The 'Shroom:Issue 228/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Happy March, everyone! Welcome back to The 'Shroom!
Pokopia has been everywhere on my internet feed, whether it's people talking about building, unearthing the story, or complaining about having to get the humidity high enough. As for me, I finished my playthrough of Pokemon X (finally), and I am planning on going back once more to Pokemon White and Pokemon Black 2. First, though, I have to get my TBR pile under control. Hopefully, I have started White by the time we're talking again next month!
All of our writers and artists have worked very hard for you this month, so I won't keep you up here any longer. Get to it!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
We're back again with Section of the Month! Another switch-up for first this month, with Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! taking first place. Next up is winstein (talk)'s The ? Panel! Coming up in third, we have a tie between Waluigi Time (talk)'s two sections: Shmaluigi, Private Investigator, co-written with Roserade (talk), and Waluigi Time Comic! Many thanks to all who voted this month!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 8 | 32.00% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 2nd | The ? Panel | 4 | 16.00% | winstein (talk) |
| 3rd | Shmaluigi, Private Investigator | 3 | 12.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) and Roserade (talk) |
| 3rd | Waluigi Time Comic | 3 | 12.00% | Waluigi Time (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
Written by: MightyMario (talk)
"Artistry"
Panel 1
[Siy is enthusiastically painting with a paintbrush, leaving a trail of green paint in the air.]
Panel 2
[Siy is vigorously shaking a can of yellow spraypaint, her arm being visible in two places at once.]
Panel 3
[A close-up shot of Siy signing her name on the "canvas" with a red marker.]
Panel 4
[It's revealed that Siy was drawing on Shbeeg's monitor. He is now covered in various graffiti, including a Buzzy Beetle shell helmet, Wario nose and mustache, and Yoshi body. A mushroom, flamingo, and butterfly decorate the frame along with Siy's signature.]
SHBEEG: I knew I shouldn't have gone into sleep mode
The ? Panel
{Mario stands against the horizon of the beach in the morning in front of the beach chair. His surroundings are relatively sparse}
Mario: What a lovely sight! It's nice to get away from it all once in a while.
Part 2:
{Mario, with an air of satisfaction, holds out his arms and closes his eyes while he takes a deep breath}
Mario: *Inhale* Aah... breathtaking!
{Mario plops on the beach chair and rests his hands on the chair's armrests while he is about to close his eyes}
Mario: After this, I wonder what I should do next?
{Mario's eyes are closed, but he is flooded by voices}
Voices: "Dance-off!"; "Volleyball!"; "Water polo!"; "Rock climbing!"; "Funfair rides!"; "Jungle Trekking!"; "Eating contest!"; "Sand castles!"; "Getting a massage!"; "Diving"; "Kayaking!"; "Surfing!"; "Karaoke!"; "Card games!"
{In a moment of silence, Mario raises his head with eyes half open, noticing that he's not as along as he thought.}
{Mario finds out that his surroundings have been set up with more props, which were originally not there}
{Mario turns around in suspicion, realising that something is up}
Mario: Wait a minute...
Part 3:
{When he turns, he sees that Luigi, Donkey Kong, Peach, Yoshi, Toad, Toadette, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Pauline, Birdo, Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong, Rosalina are behind him. Mario can only react in shock as he puts his hand on his head, touching his cap. The others also react in shock upon noticing that Mario found them.}
Mario: Wha-? Where did you all come from? H-how did you all know that I got here without-a telling anyone about it?
Part 4:
{Mario feels something is within his cap}
{Mario takes out a tracker from his cap, and expresses disbelief that he got followed by his friends}
Mario: Really. Doing this so all of you can follow me here?
{Luigi makes a sheepish smile that signals that he is guilty}
Peach: Uh, um... we were just... going for vacation and we just happen to meet here!
Toad: Y-yup! Also, we're... worried sick about you! Yeah, nothing to do with having nothing to do!
{Mario shrugs as if he didn't take it too personally. The rest of the gang looks blankly, while a Sidestepper steps in unexpectedly}
Mario: Ha-ha! Don't sweat it, amici! The more, the merrier! Let's...
{The scene shifts to a slightly later time, when everyone is enjoying their time at the beach.}
Mario: {Reaches out his hand} Have a relaxing vacation! WAHOO!!!
{Birdo, Daisy, Dixie Kong play volleyball against Pauline, Toadette, and Peach. Birdo claps Daisy's hand in victory while Dixie Kong claps hands. On the other side, Pauline give Birdo two thumbs up, Peach sighs while lying on the sand upon not being able to dive for the volleyball in time, while Toadette shrugs it off}
{A Sidestepper flies a kite}
{Diddy Kong leaps in surprise when Rosalina floats up, while still covered in sand from the neck down}
{Luigi is making a sandcastle shaped like a mansion, where he is putting some shells on the roof}
{Waluigi and Toad take a stroll along the sea wave}
Waluigi: {Commenting to Toad, who also chuckles} Weh-heh-heh, he said that line!
{Along the shore, Donkey Kong tosses a beach ball with such force that knocks out Wario}
{Yoshi lies at the sea water and spits out a water fountain from his mouth}
[NOTE: For the uninitiated, "Have a relaxing vacation" is a line from Super Mario Sunshine's 100% ending]
{Mario is relaxing on a beach chair, dreaming of ravioli}
Mario: Aaaah... ravioli...
{Mario hears footsteps, causing him to wake up and sit up straight away}
SFX: THUMP THUMP
{Mario turns to see that Bowser, Bowser Jr., and Kamek turns up}
Mario: Ohmigosh! Even Bowser is here!?
{Bowser is shocked to get caught in the act, although Bowser Jr. and Kamek are merely surprised}
{Mario stands against Bowser}
Mario: You're the last person I expect to unexpectedly show up at my vacation spot!
Bowser: Oh, um... I was bored out of my skull- I mean- I was in a mood for a vacation and it just happened that we wanted to be here! I swear!
{Bowser Jr. and Kamek glance at each other incredulously, knowing that Bowser is not being honest.}
{In the background, Luigi gets angry at Yoshi for destroying his sandcastle by accidentally spitting water on it. Waluigi and Toad continues walking along the shore, and Wario is lying face down in the sea from being hit by the beach ball that Donkey Kong tossed at him. Last but not least, there is a Sidestepper stepping into the sea}
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[The Toad Brigade is on a nature walk in the desert. A Pokey is seen.]
CAPTAIN TOAD: And to your right, you'll see a Pokey...
Panel 2
[They stop to look at the Pokey. The other Toads are not impressed. Yellow toad takes a picture anyway.]
CAPTAIN TOAD: They say one segment of a Pokey equals about fifty years!
YELLOW TOAD: Cool?
Panel 3
[The toad brigade continue their nature walk.]
CAPTAIN TOAD: And to you're left you'll see "Little Hill"... Nobody knows why it's so little...
Panel 4
[The Toad brigade rush to take pictures of "Little Hill" while Captain Toad stands off to the side. Their interest has peaked.]
YELLOW TOAD: Awesome!
HINT TOAD: Amazing!
GREEN TOAD: Wow!
POKEY: Sigh!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Roserade (talk)
Loose Ends: Part 2
As strange as it may seem, finally diving into the twenty-something-year-old unsolved murder of a local archaeologist had taken me on a late night drive to Neo Bowser City. Not because the case led there - as a matter of fact, I had mostly run up against dead ends by this point - but because Shmaisy said there was something there that could very well be the break in the case I needed. She was pretty vague about it, saying it would make more sense if I just saw it. I trusted her, but... I was very curious about what I was in for, exactly.
I was well accustomed to the big city life living in New Wikisburg, but Neo Bowser had a vibe all of its own, mostly thanks to the egregious use of neon, in full force at this time of night, alongside the vaguely threatening Koopa imagery practically baked into everything. Personally, I was comfortable staying where I was - this place seemed to be more appropriate stomping grounds if I was a detective in one of those sci-fi cyberpunk stories. Maybe in another timeline.
"Turn left up here," Shmaisy directed. "Hopefully this is still the right place. Last time we talked, he'd been bouncing around different tech firms and startups for a while. I guess he's having some trouble getting his foot in the door. Or at least keeping it there, I suppose."
"Oh yeah, your guy sounds like a real winner," Shmwario commented. "Should've gone with the ape!"
"Hey, if your personal skyscraper got dropped out of the sky by a sentient banana you'd be on hard times too."
"I'm sorry, what?" Jasmine exclaimed in confusion.
"Oh, you haven't heard that story, have you. Remind me to tell you sometime," Shmaisy told her. "Anyway, it should be just up here."
Following Shmaisy's directions, I parked on the side of the street in front of what was a relatively unassuming one-story building tucked away in the middle of the block. The bright blue neon displaying the name of the shop, Buzz-E Beetles, may have stood out among the crowd back home, but here it was just par for the course. We got out of the car and went inside, finding what was otherwise your everyday run-of-the-mill electronics shop.
"Hey, Trick! You here?" Shmaisy called out.
"Shmaisy, my dear!" Out of one of the back offices, a taller man appeared, dressed in the most obnoxiously electric-blue suit I'd ever seen. His hair angled up like a lightning bolt, and his sharp sunglasses glinted from the overhead LEDs. If there was ever an image of the word "garish", it was this guy. "It's a good thing you arrived when you did! I was just about to lock up shop for the night."
"It's nice to see you've finally managed to hold on to a job," Shmaisy told him. "I'd like you to meet a few friends of mine. This is Shmaluigi, Shmwario, and Jasmine. Guys, this is Mr. Elec Trick, we go back to the last time I came here, that I, um, told two-thirds of you about at least."
"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Trick," I said. "Shmaisy here tells me you can help with my current predicament."
"Oh ho, a predicament! I'll tell you what, Mr. Shmaluigi, I've got plenty of potential fixes." Mr. Trick flashed a smile and snapped two finger guns in my direction. "What's the trouble? I've almost certainly got a gadget on sale for it! Few customers have been unsatisfied!"
"The thing is, I'm working a cold case from twenty years ago at the moment, and it's proving to be quite the challenge. Shmaisy says you have some way to go back in time, or something along those lines," I explained.
"Yeah, I figured you could just fire up one of those Memory Matrixes," Shmaisy added. "Where do you keep those things these days, anyway?"
"What, now you elaborate?" I asked.
"Hrm..." Mr. Trick tugged up at his tie, before motioning us to follow him into the back of the offices. "Yes, the Memory Matrixes. I had to put my work on them on the backburner when I got hired here... They wanted me working on other tech. But I still have a few of my prototypes stored in the back."
"Just so I understand," I ventured further, "what exactly is a Memory Matrix?"
I could tell that a feeling of pride was rising in him from his smile widening. He spoke over his shoulder as we winded through the office building. "It's something of my own creation! Visualize this with me. When somebody... moves on, so to speak, there's a number of things that can happen to their spirit and their memories. For many, their spirit sticks around almost entirely. Surely you've met a ghost before?"
"Several."
"For others, their spirits may move on elsewhere. Several theories there that I'm not qualified to discuss. But! Whenever that happens, they still leave something behind, by the body. Lingering parts of self, little tidbits of memory..."
At last, we entered into a darkened storage area, filled with all sorts of monitors, batteries, and other metal contraptions. Mr. Trick turned to face towards us, gesturing towards a bulky machine that looked something like an old computer. Connected to it was a pair of goggles akin to virtual reality wear. "That's what this bad boy is for! It detects all of that leftover life residue stuff, gathers it up, and gives you the ability to step into it yourself. It gives you a chance to see someone else's memories. A chance to walk in someone else's shoes, almost literally!"
