The 'Shroom:Issue 156/Fake News
Welcome to another edition of Fake News! There's a couple of things pertaining to the 'Shroom to report. Firstly, the manual of style received a slight update. Worried about your section having to meet an arbitrary character count, rather than just needing to be a complete section regardless of length? Worry no more! More importantly, the 'Shroom also now supports certain fonts, as seen above. You can learn how to use them, which fonts can be used, and how to suggest new ones here.
We also have a new section. While traditionally a no-sign up section, News Flush is now being written as a permanent monthly section by Lord Bowser (talk)! However, just because Lord Bowser is writing the section doesn't mean you can't write it too. Thus, you can still write this section without signing up and send it privately to me though Discord or the forums. While these sections do still need to follow the manual of style, they don't need to go though the more formal application process. These, if I accept them, will be included in the next issue, as long as they were sent in at least a week before said issue's release. As per usual, you can always sign up to write other sections here. While sections which aren't News Flush do require you to formally sign up, other sections still don't have to be a long-term commitment. You can simply choose to do a volunteer section if you want to.
To acknowledge actual, real life news, I do hope our readers are staying safe. Wash your hands and be aware.
Section of the Month
|FAKE NEWS SECTION OF THE MONTH|
A report on the latest news pertaining to the coronavirus in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Hello hello hello! Welcome to News Flush, home of the only real news you can find in this lawless wasteland. I'm your anchor, Lord Bowser. Let's get to today's headlines.
Wouldn't you know it, all of our top stories our first time around have to do with everyone's new word of the month: coronavirus! As you've no doubt heard, coronavirus is a nasty bug going around everywhere and back. Big effects worldwide, some of them felt right here at home. Why don't we take a look at some recent developments...
Reported: 2 March
Earlier this month, King Bowser Koopa of Bowser's Kingdom made a surprising announcement; an invasion of Princess Peach's Castle and the Mushroom Kingdom, planned for May and intended to set off the plot of New Super Ultra Mario & Luigi Bros. 3D U Deluxe Land+, would be postponed indefinitely as a result of the ongoing outbreak. This revelation follows a string of similar postponements and cancellations, including a planned visit of Toad Town by the Comet Observatory, and the grand reopening of the Last Resort Hotel. When questioned by field reporters, King Bowser responded with the following:
Spokespeople for Princess Peach report that the princess understands King Bowser's concerns, and is willing to cooperate on a better date for the invasion. Mario stated that he too had similar concerns about stepping foot in Bowser's Kingdom, where cases of the disease are in far greater numbers. Top Toad scientists are still working on a potential treatment protocol for the virus, trying a number of unorthodox methods, such as throwing multicolored pills into the air in an attempt to neutralize airborne viral particles, as well as at infected people; this has shown mixed results thus far.
"I'm worried about my troops is the thing. Handful of them are already showing symptoms, even my top generals; way more are too scared to set foot in foreign territory. Really want to get that Peach with me, but right now, it's just too risky."
Toadette, Inventor of "Super Crown", Grilled Over Possible Connection to Virus
Reported: 12 March
Miss Toadette, renowned for her smashing fashion debut in the Super Crown and recent foray into architecture, has come under scrutiny in recent weeks, due to the unfortunate coincidence in the name of her trendy headgear and the coronavirus. The word "corona" translates into "crown", leading many to speculate that the Toad entrepreneur may have had some role in starting and/or perpetuating the outbreak, additionally noting that her and her friends and family have conspicuously been healthy and active in public. Miss Toadette staged a press conference earlier this week, where she vehemently denied all allegations against her.
Reporters at the conference noted Miss Toadette's anxious demeanor, as well as what appeared to be a botched attempt to conceal a shipment of strangely-colored vials by workers in highly protective gear going on behind her. Whether these events are related is still unknown as of now.
"Myself and my company would like the opportunity to put all rumors around us to rest. We are in no way associated with the dreadful outbreak, and have been actively working with top doctors and researchers throughout the kingdom to find a cure for this disease. We are saddened to hear the increasingly grim news regarding the outbreak, and are hoping to put a stop to it as soon as possible. In the meantime, please look forward to our upcoming release of a new Super Crown model by the end of the month, specially formulated with antimicrobial solutions to ward off the virus."
Tourist Trips to Isle Delfino's Corona Mountain Skyrocket: Locals Aren't Pleased
Reported: 7 March
Isle Delfino International Airport has reported a surge in ticket sales and overfilled inbound planes as the outbreak rages on, in stark contrast to other airports in the kingdom. Ticket sales jumped over 430% in the second half of February, according to their recently released financial report. Thousands of tourists are flocking to the peaceful tropical paradise to visit its famed Corona Mountain, obviously sharing a name with the disease. Owing to its remoteness and small size, there have been no reported cases of coronavirus in Isle Delfino as of the end of February, though the influx of tourists is leaving many local residents unsettled. A Pianta from Delfino Plaza stated the following in an interview;
Doctors and hospitals on the island remain on high alert as more tourists from around the world arrive at the island, with many prospective visitors already being turned away at the airport for showing concerning symptoms. Other major tourist attractions, such as Gelato Beach and Pinna Park, are bracing for potential shutdowns.
