The 'Shroom:Issue LXXIX/Fake News

From the Super Mario Wiki, the Mario encyclopedia
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Editorial

Are you sitting comfortably, boys and girls? Have I used that one before? Because honestly, I can't remember.

Welcome to the Fake News, or the Spooky News as we'll be calling it this month because it's halloween and that matters apparently so we've got to make things spooookier. does anyone else not care that much about halloween

Halloween. Yep. What would we do without it? Being forced to buy loads of sweets and not being able to eat them because we're obliged to give them to groups of at least three (for some reason) children or getting toilet paper or something equally unpleasant thrown at your house (though that doesn't happen much here because I don't think people care here but I think you get the point)? Love it. Why wouldn't you?

We have two hirings this month: Icemario11 (talk) has been hired for both TV Tomorrow and the Cooking Guide. Congratulations! escape while you still can

September's Section of the Month was won by Toadbert101 (talk) with the Peddler's Place, which gathered a terrifying 32 votes. Our ghastly runner-up was Yoshi876 (talk) with his Obituaries, with 22 votes.

That's all from me. Go do something else.

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Written by: FakeIco PG6.png Pyro (talk)

Ugh, another travel guide? I'm really getting tired of this stuff...Hey, I know! I'll hire someone to do the section for me!

Maybe I'll hire...Waluigi. What could possibly go wrong?


WA HA HA BASK IN ITS GLORY

WA HA HA, WALUIGI TIIIIIIIME. Waluigi is here to do Pyro's section for him because he is lazy, but Waluigi is not!

Waluigi will take you to fantastic place today. Waluigi takes you to Waluigi's Island! This island is filled with the spirit of Waluigi. Waluigi loves this island. You do too. If you don't, Waluigi knows you are lying to yourself.

WAAluigi's Island has many great features for Waluigi fans. Waluigi made a whole party board out of the waatastic island. Waluigi made all the spaces red just for you so you will stay on the island forever to pay your debt to Waluigi. Waluigi wants your money. You will pay your debt.

There is a shop called Waluig's Shop that sells Waluigi goods that appeal to all Waluigi fans. What do you say, Waluigi is being redundant? To the gallows for you says Waluigi. The shop sells many waatastic goods such as Waluigi Stress Balls™, Waluigi Brand Nacho Chips™, and Trees™. Nearby the shop is a very popular taco stand that everyone loves, especially you and Waluigi.

Why should you go to Waluigi's Island? Well, Waluigi is holding a waatastic boxing tournament soon and Waluigi wants YOU to join. Join the ranks of many competitors or be a wuss and sit in the bleachers and eat Waluigi Brand Nacho Chips™. But you can do both. Beat up competitors and eat Waluigi Brand Nacho Chips™ at the same time! Waluigi himself says that this is a waatastic idea.

WALLUIGI IS VERY GOOD AT BOXING

Then on the island there is "Waatastic Hotel" that has inexpensive rent and service that rivals Waatastic Hotel Yukon. Meet everyone's favorite hero, Waluigi, at this great hotel. There is a breakfast bar with very good Waluigi Pancakes™ and a large garden with many Trees™.

Another attraction is Waluigi Sea, with many rare Waluigi Fish that flock in the rich, fresh waters of the sea. Many fishing contests are held here and are a great place to bring home trusty pet Waluigi Fish. But beware, there is a black market around there and sells unauthorized Wario Trees™. If you see one of these dangerous, non-waaismatic people, call the Waluigi Police Station immediately.

So has Waluigi convinced you to go to Waluigi's Island? You sure hope you did. Because if you aren't coming to Waluigi Island, Waluigi Island will come to you.

WAA HAA HAAA WALUIGI TIME

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Written by: Icemario11 (talk)

1. General News, Reporting for Duty

Hello all, this is Icemario11 here, reporting from the merciless pit which is somehow not bottomless known as the Glitz Pit. The juiciness of the news today ironically did not take place inside the ring, and instead was backstage drama. Though as this is not the sports program, we wouldn't cover any interesting bouts anyway.

The Goomba Bros.' lockers in the minor league room had been looted by The Hand-It-Overs for a long period of time now, who didn't even notice the small traces of theft after a minor amount of lockers' contents disappeared at the end of every match they were in.

