The 'Shroom:Issue 230/Critic Corner
Director's Notes
AAAAAAAAAAAA How can I say it's May when it's almost June??? We've got so many reviews this month to last the whole summer, so get to it!!
Thank you for voting Half-Baked Reviews as April's Critic Corner Section of the Month!!! Be sure to give your love to all of our sections here, and give a shout out to our writers whether in chat or in their forum threads dedicated to their sections. Be sure to vote vote vote!
And now for my regular announcements: We've decided to implement in Critic Corner something similar to News Flush over in Fake News, where no formal sign-up application process is required for one-time or limited sections. From now on if you just want to send in a single review for something you just read, watched played, tried, whatever, you just have to send me your review privately either to me directly in chat, or in a message to me on the forum at least one week before each 'Shroom is to be released! There's no commitment or obligation to provide a full monthly section (although you absolutely can shift it into one if you so choose), just send us your thoughts on a thing and we'll feature it here! If you have any questions or curiosities about this, please feel free to ask!
As always, if you would like to help Critic Corner, we always have openings for more writers! You are free to write for sections such as Character Review and Movie Review, or really anything you'd like to do! There's no pressure to have a huge section; they can be shorter and concise! The application process is very simple, starting with reading the Sign Up page, and sending your application to MightyMario on the forum. Any idea you have is welcome, and if you have any questions or need help signing up, please feel free to reach out to myself or other 'Shroom peeps!
Section of the Month
| CRITIC CORNER SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Anton's Half-Baked Reviews | 17 | 68.00% | Hypnotoad (talk) |
| 2nd | Yoshi18 Reviews | 5 | 20.00% | Yoshi18 (talk) |
| 3rd | Completion Centre | 3 | 12.00% | Sentient freedom (talk) |
'Shroom FM
I'm back! In typical fashion, I have already missed about half of the year, but luckily I have listened to some albums now.
Fcukers - Ö
Ö is a dance-house album with fairly short tracks and a short runtime, so fires off a lot of ideas and moves on fairly quickly, with a sort of deadpan, nonchalant attitude through the lyrics and vocal delivery. It definitely works well enough, as there's a fair few catchy tunes here, plus songs like "Getaway" where the production really shines (Kenny Beats? for some reason). Unfortunately, there's just not anything about the songs that leaves much of an impact once the album's over, and there's so many bands and artists making stuff in this same style that ultimately the music just lacks an identity. I'm also annoyed because I had written a longer review hinged on the fact that they pronounce their name "EFF-SEE-YOU-KAYers" but this just seems to be based on one radio interview and it looks like they actually just call themselves "fuckers". So thanks for that, f-cuckers.
Gorillaz - The Mountain ⭐
After the bland Cracker Island, this is such a wonderful breath of fresh air. The Mountain explores themes of spirituality, death and the afterlife, with one of the most obvious examples of this being that a number of the band's collaborations here are posthumous, using archived vocals from recording sessions over the past ~20 years, which definitely adds to the slightly surreal, timeless quality this album has. There's a lot of inspiration here from Indian music and instrumentation, which works really well combined with the band's general sound - particularly Anoushka Shankar's masterful sitar work, which recurs throughout. The production in general is bright and vivid which helps take away from any melancholy about the subject matter and accentuates the more bittersweet moments in a very effective way. The songs themselves are also mostly superb, with a wide range of ideas and a great selection of collaborators; while there are a couple of songs right at the very end which lose momentum a bit, "The Sad God" is an excellent track to close on. I don't think this is a popular stance but I'm not quite sold on "Orange County" though, I still think the whistling makes it sound a bit like life hack music... but the sentiment is very nice. Either way, the influences and ideas here are delivered and intertwined with the band's style and spirit really well, and I think it's some of the best work Damon has put out in years.
The Lemon Twigs - Look for Your Mind!
I've been a bit mixed on the Lemon Twigs in the past - the 60s nostalgia thing rarely does too much for me - but they have had some great singles over the past couple of years. Look for Your Mind! is certainly better than the earlier album of theirs I've listened to, there's a nice range of different sounds to the tracks here and some cool guitarwork. Sadly there's not much more that grabbed me outside of that, and the majority of the tracks here passed me by a bit. If there's anything deeper going on in the songwriting then it missed me I'm afraid. But it's very sunny and upbeat throughout, so it's certainly a pleasant way to pass 40 minutes of your time.
Mandy, Indiana - URGH
There are definitely aspects to Mandy, Indiana's sound that I like, but a lot of the songs on this album just sound like there's something missing from them. Yes, you've got the loud noises and dissonance, but it feels like it's happening in a void somewhere rather than being all-encompassing around you as you listen and rarely as effective as it should be. This should be disconcerting to listen to and some parts effectively are - the opener especially throws you right into the deep end - but a lot of the time the atmosphere doesn't have the scale that it should and the songs don't leave much of an impact. "Cursive" is one of the few moments here where everything comes together in a satisfying way which unfortunately makes the other moments on the album where it doesn't stick out even more.
