The 'Shroom:Issue 111/Fake News
Editorial
Written by: 
MrConcreteDonkey (talk)
Welcome to a special edition of the Fake News.
Starting off, we have two new writers! FunkyK38 (talk), our Palette Swap director, will be writing the Weather Forecast, and Quizmelon (talk) will be writing TV Tomorrow! Congrats to both of you!
Usually I try to be funny in the editorial, but in this issue it'd feel a bit weird to me. I wouldn't say I knew Walkazo as well as some other people here, but I considered her a friend nonetheless, and miss her all the same. Rest in peace.
Due to the nature of this issue, Obituaries is absent.
Section of the Month
| FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Game Corner | 44 | 51.76% | YKMR3000 |
| 2nd | Cooking Guide | 13 | 15.29% | The Pyro Guy |
| 3rd | Travel Guide | 8 | 9.41% | SpearGuy729 |
Written by: Freakworld (talk)
Good Day everyone! I hope you are ready for another hearty 'Shroom Section written by me, because that is pretty much what you are going to be in for in a sec.
First off though, at this point I, as a member of the 'Shroom as well as the greater MarioWiki community, have to thank Walkazo for everything she has done in these past few years. She truly has been an inspiration to us all and deserves all the attention she can get as a writer and artist, and as a friend to many.
Rest in Peace.
| June Statistics | |
|---|---|
| Statistic | As of 18 June 2016 (23:20)* |
| Posts per hour in the "Nico Nico 2500 Posts" Thread | 51 |
| Users reporting posts because of incorrect grammar | 235 |
| Mafia Games that didn't end up in total chaos | 0.4 |
| Number of Emoticons used out of context | 1,134 |
| Number of literal *bleep*posts | Too Many |
| Users who want a referendum about whether or not the MarioWiki should exit the NIWA | 511 |
| New Users who failed to register on the Forums because of the Captcha + Questions | 321 |
| Awards Tournaments where the hosts give themselves the most Tokens | All of Them |
| Number of questions typically asked in an Ask Thread before it gets derailed | 3 |
| New chat lines in the MarioWiki Discord Chat (which actually exists, I didn't make that up) | 0 |
Well, well, well. Now that this is done with, we need to direct our attention towards our friends from the Poll Committee once again after we have shamelessly neglected them last month. Please take a look at a recent poll:
Notice anything odd? Here's the relevant part zoomed in for the people who are too slow:
What do we gather from this poll? Who or What is this mythical "Anton", and why is the Poll Committee so keen on including it in a poll?
Well, I- I mean, our well-seasoned Research & Development Team here at Fake News might just have a Theor- Evidence that could solve this mystery. Searching for "Anton" on the MarioWiki nets the following result (among others):
Mario Party 10. Interesting. What could this possibly mean though? Is this part of a giant product placement that was secretly placed in front of our very eyes, on the Main Page of the Super Mario Wiki?!?
I can assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that we have sent out only the most talented reporters of this Sub-Team to find more information on this matter.
In the meantime, there is one more subject that I have to talk about today. Year for year, there is a huge, and I mean huge Plot going on at the Super Mario Wiki, with its staff simply tolerating- no, even PARTICIPATING in these treacherous events.
Yes, I am talking about the Awards Polls.
What a beautiful mess out of completely unnecessary questions that keep clogging up multiple pages on the Wiki every year, generates hundreds of threads and entire sub-boards on the Forums and costs the Wiki Administration over 300$ worth of Prizes in every iteration. And only for the results being completely and utterly rigged! How else can you explain the existence of the "Guess the Results" Awards Tournament? Its only purpose is providing the Head of the Awards Committee with ideas how they should shape their rigged poll results so they look genuine. And they let the traitorous person who contributed the most to this conspiracy get all the tokens out of this so called "Game" so they can continue their blasphemous lifestyle and shut their mouth about the activity they have just participated in. I mean just look a-
I uhm uh... I- I'll be back next month with another fresh edition of The Clogged Pipe! Now have a good time reading the rest of the issue, and be sure to come back next month!
