No, sir. Waluigi is looking to arrange his team’s next race.” Waluigi responded, cutting straight to the chase, hoping that arranging the next race wouldn’t take too long as he was slowly but surely getting himself familiar with the promoter’s shenanigans.
“No sweat, Waluigi! Get on down to the garage, get yourself a kart, and watch yourself and your teammates make some art! I’ll get the rest prepared in the meantime!” Florian informed the purple-clad smart aleck before disappearing from the terminal’s screen.
Waluigi turned to his teammates and nodded before they began to make their way towards the Karting Garage to get a new kart in gear for their next race within the Circuit Break Stadium. Upon arriving down there, the mechanics gave Waluigi and Company a new variety of karts to choose from. Waluigi eventually settled on a Zipper, which is a kart that he happened to own for professional kart racing back home. He would’ve preferred if this one were in his signature colors of purple and golden yellow like his personal Zipper, but the towering miscreant knew that beggars couldn’t be choosers when they were out on the road for adventure.
Hopping into the driver’s seat, Waluigi gave his partners the freedom of choice which passenger seats they wanted for the race. Nicky chose to ride shotgun with Waluigi while Bloolex and Cheesare chose to ride in the left and right back seats, respectively. Once Nicky’s mechanic colleagues had gotten the Zipper in gear, the tall-built hellion and his team expressed their thanks to the mechanics before driving out of the Karting Garage and making their way on over to the starting line for the next race.
Since Florian said that they were allowed to start in the front position due to their victory in their debut race, Waluigi quickly drove up to that particular position and waited for the race to begin. Soon enough, a jingle began to boom over the stadium’s speakers, prompting the heroes to shift their attention to the podium where Florian stood to initiate the next race.
“Welcome back to the main track, Formula Shroom fans! I’m Florian Kniphofia, though I don’t really need any introduction! Nor does the team starting this race in the head position, The Waluigi Fury Roadsters need any introduction, as far as I’m concerned!” Florian boomed into his microphone as the stadium lights shone down on Waluigi and Company, prompting a series of cheers from the audience, to which the heroes smiled and waved to the crowd in response.
“Heh, heh, heh. If the racers want as much of a roughhousing race as they did last time, a roughhousing race is what they’re going to get.” Waluigi snickered with a mischievous grin as he held his left hand on the steering wheel and his right hand on the gear-shift.
“Gnarly, Waluigi! Let’s show these suckers what we’re made of on the track!” Nicky chimed in with excitement as he was eager for the race to begin, so he and the other heroes shifted their focus back to Florian on the podium, as the promoter was beginning to instruct the racers to prepare for take-off.
“Alright, time to get this show on the road! Start your engines, racers!” Florian began to speak as the racers did just that. “Ready, set, GO!!!” The Floro Sapien then shouted into his microphone while pumping his fist on his free arm for emphasis. Hearing that, the racers all went blasting forward at top speed, Nicky yelling out excitedly as the adrenaline was shooting through his veins from actually participating in a race at Circuit Break Stadium when he’d spent all his previous time working from the sidelines as a mechanic.
The first lap of their next race went off without a hitch, but the peace couldn’t last forever, as Bloolex soon spotted the Gritty Gumdroplets gaining on them, and they were itching to pick another fight with the heroes. “Mr. Waluigi, we got company. Gritty Gumdroplets at six o’clock.” The Blooper Retainer warned the purple troublemaker.
“If those toadies weren’t much of a threat during our debut race, then they certainly shouldn’t be much of a threat this time around either. Attack!” Waluigi declared before he and his team engaged the Gritty Gumdroplets in battle again.
Going first in his team’s turn order, Waluigi used his crossbow to fire purple-colored arrows at the Gritty Gumdroplets. Bloolex then followed this up by pelting the rival team with peanut shells from his Peanut Popgun, while Cheesare shot onion-shaped tranquilizer darts at them using his blowgun.
Finally, it was Nicky’s turn at combat for the heroes’ team, and the Spiky Parabuzzy was excited to get in on the action. “Feel the wrath of my torque wrench, you bottomfeeding boobs!” He shouted at the Gritty Gumdroplets before using his torque wrench on them as if it were a sword, prompting the rival team to yelp in pain from the impact of the attack.
“Get your heads out of your rear ends, you cocky cabal of crumb-thieves!” One of the Goomba’s on the Gritty Gumdroplets taunted the heroes before he and his teammates each proceeded to attack using their species’ signature yet basic Headbonk attack.
“Wah-hee-hee! Those wimpy little attacks didn’t hurt at all! Now it’s Waluigi and Company’s turn!” Waluigi laughed before he promptly fired off another round of purple arrows at the Gritty Gumdroplets, followed by another magazine of peanut shells from Bloolex’s Peanut Popgun, subsequently succeeded by another barrage of onion-shaped tranquilizer darts from Cheesare’s blowgun, ending in another chop from Nicky’s torque wrench.
“Goom-busted!!!” One of the Gritty Gumdroplets cried out as he and his teammates were sent into defeat, the olive green-colored Tiny Titan/Rally Romper they were driving running off the road and into a stadium pillar in the process, totaling their kart.
“Now that’s a match, Hatch!” Nicky giddily exclaimed as he and the other heroes had taken out their first challenger of this next race, with the rest of the team humming their agreement with this statement.
“That’s WAH-ne way of putting it, Nicky. But if Waluigi’s debut race in this stadium taught him anything, it’s to expect plenty more of where that came from.” Waluigi assured the Spiky Parabuzzy as he continued to keep his eyes on the road while hoping that Bloolex and Cheesare would continue to keep their eyes peeled for any other takers in terms of picking a fight with them.
“Speaking of which, Soarin’ Cal and his boys are gaining on us at nine o’clock!” Cheesare warned as the Soarin’ Shell-Heads began pulling up towards Waluigi and Company in a light-green colored Mini Beast/Concerto. Waluigi noticed this as he glanced in his rear-view mirror and nodded with an affirmative hum.
“If Soarin’ Cal is a friend of ours here on Circuit Break Island, then Waluigi has good enough reason to assume that any combat between both parties taking place on the race car track isn’t personal whatsoever, but merely business. Let’s-a get going!” Waluigi mused out loud before he and his party members took on the Soarin’ Shell-Heads once more.
For this battle, Waluigi opened the beginning turn for his party by using his Boomerang Helmet attack to strike Soarin’ Cal and his teammates with a boomerang-esque throw of his Koopa Shell-shaped helmet. The Soarin’ Shell-Heads exclaimed in pain from the attack. Bloolex then used his Tentacles of Fury attack on the rival team for some good old-fashioned fisticuffs, causing the opposing racers to howl in pain. Cheesare then followed this up with a Cheddar Bombardment attack, drenching the Soarin’ Shell-Heads in a dollop of cheddar cheese, causing them to moan in pain. Finally, Nicky closed out the beginning turn for his party by striking the Soarin’ Shell-Heads with a Shell Shot attack, prompting the reptilian racers to yelp in pain.
“Me and my men are really hip, W-Dog! So you and your boys better get a grip!” Soarin’ Cal playfully taunted the purple troublemaker before he and his teammates opened fire on the heroes with their Hell in a Shell Blaster, Blue Flame Boomshot and Prime Mover Precision Rifle, respectively. The heroes screamed in pain as the firepower made contact with them.
“You should know, Soarin’ Cal; Waluigi’s cool but crude, and his teammates are an equal party, dude!” Waluigi used the KP Koopa’s rhyming taunts against him before he once again pulled out his crossbow to pelt the rival team with purple arrows, after which Bloolex picked them off one by one with his Peanut Popgun, Cheesare then nailed them with his onion-shaped tranquilizer dart shooting blowgun, and Nicky wrapped things up with a feisty swing of his torque wrench.
“Aw, shoot!” Soarin’ Cal cried out in agony as his team’s Mini Beast/Concerto began giving out, rolling off the track and breaking down in the process. Waluigi and Company cheered for their victory as they continued making their way towards the finish line.
“Hee-hee! I didn’t expect anything else from a band of brothers as mighty as ourselves!” Bloolex giggled as he and Cheesare continued to look out for any other challengers, which was when the Blooper Retainer noticed the Pokey Poundcakes pulling up towards them in a blue and white-colored Daytripper/Royal Racer.
“Ah, hey! Look at that; Those dopey Pokeys are itching for another fight with us, Mr. Waluigi!” Bloolex pointed out to the purple-garbed hellion, who glanced in his rear-view mirror to check this out once more. He then chuckled mischievously in response.
“If those spiky simpletons want to taste our dust once more, we might as well oblige them. Roll, boys! Roll!” Waluigi exclaimed excitedly before he and his party members attacked the Pokey Poundcakes once again.
Waluigi threw the Pokey Poundcakes for loops by hitting them with a Boomerang Helmet attack as his starting attack for this battle, prompting the Pokey Poundcakes to groan in pain in response. Bloolex then engaged the rival team with a Rapid Halberd Spin, prompting them to roar in pain. Cheesare subsequently succeeded this attack with his Bacon-Jutsu move, causing the Pokey Poundcakes to garble in pain. Finally, Nicky wrapped up his team’s first turn of the fight with another sword-like thrust of his torque wrench, making the Pokey Poundcakes holler in pain.
“Broo, hah, hah…We’re gonna be depleting your HP on a whole higher level…” One of the Pokeys on the rival team laughed and taunted Waluigi and Company before he and his teammates were prompted to pelt them with segments of their body, causing the heroes to cry out in pain.
“Deplete this, you nettlesome nimrods!” Waluigi responded to the Pokey Poundcakes before performing a Swerving Swipe to ram into the opposing racers’ kart, making them scream in pain. Bloolex then followed this up with a Weatherwax On attack, loading up himself and his halberd with electrokinetic power before unleashing it on the Pokey Poundcakes, causing them to jitter and wail in convulsion.
Cheesare then fired off a Sla-Douken on the Pokey Poundcakes, causing them to roar in torment in response. Nicky then ended the battle by using his mechanics’ wheel gun to fire off wheel nuts at the Pokey Poundcakes, defeating the Pokey Poundcakes and shattering their kart’s engine as it began rolling off the road before the Pokeys quickly bailed from the kart before it exploded.
Waluigi and Company were stunned from having inflicted so much damage on their rival’s kart that it eventually exploded. Still, knowing that their rivals safely bailed from the kart before it exploded gave them enough courage to continue driving, in which they did.
“Looks like we overdid it a bit on the Pokey Poundcakes this time around, seeing as their kart went up in flames.” Cheesare remarked as he and his teammates continued to rip around the race track, to which they hummed affirmatively and nodded in response.
“That we did, but seeing as those Pokeys were able to get out of the kart in time and walk away unscathed, Waluigi sees no reason to worry for them. That said, let’s-a keep moving.” Waluigi assured his teammates before they continued moving ahead, with Bloolex and Cheesare continuing to remain perched on the edge of their seats for any other adversaries wishing to assail them. That’s when Bloolex noticed the Dull Drifters coming towards them in a dark gray and white-colored Cheep Charger.
“We got more company, Mr. Waluigi; Dull Drifters at three o’clock.” The Blooper Retainer warned his team leader in purple, who assessed the situation through his rear-view mirror. Tipping his Koopa Shell helmet in response, he grinned.
“Looks like those boring percussion lessons Ma made Waluigi take as a kid are finally beginning to pay off, because now Waluigi can make these dunces’ bones rattle in battle!” Waluigi laughed at his intentionally bad jokes before he and his team took on the Dull Drifters once more.
Waluigi opened this next fight by pulling off another Boomerang Helmet attack on the Dull Drifters, after which Bloolex proceeded to throw hands, or tentacles, as the case may be, with the Dull Drifters using a Tentacles of Fury attack. Cheesare then drenched the undead adversaries in a soggy dollop of cheddar cheese with a Cheddar Bombardment attack before Nicky wrapped up his team’s opening turn by striking the enemy with another round of bolts from his wheel gun.
“We’re gonna be having a skele-ton of fun dealing with you guys again!” One of the Dull Bones on the opposing team taunted Waluigi and Company before he and his teammates pelted the heroes with bones, causing the heroes to grunt in pain.
“Waluigi doesn’t think so, you buncha boneheads, ‘cause Waluigi and his amazing friends are bone to be wild!” The purple troublemaker used the Dull Drifters’ skeleton puns against them before retaliating with a Swerving Swipe attack, ramming into the enemy team’s kart to dish out major blemish on them. Bloolex then rattled their cages furthermore with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, after which Cheesare used his Ketchupkinesis attack to materialize a ball of ketchup in thin air before shooting it at the Dull Drifters. Nicky then ended the fight by wiping the Dull Drifters out with a Shell Shot attack, causing their kart’s engine to go bust and sending it rolling off the road.
“Bloopin’ A! If we keep this up, we should win first place in nothing flat!” Bloolex chimed excitedly, an equally joyful expression resting on his face as he did so.
Cheesare hummed his agreement. “You could certainly say that, Bloolex. But we’re not there just yet, ‘cause those cloud gazers from Rowdy Cloud 9 are gaining on us again.” The hamburger Spinia pointed out as the aforementioned rival team was indeed coming their way in a white and lime green-colored Sprinter/B-Dasher Mk. 2.
“No sweat, you guys. Just join Waluigi on this rumble, and WAH-tch these losers tumble!” Waluigi grinned excitedly before he and his party members engaged Rowdy Cloud 9 in combat once again.
Waluigi switched up tactics for his team’s opening turn yet again, this time by chucking another Lob-Omb at the enemy racing team, causing them to yelp in pain once the Lob-Omb exploded upon making contact with them. Bloolex similarly switched up his tactics by flinging a Strudel Shuriken at his enemies, causing them to howl in pain in response. Cheesare followed Waluigi and Bloolex’s examples, and likewise changed strategy by hurling a Lhopper Bomb at the Lakitu and his Spiny teammates, causing them to scream in pain once the hamburger-shaped bomb blew up on them.
Finally, Nicky also switched up his tactics by grabbing a liter bottle of soda he had taken with him into battle, shaking it madly and then opening it up to drench the opposing racing team in soda. “Before I got into mechanic work here at Circuit Break Stadium, I used to, like, work at a soda factory. Even though I quit working there a long time ago, the guys at the factory still send me liter bottles of this stuff on a regular basis. So I got like, plenty of ‘em to go around.” The Spiky Parabuzzy explained to his party members how he got his hands on this soda in the first place, who hummed affirmatively and nodded understandingly in response.
