The 'Shroom:Issue XII/Fake News

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Fake News

Fake News Team
The Fake News Team! Overworked and underpaid, but always bringing you the news!

Poll of the Month

Poll: Which Koopaling is your favorite?
Eat Bean Fruits! (Known to cause cancer in laboratory Monty Moles.)
  1. Ludwig von Koopa
  2. Lemmy Koopa
  3. Roy Koopa
  4. Iggy Koopa
  5. Wendy O. Koopa
  6. Morton Koopa Jr.
  7. Larry Koopa
  8. Bowser Jr.
  9. None

Vote now!

Updated Info

Mario Kart Wii Update

  • The new racetrack Angel Island will appear; the players will race through the setting of Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Annoying badniks will appear on the track, attempting to topple the karts. Some badniks may attempt to pounce upon the kart and steal items, as well.
  • True to the form of the Mario Kart Arade GP and Super Smash Bros. series, third-party characters will appear. Sonic the Hedgehog, Miles "Tail" Prower, Knuckles the Enchineda, and Silver the Hedgehog will appear as playable characters. Oh, and that Biolizard dude will appear, too, in his own kart. It's approximately the size of Rhode Island.
  • Solid Snake will also appear, with his own stage, which takes place on top of aMetal Gear robot. I know it sounds weird, but it's awesome.
  • A Moogle will appear, too. Rumor has it that it can control karma, making holes open in the track.

The World has Ended!

Yes indeed! The Apocalypse has come in all of its world-ending glory, leaving us to totter in the afterlife! A stray Toad, wearing sandals, was seen walking about the corridors of the Mushroom Castle, carrying a sign inscripted with "THE WORLD ENDS WHEN SUPER MARIO GALAXY COMES OUT". And it did indeed! After Bowser' huge orbital sun collapsed upon itself, the entire universe was sucked into a black hole. While swirling about in the dust and gloom, we came upon Mario, who screamed "It's-a mee meee mee meeee meeeeeee..." as he was sucked into the inky darkness.

Some random Toads sucked into the maelstrom along with us, the Fake News Dig-Up-Dirt-Team, the people writing this, were interviewed. Many of these Toads thought that the universe was simply going through a "re-creation" stage, and all would be well once the happy little singing stars plugged the hole. (The fact that everything happened the way they said it would carries no weight here.) Some simply screamed, like this young fellow:

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" - Random Toad Swirling in the Black Hole

Come to think of it, that little Toad had pretty long ears... and a belly button... and a plunger... But all that is behind us. Now we can live happily in this beautiful paradise created for us in the afterlife. Wait, this just handed to us! This is the "re-creation" those Toads talked about! We aren't dead! Hurrah! Oh, this also just handed to us... we're fired... *sigh*...

Local News

Disappearing Wikians

PLUMs. Missing in inaction.
In the local news, respected (citation needed) wikians Xzelion, Uniju and Plumber have retired from active duty. Plumber attributes retirement to certain somewhat annoying users, Uniju to the fact that the Wiki now carries information on the Smash Bros. series, and Xzelion to a lack of interest in the Wiki in general. Reliable sources say that Plumber will still be sighted in the foreseeable future, that Xzelion still be hanging in the background, and that Uniju is a bonehead. Check back next month for updates!

'Crat Rise

After the abovementioned retirement of Xzelion, two new bureacrats have been promoted. Young RAP, known for his tireless work organizing Wiki pictures and for his extremely large pet dragon (yes, DRAGON) has been given this honor, as well as the very active editor Cobold! Congratulate them! Now! Or else!


Cheese is good. Check back next month for updates.

And that's all the dirt our overworked reporters have dug up! See you next month!


Xludi: Hi, howdy and welcome to the Interview!

Wario: Yeah, where is the reward?

Xluidi: What reward? Well, whatever, first question: What do you like most?

Wario: Money.

Xluidi: Anything else?

Wario: Getting more money.

Wario shows off his manly muscle.
Xluidi: How many money do you have?

Wario: More than you'll ever get.

Xluidi: What person is the one you hate most?

Wario: Waluigi.

Xluidi: Why?

Wario: Because he ticks me off, he believes he's my brother.

Xluidi: Why do you hate Mario so much?

Wario: Because he gets more games than me!

Xluidi: And Nintendo don't want you with Mario because?

Wario: It's because..


