The 'Shroom:Issue 185/Strategy Wing

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Director's Notes

Written by: Hooded Pitohui (talk)

Shroom 2021 Pitohui.png

Hello, all of you readers of The 'Shroom, and welcome to the August 2022 edition of Strategy Wing! Can you hear that? No, not the spaceship flying overhead, but the sounds of papers being shuffled down the hall. The Strategy Wing offices have been a little quiet lately, so I've been hearing a lot of paper moving and a lot of chairs sliding out from under desks, but there's good reason for that. This is our post-Awards issue, and many members of our Strategy Wing team were involved in Awards, making presentations, overseeing the ceremonies, and getting together for the big celebration. Awards was a grand time once again this year, so let me extend my thanks to all of you who contributed!

That's enough about that for now, though. There's just a few announcements to go over, so let me get those out of the way. First, classes still aren't meeting again yet, but worry not, because Pitohui's Pokémon Academy will return later this year. Your professor of crime, Kinger (Crime University is real, I'm certain. Waluigi Time swore to me that the Fake News investigative team had verified as much), is also taking some time off, so the next edition of Getting that Payday will come in a future issue. While a couple writers are out, we have two sections returning from their brief breaks. Koops, Your Emblem is on Fire and The Greatest Quest are back! The Wandering Shoestrel has quite the dramatic tale for you this month. I hear there might even be mechs involved!

That's all the formal news, but I'd like to point out that Mach Speed Mayhem and On the Origin of Species are hitting milestones this month, with Mach Speed Mayhem covering one final F-Zero racer and On the Origin of Species seeing the Stabbies set out for the Galactic Core and the wonders waiting there. Between these two sections and the great tale of the brave Sir Cucumber nearing its end, it feels like we're building up to a "season finale" of sorts for 2022 in Strategy Wing. Don't miss any of the developments in these sections; be sure to read them all!

Speaking of missing out, don't overlook your chance to join the Strategy Wing team (applications are always open)! Whether you want to take us through your playthrough of a game like Zelen does in On the Origin of Species or Koops does in Koops, Your Emblem is on Fire, tell us everything about a subject in great detail like Superchao does in Mach Speed Mayhem, or want to instruct us in something a bit sillier like Ray Trace in SIMulation, we can find a place for you! If there's anything at all you want to instruct us in, give us tips on, or just go extremely in depth in analyzing it, go and sign up today! If you want to talk through your idea or need help writing an application, reach out, and I'd be happy to help you!

Section of the Month

It seems everyone enjoyed the show last month! I don't only mean Awards. I mean the fireworks show that Ray Trace (talk) put on outside of the Strategy Wing offices! The choice of fireworks was odd, but, evidently, it was well-received! Be sure to check out what's cooking up in SIMulation again this month, and remember to cast votes in the poll at the bottom of this page to show support to the writers on the Strategy Wing team!

Place Section Votes % Writer
1st SIMulation 5 55.56% Ray Trace (talk)
2nd Mach Speed Mayhem 2 22.22% Superchao (talk)

Tips and challenges
Aww, peanuts! We have to help a crying couple, do a trading quest, and do a maze?! Wait, is that a giant mech?
Top-notch childrearing, a ton of unlucky hits, and a great swordsman held back by joining late into the game!
The time has come. We set course for the Galactic Core and reminisce on the journey of the Stabbies.
We're living large in a penthouse now, disabling cannons, playing with the water in the bathroom, and criticizing Al's sense of interior design!
History and facts
He may just be a kid, but from hacking to father-son bonding to detective work, there are many hues to Clank Hughes!
What delicacy are we cooking up today? Oh, Sims? I'll call the reaper...

The Greatest Quest

Written by: The Wandering Shoestrel (talk)

A vaguely medieval bard with a kiwi for a head plays a string instrument while standing to the right of the words "The Greatest Quest" in an old-timey font.

Do not fret, yon reader, for I, the Wandering Shoestrel, have returned. While it was unfortunate that I had to take the last month off, I'm pleased to have returned to you to continue The Greatest Quest. In the last verse of our tale, the brave Sir Cucumber and his young squire Percy finally joined the resistance and were sent to Peanut Village on a quest to defeat the terrifying Bananada and claim the Dice-O Matic for the resistance. But before we begin this chapter proper, I feel the inspiration coming for a song.

♪ In the name of the resistance, ♪
♪ Against Bananada they'll wail, ♪
♪ To claim the Dice-O Matic, ♪
♪ In this quest they won't fail. ♪

Leaving the resistance base, our heroes arrive in Carrot Plateau, located on the outskirts of Peanut Village. Looking around, Sir Cucumber notices a large tomb. Checking it out, he sees that it's a memorial to a fallen member of the resistance. Ever the respectful warrior, Sir Cucumber pays his respect to the fallen soldier and definitely doesn't attempt to take the tomb for his own (not that that jerk Percy would let him).


Sir Cucumber then checks' the vicinity, noticing a large number of bottles. After talking to Percy, Sir Cucumber learns that Percy found a note in the bottle, a note which reads:

There is a big tree on the other side of the Plateau. Around it is the Chameleon Grass. With this grass you can turn into anything.

