The 'Shroom:Issue 232/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Hi everyone! Welcome back to the July issue of The 'Shroom!
The weather has gotten marginally better where I live. We've kept the power on and there haven't been any severe storms lately, but we're in the middle of the plume of smoke from the Canadian/Minnesota wildfires, and the air quality the past few days has been awful. Besides that, my dad and I were lucky enough to get tickets to The Odyssey in IMAX at our local theater, and we sat in the sold out crowd today and watched it. There were a couple scenes that freaked me out pretty badly (if/when you see the film, you'll probably be able to guess which one was the worst) but overall it was a pretty cool experience. I prefer Oppenheimer from 2023, but it was cool to check out the massive film reel in the booth after the show. They really are as big as you're led to believe- I want to say they were bigger than our outdoor dining table.
We've got our regular sections for you this month, and our writers have worked hard on them! I won't distract you up here any longer, so get to it!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Section of the Month results are here! Coming in first this month, we have winstein (talk) with The ? Panel! Following in second is Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! Finally, in third, we have Sparks (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)'s collab on Random Video Analysis! Thank you to everyone who voted, and please keep voting this month as well!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 10 | 33.33% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 7 | 23.33% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Random Video Analysis | 5 | 16.67% | Sparks (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Pass the Bar"
Panel 1
[Terrakingpin and Paul the Gold Goomba are sitting at a bar. Terrakingpin holds up two fingers while signaling for the bartender.]
TERRAKINGPIN: Two drinks, bartender
Panel 2
[Jackston the Hammer Bro bartender slides two drinks across the bar, coming closer to the viewer.]
Panel 3
[Terrakingpin catches his glass, while Paul is unable to catch his due to his lack of hands and it continues sliding past him. Both Paul and Terrakingpin are visibly surprised.]
Panel 4
[A crash effect comes from the left side of the panel. Paul is annoyed while Terrakingpin side-eyes the bartender.]
TERRAKINGPIN: Should've seen that coming
The ? Panel
{Bowser spots something ahead of him that inspires mischief, while holding on the steering wheel}
Bowser: Ah-ha!
{Bowser spots Toad ahead of him, who is happily driving}
Bowser: A pushover!"
{Bowser accelerates so as to approach the Toad, with the intent of pushing him off}
Bowser: This is gonna be easy pickings!"
SFX: CRASH!!
{Bowser ends up spinning out despite his size and weight advantage, where it turns out that he has no coins}
{Bowser is frustrated at his failed attempt to bump Toad out of the way, slowly accelerates ahead}
Bowser: Hmph.
{Koopa Troopa speeds past him with a "Bonk" that collides with Bowser, spinning out Bowser again. Koopa Troopa barely notices Bowser when speeding past the course}
Bowser: Not again!! Why does this happen to me!!?
Created by: Aomaf (talk)
Alt texts by: FunkyK38 (talk), Hooded Pitohui (talk), and Aomaf (talk)
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Mario Story
Spongebob Story
Sonic Story
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[A Stingby is buzzing along, looking for flowers.]
Panel 2
[Stingby spots a Fire Flower]
Panel 3 - 4
[Stingby tries landing on the Fire Flower but it burns his foot. TSSS!]
Panel 5
[Stingby spots a Ice Flower]
Panel 6 - 7
[Stingby tries landing on the Ice Flower but it freezes him in a block of ice! Brrr!]
Panel 8
[Stingby spots a Bubble Flower.]
Panel 9 - 11
[A bit more cautious this time, Stingby taps his foot on the Flower. BLOOP! He suddenly flouts away in a bubble.]
Panel 12 - 15
[A now much annoyed Stingby spots a Piranha Plant. In a fit of rage, he stings it three times.]
Panel 16
PIRANHA PLANT: What was THAT for!?
[A nearby piranha plant chuckles to himself.]
Panel 1
[Hint Toad and Fred the Fuzzy are both seen holding pencils.]
HINT TOAD: Hey Guys! It's me, Hint Toad! The writer of Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
FRED: And I'm his co-writer, Fred the Fuzzy!
Panel 2
HINT TOAD: Fred! You're the test reader! Not co-writer!
FRED: Then why do I have this pencil?
Panel 3
HINT TOAD: As I was saying... I really can't believe it's been an entire year since the strip launched!
Panel 4
[Uncle Amiibo comes on the scene.]
UNCLE AMIIBO: By my calculations, it's actually been 364 days... One day short.
HINT TOAD: Who asked you?
Panel 5
Hint Toad: Anyway... Thank you all for reading and thanks to the `Shroom staff for making this possible! Here's to another great year of comics!
[Uncle Amiibo, Fred the Fuzzy and Bonneter #4 are seen standing off to the corner.]
FRED: How come I never get to be in a comic?
BONNETER #4: Hey! Same!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Boo1268
Unlucky Streak: Part 3
One thing you learn when you've been a private investigator as long as I have is to expect the unexpected, and roll with the punches. Actually, maybe that's two things. As if things haven't been bizarre enough lately, I now found myself face-to-face with the mafian I'd been after this whole time, Terrakingpin - not in the middle of some crime, but sitting in the vestibule of my own office, and begging me for help. How do you even end up in a situation like this? I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the absurdity of it.
"Me? Help you? You've got to be joking. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just turn you over to the cops right now."
"Look, it's not my first choice either, detective," the dapper Koopa snarled. "Just hear me out, this concerns you as well."
I raised an eyebrow in curiosity and waved him into my office proper. "Why don't you just have Lucky deal with it? He seems to solve all of your problems quite handily," I said sarcastically.
"Because he's the problem," Terrakingpin replied, going from one ill-fitting chair to another as he sat down across from my desk. "That treacherous little reptile pulled my whole mafia right out from under me! They decided he'd make a better boss since everything's a walk in the park for him, and he was all too happy to go along with it. Next thing I know, I'm out of the picture. I didn't even get my new gold suit finished!"
"So I suppose he didn't need you, you needed him?"
Terrakingpin tapped his claws against my desk, hesitating to give the answer he clearly already knew. "Yes... I'm not an idiot, alright? I know that I'm not exactly the best at this whole mafia game. That's why, as much as I hate to admit it, I need your help to take down Lucky and get my organization back under my rightful control."
"I'm not sure what gave you the impression that I'm in the business of establishing mafia bosses," I told him.
He furrowed his brow in response. "Okay, it's really starting to hurt my self-esteem that I've been done in twice now by someone this dense. Do I need to spell everything out for you? Lucky's bad news for the both of us, and you know the old saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. If it's between me and him, I assume you don't want the person clawing towards the peak of New Wikisburg's criminal underworld to be the guy with ridiculously charged luck? I'm willing to spill all the details on this operation to help, I'm going to have to purge the ranks anyway. Mutiny is... not really a good start for a clean slate."
Well, what he was saying did make a lot of sense, and I had to admit that having someone with inside knowledge - the old boss, no less - was very enticing, especially when dealing with someone with a track record like Lucky's. "Alright, you have yourself a deal."
"I knew you'd see things my way!" he said, a shred of confidence returning to him for the first time in this exchange. "But don't misconstrue any of this, detective. This is just a good arrangement, I still hate your guts. Once Lucky's dealt with, then it's back to business for the both of us."
"I'd expect nothing less. So, let's start with the obvious. What's Lucky up to next?"
"I... don't know."
I shot him a blank stare. "You don't know? What do you mean you don't know?"
"It's not like I had some grand plan for him to hijack, I'm just trying to get myself reestablished here. And no, he didn't drop a whole monologue when I was literally being pushed out the door by the stooges he hired either. Just 'looks like your luck ran out, ain't that a shame govna'," Terrakingpin explained, in what I'd very charitably describe as an attempt at mocking Lucky's accent. "Grr... What I wouldn't give to slam my fist into that smug little beak of his right now."
If I was still letting that chain letter get the best of me, I'd say it was yet more bad luck that having the former boss on my side for now turned out to be less useful than I'd hoped. Keeping that mindset away was still requiring active effort, and it was no picnic. I got up from my desk and walked over to my corkboard, hoping that with some prodding he'd have some insight into Lucky's steps. "Here's the situation so far..."
"That's not a very good picture of me," Terrakingpin interrupted, looking at the photo of him that I'd tacked into the corner next to Lucky's.