My New Band Believe - My New Band Believe
While I did like their first single, it was only when "Numerology" came out this year that I really started paying attention to My New Band Believe - a loose banger with gorgeous, bright instrumentation and a real sense of urgency. While it's not on the album, the key elements still carry over - the jumpiness and scattered nature of their sound, the intelligent and progressive songwriting, the dense production, and Cameron Picton's energy perfectly matches both the calmer and more chaotic parts. Each song here is written to build upon the last, so everything flows very naturally and feels really fresh and exciting. And it all just sounds so big, there's so much stuff going on in its busiest moments with the guitars and percussion and arrangement, it's hard not to be in awe of it at times. While Picton is the band's main member, there's a lot of musicians involved, including most of the band Caroline, and I think the chemistry between the musicians here is a crucial part of why this all comes together so well. Overall, it's a bold debut with a very intricate, unique style and a well-curated atmosphere.
Various Artists/War Child Records - HELP(2)
This felt like an odd one to try and slot into the other categories given that it's a V/A compilation, and also that it's a charity album for War Child, and specifically a direct follow-up to 1995’s The Help Album. Given the musical atmosphere in the UK in 1995, the original album unsurprisingly skews quite heavily towards Britpop and somewhat adjacent alt-rock like Radiohead. The range of artists on this one feels a lot more varied - still mostly British acts but with a few international artists like Arooj Aftab, Fontaines D.C. and Olivia Rodrigo, and it's hard to pinpoint any one specific genre. However, everything here still feels really consistent despite all the differences in style and sound through James Ford's excellent production work. The songs here are largely original and new - of those, Cameron Winter's dramatic, sharp "Warning", Black Country, New Road's upbeat "Strangers" and Young Fathers' frantic "Don't Fight the Young" were definite standouts for me, though it's hard to say there's any real weak links here. There's a few covers as well - of those, Fontaines' cover of Sinéad O'Connor's "Black Boys on Mopeds" is especially powerful.
Mei Semones - Kurage (EP)
It's a shame I haven't got around to talking about anything else by Mei Semones because I think her style is great, very lush and warm bossa nova-esque pop with some lovely intricate moments. I didn’t listen to her debut album from last year until a few months ago, but I enjoyed it a lot. Unfortunately, despite some neat collabs (incl. Liane Flores who I’m also a big fan of), these three songs don’t offer much that feels new or even that engaging. But I suppose it is a nice collection of songs, and given that it's only three songs and 11 minutes long, maybe that's all it needs to be.
Shoey's Shoetacular Reviews
So picture this. You're at your local arcade bar with your friends who are really excited to play arcade games for reasons you can't understand. What do you play? Ms. Pac Man? Always a classic! Mario Bros.? Unfortunately, they don't have a Mario Bros. machine here. One of the arcade beat-'em-ups such as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Simpsons arcade game? Those are fun, sure, but be ready to shell out truly an astronomical amount of quarters if you'd like to get very far. Maybe you're one of those guys who likes to play things like Burger Time or Tapper, that weird game where you have to sling drinks to angry patrons at a bar. If that's the case, get out! I don't want people like you reading my 'Shroom sections! For me, the game I play first when I go to my local arcade bar is a little game called Jungle King! It could also be called Jungle Hunt at your local arcade bar, but we'll get more into that shortly!
Developed by Taito and released in 1982, Jungle King is similar to Donkey Kong in the sense that, unlike games like "Frogger, Dig-Dug, and Pac-Man which only feature a single gameplay screen with harder and harder difficulties, Jungle King features both a story and multiple screens with different gameplay.
The original release of Jungle King was heavily inspired by Tarzan, featuring a brown-haired loincloth-wearing, vine-swinging hero who even does his own version of the famous Tarzan yell. Now, you might be asking "was this, like, licensed by the people who own the rights of Tarzan?". No, of course not! It's the 80s! Copyright doesn't apply to video games!
…oh wait, guys. Turns out that copyright does apply to video games, which is why Jungle King would later be released as Jungle Hunt.
Let me add a clarifying note. Jungle King didn't get in trouble with Disney; rather, they got in trouble with the estate of Edgar Rice Burroughs, writer of Tarzan. Jungle Hunt is the same game as Jungle King, just with some cosmetic differences such as the vines being changed to look more like ropes. The hero, named Sir Dudley in the Atari ports, now sports a safari hat and a pith helmet. Finally, the Tarzan yell is completely dropped. But my local arcade bar has a Jungle King machine, so from here on out we'll be calling it Jungle King, and if you don't like that, estate of Edgar Rice Burroughs, then sue me! (Please don't).
Like I said, the game is split into four different gameplay segments.
The first segment features the player swinging on vines (or ropes, depending on the version). The vines have different speeds and you have to line up your swings to make sure you grab the next vine. You can't move on the vine once you land on it, and where you land does impact how far you jump. The higher you land on the vine, the shorter your jump will be. Failure to land on the next vine will cost you a life. This lasts until you reach the river, where the player dives in to begin the next screen. Strangely enough, for some reason there's another vine hanging over the river, but you can't jump onto it; I already tried.
This is probably my least favorite of the game's screens. It's pretty slow as you wait for the vines to get in position. Plus, since the vines can have wildly different swing times, you can end up waiting five or six swings just to be able to jump to the next vine. It's not terrible, but I think it's the most boring of the screens.
