The 'Shroom:Issue 117/Fake News
Welcome to a special festive edition of the Fake News! I'm sorry I was away last month, but it looks like Mark Zuckerberg did a good job in the driver's seat. It was a pity that he turned out to be a ghost, but I hope he learned the dangers of Fake News in the process.
Christmas has arrived once again. Another year over - a very hectic one at that. Hope it hasn't gone too badly.
Have a great Christmas, and I'll see you in 2017!
Section of the Month
|FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH|
|2nd||Cooking Guide||14||26.42%||The Pyro Guy|
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Sport Report! I am your host, Alex95, here to give you the play-by-play on the current sporting event in the Mushroom Kingdom. We had an exciting time following Luigi through the Mushroom Cup for Mario Kart 64 these past couple of months, and now we're moving on to a new sporting segment! This time, we'll be following Yoshi and Donkey Kong as they play some Basketball, specifically, the Basketball from Mario Sports Mix! Everyone will be giving their all, meaning the opponents will be set to "Expert" difficulty!
We'll be entering the Mushroom Cup for this tournament and there will be two rounds per match, with the rounds being a minute and a half long. First off, a match between Yoshi and Donkey Kong vs Black Mage and White Mage from the Final Fantasy series, and the stage will take place on Mario Stadium! The characters arrive on the court and wave to their fans, then take their places. Lakitu readies the players and lobs the basketball into the air. Yoshi catches it and passes it to Donkey Kong, who immediately goes for the basket with a dunk. But White Mage stands in his way and attacks, causing DK to drop the ball! Black Mage catches it and runs down to the opposite end while Yoshi gives chase. Black Mage charges the ball and Yoshi jumps in the way, trying to block, but the Black Mage's magic is too powerful and he scores three points, due to a Coin he picked up on the way! The players reset their positions and start again, with Yoshi having the ball. White Mage is on him, but he sees DK is open, so Yoshi passes the ball to him! DK calls for a combo move and Yoshi moves in. The Mages try to block, but come up short, allowing DK to score two points! White Mage starts with the ball this time and immediately passes it to her partner. The two go for a combo attack! Donkey Kong tries to attack, but Black Mage passes it to White Mage in the nick of time, allowing her to score! Donkey Kong starts with the ball and tries to pass it to Yoshi, but Black Mage intercepts it. He tries to shoot, but DK jumps and grabs the ball in mid-air. DK calls for a combo and Yoshi moves forward. DK waits for an opening and makes a half-court shot to Yoshi, allowing the two to score! The score right now is 4-5, Mages favor. Black Mage starts with the ball and tosses it to White Mage, who then calls for her special move! She summons a magical pillar, which distracts Donkey Kong, but Yoshi knows better and jumps in front of the ball, blocking White Mage's shot! He passes to Donkey Kong, but Black Mage is on top of him. He tries to pass, but Black Mage intercepts! He calls for a combo move, but DK manages to steal back the ball. He passes it to Yoshi, who then has the ball stolen by White Mage. She goes for a shot, and Black Mage tries to assist, but Donkey Kong steps in and grabs the ball. DK then becomes blocked, so he fires to an open Yoshi. DK goes for a dunk, which Yoshi catches wind of and passes the ball, but Black Mage prevents it. So far, this round has been nothing but back-and-forth passes. The ball goes flying across the court and Yoshi runs ahead to collect it. DK calls for it, though White Mage steps in and steals the ball. She passes it to Black Mage and—Oop, there's the "Hurry Up" sound effect! The round is almost over! Black Mage fires and scores some more points, the two main ones plus two from the coins! DK then starts with the ball and goes for an immediate jump shot, which gets blocked. White Mage collects the ball and goes for a dunk on her side, but DK spins and knocks her away. Black Mage collects it and goes for one more shot just as the timer rings. With that, round one ends with the score being 4-9 in the Mages' favor.