"Clearly this note contains a very important clue", Sir Cucumber thinks to himself as he memorizes the note with his famous photographic memory. With the note memorized, our heroes move forward and enter Peanut Village. The first sight our heroes see in Peanut Village is a crying couple. Always ready to help those in need, Sir Cucumber talks to the village chief, who tells him that his daughter was kidnapped by the Bananada.

A crying couple? Great, another thing that's apparently our problem!

Always the heroes, Sir Cucumber and Percy gladly agree to rescue the chief's daughter (and, I mean, we were going there anyways). Talking to the chief's wife has her tell Sir Cucumber that their house is down the street, information that I'm sure our heroes will need. Also, this is kind of unrelated, but the inhabitants of this village are peanuts and the streets and roofs are lined with peanut shells, which is just messed up. But back to the story at hand, Sir Cucumber briefly leaves the village but returns quickly, finding that the Chief Peanut and wife are gone. Checking the vicinity, Percy sees the chief's house, as well as a park.


Deciding that the chief's house would be the perfect place to start, Sir Cucumber moves towards the house. Talking to the chief, he reveals that Bananada's cave is near the plateau. Talking to him again, he tells our heroes they will be rewarded handsomely for their efforts if they succeed. Our heroes then return to the plateau and gallantly attempt to enter the cave, but it turns out that it's too dark and they need a lamp… BACK TO THE VILLAGE THEY GO, JUST AS GALLIENTLY! Sir Cucumber and Percy then enter the park and, oh my god, guys, it's the Hudson Bee, symbol of Hudson, makers of this game! For some reason, Percy and Sir Cucumber are drawn to the bee like a moth to the flame.

They must Check it. Checking the bee reveals the bee's infinite wisdom.

How did we know...?

"The Hudson Bee means "BONUS" in some other games. Sorry, not this time Boss"

Oh, well, that's kind of anti-climactic… BUT WAIT! THE STATUE HAS CHARACTERS ENGRAVED UNDER IT! PERHAPS THOSE WILL HAVE THE WISDOM OUR HEROES SEEK TO DEFEAT THE BANANADA! But blast, our heroes' most hated enemy has revealed itself at last. Literacy! Percy cannot understand the words on this statute. He needs a word book to translate. Dejected, Percy checks the lawn and finds… a coin! Finally, things are starting to look up!

How can anyone defeat such a beast?

Looking around the park, our heroes find the park has three people playing in it. Shroom, Peaja, and Peasha. Shroom tells our heroes of a convenience store that sells all sorts of goods. Peasha tells our heroes that she was also bested by literacy and can't read the characters on the statue. Finally, Peajea tells us to talk to the Carrot Hermit who lives at the end of town. The Carrot Hermit is a very rude man who refuses to talk to our heroes unless they get him something to eat. Needing his guidance, our heroes head to the convenience store. Talking to the store owner, he implores our heroes to do something about the Bananada, which, god sorry, mom! We're getting to it, okay? Deciding to buy some squid- and, oh my god, THERE IT IS! THE STORE HAS A WORDBOOK! YES! IT'S TIME THE SECRETS OF THE BEE! THE SECRETS SHALL BE THEIRS- But, oh no! Our heroes only have but one coin. With a tear in his eye, Sir Cucumber exchanges that coin for a piece of Squid, knowing that saving the kingdom is more important than solving the secrets of the Hudson Bee.

Returning to the Carrot Hermit and giving the hermit the squid, he tells Sir Cucumber to have Percy ask the Chief for a lantern, which, I don't really know why they needed to do this whole trading quest for a lantern. It feels to me like they could have just asked the chief. But what do I know? I'm only retelling the story.

Oh, that's how.

With lantern in hand, our heroes rush to the Bananada's cave, ready to face off against whatever horrors might lurk inside. But, oh no! What lies inside the cave is even more horrifying than they could possibly imagine, a terror so mighty I don't even feel I have the nerve to say it! But, for the sake of the story, I must. What lies inside the cave… is another GODDAMN MAZE! Our heroes reluctantly enter the cave, but, then, just past the entrance, it's the legendary beast, the Bananada! Sir Cucumber squares off against the best before realizing the Bananada doesn't have any hands!


How can Sir Cucumber win rock-paper-scissors against a beast with no hands? All looks hopeless for our heroes when suddenly Sir Cucumber remembers the Nut Bomb. In a last ditch effort, he throws (uses) the Nut Bomb at the dreaded beast and blows the banana beast sky high!

Checking the pieces of the Bananada's corpse, our heroes find something moving. Digging through the Bananada's corpse (by hitting the take command five times) and pocketing a little bit of Bananada's skin for themselves, our heroes find the chief's daughter safe and sound!

The aftermath of a heated battle.

Returning to the village, Sir Cucumber is awarded the battery for the Dice-O-Matic… which the village chief had? For some reason? Unfortunately for our heroes, the Dice-O-Matic is at the end of the horrible maze of pain. Deciding to the visit the hermit for advice before they trek through hell again, Sir Cucumber notices that the hermit is out of clover juice. Brave Sir Cucumber gladly gives some to the hermit. As thanks, the hermit gives Sir Cucumber some medicine. With their business done in town and with great reluctance, our heroes decide to brave the cave. After a long and confusing trek through the cave (I looked up the answer key), the brave warriors find the Dice-O-Matic buried halfway in the ground, a large metallic door preventing them from entering it. On a hunch, Sir Cucumber attempts to put the yam medallion inside the medallion-shaped hole on the door (if you bought the wordbook and translated the characters on the statue, this is the hint you'd get).


