The 'Shroom:Issue 101/Fake News
Welcome back to the Fake News, which is apparently still your favourite sub-team, according to the 'Shroom Awards. Like, seriously, thanks a lot for that. How many years has it been in a row now? Who knows? Either way, thanks a lot. I couldn't have done it without everyone I mentioned in that list I made in the last issue. I'm not making another list. That one took me ages and I forgot about half of the people who wrote for me in that actual issue. Sorry guys. :(
Also, thanks for Favourite Core Staff as well! Good to see you're not all tired of me yet.
Speaking of Issue 100, the hype around it has brought a few staff changes! We're happy to welcome Banjonator1 (talk) as the writer of the Hot Records section, and also NEXandGBX (talk), who will be writing the Monthly Inquisition! Congratulations to both!
Section of the Month
I mean, he's called "Banjo", he must have something to do with music.
Nex and Yoshi have a serious chat, and nothing at all goes wrong.
Toadbert's selling Awards tickets...about a week after the Awards.
Hey, thanks for submitting your responses! I did have to omit some, for various reasons. But thanks anyway.
Now, uh, first of all, Shoey did mention a prize for winning the Mad Libs contest, but that was a bit of a mistake. Considering that responses were entered anonymously, giving away a prize would be pretty much impossible. So, uh, sorry if you only entered because you wanted to win or something.
Either way, you can now vote on which of the submissions you like the most. Use this form below:
Keep an eye out for the results in next month's issue!
Also, if you need to read the whole thing again, here it is:
[CHARACTER] ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED BANK ROBBERY!
In a scene described by eyewitnesses as [ADJECTIVE], [CHARACTER] was arrested yesterday for attempting to rob the local [LOCATION] bank. [He/she] was armed with a[n] [ITEM], and tried to get away in [his/her] [VEHICLE]. Unfortunately for [him/her], [CHARACTER] managed to collide with a[n] [ITEM] and flew off the road.
[He/she] later managed to [VERB] away from the wreckage and into the nearby [LOCATION 2]. [He/she] would have got away with it, had it not been for [CHARACTER 2], who managed to stop [CHARACTER] by [VERB ENDING IN -ING] [him/her]. The police later arrived and [VERB ENDING IN -ED] [him/her].
This is not the first time [CHARACTER] has been in trouble with the law: only last year, [he/she] was arrested for [ACTION].
[CHARACTER]'s lawyers, upon being asked for a statement, said: "[BLANK]"
[CHARACTER 2], who stopped [CHARACTER], stated "I'm not a hero, I'm just a [NOUN]."
A [SPECIES], who was at the bank when the robbery happened, said "I found the whole experience [ADJECTIVE]."
[CHARACTER 3], who was in charge of the police investigation, said: "Fame can get to your head. Just look at what happened to [CHARACTER 4]. I still can't believe [he/she] [VERB ENDING IN -ED] that [NOUN]."
Summer is a ripe season for deaths, and sadly it has claimed its third victim this month: Hoot. Yes, the loveable owl couldn't cope with how it remained lighter for longer and he unfortunately died due to a lack of sleep, why this hadn't happened to him years ago is still bothering many leading biologists.
Hoot was well-known to many of the drunken inhabitants of Whomp Fortress as he was the only night taxi service that operated in that painting, he was also the only taxi service that operated during the day if people disturbed his sleep, the coroner believes that this may have also been one of the causes of his lack of sleep. However, reports of Hoot being careless with his passengers had surfaced, many residents complained that he simply let go of them if their journey took a longer amount of time, and yet he would still charge them
Hoot's funeral was unfortunately not well attended, mainly because the citizens felt the journey was too far and they weren't able to call a cab. However, some obituary writers could, and did, and enjoyed the free beverages.