The players take their stand in the middle of the court as round two begins. Lakitu tosses the ball and White Mage jumps up to catch it. She tries to go for a shot and the ball is bouncing on the rim. Black Mage jumps in to assist, but Yoshi knocks him away. White Mage recovers the ball and goes for a dunk, but Yoshi knocks her away as well. Yoshi catches the ball, but Black Mage steals it away. Black Mage goes for a shot, but DK punches him out of the air. White Mage grabs the ball and goes for a dunk, but DK knocks her away (along with Yoshi, whoops). Black Mage once again goes for a shot, but DK knocks him back! DK is determined to protect his basket! Yoshi takes the ball and tries to run, but White Mage blocks and steals the ball. She then calls up her special move once again! She tries to aim her attacking magic light at Yoshi, but he's running circles around her. Once she's ready to fire, Yoshi jumps up and knocks the ball away. Black Mage recovers it and calls for a combo, but Yoshi and DK knock them both away! Black Mage manages to recover and grabs the ball. He fires the shot and scores another two points, attacking Yoshi in the process. Yoshi starts with the ball and accidentally spins into Black Mage, who steals the ball. DK comes up from behind and smacks Black Mage, taking the ball back! DK tries to make a shot, but misses. Yoshi goes in to help, but White Mage takes the ball and… fires a full-court shot?! Will she make it?! …No, of course not. She was just trying to get the basketball to her side of the court. Haha, however, the ball comes bouncing right back to her! DK grabs the ball, but is immediately attacked by the Black Mage. Yoshi tries to prevent Black Mage from going farther and manages to steal the ball, though Black Mage recovers and takes it back. He tosses it to White Mage who fires the ball fused with a Green Shell and scores some points! Yoshi and Donkey Kong aren't doing too well, but the Mages are doing great! Yoshi starts off with the ball and passes it to Donkey Kong, who is then attacked by the White Mage. Yoshi picks back up the ball. He fires it, hoping to score a point, but White Mage blocks it and takes the ball. She calls for a combo and passes it to her partner, but Yoshi intercepts the pass, knocking the ball back to White Mage. She then uses another special move, though she manages to make a basket this time around! There are only six seconds left on the clock, and there's no way Yoshi and DK can catch up. Yoshi tries to go for one last basket, but gets knocked back by the Black Mage. DK steps in to help and fights through the opposing team, scoring one last goal with some added coins! The timer rings and the final results are in!
- Yoshi & Donkey Kong: 8
- Black Mage & White Mage: 19
An overwhelming victory for the Magely Duo! We'll follow them as they move on to the next round in the Mushroom Cup in next month's Sport Report. This is Alex95 signing off!
See you around!
Good evening, and welcome to your weather report, coming to you live from MKBC 6.
This week, we will see low temperatures in the Mushroom Kingdom as a cold front moves into the region from the west. We are looking at high chances for snow flurries all week long, especially on Sunday as Princess Peach will be holding her annual Christmas Bash for everyone in the kingdom. Mario and Luigi are expected to make their annual appearances to light the star on her tree, and we have already gotten confirmation from the princess that Bowser has been invited to light the stardust tree this year.
Your after-Christmas celebrations are looking sunny, with snow flurries and clouds clearing up by Wednesday and temperatures rising considerably from the weekend. It would be a good time to get that last minute shopping done for the Galaxy Festival next weekend while the winds die down as well. The only downside to this week of good winter weather is that it will be very dry out, so be sure to turn your humidifiers up and protect your skin from chapping. Snow will return on Sunday, but the dry streak is expected to break as well, bringing colder temperatures as the humidity rises.
Coming up next week as well, we have the annual Super Sno-fest Mario Party, as this year is Princess Peach's turn to host. The format will be the same as the past year's competitions have been, with last year's winner Bowser being able to pick his partner for the cooperative play portions. We are bringing you a schedule of events below in addition to your weather forecast for the events. All events will take place on the castle's official party stages.
EVENT SCHEDULE Monday
- Guests arrive
- Meet and greet with new competitors Rosalina and Dry Bowser
- Individual competitions, rounds A,B, and C
- Individual competitions, semifinals
- Cooperative teams chosen
- Individual competitions, finals
- Cooperative competitions, rounds A and B
- Cooperative competitions, finals
- Awards ceremony
- Super Snow Festival
It always happens this time of year, a group of mountain climbers think that even during the blizzards the conditions are good enough for them to scale some form of mountain, unfortunately for the Ice Climbers, the conditions were too much and they perished.
The pair of loveable climbers sadly now resemble something you'd find at the back of the freezer after three years. The conditions in which they went out were described as "crazy" and "ludicrous" by some explorers, and yet they ventured on anyhow. It's a shame that the weather conditions killed the pair as they'd gotten past a carnivorous fish, an avalanche, and a pair of brawling plumbers, one of whom had a rocket launcher. When approached for a statement, the one in the head hat took the opportunity to smash the green-hatted one up into the air.
