The 'Shroom:Issue 111/Fake News
Welcome to a special edition of the Fake News.
Usually I try to be funny in the editorial, but in this issue it'd feel a bit weird to me. I wouldn't say I knew Walkazo as well as some other people here, but I considered her a friend nonetheless, and miss her all the same. Rest in peace.
Due to the nature of this issue, Obituaries is absent.
Section of the Month
We go around the world in 80 hours!
Good Day everyone! I hope you are ready for another hearty 'Shroom Section written by me, because that is pretty much what you are going to be in for in a sec.
First off though, at this point I, as a member of the 'Shroom as well as the greater MarioWiki community, have to thank Walkazo for everything she has done in these past few years. She truly has been an inspiration to us all and deserves all the attention she can get as a writer and artist, and as a friend to many.
Rest in Peace.
Well, well, well. Now that this is done with, we need to direct our attention towards our friends from the Poll Committee once again after we have shamelessly neglected them last month. Please take a look at a recent poll:
Notice anything odd? Here's the relevant part zoomed in for the people who are too slow:
What do we gather from this poll? Who or What is this mythical "Anton", and why is the Poll Committee so keen on including it in a poll?
Well, I- I mean, our well-seasoned Research & Development Team here at Fake News might just have a Theor- Evidence that could solve this mystery. Searching for "Anton" on the MarioWiki nets the following result (among others):
Mario Party 10. Interesting. What could this possibly mean though? Is this part of a giant product placement that was secretly placed in front of our very eyes, on the Main Page of the Super Mario Wiki?!?
I can assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that we have sent out only the most talented reporters of this Sub-Team to find more information on this matter.
In the meantime, there is one more subject that I have to talk about today. Year for year, there is a huge, and I mean huge Plot going on at the Super Mario Wiki, with its staff simply tolerating- no, even PARTICIPATING in these treacherous events.
Yes, I am talking about the Awards Polls.
What a beautiful mess out of completely unnecessary questions that keep clogging up multiple pages on the Wiki every year, generates hundreds of threads and entire sub-boards on the Forums and costs the Wiki Administration over 300$ worth of Prizes in every iteration. And only for the results being completely and utterly rigged! How else can you explain the existence of the "Guess the Results" Awards Tournament? Its only purpose is providing the Head of the Awards Committee with ideas how they should shape their rigged poll results so they look genuine. And they let the traitorous person who contributed the most to this conspiracy get all the tokens out of this so called "Game" so they can continue their blasphemous lifestyle and shut their mouth about the activity they have just participated in. I mean just look a-
I uhm uh... I- I'll be back next month with another fresh edition of The Clogged Pipe! Now have a good time reading the rest of the issue, and be sure to come back next month!
Hello, and welcome to TV Tomorrow! The essential TV Guide for the Mushroom Kingdom, written by yours truly, Quizmelon. From the Mushroom Kingdom Broadcasting Channels to Kart Racing Live, I've got all the channels covered. Now, I know this month's issue is dedicated to Walkazo, who I have heard was an honourable and respected user, who I sadly did not get to meet. But it does not do to dwell on bad things, and so here are the top three shows from the Mario world which I recommend you watch.
Below the Mushrooms
New: Sunken Stories
Jungle Tournament 2016 Live
Well, while that isn't all - the Tumble Show, Another Smash Out Of Place, and Yoshi's Island are also all must-sees for tomorrow - this is all I really have room for, so that is it from TV Tomorrow today. Make sure to look out for this section next month, but for now, goodbye!
Greetings, viewers, from Mushroom Kingdom Broadcasting Channel 6, with the weather for this week in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Temperatures will start high in the beginning of the week, with our high on Monday being a balmy 78 degrees, and then will drop towards the weekend while a high-pressure front moves in. Look for lows on Friday near 52. It’s a great week for playing baseball, so come on out and enjoy a game at Mario Stadium when the Mario Fireballs will be taking on the Daisy Flowers on Tuesday. Your high for Tuesday is 75 degrees with clear skies.
The weather will be generally very clear, with mostly sunny skies until Friday, when the front will bring clouds and the slight possibility of some rain. Be sure to look up on Wednesday night as Bowser’s Comet will be making its yearly pass over our part of the kingdom. We’re predicting clear skies with some fog on that night, so heading out of the city and away from the light pollution will aid in observation.