“Now, I’m no weatherman, but you guys can expect an overcast on the remainder of your race out here on the track today.” The Lakitu driver of Rowdy Cloud 9 taunted Waluigi and Company, after which his Spiny teammates performed another set of Homing Attacks on the heroes, making them grunt in pain in response. Meanwhile, the Lakitu driver used a Spiny Hatch attack to summon another pair of Spinies to aid him in battle.
“Waluigi ain’t no weatherman either, but you cirrus brains can expect to be vaporized right here and now!” The lofty inflamer taunted the adversary racers in response before he used his crossbow to fire off another round of purple-colored arrows, with Bloolex shooting peanut shells with his Peanut Popgun once more, Cheesare launching onion-shaped tranquilizer darts with his blowgun and Nicky dealing out a nasty whack of his torque wrench, being enough to send Rowdy Cloud 9 out of commission, their kart rolling off the track before breaking down as the wheels fell off.
“Dude, those racers are, like, totally ticked!” Nicky voiced his concerns regarding the feistiness of the rival racing teams, to which Waluigi hummed his agreement whilst nodding it at the same time.
“You could say that again, Nicky. But Waluigi’s used to it from having nearly twenty years of experience engaging in Mario Kart tournaments, where vehicular vandalism is as common as Fighter Flies.” The wicked colossus in purple expressed, to which his party members hummed affirmatively.
“Well, no time to dwell on that! Ian Thieving and his Daring Daylight Robbers are gaining on us!” Bloolex pointed out as Waluigi saw the aforementioned racing team pulling up to him and his party members in a dark purple and black-colored Wild Wing through his rear-view mirror.
“This should be easy enough if Ian and his teammates prove to be as much of a challenge as they were back during our debut race. Let’s-a get going.” Waluigi calmly told his party members, who nodded in agreement as they took on the Daring Daylight Robbers once more.
This time around, the heroes decided to pull off their team order in reverse, thus letting Nicky go first. The Spiky Parabuzzy then proceeded to drench the Daring Daylight Robbers using his Soda Rocket attack, which Cheesare quickly succeeded with another Ketchupkinesis attack. Bloolex then slashed and shocked the Daring Daylight Robbers with a Weatherwax On attack, leaving Waluigi to close things out with a Boomerang Helmet attack.
“Heh heh heh. You guys better hold onto your wallets, ‘cause we might nick ‘em if you let us!” Ian Thieving snickered and taunted the heroes before performing a Swerving Swipe attack on them, using his team’s Wild Wing to ram the heroes’ kart. The heroes grunted in response.
“If hanging out with Wario for twenty-five years has taught Waluigi anything, it’s to always keep your wallet closer to you than anything else in the whole wide world, so checkmate on that, pickpocketing pinheads!” Waluigi snarked back before pulling off a Swerving Swipe attack of his own, after which Nicky drenched Ian Thieving and his team once more with his Soda Rocket attack. Cheesare then went in for another Ketchupkinesis attack before Bloolex wrapped things up with a Gezora Gash attack.
“Ya-a-a-argh!” Ian Thieving garbled in pain as he and his team were sent crashing into a nearby guard rail, totaling their kart in the process. Waluigi and Company rejoiced in their victory before continuing on their way towards the finish line.
“See? Waluigi was right about this fight being easy enough to take care of!” Waluigi grinned as he flashed a thumbs-up towards his party members, who nodded and flashed back a set of thumbs-up of their own. Cheesare then glanced back towards the racing track for more approaching challengers.
“Looks like we got our next set of challengers on our hands; Here come The Boggly Roadsters again!” The hamburger Spinia pointed out, after which Waluigi checked his rear-view mirror as the colorless concurrents began to catch up to the heroes in a gray-colored Daytripper/Royal Racer.
“Then you guys know what to do; Let’s-a color these guys purple with our WAH-fulness!” Waluigi chimed with another excitable grin before he and his party members once again challenged The Boggly Roadsters to a fight on the race track.
This time around, Bloolex was the one initiating the first strike for his team by tossing a Strudel Shuriken at The Boggly Roadsters. Cheesare followed this up by spiking a Lhopper Bomb at the gray-colored guerillas, who cried out once the bomb went off on them. Nicky then added more insult to injury by drenching The Boggly Roadsters with another Soda Rocket, after which Waluigi ended the turn for his team by striking the enemy team with purple-hued arrows from his crossbow.
“A vapid flurry should blow you rainbow riders off course!” The Dark Puff of The Boggly Roadsters team taunted the heroes before using an attack called Gone With The Wind, which involved blowing a harmful burst of wind from its mouth at the heroes, damaging them in the process.
Subsequently, the Pider of the team used an attack called Web Whip, using a string of the material it used to make its webs as a whip to strike the heroes with, hence the name of the attack. Finally, the Pale Piranha wrapped up the turn for its team by using an attack called Pebble Discharge, which involved spitting the aforementioned tiny rocks from its mouth at the heroes, damaging them in doing so.
“Looks like you Boggly Woodbrains are gonna be colored all black and blue by the time Waluigi and his friends are done with you!” Waluigi taunted The Boggly Roadsters in return before he and his party members proceeded to finish off their opponents with a Boomerang Helmet attack, Weatherwax On attack, Sla-Douken attack and Shell Shot attack, respectively, sending The Boggly Roadsters out of combat yet again as their kart crashed into another guard rail on the side of the race track.
The remainder of the race went just as smoothly for Waluigi and Company, as they managed to defeat all of their opponents, maintain their first place position, and win the race. Afterward, Tad Pop paid the heroes their salary for their victory in this race; Two Coins. After another brief yet socially awkward exchange of words between Waluigi and Tad Pop, the latter left the Minor League Quarters in a subsequent manner.
After checking the Circuit Break Leaderboard once more and finding they were currently ranked #18 out of 20, the heroes went for another walk around the stadium, running into Ian Thieving roaming around backstage in the process. “Wah, hi there, Ian. How ya doing?” Waluigi greeted the Big Bandit with a friendly tip of his Koopa Shell helmet.
“As well as can be expected, Waluigi. Thanks for asking. I’m guessing you and your gang wanna know the latest on what’s going on here at Circuit Break Stadium?” Ian asked the purple-clad titan with a curious tilt of his head, guessing that he didn’t approach the Big Bandit for a mere social call.
“Yeah, pretty much. Waluigi figured he might as well hear a little gossip about the kind of shenanigans that go on behind the scenes of the Circuit Break League.” Waluigi nodded, figuring that winning a little information from Ian might help him and his party get a little closer to finding the next slice of the Circle of Lightning that’s said to be here within the racing archipelago.
“Heh heh, I figured as much. Well, I dunno if you ever heard the story of The Sealed Wall?” Ian snickered before asking the heroes about the story he was about to tell them, to which the heroes shook their heads in response. “Well, rumor has it that there’s a sealed wall located within the Minor League Quarters where we reside. Rumor also has it that remains of racers who died during races on the stadium’s main track are stored back there.” Ian explained to the heroes, to which Bloolex and Cheesare shivered in fear, while Nicky was simply bewildered and Waluigi closed his eyes, placing his right hand against his chin as he contemplated what Ian just told him before opening his eyes again.
“Wah, that does sound a little off-putting. Just like that time Waluigi went to his high school reunion. Any-WAH, you got anything else interesting that Waluigi should know about in regards to what goes on behind the scenes of this place?” The thinly-built goliath asked the Big Bandit with another curious tilt of his head, hoping to get a little more information out of him in doing so.
Humming as he thought it over, Ian managed to think of something. “I don’t suppose you guys heard the tale of The Man-Eating Toilet yet, have you?” Upon seeing the heroes shake their heads in response a second time, the Big Bandit proceeded to elaborate. “Well, if we’re to believe this one to be true, in one of the water closets at this stadium, a man-eating toilet lurks, with any unsuspecting racers unfortunate enough to use it being engulfed, never to be seen again.” Bloolex and Cheesare once again shivered in fear upon hearing the story, while Nicky was once again bewildered and Waluigi thought the tale over.
“Waluigi will keep his eyes peeled for any cannibal toilets in that case. Got WAH-ne more story to share before Waluigi has to go on his way?” The purple-clad meager man inquired the Big Bandit one more time before he decided he’d have enough to work with for the time being. Racking his brains for anything else that might be worth sharing with Waluigi, Ian had another tale come to mind.
“This tale is known as The Stairs of Mystery. According to the ones who first told the tale, there’s a room located within the stadium with a second floor that lacks any stairs to move up there. As such, not a single person has ever gone up to the second floor of this room. Not only that, but people who have entered this room have sometimes heard groaning voices coming from the second floor.” Ian explained to the heroes, who once again had the same reactions to the tale as the ones that the Big Bandit told them before.
“WAH-lrighty then. Many thanks for sharing those stories with Waluigi, Ian. Waluigi’s sure he can make do with them for the time being.” Waluigi smiled at the Big Bandit with another friendly tip of his Koopa Shell helmet, to which Ian smiled and nodded back in a friendly manner.
“Heh heh. You’re welcome, Waluigi. You ever wanna hear any other tall tales about the Circuit Break League and the stadium surrounding it, you know where to find me.” Ian acknowledged the purple troublemaker’s gratitude for sharing the stories with him. The heroes then proceeded to go on their merry way within the confinements of the stadium.
Following the next race that Waluigi and Company took on, going through another series of vehicular fisticuffs with their fellow racing teams on the track, winning the race, and moving up to Rank #17 of 20, earning a salary of three Coins in the process, Soarin’ Cal proceeded to walk up to the heroes for another chat with them.
“Yo, W-Dog! Nice job back there on the racing track! You’re really giving those guys paid to haul away kart wreckages from the stadium’s main track a bang for their buck with your demolition derby skills!” Soarin’ Cal complimented Waluigi and his party members on their adept karting combat abilities.
Waluigi hummed in affirmation, tipping his Koopa Shell helmet as he did so. “Thanks, Soarin’ Cal. Waluigi knows his way around a fight on the Formula Shroom tracks from his frequent engagements in Mario Kart tournaments back home, which explains why Waluigi’s so good at it out here on Circuit Break Island.” The rawboned recreant acknowledged the KP Koopa’s compliments, with all of them suddenly perking up at an angered voice suddenly ringing out on the other side of the Minor League Quarters’ doors.
“Get back into your quarters this instant!” The angry voice was revealed to belong to Tad Pop, who entered the room whilst dragging Ian Thieving by his nonexistent ear before letting go of him, pushing him away from her as she did so. “I already told you at least five times in the past that racers aren’t allowed back there at all! Get that through your impish head for once, for the love of Grambi!” The anthropomorphic frog lady scolded the Big Bandit, who didn’t seem to be phased by getting chewed out whatsoever. “And don’t think I wasn’t aware of you following me, either! Cut that out as well while you’re at it! It’s starting to get on my nerves!” Tad Pop added in an irritable tone of voice before leaving the Minor League Quarters once more.
“Busted for snooping around again, I.T.?! Dude, you just live for the thrill of getting under management’s skin, don’t you?!” Soarin’ Cal asked his Big Bandit rival and friend, apparently having seen him getting dragged back into the Minor League Quarters after getting in trouble with management for misbehavior at least a couple of times in the past.
“Heh heh. Sorry ‘bout that, Soarin’ Cal. Wasn’t my intention to bring Tad Pop in here, nor have you and the guys be witnesses to her griping and nagging for the umpteenth time.” Ian snickered, with Waluigi and Company being unsure if his apologies were actually sincere or just run-of-the-mill since this had apparently happened many times before.
“Hey, don’t sweat it, I.T.. With Tad Pop havin’ a personality that goes back an’ forth ‘tween bein’ flat as Mr. Game an’ Watch’s homeworld an’ bein’ coarse as the sandy hills of Desert Land, the lady’s practically askin’ for it.” Soarin’ Cal assured Ian, apparently having no issue with the Big Bandit’s troublemaking ways, prompting Waluigi and Company to shrug their shoulders in response. “But why you tailin’ the lady in the first place? You got the hots for her?” The KP Koopa then asked Ian in a teasing manner.
“Put a sock in it, Cal. I ain’t going after her for any of that. It’s purely business related, since the lady has a penchant for disappearing at the most irregular moments, and it’s that kinda stuff that triggers my curiosity. Speaking of which, I gotta go find out more about other stuff going on around here that raises questions amongst not just me, but the other racers as well.” Ian barked at his rival and friend, then headed out the Minor League Quarters’ doors yet again. Waluigi and Company weren’t sure what to make of the situation, so they just scratched themselves behind their ears with a puzzled look.
“Well, while we all think ‘bout that, why don’t y’all do as you feel?” Soarin’ Cal suggested to the heroes to break up the awkward silence, to which the heroes nodded in agreement, so they went and walked up to the terminal to arrange another race to take place on the main track of the stadium, which was arranged as quickly as it was requested.
The race itself was just as the previous ones Waluigi and Company had taken part in; A typical Mushroom World kart race mixed with demolition derby style vehicular fisticuffs. Waluigi and Company once again started in the front position, which they had to fight tooth and nail to maintain over the course of the race. But with patience, they managed to outlast all of their opponents and cross the finish line in first place yet again, a job well done.
And following that, the heroes were ranked up to Rank #16 out of 20. After being paid their salary of four Coins by Tad Pop and another socially awkward and stiff exchange of words, followed by the anthropomorphic frog’s departure from the Minor League Quarters, Soarin’ Cal approached Waluigi and Company for another chat.
“Man, y’all banged up those busters down there on the track yet again, Waluigi-Man and his WAH-Mazing Friends! Circuit Break Stadium management don’t know how blessed they are havin’ the likes of y’all drawin’ in the crowds on a daily basis, know what I’m sayin’?” Soarin’ Cal complimented the heroes’ gradual rise in popularity within the Circuit Break League.
“WAH-ll, yeah. After all, Waluigi’s a naturally born showman. So Waluigi aims to be a crowd pleaser whenever there’s any venue with crowds involved.” Waluigi pointed out to his KP Koopa rival and friend, to which the purple troublemaker’s party members hummed and nodded their agreement with what he said.
Suddenly, everyone perked up as they heard a cry in pain coming from the hallway. “Aaaah! On a scale from one to ten, this really fucking really hurts! I can’t feel my legs!” The mysterious person wailed in pain as they were being moved through the hallway.