The second is my favorite of the screens. The player swims down a long river full of bloodthirsty crocodiles! One chomp from these crocs and you'll lose a life! Not only are there crocodiles, but underwater bubbles can push the player up, trapping them and letting the crocodiles chomp them. You also only have a limited amount of oxygen, so you have to swim to the surface in for more air.
This is the only screen where the player has a weapon - a single knife that can be used to kill the crocodiles with a single stab (which is pretty badass if you ask me). At the end of the river, the player jumps out to start the third screen.
This is easily my favorite part of the game. The swimming is fast and frantic as you swim through the water either dodging crocodiles or lining up to stab them. The crocodiles make a little digital chomp noise when they bite, which I really like. And come on, it's stabbing a bunch of crocs with a knife! Who wouldn't want to do that!
The third screen has the player climbing up a hilltop as boulders crash down. There are two types of boulders. There are ones that roll down the hill (which the player must jump over) and ones that bounce up and down (forcing the player to decide whether to try and duck under them or run under them). Getting hit by a boulder will cost you a life. At the end of the hill, a boulder crashes into the ground and the player gives a triumphant yell.
This is easily the second-best screen. Again, it's a fast-paced section and it's probably either the hardest or second-hardest. It's satisfying to jump over the rocks or to perfectly time a duck under one. The action can get pretty intense as you're trying to figure out whether or not to jump or duck, especially during your first few playthroughs.
The final screen sees the player comes face-to-face with your girlfriend's captors, two voodoo cannibals who have tied your girlfriend over a pot! To rescue the girlfriend, you have to avoid the cannibals and the sharp spears of death, landing in between them to make your way to your girlfriend. Then, you have to jump into her to rescue her, making sure to time your jump right so that you don't accidentally land in the pot and turn yourself into soup (like I did in front of my buddy Matt, like, twice the last time I played!). Successfully rescue your girlfriend from the cannibals and you're rewarded with a kiss! Sadly, of the screens, this is easily the least interesting. It's basically over in two jumps! The only really tricky part is making sure you don't accidentally end up landing in the pot. Otherwise, for a final screen, it's pretty disappointing.
The game doesn't end after saving the girl. Instead, much like Donkey Kong, the game continuously repeats the screens while making them more difficult so that the player can go for higher scores. The screens even have new obstacles, like the vine screen adding monkeys that will knock you off the vine if you land on them. Or take the last screen adding a third cannibal in the tree who will throw a spear at you while you jump! One thing I like is that the different difficulties have different color palettes, so while you're always doing the same activities, there's at least some variety in what you're looking at.
I'll be honest, though. I usually don't bother playing after I beat Jungle King. I don't really care for high score chasing, and, honestly, my girlfriend needs to learn to rescue herself if she's going to get kidnapped all the time!
As a guy who really doesn't care for arcade games, especially arcade games from the late 70s and early 80s, I really like Jungle King. I think the gameplay really stands out. It's fast-paced with some fun challenges, especially the underwater crocodile stabbing simulator. For an early 80s arcade game, I think it looks pretty good. The colors are vibrant, you can clearly tell what everything is, and the main character clearly stands out as Tarzan… That last one is a bad thing, I suppose, depending on how much you care about the opinions of lawyers… The music is whatever. It's a single song that plays throughout the game, but the bar is usually so loud from all the other games being played and people talking that I hardly even notice. I do like the sound effects. The digital Tarzan yell is surprisingly good and I find the digital noises that the crocodiles and monkeys make to be very adorable.
I'm not the only one who likes Jungle King! Apparently, the people of the 80s did too! Jungle King was released on a number of home systems including the Atari 2600, the Commodore 64, and the ColecoVision. It was even popular enough to warrant another rebrand called Pirate Pete, which was released in arcades to capitalize on its success. Pirate Pete is basically just Jungle King but with a pirate aesthetic. Its existence is very funny if you ask me! Unfortunately, I don't really like Pirate Pete. The obstacles seem way more random (which unfortunately means slower vine segments) and instead of the boulders being a somewhat consistent pattern, they just do whatever. These changes were probably done to kill the player more often so they would put in more quarters, as was the style at the time. But that's the exact reason I don't like old arcade games, so please don't give Pirate Pete any quarters.
Jungle King, however, was even popular enough (or the license was cheap enough) to warrant a release on Nintendo Switch through the Arcade Archives lineup. Though, it's the less popular and less good Pirate Pete variant that's put up as opposed to Jungle King.
Whenever I find myself in the local arcade bar, the first thing I do is usually beat Jungle King before moving onto other games. It's a very fun game. Would I recommend buying it? Well, I mean, I bought Pirate Pete on the Arcade Archives when I found out it was on there while writing this review, but I'm also the guy who owns two copies of the NES Felix the Cat game on Switch, so take that with a grain of salt. And as it turns out, I don't like Pirate Pete, so, no, I wouldn't recommend it unless you're someone who really, really likes arcade games, because I don't think you'd get that much out of it. Now, if they released Jungle King on Arcade Archives… that wouldn't change anything! Seriously, would I recommend buying Jungle King? Not really. But would I recommend throwing a few quarters at Jungle King at the local arcade? You bet I would!