"I hope you guys were followin' along with that. I know I wasn't," Shmwario grumbled, then chose this particular moment to go digging for earwax.
"Hm, it sounds pretty impressive for tech. A skilled mage could spend years trying to master comparable skill," Jasmine observed. "Not to mention bringing a fair bit of risk on themselves... I think the MMCA classifies that as dark magic."
"Do you think it would help Shmaluigi out with his case?" Shmaisy asked on my behalf.
"We're talking about a twenty year cold case?" Mr. Trick said. "Highly doubt it. That victim's spirit will have been gone far too long. You'd want someone who passed more recently than that."
Of course not, that would've made things too easy. But all was not yet lost, or so I hoped. "Well... Someone close to the victim passed away a few months ago. I was hoping to re-interview him, but I was a little late getting to it. Do you think it would work on him?"
"Hmmm..." Mr. Trick took a step back, inspecting his invention from afar. "I still worry about its success, but a few months is definitely more recent than twenty years... I'll tell you what. These old things aren't very mobile, but if you'll spare some time, I can toss together a portable version. I needed to get a new model going anyway. And if you're satisfied with this new prototype, we can see about making you a happy customer! Whaddya say?" With a businessman's gusto, he put his hand forward for a shake.
"You have yourself a deal, sir," I said, extending my own hand in kind.
We ended up staying in a hotel overnight for convenience's sake - no point driving back home this late, especially since we'd need to make a return trip pretty soon anyway. The room was pretty overpriced in my opinion, considering I could hear Shmwario snoring through the wall.
Obviously, we couldn't expect morning delivery, so we decided to spend some time the next day just exploring the city. I couldn't say I found it very interesting, personally - as far as tourism goes, overall this place may as well have been Wikisburg with a different coat of paint - but then again, my mind wasn't exactly focused on sightseeing at the time.
"...Anyway, I think the Kellonald's back home is probably better, 'cause you can tell they just had it sittin' around and reheated it when we showed up. But, I'm pretty sure they put in more fries than usual, so I dunno. Maybe it's a wash. Whadda you think?"
"Yeah, sure," I replied, admittedly not really knowing what Shmwario had asked.
"Whaddaya mean 'yeah, sure'? You weren't listening!"
"Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm just preoccupied with this case."
"You're not even on the case, bro! Relax! Just enjoy the break until Mr. Tricky makes his thingamawhatchit."
"Have you heard from him yet?" I asked, turning to Shmaisy.
"If I did, I would've told you," she replied, lighting a cigarette.
"Ugh..."
"Your brother's right, you're running yourself ragged. It's out of our hands for now," Jasmine said. "Although, I have to admit it's nice seeing you passionate about your job compared to when you were stuck in inventory. But still."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right."
"Hey, I was the one who said it first!" Shmwario exclaimed. "I've been tellin' you to lighten up for years!"
"Hold on, I just got a text," Shmaisy said. "He says we can come over now."
Finally. I would be the first one to admit I was terrible at waiting on people in situations like this...
As we stepped back through the front door of his office, Mr. Trick greeted us with a wholehearted wave. From the mess of his hair and his half-done suit jacket, it looked like he'd been up working all of last night. Really, he probably was up working all of last night. I didn't know what went into making a new prototype of a machine like this, but I imagine he wasn't done in a measly two hours.
Mr. Trick hoisted the prototype onto the front desk. It was slightly smaller than the previous Matrixes, and much more spherical. I guess lugging around a metal box wasn't as easy on the hands.
"Here you are, Mr. Shmaluigi! One portable Memory Matrix, aannnddd..." He knelt back down behind the counter, before returning with a headset. "One visor. This thing runs on a full battery charge, but I wouldn't let it whirl for an hour or it might drain. Otherwise, you should be all set. Just come back whenever you're finished, and we'll discuss payment."
With the expected pleasantries, I snagged the Memory Matrix off of the counter and tucked it under my arm. It was time to return to New Wikisburg and pay Mr. Lector Hedge a rather one-sided visit.
Thankfully, there wasn't anyone else in the cemetery at this time of day. Sure, I wasn't technically doing anything wrong, but being seen loitering with a conspicuous headset in a place meant to pay your respects to the departed didn't feel quite right. I decided to pick up some flowers to leave at Mr. Hedge's gravesite beforehand - I felt like I at least owed him something for this. Maybe that was weird, I don't know.
Well, no sense putting things off any further. I put on the visor and fired up the Memory Matrix, keeping my fingers crossed that it would actually work. Lo and behold, I soon found myself transported into a house I've never seen before, a quaint living room with various artifacts hanging on the walls. If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say this was the home of a collector of some sort.
"I'm sorry to trouble you at this late hour, Mr. Sauren." I turned in the direction of the voice to see a Bub-ulb, dressed in a red bowtie with yellow polka dots and a pair of glasses with lenses so thick you couldn't even see his eyes. He was clearly an aged fellow, bearing the telltale lines of many years on his face and a flower atop his head that had seen better days. He spoke with an air of dignity about him, though with a quality of warmth, not haughtiness. I suspected that this was Mr. Hedge himself.
"Don't worry about it," called a voice from the other room. As I waited for Mr. Sauren to show themselves, I took some time to look more closely at the decorating. Overanalyzing my surroundings was already a bit of an occupational hazard, but especially now, I wanted to take in everything I could. My eyes were quickly drawn to the fossilized triceratops skull hanging above the fireplace - I wasn't sure if this thing was real or just a replica, and if it was the former, I had to wonder where the rest of it was, but it was certainly a statement piece either way.
"Sorry for the wait," Mr. Sauren said, emerging with a cup of coffee. He was a Yoshi sporting striking red scales and a graying pencil mustache, dressed in a tan jacket and a pair of dark brown boots with matching gloves. "Now, what can I do for you Lector?"
"Word's going around that you're planning a trip to the Awazon. I was hoping to touch base with you before then," Mr. Hedge replied, taking the coffee from him.
"Yes, I am. I leave next week."
"I suppose it goes without saying, but I do hope you're able to make some good finds. Perhaps I'm speaking a bit selfishly... It's been much slower getting finds from experienced explorers like yourself these past few years, and consequently, attracting new visitors to the museum," the old Bub-ulb said, proceeding to take a sip of coffee.
"With all due respect, Lector, I've come to you, and other museums in the area, offering my finds many times over the years. You're not exactly offering competitive prices, and the life of an archaeologist doesn't come cheap. Even moreso if there's any interest in retaining a private collection, like myself."
"I sympathize, Killian, I really do. But nowadays, I'd have to raise admission prices if I were to do that and stay afloat, and I'm not keen on it. Historical education is for the public, after all. If not for them, we may as well keep our discoveries locked away in warehouses."
"All I'm saying is that there are... ways, to make extra coins in this line of work, if one is desperate enough."
Mr. Hedge's wrinkled brows furrowed. "Hmph. I suppose you're referring to those horrible black marketeers or something of the sort? I'm well aware that there are more unscrupulous types who would do such a thing. Frankly, I'd just as soon those scoundrels didn't come to me! They're it for nothing but money, a complete antithesis to my life's work. Why, I'd-" The Bub-ulb's ranting was then abruptly interrupted as he went into a coughing fit.
"You might want to get that checked out."
"No, no, it's just a little cough. It's fine. Nothing to be concerned about." Judging by the current circumstances, I'm guessing it probably wasn't fine...
Pulling my eyes away from the two of them, I took another look at Mr. Sauren's personal collection. There were artifacts and trinkets from civilizations all over the globe here - Tostarenan, Beanbean, Shiverian, the Flower Kingdom, even some that looked distinctly Kremling, just to name a few - although the more I looked, the more it became clear that some of these were just tourist souvenirs mixed in, not necessarily true archaeological finds. Perhaps displayed out of sentimentality more than anything else. But one in particular caught my eye, some kind of ornamental mallet. I was unsure about its origins, but I could tell this wasn't a cheap souvenir, it was clearly an older piece. And clean.
Why was it so clean? The other pieces in his collection were certainly good condition, but on closer inspection had little specks and nicks, to be expected from things that were so old and likely literally dug up. But this? It was pristine, deliberately so. And I would've otherwise thought nothing of it if there wasn't a distinct possibility that something like this could very well be the murder weapon that was missing all these years. And that triceratops skull? Now that I thought about it, it wouldn't surprise me if a certain someone had been to Fossil Falls in the past. Not to mention his little comments about profitability, he could've very well been connected to the smuggling ring Ms. Faraday was after as well. Dare I say, it felt like it was all finally coming together.
Emotion started to wash over me as I prepared to accuse Mr. Sauren for his misdeeds right then and there, only to quickly remember that this was merely a dead man's memory of him. That would've been embarrassing.
Suddenly, I felt myself starting to lose my balance as the decorations in Mr. Sauren's home began to fall out of existence and disintegrate into bits of visible code. I had no time to question whether this was a horrible equipment malfunction or intended behavior before the whole world followed suit and I was left with the sensation of falling into an endless void of ones and zeroes. The next thing I knew, I was safely lying in the grass like nothing happened, the Memory Matrix helmet on the ground next to me, having seemingly removed itself on its own accord. By now I was feeling quite ill from the whole experience. Perhaps I'd have to give Mr. Trick some feedback on that one.
I took a moment to steady myself - losing the contents of your stomach in a cemetery felt like a particularly egregious faux pas. Now back to the matter at hand. I could say for certain accusing Mr. Sauren on the basis of what I'd seen wouldn't hold up in court - that is, assuming these Memory Matrixes were even admissible - but it sure seemed to be more than coincidence. Hoping that Ms. Faraday would know something about my hunch, I peeled myself off the ground and gave her a call.
"Come on, pick up..."
After an agonizing three rings, a deeper feminine voice picked up. "State your name and business."
"Ms. Faraday, it's Shmaluigi. I think I might be on the trail of our guy. Can you tell me anything about a Mr. Killian Sauren?"
As she spoke again, her tone lifted. What, was she trying to disguise herself by badly lowering her voice? "Killian Sauren? Now you're speaking my language, detective." The sound of rustling papers came through from the other side. "He's been making recent appearances at an underground auction, down on Ludwig. I'm expecting him to be there again tonight."
"An underground auction, hm? Well, this guy's clearly not entirely on the level, then. Thanks for the tip, I'll be there."
To be continued...
Well hi there! Thanks for reading the second part of this story arc. I don't have as much to say this time besides giving special thanks to Roserade for continuing to co-write and writing the dialogue for Kay Faraday once again and Mr. Elec Trick. This month happens to mark two years since that guy first showed up, so I guess we're just all in on anniversaries for this arc. Pretty neat, huh? Anyway, we'll see you back here next time for the finale!
Sport Report: The Movie
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
After traveling a good distance across Somber Mountain, ClawgripFan9001 and Company found themselves inside an icy cavern somewhere in the snowy mountainous region. "Man, I could honestly go for a warm drink at this point! This cold is starting to wear my muscular body down!" Wario griped with a scowl on his face.
"I agree, I feel like I'm starting to harbor signs of hypothermia over here…" Dixie agreed with Wario's statement, having a frown on her face while shivering uncontrollably.
"Yar, I'm sure that we'll find some o' General Zellon's troops sellin' warm drinks somewhere 'round 'ere, so stay strong 'til then, mateys." ClawgripFan9001 told the other heroes to try and keep their morale high.
"Hot chocolate! Hot chocolate! Beat us in an event, and you'll get this stand's entire stock!" A member of the Zellon Armed Forces called, causing Waluigi to stop the snowmobile in front of its stand. The member in particular turned out to be a Zellon Trooper wearing a fur coat to keep itself warm. It proceeded to notice the heroes and smiled.