"I just pulled the mugshot from your file. What do you want me to do, contact your press agent?" I was asking sarcastically, but I wouldn't put it past him to be the only mafia boss in the world to actually have a press agent. "Alright, let's look at the facts here. I assume the calling cards stopped being left behind after you were kicked out - the entertainment center heist at the electronics store was the last one you were involved with, right?"
"That's right. Figured I'd spend some of my downtime watching my collection of crime movies in 4K ultra high definition on the biggest screen they had. No point in the criminal lifestyle if you're not going to use it to live in luxury, eh?" It was a nice change of pace from shadowy masterminds or prospective world dominators, I suppose...
"So these crimes should all be Lucky's. Lots of circumstances coming together just so in here that would be consistent with his involvement," I said, pointing to a category I'd already been able to single out thanks to the conspicuous lack of calling cards. Terrakingpin's confirmation was the icing on the cake. "I suspect that he's building up to something specific, these feel too targeted and intentional. At least compared to your slapdash handling of things, anyway. So first, we've got some illegal access of shipping records. The perpetrator left a USB stick lying around, and one of the workers thought it would be a brilliant idea to plug it in on a whim. Gave the attacker full access to the system before it was caught. Then someone nabbed a forklift off a construction site in broad daylight after the driver left it unattended to use the restroom."
"A forklift? Is he even certified?"
"How should I know? You were the one who partnered with him," I replied. "Lastly, there was a bust at an illegal auction. One of them talked and couldn't help but spill the beans about the Koopeleon who won a small cache of weapons for relatively dirt cheap by being the only person who showed up to place a bid."
"I'd say that all sounds like Lucky, alright. He's definitely up to something, but I... yeah, I don't know. Could be just about anything, really," Terrakingpin said, tapping his foot in thought. "Tell you what, how about we go to my old hideout? Lucky might've left a clue or something there, and I'm definitely not going to be reusing it now anyway."
"That sounds like a good idea. I'll follow your lead, then."
Terrakingpin managed to cram himself into my passenger's seat and I followed his directions to an old, abandoned motel on the outskirts of the city. This place had been vacant for decades now - something about a few murders apparently, then business tanked fast and no one's really wanted anything to do with the property since, so it's just been sitting here largely undisturbed for all this time. A perfect setup for organizing a little crime. I had half a mind that Terrakingpin was just trying to set me up by leading me all the way out here, but let's just say he had no idea what he was really dealing with in that case.
"I'm surprised someone like you would be willing to set up shop in a place this dingy," I said, observing the old place. Time had certainly taken its toll. "Look, someone's even been throwing rocks through the front windows."
"I work with what I got, alright? I'm thinking once I'm established I'll have something more classy. Ooh, like a night club! Those rocks are, uh, those were me, though," he said, looking a little embarrassed. "Best thing I could think of to do with my time after Lucky pushed me out. That ended real quick after one of them ricocheted and hit me on the head though. Stupid good luck..."
If the exterior of the motel was anything but what I'd expect to be the hideout of a glamor-seeking mafia boss, the interior was even worse. The whole place had a horrible musty smell that reeked of moldy carpet and decades' worth of layers of who knows what festering just under the surface, only slightly alleviated by the fact that some of the stench was leaking outside through holes in the walls. The broken-down aesthetic matched perfectly, dimly lit courtesy of a cheap generator substituting for the electricity that had been long shut off.
"Ugh, how do you live in a place like this? It stinks to Star Haven in here," I said, instinctively holding my nose, only to remember that it was cheap plastic. Not a very effective maneuver.
"Eh, I've smelled worse. Now where is everybody? I was all prepped and ready to bash some skulls," Terrakingpin wondered.
"Knowing Lucky, he definitely found somewhere nicer than this to use as a hideout, like a penthouse or the dumpster behind a Kellonald's."
As much as I hated the prospect of going deeper into this place, you've got to do things you don't like in this line of work, I'm afraid. We started wandering down the old hallways, going through each room one by one in search of anything that might point to Lucky's greater plans. And that was no small task, because there sure was a lot of stuff in here for a place abandoned so long. Old furniture reduced to junk from years of neglect, trash kicked aside or tossed into corners, and Terrakingpin's own belongings from his short-lived resurgence. But no sign of Lucky himself, a single hired gun, or anything he'd been procuring since taking over the operation for himself.
"Sweet, they left the entertainment center and my DVD collection! I'll have to come back for those later."
"Wow, that's... a lot of DVDs," I said, looking at several shelves' worth of movies. Crime, mystery, thriller, a bit of horror, I thought I even saw a musical or two in there... "Maybe you ought to consider emulating the detective films more than the mafia ones."
The Koopa scoffed dismissively. "No way, I know where that gets me. Divorced and constantly trying to scrape together enough cash for my next rent check."
Eh, worth a shot. I considered prodding him about how much he let film tropes color his expectations, but considering I've lived through half of that scenario, I thought it would ring a little hollow, personally. That's not to say that I thought his reasoning was sound by any means, mind you. "What, because the gangsters fare so much better?"
"I just like them better, get off my back. Besides, it's kind of thematic to build up a collection of crime movies by skipping out on movie rentals! Can't do that with digital," he said with a grin, before apparently remembering who he was talking to. "Forget I said that. You didn't hear anything."
"Well, I can't say I relate to your methods... But I've never been able to get in on the whole streaming thing myself either. There's just something nice about physical media, although people tell me I'm pretty old-fashioned. Or, well, just old."
"Haha, yeah. Give me a good disc any day," he said, then paused for a second, his expression turning more serious. "Wait a minute, is this supposed to be a bonding moment? Quick, shut up before it gets weird. I'm not here to play nice."
I shrugged and returned to the search, not having much intention of being buddies with him on my end either. Eventually I came across something of interest, a newspaper clipping that had fallen on the floor and was partially obscured underneath an old bed. From its condition, I could tell that it was clearly recent and not just an old piece of trash. "Hey, maybe this is something. It says here that the Mushroom Kingdom is set to receive some rare gold coins from the Shamrock Kingdom as a diplomatic gesture."
"Lucky certainly likes gold. But then again, who doesn't?" Terrakingpin said, smiling and flashing his gold tooth.
I continued reading the article, skimming over the irrelevant parts. "Yadda, yadda, yadda, politics... 'It has long been believed that having possession of even one of these coins greatly increase the luck of the holder. Sources from Mushroom Castle have stated that they hope storing them in the vault will thwart some of Bowser's attempts to kidnap the princess. For reasons of national security, details regarding the shipment have not been released.' So that's why Lucky was after those shipping records, he must be trying to get his hands on those coins! And everything else is him gearing up for the heist..."
"That's crazy! He's lucky enough as-is, but it's not like he's totally infallible. If he's got those coins boosting his power, then he could be downright unstoppable, and I'll never get my revenge!" Terrakingpin complained, sounding somewhat akin to a spoiled child and clearly being more concerned about himself than the greater implications.
I wasn't sure I fully believed that whole thing about the coins, you know how many stories and myths float around and even the most mundane things can get blown out of proportion. But I wasn't about to take any chances with something potentially this dire. With the information we needed, we left the motel behind, much to my relief.
The next step was getting access to those shipping records, which wasn't too difficult with my connections since they were part of an active investigation. After all, there's no reason Lucky should have more information than me, right? I just had to ditch Terrakingpin for the moment. I don't think trying to gather sensitive information would have gone very well with a known criminal tagging along. Plus, I've got an image to uphold.
With the shipping information, Terrakingpin and I arrived at the train station to keep Lucky from making off with those coins. If the stories were true, this was very likely our one and only chance to stop him, but I wasn't going to let myself and a low-competence mobster be the only line of defense here. No, I had a backup plan - the NWPD was already on the way to close this case. Optimal scenario, the two of us would be able to deal with the Koopeleon and his mooks ourselves, and then they'd get hauled off to jail along with Terrakingpin for good measure. I'm sure we both knew that he was going to turn on me as soon as Lucky was out of commission, so I didn't feel too bad about setting up my own double-cross of sorts.
But first things first, we actually had to deal with our mutual friend. Or at least stall him until backup arrived... If they were unoccupied by the time the train rolled in, I don't think I'd have to explain why that would be bad news. Frankly, I didn't put much confidence in whatever security measures may be in place for something this valuable, given Lucky's track record. We made our way into the station and slipped behind some supply crates to get a sense of what we were dealing with. Someone who tried to direct as much attention to himself as Terrakingpin was not my ideal partner for being stealthy.
