The 'Shroom:Issue LXXXIV/Fake News

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Editorial

Hello, welcome to the Fake News, and happy March 15th! I haven't got much I need to say here today, so I'll keep this pretty quick. Section of the Month was won by both Yoshi876 (talk) and Paper Yoshi (talk), with Obituaries and Ask Paper Yoshi, both achieving 20 votes. Congratulations to both of you!

~ FakeIco MCD.png MrConcreteDonkey (talk), entirely lacking in description

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Written by: Icemario11 (talk)

Fortunes Fortuning In

I foresee your surprise at finding a non-general news show present today, as well as General News being unable to be on today thanks to an incorrectly placed cup of water technical difficulties malfunctioning the recording. I hope you too foresee the good advice that comes your way in the next few seconds.

"Dogs have masters. Cats have staff." - This month, the dogs of the world shall be at their owners' feet and completely under their control, contrary to them cats shall be the ones pulling the strings back home, and backlash is highly discouraged as I predict severe face trauma caused by slashes to the face.

Now, this was a question I received from a book because I lack viewers one of my many fans several weeks ago.

"Why do people say “no offence” right before they’re about to offend you?" - It should be common knowledge that people are fickle, and some even have the gall to lower your, expectancy of an insult then completely stun you by throwing one your way just to spite you. I advise you, anonymous viewer, to take such words with a grain of salt and prepare to retaliate next time you hear them; I doubt you'd want to let them get away with so rude a stunt.

"The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth." - It would be a stretch to think one would believe a complete fib whipped out of the cream of lies from the supermarket of deceit. All you liars out there, remember to keep grains of truth in any lie you whip up, the partial authenticity will throw lie detectors off the scent, and remember, if anyone asks you about this, use this advice to conceal the source of this advice.

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Written by: Icemario11 (talk)

BlockMeal SPM.pngBlock MealBlockMeal SPM.png

Remember those gravity-defying cubes of brick that most people think were originally Toads? Remember all the people who fell into comas trying to break them with their heads, and all the people who suffered from brain trauma trying to figure out how such things exist? No? What about the burly lads who shattered their knuckles beyond repair trying to smash them open? Well, turns out those indestructible things have possibly edible relatives.

Our rats from the lab who are surprisingly highly intellectual bipedal creatures with a variety of degrees have deduced that in order to consume this meal, the hungry must chuck it in a fire that generates incredibly powerful heat, which is in theory impossible as such heat would kill if neared, but in practice is actually easily possible if one fires the meal at the Sun. Granted, the liquefied food would likely be impossible to reacquire if it was thrown at the Sun, as all who attempt to are barbecued, liquefied and evaporated all in one fell scorch.

When liquefied and consumed, the Block Meal has been described as "tasting like tar", one gluttonous gold-grabbing guy commented. Shortly after consumption, he claims to have spat a small cube that grew in size until it became larger than the source of it, where it then shrunk and encased him in a light blue aura, which was apparently empowering and led to him breaking into one of the largest banks around. The police were called and even fired shots at him, but somehow the shots all disintegrated upon contact and he got away safely, gold and all. Even more unfortunately, the street and the pesky words on it let the police know that we had something to do with what happened, and things got ugly, to put it bluntly.

Contrary to what I'd think would be popular belief, the slice of orange actually has a more significant profit on the consumer than the actual block. Eating it greatly enhances the durability of the person who eats it, three-fold in comparison to the durability boost from the block when liquefied. The chef we threatened with water guns filled with hot sauce begged to prepare this dish was immediately hit with an unintelligent onslaught of torches and water bottles by relatives of the customers who died trying to eat the Block Meal or from constipation because they managed to.

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Written by: Toadbert101 (talk)

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Obituaries.png

Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Bashmaster, the Unbreakable

The deceased

For all those who believe that global warming is a myth there may now be more evidence that shows that it is real as Bashmaster the Unbreakable died today due to the ice that usually surrounds him melting away. Although it wasn’t the ice that killed him, the lack of it did it did however kill the ice cream business as all the ice went because Bashmaster couldn’t get to land so he drowned.

These events happened shortly after Donkey Kong ejected him from his island. Donkey Kong expressed regret over his actions, until he remembered that Bashmaster had tried taking the island from Donkey Kong. We tried convincing Donkey Kong to pretend to be sad, by bribing him, but instead he just took the bribe and punched the briber he’s smarter then we give him credit for.

He then turned our attention to his boss, Lord Fredrik who had this to say “He was a good man, shame that he was actually breakable”, the interview was then terminated due to Lord Fredrik using a joke I planned on using later having another island to invade. Another high-ranking member of the Snowmads, Skowl, said this “Coo coo.” come on I needed to make at least one animal joke

In the aftermath of this the Snowmads held a memorial service for him near where he died, unfortunately though as there was no ice they decided to go to sunny Barbados instead. Due to the weather there though everyone forgot that they were actually there for a funeral and as a result the only burials took place in the sand. The Snowmads did eventually remember and Bashmaster's gravestone reads "Bashmaster, the Unbreakable. Turns out he really wasn't unbreakable." Also, Nintendo announced their attention to make Polar Bear Mario they decided to skin Bashmaster, just to really annoy PETA.

Ask Paper Yoshi

Written by: Paper Yoshi (talk)

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another issue of Ask Paper Yoshi!! I have no health issues this month, so let's see what's in store for me!

