The 'Shroom:Issue 232/Palette Swap
Director's Notes
Hi everyone! Welcome back to the July issue of The 'Shroom!
The weather has gotten marginally better where I live. We've kept the power on and there haven't been any severe storms lately, but we're in the middle of the plume of smoke from the Canadian/Minnesota wildfires, and the air quality the past few days has been awful. Besides that, my dad and I were lucky enough to get tickets to The Odyssey in IMAX at our local theater, and we sat in the sold out crowd today and watched it. There were a couple scenes that freaked me out pretty badly (if/when you see the film, you'll probably be able to guess which one was the worst) but overall it was a pretty cool experience. I prefer Oppenheimer from 2023, but it was cool to check out the massive film reel in the booth after the show. They really are as big as you're led to believe- I want to say they were bigger than our outdoor dining table.
We've got our regular sections for you this month, and our writers have worked hard on them! I won't distract you up here any longer, so get to it!
Happy reading! ~FunkyK38
Section of the Month
Section of the Month results are here! Coming in first this month, we have winstein (talk) with The ? Panel! Following in second is Hint Toad (talk)'s Mushroom Kingdom Comics! Finally, in third, we have Sparks (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk)'s collab on Random Video Analysis! Thank you to everyone who voted, and please keep voting this month as well!
| PALETTE SWAP SECTION OF THE MONTH | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Place | Section | Votes | % | Writer |
| 1st | The ? Panel | 10 | 33.33% | winstein (talk) |
| 2nd | Mushroom Kingdom Comics! | 7 | 23.33% | Hint Toad (talk) |
| 3rd | Random Video Analysis | 5 | 16.67% | Sparks (talk) and Hooded Pitohui (talk) |
Waluigi Time Comic
Drawn by: Waluigi Time (talk)
"Pass the Bar"
Panel 1
[Terrakingpin and Paul the Gold Goomba are sitting at a bar. Terrakingpin holds up two fingers while signaling for the bartender.]
TERRAKINGPIN: Two drinks, bartender
Panel 2
[Jackston the Hammer Bro bartender slides two drinks across the bar, coming closer to the viewer.]
Panel 3
[Terrakingpin catches his glass, while Paul is unable to catch his due to his lack of hands and it continues sliding past him. Both Paul and Terrakingpin are visibly surprised.]
Panel 4
[A crash effect comes from the left side of the panel. Paul is annoyed while Terrakingpin side-eyes the bartender.]
TERRAKINGPIN: Should've seen that coming
The ? Panel
{Bowser spots something ahead of him that inspires mischief, while holding on the steering wheel}
Bowser: Ah-ha!
{Bowser spots Toad ahead of him, who is happily driving}
Bowser: A pushover!"
{Bowser accelerates so as to approach the Toad, with the intent of pushing him off}
Bowser: This is gonna be easy pickings!"
SFX: CRASH!!
{Bowser ends up spinning out despite his size and weight advantage, where it turns out that he has no coins}
{Bowser is frustrated at his failed attempt to bump Toad out of the way, slowly accelerates ahead}
Bowser: Hmph.
{Koopa Troopa speeds past him with a "Bonk" that collides with Bowser, spinning out Bowser again. Koopa Troopa barely notices Bowser when speeding past the course}
Bowser: Not again!! Why does this happen to me!!?
Created by: Aomaf (talk)
Alt texts by: FunkyK38 (talk), Hooded Pitohui (talk), and Aomaf (talk)
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Mario Story
Spongebob Story
Sonic Story
Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
Hello, 'Shroom readers! Hint Toad, here, with a brand new comic! Enjoy!
Panel 1
[A Stingby is buzzing along, looking for flowers.]
Panel 2
[Stingby spots a Fire Flower]
Panel 3 - 4
[Stingby tries landing on the Fire Flower but it burns his foot. TSSS!]
Panel 5
[Stingby spots a Ice Flower]
Panel 6 - 7
[Stingby tries landing on the Ice Flower but it freezes him in a block of ice! Brrr!]
Panel 8
[Stingby spots a Bubble Flower.]
Panel 9 - 11
[A bit more cautious this time, Stingby taps his foot on the Flower. BLOOP! He suddenly flouts away in a bubble.]
Panel 12 - 15
[A now much annoyed Stingby spots a Piranha Plant. In a fit of rage, he stings it three times.]
Panel 16
PIRANHA PLANT: What was THAT for!?
[A nearby piranha plant chuckles to himself.]
Panel 1
[Hint Toad and Fred the Fuzzy are both seen holding pencils.]
HINT TOAD: Hey Guys! It's me, Hint Toad! The writer of Mushroom Kingdom Comics!
FRED: And I'm his co-writer, Fred the Fuzzy!
Panel 2
HINT TOAD: Fred! You're the test reader! Not co-writer!
FRED: Then why do I have this pencil?
Panel 3
HINT TOAD: As I was saying... I really can't believe it's been an entire year since the strip launched!
Panel 4
[Uncle Amiibo comes on the scene.]
UNCLE AMIIBO: By my calculations, it's actually been 364 days... One day short.
HINT TOAD: Who asked you?
Panel 5
Hint Toad: Anyway... Thank you all for reading and thanks to the `Shroom staff for making this possible! Here's to another great year of comics!
[Uncle Amiibo, Fred the Fuzzy and Bonneter #4 are seen standing off to the corner.]
FRED: How come I never get to be in a comic?
BONNETER #4: Hey! Same!
Shmaluigi, Private Investigator
Written by: Waluigi Time (talk) and Boo1268
Unlucky Streak: Part 3
One thing you learn when you've been a private investigator as long as I have is to expect the unexpected, and roll with the punches. Actually, maybe that's two things. As if things haven't been bizarre enough lately, I now found myself face-to-face with the mafian I'd been after this whole time, Terrakingpin - not in the middle of some crime, but sitting in the vestibule of my own office, and begging me for help. How do you even end up in a situation like this? I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the absurdity of it.
"Me? Help you? You've got to be joking. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just turn you over to the cops right now."
"Look, it's not my first choice either, detective," the dapper Koopa snarled. "Just hear me out, this concerns you as well."
I raised an eyebrow in curiosity and waved him into my office proper. "Why don't you just have Lucky deal with it? He seems to solve all of your problems quite handily," I said sarcastically.
"Because he's the problem," Terrakingpin replied, going from one ill-fitting chair to another as he sat down across from my desk. "That treacherous little reptile pulled my whole mafia right out from under me! They decided he'd make a better boss since everything's a walk in the park for him, and he was all too happy to go along with it. Next thing I know, I'm out of the picture. I didn't even get my new gold suit finished!"
"So I suppose he didn't need you, you needed him?"
Terrakingpin tapped his claws against my desk, hesitating to give the answer he clearly already knew. "Yes... I'm not an idiot, alright? I know that I'm not exactly the best at this whole mafia game. That's why, as much as I hate to admit it, I need your help to take down Lucky and get my organization back under my rightful control."
"I'm not sure what gave you the impression that I'm in the business of establishing mafia bosses," I told him.
He furrowed his brow in response. "Okay, it's really starting to hurt my self-esteem that I've been done in twice now by someone this dense. Do I need to spell everything out for you? Lucky's bad news for the both of us, and you know the old saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. If it's between me and him, I assume you don't want the person clawing towards the peak of New Wikisburg's criminal underworld to be the guy with ridiculously charged luck? I'm willing to spill all the details on this operation to help, I'm going to have to purge the ranks anyway. Mutiny is... not really a good start for a clean slate."
Well, what he was saying did make a lot of sense, and I had to admit that having someone with inside knowledge - the old boss, no less - was very enticing, especially when dealing with someone with a track record like Lucky's. "Alright, you have yourself a deal."
"I knew you'd see things my way!" he said, a shred of confidence returning to him for the first time in this exchange. "But don't misconstrue any of this, detective. This is just a good arrangement, I still hate your guts. Once Lucky's dealt with, then it's back to business for the both of us."
"I'd expect nothing less. So, let's start with the obvious. What's Lucky up to next?"
"I... don't know."
I shot him a blank stare. "You don't know? What do you mean you don't know?"
"It's not like I had some grand plan for him to hijack, I'm just trying to get myself reestablished here. And no, he didn't drop a whole monologue when I was literally being pushed out the door by the stooges he hired either. Just 'looks like your luck ran out, ain't that a shame govna'," Terrakingpin explained, in what I'd very charitably describe as an attempt at mocking Lucky's accent. "Grr... What I wouldn't give to slam my fist into that smug little beak of his right now."
If I was still letting that chain letter get the best of me, I'd say it was yet more bad luck that having the former boss on my side for now turned out to be less useful than I'd hoped. Keeping that mindset away was still requiring active effort, and it was no picnic. I got up from my desk and walked over to my corkboard, hoping that with some prodding he'd have some insight into Lucky's steps. "Here's the situation so far..."
"That's not a very good picture of me," Terrakingpin interrupted, looking at the photo of him that I'd tacked into the corner next to Lucky's.
"I just pulled the mugshot from your file. What do you want me to do, contact your press agent?" I was asking sarcastically, but I wouldn't put it past him to be the only mafia boss in the world to actually have a press agent. "Alright, let's look at the facts here. I assume the calling cards stopped being left behind after you were kicked out - the entertainment center heist at the electronics store was the last one you were involved with, right?"
"That's right. Figured I'd spend some of my downtime watching my collection of crime movies in 4K ultra high definition on the biggest screen they had. No point in the criminal lifestyle if you're not going to use it to live in luxury, eh?" It was a nice change of pace from shadowy masterminds or prospective world dominators, I suppose...
"So these crimes should all be Lucky's. Lots of circumstances coming together just so in here that would be consistent with his involvement," I said, pointing to a category I'd already been able to single out thanks to the conspicuous lack of calling cards. Terrakingpin's confirmation was the icing on the cake. "I suspect that he's building up to something specific, these feel too targeted and intentional. At least compared to your slapdash handling of things, anyway. So first, we've got some illegal access of shipping records. The perpetrator left a USB stick lying around, and one of the workers thought it would be a brilliant idea to plug it in on a whim. Gave the attacker full access to the system before it was caught. Then someone nabbed a forklift off a construction site in broad daylight after the driver left it unattended to use the restroom."
"A forklift? Is he even certified?"
"How should I know? You were the one who partnered with him," I replied. "Lastly, there was a bust at an illegal auction. One of them talked and couldn't help but spill the beans about the Koopeleon who won a small cache of weapons for relatively dirt cheap by being the only person who showed up to place a bid."
"I'd say that all sounds like Lucky, alright. He's definitely up to something, but I... yeah, I don't know. Could be just about anything, really," Terrakingpin said, tapping his foot in thought. "Tell you what, how about we go to my old hideout? Lucky might've left a clue or something there, and I'm definitely not going to be reusing it now anyway."
"That sounds like a good idea. I'll follow your lead, then."
Terrakingpin managed to cram himself into my passenger's seat and I followed his directions to an old, abandoned motel on the outskirts of the city. This place had been vacant for decades now - something about a few murders apparently, then business tanked fast and no one's really wanted anything to do with the property since, so it's just been sitting here largely undisturbed for all this time. A perfect setup for organizing a little crime. I had half a mind that Terrakingpin was just trying to set me up by leading me all the way out here, but let's just say he had no idea what he was really dealing with in that case.
"I'm surprised someone like you would be willing to set up shop in a place this dingy," I said, observing the old place. Time had certainly taken its toll. "Look, someone's even been throwing rocks through the front windows."
"I work with what I got, alright? I'm thinking once I'm established I'll have something more classy. Ooh, like a night club! Those rocks are, uh, those were me, though," he said, looking a little embarrassed. "Best thing I could think of to do with my time after Lucky pushed me out. That ended real quick after one of them ricocheted and hit me on the head though. Stupid good luck..."
If the exterior of the motel was anything but what I'd expect to be the hideout of a glamor-seeking mafia boss, the interior was even worse. The whole place had a horrible musty smell that reeked of moldy carpet and decades' worth of layers of who knows what festering just under the surface, only slightly alleviated by the fact that some of the stench was leaking outside through holes in the walls. The broken-down aesthetic matched perfectly, dimly lit courtesy of a cheap generator substituting for the electricity that had been long shut off.
"Ugh, how do you live in a place like this? It stinks to Star Haven in here," I said, instinctively holding my nose, only to remember that it was cheap plastic. Not a very effective maneuver.
"Eh, I've smelled worse. Now where is everybody? I was all prepped and ready to bash some skulls," Terrakingpin wondered.
"Knowing Lucky, he definitely found somewhere nicer than this to use as a hideout, like a penthouse or the dumpster behind a Kellonald's."
As much as I hated the prospect of going deeper into this place, you've got to do things you don't like in this line of work, I'm afraid. We started wandering down the old hallways, going through each room one by one in search of anything that might point to Lucky's greater plans. And that was no small task, because there sure was a lot of stuff in here for a place abandoned so long. Old furniture reduced to junk from years of neglect, trash kicked aside or tossed into corners, and Terrakingpin's own belongings from his short-lived resurgence. But no sign of Lucky himself, a single hired gun, or anything he'd been procuring since taking over the operation for himself.
"Sweet, they left the entertainment center and my DVD collection! I'll have to come back for those later."
"Wow, that's... a lot of DVDs," I said, looking at several shelves' worth of movies. Crime, mystery, thriller, a bit of horror, I thought I even saw a musical or two in there... "Maybe you ought to consider emulating the detective films more than the mafia ones."
The Koopa scoffed dismissively. "No way, I know where that gets me. Divorced and constantly trying to scrape together enough cash for my next rent check."
Eh, worth a shot. I considered prodding him about how much he let film tropes color his expectations, but considering I've lived through half of that scenario, I thought it would ring a little hollow, personally. That's not to say that I thought his reasoning was sound by any means, mind you. "What, because the gangsters fare so much better?"
"I just like them better, get off my back. Besides, it's kind of thematic to build up a collection of crime movies by skipping out on movie rentals! Can't do that with digital," he said with a grin, before apparently remembering who he was talking to. "Forget I said that. You didn't hear anything."
"Well, I can't say I relate to your methods... But I've never been able to get in on the whole streaming thing myself either. There's just something nice about physical media, although people tell me I'm pretty old-fashioned. Or, well, just old."
"Haha, yeah. Give me a good disc any day," he said, then paused for a second, his expression turning more serious. "Wait a minute, is this supposed to be a bonding moment? Quick, shut up before it gets weird. I'm not here to play nice."
I shrugged and returned to the search, not having much intention of being buddies with him on my end either. Eventually I came across something of interest, a newspaper clipping that had fallen on the floor and was partially obscured underneath an old bed. From its condition, I could tell that it was clearly recent and not just an old piece of trash. "Hey, maybe this is something. It says here that the Mushroom Kingdom is set to receive some rare gold coins from the Shamrock Kingdom as a diplomatic gesture."
"Lucky certainly likes gold. But then again, who doesn't?" Terrakingpin said, smiling and flashing his gold tooth.
I continued reading the article, skimming over the irrelevant parts. "Yadda, yadda, yadda, politics... 'It has long been believed that having possession of even one of these coins greatly increase the luck of the holder. Sources from Mushroom Castle have stated that they hope storing them in the vault will thwart some of Bowser's attempts to kidnap the princess. For reasons of national security, details regarding the shipment have not been released.' So that's why Lucky was after those shipping records, he must be trying to get his hands on those coins! And everything else is him gearing up for the heist..."
"That's crazy! He's lucky enough as-is, but it's not like he's totally infallible. If he's got those coins boosting his power, then he could be downright unstoppable, and I'll never get my revenge!" Terrakingpin complained, sounding somewhat akin to a spoiled child and clearly being more concerned about himself than the greater implications.
I wasn't sure I fully believed that whole thing about the coins, you know how many stories and myths float around and even the most mundane things can get blown out of proportion. But I wasn't about to take any chances with something potentially this dire. With the information we needed, we left the motel behind, much to my relief.
The next step was getting access to those shipping records, which wasn't too difficult with my connections since they were part of an active investigation. After all, there's no reason Lucky should have more information than me, right? I just had to ditch Terrakingpin for the moment. I don't think trying to gather sensitive information would have gone very well with a known criminal tagging along. Plus, I've got an image to uphold.
With the shipping information, Terrakingpin and I arrived at the train station to keep Lucky from making off with those coins. If the stories were true, this was very likely our one and only chance to stop him, but I wasn't going to let myself and a low-competence mobster be the only line of defense here. No, I had a backup plan - the NWPD was already on the way to close this case. Optimal scenario, the two of us would be able to deal with the Koopeleon and his mooks ourselves, and then they'd get hauled off to jail along with Terrakingpin for good measure. I'm sure we both knew that he was going to turn on me as soon as Lucky was out of commission, so I didn't feel too bad about setting up my own double-cross of sorts.
But first things first, we actually had to deal with our mutual friend. Or at least stall him until backup arrived... If they were unoccupied by the time the train rolled in, I don't think I'd have to explain why that would be bad news. Frankly, I didn't put much confidence in whatever security measures may be in place for something this valuable, given Lucky's track record. We made our way into the station and slipped behind some supply crates to get a sense of what we were dealing with. Someone who tried to direct as much attention to himself as Terrakingpin was not my ideal partner for being stealthy.
"Look at the little slime," Terrakingpin growled, observing as Lucky's motley crew gathered around him. "By all accounts, this should be my heist! ...Not that I actually knew about these coins until now. But that's beside the point."
"Keep your mouth shut, I'm trying to listen here," I replied. Thankfully, Lucky was something of a boisterous fellow, and his grandiose voice echoed throughout the station. Still, I didn't need a whining wannabe mafia boss in my ear distracting me.
"Lo an' behold 'ere, lads! In 'bout 20 minutes, I'm gonna run this 'ere kingdom with an ol' iron fist. Once I get me hands on them there lucky coins, I'm gonna give ye the life o' luxury ye asked fer, just as I promised ye lads," Lucky announced, checking a golden pocketwatch he pulled from his pocket as he leaned against his stolen forklift.