Hello, and welcome to TV Tomorrow! The essential TV Guide for the Mushroom Kingdom, written by yours truly, Quizmelon. From the Mushroom Kingdom Broadcasting Channels to Kart Racing Live, I've got all the channels covered. Now, I know this month's issue is dedicated to Walkazo, who I have heard was an honourable and respected user, who I sadly did not get to meet. But it does not do to dwell on bad things, and so here are the top three shows from the Mario world which I recommend you watch.
Below the Mushrooms
MKBC2, 9pm
Genre: Comedy drama
The hit comedy show about a group of Goombas living in the lowly parts of Mushroom Heights is back for a second series! After Gary makes a mistake while attempting to cook dinner for his parents, he ends up in some unfortunate trouble. The show that Professor E Gadd called 'astonishingly funny' should have the same effect that its first season had.
New: Sunken Stories
MKBC1, 8.30pm
Genre: Historical drama
A tantalising drama based on the mystery of the World Cruise that sank off the coast of Koopa Beach, but all the passengers, crew and cargo miraculously survived unharmed. Mario, played by himself, is a young passenger intending to travel around the world, meets Peach, a Princess Royal, in this excellent first episode.
Jungle Tournament 2016 Live
Kart Racing Live, 1pm
Genre: Sport
Reporting live from DK Jungle, the Jungle Tournament finishes today with this spectacular course, and Donkey Kong is the main favourite to win this race. Bowser and Wiggler are also looking like quite strong players as well. Meanwhile, at the back of the pack, Rosalina will hope she can overcome her unfortunate delay at DK's Jungle Parkway and knock Petey Piranha into last place. A must-see for Mario Kart fans.
Well, while that isn't all - the Tumble Show, Another Smash Out Of Place, and Yoshi's Island are also all must-sees for tomorrow - this is all I really have room for, so that is it from TV Tomorrow today. Make sure to look out for this section next month, but for now, goodbye!
Greetings, viewers, from Mushroom Kingdom Broadcasting Channel 6, with the weather for this week in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Temperatures will start high in the beginning of the week, with our high on Monday being a balmy 78 degrees, and then will drop towards the weekend while a high-pressure front moves in. Look for lows on Friday near 52. It’s a great week for playing baseball, so come on out and enjoy a game at Mario Stadium when the Mario Fireballs will be taking on the Daisy Flowers on Tuesday. Your high for Tuesday is 75 degrees with clear skies.
The weather will be generally very clear, with mostly sunny skies until Friday, when the front will bring clouds and the slight possibility of some rain. Be sure to look up on Wednesday night as Bowser’s Comet will be making its yearly pass over our part of the kingdom. We’re predicting clear skies with some fog on that night, so heading out of the city and away from the light pollution will aid in observation.
We now move to our special coverage of the 2016 Rio Olympic Games, where beginning next week, our kingdom’s representatives will be competing with the representatives from Mobius. We will be bringing you weather reports for the events that are taking place daily in Rio.