"Howdy, heroes! You look kinda undercooled! You could probably use some of my hot chocolate to warm yourselves up again! All you gotta do is beat me in a match of Aquatics - 100m Freestyle, and my entire stock of hot chocolate is yours! How about it?" The Zellon Trooper asked the heroes.
"You got yourself a deal, you weird hippopotamus thing! Let's head to the pool so we can fight this out!" Wario replied as everyone was beamed away to the Aquatics Centre where the event was going to take place.
"In Line Number One, Wario!" The announcer spoke as Wario waved to the audience. "And in Line Number Two, Corporal Remington!" The announcer concluded as the Zellon Trooper waved to the audience as well. Both Wario and the Zellon Trooper then proceeded to ready themselves to start swimming. "On your marks…Get set…GO!" The announcer exclaimed as the starting shot was given and Wario and the Zellon Trooper dove into the water before starting to swim as fast as they possibly could, with Wario successfully reaching the finish line first. The Zellon Trooper clapped for Wario in a sportsmanlike manner before disappearing into a puff of smoke, after which the heroes were sent back to Somber Mountain.
"Well, I did it! Looks like it's hot chocolate for all of us!" Wario grinned.
"Aye, it sure is, Wario! Cheers, everyone!" ClawgripFan9001 chimed in as everyone proceeded to get themselves a mug filled with hot chocolate and guzzle it down in a timely manner. After drinking the stand's entire hot chocolate supply, the heroes proceeded to get back into their snowmobile and continued their trek towards Commander Louis' stronghold.
Before long, the heroes managed to arrive at Commander Louis' stronghold and proceeded to get out of their snowmobile, looking up at the stronghold in front of them. "This is it, guys. We're very close to taking down another of General Zellon's commanding officers and rescuing our trapped friends." Waluigi told the others.
"Indeed, Waluigi. Let's go show this Commander Louis what for." Ludwig nodded his agreement.
"Yeah, we're gonna show him that our heroic might is more than capable of whipping their primitive hippo brains!" Funky Kong chimed in with a grin as the heroes proceeded to enter the stronghold, which was filled with slippery icy terrain, Skele-Zellons wandering about, and cannons shooting infinite amounts of the Zellon Armed Forces' equivalent to the Tiki Tak Tribe's Squidlies: Shocktopuses. But against all odds, ClawgripFan9001 and Company managed to brave all of the obstacles that stood in their way as they made it to the boss room, where Commander Louis was waiting for them, standing in front of a cage that held Toad, Toadette and Koopa Troopa inside.
"Well, well, well. If it isn't that impertinent Sidestepper and his band of heroes that my father warned me about." Louis spoke with a calm smile.
"Let our friends go, you mellow menace!" Winston firmly told Commander Louis, pointing at the commanding officer with his right index finger and a scowl on his face.
"As much as I would love to, I can't. My father would never forgive me if I set your silly friends free at your insistence." Commander Louis explained, keeping the calm smile.
"Well, what will it take for you to let them go then?" Winston angrily asked Commander Louis.
"If you wish to free your friends, you must best me in a Dream Fencing match. Should you emerge victorious, your friends will be set free. But should I emerge victorious, then you will be locked up together with your friends, and then you'll never be free. Does this deal fancy you?" Commander Louis asked the heroes with his usual calm smile.
"Yes, it does. And I believe that we have two formidable fencers on our team. Would you guys please step forward?" Winston asked Ludwig and Waluigi, who proceeded to step forward to challenge Commander Louis while Winston stepped back to let the men do their thing.
"Aah, two against one, is it? Well, I like a good challenge, so I'll bravely accept it." Commander Louis smiled as he took out a fencing lance before tossing Ludwig and Waluigi their own fencing lances, which they proceeded to catch. "En garde!" Commander Louis exclaimed as him and the heroes were teleported away to an icy platform above a sea of deadly icy water.
"Are you ready for this, Waluigi?" Ludwig asked Waluigi, turning to the purple clad man.
"Ready as I'll ever be, Ludwig. Let's show this greasy smooth talker what real chivalry is!" Waluigi declared as him and Ludwig began fighting against Commander Louis, trying to knock him into the icy water below. Occasionally, Sphenispectacles would leap out of the water and onto the icy platform to try and hinder Ludwig and Waluigi during the fight, but the eldest Koopaling and his tall, slim accomplice managed to knock them back into the icy water with a thrust of their lance.
"Once I'm finished with the two of you, the people of the Dark Lands will be singing their songs of praise for me, their hero who managed to fell the beasts that tried to ruin the Zellon Games! Oh, I cannot wait!" Commander Louis gleefully spoke as he thrusted his lance at Ludwig and Waluigi, who managed to parry the commanding officer's strikes.
"The people of the Mushroom Kingdom are gonna leave the songs of praise for us, you malicious mammal!" Ludwig firmly told Commander Louis as he thrusted his lance at him, knocking him back a bit.
"Yeah, it's time for you to meet your maker!" Waluigi chimed in as he also managed to strike Commander Louis back with his lance, driving him closer to the edge of the icy platform.
"Ha! What impertinence and gall the two of you are spouting! The thought of you two emerging victorious in this duel is nothing but an old wife's tale, like the one about representative democracy! Only one person will be emerging victorious in this duel, and that person is going to be meeee…!!!" Commander Louis exclaimed as he was so busy monologuing that he didn't notice that he was backing up too far and proceeded to fall off the icy platform, into the icy waters below.
Ludwig and Waluigi looked dumbfounded as they glanced at each other before glancing at Commander Louis drifting in the icy water below. "Wow. That was easier than I expected it to be." Ludwig remarked.
"You can say that again." Waluigi agreed.
"Wow. That was easier than I expected it to be." Ludwig remarked again.
"I didn't mean literally." Waluigi replied, looking at Ludwig.
"I know, I just wanted to be silly for once." Ludwig explained.
"Yeah, I think those jokes are best left to Lemmy." Waluigi stated.
"I agree, in all honesty. Making wisecracks and jokes isn't really my field of expertise." Ludwig nodded in agreement.
"Urgh…Blast it…I hate you…" Commander Louis groaned as he proceeded to get engulfed by flames and proceeded to explode into flames before the key to the cage that held Toad, Toadette and Koopa Troopa proceeded to float towards Ludwig and Waluigi. Ludwig nodded towards Waluigi, and Waluigi nodded back as he collected the key, happily holding it up as the heroes were sent back to the boss room, with Toad, Toadette and Koopa Troopa being happy that they were about to be freed.
"Yar, har, har, har, har! I don't think any o' us were expectin' that duel ta take such a turn, but it be a pleasant an' welcome surprise, if ye ask me!" ClawgripFan9001 laughed happily.
Ludwig chuckled at that. "Indeed. While it wasn't a familiar outcome, I'm quite comfortable with it." He agreed with the Sidestepper.
"Alright, let's free our trapped friends over here!" Waluigi grinned as he proceeded to unlock the cage, after which Toad, Toadette and Koopa Troopa walked out of it.
"Thanks a lot for saving us, guys! We really owe you one for that!" Toad happily told the heroes, grateful to be a free stool again.
"Yeah, any longer inside that cage, and Commander Louis would've likely turned us into Toadsicles!" Toadette chimed in with an equal amount of joy.
"Yeppity! If there's anything we can do to help you out for the remainder of your journey through the Dark Lands, just let us know and we'll do our best to help out however we can!" Koopa Troopa told the heroes.
"Aye, ye can 'elp us out fer the remainder o' our journey through the Dark Lands! Tag along with us, an' if there be anythin' we need yer services fer, we'll let ye know!" ClawgripFan9001 told Toad, Toadette and Koopa Troopa with a grin.
"Of course! Give a little, take a little! That's the Toad motto!" Toad cheered happily. "We'll see what we can do to help you guys!" Toadette assured the heroes.
"Yeah, we'll be sure to shell those Zellon Armed Forces a whupping!" Koopa Troopa chimed in.
ClawgripFan9001 and Company then proceeded to free all of the audience members that were being held at the Somber Mountain stronghold and sent them back to Toad Town in Commander Louis' Airship. Just two commanding officers to go before the heroes could face General Zellon himself. They almost had the bad General cornered.
Well, looks like I really wasn't too far off with my math last issue when I said we would be wrapping up Chapter 5 of Sport Report: The Movie in this issue! Hope you enjoyed this last part of the fifth chapter of this cinematic edition of Sport Report, because after this, the section will be going on hiatus for a while, and Die WAH With A Vengeance, my Waluigi-themed epic from last year's Year of Waluigi lineup, will be filling in Sport Report: The Movie's slot in Palette Swap's lineup of regular sections for the time being! But don't fret, for you'll still be seeing my Mariosona in action on a regular basis within the Fake News pages of The 'Shroom with whatever journalistic hijinks he's found himself tangled up in! Anyway, that's about all from me for this month, so have a good one, and see y'all in April!
Diddy Kong Country
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Upon entering the boss area of the Monkey Mountaintops, Brother Brendan’s Bust-Up, the Kongs found themselves face to face with an oversized mantis dressed in monk’s robes. Said mantis immediately jumped to his feet while brandishing a bo-staff at the Kongs, causing them to yelp in fear. “By the pantheon of the divine ones, a group of intruders! I am Brother Brendan, and you shall go no further!” The mantis firmly told the Kongs before engaging them in combat.
“Quick, get out those rapiers that grandpa gave us and get ready to skewer this sucker!” Diddy quickly informed Dixie and Tiny, who did as they were told, after which Diddy quickly reached for his own rapier before shifting his face into a battle-ready expression as he, Dixie and Tiny retaliated against the mantis monk in battle. “Prepare for trouble that’ll trickle, and make it triple!” Diddy then firmly told Brother Brendan as he drove his rapier into the mantis monk’s hide, causing him to screech in pain.
“Suffering staff-jutsu! Your rapiers are as sharp as your attitudes, impertinent simians! I shall teach you a couple of manners as I plunge you into the agonizing depths of defeat!” Brother Brendan snarled at the Kongs as he began to twirl his bo-staff at a rapid pace before charging at the trio of monkeys with an equally rapid pace, prompting the Kongs to yelp in timidity as they began to back off to give themselves some breathing while simultaneously evading the mantis monk’s attacks. Once their opponent ceased his attack, Dixie slashed him with her rapier once she sensed an opening to counter-attack.
“Plunge into this, you live preying lunatic!” Dixie fiercely shrieked at Brother Brendan as she landed a hit on the monk, who howled in pain in response. The blond-haired monkey girl then leapt backwards to once again create some distance between herself and her opponent, who then began to leap towards the Kongs while trying to strike them with his bo-staff as if he were trying to smack a hammer upside their heads. Dixie grimaced as she braced herself for impact, only for Tiny to jump in and come to her sister’s rescue as she nailed the monk with the blade on her rapier, the mantis groaning in pain as he took another hit from his simian challengers. His bo-staff proceeded to snap in half from the damage that Tiny’s attack inflicted on him, causing the monk to grow ornery.
“So that’s how it’s going to be, is it? The Power of Kroc Zhu will strike you down, annoying apes! Have at you!” Brother Brendan let out a fierce screech as he let the remains of his broken bo-staff in both of his paws before he began to summon yellow-hued balls of aerokinetic matter and launched these at the Kongs. Dixie and Tiny quickly began to evade these attacks, with Brother Brendan continuing to fire off the yellow-hued aerokinetic balls at them, providing Diddy with an opportunity to slash at him with his rapier due to the monk being distracted by having his focus on attacking the girls. Yelping in pain from the surprise attack courtesy of Diddy, the monk shifted his attention towards the male spidermonkey with an increasingly ornery expression as he began to swing the remains of his bo-staff at Diddy Kong, who began to quickly pad backwards on his feet to evade the attack.