I could see Terrakingpin figuratively boiling, and before I knew it he was ditching our hiding spot to confront Lucky personally. I didn't think that was a very smart move considering the eclectic assortment of weapons Lucky's underlings were brandishing, but I guess it was go time. "You've got some real nerve, Lucky! It's about time you find out who's the boss around here!"
"'Ey there, Terra me lad! Long time no see, eh? I hope ye still ain't mad at the fact ye mooks asked me ta take over lad. I really didn't 'ave much of a choice, ya know? Ye boys figured I was a good leader, an' while they're not wrong, I couldn't just say no! Theys would probably think I was an ol' soft shell. Besides, how could I say no ta their proposition? It be everything I wanted lad! I guess it be just my luck that things turned out this way, 'ey govna?"
"Just shove it, leprechaun! I'm going to make sure you regret ever leaving your egg for crossing the Terrakingpin, do you hear me?"
Lucky didn't seem to pay his former partner in crime's threats any mind, and just continued prattling on. "I knew ye lads would try ta stop me and me crew from earnin' our well deserved victory, and it be just my luck that me and me boys happen ta find sometin' o' interest on one of them supply runs. Figured I should bring it wit' me in case ye lads tried ta start trouble. Take a gander 'ere, won't ya?"
My attention then shifted to a large metal crate that someone had gone so far as to secure with chains. Lucky gave it a whack with his staff for emphasis, which stirred whatever was contained within to stir and an otherworldly howl to echo from within the container. It was a sound that chilled me to the bone, and one that I knew all too well - but I knew Lucky didn't, and that was about to be a serious problem.
"Whoa, whoa... Okay, Lucky, I know you have no reason whatsoever to listen to me, but I'm telling you, do not open that crate. You have no idea what you're about to unleash."
"Heh, nice try govna, I ain't fallin' fer that one. Lads, open it up."
The mooks unwrapped the chains and barely had time to remove the lid before it was punched clean off by a mechanical hand from inside, bursting forth like we were in some sort of monster movie. The creature pulled itself up and out of the crate, revealing an oversized Dry Bones augmented almost entirely by a mecha suit aside from its skull - dented and dusty, but clearly still operational. Just as I suspected, good old Bone Crusher.
"What in the..." Terrakingpin muttered. I certainly didn't have time to get him up to speed right now, he'd have to figure it out through firsthand experience.
"Yeah, that's what I didn't want..."
"Heh heh heh, looks like ye out of luck now lads, with this 'ere beasty ye ain't standin a chance! In fact, I be reckonin' ye won't be lastin' five minutes! Now, GET 'EM, YE BLOKE!" Lucky shouted, with a dramatic twirl of his cane as he pointed it at the two of us.
Unfortunately for Lucky, it seemed like his natural persuasiveness could only carry him so far. Getting random street thugs to do his bidding? Sure. Accomplishing the same thing with a near-mindless entity made for the express purpose of unquestionably carrying out instructions from the old boss? Well... Not so much. The Bone Crusher only followed the orders of one person, and Lucky was not that person. Trying to command the Bone Crusher, then, was a foolish error - one that the hulking skeleton chose to punish by turning his fury on Lucky first, firing a spring-loaded punch at him that just barely missed.
"W-What!? 'E-Ey! Ye supposed to obey me, ye good fer nothin' beast! I order ye ta stop swingin', ya hear!" His swirly chameleon eyes darted around in a panic looking for anyone who might help him, but no one was around to help - his minions, already visibly unsettled by the Bone Crusher's mere presence, had turned tail and scattered to the wind the moment he started trying to pulverize their boss, not even trying to defend him. "Good fer nothin' freeloaders!"
The Bone Crusher continued his assault, alternating punches with both of his fists until Lucky's luck finally ran out and one fateful blow connected, knocking him off of his feet. At that point, Lucky's defenses were figuratively shattered, and no amount of lucky dodging would be able to save him now. It would be pretty hard for him to pull off any dodges in this state anyway, and the Bone Crusher took full advantage of his vulnerability, unleashing a one-sided beatdown with fists that weren't much smaller than the poor Koopeleon's entire body. I felt a little bad for him - he may have brought this on himself, but still, it was hard to watch. But then again, it was hard to look away either. Terrakingpin sure seemed to enjoy it, though...
"Ha ha! Talk about a load of karma there, Lucky!" Terrakingpin said gleefully with an evil grin. Although, I had to wonder how much karma a criminal would actually rack up from betraying a fellow criminal in theory. But no time to wax philosophical - incapacitating Lucky may not have been an issue we needed to deal with directly anymore, but we were about to have much bigger problems. The Bone Crusher finally relented from attacking Lucky as he went totally limp, and with Terrakingpin and I being the only other people here, you can probably guess where his wrath turned next.
Of course, given our... shared history, the Bone Crusher decided to go straight for me, not paying much attention to Terrakingpin. Usually in the past, I would just dodge his attacks until I figured out some way to use the surrounding area to my advantage, and for lack of any better plan, it seemed like a strategy worth employing here. Why change what already works, right? I tumbled out of the way of the bony bruiser's first punch and rolled behind Terrakingpin, who inadvertently became my shield in the moment. He staggered backwards from the force of the Bone Crusher's next punch, but took it pretty well, all things considered. Or maybe my perception was skewed by the Bone Crusher's last victim immediately folding like a lawn chair.
"Hey, watch the merchandise!" Terrakingpin shouted, retaliating by literally knocking the Bone Crusher's block off. As his skull tumbled across the floor, the mech suit froze, having lost connection to its controller. "Hm, wonder if I can make use of this thing..."
Noticing the empty neck connection start to spark with a blue glow, I attempted to warn Terrakingpin away from the machine. "Um, you might want to-" But it was to no avail as the Bone Crusher reformed and attacked with a full body slam, sending the Koopa stumbling back again. Even if all that remained of his original body was the skull, he was still a Dry Bones, after all.
A bit of retaliation dealt with, the Bone Crusher once again turned towards me, launching his spring-loaded fists in rapid succession. Well, "rapid" may have been a strong word - he was still a formidable opponent, don't get me wrong, but dodging his punches felt a little easier than I remembered. I hadn't noticed while he was pulverizing Lucky, but he definitely seemed to be moving slower overall. Maybe the damage to his suit was working against him, or whatever power source it ran on was starting to run low after all this time, but in any case, hopefully it was something I could take advantage of.
Or maybe I shouldn't have acknowledged it at all, because an ill-timed dodge led to the Bone Crusher getting a direct hit on my stomach. This wiry frame definitely wasn't meant for taking hits like that, and I must have flung halfway across the room from the force. It would take more than that to keep me down, though... even if I was presently reeling from the pain. Unfortunately, it seemed more than that was just what I was going to get - before I could recover from the first hit, the next thing I knew the Bone Crusher was holding Lucky's forklift above his head, then he hurled it across the room straight at me. You know that feeling you get in the split second before you see a traffic accident, where you know it's about to happen but there's nothing you can do but watch the disaster unfold? Yeah, that's about what I was feeling right now. Thankfully, I didn't get totally pancaked, but it was still enough to pin me to the ground.
"Hey, Terrakingpin, a little... a little help over here?"
"And why would I do that? It seems to me the terms of our little deal ended when this skeleton pounded Lucky into the ground, detective! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some disloyal cronies that need to be dealt with. See you around, gwahaha!" With that, he ducked out a side door, leaving this as a lopsided one-on-one fight. I shouldn't be surprised... but perhaps there was a silver lining to all this.
"Looks like it's just... just you and me, Crusher. Heh, well I suppose dead men tell no tales."
Shmaluigi was never much of a fighter, anyway, and if you can't beat them, join them. I took on the Bone Crusher's form - and not this current, diminished state, I'm talking prime condition mecha suit here - and wrenched the forklift off of myself. Remember what I said earlier, about Duplighost transformations acting in weird ways? Yeah, well tell me how I can still feel so much pain in a body that was technically almost entirely mechanical. I just had to push through it.
My bony adversary seemed confused at seeing himself for a moment, then became even angrier. He tried punching me with both fists at once, but I was able to grab both of his springy arms and redirect the attack back into himself. I was definitely faster, not by much, but in a mirror match like this, sometimes the smallest things can make all the difference. As it turns out, the Bone Crusher's defenses were outmatched by his offensive capabilities, and between countering his own attacks and peppering in my own, I was really starting to rack up the damage. It was a rare pleasure to see him on the backfoot for once.
By now, the damage to his mechanical ribcage had exposed what looked like multiple batteries inside. That seemed like just the ticket I needed to shut down this mechanical menace for good, and wasn't it kind of Lucky to provide a fantastic tool for the job. I went and grabbed the forklift - hoping the construction company had a good insurance policy on it, they definitely weren't getting it back in a usable state even without this last push - and rammed it through the Bone Crusher's chest, piercing one of the mech's batteries with one of the forks. The sudden puncture caused a small explosion, followed by a chain reaction of the remaining batteries, rendering it inoperable and sending the Bone Crusher's skull flying across the room with a howl. That still wasn't enough to take him down permanently, but he was once again reduced to a clattering skull that was relatively harmless. Good riddance.
I returned to my usual form, and just then I heard sirens and the sound of squad cars pulling up, followed by a group of NWPD officers led by Chief Palmer swarming the station.
"Alright everyone, hands up!" Chief Palmer exclaimed.
"I don't think that's going to do you much good, chief. This one's out cold and the other doesn't have hands," I said, gesturing to Lucky. "Unfortunately, the minions fled and Terrakingpin got away not too long after. I'm not sure where they went, I was a little preoccupied dealing with the old Crusher."
The chief nodded affirmatively. "You heard the man, search the perimeter. Let's move!"
With all of that taken care of, I decided to check on Lucky to make sure if he was even still alive. As I got near, he suddenly coughed, his eyes barely opening as he struggled to lift his head. "Ugggh... I be... feelin' that... in the mornin'," he mumbled in a brief moment of consciousness before passing out again. If he had been able to hear me, I probably would've made some barb about his luck turning, just to rub it in a little bit. Maybe it was better that he couldn't.
I'm pleased to say that things went swimmingly after that. With Lucky behind bars, it wasn't long until Terrakingpin was back up to his old tricks - but without his newfound crutch, it also wasn't long until he was going straight back to prison too. I didn't even have to get involved, the NWPD was able to pick him up on their own in record time. The impact of their short-lived reign of terror was, for the most part, nothing that a few insurance claims couldn't smooth over, and I'm told that the security guard from the museum was making a slow but steady recovery. The coins, meanwhile, safely made it to the Mushroom Castle's vault, so I suppose I also prevented a potential international incident on top of everything else.
And so, that ended the case of the chain letter. Frankly, it was almost more of a relief to wrap that whole saga up than it was to be finished dealing with Terrakingpin and Lucky - almost. Ultimately, Mertle was right. I was worrying over this whole thing for nothing, and in the end, everything did pretty much balance itself out, didn't it? Things sure turned around for me in the end, and for how long things seemed to be a cakewalk for him, even Lucky got his just desserts. As it turns out, sometimes life just happens. All we can do is press ahead and not worry so much about the things that are out of our control.
I was just about finished typing up my personal notes on the case, when my door swung open and Shmwario sauntered into my office. "Hey bro, we're kinda low on snacks at my place. You got any of those burritos? The Joja ones?"
"Yeah, they're up in the freezer."
"That's what I like to hear! So, how's things been with you? It's been a bit since we've seen each other."
"Oh, pretty good. I just wrapped up a big case."
"Nice, nice. Things have been goin' well for me too! Ever since I passed on that chain letter, it just seems like everything's been goin' my way!"
"Wait a minute... Chain letter?" I facepalmed and sighed, leaning on my desk in defeat. Of course... Of course it was him. "Sometimes, I really hate you, you know that?"
The End
Hello there! You made it to the end, how lucky. That doesn't really make sense, actually. I'd like to thank Boo1268 once again for helping with this arc and providing Lucky's dialogue, and you, the reader, for reading! At the moment, I'm not sure if I'll be back next month or if I'll be on a short break until September, we'll have to see how these next several weeks end up going. Either way, see you soon!
Die WAH With a Vengeance!
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 9
Finding themselves in the middle of their Major League debut race on Circuit Break Island, Waluigi and Company were currently going kart to kart against the Order of the Fluzzard, which was a team consisting of a Red Magikoopa, a White Magikoopa and a Green Magikoopa riding in a yellow-green Cheep Charger. “WAH-t do we have here? A couple of Koopa Troop rejects? Shouldn’t be too much of a hassle for Waluigi and his band of brothers to take care of.” Waluigi remarked with a cocky smirk as he saw the Order of the Fluzzard approaching him and his team, Waluigi’s party members nodding their agreement with this statement from their purple-garbed team leader.
“I wouldn’t be so certain of that, you raw-boned rascal…Our dark magic will make the parlor tricks of the Magikoopas that Bowser happens to employ irrelevant…We shall give you a free demonstration…” The Red Magikoopa of the bunch commented with his mouth curled into a sinister grin before he and his party members engaged Waluigi and Company in combat.
Waluigi proceeded to open his party’s first turn at combat by executing a Swerving Swipe attack to ram into his Magikoopa opponents’ kart and dish out significant damage in the process. The Magikoopas hollered in pain, after which Bloolex followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, causing the wizarding trio to screech in discomfort. Cheesare then performed a Sla-Douken attack on the Order of the Fluzzard, causing them to yell out in disdain. Nicky then ended the turn for his team by using another one of his power tools, a blowtorch, against the enemy racing team as a weapon - Specifically, a flamethrower. As such, the attack he executed with it was called Burning Desire. The Magikoopas screamed in pain from this, and were delighted it was finally their turn at combat.
“You are nothing but a feeble mortal, blind to the magic that the wizarding world happens to hold…Not to worry, though, for we’ll make you see…” The Red Magikoopa on the enemy racing team stated, his mouth still curled into a sinister grin before he proceeded to cast Flipendo against Waluigi and Company, causing their kart to flip over and the heroes to yelp in shock in response. The Green Magikoopa of the team followed this up by casting Cascada against the heroes, targeting all of them with electrokinetic projectiles that zapped them, causing them to jitter and grunt in response. The White Magikoopa of the bunch then ended his team’s turn by casting Episkey on his allies, restoring their HP in the process.
“WAH, you weren’t kidding when you said you’d make Waluigi and his friends see…! No matter though, for Waluigi and his friends will still wipe the floor with all of you!” Waluigi assured his opponents before ushering in his team’s next turn at combat by using his whip to perform a Waluigi Whip Lash against the enemy racing team, prompting them all to howl in pain. Bloolex followed this up with a Gezora Gash attack, after which the Order of the Fluzzard moaned in pain. Cheesare then executed a Cheddar Bombardment attack on the Order of the Fluzzard, who whined in disdain. Nicky then wrapped up his team’s second turn at combat by using his flamethrower blowtorch to perform a Book of Matches attack against the enemy racing team, with the attack being enough to put the White Magikoopa of the team out of commission, leaving his red and green-clad teammates to fend for themselves without relying on his healing magic. “Your confidence is very adoring to hear, strange mortal in purple…I regret to inform you that confidence won’t be lasting forever…You will see in due time why that is…” The Red Magikoopa chuckled in a sinister manner before proceeding to cast Venenum against Waluigi and Company, inflicting all of them with the Poison status ailment and causing them to gradually lose HP every turn. The Green Magikoopa followed this up by casting Fulgur against the heroes, striking them all with a lightning bolt whilst simultaneously administering critical impairment on them.
“WAH-RGH…! Waluigi feels his lungs are melting because of that dark magic you cast against him…!” Waluigi groaned in utter discomfort from the Poison status ailment the Red Magikoopa inflicted on him and his party members, who hummed their agreement once more, after which the Poison status ailment took effect on the heroes, causing them to lose a bit of their HP whilst simultaneously making them groan in pain. The purple troublemaker then proceeded to take the lead for his team’s next turn at combat by performing a Double Waluigi Whip Lash on his opponents, striking both of them with his whip in consecutive fashion whilst making them cry out in pain at the same time. Bloolex proceeded to follow this up with a Tentacles of Fury attack, whacking the living daylights out of his opponents using his bare tentacles. The two Magikoopas murmured in pain from this, after which Cheesare proceeded to pour more salt in the wound, quite literally, by using a newly learned attack called Salt Storm - It involved sending clouds of table salt after his opponents to damage them whilst simultaneously inflicting the Soft status ailment on them, thus lowering their Defense Power by three over the course of the following three turns. Nicky then proceeded to finish the enemy racing team off by using his flamethrower blowtorch to execute a Flames of War attack, engulfing the enemy racing team in a twin stream of fire before causing their kart to start running off the road and come to a standstill on the side of the track, the Magikoopas inside going down for the count in the process.
After the Poison status ailment took away another bit of their HP, Waluigi and Company cheered for their victory against the Order of the Fluzzard and continued running down the track as they continued to battle their way towards the top position in the race.
Keeping their eyes peeled for any additional racers wanting to pick a fight with them, Waluigi and his party members soon found themselves challenged by a lone Dark Craw riding a dark purple and black colored Wild Wing by the name of Kimi Crawtonelli. “Uh, Mr. Waluigi? We’ve got company.” Bloolex warned the purple-clad hellion, who in turn proceeded to check his rear-view mirror to see Kimi Crawtonelli approaching. “You think we can take this guy?” Bloolex then asked Waluigi, who hummed inquisitively as he considered his team’s chances against the Dark Craw racer. Finally coming to a decision, the menace in purple spoke it out loud.
“Waluigi is gonna be sending this WAH-nnabe Death Eater crashing into the first stadium WAH-ll that Waluigi can find. That said, attack!” Waluigi informed his party members before they engaged Kimi Crawtonelli in battle.