MONDAY:
- High 85, Low 69
- Events:
- Track and Field, 100m dash; Sunny with some possible clouds
- Synchronized Swimming, team; Sunny
- Table Tennis, pairs; Sunny
TUESDAY:
- High 84, Low 69
- Events:
- Track and Field, 4x100m relay; Partly cloudy with slight chance of rain
- Swimming, 100m freestyle; Partly cloudy
- Synchronized Swimming, pairs; Partly cloudy
WEDNESDAY:
- High 89, Low 73
- Events:
- Swimming, men’s diving; Rain with possible thunderstorms
- Synchronized swimming, team finals; Rain
- Boxing; Rain
THURSDAY:
- High 88, Low 70
- Events:
- Rowing, pairs; Rain with gusty winds
- Synchronized Swimming, pair finals; Rain
- Swimming, women’s diving; Rain
FRIDAY:
- High 82, Low 64
- Events:
- Rhythmic Gymnastics, balance beam; Cloudy with wind
- Rhythmic Gymnastics, uneven bars; Cloudy
- Boxing, finals; Cloudy
SATURDAY:
- High 85, Low 67
- Events:
- Rhythmic Gymnastics, tumbling and floor events; Mostly sunny
- Equestrian; Mostly sunny with winds
- Table Tennis, finals; Mostly sunny
Written by: Crocodile Dippy (talk)
A strange phenomenon has occurred across the entire Mushroom Kingdom this past week, with reports from multiple regions suggesting that an exceptionally bright rainbow has been spotted throughout the region. Citizens as spaced out and distanced as the Fahr Outpost to even the border with the Beanbean Kingdom at Stardust Fields claim to be seeing the exact same rainbow, initially considered a hoax by the local Toadstool Climatology Bureau until further observations proved that the ludicrous was indeed true. Leading climatologist, Mei-Ling Shroom, has commented that "such an event is unheard of, even given how confusing and non-euclidean the Mushroom Kingdom and its climate tends to be. We do not, at this stage, have an explanation for it." Evangelical religious figures have claimed its a symbol from the Great Amanita in the sky that the end times are upon us, and it's time for all followers to begin hiding their possessions in random blocks strewn about the kingdom as a gesture of release from Earthly tethers, although this follows four false doomsday proclamations this year alone.
It appears that a large pot of skittles and toblerone has been found at the end of the rainbow, in a bizarre but delicious phenomenon that many are attributing to Diabetes Leprechauns. What a Diabetes Leprechaun is has yet to be confirmed, although local bag-wearing connoisseur, Hobo T., has insisted that the creatures exist and that they're planning to take over the world through sugary goodness. The pot of chocolaty goods has been distributed out to many orphanages across the nation, although the pot seemingly keeps refilling, leading many to believe it's been planted by someone for a currently unknown reason. Many across the kingdom have become inspired by the rainbow, with the Kong family in particular seeing it as a good omen for their banana harvest. "I tell you what, I've lived a long time, and you whippersnappers best believe I've seen a lot in that time, more than you ungrateful ingrates ever have, but I ain't never seen something like this. It can only mean good things are to come to the Kong family, not that my useless grandchildren deserve any of it," former Professional Kidnapper and noted grouch Cranky Kong told us. The Kongs are reportedly making preparations for a festival in celebration of the kingdom-spanning rainbow; one of the oldest children in the family, Diddy Kong, showed us the banner he's preparing for the occasion, which simply says "Donkey Kong's Rainbow of Approval".
The Kongs are not the only ones who have been moved by the rainbow, as even Opposition Leader Bowser and his family have found themselves at the centre of a heartwarming story. Lemmy Koopa, the second youngest member of the family and often viewed as the odd ball of the family, came out as homosexual yesterday, claiming that the rainbow gave him the courage to make the big announcement. "Ever since I was... maybe 8, I knew there was something different about me. It took me until my teen years to learn what I was, but I didn't know how to deal with dad or my siblings," Lemmy told our staff. "I just wanted to be accepted, but you never know how people are going to react. But the rainbow... it just gave me that courage, made me feel like there was something greater out there that knew who I really was, and was telling me to be true. I thought that it was more important to be real to me, no matter what others think." Reception to the big announcement from one of the kingdom's most notorious political leaders has been overwhelmingly positive, with reports of Lemmy's entire family welcoming his sexuality with open arms. "No one can tell you who to love... I should know that better than anyone. My son is still my son, no matter who he dates," Bowser commented. Current Reigning Monarch of the Mushroom Kingdom, Princess Peach, commented on the occassion, stating "I think it's great to see [Bowser] display such strength of character to embrace his brave son for who he is, and I hope that his status as my political opponent does not dissuade people from following their example."