The loss of the Ice Climbers is a massive blow to the ice climbing folk, who believe that their hobby may be under threat. "We give clear warnings not to go out in weather like this," said the chairman of the group. "It's too dangerous, especially since that Summit was renowned for vicious fights and the like." Others admired the pair's bravery, but lamented their loss. "They were so brave, many of his wouldn't even consider going up that particular mountain, and not just because of the smelly beast that is rumoured to live up there.
The Ice Climbers will be sorely missed, and not just because many people were excited for their new TV show that was due to debut on the Wii U eShop. What's even more annoying was that I was planning to review that, so now I've actually got to go find something else. Anyhow, Merry Christmas to all of you, and I hope this death hasn't ruined your celebrations!
Are you looking for a Christmas holiday like no other? Do you like shopping, and lights, and winter sports? Then come along to The Christmas Village!
...wait, they seriously called it that?
The Christmas Village is a small village located near Vancouver, site of the 2010 Winter Olympics, in which many Italian plumbers and anthropomorphic forest creatures (and no actual sportspeople) competed. And now, you too can stay in the exact same accommodation they did, six years ago. See the spot where Vector the Crocodile trimmed his toenails! Gaze upon the bath Waluigi slept in! Marvel at the sight of the box of crackers Metal Sonic couldn't eat because he's a robot!
They really couldn't come up with a better name??
And while you're here, why not visit our world-famous shopping district? Our four shops sell a wide variety of gear, so they've got everything you need - goggles, shoes, decals, fursuits...the choice is endless! And there's tons to do, even if you're not interested in sports! Like, uhh...why not visit the library, where you can learn about the history of the Winter Olympics because we threw out all the books about the history of our town when we learned the Olympics were coming?
The Christmas Village???
Six years on, the novelty has not worn off! Here at the Christmas Village, it's Christmas every single day! 365 days a year, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day! The same two minute-long song plays over and over, every second of the day, to remind the townsfolk that it's Christmas! Every business not related to winter sports or Christmas that did not belong in the Christmas Village has been driven out, to make way for Christmas, and all of the Christmas Villagers who weren't in the Christmas spirit have been exiled! It's the perfect haven for anyone who loves Christmas!We hope to see you soon!
|Welcome to a new edition of Monthly Inquisition! This part of the 'Shroom has been an old favorite, and the time is right for me to take the reins again! Let's just hope I submit more than one section this time, though.|
|Now that we've gotten the introduction out of the way, our guest today is none other than the fair Princess Peach, coming all the way from a maximum-security prison!|
|Yes, yes, thank you. Can we get this over with soon?|
|Woo, I see someone's feisty today!|
|Yeah, I guess that would be the child-friendly way to describe it.|
|Ok... First question! How would you describe your experiences in the Mushroom Kingdom?|
|How can I properly answer this question when you keep taking me away from it to visit your trash heap of a kingdom?|
|I thought you signed a contract stating that you wouldn't bring this up...|
|And I thought you would honor your restraining order, but I guess we can't always get what we want. Oh well.|
|...Let's just keep things civil, alright?|
|Next question! Do you prefer spending time with Daisy or Rosalina?|
|I'd rather eat a Poison Mushroom than spend time with Banshee Voice Girl or Overused Space Waifu, but I guess I'll take Rosalina, only because her voice doesn't make me want to strangle her.|
|...I see. As a follow-up question, what person do you like spending time with the most?|
|Myself, duh! My thoughts and opinions are way better than anyone else's, plus I have great tastes in fashion and an amazing sense of humor! I could talk about myself for hours on end, I'm just that awe-|
|Excuse me, what?! You're just jealous that you're not as perfect as I am!|
|Plus, you're pretty self-centered yourself too! I mean, who sculpts a freaking hill into the shape of their head?!|
|Hey, at least I don't throw away government money like you do!|
|Oh come on, that's old news!|
|This just happened two months ago!!|
|Well, then stop living in the past!|
|Okay... Let's just both calm down, and try this again.|
|How about I ask you a question, Bowser?|
|How are you idiotic enough to repeat the exact same plan to whisk me away over and over again for more than 30 years now, when every single time you've been thwarted by Mario?|
|Alright, that's it! Back to prison for you! SECURITY!|
|HEY HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING DO YOU KNOW I AM I WILL CALL MY LAWYERS AND SUE FOR EVERY LAST COIN YOU HEAR ME YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU EVER MESSED WITH M-|
|*muffled Peach noises in the distance*|
|You gotta love duct tape!|
|Well, this has been this month's interview. Tune in next month for some more fun action!|
Hello, merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. Of course, it's Christmas Eve, meaning tomorrow's Mushroom Kingdom broadcasts will contain Christmas shows and films aplenty. Enjoy the merry spirit of these wonderful shows while you eat your Christmas pudding and watch the snow fall. It is now that I realise not everyone celebrates Christmas. Damn. Have a happy Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever it is you celebrate, and celebrate it by watching these three Christmassy shows!
