The 'Shroom:Issue LXXIII/Fake News
Huh? What are you doing here?
Expecting the Fake News? TOO BAD, WALUIGI TIME!
YES, THIS IS NOW THE WALUIGI NEWS.
Sorry, let's get back to the Fake News, which is what we're really doing. That was a late and hilarious April Fools joke. Are you not laughing?
Today we bid Tucayo (talk) goodbye, as he leaves Ask Tucayo, and McZaky29 (talk) as well, as he resigns from the Fake Sport section. It's a real shame to see the two of them go, but don't fret. Tucayo has a successor, whom you will find out at the very end of his section! And we've also gained another writer in Goomba (talk), who now writes for the Fake Shop section.
Now to the matter of the Section of the Month. March's winner was Koohitsu's Monthly Inquisition, with a huge 67 votes! Yoshi K's game corner came second, followed by Pyro's Travel Guide, but congratulations to everyone!
So, that's about it. I'd really suggest you check out Ask Tucayo at the end, though. It's his last one, and he also reveals all...about his successor. Either way, enjoy!
|APRIL FOOLS PRANK GONE HORRIBLY WRONG.
IN Toad Town yesterday, an April Fools prank went horribly wrong. Local plumber Luigi Mario (age 28) decided to pull a late April Fools joke on his older brother Mario Mario (age 32). However, nobody could expect the direction this would soon take a turn in...
The two brothers claim to be plumbers, and have made huge fortunes in the past, though not by plumbing. Most of what they gain comes from picking up coins lying around on the ground. They are known to have earned millions by just picking up coins around the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario has used his fortune to host more than a couple of rowdy parties, which have all too often got him in trouble with the authorities, but earned him a strong repution. Luigi, meanwhile, owns a large number of mansions. He has always felt that his brother tends to overshadow him, so has declared the "Year of Luigi", where he finally tries to get into the spotlight.
The prank Luigi organised was a classic. He knew how much Mario liked money, so he could use this to his advantage when preparing the prank. The prank is the following prank, which went as follows: in this prank, Luigi would, as a prank, glue a coin to the sidewalk. Mario and his girlfriend, Toadstool Peach (age 27), daughter of a very powerful mob boss, would walk down the street. Peach, who was in on the joke, would show Mario the coin, and he would try to pick it up. Luigi would wait nearby, apparently to "gloat", according to a police statement.
When the prank went underway, everything went as planned. Mario struggled and struggled to pick up the coin, as Luigi and Peach quietly held back "raucous laughter", according to a statement by the fire department. However, when Luigi approached, Mario didn't see him, so, upon throwing his hat off in disgust, the flying headpiece hit Luigi square in the face. He stumbled into the road, unaware of the approaching car. When the car hit Luigi, he was flung straight up into the air, spinning around a bit, before landing completely upright, and not injured at all. He then took one step and fell thirty feet down a pipe. He also hit his moustache on a ladder.
The police and fire department were on the scene almost immediately; they would've been there immediately had it not been for the bowling tournament. Luigi, upon being brought up, had broken many bones, and was in a very bad state
The public reaction was mostly shock. Peach's father, known only as 'Da King', stated "It's a shame what happened to dat Luigi kid. A real shame. It's also a shame for us in da Mafia, someone could've paid us to do dat!" His daughter immediately scolded him, saying "Don't listen to him. What happened to Luigi was a terrible accident, and I really hope he gets well soon." Monty T. Mole of the Anti-Warp Pipe Association claimed "This is just another reason why we should ban Warp Pipes! If people need to get anywhere underground, they can dig! It's easier and completely safe! Unless there are any land mines lying around. But that's extremely unl-"
"I can't believe it happened..." said Mario, "Nothing ever happens in Toad Town. What'll happen to us now? Soon there will be reptiles everywhere, and walking Mushrooms, and crazy stuff like that! It's just madness! Complete madness. I never knew Luigi felt he was always in my shadow. Hold on a second, he's taller than me, how does that work?" The President of Taiwan told the 'Shroom "That's unfortunate for him. But why are you asking me to give a statement?"
Luigi's recovery is expected to be long and expensive. He will, unfortunately, be forced to cancel any upcoming "practical jokes" and other "Year of Luigi" events, according to a Chinese businessman we talked to in Burger King. When we told this to Luigi, he said "Mpff mpff mthtppfpff!" We, unfortunately, couldn't understand him through the bandages, so we got somebody wearing a gas mask with a flamethrower to translate. He or she told us that Luigi had told us about what we had told him, which we had been told by the Chinese businessman, and his words were "Hudda hudda huh!" Inspiring words to all of us, don't you think?
~MrConcreteDonkey, reporter for the 'Shroom.
After escaping that pyramid by blowing it up, I was arrested for exploding a national park and sentanced to one minute in prison. MCD broke me out for two coins, because that's how much my life as a tourist is worth.
We all need a vacation, right? In fact, we need a vacation from the Mario universe! So I present to you...Mustard Mountain!