“Come on, boyo! Get a hold of yourself! You’ll be patched up again by the time we get to the medical room! Doctor Highmore, get that boy a painkiller, stat!” Another voice which apparently belonged to a medical officer assured the pained person before instructing his colleague medical officer to give the patient they were escorting medical aid.
“My legs! My legs! They’re shriveled up like a Piranha Plant on pesticide!” The wounded person cried out once more, clearly in a lot of pain as they were being escorted out of the stadium by the medical officers.
“Make way, make way! Medical team coming through with a patient in tow!” A third voice, presumably belonging to Doctor Highmore, instructed people who were apparently in the way of the medical evacuation route they had to take. Once the voices had died down, Waluigi and Company, along with Soarin’ Cal blinked at what they just heard.
“Whoa, total bummer, dude. Sounds like some unfortunate soul just earned himself a trip to the Circuit Break Medical Center.” Soarin’ Cal deduced before turning back towards the heroes. “I’m pretty sure you know like no other how much of a dangerous sport kart racing can be, Waluigi-Dude. So it comes with the turf out here on Circuit Break Island as well.” The KP Koopa said to the purple troublemaker, who nodded in response before Soarin’ Cal walked off without another word.
Afterward, it was business as usual for the heroes as they continued to participate in races at the Circuit Break Stadium, going up to Rank #15 out of 20. Receiving their payment of five Coins for their efforts in the aftermath, Waluigi and Company were yet again approached by Soarin’ Cal for some small talk.
“Hey, did you guys hear? There’s a travelin’ salesman settin’ up shop outside Circuit Break Stadium, an’ he’s gonna be sellin’ his wares to racers and tourists alike. If y’all are in need of some trinkets an’ baubles to spice up your game behind the wheel, I recommend seekin’ out the guy. Don’t let management know you heard it from me though, y’hear?” Soarin’ Cal informed the heroes, to which Waluigi nodded in understanding, yet again tipping his Koopa Shell helmet whilst doing so.
“Waluigi will be sure to take a look as soon as he gets the chance, Cal. Thanks for the advice.” The purple-clad behemoth responded to Soarin’ Cal, who flashed a thumbs up in response before he walked off again. Nodding to his party members afterward, Waluigi took the lead as the gang left the Minor League Quarters before going to the outer stadium grounds, soon enough finding a traveling salesman sitting out there on a rug with a chalkboard next to it.
Said traveling salesman happened to be an anthropomorphic camel covered in cream yellow fur, with dark brown eyes and a matching dark brown spruce mustache who wore a white-colored kaffiyeh on his head along with a white t-shirt and white denim shorts, completing the look with a pair of white cleats.
Approaching the salesman’s store, the camel gave Waluigi and Company a smile. “Salutations, my friends. I am Najib, for that is my name. I came from the faraway sandy dunes of Desert Land to sell my product to passerby people here on Circuit Break Island. Would you like to take a look at what I have on offer today?” The camel asked Waluigi and Company in a friendly tone of voice, prompting Waluigi to hum affirmatively in response.
“Sure thing, sir. Let Waluigi have a look through your catalogue for the day…” The purple-garbed heel chimed with an inquisitive yet polite tone of voice as he began to scan through Najib’s stock. Soon enough, the heroes each settled on a total of three items per person, buying a trio of Ankh Pastries for Waluigi, a trio of Calamarsi Cans for Bloolex, a trio of Dry Dry Fries for Cheesare and a trio of Boomerang Heroes for Nicky.
Najib politely bowed his head with a friendly smile as he received the payment from the heroes for the purchases they made from his shop. “Many thanks for your patronage, friends. Feel free to use my services again at your leisure.” He kindly told the heroes, who smiled back at the camel and gave a friendly nod in return.
“Waluigi and his friends most certainly will, mister. Many thanks for your help as well.” The towering menace acknowledged the shopkeeper’s gratitude before heading back inside the stadium with his party members to prepare themselves for the next race they were going to participate in, now with a couple more tricks up their sleeves courtesy of Najib the Camel.
And with that, we’ve come to the end of Part 7 of Die WAH With A Vengeance! I’m not gonna lie that this part was the toughest to write yet, but I’m glad I managed to get it done in time for you guys to read it in this year’s ‘Shroom Holiday Special! I also have a bit of an announcement to make regarding this story; Since this is the final issue for 2025, that also means that my celebration of the unofficial Year of Waluigi is coming to an end. But this story is far from over, and I don’t want to leave it on an unresolved cliffhanger, which is why Die WAH With A Vengeance is going to be put on hiatus for the time being in 2026. At least, up until Chapter 5 of Sport Report: The Movie is completed, after which that story will be going on hiatus and make way for this story to pick up where this issue left off! So with that said, this is all of Die WAH With A Vengeance for 2025! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays in general, and I hope to see all of you again with new literary adventures around the Mushroom World in 2026!
Paper Crump: Exalted Exile
Written by: Technetium (talk)
In the summer of 2024, I had an idea: a mod of Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door starring Lord Crump. When Parakarry loses Peach's letter to Mario, there's no one in Crump's way as he sets off to find the Crystal Stars! Well, one less person, at least. This isn't just a simple model swap, though... It's a whole new story with new mechanics and partners and locations and— I think you see the problem. The idea was far too ambitious to make a reality, especially when I hate coding. So, I opted to make it a fanfiction instead.
I've been posting chapters since March, but I've always thought in the back of my mind that I should do something 'Shroom related with it eventually. With this year's December special being about space, I knew I had to do it now. Here are the first five chapters of Paper Crump: Exalted Exile.
One last thing before we begin. I'd like to shoutout GeneralDonitsky (talk) and DrakeInferno (talk) for their help with writing later chapters, as well brainstorming ideas in general. If it weren't for them, this project wouldn't be where it is today.
Chapter 1: Sir Grodus, the Exalted Exile
At first, the screen is black. Suddenly, it lights up, revealing a smaller screen of flickering, colorful squares, and a red "eye" looking down at it.
The squares begin to arrange themselves into pictures, as a voice emanates out…
Some time ago on a planet far away… There lived a man named Grodus. He was exceptional, a star burning bright against a pitch black sky.
However, the people of this planet were jealous beings. They didn't see Grodus for his worth. They didn't see him as the paragon he was.
But Grodus proved them all wrong! He did not dim, rather, he became head of the X-Nauts. This elite group of miners was sent into the depths of space. Their mission was to extract resources for their homeworld.
But it was no home.
When the time came to return, there was an accident. The ship was beyond repair… We were stranded here, on this barren moon. Grodus pleaded for help but they did not listen.
We can't live like this, inside these cramped, cold, metal walls. Though, there is another planet that is always in sight. The planet this moon orbits… We will revolve around it no longer. It will be ours.
We are the secret society of X-Nauts, and we will take over the world.
We toiled and struggled, until one day… Grodus came into contact with a shadow who knew much about this world. She spoke of the Crystal Stars, seven artifacts that, when brought together, will unlock the ultimate power. The power we need.
The tale of Sir Grodus' perfect world…and those who helped bring about it…begins here.
The screen goes dark once again, only for its pixels to transform into…trees? The camera zooms in closer, until the real trees are seen…the trees outside of a certain plumber's house.
Chapter 2: Lost Letter, Found Friend
Parakarry arrives at the Mario Bros.' House, flying down to the mailbox outside. He goes to pull out the letter he has for Mario, but...nothing. He frantically digs through his bag again. Still nothing.
Parakarry: Of all the letters I had to lose… Sorry, Mario. I promise to find it…after this shift. A postman's job is never done…
Sighing, Parakarry flies away. Once Parakarry is gone, Luigi walks out of the house, standing there for a moment as a ? appears over his head. He heads back inside.
Luigi: Bro, did you hear something?
Grodus is standing at his usual spot in the X-Naut Fortress, talking with an X-Naut.
X-Naut: Should we ask her where the, uh, thingy is, what's it called again? Oh yeah, map. Should we ask her where the map is, sir?
Grodus: The interrogation can wait. The princess still needs to adjust. Go tell someone to clean the holding room.
X-Naut: But wasn't it cleaned yesterday, sir?
Grodus: Don't question me. Besides, I don’t want to be late for the meeting I have.
As the X-Naut walks away, he's almost hit by Lord Crump as he runs into the room.
Grodus: There you are. Lord Crump, did you oversleep again?
Lord Crump: Oh, uh, sorry, Grodus! But you know I need my beauty sleep to perform my best!
Grodus: No you don't.
Lord Crump: So… You want me to head on over to the Great Tree? I am the general and all that!
Grodus: The troops there are doing fine at the moment.
Lord Crump: Oh! What about Hooktail Castle? We could get a head start on the next Crystal Star!
Grodus: You're too…valuable to lose.
Lord Crump: Come on! You didn't even let me kidnap the pink lady!
Grodus: Lord Crump. You will go back to Rogueport and gather more information on the Crystal Stars. This is a task you should excel at.
Lord Crump: Got it! Lemme go get my men—
Grodus: Actually... Hmm, no. You're going alone.
Lord Crump: Buh-what?
Grodus: Follow me.
The two walk through the X-Naut Fortress to a room not accessible in the original game. They enter a large closet, filled with cleaning supplies. There's a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling…no, it's not a lightbulb. It's a vacuum tube, containing a blue ring of plasma.
Grodus: TEC-X.
The plasma moves down as if it were an eye.
TEC-X: Go away.
Grodus: I have a new assignment for you. One I think you'll like.
TEC-X: What? Do I have to be in charge of the plumbing now too? You're oh so kind, Grodus...
Grodus: No. You will accompany Lord Crump to Rogueport. Your knowledge will be of use.
TEC-X: Rogueport?! Like, the Rogueport on Earth?! I never thought I'd leave this place… Thank you so much, Grodus!
Grodus: Good! I'll go get the supplies needed for the transfer…
TEC-X: But why are you making me go with HIM?
Lord Crump: Did I do something?
TEC-X: You do remember me, right? Considering I did all your homework assignments in college.
Lord Crump: Don't say that in front of Grodus!
Grodus: I already knew.
Lord Crump: But it's just so cool seeing you again, Magnus! You look so different, I didn't realize…
Magnus: Don't act like you had nothing to do with this. …But I can’t say no to an offer like this.
Grodus: Just make sure the holding room gets cleaned first.
Lord Crump and Magnus stand (well, Magnus floats) outside the teleporter room. Magnus' code had been transferred into a camera “eye” much like TEC-XX's, although light blue instead of red, with horizontal lines instead of vertical. On the back of the orb was a yellow X sticking out, almost appearing as fairy wings.
Lord Crump: Let's go! Buh huh huh!
Chapter 3: Prologue: Hello, World! (Part 1)
Instead of curtains opening, what seems to be a TV turns on as the text Prologue: Hello, World! appears on screen.
Lord Crump and Magnus exit the pipe on the east side of Rogueport.
Lord Crump: Buh, that sea salty air. Welcome to Rogueport! Uh, Magnus...?
Magnus: IS THAT A COCKROACH?!
Lord Crump does a body slam on it.
Lord Crump: Well, at least they're only an Earth thing!
Magnus: I wish.
Lord Crump and Magnus walk into Rogueport Plaza.
Lord Crump: And there it is! The centerpiece of Rogueport.
Magnus: Gallows? I knew the inhabitants of this planet were less advanced, but... Just wow.
Lord Crump: Oh, look over there!
Behind the gallows, two Piantas approach two Craws before starting to beat them up.
Magnus: What are they even fighting over?
Lord Crump: Shhh! Just sit back and enjoy. It's really funny!
Finished, the Piantas walk away, as the Craws run off in the opposite direction.
Lord Crump: Darn, I was betting on those bird guys... What are they called, anyway?
Magnus: I have no idea.
Now on the west side, the tour continues. The duo enters the Pianta Parlor.
Lahla: Hi! Welcome to the Pianta Parlor! What would you like to play?
Lord Crump: We're just here to chat.
Lahla: Oh, uh… Sorry, but it's time for my break.
Lahla disappears.
Lord Crump: Not you!
Lord Crump turns to face the Pianta Changer.
Lord Crump: You! Piñata! Say hi to Magnus!
Pianta Changer: I AM THE PIANTA CHANGER.
Magnus: Crump, that's just a machine.
Lord Crump: YOU'RE not "just a machine", though.
Magnus: Obviously not. I'm a GREAT machine! That thing's just an ATM.
Pianta Changer: PIANTA TOKENS CANNOT BE CONVERTED BACK INTO COINS.
Magnus: It's not aware. It can't feel anything.
Pianta Changer: I AM A MACHINE. NO MATTER HOW HARD I AM SHOOK, I FEEL NO PAIN.
Magnus: Everything it says was prerecorded. Probably.
Lord Crump: That would explain TEC. I tried to hang out with him like we used to, but man, was he BORING!
Magnus: I don't know… Wait, why are you bringing my brother into this?
Lord Crump: You mean your replacement?
Magnus: Heh. Easy for you to say. You haven't lost your job...somehow.
Lord Crump: Oh, my job! Piñata, do you know anything about the Crystal Stars?
Pianta Changer: THE PIANTA PARLOR DOES NOT ACCEPT THAT CURRENCY.
Magnus: Let me try.
Magnus floats over to a purple Toad woman glued to a slot machine.
Magnus: Hello, ma'am. Have you ever heard of artifacts known as Crystal Stars?
Toad woman: Come on, star, star, star… UGH! You jerk distracted me! At least at home I EXPECT to get annoyed!
The Toad storms out of the building. Shortly after, a yellow Pianta in a suit walks in.
Rocko: Who's da doofus dat lost da boss dat payin' customer?
Magnus: I was just asking her about the Crystal Stars. Do you know anything?
Rocko: Crystal Stars? How 'bout I give you da ol' CRYSTAL SANDWICH!
Rocko holds out a fist. Lord Crump and Magnus silently walk past him.
Heading back to Rogueport Plaza, Merlon is taking a walk.
Lord Crump: Awesome! A cloaked weirdo! Those guys always know stuff. Buh huh huh!
Lord Crump walks up to Merlon.
Lord Crump: Hey! You know where the Crystal Stars are? I bet you're hiding one! Gimme!
Merlon: Hmm… Ah, the Crystal Stars. I've foreseen that a super man in red and blue will gather the seven Crystal Stars.
Merlon continues walking.
Lord Crump: You should know we X-Nauts already have one, you quack!
Magnus: Can you facepalm for me?
With no luck in Rogueport Harbor either, Lord Crump and Magnus find themselves back on the east side of town. They spot two Craws, Gus and Garf, standing outside a building, covered in bandages.
