Welcome back once again to the Fake News. As it's April, I can inform that the Fake News will be doing absolutely nothing special to commemorate April Fools Day. Woo hoo. Yeah.
Anyway, onto important matters: with 42 votes, Koohitsu and the Monthly Inquisition won Section of the Month. Congrats! Or, should I say, Kongrats? No, I shouldn't, because Donkey Kong is completely unrelated to this situation.
Well, that's all for this month's editorial. Goodbye. Go away.
After being promoted to playable character from generic enemy, it turns out this wasn't the wisest move for Spike as the stress, and physical violence of being part of a Mario Party game has taken its toll. It’s currently unknown whether it was Bowser or one of the minigames that dealt the final blow, but coroners are currently working to try and find it out. "It's quite a hard job, seeing as many of these fractures could've come from a car accident or that time I fell down the stairs. Oh, you wanted to know about the guy on the table, probably just another minigame. I’ll check his fractures though."
Many of Spike's fellow party-goers expressed their condolences at this turn of events. "He never seemed to be in pain, not even after he was crying following the dip in lava, or getting hit by a Spiked Ball, or carried off by Peepas", said Rosalina. "It was a big shock to us all that he could've died, I mean I've been doing this since 1998," said Wario. "Yoshi Yoshi Yosh," was what Yoshi had to say in one of the most insightful interviews on this matter. As Spike had been a boss previously, current bosses were also interviewed to see whether they'd be possible candidates. "Look, I've had my generic form playable, I'm the next logical step,” is what King Boo had to say, "I've done it before, why not again?" was Kamek's response. "Chomp chomp chomp," is what Cheep Chomp had to say in one of the best auditions given from the bosses.
Spike's funeral was held yesterday where he left his never ending supply of Spiked Balls to Bowser, who is reported to be annoyed at this as he doesn't have enough castles to store an infinite amount of them. Mario is also said to be annoyed as he was hoping to get his hands on them so he could use them in the next Mario Party. Cheep Chomp meanwhile is celebrating his success on being the boss promoted to playable character.
I'm running out of backlogged questions so really please send some more in! If you would like for there to be a doodle with the response to your question, feel free to request so and I'll see what I can do.