"Look at the little slime," Terrakingpin growled, observing as Lucky's motley crew gathered around him. "By all accounts, this should be my heist! ...Not that I actually knew about these coins until now. But that's beside the point."
"Keep your mouth shut, I'm trying to listen here," I replied. Thankfully, Lucky was something of a boisterous fellow, and his grandiose voice echoed throughout the station. Still, I didn't need a whining wannabe mafia boss in my ear distracting me.
"Lo an' behold 'ere, lads! In 'bout 20 minutes, I'm gonna run this 'ere kingdom with an ol' iron fist. Once I get me hands on them there lucky coins, I'm gonna give ye the life o' luxury ye asked fer, just as I promised ye lads," Lucky announced, checking a golden pocketwatch he pulled from his pocket as he leaned against his stolen forklift.
I could see Terrakingpin figuratively boiling, and before I knew it he was ditching our hiding spot to confront Lucky personally. I didn't think that was a very smart move considering the eclectic assortment of weapons Lucky's underlings were brandishing, but I guess it was go time. "You've got some real nerve, Lucky! It's about time you find out who's the boss around here!"
"'Ey there, Terra me lad! Long time no see, eh? I hope ye still ain't mad at the fact ye mooks asked me ta take over lad. I really didn't 'ave much of a choice, ya know? Ye boys figured I was a good leader, an' while they're not wrong, I couldn't just say no! Theys would probably think I was an ol' soft shell. Besides, how could I say no ta their proposition? It be everything I wanted lad! I guess it be just my luck that things turned out this way, 'ey govna?"
"Just shove it, leprechaun! I'm going to make sure you regret ever leaving your egg for crossing the Terrakingpin, do you hear me?"
Lucky didn't seem to pay his former partner in crime's threats any mind, and just continued prattling on. "I knew ye lads would try ta stop me and me crew from earnin' our well deserved victory, and it be just my luck that me and me boys happen ta find sometin' o' interest on one of them supply runs. Figured I should bring it wit' me in case ye lads tried ta start trouble. Take a gander 'ere, won't ya?"
My attention then shifted to a large metal crate that someone had gone so far as to secure with chains. Lucky gave it a whack with his staff for emphasis, which stirred whatever was contained within to stir and an otherworldly howl to echo from within the container. It was a sound that chilled me to the bone, and one that I knew all too well - but I knew Lucky didn't, and that was about to be a serious problem.
"Whoa, whoa... Okay, Lucky, I know you have no reason whatsoever to listen to me, but I'm telling you, do not open that crate. You have no idea what you're about to unleash."
"Heh, nice try govna, I ain't fallin' fer that one. Lads, open it up."
The mooks unwrapped the chains and barely had time to remove the lid before it was punched clean off by a mechanical hand from inside, bursting forth like we were in some sort of monster movie. The creature pulled itself up and out of the crate, revealing an oversized Dry Bones augmented almost entirely by a mecha suit aside from its skull - dented and dusty, but clearly still operational. Just as I suspected, good old Bone Crusher.
"What in the..." Terrakingpin muttered. I certainly didn't have time to get him up to speed right now, he'd have to figure it out through firsthand experience.
"Yeah, that's what I didn't want..."
"Heh heh heh, looks like ye out of luck now lads, with this 'ere beasty ye ain't standin a chance! In fact, I be reckonin' ye won't be lastin' five minutes! Now, GET 'EM, YE BLOKE!" Lucky shouted, with a dramatic twirl of his cane as he pointed it at the two of us.
Unfortunately for Lucky, it seemed like his natural persuasiveness could only carry him so far. Getting random street thugs to do his bidding? Sure. Accomplishing the same thing with a near-mindless entity made for the express purpose of unquestionably carrying out instructions from the old boss? Well... Not so much. The Bone Crusher only followed the orders of one person, and Lucky was not that person. Trying to command the Bone Crusher, then, was a foolish error - one that the hulking skeleton chose to punish by turning his fury on Lucky first, firing a spring-loaded punch at him that just barely missed.
"W-What!? 'E-Ey! Ye supposed to obey me, ye good fer nothin' beast! I order ye ta stop swingin', ya hear!" His swirly chameleon eyes darted around in a panic looking for anyone who might help him, but no one was around to help - his minions, already visibly unsettled by the Bone Crusher's mere presence, had turned tail and scattered to the wind the moment he started trying to pulverize their boss, not even trying to defend him. "Good fer nothin' freeloaders!"
The Bone Crusher continued his assault, alternating punches with both of his fists until Lucky's luck finally ran out and one fateful blow connected, knocking him off of his feet. At that point, Lucky's defenses were figuratively shattered, and no amount of lucky dodging would be able to save him now. It would be pretty hard for him to pull off any dodges in this state anyway, and the Bone Crusher took full advantage of his vulnerability, unleashing a one-sided beatdown with fists that weren't much smaller than the poor Koopeleon's entire body. I felt a little bad for him - he may have brought this on himself, but still, it was hard to watch. But then again, it was hard to look away either. Terrakingpin sure seemed to enjoy it, though...
"Ha ha! Talk about a load of karma there, Lucky!" Terrakingpin said gleefully with an evil grin. Although, I had to wonder how much karma a criminal would actually rack up from betraying a fellow criminal in theory. But no time to wax philosophical - incapacitating Lucky may not have been an issue we needed to deal with directly anymore, but we were about to have much bigger problems. The Bone Crusher finally relented from attacking Lucky as he went totally limp, and with Terrakingpin and I being the only other people here, you can probably guess where his wrath turned next.
Of course, given our... shared history, the Bone Crusher decided to go straight for me, not paying much attention to Terrakingpin. Usually in the past, I would just dodge his attacks until I figured out some way to use the surrounding area to my advantage, and for lack of any better plan, it seemed like a strategy worth employing here. Why change what already works, right? I tumbled out of the way of the bony bruiser's first punch and rolled behind Terrakingpin, who inadvertently became my shield in the moment. He staggered backwards from the force of the Bone Crusher's next punch, but took it pretty well, all things considered. Or maybe my perception was skewed by the Bone Crusher's last victim immediately folding like a lawn chair.
"Hey, watch the merchandise!" Terrakingpin shouted, retaliating by literally knocking the Bone Crusher's block off. As his skull tumbled across the floor, the mech suit froze, having lost connection to its controller. "Hm, wonder if I can make use of this thing..."
Noticing the empty neck connection start to spark with a blue glow, I attempted to warn Terrakingpin away from the machine. "Um, you might want to-" But it was to no avail as the Bone Crusher reformed and attacked with a full body slam, sending the Koopa stumbling back again. Even if all that remained of his original body was the skull, he was still a Dry Bones, after all.
A bit of retaliation dealt with, the Bone Crusher once again turned towards me, launching his spring-loaded fists in rapid succession. Well, "rapid" may have been a strong word - he was still a formidable opponent, don't get me wrong, but dodging his punches felt a little easier than I remembered. I hadn't noticed while he was pulverizing Lucky, but he definitely seemed to be moving slower overall. Maybe the damage to his suit was working against him, or whatever power source it ran on was starting to run low after all this time, but in any case, hopefully it was something I could take advantage of.
Or maybe I shouldn't have acknowledged it at all, because an ill-timed dodge led to the Bone Crusher getting a direct hit on my stomach. This wiry frame definitely wasn't meant for taking hits like that, and I must have flung halfway across the room from the force. It would take more than that to keep me down, though... even if I was presently reeling from the pain. Unfortunately, it seemed more than that was just what I was going to get - before I could recover from the first hit, the next thing I knew the Bone Crusher was holding Lucky's forklift above his head, then he hurled it across the room straight at me. You know that feeling you get in the split second before you see a traffic accident, where you know it's about to happen but there's nothing you can do but watch the disaster unfold? Yeah, that's about what I was feeling right now. Thankfully, I didn't get totally pancaked, but it was still enough to pin me to the ground.
"Hey, Terrakingpin, a little... a little help over here?"
"And why would I do that? It seems to me the terms of our little deal ended when this skeleton pounded Lucky into the ground, detective! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some disloyal cronies that need to be dealt with. See you around, gwahaha!" With that, he ducked out a side door, leaving this as a lopsided one-on-one fight. I shouldn't be surprised... but perhaps there was a silver lining to all this.
"Looks like it's just... just you and me, Crusher. Heh, well I suppose dead men tell no tales."