The door opens, and Sir Cucumber and Percy enter the Dice-O-Matic. Finally inside the Dice-O-Matic, Sir Cucumber tells Percy to insert (use) the battery, but Percy doesn't know where it goes. Checking the vicinity, Sir Cucumber finds a slot for the battery, inserts (again, uses) the battery, and then hits the lever twice, starting the machine and flying off.

Out of the cave, our heroes see a peculiar tree and move towards it multiple times, but, oh no! It was a trap, and the Farmies ambush them in their own mechs! Despite being new to the mechs, Sir Cucumber and Percy engage in battle with them, and, after an intense battle that involves lasers, rockets, and rock-paper-scissors, Sir Cucumber and Percy defeat the Farmies.

As one does...

But, then, before our heroes could even think to rest… he appears. Minister Pumpkin comes on the scene, piloting his own mech

It's all up to this. If Sir Cucumber can defeat Minister Pumpkin here, it could all be over. The princess would be safe, the king restored, and all of this senseless violence ended. All Sir Cucumber has to do is defeat the Minister here. In an intense fight that minstrels like me would sing all through the Salad Kingdom, Sir Cucumber defeats Minister Pumpkin… but at great cost.

The Dice-O-Matic which Sir Cucumber worked so hard to get is destroyed in the process. Even worse is that the Minister Pumpkin managed to escape. Exhausted, Sir Cucumber takes a rest at the big tree as he contemplates what to do next. Percy realizes that this tree is the tree the note in the bottle was alluding to, and, checking' the root of the tree, Percy finds some strange-looking grass. Checking the grass, Percy realizes that this must be the chameleon grass. Unfortunately, Percy doesn't know how to use the grass. But then Sir Cucumber notices something strange on the ground, and, checking the ground, he finds what looks to be the right side of instructions. Taking the instructions, Sir Cucumber then checks the instructions, and Sir Cucumber learns how to use the chameleon grass.

Sir Cucumber then uses (you have to use the grass twice) the grass and suddenly has a brilliant idea. He and Percy then turn themselves into Farmies and head towards Sopville, starting the final trek towards saving the princess.

I believe, my friends, that will end this month's tale. Despite destroying the very weapon they were sent out to get, our heroes are now entering the homestretch of their mission. In fact, my dear readers, there are only two chapters left of our little tale. I know you're all excited to see how it ends, but I'm afraid we'll have to stop here. But don't worry, I've written a little song to tide you over as you wait for next month's piece of the tale.

♪ Blew up the Bananada, ♪
♪ Next a maze they did scale, ♪
♪ Chased off Minister Pumpkin, ♪
♪ In this quest they soon will prevail. ♪

To Infinity and Beyond

Written by: Waluigi Time (talk)

Greetings space rangers! Welcome back for more Toy Story 2. In today's issue, we're back on track progressing through the game after a quick detour last time to wrap up Alleys and Gullies. So at this point in the film, the toys have made their way through the ventilation ducts of Al's apartment building, and have tracked him to the top floor. That brings us to the next level of the game, Al's Penthouse, though our journey isn't over yet. Spoilers, Woody isn't even in this level, even though he's in this part of the movie. It's unlocked after collecting 19 Pizza Planet Tokens, so once again, you'll immediately have access to it after beating the previous level. As always, music! We have a neat western track this time, fitting for Al's obsession with the Woody's Roundup show.


Starting things off in the entrance hall, right away you'll see Bullseye, who has the level's racing challenge. However, in the corner opposite of where you started, you'll find a Cosmic Shield, but as always, it's not necessary at all for the level. Anyway, if you talk to Bullseye (who actually talks, which I always found pretty jarring considering he doesn't have the ability to in the movie), he'll give you 27 seconds to collect five horseshoes. One is to the left where you'll also find Rex, and the other four are in the living room. The best route is to run a clockwise circle around the perimeter of the living room. The horseshoes can be found in front of the fireplace to the left, in the back of the room, on the couch to the right, and finally on the end table next to the couch. The timing's a little tight, but not too bad. After that, return to Bullseye and collect your Pizza Planet Token.

Bird is the word.

Now that we're not on the clock, we can do a proper exploration of the living room. The fireplace has an extra life in it, and since the fire will obviously hurt you, what you're supposed to do is go back and grab the Cosmic Shield, then come back here and jump into the fireplace. It's kind of a weird usage of the Cosmic Shield, and I have to wonder why this was here at all instead of hiding it somewhere else. Al's Penthouse also introduces the last two enemy types in the game, and you'll find one of them here. I'll conjecturally call this one the Vulture, which will serve as the flying enemy from here on out. It's not too complicated, it just flies toward you in an an attempt to hit you while you're in range and it can fly up or down to reach you. It's a little bit of a tougher enemy, but after a single charged laser shot, anything else will take it out. There's also another annoyance in this room, and that's a cannon sitting on the coffee table. Whenever you're in the room, it will periodically fire cannonballs at you, and will also damage you if you touch it. This is a common theme in this level, almost every room has at least one cannon.

