Hey everybody! It’s SKmarioman here with this month’s issue of the Entertainment Section! Let me ask you something. Have you ever wondered what it’s like for the villains in the Mushroom World? Well, now you’ll know! With Bowser's Kingdom by Andrew Raskin, you can know everything that goes through the Koopa brutes’ heads all day!
Warning: Almost every episode is rated M +17. Unless you are very mature, you should be over 17 years old.
Bowser’s Kingdom: Episode 1
Newgrounds Description: The world of Mario through the eyes of the bad guys.
This is a starter episode that introduces Jeff, the smart-ish Goomba; Hal, the Koopa Troopa who doesn’t get paid; Steve, the annoyingly cheerful Piranha Plant; and the incredibly weird Shy Guys. There isn’t too much of a story in this episode, instead it just tries to give viewers an idea of what the whole series is going to be about. It should also be noted that this is the only episode that sensors out swears in the subtitles.
Bowser’s Kingdom: Episode 2
Newgrounds Description: Jeff and Hal are still trying to be villains, and are still failing.
This episode starts out at Yoshi’s Island 3, where Jeff and Hal are just talking when Raccoon Mario randomly flies by. Jeff and Hal start talking about how it doesn’t make sense. Like, since when could raccoons fly, let alone a Maple Leaf making someone turn into one? Hal then notes that Jeff’s a talking evil mushroom and Hal’s a turtle standing on its hind legs eating a Red Mushroom that makes you ten feet tall. And they’re trying to fight a fat Italian guy created by a Japanese guy. There is really not much sense there.
Jeff says he wishes he could fly, and remembers that him and Hal once took flying lessons from Kamek. Here, Kamek is a Magikoopa who always calls Jeff and Hal gay. They both agree it was a waste of time, but talking about a waste of time, what was Mario doing at Yoshi’s Island 3 again? He had already finished the level. Jeff says he was looking for secrets, like this: a block with Yoshi’s Wings in it. Hal thinks about Kamek’s Flying Lessons, so he quickly grabs the wings and flys up. Jeff takes a pair of wings, but it isn’t working right, and he is just spinning around a circle. Of course, it isn’t long before Mario shows up, and he stomps on both of them.
They both fall to some flower fields below, and Jeff has been crushed. Hal gets really close to him and starts crying, when a 1-Up Mushroom comes and revives Jeff. Jeff suddenly calls Hal gay for being so close to him. Hal suddenly tries to make an excuse by saying he’s ‘lamenting’. Jeff says that it must be some kind of gay sex position, but then Hal tries to say that it’s something to do with breasts. They both notice a bunch of Shy Guys having a meeting. They’re talking about how Bowser fired them, and are wondering how to get revenge on him. A black Shy Guy says he should be their new leader, and in order to get revenge, they would take over the Mushroom Kingdom, and then Bowser’s Kingdom, and they will rule once more. Steve suddenly pops out of a Pipe with a Shy Guy mask on and asks if he can join them.
Typical Shy Guys. They’ll believe anyone wearing a mask is one of them. Hal thinks about this, so he gets a Bob-omb and puts a Shy Guy mask on it, tosses it over where the Shy Guys are and blows them up. So Jeff and Hal saved the day, sort of.
Bowser’s Kingdom: Episode 3
Newgrounds Description: Jeff and Hal get assigned to castle guard duty, but find out it’s already been beaten.
This episode starts out with Hal driving a car with Jeff – who has been crushed – in the back seat. Hal is trying to find a docter, but Jeff randomly says “I’m okay Larry”. Wait, who’s Larry?
Okay, let’s see how Jeff got crushed in the first place. A scene shows six people walking, in order from right to left: Jeff, Hal, a red Koopa Troopa, a Fat Guy, Lemmy Koopa, and a purple Shy Guy.
This episode introduces Lemmy Koopa, the Inaudible Thwomp, and a Big Boo that has appeared throughout the series. And don’t forget the Karate Duo Number 1!
So all of the enemies and Lemmy are in a castle discussing what they were going to to once Mario gets there, when they are interrupted by Mario knocking on the door. He smashes inside and destroys two Dry Bones. Then he sees a door and the Inaudible Thwomp. He just says a bunch of gibberish. “HEY COME UNDER ?????? STAND HERE ?????? IT WON’T BE SO BAD BUDDABING-BUDDABOOM ??????? CHRISTOPHER WALKEN?”
Of course Mario’s smart and goes in the door, and after venturing through the castle and getting a Fire Flower he finds the Karate Duo Number 1. Mario kills them instantly with his Fire Flower. After that Lemmy Koopa is shocked that Mario was already there so quickly, so he chucks a Bob-omb at him to make him loose his firepower.
Then there is a huge fight in freefall after that; Mario vs. Lemmy Koopa! Everything seems to be neck and neck, until they land on a tilting platform floating on lava. Mario kills Lemmy with one punch and throws him into the lava. Mario saves the Yoshi Egg and destroys the castle (by riding a Banzai Bill into it).
Remember how Jeff got crushed at the start? Well, here’s how he got crushed: all the debris from the castle landed on him!
Okay, I hope you liked this month’s edition of the Entertainment Section. I’ll see you next month!