The 'Shroom:Issue XCIV/Fake News
Welcome to what is almost definitely the first Fake News of 2015 - if you've seen another one already then that's a fake Fake News. Of course, with the new year comes a brand new age for the Fake News - "New Year, New Me" and all that.
First of all, I have hired this dolphin as my co-director:
Secondly, my co-director would like to make a speech: *somewhat inspirational dolphin noises*.
Finally, my co-director has been fired due to "lewd conduct and inappropriate behaviour". Tut tut.
Nobody's signing up for anything so go sign up for something.
Otherwise, here's to a quick and painless 2015!
Wii Fit Trainer
The fitness world took a huge sigh of relief after their dictator died a few nights ago, after suffering from high cholesterol levels. The Wii Fit Trainer was known by many fitness trainees, or folk just trying to lose a bit of boy flab, due to her harsh style, often forcing them to train for hours with only a small balance board as a piece of equipment. The exercises they would have to do were equally gruelling and humiliating, like Deep Breathing or Rhythm Boxing. Authorities had been called to her studio several times, but on every occasion it seemed that she had cleaned up her act so they couldn't take any action. Although, reports came in that they tested the facility and were never the same afterwards.
Her male compatriot had mixed feelings following the event, "She was a great trainer and it’s a shame to see her go, especially following the way that she went; none of us were expecting that. All it means is that as she was so fit, the rest of these fatties need to get their game on. And now I’m finally in charge, it shall me one epic game.” One of the Wii Fit Trainer’s students was a bit more negative, “She works us to the bone, and I have a lot of fat to go through before I even get to the bone. All these exercises ain't for me, just crush me for a slimmer build, besides the only reason I look fat is because people got the world set to widescreen."
The funeral for Wii Fit Trainer had several complaints after the Male Wii Fit Trainer said that people weren't fit enough at the event. He complained that the casket was carried in in a very "half-arsed" way, and that the carriers could have at least jogged it in. He also complained that people used a hearse and said that "they should've jogged in, kept their heart rates going."
Thank you to Warioad (talk) for sending me a question last month that I saved until this month! If you seek my flawless advice, please send questions to me on the forum, find me in chat, or if you don't care about anonymity post them on my talk page!
I'm running out of backlogged questions so really please send some more in! If you would like for there to be a doodle with the response to your question, feel free to request so and I'll see what I can do.
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