Yoshi18 Reviews
Hi everyone! Welcome back to Yoshi18 Reviews! We somehow are almost already halfway through the year! How does the time pass by that fast? Oh yeah, now something else. I actually forgot to say something important last month: last month was my 1st Shroomiversary (man how in the fuck did I forget this?)! Last issue, it was 1 year (364 days actually, so almost 1 year one year, but honestly: who the fuck cares?) since I joined The 'Shroom! So happy belated 1st Shroomiversary to 'me! Also, happy 100th Issue Shroomiversary as a Website Manager to Lakituthequick (talk)! Anyway, like I promised last month, this time I'll be reviewing Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream! Let's get into it!
Tomodachi Life: Living the Dream
Do you have ANY FUCKING idea how long we waited for this? 12 YEARS (12.5 if you live in Japan). I honestly thought this moment would never happen. But here we are. Finally a Tomodachi Life sequel. First of all, I think this game is actually a worthy sequel. It's much more interactive than the previous game as, in this game, it aren't preset locations. It's rather a whole interactive island, where you can see your Miis walking around and live their lives. I definitely appreciate this. The original game was fun but it got a bit stale after a while with these preset locations. Nothing new was happening. With an interactive island, everyday something different happens (even if it's just a small thing). I also appreciate the fact Nintendo didn't get rid of these goofy ahh voices for the Miis. It really helped give the original game its goofy charm! To get to the more general stuff: I really enjoyed seeing my Miis live their life. Seeing them chill at home or Tomorio (the restaurant of the game), seeing them taking a ride on the Mii Wheel (the ferris wheel), seeing them talk to each other while sitting on benches, you name it! I like the sense of slight realism the game has cause of the interactive island. A minor detail I noticed in the game, is that the sun moves on itself (as in, it isn't locked in a specific position until you reload the game) and the sun rises at exactly 06:00 and sets at exactly 18:00. I don't really think this is ideal tho. In the original game, the amount of time the sun was up was dependent on the time of the year (the sun was longer up in the summer than in the winter), whilst here, it's always 12 hours and it's honestly kinda jarring to see it already being dark on my island at 19:00, while the sun still shines pretty bright in real life. It's also kinda sad that we miss stuff like the Concert Hall and these fun little minigames you could play whenever you want (Quirky Questions and Judgment Bay). While these minigames were location-specific, I can still see something like it being implemented in this game. This game is just overall a very good and enjoyable game, but I feel like it just hasn't reached its full potential yet. Now, do I recommend this? Yes. Would I recommend this even more if it reached it's full potential? Yes.
In case you're wondering, yeah I got rid of the "My final opinion" paragraph, since it was pretty much a repetition of what I said earlier, so that paragraph was pretty useless. Next time, I'm reviewing Super Mario 3D Land (my favorite Super Mario game)! Thank y'all for reading! Stay safe and cya all next time!
Completion Centre
Written by: Sentient freedom (talk)
Greetings 'Shroom readers! Now I'm really excited for when summer comes because I'll be giving out free ice cream and slushies right here, because yes, henceforth the Completion Centre will no longer be some savvy name, it is an actual place now, baby! *clears throat* uh that was a bit too much hype, so how about we focus on what you're actually here for which is another review, this time on Dadish 4.
Personal Pathway
So actually I played this on my phone and it also worked flawlessly, so yay for that. This time the story takes a page out of Super Princess Peach's book, because here, Dadish is sleeping at home when suddenly, he gets kidnapped by the H.O.A (Homeowners Association) just because he owes them $32.50, and if you read Anton's article last issue you know that stuff like this is only getting worse in the real world.
However, it seems like his children didn't get that memo as most of them think that he has been arrested. So DJ sets off to get his father back, going through 5 worlds, being: Disfalanta Ruins, Ferrubejo Yard, Korodita Factory, Senfina Sky and Brulado Pit. Also, Burgurgular returns along with Momato, with the former getting a cool blue hat and rocket shoes, and the latter being on her way to another business meeting, but goes on a detour to assist DJ in taking down the H.O.A, and rescuing Dadish, because she holds a major grudge against them for taking away her car.
Momato controls just as she did in Dadish 3, but Burgurgular has different controls, every time you tap the screen he flies up a bit and crashing into anything results in death, so in a way he controls like Flappy Bird but a lot more fun.
There are also four new enemies here too so here they are:
- Cheese - These enemies can be considered the opposite of Sundae, as when DJ draws near, they run away from him instead of chasing him, and just like them can be defeated by any stage hazard.
- Corn Cob - A surprisingly healthy food for an enemy but still dangerous, they attack by dropping a kernel that bounces once before exploding into four pieces of popcorn.
- Popsicle - An evil-looking orange popsicle, they attack by jumping from one platform to another, so like the Pizza Punks before their behaviour was changed.
The final enemy is the big one, and I do mean big.
- Tunnel Borer - This giant machine is piloted by The Foreman from Dadish 2 and appears in every final level in each world (i.e before you fight the boss) and works like Madish in that he chases DJ down in an attempt to kill him with the drill, though some of Dadish's kids aren't so sure about that with one saying that it is merely doing its job and that DJ is just getting in the way.