Anyway, back to the layout. You'll want to jump on the couch again and onto the end table (there's a battery underneath the table) and from here you can jump on the railing, letting you walk across to the other side of the room (mind the gap, you'll have to double jump over it). Cross over the mantle and entertainment center, and climb up the lamp that is sitting on top of it for some reason (seriously, Al, who did the interior design here?) onto a shelf. Up on the shelf, you'll find the green laser upgrade, which is very nice to have this late in the game since the enemies are tougher. Go to the end of the shelf, then swing across the lamps above the couch to another shelf with a red button on it. Stomping this will cause the cannon to be permanently deactivated (it's also harmless to touch in this state), although it's kind of a "well, thanks I guess" since whenever you find these buttons you're usually almost done in the room anyway. From here, double jump across to another shelf, and grab the Woody's Roundup critter. (All of the critters are rabbits, though there's an unused model for a beaver. It's possible that originally the beaver was going to be used, or perhaps there would've been multiple critter designs.)

I've been writing this 'Shroom section for 12 issues now, and we're still in training.

You're pretty close to the hallway now, so head there next. You'll find a box that can be pushed either forward or to the right, and since it's closer, we'll just go to the right into Al's bedroom. In here you'll meet the other new enemy type, which I'll just call the Gunner. Normally they just walk around, but once you're in range, they'll stand in place and start shooting at you. They actually look kind of silly when they attack, because the animation for it is that they pull their gun out, fire a single bullet, and put it back, then immediately take it out to fire again. They are pretty tough though, as even with charged laser shots, you'll need three shots to take them down. Though a bit of unfortunate trivia about these guys, their original design was criticized for resembling stereotypical Mexicans, and as a result, it was changed to a blonde cowboy in some later releases of the game. When I first read about this I was skeptical because I never saw any screenshots or footage of it, but some time later I found it on The Cutting Room Floor.

Anyway, push the box until you have it positioned that you can jump onto Al's train bed, where you'll find another critter. Then, jump up onto the track going around the edge of the room. There's a model train moving back and forth along the tracks, and what you're supposed to do is stomp the yellow buttons to redirect the rails until the train hits a dead end. Unfortunately, I don't really have any good tips for how to do this quickly, best I can tell you is to just pay close attention. With the train stopped, you'll be able to push another box across the tracks that you can use to jump on top of the canopy over the bed... But if you want to, you can actually cheese this and jump directly from the track onto the side of the canopy with some good timing. Anyway, there's a Pizza Planet Token up here, along with a killswitch for the cannon, and a battery.

Big Iron with a sci-fi twist.

With everything finished in Al's bedroom, push the original box back out into the hallway, and push it to the back and into the trophy room this time, so you can reach the cabinet. Up here, there's what I assume is a Woody's Roundup lunchbox that you'll need to push to the edge to reach yet another cabinet, then climb up onto the shelves and run and jump along the side of the room. You can briefly drop down onto the TV to grab a battery, but be careful of the electrical charges from the antennae. On the final shelf of this original stretch, you'll find another critter and a button to deactivate one of the cannons, then drop down into the diorama below. At the end you'll find the boss of this level, the Gunslinger! He's not too complicated, his entire behavior consists of walking toward you and sometimes stopping to shoot two bullets at you, one from each of his guns. I think the best strategy here is to get some distance on him, fire away with the laser, and jump over the bullets whenever he shoots. Just do that for a while and he'll drop to the ground, giving you a Pizza Planet Token and automatically deactivating the second cannon in the room.

Bringing penthouse the bacon.

We're done in this section of the level, so head back to the living room, and specifically take a look at Al's TV and entertainment center. There's a padlock on it that you can destroy with your laser (apparently weaker than the ones Al uses at his Toy Barn, since those required the Disk Launcher. Video game logic!). Destroying the lock opens a door that lets you access a vent into the bathroom. Hamm is in the bathtub, but you probably won't have enough coins yet - I was able to collect the remaining ones while exploring the room - so we can ignore him for now. What you do want to pay attention to is the blue switch on the side of the tub. The gimmick of this room is that there's some sponges on the floor, and each of these switches will bring the water level, and the sponges with it, to the height of that switch. Raising the water level to the rim of the bathtub will let you reach the countertop, where you'll find another switch. With the water raised, on the other end of the room you can reach either the shelf or the shower door (either works). On the shelf you'll find the switch to deactivate the cannon (it's actually kind of useful here), and in the shower the final switch to raise the water level to its maximum height, allowing you to cross the sponges yet again (along with a fourth one on the sink now in the equation) across the tops of the cabinets, where you'll find another critter. Assuming you have 50 coins now, jump back down into the bathtub and get your Pizza Planet Token from Hamm. I recommend using the switch in the bathtub to drain the water before you leave, since moving in water is very slow. (It'll also automatically drain once you leave the room, but it's not very useful at that point.)


