The 'Shroom:Issue LXVI/Fake News
Hi guys! Welcome to the Fake News: now 25% more Fake and 60% less radioactive!
The Fake News Section of the Month for August goes to...
Hey, everybody, and it's Pie! ...row.
I'm warning you, I'm not cherry flavored...
Anyways, today on a wonderful episode of Travel Guide, yours truly will be exploring the newly discovered World Mushroom! Although it may not sound like a gorgeous vacation spot, it's a great place for adventure and the only real harm you can get here is lose a couple extra lives. ...Oh yeah, and get squished by the Whomps.
The varying environments of World Mushroom make it a great place for exploration. Those pesky Star Coins will keep you here for quite a while, so make sure to get inexpensive hotel rooms, or you'll be killing a lot of coins off staying here.
Actually, wait. This place is a gold mine that never runs out. Everything from Gold Blocks to Gold Rings keep this place a paradise for the 49-ers. Also, Larry Koopa is here in World Mushroom as well. Ask him for his autograph! I did, and he blasted me with a wand! Yay!
(Kersti: YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT)
...Wait, Kersti's here?
This has been another exciting episode of TRAVEL GUIDE! See you next time, and OLOLOLO STICKER STAR BOXART
Good day, everyone! I’m your sports analyst, McZaky29 bringing you the hottest action in Mushroom Kingdom sports.
My article this month was supposed to be about rugby, but the food at the concession stand was MUCH more interesting than the game. I missed the whole game of rugby, and am therefore reduced to baseball. This game took place in Jade Jungle, where the home team, the Ravens, took on the Pleasant Path Koopas. On the first play of the game, a player from the Koopas accidentally took his bat with him. He realized this when he was three-quarters of the way to first base, and used the bat to beat the first baseman. He would not return to the game. The pitcher avenged the first baseman by pecking the aforementioned Koopa until his shell cracked. Both players were arrested and dismissed from their team.
After three innings, the Ravens had taken a 9-2 lead over Pleasant Path. No one would score again until the top of the eighth inning. The singer of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” was so off key that he was
killed kicked out of the stadium. The Koopas kicked off the eighth with a grand slam in the first four batters. The Koopas once again held Jade Jungle scoreless in the bottom of the 8th. Pleasant Path miraculously managed to drive in three more runs on an RBI double and a two-run homer. In the bottom of the 9th, it was full count, two outs and a runner on third. The ball was a grounder in between the second baseman and the shortstop. It looked like the Ravens would pull it off when the runner on third slipped and fell down. He was tagged out and the game would go to extra innings. The game would go back and forth and back and forth for 26 more innings. On several occasions did the two coaches beg and plead with the ump to call off the game, but it was denied each time. In the top of the thirty-fifth, the Koopas hit a solo shot to take the lead 29-28. The player who scored the run ran over to the Ravens dugout and started beating up the coach. That was the second player of the game dismissed from the Koopas. The Jade Jungle Ravens had tied it up at 29. They had a runner on second, when the powerhouse knocked it out of the park. The entire crowd stormed the field in celebration. Quite a few fans talked smack to Pleasant Path athletes, a few of them retaliating. A total of four players were released from the Koopas after the game, adding on to the two from in the game.
That’s all this month. Come back in thirty days for another great story. McZaky29, signing off.
Welcome. You know, when I accepted this job, it was because I was a little short on money and wanted to make a few extra coins. This isn't coming along very well though, since my guests keep damaging the lounge. So now, after two months, all I made was, like, 200 coins minus... yeah...
In any case, for this month I have chosen a guest who will hopefully not cause any problems. To tell you the truth, I am actually quite a fan of this guy. He comes from a faraway land, where he is a local celebrity, and his heroic exploits are well known to everyone who cares enough. He is also very dreamy and handsome, and oh my god I want to touch his hair.
"Certainly! I don't know if you heard about it, but I just returned from my latest journey: The glorious defeat of the Warlock of Mourning Mountains. I single-handedly laid siege to his tower for twenty-seven days, and then bested the vile sorcerer in a magnificent fencing duel."
"In both, you are putting yourself on the line. Both bringing down fearsome monsters and gambling come with high stakes, and a small mistake can be fatal. The excitement you get from both is very similar."
"Poker is a game where you have to deceive your opponent. To win, you have to do whatever is necessary to achieve that goal. If they fail to guard against your strategy, they lose, and their loss is genuine. That is all there is to say."