Shmaluigi was never much of a fighter, anyway, and if you can't beat them, join them. I took on the Bone Crusher's form - and not this current, diminished state, I'm talking prime condition mecha suit here - and wrenched the forklift off of myself. Remember what I said earlier, about Duplighost transformations acting in weird ways? Yeah, well tell me how I can still feel so much pain in a body that was technically almost entirely mechanical. I just had to push through it.
My bony adversary seemed confused at seeing himself for a moment, then became even angrier. He tried punching me with both fists at once, but I was able to grab both of his springy arms and redirect the attack back into himself. I was definitely faster, not by much, but in a mirror match like this, sometimes the smallest things can make all the difference. As it turns out, the Bone Crusher's defenses were outmatched by his offensive capabilities, and between countering his own attacks and peppering in my own, I was really starting to rack up the damage. It was a rare pleasure to see him on the backfoot for once.
By now, the damage to his mechanical ribcage had exposed what looked like multiple batteries inside. That seemed like just the ticket I needed to shut down this mechanical menace for good, and wasn't it kind of Lucky to provide a fantastic tool for the job. I went and grabbed the forklift - hoping the construction company had a good insurance policy on it, they definitely weren't getting it back in a usable state even without this last push - and rammed it through the Bone Crusher's chest, piercing one of the mech's batteries with one of the forks. The sudden puncture caused a small explosion, followed by a chain reaction of the remaining batteries, rendering it inoperable and sending the Bone Crusher's skull flying across the room with a howl. That still wasn't enough to take him down permanently, but he was once again reduced to a clattering skull that was relatively harmless. Good riddance.
I returned to my usual form, and just then I heard sirens and the sound of squad cars pulling up, followed by a group of NWPD officers led by Chief Palmer swarming the station.
"Alright everyone, hands up!" Chief Palmer exclaimed.
"I don't think that's going to do you much good, chief. This one's out cold and the other doesn't have hands," I said, gesturing to Lucky. "Unfortunately, the minions fled and Terrakingpin got away not too long after. I'm not sure where they went, I was a little preoccupied dealing with the old Crusher."
The chief nodded affirmatively. "You heard the man, search the perimeter. Let's move!"
With all of that taken care of, I decided to check on Lucky to make sure if he was even still alive. As I got near, he suddenly coughed, his eyes barely opening as he struggled to lift his head. "Ugggh... I be... feelin' that... in the mornin'," he mumbled in a brief moment of consciousness before passing out again. If he had been able to hear me, I probably would've made some barb about his luck turning, just to rub it in a little bit. Maybe it was better that he couldn't.
I'm pleased to say that things went swimmingly after that. With Lucky behind bars, it wasn't long until Terrakingpin was back up to his old tricks - but without his newfound crutch, it also wasn't long until he was going straight back to prison too. I didn't even have to get involved, the NWPD was able to pick him up on their own in record time. The impact of their short-lived reign of terror was, for the most part, nothing that a few insurance claims couldn't smooth over, and I'm told that the security guard from the museum was making a slow but steady recovery. The coins, meanwhile, safely made it to the Mushroom Castle's vault, so I suppose I also prevented a potential international incident on top of everything else.
And so, that ended the case of the chain letter. Frankly, it was almost more of a relief to wrap that whole saga up than it was to be finished dealing with Terrakingpin and Lucky - almost. Ultimately, Mertle was right. I was worrying over this whole thing for nothing, and in the end, everything did pretty much balance itself out, didn't it? Things sure turned around for me in the end, and for how long things seemed to be a cakewalk for him, even Lucky got his just desserts. As it turns out, sometimes life just happens. All we can do is press ahead and not worry so much about the things that are out of our control.
I was just about finished typing up my personal notes on the case, when my door swung open and Shmwario sauntered into my office. "Hey bro, we're kinda low on snacks at my place. You got any of those burritos? The Joja ones?"
"Yeah, they're up in the freezer."
"That's what I like to hear! So, how's things been with you? It's been a bit since we've seen each other."
"Oh, pretty good. I just wrapped up a big case."
"Nice, nice. Things have been goin' well for me too! Ever since I passed on that chain letter, it just seems like everything's been goin' my way!"
"Wait a minute... Chain letter?" I facepalmed and sighed, leaning on my desk in defeat. Of course... Of course it was him. "Sometimes, I really hate you, you know that?"
The End
Hello there! You made it to the end, how lucky. That doesn't really make sense, actually. I'd like to thank Boo1268 once again for helping with this arc and providing Lucky's dialogue, and you, the reader, for reading! At the moment, I'm not sure if I'll be back next month or if I'll be on a short break until September, we'll have to see how these next several weeks end up going. Either way, see you soon!
Die WAH With a Vengeance!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 9
Finding themselves in the middle of their Major League debut race on Circuit Break Island, Waluigi and Company were currently going kart to kart against the Order of the Fluzzard, which was a team consisting of a Red Magikoopa, a White Magikoopa and a Green Magikoopa riding in a yellow-green Cheep Charger. “WAH-t do we have here? A couple of Koopa Troop rejects? Shouldn’t be too much of a hassle for Waluigi and his band of brothers to take care of.” Waluigi remarked with a cocky smirk as he saw the Order of the Fluzzard approaching him and his team, Waluigi’s party members nodding their agreement with this statement from their purple-garbed team leader.
“I wouldn’t be so certain of that, you raw-boned rascal…Our dark magic will make the parlor tricks of the Magikoopas that Bowser happens to employ irrelevant…We shall give you a free demonstration…” The Red Magikoopa of the bunch commented with his mouth curled into a sinister grin before he and his party members engaged Waluigi and Company in combat.
Waluigi proceeded to open his party’s first turn at combat by executing a Swerving Swipe attack to ram into his Magikoopa opponents’ kart and dish out significant damage in the process. The Magikoopas hollered in pain, after which Bloolex followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, causing the wizarding trio to screech in discomfort. Cheesare then performed a Sla-Douken attack on the Order of the Fluzzard, causing them to yell out in disdain. Nicky then ended the turn for his team by using another one of his power tools, a blowtorch, against the enemy racing team as a weapon - Specifically, a flamethrower. As such, the attack he executed with it was called Burning Desire. The Magikoopas screamed in pain from this, and were delighted it was finally their turn at combat.
“You are nothing but a feeble mortal, blind to the magic that the wizarding world happens to hold…Not to worry, though, for we’ll make you see…” The Red Magikoopa on the enemy racing team stated, his mouth still curled into a sinister grin before he proceeded to cast Flipendo against Waluigi and Company, causing their kart to flip over and the heroes to yelp in shock in response. The Green Magikoopa of the team followed this up by casting Cascada against the heroes, targeting all of them with electrokinetic projectiles that zapped them, causing them to jitter and grunt in response. The White Magikoopa of the bunch then ended his team’s turn by casting Episkey on his allies, restoring their HP in the process.
“WAH, you weren’t kidding when you said you’d make Waluigi and his friends see…! No matter though, for Waluigi and his friends will still wipe the floor with all of you!” Waluigi assured his opponents before ushering in his team’s next turn at combat by using his whip to perform a Waluigi Whip Lash against the enemy racing team, prompting them all to howl in pain. Bloolex followed this up with a Gezora Gash attack, after which the Order of the Fluzzard moaned in pain. Cheesare then executed a Cheddar Bombardment attack on the Order of the Fluzzard, who whined in disdain. Nicky then wrapped up his team’s second turn at combat by using his flamethrower blowtorch to perform a Book of Matches attack against the enemy racing team, with the attack being enough to put the White Magikoopa of the team out of commission, leaving his red and green-clad teammates to fend for themselves without relying on his healing magic. “Your confidence is very adoring to hear, strange mortal in purple…I regret to inform you that confidence won’t be lasting forever…You will see in due time why that is…” The Red Magikoopa chuckled in a sinister manner before proceeding to cast Venenum against Waluigi and Company, inflicting all of them with the Poison status ailment and causing them to gradually lose HP every turn. The Green Magikoopa followed this up by casting Fulgur against the heroes, striking them all with a lightning bolt whilst simultaneously administering critical impairment on them.