They eventually, after this went on for several weeks and the group grew suspicious, found their lockers outright ripped from the wall and left on the floor, with a large gaping hole in the backs of them, with a note on the backs of each signed by The-Hand-It-Overs, claiming to be The Fuzz. As the group weren't the brightest bulbs in the box, they foolishly believed these outrageous claims, not realizing Fuzzies have no way of writing the note fast enough, as the Goomba Bros. never lasted a minute in the ring.

The Goomba Bros. just before they get defeated effortlessly by the KP Koopas.

Many of the fellow minor league athletes knew of the thefts, and paid no mind as Bandy Andy, the ringleader of the thieves, selfishly raided the lockers each time, due to the unpopularity The Goomba Bros. donned.

"They're BOMB all mouth, no BOMB-BOMB muscle. We're all BOMB not fond of them." says Master Crash, one of the minor league fighters. To my confusion the Goombas in this fighting group's mouths take up not even half of their bodies. I continue to research this mystery of the "all-mouth Goombas" to this day.

As the thieves' identities were extremely obvious at this point, the group stated they now had plans to knock the heads of those who had violated their lockers, who they believed to be The Fuzz.

The framed, The Fuzz.

Within minutes of the group stepping into the minor league room to confront the framed thieves, the group "had the HP drained out of their bodies faster than Yoshi sics on a bunch of melons and looked like scraps by the end of it" says an eye-witness to the spectacle. The Gooma Bros. were also banned from matches for the next year once they recovered from the possibly permanent injuries they gained from their beating.

Though interestingly enough, the Hand-It-Overs remain unknown to the hospitalized squad as the true thieves as of now.

2. Fortunes Fortuning in

Hello all once again, Icemario11 here and I really wish I wasn't the only person running this TV network, but we're, well, more so I'm short-staffed and I would REALLY like some fellow workers so I can stop making these shows nonstop and actually sleep for the first time in a month. Anyway, I should stop whining before I literally get sacked on to the street before you guys start throwing virtual tomatoes.

Anyhow, here's some wisdom, food for thought, ponderful lines for much pondering, the lot.

"Indecision is the key to flexibility." - That's for you indecisive folks out there. Don't bother changing because you'd probably fail miserably at doing so, just go with your lack of decision-making skills and it'll inevtiably kill you through not knowing what to do with a Bob-omb someone throws at you and letting it blow you up make good things happen in life.

"Tennis is a fickle sport. No matter how good you are at it, a wall will always be better." - That's for you tennis players out there who rage-quit when practising against a wall. In tennis, there's always someone better than you if you're not a brick wall. Just to save you some grief.

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." - That's for the masses who can't remember their own name some mornings; myself included. If you've not be diagnosed with Cataclysmic Memory Syndrome, this is your wake-up call, so you better pick it up. It's not worked for me due to wasting them on "Kick Me" signs, but post-it-notes are your remedy, my good top hat monocle-wearing stereotypical gentlemen and/or make-up overloading jewellery-hoarding posh aristocratic stereotypical ladies good people.

An expert artist's depiction of an enslaved cleaner-monkey version of one of these hooligans scrubbing the floor of a submarine.

Anyway, for our final bit of wisdom and all that fun stuff... Don't look out the open window at night... you'll be acquainted with a large rock if you do so, especially when you hear those hooligan monkeys outside.

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Written by: Icemario11 (talk)

Hello all, Icemario11 here and today I'm reporting from the lovely picnic spot of Boggly Woods, ready to engross you in noodles of information about these scrumptious snacks I've whipped up recently.

First off, the Egg Bomb. It's actually surprisingly simple how one mixes the ingredients together to get this. It was simply a matter of super-gluing some rope to a Mystic Egg I stole and had to hide on the outside of the tree because of it one of the kind creatures native to this area gave me, and setting it off with a Fire Flower. Or so I thought. The rope catching fire startled me to the point I dropped the egg and it cracked on the floor.

To sum up, while I haven't actually gotten to try the proper concoction, I can definitely say even if you do figure out how to make it properly, it'll likely blow up in your face before you get to even eat it or chuck it at someone. Just a heads-up. Anyway, this gets a 4/10 for being near-inedible.

The second and final recipe I tried today was the packet of heaven (and hell) known as the Awesome Snack. To be frank, that name is a total lie. While the outside packet and its contents looks like a "delicious but bad for you" snack, I tell you, its tastes are out of this world. I munched a packet this morning, and I have to say, each piece you eat tastes completely different from the last. They're also shaped completely differently from the last, with the inclusion of differing colours. The first piece I had was shaped like a toilet and tasted like soap. The second was shaped like a telescope and tasted like the bottom of some kid's shoe. The third was a carrot shape and tasted like a table. The fourth was shaped like a pool of vomit and unfortunately unlike the others, actually tasted like vomit. Each time you eat a piece, it was like a gamble.