We will bring more information on this phenomenon as the story progresses.
BREAKING NEWS: It has just been reported that an uncharacteristically large flock of Goonies have been seen underneath the rainbow, forming a love heart shape with a "W" formed in the middle of it. Experts in ornithology are currently trying to determine what this odd behaviour could possibly mean, although a small city community of misfits noted for creating the cult indie film Dragon Problem have been reported to be at a strange ease from the event. More as it develops.
Written by: The Pyro Guy (talk)
Hello everyone! I'm back in business visiting a local farm supplying a very special ingredient to our kitchen. That's right, today we're cooking:
A Mushroom!
Today, we don't need ingredients, we're creating the ingredients! I'm just coming up to the authentic, natural farm where my supplier grows these magical 'shrooms.
Hm.
These mushrooms are red...
But these ones are white! The growing of a mushroom sure is interesting. I'd say that the red qualities are part of an ageing process.
These plant beds have wheels on them, too... maybe a sunlight rotation mechanism?
HOLY HELL ON A BREADSTICK
OH GOD WHAT IS THIS
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NATURAL GUARANTEE
AAAAAAaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
This is impossible. The complex fungal nature of the shroom caps leading to different distributions of the white spore patches...
I was told that the magical, size doubling trope was due to the concentrated air levels...
The edible beady eyes... to be honest, the supply manager never really explained that one...
Mushrooms. Are. A lie!!
Join me not only in my truthful campaign against artificial mushrooms, but also next month as I return to the friendly reaches of true cooking.
If true cooking exists.
Hopefully it does.
Written by: 
Crocodile Dippy (talk), 
Palkia47 (talk), 
Stooben Rooben (talk), and 
Super Mario Bros. (talk)
 |
Prologue
It was a scorching Summer day in Stooben Rooben's house, but otherwise, things were going as they usually do.
*ring ring*
Hey!
*ring ring*
Dippy, SMB... The phone is ringing!
*ring ring*
Ugh... Could somebody please answer it!?
*ring ring*
*sigh*
Back in October of last year, a dispute SMB and Dippy had with the galactic creature Packy led to the three being trapped in an otherworldly prison. They later set aside their differences and escaped, but soon found themselves in even deeper trouble after sending a bad batch of cookies to Santa Claus. They set out to the North Pole to save Christmas, but things just got worse – in a surprising twist, Packy and Santa both ended up going missing.
In the meantime, Stooben was able to relaunch his career after the successful concert that Dippy, SMB, and Packy had helped him stage on their way to the arctic. One of the songs they performed became a hit, earned him enough money to buy new equipment and a house, and he invited SMB and Dippy to live with him upon their return. Since then, the two had gotten on his nerves, having done nothing but play video games and listen to music. They refused to do anything else around the house, even answer the phone, which led to this moment:
*angrily* You both! We need to talk!
Crikey! Sounds like Stoob's mad!
Hold on, I need to reAch the next sAve p—
*unplugs SMB's video game*
Hey!
Quit playing games with me! I know what you both have been up to.
Okay?
I just got off the phone with an elf...
Uh oh...
Santa went missing?
Oh yeah... Knew we'd forgotten something!
You... forgot?
Oi mate, you know I've been listening to music non-stop for the album review! You'd think they'd have tried to contact us to remind us...
He said they've tried calling the house and left hundreds of messages.
Oh, is thAt who wAs cAlling? Could've sworn those were telemArketers!
What is wrong with you both?
Plenty!
*sigh*
Well what are we supposed to do now? They've been gone f—
"They"?
Oh... Well PAcky wAs with SAntA, too...
What? Oh, poor Packy...
Poor PAcky? He's the one who cAused the whole mess by drugging SAntA's cookies!
That was you, ya twat!
Oh! And I bet I wAs the one who forgot to turn off the oven thAt burnt down Yoshi876 house too, wAsn't I?
...Shut it!