“WAH-RGH…! Waluigi feels his lungs are melting because of that dark magic you cast against him…!” Waluigi groaned in utter discomfort from the Poison status ailment the Red Magikoopa inflicted on him and his party members, who hummed their agreement once more, after which the Poison status ailment took effect on the heroes, causing them to lose a bit of their HP whilst simultaneously making them groan in pain. The purple troublemaker then proceeded to take the lead for his team’s next turn at combat by performing a Double Waluigi Whip Lash on his opponents, striking both of them with his whip in consecutive fashion whilst making them cry out in pain at the same time. Bloolex proceeded to follow this up with a Tentacles of Fury attack, whacking the living daylights out of his opponents using his bare tentacles. The two Magikoopas murmured in pain from this, after which Cheesare proceeded to pour more salt in the wound, quite literally, by using a newly learned attack called Salt Storm - It involved sending clouds of table salt after his opponents to damage them whilst simultaneously inflicting the Soft status ailment on them, thus lowering their Defense Power by three over the course of the following three turns. Nicky then proceeded to finish the enemy racing team off by using his flamethrower blowtorch to execute a Flames of War attack, engulfing the enemy racing team in a twin stream of fire before causing their kart to start running off the road and come to a standstill on the side of the track, the Magikoopas inside going down for the count in the process.
After the Poison status ailment took away another bit of their HP, Waluigi and Company cheered for their victory against the Order of the Fluzzard and continued running down the track as they continued to battle their way towards the top position in the race.
Keeping their eyes peeled for any additional racers wanting to pick a fight with them, Waluigi and his party members soon found themselves challenged by a lone Dark Craw riding a dark purple and black colored Wild Wing by the name of Kimi Crawtonelli. “Uh, Mr. Waluigi? We’ve got company.” Bloolex warned the purple-clad hellion, who in turn proceeded to check his rear-view mirror to see Kimi Crawtonelli approaching. “You think we can take this guy?” Bloolex then asked Waluigi, who hummed inquisitively as he considered his team’s chances against the Dark Craw racer. Finally coming to a decision, the menace in purple spoke it out loud.
“Waluigi is gonna be sending this WAH-nnabe Death Eater crashing into the first stadium WAH-ll that Waluigi can find. That said, attack!” Waluigi informed his party members before they engaged Kimi Crawtonelli in battle.
Waluigi opened the first turn for his team by performing a Brandish Waluigi Whip attack on Kimi Crawtonelli, striking the Dark Craw racer with his whip in a regular manner before letting the whip go limp and striking the enemy with multiple limp whip maneuvers for additional, albeit lesser damage compared to a regular whip strike, similar to certain games in the Castlevania series. Kimi Crawtonelli cawed in pain from this, after which Bloolex followed this up by pulling out his Peanut Popgun sidearm and using it against the Dark Craw racer by launching a spread fire of peanut shells at him, prompting another pained caw in response. Cheesare then added another round of damage onto the pile of impairment by performing a newly-learned attack called Pepper & Ash, which involved the hamburger Spinia brandishing a large-sized pepper mill as either a blunderbuss or a shotgun and firing off a powerful burst of pepper at the enemy, dealing critical contamination to them. Nicky then wrapped things up by grabbing another one of his power tools and using it as a weapon against the opposing racer - A nail gun that he used as a firearm to pelt the enemy with multiple nails as if they were bullets.
“Muehehehe…Prepare to delve into the catacombs of the Underwhere, fragile temporals…!” Kimi Crawtonelli chortled maliciously before using his spear to perform a Spear Jab on Waluigi, who cried out in pain from the high amount of damage the attack inflicted on him. “Every scream of pain you let out is food for my hunger…My hunger for victory!” Kimi Crawtonelli then taunted the purple troublemaker with a sinister smirk curled onto his beak.
“Let Waluigi end your hunger WAH-nce and for all, then!” Waluigi replied as he used his whip to perform another Brandish Waluigi Whip attack against the Dark Craw, who cawed in pain once more in response. Bloolex then used his Somewhere Over The Rainbow attack against the enemy racer, with the colorful rainbow attack proving to be highly effective against the Dark Craw and his dark-natured combat abilities. Cheesare then used his Condiment Spire attack against Kimi Crawtonelli, who yet again cawed in agony in response to the attack’s impact. Nicky then proceeded to use his nail gun firearm once more to unleash a hailstorm of nail-bullets against the enemy racer before it was the latter’s turn at combat once more.
“What an excellent day for harvesting souls to bring back to the Underwhere with me…!” Kimi Crawtonelli maliciously chortled before pulling off another maneuver with his spear, this one being a short thrust/long thrust combo known as the Double Spear Jab. Once again, Waluigi was the unfortunate victim of this skewering, with the purple troublemaker yelping in pain upon being struck by the one-two spear combo. “Muehehehe…You should take these Coins to put over your eyes for when you get to River Twygz, purple elf…” Kimi Crawtonelli mockingly told Waluigi as the Dark Craw proceeded to toss two Coins at the lanky blowhard, which the latter proceeded to catch, albeit with an irritable expression on his face, as he didn’t appreciate his ears being mocked.
“Waluigi is no elf, you annoying bird! And Waluigi is about to show you why!” The purple-garbed braggart informed Kimi Crawtonelli in an irritable tone of voice to match the expression radiating off his face before putting his words into practice by executing a Swerving Swipe attack, ramming his kart into Crawtonelli’s, causing the Dark Craw to caw out in anguish. Bloolex then pulled off a Double Rainbow All The Way attack, hitting Crawtonelli with twice the rainbow power, followed by another pained caw from the enemy racer, after which Cheesare finished him off by striking him with a Cheddar Bombardment attack, after which Crawtonelli’s kart began to spin out of control and crash into the closest stadium wall, with the Dark Craw’s eyes spinning in a daze from being put out of combat.
“Alright, dudes! We’re another opponent down, with about two more to go before the top position is ours! Let’s keep at it until we’re there, yeah?” Nicky suggested to his friends, who nodded and hummed their agreement with the Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic’s sentiments as they continued to floor it through the fast lanes of the track.
Driving further into the demolition derby’s battle trenches, Waluigi and Company soon found themselves challenged by a three-man team consisting of a Hammer Brother named Lars Hammars, who also happened to be one of the Major League racers bunking with the heroes in their Major League Quarters, a Boomerang Brother named Mickey Brisbane and a Fire Brother named Tamale Ferox. The trio drove a green, gray and red colored Tiny Titan/Rally Romper, and they looked like they were itching for a fight with the heroes.
“You guys are gonna get a taste of our raging thunderstorm force, man! Here it comes!” Lars Hammars warned the heroes as he firmly grasped his hammer in his right hand while steering his team’s kart with his left hand. Waluigi hummed in affirmation as he and his party members accepted the half-shelled hellions’ challenge, taking them on in battle.
Switching up his attack tactics for this opening turn, Waluigi proceeded to use his kart’s headlights to temporarily blind his opponents with an attack known as Full Beam. The attack successfully blinded the enemy racing team over the course of the next three turns, meaning that any attacks they would throw at the heroes would miss them completely. Bloolex then used his Cephalopod Zap attack, targeting Tamale Ferox with it specifically as the Fire Brother howled in pain. Cheesare, on the other hand, used a newly learned condiment-based attack named Mustard’s Last Stand, which involved the hamburger Spinia pulling a sticky goo launcher filled with mustard on his opponents before coating them with the mustard the sticky goo launcher was loaded with, lowering the opponents’ Defense by one for two turns. Finally, Nicky proceeded to riddle his opponents with another storm of nails from his nail gun, dishing out serious wreckage on the enemy racing team.
Lars Hammars then proceeded to use a Hammer Throw attack against the heroes, which of course missed horribly due to the enemy racing team having been blinded from Waluigi’s Full Beam attack. Mickey Brisbane then used a Boomerang Throw attack, which likewise missed the heroes completely. Finally, Tamale Ferox used a Flame Spit attack, only for it to miss yet again. “WA-HA-HA! Your wimpy little attacks didn’t hit us at all! Now it’s our turn!” Waluigi gloated at his opponents’ misfortune before using the horn on his kart to startle his opponents and lower their Defense by one for another two turns with an attack known as Claxon Clamor. Bloolex then used another Cephalopod Zap attack against Tamale Ferox, proving to be enough to put the Fire Brother out of commission for this particular fight. Cheesare then used another Mustard’s Last Stand attack against the remaining two enemy racers, once again lowering their Defense by one for the next two turns. Nicky then finished the two remaining enemy racers off with another hellfire of nails from his nail gun, after which their kart’s engine went bust, causing their kart to come to a standstill on the side of the track and Lars and Mickey to faint alongside the already unconscious Tamale.