Garf: Oh, are you the leader of that new gang in town? We Robbo Thieves could really use an alliance right about now.
Lord Crump: Robbo Thieves? What kinda name is that? Do you steal robots or something?
Garf: No. Gus, what are you looking at?
Gus: How much did that robot cost?
Magnus: Me? I'm priceless.
Gus grabs Magnus and runs towards the plaza.
Lord Crump: MAGNUS!
Lord Crump chases after Gus.
Garf: Sooooo, is the alliance still on?
As Gus and Lord Crump run through the plaza, they fail to notice anything in their path. Until...
???: STOP RIGHT THERE!
Gus stops dead in his tracks, causing Lord Crump to bump into his back.
Lord Crump: What's with the hold-up?
In front of them is Zess T.
Chapter 4: Prologue: Hello, World! (Part 2)
Zess T., Gus (holding Magnus), and Lord Crump are standing motionless in front of the Toad chef's house.
Zess T.: Don't. Move. Another. STEP!
Lord Crump: You're no fun, Gramma! Lemme pummel this loser!
Zess T.: I don't care what's going on between you MORONS! Some JERK bumped into me and my contact lens fell out! I'm trying to look at it, SO DON'T MOVE OR YOU'LL PAY!
Gus, standing in place, turns to face Crump.
Gus: So, you want to pummel me, eh, tough guy? Well, you asked for it!
The screen becomes like one of those "no signal" TV screens (the colored bars) before the lights and cameras in the "studio" turn on. The battle begins.
As Gus takes out his spear, Magnus floats out of his hands and heads back to Lord Crump.
Gus: I'm the strongest of the Robbos, you know! Pay me with that robot thing, and I'll let you off easy.
Lord Crump: No way! And didn't some piñata beat you up earlier? Buh huh huh!
Gus: I'd like to see YOU try!
Magnus: Actually, let me Tattle first. Knowledge is power, after all, and there's plenty in the X-Naut databases.
A cursor appears on screen, much like the one that appears when Goombella uses Tattle. However, an "x" shape is in the middle of it, rather than a "+" shape. Two boxes then appear on the bottom right of the screen, both with green backgrounds: one showing an image of Gus, and the other with Gus's stats being typed out like lines of code.
Magnus: Target: Gus. Max HP 20, Attack 3, Defense 0. Though it seems his current HP is closer to 10, considering the beating he took earlier. Gus can either charge at you with his spear or throw it from a distance. He can also change the position he's holding the spear in, so choose your attacks carefully. Gus spends his days just standing there, guarding the entrance to the east side of town. How exciting. Then again, that's probably more than what you do in a day.
Lord Crump: OK, that's enough yapping. My turn!
But before Lord Crump can finish his sentence, Gus runs up and attacks him for 3 damage. He then moves his spear to be pointing at Crump.
Lord Crump: Hey, what was that for, you cheater?!
Magnus: Great. It appears only one of us can act in a turn. Not that it matters now, considering I can't do anything else… Ugh.
Lord Crump: Finally, I can give him a taste of the ol' CRUMP-A-BOMB!
Crump jumps up and body slams Gus for 1 HP.
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh! How'd you like THAT?
Magnus: He's about to attack! Guard!
Lord Crump: Whuzzat?
Gus throws a spear at Crump, costing him another 3 HP. Gus moves his spear to be pointing upwards.
Magnus: That spear looks like it could hurt. I don't really get the whole "physical pain" thing, but I'm not sure mentioning that you'll lose HP will convince you not to jump. You should use your Pickaxe.
Lord Crump: Are you glitching or something?! Why would I ever use one of those again?
Magnus: Grodus gave you that for situations like this though!
Lord Crump: Is that how Grodus sees me? But he chose ME to be Lord…
Magnus: Fine, then. Learn the hard way.
Crump jumps and body slams right into the spear point, crying in pain as he loses 1 HP. Crump is now at 3 HP.
Gus: Aww, you got a little boo boo? Maybe you should go run back to your mommy. No, really. Run.
Magnus: You better not ditch me again! There's still one option left. Crump, do you know what a Superguard is?
Lord Crump: I think…so…? Don't underestimate Lord Crump!
Magnus: Good luck.
As expected, Crump fails the Superguard, allowing Gus to finish him off. Crump falls to the ground, knocked out.
Magnus: So this is the leader of our army…
The battle loss animation plays (showing a silhouette of Crump's head instead of Mario's), but there isn't a game over screen. Instead, the screen cuts back to the field, Crump still passed out.
Gus: Why did we want to ally with this guy again? Whatever. Time to make a fortune!
Gus takes one step and… squish.
Zess T.: How dare you.
Gus: I, uh…
Zess T.: YOU RUINED MY CONTACT LENS! So go buy me a new one! NOW!
Gus: But we Robbos aren't doing so well—
Zess T.: NO EXCUSES!
In her fury, Zess T. punches Gus so hard he practically flies back a little. Once on the ground, he runs away.
Lord Crump: Wow lady, you're strong! Oh, I know… You should join the X-Nauts!
Zess T.: What kind of stupid name is that?
Magnus: What on EARTH are you doing, Crump?!
Lord Crump: Recruiting a new X-Naut will look so good on my record! Wait, I may be the first to ever do it, actually! Buh huh huh huh huh!
Zess T.: Why should I go with… What even are you? I can't tell, because I STILL CAN'T SEE!
Lord Crump: Contact lenses suck, which is why we X-Nauts always wear glasses! Here, I have an extra pair.
Magnus: You do realize they don't have prescriptions in them, right…?
Crump pulls out an extra pair of X-Naut style glasses and hands them to Zess T., who turns around while putting them on. When she turns back around, it's worth pointing out that her eyes are still visible underneath the lenses, unlike when the X-Nauts wear them.
Zess T.: Oh my stars… Everything is so CLEAR! It's been years since I've seen so clearly! Thank you, Four-Eyes!
Lord Crump: Yep! Now will you join us?
Zess T.: Why was I even using contact lenses to begin with? I know they said I should wear glasses to protect my good eye so I wouldn't go fully blind… Not like that loser's spear was getting anywhere near me, ha.
Magnus: What use is depth perception in a world like this, anyway? Take it from me.
Lord Crump: …Are you guys even listening to me?
Before anyone can respond, a Goomba with a ponytail and helmet walks up to them.
Goombella: Oh, you must be Zess T. Hi! I've heard like, SUCH great things about your cooking. I gotta try it sometime! Anyway, do you know anything about the Crystal Stars?
Lord Crump: Hey, that's my question! Do YOU know anything about the Crystal Stars?
Goombella: Ew, you're such a freak! Why would I tell you anything?! If I even knew anything, which I don't!
Lord Crump: Don't play dumb. You must know something about the Crystal Stars! Oh, I know, I just force the info out of you! Buh huh huh huh!
Goombella: I won't let you!
Another battle begins.
Magnus: You BETTER win this time, Crump. Choose whether you want to attack or if you want me to Tattle. I recommend the latter, but you do you.
Lord Crump: Fiiine, you can Tattle…
Magnus: Really? Thank you! I mean, ahem. Target: Goombella. Max HP 10, Attack 1, Defense 0. She's an archeology student at the University of Goom, here to research the Crystal Stars. Goombella can Tattle like I can, but she can also attack with Headbonk. I'm not jealous… And no, the horns on your helmet don't make you a spiked enemy. You'll have to put at least a little effort in.
Goombella: Ugh! Well, two can play that game!
Goombella pulls out her book and uses Tattle.
Goombella: That's Lord Crump. This is type 1. Max HP is 5, Attack is X, Defense is 0. ...Huh? What's that supposed to mean? Must be the wrong page... OK, here we go. That weirdo's Lord Crump. Max HP is 10, Attack is 1, and Defense is 0. He can do body slams as well as attack with a pickaxe. Can't you just get a hammer at that point? There's also Magnus, but he has no combat abilities. It's best to ignore him. Though I've never seen a machine like that before…
After a series of back-and-forth attacks, Crump was able to get the upper hand and win. He ties up the defeated Goombella with rope.
Magnus: Finally, we have information on the Crystal Stars! Well, we will. Let's take her back to the fortress.
Lord Crump: But the new recruit!
Magnus: There's no way she'll actually agree to join you, especially after you kidnapped someone right in front of her.
Sure enough, Zess T. was still standing outside.
Lord Crump: Can you join the X-Nauts, pretty please? If your glasses break, we'll get you free repairs! And you'll be a part of something bigger and stuff like that.
Zess T.: Will I still have time to cook?
Lord Crump: Yeah! Do we even still have a chef at the fortress...?
Zess T.: Then sure. I'll join, Nerd Alert!
Goombella: YOU'RE SUCH A JERK!
Zess T. has joined your party!
Chapter 5: Prologue: Hello, World! (Part 3)
Lord Crump's party, consisting of him, Magnus, Zess T., and (not) Goombella, heads back to Rogueport Underground.
Goombella: If you're gonna drag me down here, you could at least show me the Thousand-Year Door!
Magnus: Yes! Actually, why didn't you show me earlier?
Lord Crump: It's just a boring old door hiding the actually exciting stuff.
Zess T.: Yeah, yeah, I know the rumors. There's a treasure behind it. Don't think it's that legendary cookbook though.
Lord Crump: Whatever it is, it'll let Grodus rule the world! Isn't that awesome?
Goombella: HUH?!
Magnus: CRUMP!
Goombella: Zess T., these loons are like, totally evil! Please, you gotta untie me!
Zess T.: Maybe they'll actually get Rogueport in order. But yeah, let's go see that door, Goggles!
The party stands before the Thousand-Year Door. No stars are lit up on it.
Goombella: OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!
Zess T.: Impressive.
Magnus: Hmm. What is this…feeling?
Lord Crump: Disappointment. See? Just an old, stinky door. Wanna go watch paint dry next?
Magnus: No…
Goombella: Ha! Your search is going soooooo well, isn't it? Besides, all the books say you'd need a map to find the Crystal Stars, anyway.
Lord Crump: We still found one without that piece of scrap paper! Buh huh huh!
Goombella: Yeah, right.
Magnus: For the love of… You REALLY need to shut up, Crump.
With that, the party continues traversing Rogueport Underground and fighting enemies, eventually making it to the teleporter room.
Back at the X-Naut Fortress, the party meets with Grodus.
Grodus: What did you learn, Lord Crump?
Lord Crump: I brought you this bookworm who knows everything about those Crystal Stars!
Goombella: No I don't!
Grodus: Men, take her away. I'll question her later.
X-Nauts walk over to take Goombella away.
Goombella: What even are you, anyway?! Let's see here…
Goombella pulls out her tattle book.
Goombella: That's Grodus—
Grodus walks over and grabs the book.
Grodus: I'll be taking that, thank you. Now take her away!
X-Naut: Uh, we only have one holding room, sir, and it's occupied.
Grodus: Right, we must keep Princess Peach safe. Put this captive in Lord Crump's room, then.
X-Naut: Yes, sir.
Goombella: You KIDNAPPED Princess Peach?! You—
The two X-Nauts lead Goombella away before she can finish her sentence.
Lord Crump: Wait wait wait… You gotta be joking! You can't take my room away!
Grodus: It's technically my room, so I can do with it as I please.
Zess T.: So, where's the kitchen then?
Grodus: …Lord Crump, what is the meaning of this? Why did you bring an EARTHLING here?!
Lord Crump: She's a new recruit, sir! Impressive, eh?
Zess T.: Nice to meet you, Mr. Dome… Noggin… Thing.
Grodus: See! This is why we can't admit those lowly creatures into our ranks. They can't even begin to comprehend the ingenuity of my brain!
As Grodus says this, an X-Naut walks in. His appearance is peculiar though, as he is shorter than the average X-Naut. The uniform seems too big for him, and he seemingly lacks arms.
Grodus: Not the time, Normstrong.
Normstrong: Oh. Alright.
Normstrong walks out.
Grodus: And besides, look at your mushroomy head! You must be one of the princess's subjects… You're not here to take her away, are you?
Both Grodus and Magnus look towards Lord Crump, annoyed.
Zess T.: I'M not from the Mushroom Kingdom. Why would I ever want to live in such a place? I GUESS it's nice, but the people? They're probably throwing a hissy fit right now over Peach being kidnapped, as if it doesn't happen every other day.
Lord Crump: See, Zess T. doesn't care one bit! All she cares about is fighting and cooking and wearing glasses.
Zess T. punches Lord Crump in the gut. He falls to the ground.
Grodus: Fine. You seem strong enough. You're now an…honorary X-Naut.
An X-Naut comes forward carrying a box full of random clothing items.
Grodus: I see you're already wearing our signature glasses. Your wardrobe could do better though. Just take whatever you want from here. Think of it as being a trendsetter—soon, everyone on that planet will be wearing Xs!
Zess T. digs through the box, throwing clothes everywhere until she finds an apron with an X on it. She takes off her own apron and puts the new one on.
Zess T.: It's made of pretty good material, if I say so myself!
Grodus: And Lord Crump...
Crump finally pulls himself off the floor.
Lord Crump: Y-Yeah…?
Grodus: Don't do this again. The secret society of X-Nauts isn't hiring! You can't trust Earthlings.
Lord Crump: Then what about the freaky purple ladies? You're cool with them.
Grodus: They're different! And this new employee is wasting us time. You MUST get to the Great Tree. An…issue has arisen with our troops there.
Lord Crump: Nothing Lord Crump can't fix! Which is why you should've sent me to begin with. Buh huh huh!
Grodus: I'd inform you on what's occurring, but I lack many of the details myself. My men's reports mention a diplomatic struggle with a queen, but I thought those bugs are ruled by an elder. I worry they've formed an emergency government to stop our search. It's clear our troops need their own leader: you.
Lord Crump: Uh, what's with all the jabbering?
Grodus: Just listen to TEC-X. And here, take this.
Grodus hands Crump a time bomb and a remote.
Lord Crump: First a pickaxe, now this? What's with you lately?
Grodus: I guarantee you this is vital to your mission. If you need to, don't hesitate to blow up that miserable tree. The Crystal Star shouldn't be harmed. Now go!
As the party starts walking out, Magnus stays put.
Magnus: Excuse me, Sir Grodus. May I ask you something?
Grodus: Ugh… What? Why I gave Lord Crump a bomb?
Magnus: Well yes, that too. But I think we'd be more successful on this mission if I had actual combat capabilities.
Grodus: I guess. I'll talk with one of the PhDs later.