Waluigi opened the first turn for his team by performing a Brandish Waluigi Whip attack on Kimi Crawtonelli, striking the Dark Craw racer with his whip in a regular manner before letting the whip go limp and striking the enemy with multiple limp whip maneuvers for additional, albeit lesser damage compared to a regular whip strike, similar to certain games in the Castlevania series. Kimi Crawtonelli cawed in pain from this, after which Bloolex followed this up by pulling out his Peanut Popgun sidearm and using it against the Dark Craw racer by launching a spread fire of peanut shells at him, prompting another pained caw in response. Cheesare then added another round of damage onto the pile of impairment by performing a newly-learned attack called Pepper & Ash, which involved the hamburger Spinia brandishing a large-sized pepper mill as either a blunderbuss or a shotgun and firing off a powerful burst of pepper at the enemy, dealing critical contamination to them. Nicky then wrapped things up by grabbing another one of his power tools and using it as a weapon against the opposing racer - A nail gun that he used as a firearm to pelt the enemy with multiple nails as if they were bullets.
“Muehehehe…Prepare to delve into the catacombs of the Underwhere, fragile temporals…!” Kimi Crawtonelli chortled maliciously before using his spear to perform a Spear Jab on Waluigi, who cried out in pain from the high amount of damage the attack inflicted on him. “Every scream of pain you let out is food for my hunger…My hunger for victory!” Kimi Crawtonelli then taunted the purple troublemaker with a sinister smirk curled onto his beak.
“Let Waluigi end your hunger WAH-nce and for all, then!” Waluigi replied as he used his whip to perform another Brandish Waluigi Whip attack against the Dark Craw, who cawed in pain once more in response. Bloolex then used his Somewhere Over The Rainbow attack against the enemy racer, with the colorful rainbow attack proving to be highly effective against the Dark Craw and his dark-natured combat abilities. Cheesare then used his Condiment Spire attack against Kimi Crawtonelli, who yet again cawed in agony in response to the attack’s impact. Nicky then proceeded to use his nail gun firearm once more to unleash a hailstorm of nail-bullets against the enemy racer before it was the latter’s turn at combat once more.
“What an excellent day for harvesting souls to bring back to the Underwhere with me…!” Kimi Crawtonelli maliciously chortled before pulling off another maneuver with his spear, this one being a short thrust/long thrust combo known as the Double Spear Jab. Once again, Waluigi was the unfortunate victim of this skewering, with the purple troublemaker yelping in pain upon being struck by the one-two spear combo. “Muehehehe…You should take these Coins to put over your eyes for when you get to River Twygz, purple elf…” Kimi Crawtonelli mockingly told Waluigi as the Dark Craw proceeded to toss two Coins at the lanky blowhard, which the latter proceeded to catch, albeit with an irritable expression on his face, as he didn’t appreciate his ears being mocked.
“Waluigi is no elf, you annoying bird! And Waluigi is about to show you why!” The purple-garbed braggart informed Kimi Crawtonelli in an irritable tone of voice to match the expression radiating off his face before putting his words into practice by executing a Swerving Swipe attack, ramming his kart into Crawtonelli’s, causing the Dark Craw to caw out in anguish. Bloolex then pulled off a Double Rainbow All The Way attack, hitting Crawtonelli with twice the rainbow power, followed by another pained caw from the enemy racer, after which Cheesare finished him off by striking him with a Cheddar Bombardment attack, after which Crawtonelli’s kart began to spin out of control and crash into the closest stadium wall, with the Dark Craw’s eyes spinning in a daze from being put out of combat.
“Alright, dudes! We’re another opponent down, with about two more to go before the top position is ours! Let’s keep at it until we’re there, yeah?” Nicky suggested to his friends, who nodded and hummed their agreement with the Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic’s sentiments as they continued to floor it through the fast lanes of the track.
Driving further into the demolition derby’s battle trenches, Waluigi and Company soon found themselves challenged by a three-man team consisting of a Hammer Brother named Lars Hammars, who also happened to be one of the Major League racers bunking with the heroes in their Major League Quarters, a Boomerang Brother named Mickey Brisbane and a Fire Brother named Tamale Ferox. The trio drove a green, gray and red colored Tiny Titan/Rally Romper, and they looked like they were itching for a fight with the heroes.
“You guys are gonna get a taste of our raging thunderstorm force, man! Here it comes!” Lars Hammars warned the heroes as he firmly grasped his hammer in his right hand while steering his team’s kart with his left hand. Waluigi hummed in affirmation as he and his party members accepted the half-shelled hellions’ challenge, taking them on in battle.
Switching up his attack tactics for this opening turn, Waluigi proceeded to use his kart’s headlights to temporarily blind his opponents with an attack known as Full Beam. The attack successfully blinded the enemy racing team over the course of the next three turns, meaning that any attacks they would throw at the heroes would miss them completely. Bloolex then used his Cephalopod Zap attack, targeting Tamale Ferox with it specifically as the Fire Brother howled in pain. Cheesare, on the other hand, used a newly learned condiment-based attack named Mustard’s Last Stand, which involved the hamburger Spinia pulling a sticky goo launcher filled with mustard on his opponents before coating them with the mustard the sticky goo launcher was loaded with, lowering the opponents’ Defense by one for two turns. Finally, Nicky proceeded to riddle his opponents with another storm of nails from his nail gun, dishing out serious wreckage on the enemy racing team.
Lars Hammars then proceeded to use a Hammer Throw attack against the heroes, which of course missed horribly due to the enemy racing team having been blinded from Waluigi’s Full Beam attack. Mickey Brisbane then used a Boomerang Throw attack, which likewise missed the heroes completely. Finally, Tamale Ferox used a Flame Spit attack, only for it to miss yet again. “WA-HA-HA! Your wimpy little attacks didn’t hit us at all! Now it’s our turn!” Waluigi gloated at his opponents’ misfortune before using the horn on his kart to startle his opponents and lower their Defense by one for another two turns with an attack known as Claxon Clamor. Bloolex then used another Cephalopod Zap attack against Tamale Ferox, proving to be enough to put the Fire Brother out of commission for this particular fight. Cheesare then used another Mustard’s Last Stand attack against the remaining two enemy racers, once again lowering their Defense by one for the next two turns. Nicky then finished the two remaining enemy racers off with another hellfire of nails from his nail gun, after which their kart’s engine went bust, causing their kart to come to a standstill on the side of the track and Lars and Mickey to faint alongside the already unconscious Tamale.
“Those dudes just got absolutely shacked by us! Hope they’ll remember the name Waluigi going forward, know what I mean?” Nicky asked his friends, who each flashed a nod or a thumbs up in response as they continued riding towards the finish line.
Later on, the heroes found themselves challenged by a two-man team of Red Chain Chomps riding a red and white colored Daytripper/Royal Racer. “Oh, brother. It’s those annoying Red Chain Chomps that Wario’s red-clad rival WAH-nce told Waluigi about when Red ‘Stache fought ‘em in the Glitz Pit. Never thought Waluigi would see them racing karts out here on Circuit Break Island.” Waluigi remarked with an annoyed expression as he saw his next challengers approaching him and his party members.
“Griping about those fools won’t get us anywhere, Waluigi Dude! Let’s take ‘em out before they do the same thing to us!” Nicky suggested before he and the rest of the heroes initiated their next skirmish on the main track of the Circuit Break Stadium.
This time, Nicky opened up things for his team by brandishing another one of his power tools as a weapon; A saw that launched electric shockwaves at enemies. As such, the attack he used here was called Volt Curl. The Red Chomps whined in pain as they were struck by the attack. Cheesare then followed this up by using a Ranch Drench attack against the Red Chomp duo to corrode them and give them a good trashing while he was at it. The Red Chomps groaned in annoyance from this, but they weren’t done being pummeled by the heroes just yet, as Bloolex used another Cephalopod Zap attack against the crimson canines to fry them and make them howl in pain. Finally, Waluigi wrapped things up by using a Swerving Swipe attack to ram his kart into that of the enemy racing team, who were named Snap ‘N Sprint, defeating them and causing their kart to crash into a wall.
“WAH! Waluigi doesn’t care WAH-t universe you’re from, that’s gotta hurt!” The purple troublemaker joked about the crash his opponents just made while simultaneously referencing Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace as he continued to steer his own kart towards the end of the track, with just one more opponent left to stand in their way of claiming victory in the race.
And that opponent would soon make themselves known; A Dark Koopatrol riding a shiny black and magenta hued Sprinter/B Dasher Mk. 2 under the alias of Jackie Stalwart. He was the last of the Major League racers that Waluigi and Company had to face in order to claim first place, as well as the last of the Major League racers that bunked with the heroes in the Major League Quarters outside the race track. “The so-called rising star of the Circuit Break League, that is Waluigi…At last, we meet on the track…And now, we will finally see who’s truly the strongest racer between the two of us!” Jackie Stalwart declared before attacking the heroes, initiating the first strike, and thus opening the battle instead of the heroes doing so. The Dark Koopatrol used a Spiky Swerving Swipe attack, using his kart to ram the heroes’ kart and deal devastating damage to them in the process.
“WAH! That’s a real thorn in Waluigi’s side, WAH-lright…! But no matter, because Waluigi has triumphed in the face of adversity before, and Waluigi will certainly do so again now!” Waluigi declared as he proceeded to use his whip, charged with the heaven-sent power of King Grambi, against Jackie Stalwart for a WAH-lmighty Waluigi Whip Lash, handing out a grandiose amount of blemish to the Dark Koopatrol racer, who roared in pain in response.
“Allow me to assist you in doing that, Mr. Waluigi!” Bloolex chimed in before the Blooper Retainer proceeded to use his Double Rainbow All The Way attack against Jackie Stalwart, inflicting even more spoilage on the armored, unholy tortoise in the process. “I should be of use in taking this guy down a couple pegs myself, Big Purple! Allow me to demonstrate!” Cheesare then added before executing a Ranch Drench attack against Jackie Stalwart, corroding his armor and lowering his Defense by two over the course of the next two turns while he was at it.
“I don’t think I got any tricks up my sleeve that could prove to be effective against this guy, so I’ll just, like, sit back and let you take care of him for the time being, dudes.” Nicky stated as the Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic did just that, after which the heroes’ turn ended, and Jackie Stalwart was up next again.
“Feel the fire of war!” Jackie Stalwart then declared before he drew a sword with a crimson red handle and a bright orange blade coated in equally bright orange hued fire against the heroes, then used it to perform a Searing Sword Slash attack on the heroes, subjecting them to considerable impairment while simultaneously making them howl in pain.
“WAH! That’s some hot stuff, Waluigi tells you! Waluigi thinks that we need some more hydrokinetic abilities to douse this guy!” The purple troublemaker suggested his party members, who nodded in response. “Then you all know the drill! Let’s-a get some hydrokinetic havoc in here, posthaste!” Waluigi said to his party members before using his whip once more, this time inscribed with the heaven-sent fluid powers of King Grambi, to execute a WAH-lmighty WAH-ter Waluigi Whip Lash attack against Jackie Stalwart, who moaned in pain as the attack made contact with him.
Bloolex then proceeded to follow this up with a hydrokinetic attack called Cephalopod Splash, which involved showering the opponent, in this case Jackie Stalwart, with a high pressure stream of water like the ones coming out of highly pressurized garden sprinklers. The Dark Koopatrol yelped in pain as he got struck with this maneuver, after which Cheesare added onto the great big heap of battering by lowering the opposing racer’s Defense for another two turns with his Ranch Drench attack.
“Lemme see if I got any water-based equipment on me right here…” Nicky mumbled to himself as he went through his hammerspace to find any water-based equipment before pulling out a F.L.U.D.D. with a Squirt Nozzle mounted on it. “Heck yeah, I do! It’s curtains for you, Jackie Stalwart, bro!” The Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic giddily exclaimed before using his F.L.U.D.D. for a Water Pulse attack, saturating the Dark Koopatrol racer with a highly pulsated blast of water akin to the ones used by Pokémon in the Nintendo franchise of the same name. The attack proved strong enough to defeat Jackie Stalwart, who shouted in terror as his kart’s engine went kaput on him, before crashing into a nearby guard rail and rendering him out of the race and out of combat.
With all of their opponents vanquished, Waluigi and Company were now free to head on down to the finish line unopposed, so they did, and cheered for their hard-fought victory while waving to the crowds perched up on the bleachers in the process. The crowds cheered for the heroes’ win, and Florian Kniphofia excitedly danced around on his podium as he saw the rising stars of the Circuit Break League bag themselves yet another triumph on the track. “The Waluigi Fury Roadsters see another win come their way, ladies and gentlemen! Their reputation for being such formidable rising stars is well deserved, as you can see!” The Floro Sapien promoter boomed into his microphone. “WAH-nderful! We’ve gotten another step closer to reaching the top of the leaderboard of the League, you guys! We should keep this up during our next race!” Waluigi suggested his party members, who once again nodded their agreement with this sentiment. Upon arriving back at their Major League Quarters in the aftermath of their latest race, the Dual Scream Light that the heroes received from the mysterious Lucille Merrin began to ring, with the ringtone being an 8-bit remix of the Waluigi Stadium theme from the Mario Kart series.
“Hey, sounds like we’re getting a message from Lucille Merrin, who gave us that Dual Scream Light gadget thingamajiggy!” Nicky exclaimed in surprise, to which Waluigi hummed his affirmation as he pulled out the Dual Scream Light in question and answered the message Lucille Merrin sent them.
“Meet my contact at the stable where your flock of Paratroopa’s is residing outside the Circuit Break Stadium. - Sincerely, Lucille Merrin.” Waluigi read out loud before tucking away the Dual Scream Light again. “Waluigi wonders who this contact Lucille Merrin has arranged for us to meet could possibly be?” The purple troublemaker then questioned out loud, placing his right hand against his chin in an inquisitive manner before shrugging. “Waluigi supposes we can only find out by heading on down there.” He then reasoned out loud as he began to make his way towards the stable with his party members following closely behind.
Upon making it outside the stadium and reaching the stable where Waluigi’s Paratroopa flock and the Waluigi Cloud they were pulling resided during the heroes’ stay on Circuit Break Island, the heroes were greeted by an anthropomorphic light gray furred bulldog with striking light blue eyes dressed in a black two-piece suit with a light blue dress shirt and a black and gold striped necktie. “Good day to you, sir. I take it, you're Waluigi?” The bulldog asked Waluigi with a curious tilt of his head as he saw the heroes approaching. He spoke with a British accent and a surprisingly posh voice in spite of his rugged exterior.
“Yes, sir. Waluigi assumes you’re the contact Mrs. Merrin told us to meet with?” Waluigi confirmed the bulldog’s question while pressing the fingers on his right hand against his chin in an inquisitive manner once more, hoping he had the right person in front of him. The bulldog hummed affirmatively to confirm the purple troublemaker’s assumptions.
“Correct. Mrs. Merrin asked me to come down here all the way from Mushroom City, stating it was of high importance that I gave this to you. I suppose it really was of high importance that I gave it to you, seeing as this is a rather powerful weapon that I’m about to pass on to you.” The bulldog informed Waluigi as he handed the towering miscreant a sword resembling the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda series, except with a golden handle with a ruby embedded in the middle, and an ivory blade.
“WAH-llelujah! What divinely smithed sword is this?!” Waluigi asked the bulldog as he looked at the sword in awe, unable to believe that Lucille Merrin asked this bulldog to travel all the way down from Mushroom City to Circuit Break Island to give him this sword.
“That is the Sword of Nintendomens. It’s a powerful artifact originally crafted by the Lady of the Lake, better known as Nintenmue, who presented it to the Emperor of Ebonos as his personal weapon during his reign over the Ebonos Empire. Following the Emperor’s final battle at Ichugawak against the Shõgun of Amatias, it was placed in storage at the Emperor’s personal mausoleum that was built in his memory at the grounds of his palace in Ebonos Central. From there on, the Sword of Nintendomens would continue to be kept alongside the remains of the Emperor until approximately the year 2000, where a descendant of the Lady of the Lake by the name of Zitro was told to deliver it to Mushroom City Depository by the spirit of the former Emperor of Ebonos, who came to her in a dream to warn her that by the year 2025, something terrible would transpire, and that the sword that had served him so long and so well during his reign all those years ago would be very beneficial in bringing those terrible events to a fortunate end.” The bulldog explained to Waluigi, who was rather impressed to hear of such a prophecy.
“WAH-nderful…! And Waluigi takes it that you happen to work for the Mushroom City Depository and happen to be a guardian of this sword waiting until the sword could be delivered to Waluigi?” Waluigi asked the bulldog to make sure he understood where the posh pooch was going with this. The bulldog once again nodded with an affirmative hum.
“You would be correct. And now it is time for you to make the prophecy come true, and make it reach its positive conclusion. Good luck, Waluigi. A fate foretold throughout the ages rests on you, and the Sword of Nintendomens.” The bulldog bid Waluigi farewell as he proceeded to leave the area. The heroes weren’t left with much time to contemplate this prophecy that the bulldog was referring to, however, as their Dual Scream Light proceeded to start ringing once more, with Waluigi quickly strapping the Sword of Nintendomens to his waist before digging out the Dual Scream Light to inspect the message he’d received.
“Use the Sword of Nintendomens to break through the sealed wall located inside the Minor League Quarters. - Sincerely, Lucille Merrin” Waluigi once again read out loud. “If memory serves Waluigi, that would be the same sealed wall Ian Thieving told us about, rumored to have the remains of fallen racers stored behind it. Guess this would be an opportune time to bust that myth, wouldn’t you guys say?” The purple-clad hellion asked his party members with an excitable grin, as Bloolex and Cheesare nodded their hesitant agreement, while Nicky nodded his agreement in a more excitable manner. “Let’s-a get going, then!” The thinly-built nuisance then declared after tucking away his Dual Scream Light once again before taking the lead towards the Minor League Quarters they used to reside in back at the Circuit Break Stadium, approaching the security guard at the door leading there.
“Pardon Waluigi, friend. But we have business needing to be taken care of here. If you would be so kind as to step aside so that Waluigi and his friends can take care of that particular business?” The elevated rabble-rouser inquired the security guard, who shifted his head to look at him in response before nodding his understanding.
“Mm, yeah. I did hear about you and your team having some unfinished business in the Minor League Quarters. Go right on in and get that unfinished business taken care of, Waluigi.” The security guard acknowledged the impish beanstalk’s requests to enter the Minor League Quarters and stepped aside to allow the heroes entry.