Genre: Car show
Wario and Waluigi's popular car show appears for its Christmas special in Mount Wario, where Waluigi snow-tests his motorbike on the slopes while Wario interviews DK, who won the official Christmas Grand Prix last time, and is destined to win this year's - Wario and Waluigi are waiting for the result expectantly.
Genre: Dance/talent show
In the light of Christmas, a brand new ice-based dance show has been commissioned. This introduction show demonstrates the kind of things that will continue as the show thrives over the next year; contestants ice skating to score points from judges. Professional skaters Mario and Peach host the programme and even demonstrate their own dances. A glorious show that should not be missed.
Genre: Christmas film
This wonderful Christmas film is showing tomorrow, with a stellar cast of Princess Peach and Mario (again). After Mario makes an unfortunate error, Christmas is mysteriously cancelled, so Princess Peach takes a perilous journey to rescue Christmas for the Mushroom Kingdom - but there are some vicious elves waiting in the wings... A family-friendly film that everyone will enjoy.
There's plenty more Christmas specials, shows and films across all the channels to show what a festive wave is taking over TV this winter. So, enjoy the pudding, the snow and the presents with TV this year. I wish you a Merry Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or whatever) and a Happy New Year.
Hi, and welcome back to what has basically become a bi-monthly section at this point, Game Corner! Now, I’m not sure how many of you are aware of this, but there’s this thing called “Christmas” (KRIS-muhs) that comes around this time of year, which is like a celebration of some guy who died, as well as some other holidays like “Chanukah” and “Kwanza.” I don’t know, I’m sure it’s a thing somewhere, so to celebrate, I’m going to be reviewing three holiday themed Mario games (unless the ‘Shroom is late this month and it’s no longer the holidays in which case ignore this entire article). Let’s-a-snow!
Game Corner: The Holiday Special! Yay!
Game #1: Walugi’s Christmas Wish
And people say the Wii U is a dying system! Not if Nintendo keeps putting out gem after gem like this! So, I’m not one for dating sim games. I usually prefer dating real life imaginary girlfriends. But this one really shows what the genre could be one day. The story is that after all these years of hiding his feelings, one fateful Christmas Day, Waluigi decides to confess his love to Princess Peach. Unfortunately, she’s filed a restraining order against him, and currently keeps a semi-automatic under her pillow. Not to worry! Walugi can charm his way into her heart…by playing a bunch of Candy crush-type minigames.
However, this game adds a new spin to this style of gameplay. For example, before you can do anything, you must find out what kind of drugs work best for knocking her out. Next, you need to find a nice romantic setting. Third, you must carry out your plan of action by wearing a disguise, which you can buy at your local Happy Mask Shop:
After the kidnapping, it’s time for the wooing! Tell her how beautiful she is! Tell her how romantic it is sitting cozily by the fire! Refuse to let her out of her cage! Compliment her smile! All of these things and more are possible with this marvelous Christmas game. And after Stockholm syndrome finally kicks in, the real game starts! Mistletoe, cookies, cuddling! Even for a real manly man like me, it’s quite fun. Buy her love with jewelry! The more expensive, the longer she’ll stay! There’s sometimes even a two for one sale. That way, you get more bang for your buck if you know what I mean. And when the day is done, and you’ve forgotten everything that happened in the last six hours, you can relax and await the SWAT team.
Welp! I’m gonna take a nice cold shower!