“Jittering jackfruits, chill out, you feisty friar!” Diddy squealed in anguish as he continued to run evasive maneuvers until the monk slowed down to a stop, panting in exhaustion as he began to try and catch his breath. Dixie and Tiny took the opportunity to strike Brother Brendan with their rapiers while he was pre-occupied with Diddy and exhaustion. Hissing in pain from the impact of the female Kongs’ attack, Brother Brendan then proceeded to quickly turn around as he began to fire purple-hued balls of aerokinetic matter at them. Dixie and Tiny then began to avoid these aerokinetic balls as well, with Diddy once again taking the opportunity to land the defeating blow on Brother Brendan while he was distracted with his onslaught on Dixie and Tiny. Letting out a dying hiss, Brother Brendan proceeded to explode into multiple pieces, his body parts swirling around the area before falling off-screen. Diddy let out another relieved exhale.
“Ah, phew. Glad we managed to wrap up that fight.” Diddy remarked as Dixie and Tiny hummed their agreement in a subsequent manner. The Kremkoin that Brother Brendan was guarding then proceeded to drop from the sky, bounced off the ground and landed in Diddy’s hands safely and securely. “And what do you know?! We got his Kremkoin while we’re at it! Let’s head back to grandpa and the ship as fast as we can so we can head for the next archipelago that the Kremlings have invaded!” Diddy suggested with a grin as he began to take the lead, with Dixie and Tiny quickly following behind.
Meanwhile, back at the ship, Jockey Kong was out cold in the steering hut, snoring softly as he was taking a snooze after having driven the ship to the Monkey Mountaintops over the course of the previous night. His slumber would soon be disturbed, however, as Diddy, Dixie and Tiny arrived back at the ship and woke Jockey up from jumping onto the ship’s metallic deck, causing the middle-aged gorilla to jolt awake with a cartoonish gorilla shriek.
“Hey, grandpa! Guess what? We managed to complete your challenge! And we also managed to get you a present while we were at it!” Diddy told Jockey with an excitable smile as he handed his grandfather the Kremkoin he, his girlfriend and sister in-law managed to take off of Brother Brendan. Jockey looked at the Kremkoin in wonder and proceeded to sink his teeth into it to make sure it was real. Upon confirming the Kremkoin was indeed real, Jockey pridefully smiled as he tucked the Kremkoin away into his pockets and gave his grandson an equally prideful handshake.
“Well done, Diddy, my boy! You’ve really shown yourself that you can take care of yourself on an adventure, even over twenty years after your last adventure! Keep at it to polish your skills so that they’ll be back on the same level as they were back in the day!” Jockey praised Diddy for successfully completing his challenge, with Diddy’s eyes glistening with pride in response. “Well then! Let’s fire up the ship once more and prepare ourselves to head off to the next stop of our adventure!” Jockey then stated as he proceeded to stand up and walk towards the ship’s steering wheel, pressing a button on the ship’s control panel that proceeded to reel the ship’s anchor back in before steering the ship back out to open sea once again, setting sail for the Kongs’ next destination of their adventure.
After traveling for what seemed to be quite a distance, the Kongs managed to arrive at the third world they were going to have to traverse on their epic quest to defeat the Kremling Krew and find Diddy’s long-lost mother; Greenery Gorge. As the name of the location seemed to suggest, it was a large valley covered in lush green plant life. Docking the ship at the pier located at the most southwestern point of the area, Jockey smiled as he stepped into the driver’s seat of his motorcycle once more, with Diddy, Dixie and Tiny once again settling down inside the motorcycle’s sidecar. “Alright, grandchildren! Here we are, Greenery Gorge! This is the next stop of our big adventure, and since we can go by land from here again, we’ll be leaving the ship and taking my motorcycle once more!” Jockey told his grandchildren with an excitable grin, with the younger Kongs nodding in understanding before the middle-aged gorilla proceeded to drive his motorcycle off the ship, then took off into the shrubbery coated wilderness of Greenery Gorge.
Soon enough, the Kongs made it to the first level of Greenery Gorge, Skittler’s Sanctuary. As the name of the level seemed to suggest, it was swarming with spider-like enemies named Skittlers who previously appeared in Donkey Kong Country Returns and its ports. Dixie and Tiny shivered in anguish upon seeing the Skittlers. “Eeeek! I hate those spider thingies! Let’s get through this place as quickly as possible before they start hiding in my clothes and fur!” Dixie shrieked in arachnophobia induced panic, with Tiny humming her agreement in an equally panicky tone of voice.
“You got it, girls. We’ll get through this place as quickly as we can. Diddy, could you be so nice as to lob those spiders away with your Peanut Popguns if they happen to get too close to us?” Jockey affirmed Dixie and Tiny’s suggestion of making it through Skittler’s Sanctuary at top speed before suggesting Diddy to keep the Skittlers at bay using his Peanut Popguns to prevent Dixie and Tiny from leaping out of the motorcycle’s sidecar in a panic attack caused by the Skittlers. Diddy nodded affirmatively with an equally affirmative hum as he proceeded to pull out his Peanut Popguns with a grin.
“Leave it to me, grandpa! I’ll have those pesky arthropods cleaned out quicker than Ellie the Elephant at the sight of any rabble-rousing rodents!” Diddy assured his grandfather, with Dixie and Tiny giggling and rolling their eyes in response, yet still being grateful for Diddy’s assistance in keeping the Skittlers away from them. As Jockey continued to drive his motorcycle, Diddy kept his eyes on the horizon before starting to gun down any Skittlers in sight. Meanwhile, Dixie and Tiny did their best to ignore the arachnid attackers all around them, trying to take in the scenery they passed by along the way.
“So long, you scary six-legged seditionists! Hope those peanut shells feel good landing on your heads!” Tiny taunted the Skittlers as they dropped down from the various trees and other plant wildlife that made up the majority of the level. Diddy giggled at this as he continued to shoot down as many Skittlers as he could so that he and his family could pass through the area safe and sound. Before long though, they managed to reach the end of the level as Dixie quickly grabbed the chest holding the next piece of the Primate Print, which was perched on top of a tree trunk that stood by the exit of the level. The blond monkey girl then proceeded to open the chest as she took the piece of the Primate Print out of it with a smile on her face. Jockey, Diddy and Tiny smiled as they looked at it as well.
“Monkey muscle! That’s another piece of the Primate Print! If we keep this up, we’ll have them all before long! Let’s grab the rest of the pieces of that map hidden around Greenery Gorge first though!” Jockey exclaimed excitedly as Diddy, Dixie and Tiny hummed their agreement as the Kongs continued to ride Jockey’s motorcycle on over to the next level of Greenery Gorge - Shrubbery Scaling. As the name of the level suggested, the place featured a lot of shrubbery that the Kongs could cling to and climb towards areas they couldn’t reach otherwise. Jockey proceeded to stop his motorcycle as he began to assess the situation with an inquisitive hum. “Needless to say, this next area’s gonna be a bit difficult for us to traverse using the motorcycle…” Jockey mumbled as he thought about it before getting an idea. “Diddy, why don’t you, Dixie and Tiny try and climb across the place using the shrubbery that infests it? I’ll try and find another route to cross with my motorcycle in the meantime and rendezvous with the three of you at the start of the next level, alright?”
Diddy nodded in understanding. “We’ll do our best, grandpa. Good luck in finding a different route with your motorcycle in the meantime.” He replied to his grandfather before hopping out of the motorcycle’s sidecar together with Dixie and Tiny before the trio leapt up and latched onto the shrubbery as they began to climb across towards the lush green cliffs that made up the majority of the level. In the meantime, Jockey backed up his motorcycle and began to drive away to look for a detour to use to get to the next level where he would link up with the younger Kongs as agreed.
Along the way to the end of the level, Diddy, Dixie and Tiny had to face Korsairs that tried to pick them off with their bayonets, as well as Neckies and Zingers that tried to ram them off the grassy surfaces, but the Kongs fought back twice as hard with their respective weaponry, the Peanut Popguns, the Bubblegum Blowguns and the Feather Bow. “I’m honestly curious as to why the Kremlings we’ve encountered on our journey so far have all taken to wearing a more formal naval attire compared to the more stripped down and rugged pirate attires they wore when we fought them at Crocodile Isle?” Dixie pondered out loud as she, Diddy and Tiny continued to traverse the area whilst taking out the Kremlings and other toadies that stood in their way. Diddy and Tiny hummed inquisitively as they thought about the matter.
“I’m not sure. It does make good food for thought, however. I mean, when Donkey and Diddy first went around Donkey Kong Isle to take them out, they didn’t have a particular theme to them, then when you and Diddy went to Crocodile Isle to take them on, they all took on a pirate theme. Then when you crossed the Northern Kremisphere with Kiddy, they went back to not having a particular theme, and now on this current adventure, they have once again taken to a sailor theme, though this time a more formal military one.” Tiny gave her ten cents on the subject as Diddy hummed affirmatively in response.
“Yeah, sure is odd, if you ask me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact they all served in the Puftup Gulf War that grandpa and mom fought in? It would at least be a logical explanation as to why they’re all dolled up in those fancy maritime apparel.” Diddy chimed in his reasonings on the matter, with Dixie and Tiny clicking affirmatively in response. “Well, whatever the case, I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough as we continue to unravel this mystery along the way.” Diddy then reasoned as he continued to scale the area alongside the girls while wiping out any hostile creatures, whether they were Kremlings or just generic baddies like the Neckies and Zingers.
Before long, the Kongs managed to reach the end of the level as they found the chest with the next piece of the Primate Print stashed inside hidden away inside of a mossy covered wooden hut. Tiny proceeded to open the chest, nabbing the Primate Piece out of it in a subsequent manner. “Blimey, we found the next piece of the map! If we keep this up, we’ll have gotten all the pieces stashed out here in Greenery Gorge!” Tiny exclaimed with a smile before she tucked the piece of the map away in her pockets, after which she, Diddy and Dixie proceeded to head on over to the next level of Greenery Gorge - Cliffjumping Chaos.
Upon entering Cliffjumping Chaos, they found Jockey Kong there waiting for them with his motorcycle. “Ah, good! You grandkids managed to make it across that lush coated landmass! As you can see, I also managed to make it around on my motorcycle! Hop on in, and get ready to fire some more vultures and bees outta the sky, ‘cause there’s more of ‘em ahead of us!” Jockey informed the younger Kong trio, who nodded in understanding as they hopped into the sidecar of the motorcycle before preparing their Peanut Popguns, Bubblegum Blowguns and Feather Bow for battle against the flocks of Neckies and swarms of Zingers that Jockey had warned them about.
“Alrighty then, grandpa! Drop the hammer, ‘cause we gotta catch some speed!” Diddy grinned as Jockey nodded, revving his motorcycle’s engine and taking off at top speed in response, with Dixie and Tiny cheering loudly in excitement. Soon enough, the aforementioned Neckies and Zingers began to show up, after which Diddy and the girls began blasting them out of the sky in order to clear the way for Jockey to keep on driving towards the end of the level. “Say hello to my little friends!” Diddy grinned menacingly as he continued to gun down his aviary adversaries with help from his girlfriend and her sister.