*aside* Dear Poochy, who did I let into my house!?
I can't stand this, I'm about to go Thunderbolt on SMB!
That'd be quite the electrifying experience, wouldn't it?
...
...
The three of them proceeded to argue a bit more, and eventually decided that they had to go find Packy and Santa. They caught a flight to Russia, which is where the two had last been traced. They went to the exact point that the elf told Stooben to go, and sure enough, they found what appeared to be the remains of the sleigh. The trio proceeded to investigate and look for any signs of what happened. SMB found a recording device nearby, and played the last bit of audio that had been recorded:
Here's your stop! Goodbye, and good luck!
- *somebody is pushed over the sleigh*
- *inaudible shouts*
Santa, what are you doing? Why did you push him over? ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
- *loud static sound*
Uh oh, thAt doesn't sound good!
I just can't even believe the emoticons were audible...
*off in the distance* Guys, come here! I've found a walkie-talkie!
The two approached Stooben, who was holding the device. Suddenly, it activated and a disturbing voice came from it.
I want to play a game...
What the blazes is going on?
Play with me...
We should probAbly leAve this thing Alone... It's sort of creepy.
Wow, rude! I guess I won't tell you how to save your friends...
What do you know about our friends?
Play my game, and I will reveal all...
Okay, ya wanker, I'll bite. What are you going on about? What game?
You must solve the ancient puzzles of the Temples of the Elements... If you win, you get your friends back...
Oi mate, and what happens if we lose?
We'll... discuss that later. For your friends' sake, just play the game...
I'll bet this bloke that we can win! We're going to save Christmas in... June.
And so the trio accepted this strange challenge, despite the questions that went unanswered. Who was the creep on the other end of the walkie-talkie? What were these ancient puzzles? Regardless, Santa and Packy depended on them, and this was the only lead they had.
Let Them Eat Cake
Thankfully, the trio had the foresight to bring along the walkie-talkie, since a mere few minutes into their adventure, they had no idea where to go.
Soooo...where are we supposed to go, then?
Your first stop will be the Earth Temple. Somewhere in that temple, is an important piece of food that I would like.
Food? What sort of quest is this?
Some would call it karma. I call it justice.
Karma? Justice? Is this some sort of code for caramel ice cream?
Is everything just one big joke to you, or...?
The purpose of this quest is far more complex than that. How you play the cards you're dealt, that's all that matters.
So the gAme we Are plAying is A cArd gAme?
Wait a minute! How are we even supposed to find this Earth Temple?
You all possess the coordinates to the Temple. Think hard. The numbers are in the back of your minds. The path to this location can be found through the eye of the hurricane.
Listen, Bub, all we want is a straight answer. Our friends are counting on us!
Whether you realize it or not, you just stated the answer. It's time to start our game.
*end transmission*
WhAt wAs thAt All About?
Is it just me or was that all one huge riddle?
So, you're saying the guy on the other end of the walkie-talkie is The Riddler?
...No. It's a good thing you have me. I make riddles. Think back on that conversation. "Cards", "coordinates", "numbers", "counting"...notice a recurring theme?
Gambling?
GeogrAphy?
Math. It's all math.
PerhAps we should pAy Pidgey A visit, then?
Exactly my thinking.
The trio set out to visit Pidgey, the mathematically-adept avian who not only capitalized on the meteorite crash site that spawned Packy by converting it into a profitable memorial, but also invested his earnings into constructing a self-designed castle in the Kingdom of Memeden. They knew of no one more qualified to calculate, differentiate, and solve numerical problems. Thus, with the lives and a beloved tradition on the line, the three had every reason to travel the distance to speak with the little birdie. Since they were relying on Pidgey for something so hefty, the trio made an effort to appeal to Pidgey's memein'-sense by arriving promptly 3:14. Pidgey, however, was quite abrasive when he opened his door — it seemed that, even though he was being visited at Pi-o'clock, he was dissatisfied with the visitation being in the AM, rather than the PM.
