The 'Shroom:Issue 115/Fake News
Hi, welcome back to the Fake News!
First of all, some sad news, Freakworld (talk) has quit writing The Clogged Pipe, which is a shame because that's been consistently superb. On a much lighter note, Dear Anton is back, and the results are in for our feedback poll!
Sorry I haven't had much to say here, been really busy this month. Here's a spooky GIF to compensate my lack of a halloween-themed editorial. See you next month!
Section of the Month
Feedback Poll Results
First of all, thanks to everyone who voted - there were definitely at least 40 of you (unless you, like, really wanted to vote twice for some reason) which is way more than I was expecting.
So, more entertainment sections and more news sections got the most votes. I mean, I'm, uh, pretty sure most of our sections are entertainment or news sections already. But you can never have too many. Community-themed sections also seem to be doing well. I think 11 people just voted for every option, but still, it looks like pretty much everything has some level of popularity. If you want to help us improve based on these results, be sure to sign up to write for us!
We're off to Koopa Troopa Beach for the third race in the Mushroom Cup.
Greetings, 'Shroom readers. This is Lord Judge Bowser here with this month's edition of Police Blotter.
Last issue, I reported on the corruption of Mario and Princess Peach discovered by my loyal scout, Pyro Guy. The crooks were apprehended and punished for their actions, but the case didn't quite stop there yet. A reader last issue happened to notice a particular detail about the absolutely accurate and totally not photoshopped image that Pyro Guy was able to provide us with.
Meta Knight came running to my courtroom after noticing that the two despicable thieves had made off with his sword, Galaxia. However, there was a bit of a language barrier when he came to tell me about the situation.
From what I was able to gather, he was muttering something about sentimental value and the Galaxia having special powers and them not being able to touch it, but honestly I didn’t pay attention all that well. Regardless, I had enough testimony to get Princess Peach out of her cell and have her stand trial… again!
It was a chaotic trial, filled with insults and mudslinging, much of it in Spanish. Pyro Guy, who I forcibly appointed as my scribe, translator, sketch artist, defense attorney, prosecutor, bailiff, and janitor, was able to conjure up this scene of the courtroom in the heat of the action.
Peach repeatedly denied that she stole the sword and tried to pin it all on Mario, and often challenged Meta Knight to a fistfight while saying something about “kangaroo court” and how laughter is a violation. Meta Knight fired back with testimony about him dropping several tier positions after he had his sword stolen, and how he had lost all of his “edginess points” back in Cappy Town. After this altercation, I sent the jury of twelve Cappies out to deliberate on Peach’s fate. I let them argue for a solid 30 seconds before I lost my patience and went ahead without their input.
As you likely expected, I read the verdict aloud and found Peach…
...of grand theft Galaxia, threats, perjury, and talking back to a judge. I sentenced her to life in a maximum-security cell which blasts Princess Daisy’s voice every 30 seconds via a loudspeaker. Meta Knight was given his sword back, and he immediately rose back up to his former glory and maximum edginess.
This has been this month’s issue of Police Blotter. Stay tuned for next month, where I’ll be covering some new strange cases. Thanks for reading!
Continuing on Mario Kart 64's 150cc Mushroom Cup, the next race takes place on Koopa Troopa Beach. Like last time, we’ll be focusing on Luigi as he tries to go for the gold. The racers line up at the starting line and Lakitu gives the countdown. 3… 2… GO! Luigi gets a speedy start, immediately taking first, though Princess Peach is right behind him! Luigi gets a Banana and holds it behind him, which Peach then runs into! Toad enters the running and starts ramming into Luigi as they go over the first jump. Luigi nabs a Star and… wait, he’s heading for the waterfall shortcut! Can he make it?! …YES! Luigi nearly hits his head on the cavern roof, but he makes it, giving him a huge lead! The other racers don’t know what to make of him! Luigi crosses into the second lap with ease!
The other racers are trying to close their distance between them and Luigi, but he doesn’t look the least bit worried. Luigi appears to be holding onto a Mushroom, and he appears to be waiting for the right chance to use it. Going over a ramp, Luigi lands directly on a Banana, but he is able to quickly regain control! Luigi appears to once again be going for the waterfall shortcut aaaand he makes it once more! This gives Luigi a greater lead than he had before! He has a bit of trouble getting out, as he nearly runs into the trees, but he appears to be unfazed. Luigi crosses into the final lap unopposed.