A strange phenomenon has occurred across the entire Mushroom Kingdom this past week, with reports from multiple regions suggesting that an exceptionally bright rainbow has been spotted throughout the region. Citizens as spaced out and distanced as the Fahr Outpost to even the border with the Beanbean Kingdom at Stardust Fields claim to be seeing the exact same rainbow, initially considered a hoax by the local Toadstool Climatology Bureau until further observations proved that the ludicrous was indeed true. Leading climatologist, Mei-Ling Shroom, has commented that "such an event is unheard of, even given how confusing and non-euclidean the Mushroom Kingdom and its climate tends to be. We do not, at this stage, have an explanation for it." Evangelical religious figures have claimed its a symbol from the Great Amanita in the sky that the end times are upon us, and it's time for all followers to begin hiding their possessions in random blocks strewn about the kingdom as a gesture of release from Earthly tethers, although this follows four false doomsday proclamations this year alone.
It appears that a large pot of skittles and toblerone has been found at the end of the rainbow, in a bizarre but delicious phenomenon that many are attributing to Diabetes Leprechauns. What a Diabetes Leprechaun is has yet to be confirmed, although local bag-wearing connoisseur, Hobo T., has insisted that the creatures exist and that they're planning to take over the world through sugary goodness. The pot of chocolaty goods has been distributed out to many orphanages across the nation, although the pot seemingly keeps refilling, leading many to believe it's been planted by someone for a currently unknown reason. Many across the kingdom have become inspired by the rainbow, with the Kong family in particular seeing it as a good omen for their banana harvest. "I tell you what, I've lived a long time, and you whippersnappers best believe I've seen a lot in that time, more than you ungrateful ingrates ever have, but I ain't never seen something like this. It can only mean good things are to come to the Kong family, not that my useless grandchildren deserve any of it," former Professional Kidnapper and noted grouch Cranky Kong told us. The Kongs are reportedly making preparations for a festival in celebration of the kingdom-spanning rainbow; one of the oldest children in the family, Diddy Kong, showed us the banner he's preparing for the occasion, which simply says "Donkey Kong's Rainbow of Approval".
The Kongs are not the only ones who have been moved by the rainbow, as even Opposition Leader Bowser and his family have found themselves at the centre of a heartwarming story. Lemmy Koopa, the second youngest member of the family and often viewed as the odd ball of the family, came out as homosexual yesterday, claiming that the rainbow gave him the courage to make the big announcement. "Ever since I was... maybe 8, I knew there was something different about me. It took me until my teen years to learn what I was, but I didn't know how to deal with dad or my siblings," Lemmy told our staff. "I just wanted to be accepted, but you never know how people are going to react. But the rainbow... it just gave me that courage, made me feel like there was something greater out there that knew who I really was, and was telling me to be true. I thought that it was more important to be real to me, no matter what others think." Reception to the big announcement from one of the kingdom's most notorious political leaders has been overwhelmingly positive, with reports of Lemmy's entire family welcoming his sexuality with open arms. "No one can tell you who to love... I should know that better than anyone. My son is still my son, no matter who he dates," Bowser commented. Current Reigning Monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach, commented on the occassion, stating "I think it's great to see [Bowser] display such strength of character to embrace his brave son for who he is, and I hope that his status as my political opponent does not dissuade people from following their example."
We will bring more information on this phenomenon as the story progresses.
BREAKING NEWS: It has just been reported that an uncharacteristically large flock of Goonies have been seen underneath the rainbow, forming a love heart shape with a "W" formed in the middle of it. Experts in ornithology are currently trying to determine what this odd behaviour could possibly mean, although a small city community of misfits noted for creating the cult indie film Dragon Problem have been reported to be at a strange ease from the event. More as it develops.
Hello everyone! I'm back in business visiting a local farm supplying a very special ingredient to our kitchen. That's right, today we're cooking:
Today, we don't need ingredients, we're creating the ingredients! I'm just coming up to the authentic, natural farm where my supplier grows these magical 'shrooms.
These mushrooms are red...
But these ones are white! The growing of a mushroom sure is interesting. I'd say that the red qualities are part of an ageing process.