Magnus: Thank you so so much!
Grodus: "Thank you" is enough, TEC-X.
Magnus stays in place for a moment before floating away, leaving Grodus alone. Or so he thinks, because suddenly, three witches pop up from the ground.
Grodus: The Three Shadows? When did YOU get here?! Please tell me this is actually important…
Beldam: We've figured out where the map went!
Marilyn: Guh, guh!
Beldam: It was mailed to some place called, uh…
Vivian: Toad Town!
Beldam glances at Vivian.
Beldam: Toad Town.
Grodus: Very well. GACK-ACK-ACK!
Lord Crump, Magnus, and Zess T. are back in Rogueport Underground.
Lord Crump: I can't believe that annoying know-it-all slept in MY bed last night! Kidnapping is supposed to be fun, man.
Zess T.: Maybe I should've untied her…
Magnus: And let her escape with what she found out? That's idiotic.
Zess T.: She knows way more now than she did before.
Lord Crump: Now I'll never get my room back…
Magnus: Hush. I'm detecting a life form nearby.
Just then, a small, gray creature runs in the background.
Magnus: It's a Puni. But how? Weren't they all imprisoned?
Lord Crump: They must be escaping! We gotta stop 'em!
The party chases Punio and eventually corners him.
Punio: AAAH! Not the X-Nauts! Don't hurt me, please! Just lock me up with the others if you want!
Crump picks up Punio before squeezing him.
Punio: Eek!
Lord Crump: Oooh, squishy!
Magnus: Answer our questions and you'll be fine. For one, how many of you escaped from the cages?
Punio: Me and some others hid and didn't get caught and I came here to try and get help and—
Magnus: That's enough. You will show us where the others are. We know how to get to the Great Tree already, so maybe take a nap or something.
Lord Crump squeezes Punio again.
Magnus: Please stop.
Lord Crump: I can't help it!
Using Magnus' directions, the party finds the pipe to Boggly Woods. They enter.
And that's all for now. Thanks for reading! If you want to read more (at the time of writing, there are over 20 chapters released), as well as read author's notes on the 5 chapters here, feel free to check it out on Archive of Our Own. Please note that while my fanfics are rated G, others on the site are explicit, so make sure to check age ratings if you decide to explore beyond my account.
Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure!
Written by: Boo1268 & TheBlueCatMenace
A few weeks ago, after finishing his 'Shroom section for the month, Cosmo Neko had received a message from Boo1268 the Fancy Phantom asking him to join him on an extraterrestrial adventure to Pristine Peaks, to which Cosmo was allowed to bring guests along! As such, he decided to treat his family to a vacation among the stars! Now as our collection of colorful cats arrive at the stellar airport, they prepare to depart to the vast reaches of space!
Kat: Man, where in the Underwhere is Cosmo? I feel like we’ve been waiting for hours…
This is Kat. She’s the oldest of the family, and the voice of reason. She’s also quite skilled in melee combat, for some reason.
Bob: Relax, he’ll be here soon. I can’t wait to go to space!
Bob, the ever energetic one. He’s always enthusiastic about pretty much everything.
Kipper: Where’s uncle Cosmo? I’m hungry… Is he here yet?
Kipper is Kat’s adopted son. He’s cheerful, friendly and curious.
Kat: He’ll get here soon, remember what I said about patience?
Ginger: Yeah, he’ll totally be here soon. If he waits till the last minute to write those travel guides, he’s gonna wait till the last minute to go on holiday. Do we really have to do this? All this traveling is Cosmo’s thing.
Ginger is always looking for an opportunity to crack a (not very good) joke. He can be a bit impolite but he means well.
Spicky: C’mon Ginger, this will be fun! Just us, and the infinite beauty of space! …Uh, and all these other people too. Oh man, now I’m having second thoughts too…
Spicky is shy and quiet, but can be fierce if provoked. He’s likely to avoid places with lots of people.
Kit: Well, if he’s not here soon, we’ll have to leave without him! I don't want to miss our flight, after all. Hopefully Cosmo will be here with the tickets…
Kit is intelligent, thoughtful and creative. She spends much of her time reading and learning.
Lily: Let’s just stay calm, I’m sure Cosmo will arrive soon.
Lily is the youngest of Cosmo’s siblings, and is always calm and collected. She is also very polite.
Suddenly running towards them at breakneck speed is Cosmo with the tickets in paw.
Cosmo: I’m here! I’m here!
Cosmo is…well…you know Cosmo.
Kit: Oh, there he is.
Lily: See?
Cosmo: So sorry I’m late. The airport at Koopa’s Seaside Soiree Resort was destroyed in a tidal wave, so I had to run all the way here. I’ve been running for several weeks now, in fact.
Cosmo collapsed onto the floor.
Ginger: I guess we have to carry him onto the ship now…
Spicky: Is Mr. Boo here yet? We should probably wait for him…
Waddling over to them is a Moe-Eye wearing glasses, carrying a sign that says Boo1268's Friends.
Dion: Hello? Are you all friends of Boo1268?
Kat: Well, most of us haven’t met him, but he’s a friend of Cosmo, who’s right there.
She points to Cosmo, who is still on the floor.
Kat: I assume we’re supposed to go with you.
Dion: Yes ma'am you are, Mr. Boo1268 has requested that I bring you to where he is currently taking up residence, and seeing as how he is currently a fair distance away, he asked for me to retrieve you all.
Lily: Thank you, sir.
Dion moves towards one of the exits as he motions the Cosmo Crew to follow him. Kat picks Cosmo up and the family follows Dion.
Bob: I can’t wait to meet THE Boo1268!
Spicky: I have so many questions for him…
Kat: So where is the ship?
As our heroes enter a roadway normally used for planes, they see a large circular space ship, (aka a UFO) painted a vibrant purple and blue, as it opens its hatch doors to allow the family inside.
Kit: Ooh, fancy.
Kipper: SPACESHIP!!!
Cosmo’s family enter the ship, and look around, astounded by the futuristic vehicle.
Dion: Please be seated, we will be leaving shortly.
Kat lowers Cosmo onto a seat, then sits down herself. Everybody else does the same.
Dion: And now as the locals say, “hold onto your butts”.
Suddenly, after a few brief moments to charge, the UFO LIFTS off the ground and begins flying through the sky, seemingly with little to no effort at all! Kat and Kipper stare in AWE as they begin seeing the ground get smaller and smaller, until the BEAUTIFUL stars are all that is seen in the sky, as now they are FULLY in space.
Kat: Incredible…
Lily: Breathtaking…
Spicky: Amazing…
Bob: Wow…
Kit: Spectacular…
Kipper: Cool…
Cosmo: Eh, I’ve been to space before.
Ginger: Dang it, I forgot my toothbrush.
Dion: If you so wish, I can turn off the gravity…
Kat: Bad idea!
Everybody else: Great idea!
With a (mostly) unanimous vote, Dion switches the anti-gravity off with his open foot, causing everyone and their luggage to float all around the ship.
Kipper: I CAN FLY!
Ginger: Oh, there’s my toothbrush.
Bob: Somersault! Woohoo!
Cosmo continuously bounced off the walls at high speed, unable to control himself.
Cosmo: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! SOMEBODY HELP PLEASE!
Lily: This feels great. Too bad Mr. Boo1268 is missing this…
Looking out the window, Kat sees many wondrous constellations and planets of many different shapes and Sizes, she even sees a few comets and Lumas being born into stars, that is, until she notices something strange, a VERY large portal that almost looks like a rip in reality in the distance.
Kat: Uh, guys? We might have a problem…
Cosmo: My tear in the fabric of reality sense is going off!
Ginger: Woah, what IS that?
Dion suddenly interrupts.
Dion: That is an interdimensional portal, somewhat common in space. Allows you to visit different planets far away, even other dimensions. Speaking of, that's where we are going.
Bob: Through…that?
Lily: Is this safe?
Dion does not respond, as he moves the ship towards the portal slowly, so as to not damage the ship from its gravitational pull.
Cosmo: Don’t worry guys, this is probably maybe not very safe.
Kat: That is not reassuring at all.
The ship continues to move towards the portal, slightly beginning to shake the closer it gets to it.
Kit: So this is how it ends…
Kipper: Weeee!
As the ship moves closer and closer to the portal, it begins to shake more and more until eventually, it reaches the portal and passes through, with reality distorting and warping while in its grasp.
Bob: Woah…This is weird!
Ginger: Gah…I feel space-sick…
As the ship finishes its voyage through the portal, our cat cast sees in the distance of space a planet with a large rabbit-like face protruding out of its mountain.
Cosmo: Huh? I’ve never heard of THIS place before…
Dion: Mr. Cosmo and friends, welcome…To Pristine Peaks.
Spicky: Whoa, things look pretty crazy around here. Are those…rabbits?
Kat: Is it safe here, sir? I would rather bring my family back home living.
Dion: Yes, it is perfectly safe, in fact this is the place my master has asked Mr. Boo to come to as well. Speaking of, I'm turning the gravity back on now.
Cosmo: Wait, I thought Boo1268 was your-
Cosmo is unable to finish his sentence as the gravity turns back on, thrusting the cats to the floor with remarkable power.
Dion: We have arrived, please exit one at a time please.
The cats file out of the ship in a not very orderly line, still dazed from the sudden gravity.
Bob: So, where are we staying?
'???:' I believe I can answer that my good fellow!
Quickly turning around, our heroes see Boo1268 the Fancy Phantom floating towards them, his Dark Moon Scepter in hand.
Boo1268: Cosmo, my good man, there you are! How have you been my friend? It is SO good to see you again!
Cosmo: Hello, Boo! It’s good to see you too. My siblings and I were very grateful that you invited us on this trip.
Boo1268: Why of course, my good man! It's always a pleasure to have you, and besides, when I got the chance to go on an interstellar trip to see a once in a lifetime event, I just COULDN'T refuse! Speaking of which, why HELLO there Cosmo's family! I have heard much about you! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Boo1268 the Fancy Phantom at your service!
Cosmo: Oh yeah, introductions! Everybody, please introduce yourself!
Kat: Hello, Mr. Boo. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Kat, the voice of reason in this family.
Boo1268: I can clearly tell madam. It is a pleasure to meet you.
Boo1268 in a gentlemanly response gracefully takes Kat's paw and kisses it.
Kit: What a polite guy! I’m Kit, and I’ve read every issue of The Spectral Lens! It’s taught me a lot about history.
Boo1268: Oh, why thank you! It's always good to see that my research teaches many others about our wondrous world and the history it holds! Now tell me, what is your favorite so far?
Kit: Pick a favorite? Just one? Hmm…Maybe the one about the Booster family! It was interesting to see how much a family could change over the course of time.
Boo1268: Very much indeed! Although I will say Cosmo here has had quite the…umm… unfortunate experience with said clan.
Cosmo: You can say that again!
Ginger: You two are hogging all the introduction time! Howdy, Mr. Boo. I’m Ginger, the comedian around these parts.
Boo1268: Well, I will say I'm allergic to dairy so I hope your puns aren't too CHEESY! HAHAHAHA!
Spicky: That was terrible, even worse than Ginger’s puns. Oh, hi, by the way. I’m Spicky.
Boo1268: Very nice to meet you, Mr. Spicky!
Bob: Yo, Boo1268! I’m Bob, and I’m super excited to look around this place!
Boo1268: Same here my good sir! There's always history to find wherever we go! Especially since we're JUST in time to see an event that only happens every 100 years!
Lily: An event? Sounds intriguing…Oh, I’m Lily, sir. It’s incredible to meet you. Please, tell us more about this event.
Boo1268: Ah yes, hello miss Lily! I've heard lots about you as well!
Boo1268 proceeds to do the same thing he did to Kat all the while Lily blushes slightly, being very flustered by this even if it isn't romantic in nature.
Cosmo: So, this event…?
Boo1268: AH YES, where are my manners? *ahem* It is the interstellar passing of something called the “cosmic crystals”. Apparently, from what I've been told from Mr. M, every 100 years, bits and pieces from a LARGE meteor called Meteor Omega has falling debris that fall to certain planets it passes, one of which being this planet only every 100 years.
Kit: Sounds fascinating…So you say you were told this from a “Mr. M”?
Boo1268: Yes indeed! Mr. M was also the person who invited me to this event in the first place! He even said I could bring a group of friends along to watch the event! Speaking of friends, let's round out this group, shall we? Who's this little guy in the back?
Kipper: Hi! I’m Kipper! Can I have your autograph?
Boo1268: Hahahaha! Why of course, my little friend! The same goes for you too, Kit!
Kit gasps, shocked at the chance to get the signature of one of the leading academics in the history field.
Kit: Really? Oh, I can’t believe this!
Boo1268: Yes, I will proceed with that shortly! For now though, let us venture onwards to the Winter Palace where we will make our stay! Dion, if you please?
Dion: Right this way.
As our heroes follow Dion up the slips and slopes of the mountain alongside its many bridges, they see large rabbit-like creatures, to which Boo1268 explains that they are the Rabbids, locals of this dimension.
Lily: These Rabbids seem like funny little creatures.
Kat: They remind me of characters on those shows Kipper likes to watch!
As they continue onward making their way though caverns and cliffs, taking a brief stop to meet locals and catch silly fish, our heroes FINALLY arrive at the Winter Palace.
Boo1268: Well here we are my friends, the Winter Palace!
Ginger: So, what’s the story behind this place?
Boo1268: I haven't had a lot of time to figure that out, my good man, but I will be sure to write all about it in my next Spectral Lens issue!
Kit: Ooh, I can’t wait!
Bob: Save the obsessing for later, let’s get in this palace already!
Dion: Please follow me, everyone.
As Dion opens the large red doors, he ushers our heroes inside. Inside, the palace is sleek and clean, glowing with wondrous lights to signify its warmth, all the while Rabbids and a few other species from beyond are hustling and bustling around, preparing for the big event.
Cosmo: It’s huge…so many different creatures…
Spicky: Oh man…why does there have to be so many…
Kat: So, where do we need to go?
Dion: This way.
Walking through the large blue doors up the stairs at the center of the grand entrance, our heroes make their way past a large circular room filled with constellations, statues, paintings, and more, seemingly depicting the previous inhabitants of this establishment.
Kipper: This is so cool!
Bob: I agree with you there, Kipper!
Lily: The architecture is astounding…
As our heroes continue following Dion, they enter the left door that exits the room. Kipper notices a strange door at the center edge of the room, clearly stylized after a clock.