As the heroes entered the Minor League Quarters, they were promptly met with curious stares from those who currently inhabited them. “What’s the matter, Waluigi? You left something in here that you came to retrieve?” Bob Bombs curiously asked Waluigi.
“Ah! Beanpole and Friends came back to laugh at Clefthaddeus? Clefthaddeus not very happy with that…” Clefthaddeus chimed in his discomfort upon seeing the heroes return to the Minor League Quarters once again.
“Are you back in the Minor League now or something like that? ‘Cause if you are, I am really sorry for causing you all that grief on the racing track in the past, and I hope you’ll go easy on me from now on…” Rodent Petty added onto the stack of confused sentiments.
“You better get on with whatever business you got going here and then get the heck outta here, punk! We still ain’t happy that you made us degrade back down here!” Yellow Owl chimed in a furious tone of voice.
“What Yellow said! So complete your assignment and get out, ‘cause if we see your face around here any longer than we have to, it won’t be looking like a face much longer!” Purple Swallow added with an equally furious tone of voice.
Waluigi and the heroes ignored all of these statements and just went towards the sealed wall that Lucille Merrin instructed them to break through with the Sword of Nintendomens, in which they did as soon as Waluigi grabbed the legendary blade and shattered the wall to pieces in the process. However, instead of remains belonging to perished racers, the heroes were instead greeted by some kind of study with a bookcase and a desk with a broken computer on it. On top of the bookcase rested some kind of document, so Waluigi had Nicky float up to grab it for him and then pass it on so the purple goliath could read it.
Curiously humming as he scanned through the document, Waluigi’s eyes widened in an intriguing manner. “WAH-ndrous…! These are scientific documents relating to the Luff Empire…! That probably means that the Luff Empire was expecting our arrival here and started making preparations for it in advance!” Waluigi reasoned out loud, much to the shock of his party members, whose eyes all went wide upon their team leader making this conclusion.
“If that’s the case, why do you think the Luff Empire would just leave something vitally important to their operations like this lying around in an abandoned computer room like this? There’s something that just rattles my nonexistent whiskers about this!” Bloolex replied, being left with more questions than answers about the whole ordeal.
“Tell me about it! You think Lucille Merrin happens to be some kind of woman on the inside with the Luff Empire helping us deal with them?” Cheesare reasoned out loud in a subsequent manner, with Waluigi humming inquisitively as he wouldn’t rule out the possibility of such a thing in his mind.
“Well, we got what we came for, so let’s get outta here before those Iron Chancellor dudes get real mad at us!” Nicky suggested, to which the other heroes nodded their agreement as Waluigi tucked the documents away into his inventory before they began to take their leave from the Minor League Quarters. Unfortunately, they were caught by Tad Pop on the way out, and they grimaced upon seeing this. “Uh-oh, we just got busted, dudes…!” Nicky stated in a frightened tone of voice as he saw Tad Pop.
“What in the Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit are you doing in here, Mr. Waluigi? Aren’t you a Major League Racer now?” Tad Pop asked the purple-garbed mischief-maker as she walked up to him and his party members in a consecutive fashion. “And what’s with the wall you broke down? The Circuit Break Stadium is already resting on a crumbly and unstable foundation following budget cuts earlier this year, so we really cannot use this act of vandalism on top of that.” The anthropomorphic frog lady reprimanded the anti-protagonist for his actions inside the Minor League Quarters.
“WAH, forgive Waluigi and his friends, Mrs. Tad Pop! We were told to come here and break down this wall by a person named Lucille Merrin! We didn’t mean for you and Mr. Kniphofia to have another renovative headache to be added to your list of to-do things, Mrs. Merrin merely WAH-nted us to retrieve this for her!” Waluigi explained to Tad Pop before showing the Luff Empire Documents to her, after which Tad Pop carefully examined the documents, uttering a concerned hum in the process. She then handed the documents back to Waluigi.
“Well, while I cannot say I am familiar with this Lucille Merrin you speak of, the possibility of the Luff Empire operating under the noses of everyone working and visiting Circuit Break Island is quite the sign of trouble brewing. I thank you for bringing this matter to my attention, Mr. Waluigi, and I will inform Mr. Kniphofia about this as fast as I possibly can so that he may take procedures to protect the racers and the visitors of the stadium grounds, should the Luff Empire make the decision to initiate an attack.” Tad Pop informed the rawboned rascal before she proceeded to leave the Minor League Quarters in a timely manner.
“Neither she nor Kniphofia were aware of the Luff Empire being stationed out here on Circuit Break Island? That sounds rather worrisome, if you ask me…No matter, though. If the Luff Empire really is present out here, we should prepare ourselves for battle against them, should they make their presence known.” Cheesare suggested, to which the other heroes agreed yet again as the four of them also took their leave from the Minor League Quarters.
After all that had passed, Waluigi and Company decided to return to the Major League Quarters and arrange another race to be held on the stadium’s main track, and Florian Kniphofia obliged their request with pleasure. The heroes then went on to plow through another series of demolition derby-styled battles before once again emerging victorious in the end, promptly getting out of their kart that they used to win the race upon crossing the finish line and expressing their joy in winning to the crowds cheering them on from the safe confinement of the bleachers. The celebrations would be short-lived, however, as the Iron Chancellors soon barged their way onto the track to challenge the heroes to a fight outside their vehicles, much to the shock of everyone, Florian Kniphofia included.
“Floundering Fertilizer, ladies and gentlemen! I can’t believe what I’m witnessing! The Iron Chancellors have a bone to pick with The Waluigi Fury Roadsters outside the fast lane!” Florian Kniphofia hollered into his microphone in shock as he remained standing on top of his podium, not wishing to get caught in the crossfire that was about to commence. The audience also made their shock known through audible gasps.
“The bunch of you made us look like rusty tin men on the race track the other day, and now you’ll be paying the ultimate price for that!” Yellow Owl furiously roared in the heroes’ faces. “Tuckered out from busting your humps to win this race you just wrapped up, Wimp-Luigi Failure Toasters? Well, too bad! Prepare to get crushed!” Purple Swallow chimed in with equal fury to that of his yellow-garbed counterpart before the two of them engaged the heroes in a vehicle-less fight on the track.
“Oh, brother. These guys really don’t know when to quit, do they? Well, Waluigi will gladly humor them if they’re itching for a fight outside the driver’s seat so much. After all, Waluigi just got himself a brand new weapon, and Waluigi is itching to get some target practice out of it in battle!” Waluigi grinned excitedly as he drew the Sword of Nintendomens and prepared to use it against The Iron Chancellors.
Waluigi then used a Nintenthunder Thrust attack against The Iron Chancellors using the Sword of Nintendomens, which knocked Yellow Owl into Purple Swallow, causing both Iron Clefts to holler in pain. Bloolex then used a Cephalopod Splash attack to inflict some rusting on the Iron Cleft duo. Cheesare did the same thing Bloolex did, only the hamburger Spinia did so by using a Ranch Drench attack against the opposing team. Finally, Nicky used his F.L.U.D.D.’s Squirt Nozzle for a Flash Gushing attack, which also corroded The Iron Chancellors whilst lowering their Defense in the process.
Yellow Owl then proceeded to use a Charge attack against Waluigi, which Purple Swallow then proceeded to follow up with a Charge attack of his own, both attacks dealing a good amount of damage against the purple-garbed firebrand. Waluigi didn’t mind all that much, though, because thanks to his party members’ hydrokinetic abilities lowering The Iron Chancellors’ Defense enough for him to defeat them in a single hit, the elevated loose cannon used another Nintenthunder Thrust attack against his opponents, knocking Yellow Owl into Purple Swallow a second time and vanquishing both of them in the process.
“Bleaaaah…We can’t even beat that beanpole in regular fisticuffs…We really do suck.” Yellow Owl groaned in defeat as he and Purple Swallow were dazed from that trashing they received from Waluigi, who triumphantly stood over his vanquished opponents with his trademark sly grin while having his left hand triumphantly placed on his hip while confidently gripping the Sword of Nintendomens in his right hand.
“Amazing, ladies and gentlemen! Waluigi really does live up to the reputation he’s got going around the Mushroom World, for he doesn’t even break a sweat when The Iron Chancellors barge onto the track and challenge him to a skirmish without any vehicles involved! Grambispeed to you, Big Purple!” Florian Kniphofia excitedly boomed into his microphone, with the audience voicing their excitement as well through audible cheers. “That’s about all there is to this race, folks! We hope to see you again next time for our next excitable demolition derby, where we’ll see our Major League racers bang each other up in their karts once more! Have a nice day!” The Floro Sapien promoter then stated before parting with a wave. Meanwhile, Waluigi and Company left the track and returned to their quarters.
“Credit where credit’s due for holding your ground against the completely uncalled physical attack from The Iron Chancellors, Mr. Waluigi. In addition to your regular racer salary of 12 Coins, I would like to present you with an additional 12 Coin bonus as compensation for what happened with The Iron Chancellors. I will be sure to reprimand the two of them for their actions on the track, you have my word.” Tad Pop assured Waluigi after praising him for rightfully defending himself against the Iron Cleft racing team before handing him a total of 24 Coins in payment and taking her leave from the Major League Quarters in a consecutive manner. Suddenly, the heroes’ Dual Scream Light proceeded to start blaring once more, though this time, it started playing an 8-bit remix of the Super Mario World boss theme for a ringtone as opposed to the ringtone Lucille Merrin used when sending messages to the heroes, surprising them in the process.
“Hey, that’s a different ringtone from the ones we get when Mrs. Merrin sends us messages! What gives?” Bloolex wondered out loud as Waluigi proceeded to dig out his Dual Scream Light and proceeded to check the message received on it.
“Keep sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, and your games will come to a very abrupt and unfortunate ending. - Ronnoc” Waluigi read out loud, making an inquisitive hum upon finishing reading the angry message out loud and tucking the Dual Scream Light away again. “Mamma Mia, whoever this Ronnoc guy might be, he sure ain’t too pleased with the way Waluigi and his friends are operating out here on Circuit Break Island.” Waluigi reasoned out loud, his party members humming their agreement in response.
“I’ll say, Big Purple. You think that Ronnoc guy is affiliated with the Luff Empire garrison that Minister Crêpe posted out here? It’d really explain why he’s messaging us to stay out of the Luff Empire’s business, to say the least.” Cheesare theorized out loud.
“Mhm, Waluigi certainly wouldn’t rule out the possibility of Ronnoc being one of Minister Crêpe’s big baddies trying to prevent Waluigi from reassembling the Circle of Lightning. Well, Waluigi ain’t scared of whatever the Luff Empire can throw at him, mark Waluigi’s words.” Waluigi assured his party members upon agreeing with Cheesare’s assumptions regarding the identity of this “Ronnoc” that had just messaged them.
“That’s the spirit, Waluigi! Your confidence in the face of adversity is, like, totally admirable! I’m learning something new from you every day that I happen to be rolling with you on this adventure of yours!” Nicky chimed in his excitement over Waluigi’s bravery.
As the heroes awaited any updates from Lucille Merrin to come in on their Dual Scream Light, they continued to arrange matches on the Circuit Break Stadium’s main track, and upon finishing their latest match, which they once again managed to emerge victorious in, the heroes found a strawberry cake with a tag with their name written on it attached to it resting on the table next to their sleeping quarters. “Ah, Mr. Waluigi. Mrs. Tad Pop was given that cake with a tag reading your name. She said she was instructed by a fan to give it to you. Since it was put there while you were away racing, she asked me to inform you as soon as you returned from your match.” Jackie Stalwart informed Waluigi and Company.
“WAH, thank you very much, Mr. Stalwart. Waluigi really appreciates being given something that sweet by a fan of his.” Waluigi thanked the Dark Koopatrol with a kind smile as he and his party members walked up to the cake. “WAH, whoever baked this is a real ace at it! We could surely get a good energy boost out of eating this, wouldn’t you guys say?” Waluigi then asked his party members, who nodded their agreement with excitable smiles, eager to have that cake. “WAH-HOO, let’s-a get eating!” Waluigi then bellowed excitedly before he and his party members proceeded to quickly scarf down the cake, completely refilling all of their stats in the process, sighing in satisfaction afterwards. “WAH-llelujah! That really hits the spot! Now let’s-a keep going on our merry way, WAH?” Waluigi suggested to his party members after expressing his delight at eating the cake, with his party members yet again voicing their agreement about the great taste of the cake and their team leader’s suggestion to continue on their journey afterward.
Upon finishing their next race in the leading position for the umpteenth time, the heroes were once again celebrating after having stepped out of their kart that had crossed the finish line. This celebration would once again be short-lived, however, because this time around, none other than General Zellon proceeded to barge his way onto the stadium main track to challenge Waluigi and Company to a fight right then and there.
“Trembling Tulips, ladies and gentlemen! We got yet another aggravated individual barging his way onto the track to make the foolish decision of fighting it out tooth and nail with The Waluigi Fury Roadsters! Will The Waluigi Fury Roadsters walk away from this out of vehicle mano-y-mano just as unscathed as the last one? Let’s find out!” Florian Kniphofia expressed his surprise at the situation while staying put on his podium once more, wisely deciding to let Waluigi and Company take care of General Zellon. The audience let out a series of audible “Ooo” noises, intrigued about where this scuffle would be going.
“Word had reached my wicked ears that a certain tall and thin outlaw dressed in purple were situated out here on Circuit Break Island, and the rumors proved to be accurate! The timing for this skirmish could not have come better, either! Now all of these peasants shall be granted the privilege of witnessing me adding the names of you and these strange fellows you currently surround yourself with to my long list of fallen souls!” General Zellon marveled towards Waluigi, having tracked the anti-hero down to exact his revenge on him for his role in stopping his evil plan to ruin the Annual Mushroom World Games.
Waluigi angrily glared at General Zellon, gritting his teeth in equal fury as he quickly grabbed his whip in his left hand while brandishing the Sword of Nintendomens in his right hand. “WAH! You really think you can trounce Waluigi with all of these people watching?! Prepare to be proven wrong, you muscle-bound oaf!” He firmly told General Zellon before engaging the new age villain in combat on the Circuit Break Stadium’s main track.
General Zellon chortled in complete and utter malice. “I am going to send you and your comrades to a deep dark place, and I shall be finding nothing but enjoyment in doing so! Especially knowing that I shall have hundreds of witnesses to such an act of delightful delinquency!” He informed Waluigi while continuing to stroke his own ego.
“Waluigi doesn’t have time for your tomfoolery, General Zellon! Waluigi has much more important matters at hand than dealing with your lunatic shenanigans!” Waluigi informed General Zellon with an irritable expression before he used his whip against the evil general for a Waluigi Whip Lash attack, causing the general to howl in pain. Bloolex then followed this up with a Rapid Halberd Spin attack, causing General Zellon to moan in pain. Cheesare then executed a Fire Spin attack on the evil general, making him yelp in pain. Finally, Nicky closed out his team's opening turn of the fight by using his saw to perform a Volt Curl attack on the general, making him scream in pain.
Finding that it was finally his turn at combat, General Zellon proceeded to use his Fire Breath attack to unleash a blazing inferno from the confinements of his jaws on Waluigi and Company, toastifying the heroes in the process and causing them to cry out in pain at the same time. Now it was the heroes' turn at combat again, and Waluigi proceeded to use the Sword of Nintendomens to use a Half-Circle Sword Swing attack on General Zellon, making him roar in pain in response. Bloolex then proceeded to follow up with a Gezora Gash attack, causing General Zellon to shriek in pain. Cheesare then performed another Fire Spin attack on the malicious general, prompting him to growl in pain before Nicky closed things out for his team's second turn of the fight by using his saw to perform another electrokinetic attack known as the Flux Capacitor, which involved the Spiky Parabuzzy mechanic manifesting an electric current in the shape of a DeLorean straight out of the Back to the Future films and sending it after General Zellon, after which the reptilian dictator screamed in pain yet again. "Oh, the indignity! Well, I would certainly not expect anything less of a vain, ill-mannered miscreant such as yourself, Waluigi! Our time against one another during The Mushroom World Games Plot proved to be exemplary of what a filthy fighter you are!" General Zellon informed Waluigi before using a Wing Whip attack on the purple troublemaker, smacking him with his oversized wings for a nasty dose of damage inflicted on the thinly-built nuisance. Waluigi yelped in discomfort before shaking it off and glaring at General Zellon in response.
"Waluigi sees nothing but a hypocritical hippopotamus exemplifying the expression of the pot calling the kettle black, General Zellon! Now it's time for Waluigi to toss you out of this stadium and into the dumpsters located on the backside of it!" Waluigi firmly told the kooky corrupted warlord before using the Sword of Nintendomens to perform a special move known as "The Power of WAH!", in order to finish General Zellon off. "You were WAH-nce again tough, General Zellon! But not tough enough to fight...Waluigi!!!" The towering instigator informed General Zellon as the latter went down for the count.
"Defeat?! What a disaster!" General Zellon cried out in anguish before falling forward on the ground with a thud and softly gasping afterward. "I shall return...Someday...And then you shall be met with the eternal Game Over...!" He informed Waluigi before disintegrating into nothingness, much to the confusion of Waluigi's party members, but Waluigi himself didn't care at all. So with that fight out of the way, Florian Kniphofia once again picked up where he previously left off to end the show then and there.
"Wahey! Another fine example of why The Waluigi Fury Roadsters are the talk of Circuit Break Island as of late, ladies and gentlemen! They don't even flinch when some incredibly verbose flying hippopotamus busts in and challenges them to a fight outside the kart! Mr. Waluigi, you're a fine example of why you've gone from loathed to loved in the years we've seen you around the Mushroom World! And you're only gonna be even more loved if the crowds here at Circuit Break Stadium have anything to say about it! Now, if anybody's left watching right now, we'll see you next time here on the Circuit Break Stadium Main Lane!" The Floro Sapien promoter parted with a wave as the crowds on the bleachers erupted into euphoric roars and cheers for the anti-hero in purple and his victory over General Zellon.