These plant beds have wheels on them, too... maybe a sunlight rotation mechanism?
HOLY HELL ON A BREADSTICK
OH GOD WHAT IS THIS
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NATURAL GUARANTEE
This is impossible. The complex fungal nature of the shroom caps leading to different distributions of the white spore patches...
I was told that the magical, size doubling trope was due to the concentrated air levels...
The edible beady eyes... to be honest, the supply manager never really explained that one...
Mushrooms. Are. A lie!!
Join me not only in my truthful campaign against artificial mushrooms, but also next month as I return to the friendly reaches of true cooking.
If true cooking exists.
Hopefully it does.
It was a scorching Summer day in Stooben Rooben's house, but otherwise, things were going as they usually do.
Back in October of last year, a dispute SMB and Dippy had with the galactic creature Packy led to the three being trapped in an otherworldly prison. They later set aside their differences and escaped, but soon found themselves in even deeper trouble after sending a bad batch of cookies to Santa Claus. They set out to the North Pole to save Christmas, but things just got worse – in a surprising twist, Packy and Santa both ended up going missing.
In the meantime, Stooben was able to relaunch his career after the successful concert that Dippy, SMB, and Packy had helped him stage on their way to the arctic. One of the songs they performed became a hit, earned him enough money to buy new equipment and a house, and he invited SMB and Dippy to live with him upon their return. Since then, the two had gotten on his nerves, having done nothing but play video games and listen to music. They refused to do anything else around the house, even answer the phone, which led to this moment:
*angrily* You both! We need to talk!
Santa went missing?
The three of them proceeded to argue a bit more, and eventually decided that they had to go find Packy and Santa. They caught a flight to Russia, which is where the two had last been traced. They went to the exact point that the elf told Stooben to go, and sure enough, they found what appeared to be the remains of the sleigh. The trio proceeded to investigate and look for any signs of what happened. SMB found a recording device nearby, and played the last bit of audio that had been recorded:
The two approached Stooben, who was holding the device. Suddenly, it activated and a disturbing voice came from it.
I want to play a game...
And so the trio accepted this strange challenge, despite the questions that went unanswered. Who was the creep on the other end of the walkie-talkie? What were these ancient puzzles? Regardless, Santa and Packy depended on them, and this was the only lead they had.
Let Them Eat Cake
Thankfully, the trio had the foresight to bring along the walkie-talkie, since a mere few minutes into their adventure, they had no idea where to go.
Soooo...where are we supposed to go, then?
The trio set out to visit Pidgey, the mathematically-adept avian who not only capitalized on the meteorite crash site that spawned Packy by converting it into a profitable memorial, but also invested his earnings into constructing a self-designed castle in the Kingdom of Memeden. They knew of no one more qualified to calculate, differentiate, and solve numerical problems. Thus, with the lives and a beloved tradition on the line, the three had every reason to travel the distance to speak with the little birdie. Since they were relying on Pidgey for something so hefty, the trio made an effort to appeal to Pidgey's memein'-sense by arriving promptly 3:14. Pidgey, however, was quite abrasive when he opened his door — it seemed that, even though he was being visited at Pi-o'clock, he was dissatisfied with the visitation being in the AM, rather than the PM.
We know it's lAte, Pidgey, but we need your help!
Quickly and violently, Pidgey whipped himself around in a circle, mustering a giant, windy cyclone that whisked the trio away. As the skies grew cloudy, it became apparent that Pidgey had used the move, Hurricane, to free himself of his nighttime visitors. The storm lasted for quite a long time, with the powerful gusts that came with it carrying the three a considerable distance. By the time the hurricane died down, the trio found themselves face-down on the ground in front of a large temple made from bread and various types of pasta. Once they picked themselves up and dusted themselves off, the three soon came to realize that the voice on the other end of the walkie-talkie knew a lot more than they initially thought — he spoke of us reaching the temple "through the eye of the hurricane", as well as of mathematical terminology that led us to the person who created the hurricane in the first place. Who was it, exactly, that they were dealing with?
How the hell did we survive that?
Once the trio moved inside of the temple, they immediately found themselves barricaded inside. A thick door of Melba toast slammed down from the top of the entryway, preventing escape. The trio had absolutely no choice but to explore the temple in hopes of finding an exit...in addition to whatever food they were supposed to find in this labyrinth of starchy products.