Wario: How come this guy got an Army and not me!?

Bowser: Because you're just a chubby ugly tub of blubber.

Wario: What'd you call me!?

*Bowser lost 10,000 HP!*


Wario: That made Dry Bowser.

Xluidi: Ooooh... Well, that's all; thanks for watching!


Koopley (1960-2008)

Koopley, giving one last smile.

Koopley, a pacifistic Koopa living in serene Petalburg, died last week of what appears to be starvation. Locals say that Koopley got in an argument (‘’pacifistic?’’) with his son (Koops, 15) over who was taller. “Dad said he was taller ‘cause his eyebrows were bigger than mine,” Koops said to reporters. “He said that he was gonna go to the only place he could call home.” After a long and depressing interview with Koops, reporters discovered that Koopley went back to live in Hooktail’s belly. Because Hooktail was dead, there was no food supply coming in regularly for Koopley. Apparently, Koopley could not escape Hooktail’s stomach and soon thereafter died of starvation.

Don Pianta (1948-2008)

The sprite of Don Pianta from the game Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.
Da Boss one week before his tragic death.

Don Pianta was whacked last night after being made an offer he couldn’t refuse. “Da Boss was killed last night.” Frankie said last night. “Uh, we’re gonna make da peoples pay for what dey did to ‘im.” But when Frankie was asked for his opinion on Pianta’s death, he responded, “Quit askin’ me all da questions, or youze is gonna get whacked too! … I mean, if you pry too much inta da mob’s business, ya neva know what’ll happen.” Pianta’s bodyguard, Rocky told reporters, “I tink Frankie did it. He was askin’ da Boss about the secret family lasagna sauce, but da Boss didn’t tell ‘im about it so I tink Frankie did it.” Whether or not Frankie did do it is a mystery.

Mushroom (Huh?)

Artwork of a Mushroom from New Super Mario Bros., also reused for the Mushroom in Mario Kart Wii
A picture of the unnamed mushroom (we hope).

Last Tuesday, an unnamed mushroom died of a fungal infection. Ladida Plains General M.D.s did nothing for the poor mushroom. “It’s just a mushroom,” one M.D. said, “and is it so surprising for a fungus to die from a fungal infection?” Reporters asked, “Was it the work of a poison 'shroom?” The M.D. responded, “No! Mushrooms are a fungus! Get over it!” He then said, “Nurse, bring me a frying pan! I’m having a fried ‘shroom for dinner!”

Fake TV

Yoshi's Attack

A new television series based on a true story, created by Wayoshi in order to bring attention to the wicked acts of Yoshis. Purple Yoshi, armed with a magic paint brush given to her by Professor E. Gadd, took control of Yoshi's Island and now is acting like a maniacal moron. So Raphael the Raven and Hookbill the Koopa, two incredibly neglected guardians of the Yoshi's Island castle, set out on a life-changing mission to kill Purple Yoshi and save the island. Hookbill the Koopa, who is now filming a new movie, Paper Koopa (2009), was interviewed about his role in the show; "I'm very glad to have been able to bring attention to the serious problem of maniacal Yoshis. We enemies of SMW2 have been highly neglected over the past two years, and now that I have been discovered as a great actor I'm filming my first movie, which I will be paid a lot of money for." Purple Yoshi has launched a campaign to take this show off the air, but it failed miserably. The show is currently airing on MTM (Mega Television Maniac).

The Old and the Restless

The Old and the Restless, a new spin-off of the popular Mario Wiki Adventures television series, aired last Friday to much fanfare. The stars of the show, Cranky Kong, Professor E. Gadd, and Xzelion, pose as three retired old hags who were previously stars of their own television shows. During the events of Seasone One, the trio reminisce over old times and they were all having big adventures. Professor Frankly even co-starred in episode 3, as one of Professor E. Gadd’s old college roomates. Xzelion was briefly interviewed on this matter, but the Mushroom Hospital for the Criminally Insane asked us to keep this interview strictly confidential.

All of Season One has already been filmed, but Xzelion will not appear in Season Two due to a heart attack. Instead Plumber, another retired user of the MWA, will be taking his place in the next season. That’s all the information we have now, but be sure to watch the Old and the Restless, weekdays at 3!

