The 'Shroom:Issue LXXXV/Fake News

Editorial Hello, and welcome to the first Fake News of 2014! I think. Ladies and gentlemen, this is extraordinary. You may remember the Fake News section in the issue released a year ago today, Issue LXXIII, in which Tucayo (talk), in his final (though not actually final) Ask Tucayo section, made this outlandish and, at the time, seemingly irrelevant claim: MCD: Who would you like as an ideal replacement for the "Ask ____" section? Tucayo: Kim Jong-un. Or Bill Clinton. [...] Many saw this to be intended as a joke, but not many know that Tucayo did, in fact, attempt to contact Bill Clinton: And he also contacted Kim Jong-un: Kim Jong-un still hasn't arrived yet, but we can only presume he's on his on his way, and hasn't run into some sort of Dry Bones being used as a boat. However, Bill Clinton actually got back to us, and actually agreed to writing Ask Bill Clinton! So, without further ado... Ask Bill Clinton Written by: Bill Clinton Hello, I am former President of the United States of America Bill Clinton, and I am here to answer some questions from you, my fellow Democrats; I am here to prove to you that the Republican party will severely damage this country, if you elect them in 2016; I am here to shape a better future for the United States of America. Bill Clinton received no questions this month. Thank you, Bill. Tucayo would be proud. Now, onto the matter of staff changes. It is with triumph sadness that we bid Icemario11 (talk) farewell, as he has resigned from writing the TV Tomorrow and Cooking Guide sections. However, he did say he might reapply in future. On the other side of the spectrum, Lord Bowser (talk), who you may remember as Mr. Game & Watch, (who you may remember as Goomba) who you may remember wrote the Shop Scout back in 2013, has returned to write for the Monthly Inquisition. Congratulations! Now, in terms of Section of the Month, Paper Yoshi (talk) and Ask Paper Yoshi won, with 16 votes. Yoshi876 (talk) and his Obituaries were close behind with 15 votes. And so, with that, I shall leave you now to whatever the sections below hold. ~ MrConcreteDonkey (talk), Paint.NET prodigy

Written by: Toadbert101 (talk)

Written by: Lord Bowser (talk) After a bit of a struggle trying to convince him to join me for a while ("I'm busy trying to kidnap a princess here!"), I got the chance to speak to him for a while. Enough blabbing, let's get on with the show! ; Welcome, Lord Bowser! ; Hey. Can this speed up a bit? I got a prin- someone at home that I need to watch... ; Don't tell me; you have kids? ; You could say that... ; Anywho, let's get started. ; What's your biggest dream in life? ; Well, there is this one girl who I always admired and I wanted a nice, healthy relationship with her... but a certain plumber keeps getting in the way of things by trying to keep her away from me AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYING MY HOME, MY ARMY, AND MY POSSESIONS! breathes fire ; Woah woah woah, dude, don't burn the set! ; Sorry, I just get... infuriated whenever I think of that guy... ; Onto another question, for the sake of our lives! ; What's your favorite color, and why? ; Reddish-orange, as it reminds me of the lava in my castle. ; L-lava? You live in a volcano or something? ; No, I live in a castle, and I use lava for defense. ; Right... ; Next question! ; What's your favorite kind of animal? ; Turtles, it's pretty obvious why. ; Yup, it is. Nice shell too! ; Thank you! One of my minions waxes it daily. ; that poor minion... So how'd you get the spikes then? ; You know about Spinies, right? ; Mmhmm. ; I'm a separate subspecies of Koopa, but I'm distantly related to them. ; Ah, nice. ; Next question! ; What was the best thing that ever happened to you? ; Probably when I got my hands on a Star Rod a few years ago. All that power it gave me... one of the greatest feelings you'll ever feel... ; ...I see... ; Final question! ; What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? ; Falling into a black hole. Not exactly what you'd call "pleasant". ; Of course not, ha ha. ; So, now that we're about to- and burst in ; I've-a foiled you again, Bowser! ; Thank you Mario, I'm free now! ; ...what the hell just happened..? turns red with rage ; MARIO! YOU ALWAYS RUIN EVERYTHING! breathes a stream of flames Off the air for about 3 minutes runs up to the camera ; Uh, w-we're experiencing t-technical difficulties r-right now, j-join us next m-month f-for another f-fabulous interview! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! runs away while screaming like a little girl

Written by: Yoshi876 (talk) Big Beanie The deceased As hay fever season starts many citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom decided to cut down several plants to prevent the spread of pollen that would cause them to sneeze uncontrollably, which is incredibly annoying when you’re trying to get a date something this writer knows all too well. The citizens of Egg Island were no exception, however they "accidently" cut down Big Beanie. Big Beanie wasn't a particularly well liked member of the Egg Island community, in fact he spent most of his time spitting beans onto the poor people who lived there. Big Beanie was also disliked due to the fact that he would grow massive beanstalks for people to climb up, and they led to no treasure, nor even clouds. One resident of Egg Island had this to say "If we hadn't 'accidently' cut him down, I was going to use pesticide for all those things he did". It wasn't just the people at Egg Island who were angry though, the residents of the Beanbean Kingdom were also unhappy with him, as they had absolutely no idea whether he was one of them and so they have no idea whether they can invade Egg Island for killing cutting down one of them. Some good did come from the death of Big Beanie, as the resident of Egg Island got to eat lots of beans hooray?, which ended the two year famine that had been affecting the island ever since they ran out of eggs. However, the death did cause tensions between Egg Island and the Beanbean Kingdom to rise, especially since Egg Island did not offer any of the beans to the Beanbean Kingdom which have been suffering from a shortage ever since two plumbers came and raided the kingdom of all their beans.

Ask Paper Yoshi Written by: Paper Yoshi (talk) Paper Yoshi got no questions in the past month. Be sure to help the Fake News team by sending a PM with your questions!

Issue LXXXV
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