Found in the Mirror World, Mustard Mountain is an active volcano spouting with lava...err, life. The many lava geysers never cease to amaze, or at least until some idiot knocks the giant Stone Blocks over, closing them off. Like many stereotypical video game volcanoes and my very own mafia game, this volcano is filled with TREASURE. But oddly, the treasure is more like bouts of spray paint and fried chicken drumsticks.
The lava pools are very relaxing and can be a hot spring for people in very protective gear. Another attraction is the monthly Mustard Mountain Manly Mountain Ascent, with the A word added at the end to ruin the added alliterative appeal. People can sign up to see who can climb up the mountain first and claim the Maxim Tomato at the top. Of course, Kirby always wins by floating up to the top, and most others die in the lava or get lost. Fun event.
The local hotel is Bronto Burt's Brilliant Hotel, once again ruining alliterative appeal at the end. This hotel is special as it guarentees you'll be hit by a Bronto Burt eventually. Prices are 10(*)*)*JHFJ per night. No, I most certainly did not come up with a fake currency by smashing the keyboard and holding down the SHIFT key.
All meals are on the house at "Waddle Dee's Wonderful I'm Getting Sick of this Alliterative Stuff Diner". Main meals are fried Roly Polies, Maxim Tomatos, chicken drumsticks, lava soup, French Canada fries, Cake Mix, and Camtasia Studio. I went with the Cake Mix with a side of cherries. Yes, the eatery is great, not horrible~
^ That "~" was not me missing the "!" key on the laptop keyboard, nope.
So yeah. Go to Mustard Mountain, don't look at my arrest records, and don't listen to MC Hammer. Good night.
Hello! Welcome back to the next edition of Gamer Guide. Hosted by yours truly, Yoshi K.
This month we have another new game, which is a sequel :D
Name: Mario Party 9 2
Mario Party 9 2 is the sequel to Mario Party 9. In order to satisfy all gamers, Faketendo has decided to use the traditional game board format for Mario Party 10 and beyond, but has created this spinoff series (maybe we should just call a spinoff of a spinoff a dizzyoff, it makes me dizzy just thinking about it.)!
Mario Party 9 2 is a great game for those who liked MP9. (But for those of you who didn't it's basically the same as it, so don't buy it)
That's right folks! Faketendo has failed to get any new consumers with this MP9 clone! Since it's a clone of Mario Party 9, the best way to explain the gameplay is to play Mario Party 9! (Then again there's no point in buying it if you've played that)
God, these games that are coming out these days are so ridiculous, heck, the readers must think I'm writing about games that don't even exist!
Well, see you next month with another issue of Gamer Guide!
Hello, my dear friends. It's your always
greedy loving Chief Alexneushoorn. Today, I'll be reporting from my dad's attic, since I blew all my money on Chuckola Cola, police parties and Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon. Because of that, the government kicked me out of the HQ of Koopatrol Patrol Inc. (my agency) until I pay the rent and a penalty of 12 coins. Well, I got one story today. You better love it, because I barely got any time to wax my mustache.
1. King Boo's Dark Moon Breakdown
Professor Elvin Gadd was peacefully working in his lab in Evershade Valley. The Greenies were peacefully helping him. That was, until King Boo came and shattered the Dark Moon with a lightning bolt from his crown. The Greenies turned hostile and destroyed E. Gadd's lab. We from Koopatrol Patrol Inc. are currently looking for King Boo.
Well, that's all, folks. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to wax my 'stache. See you all next month at the same spot of Police Blotter.
Found in the western edge of the lovely city of Rogueport, Westside Goods is a small, but amazing shop run by Peeka, one of Don Pianta's right hand men (or women in this case). Here, you can find several helpful items at a guaranteed low, low price! Here's a short summary of the items on sale;
Life Shroom; Feeling like you're literally about to die? Pick one of these up, and you'll be up and alert in no time at all! Cost; 50 coins.
Super Shroom; A delicious, healthy mushroom! Stock up on these and you might become immortal! Cost; 20 coins.
Dried Shroom; A particularly rancid-tasting mushroom. They're rarely eaten, but are awesome when used for pranks! Cost; 2 coins.
Volt Shroom; Wanting to rekindle that spark of love with your man or lady? These shrooms will do just that!
and possibly electrocute your man or lady Cost; 10 coins.
Thunder Bolt; Feeling groggy in the morning and don't have time to make coffee? Thunder Bolts will wake you right up with a small zap! Cost; 10 coins.
Dizzy Dial; Hold it up to your enemies to make their heads spin! (literally) But be careful, hold it for too long, and it'll be like you just touched a Fuzzy! Cost; 12 coins.
And that is it for the great stock at Westside Goods. More information about other shops in other areas (or even dimensions) coming up in the next issue. This has been Goomba, signing out!
HI, beautiful readers! I'm your departing counselor, Tucayo, bringing you one last issue of Ask Tucayo! In case you didn't read the previous installment, I will be ending Ask Tucayo this month, to focus on other projects. But don't cry for me (ok, who am I kidding, no one is crying, but anyway), for I have an announcement you'll certainly enjoy. But first, you'll have to read through the questions once again; let's go!
- WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ASK TUCAYO????