Travel Guide to Lavalava Island

Welcome to the beautiful little spit of land known as Lavalava Island! This wonderful rain forest biome is only accesible by riding on the back of a large blue whale. Reserve a spot by the blowhole now! After landing at the beach, it's a long, long trek to see the volcano crater, but the view well repays the long, tiring, buggy, hot, sticky, humid, dangerous hike up the mountain. Intrepid explorerers can take their chances attempting to climb down the crater, down into the hot, murky, extremely dangerous magma down below. Why? To carve "Kilroy Was Here" on the crater wall, of course! Be careful of the Lava Piranha down below, though. Many an explorer has lost their life to her flaming glory.

If hiking up treacherous slopes is not your thing, why not take a hike into the ubiquitous wilderness surrounding the belching summit? Meet the Ravens, led by their brave, herioc leader, Raphael! (Please disregard the fact that he repeatedly attempted to kill Baby Mario forty years ago). Hike into the woods to find many hidden treasures!* Can you find the legendary Lost Stone of the Chomps?** Or just take a hike into scenic Yoshi Village! Stay at the world (in)famous Yoshi Jungle Hotel! Share the room with intelligent cockroaches! Have a tarantula-stomping contest with the inkeeper! Sleep in beds delightfully antiquated!*** Or just explore the village, meet the Yoshi Chief, make friends with the happy-go-lucky Yoshis, or play babysitter for the many, many, many, many, many, many, many Yoshi Kids!

Have fun exploring our pristine wilderness! Please do not sue in case of death by the many disgusting, vile creatures roaming the jungle. Our island is your island!

*Treasures may include old boots, plastic umbrellas, and/or old animal corpses.
**The Lost Stone of the Chomps is guarded by rabid Chain Chomps and zombie voodoo warriors. Proceed at your own risk.
***Sheets have not been changed since 1600.

Cooking Guide

Yoshster: Today we are here with the famous chef of Toad Town, Tayce T. What are we going to make?

Tayce T: Today we are going to make Shroom Cake!

Yoshshter gets a cooking crash course.

Feeds approx. 10

  • Cake Mix-2 packs
  • Mushroom- 6 or Super Shroom- 4 or Ultra Shroom- 2
  • Granulated Sugar- 40 grams
  • Powdered Sugar- 20 grams
  • Milk- 50ml
  • Butter- 40 grams
  • Water- 20ml
  • Eggs- 3
  • Strawberries- 60 grams


  1. First grate the Mushrooms, Super Shrooms or Ultra Shrooms.
  2. Then crack open two of the eggs and whip them.
  3. Add 20ml of the milk, the granulated sugar, the whipped eggs, and the grated Mushrooms to the cake mix; put the mixture in a blender and blend it all together.
  4. Put in a pan, then into the oven for 30 minutes.
    Fire Flowers. May cause sonic diahhrea.
  5. In the meantime crack open the last egg and separate the whites from the yolk.
  6. Grate the straw berries.
  7. Mix the egg whites, the powdered sugar, grated strawberries, the milk, the water and the butter together and whip until it forms a paste.
  8. Once the cake is finished baking, slather on the frosting you just made, allow to cool and...
  9. Viola, you have your shroom cake!

Yoshster: Looks delicious!

Tayce T.: Thank you!

Yoshster: Well, that's the end of the cooking section this time; see you next month.

Fake Music

Artist: The Thes
Album: Five Waffles Are More Than Two Pancakes

Track number Song name Length Description
1 "I Love Monty Mole" 2:50 Parody of "I Love Rock 'N Roll" by Joan Jett.
2 "Red Hat" 3:31 Parody of "Smack That" by Akon.
3 "Plumber's Paradise" 4:01 Parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio.
4 "I Have Fury!" 3:12 Original song, about Fawful.
5 "Nintendo Wii" 4:07 Parody of "P.I.M.P." by 50 Cent.
6 "U Can't Stomp This" 4:14 Parody of "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.
7 "Luma" 4:02 Parody of "Lola" by The Kinks.
8 "The Worst Day Of My Life" 3:27 Original song, about a person who saw a Shy-Guy taking off its mask.
9 "Wii Sports" 3:18 Parody of "Last Resort" by Papa Roach.
10 "Super Mario Galaxy" 03:03 Parody of "Alcastar" by Alcazar.
11 "Nintendo 64" 3:45 Parody of "Hardware Store" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
12 "Let's Party" 3:55 Original song, about the Mario Party games.

Wanted Poster