We know it's lAte, Pidgey, but we need your help!
Unless you're selling bootleg Chiaki Nanami sex tapes, get the hell off my property!
Oh, so you won't get us off the hook unless we get you off first?
At this hour, there is time for only two things: sleep and waifus.
Brings a whole new meaning to the move "Feather Dance"...
Actually, maybe one of Pidgey's moves are all we need, not his actual math skills.
You want to see one of my moves? I'll cook up something special, just for you!
Quickly and violently, Pidgey whipped himself around in a circle, mustering a giant, windy cyclone that whisked the trio away. As the skies grew cloudy, it became apparent that Pidgey had used the move, Hurricane, to free himself of his nighttime visitors. The storm lasted for quite a long time, with the powerful gusts that came with it carrying the three a considerable distance. By the time the hurricane died down, the trio found themselves face-down on the ground in front of a large temple made from bread and various types of pasta. Once they picked themselves up and dusted themselves off, the three soon came to realize that the voice on the other end of the walkie-talkie knew a lot more than they initially thought — he spoke of us reaching the temple "through the eye of the hurricane", as well as of mathematical terminology that led us to the person who created the hurricane in the first place. Who was it, exactly, that they were dealing with?
How the hell did we survive that?
You forget I'm from FloridA, Dippy. I've bAttled fAr worse storms thAn thAt!
This is the Earth Temple? Not quite the stone-and-dirt architecture I was looking for.
It does look very starchy.
I guess you could sAy it's A fine piece of stArchitecture.
Stooben, you didn't tell me your awful sense of humour is contagious.
That's because it's not. It's PUNtagious.
Once the trio moved inside of the temple, they immediately found themselves barricaded inside. A thick door of Melba toast slammed down from the top of the entryway, preventing escape. The trio had absolutely no choice but to explore the temple in hopes of finding an exit...in addition to whatever food they were supposed to find in this labyrinth of starchy products.
Oi, this door is as solid as they come! There's no way we can get through with our bare hands.
ShAll we trAverse forwArd, then?
May as well. I don't think Stooby could even sneeze this thing out of place.
So, you're saying I can't make a nasal passage?
With their adventure just unfurling, they trekked through dimly-lit halls of grain, across floors of lasagna, and up stairways of graham crackers. The layout clashed horrendously, but everything seemed to be made from starch — even the torches lighting the temple were composed of roasting chestnuts. The trio longed for Packy more than they ever had before, since he could have simply eaten his way to freedom. The three trudged forth, though, eventually reaching a large chamber with four large cake balls situated at each of the floor's corners.
What's this room all about? SMB, you're the dungeon crawler here. Have any idea?
The pedestAls these cAkes Are on could be pressure-sensitive.
So we just remove them, then?
Nothing is ever thAt simple in chAmbers like this. PerhAps we hAve to eAt them?
You're bloody nuts. There's no telling how long these have been here!
Seriously. They're probably moldy oldies by now.
Or, at least, staler than most of Stoob's jokes.
So, SMB, since you seem to know what's going on, why don't YOU eat them?
If you guys won't touch them, I suppose I hAve no choice...
One by one, SMB slowly consumed the cake balls. He was unable to remove them from the pedestals upon which they resided, so he had to bite them where they sat. Once he finished the first cake ball, the trio discovered that he was indeed correct — there was a little pressure plate underneath the cake ball, and it popped upwards once the weight of the cake ball had been removed. Apparently, the cake balls did not taste so bad — they were moist and rich, not old and stale, which encouraged SMB to eat the remaining three cake switches. Once he finished, the trio saw the wall in front of them rise into the ceiling — a hidden room behind the chamber had been revealed!
Awesome! It actually worked!
Nice work, SMB! It takes some balls to make a leap of faith like that.
I think I'm going to be sick...
Oh, come on, that joke wasn't that bad.
