The 'Shroom:Issue 143/Fake News
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Hey guys, welcome to the SECOND and FINAL edition of the Fake News of 2019!!
...Wait, what do you mean there's 12 months in a year???
Ah well. Happy Valentine's day to one and all! This year I'm going to confess to the Fake News and wholeheartedly hope you can do the same
Section of the Month
Good evening, viewers, from MKBC6, with your weather forecast for the week ahead.
Snow will begin to move in towards the end of our week, which will make Hearts Day slippery and cold. We are also looking at some freezing rain which will be moving through our area in the beginning of next week, which will make things dangerous with some ice accumulation.
We will also be featuring your forecast for the Mario Circuit for all of your kart-racing needs.
Have you been hearing loud explosions during the night? Have you noticed that there are no longer any pink bombs wandering around your paintings? Are you wondering why despite there being a war, there was only one Bob-omb Battlefield? Well, if you've been wondering about any of those, except perhaps that last one, the answer is because all of the Bob-omb Buddies have died.
It is not yet known what happened to cause them all to die, but it was deduced after hours of expert analysis, that they had exploded to death. How the greatest minds in the world were able to reach this conclusion still baffles me. However, many theories have been suggested as to why they exploded, perhaps King Bob-omb launched a surprise attack, or the Bob-omb Battlefield got intense, or a normal Bob-omb got put in their playpen.
The Mushroom Kingdom paused for a minute's solidarity with the fallen Bob-omb Buddies, before resuming their normal routines. However, the traffic lights in Mushroom City also went out for a minute at around the same time, so it is possible that they paused because of gridlock. I would ask, but the traffic has leveled out, and people are refusing to stop for me, plus some of those Bomb Cars look a bit suspicious.
King Bob-omb was not available for comment about the deaths of the Bob-omb Buddies, some source claim that he was rolling around in fits of laughter, others claim that he was grooming his magnificent moustache.
There will be no funeral for the Bob-omb Buddies, and that's because they were handy and cleaned up after themselves with their deaths. Princess Peach has designated February 14 as the Official Day of Remembrance for the Bob-omb Buddies, although she noted this may be disregarded if it is found that the day already has some special meaning.
Bonjour! C’est Fevrier, et aujourd’hui en TV Demain je choisis les trois programmes excellents de demain à votre avantage, comme toujours. And now I’ll stop trying to come up with a wacky and unique introduction that probably isn’t even grammatically correct in French anyway. Sorry. Anyway, before I do anything else completely unnecessary, let’s get on with tomorrow’s top three of Mushroom Kingdom TV!
New: In the Shadows
Mushroom Kingdom’s Got Talent
And that will be it for February’s TV Tomorrow article. I haven’t really got a wacky and unique conclusion this month so I’ll cut it short: goodbye, au revoir, and see you next month on TV Tomorrow!
|Flavio’s Fomer Chest of Treasures|
|Property Type||Commercial Property|
|Square Footage (Building)||214,448 ft²|
|Square Footage (Lot)||N/A|
|Property Age||5 Years|
|Years Since Last Renovation||5 Years|
|Current Value (Type:Purchase Cost)|
|Value Trend (Type: Yearly)||▲4.1%|
|Averages Years Owned||5|
The property was commissioned by the great merchant Flavio as one of his many business endeavors. He got the idea after visiting a far off land which when interviewed for maritime writer Sawl T.’s biography of him he noted to be “A land of strange customs, advanced technology, and many riches.” After staying in one of these hotels himself he was immediately in love with the idea and just had to build his own. He began after returning from his then voyage which lasted five months.
He began searching for a property as soon as he arrived back in Rogueport, though finding a sizeable building was not easy nor was securing any land. There was no suitable site along the coastline so he took to the seas in hopes of finding land somewhere. About two weeks into his journey he remembered a friend who owned some resort islands owed him a favor, so after calling them up Flavio set sail in the winds of fortune.
While his friend was not able to provide him one of their previously developed islands there was one of a fair size several miles away. After looking over the site himself Flavio called in another favor at the Steuben & Stooben architecture firm. Finally, he was able to build the property of his dreams. It was very fun work for Flavio and he personally visited it many times over the next five years. He eventually did have to give it up though after retiring from his famous newspaper column to take to the seas full time. After an exchange of many hands in a short period it ended up being owned by Rogueport Bank, who is very keen on selling it.
Guide to the Property
The property is a 30-floor love hotel located on a semi-isolated part of a remote archipelago known for its renowned resorts. Aimed towards traveling couples the hotel is themed after the flagship of his personal merchant fleet the S.S. Flavioff which took the place of his former ship the S.S. Flavion. Each room is made to look like Flavio’s personal quarters with a little spin on it.
The ends of each room hang every so slightly over the side of the building to give each one the proper shape of a boat. In the middle of each overhang is a curved window which sits right on top of a California King bed. At the foot of each bed is a platform made out of recycled driftwood like the rest of the room. This descends to the main room which houses a grand marble table, many chests of “treasure”, and a large bathtub meant to mimic a hole in a sinking ship. It does this through a system which pushes up water through jet propulsion and takes it out by a series of vacuum tubes to prevent the water from actually rising. After being removed the water is taken to an internal filtration system before cycling back through. Near the tub on the floor are a series of doubloons which can be used to adjust the pressure of input as well as the water temperature.
Each floor contains 20 identical rooms on each of its thirty residential floors. At the center of each of these floors is a stairwell usable in the event of a fire. There are also 4 elevator shafts that connect each floor which helps to reduce congestion as the customers move about from their floors to the lobby and vice versa.
The ground floor is a sprawling complex which consists of 4 primary sections. At the entrance to the building is the reception desk and waiting area complete with an area to set up refreshments and cable television. At the lobby’s right is the hotel’s buffet which consists of several lines and plenty of long tables to seat the hotel’s patrons. At the lobby’s left is a casino meant to provide a more high stakes getaway for the patrons. It features a series of slot machines as well as a table for blackjack and a stage for contracted performers. At the back of the ground floor are an additional series of rooms. These two rooms were meant to be super suites for the more extravagant customers but were never completed due to a lack of funding or interest.
This property was extremely well managed so it will not be hard to start the business back up soon after buying. If you cannot afford the property but would love to stay here spread the word and maybe someone will. A deal like this is not hard to love especially considering the potential return on an investment like this. So if you or anyone you know as a ship they really want to sail, give Realah T. a call at (868) 259-7325.
|The 'Shroom: Issue 143|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|
|Specials||Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Photo Contest • A Special Presentation|
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