“Those dudes just got absolutely shacked by us! Hope they’ll remember the name Waluigi going forward, know what I mean?” Nicky asked his friends, who each flashed a nod or a thumbs up in response as they continued riding towards the finish line.
Later on, the heroes found themselves challenged by a two-man team of Red Chain Chomps riding a red and white colored Daytripper/Royal Racer. “Oh, brother. It’s those annoying Red Chain Chomps that Wario’s red-clad rival WAH-nce told Waluigi about when Red ‘Stache fought ‘em in the Glitz Pit. Never thought Waluigi would see them racing karts out here on Circuit Break Island.” Waluigi remarked with an annoyed expression as he saw his next challengers approaching him and his party members.
“Griping about those fools won’t get us anywhere, Waluigi Dude! Let’s take ‘em out before they do the same thing to us!” Nicky suggested before he and the rest of the heroes initiated their next skirmish on the main track of the Circuit Break Stadium.
This time, Nicky opened up things for his team by brandishing another one of his power tools as a weapon; A saw that launched electric shockwaves at enemies. As such, the attack he used here was called Volt Curl. The Red Chomps whined in pain as they were struck by the attack. Cheesare then followed this up by using a Ranch Drench attack against the Red Chomp duo to corrode them and give them a good trashing while he was at it. The Red Chomps groaned in annoyance from this, but they weren’t done being pummeled by the heroes just yet, as Bloolex used another Cephalopod Zap attack against the crimson canines to fry them and make them howl in pain. Finally, Waluigi wrapped things up by using a Swerving Swipe attack to ram his kart into that of the enemy racing team, who were named Snap ‘N Sprint, defeating them and causing their kart to crash into a wall.
“WAH! Waluigi doesn’t care WAH-t universe you’re from, that’s gotta hurt!” The purple troublemaker joked about the crash his opponents just made while simultaneously referencing Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace as he continued to steer his own kart towards the end of the track, with just one more opponent left to stand in their way of claiming victory in the race.
And that opponent would soon make themselves known; A Dark Koopatrol riding a shiny black and magenta hued Sprinter/B Dasher Mk. 2 under the alias of Jackie Stalwart. He was the last of the Major League racers that Waluigi and Company had to face in order to claim first place, as well as the last of the Major League racers that bunked with the heroes in the Major League Quarters outside the race track. “The so-called rising star of the Circuit Break League, that is Waluigi…At last, we meet on the track…And now, we will finally see who’s truly the strongest racer between the two of us!” Jackie Stalwart declared before attacking the heroes, initiating the first strike, and thus opening the battle instead of the heroes doing so. The Dark Koopatrol used a Spiky Swerving Swipe attack, using his kart to ram the heroes’ kart and deal devastating damage to them in the process.
“WAH! That’s a real thorn in Waluigi’s side, WAH-lright…! But no matter, because Waluigi has triumphed in the face of adversity before, and Waluigi will certainly do so again now!” Waluigi declared as he proceeded to use his whip, charged with the heaven-sent power of King Grambi, against Jackie Stalwart for a WAH-lmighty Waluigi Whip Lash, handing out a grandiose amount of blemish to the Dark Koopatrol racer, who roared in pain in response.
“Allow me to assist you in doing that, Mr. Waluigi!” Bloolex chimed in before the Blooper Retainer proceeded to use his Double Rainbow All The Way attack against Jackie Stalwart, inflicting even more spoilage on the armored, unholy tortoise in the process. “I should be of use in taking this guy down a couple pegs myself, Big Purple! Allow me to demonstrate!” Cheesare then added before executing a Ranch Drench attack against Jackie Stalwart, corroding his armor and lowering his Defense by two over the course of the next two turns while he was at it.
“I don’t think I got any tricks up my sleeve that could prove to be effective against this guy, so I’ll just, like, sit back and let you take care of him for the time being, dudes.” Nicky stated as the Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic did just that, after which the heroes’ turn ended, and Jackie Stalwart was up next again.
“Feel the fire of war!” Jackie Stalwart then declared before he drew a sword with a crimson red handle and a bright orange blade coated in equally bright orange hued fire against the heroes, then used it to perform a Searing Sword Slash attack on the heroes, subjecting them to considerable impairment while simultaneously making them howl in pain.
“WAH! That’s some hot stuff, Waluigi tells you! Waluigi thinks that we need some more hydrokinetic abilities to douse this guy!” The purple troublemaker suggested his party members, who nodded in response. “Then you all know the drill! Let’s-a get some hydrokinetic havoc in here, posthaste!” Waluigi said to his party members before using his whip once more, this time inscribed with the heaven-sent fluid powers of King Grambi, to execute a WAH-lmighty WAH-ter Waluigi Whip Lash attack against Jackie Stalwart, who moaned in pain as the attack made contact with him.
Bloolex then proceeded to follow this up with a hydrokinetic attack called Cephalopod Splash, which involved showering the opponent, in this case Jackie Stalwart, with a high pressure stream of water like the ones coming out of highly pressurized garden sprinklers. The Dark Koopatrol yelped in pain as he got struck with this maneuver, after which Cheesare added onto the great big heap of battering by lowering the opposing racer’s Defense for another two turns with his Ranch Drench attack.
“Lemme see if I got any water-based equipment on me right here…” Nicky mumbled to himself as he went through his hammerspace to find any water-based equipment before pulling out a F.L.U.D.D. with a Squirt Nozzle mounted on it. “Heck yeah, I do! It’s curtains for you, Jackie Stalwart, bro!” The Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic giddily exclaimed before using his F.L.U.D.D. for a Water Pulse attack, saturating the Dark Koopatrol racer with a highly pulsated blast of water akin to the ones used by Pokémon in the Nintendo franchise of the same name. The attack proved strong enough to defeat Jackie Stalwart, who shouted in terror as his kart’s engine went kaput on him, before crashing into a nearby guard rail and rendering him out of the race and out of combat.
With all of their opponents vanquished, Waluigi and Company were now free to head on down to the finish line unopposed, so they did, and cheered for their hard-fought victory while waving to the crowds perched up on the bleachers in the process. The crowds cheered for the heroes’ win, and Florian Kniphofia excitedly danced around on his podium as he saw the rising stars of the Circuit Break League bag themselves yet another triumph on the track. “The Waluigi Fury Roadsters see another win come their way, ladies and gentlemen! Their reputation for being such formidable rising stars is well deserved, as you can see!” The Floro Sapien promoter boomed into his microphone. “WAH-nderful! We’ve gotten another step closer to reaching the top of the leaderboard of the League, you guys! We should keep this up during our next race!” Waluigi suggested his party members, who once again nodded their agreement with this sentiment. Upon arriving back at their Major League Quarters in the aftermath of their latest race, the Dual Scream Light that the heroes received from the mysterious Lucille Merrin began to ring, with the ringtone being an 8-bit remix of the Waluigi Stadium theme from the Mario Kart series.
“Hey, sounds like we’re getting a message from Lucille Merrin, who gave us that Dual Scream Light gadget thingamajiggy!” Nicky exclaimed in surprise, to which Waluigi hummed his affirmation as he pulled out the Dual Scream Light in question and answered the message Lucille Merrin sent them.
“Meet my contact at the stable where your flock of Paratroopa’s is residing outside the Circuit Break Stadium. - Sincerely, Lucille Merrin.” Waluigi read out loud before tucking away the Dual Scream Light again. “Waluigi wonders who this contact Lucille Merrin has arranged for us to meet could possibly be?” The purple troublemaker then questioned out loud, placing his right hand against his chin in an inquisitive manner before shrugging. “Waluigi supposes we can only find out by heading on down there.” He then reasoned out loud as he began to make his way towards the stable with his party members following closely behind.
Upon making it outside the stadium and reaching the stable where Waluigi’s Paratroopa flock and the Waluigi Cloud they were pulling resided during the heroes’ stay on Circuit Break Island, the heroes were greeted by an anthropomorphic light gray furred bulldog with striking light blue eyes dressed in a black two-piece suit with a light blue dress shirt and a black and gold striped necktie. “Good day to you, sir. I take it, you're Waluigi?” The bulldog asked Waluigi with a curious tilt of his head as he saw the heroes approaching. He spoke with a British accent and a surprisingly posh voice in spite of his rugged exterior.
“Yes, sir. Waluigi assumes you’re the contact Mrs. Merrin told us to meet with?” Waluigi confirmed the bulldog’s question while pressing the fingers on his right hand against his chin in an inquisitive manner once more, hoping he had the right person in front of him. The bulldog hummed affirmatively to confirm the purple troublemaker’s assumptions.
