The 'Shroom:Issue LXXXIII/Fake News
Welcome to the first Fake News of 2014 because January isn't really a month.
So, anyway, you may have noticed this new layout we have here. Pretty flashy, isn't it? At least, I hope we have a new layout, I'm not getting this wrong twice. :(
Anyway, with 18 votes, Yoshi876 (talk) and his Obituaries took the metaphorical cake. It also got Section of the Month, but it's the cake that matters. Our departing Co-Director Tucayo (talk) also gained his slice, with 11 votes going to the last Ask Tucayo, and Toadbert101 (talk) and his Fake Ads did something else related to this extended metaphor, with 8 votes.
So, that's all from me. If you couldn't be bothered to read it all, then TL;DR: 2014 Layout Pyro Cake.
General News, Reporting for Duty
News just in, though the report rocks they were carved on gave some of my
According to the report rocks, a notorious thief has once again been spotted lurking about the world this 14th of February. As youths were about to confess, they would intercept the moment and steal away one of the lovers, preventing the confession for an indefinite amount of time and breaking the heart of the remaining lover. This being has relentlessly gone far out of their way to find people on dates in restaurants, and poison their food, ruining the night as one or both of them would then suffer from food poisoning. Yet another instance of this was during a wedding of all things, where they would object to the marriage of two individuals and on top of that murder the groom.
Their motive? Broken hearts. Somehow this creature has developed a craving for breaking the hearts of people, and will go through any means in order to be sufficiently nourished with the feeling of doing so. It is unknown what this creature is, but an eyewitness and female victim of the marriage scenario has claimed they wore a furry black outfit that made them look like a Fuzzy, which alerts us of this chump's sense of humour
Even other-worldly beings are not safe from this menace, as Zelda called our studio the other day and told us Link was sucker-punched and had all 20 of his hearts stolen from him while he was knocked out or possibly dead. When Zelda found his body, she found several empty bottles scattered around him with no trace of their contents. We believe the creature took off with what was probably heart potions, as they was nowhere to be found when
Interestingly enough, the latest gossip in Bowser's Castle involves our technically not heartless plunderer. Bowser is said to have feigned using the Star Rod to make his minion Tubba Blubba invincible by hiring this guy to liberate the heart inside Tubba Blubba. It is unknown how the heart escaped the jaws or teeth or whatever the contents of its mouth are of this cold-hearted creature, so it has been assumed the heart just happened to be a slippery thing and luckily a good enough bouncer to escape this being's clutches. We tried interrogating it, but its owner kept running away from us for some reason so
To this day, this thing has escaped capture, so we advise you to be a horrible person to everyone, as they cannot steal from those who are heartless.
Have you found your significant
Some of my scientists on the job have reported to me that this cake apparently will kill anyone who eats it alone, or at least that's what their dead cake-covered bodies seem to be telling me. Several more of my scientists also reported to me that eating it with anyone who isn't your significant other will also kill you, though the cake killed them as a result but we got it on video because they actually had brains. When eaten incorrectly, the cake forms holes that resembles eyes, and the holes begin flashing red, then firing powerful red laser beams (that are actually blobs of cake frosting) at the foolish fools who foolishly feed on it in a foolish fashion.
Alternatively, if you were in your local park last Thursday, you would've probably noticed a cake that resembles the Couple's Cake in a large humanoid terrorizing the park with its cake cannons of doom. That may happen if you somehow survive its provoked laser barrage and continue to eat it in the incorrect fashion. Interestingly enough, that very same day we noticed the cake monster hanging out with a strange soda monster with a soda sword and a soda shield, which may suggest the cake monster calls upon the soda monster whenever it reaches this stage of provocation.
Additionally, this cake seems to be quite the gentleman, as it will not allow males to take the first bite out of the cake, and only lets females do so. The poor yet hasty intern who was the victim and discoverer of this got viciously back-handed by the cake when they tried to take a bite first. Ladies first, as it'd probably say. Due to this being rather hard to do, it has only been rumoured that if this cake is eaten with the proper etiquette, another will be found on your doorstep next Valentine's Day. Unfortunately no one has lived to tell the tale of what happens when it does, so all in all I advise you stay away from this cake as it is a very dangerous lie and you'll inevitably die if you don't.
The Star Carnival has been closed in the wake of the event, and music from the speakers can now be heard as Ballyhoo’s voice no longer obstructs them. Brighton and Twila were both asked to become the new hosts, but after another argument broke out between them the job was given to Tumble. The future of the Star Carnival does seem a bit shaky, but Mario and co. agreed to revisit, if only to experience what the Star Carnival is like without an extremely loud and annoying entity flying around.
Whilst the Star Carnival is quieter it has lost some of its charm without MC Ballyhoo, so in honour of his memory many people in the Mushroom Kingdom voted to erect a statue of MC Ballyhoo, although they unanimously voted for it not to have any speaking functions.
Ask Paper Yoshi
Hi there, and welcome to the February Issue of Ask Paper Yoshi!! I'm now fully recovered from that wisdom tooth removal, so let's get to the questions!! This month, I got a total of seven questions. Three of them were asked by TVTrash (talk) (Forum profile), while the other four come from our resident question guy, Koopartol Brick Block (talk) (Forum profile).
But, first of all, I need to take care of some pending business. As many of you might recall, I once left a Paper Mario question asked by Icemario11 (talk) unanswered. He had asked me which was my badge set-up for said game in the December Issue, but I wasn't able to answer the question then, since I was away from home, and thus had no access to my Wii. I had originally planned to answer it in the following issue, but was once again unable to do so, as my TV was broken.
However, it eventually got fixed, and I was finally able to turn on my Wii and actually check my Paper Mario badges for the final battle against some random guy. Here they are:
I guess I should explain why I chose those badges, so...
HP Plus, Feeling Fine and the two Damage Dodge badges are there to keep Mario as healthy as possible: the first increases HP, the second one protects the plumber from some status ailments, such as poisoning, and the other two increase the damage blocked by Mario's Guard by 1 HP each. Lucky Day is there for basically the same reason, except it deals, as its name says, with luck, making enemy attacks miss more frequently.
The S. Jump Chg., Power Bounce and Zap Tap badges, on the other hand, are there to deal damage and help finish off foes. The first one allows Mario to increase the damage dealt by his jump attack; the second badge allows Mario to use Power Bounce, a special jump attack that keeps bouncing on a single enemy until the action command is missed; and the third one electrifies Mario, causing 1 HP of damage to most enemies who physically touch him. It also prevents HP-draining attacks and allows Mario to jump on electrified enemies without getting hurt.
Lastly, the Peekaboo badge is there for pure convenience, as it shows enemies' HP without the need to use Goombario's Tattle.
Well, I guess that's all for Icemario's pending question, so let's get to the regular ones!
Firstly, TVTrash asks:
Koopartol BB, on the other hand, asks:
Aaaaaaand that's all for now, everyone!! As always, please remember to send me your questions, and look for the answers in the following issue!! See you next month!!
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