We're almost done, so head back to where Rex is and go through the opened grate into the kitchen. Head to the left and find the refrigerator. There's another padlock on it for some reason (Al lives alone, why is the fridge locked??) which you can shoot to open the door. The shelves inside will give you extra height to reach the island countertop in the middle, where you'll find Jessie. (Rex's hint misspells her name as Jesse, which I couldn't help but chuckle at for reasons) We're not quite ready to talk to her yet, though. From here you can either jump to the countertops to the left, or the end table to the right. Either way works, but the end table is faster and you don't miss out on anything by skipping ahead, as long as you don't need any more coins. There's a weight here that you can use as a trampoline to get onto the cabinets above. Jump across these and the lights hanging from the ceiling (just be quick, as you'll automatically slide down these) and get over to the top of the fridge, with another button to destroy the cannon. From here, jump across the remaining shelves (be careful of the Rattlesnake) and lights to get the final critter. That's all five of them, so return to Jessie to get the last Pizza Planet Token, and we're done with the level!

Well, we're almost finished with all of the levels in the game that have "Al's" in front of them! Except we still have to go back to Al's Toy Barn one more time, but that's still a little way off. That brings us to the end of another zone, so next month we have another boss fight level - one that there's actually a surprising amount to talk about. See you next time, space rangers!

Gameplay screenshots were taken from Nin's playthrough on YouTube.

Mach Speed Mayhem

Written by: Superchao (talk)

Winner of the Only Major Cast Shakeup Award, 2003.

Hello, 'Shroom readers! After four long years, we're finally here. We're finally at the very last normal edition of Mach Speed Mayhem. It's been a bumpy ride, but with covering #N/A: Clank Hughes, we'll finally be done, and I will be freed! But, first we gotta see what the anime decided to do here. Let's go!

GP Legend series

Clank makes his first appearance in episode 11, as the last member of the Mobile Task Force to make his appearance. On the war-torn Planet Heru, now recovering, a story is told about Captain Falcon five years ago... so Rick Wheeler decides to go check out what's what. As it turns out, what's what is that Zoda has made contact with a super hacker, who's ready to help him take over the Dragon Bird for a big payday. What Zoda doesn't know, is that this hacker is actually a preteen kid who's got a huge chip on his shoulder. Especially with some other kids mock his dad for being a traitor, to which Clank yells that his dad was a SPACE HERO. Falcon's also keeping an eye on him... Taking his chance when a meet and greet occurs, Clank swipes the Dragon Bird, and tries to drive off with it, surprisingly skilled for his age! But Falcon catches him, and seeing who Clank is, remembers that he met his dad years ago. Five years ago, specifically, when Roy was undercover to infiltrate Dark Million, and Zoda found out about it. Roy blew up the smuggler ship he was on, but it only succeeded in scaring off Zoda, Falcon unable to save Roy. So Falcon tells Clank to move to Mute City because he's got nothing left here, Clank thinking on it and eventually stowing away, to move in with Burt Lemming at the cafe. Demonstrating his hacker skills, he's earned himself a job!

Clank goes on to play a regular support role, tending to vary between just being there for "kids say the darnest things" and to be Rick's sidekick. The two of them actually get a pretty good dynamic going - when Rick decides it's time to get a classic car and fix it up, Clank's the one to help him in the garage - in exchange for Rick helping him with his project of F-Zero pilot bios. His hacking skills come in handy for thwarting Dark Million's classic car crime conspiracy, too! Next episode he gets a day in the limelight, striking out to a planet alone to track down Zoda... well, not alone. Jody has struck out there as well, as covered in her article. The two of them bond during this, as they survive the hazards of Sand Ocean and of Zoda's minions, and even manages to steal back a computer virus he made for Zoda back when he was a merc for hire. A few episodes later, Clank is able to help out Jody again by tracking her down when she gets randomly teleported elsewhere, and that leads Jody to make him an official team member!


Clank's next major arc comes when Dr. Stewart is forced by Black Shadow to resurrect his dad as the cyborg Mighty Gazelle. Black Shadow's sicknasty prank of "send Stewart and Gazelle back with bombs" nearly ends this second life before it begins, but Clank's able to help disarm the bombs. So everyone has him pal around with Mighty Gazelle, while not telling him that the cyborg's his dead dad. It's all a bit awkward, even if they think they're doing it for his own good, especially when Gazelle goes wild and rogue thanks to the Dark Million sleeper agent programming. This leads to Gazelle running off back to Dark Million, only for him to come back a few episodes later, where they recapture him and pick him up. Someone's gotta help him recover from the mindwiping he got, so the team picks Clank! Which he's not happy with, considering the previous murderous rampage. Over time, they start bonding, only for Gazelle to accidentally throw out Clank's treasured memento. The discussion this sparks leads to Clank learning that Gazelle's actually his dad, and naturally he's not happy with the team for hiding this from him. Still, though, he calms down when he learns Gazelle dug his pendant back out of the trash, and they manage to have a real bonding experience, Clank finally accepting that despite all the weirdness, Mighty Gazelle really is his dad returned.

Then Zoda drops a bomb on Gazelle so he can be quickly written out of the series. Never change, F-Zero anime. Never change.

Anyhow, the very next episode, all that Gazelle stuff is brushed aside (though there are a couple mentions) so that Clank can make the awe-inspiring discovery that... Captain Falcon is actually Burt Lemming! The man who runs Falcon House is none other than Falcon himself! Gasp and shock. Clank actually does some solid detective work in this episode, eventually drawing the conclusion on his own and getting to have it confirmed by the man himself. Clank even gets to learn from Falcon that yes, his dad really always was honest and true, only ever in Dark Million for deep cover work. From then on, Clank actually starts working the counter at Falcon House and helps keep the cover stories for Burt... though he's not the best at coffee. In an aside in another episode, we also learn he's become pals with Alias, the littlest space cancer patient from the Roger Buster episode. That would have been neat to see onscreen, but you can't get everything you want with the F-Zero anime.