No... The cAkes were so rich, I feel Absolutely nAuseous now...
Quit your bellyachin', SMB.
PleAse stop with the puns... I'm AfrAid to know whAt would hAppen if I lAugh too hArd.
Whatever. I see something up ahead. It might be the food we're looking for, so I'm going to go grab it.
Be careful.
I'll just stAy right here... I'm going to Avoid shAking up my belly too much...
As Dippy approached the hidden treasure, she discovered it to be a box of Froot Loops. Once she lifted it from the stand upon which it was placed, the toucan on the cover of the box mysteriously sprung to life. It had been freed from its two-dimensional state on the box and was now a three-dimensional bird flapping its wings excitedly in front of Dippy.
Thank you for rescuing me! I think someone must have cursed me, because I've been condemned to be that cereal box's mascot for ages.
Um... You're welcome? Glad I could help.
Even though I've been isolated back here for who-knows-how-long, I think I know of a way out of here. Let me show you! It's the least I can do.
You know where the exit is?! But how?
Because I follow my nose...wherever it goes!
The colorful bird happily flew out of the chamber, past Stooben and SMB, and down the long hallway towards the entrance that had previously been blocked off. While Dippy had been distracted by the toucan, however, another pressure plate had been activated in the chamber — it was underneath the box of cereal, and impossible to identify until the box had been removed. Once the pressure plate had been triggered, the temple began to viciously quake. The starchy walls and ceiling were caving in!
What did you do?!?! Undo it! Undo it!
I feel like I'm gonnA throw up...
But it was too late to undo anything: the entire Earth Temple was collapsing upon itself, setting off numerous, lethally delicious traps throughout the halls as the trio fled for safety. Uncooked rice shot out from the walls. Flour rained down from above. Worst of all, however, was an enormous oblong entity that quickly rolled down the halls after them. It was a giant potato boulder, and there was no denying that it would crush all three of the adventurers if they did not find an escape soon.
Dippy, Stooben, and SMB ran as fast as they could, not looking back out of fear they may trip on something and fall. Due to his intense nausea, SMB trailed behind Stooben and Dippy, though the two did not notice immediately. At some point, Dippy and Stooben spotted a small nook to the side of the path, which they quickly fit themselves into in order to catch their breath and escape the speeding potato. SMB was nowhere to be seen. Soon, the starchy boulder tumbled past the nook, alerting the duo that SMB was not able to outrun the boulder.
With the Earth Temple still collapsing, they quickly doubled back in a panic to find SMB. He was only a short distance behind the nook they had hidden in, but he had been completely flattened by the potato — SMB was now two-dimensional himself, a mere paper copy of his former self.
Dippy and Stooben quickly folded SMB up and carried him the rest of the way out of the Earth Temple before it completely collapsed on itself. The potato boulder had left an enormous hole just down the path, where sunlight could be seen bleeding through. It was a way to escape, although they were uncertain if it was the escape the grateful toucan had mentioned earlier. Once they made it outside of the temple, its starchy composure completely caved inwards, turning into a large pile of broken pasta and bread crumbs. It was at this point they received another transmission on their walkie-talkie.
Congratulations. You have successfully retrieved the item I wanted from the Earth Temple. How much weight were you willing to shed?
*distorted clown laugh*
ThAt's...thAt's not funny!
Yes! We did it, Reddit! Will you release our friend now?
You think it is over, but the games have just begun.
So... There's more we have to do?
Oh yes, there will be more.
You're a twisted little guy, you know that?
Live or diet... The choice is yours.
I'm Hot Blooded
Let's just get this over with... where Are we going next?
Peppy, aren't you? If you don't cool off, you'll be sure to erupt.
Oi mate, don't fuck with us.
Yea, I'm already cold-blooded, I can't cool off anymore if I wanted to!
Oh don't worry, you won't need to cool off where you're going next. A hot dog, on the other hand... Good luck.