Game #ב: Toadworth’s Chanukah Party
You thought that Nintendo would just neglect Chanukah, didn’t you? Well, or course not! What corporation could resist making a game targeted specifically to Jewish people, of which there are an estimated 1,000 living in Japan, only a fraction of which are gamers, only a fraction of which like Mario games, only a fraction of which would actually buy this, of which there is likely less than one. It’s the perfect business model. Actually, as soon as this game was announced, Japan had twelve simultaneous stock market crashes which they likely won’t recover from until 2144. But, you know…dreidels.
I just realized that I typed an entire paragraph without mentioning the game. Well, whatever, I can make this quick. So the story is that Toadworth converts to Judaism after a spiritual encounter with Yahweh, himself. After this, he immediately gathers all of his toad friends to participate in his Chanukah celebration.
Gameplay-wise, this is a lot like a weird Jewish carnival. You can play as either Toadsworth, Blue Toad, Yellow Toad, Captain Toad, or Toadette, and you go around playing Chanukah themed minigames, such as the aforementioned dreidels, as well as other more wintery games, to collect the currency of the game, gelt. Use this to buy toady gifts for your toady friends, and to, of course, light the menorah.
It’s kind of boring, there’s not a lot going on, and everything’s in Hebrew, but if you’re Jewish, it’s the best you’ve got. Good luck finding another Chanukah themed game. The only thing similar is actually celebrating with your family, and that’s dumb. For the rest of you Christians and Muslims and Mormons and Scientologists and Atheists and Agnostics and Buddhists and Hinduists and wow there are a lot of religions, just go do something else with your time.
Game #3: Super Merry-o Christmas
Booyah! The latest and greatest Mario themed Christmas game for the Wii U! I’m sure you’ve all seen the commercials:
“Mommy, mommy! What’s the true meaning of Christmas?”
“Gettin’ dem GOODIES, BOI! #GOODIES4LIFE”
“If you’re gonna be gettin’ dem goodies this holiday season, why not get our goodies? A message from Nintendo.”
Soon to become a Christmas classic!
So, I’m sure the overexposure has caused some of you to lose interest, and I get it. But I’m here to tell you that this is indeed the best game I’ve ever played on the Wii U within the last two hours not counting Splatoon that’s Christmas themed in some way! Actually it’s not a whole Christmas game, it’s an expansion for NSMBU. They added nine new worlds:
- World 1: Black Friday Fun
- World 2: Christmas Cookie Chaos
- World 3: Tree Topping Turmoil
- World 4: Literally Meeting Jesus
- World 5: Christmas Carol Singing Lessons with Toad
- World 6: Bowser Under the Mistletoe
- World 7: Luigi is an Atheist and He Still Celebrates Christmas
- World 8: Christmas Shopping is Pretty Hard When You Don’t Know What to Get Your Friend
- World 9 (Special World): Don’t You Just Hate It When You Open Up Presents and Once Christmas is Over There’s Wrapping Paper Everywhere? Thats Why My Wife and I Decided to Start Throwing Away the Paper into This Giant Garbage Bag to Save Trouble. It Really Works and I Think You Should Try It.
As you can see, they become progressively less like worlds and more like statements of fact. It’s quite unique, really.
I’ve been playing this non-stop since I got it, and I must say, the final boss is really hard: Ebenezer Grinch-Bowser. I’ve been trying to beat him for days, but his hatred for Christmas is undying:
So all in all, great game, a little weird, but still great. You know, if you find this in a flea market somewhere, and you can get it for like two bucks, and maybe they throw in a couple of Cheetos in there for free, just to sweeten the deal a little, maybe consider it.
So, it’s been quite the journey, hasn’t it, looking at all these holiday games. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, but all in all, no difference has been made in our lives whatsoever. It wasn’t even really a journey either. This entire article was only like a thousand words. Either way, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and yeah. See y’all next month!
Thanks to Koopartol Brick Block (talk) (Forum profile), Sonic the smart Hedgehog (Forum profile), and Lord Bowser (talk) (Forum profile) for sending in questions! If you seek my flawless advice, please send questions to me on the forum, find me in chat, or if you don't care about anonymity post them on my talk page! If you would like for there to be a doodle with the response to your question, feel free to request so and I'll see what I can do. I will see you in February!
|The 'Shroom: Issue 117|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • End-of-the-Year Awards • Director Election|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|
|Specials||Ultimate Music Battle • Paper Sham, Sour Jam|
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