My bet is the Fresh Veggie and not the Cake Mix is what makes this recipe so messed up. Vegetables always were weird. I'll give this a 5/10 for being both good and bad at the same time.

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Written by: Toadbert101 (talk)

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Written by: Yoshi876 (talk)

Hider


This month’s Obituary is slightly different, recently I was informed by some Greenies that their friend Hider had gone missing, after further questioning I found that he had been missing for over 3 days which means he is probably deceased.

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Hider was perhaps well known for his hiding prowess, in fact the reason he became a ghost was because no-one found him during a hide-and-seek competition and he starved to death. Hider was also apparently a pleasant ghost and will be well-remembered, one of the Greenies who told me about his disappearance said “He’s still alive, he’s hiding over there for crying out loud!” It is clear that Hider will be missed by all those who knew him. The Slammers refused to comment because they were so torn up about it, though I did catch one say “What a moron, it’s obvious Hider is just hiding.” So it seems that the Slammers also miss Hider. Even King Boo will miss him, however, he was unavailable for comment, being in a vacuum will do that to you.

However, some people apparently didn’t like Hider. Luigi was one of them, but because I don’t have a year made in my name yet he refused to talk to us. Luckily Professor Elvin Gadd was, “That spectre was darn annoying when he was not peaceful, he stole all the do-dads and wiggly-dings and hid himself in the most peculiar, I mean come on, who would go into a vase just to keep a bloody clock-hand?”

It seems to some Hider was a pest, but to others he was a valued friend and his disappearance and probable death will have a large effect on the community. With this we can safely say that Professor Elvin Gadd’s do-dads and wiggly-dings will no longer be hidden and as a result he can make a lot more useful products, because who doesn’t want a walking suitcase following you telling you to get back to adventure?

Huh, what do mean Hider’s death is all speculation and therefore not allowed on the wiki?

Ask Paper Yoshi

Written by: Paper Yoshi (talk)

Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Ask Paper Yoshi!! After this section's absence from last month's issue due to a lack of questions, the response was unprecedent, as I got a total of nine questions from Koopartol Brick Block (talk) (Forum profile) (who asked me two questions in the July Issue) and Icemario11 (talk) (Forum profile).

Icemario11 asks:

How did you find this website, anyway? Additionally, why did you join this website?
I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I believe I was looking for information on a game or something else related to Mario, as I was getting more into games after I got my Nintendo DS Lite while living in Spain. I ultimately decided to join the Mario Wiki because I wanted to be part of the community by talking to other users and contributing to the site.
This is MADNESS!!!
What's your favourite fruit and why?
I... actually don't eat any fruit (although I have tried some in the past two years), but I love orange juice, so I guess that'd be my "favourite" fruit.
What's your least favourite fruit and why?
That'd certainly be strawberry. Even though a ton of people love it, I have never been a fan of the taste. I just can't stand it, at all.
Have you ever got locked outside, and if so, how?
I believe that happened with me once, a long time ago, if I remember correctly. However, I don't quite remember how it was, but it probably involved myself getting home without warning my parents and before they themselves arrived there. Or it was just because of a faulty door lock, I'm not entirely sure.
How do you feel about puns?
I feel puns can be funny, as long as they're not too obscure or overused by someone in a short period of time/string of text.
If you found your house covered in toilet paper (the irony), what would you do and why?
I would collect all the paper and give it shelter, a meal and love, because that's what you do when you find one of your kind in such a state. :)

Koopartol Brick Block, on the other hand, asks:

Now, what rock or gem do you like?
Lead, brass, what metal or rock
Um, I guess I like emeralds for their colour. Oh, and bronze too. I really like bronze, more than gold or silver.
Did you REALLY set the HQ on fire in The 'Shroom:Issue LXIX/Fake News?!
......................................
THEY NEVER PROVED ANYTHING THEY SAID!!! I'M INNOCENT!!!
*runs away*

And that's all for this month!! Remember to keep your questions coming by sending them to Paper Yoshi! We'll hopefully be back in November with more answers from your favourite paper-made Cyan Yoshi!!

If he ever comes back, that is.


DIRECTOR'S NOTE: PAPER YOSHI DEFINITELY STARTED THE FIRE


Issue LXXIX
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