Oi, this door is as solid as they come! There's no way we can get through with our bare hands.
With their adventure just unfurling, they trekked through dimly-lit halls of grain, across floors of lasagna, and up stairways of graham crackers. The layout clashed horrendously, but everything seemed to be made from starch — even the torches lighting the temple were composed of roasting chestnuts. The trio longed for Packy more than they ever had before, since he could have simply eaten his way to freedom. The three trudged forth, though, eventually reaching a large chamber with four large cake balls situated at each of the floor's corners.
What's this room all about? SMB, you're the dungeon crawler here. Have any idea?
One by one, SMB slowly consumed the cake balls. He was unable to remove them from the pedestals upon which they resided, so he had to bite them where they sat. Once he finished the first cake ball, the trio discovered that he was indeed correct — there was a little pressure plate underneath the cake ball, and it popped upwards once the weight of the cake ball had been removed. Apparently, the cake balls did not taste so bad — they were moist and rich, not old and stale, which encouraged SMB to eat the remaining three cake switches. Once he finished, the trio saw the wall in front of them rise into the ceiling — a hidden room behind the chamber had been revealed!
Awesome! It actually worked!
As Dippy approached the hidden treasure, she discovered it to be a box of Froot Loops. Once she lifted it from the stand upon which it was placed, the toucan on the cover of the box mysteriously sprung to life. It had been freed from its two-dimensional state on the box and was now a three-dimensional bird flapping its wings excitedly in front of Dippy.
Thank you for rescuing me! I think someone must have cursed me, because I've been condemned to be that cereal box's mascot for ages.
The colorful bird happily flew out of the chamber, past Stooben and SMB, and down the long hallway towards the entrance that had previously been blocked off. While Dippy had been distracted by the toucan, however, another pressure plate had been activated in the chamber — it was underneath the box of cereal, and impossible to identify until the box had been removed. Once the pressure plate had been triggered, the temple began to viciously quake. The starchy walls and ceiling were caving in!
But it was too late to undo anything: the entire Earth Temple was collapsing upon itself, setting off numerous, lethally delicious traps throughout the halls as the trio fled for safety. Uncooked rice shot out from the walls. Flour rained down from above. Worst of all, however, was an enormous oblong entity that quickly rolled down the halls after them. It was a giant potato boulder, and there was no denying that it would crush all three of the adventurers if they did not find an escape soon.
Dippy, Stooben, and SMB ran as fast as they could, not looking back out of fear they may trip on something and fall. Due to his intense nausea, SMB trailed behind Stooben and Dippy, though the two did not notice immediately. At some point, Dippy and Stooben spotted a small nook to the side of the path, which they quickly fit themselves into in order to catch their breath and escape the speeding potato. SMB was nowhere to be seen. Soon, the starchy boulder tumbled past the nook, alerting the duo that SMB was not able to outrun the boulder.
With the Earth Temple still collapsing, they quickly doubled back in a panic to find SMB. He was only a short distance behind the nook they had hidden in, but he had been completely flattened by the potato — SMB was now two-dimensional himself, a mere paper copy of his former self.
Dippy and Stooben quickly folded SMB up and carried him the rest of the way out of the Earth Temple before it completely collapsed on itself. The potato boulder had left an enormous hole just down the path, where sunlight could be seen bleeding through. It was a way to escape, although they were uncertain if it was the escape the grateful toucan had mentioned earlier. Once they made it outside of the temple, its starchy composure completely caved inwards, turning into a large pile of broken pasta and bread crumbs. It was at this point they received another transmission on their walkie-talkie.
Congratulations. You have successfully retrieved the item I wanted from the Earth Temple. How much weight were you willing to shed?
I'm Hot Blooded
Let's just get this over with... where Are we going next?
So the crew had a daunting task ahead of them... which volcano housed the temple they were looking for? Even if they found out which one it was, how would they get there? All seemed lost, until the trio decided to head to the local market for a bite to eat... except for SMB, who was simultaneously flat and bloated at the same time.
Why Are you spiting me like this?! You know I love hot dogs!
So taking a ride on Turb's Hot Dog mobile, which was terrifyingly fast for what it was, the trio found themselves directly in front of the Fire Temple that housed the next treasure they needed, which had heaps of long-dead adventurers and their weapons and armour strewn about.