“Yippie-Kong-Yay, motherlovers!” Dixie chimed in with an equally menacing grin as she lobbed chunks of bubblegum at the waves of Neckies and Zingers that kept coming at them, with the vultures and bees letting out agonized screeches and buzzes of pain as they fell out of the sky upon being struck down by the Kongs’ guns. Along the way, Jockey also had to jump across gaps using his motorcycle, the way he managed to do so hinting that he’d done this plenty of times back in the day when he and his dad, Cranky were both in their prime. “Direct hit! Ook-Eek-Ook-Aah-Aah!” Dixie hollered excitedly as she managed to shoot more Neckies and Zingers out of the sky with her Bubblegum Blowguns.
“Those kooky Kremlings would try and guilt trip me into sparing them when I tussled with them back in the day by saying that I wouldn’t kill them because I’d miss them. How utterly foolish on their part, because I never miss at close range.” Tiny grinned as she continued to pick off Necky after Necky and Zinger after Zinger with her Feather Bow. “If only our silly old cousins, Chunky Kong and Kiddy Kong would be as brave and battle-hardened as we were…” She then sighed and shook her head at the thought of Chunky’s meekness and Kiddy’s absent-minded childishness.
“In Kiddy’s case, I can kinda understand it, since he’s a little kid still, but Chunky I agree with you on, Tiny. Like, I’m all for the gentle giant trope, but sometimes you gotta put that huge muscle you’ve been blessed with to good use. I mean, Chunky’s capable of feats of strength that even Donkey was never capable of back in the day.” Diddy voiced his agreements with Tiny’s musings regarding her cousins, Chunky Kong and Kiddy Kong. In the meantime, he continued to fire off peanut shells from his Peanut Popguns to take on the continuously approaching waves of Neckies and Zingers that tried to prevent them from venturing further into the Greenery Gorge area. Eventually though, the Kongs managed to defeat them all, granting themselves some breathing space in the process. “Phew, I think that’s all those generic goons have got.” Diddy exhaled in relief as he tucked his Peanut Popguns away. Dixie and Tiny hummed their agreement as they tucked their Bubblegum Blowguns and Feather Bow away as well. “I have no doubt there’s more where that came from as we continue to make our way further into this overgrown garden, but I likewise have no doubt that we can take them on as well as we’ve managed to take on their comrades out here.” Diddy then added onto that statement, with Jockey giving him a friendly pat on the back.
“That I couldn’t have said better myself, Diddy, my boy! Now let’s collect the next shred of the Primate Print and get outta here!” Jockey chimed in with a grin as he continued steering his motorcycle over the road ahead of him and the younger Kongs, soon enough finding the chest with the Primate Print Piece inside hanging from a vine that was tied to the middle of a rocky gate marking the level exit. Diddy was quick to snatch the chest off the vine as Jockey drove his motorcycle through the rocky gate, the male spidermonkey snatching the Primate Print Piece from the chest just as quickly. Meanwhile, Jockey continued to drive on over to the next level located within Greenery Gorge; Clapper’s Creek.
As the name of the level suggested, it took place at a creek where the Kongs had to travel across water, though the water proved to be too dangerous for them to traverse because of a Snapjaw that swam in it. Fortunately for the Kongs, one of their old Animal Friends, Clapper the Seal was present to help them safely cross the creek by freezing the water so that Jockey could ride across it on his motorcycle while also preventing the Snapjaw from biting the Kongs. “Ah, those pesky Snapjaws. I remember those from the time Dixie and I went to Crocodile Isle to save Donkey’s butt from King K. Rool and his pirate themed Kremlings. Was never much of a fan of them, I gotta say.” Diddy remarked as he saw the Snapjaw lurking in the creek water below.
“Neither was I, but fortunately, Clapper the Seal was there to protect us from his snappy jaws. And speaking of Clapper, here he is!” Dixie pointed out with a smile as Clapper began to happily clap his hands and bark upon hearing his name and noticing the Kongs. “Heya, Clapper! Long time no see! You mind helping us out here? We need to get across this creek without that fangy fish sinking his teeth into us.” Dixie asked Clapper, who nodded and barked in an affirmative manner as he proceeded to freeze the creek water. “Thanks, Clapper! You’re the best!” Dixie happily told Clapper, who barked once more as Jockey began to slowly and carefully ride over the frozen creek water on his motorcycle.
“Well, ain’t that mighty helpful! I really oughta tell Nintendo to give Clapper the Seal of Approval to return in a future Donkey Kong game as a usable Animal Friend! The fellow deserves it just as much as the other Animal Friends used throughout the Donkey Kong Country series!” Jockey voiced his opinions with a cheerful grin, with Diddy and the girls humming their agreement with this statement as well. “Though by the time we wrap up this adventure, it might as well be called a future Diddy Kong game, am I right, grandson?” Jockey then suggested with another grin as he lightly elbowed the male spidermonkey.
“You said it, grandpa! That future game of mine should be called Diddy Kong Country 2: A Fistful Of Peanuts!” Diddy replied with a grin of his own as he high fived his grandpa while he did so. By the time the Kongs reached the next piece of dry land, the frozen creek water proceeded to turn back into regular water, with another Snapjaw swimming back and forth underneath the Kongs. Fortunately, another Clapper was there to freeze the water again for them to safely maneuver across. “Hi there, Clapper! Could you lend us another hand over here?” Diddy asked the seal with a friendly smile, after which the seal acknowledged the spidermonkey’s plea for help with an affirmative barking, clapping his hands and freezing the creek water once more in the process. “Alright, thanks a bundle, Clapper!” Diddy thanked the seal for his assistance as Jockey began to slowly but surely maneuver his motorcycle over the frozen creek again to try and reach the other side before the water unfroze again.
“Well, this is quite the nifty way of riding across water! It might not entirely be in line with how it’s written in the Light Prognosticus, but still! Not bad!” Tiny Kong chimed in with a cheerful tone of voice, Jockey, Diddy and Dixie humming their agreement in response. Soon, the Kongs began to come under attack of Scarabuccas and Bruitioners, though Diddy, Dixie and Tiny managed to keep them at bay using their guns. Upon reaching the next parcel of dry land, the creek water melted back down to its liquified form, and in the next part of the creek awaited another Snapjaw, as well as another Clapper to freeze the water. “Good day to you, Clapper! Care to give us a frosty treat in this terrific time?” Tiny Kong kindly asked Clapper with an equally kind smile. Clapper barked in understanding, freezing the water in a timely manner for the Kongs to safely go over. “Many thanks, old chum!” Tiny happily thanked the seal for his assistance while she and her family went on their merry way once more.
“Alright, unless I’m mistaken about the geography in this part of the Greenery Gorge, this next body of water should be the last one we have to cross before we can nick the next Primate Print Piece off of those conniving Kremlings!” Jockey informed his grandchildren, who nodded in understanding as they began to fire their guns at the oncoming horde of Scarabuccas, Bruitioners and Zingers to keep them away from Jockey’s motorcycle. Soon enough, the Kongs safely made it to the last stretch of dry land that stood between their completion of this level. That, and a final Snapjaw who wished to latch its hideous teeth onto the Kongs’ furry hides. Fortunately for the Kongs, there was also one final Clapper to protect them from such a fate. “Greetings, Clapper! Mind giving ol’ Jockey and his grandkids a helping hand over here?” The middle-aged gorilla then asked the seal with a friendly grin. Voicing its eagerness to help the Kongs with a distinct seal’s bark, Clapper froze the creek water for Jockey and the grandchildren to safely drive over it one last time for this level. “Alright, thanks a lot, Clapper!” Jockey gratefully told the seal as he began to carefully roll forward yet again. Before long, the Kongs managed to reach the end of the level, where the next piece of the Primate Print was waiting for them, the chest it was stashed away in resting on top of a wooden tree stump located next to the exit. Dixie quickly grabbed the chest, opening it and whisking the Primate Print Piece out of it.
“Wahey, we managed to get another piece of the map! Let’s keep this up as we move on over to the next level of the Greenery Gorge, shall we?” Dixie suggested to her family, who nodded their agreement as they rode off further into the depths of Greenery Gorge to get to the fifth level that made up the area; Forestation Freeway. The level took place high within the treetops that towered over Greenery Gorge, with a lot of wooden driveways laid out for Jockey to ride across on his motorcycle. “Whoa, what a neat race track hidden away within the trees we got here! Perfect to go out kart racing in, or using our Animal Friends for racing up here, if you ask me!” Dixie remarked as she looked around the place in awe.
“You could say that again, Dixie! If Diddy Kong Racing ever gets a proper sequel in the future, we certainly gotta keep this place in mind for one of the race tracks featured in it!” Diddy gave his ten cents on his girlfriend’s musings before he resumed keeping his eyes on the skies for any hostile honchos that wished to keep the Kongs out of the area on behalf of the Kremling Krew. Before long, those hostile honchos began to show themselves, revealing themselves to be Gnawties, Awks, Rawks and Korsairs. “Beavers, birds and Kremlings at twelve o’clock!” Diddy warned as he, Dixie and Tiny got their guns out and began opening fire on the baddies ahead of them to get them off the lanes the Kongs were driving in.
“Ha, ha! That’s the spirit, grandson! Show those pests what happens if you try to antagonize the Kong Family!” Jockey Kong grinned as he flashed a thumbs up towards his grandson as he continued to steer his motorcycle through the treetops while Diddy and the girls continued to clear the way that was being blocked by the Gnawties, Awks, Rawks and Corsairs occupying it. “Man, at times like this, I wish I had my old buddy Bones with me! This ol’ motorcycle we’re riding in right now used to belong to him, and after our hijinks together in the early to mid-1980s, he gifted it to me as a piece of memorabilia to keep.” Jockey then mused out loud as he continued to ride his motorcycle, which apparently originally belonged to his well-meaning but klutzy human friend, Bones.
“Well, if he’s still alive today, then he should be not that much older than you are, granddad. I mean, you were around the age of ten back in the early to mid-1980s, if I’m not mistaken, right?” Dixie asked Jockey as she continued to pelt the oncoming waves of beavers, birds and crocodiles with chunks of bubblegum from her blowguns.
“Pretty much, Dixie. Bones was pretty much a decade older than me at the time, so he should be ripe for being in his late sixties to early seventies if he is still breathing in the present day. But that’s a thing for finding out later; Our priorities currently lay in squashing the Kremling Krew and getting Diddy’s mom back in one piece.” Jockey chimed his response to Dixie’s estimations regarding the ages of himself and his human friend, Bones.
“I’ll say. It would be a funny coincidence if we actually went and met this Bones bloke along the way as our adventure continued to unfold though.” Tiny gave her thoughts on the matter as she continued to pick off her enemies with her Feather Bow while Jockey continued to steer the motorcycle through the lofty lanes of lumber.
“Boy, it most certainly would! But like I said, we’ve got bigger priorities to take care of! So let’s put those priorities to bed first and foremost!” Jockey replied to Tiny as he continued to ride around the rugged roads hidden within the treetops. Soon enough though, Diddy and the girls had managed to take out all the enemies blocking the road, granting the Kongs a clean and straight path for the exit of the level, where they managed to nick the Primate Piece Print waiting there for them, stashed away within its chest, which was in turn stashed away within a hollow opening within one of the trees. “Kong-a-bunga! We managed to get all but one of the pieces of the Primate Print hidden away here at Greenery Gorge! Let’s hunt down that last piece and then go challenge the Big Boss that K. Rool has stationed out here for the Kremkoin he’s holding onto for his king!” Jockey suggested after opening the chest and grabbing the Primate Print Piece out of it.