Kipper: Is that room the clock storage place?
Kat: What room?
Kipper points towards the door, clearly fascinated.
Kipper: Can I go inside?
Seemingly upon instinct, Dion puts his body between Kipper and the door, clearly wanting to draw his attention away from it in a non-suspicious manner.
Dion: That is my master's quarters, he would NOT like it if anyone touched his things. So let's just let this be, shall we?
Cosmo: Who is your master, anyway?
Boo1268: Yes Dion my good man, I have been wondering that myself for a while now. If he was so eager to invite us, why isn't he here?
Dion pulls up his shades to look at Cosmo and Boo directly, his purple eyes looking at them with keen focus.
Dion: Please understand my friends, my master will arrive shortly, he currently is abroad, but WILL be sure to introduce himself properly in time for the ceremony.
Cosmo: Well, I’m sure he’s not an evil villain or anything, that would be ridiculous.
As our heroes continue onward towards their rooms, they pass through halls a mini dining room area, to which Cosmo and co. smell food from behind one of the doors to the kitchen. As they finally arrive, in a small hall with a few doors adorning each side.
Dion: Here are your room keys my friends, and if you wish to explore the palace more, please do. In fact, we have a very fun hedge maze people love to walk through this time of year.
Bob: Hedge maze? That sounds awesome!
Bob runs off.
Kipper: I wanna come too!
Kipper runs after Bob.
Kat: Hey! Don’t get lost, guys!
Kat runs after the pair.
Kit: …Welp. I guess we just lost three of us.
Spicky: Hopefully it’s not TOO big. Maybe we should rescue them.
Cosmo: That’s probably a good idea.
Boo1268: Well Cosmo my good man, I must say I'm feeling rather peckish. Would the rest of you care to join me for some grub once you are all situated?
Cosmo: I sure will…Uh, after we rescue those three from that hedge maze. I swear, they have no sense of direction…
Boo1268: Very well then, carry on chaps!
As Boo1268 floats away to the banquet room, the rest of our cast begin unpacking their suitcases and head off to help the others. Meanwhile in the maze Bob, Kat and Kipper find that the maze, for all its hyping, is much less of a maze and more of a simple little strut in essentially a circle.
Kat: Oh. I’m sure even you two couldn’t get lost in here.
Bob: What a disappointment…
Ginger: Guys! Guys! Phew, you haven’t gone in yet.
Kat: Actually, we did. It was quite underwhelming.
Cosmo: Well, if you’re done, let’s go to that banquet! Boo1268 is waiting for us.
As the group attempts to leave through the entrance, suddenly, a hooded figure enters and accidentally bonks into Cosmo.
Cosmo: WAUGH!
Kat: Oh my goodness, are you alright Cosmo?
???: Oh no, this was the last person I wanted to bump into…
Cosmo: Huh? What’s so bad about me? I thought I was pretty cool.
After taking a second to get his bearings, Cosmo recognises the Shy Guy in front of him.
Cosmo: Guy? What are you doing here? I didn’t know you existed when Bar D. Jokue wasn’t around.
Guy: That’s quite hurtful…
Cosmo: Well, to be fair, you have tried to kill me multiple times.
Guy: Well, my boss has. I just go along with it cause he’s my only friend.
Cosmo: Well now I feel bad.
Guy: He’s a good friend! He even paid for this vacation for me! He wanted to reward me for being such a good co-schemer, and not complaining when his plans fail, which is often.
Cosmo: So, since you’re on break, could you consider not killing me?
Guy: Why not? After all, I left my assortment of deathtraps, poisons, and deadly weapons in my room.
Cosmo: Uh…good. Why don’t you come to the banquet with us instead of, you know, grabbing those things and killing me?
Guy: Sure! Oh, one problem. I came out here because I lost the keys to my room in this maze. I swear, it’s the most difficult maze I’ve undertaken.
Bob: Oh yes, it’s quite…difficult. Totally. Anyway, we’ll help you find those keys!
Guy: It won’t be easy…all this snow makes finding things difficult. You know, it falls, and covers things.
Kat: We know how snow works.
Kipper: I can help too!
Kat: Are you sure, Kipper? How will you get back to the banquet hall?
Guy: Yeah, kid, listen to your mom. She seems responsible! Not like my mom…But that’s beside the point. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for stranding a child in the ice palace again…
Kipper: Aw…
Kit: I bet you’re just looking for an excuse to look in that clock room.
Guy: Well, not to contradict myself, but I just realised how thick this snow is, and I have decided that I would really like help please.
Cosmo: Well, I know the way to the banquet hall, so I’ll come help, and Kipper can come too if he wants to.
Kipper: Yes, please.
Kat: Okay, but be careful! Cosmo, try not to lead him on one of your wacky adventures, please?
Cosmo: I’ll try, but no promises…
As the trio search and search for the key they eventually find it…near the entrance to the maze.
Cosmo: Here it is!
Guy: Oh. It was at the entrance. You know, I checked there first and I was wondering what that key shaped object could have been, it all makes sense now! I guess that was my bad, guys.
Kipper: It’s okay, mister. Are you gonna come to the banquet now?
Guy: Yes, please. I need food to get my brain working again. I don’t function well in the cold…Let’s get going!
Cosmo: Finally! I’m starving…
As our heroes make their way back towards the banquet hall, Kipper eyes the room once more, but now under Uncle Cosmo's watchful eye, he can't explore just yet. Back at the banquet, all our heroes enjoy tasty foods, drinks and the warmth of their company, as Boo1268 signs autographs and talks with Guy about his job experience.
Guy: Well, my REAL job is in marketing, but Bar pays me for doing devious things and stuff, even though I’d do it for free, if it makes him happy. He’s really a nice guy, if you just ignore all the bad things.
Boo1268: Interesting, I've always been fascinated with the concept of marketing, selling products and advertising them in a way that makes them appealing to others. Although personally, I prefer products and services that are both reliable and cost effective.
Guy: My favourite part about marketing is it’s your job to find the good in everything. I’ve become quite the optimist, thanks to it. No matter how bad something is, I can find something good in it. And no matter how small that good thing is, I can make it worthwhile.
Cosmo: You found a way to make marketing philosophical. Well done.
Boo1268: I agree with that, seeing the positives is always a good way to look at life most of the time. I always try to be positive and it has a very positive effect on others, especially Specture.
Guy: You know, I met Bar D. Jokue in marketing. He worked in a nearby office, though his job description was, and I quote: “Person we hired to stop them from applying over and over”. Anyway, I was met with hostility from most of my coworkers, because of my, uh, past, but good old Bar was the only person nice to me.
Cosmo: Have you ever considered, you know, trying to turn him down a path of goodness rather than evil?
Guy: Sure I have, but he’s a very one dimensional villain, unfortunately.
Cosmo: Hey! Try to keep the fourth-wall breaking to a minimum, please.
Boo1268: Well then here's to hopeful futures! Cheers!
After clinking their glasses full of warm cider, the night goes on. As things begin to wind down a bit, our heroes head off towards their respective rooms for the evening.
Boo1268: Well I'm stuffed, nothing quite like a warm meal to get you ready for bed, eh Cosmo?
Cosmo: I can relate to that! Good night, Boo.
Ginger: Don’t get kidnapped during the night!
Kit: We’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Boo.
Kat: Be safe, Mr. Boo.
Kipper: Bye bye, mister.
Lily: Sleep well, sir.
Spicky: Rest well.
Bob: Dang it, I can’t think of any more variations on “good night”...
Guy: I would suggest rest in peace, but I’m fairly sure that’s designated to a different kind of sleep.
Boo1268: Night my friends! See you tomorrow.
As our heroes head to their beds, thoughts of catnip dancing in their heads, Guy puts on his night cap as he wraps up tight, for a nice warm winter night, and as Boo1268 navigates the maze of halls to find his room, he finds himself in the constellation room once more.
Boo1268: Blasted halls, can never find my way around this place…
Dion: Mr. Boo, there you are-
Boo1268: GAH! W-Why Dion, you somehow managed to scare even me! I-I'm terribly sorry, but I can't seem to find my way back to my room.
Dion: We can worry about that later Mr. Boo, right now my master has returned early and wishes to see you.
Boo1268: Oh really? That's wonderful news, I should inform the others right away-
Dion: No, he ONLY requested you sir, seeing as how you are the only one awake at this time…
Boo1268: Well…I wouldn't want to bother the others…very well then.
As Dion leads Boo1268 towards the clock door in front of him, he slowly shuts it behind him. Boo1268 enters curiously awaiting what's inside, an eerie silence stings the air as the door is closed…The next morning, our heroes awake one by one to greet the new day, as Cosmo goes to check on Boo1268 in his room, seeing if he's ready for the main event tonight.
Cosmo: Hello, Boo? Are you in there?
Only silence can be heard from the room as Cosmo goes to knock but finds that the door is unlocked.
Cosmo: Huh? Boo would never leave his door unlocked, he’s the most organised guy I know!
Cosmo steps inside the room nervously, thinking about the old saying: “Curiosity killed the cat.” Despite his fear, Cosmo switches on the lights, and is greeted by…Absolutely no one.
Cosmo: Hmm, that’s odd. Maybe Boo already got ready…
Walking inside the room more, he finds a note on a table that reads “Hello dear Cosmo, I have decided to investigate some of the ruins here on the peaks. Will be back in time for the celebration, promise. -Boo”
Cosmo: Oh, so he’s gone to explore some ruins, huh? Strange that he didn’t invite me, though. Or even Kit, considering how excited she is to meet him.
After taking the note, Cosmo goes to meet up with the rest of his family and tells them of Boo's absence this morning.
Kat: This is all so weird…Why wouldn’t Boo1268 tell us he was going to investigate some ruins? It doesn’t seem like him…
Kit: I wish he had, I could’ve gone with him…
Spicky: The mountains aren’t too far away, we could probably go up and meet with him.
Ginger: It’s still so early though…can’t we go back to sleep?
Lily: For goodness’ sake Ginger, it’s already ten.
Bob: So, what should we do?
Cosmo: I think we’re overthinking this. Let’s just wait for Boo to come back. Maybe he just didn’t want to wake us when he left.
Kipper: I bet it has something to do with that door…Didn’t you see how nervous Dion was around it?
Kat: Let’s not go poking around in other people’s business, Kipper.
Dion: *ahem* Sorry to interrupt, but may I but in?
Cosmo: Go ahead, I do that all the time.
Dion: I assure you that Mister Boo will come back soon, he told me himself. In the meantime however, until he comes back you could all enjoy the festivities outside. In fact, I heard that someone was offering space wind surfing trips.
Bob: Surfing? Without the water? Sign me up!
Ginger: That seems like it should be fun!
Lily: I must admit, I am intrigued.
Cosmo: Alrighty then, it’s decided. Let’s get going!
As our heroes head outside to have fun and look for Boo, they enjoy snowcones, snowball fights, making snowmen, and overall just having fun. Bob, Ginger, and Lily alongside Kat and Kipper head to a small black ship with two tan droids holding up a sign that says “Space wind surfing”.
Kat: I hope this is safe…
Ginger: Yeah yeah, we get it.
Bob: Lighten up, Kat, it’ll be great.
Rook Beak: *SQUACK*! Why HELLO THERE my little cat customers! My name's Rook Beak and I will be your totally licensed windsurfer guide today! Now, how are you all doing?
Lily: Fine, thank you.
Kat: Worried.
Ginger and Bob: EXCITED!
Kipper: I’m good, mister, how about you?
Rook Beak: Very good my feline friends! Now what I'll do is that you five will hold this paraglider, then using my Shift Cruiser I'll lift you up into the air riding on a cosmic wind wave! Clonk! Give them the Oxichew!
Forcefully, Clank shoves the Oxichew in each of their mouths, tasting awful to all but Ginger.
Ginger: This tastes awesome!
Lily: Actually, it tastes like asphalt baked on Moo Moo manure.
Ginger: I don’t know what that means, but I’m sure it tastes good!
Rook Beak: THANK YOU *chirp* at least someone appreciates the BEST…and cheapest, flavor of Oxichew, the oxygen packed gum! That flavor is black licorice.
Kat: That explains the *gag* taste.
Rook Beak: Anyways, let's just get you all set up…BUT FIRST! Payment up front! That's gonna be 15 coins for each adult and then 6 for the kid.
Kat: Not a bad price.
Kat forks over sixty-six coins.
Rook Beak: Oh, and +5 coins for the Oxichew, sorry, should have mentioned that beforehand, but oh well, not my fault most tourists don't know to bring their own Oxichew beforehand *SQUACK*!
Kat reluctantly hands over another five coins.
Kat: That’d better be it.
Rook Beak: Oh don't worry, it is! I may be a business bird, but I'm a man of my word, now, up up we go!
Starting up the Shift Cruiser after a bit of start lag, the gang gets lifted into the air, seeing the cosmic stars surround them as they fly by. After some swooping and surfing and avoiding space debris and small satellites, they all eventually come back down.
Rook Beak: Now see, wasn't that fun? *Squack* Thank you for space surfing with us. Have a good day!
As our heroes leave the stand and the ship, they recollect on the fun they had, while also spitting out the awful tasting gum, except for Ginger who decides to save some of it for later.
Kipper: See? It was safe!
Kat: I suppose it was!
Ginger: Not everything is trying to kill us, Kat. Sometimes something can be safe, you know.
Bob: Let’s go find the others, and maybe we can get some food! I’m hungry…
As the day begins to die down once more, Cosmo and his family head back to the palace to get some more food and prepare for the celebration, but alas, Boo1268 does not return, much to the confusion of Cosmo and Co.
Cosmo: Boo should have been here by now…
Kit: I hope he’s okay…
Lily: Mr. Boo is usually quite punctual, I wonder if he’s alright.
Kipper: We should check that clock room. I bet it has something to do with this!
Kat: What is your fascination with that room? Dion said it was his master’s quarters, remember? It makes sense that he didn’t want us to go inside!
Ginger: For once, Kat is right, Kipper. Let’s just mind our own business.
Spicky: He probably just found an especially fascinating artifact of some kind.
Bob: Yeah, it’s not like he could have been captured by some diabolical villain or anything. That would be ridiculous.
Despite the assurance from his siblings, Kipper was unconvinced about the nature of the clock room. Something was nagging at the back of his mind, telling him it was more sinister than it appeared…
While returning to the dining hall to get food before the passing of the crystals, Kipper sees Dion enter the Clock room and manages to sneak away, following Dion quietly behind.
