The 'Shroom:Issue VII/Fake News

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Fake News

Fake News Team

Poll of the Month

Who is the Ugliest Mario Series Character?

A. Petey Piranha
B. Spoiled Rotten
C. Waluigi
D. Wario

Vote Now!

Updated Info

Characters in Super Mario Galaxy

Planet Updates:

  • The Nacho Planet Moon will be made of Cheese that restores Mario's health to the Max, however his enemies can feast on the cheese as well. Make your snack quick cause after 15 Minutes the cheese goes bad and will drain health from whoever eats it.
  • Smiley Planet will be a large Green planet, every five seconds it smiles, in one mission Mario must jump into his mouth and retrieve a key.

Rogue Port Black Market

Recently discovered by our spies (we have spies don’t tell anyone) that Mario and Charlieton have made some suspicious deals, one of which is Charlieton selling Mario Wario’s clothing. A few weeks back Wario reported stolen clothes; these clothes are so hideous they’ve been banned. Now we asked ourselves why he would want to steal such hideous clothes. We would soon find out. We approached Charlieton and made a deal with him he’d be cleared of the Black Market selling if he’d help us. We gave him a pair of fancy clothing worn by Luigi. We set him up. We caught the suspect, Mario. Soon after Mario stated he was giving the clothes to the poor and was cleared of the charges. Now we have to deal with Luigi, hows mad at us for taking his clothes, till next time.

Local News

Cheese Heist

Cheesestore2.PNG

Today a couple of bandits robbed a local cheese store, these bandits have been confirmed as Plumber, YellowYoshi398, PLDS, and their leader HK-47. They were rounded up by the local police forces in the area, these few have been notified as Phoenix Rider, Super Luigi 821, and Wayoshi. The three attempted to rob a Convenient store named “Cheese R US” luckily they were all captured and dragged off to prison. After the crime we interviewed several people including security guard WarioLoaf.

WarioLoaf: Well the culprits knocked me unconscious, using a BRICK WALL!

After talking with the hefty security guards we spoke with a few of the criminals.

PLDS: WarioLoaf is the worst security guard ever, first we set him up by inviting him to the donut shop after he stuffed his face with them he feel asleep and w00t right into the store.

YellowYoshi398: Well, I knew I should have robbed the Chili dog stand…

HK-47: I just said “Cheese” and then PLDS was like “Lets rob a store!” and then I was like “NO WAI!” and then..then…we robbed it anyway, LONG LIVE THE CHEESE!”

Before PLUMs was dragged away he shouted:

“You'll never shut down the cheese lovers. NEVER!”

Media

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Artist: The Cheap Cheeps Album: Pastastic

Track number Song name Length Description Review
1 "On The Speedway" 3:53 About the Mario Kart games. The main tune is very nice. This song is genius.
2 "What Are You Doing?" 3:27 Describing how Goombas feel when getting touched by plumbers' feet. Song is a bit slow in the first part, but otherwise OK.
3 "Newcomer" 4:01 Explains the Super Smash Bros. games. The solo in the middle of the song is very interesting.
4 "Hammer Time" 3:28 The story of a Hammer Brother. Repetitive but great.
5 "Thwomp" 2:39 About calm places, where Thwomps just come out of nowhere. Funky intro. Funny song.
6 "Forgotten" 3:46 About all underrated characters. Awful lyrics and very crappy chords. We're not pleased.
7 "Super Mario Land 4" 4:04 Story about Mario in Super Mario Land 4. Song is OK, nothing special.
8 "Bro." 3:22 Luigi singing about Mario having too much fame. Funky guitar solo in the middle of the song.
9 "World" 4:01 Mario goes from castle to castle and beats the Koopalings. In the end, they sing really fast, which is cool.
10 "Inventions" 2:48 Elvin Gadd talking about his inventions. Song is not that great, pretty annoying actually.
11 "Papery" 2:57 Story about Luigi, who suddenly gets brainwashed. The song is pointless. Everyhing seems so familiar.
12 "64" 6:04 About a kid getting a Nintendo 64 for christmas. It's a bit annoying with the samples of the screaming kid, but the lyrics are very catchy.

Interview of the Month

Interview: Shine Sprite Koopley

3D: Welcome to this month's issue of Fake News! This is 3D, interviewing a Shine Sprite.

Shine Sprite: …

3D: Do you have any hobbies?