Annoying Atrium
Honestly, I can't really think of anything that peeved me during my playthrough of Dadish 4. The stars aren't hidden in places that are almost out of sight, and for the ones that are, there is almost some kind of tell that the place you're going to is where the star is located. I guess the closest candidate would be the Burgurgular sections, but even then everything else kills you in one hit so it isn't really anything special, so that means Dadish 4, to me has no flaws!
Decision Dessert Place
Man, thinking about dessert really reminds me to get ready for when summer comes, but anyway, just like the previous 3 games, Dadish 4 is once again a game that had made me love the Dadish series and I can only hope that more people too, including all of you people, I hope you understand how great the Dadish games can be as well.
Conclusion Centre
The reward for getting 100% in Dadish 4 is... Dadish himself, yep that's right, your reward for getting 100% is the main character. While he doesn't have any unique abilities, it does alter the story a bit, because DJ is the one who gets kidnapped instead of Dadish when you play as him. Also, unlike the previous three games, stars that have been collected will turn transparent and can be collected again, kind of like the New Super Mario Bros. subseries.
And there, another successful trip, I hope you all enjoyed my Dadish phase because it's over for now, and next month I'll be going over a more "intense" game, and also said article will be very long so I hope you'll all have time. Now if you'll excuse me I have to prepare for the summer, those ice-creams and slushies won't make themselves you know!
Book Review
| Canon | |
|---|---|
| |
| Author | Paige Lewis |
| Release date | 2026 |
| Genre | literary fiction |
| Pages | 480 |
| Available From | |
Hello all, and welcome back to Book Reviews! This month, we will be unraveling the epic of Canon by Paige Lewis!
Seemingly for the third month in a row, we have another offering from Book of the Month. Canon is one of their May offerings, and by the time this is published, it will be released for the world to read. I had seen Canon while browsing Barnes and Noble's book listings last year, and it had intrigued me, especially the amazing cover with the big whale, so when Book of the Month included it in their May lineup, I decided to take a chance on it. Let's see what's inside, shall we?
Yara is an ordinary human. They have anxieties, some OCD revolving specifically around cleanliness, and they don't have many friends. One day, they are approached by God, coming to Earth in a tracksuit and Birkenstocks, and given a mission: to kill Dominic, the leader of the Bad Guys. Reluctantly, Yara agrees to this mission, and their mission begins. Elsewhere in this world, a prophet named Adrena is upset with God's choice of Chosen One, and heads off to the leader of the Good Guys, Harpo, to convince him to allow her to help with defeating the Bad Guys. Will their paths cross? Who will succeed against Dominic? And will they find an appropriate song to storm the field of battle to?
Canon is a weird book, underscored by a moment near the end where it states that things are about to get weird. I found that I was able to let my mind go and not ask questions while reading it, plodding along after Yara as they wade into the absurd in their quest for God. If you are looking at that page count up there and shaking your head, worry not. Canon reads very quickly. Chapters are very short, ranging from half a page to 6-7 pages, so it's easy to read a few and put the book down if you need. The flow is fantastic as well, where bits of the action are contained in 'Books'. So, you'll spend a book with Yara, then you will spend a book with Adrena, then back again. While there is no narrator, the chapter titles do break the 4th wall to speak directly to the reader, and they provide a lot of the laughs in the book while also questioning the reader about what they want at times. Some of the funniest moments came from the chapter titles. I read this book in one morning, most of which was sitting in the car dealership waiting on my oil change, and a couple of the chapter titles had me snickering into the pages. I think I would describe this humor as Millenial humor or Gen Z humor, because I don't think my boomer family members would get the humor in this book. So if you're around my age or younger, I think you'll fit right in here. I felt it deeply when Adrena has to embark on a mission to The Mall and needs to scoot around the clerk from the skincare kiosk. If you've ever had someone swoop in at you for a demo of a 'magical skincare product', you'll know the horrors of sitting through a sales pitch.
What about Yara and Adrena, though? Yara is perpetually unsure of themself, which is understandable. I don't think I would be ready, either, if God came to me in Birkenstocks and said "Hey, go kill this guy". They are pushed to challenge themself in many different ways to get stronger in order to be ready to fight Dominic, and while there is a lot of questioning and hemming and hawing, Yara never turns back. Adrena, on the other hand, is grappling with her own inner conflicts- as a prophet, she receives wisdom from God, but His voice has been silent since He chose Yara to kill Dominic. Adrena wants to prove herself- she thinks Yara is the wrong choice, and thusly, she sets out to convince Harpo that she should be up front with him to help defeat Dominic. Adrena's part of this story focuses more on friendship and love, although the themes of finding one's self show up in her parts of the story as well. I never found myself bored when switching to the other character, and both of their stories are compelling and well-paced. The side characters are lovely as well; that big ol' whale on the front cover is an absolute delight, and while Harpo comes on strong at first, he charmed me with his earnest and slightly awkward behavior.
Canon is funny, weird, and very absurd. It made me smile, it made me raise my eyebrows, it made me consider the themes it brought forth, especially towards the end. I went into this book hesitant that it would be some massive epic with poetry and everything would go right over my head, but it's not overbearing or stuffy. If you're looking for something a little 'out there' to add to your reading list, give this one a try. It will keep you turning pages and that page count will fly by.