Holy dooly, I have never seen a car go that fast before!
Just then, Turb noticed a stray javelin attached to outer wall of the temple... He began caressing it sensually, and talking dirty to it...
oh my what a shocking find this was. when a long way from home a guy needs something to remind him of his beloved. you guys go on ahead i need some quality time i'm sure
The trio descended into the volcano, not knowing what to expect after the starchy disaster of the Earth Temple, but what the crew found was... not to their expectations. Rivers of curry sauce, air filled with spices, floors made of garlic, rocks made of wasabi nuts... it was a white suburban mother's worst culinary nightmare, everything designed to overstimulate the senses and burn the throat, to brighten your face up to a rosy, uncomfortable red.
Bloody hell, this is awful! It's too bloody hot in here!
As they delved deeper, they could hear distressed chirping coming from a distance, coupled with maniacal laughter... They rushed ahead, and found an arena filled with green peppers, and what looked like a large chili pepper antagonising a young Rowlet trapped in a cage seemingly made of horseradish.
What's going on here?! You stop that!
As the two argued amongst themselves, Dippy found herself flailing about and running around the whole arena, accidentally tripping over one of the green peppers. A sizzling sound began... in too much pain to heed it, Dippy started rolling on the ground to put out the fire. It worked. Unfortunately...
The pepper exploded, launching the freshly-extinguished Dippy into the curry river surrounded the arena. Once again, the electric mouse found herself set alight...
I don't ever wanna feel, like she does right now.
Stooben and SMB grabbed the bombs and began launching them at the chili pepper before them, taking care not to touch the cage behind him. Before long, the pepper was overwhelmed by the barrage of spiciness that far exceeded even its tolerance levels, and it fell to the ground, the majority of its delicious, face-melting insides now resting uncomfortably on the outside. With its final breath, the chili pepper, still smiling and giggling to itself, uttered...
I've got to... take it on the otherside...
The overjoyed bird gave the two a swift peck on the cheek, and fluttered around them chirping away with utmost joy.
D'aw, what a sweet little creature. I can't believe anyone would want to harm something so rotund.
Rowlet, however, was eager to grab their attention. Indeed, its behaviour seemed quite assertive, and as soon as the duo noticed it, it began flying off deeper into the temple...
As they walked into the next room, they saw a plant-like pedestal seemingly made of wasabi, with a chalice resting atop it with an overpowering glow emanating from it. Rowlet flew atop the chalice, and hovered around it, chirping fervently as if to indicate this is the hidden treasure. As the two walked up to it, they observed what the chalice was filled with, and were quite unpleasantly shocked...
This Chapter Blows
After having helped Dippy out of the curry lava, which surprisingly only burnt through her fur, the three exited the volcano with Rowlet. The bird tweeted with appreciation for being saved, and flew off into the distance. Now our heroes had obtained two of the items that the mysterious challenger was seeking, saved two birds along the way, and awaited for information regarding their third quest.
Aw piss, my fur's burned off! Does anybody got a spare shirt or something?
The three, confused as to their next step, looked ahead and saw Turb again.
Against his better judgement, Stooben agreed to their plan to strand Turb on the island and head back to the mainland. They ran toward the Hot Dog mobile and started boarding, when he turned around.
As the three made it back to the mainland, they were trying to think of what the walkie-talkie guy had said. The words "winging" and "airhead" stood out in Stooben's mind for some reason, but he couldn't quite think of what it all meant. He looked out of the rear-view mirror and happened to notice a good friend walking down the sidewalk a bit behind them. Suddenly, he understood what the challenge was and slammed the brakes. He urged the other two to follow him out and waited in a bush for Tucayo to pass them by.
The other two proceeded to hold Tucayo down, take his shell off, and fed it to Stooben.
The three flew straight up into the sky, in hopes of finding their next destination. And sure enough, they managed to happen upon floating landmasses! They passed one with a lake of soda, another had a ditch filled with popcorn, and even one where the dirt smelled like fluffy chocolate mousse. They spotted a big yellow bird resting on a giant marshmallow mass, and descended through a whipped cream cloud as they landed next to it; once they saw who they were dealing with, they immediately became filled with repressed memories of pain and agony.