Shine Sprite: …

3D: Do you have any hopes for the future?

Shine Sprite: …

3D: Do you even talk?

Shine Sprite: …

3D: That's it. Bring in the replacement interviewee!

*Koopley bursts in the door*

3D: Oh, joy. A big, middle-aged, self-possessed Koopa.

Koopley: Howdy howdy! I'm Koop's dad! I enjoy good books, long walks in the evening, and…

3D: *ahem* Um, yes. I hope you realize that this is not a speed-dating service…

Koopley: It's not? Then who was that pretty young girl I met on the way in?

3D: That was the camera girl, taking her lunch break. On to questions! Where do you currently live?

Koopley: Petal Village.

3D: Where did you live before that?
Koopley: Petal Village.

3D: Where were you born?
Koopley: Petal Village.

3D: Did you ever live anywhere besides Petal Village?

Koopley: Well, I recently had the opportunity to spend some time in our friendly neighborhood Evil Dragon's abdomen.

3D: What were you doing while residing there?
Koopley: Twiddling my thumbs.

3D: Anything else?
Koopley: That, and doing complicated long division sums.

3D: O…K…

Koopley: While in a dragon's tum,

'Tis not a good idea to hum

For it upsets the poor beasts' digestion

Leaving the personage in question…

3D: I take it you also composed poetry?

Koopley: How did you know?

3D: Wild guess.

Koopley: There's more verses! Here, I'll show you…

The gastric juices

Run down the liver

Making a quiver

In the stomach walls

While the…

3D: NEXT QUESTION! What is your current career?

Koopley: Define "Career".

3D: Career (KAR-EE-UR): 1. (n) a swift movement, impetus, i.e. "The horse's swift career" || progress through life with respect to one's work || a means of living, profession (also used attributively) || "In Full Career"-Full Speed 2. v.i. to move swiftly, erratically [F. carriere, race-course]. ||

Koopley: Interesting. But one more thing.

3D: Yes?

Koopley: Define "Career".

3D: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

Koopley: If "career" means "To advance through life through means of time used wisely", I loaf.

3D: OK. Anything else?
Koopley: I am counselor for the gastronomic emporium of Natsilic Gastronomy in Wallawalla, Washington, where I do complicated work on welding the Hungian region of blue whales.

3D: Really?

Koopley: No.

3D: Did you have a career before being swallowed by Hookatail?

Koopley: I hunted Hooktail.

3D: And we all know where that got you. My next question: do you have any plans for the future?

Koopley: No.

3D: Really?

Koopley: Yes.

3D: Don't you mean no?

Koopley: No.

3D: Really?

Koopley: Yes.

3D: DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS FOR THE FUTURE?!

Koopley: No.

3D: Can't argue with that. Last question: do you want this interview to end?

Koopley: Yup.

3D: Whaddya mean, "yup"?! You don't appreciate my interviews?

Koopley: I mean, nope.

3D: Wouldn't that mean the same thing?

Koopley: Yup. I mean, nope.

3D: Really?

Koopley: Yup.

3D: WHADDYA MEAN, "YUP"?

Koopley: I mean, if I was in your place, this splendid opportunity to make a thrilling view of the wonders of…

3D: Never mind. Interview equals… over.

Koopley: HEY! I didn't even get to tell all the viewers about my award-winning flower collection…

FINI.

Cooking Section

<_< *waves*



~~MONTY MOLE SPECIAL~~ --> Zess T. Edition <--

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WARNING: I'm quite serious this time. Last issue, I saw a strange, tall 'stached guy step into my domains. Sir, you changing your clothes from red to green and carrying a Vacuum Cleaner will not, I repeat, will NOT change the fact I hate you. Do not try anything. I have hired guards this time. I'm serious. I can sue you and call lawyers and all that.

Welcome to Zess T.'s Cookin'! I'm Zess T., best chef in Rogueport, and this is our spectacular second issue! Woo! Due to the mass amount of positive comments received last time (my GMail inbox was full!), I have decided to make all of your mortal dreams true and feature what I was asked for. This particular e-mail caught my interest:

Dear Zess T.:

Hello, my love. The day our eyes met was a fantastic, romantic day indeed. The curves in your limbs, the perfectly round mushroom cap of yours, and that ever-so-clean white hair... Yum. Makes me want to-

What the...?! *cough* Hehehe... Uh.. must have have been a joke by some silly kid. I'm sorry (or not, hah!). This is the actual e-mail:

dear zess tee, chef deluxe:

hi im ur biggest fan! i wuv ur cooking ways and want to grow up 2 be just liek you!!! i was wondering if you could cook teh secret monty mole dish in teh next issue, cuz i have been wondering how 2 maek it for a while now. thnx in advance. toadbetty.