Back at the Major League Quarters, Waluigi and Company met with Tad Pop once more, who presented them with a 14 Coin payout of their racer salary as well as a 14 Coin bonus as compensation from the Circuit Break League management for the altercation with General Zellon, making for a total payout of 28 Coins in the aftermath of the heroes' latest race. "My earnest apologies yet again for that situation with the nasty individual you refer to as "General Zellon", Mr. Waluigi. I shall make sure to reprimand the Circuit Break Stadium's security service for allowing this to happen, my word as a frog lady. I do hope that you and your team will suffice for a 14 Coin compensation in addition to your regular racing salary. Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall get on the matter of tightening security at the stadium right away." Tad Pop informed Waluigi before leaving the Major League Quarters.
"What in the name of James Garner's western wrangler shirts was that tomfoolery with that General Zellon guy back there, Big Purple? That really rustled my lettuce!" Cheesare asked Waluigi, who didn't respond to him and instead silently went to his sleeping quarters before tucking in, drifting off to sleep almost immediately afterward, having apparently dealt with enough madness for one day. "I take it that Big Purple's jimmies were equally as rustled by that random attack from that hippo dude." Cheesare then blankly stated.
After having rested up a little bit and emerged victorious in another Major League race within the Circuit Break League, the heroes proceeded to receive another message from Lucille Merrin on their Dual Scream Light. "Sounds like Mrs. Merrin is pinging us once again. I wonder what she's got to say to us this time around?" Cheesare then wondered out loud while Waluigi dug out his Dual Scream Light and inspected the message on it.
"Go to the phone booth located outside the stadium and answer the call coming through there. Further instructions will be provided by whoever is calling. - Sincerely, Lucille Merrin" Waluigi read out loud before inquisitively humming as he tucked away the Dual Scream Light once more. "Waluigi can't help but WAH-nder what Mrs. Merrin wants us to do next in our search for the Circle of Lightning...Waluigi supposes we can only find out by heading on over to the phone booth as per her request." The purple-hued behemoth reasoned out loud as he and his party members proceeded to take their leave from the Major League Quarters, only to run into Boobwuss Yammerton on the way out.
"Ah, Wussy-igi! Great timing, 'cause I was wanting to talk with you and your friends! You guys keep on stealing the spotlight I've worked so hard to maintain out here in the Circuit Break League's brackets, and I might just go and steal some mobility from those puny long legs of yours, you hear me? Quit making such a name for yourselves if you wanna keep all of your limbs intact, yeah?" Boobwuss Yammerton chortled towards Waluigi and Company before walking back down the hallway where he came from.
"WAH, such a showoff...Unlike a Chain Chomp, that Boobwuss Yammerton guy is all bark and no bite." Waluigi stated with an annoyed expression, brushing off the Circuit Break Champion's threats as empty. His party members glanced at one another with uncertainty about the legitimacy of Boobwuss' less than legal words of advice.
"I dunno, Big Purple. The hate mail we got from that Ronnoc guy earlier could very well be Boobwuss Yammerton under the guise of Ronnoc and his connections to the Luff Empire. Which would kinda be excessive to scare us into thinking he's working for Crêpe over his grudge against us for climbing the ranks of the Circuit Break League, but also a sign that we're not to deem Boobwuss' threats as empty ones." Cheesare pointed out to his elevated team leader, to which Bloolex and Nicky reluctantly hummed their agreement. "No worries, Cheesare. Waluigi knows Boobwuss Yammerton's types enough to not underestimate what they're capable of outside the race car track. For the time being though, let's-a head over to that phone booth to see WAH-tever the heck it is that Mrs. Merrin needs us to do." Waluigi assured the hamburger Spinia before taking the lead towards the phone booth outside the stadium as per Lucille Merrin's instructions.
Arriving at the phone booth shortly afterward, Waluigi and Company found it to be ringing, so Waluigi picked up the horn and answered it. "WAH-llo, this is Waluigi speaking. Who is this?" The purple troublemaker spoke to whoever was on the other side of the line.
"My name isn't important right now. What matters at the moment, is that Mrs. Merrin wants you to go to the storage room located next to Mr. Kniphofia's office in the Circuit Break Stadium. I know what you're thinking; This seems like a whole lot of legwork in order to get to the whereabouts of the Circle of Lightning, but trust me, this is all for a very good reason, and all will be revealed in due time. Good luck, Mr. Waluigi." A raspy deep voice on the other side of the line explained to the towering rabble-rouser before proceeding to hang up.
Putting the horn back on the receiver afterward, Waluigi turned toward his party members. "WAH-ll, seems Mrs. Merrin wants us to go to the stadium's storage room next to Mr. Kniphofia's office, according to her contact's instructions. So let's head there and see what we can find." Waluigi suggested as he and his party members proceeded to head back inside the stadium before walking down the hallway towards the storage room, only to be met with Tad Pop being in the middle of chewing out a security guard who happened to be in charge of guarding the storage room.
"So you mean to tell me that the storage room somehow got unlocked while you were taking a quick coffee break? We're not paying you to let some kind of kleptomaniac study your break time so they can pillage our supplies while you're gone for a few minutes, you know." Tad Pop scolded the security guard for letting this happen.
"I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Tad Pop. I don't know how I could have let this happen. I'm a very bad security guard. In fact, I'm going to punish myself. No break privileges during work hours for a week." The security guard replied to Tad Pop with their usual stoic demeanor.
"That will suffice as a compensation for this bumbling for the time being, I suppose. I'll take care of the rest of this matter, meanwhile, I want you to remain glued to your post at all times, understood? And one more thing; Should word about this ever slip out of your mouth to anyone but me, you're on a one-way trip to mainland Waffle Kingdom, as well as the first employment agency you can find out there." Tad Pop continued to give the security guard an earful, who nodded in silent understanding before stepping in front of the storage room door once more, after which Tad Pop noticed Waluigi and Company had witnessed the whole ordeal play out in front of them, after which the anthropomorphic frog walked up to the heroes with a begrudging pout on her face.
"Ah, Mr. Waluigi. I'm terribly sorry you just had to witness that. It just so happens that some low form of organized crime had taken place here at the stadium's storage room in the form of our security guard here having been studied, after which the door leading inside the storage room was unlocked while he was away for a short period of time." Tad Pop informed Waluigi with the same begrudging pout still resting on her face.
"That so, huh? WAH-ll, it's funny you should mention that, since Waluigi was told to come down here and enter the storage room on the orders of someone who might be able to help Waluigi crack down on the threat of the Luff Empire on Circuit Break Island." Waluigi informed Tad Pop in response, prompting an inquisitive hum from the frog lady, with a curious head tilt to boot.
"Really? In that case, you have my permission to enter the storage room to scope out whatever it is that the Luff Empire could be hiding in there. If anything can be done to guarantee the safety of the racers and the stream of tourists on Circuit Break Island, any favor that could be pulled to do so is welcome." Tad Pop replied before shifting her focus to the security guard at the storage door room. "You. Let Mr. Waluigi and his team inside the storage room, if you would?" She requested the guard, who nodded in understanding as he stepped inside to let the heroes in. Tad Pop then turned back to the heroes. "Good luck, Mr. Waluigi. You have my support in your fight against the Luff Empire." She said before taking her leave from the scene, after which the heroes entered the storage room to see what they could find in there.
Shutting the storage room door behind them, Waluigi and Company were surprised as they turned to see Fauster, the devil-like jester from the NES version of Wario's Woods hunched over on top of one of the crates inside the storage room. "Heh, this is quite a way to meet, isn't it?" Fauster let out an amused chuckle upon seeing the heroes enter.
"WAH? Who the heck are you?" Waluigi asked with a curiously raised eyebrow whilst tilting his head in an inquisitive manner, placing his left hand on his chin for emphasis. The purple instigator's party members were just as confused by the appearance of the devilish creature inside of the storage room, and Fauster let out another amused chuckle in response as he proceeded to fly over to the heroes, holding out his hand towards Waluigi for a shake.
"I suppose I'll have to introduce myself. Name's Fauster, I'm a servant of Queen Jaydes of The Underwhere, and I once worked for a yellow-clad flab monster named Wario on the side." Fauster told the heroes, with Waluigi looking surprised upon hearing Wario's name being mentioned.
"You know Wario?! He's WAH-ne of the closest things Waluigi's got in terms of friends! WAH-ll, if you're good with Wario, then you're good with Waluigi as well!" Waluigi smiled in delight as he returned Fauster's handshake, with Fauster returning the delightful smile in response. "So, you say you're a servant of Queen Jaydes, huh? Did she just so happen to send you out here to uncover anything related to the Luff Empire?" Waluigi then asked Fauster curiously, hoping the devil had anything on him that could prove to be useful in his quest to defeat Minister Crêpe.
"Well, yes and no. She did send me to do some grunt work out here in the world of the living, but not specifically related to the ongoing invasion of the Waffle Kingdom by the Luff Empire. Whatever grunt work I was required to do in here has been taken care of, so feel free to look about for anything you could use in your fight against the Luffs. I do wanna warn you, though, they know you're here and snooping around to try and thwart their plans, so I suggest you watch yourself, unless you plan on meeting a fate akin to the poor souls they're hoarding upstairs. I have no doubt we'll meet again sometime soon, Waluigi. So see you around!" Fauster told the heroes before giving Waluigi a parting fist bump before leaving through the storage room door, most likely surprising the security guard outside in the process before shutting the door behind him.
"Boy, for a servant to the queen of the underworld, that Fauster sure is a laid-back fella. I kinda like him for it. But what was that last part he mentioned about the poor souls the Luff Empire is hoarding upstairs?" Cheesare asked after Fauster left, with Waluigi humming inquisitively, placing his left hand on his chin and shutting his eyes for emphasis on his thought process.
"WAH-ll, Ian Thieving DID mention something about a room inside the stadium that had a second floor, but no stairs to reach them. That, and groaning voices are sometimes heard coming from that second floor, so Waluigi has reason to believe that those groaning voices belong to the poor souls that the Luff Empire are keeping up there." Waluigi reasoned out loud, to which his party members nodded their agreement. Suddenly, the Dual Scream Light began blaring again, prompting Waluigi to inspect the message received on it. "In order to reach the attic, you must uncover the switch that triggers the stairs leading there. - Sincerely, Lucille Merrin." The purple hellion read out loud.
"That does make a lot of sense, if you ask me. Like, if the Luffs really are hoarding people who caught on to the stuff they're doing out here on the island up in the attic, they must have some sort of stairway to get up there, since I doubt the Luffs only send aviary units up there to hide the bodies." Nicky chimed in his thoughts on the message Lucille Merrin had sent the heroes, with Waluigi nodding his agreement in response.
"Waluigi supposes the Sword of Nintendomens could be of use in uncovering that switch." Waluigi stated before pulling out the sword and grasping it in both hands. "Sword of Nintendomens, give Waluigi sight beyond sights...!" The purple-garbed leviathan inquired of the sword, who did as it was told immediately, since it proceeded to make the crates that Fauster was perched on top of earlier vanish into thin air, revealing the switch that triggered the stairway leading to the storage room attic in the process. Waluigi then proceeded to hit said switch with the Sword of Nintendomens' blade, causing the stairway to come down.
"Totally radical, man! Let's head up there and see what else we can find!" Nicky suggested before the heroes proceeded to travel up the stairway leading into the attic, and after looking about a bit, they managed to find themselves entry into an air vent, which they proceeded to crawl through until they came across a peep hole situated directly above Florian Kniphofia's office, prompting the heroes to eavesdrop on the conversation taking place down there.
As much of an unfortunate cliffhanger as this might be, I wanna stay within the usual 18-page limit on Palette Swap sections, so we're gonna have to wrap things up here and now! Tune in next time for Part 10 in September, in Issue 234, and we're gonna look at the rest of Waluigi and Company's sleuthing to uncover the secrets of the Luff Empire's operations on Circuit Break Island!
Diddy Kong Country 2: A Fistful of Peanuts
Written by: ClawgripFan9001
Part 1
It had been about six months since Diddy Kong and his girlfriend, Dixie Kong, her sister, Tiny Kong, and Diddy’s long-lost granddad, Jockey Kong, had gone on an adventure to rescue Diddy’s long-lost mother, Jocie Kong, from the clutches of King K. Rool and the Kremling Krew after they had previously captured her and held her prisoner at the height of the Puftup Gulf War that Jockey and Jocie had fought in. Life couldn’t be better for Diddy right now; He had conquered his mental health crisis he’d been plunged into after his uncle Donkey shoved him to the sideline in favor of a preteen version of Mayor Pauline of New Donk City as his sidekick in Donkey Kong Bananza, he had his mother and granddad back, and he’d finally proven himself to be a videogame hero in his own right. However, trouble was once again brewing on the horizon for the Kong Family, for the Kremling Krew, under the de facto leadership of Prince Pern Icious, had gone off to several island kingdoms around the general area Donkey Kong Island was located in and used dark magic to transform the islands’ rulers into hideous monsters. Diddy Kong vowed to liberate the island kingdoms from the Kremling Krew’s heinous acts and restore the island rulers to their former selves, bringing his girlfriend Dixie, sister-in-law Tiny, and the girls’ cousins Chunky and Kiddy along with him. The spidermonkey’s mother Jocie and granddad Jockey would remain behind on Donkey Kong Island and protect their jungle home while the younger Kongs were gone. “Go forth and good luck!” Jocie and Jockey told Diddy and the others as they used a combat dinghy provided to them by Funky Kong to travel to the first of many island kingdoms that happened to be taken over by the Kremling Krew; The Mediterranean Peninsula.
The first level of The Mediterranean Peninsula was known as Waterway Entrée. As the Kongs entered the level, they drove their combat dinghy up to the end of the wooden docks that laid the entrance foundation of The Mediterranean Peninsula before hopping out of their combat dinghy, letting out euphoric monkey noises as they did so. “Here we are, guys; The start of a new adventure! Let’s go and kick some cocky crocodile butt!” Diddy Kong told the other Kongs. The spidermonkey protagonist and his family were all decked out in military gear fit for this new adventure, with Diddy Kong wearing a green camouflage-colored army cap with dark yellow sports shades and a green camouflage-colored tank top and a pair of silver-colored dog tags to boot. Dixie wore an outfit similar to Diddy’s, except for a green camouflage-colored version of her trademark beret hat in place of the army cap. Tiny’s outfit consisted of a green camo beanie hat and a matching crop top and trousers, completing the look with a pair of sandy yellow combat boots. Kiddy wore an army helmet with a green camo pattern alongside a matching tank top, while Chunky wore the same army helmet, though with a long-sleeved green camo shirt and a matching sleeveless vest over it.
And with that, the Kongs took off, their weapons blazing as they made their way through the docks and waterways that made up the port area of The Mediterranean Peninsula. They fought off a set of basic enemies as they did, such as Kobbles, which were Donkey Kong Country 3’s equivalent to Kritters, Rongeurchiers, Ratooey-like enemies which the Kongs had faced on their last adventure, and a new seagull-inspired enemy known as Hackett, of which only a single one appeared in this level. “I-I gotta admit, it feels so surreal to me being back out adventuring after having been left in the obscurity barrel for such a long time…I-I mean, I was already surprised when Illumination asked me to make a cameo in The Super Mario Bros Movie ‘23, but to be tagging along with you guys on this adventure to free all these island kingdoms from the rampage of the Kremlings…? I-It’s incredible…!” Chunky Kong admitted in his trademark meek manner while firing off pineapples from his Pineapple Launcher at the array of enemies ahead of him. “Yeah, man…! Kiddy long time no been on adventure either!” Kiddy Kong chimed in his agreement with his big brother’s sentiments as he proceeded to use his newly obtained weapon, which was a wooden submachine gun that shot lemon slices at enemies known as the Lemon Slinger, against the oncoming lineup of baddies. Dixie and Tiny giggled at their cousins’ bewilderment at being out on the videogame hero field for the first time in years.
“After me and Dixie tagged along with Diddy and his dear old grandpappy on our first adventure in years on end, we figured you boys would love to get some fresh air by venturing out into the world alongside us this time.” Tiny told Chunky and Kiddy in a playful manner as she used her Feather Bow to pick off the parade of approaching toadies with her precise aim and deadly feathers. Dixie hummed her agreement in an equally playful manner.
“Exactly! Now that the Kong Family is slowly but surely making their videogame comeback, we figured we’d let any Kongs who haven’t had any time in the spotlight in over a decade come out of the shadows and enjoy some publicity alongside us!” Dixie then chimed in onto Tiny’s statements while blasting her foes with her Bubblegum Blowguns.
“You said it, girls! I think everyone’s been starting to get a little tired of that muscle-bound uncle of mine after he left the rest of us on the sidelines in Donkey Kong Bananza, so grandpa Jockey giving us the little push we needed to start making a name for ourselves was more than welcome!” Diddy told his girlfriend and sister-in-law with an excitable grin as he cartwheeled his way through the hoodlums that opposed him and his family whilst simultaneously riddling them with peanut shells from his Peanut Popguns. Soon enough, the Kongs had reached the level exit, and as they went through it, they cheered in completion of the first level of the first destination of their new adventure, and proceeded to move on to the second level of The Mediterranean Peninsula; Mineshaft Mambo.
As per the level of the name, it took place inside a series of mines that the Kongs had to cross if they wished to advance further into the kingdom. They had to fight it out against Kobbles, Rongeurchiers, as well as Mole Miners from Donkey Kong Country Returns, where they now appeared outside of the Mine Carts they rode in during their previous appearance and now behaved similarly to Monty Moles in the sense that they would quickly run around and pursue the Kongs while throwing their pickaxes at them.
“What’s mine is yours, I guess?” Dixie quipped with a sheepish giggle, to which Diddy and Tiny rolled their eyes but laughed anyway at Dixie’s intentionally bad pun. Chunky and Kiddy also chuckled in response, after which our heroes began to make their way through the mines while fighting off the flunkies that were out to get them. “Unlike our previous adventure, in which I mostly made negative snarky comments about the areas we visited, this time around, I’m opting to make lighthearted jokes about them instead.” Dixie then explained to her fellow primates as she ran and jumped through the rocky mine hallways.