Sadly, we never learn exactly how everyone reacted to that growth spurt.

Clank plays a few more supporting roles going forward, though with less focus - he helps Jody out with trying to find more information about her missing brother Andy Summer (who is actually Burt Lemming, aka Captain Falcon), helping to cover up during Falcon's disappearance thanks to Blood Falcon in order to avoid any secret identity implosions, and getting yelled at for being a kid who's the team's data guy. Don't worry, that last one was by a shapeshifting Blood Falcon in disguise, so it doesn't count. When the team infiltrates Don Genie's fortress on the latter's invitation, Clank sneaks out to get the lowdown on the very very very big man himself - though this just leads to him getting caught, and used as a bargaining chip for Don Genie to force the team to race for Deathborn's amusement (Deathborn being also Don Genie). Why? Because he's convinced that Don Genie's bodyguard, Berserker, is actually Captain Falcon! And while he's written off as just missing Falcon... he turns out to be right! Go Clank.

In the big grand finale, Clank actually gets in a car again, driving the Red Gazelle when everyone else takes to the field for the final battle. Not that he does anything in it, but it's the thought that counts. What really matters is the seven years later epilogue - Clank, now all grown up, gets to inherit the Dragon Bird once Rick moves up to the new Blue Falcon. And he's riding it well, in what little we see to close out the series. Interestingly, in the F-Zero Climax video game, Clank is available driving the Dragon Bird as an unlockable character, but he is in his kid self from the series rather than his adult design from the finale. Maybe they just didn't think he'd work?

For some reason, the 4kids dub changed his name to Tech Hughes. I don't know why. I don't even remember this change most of the time. Anyhow... that's it! No more votes. No checking back next month!

Well. Okay, I might have fudged things a little. You might be asking "but there's still some really minor characters, aren't there?" There are, loyal readers! Plus some weird lore I can't wait to dig into, plus the miscellaneous info I missed. So check back in three months for the REAL finish of Mach Speed Mayhem!


Written by: Ray Trace (talk)

How To Cook Yourself In Clothes In Three Easy Steps

This section is a summer season section instructing The Sims 4 players on how to properly cook one's self using only clothes, proving once and for all that summer is the best season of the year. This requires the Seasons expansion pack.[1] You also do not require any cooking skill in order to pull this off.[2]

Summer is signified by a bright smiling sun, but we all know Mario's history with suns and how they're all really mad about life in general.

1.Play in the summer in the middle of the desert.[3] You need to be season appropriate according to this time of the year. You shouldn't be playing in winter, as it's August right now.[4] Thankfully, the base game does come with Oasis Springs, and it just so happens to be a lovely desert world.

  • If you own other expansion packs, StrangerVille' comes with a beautiful desert if you want to see a nonbase game world for a change of pace.
  • However, you can make any world and any season with a heatwave with the proper devices, as elaborated in a bullet point for step 2.
Playing with Wario's Friend, Darcy Light, and Aqua Marine here. Only reason I built the lot like this is to show you that I am shamelessly showcasing that I own the kits. Wario's Friend like usual dresses horribly, and we're not talking about him being dressed for winter in the middle of the desert heat.

2.Dress yourself in appropriate cold weather attire.[5] This is to ensure the Sim's flesh is cooked slow and properly, but not too quick so as to outright burn yourself. We're not starting a fire after all.

  • You can buy the Dr. June's Weather Control Device and change the weather to a sweltering heatwave as well. This will cause hot weather to be more extreme and give yourself a more rare look rather than a well-done one.[6]
    • If you want to use mods, the 52X Mini Weather Controller by lot51 can be used to not only change the weather to a heatwave but contains far more options and doesn't risk electrocuting yourself.[7]
  • You can also buy a thermostat and set the temperature to hotter.[8]
Wario's Friend is signifying that he is overheating via his animations and the sun uncomfortable moodlet. He is also pretty stinky on top of it. Heavens knows how much he is sweating underneath that get-up and how he actually smells like.

3.Wait. Yes. That is all what you need to do now. Cooking requires you to wait.[9][10]

  • The game will warn you of moodlets related to how you're overheating in a futile attempt to save you.[11] You first get an overheating moodlet, and you will react towards the heat by sweating and fanning yourself, then a lethal heat one, a pop-up in orange saying that you are overheating and then....[12]
Wario's Friend having one final fight with Darcy before the sun finally kicks him in.
This is probably the earliest time the Grim Reaper ever showed up towards a Welcome Wagon, if at all. He's not very surprised that Wario's Friend has become a victim to shenanigans yet again, and doesn't blame Darcy for laughing at his dead body.

And with that, you know how to cook yourself using hot weather and some proper clothes.