I got a total of fourteen questions for this month's issue. Icemario11 (talk) (Forum profile) asked a whopping eleven of them a few days before last issue's release date, after the section was sent, while Koopartol Brick Block (talk) (Forum profile) asked the remaining three a few days ago.

First of all, let's go to Icemario's questions, as he's been waiting for quite a while. He asks:

What's your favourite RPG series and why?
Now that's a really tough question... I like multiple RPG series, and choosing a favorite one is very hard for me. However, I'll do my best to choose one.
* Paper Yoshi debates with self in order to choose his favorite RPG series
* Paper Yoshi starts fighting with self due to disagreements on the aforementioned matter
...
* Paper Yoshi realizes it's a good time to stop being stupid
ANYWAY, now I can finally tell you what is my favorite RPG series. After some debating, I have come to the conclusion that my favorite RPG series (yay for redundancy!) is... the Mario & Luigi series.
I have played all but one game (Dream Team) in the series, and I greatly enjoyed all three, especially Partners in Time and Bowser's Inside Story, which I own. The villains are some of the best in all of the Mario series (*coughFawfulcough*), and the storylines are amazing as well, as are some of the NPCs.
Are you a chess player and what is your favourite piece and why?
I kind of was a chess player a good nine years ago in a Olympics-like tournament contested by students in grades 6 to 8 at my school. I was eliminated in my first match, and, if I recall correctly, I finished last. As for my favorite piece, I guess that'd be the queen. It is by far the most powerful piece in the game, able to wreck havoc if the opponent is not prepared.
How do you feel about tournaments, why and have you ever been in one?
(Assuming you're talking about tournaments in general)
I find tournaments to be very exciting, whether you're competing or just watching them. Taking part on a competition yourself is extremely satisfying and rewarding, especially when it comes to a state competition or even the biggest ones, involving players from all over the world, such as the Olympics. However, I haven't gone that way, as the only real competition I was in is the aforementioned Olympics-like tournament from my school.
What's your favourite object to sit on and why?
You really can't go wrong with a nice and comfy armchair. Sure, couches may be bigger, but when there are other people around, having your own isolated space is a plus, and you can't get that with a couch, as you have to share it with those people (unless you make everyone else stand up, but that's really mean).
P.S.: If you're alone at home, however, be sure to sit on that couch and take up all the space. Enjoy that while you can.
If you live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
Definitely Sevilla (Seville). I don't have to think twice about it. I lived there from October 2007 to July 2008, and it was one of the best periods of my life. I grew as a person there, and I had great experiences both in Sevilla and in Europe, so those places naturally have a place in my heart. Besides, the city is simply amazing, and I wish to go back there as soon as I can.
If you hypothetically were going to kill someone, how would you end them and why?
I would lead them in some way to a dark alley, or any dark place for that matter, before swiftly finishing them off with a knife or anything similar.
Don't worry, I don't plan on killing you. Or do I? Mwahahahaha!!
Have you ever made water balloons? If so, have you bombed anyone with them and if you have how did you feel about it?
I don't recall ever making water balloons myself, but I would probably enjoy throwing a few of them at someone. However, I wouldn't really like being hit by them...
What's your opinion on the mass of attention Rosalina has been receiving of late?
I actually like Rosalina, and I'm looking forward to seeing her and Luma in action on Super Smash Bros. for 3DS (I don't own a Wii U, sadly). However, I do find all the attention she's gotten lately somewhat weird, seeing as she's a very recent character.
If you could change one thing about MarioWiki as a whole, what would it be and why?
I don't know! Um, maybe I would have a little less text on the Main Page, or at least have more space everywhere on that page (I really don't have a better idea...).
What one game, sequel or remake do you wish to exist the most that has showed no signs of it ever happening and why?
You have no idea how long I'd been waiting to be able to tell someone...
Right after Nintendo released their New Play Control! remakes of Mario Power Tennis, Donkey Kong Jungle Beat and either Pikmin or Pikmin 2 (or both, I don't remember :S), I had the greatest idea for a NPC! remake: Mario Kart: Double Dash!!. I figured the game could use Mario Kart Wii's Wii Wheel control scheme, with a minor change: the A Button button, used by the player in MKWii to look behind, could instead be used to switch characters. I've always wanted to play MKDD!!, so I thought (and still think) that'd be an awesome idea. However, Nintendo never released said remake, so it'll remain what it has always been: a dream.
What's your favourite piece of BJAODN and why?
That'd be the Mario entry, especially the two images containing commentary on the page's state in 2010. Those images show many mistakes that might go on unnoticed otherwise, helping writers understand what not to include in an article.

Meanwhile, KoopartolBB asks:

It's Super Koop-art-olBB! *windows shattering*
(whoops I broke all the windows on that HQ... uh-oh)
Have you ever played Mario Pinball Land and beat it?
[this next question may have been glitched]
I have never played that game, but it looks very unique, and playing it would surely be an interesting experience.
If you had a pet chameleon, what would you name it?
note to self: that HQ is gonna fall :o
I would name it Leo or Leon, I guess. Those may not be overly creative names, but they are funny puns. I like them. :)
And lastly, have you ever been in a HQ in your life?
Ironically enough, I have never been to an HQ before.
That is, before I caused all that trouble at the 'Shroom HQ... *sigh*

Well, I guess that's it for this issue!!! Remember to keep your questions coming by sending me a PM, and I'll be sure to answer them as soon as possible!! See you in April!!

Issue LXXXIV
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