Kipper: (I need to be careful not to be caught. This is gonna be my only chance to figure out what’s going on.)
As Kipper enters the door, he finds a stairway going upwards with pictures of the palace's previous owners. Moving upward more, he enters the large doors at the top of the stairs. Inside, he finds a MASSIVE library filled with books, scientific equipment, and LOTS of pink crystals, all jutting out of the ground or stabbed into bookshelves, alongside a GIANT cosmic crystal, placed seemingly where a statue once stood.
Kipper: (Wow…This seems a little over the top just for someone’s bedroom…)
Dion: Sir, the Cat family is getting restless, what should I tell them about our captive?
???: Tell them that Mr. Boo had to leave early, he's currently occupied with OTHER matters…
Turning around the corner and looking through one of the shelves, Kipper sees Boo1268 TRAPPED in the GIANT cosmic crystal, his voice being muffled by the crystal walls!
Boo1268: LET ME OUT! PLEASE! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!
???: Oh don't be like that you fancy fool, you had this a LONG time coming.
Boo1268: SOMEONE, ANYONE, HELLLLLP!
Kipper stumbles backwards, shocked. He tries to make as little noise as possible as he slowly backs away, out of the room, but slightly knocking into a stack of papers, causing one to fall off the pile as he exits. As soon as he reaches safety, he bolts towards the dining hall, looking for his family.
Kipper: Uncle Cosmo? Aunt Lily? WE NEED TO HURRY!
Dion: Hello? Mr. Kipper, what's the matter? I heard screaming and came right away.
Kipper: YOU! Uh, I mean, you. There’s…um…no problem. Yep, everything’s fine. Now, I just need to get past you so I can find mom…
Dion, with a plain expression on his face, lowers his glasses and then abruptly STOMPS Kipper's tail, trapping him in place.
Kipper: OW!!!
Dion: Sorry little cat, you can't go spreading around rumors. Besides, you know what they say; Curiosity KILLED the cat, and looks like my master is about to have a NEW fur coat…
Kipper: W-what are you talking about? I-I just want to eat dinner…
Dion: Don't play dumb, my master heard you in the room with us, you know too much, and now…you must die.
Kipper: HEEEEEEELP!!!
Preparing for impending doom at Dion's hands, or rather feet, Dion is suddenly POUNCED on by Kat, who SLAMS him into one of the stone pillars knocking him out.
Dion: OOF!
Kat: NOBODY threatens my kid.
Kipper: Mom!
Cosmo: Geez, Kat. Overkill much?
Kat: Oh, trust me, that freak deserved much worse.
Kipper: We need to help Mr. Boo!
Ginger: Help him?
Kipper: Some mysterious guy trapped him in a big crystal!
Kit: Oh, let me guess, this was in that clock room.
Kipper: YES!
Lily: We should hurry. Who knows what that fiend could be planning with Mr. Boo.
Bob: Oh yeah! It’s time for a fight!
Kipper leads the cats to the door of the clock room. They attempt to open it, but it is locked.
Spicky: Dangit, I left my lockpicks in my room.
Cosmo: Who needs lockpicks when you’ve got…THIS!
With a flash of bright blue energy, Cosmo summons a unicorn, which prances away happily.
Cosmo: Uh, I meant this.
With a flash of slightly less bright blue energy, Cosmo blasts the door open.
Kat: Uh, that makes a lot more sense.
Kipper: Hurry up! You’re taking too long!
Ginger: I believe it’s: “YOUR TAKING TOO LONG” , actually.
Kipper: What?
Spicky: Don’t worry about it, Kipper. You’ll learn about the fourth wall when you’re older.
Kipper: …I’m even more confused now.
Continuing through the stairway, our heroes enter the library and see what Kipper had seen but now in all its glory, with even more crystals surrounding the big one, all differing shapes and sizes with orange smaller ones, ones that look like clear cut gems, and one of which is holding a Zinger inside.
Bob: Oh, this is just peachy.
Lily: What kind of person would do this?!
Boo1268: Cosmo! Kat! Kipper! Everyone! Are you alright? I heard some commotion outside!
Kit: I think the question should be are YOU alright!
Boo1268: Surprisingly, yes I am, this crystal, while not harming me, seems to have trapped me in its clutches.
Spicky: Yes, we can see that.
Kat: How can we get you out of there?
???: That's the problem, YOU CAN'T.
Kit: C-could that be…
Cosmo: BAR D. JOKUE!? …Oh, actually it’s probably not him.
???: No, you foolish felines, allow me to introduce myself.
Floating down from the top platform is a tall, purple robed, single eyed being with creepy claw hands and a singular giant brain adorned with a row of teeth at the top.
Mind Master: It is a pleasure for you to meet me. I, am Mind Master, or as you would know me, Mr. M.
Bob: Wait, Dion is evil?!
Kipper: Uh, yeah.
Mind Master: Actually no, he is NOT, that simple minded fool was under the influence of my mind control. It's SO easy to takeover the weak minded, when I found him he was a lowlife nobody who only spoke in single words, NOW, thanks to me he's literate and faithful to a fault.
Ginger: You can control minds? Oh crap.
Mind Master: Yes indeed I can, you fools. And now with the power of these cosmic crystals, I'll be able to do the ONE thing I've been planning for a VERY long time, REVENGE!
Spicky: Well, that sounds great, good luck, we’ll be leaving now.
Lily: Spicky! We can’t just leave Boo1268 to die!
Mind Master: Oh no, he won't die, he’ll just be imprisoned in this crystal, FOR ALL ETERNITY!
Kit: Will he have something to read?
Boo1268: But why? What did I ever do to YOU!?
Mind Master, stopping suddenly, very much enraged by the question, turns slowly while midair towards Boo, menacingly, with ANGER in his eye.
Mind Master: Why? WHY!? IT'S BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR STUPID FRIENDS DID THIS TO ME! TURNED ME INTO WHAT I AM TODAY! WHEN YOU SENT ME INTO THAT VOID YOU NEVER CAME BACK FOR ME!!!
Cosmo: Oh, have you been trapped in a void between universes too? I can relate…
Then, Mind Master in a fit of fury, quickly turns towards Cosmo and psychically pulls him towards with his psychic powers, as he yells in his face, rage fueling his actions.
Mind Master: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ANGER! For YEARS I WAS TRAPPED IN THAT VOID! Unable to escape, waiting for the day Boo, Pyro, Kroop and the Explainer would save me, but NO! That day NEVER CAME!
As Mind Master drops Cosmo, all the cats become a bit worried, especially Cosmo, who quickly shuffles in front of his family.
Kit: Why would they save you? You wouldn’t have saved them. Heck, you tried to kill them if my memory is correct!
Mind Master: Because HE deserved to know what it was like to be ME! Left alone by your friends with NO ONE to save you! A-Alll alone…cold…with…no one…
Boo looks at Mind Master for a while, trying to seemingly visualize a puzzle inside his head, until finally he realizes something.
Boo1268: N-No…I-It can't be…Max? Max the Ameboid?
Kat: Don’t tell me you know this guy…
Boo1268: T-That's right I do, I hired him to go into an interdimensional portal a long time ago…but n-no, it can't be, we only sent you in for a few minutes, w-What happened to you?
Mind Master: Ha, Max, that name is dead to me. When I was left to rot in the void for all that time, I changed, and NOW, I'll finally get my revenge for what you did to me. I WAS meant to take care of Pyro and HIS group, but you just HAD to invite these STUPID felines to your trip!
Kit: That can’t be possible…Mr. Boo would never leave anyone behind…He’s so kind, and a great friend to Cosmo…
Cosmo: Is this really true, Boo?
Boo1268: W-Well, to give myself some slack, me, Pyro, Kroop and Explainer though he was incinerated. B-But if we had known you were still alive we would have come after you!
Mind Master: Excuses, excuses. But hey, at the very least I can trap you as punishment, and now, I can kill all your OTHER friends just to make you suffer as I did.
Lily: WAIT! Max, I understand that Mr. Boo has treated you badly, but killing won’t solve anything. For one thing, we had nothing to do with this! Cosmo was trapped in the void himself while this was happening. And, maybe, while making Boo1268 suffer the same thing you went through might seem fair, if you know it’s so horrible, why don’t you work to stop others from suffering the same fate? Be happy you’re alive, don’t be bitter because it happened.
Mind Master: Oh child, you are so naive. There's nothing left for me, except, for my vengeance for what they caused me to be. Only then can I truly “move on”. But at least I gained one good thing while in the void, and THAT was my new drive to be the SMARTEST being in ALL the multiverse! As such, I will take JOY in eating all your brains, once I slaughter you all, just to add to my intelligence…
Spicky: Ew.
Cosmo: Listen, we don’t want to fight you, but if you attack, we WILL defend ourselves.
Mind Master: Oh please, spare me your hero speech you…you…you, I sensed you, long before you came here…
Cosmo: Remember? I was trapped in that void too. It was very boring, but I didn’t turn evil, so you have no excuse.
Mind Master: No…your POWER, I had been sensing a strong psychic power, ever since you arrived here. I wasn't sure what it was at the time, but..but now…I see…it is YOU…You are filled with a very strange and incredible psychic power, that almost RIVALS my own…AND I MUST HAVE IT! I MUST HAVE YOUR MIND!
SUDDENLY, choking Cosmo psychically and pulling him towards him, Mind Master leans Cosmo's head towards his mouth, ready to eat his brain.
Kipper: NOOOOOO!
Quickly pouncing at Mind Master, Kipper CLAWS at his eye, breaking his concentration and dropping Cosmo.
Mind Master: GRAHH! MY EYE! YOU LITTLE BRAT!
Then grabbing Kipper with his powers, he lifts him up and THROWS him into a wall, knocking him out.
All the cats gasp in unison. They all slowly turn towards Mind Master, fuming, as he heals his eye.
Cosmo: How dare YOU!
Spicky: He’s just a kid!
Kat: Okay, my sympathy is officially spent.
Bob: Let’s get him!
The cats all run towards Mind Master, each screaming a distinct battle cry.
Kit: Give Mr. Boo back, you jerk!
Ginger: You’re gonna pay for hurting Kipper. He’s only a kid!
Lily: Oh well, I hoped to solve this peacefully, but you’ve made your intentions quite clear.
Cosmo: You’re worse than Bar D. Jokue!
Mind Master: OH SAVE ME THE SOB STORY, YOU LIVING HAIR BALLS! I'll take all NINE of your lives!
Then, in a surge of psychic energy, he fires multiple energy balls at the rest of the cats, knocking them back onto the floor with only Kat, Bob and Cosmo withstanding the blasts.
Mind Master: Fascinating, you three are tougher than you look.
Bob: Darn right we are!
Kat: And now we’re gonna beat you.
Cosmo: Yeah, prepare for a good old fashioned fistfight, uh, I can’t think of an insult.
Mind Master: Oh no, a fistfight, whatever will I do!?! HAHAHA! You fools really think that scares me? Well then, GET A LOAD OF THIS!
Then with a snap of his fingers, the Zinger, once trapped in crystal, BUSTS out, having a crystal-like appearance, and begins attacking Kat and Bob, leaving Cosmo and Mind Master alone with each other.
Mind Master: Now show me what you can do!
Cosmo: With pleasure!
Cosmo begins to glow again, charging up another blast of energy. He releases it with such power that Cosmo flies backwards, slamming against a wall. Luckily, he lands on his feet and springs towards Mind Master. Holding the surge of power with his mind, he channels it into large energy balls that he fires at Cosmo. Cosmo, dodging left and right to avoid the attack, gets close and fires a psychic blue energy ball at Mind Master.
Cosmo: Eat this, slime brain! Oh, I thought of an insult.
Hitting him slightly, Mind Master winces at the attack, but it seems he was only slightly damaged by it, as he gets right back up by summoning two psychic saws and tossing them at Cosmo.
Mind Master: This will CUT you down to size! You foolish feline!
Cosmo barely dodges in between them.
Cosmo: Geez, are you trying to kill me?!
Mind Master: Oh? Was that not clear? Well then yes, yes I am, but now let me show you some of MY POWER!
Just then, a CRASH is heard as the ceiling and crystals around them are broken, but then quickly reform as they tightly transform into a large crystal planet, with even its own gravity field, pulling Cosmo and Mind Master onto it as it takes to the skies!
Cosmo: Woah, okay, I have to admit this is pretty cool!
Mind Master: THIS is the true power of the Cosmic Crystals! Due to the meteorite's large amount of Wonderite, these branches of crystals have a type of magnetic pull to them, allowing for a small planet such as this to be created! And after I destroy you and collect ALL the Cosmic Crystals I need, I will use these crystals to imprison all who have wronged me! And even take over the universe! But first, I NEED your power!
Cosmo: Look, that all sounds great, except for the, you know, killing me part? Could you just not do that?
Mind Master: No.
Mind Master then conjures up a spew of flames and fires them at Cosmo, Cosmo dodging left and right, but is unable to keep up with the barrage and is eventually burned.
Cosmo: Ah…that hurts.
Mind Master: Here, let me CHILL things down for you!
Then conjuring up a MASSIVE ice ball, Mind Master throws it at Cosmo, who barely manages to dodge it. Cosmo cools himself down with his powers, putting out the fire that was beginning to start on his fur. Then, he charges forward with lightning speed, attacking Mind Master with a flurry of kicks. Mind Master, however, had seen the attack coming in Cosmo's mind and dodges every single one, him seeing what Cosmo is going to do before he does it. Then telepathically he talks to Cosmo.
Mind Master: Oh please you stupid feline, you really think THIS will be enough to stop me? Your nephew did better and he was a CHILD!
Cosmo: Hey! Get out of my mind, you jerk! And don’t talk about my nephew that way!
Mind Master: Oh please, why don't you just CRY me a river!
Then, transforming the snow and ice from the ice ball, Mind Master transforms it into a collection of water arrows which he fires at Cosmo one at a time in a quick but rapid pace.
Cosmo: Please, your puns are just terrible. They’re really…uh…CHEESY?
Cosmo summons a giant cheese wheel, which he uses to block the arrows.
Cosmo: Ooh, that worked?
Mind Master: How miserable, ENDLESS cosmic powers and matter creation and you spend it on things such as this? Allow me to show you a TRUE master's craft!
Then focusing a large sum of his mental energy, Mind Master creates a small eye construct which fires a LAZER, cutting the cheese in half and damaging Cosmo in the process.