  1. ^ Yes, weather and temperature is in fact, a priced premium for this game, and has been for practically all The Sims installments.
  2. ^ You also do not require cooking skill to start fires too, but we're not going to start one this time around.
  3. ^ Deserts are hot, ideal temperature to cook yourself with clothes.
  4. ^ People don't live on the Southern Hemisphere, by the way.
  5. ^ It is called "cold weather attire" but this is a misnomer as you are wearing this for the summer. The snowflake icon for it is likely a bug on the developer's part.
  6. ^ We actually don't know how the flesh would be cooked, just based on assumption, and we're not going to find the truth here.
  7. ^ Electrocution is going to come in a later issue anyway. We're not going to have all Sims have all types of death present here.
  8. ^ I'm not sure how this plays into overheating Sims if it does cause them to cook faster but hey, why not make them extra uncomfortable.
  9. ^ You can occupy yourself by doing other things like being mean to other townies or dancing to the radio or just overall messing with people while you slow roast.
  10. ^ Even with autonomy on, Sims will not save themselves, which is a good thing!
  11. ^ Simmers would probably riot or something if they found out that beautiful alpha CC pretty lady you spent hours on just randomly dropped dead without warning.
  12. ^ Dramatic spoiler alerts aren't necessary actually, you know what's going to happen next.

On the Origin of Species

Written by: ZelenPixel (talk)

Welcome to the 10th issue of this Spore let's play! I accidentally planned this perfectly, because it's also a year away from my first issue and where I'm also planning to do something big! Holy moly! Let's see what the Stabbies are up to.

Space Stage number FINAL?

Last issue, I finished off that dang Collector 5 badge (and also Sightseer 5), which was the last goal I really had at that point. I stocked up on things and got prepared for the next big thing, which is visiting the Galactic Core! The Space Stage has no defined end goal, but reaching the core is often considered that goal in speedruns and such. As I keep mentioning, this is also not something I've ever done before somehow, even though Spore is the game I played the most (by FAR), with it also being my favorite game! I don't really know why I never went there, either... I don't recall even trying before. Never really felt like it, though it was always something I wanted to do someday.

Oh, this empire who kept raiding me and who I've left alone at one colony decided to start demanding money from them. I don't have the time for that! I'm going around stocking up on way more AOE Repairs than I need. I also verified my fleet consists of ships from empires at level 4 or 5, which means their health should be pretty good. I also read that I should get some Anti-Matter Missiles, for some reason, even though it's only usable on a planet? Which I would only find out after buying ten. Oops! Well, maybe it'll be useful!

I'm going to record this whole process, mostly just for myself, because it's kind of a big event, isn't it? I'm not going to be uploading the video (also because OBS freaks out a little when the game is loading any creation and displays the texture loading process in the recorded video for some reason, which is not good for the eyes... and I also just pause for minutes at a time to type), but... So, after fully recharging my energy and buying a few more supplies near a wormhole, I'm going to head to it and travel through wormholes until I'm close enough. The first wormhole was not particularly close, the second wormhole was only even further away, and also far away from other wormholes! But I did stumble my way onto a past save game! They're Scientists and kind of colored like dragon fruit! I took the opportunity to recharge my energy and get more AOE Repairs.

The third wormhole was pretty close! So, let's get closer then. I'm not near the Grox yet. I was only near two mean empires so I didn't get anything from then. And then I did start getting too close to the Grox! Oops! Time to go fast to avoid their attacks! My travel range is decreasing a LOT the closer I get to the core. Sometimes the stars aren't close enough to get to, so I have to take another way around, though it's not too far. My heart is also going nuts right now and my hands are shaking! Oh gosh! I also didn't know that my energy would start depleting so much, good thing I have a few energy packs! Surprisingly, I haven't needed to heal yet, both my ship and my allies are doing pretty well in terms of HP.

No evil empire is going to stop me!

For some reason the Grox just stopped attacking me briefly, before I started moving around to take a different path to the core. It turns out I picked a rather unfortunate route and had to go around a lot... I see a pretty clear-cut path there, now! So close! And I'm finally there!!! The closest star nearby is, I think, the home system of the Grox? I can't tell, it's not showing like a home system for some reason. Either way! I reached the Galactic Core!!! Bye-bye, Grox!!!


You zoom into it like a normal wormhole. There are no more Grox ships chasing you. You can spend some time just admiring the galaxy core before zooming in further. It's a pretty lovely sight, with all the purples and vague oranges! I took a lot of pics of it, but it's time to go in, by just zooming in further like you would into a wormhole. This is also just kind of a really fancy wormhole. (Note: not accurate to real life.) Also, if you zoom in the closest you can before actually entering it, you hear strange... vaguely electrical noises. It's almost like a signal. Maybe your ship's radar is just going nuts, considering there are similar noises near wormholes too, but who knows?

As you go into the Galactic Core, an entire cutscene plays! It's somewhat similar to the brief cutscene that plays when you go through a wormhole, but with much more varied and pretty sights, and... a voice! In English (if your game's language is set to English), no less! You hear a deep voice, praising you for all you've gone through and the things you've achieved, calling you "worthy of advancement to the next level of your existence." The voice talks about how your universe is just one of many countless universes, possibly hinting at other players' universes, in a way, which is also reaffirmed by the fact that the voice talks about how your efforts have affected those other universes too, like players' creations appearing in other player's games. The voice tells you to "join us", and then gets sillier, also adding that it's not scary, and that the times ahead are good. At this point, the cutscene also has numerous depictions of llamas in it, a rather iconic Maxis thing (it's also all over The Sims games). And then the voice says, "Some of you may ask, who is this mysterious voice who knows so much and possesses such great powers? I'm glad you asked..."