Greetings, fellow music aficionados! My name is Banjo(nator1), and I am taking up the lofty position of this magazine's music critic. Hopefully this leads to a long and healthy relationship of me actually GETTING PAID to impress my opinions on you! After all, as long as you don't forget (a) that I am a benevolent appraiser of the arts and totally not a corporate bigwig sent to influence your purchasing decisions and (b) that YOU NEED ME this should all work out quite pleasantly.
Our first order of business is the debut, self-titled EP by Suburban Goomba. I tell you what, if we're judging this book by cover and nothing else, I have feeling that this could be AOTY every year. If the finest fair-use images that Wikimedia and Google Search can provide aren't a good sign, I don't know what is. Let's go ahead and check out the track listing.
This is one of those hip-hop things I think; I'm not really on the up-and-up on what it's supposed to sound like but Mr. Suburban Goomba sounds pretty angry at no one in particular and lemme tell ya I can associate with that. In the opener, Sub-G (yes I came up with that myself and I expect a percentage of royalties from Sub-G's label) starts rattling off the assorted treasures he's acquired from being the "most hustlin' middle-aged Goomba eva'". The only real track of note is the incredibly powerful spoken word, "Princess Peach Doesn't Care About Brown People". The seven minutes of intense social commentary on the ingrained bigotry of Peach's Kingdom brought this humble critic to tears. This track alone makes this record a must buy. It is available on CD, digital download, and 8-track.
Good day, readers! I am NEXandGBX, although people just call me Nex. Welcome to the first issue of the Monthly Inquisition! In this section, I will be interviewing various characters from the Mario series. Maybe we could get the inside scoop of a hot topic in the Mushroom Kingdom, or maybe we could learn how some of the things work around this world. We never know exactly what will happen, and that could lead to some exciting interviews! Today, we have a very popular character to talk to. Hailing from the game Super Mario World, this fellow is well known for his bottomless stomach. He has made man appearances since then, including every Mario Kart game, the Super Smash Bros. series, and even his own sub-franchise. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas! Or as he's better known, Yoshi!
Yoshi walks onto the stage and sits down in a chair.
Nex: By the way, just to note, we do have translations at the ready. While Yoshi will actually only say "Yoshi" and things like that, the "subtitles" will be in English. So anyways, on with the show! So Yoshi, tell me a little about yourself.
Yoshi: I've been a good friend of Mario's ever since he was just a wee baby. And oh boy, did he cry a lot back then...
Nex: Well, looks like we've got a topic to speak about whenever we interview Jumpman himself!
Yoshi: Hey, don't talk that way about Mario!
Yoshi eats Nex and pops him out as an egg. He hatches a few seconds later.
Nex: Yow, take it easy! I didn't mean any offense. Say, speaking of you eating, what all can you do?
Yoshi: I can do quite a lot. Egg sniping, sports, even staying in the air for a good while by flutter jumping.
Nex: Ah, that's neat! Could you demonstrate the egg sniping for me?
Yoshi: Sure thing!
Yoshi begins aiming an egg that he brought with him on-stage.
Nex: Oh, but I would most certainly prefer it if you didn't-
Yoshi hurls the egg at Nex's face.
Nex: ...aim it at me.
Nex: So Yoshi, how do you spend your time nowadays?
Yoshi: I still do many of the things I did in the past: Sports, adventure, the works.
Nex: One last question; How do you feel about the fact that Mario often dumps you into pits to get a second jump?
Yoshi: Well, I don't mind it.
Nex: Wait, really?
Yoshi: Yeah! I just turn into an egg a bit of the way through, and then patiently wait for Mario to get me again, be it from a block or an egg out in the open.
Nex: Wow, I never knew that's how that worked... Anyways, that's all the time we have for our interview today! Have you enjoyed your time here, Yoshi?
Yoshi: I sure have! The best part was when I ate you! Ehehehe!
Nex: Ahahahah... Anyways, for those of you in the audience, remember to keep cool!
Nex and Yoshi both leave the stage.
Who will be interviewed next? What things will we find out about the character? Will Nex ever catch a break? Find out on the next issue!