That's all I've got for you this month, readers! Tune in next time when we crack open another new book!
Spring Cleaning
Spring is here and spring is mostly gone now and I have barely touched the large cleaning list I took care to write on my whiteboard. I am POWERFUL and RESILIENT and have incredible WILLPOWER and CONSTITUTION so I know I will get it done, and as part of the annual ritual I need to clean out some rubbish from my review stockpile. Some things I cut from reviews for length or because I had nothing profound to say, or held on for a few rounds and never finished, things sitting on my dining table I thought I’d make something up for but never did, reviewing now to just get it out of the way and clear up space and thoughts.
Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch
Returning for the 2025 summer season was Cap’n Crunch’s Orange Creampop Crunch, last seen in 2016. I’ve wanted to do a summer food review for a while now and there just isn’t enough energy and creativity behind it to compete on equal levels as fall or winter, as a lot of summer trends and limited flavors tend to get pushed towards s’mores, Firecracker Popsicles, and 4th of July with a mind-crushing lack of ingenuity. This cereal sat there waiting for more inspiration to join it, but unfortunately that summer just never amounted to more than just an onslaught of ready-to-drink better-for-you teas. Bringing back a flavor or product years after initial discontinuation is a pretty popular way to generate immediate and short-lived hype to blast profits and viral interaction sky high before people remember why it was discontinued in the first place, and that’s exactly what’s going on here. Limited edition return of this Orange Creampop Crunch flavor summoned dozens upon hundreds of nostalgia bait and exclusion food influencers to buy this and talk about it for a symbiotic supercharge of clicks that I’m riffing to create some kind of barrier between me and the zeitgeist but we need to be honest here and that’s kinda why I bought it, too. I’m still morally superior and a stellar example of integrity and perfection because I also bought this to collect the boxart, and appreciate that this limited return also has a remake of the original back design and games.
The only shapes in this are the off-orange corn pillow pieces, and I think there could’ve been more of a fun shape given; I can’t say exactly what I would’ve preferred, but, I don’t know, this seems a little boring. The orange flavor is kiiiiiiiiinda there, the cream only coming from the milk, and in all actuality these just taste like Trix but without any of the fun shapes or even colors. All of the flavors are hidden behind vague nothings in the ingredients panel, but I can sense a little bit of vanilla in this that gives it a little something different that turns this away from pure citrus, it’s just so subtle. The cereal milk left over wasn’t even that exciting, no extra fruitiness or orange flavor, no extra level of creaminess or sweetness. Arguably, yes, this is noticeably an orange creamsicle flavor, but it’s just not all that and yet another tally on the side against limited edition returns for being anything more than hype and rug pulls. Just go get yourself an actual Creamsicle because their sugar content is about four times lower and it’d just be a more satisfying experience all-around; not everything has to taste like something else.
Three Trees Organic Milk Tea
I can’t say that I’ve had good experiences with Three Trees before, yet I keep coming back to their products every so often because they just seem to hit a certain chord of interest for me, and even have another one of their drinks locked and loaded for another future review despite what I’m about to tell you about their line of Organic Milk Teas. As neat as a lot of their products sound they have been pretty consistently disappointing in terms of flavor and texture, really only succeeding in checking off some MAHA pseudoscience influencer boxes to spread incorrect information and horrific agendas through FOMO and fear, and of course getting the instant-purchase from matcha peeps. Despite Three Trees’ attempt to pivot alongside current trends so far to the extent that I’m expecting them to release a Dubai chocolate pistachio milk, I'm just seeing these milk teas get no traction. Could it be the price point of $4.99 regular retail? How little 10oz actually is to drink? That the trend is slowing down and they’re too late? That they’re just not good? Probably all of the above, but here we are today to verify, and I will do my best to be free of prior judgment.
The whole line is made with oat milk and almond milk, alongside chicory root, cane sugar, and french grey salt, with the only difference between all four being the specific tea used for the brew. No gums, no oils, no artificial ingredients, very ‘clean’. Eschewing the Classic and Matcha, as I figured with them costing so much I’d want to have something more unique and also that I could possibly have a chance of liking, respectively, I chose to get the Oolong and Jasmine.
Oolong
Tastes like sucking on a dried wine cork–musty newspaper with a touch of fresh mud. I’m sure it’s the chicory root fiber that’s giving it this flavor, and the oats don’t do anything to remedy that. Makes my throat feel dry. I’m not getting any of the promised fruity and floral notes, unless what they meant by that is less fresh and more rot.
Jasmine
Tastes like you’re 17 years old on the way back home from soccer practice after it had been raining and you’re chewing on the drawstring of your windbreaker–sweat, dirt, and acidic rainwater. Not much delicate or sweet about this, nothing perfumey or floral, but rather a hint of decay. I am pleased that with both of these that the oat milk taste is pretty subdued, and I credit that with it being a blend with almond milk, but that’s about it for commendations.