"My fair lady, I was very adamant when I said no. Please do not soil your honor as an interviewer and accept my refusal with grace. If I was to be responsible for impairing your dignity, it would break my heart."
Hi everybody! Here’s your hostess, Chivi-chivik! And this is Cooking Guide, where we teach you how to cook excellent dishes!!
So, let’s go!
I went back to Zess. T’s. She was ill the last day...
Me: *super happy* Hi!!
Zess. T: Hello, miss.
Me: How are you today?
Zess. T: Thanks to your soup I got over that headache and got lots of energy!
Me: Great! Now let’s cook!! *picks up a book from the shelf*
Zess. T: Hey!! That’s my cooking book! *Comes near to me* Don’t touch it without my permission! *Looks at the page I was reading* ...
Me: The Icicle Pop looks fantastic...
Zess. T: Yeah. Do you know that there is a very interesting variation?
Me: *amazed* Really?!
Zess. T: Yes. It's called Hot Icicle Pop!
Me: There is not much variation in the name...
Zess. T: Shut up, please! The difference is in the pop’s filling! It’s filled of hot sauce!
Zess. T: The good thing is that the sweet and hot flavours mix together, and the experience becomes awesome!
Me: Okay let’s do it!!
Zess. T: I’ll need some Hot Sauce and an Icicle Pop.
Me: *Searches in her closets* Here it is the Hot Sauce!!
Zess. T: *Looks in the fridge* Yes, there was still an Icicle Pop! Let’s begin!
Me: *picks up her memo pad*
Zess. T: First unfreeze the icicle pop and put all the liquid into any container. Keep this in the fridge.
Zess. T: Pick up the hot sauce and put it in pop molds. Put this into the ice box.
Zess. T: Now let’s wait until it freezes.
--After all that time freezing...--
Zess. T: Take out the molds and take them out from the molds. As you can see it’s frozen. But don’t taste them!!
Me: *Was about to taste one*
Zess. T: *facepalm*
Zess. T: Well, take out the icicle resulting juice and put it in the molds, but just up to the half of the molds. Not put the hot part again and put all this in the ice box. Let’s wait again.
--After all that time freezing...--
Zess. T: Here it is!
Me: *picks one and tastes it* ... AWESOME!! The sweet and hot flavours mix together in my mouth! The cold decreases the hot in my tongue, so it’s even better!
Zess. T: I know.
Me: *mouth full of pops* Lotf of thankf for being here wif all of uf!
Zess. T: No prob, miss.
Hot Icicle Pop
- Put the hot sauce into ice pop molds and freeze that.
- Unfreeze the icicle pop and keep it in the fridge fro the moment.
- When the hot sauce is frozen, take them out (for a moment) and put the icicle pop’s juice into the molds up to the half, and put again the hot sauce parts. Freeze that again.
Effects: Freezes enemies first, then it burns them.
Thanks for being here reading, until next Cooking Guide!!
Okay *straightens tie*, here we go:
NEWS FLASH ... NEWS FLASH ... NEWS FLASH
Hey folks, your very dependable news caster, Baja, here! According to the recently built Mushroom Kingdom Weather Observatory, there is quite a forecast for any of your daily Mario Kart commutes. From the desert to the skies, there is something that is making your commute a hassle! Well enough of this blubbering, you're hear to see this broadcast (but I'm being paid by the word! Teehee!) and that's exactly what I'm going to deliver.
Everyone's favorite road, Rainbow Road, has just made the daily commuting times for citizens of Mushroom Kingdom so much easier! Stars, those invincibility-giving, speed-boosting, nail-biting item are raining down upon us! The travel times are increasing by the minute! No more gridlock, just ram into those pesky 'Sunday Drivers' and cacti and they'll fly off into whatever nothingness is above Rainbow Road! And you'll just be flying by! Such a better alternative to Grumble Volcano! We'll take you down to Rainbow Road now with Toadcaster, our racetrack reporter!
Baja: Hello, Toadcaster?
Baja: ... Toad...Caster?
Baja: Cameraman, give us a picture of Toadcaster, please.
*picture of Toad in a bike with the star item doing a teeter dance appears on screen*
Baja: Oh my. Well, as you can see, Toadcaster has found a star on the track and used it. And there goes another one...right after Toadcaster's item wore off...