The Kongs then went on to the sixth level that made up the Greenery Gorge area; Expresso’s Everglade. True to its name, the level mostly consisted of marshlands too unstable for Jockey to cross on his motorcycle, so the middle-aged gorilla hit the brakes on the vehicle, grimacing as he assessed the situation in front of him and his grandchildren. “Blinking bananas, this terrain ain’t exactly suitable for me to cross in my motorcycle…Looks like I’ll have to find another way around it. Do you think you kids can cross this terrain on foot in the meantime and search for the Primate Print Piece hidden away in it?” Jockey asked Diddy and the girls with an inquisitive tilt of his head. Diddy and the girls nodded in response, flashing thumbs up as they did so.
“Shouldn’t be too hard for us to handle, grandpa! After all, if we could cross the Monkey Mountaintops all by ourselves, then this should be a reasonable challenge as well!” Diddy told his grandfather with a grin before he, Dixie and Tiny hopped out of the motorcycle’s sidecar. Jockey grinned and flashed a thumbs up in response as he began to back up his motorcycle to prepare looking for a detour around the marshlands while the younger Kongs traveled through it on foot. “How about we rendezvous with one another at the Big Boss’ keep after me, Dixie and Tiny have gotten the last piece of the map and you’ve managed to get around this swamp?” Diddy then proceeded to suggest Jockey.
“Works fine and dandy for me, grandson! Good luck out there in these smarmy swamps!” Jockey responded before proceeding to drive out of there, leaving the three younger Kongs by themselves. They then began to make their way through the dirty moors they were currently faced with. As far as enemies were concerned in this level, they found themselves confronting Scarabuccas, Bruitioners, Korsairs, Krembades and a few Zingers. Halfway through the level, the Kongs came across an Animal Crate with another one of their old Animal Friends, Expresso the Ostrich trapped inside of it.
“Pluck my Popguns, it’s Expresso the Ostrich! Looks like the poor old fellow got himself caught and locked up by the Kremling Krew just like most of the rest of our old Animal Friends! Well, let’s go ahead and give him his well-deserved freedom!” Diddy stated as he proceeded to break open the Animal Crate, freeing Expresso the Ostrich in the process. Expresso squawked in shock before shaking his head rapidly as he tried to make sense of what just happened. Upon seeing Diddy, Dixie and Tiny, however, he became overjoyed to see his old jungle buddies again, thanking them for setting him free and asked if he could do anything to repay them for their kindness. “Well, my girlfriend, her sister and I could use some help in getting across this swamp? What do you say, Expresso?” Diddy asked the ostrich with a smile. Happily squawking his agreement at the idea, Expresso turned around as he allowed Diddy, Dixie and Tiny to hop onto his back.
“Well, it looks like Expresso is on board with it! Let’s get going!” Dixie cheered as she mounted herself on Expresso’s back alongside her boyfriend and sister, after which the ostrich took off at the top speed he’d become known for, rushing through the rabble-rousers that roamed in the everglade they currently found themselves in and gliding over the various gaps with mud while he was at it. “Talk about catching some speed! Am I glad you decided to break Expresso out of his prison, Diddy!” The female Kong complimented her boyfriend.
“Tell me about it! I really hope that Expresso will be able to help us out another time on our adventure down the road, because his abilities sure come in handy right here and now!” Tiny chimed in her ten cents on her older sister’s statement. Before long, with Expresso’s help, the three Kongs made it to the end of the level in nothing flat. Dismounting themselves from the ostrich’s back upon doing so, the Kongs bid Expresso goodbye for the time being, with the ostrich informing them that they just needed to call him if they ever required his assistance for the remainder of their adventure. Leaving the Kongs by themselves soon afterward, they managed to find the last Primate Print Piece that the Greenery Gorge area happened to hold, with Diddy smiling and holding it in his hands upon doing so.
“Alright! We managed to get the last of the map pieces in this area! Now let’s move on to the keep where the Big Boss is guarding that Kremkoin for K. Rool and link up with granddad while we’re at it!” Diddy cheered as Dixie and Tiny smiled and nodded their agreement. The Kongs then proceeded to move on to the boss level of Greenery Gorge; Prince Prickle’s Pugnacity. The boss battle took place within a beehive hidden away within a large tree, where the Kongs found Jockey Kong face to face with an oversized Zinger named Prince Prickle, who served as the prince of the species. Diddy, Dixie and Tiny yelped in fright upon seeing Prince Prickle, which caused Jockey to rear his head towards them.
“Ah, not a moment too soon, you three! This dopey drone with talons has been trying to stick his pointy back slot in me for a little bit now, so I could do with some help in getting him off my back!” Jockey informed his grandkids as he clobbed Prince Prickle in the face, causing the Zinger prince to get even angrier than he already was. Diddy and the girls nodded in understanding as Diddy proceeded to pick up a Steel Keg that stood on the ground of the beehive, flinging it at Prince Prickle to damage him shortly afterward.
“You got it, grandpa! We’ll keep that bothersome bumblebee at bay for you!” Diddy assured his granddad, Dixie and Tiny humming their agreement with this statement as Dixie used her ponytail to grab a newly spawned Steel Keg off the beehive floor before hurling it at Prince Prickle once the giant Zinger had calmed down from his fit of rage courtesy of the Steel Keg that Diddy previously threw at him. Upon being struck by Dixie’s Steel Keg, however, Prince Prickle went mad once more, erratically flying up and down around the beehive as he did so.
“We’ll show that wily wasp how we do things back home in the Kongo Jungle!” Dixie assured Jockey as well while the four Kongs worked together to bring down the Big Boss they currently found themselves up against. Tiny then took to the sky with her ponytails, making her way up to one of the wax platforms situated higher up within the beehive. Pulling out her Feather Bow shortly afterward, the taller of the two Kong sisters took the opportunity of Prince Prickle being distracted by Jockey, Diddy and Dixie to launch a feather into the heinous hornet’s hide. “Nice one, Tiny! Bet he wasn’t expecting that one!” Dixie complimented her sister while flashing a thumbs up towards her, smiling.
“Thanks, Dixie! My excellent marksmanship hasn’t gotten all that rusty despite having been out of commission in the video game hero field for all these years, it seems!” Tiny smiled, flashing a thumbs up back at her older sister as she did so before floating up into the air with her ponytails once more in order to avoid the attacks of Prince Prickle directed her way. In the meantime, however, Jockey also proceeded to pick up a Steel Keg that had spawned at the bottom of the beehive before giving chase up the wax platforms to strike Prince Prickle before he could get his feisty claws on Tiny Kong.
“Don’t worry, Tiny! I’ll have that bad-tempered buzzer off your back faster than you can say “Banana Split!”” Jockey assured the younger of the Kong sisters as he leapt up high enough for him to throw the Steel Keg at Prince Prickle, who let out a pained hum in response before going red with anger once more as he began to prioritize his attacks on the middle-aged gorilla yet again, with Jockey quickly retreating back towards the bottom of the beehive once more. Diddy had managed to get his hands on another freshly spawned Steel Keg in the meantime, which he used to deliver the final blow on Prince Prickle, who was knocked onto his back, landing on the beehive floor and letting out pained buzzing noises. He relinquished the Kremkoin he was guarding for King K. Rool immediately afterward, with Diddy grabbing it in a subsequent manner.
“Woohoo! We managed to defeat another of K. Rool’s Kremling Krew Leaders! And we nicked another one of their Kremkoins off of them while we were at it!” Diddy cheered joyfully as Jockey, Dixie and Tiny joined in on the celebration as well. “So, what’s the next stop of our adventure, grandpa? Are we anywhere near halfway done with searching for the map pieces we need to find my mom?” The male spidermonkey then curiously asked his grandfather, giving the middle-aged gorilla a long look.
“Not just yet, Diddy, but we’re getting pretty dang close to doing so! Before we’re halfway done, we first gotta get through the fourth stop of our adventure, which is the mechanical island of Industrialula! So let’s get there posthaste!” Jockey informed Diddy before he began rushing towards his motorcycle alongside his grandson and future granddaughters. The four of them then got back onto the motorcycle, with the three younger Kongs mounting themselves back into the motorcycle’s sidecar before Jockey fired up the engine and rode off into the distance towards the Kremling island hideout of Industrialula.
Soon enough, the Kongs arrived at Industrialula, which had lots of Kremling-operated warehouses, factories and pipelines built on the previously lush green lands that once made up the archipelago they stood on top of. Sensing no time to lose in scavenging all the Primate Print Pieces hidden away around the island, the Kongs proceeded to enter the first level of Industrialula, Winky’s Warehouse. As per the level name, it took place inside of a warehouse with lots of Gnawties, Korsairs and new, robotic Kremling enemies named Kremdroids that shot fireballs from a built-in cannon on their right arms at the Kongs.
“No matter where we go when Kremlings are involved, you can bet your boots that they’re gonna be mashing metal and pulverizing plantains somewhere in the world. Even in the 2020s, some things never change whenever we go out adventuring.” Diddy remarked with a soft exhale, shaking his head in disappointment at the Kremlings’ polluting industrializing ways. He then proceeded to pull out his Peanut Popguns to spray the gallery of reptilian rogues and generic goons with his plethora of peanut shells.
“I’ll say, Diddy. But likewise, whenever we’re there to stand in their way, you can bet your boots that we’re gonna be shutting down their slamming steel and blaring lights so that they won’t do any more unnecessary damage to the natural environments in the areas that they occupy.” Dixie assured her boyfriend as she grabbed her Bubblegum Blowguns to riddle the lineup of crocodile crooks and banal baddies with her combo meal of candy chunks.
“You bet, sis! I’ll be combating these crocodiles and vegetizing their factories like it’s 1999!” Tiny gave her thoughts on the matter as she cocked her Feather Bow and began icing the array of saltwater scofflaws and everyday evildoers with her flood of feathers. Fortunately for the Kongs, halfway through the level, they found a whistle that they could use to call Winky the Frog to help them cross the paths that would be too difficult for them to cross by themselves. Winky came to the Kongs’ aid almost immediately after hearing the whistle blow, after which the Kongs mounted on the frog’s back and took off through the warehouse’s many dangerous traps, continuing to take out the Kremlings and the other baddies they employed along the way.
After making it through the waves of enemies and the array of obstacles laid out across the warehouse, the Kongs managed to find the first piece of the Primate Print hidden out at Industrialula within a chest modeled after a generic toolbox, set on top of a metal girder that laid next to the warehouse exit. Dixie was quick to open the chest and snag the Primate Print Piece out of it. The Kongs high fived one another at a job well done getting through this first level of Industrialula before thanking Winky the Frog for his assistance, after which they began to move on to the second level of the area, Conveyor Belt Conundrum.
This second level took place inside one of the Kremling-operative factories built on the island, with many conveyor belts spread out across that forced the Kongs to keep on their toes so that the manic machinery wouldn’t send them plummeting to their doom into bottomless pits, crashing into any of the Kremlings or other toadies that also traversed the conveyor belts, or being sent hurdling into any other deadly hazards that lurked around every turn within the factory halls. “Ornery oranges, I’ve always hated these conveyor belt parts of the adventures I went on in the past! They’re always throwing you for loops as far as directions, bad guys and other hazards are concerned!” Diddy cried in dismay as he and his family made their way through the runaway appliance-filled foyers.
“I’ll say, Diddy, my boy! Never been much of a fan of these things myself in the past! I still remember how I used to trick that pesky plumber in red back in the mid-1990s by continuously flicking levers and switches to control conveyor belts to hinder his pasta-loving posterior when my old man and I whisked off his maiden at the time!” Jockey gave his ten cents on the conveyor belts whilst reminiscing about the hijinks he and his father, Cranky Kong went through in Donkey Kong ‘94 on Game Boy.
