The 'Shroom:Issue 126/Fake News
Welcome once again to the Fake News!
Unfortunately, we will be losing a writer this month - The Pyro Guy (talk) will be resigning from the Cooking Guide to focus on school work. We wish him luck for the future and hope to see him return some day!
Section of the Month
A disaster has rocked the Mario Kart Wii community to its core, after fan-favourite
The race was stopped 40 minutes after the accident, with Funky Kong's close friend Donkey Kong winning. When organisers were pressed as to why the race wasn't stopped sooner, they told me: "People regularly fly off of our tracks, how we were supposed to know this was any different from all those times?" Further analysis revealed that the organiser was telling the truth as drivers regularly fall off high crevasses, get hit by explosives, and occasionally fall into lava.
In his life, Funky Kong was an accomplished businessman, operating a plane service, a rental service, and even a weapons store. However, when the latter business was brought up with the family, they fully denied all knowledge of its existence, and I was promptly shown the door. Luckily, a passing child told me that Funky was "great" for giving him a Pineapple Launcher, whatever that is, for completely free with no questions asked.
I went to talk to the Kongs about Funky's death, but sadly I could not understand their monkey language, so I just politely nodded throughout the whole encounter. I guess if I give them a Banana it'll be fine.
The surfing community will however be deeply affected by his loss, as he was renowned for being able to "tear up" on the waves. However, no one cares about surfing, so I instead asked the horse racing community what they thought. Sadly, they snubbed me, as they had no idea who Funky Kong was.
Funky Kong's funeral will take place next week, and will be attended by the Kong family, and close friends. King K. Rool was been asked not to appear, and so has the Mario Kart Wii community, on fear that they will actually celebrate Funky's death.
Hello, my fellow members of the Mushroom Kingdom! It's me, Arch, here to bring you another edition of travel guide!
Today, we’re going to go to a very exotic location: Noki Bay!
As you can see, I’m not a big fan of locations like this with a lot of sunlight. Luckily for me, Noki Bay has many shady spots. Also fortunately for me, the water is no longer poisoned, as everyone’s favorite plumber visited this place and distilled the water in the famous Delfino War of 2002. Also thanks to that “pesky plumber”, the waterfall is flowing again and Eely-Mouth has good oral hygiene!
Speaking of Eely-Mouth, he’s surprisingly cool for a sea eel. If you ever need worldly wisdom or advice on life, he can provide it. According to some records, he’s been around for 5,000 years, which is insane.
While in Noki Bay, you can go see the Tricky Ruins, where Gooper Blooper and Mario did battle 15 years ago. I’m sure there is a Noki who will take you to the top of the ruins for the right amount of Blue Coins. (Author’s Note: For some reason the Pianta and Noki value Blue Coins over Yellow Coins. I have no clue why.)
After seeing the Tricky Ruins, I was awfully thirsty, so I got a bottle I found to drink. It instead transported me inside of the bottle, which was peculiar. Inside the bottle I found a small house, and inside there was a book. The book’s titled was too faded to read, but inside was the original demo for Paper Mario: Sticker Star from back when it was like The Thousand Year Door! I considered it a score, so I took it with me when I left the bottle. Also in the area is a very beautiful waterfall! You can take tourist hikes up this area of the surrounding mountain range, which I recommend. Once up there, you can see the entirety of the bay in its prime. It’s very breathtaking and will probably leave you in awe.
The odds were in my favor on this trip it seems, as I saw III Piantissimo on this trip. While this was not the same celebrity Mario once faced (He’s retired and now an accountant), his son was very similar, and in fact, looked almost exactly the same! I got an autograph from him on a photo I have.
Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to spell my name right. That aside, it seems that he frequents this area a lot, so keep an eye out for him!
There are also rock-climbing tours to get to the top of one of the cliff faces in the area. For some reason at the Bay’s peak, there is a strange giant Koopa Shell. Don’t go inside it unless you want to see something extremely trippy.
One thing that makes this place even more spectacular are the beautiful Golden Birds. If you see one, be sure to give it a wave for me!
Overall, despite the constant exposure to the sun, my trip to Noki Bay was a fun one, and highly recommend it to those who love tropical getaways!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Come closer, as I, the one, the only, clumsy but bold Koops ventures throughout the Marioverse to give you pieces of advice on whether or not you should visit some random location that I want to present to you!
This time, we are heading to a way bigger destination than last time, Toad City! Now that's what I'm talking about! I know there are a lot of you toads who are probably reading this at the moment who live in Toad City, but let's face it. It's so big you haven't discovered it all yet, so maybe that's worth it. Plus, most of the people I know don't live there, like my colleagues there. Anyway, let's not drift away from the actual section shall we?
So Toad City is HUUUUGE! You will find tons of things to do there I don't even think I can cover them all in this section! What? What is that look you're giving me? Oh! So you want me to cover everything in ONE section? You can't do that to me, I'm a 'Shroom Newbie! Well okay I did write a section before, but trust me, it's way harder to come up with the script than your little brains think! What now? You're making puppy eyes? Sorry, but it's not wor........ kiiiiiing! Ok, Ok! Fine! I'll do it! Or at least I'll try! Don't go crying to my toes if you don't like how long it is though, that's what you asked for!