“Well, you’re off to a great start in doing so, I’d say. I’m honestly curious to see what other comedic one-liners you’re able to come up with over the course of our new adventure.” Diddy told his girlfriend with a smile as he cartwheeled a couple of enemies into defeat on the way towards the level exit. The heroes also came across a couple of platforms suspended by rope shafts, which they had to activate by pulling levers in order to get them to move. Once they had gotten past these platforms, they reached the exit of the level, and promptly celebrated this before they proceeded to move on to the third level of The Mediterranean Peninsula; Rainstorm Ruckus.
As suggested by the name of the level, it took place during a tropical rainstorm at night in a similar vein to Ropey Rampage from the first Donkey Kong Country game, and the level introduced the game’s equivalent to Armies, known as Buckle Beasties, as well as a new bird-like enemy inspired by buzzards named Buzzearos. “Talk about raining on our parade. Mother Nature sure likes to water down our primate-ive vigor.” Dixie remarked, prompting another series of chuckles and giggles from the other Kongs.
“You could surely say that, sis. But we’re not gonna let that stop us from driving the Kremlings out of this kingdom, that’s for certain.” Tiny chimed in her ten cents on the matter as the protagonistic posse resumed their assault on the Kremling Krew’s grunt forces as well as their local henchmen however they could, whether that were through the usage of their weaponry, or through their sheer physical abilities.
“Tiny right as rain…Kiddy no let himself be stopped by crocodile creeps!” Kiddy Kong also chimed in with his thoughts about the matter, which was quite the achievement for someone his age, where conscious thinking wasn’t one of his greatest strengths. Chunky hummed his agreement with the things his little brother said as he used his Pineapple Launcher to blast any aerial adversaries that came the Kongs’ way out of the sky.
“K-Kiddy’s right on the nose…B-Because I’m not gonna let the Kremling Krew hold me back in our valiant quest to free the islands from their cruel wave of crocodile crime either…!” Chunky then stated, which really pleased Diddy, Dixie and Tiny to hear, because last time Chunky was out in the adventuring field, he usually tried to back out of having to do anything if the player had to select him to get things done in-game.
Regardless, the Kongs managed to make it through this third level easily enough with the baddies that attempted to block their way proving to be not much of a challenge for them to take care of, and as such, they managed to reach the exit and pass through it quickly enough. After a quick rejoicing in this achievement, the heroes made their way deeper into The Mediterranean Peninsula, and into its fourth level; Puftup Plunge.
This fourth level of The Mediterranean Peninsula also happened to be the first underwater level that the Kongs would be traversing during this adventure, and as the name of the level suggested, it was filled with a plethora of Puftups, as well as a handful of tetra fish-like enemies named Quanders, who were basic aquatic enemies who moved back and forth in a consistent manner similar to Kritters and any of its variations. Aside from that, the level also featured a few basic hazards such as clams that emitted bubbles to trap the Kongs inside and cause them to take damage in the process, as well as underwater vents that emitted jet streams in the opposite direction that the Kongs were supposed to go, thus forcing them to swim against the current, or free their Animal Friend, Enguarde the Swordfish from any of the Animal Crates spread out across the level to help them travel through the currents that came from the underwater vents. “I gotta say, seeing all of these Puftups reminds me of the stories from the Puftup Gulf War that mom and granddad fought in, and happened to tell us after we came home from our last adventure. Quite the impressive stories, might I add.” Diddy remarked as he and his family swam through the watery catacombs they currently found themselves entangled in, to which Dixie and Tiny agreed with affirmative humming.
“They sure were. I never took your granddad nor your mother to be the types to get down and dirty like that.” Dixie replied to her boyfriend, equally amazed by the war stories Jockey and Jocie told them in the aftermath of their last adventure.
“Comes with the turf of being caught up in war, I suppose; You end up learning about sides of yourself you never thought you had.” Tiny chimed in her reasoning about the matter, to which Diddy and Dixie hummed their affirmation in response. Thanks to the assistance of Enguarde the Swordfish, whom the Kongs eventually did end up freeing from the confinements of an Animal Crate, they made it to the exit of the level without too much of a hassle, and after thanking Enguarde for his assistance and parting ways with the Swordfish for the time being, the Kongs ventured deeper into The Mediterranean Peninsula, as well as its fifth level; Cliffside Conundrum.
As the name of the level seemed to suggest, it took place at a cliffside by the sea, during a sunset where only the Kongs’ silhouettes were visible. The main enemies the Kongs had to face out here were Kobbles and Re-Koils, the orange-hued cousins to Kaboings from DKC2 who also took inspiration from Tigger from Winnie the Pooh based on the way they bounced on their tails in a similar manner. Additionally, the Kongs had to battle against Dozies and Sour Dodo’s, bird-like enemies they previously faced during the events of Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze. Not only that, but the precursors to Dozies and Sour Dodo’s, Awks and Rawks from Donkey Kong Country Returns appeared in the level as well, and the Kongs had to duke it out with them too. “Kremlings and their local cronies or not, you can’t get mad at this sunset. It’s this kind of beauty courtesy of Mother Nature that makes me glad to be living in the wilderness.” Dixie stated as she stared at the sunset with a huge smile on her face whilst taking out the Kremling Krew’s infantry troops with her Bubblegum Blowguns.
“Couldn’t agree more, Dixie. It’s the simple things in life such as these that make me appreciate the uncharted lifestyle even further than I already did.” Diddy agreed with his girlfriend, an equally huge smile widened over his face as he also admired the sunset while treating the Kremlings to a face full of peanut shells from his twin Popguns.
“Whoa…! Kiddy ain’t seen sunset like this in ages…!” Kiddy chimed in his own admiration for the beauty of nature he and his family were treated to as they crossed by the cliffsides, battling the hostile critters of nature while they were at it along the way. Diddy, Dixie, Tiny and Chunky giggled in amusement at the juvenile gorilla’s equally juvenile babbling.
“N-Neither have I, if I’m completely honest…S-So I’m really grateful I came along for the ride this time…!” Chunky added onto his younger brother’s sentiments with a meek smile, prompting another series of giggles from Diddy, Dixie and Tiny in response. Not too long a time afterward, the troop of brave ape adventurers successfully reached the end zone for this level, thus allowing them to leave it and move on to the sixth and final regular level of The Mediterranean Peninsula; Rumble On The Brooks.
This level involved the Kongs riding down a river on a wooden platform while having to fight off enemies that happened to leap onto the platform to pick a fight with them while dodging the hazards of nature, so the level was essentially somewhat of an endurance round that involved the Kongs having to fight off as many enemies as they could until they reached the level exit. “When I told that one Kobble we punished back there to cry me a river when he begged for mercy, I didn’t mean for him to take it literally.” Dixie remarked as she rolled her eyes with a giggle while brandishing her Bubblegum Blowguns, ready to take down anyone willing to challenge the heroes.
“Ah, don’t blame him, Dixie. The guy did look like he was about to let out the rapids through the water faucets in his eyes after you gave him that beating.” Diddy giggled too as he brandished his Peanut Popguns in preparation for whatever came next for the lot of them, Tiny, Kiddy and Chunky humming their agreement whilst having their own weapons prepared for combat. Soon enough, multiple Kobbles, Re-Koils, Dozies, Sour Dodo’s, Awks and Rawks began emerging from all corners of the riverbanks to battle it out against the Kongs, after which the migratory monkeys began opening fire on their challengers.
“Here they come! Get ready to provide all of them with a watery grave!” Tiny Kong warned her fellow Kongs as they continued to spray their enemies with their cartoonish armaments. Goon after goon was knocked into the river with each successful hit, with the hostile beasties The Mediterranean Peninsula had to offer soon throwing in a little bit more variety as more aquatic adversaries started leaping up out of the rapid waters to throw the Kongs off, such as barred knifejaw inspired fish-like enemies named Zecorals, ribbon eel inspired moray-esque baddies named Coral Constrictors, and ocean sunfish looking cronies called Biggie Fins. “Blimey! Looks like they’re sending in the marine corps now!” Tiny warned.
“Fishy fishies make Kiddy peckish…Kiddy still prefer fruits any day of the week, though.” Kiddy gave his ten cents as he saw all the fish flopping by while launching them out of the air with his gun. Chunky hummed his agreement with Kiddy’s statement while using his Pineapple Launcher to take out the moppets that tried to plunge the heroes into the uncharted depths that lurked below the platform they stood on.
“Y-Y-Yeah…I-I-I ain’t really one to eat meat such as fish and poultry all that much myself…F-F-Fruits and veggies such as bananas, apples, melons, carrots, cauliflowers and broccoli are much more up my alley as far as my diet is concerned…” Chunky voiced his thoughts on the topic of food-based items with a nervously quivering lip.
“No worries on that end, Chunky! By the time this adventure is wrapped up, we’ll be celebrating with a feast chock full of fruits and veggies, ideal for your vitamin-craving needs!” Diddy assured the tallest and strongest Kong with a smile as he continued to riddle his foes with peanut shells from his Popguns whilst receiving assisting fire from Dixie and Tiny with their Blowguns and Bow, respectively. Chunky smiled back at Diddy upon hearing that, excited about the possibility of a bountiful celebratory meal composed of his favorite foods, and continued to lay down heavy fire with his Pineapple Launcher in a consecutive fashion.
The final wave of uglies the Kongs would come up against in this level would soon make themselves known, including rhinoceros beetle-inspired enemies named Rambeetles, a larger variant of Bruitioners, a dragonfly-like enemy related to Flitters that Diddy, Dixie and Tiny encountered on their last adventure, said larger variant being known as Brutioner Majór, and moth-like enemies named Fukushuwas. “Whoa…! Big bugs!” Kiddy murmured in awe as he saw these arthropod adversaries come to challenge him and the other Kongs before beginning to gun them down in a following manner, the rest of the heroes doing the same thing shortly afterward. “Big bugs go bye bye!” Kiddy then playfully giggled as he took out the swarms of antagonistic critters with the help of his fellow primates.
“T-T-They sure do, little brother…T-T-They sure do…!” Chunky nervously chuckled at his brother’s enjoyment in roughing up the pesky perpetrators that the Kremling Krew had employed to slow down their progress in freeing the island kingdoms that they had conquered in the aftermath of the Kongs’ last outing. He then proceeded to assist his brother by firing off more rounds of pineapple from his Pineapple Launcher. “I-I-I think that if we keep this up, we should have all of the Kremlings’ infantry they’ve got stationed out here on this island taken care of…!” He then informed the other Kongs while continuing to launch his spiked, flavorful fruity projectiles at the oncoming array of arthropod antagonists.
“Let’s keep at it then so that we can get off this river and then get our butts over to the palace where the ruler of this island is likely in dire need of our help!” Diddy suggested in response to Chunky’s statements while resuming his attempts to keep the feisty flunkies off his back with another series of well-calculated peanut shell shots.
“You heard the man! Keep shooting until not a single marauder’s left standing!” Dixie instructed the other Kongs as she proceeded to assist her boyfriend by laying down precise strikes with her Bubblegum Blowguns on the remainder of the agitated uglies they found themselves going toe to toe with. Eventually though, they successfully managed to get rid of every single meanie that the level had to throw at them, and they soon reached the exit, which they quickly took before making their way up to the palace of The Mediterranean Peninsula, where they found the place to be in an uproar because the Kremling Kommander that was put in charge of the island had used their dark magic to transform the king that ruled over The Mediterranean Peninsula into a large dark green and dark yellow hued viper that slithered back and forth in front of his throne repeatedly. The king’s retainer, a light-gray furred monkey resembling the Helper Monkeys from Donkey Kong Jungle Beat saw the heroes enter the throne room and rushed over to them immediately.
“Oh, this is terrible! The Kremlings have raided the palace and turned our king into this horrid beast! You must go and challenge the Kremling Kommander who did this so that you may break the spell they placed on our king and restore him to his true self!” The retainer informed the Kongs as he gestured to the transformed king, who was still slithering back and forth in front of his throne in a helpless manner. The Kongs glanced at the situation, then back at the retainer, and nodded in understanding.
“Don’t worry, my friend. We’re on it.” Diddy Kong assured the retainer with a determined glare in his eyes before he and the other Kongs proceeded to leave the palace to take on the boss level of The Mediterranean Peninsula; Pulido’s Pendulum.
The Kongs soon found the airship that the Kremling Kommander assigned to rule The Mediterranean Peninsula was operating out of, and proceeded to board it through the anchor that was dangling from the side of the airship. They then proceeded to fight their way through the defenses that the ship had to offer before boarding the cockpit of the vessel, where they encountered the Kremling Kommander the flying war machine belonged to; Segundo Armada Pulido, a tall and muscular anthropomorphic lion wearing a literal coat of arms that granted him an extra pair of limbs, thus allowing him to wield up to four weapons at a time, in his case, these weapons were a pair of sharp, golden-hued rapiers and a pair of deadly silver-hued pistols.
“So, you annoying monkeys have made this far, haven’t you? Well, let’s see if you can stand up to Kommander Segundo Armada Pulido and his Koat of Arms! Muahahaha!” The malevolent mammal chortled in utter arrogance upon seeing the Kongs enter his personal abode aboard his personal warship, causing the heroes to quickly brandish their weapons at him with feisty expressions radiating through their faces in response.
“Prepare to get sprayed, riddled and iced, you horrid carnivorous cat!” Diddy firmly threatened Kommander Pulido while pointing his Peanut Popguns in the latter’s face, though the pompous predatory felidae wasn’t fazed by the spidermonkey’s words, nor the way he held him at gunpoint in the slightest, as he just laughed in amusement once more.
“Eager as always, aren’t you? Very well, I’ll humor you just so I can tell Prince Pern Icious that you perished like the good eggs he said you always were. Have at you!” Kommander Pulido then snarled at the Kongs before engaging them in a duel, slashing his rapiers at them while dashing back and forth across the arena that his personal abode formed for his showdown with the heroes. He would occasionally also fire off bolts from his pistols at them, while additionally use his rapiers to parry the ammunition the Kongs shot at him. The objective for this boss battle was for the heroes to slowly but surely deplete the Kommander’s health bar by repeatedly pumping lead from their firearms into him. Once Pulido’s health bar had been emptied halfway, the lion proceeded to lose his temper, with steam emitting from his cranium to emphasize his growing anger. During this second half of the fight against him, Pulido would stomp the ground of the arena, with the tremors this caused triggering traditional Spanish chandeliers to plummet down from the ceiling in an attempt to pulverize the primates. The lion would additionally attack the heroes more erratically during this second phase as a result of his outrage flaring up, but other than that, the second phase didn’t differ that much from the first, and as such, the Kongs managed to make short work of the first of Prince Pern Icious’ Kremling Kommander rather easily.
Upon defeating Segundo Armada Pulido, the Kongs proceeded to bail from the lion's airship, after which they proceeded to combine the might of their weapons to launch a bright orange ball of energy at the airship to destroy it. Afterward, the heroes returned to the palace, where the king of The Mediterranean Peninsula had been returned back into his actual self due to Segundo's defeat breaking the spell the lion had placed on him. The king of The Mediterranean Peninsula was a snow white furred anthropomorphic lynx with striking purple eyes wearing a black doublet with a matching bowtie and a white dress shirt, completing the outfit with a pair of white dress pants and a white bowler hat with a black ribbon tied around it. While the king's retainer silently rejoiced over the lynx monarch being restored to normal, the ruler himself addressed the Kongs with a kind smile.
"Bless my body and soul! I'm back to how I'm supposed to be once more! Thank you, noble Kongs! Allow me to express my earnest appreciation towards you by giving you this letter that Jockey Kong and Jocie Kong sent to my palace!" The Mediterranean Peninsula king beamed towards the Kongs before giving them the letter he was talking about. Diddy then read the letter from his granddad and mother out loud for the other Kongs to hear: "Hello there, Diddy! Your grandpappy here, letting ya know that all is well here on Donkey Kong Island since you and your girls and their cousins left on your latest adventure! My old man Cranky is still living up to his name as always, and your uncle Donkey is still nowhere to be seen, most likely out of shame after disgracing you with the Bananza Incident! Even so, I still think Donkey's doing well for himself out there in the world, wherever he may be! Anyway, that's all from me, 'cause your mother has a few things she'd like to say to you as well! Stay strong out there! - Jockey Kong"
"Dear sweet Didrick, I'm so proud of you having grown up to be so strong and independent during my absence, but you'll always be my little boy! I really enjoyed the last six months we've spent reconnecting with one another after you and your grandfather went out of your way to rescue me from King K. Rool, and I look forward to more of that reconnecting as soon as you, your girlfriend, sister-in-law and cousins-in-law return from this next adventure you've embarked on! I've included a little something with this letter to aid you all during your adventure! - Love, Jocie Kong" Diddy then proceeded to pull out a set of presents that were included with the letter, and upon opening these presents, the Kongs were each given a musical instrument, with Diddy receiving the electric guitar he previously used in Donkey Kong 64, Dixie receiving a pair of drum bongos akin to the ones Donkey Kong used in Donkey Kong 64, Tiny Kong receiving the alto saxophone she used in Donkey Kong 64, Kiddy receiving a xylophone similar to the one Mumbo Jumbo played in the opening cinematic for Banjo-Kazooie on Nintendo 64, and Chunky receiving the triangle he used in Donkey Kong 64. "Whoa! How mom managed to fit all of these with a single letter is beyond me, but it sure is helpful all the same! Bless her!" Diddy beamed as he tucked the letter away and held his electric guitar in his hands with an equally beaming smile.
"Well, we would love to stand about and chat it up a lot longer, Your Highness, but we have to make haste and head over to the next archipelago that the Kremlings have under their scaly thumb! Be sure to give Diddy's granddad and mother our gratitude for the letter they sent our way, yeah?" Dixie informed The Mediterranean Peninsula king before she and the rest of the Kongs went on their merry way once more, traveling towards the second island kingdom they would be visiting during their adventure; The Western Sands.