“That was the only time in video game history where you filled the role of a bad guy, wasn’t it?” Dixie asked Jockey as she continued to maneuver her way through the tricky network of machinery decked out all over the factory while keeping any attacking adversaries off her back with her Bubblegum Blowguns, being assisted by Diddy and Tiny using their Peanut Popguns and Feather Bow, respectively in doing so.
“Right on, Dixie! It was pretty fun being a mischievous miscreant instead of a selfless savior in that game for a change! Though I will admit that I wouldn’t take the role of a bad guy again outside of that one occasion, because it’s no fun to be on the receiving end of the good guys’ abuse all the time, for sure.” Jockey informed Dixie whilst thinking about the downsides of filling a villainous role in a video game.
“Oh, for sure. But even in a heroic role, you still tend to take a lot of abuse within the realms of video games. Whether it be due to the clumsiness of the players, or the curious experimentalist mind of people wishing to test the science employed by the development teams, you can bet your buttons that as a hero, you’re also guaranteed to be subject to a lot of suffering.” Tiny Kong gave her sentiments regarding Jockey’s statement.
“Ain’t that the Grambi honest truth? Finally, we’re beginning to tell it like it is. Though this isn’t really the time to be delving into the meta aspect of video games, we’ve got plenty more work to do as far as crippling the Kremlings’ evil schemes is concerned, so let’s keep at it, shall we?” Jockey suggested to his grandchildren as the four of them continued soldiering through the level, eventually reaching the exit, grabbing the Primate Print Piece from the toolbox-like chest that was situated within an old circuit break panel, then getting the heck out of there as they moved on to the third level of Industrialula, Jackhammer Jive.
In this third level of the area, the Kongs entered another factory, this one featuring a car riding on rails. The car resembled a BMW Z3, and as the Kongs turned around, they yelped in fear as they noticed a gigantic jackhammer-like machine closing in on them, clearly bent on sending them to their doom. They quickly jumped inside the car, turning the engine on and beginning to bail out of there across the rails that the car drove on top of.
“Apples to pears, when did the Kremlings install such homicidal technology in their factories?!” Diddy asked in shock as he looked back to see the gigantic jackhammer pursuing him and the rest of his family throughout the level, with the Kongs knowing very well that jackhammer would put them out to pasture if it were to come in contact with them, so they had to do everything in their power to always remain one step ahead of the jackhammer at all costs, avoiding any hazards and any enemies that could slow the Kongs’ progress towards the end of the level to do so.
“I have no idea, but what I do know is that we need to prevent that thing catching up to us however we can! That said, drop the hammer, granddad! We gotta catch some speed!” Dixie chimed in with a panicky grimace resting on her face as the Kongs continued to floor it in their rail riding car throughout the factory while the jackhammer remained hot on their trail. The Kongs then spotted robotic aerial Kremling enemies known as Kremdrones moving up and down in a repeated vertical pattern ahead of them, so Diddy, Dixie and Tiny shot them down with their firearms so that Jockey wouldn’t crash into them and risk giving the jackhammer the opportunity to catch up to them.
“If you kids can keep any incoming projectiles at bay, I’ll continue to ignore any given speed limits the Kremlings have imposed within this factory as we try to outrun impending doom courtesy of that weapon of mass destruction!” Jockey informed his grandchildren with an equally panicky grimace resting on his face as he continued to speed his way over the car rails whilst avoiding hazards, the younger Kongs shooting down enemies blocking the way at the same time as they tried to keep their cool with a deadly doomsday machine chasing after them throughout the factory.
“We’ll do the very best we can, grandpa, though just like anything we try, we can’t guarantee we’ll be successful!” Diddy informed his grandfather as he continued to blast enemy air units to smithereens with his Peanut Popguns, Dixie and Tiny laying down assist fire with their Bubblegum Blowguns and Feather Bow as the Kongs continued to rush their way over the railroad within the factory hallways towards the end of the level. Eventually though, the Kongs managed to ride their car towards a narrow opening in a steel wall too big for the gigantic jackhammer to pass through, causing the jackhammer to slam into the steel wall and shatter into a thousand pieces. The Kongs cheered in euphoric relief that they managed to outrun the killing machine as they arrived at the other end of the railroad the car they rode in, softly braking to a complete stop before hopping out of the car and making their way towards the next room, where the level exit along with the accompanying toolbox-shaped chest holding the Primate Print Piece were located.
“Hot diggity dog, we survived that deadly mechanical monstrosity’s onslaught against all odds! Now let’s grab the Primate Print Piece and get outta here!” Jockey Kong cheered as he opened the chest, nicking the Primate Print Piece and safely tucking it away before rushing out the factory exit with the younger Kong trio, heading over to the fourth level of Industrialula, Beschmirched Basin.
As the name of the level suggested, it took place inside the polluted green basin of Industrialula whose dam separated the pond from the main sea inlet. The level also largely took place underwater, though there were a few patches of dry land for the Kongs to leap out of the water, catch their breaths and then continue on swimming. “Wow, I’ve always loved swimming through murky green waters! Thanks for nothing, K. Rool!” Dixie sarcastically stated as she and the Kongs swam underwater whilst avoiding Bitesizes, Chomps Juniors, Squidges and Mincers as their main hazards within the level.
“While I wholeheartedly share your sentiments, sister, I suggest you cease the chatter for when we manage to reach dry land unless you wanna run out of air and risk drowning.” Tiny Kong pointed out to her big sister as the two female Kongs followed Diddy and Jockey’s trail through the dirty waters they currently found themselves swimming in. Fortunately for the Kongs, they managed to find a conch-shell shaped horn that they proceeded to blow in, summoning Enguarde the Swordfish to their location in the process.
Enguarde proceeded to jokingly ask the Kongs if somebody had called for him, with the Kongs rolling their eyes but laughing anyway in response. The swordfish laughed as well as he proceeded to aid the Kongs by taking out any of the non-mechanical nuisances in their way with his trusty pointy bill as well as giving them a speed boost underneath the water, should they have needed it. Before long, thanks to Enguarde’s help, the Kongs had managed to reach the end of the level, after which the Kongs thanked Enguarde for his assistance once more, after which the swordfish proceeded to acknowledge their gratitude before bailing out of the contaminated water basin as fast as his fins could carry him.
In the meantime, the Kongs made their way to the level exit, opening the toolbox-shaped chest with the Primate Print Piece stashed away inside, snatching it out, then made their over to the fifth level of Industrialula, Tubular Troubles. “Whew, am I glad to be out of that murky water basin. The Kremling factories truly are a crime against nature…” Diddy blew a sigh of relief that they were done swimming through the dirty green water basin.
Tubular Troubles found the Kongs traveling through a network of underground pipelines that ran through the area underneath Industrialula, with a whole bunch of Kremploders stationed throughout, thus forcing the Kongs to plan their moves accordingly to avoid getting on the receiving end of a face full of gunpowder courtesy of these Kremling gunmen. “These crooked crocodiles must really have strong stomachs to be able to withstand hanging out in these smelly, dank pipelines. It’s really nasty here!” Tiny Kong remarked as she and her family traversed the tubular tunnels, Jockey Kong using his immense strength to slug the Kremploders in their way unconscious. “I’ll say, Tiny Kong! Fortunately for us, they aren’t capable of withstanding a nasty left hook to the face from yours truly! So just let me do the nudging, while you and the others do the trudging!” Jockey grinned confidently as he continued to punch Kremploders, clearing the way for him and his grandchildren through the super dank sewage systems the Kremling Krew used during their operations out here on Industrialula.
“Gladly so, grandpa! Me, Dixie and Tiny have always favored being quick and nimble as opposed to being strong and sluggish! Those capabilities have always been more up the alley of Donkey, Kiddy, Chunky and yourself, after all!” Diddy admitted to his granddad as he, his girlfriend and sister in-law watched the grizzled gorilla continue to beat up the Kremling Krew’s marksmen along the way towards the end of the level.
“Not a problem whatsoever, grandson! Us Kongs like to have a variation between our power classes, after all! If we could all do the same things as one another, our kind would be a pretty boring one!” Jockey responded to Diddy while keeping up his Kremling clobbering rampage. Soon enough, they had managed to reach the end of the level and collected the Primate Print Piece locked away inside the toolbox-shaped chest waiting there for them. “Alright! Just one more map piece for us to collect inside this hazardous haven for Kremling conveyances before we can take on the next of whatever head honcho King K. Rool has stationed out here! Let’s keep moving!” Jockey grinned as he happily beat his chest before taking the lead out of the underground pipeline network with the younger Kong trio in tow.
The final regular level of Industrialula the Kongs had to cross before they could challenge the Big Boss of the area for the Kremkoin they were holding on to was named Shipyard Sprint, which, true to its name, took place inside a shipyard where the Kremling Krew produced the maritime vessels they used in combat against the Kong Family and any other adversaries they happened to come up against. As such, there was a lot of active heavy machinery stationed inside the shipyard, once again forcing the Kongs to keep on their toes to prevent becoming the victims of a heavy machinery-induced accident.
“A shipyard, huh? So this is where all of the Kremlings’ battleships come from?” Diddy pondered out loud as he and his family made their way through the perilous platforms that made up the majority of the level they currently found themselves in, along the way taking out Korsairs, Krembades, Kremdroids, Kremdrones and another new robotic Kremling enemy unit called Kremquashers, which were big, muscular Krusha-esque robots.
“Well, one of the places that the Kremlings’ battleships come from, to be precise. After all, if they’re gonna be mass producing these maritime monstrosities in order to have even half the chance of winning a watery war, they’re gonna need more than one factory to build them all in.” Jockey pointed out to the male spidermonkey as he punched out a bunch of Korsairs, Krembades and Kremdroids, with the Kremdrones and Kremquashers proving too strong for him to take out with his bare hands. Fortunately, Tiny Kong was willing to lend a hand by picking off the Kremdrones with her Feather Bow, while Diddy and Dixie protected Jockey while he was occupied with the Korsairs, Krembades and Kremdroids by taking out the Kremquashers using Steel Kegs that were spread out across the shipyard.
“Yeah, that does make the most sense. Still, it’d be in the best interest of the local flora and fauna that this shipyard as well as any of the other factories the Kremlings have stomped out of the ground on this archipelago are shut down and later demolished so that the wildlife can slowly but surely make a recovery to the state it was before.” Diddy chimed his ten cents in response as he and the girls continued to assist Jockey by keeping the Kremdrones and Kremquashers away from him. Once all of these enemies were taken care of, the Kongs ventured further into the depths of the shipyard, having to make their way through maritime vessels that were in the middle of being constructed by the Kremlings’ heavy machinery, so yet again, the Kongs had to plan their movements accordingly so that they wouldn’t get turned into monkey mincemeat. “Whoa, gotta watch our steps here!” Diddy exclaimed in fright as he and his family made their way through the molds of the maritime vessels.
“Shouldn’t be too big of a problem if we’ve watched our steps in treacherous platforming situations like this a thousand times in the past, Diddy! A spidermonkey like yourself should know that like no other!” Dixie pointed out to her boyfriend as she used her trusty ponytail to gracefully float her way through the neverending array of metal workings that never halted their mass production of aquatic armada machines for the Kremling Krew’s purposes.
“I’ll say! Good thing that I haven’t gotten rusty on any of my quick and nimble movements in spite of having grown up into teenagehood! How you two never managed to physically age in all those years will always be beyond me!” Tiny voiced her thoughts on the matter as she continued to assist her family by picking off Kremdrones with her Feather Bow while simultaneously using her trusty twin ponytails to gracefully float through her way through the hot-pressed hydraulic systems crafting the Kremlings’ naval fleets in a similar vein to her older sister. “My guess is that it has something to do with wanting to be ironic in regards to my name, as well as having me be the Luigi to Dixie’s Mario.” Tiny then guessed out loud.