We're more fried than shrimp on the barbie...
Eager to win the prize, Stooben – with Dippy and SMB still in tow – lined up next to the canary, his only goal in mind speeding past her and winning the contest.
Stooben took off and flapped his wings as hard as he could. He flew through the hole of a donut, looped around a twinkie, and flew past a giant bag of chips. She wasn't anywhere in sight, and the marshmallow where they started was slowly coming closer. He knew they absolutely had this race in the bag! He heard a faint shouting, and assumed it to be her shouting in anger. But as he approached the finish line, he heard the shouts grow louder. Eventually, he was within earshot:
Sure enough, when they landed, she was dancing at the finish line, as if to gloat over her victory. She wasn't in sight because she had won the race way before Stooben had realized he lost. He accepted her challenge to start again...
Over and over again, the result was the same: Canary Mary kept winning the race, and challenged Stooben to a do-over every single time. He had just about given up, when Dippy told him that she had a plan. They lined up one more time, and upon her shout to "GO," Dippy kicked Stooben and forced his tongue out at the bird. He ate her and hatched her into an egg, after which Dippy urged him to just fly. He took off and shot through the entire course.
Stooben was close to the finish line when his wings fell off. He had forgotten that was only able to use his wings for a temporary amount of time, and was reminded at the most inconvenient timing – with no land immediately below them, the drop must have been thousands of feet.
Stooben kicked his legs ferociously, floating his way toward the finish line. An angry Canary Mary pursued them in the distance, shouting that she would catch up and teach them a lesson. Finally, he couldn't keep it up, and his legs gave out. The three went freefalling... About ten feet, when they landed on the marshmallow. With the other two mounted on him, the fall resulted in Stooben throwing out his back, but otherwise winning the race.
The legends were true; Canary Mary did indeed ironically keep her most prized possessions in the least desirable places. She handed Stooben a can of whipped cream that she "planned on using later," and thanked the trio for "saving her from herself." She flew off, and left our deeply disturbed heroes pondering their next move.
No Soup For You
Well done! What an incredible race that was, and the reward sure was a surprise, wasn't it?
So after cleansing the whipped cream in the lake of the Air Temple, the trio pondered a very important question... how would they get off this floating island?
With intense back pain, Stooben kicked SMB and Dippy off the edge of the temple, following them as soon as he was able to get his spine back in place. By pure luck, the temple happened to be hovering over the ocean, so the trio survived the fall by falling into the water, defying all laws of physics and coming out of the experience with little more than a scratch. Given what the trio had already been through, it would seem cruel to force them to endure much worse.
WHAT THE HELL, STOOBEN?!
Just then, the tide began to pick up and a rumbling sound began ringing in the trio's ears. As they began to fear the worst, the creature emerged from the depths... to reveal itself as some sort of big tuna.
Well golly, what are you three doing out in the middle of the ocean like this?
Storing the trio in its mouth, the giant tuna promptly dove into the depths, swimming through the streets of an underground city populated by a variety of sentient fish and fish people, before finally stopping at an oddly modernised, flashy building with a massive crowd outside it. The giant tuna released the three from their oral prison, and introduced them to the most popular food establishment in the entire ocean; User Soup!
With that information, SMB and Stooben, pulling the unconscious Dippy along, rushed to the back door, and slammed on the back doors in desperation to be let in. Eventually, the doors were opened by a familiar face, one they certainly did not expect to see this far deep in the ocean...
What the? What are you three doing here?
SonicMario guided the trio through the hallways of what seemed to be a modernised, refurbished temple, with its design layout. Strangely, there was no water in this temple... yet it was meant to be a Water Temple, right? Eventually, they reached the end of the hallway, and SonicMario opened the door. The trio walked in, but were disgusted and horrified by what they found...
WhA... whAt the hell is this?!
SMB's flatness and Stoob's broken back stopped the two from stopping the shockingly strong SonicMario from overpowering Dippy, and the panicking electric rat was being dragged to the entrance of the machine that would grind her down into disgusting User Soup to be served to the unsuspecting fish outside. All seemed lost, and SMB and Stoob could only watch in horror knowing they were next. It was over... Packy would never be found, Christmas would never be saved, and the three's grand adventure was finally coming to a close in the most grotesque manner possible... it was the end.