*end transmission*
PleAse tell me this meAns we're going to A tropicAl resort...
It means we're going into a volcano, you wanker. Just what we bloody needed.
What an explosive turn of events!
Why did we even bring you?!
But wait, there's just one problem... which volcano are we going to?
...
...
So the crew had a daunting task ahead of them... which volcano housed the temple they were looking for? Even if they found out which one it was, how would they get there? All seemed lost, until the trio decided to head to the local market for a bite to eat... except for SMB, who was simultaneously flat and bloated at the same time.
Why Are you spiting me like this?! You know I love hot dogs!
Oh boo hoo, you got to eat an entire cake, you've got no right to complain.
Yea SMB, stop being so full of yourself!
i can tell by your bickering that you're enjoying the hot dogs i'm sure
Too right, Turb, my mate! This is the best hot dog I've had since the time my neighbours dog jumped on me barbie!
...ok
Hey, didn't thAt wAlkie-tAlkie freAk sAy something About hot dogs?
Oh right, didn't he say we'd need a hot dog where we're going?
it's not any of my business but where are you guys going anyway
A volcano, apparently. No bloody clue which one, tho, which is the problem.
oh. actually i was about to head out to an island out in the south that has a volcano... it's probably nothing, but i don't know... words are hard
ThAt could ActuAlly be where we need to go!
ONWARDS, to the hottest place on Earth!
...Mila Kunis' underwear drawer?
So taking a ride on Turb's Hot Dog mobile, which was terrifyingly fast for what it was, the trio found themselves directly in front of the Fire Temple that housed the next treasure they needed, which had heaps of long-dead adventurers and their weapons and armour strewn about.
Holy dooly, I have never seen a car go that fast before!
How did we drive across water?! Talk about treading water!
yea it's pretty great. i'm not used to fast speeds at all so this is fine i'm sure.
So, Turb, now thAt you're here, would you cAre to journey into the temple with us? Could be greAt mAteriAl for your TrAvel Guide.
that actually sounds like a good idea i'd be ha--
Just then, Turb noticed a stray javelin attached to outer wall of the temple... He began caressing it sensually, and talking dirty to it...
oh my what a shocking find this was. when a long way from home a guy needs something to remind him of his beloved. you guys go on ahead i need some quality time i'm sure
...NO ARGUMENTS HERE! Let's go, let's go, let's go...
talk trashy to me fuccboi
I guess you could say, Turb's just looking for a good prick!
*whack*
Next time, it won't be the butt of my knife that hits you!
The trio descended into the volcano, not knowing what to expect after the starchy disaster of the Earth Temple, but what the crew found was... not to their expectations. Rivers of curry sauce, air filled with spices, floors made of garlic, rocks made of wasabi nuts... it was a white suburban mother's worst culinary nightmare, everything designed to overstimulate the senses and burn the throat, to brighten your face up to a rosy, uncomfortable red.
Bloody hell, this is awful! It's too bloody hot in here!
And here I thought you lived down under.
Piss off, I like hot weather, not hot foods! My eyes are burning in here!
Now now, no need to get so heated! If we stay away from the lava, we should be fine.
How on Earth are you two not feeling this right now?!
Do you know nothing About HyliAns?! Never leAve the house without At leAst three sets of clothes, And one of those is my Fire Tunic, so this heAt is nothing to me!
And I'm cold-blooded, yet you're the one getting cold feet in all this.
Shut up! Let's just go!
As they delved deeper, they could hear distressed chirping coming from a distance, coupled with maniacal laughter... They rushed ahead, and found an arena filled with green peppers, and what looked like a large chili pepper antagonising a young Rowlet trapped in a cage seemingly made of horseradish.
What's going on here?! You stop that!
Can't stop, addicted to this shindig!
OI MATE! How dare you pick on something so small, innocent, and pure?! Why not pick on someone your own size!
Dippy, hAve you noticed how smAll you Are?! This is not A smArt...