I really want to like their stuff because the founder, Jenny Eu, seems like a really sweet lady and very genuine and pure in her intentions, with a major focus in sustainability of food, farm, and water systems. The company is only a small team of six people who all seem to care, and none of it comes off as sleazy at all, just heartwarming and kind. The only modern pseudoscience trick she even gets close to is using ‘clean’ as a buzzword, but personally only means it in terms of simple and accessible ingredients rather than darker paths it has led towards. It’s just a shame that nothing ever tastes good–at best, flavorless–vastly minimizing the utility of the strict guidelines it provides. The milk teas are a good direction with the simple addition of salt, but the taste is uncanny and lacks freshness. It tastes homemade because that’s entirely her goal, to provide that level of product to people who might not have the time or skills at home to properly do it, and I would’ve loved to visit her stand during her farmers market era, but I think all it does for me is highlight the importance of processing and preservatives, as the mission of “help[ing] people eat more plant-based foods without sacrificing taste” is just abjectly missing the mark.
Lifeway Pumpkin Spice Kefir
This is one of the oldest pumpkin spice seasonal products I’ve found, with reviews found from 2013 and 2014, and confirming its introduction in the 2010 Q4 holiday season. While it being a pumpkin spice seasonal drink from the 2010s isn’t surprising, as the PSL was introduced in 2003, it does feel like an ancient product given how rapidly everything turns over in the retail market. Kefir is something I’ve considered doing a review set for, as it’s milk-adjacent and has been a slow-boiling trend over the last few years given its status as a relatively healthy probiotic beverage. If kombucha can make it despite being a visually disgusting and throat-rending rancid acid, I’m sure a fermented milk yogurt drink can get its moment in the sun.
Certainly tastes like a yogurt drink from Eastern European origins, but what it doesn’t taste like is pumpkin spice. Thick, creamy, salty, sour, but no spice. I feel if there were at least specks of visible cinnamon I could be Jedi mind tricked into thinking it was sorta there, but the visuals were just smooth matte obviously-annatto soft orange. I don’t see many people talking about this flavor (or Lifeway in general), and if they do it’s very press release-y with very little information at all, or advertising collabs that end up putting a whole bunch of other ingredients and spices in there that would give the intended flavor anyways. The fact that their Erewhon collab pumpkin spice smoothie utilizes their basic plain flavor just shows me that this limited edition flavor doesn’t even matter except for pushing curious impulse buys like my own. Maybe I’d need to sample their plain flavor against their pumpkin spice to get a better idea of the nuances and difference, but I’m really not too inspired to do so.
Oreo + Reese’s Collab
“You’ve been asking for it. REESE’S and OREO® finally gave into your demands and created one epic treat. You’re welcome.”
Everyone loves when their favorite brand is acknowledged by their other favorite brand. We see it all the time with Fortnite, we see it all the time with product placement, we see it all the time with food being flavored like other food, and that’s where we are today. I’ve had several thoughts about having a cross-branded food review special, either a deep dive into it, or as an April Fool’s special that I haven’t entirely discounted yet, but it’s just always left me feeling...uninspired. Advertised to. Disgusting and disgusted. It feels like a mindless dive into late stage consumerism in a way that feels like high aesthetic hedonism has finally turned into the rotted horror of sinful gluttony. Regardless, this long-awaited combination felt like an opportunity I couldn’t miss, and I’m here today to let you know it was fine if you did.
Reese’s Oreo Cups and Miniature Cups
Ever since I did my massive Reese’s review I’ve felt a compulsory itch to try every new Reese’s that comes out to maybe have a Part 2, but just tack onto another review like I am now doing here. It’s a consumerist trap that I find myself stuck in where I just NEED to try the new product to see what it’s like, shoo away the FOMO for another day, have the 15 seconds of water cooler conversation with coworkers, and then feel shame at the few bucks I spent on it. Reese’s Oreo Cups appears to be a complete faithful merging of the two brands. The white crème on top actually feels in place here; while still very obviously being a dilution of their main product and not something I want to accept as any kind of alternative as it bleeds into many of their other products in VERY noticeable and shameful ways, it makes sense to give a nod to Oreo’s crème filling in some way as otherwise the only thing this does is add Oreo cookie crumbs into the peanut butter filling.
Why these were made with standard size Reese’s Cups rather than Big Cups like they’ve done with every other addition is a mystery to me. I do acknowledge that Reese’s Cups are very well supported by any kind of crunchy addition inside the peanut butter, or even as a base, but the effect is greater in Big Cups than a standard size, and ever much less so in Miniatures where the effect is but a whisper. Nothing will ever compare to Reese’s Big Cups with Pretzels with their particular kind of snappy crunch and saltiness, and while they’re not discontinued it’s become increasingly hard to find them, and Oreo cookies just don’t feel like an adequate replacement. The crunch is fine, the texture is fine, it’s just not anything more than that, and the requisite white crème on the top is just not something I want to be tasting, and if that means doing away with Oreo then that’s what it’ll have to be.