Well, after that disturbing image, lets get to Grumble Volcano, arguably the most dangerous area there is! Fireballs are currently raining down upon the citizens of Grumble Volcano. And earthquakes are no stranger around here! So far there are two reports of injuries. Let's go down to our other friendly racetrack reporter, Castertoad!
Baja: Hello, Castertoad?
Castertoad: Hi! As you can see behind me, Bowser and Bowser Jr's bodies are being plucked from the molten lava that ensues from the Volcano every time and earthquake erupts.
Baja: Is this common?
Castertoad: Oh, quite. And that's nothing to say about the heat around here. You could fry a mushroom!
Baja: Really? What's that burn mark on your head?
Castertoad: Someone tried to fry a mushroom. Me.
Baja: ... I don't get paid enough for this job...
Well, here's a brief recap:
-Rainbow Road: Hypnotic stars are falling down on the track! Doubling the commuting times per minute! Wheeee!
-Grumble Volcano: Apocalyptic flaming fireballs and lava are spewing everywhere! Earthquakes are knocking whole mountains into the flaming depths!
And here's the daily bonus weather forecast, which is daily, so its not a bonus!
-Luigi Circuit/Neo Bowser City: Expect a very slippery and wet commute, the rain is pouring down so hard! And oil is raining down, too! Watch out for water and oil slicks! They're everywhere!
Well, that's all that's happening in the atmosphere for now, until later!
Hello, this is Chief TravixMan here today, to give you a scoop on the Mushroom Kingdom news. What's that, I'm speaking like a news person? Of course I am. After all, this is the Fake Police Blotter. I have one story for the month, due to being so late. Give a listen to this late story.
1. The Koopalings Strike Again!
The night in the Mushroom Kingdom was peaceful, and Mario and Luigi were out searching for coins. Suddenly, a large vehicle with seven Koopas swooped down on the Mario Brothers and attacked them. They lost their power-ups of the Super Leaf, and fell to the ground. The Koopalings then reveal to have kidnapped Princess Peach. "Now Father will be so pleased we have kidnapped his beauty." Ludwig Von Koopa sneered. "Hah hah! We got her! What do we do now, guys?!?!" Iggy Koopa yelled. "Run!" Lemmy Koopa squeaked. "Shut up! We wouldn't want them to hear our plans!" Morton grumbled. "I know what we should do!" Roy Koopa perked up. "What, beat them up?" Wendy said sarcastically. "No, throw bombs at them!" Roy screamed. Then they threw bombs at the two brothers, and flew away. The Mushroom Police Force is currently looking for them.
Well, even though that was short, we have our story! Tune in next time at the Fake Police Blotter!
HI, curious readers! I’m your erudite (or maybe not) Statistics Manager, Tucayo, and welcome to Ask Tucayo! *throws confetti* I don't have much to say this month, so let's get to the questions. Alexneushoorn wants to know:
What is it like writing for The Shroom?
Well, I've been doing it for over 50 issues, so of course I love it! It's great to be able to contribute to the part of the wiki that gets closer to the users, it's amazing to see The 'Shroom grow with every issue, to see the writers develop and eventually make it to the Core Staff. I also enjoy every single issue we put out, it's greatly satisfying when someone says we had a fantastic issue. I love writing for The 'Shroom, that's what brought me to the wiki and that's what has kept me here so long.
After getting emotional and telling you what you’ve already heard many times, let’s move on to our next question. Koopa K asks:
What is your favorite Mario Kart Track?
Well, thanks for asking. Last month I asked that same question to over 20 people, but no one seemed to care about my opinion on the subject, so thanks for asking. I’d go with Block Fort, but in case you meant a race course, I’ll go with Moo Moo Farm, with Koopa Cape being a close second.
And for our last question this month, Brock asks:
Tucayo: Should I buy my books in Mandarin because it's cheaper?
Abso-freaking-lutely. Wait. No. I have no idea. Maybe you should, but it'd be inconvenient if you don't know Mandarin. And honestly, who does? Thousands of ideograms and they all look like houses on fire… Anyway, since I care about your economy, buy them. If you can't read them, then just use them to fill up your bookshelves and amaze people by telling them you read them. They'll think you’re an interesting person. Or a weird one.
You know the drill, you PM me your questions and I answer them here. You can ask pretty much anything, from marriage counseling to Tetris walkthroughs. See you next month, BYE!
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