After about a day's worth of trotting between one kingdom and the next, the Kongs arrived at The Western Sands during the nighttime, after which they proceeded to enter the desert-esque landmass' first level; Awesome of Arabia. It was a fairly simple sand-coated desert level set at night, with a pyramid in the background. Out here, the Kongs had to face Kobbles and Re-Koils wearing keffiyehs and matching robes, alongside enemies native to the region, such as scorpion-like creatures named Kurly Killers, fire-breathing lion/sphinx beings similar to Gao from Super Mario Land referred to as Burntlahrs, and condor-like birds called Cody Corepeckers. "Whew, even at night, it's hot out here in these deserts! They sure make me appreciate living in the jungles/rainforests of Donkey Kong Island even more!" Dixie Kong remarked as she wiped the sweat off her forehead to keep it from dripping into her eyes before reaching for her Bubblegum Blowguns and using them to gun down the gallery of rogues who wished to pick a fight with her and her family members.
"That I couldn't have put myself better, Dixie. I mean, I'm adjusted to tropical climates just fine as a spidermonkey living on an island, but the dreadful heat of the desert is too much even for me. So let's chase the Kremlings out of this place as fast as we can so we won't have to linger around here for much longer." Diddy Kong suggested as he drew his Peanut Popguns to open fire on his adversaries in front of him. Tiny, Kiddy and Chunky began to follow Diddy and Dixie's lead, likewise drawing their weaponry and blasting the Kremlings and their comrades-in-arms to pieces with them.
"Boy, I'll say. You really need to be able to adjust to life in these hot, cracked and dry conditions to live life out in a desert like this. I'd never be able to get used to it myself, though." Tiny Kong gave her ten cents on the matter as she continued to pick off enemies with the precise aim of her Feather Bow while leaping her way through the sandy hills that the heroes currently found themselves wrapped up in.
"Whew...Kiddy no built for warmth the likes of this...!" Kiddy Kong admitted as he wiped his forehead clean of sweat while rolling and backflipping his way through the rugged desert roads he and his family were trying to save from the claws and jaws of the Kremling Krew.
"N-N-Neither am I, to be completely honest...! I-I-I might even be allergic to deserts...!" Chunky added onto his younger brother's statements regarding the desert climates the Kongs were currently traversing, shooting the living nighttime out of his adversaries with his Pineapple Launcher. Soon enough, the Kongs had arrived at the level exit and went straight through it, going to the second level of The Western Sands as they did so; Plainsong Pass.
As the name of the level suggested, it took place in a series of rocky mountaintops of The Western Sands that reintroduced Music Pads from Donkey Kong 64 that involved the Kongs using the instruments gifted to them by Jocie Kong to trigger certain events, such as opening up new passageways or finding certain items. "Mountain paths like these have always been tricky for us to cross, but we've never let that stop us, am I right, guys?" Dixie asked the other Kongs as they began to brave the unpredictable peaks, using their newly obtained instruments whenever they encountered Music Pads.
"You said it, Dixie! No half-baked heights are gonna make a monkey out of us, 'cause we already are monkeys! Hee-ha!" Diddy laughed at his intentionally bad joke, to which Dixie and Tiny rolled their eyes in response, but laughed anyway. Chunky and Kiddy also laughed at the spidermonkey's joke, and with their morale boosted, the heroes began to take on the array of enemies that these crags happened to hold, such as Krimps, which were Donkey Kong Country 3's equivalent to Klaptraps from Donkey Kong Country 1 and Klampons from Donkey Kong Country 2, Krumples, which were Donkey Kong Country 3's replacements for Krushas and Krunchas from the first two games in the SNES trilogy, and a few native enemies such as jackrabbit-looking baddies named Bluffs Bunnies, furry cow-like creatures inspired by the Bantha from the Star Wars franchise who were referred to as Bovinikers, and Veknoid-inspired monsters called Stern Striders who shot arrows at the Kongs using a crossbow. None of these hostile beings were able to stop the heroes from venturing to the other side of the mountain pass and through the level exit, respectively, allowing them to safely reach the third level of The Western Sands; Rayless Railroad.
This third level involved the Kongs having to run across the rooftop of a cargo train used by the Kremling Krew to supply their operations throughout The Western Sands. Like the previous two levels, this one too took place at night, and the primary opposing forces the Kongs had to face here were Kobbles, Krimps, Krumples, Cody Corepeckers, falcon-esque aviaries named Falconcords, and sparrow-like flying fiends known as Depp Drifters.
"Looks like we managed to catch the train just in time, you guys! Now let's keep up our streak of kicking Kremling butt, shall we?" Dixie suggested to her fellow Kongs as they began to venture over the train roof while shooting the Kremling Kreeps off of it with their guns, as well as blasting the bogey birds invading their airspace out of the sky.
"I-I-I hate walking across rooftops of moving vehicles...! T-T-There's 99.5% of a chance that I'll end up slipping and going tumbling...!" Chunky Kong admitted in a frightful tone of voice, his face radiating equal fear as he continued to slowly but surely follow the rest of his kin to the other side of the train while using his Pineapple Launcher to blast his opponents to pieces and using his triangle to trigger any events if a Music Pad happened to be present.
"Don't worry, Big Brother! Stay close to Kiddy, and you be alright!" Kiddy assured his older brother with a reassuring smile to boot, which Diddy, Dixie and Tiny couldn't help but find sweet of Kiddy to do, and Chunky likewise found it sweet, as his lips curled into a warm and genuine smile in response. "There you are! You really do be alright when you close to Kiddy!" Kiddy beamed upon seeing his older brother smile from his words of encouragement.
After that warm moment of Kong camaraderie, the heroes ventured further towards the train locomotive, which they proceeded to hijack off the Kobble machinist who happened to be driving it, then took the train off its scheduled route and towards the level exit, passing through it in the process and granting the Kongs access to the fourth level of The Western Sands; Pyramid Plowthrough.
This fourth level took place alongside the outskirts of a pyramid located near the royal palace of The Western Sands, hence the level's name. The level exit was located at the top of the pyramid, so the Kongs had to climb their way to the top in order to access the next level that was located on the inside of the pyramid, but Kobbles, Krimps, Krumples, Kurly Killers, Burntlahrs, and a new enemy that resembled a miniature camel named Drumble Darius wouldn't make it easy for the Kongs to accomplish their goal for this particular level. And to make things more difficult for our simian heroes, the sun had risen again by this point, making the daytime areas of The Western Sands even more intense in heat compared to the nighttime areas. "Welcome to the Tomb of Kong-Mumm-Ra, I guess?" Dixie quipped with uncertainty, the other Kongs looking just as puzzled in response.
"Let's just try and get to the top of this pyramid unscathed, shall we? We're already wasting our energy trying to survive the Kremlings' attempts to throw us off both figuratively and literally, all while the desert sun is trying to fry us alive. So not much room for talking on our way to the top." Diddy suggested to his Kong brethren, who hummed their agreement with that proposed approach as they began to silently but surely scale the pyramid while fighting it out against the Kremling Kreeps and their Terrorfirma Tuff Guys allies.
Braving the dangers laid out ahead of them in a timely manner, the heroes reached the level exit located at the top of the pyramid relatively easy, after which they quickly went through said exit, which ironically also served as the entrance to the interior of the pyramid, and as such, the fifth level of The Western Sands; Mausoleum Marauders. In here, the Kongs found themselves facing another array of Kobbles, Krimps and Krumples, as well as a mummified variant of Kobbles known as Kreepy Kobbles, and a variant of Kobbles inspired by the Atlanteans from Tomb Raider named Krustless Kobbles, who have gotten their name from having bodies void of skin similar to the crawler Atlanteans from Tomb Raider they were based on. "Yikes! Whoever happens to be the ruler of this island better have the entrance of this pyramid sealed up for the common traveler outside of wartimes like this, 'cause I'd hate for your average globetrotter to unsuspectingly stumble into this place and get devoured by these beasts that dwell down here!" Dixie remarked as she grimaced upon seeing the Kreepy Kobbles and the Krustless Kobbles before using her Bubblegum Blowguns to shoot the daylights out of them, the rest of the Kongs following this example by using their own firearms to take out all of these uncanny Kremlings.
"I'm pretty sure the island's ruler does just that outside of wartime, Dixie! But seeing as the place is under attack by whatever Kremling Kommander is in charge of calling the shots during their operations out here, I'm pretty sure said Kremling Kommander called for their men to break the seal on the pyramid in order to let their cronies wreak havoc down here inside of the pyramid!" Diddy informed his girlfriend as he did his best to prevent himself and the rest of his Kongs-in-arms from falling victim to these crocodilian monsters.
"Way to point out the obvious, Diddy! But we won't let the straightforward prevent us from laying a walloping on the Kremling Kommander that Prince Pern Icious had assigned to The Western Sands as well as the henchmen they happen to be in charge of!" Tiny Kong gave her thoughts on the banter between her older sister and brother-in-law while pelting her enemies with a full magazine of feathers from her trusty crossbow.
"C-C-Couldn't agree more, Tiny...N-N-Now let's go and put those words into practice...!" Chunky Kong chimed in his response to Tiny's earlier statement while quickly cocking his Pineapple Launcher and using it to shatter the undead Kremling force that happened to lumber all around the pyramid. Fighting their way through as quickly as they possibly could, the heroes arrived at the level exit, and hurried to get outside the pyramid, moving on to the sixth and last regular level of The Western Sands; Ominous Oasis.
As one could probably guess from the title of the level, it took place in a lush green oasis that practically functioned as the palace garden for the royal family that ruled over The Western Sands, and it was overrun by Kreepy Kobbles, Krustless Kobbles as well as shadowy malicious doppelgangers to the Kongs known as Korrupt Kongs. The goal for the heroes in this level was to clear it out of enemies in its entirety in order to gain access to The Western Sands' palace and challenge the Kremling Kommander who raided it and transformed the ruler living there into a non-sentient creature.
"Suffering strawberries! The whole palace garden is being ravaged by the Army of the Living Dead! We'll have to whip them out if we wanna get by and towards the palace, you guys!" Dixie exclaimed in shock as she assessed the situation in front of her and the other Kongs before drawing her Bubblegum Blowguns and beginning to open fire on the soulless servants of The Western Sands' Kremling Kommander, with Diddy, Tiny, Kiddy and Chunky following her lead and using their own firearms to blast these reanimated rogues back to the crypts where they came from. "I didn't take the Kremlings to be capable of necromancy in order to carry out their evil schemes!" Dixie Kong remarked as she continued to shoot at the haunted husks in front of them.
"If King K. Rool could throw all the madness he was able to get his claws on during the last adventure we had, then you can bet your nonexistent boots that Prince Pern Icious is able to pull similar significant favors while he's in charge of the Kremling Krew!" Diddy pointed out to his girlfriend while he laid down assisting fire on the malicious mausoleum dwellers they were under attack from.
"How do you think these Kremlings keep themselves in business after having been out of videogame villainy circulation for so many years, just like how we've been out of videogame heroics circulation for a similar stretch of time?" Tiny added onto Diddy's reasoning while also laying down support fire against the undead horde in the palace garden of The Western Sands' royal family.
"Good point, you guys! Well, we're doing a good job at cleaning up this necromancy-powered mess the Kremlings have made out here, so let's keep at it until the place is clean as a whistle!" Dixie agreed with Diddy and Tiny's explanations as she continued to pelt her opponents with chunks of bubblegum as the Kongs kept hard at work to wipe out the army of reanimated rabble-rousers invading the oasis.
"Kiddy no like undead men! Kiddy want to get firefight over with soon as possible!" Kiddy then chimed in his discomfort of the situation at hand as he submachine gunned his enemies back down to the underworld they came from. Chunky hummed his agreement with Kiddy's feelings in a frightened tone as he blasted the undead uglies to pieces with his Pineapple Launcher. "Sound like big brother no like undead men either! Kiddy really want to get firefight over with soon as possible now!" Kiddy then stated after noticing his brother's unsettled demeanor and upped the pressure he was applying to the armies of darkness.
Eventually though, after much fighting, shooting, reloading, and shooting some more, the Kongs successfully managed to defeat all of the enemies that had raided the oasis, and they took a moment to catch their breath afterward. "Ah, phew...Glad we finally got that taken care of..." Diddy blew a sigh of relief, with the other Kongs similarly exhaling their contentment and expressing their correspondence with that sentiment through a series of murmurs. "Well, let's head towards the palace now, since the ruler of the island needs saving just as much as the rest of the kingdoms that the Kremlings still have under their control." Diddy then suggested as the Kongs quickly went through the level exit, moving on to The Western Sands' boss level; Finicky Fennec.
Arriving at The Western Sands' palace, the Kongs entered the throne room to find that the queen of the island kingdom had been transformed into a dragonfly that fluttered back and forth helplessly above her throne. Her royal retainer, a black furred Helper Monkey-resembling simian, was in complete distress over the situation and saw the Kongs enter. "Horrible, horrible! Her Royal Highness has been turned into a non-sentient winged beast! Please, you must defeat the Kremling Kommander who did this to her in order to undo the spell placed on our queen so she may be restored to her old self!" The retainer pleaded to the Kongs, who nodded in understanding of the situation.
"Don't fret, fellow monkey. We will get your queen back to normal in nothing flat." Diddy assured the retainer before he and the other Kongs went after the airship of The Western Sands' appointed Kremling Kommander, boarding it the same way they boarded the previous airship; Through the anchor that was dangling over the side of the ship. Our heroes then proceeded to brave the dangers that this airship had to offer before they reached the personal chamber of the Kremling Kommander who helmed the airship; An anthropomorphic sand-yellow furred fennec fox with sky blue eyes wielding a cannon that fired live Krimps for ammunition, similar to the Klap-Blasters from the Donkey Kong Country television series and the portable Bullet Bill Blaster utilized by Roy Koopa during his boss fight in New Super Mario Bros. U. Said fennec fox was a female named Mash-Ki-Nada, and she was looking down at her fingernails with a bored expression radiating off her face before she glanced up at the Kongs, letting out an annoyed groan in the process.
"Never know when to quit, do you, you pesky plantain-devouring primates?" Mash-Ki-Nada snarked at the Kongs in an annoyed tone of voice that matched her demeanor, with the Kongs reaching for their guns with hostile glares as they kept their focus on the fennec warlady. "Well, compared to the last Kommander you faced, I'm not such a soft touch. You'll be waving the white flag by the time I'm done with you." The fennec then informed the Kongs with a fierce glare in her sky blue eyes.
"I doubt you'd be holding up well for yourself by the time the final bell rings, lady. So let's do this!" Tiny Kong informed Mash-Ki-Nada with a steely-eyed glare as she and the other Kongs opened fire on the fennec villainess, who retaliated with gunfire of her own, launching sharp-teethed Krimps from her cannon at the Kongs while front-flipping and back-flipping across the cabin of her airship occasionally. "Blimey, you're pretty acrobatic for a desert fox! Is that even legal?" Tiny asked Mash-Ki-Nada as she continued to pump Feather Bow lead into the furry warrior, with the other Kongs lending their own gunfire in assistance.
"Talk is cheap, you blithering baboons! Actions are much more packed in riches!" Mash-Ki-Nada simply responded as she continued to torpedo Krimps from her cannon at her chimpey challengers while somersaulting all over the airship cabin she resided in, all the while, the Kongs never ceased their barrage of cartoonish ammunition directed towards the fennec, which eventually resulted in her health bar being halfway depleted. As such, the fennec lost her temper, angrily stomping her feet in place as the boss battle with her entered its second phase. During this second phase, Mash-Ki-Nada summoned a pair of miniature clones of herself armed with combat shotguns to assist her in battle. These miniature clones couldn't be defeated by normal means, and only temporarily stunned, so two of the Kongs had to shift their attention towards keeping the clones stunned while the other three kept up their firefight against Mash-Ki-Nada herself. Additionally, Mash-Ki-Nada would occasionally throw a medium-sized Orange Grenade at the Kongs that would explode if they happened to come in contact with it during this second phase of the fight.
"Looks like we really struck a nerve in her, girls! Let's keep getting under her skin until we've gotten her taken care of!" Diddy suggested to Dixie and Tiny, who hummed their agreement as they continued to provide supporting fire to the male spidermonkey, while Kiddy and Chunky made sure that Mash-Ki-Nada's miniature replicas wouldn't bother them by keeping them stunned at all times. Eventually though, the fennec's health bar was fully depleted, rendering her out of combat, so the Kongs jumped ship before once again using the combined might of their weapons to launch a large sky blue energy ball at the airship to blow it up. The Kongs then proceeded to return to The Western Sands' palace to see the queen, who had by now been restored to her former self in the aftermath of Mash-Ki-Nada's defeat.
The queen of The Western Sands was a golden-scaled anthropomorphic gila monster with golden brown eyes and matching golden brown hair styled in a series of dreadlocks with multiple black beads decorating them. Her outfit consisted of a sleeveless silver chestplate with matching silver cuffs worn around her wrists, and a pair of silver-plated armor pants to complete the look. She smiled as she saw the Kongs enter the throne room, and her royal retainer quietly celebrated the situation as well. "I cannot thank you enough for saving me from the horrific predicament those nasty Kremlings put me in, kind simians. So hopefully this letter some of your brethren back home sent me will express more than words ever could." The queen told the Kongs as she handed Diddy another letter that Jockey and Jocie submitted to the palace of The Western Sands, which the male spidermonkey proceeded to read out loud for the rest of the Kongs to hear.