Oreo Reese’s Cookie
This definitely highlights the difference in chocolate taste between Reese’s and Oreos; while Reese’s does have a higher cacao percentage (10-11%) than Oreo cookies (4-5%), Oreos use dutch-process/alkalized cocoa which gives it the darker color and darker taste despite not really being that. The peanut butter in these did taste different than what’s in Peanut Butter Crème Oreos, a lot more authentic and less like a flavoring, more nutty and peanutty in taste and feel. That being said, it’s not much, it’s not exciting, and if anything highlights why the original white crème “stuf” pairs so well with the cookies as they bring nice smoothness and a higher sweetness that’s missing in the cookies. The Oreos with Reese’s peanut butter feels a bit too heavy and almost tough to eat, not anywhere near the crushable snacking level of regular Oreos, though don’t put that past some people to end up doing anyways. What this does is show that the secret to Reese’s Cups is less about the type of peanut butter inside but more about the proportions and the combination of milk chocolate taste and cup texturing paired with it.
I think it’s less that people wanted an Oreo/Reese’s combination and more that dunking Oreos into peanut butter is a popular quirky choice and Reese’s is just simply a peanut butter-adjacent candy that’s easy to bring into play. I’m very curious how the profits are split on this, as I can see that the Reese’s are still manufactured and distributed by The Hershey Company while the Oreos remain through Mondelēz International. All of these cross-branded products debuted in August 2025 and from my own personal experience remain on shelves nearly a year later, though I’m unsure if that’s newly rotated inventory or old stock that’s still just sitting there. It’s confusing because the packaging does say “limited edition” but the original press release indicates that these are permanent additions to their lineups, and aside from my personal opinion that these should go away I do feel that it would serve best for these to be limited run hype products that have a rerelease in a couple more years like this product basically already has done, though who am I and what do I know about internal profits and brand recognition figures? All I know is I bought it for the ‘wow, ok’ factor and will not buy it again.
Tony’s Chocolonely - Milk Chocolate Gingerbread
I’ve attempted to review Tony’s Chocolonely for years now, whether it’s in my February chocolate review specials, holiday themes, etc., but it just never generated anything exciting to say. My experience with many of their flavors I’ve tried is that they’re alright, very middleground taste and texture, nothing exciting to say except for whatever I could just simply redirect to a Wikipedia summary. Tony’s Chocolonely has become a rather ubiquitous chocolate bar in grocery stores and gift shops over the years, in at least my experience going from something that was seen as rather high-end and unique to now being in the accessible finer chocolate categories alongside Theo, Endangered Species, and Lindt in nearly every grocery store that you can’t see on their severely outdated store locator. Tony’s Chocolonely’s big claim to fame is being extremely passionate about not using slaves, so much that it’s how the brand name formed with how lonely he felt in the field regarding this. Though these principles have now become a popularized standard, Tony’s really pioneered this in the early 2000s as a journalist exposing negative practices, pushing Fair Trade towards an easy and accessible option.
That being said, I just can’t fully get on board with the whimsy and hidden message of Tony’s Chocolonely shapes, which are designed to be uneven to remind buyers of the inequality in cocoa farming practices, but I stand firm on believing that this is just an excuse to be quirky and noticeable within a tightening market full of gimmicks. This gingerbread one especially encourages you to snap the tree-shape ornament out of the bar and hang it on your Christmas tree with a ribbon, which seems difficult to cleanly achieve and just incredibly gross, not speaking of it running a bit against their given virtuous reasoning. Maybe it would be fun to place it on a dessert board, or garnish a festive sweet dish, but I think it would be more efficient to just have these be separate shapes available in an individually-wrapped multipack. The package seems to acknowledge the ridiculousness of this by giving increasingly absurd suggestions for what to do with the chocolate ornaments, from making a garland with multiples of them or decorating your car’s rear-view mirror. OK I can accept a little whimsy, but, harumph.
The gingerbread flavor is pretty mild, cushioned by the sweetness of the milk chocolate, but still has a nicely spiced presence. Milk chocolate has its place in elevated chocolate spheres as the particular sweetness and creaminess it brought to the actual spices in the gingerbread kept it in a very approachable tier; I imagine it would’ve just been too strong and overwhelming to use dark chocolate that much better serves the sharpness of something like peppermint. The chocolate itself does taste good, as it’s a higher cocoa percentage (32%) than what Hershey’s sits at (10-11%), so a bit more of a warm nuttiness comes through that melds well with the ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, and clove. This was a pleasant surprise to me as often gingerbread flavor is either wildly strong and incorrect, or just doesn’t exist beyond name, but this achieves it with gingerbread cookie pieces spread throughout that help give it a little more of a crunch. A fault with Tony’s chocolate, though, is they’re so incredibly thick, all so often and true for this too that it’s just not easy or fun to eat any of these, coming off as either disgustingly gluttonous or annoyingly inconvenient, exacerbated by the stupid shapes. I can’t tell if I like or don’t like how thick this was because it did allow for a great amount of cookie pieces, but still felt a bit unwieldy, and I think that “ehh sure, it’s alright” middleground is exactly why I’ve shied away from reviewing Tony’s Chocolonely until dumping it here right now, they’re a very sure alright ok chocolate bar with a bit of whimsy, good virtues, and a decent price point to enter into average homes.
Taste ---- 
Texture -
Virtue --- 
Charm --
Value --- 
Total: 18/25
| The 'Shroom: Issue 230 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
| Specials | Cloudgazing |