Cosmo: That’s…ow…a true master’s craft? It’s just a laser gun. I have one of those, and I don’t need cosmic power to use it.
Cosmo demonstrates his ability to use a laser gun by pulling it out and shooting the eye right in the…um…eye, destroying the construct. At this point, Mind Master seems more annoyed than angered by the fight and decides to end this.
Mind Master: *sigh* I'm VERY disappointed in you, Cosmo. I would have expected better from you than this. Well, I suppose it's time to end this little game of ours.
Then, grabbing Cosmo with his powers, Mind Master slowly begins choking him, but in spite of this, Cosmo resists his power, albeit slightly.
Cosmo: Look, you want me to be serious? Alright then, let go and I’ll get serious.
Straining, Cosmo begins to channel all his mental energy into doing something he has never done before; take things seriously.
Suddenly, feeling the SURGE of new power enveloping Cosmo, Mind Master grins (if he can some way) and lets Cosmo go, before creating a HUGE amount of electricity and firing it in one HUGE bolt at Cosmo, with several small energy charges to match it. However, Cosmo’s new seriousness tells him exactly what to do, and he raises a shield, blocking the bolts.
(Serious) Cosmo: I’ll give you one chance to surrender.
Mind Master: AH, FINALLY A WORTHY OPPONENT! OUR BATTLE WILL BE LEGENDARY!
Then Mind Master fires a mixture of saws, psychic missiles, electric and fire blasts as he RAINS it down on Cosmo from up in the crystal planet's atmosphere. Using a mixture of his cat agility and powers he can suddenly control adeptly, Cosmo dodges the majority of the projectiles. Though some hit him, he quickly heals himself after the assault finishes. He then puts up a mental barrier, hoping this will prevent Mind Master from seeing his future moves. The barrier does wor, with Mind Master no longer being able to see his moves ahead of time, but still able to read his inner thoughts during this time. He then sends out a collection of psychic energy balls and ice balls at the Cosmic Cat, before then making copies of himself.
Mind Master: Which one is the real me? Are you SMART ENOUGH to figure it out? HAHAHAHA!
(Serious) Cosmo: Talking during battles is impractical.
Cosmo sends out fireballs to counter the ice ones, while merely blocking and dodging the energy balls. He begins to charge up a shockwave, planning to use it to hit every Mind Master copy at once. While charging, Mind Master sends a few energy beams his way from either his new eye construct or his copies now circling around him, but nothing Cosmo can't dodge. Cosmo finally lets loose his shockwave, hitting each Mind Master in succession.
Mind Master: Nugh, impressive…
Then in a flash, Mind Master begins teleporting all around Cosmo, firing energy ball after energy ball, and while some miss, most hit, with Mind Master getting faster and faster with each hit. Eventually, Cosmo cannot take the barrage and is flung backwards. He thinks for a moment, noting how Mind Master seems to be tiring. He summons two swords, then slides one across the ground towards Mind Master, thinking the strenuous energy required for a swordfight could weaken Mind Master further. Mind Master seemingly takes the bait, but not before surprising Cosmo with the move Psycho Plasum, hitting him with a white ball of plasma that burns about the same as a fireball, but is easily healed by Cosmo as Mind Master mentally picks up the sword and transforms it using a piece of Cosmic Crystal into his own Crystal Sword.
(Serious) Cosmo: En garde.
Cosmo begins the fight by rushing towards Mind Master, seemingly lunging, but faking into a side slash. But as he goes to slash Mind Master, Mind Master, learning from last time he fought a sword fighter, dodges the attack, then Cosmo gets a CHILL down his spine as the Psycho Plasum kicks in. Cosmo falls to the ground, stricken with sudden, intense fear, in a perfect position to be struck down. Mind Master sees the opportunity and goes to strike, but is suddenly POUNCED on by none other than KAT!
Kat: Smart of you to teleport us up here, bro.
Mind Master: W-Wait WHAT!?
(Serious) Cosmo: Oh yes. While you weren’t looking, I took the liberty of bringing my family up here, in case they wanted to face you as well.
Ginger: HA! Looks like you’re not so smart after all, “Mind” Master!
Mind Master: NRAGH! A minor miscalculation, but still nonetheless, have at you!
Then summoning yet another eye construct, and waves of his elemental attacks, Mind Master sends those out to manage Cosmo's family while also taking the opportunity to strike Cosmo down with the Crystal Sword while he's vulnerable. As the blade slices through Cosmo, he begins to flicker and disappear, as if he was a…hologram. Suddenly, the REAL Cosmo jumps up, from behind Mind Master, ready to cleave straight through him.
(Serious) Cosmo: Missed me.
Mind Master: HUH!?
SLASHING him with a fierce slash, Mind Master shouts as he goes FLYING around the planet Bowser style for yet ANOTHER slash, sending him in the opposing direction again, before then being slashed AGAIN, but THIS TIME, being knocked out of the atmosphere of the crystal planet. Getting ready to finish this, Ginger tosses Cosmo some Oxichew as Cosmo files out of the planet a distance away and gets prepared to CHARGE right into Mind Master.
Mind Master: N-NO! I-I AM THE SMARTEST BEING OF ALL TIME! HOW COULD I HAVE LOST TO A BUNCH OF FLEA RIDDEN FUR BALLS!?
(Serious) Cosmo: Please…
Cosmo: I have a rubber duck smarter than you!
With that, Cosmo launches into Mind Master with a powerful headbutt, sending him straight into the Cosmic Crystal Planet, all the while yelling “CURSES, FOILED AGAINNNNNN!” *SMASH* As Mind Master smashes into the planet, the crystal planet begins to crack and shatter, as Cosmo quickly teleports his family to the front entrance of the crystal palace to watch the show. As the crystal fully smashes apart and the planet begins to collapse in on itself, it's then followed by a *BOOM* as the crystal begins to compact itself. Eventually, the gravity field loses its pull. At that moment, all the power from Mind Master's presence and the gravity collapsing creates a human-sized crystal holding just one person inside; Mind Master floating endlessly in space.
Cosmo: How awfully convenient.
Kat: Well, now we can take him to the proper authorities.
Kit: Are there any proper authorities who could hold him?
Spicky: That’s a good point.
Bob: Well, we can’t just leave him there! Anybody could steal him!
Ginger: Well who do we give him to?
Lily: Oh! I know! I bet Mr. Boo would have a good place to keep him!
Boo1268: Unfortunately my dear friends, that would not be the case.
Hearing the voice of their dear friend, our heroes turn around to see Boo1268, Kipper, and surprisingly Dion all walking up to them.
Kipper: Look who I rescued!
Dion: We.
Boo1268: Now, now you two, it was a collaborative effort, so give yourselves BOTH credit for a job well done.
Kipper: Okay, Mr. Boo…
Cosmo: Phew, you got out alright.
Dion: Not too hard, just hit rock hard enough and it break.
Kit: Ah…Of course.
Spicky: So…everyone’s safe, we’re all happy, we can go now, right? I’m starving.
Kat: We still don’t know what to do with Mind Master.
Dion: Well, he does, look.
Looking up into the spacey sky, our heroes see Mind Master wave one of his hands inside the gem and create a small portal just big enough for him to enter through, with his crystal in tow.
Ginger: Whoops.
Bob: Welp, I’m sure you’ll be seeing him again.
Lily: Maybe not for some time, however.
Mind Master (telepathically): You all may have won THIS time, but do know Cosmo, I WILL have my revenge! Not just on Boo and Pyro, and Kroop and Explainer, But now on YOU and your WHOLE FAMILY! I will get you one day Cosmo and your MIND will be MINE!
Cosmo telepathically sends back every insult in seventeen different languages.
Mind Master (telepathically): Until we meet again…..
As Mind Master travels through the portal, Cosmo is unable to feel his psychic presence, as Dion turns to Cosmo and Crew.
Dion: Am very sorry I tried to hurt you, I not a bad guy.
Kipper: Aw, it’s okay buddy.
Kipper gives Dion a big hug. In response Dion gives Kipper his shades.
Boo1268: Aw, all's well that ends well…S-Speaking of ending well…I-I'm sorry Cosmo.
Cosmo: Uh, why?
Boo1268: If I had just checked if Max was still alive that day, NONE of this would have happened…Kipper wouldn't have been hurt…none of you would have been in danger…I'm such a selfish fool…
Cosmo: No, you’re not. You couldn’t have known what happened to Max. Even if you went to find him, you’d just both be trapped in the void for all that time, and we’d have two Mind Masters running around. Don’t worry about us being in danger, we’re in danger most of the time, which is probably either me or Ginger’s fault, but we don’t mind. I’m sure you can make it up to Max some day.
Boo1268, after hearing those words, almost begins to cry as he hugs Cosmo tightly, his friend now becoming like family to him through those simple words. After a few moments, all the rest of Cosmo's family joins in the hug, enjoying the warmth their love brings each other. Then over the next few days, till about almost a week and a half at this point, Cosmo, Boo1268, and Cosmo's family all enjoyed each other's company under the warming glow of the fireplace and the crispness of falling snow, until eventually the time would come where they all had to depart from Pristine Peaks.
Dion: I think I remember how to fly this.
Ginger: You THINK?
Cosmo: I’m sure it will be fine…
Bob: What could go wrong?
Spicky: Would you like a list?
Kat: Yes please.
Kit: Guys, guys, chill out.
Lily: I second that.
Kipper: That was a fun trip! Thank you for inviting us, Mr. Boo!
Boo1268: Of course Kipper, my good little man! It was a pleasure! I will always enjoy spending time with my friends and family. Besides, with you cats around, there seems to ALWAYS be adventure to be found! But in truth, the thing I enjoyed the most was getting to meet you all.
Kipper: Same here Mr. Boo, same here.
Eventually after some technical difficulties, our heroes took to the stars and flew their way all the way back home to where they belong, eventually departing at the airport where their adventure had begun, being just in time to spend Christmas at home in the comfort of their own beds, but all of them always remembering that their friendship was in fact the greatest gift anyone could ever give, especially around the holidays, their bond becoming ever stronger from their shared adventure.
THE END.
A very special thank you to TheBlueCatMenace for collabing on this project and for writing practically half the cast. They did an amazing job, I hope you all enjoyed this interstellar story we made, and Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Random Video Analysis
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| Video by: | alfa995 |
| Publish date: | December 21, 2012 |
| Views: | 1,080,496 (as of November 15, 2025) |
| Likes: | 26K (as of November 15, 2025) |
| Type: | Animated, Cute, Holidays |
Hi there! Thanks for tuning in to December's Random Video Analysis, a section where I discuss short YouTube videos I find with some humor sprinkled in! You've arrived just in time for the final one of 2025. It's the holiday season, so I had to choose a video that's short, sweet, and very heartwarming. It's also MLP-themed, and who doesn't like ponies? I present to you... Derpy's Christmas! I like to call her "Muffins" though.
When I say short and sweet, I'm not kidding. Derpy's Christmas is less than a minute and oozes with cuteness and charm. It's like sitting on a rocking chair in front of a warm fireplace crackling every now and then while you drink a nice cup of hot chocolate... sounds cozy right? This will be a shorter analysis than usual, but that doesn't matter! An analysis is an analysis, and quality over quantity is usually the way to go anyway. Now then, let's fly in!
What's it about?
It's Hearth's Warming Eve (basically Christmas Eve in Equestria), and mailpony Derpy Hooves (AKA Ditzo Doo or Muffins) just made her final delivery of the night - taking an envelope out of Twilight Sparkle's mailbox. With her mission complete for the holidays, she flies back home to spend time with her unicorn daughter, Dinky Doo. The two rest by the cozy fireplace before somepony knocks on the front door. A half-awake Derpy answers the door to see who it is.
The visitor turns out to be Dr. Hooves! Upon seeing him, Derpy immediately snaps wide awake in surprise. Dr. Hooves smiles awkwardly before revealing that he didn't arrive empty-hooved - strapped to one of his forelegs is a mistletoe, which he raises up to show her. Knowing what this means, Derpy blushes before jumping towards Dr. Hooves with all of her strength, tackling him to the ground with a very endearing hug. Dinky Doo, who was still sound asleep, wakes up from the impact and looks as if to say "what just happened?"
The video then fades to white before showing all three ponies featured in the video, faced towards the screen with joyous expressions. Above them red-colored text reading "Merry Christmas!" This looks to be a Christmas card. After several seconds, the video fades again to show previews of three other videos made by the creator of this one (alfa995): C. Crashing Frost King, Lauren Fausts Stalker, and Derpy Cardcaptor. While the previews are shown, there is text at the top left corner of the screen. The word "Subscribe!" is always present, but the text below it is initially "Animated by alfa995", before changing to "Music by Adeste Fideles", then finally to "Special Thanks The Series of Informal Animators and YOU for watching!" The video concludes afterwards.
Interesting observations
- This video was published while season 3 of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic was still going, so Twilight Sparkle still lived in the Golden Oak Library. That's why her Castle of Friendship wasn't featured in the video.
- Only five sound effects are heard in the entire video:
- The closing of the mailbox
- The lowering of the mailbox flag
- Derpy opening the front door when she arrives home
- Dr. Hooves knocking on the front door
- Derpy opening the front door for Dr. Hooves
- There is music playing throughout the entirety of the video, including the outro! It is a guitar instrumental of "O Come, All Ye Faithful".
- Derpy carries an envelope in her mouth when she flies home, but after reuniting with Dinky Doo, the envelope vanishes. It's possible she delivered it somewhere else before arriving home.
- When Derpy answers the door, there is darkness behind her, as if there is no fireplace.
- When Dr. Hooves arrives at the house, Dinky Doo is nowhere to be seen. She's sleeping on the carpet by the fireplace, but in the two scenes before the hug tackle, nopony is there.
- Derpy's Cutie Mark is missing in some scenes, mainly the ones at the house. This could be because her wings hide it from view.
- Derpy loses her cross-eyes when she reunites with Dinky Doo and some moments after Dr. Hooves arrives.
- A picture of a muffin can be seen inside Derpy's house. There's also an abstract portrait of her and Dinky on the wall.
- When Derpy tackles Dr. Hooves in a hug, many frames are in slow motion. You have to see how happy she is!
Gallery
I guess the Golden Oak Library doesn't ever lose its leaves.
Starry night skies are very beautiful! Especially during Winter.
One final flight for the night!
Somepony's home for the holidays!
Awwwwwwww...
Look at that awkward yet cute smile!
And so marks the final Random Video Analysis of 2025! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and have a Happy New Year everyone.