So anyway, back to where we left off! Toad city is HUUUUGE! Everything in this city is great, at a point that you might be trapped there forever! Ok, not literally, but yeah, the things you can do there are almost unlimited! First off, let us talk about the main attraction of Toad City, Toad Town! The Town is located somewhere in the far north of Toad City, and for good reason! That's where Peach's castle is, so yeah! If you go to Toad City you can actually meet the Princess in Person! And if you happen to run into Mario or Luigi while they're making their ways to the castle, then you are even more lucky! Except they will be jumping around on roofs and statues to get there, so I guess that makes it harder... in Toad Town you will find the basic "village stuff", like shops, inns and whatever else comes to mind when you think "villages". So yeah, aside Peach's castle, there is nothing that interesting. North of Toad Town you'll find nothing more than Star Haven, but that's not even part of Toad City, so moving on!
Let's see here, next we have... Toad Harbor! The place is located on the shore, I mean of course it's a harbor what did you expect? So anyway, one thing's for sure, the place growls with tramways! Some have even reported 8 run overs a year! Oh sorry, month! I meant month! So yeah, apart from that, the place has been nominated as a Mario Kart track in 2014, because they figured the tramways would make good obstacles. Anyway, the harbor is beautiful, there's this clocktower which brings a more... harbor-y feel to the harbor with those bells that keep ringing every hour! And last but not least, this place has the most delicious fish I ever tasted! Seriously, the main reason you wanna come here is the fish! Just the fish, Man! Come here for the tramways, the bells, the races, to get ran over by tramways, but you have to try the fish!
Did that go overboard? Yeah I think so too. Anyway, thanks to the fresh fish these guys fish, Toad Harbor is the biggest sea market in the whole Marioverse! Yeah, that's a big score, I tell ya!
So now that we've cleared Toad Harbor out of the way, let's talk about another location in Toad City that has earned its spot in the Mario Kart races, Toad's Turnpike! Yes, I know, it's a day for uncreative names, but the road has more to it than it appears to at first glance.
Toad's Turnpike is, you guessed it, another of Toad City's locations to be a destination for races. Stuntmen are hired to drive the cars and trucks that are made obstacles in the race, because come on, what kind of truck would be carrying a blue glider ramp? To make the cars fly and land in the bushes, no man, not happening! And think of the fact that one can propel a car in the air by hitting it with a bullet bill or Super Star, do you think that is illegal to do on people who didn't want to be part of the race? Anyway, there's not just races, there's the whole Turnpike itself that has its surprises! It's filled with restaurants, gas stations, parkings, restaurants, and parkings, and restaurants! There are even a lot of advertisements, if you're interested in that.
Next off, we have Super Bell Subway, located somewhere in the southeast of Toad Harbor, as seen on the pictured map. Super Bell Subway is the main way you're going to get around in Toad City, and yes, the Subway too has been nominated as a racetrack for Mario Kart, Toad City is that popular. The subway is always crowded, always overpopulated, many people sleep there and catch the train at any time, it's like they live in the subways. The reason Super Bell subway is more famous than the others is the fact that it makes for a great racetrack, so most of the people who sleep there are here for the races.
Now, I am going to show you something you will not forget, even if you forget me one day, which is impossible, but anyway, let's get there!
See, at night, sometimes, in Golden Bell station, a train station, a flying train carrying coins will occasionally stop by, and if you catch it, you will get taken to one of the most beautiful places you will ever look at.
I am now in rainbow road, a road that's a rainbow. I'm pretty sure I mentioned it in last issue, but this rainbow road is different. This rainbow road it outstanding, mostly because from this rainbow road you can see the entirety of Toad City from here. At night, when the sky is dark and the lights are on, that is just by far, the greatest view on the City you can ever find, you can even see Peach's statue from here! That is just so majestic, man. Unfortunately I need to come down NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwww...... <echo> <crash>
<distant voice>I'm okay!<distant voice>
So hey guys, I'm now in the hospital. Doctor said I'll be fine... but he was using a sarcastic voice so to be honest, I'm kinda confused right now. Anyway, I'll see you in the next issue. Until then, peace everyone!
Welcome back to TV Tomorrow, the column that puts the 'what' into 'what's on the box?' Otherwise it would just be ''s on the box?' and that wouldn't make any sense. So let's get to what that 'what' is - the top three programmes on tomorrow in the Mushroom Kingdom!
The Shroomlock Files: The Plumber in the Garden
New: Mario and Luigi's Wonderful Towns of the Mushroom Kingdom
Underwater Lands Political Debate
Howdy-doo, everybody! Everything’s all hunky-dory here in Game Corner land! I think I might just take a jolly little stroll through th-
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|The 'Shroom: Issue 126|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • 'Shroom Achievements • The 'Shroom Spotlight|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|
|Specials||Meta Knight's Awards Reflections • Community Awards X • Awards Analysis • Killing Game: Closing Argument|
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