Except no! Just as all seemed hopeless, the entire building began rattling, and the crowds outside began screaming...
Suddenly, an entire horde of birds, seemingly led by Toucan Sam, Rowlet, and Canary Mary, smashed through the building, all wearing scuba gear. Flying through the temple, they slowly began tearing everything apart; the walls, the cutlery, the employees that turned out to be robots (because no sane user would willingly work in fast food), before they finally found their way into the back room.
HUH?! Where did all these goddamn. Birds come from?!
SonicMario pulled a key out of his pocket, and rushed to the opening for the grinder machine, cackling maddeningly the whole way. When he finally reached the grinder, however, he noticed his key had gone missing.
Wha...? Where is the key?!
It was a glorious, perfectly cooked, still-warm lobster, still completely in-tact without any blemishes or signs of consumption. It looked positively perfect in every way.
With the exhausted and injured trio propelled back above to dry land, they were eager for their quest to finally reach its close. They finally received a few minutes for a respite, during which time, Stooben laid on the ground to favor his back, Dippy cursed under her breath over the Nickelback shirt, and SMB held his breath and strained in an effort to make himself become three-dimensional again. Their new avian allies were nearby preening and ridding their feathers of moisture. The group's break came to an abrupt halt when another transmission came through on the walkie-talkie. Somehow, it was still working even though they had been underwater.
Seems you all have had quite a day. I imagine your efforts have shaved a few years off your lives.
With Stooben temporarily knocked unconscious with the butt of Dippy's knife, SMB and Dippy asked their feathered friends to help them out one more time. The birdies obliged, and flew the trio a great distance to an ancient temple, Isengardian in design. At the very top of this desolate temple, a huge purple mass could be seen sitting down. Sure enough, it was Packy! He had been here at this temple the whole time!
The birds let the trio off at the top of the temple, allowing them to reunite with their dear friend. Though they had not yet located Santa, seeing Packy after all this time was reward enough.
PAcky! We've looked All over for you! Are you Alri—
Packy spun around and opened his hands, showing the group a colorful, cubic object within his palms. It was a Rubik's Cube.
OK LISTEN THIS THING HAS BEEN DRIVING ME NUTS AND I'M ONLY THREE SQUARES AWAY FROM DEFEATING THIS MONSTROSITY AND ERASING ALL MATHEMATICAL EQUATIONS FROM MY VERY NARROW MIND, MWAHA... er... so please, don't bother me! I'm almost finished with this thing forever! ヽ( ◕ヮ◕)ノ
As the trio bickered over Stooben's...punctuation, Packy finally solved his colorful cube of twisty fun. All six sides of the cube were now solid colors. Packy roared vociferously in triumph, though he unfortunately scared away the avian allies upon doing so. The quartet of users were now stranded atop the preposterously high tower, with seemingly no way of getting down.
Seeing Dippy and SMB becoming visibly angered by this new scenario, Packy quickly held out his Rubik's Cube and made a suggestion to ease the tension.
It's summer, so I'm reviewing someplace summery this time. Hmmm... where to go, where to go, where to go... Not somewhere else in Super Mario Sunshine, I did that last month... Aha! I know!
Now, it's called the “Beach Bowl Galaxy” for a reason, though. It's shaped like a toilet, and those penguins look awfully suspicious... If you want to make sure that you're safe from penguin crap, stay away from the water. They might use this giant toilet bowl every once in a while. So, to avoid being crushed by Thwomps and swimming in penguin pee, STAY AWAY FROM THE WATER. Now that I've talked about the water, let's talk about the land.
Well, it's not the most interesting place. I mean, you can, uh, sunbathe! Mario needs some tan anyway!
So, let's give this my overall review.
Cyclone Stone (Rock Land): 0/10. You could die.
Beach Bowl Water (Toilet Water): 6/10. Pretty cool, but chance of penguin pee.
Beach Bowl Land (Toilet Seat): 7/10. Noting to do, but the most relaxing spot here.
Twin Fall Lake (The True Paradise): 10/10. Waterfalls and- wait, did I even cover this one?
Overall: gr8 job m8 I r8 it 8/8
|Front Page About Archives Comments Subscribe Spotlight Contact us Manual of Style Sign up |