"All youse funky mushroom people are gonna ruin our way-a life here! We don't want your stinkin' virus, and I ain't afraid to chuck you right back to where you came from if I gotta do it, capiche?"
And that's all our top stories for the month. Wow, what a story that coronavirus is... coronavirus... caronovuris... egh, now it sounds weird to me. Try saying that five times fast, huh? Anywho, tune in next month for more quality news updates, from the only trustworthy news source around!
I may be a Mushroom Kingdom reporter, but today I am going a little bit outside my jurisdiction, as I have been informed about a death inside the Macro Zone. And upon approaching this gigantic Mario monstrosity, it was nearly me who had their Game Over as it is genuinely terrifying to look upon. Forget the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, imagine this walking down the streets of New York.
Anyway, although I am the star of this section, especially with Brighton and the Millennium Star's previous deaths, not arranged by me before any scandalous accusations come out thank you very much, there is an actual death that I need to cover. That of the Sewer Rat, who actually lived inside of this giant Mario… thing instead of an actual sewer. I guess Rogueport really isn't that welcoming, considering its extensive sewer network would've been incredible for this rat.
I was quickly informed by residents that I was actually in the Mario Zone, and not the Macro Zone, which was simply a massive house. This was not my day, and made me regret coming here, but I had an obituary to write, and no poor directions or scary Mario statues were going to stop me. At least an attic is more appropriate for a rat, although perhaps the basement would've been a better choice to be closer to the sewers. My suggestion did not get much of a response from the body of the Sewer Rat.
It is believed that the Sewer Rat died after someone thought its nose was a party popper and so they pulled if off. But instead of party streamers and confetti flowing out, instead it was [EDITOR'S NOTE: What Yoshi876 described here was deemed too graphic to be read by anyone's eyes, and has been censored accordingly. Y876 will be subjected to disciplinary action and forced to spend the night camping in front of the Mario zone.]
The Antottos living in the Macro Zone easily arranged a funeral for the Sewer Rat with a simple cremation, by tossing him into the fireplace. Additional wood and coal that was deemed to be inanimate objects were thrown onto the fireplace, due to them being inanimate objects they will not receive their own obituaries, and I will not talk to people close to them about their death.
I came to realise that I didn't speak to anyone surrounding Sewer Rat's death, however, when apparently the only available person for comment was Tatanga, and who remembers him anyway?
Written by: Coffee
TV Tomorrow is back, bringing you the TV of tomorrow, today. I am mostly excited to announce the projected launch of a TV Tomorrow podcast, in which I, Quizmelon, voicing myself, discuss Mushroom Kingdom television with two highly acclaimed television experts, who are also voiced by me. I just need to sort through some details first, but we’ve got sponsorship and funding from Morton Construction, it should all be fine. While I arrange that, let me tell you about this month’s televisual top three!
New: The Groovigi Hour
Genre: Light entertainment talk show
Mushroom Kingdom’s most enigmatic new host, Groovigi - created when Luigi decided to reinvent himself as a 1980s disco star - has been given his own MKBC1 show, The Groovigi Hour. Full of music, dancing, and Groovigi’s only slightly off-key singing, tomorrow’s show will also feature Dazzly (as Daisy is now calling herself, for some reason) and a highly bemused Toadsworth as guests. Surreal, but still... strangely entertaining.
The New Adventures of the Awesome Toad Gang
Genre: Action-mystery-comedy-fantasy-reboot... it’s not easy to describe
Many older Mushroom Kingdom residents remember fondly the days they would sit in front of their tiny television boxes and watch nothing but the original Awesome Toad Gang. And while some have complained bitterly about this modern, fresh-looking reboot of the series, focusing on five really awesome Toads who tackle all sorts of monsters, the newer episodes still hold up, and are much less problematic. In tomorrow’s episode, the Gang take on an angry Wiggler with a vengeance.
The World Channel, 7.30pm
The World Channel is a relatively small channel that broadcasts the best programmes from outside the Mushroom Kingdom. Usually, you can ignore it, but tomorrow it broadcasts Homeowner’s Dream, a captivating documentary hosted by the experienced Tom Nook as he explores what makes the perfect residence. The show gives some insight into the value of homes and the pleasantries of idyllic domestic lifestyle. Certainly a new experience for any Mushroom Kingdom residents.
And that is all I have to say about tomorrow. However, unfortunately, while I was writing that last entry, I received some news that Morton Construction’s share prices are falling, and they have decided to cut costs by withdrawing funding from the upcoming TV Tomorrow podcast. Oh well, you’ll miss out on not one but two of my interesting alternate voices. Never mind, you’ll just have to wait till April for your next dose of Mushroom Kingdom television-related information. See you then!
|The 'Shroom: Issue 156|
|Staff sections||Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight|
|Features||Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner• Strategy Wing|