- HELLO! THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION YOU GOT THERE!! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT! Anyway, to answer your question; I will be stopping Ask Tucayo in order to focus on my directing tasks, as well as the two other sections I write. I didn't really want to end Ask Tucayo halfway through the year, but with college and whatnot I barely have enough time to take care of my other tasks.
Some users are special, this is just aregularforumuser (literally). Bad puns aside, he asks:
- Why did you want to make ask *insert user here*? Did you miss it after 3k stopped?
- Few people may know this, and I had actually forgotten it, but this section wasn't originally Ask Tucayo. For the Fake News in Issue XII, there was supposed to be an Ask Jorge section, written by Paper Jorge (talk), that never came to be. About a year later, I brought up in chat how I was thinking about making a reboot of the section, but assuming the personality of Saria… And now this is where my memory fails me. If I remember correctly, Jorge was there and expressed interest in returning to the position; I agreed and signed him up for it, although he never wrote it. A couple of years passed and I decided to take it upon myself to bring back this section that sounded to interesting to me, and so I did. My version of the section had a six-issue run, and, after that, MST3K (talk) took over Ask Tucayo, obviously renaming it Ask '3K. Over a year later, 3K announced he didn't have the time to carry on with the section; so, starting on Issue 64, I returned for a second run of Ask Tucayo. So yes, you could say I missed the section.
Tantusar, whose name I had misread as "Tantasaur", wants to know:
- Is there any chance of Ask Tucayo ever coming back?
- I don't want to give anyone false hopes, so I'll say no, I don't see myself returning to this section as the regular writer. Maybe for a special section in a distant future, but I have no current plans; I'll just focus on my other sections for the time being. I'll be sure to send in questions for the next writer.
And for the big finale, we have my good boss, MrConcreteDonkey (talk), asking ten questions. Which is pretty awesome, since I get paid for the question: (DIRECTOR'S NOTE: TUCAYO DOES NOT GET PAID FOR EACH QUESTION)
- I can't remember if anyone's asked you this before (I'm the best director ever!), but what is your favourite/are your favourite bands? If somebody has, favourite game.
- The part on the parenthesis is rather arguable, you're not as good looking as the Fun Stuff Director from late-2010. I don't think anyone has, I have been asked about my favourite Coldplay songs, but I haven't been asked that, at least not recently. My favorite bands are, in no particular order; Coldplay, U2, The Killers, and Muse. There are many other bands I greatly enjoy – Queen, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, Mumford and Sons, Kings of Leon, The Who, Foo Fighters – but those first four are the ones I can say I like the most. Of those four, I have seen three live (Muse being the one I haven't), so that makes me happy. As for my favourite game… You asked me for my favoruite N64 game back in Issue 64 (you're so unoriginal), but these are my favourite games, regardless of consoles. It's actually a close tie between Super Mario World, Paper Mario, and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. However, I get the feeling that when I finish Fallout 3, I'll rank it among those three.
- Who would you like as an ideal replacement for the "Ask ____" section?
- Kim Jong-un. Or Bill Clinton. But since neither accepted my invitation, I had to settle for someone else. Keep reading to find who he is.
- Which position are you applying for?
- Ask Tucayo
- Writers have the choice to submit sections monthly, bi-monthly (every other month), or volunteer-based (one-time submission). Please select which section plan you would like to observe.
- Month—WAIT! I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE!
- The staff reserves the right to remove writers from their position if they engage in activities that reflect badly on The 'Shroom. These activities include extensive misbehavior on the Super Mario Wiki and/or its forums. Do you agree to not engage in such activities for the entire duration of your employment?
- YOU'RE LURING ME BACK INTO APPLYING AGAIN!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
- Please write a full-length demo of your section. That way, we can have a bit of your work to decide if you can be on the team.
So, welcome to this new section. What is this about? Well, you NEED TO PM me a question, it can be about ANYTHING, and then I'll answer it in the next month's issue. Go. Now.
- Sorry, your application was denied.
- WHAT?! YOU FIRST TRICK ME INTO APPLYING AGAIN AND THEN DENY MY APPLICATION!? YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!
- Plz go.
- FINE, I'LL GO! BY MY OWN CHOICE! *slams door*
- How do you feel about leaving Ask Tucayo?
- On one hand, I feel a little sad to leave it, since this is a section I really liked; but, on the other hand, I feel relieved, since college has been taking most of my free time, and writing sections has become more and more difficult for me. But, above all, I feel confident my successor will do a spectacular job. And nope, you still need to keep reading to find who he is.
- I've asked too many questions, so this isn't a question.
- Dammit, MCD! We can't end this with a regular sentence!
Since MCD's last "question" wasn't a question, I'll ask myself the legendary last question:
- Is this the last question?
- And for once, I know the correct answer. Yes, that is the last question. Thank you so much for reading this section, I hope you had a good time, just as I had a good time answering your questions.
Without further ado, I want to present my successor, Paper Yoshi (talk)! He may not be Clinton or Kim, but Paper Yoshi is one of the best writers we have ever had, as well as an excellent Core Staff member, so I'm sure he'll do a superb job. Again, thanks to everyone for reading. BYE and good luck, P_Y!
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