As you finish going through the fancy wormhole, you arrive elsewhere in space, nothing around but nebulae. And then a small, grey spaceship with magenta edges, some handles, and a speaker thingy quickly swoops in and says, in a much squeakier voice, "I'm Steve!". He says it's time to give you "the power to create and spread life, intelligence and understanding throughout the cosmos". The way he talks reminds me of a sort of trader or salesman.

He's kinda the spaceship from the boxart for SimCity 2000!

Finally, Steve hints at the existence of Earth (which I've already visited), and awards you with the Staff of Life. Well, that's what the text says, but you actually get 42. After that, Steve departs, and so do you, playing the wormhole sequence in reverse, and then you're sharply booted back into the galaxy. The tools panel is open on the Planet Atmospheric Tools, with the Staff (or rather Staves) of Life! You can't go back into the galactic core after this on this save file, and the 42 staves are a finite resource - once you run out of them, that's it! I escape onto my home planet and, unfortunately, end up losing an ally ship in the process. It's a bit strange my home empire doesn't commend me on the impressive feat I've just achieved.

Not an icon I've seen before!

The Staff of Life can be used to instantly terraform a planet, getting it from any terrascore to T3, with all the flora and fauna included. I can do that on my own fine, and I don't want to waste a finite resource, so I'm not sure I'm going to be using this! But it's nice to just have it at all. I'm also going around to get back the destroyed spaceship, and kept trying to remember whose spaceship it was, but that empire from earlier also decided to demand money from me, which is funny. Hey, did you know what I just went through? I retrieved that ally ship and also had a pirate raid the supplies on one of my colonies, before they get taken care of in seconds.

There he is!

If you look at your species' history after this, you will see a special icon thing for reaching the Galactic Core. It's interesting going through the history and how far you've come. I forgot Stabbies used to be weird, bipedal, silly-looking things with arms, but not actual hands, when they first emerged onto land, a year ago! Or that one of the first creatures they allied with was a mere eye, or that one of the first ones they killed off was a wooden club. There's also this incredible string of befriending creatures over and over, just because I miscalculated and wasn't actually on the path to get Adaptable, like I planned, so I had to make up for it.

The end of the Tribe timeline has the Stabbies collecting 151 eggs, just for funsies... Remember Lucks, the tribe person who kept getting in trouble so often, yet miraculously survived anyway? I named the space captain after them! The Civilization timeline sure has a lot of me losing and regaining air vehicles to take over all the other cities via music. The Space timeline is so long! The first artifact I discovered was The Torch of Chalmers, which was even before I met another empire or placed my first colony! Most of my timeline is meeting new empires and picking up artifacts, seemingly. Also, sometimes, starting wars with empires I've barely interacted with! It's just funny, you know. The final few things I did before reaching Steve were starting a war with the Grox (only now for some reason), destroying just one spaceship apparently, trading 9 spice, and meeting three random empires.


The history also says it's been 4,696,991,200 years since we started this whole journey. All of Space stage has been within one year, apparently? I think? Most of this time was on just the Cell and Creature stages, the latter starting at just 10.8 million years ago. Either way, it's been a fun 4.7 billion years. I did some things in the game I hadn't done much before, or even at all (Visiting the Earth! Getting 100 artifacts! Visiting Steve, especially!), and it's been great! While, again, visiting the Galactic Core isn't the end of the Space Stage and it's technically infinite, I believe this is it for the journey of Stabbies, from the planet of Blizac. It was really fun.

Included are some outfits

Also, as a bonus, here's some turnarounds of Stabbies! So you can get a good look at them or something. And I'm closing off this issue! See me next month when I talk about the history of Spore for its anniversary!

Koops, Your Emblem is on Fire

Written by: Koops (talk)

I would say it's ironic that summer always keeps me busier than the rest of the year, but the truth is I'm just much lazier during it.

New unit time!


An eastern swordmaster. Seeking worthy opponents.

FERK Karel.png

Level 8 Swordmaster.

Bases and Growths:

HP: 31 (70%)
Str: 16 (30%)
Skl: 23 (50%)
Spd: 20 (50%)
Luck: 15 (30%)
Def: 13 (10%)
Res: 12 (15%)
Con: 9
Move: 6
Weapon Ranks: A Swords.

The sword demon himself enters the fray. And looking at his stats, it's apparent that he does earn his reputation. The man has basically good everything. Even with strength being his lowest offensive stat, it still goes as high as 16, which is nothing to scoff at, especially considering the enemies we've fought so far. In a one-on-one combat situation, he is sure to stand his ground, what with his also not bad bulk of 31 HP 13 Def.

What does hold him back are two fundamental things that I don't think I need to mention at this point really. He joins late into the game, and he is swordlocked, therefore limiting his uses. Other than that, he's pretty much everything a unit wants to be. Yeah.

That said, his counterpart on the other side of the arbitrary requirement is... much sexier to say the least.

Oh yeah and to avoid confusion I looked it up and it seems killing two promoted enemies summoned Karel, not three.

I am stupid.

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