The 'Shroom:Issue LXVI/Fake News
Hi guys! Welcome to the Fake News: now 25% more Fake and 60% less radioactive!
The Fake News Section of the Month for August goes to...
Hey, everybody, and it's Pie! ...row.
I'm warning you, I'm not cherry flavored...
Anyways, today on a wonderful episode of Travel Guide, yours truly will be exploring the newly discovered World Mushroom! Although it may not sound like a gorgeous vacation spot, it's a great place for adventure and the only real harm you can get here is lose a couple extra lives. ...Oh yeah, and get squished by the Whomps.
The varying environments of World Mushroom make it a great place for exploration. Those pesky Star Coins will keep you here for quite a while, so make sure to get inexpensive hotel rooms, or you'll be killing a lot of coins off staying here.
Actually, wait. This place is a gold mine that never runs out. Everything from Gold Blocks to Gold Rings keep this place a paradise for the 49-ers. Also, Larry Koopa is here in World Mushroom as well. Ask him for his autograph! I did, and he blasted me with a wand! Yay!
(Kersti: YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT)
...Wait, Kersti's here?
This has been another exciting episode of TRAVEL GUIDE! See you next time, and OLOLOLO STICKER STAR BOXART
Good day, everyone! I’m your sports analyst, McZaky29 bringing you the hottest action in Mushroom Kingdom sports.
My article this month was supposed to be about rugby, but the food at the concession stand was MUCH more interesting than the game. I missed the whole game of rugby, and am therefore reduced to baseball. This game took place in Jade Jungle, where the home team, the Ravens, took on the Pleasant Path Koopas. On the first play of the game, a player from the Koopas accidentally took his bat with him. He realized this when he was three-quarters of the way to first base, and used the bat to beat the first baseman. He would not return to the game. The pitcher avenged the first baseman by pecking the aforementioned Koopa until his shell cracked. Both players were arrested and dismissed from their team.
After three innings, the Ravens had taken a 9-2 lead over Pleasant Path. No one would score again until the top of the eighth inning. The singer of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” was so off key that he was
That’s all this month. Come back in thirty days for another great story. McZaky29, signing off.
In any case, for this month I have chosen a guest who will hopefully not cause any problems. To tell you the truth, I am actually quite a fan of this guy. He comes from a faraway land, where he is a local celebrity, and his heroic exploits are well known to everyone who cares enough. He is also very dreamy and handsome, and oh my god I want to touch his hair.
"Certainly! I don't know if you heard about it, but I just returned from my latest journey: The glorious defeat of the Warlock of Mourning Mountains. I single-handedly laid siege to his tower for twenty-seven days, and then bested the vile sorcerer in a magnificent fencing duel."
"In both, you are putting yourself on the line. Both bringing down fearsome monsters and gambling come with high stakes, and a small mistake can be fatal. The excitement you get from both is very similar."
"Poker is a game where you have to deceive your opponent. To win, you have to do whatever is necessary to achieve that goal. If they fail to guard against your strategy, they lose, and their loss is genuine. That is all there is to say."
"My fair lady, I was very adamant when I said no. Please do not soil your honor as an interviewer and accept my refusal with grace. If I was to be responsible for impairing your dignity, it would break my heart."
Hi everybody! Here’s your hostess, Chivi-chivik! And this is Cooking Guide, where we teach you how to cook excellent dishes!!
I went back to Zess. T’s. She was ill the last day...
Me: *super happy* Hi!!
--After all that time freezing...--
Zess. T: Take out the molds and take them out from the molds. As you can see it’s frozen. But don’t taste them!!
--After all that time freezing...--
Zess. T: Here it is!
Hot Icicle Pop
Effects: Freezes enemies first, then it burns them.
Thanks for being here reading, until next Cooking Guide!!
Okay *straightens tie*, here we go:
NEWS FLASH ... NEWS FLASH ... NEWS FLASH
Hey folks, your very dependable news caster, Baja, here! According to the recently built Mushroom Kingdom Weather Observatory, there is quite a forecast for any of your daily Mario Kart commutes. From the desert to the skies, there is something that is making your commute a hassle! Well enough of this blubbering, you're hear to see this broadcast (but I'm being paid by the word! Teehee!) and that's exactly what I'm going to deliver.
Everyone's favorite road, Rainbow Road, has just made the daily commuting times for citizens of Mushroom Kingdom so much easier! Stars, those invincibility-giving, speed-boosting, nail-biting item are raining down upon us! The travel times are increasing by the minute! No more gridlock, just ram into those pesky 'Sunday Drivers' and cacti and they'll fly off into whatever nothingness is above Rainbow Road! And you'll just be flying by! Such a better alternative to Grumble Volcano! We'll take you down to Rainbow Road now with Toadcaster, our racetrack reporter!
Baja: Hello, Toadcaster?
Well, after that disturbing image, lets get to Grumble Volcano, arguably the most dangerous area there is! Fireballs are currently raining down upon the citizens of Grumble Volcano. And earthquakes are no stranger around here! So far there are two reports of injuries. Let's go down to our other friendly racetrack reporter, Castertoad!
Baja: Hello, Castertoad?
Well, here's a brief recap:
-Rainbow Road: Hypnotic stars are falling down on the track! Doubling the commuting times per minute! Wheeee!
And here's the daily bonus weather forecast, which is daily, so its not a bonus!
-Luigi Circuit/Neo Bowser City: Expect a very slippery and wet commute, the rain is pouring down so hard! And oil is raining down, too! Watch out for water and oil slicks! They're everywhere!
Well, that's all that's happening in the atmosphere for now, until later!
Hello, this is Chief TravixMan here today, to give you a scoop on the Mushroom Kingdom news. What's that, I'm speaking like a news person? Of course I am. After all, this is the Fake Police Blotter. I have one story for the month, due to being so late. Give a listen to this late story.
1. The Koopalings Strike Again!
The night in the Mushroom Kingdom was peaceful, and Mario and Luigi were out searching for coins. Suddenly, a large vehicle with seven Koopas swooped down on the Mario Brothers and attacked them. They lost their power-ups of the Super Leaf, and fell to the ground. The Koopalings then reveal to have kidnapped Princess Peach. "Now Father will be so pleased we have kidnapped his beauty." Ludwig Von Koopa sneered. "Hah hah! We got her! What do we do now, guys?!?!" Iggy Koopa yelled. "Run!" Lemmy Koopa squeaked. "Shut up! We wouldn't want them to hear our plans!" Morton grumbled. "I know what we should do!" Roy Koopa perked up. "What, beat them up?" Wendy said sarcastically. "No, throw bombs at them!" Roy screamed. Then they threw bombs at the two brothers, and flew away. The Mushroom Police Force is currently looking for them.
HI, curious readers! I’m your erudite (or maybe not) Statistics Manager, Tucayo, and welcome to Ask Tucayo! *throws confetti* I don't have much to say this month, so let's get to the questions. Alexneushoorn wants to know:
What is it like writing for The Shroom?
What is your favorite Mario Kart Track?
Tucayo: Should I buy my books in Mandarin because it's cheaper?