“Correct. Mrs. Merrin asked me to come down here all the way from Mushroom City, stating it was of high importance that I gave this to you. I suppose it really was of high importance that I gave it to you, seeing as this is a rather powerful weapon that I’m about to pass on to you.” The bulldog informed Waluigi as he handed the towering miscreant a sword resembling the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda series, except with a golden handle with a ruby embedded in the middle, and an ivory blade.
“WAH-llelujah! What divinely smithed sword is this?!” Waluigi asked the bulldog as he looked at the sword in awe, unable to believe that Lucille Merrin asked this bulldog to travel all the way down from Mushroom City to Circuit Break Island to give him this sword.
“That is the Sword of Nintendomens. It’s a powerful artifact originally crafted by the Lady of the Lake, better known as Nintenmue, who presented it to the Emperor of Ebonos as his personal weapon during his reign over the Ebonos Empire. Following the Emperor’s final battle at Ichugawak against the Shõgun of Amatias, it was placed in storage at the Emperor’s personal mausoleum that was built in his memory at the grounds of his palace in Ebonos Central. From there on, the Sword of Nintendomens would continue to be kept alongside the remains of the Emperor until approximately the year 2000, where a descendant of the Lady of the Lake by the name of Zitro was told to deliver it to Mushroom City Depository by the spirit of the former Emperor of Ebonos, who came to her in a dream to warn her that by the year 2025, something terrible would transpire, and that the sword that had served him so long and so well during his reign all those years ago would be very beneficial in bringing those terrible events to a fortunate end.” The bulldog explained to Waluigi, who was rather impressed to hear of such a prophecy.
“WAH-nderful…! And Waluigi takes it that you happen to work for the Mushroom City Depository and happen to be a guardian of this sword waiting until the sword could be delivered to Waluigi?” Waluigi asked the bulldog to make sure he understood where the posh pooch was going with this. The bulldog once again nodded with an affirmative hum.
“You would be correct. And now it is time for you to make the prophecy come true, and make it reach its positive conclusion. Good luck, Waluigi. A fate foretold throughout the ages rests on you, and the Sword of Nintendomens.” The bulldog bid Waluigi farewell as he proceeded to leave the area. The heroes weren’t left with much time to contemplate this prophecy that the bulldog was referring to, however, as their Dual Scream Light proceeded to start ringing once more, with Waluigi quickly strapping the Sword of Nintendomens to his waist before digging out the Dual Scream Light to inspect the message he’d received.
“Use the Sword of Nintendomens to break through the sealed wall located inside the Minor League Quarters. - Sincerely, Lucille Merrin” Waluigi once again read out loud. “If memory serves Waluigi, that would be the same sealed wall Ian Thieving told us about, rumored to have the remains of fallen racers stored behind it. Guess this would be an opportune time to bust that myth, wouldn’t you guys say?” The purple-clad hellion asked his party members with an excitable grin, as Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their hesitant agreement, while Nicky nodded his agreement in a more excitable manner. “Let’s-a get going, then!” The thinly-built nuisance then declared after tucking away his Dual Scream Light once again before taking the lead towards the Minor League Quarters they used to reside in back at the Circuit Break Stadium, approaching the security guard at the door leading there.
“Pardon Waluigi, friend. But we have business needing to be taken care of here. If you would be so kind as to step aside so that Waluigi and his friends can take care of that particular business?” The elevated rabble-rouser inquired the security guard, who shifted his head to look at him in response before nodding his understanding.
“Mm, yeah. I did hear about you and your team having some unfinished business in the Minor League Quarters. Go right on in and get that unfinished business taken care of, Waluigi.” The security guard acknowledged the impish beanstalk’s requests to enter the Minor League Quarters and stepped aside to allow the heroes entry.
As the heroes entered the Minor League Quarters, they were promptly met with curious stares from those who currently inhabited them. “What’s the matter, Waluigi? You left something in here that you came to retrieve?” Bob Bombs curiously asked Waluigi.
“Ah! Beanpole and Friends came back to laugh at Clefthaddeus? Clefthaddeus not very happy with that…” Clefthaddeus chimed in his discomfort upon seeing the heroes return to the Minor League Quarters once again.
“Are you back in the Minor League now or something like that? ‘Cause if you are, I am really sorry for causing you all that grief on the racing track in the past, and I hope you’ll go easy on me from now on…” Rodent Petty added onto the stack of confused sentiments.
“You better get on with whatever business you got going here and then get the heck outta here, punk! We still ain’t happy that you made us degrade back down here!” Yellow Owl chimed in a furious tone of voice.
“What Yellow said! So complete your assignment and get out, ‘cause if we see your face around here any longer than we have to, it won’t be looking like a face much longer!” Purple Swallow added with an equally furious tone of voice.
Waluigi and the heroes ignored all of these statements and just went towards the sealed wall that Lucille Merrin instructed them to break through with the Sword of Nintendomens, in which they did as soon as Waluigi grabbed the legendary blade and shattered the wall to pieces in the process. However, instead of remains belonging to perished racers, the heroes were instead greeted by some kind of study with a bookcase and a desk with a broken computer on it. On top of the bookcase rested some kind of document, so Waluigi had Nicky float up to grab it for him and then pass it on so the purple goliath could read it.
Curiously humming as he scanned through the document, Waluigi’s eyes widened in an intriguing manner. “WAH-ndrous…! These are scientific documents relating to the Luff Empire…! That probably means that the Luff Empire was expecting our arrival here and started making preparations for it in advance!” Waluigi reasoned out loud, much to the shock of his party members, whose eyes all went wide upon their team leader making this conclusion.
“If that’s the case, why do you think the Luff Empire would just leave something vitally important to their operations like this lying around in an abandoned computer room like this? There’s something that just rattles my nonexistent whiskers about this!” Bloolex replied, being left with more questions than answers about the whole ordeal.
“Tell me about it! You think Lucille Merrin happens to be some kind of woman on the inside with the Luff Empire helping us deal with them?” Cheesare reasoned out loud in a subsequent manner, with Waluigi humming inquisitively as he wouldn’t rule out the possibility of such a thing in his mind.
“Well, we got what we came for, so let’s get outta here before those Iron Chancellor dudes get real mad at us!” Nicky suggested, to which the other heroes nodded their agreement as Waluigi tucked the documents away into his inventory before they began to take their leave from the Minor League Quarters. Unfortunately, they were caught by Tad Pop on the way out, and they grimaced upon seeing this. “Uh-oh, we just got busted, dudes…!” Nicky stated in a frightened tone of voice as he saw Tad Pop.
“What in the Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit are you doing in here, Mr. Waluigi? Aren’t you a Major League Racer now?” Tad Pop asked the purple-garbed mischief-maker as she walked up to him and his party members in a consecutive fashion. “And what’s with the wall you broke down? The Circuit Break Stadium is already resting on a crumbly and unstable foundation following budget cuts earlier this year, so we really cannot use this act of vandalism on top of that.” The anthropomorphic frog lady reprimanded the anti-protagonist for his actions inside the Minor League Quarters.
“WAH, forgive Waluigi and his friends, Mrs. Tad Pop! We were told to come here and break down this wall by a person named Lucille Merrin! We didn’t mean for you and Mr. Kniphofia to have another renovative headache to be added to your list of to-do things, Mrs. Merrin merely WAH-nted us to retrieve this for her!” Waluigi explained to Tad Pop before showing the Luff Empire Documents to her, after which Tad Pop carefully examined the documents, uttering a concerned hum in the process. She then handed the documents back to Waluigi.
“Well, while I cannot say I am familiar with this Lucille Merrin you speak of, the possibility of the Luff Empire operating under the noses of everyone working and visiting Circuit Break Island is quite the sign of trouble brewing. I thank you for bringing this matter to my attention, Mr. Waluigi, and I will inform Mr. Kniphofia about this as fast as I possibly can so that he may take procedures to protect the racers and the visitors of the stadium grounds, should the Luff Empire make the decision to initiate an attack.” Tad Pop informed the rawboned rascal before she proceeded to leave the Minor League Quarters in a timely manner.
“Neither she nor Kniphofia were aware of the Luff Empire being stationed out here on Circuit Break Island? That sounds rather worrisome, if you ask me…No matter, though. If the Luff Empire really is present out here, we should prepare ourselves for battle against them, should they make their presence known.” Cheesare suggested, to which the other heroes agreed yet again as the four of them also took their leave from the Minor League Quarters.