Coming into the final lap, Peach takes a hit and Toad does as well just before he crosses. The gap between Luigi and second place Peach is slowly closing. Luigi needs to get the shortcut once more if he really wants to secure his lead. Luigi doesn’t manage to get any speed-boosting items, so he’s going purely on skill. If he misses this jump, it could cost him! He goes for it and…wait, he doesn’t go for it? I guess he decided he has a good lead already, but let’s see where this goes. He has a Red Shell trailing behind him, so he’s not completely unprepared. Peach is quickly gaining on Luigi, but Luigi is also quickly approaching the finish line! Luigi hits a crab and spins across the finish line! Oh, what a show-off Luigi is! Haha, here’s the scoreboard, folks!
Toad and Wario can’t seem to get any points! Donkey Kong was proving a formidable opponent in the first race, but seems to have lost his edge moving forward, and Peach is coming back with a vengeance. Toon in next week for the exciting conclusion, taking place on Kalimari Desert! See you around!
Greetings, viewers, from MKBC 6, here with your weekly weather report.
This week, we will be bringing you the forecast for the annual Harvest Festival. Mushroom-growing season has come to an end, and since the summer was so wet, farmers are reporting a good crop for this year. If you need to stock up for the winter, now would be the time to do it.
We are looking at a temperate week, temperatures dropping slightly, but with little chance of rain until Sunday. The forecast looks great for the artisans' market on Monday and Tuesday, and the clouds that are moving in on Wednesday and Thursday are expected to clear for the Harvest Moon festival on Friday. This year's festival will be a treat as reports show that the Harvest Moon will be especially bright and full this year, a good sign for farmers for their crops next year. Sunday's thunderstorms are not expected to impact the opening of Princess Peach's new boutique, and the princess is expected to draw quite a crowd as she begins to release her new line designed after the styles of the recent Olympic Games, a highly awaited collection here in town.
This week, we are also bringing you the forecast for the Castle Club World Golf Tournament, taking place next week at Castle Club. The odds to win on Bowser this year are very high, as the Koopa King showed an unexpected amount of improvement last year at the tournament he hosted. Provided below the weather forecast are the events taking place during the week.
Temperatures will be high all week long, with storms moving out of the area late on Sunday. Castle Club staff has advised fans to pack smartly for the tournament; bring sunscreen and plenty of water to drink as many of the courses that are not directly on club grounds have shops to purchase essential items. Princess Peach herself has advised her fans to be safe in the sun as they come to watch the tournament.
Count Zoltan Dracula
I think this is a first, I am the first person to find out about this death, honestly no one else has beaten me to it. There's not even a coroner here, so not only do I get to write an obituary, I get to conduct an autopsy at the same time.
The deceased is one Count Zoltan Dracula
Due to the suddenness of Count Zoltan's demise,
As for the autopsy, I concluded that he died from exposure to sunlight, and as I did such a bang-up job on this, I decided to keep this whole story to myself so I could beat everyone to the printing press with this. Anyway, a vampire is dead and I'm the first person to get the scoop on it.
Hello, readers! Welcome to another edition of TV Tomorrow, the article where I... oh you probably know it by now. For those of you who really, really, love my section, and attend weekly TV Tomorrow Fan Club meetings (last meeting head count was 1, but I'm sure someone will join... eventually) then I'm trying to find ways to make my section even better. If you have got any ideas for me on how to make this section better, then please get the message across to me in some way. Thanks! Here are the top three shows I recommend you watch.
MKBC Kids, 1pm
MKBC Sports, most of the day
Well, that is all from me today. And since I haven't really got a very good closing statement, I will simply say: See you next time. (That works, doesn't it?)
Quirky introduction! Welcome to the next edition of the greatest review article web series in the world! Guess what? Terrific news! After years of just being a fan project, Super Mario Wiki, the Mario encyclopedia, is finally getting the recognition it deserves in the newest game for the Wii U (which is a dying system but whatever), Super Mario Wiki: The Game!!!
|The 'Shroom: Issue 115|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|
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