Spiffy, eh? Sure. So, since I'm so nice, I have decided to do what they have asked me! That's how nice I am. Remind your parents to buy Zess T. merchandise, and I'll keep preparing your favorite stuff. So, anyway... here's the ingredient list for the MONTY MOLE SPECIAL ~ZESS T. EDITION~:

Ingredients (4 people):

  • Fresh Poshley Heights Pasta - 500 grams
  • Cleft Feces - 30 grams
  • Mt. Rugged Rocks - 210 grams
  • Super Sweet Awesome Zess T. Sauce - 1 packet
  • Blablanadon Eggs - 3 units
  • Salt - 10 grams
  • Keelhaul Key Blackberry Jam - As much as you consider convenient.

Note the items may be hard or costy to obtain, but Monty Moles enjoy the high life, so deal with it.

Preparation

To start off, boil the pasta in a preferably French metal pot at untimed fire. Make you sure you bake the pasta every now and then so it doesn't overheat. Once the water begins to evaporate, throw in the salt with extreme care. What? That you have to include the salt as soon as you fill the pot with hot water? Nah, that's a myth. Don't believe that. Believe in Zess T. She's always right. Anyway, as the pasta boils, select a rather large table and leave both the Cleft Feces and the Mt. Rugged Rocks on its surface. As an additional tip, it is recommendable to have Hyper Cleft feces, as they have... well, an hyper taste. And they give you energy.

Anyway, use your imagination and form shapes with the feces and the rocks. I myself love making hearts and lips, because they highlight my feminity, which SOME losers say I lack (I'm looking at you, Don Pianta!). Once you think your shapes are perfect, your pasta should be ready. Turn off the fire and get rid of the water. Drinking it may be a good idea, especially in cold days. Don't worry, it tastes EXCELLENT. Once the water's gone and your pasta is alone in the pot, grab the packet of Super Sweet Awesome Zess T. Sauce (which is 30% off just this week!) and scatter the whole content into the pot, hopefully in different places. Mix well and you'll soon see the sauce work - the pasta will turn gray! It looks terrible, but it tastes fantastic. And we're not even done yet!

Boil the Blablanadon eggs until you can hear the baby Blablanadons inside screaming. Quickly throw your boiled eggs into the pasta and squish them against the pot's walls. Once again, mix well, and add salt if necessary. Go back to your artistic structures of Rocks and Feces and smell them. They should smell like... well, feces with rocks. If they don't, then wait a bit. Once they do, put the whole shapes into the oven at its maximum for around 15 minutes. If you don't know how to control your oven, then you might find your house burning uncontrollably. But, heh, that's only if you're the biggest fool ever (which you probably are...).

Next step is easy, if not extremely obvious. Take out your pieces of art and serve the pasta in separate dishes. Now position your art on the edges of the dish (North, South, East and West look especially nice) and cover them with the Keelhaul Key Blackberry Jam. The result should be outstanding. It will, for some scientific reason I'm not going to explain, freeze. Great! It is recommended for the pasta to be served warm, as it's neat to taste the cold feces and then the warm pasta. Or so say the Monty Moles.

Well, that's it. I have revealed to you, a simple mortal, the secret of the Monty Mole Special. The recipe which has been cooked by Monty Moles and that somehow keep them young forever, is now here for you to cook. The best occasion, undoubtly, is for when you go to one of those crazy Monty Mole discos with your friends - they might even let you in free for bringing something so delicious and delectable.

Oh, look at the time! It's late. I have a date with my dear Toads-- er, an appointment with the dentist, and I have to hurry out of here. Next month, we'll be offering something that will send your tongue to Paradise, and your teeth to... well, the other place. But really, it's worth eating, even if you die afterwards. If this time we took things to THE NEXT LEVEL, then next time we will take things TO THE NEXT NEXT LEVEL. Silly people like you probably don't understand this complicated terminology, but it basically means it'll be awesome.

Zess T. out! And bon appetite!


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