After all that had passed, Waluigi and Company decided to return to the Major League Quarters and arrange another race to be held on the stadium’s main track, and Florian Kniphofia obliged their request with pleasure. The heroes then went on to plow through another series of demolition derby-styled battles before once again emerging victorious in the end, promptly getting out of their kart that they used to win the race upon crossing the finish line and expressing their joy in winning to the crowds cheering them on from the safe confinement of the bleachers. The celebrations would be short-lived, however, as the Iron Chancellors soon barged their way onto the track to challenge the heroes to a fight outside their vehicles, much to the shock of everyone, Florian Kniphofia included.
“Floundering Fertilizer, ladies and gentlemen! I can’t believe what I’m witnessing! The Iron Chancellors have a bone to pick with The Waluigi Fury Roadsters outside the fast lane!” Florian Kniphofia hollered into his microphone in shock as he remained standing on top of his podium, not wishing to get caught in the crossfire that was about to commence. The audience also made their shock known through audible gasps.
“The bunch of you made us look like rusty tin men on the race track the other day, and now you’ll be paying the ultimate price for that!” Yellow Owl furiously roared in the heroes’ faces. “Tuckered out from busting your humps to win this race you just wrapped up, Wimp-Luigi Failure Toasters? Well, too bad! Prepare to get crushed!” Purple Swallow chimed in with equal fury to that of his yellow-garbed counterpart before the two of them engaged the heroes in a vehicle-less fight on the track.
“Oh, brother. These guys really don’t know when to quit, do they? Well, Waluigi will gladly humor them if they’re itching for a fight outside the driver’s seat so much. After all, Waluigi just got himself a brand new weapon, and Waluigi is itching to get some target practice out of it in battle!” Waluigi grinned excitedly as he drew the Sword of Nintendomens and prepared to use it against The Iron Chancellors.
Waluigi then used a Nintenthunder Thrust attack against The Iron Chancellors using the Sword of Nintendomens, which knocked Yellow Owl into Purple Swallow, causing both Iron Clefts to holler in pain. Bloolex then used a Cephalopod Splash attack to inflict some rusting on the Iron Cleft duo. Cheesare did the same thing Bloolex did, only the hamburger Spinia did so by using a Ranch Drench attack against the opposing team. Finally, Nicky used his F.L.U.D.D.’s Squirt Nozzle for a Flash Gushing attack, which also corroded The Iron Chancellors whilst lowering their Defense in the process.
Yellow Owl then proceeded to use a Charge attack against Waluigi, which Purple Swallow then proceeded to follow up with a Charge attack of his own, both attacks dealing a good amount of damage against the purple-garbed firebrand. Waluigi didn’t mind all that much, though, because thanks to his party members’ hydrokinetic abilities lowering The Iron Chancellors’ Defense enough for him to defeat them in a single hit, the elevated loose cannon used another Nintenthunder Thrust attack against his opponents, knocking Yellow Owl into Purple Swallow a second time and vanquishing both of them in the process.
“Bleaaaah…We can’t even beat that beanpole in regular fisticuffs…We really do suck.” Yellow Owl groaned in defeat as he and Purple Swallow were dazed from that trashing they received from Waluigi, who triumphantly stood over his vanquished opponents with his trademark sly grin while having his left hand triumphantly placed on his hip while confidently gripping the Sword of Nintendomens in his right hand.
“Amazing, ladies and gentlemen! Waluigi really does live up to the reputation he’s got going around the Mushroom World, for he doesn’t even break a sweat when The Iron Chancellors barge onto the track and challenge him to a skirmish without any vehicles involved! Grambispeed to you, Big Purple!” Florian Kniphofia excitedly boomed into his microphone, with the audience voicing their excitement as well through audible cheers. “That’s about all there is to this race, folks! We hope to see you again next time for our next excitable demolition derby, where we’ll see our Major League racers bang each other up in their karts once more! Have a nice day!” The Floro Sapien promoter then stated before parting with a wave. Meanwhile, Waluigi and Company left the track and returned to their quarters.
“Credit where credit’s due for holding your ground against the completely uncalled physical attack from The Iron Chancellors, Mr. Waluigi. In addition to your regular racer salary of 12 Coins, I would like to present you with an additional 12 Coin bonus as compensation for what happened with The Iron Chancellors. I will be sure to reprimand the two of them for their actions on the track, you have my word.” Tad Pop assured Waluigi after praising him for rightfully defending himself against the Iron Cleft racing team before handing him a total of 24 Coins in payment and taking her leave from the Major League Quarters in a consecutive manner. Suddenly, the heroes’ Dual Scream Light proceeded to start blaring once more, though this time, it started playing an 8-bit remix of the Super Mario World boss theme for a ringtone as opposed to the ringtone Lucille Merrin used when sending messages to the heroes, surprising them in the process.
“Hey, that’s a different ringtone from the ones we get when Mrs. Merrin sends us messages! What gives?” Bloolex wondered out loud as Waluigi proceeded to dig out his Dual Scream Light and proceeded to check the message received on it.
“Keep sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, and your games will come to a very abrupt and unfortunate ending. - Ronnoc” Waluigi read out loud, making an inquisitive hum upon finishing reading the angry message out loud and tucking the Dual Scream Light away again. “Mamma Mia, whoever this Ronnoc guy might be, he sure ain’t too pleased with the way Waluigi and his friends are operating out here on Circuit Break Island.” Waluigi reasoned out loud, his party members humming their agreement in response.
“I’ll say, Big Purple. You think that Ronnoc guy is affiliated with the Luff Empire garrison that Minister Crêpe posted out here? It’d really explain why he’s messaging us to stay out of the Luff Empire’s business, to say the least.” Cheesare theorized out loud.
“Mhm, Waluigi certainly wouldn’t rule out the possibility of Ronnoc being one of Minister Crêpe’s big baddies trying to prevent Waluigi from reassembling the Circle of Lightning. Well, Waluigi ain’t scared of whatever the Luff Empire can throw at him, mark Waluigi’s words.” Waluigi assured his party members upon agreeing with Cheesare’s assumptions regarding the identity of this “Ronnoc” that had just messaged them.
“That’s the spirit, Waluigi! Your confidence in the face of adversity is, like, totally admirable! I’m learning something new from you every day that I happen to be rolling with you on this adventure of yours!” Nicky chimed in his excitement over Waluigi’s bravery.
As the heroes awaited any updates from Lucille Merrin to come in on their Dual Scream Light, they continued to arrange matches on the Circuit Break Stadium’s main track, and upon finishing their latest match, which they once again managed to emerge victorious in, the heroes found a strawberry cake with a tag with their name written on it attached to it resting on the table next to their sleeping quarters. “Ah, Mr. Waluigi. Mrs. Tad Pop was given that cake with a tag reading your name. She said she was instructed by a fan to give it to you. Since it was put there while you were away racing, she asked me to inform you as soon as you returned from your match.” Jackie Stalwart informed Waluigi and Company.
“WAH, thank you very much, Mr. Stalwart. Waluigi really appreciates being given something that sweet by a fan of his.” Waluigi thanked the Dark Koopatrol with a kind smile as he and his party members walked up to the cake. “WAH, whoever baked this is a real ace at it! We could surely get a good energy boost out of eating this, wouldn’t you guys say?” Waluigi then asked his party members, who nodded their agreement with excitable smiles, eager to have that cake. “WAH-HOO, let’s-a get eating!” Waluigi then bellowed excitedly before he and his party members proceeded to quickly scarf down the cake, completely refilling all of their stats in the process, sighing in satisfaction afterwards. “WAH-llelujah! That really hits the spot! Now let’s-a keep going on our merry way, WAH?” Waluigi suggested to his party members after expressing his delight at eating the cake, with his party members yet again voicing their agreement about the great taste of the cake and their team leader’s suggestion to continue on their journey afterward.
Upon finishing their next race in the leading position for the umpteenth time, the heroes were once again celebrating after having stepped out of their kart that had crossed the finish line. This celebration would once again be short-lived, however, because this time around, none other than General Zellon proceeded to barge his way onto the stadium main track to challenge Waluigi and Company to a fight right then and there.
“Trembling Tulips, ladies and gentlemen! We got yet another aggravated individual barging his way onto the track to make