"Hello again, grandson! Word has reached Donkey Kong Island that you, your girls and their cousins freed The Mediterranean Peninsula from Kremling control! I had no doubt you kids had it in you to stand up to those rotten crocodiles by yourselves, and I'm glad that gut feeling proved to be right! Things back home are still peaceful, with no sign of trouble brewing on the horizon! Wherever you are in the world right now, I'm sure this letter manages to find you alive and well! Anyhoo, that's about all I got to say for the time being, so let's hear it from your dear old mama! - Jockey Kong"
"Dear sweet Didrick, I heard you, your girlfriend, sister-in-law, and cousins-in-law saved the King of The Mediterranean Peninsula from the cruel spell placed on him by the Kremling Krew! I'm so proud of you! Like your grandpa said, all is still well back home here on Donkey Kong Island - I'm spending my time drinking fresh springwater, picking wildflowers, and just wandering about the jungle that I was born and raised in...It seemed so dull and simple back when I was a restless youngster with nary a care, but now that I've grown to be the age that I'm at now, I'm beginning to appreciate the little things in life a lot more! I've included a couple of presents with this letter that might be helpful to you and the others while you're out exploring the world! - Love, Jocie Kong"
Unwrapping the presents that Jocie had included with the letter, Diddy and the others found that the presents were upgrades for their firearms, which increased the amount of ammo their firearms could store at any given time. "Wahoo! This was just what we needed! Mom really is a dear!" Diddy cheered happily, clapping his hands above his head for emphasis, the other Kongs similarly rejoicing over this enhancement for their weapons. "Thanks a banana-billion for giving us this letter, Your Majesty, and be sure to give my mother our thanks as well if you happen to send a response back home to Donkey Kong Island!" Diddy then thanked the Queen of The Western Sands, who smiled and nodded in response.
"I'll make sure of that, noble Didrick. Now go forth and liberate the other kingdoms of the Kremlings' occupation, I'm sure they would be just as grateful for the service as I am." The Queen of the Western Sands informed Diddy, who nodded in understanding before he and the other Kongs began to travel towards the third kingdom they would be visiting over the course of their adventure; The Rainforest Municipal.
As the name of the kingdom seemed to suggest, it was largely composed of lush rainforests and plenty of clear blue bodies of water spread across. The Kongs looked around in awe as they arrived at this vegetated stretch of land, making their way over to the first level that it happened to hold; Cheetahitor's Chase. It was a relatively simple forest/jungle themed stage, with the exception of one catch; The Kongs were chased by a feisty non-sentient cheetah named Cheetahitor throughout said stage. Our monkey heroes yelped in fright as they saw Cheetahitor snarl at them before making a dash for it, with the hostile predatory cat giving chase immediately afterward.
"GAH! Jumping jackfruits! This isn't exactly the warm welcome I was hoping for from a lush rainforest paradise such as this, I'll admit that much!" Dixie Kong shrieked in fear as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her, using her Bubblegum Blowguns to gun down any of the Kremling Kreeps and their local brothers-in-arms that happened to get in the Kongs' way in order to stay one step ahead of Cheetahitor at all times.
"My sentiments exactly, Dixie! But perhaps it'd be a better idea to spare our breath for trying to outrun that big bad cat rather than musing out loud about doing so!" Diddy Kong pointed out in an utterly horrified tone of voice as he began to follow his girlfriend's example by using his Peanut Popgun to shoot down Kremlings and generic goons to prevent them from the slowing the Kongs down and risking them getting caught by Cheetahitor in the process.
"Couldn't agree more, Diddy! So let's keep at it!" Tiny Kong agreed with her brother-in-law's idea before going quiet and lobbed projectiles from her Feather Bow at the oncoming array of Kremlings and other enemies that happened to dwell in the rainforests, continuing to run for her life the entire time. Kiddy and Chunky let out a series of realistic monkey shrieks of terror as they too used their firearms to get rid of the baddies blocking the way, being just as frightened as the rest of the Kongs were about the situation.
Eventually though, the heroes managed to rush through a wooden gate with a lever situated on the wall next to it, so Chunky Kong quickly pulled said lever, which caused a metal-barred gate door to come down and slam over Cheetahitor's head and front paws, trapping the feisty feline and rendering it unable to move. The Kongs then proceeded to sit down as they tried to get some air into their lungs after such a feat. Cheetahitor snarled angrily at them, with Kiddy blowing a raspberry at the cheetah in response as a means of taunting its current predicament. "Alright, now that we've gotten that situation diffused, let's get the heck outta here." Diddy suggested as soon as the Kongs had caught their breath, after which they quickly took the level exit, heading over to The Rainforest Municipal's second level; Trunk & Twist Trail.
This second level of The Rainforest Municipal involved the Kongs traveling up a large tree by traversing the spiraling staircase formed out of a tree trunk running along the side of the large tree, hence the name of the level. Along the way, they had to fight Kobbles, Krimps, Krumples, and a handful of enemies native to the region such as toucans that launched coconuts out of their beaks named Nacuots, a non-Kong based species of gorilla named Furrius Chuckeritius that attacked by hurling Orange Grenades at the heroes, and bipedal ibex archers with a black and white striped color scheme named Gungoats who fired off poisonous arrows that could harm the Kongs if they happened to be struck by them.
"You guys ever heard of the phrase that one wouldn't want to be near a person they despised if the world were flooded with urine and the despised person lived in a tree? Well, that phrase is coming to mind for me right now as we're making our way up this particular tree." Dixie Kong pointed out to the other Kongs as they battled their way to the top of the tree, to which the other Kongs hummed their agreement.
"Yeah, I did hear of that phrase once from watching romantic comedies with Donkey and Candy Kong back in the day. Such expressions do tend to come to mind when you happen to find yourself in situations related to them." Diddy Kong chimed his response to Dixie's musings while using his electric guitar to trigger events to help the Kongs anytime a Music Pad happened to be present on the way to the top.
"On the topic of tree-related idioms, I also can't help but think of barking up the wrong tree. Can't say I ever experienced the meaning of that particular idiom firsthand, though...Can't say I ever saw it happen in a literal sense either. But it does provide interesting food for thought, if you ask me." Tiny Kong mused out loud as the heroes continued to discuss expressions relating to trees as they fought their way up the spiraling staircase.
"I-I-It most certainly does...Y-Y-You also got the idiom about the apple not falling far from the tree, which I also don't recall ever being highlighted in a literal sense...B-B-But it would sure be interesting if it did ever end up happening, right...?" Chunky Kong also gave his ten cents on the topic of discussion amongst the other Kongs, who hummed their agreement with Chunky's statement in a positive manner in response.
"Well, whatever the case, I think we should also worry about getting up this tree if we are to advance further into the rainforests and reach the palace so we can change back the kingdom's ruler to their original self from whatever non-sentient critter those Kremling cretins transformed them into." Dixie Kong then concluded as the heroes resumed their journey through the treetops in a consistent manner.
Not too long of a time afterward, the Kongs successfully completed the second level of The Rainforest Municipal, and proceeded to move on to the third; Sawmill Citadel. As the name of the level suggested, it took place inside of a sawmill used by the Kremling Krew to supply wood from the rainforests in order to provide necessary materials for their operations. Kobbles, Krimps, Krumples, and Gnawties wearing hard hats, safety goggles and safety vests were the heroes' primary adversaries throughout this third level.
"It wouldn't be a Kremling Krew operation without any crimes against nature, wouldn't it?" Dixie Kong dryly remarked with a look of disgust on her face as she began to roundhouse kick the daylights out of her opponents in order to take them out, with Diddy and Tiny following her lead, while Chunky and Kiddy simply used their firearms to get the job done.
"It most certainly wouldn't, but it's still infuriating to us nature loving monkeys all the same." Diddy expressed similar disgust towards the Kremlings' unnecessary rainforest cutting practices as he treated his enemies to his Jumping Kicks of Fury, with Kremling after Kremling lying vanquished on the ground in the process.
"Well, no matter what damage the Kremlings may do to the flora and fauna of this world, we'll be there to undo that damage as a service to Mother Nature. It's the least we can do for her since she's got so much work on hands to let the flora and fauna naturally heal over time after those dirty crocs wrecked it all." Tiny Kong chimed in her thoughts on the subject matter as she knocked out multiple Kremlings with a well timed series of high kicks to the head as a means of punishing the evildoers for their schemes.
"Kremling meanies no good for nature, so Kiddy make sure to make Kremling meanies pay for that." Kiddy also voiced his thoughts about the matter with a determined glare and scowl resting on his face, gunning down Kremling infantry with his submachine gun in the process. Chunky once again hummed his agreement with his little brother's sentiments as he launched pineapples from his wooden bazooka of the same name in order to take out his adversaries and let them repent and suffer for their ecological terrorism.
"A-A-Anyone who isn't a friend to nature isn't a friend to me...S-S-So if you lay an unkind finger on nature, I-I-I'll do you the same favor, only ten times more painful...!" Chunky also voiced his opinion on the subject matter at hand as the Kongs continued to clear out the sawmill of the Kremling infantry so that they could shut the sawmill down as soon as they had taken out all the Kremling staff on site.
Before long though, the Kongs managed to wipe out all of the sawmill personnel, allowing them to shut down the operations of the place without any resistance. They rejoiced in being able to foil another eco-terrorist plot from the Kremling Krew before proceeding to move on towards the fourth level of The Rainforest Municipal; Lurchin's Lagoon. It was an underwater stage where the namesake, Lurchin, was the most prominent enemy, and as such, the Kongs required the assistance of Enguarde the Swordfish in order to make it through the hazardous waters they found themselves swimming through.
"Oh, brother. Those Lurchin losers have decided to make themselves known to the world once more after Kiddy and I fought them years ago in the Northern Kremisphere. Good thing we've got Enguarde to make short work of those suckers with his sharp bill." Dixie remarked as she assessed the situation while Enguarde got to work on skewering the Lurchins.
"Seems like a lifetime ago since Donkey and I went exploring out there and got ourselves caught by King K. Rool and used as live batteries for his puppet leader, KAOS. I still owe you and Kiddy big time for saving my butt back there." Diddy smiled towards Dixie as he reminisced about the last time the Kongs visited the Northern Kremisphere.
"I vaguely remember being out in the Northern Kremisphere myself during the Game Boy Advance remake of your adventures up there. I also vaguely remember Chunky being there as well, weren't you, Chunky?" Tiny asked her older cousin curiously on the topic of the events of Donkey Kong Country 3. Chunky hummed affirmatively in response.
"Y-Y-Yeah, I vaguely recall being there too as part of some sort of protection assignment for Funky's Rentals...I-I-I believe that was also the last time I ever starred in a videogame, or any Donkey Kong related material at all until I finally reappeared in The Super Mario Bros Movie in 2023..." Chunky Kong informed Tiny in regards to her assumptions about being present in the Game Boy Advance remake of Donkey Kong Country 3 alongside her.
"So all in all, our escapades in the Northern Kremisphere bring back memories for all of us one way or another." Diddy giggled as he and the other Kongs continued to watch Enguarde shashlick all the Lurchins that infested the lagoon the heroes were currently swimming through. Once the Swordfish had cleared out all the prickly pests, the protagonistic primate posse was free to move on towards the exit without little resistance. Thanking Enguarde for his assistance once more, the Kongs then proceeded to take the exit before moving on to the fifth level of The Rainforest Municipal; Klipper Kalamity. This rainforest stage introduced a new type of Kremling named Klipper, who were tiny Kremlings armed with double-barreled shotguns who would shoot at the Kongs while hiding inside shooter's nests made out of sticks, and as such, these enemies were the level's namesake.
"Say what you want about those Kremlings, but they sure upped their gun game while they were hiding away in the chambers of obscurity, biding their time to commence their uprising." Dixie couldn't help but give the Kremling Krew credit where it was due for sharpening their gunslinging abilities while they were gone from the Donkey Kong franchise.
"Couldn't agree more, Dixie. They really picked up a thing or two from my primary moveset I've been practicing since DK64. Which could both work in our favor, or against us, depending on how those Kremlings utilize their own marksmanship." Diddy replied to his girlfriend with a nod of agreement to emphasize his sentiment. "But I'm afraid we're running out of time here, so we're gonna have to call it quits for the time being. So if there's anyone left reading, we'll see you next time on Diddy Kong Country 2: A Fistful Of Peanuts!" Diddy then broke the fourth wall, addressing the readers and bidding them farewell with a parting wave and a smile, with the other Kongs joining him in doing so.
And that concludes the opening chapter of the second entry in the Diddy Kong Country saga! When I first got around to writing this, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do in terms of a storyline, until I settled on blending a classic Donkey Kong Country game with the storyline of Super Mario Bros. 3, with Diddy, Dixie and Tiny Kong setting out with Kiddy and Chunky Kong in tow to free various island kingdoms from the evil forces of the Kremling Krew, who are currently led by a de facto leader named Prince Pern Icious, since King K. Rool is still held prisoner by Kaptain Skurvy and his men after the events of the previous Diddy Kong Country story. Anyway, I don't have a whole lot else to say here, except that I hope you enjoyed this opening chapter of Diddy Kong Country 2, and I hope to see you again next month as we delve into Part 2!
Random Video Analysis
Written by: Sparks (talk)
Additional Contributions by: Boo1268
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| Video by: | Angry Birds |
| Publish date: | July 20, 2011 |
| Views: | 78,296,780 (as of July 9, 2026) |
| Likes: | 152,041 (as of July 9, 2026) |
| Type: | Kids, animation |
In the summertime, popular activities include going to the beach/amusement park, sitting in an air-conditioned room playing video games with your friends/family and just enjoying the break from school. Sadly, picnics aren't as common as they used to be, but they're still going strong in the 2020s. In fact, July's Random Video Analysis is picnic-themed!
So what video will I be looking at for Issue 232? My good friend Boo1268 returns with another video suggestion - Angry Birds Presents - Summer Pignic! Last October I analyzed Trick or Tweet, another Angry Birds short from the golden age of Rovio. Summer Pignic goes further back to 2011 when the games were just growing strong and the character designs weren't finalized yet. Let's see what it's about!
Do you have a video you feel is special? Feel free to recommend it to me in this thread. Be sure to read the rules before posting, and note that I prioritize those who haven't had a chance to submit yet! I'll even let you add your own thoughts on it at the end! Be aware that sometimes I want to choose my own videos, so recommendations won't always be available.
What's it about?
The Birds (consisting of Red, Chuck, Matilda, Bomb, and Jim) are going off against the pesky Pigs, who have stolen the three eggs. They've taken refuge inside a large sturdy structure where they are protected by the Birds' attacks. One of the Piggies happens to be King Pig, who's preparing to cook the eggs and licks one of them to taint the Birds. Despite their struggles, the Birds refuse to give up and keep attacking by launching themselves with the slingshot. Red watches the Pigs from the plateau as the others continue their assault.
Suddenly, the green bird (named Hal) arrives and wishes to help out, but he accidentally nudges the slingshot as Matilda prepares to launch, causing her to fly off-course and explode in the distance. Red reprimands Hal for his error, causing the green bird to leave the scene in disappointment. Red readjusts the slingshot and the Birds begin attacking rapidly, though they are no match for stone. King Pig laughs as the Birds are now bruised and dazed. They can't use the slingshot like this, so what do they do now?!
Hal returns to find the Birds in bad shape, but more importantly, he can finally use the slingshot! Hal launches himself WAY over the Pigs' fortress, causing King Pig to laugh in a mocking way. Before Hal can land, he propels himself backwards like a boomerang, allowing him to dodge attacking Piggies and snatch the eggs from King Pig before he bites them, causing the King to break his teeth in a cartoony way. Hal also manages to hit the wooden weak point of the structure, causing the whole thing to collapse on King Pig. The other Birds, having regained consciousness, find Hal returning all three eggs to the nest. To celebrate their newest member of the flock, Jim places three gold stars on Hal, but the green bird falls over while doing a victory dance. Before the screen fully fades to black, Hal gives a wink towards the screen, breaking the fourth wall.
Interesting observations
- This video was made to promote both Hal and the "Summer Pignic" episode of Angry Birds Seasons.
- Before the animation starts, the Rovio logo is presented in the style of a very old Looney Tunes cartoon episode.
- The frying pan's shadow in the title card looks like a pot on the ground. That may symbolize another egg cooking method!
- King Pig wears an explorer hat and Pig-themed sandals, despite not having feet. The cookbook he's reading actually does exist - Angry Birds: Bad Piggies' Egg Recipes!
- There are initially four Pigs in the structure, but one gets popped from Bomb exploding. One mysteriously vanished when Hal launches himself, and one is in front of the structure. King Pig wasn't safe in the end.
- In the games, Matilda's ability involves her dropping an explosive egg and flying upward, not blowing up.
- Despite exploding off in the distance, Matilda is shown fully intact the very next scene as one of the Birds attacking the structure.
- When Hal returns the eggs to the nest, the Birds' cheering from clearing a level in Angry Birds is heard.
- Jim giving three gold stars to Hal likely references getting three stars in a level. Hal got a new high score!
Gallery
Angry Birds in: "Summer Pignic"
Maybe don't climb up the slingshot while a Bird prepares to launch...
"I get to use the slingshot! This is the best day of my life!!"
Don't underestimate Hal!
No, he's not going to eat a pig.
Losing your teeth is the least of your worries.
Who says you need feet to dance?
Notes by Boo1268
This is one of many classic videos made by Rovio to promote an update to Angry Birds seasons, a video that much like many other trailers such as Trick or Tweet, Meet the Pink Bird, and Year of the Dragon showcases a bygone area of Rovio that just isn't emulated anymore, an era where presentation, good simple stories and staying to the source material really shined! As such, it will always be emulated in these videos, each trailer tells a fun entertaining and unique story that never gets old to watch and always gives me goosebumps each time I see it. Sure, it may be the case where it's just the nostalgia talking, but every time I hear the crescendo of the Angry Birds theme as Hal the green bird saves the day always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. They truly don't make these stories or animations like they used to. What also interests me is that they had this storytelling ability very early on, with the designs showcased here being the very early designs of MANY of the classic Angry Birds, especially the blues which are the most jarring. Overall a very fun entertaining short story that always makes me year of the classic era of Rovio! Also Hal was one of the coolest birds for a while, however much like in the story he keeps being overshadowed by others which stinks! Give my man Hal his time in the spotlight!
| The 'Shroom: Issue 232 | |
|---|---|
| Staff sections | Staff Notes • The 'Shroom Spotlight • Poochy's Picks • Credits |
| Features | Fake News • Fun Stuff • Palette Swap • Pipe Plaza • Critic Corner • Strategy Wing |