“That’s one way of looking at it, for sure! But I’m pretty sure that if Nintendo wished to age up Diddy and Dixie, they would do so with good reason, unlike the idiotic and lamebrained reasons they would probably be giving for shoving poor Diddy to the sideline as Donkey’s sidekick in Donkey Kong games and quietly forcing him out of playable roles in spin-off games!” Jockey also gave his thoughts on the subject matter while he continued to slug Kremlings in the face as the Kongs slowly but surely made it towards the end of the level.
“If they do end up aging me up into teenagehood like they did with Tiny, I hope they’ll give me a cool leather jacket! I’ve always wanted to have a redesign with a leather jacket for some reason!” Diddy giggled in a giddy manner as he fantasized out loud about the possibilities of what he would look like as a teenage spidermonkey while continuously hurdling Steel Kegs at attacking Kremquashers alongside Dixie.
“I dunno why, but if they ever end up aging me up into teenagehood in a similar vein to Tiny, I’d like to wear a T-shirt and gilet. For some reason, I think I’d look really good in a T-shirt and gilet combo.” Dixie thought out loud on the subject of potential clothing she would like to wear if she ever ended up getting a redesign in a future Donkey Kong installment. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to further dwell on that topic, though, as the Kongs had reached the end of the level, opening the last toolbox-shaped chest before grabbing the last Primate Print Piece hidden away on Industrialula out of it in the process.
“Well, guess we’ll have to Kong-tinue that Kong-versation another time. Looks like we’ve got all the map pieces those repulsive reptiles have hidden away out here on this island they’re occupying, so let’s go and take a crack at plunging the head honcho running this whole operation into the depths of humiliating defeat!” Tiny suggested with a grin as she and the other Kongs began to quickly move on towards the boss level of Industrialula; Talpidae Terror. The boss level took place inside a mechanical elevator stationed inside one of the factory buildings on Industrialula, said elevator continuously descending.
Upon landing on the surface of the mechanical elevator, the Kongs yelped in fright as they were suddenly ambushed by Thomas Henry Herbert Talpidae, an overgrown anthropomorphic mole operating a large mecha modeled after himself, with a pair of large mechanized fists with large mole-like claws attached to them. “Mwahahaha! Finished your tour of the factories around the island already, have you? Well, let’s see if you annoying apes can stand up against K. Rool’s Industrialula Factory Chief and his Excavaporator 2000!” Thomas Talpidae laughed maniacally before he proceeded to engage the Kongs in battle using his personalized battle mech.
“Looks like this guy ain’t gonna be giving up his Kremkoin to us that easily. Get ready for a heck of a fight, you guys!” Diddy remarked to his family members, who nodded in response as they prepared to retaliate against Thomas Talpidae and his Excavaporator 2000. The mech then slammed its mechanical fists down onto the battle arena, causing tremors that would temporarily paralyze the Kongs if they were caught in the force of them. Jockey would then jump on the mechanical fists to damage them after getting out of the way of the tremors, with Thomas Talpidae growling in frustration at his mech being damaged.
“Knock it off, you chirpy chimps! This is a delicate machine!” Thomas Talpidae snarled at the Kongs as he proceeded to switch the fist on his mech’s right hand for a gatling gun that began to fire off flaming coconut shells at the Kongs, with the Kongs quickly running around to dodge these projectiles. Switching the gatling gun back into a regular fist shortly afterward, the malicious mole slammed both fists back down onto the battle arena to send out more trembling tremors to try and harm the Kongs, though they managed to dodge the attack again easily enough, after which Jockey jumped on the fists once more to damage them, prompting another agitated shriek from Thomas Talpidae in response.
“We’ll leave the knocking it off to you, you tunnel prone terrorist!” Jockey snarled back at Thomas Talpidae in response as he and his grandchildren continued their onslaught against the evil factory boss and his dreadful combat machine. Turning the left fist on his mech into an electric lance, Thomas Talpidae proceeded to swipe said lance across the battle arena, with the Kongs jumping over it to avoid being struck and shocked static. The mole then turned the left fist on his mech back into its regular form as he pounded both fists back down, causing the arena to quake as the Kongs dodged the attack yet again. Jockey then jumped on both fists to damage them once more, causing the arms on the mech to break off and explode, Thomas Talpidae roaring with anger afterward.
“Curse you, Kongs! Boomstick and chainsaw units, deploy!” Thomas Talpidae snarled at the Kongs yet again before replacing the right fist on his mech with an oversized chainsaw while replacing the left fist on his mech with an oversized shotgun. “You Kongs have been lucky so far, but that can’t last forever! Observe!” The villainous mole then told the Kongs as he began to use the chainsaw unit on his chainsaw to cut the mechanical elevator that the Kongs stood on in half, after which a spiked grinder rose up into the middle, thus making the Kongs’ movement around the battle arena more difficult. Laughing maniacally, Thomas Talpidae then fired off homing shotgun shells from the Boomstick unit on his mech, which the Kongs began to try and outrun to avoid being hit.
“Man, this guy really is nuttier than a fruitcake! No wonder K. Rool employed him into the Kremling Krew; He’s right up that crazy crocodile’s alley in terms of insane folks to surround himself with!” Tiny Kong remarked as she was running, leaping and twirling around to dodge the gunfire from the mech’s Boomstick unit before getting an idea. She then began to lure the homing shotgun shells towards the chainsaw unit on the mech, damaging it once the shotgun shells came in contact with the chainsaw unit. Thomas Talpidae yelped in frustration yet again upon having his beloved combat vessel being damaged even more than it already was. “Corking! That should cut us a break!” Tiny giggled at her intentionally bad pun.
“Stubborn little simians…Give up and die already!” Thomas Talpidae growled through gritted teeth as he slashed his mech’s chainsaw unit at the Kongs, though all four of them managed to evade the attack easily enough. Firing off another round of homing shotgun shells from his mech’s Boomstick unit, Thomas Talpidae began to laugh maniacally once more. Diddy then began employing Tiny’s strategy of luring the homing shotgun shells towards the chainsaw unit on the mech to damage it, successfully doing so whilst simultaneously prompting another frustrated howl courtesy of their Big Boss opponent.
“If we keep this up, we’ll have this guy’s Kremkoin in our possession in nothing flat!” Diddy chimed with a giddy giggle as he and his family continued to battle against the Big Boss they were currently up against. They then proceeded to dodge another chainsaw swipe from the boss’ mech, then began evading/luring another round of homing shotgun shells towards said chainsaw, the third hit being enough to cause the chainsaw to break off and explode, Thomas Talpidae smashing the control panel on his mech in a fit of anger from doing so.
“Grr! Gdah! I’ve had it up to here with you problematic primates! Now it’s really time for you to meet your maker!” Thomas Talpidae furiously threatened the Kongs before firing off another round of homing shotgun shells at them, which the heroic chimps used to their advantage yet again by this time luring it back towards the Boomstick unit to damage it, prompting another aggravated holler from Thomas Talpidae upon the shells making contact.
And that’s the end of Part 2 of Diddy Kong Country, the first entry in this Diddy Kong-themed lineup of Palette Swap sections for my 2026 ‘Shroom writing plan, Diddy Kong Redemption! I had a lot of fun writing this part, so I do hope you’ll have just as much fun reading it! Not much else to say here, except that I hope to see you again with Part 3 in April! Bye for now!
Random Video Analysis
Written by: Sparks (talk)
Additional Contributions by: MightyMario (talk)
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| Video by: | TennyUnderscore |
| Publish date: | January 8, 2025 |
| Views: | 1,025,596 (as of March 8, 2026) |
| Likes: | 57K (as of March 8, 2026) |
| Type: | Comedy |
Hello everybody! Sparks here with your monthly Random Video Analysis, a section where I watch and talk about random videos I find on YouTube. I've always chosen my videos in the past, but recently I've made a thread on the Mario Boards where YOU get to send me video recommendations! Found a video you enjoy that you want me to check out? Please make your way to the thread but be sure to follow the rules! You can also send a request on Discord if you prefer.
For March's video, I'll be looking at one suggested by our very own Statistics Manager MightyMario (talk)! This one's called Homer CD, a wacky parody of Sonic CD but with Homer Simpson instead of Sonic the Hedgehog! Will Homer stop the nefarious Dr. Flanders and save the future from disaster?
What's it about?
Homer CD features Homer Simpson in clips from the episode "Treehouse of Horror V", more specifically the "Time and Punishment" segment of said episode. Originally, Homer accidentally makes his toaster a time machine and causes minor changes to the past that drastically alter the present, each one completely different from each other. Homer then sets out to restore the present to its original state.
For Homer CD however, Homer's adventures are accompanied by songs and sound effects from Sonic CD! It does make sense, as both involve time travel and changing the future for the better.
To start things off, Homer "fixes" his toaster and sends him into the past. There, he swats a mosquito before returning to the present. He discovers that Ned Flanders has taken over the world and subjected everyone to "Re-Neducation". Homer and his family are taken to a Re-Neducation Center, but Homer successfully uses his super speed to escape and travels back in time.
This time, Homer's attacked by a ferocious T-Rex, but he jumps his way to safety. Phew! Before Homer returns to the present, he unintentionally crushes a walking fish, resulting in a good future where the family is rich and living in prosperity. Everything seems perfect, until Homer sits down with them at the dinner table. He asks Marge, "Would you kindly pass me a donut?", to which she replies "Donut? What's a donut?" Realizing this isn't a good future after all, Homer screams and the text GAME OVER appears on the screen. Turns out a world without donuts is Homer's worst nightmare!
Interesting observations
- All music in this video is from the Japanese version of Sonic CD:
- When Homer fixes his toaster and when he returns to the present where his family is rich, The Good Future music of Palmtree Panic Zone plays.
- While Homer is in the past, the past music of Palmtree Panic Zone plays.
- In the brief time where Homer arrives home after his first trip to the past, the Bad Future theme of Palmtree Panic Zone plays.
- When Ned Flanders shows up at the Simpsons' house via screen, the boss theme plays. The groovy one, not the creepy one.
- When Homer escapes from the Re-Neducation Center, the Bad Future theme of Metallic Madness Zone plays.
- The "GAME OVER" sequence has the GAME OVER music. Fitting!
- All of the episode's audio is muted except for the dinner scene.
- Sonic CD music and sound effects take up most of the video.
- Homer got into the "good" future when he crushed that fish. Do you think it had all the Time Stones needed for the good ending?
- Many scenes featured in the video are sped up. Sonic is about speed after all!
- When Homer runs away from the Re-Neducation Center, he says in a voice that isn't his at all, "I'm out of here!"
- Homer Simpson is meant to be Sonic the Hedgehog, while Ned Flanders is Dr. Eggman. Those animals in the past and those dogs Homer fled from must be the Badniks!
- The laugh of the boss theme played exactly when Flanders appeared on the screen.
Gallery
All of this is caused by a mosquito.
If only getting the Time Stones was this easy...
All's well that ends well!
Actually, maybe not!
Notes by MightyMario
I found this video while watching YouTube one day and found it to be a funny mixing of the Japanese/European Sonic CD soundtrack and scenes from Treehouse of Horror V (my favorite Treehouse of Horror episode).
Also, I had recently picked up Sonic Origins, and by extension played Sonic CD for the first time, so I was reminded of this video and thought Sparks would enjoy taking a look at it.
| The 'Shroom: Issue 228 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Poll Chairperson Address • 'Shroomfest • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
